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Short filmTranscript
00:16It's the Boulay Brothers Halfway to Halloween TV Special
00:21Starring
00:31Matthew Villard
00:40Rachel True
00:42Twin Temple
00:45Derek Mears
00:49And hold me tight and keep a-kissin' me, sweetie
00:53Oh, what a nice day
00:59Jorge Garcia
01:02Barbara Crampton
01:05Felissa Rose
01:07Trick or treat, baby
01:09In your own sweet way
01:11Katya Zomalochikova
01:15Steve Agee
01:18Beth Dover
01:20The Nightmare Girls
01:22Her cocaine, Melissa B. Pierce, and Kendra Onyx
01:29Dana DiLorenzo
01:32John Ross Bowie
01:36Eve Dostmulchuk
01:39Sigourney Beaver
01:54And the Queens of Darkness themselves
01:56Your hunting hosts for the evening
02:00The Boulay Brothers
02:05Welcome to the show, darlings
02:07And happy halfway to Halloween
02:12As we all know, there are so many of you little goblins and gooly-goos out there
02:16Who just love all things Halloween and horror
02:18But unfortunately, you've got another six months until your favorite holiday is here
02:23And we feel it would just be cruel to make you wait all through the spring and summer just to
02:27get your fiendish fix
02:29So, we've decided as the newest self-appointed sentinels of Samhain
02:33To give you a little sustenance by creating our own holiday special
02:37That will give you a sinful serving of Halloween and horror
02:40That is guaranteed to keep you well-fed until October 31st
02:44You see, tonight, we've put a special call-out to all of our fellow famous monsters to come together and
02:51join us
02:51For a sinister spectral spectacular
02:54Filled with blood, gore, witches, vampires, and all things that go bump in the night
03:00For a halfway to Halloween celebration
03:05So, why don't you just go ahead and turn down the lights
03:07Lock your doors and pull those covers up over your heads
03:11It's time for the Boulay Brothers Halfway to Halloween TV special to begin
03:46I mean, what's the deal with pitchforks?
03:48I've never seen a villager bale hay.
03:52Well, I quit my job.
03:55You quit?
03:56I quit.
03:57Get out.
03:59Why'd you do that?
04:00I can't work for that guy anymore.
04:02He's insane.
04:04Literally.
04:05What did you expect?
04:07He's a mad scientist.
04:11You know, you never see any normal scientists.
04:14They're all mad.
04:16Just once, I'd love to work for a normal scientist.
04:21You know what this means, Igor.
04:23Without a job, you're going to have to move back in with your parents.
04:29Great.
04:30I give up one mad scientist for two mad parents.
04:34Maybe it won't be so bad.
04:36Maybe one person who's more insane than my parents.
04:45Well, full moon.
04:48So?
04:49So?
04:49So what?
04:51Look at my face.
04:53It's covered with fur.
04:54I got fangs.
04:56Just don't kill anyone.
04:58This isn't going to kill anybody.
05:00You're a werewolf.
05:01It's what you do.
05:02You kill people.
05:03Oh!
05:05I can manage to not kill anybody for one full moon.
05:09You?
05:09You can't go one full hour without killing somebody.
05:12I can last longer than you.
05:16Care to make it interesting?
05:21What are you thinking?
05:23I'll bet you $100 you kill someone before me.
05:27I want in on them.
05:28Great deal.
05:29Hey, count me in two.
05:30You?
05:31Yeah.
05:32You don't kill people.
05:32You're a lab assistant.
05:34We're monsters.
05:34We kill people.
05:36Oh, I kill people.
05:38What do you think I do on my days off?
05:39Okay, but you're going to have to put in more money.
05:42Yeah.
05:43500 bucks.
05:46Deal.
05:47All right.
05:49Get them up.
05:52Now, may the best monster or lab assistant win.
06:06What do you want to eat?
06:09Huh?
06:17Time to die.
06:18Yeah.
06:22Jimmy, I've told you, playing with dolls is for girls.
06:25Now, get ready for bed.
06:29Hey, kids.
06:30Do you want to kill your awful parents, but you're not sure how to hide the body?
06:33Well, have we got the answer for you.
06:36Introducing the Easy Cake Cremation Oven.
06:43Simply murder your parents.
06:45Huh?
06:48Dismember their bodies and set your cremation ovens to 1,600 degrees Fahrenheit and watch
06:55your worries disappear.
07:01Oh, look.
07:02It's Mommy's wedding ring.
07:06Kids, what's that smell?
07:09Smells like something's burning.
07:11Let me give you a hand.
07:13That's what we were hoping.
07:16The new Easy Cake Cremation Oven comes with everything you see here.
07:20Light bulb not included.
07:37Nothing quite says Halloween like murdering your family, does it?
07:42Absolutely not.
07:44I mean, just look at Michael Myers.
07:46He's made a killing out of it.
07:50Well, speaking of Michael Myers and murder, that reminds me.
07:53We've already seen the devil, a werewolf, an Igor, and a Frankenstein Seinfeld.
07:58But we haven't really seen any blood yet.
08:00Hmm, and I'm starting to get a little thirsty.
08:04Hmm, me too.
08:05What about you, darlings?
08:07Are you ready for a little blood?
08:09Well, I hope you are, because coming up next, we've got a campground slasher, a satanic siren,
08:15and a trip to the puppet theater that you won't soon forget.
08:18So, without further ado, let's begin the next abominable act by welcoming to the stage
08:24the satanic singing sensations themselves, the one and only Twin Temple.
08:29Oh, my God.
08:44alla prossima
09:14Babylon
09:17I got a girl and
09:19Her name is Babylon
09:22She looks a vision
09:24Naked in her extra thumb
09:27We'll set the night on fire
09:29And light up the golden dawn
09:32Whoa
09:35Baby
09:35Babylon
09:37Babylon
09:38Sacred core
09:40I call upon
09:41Babylon
09:41Babylon
09:42Sacred core
09:44I call upon
09:46Babylon
09:46Babylon
09:48Sacred core
09:49I call upon
09:51Babylon
09:53Babylon
09:55The birds will be there
09:57And say now it's got her head
10:00She's the mother
10:02Of my abomination
10:04Don't want a wedding
10:06What an invocation
10:10Oh
10:11What an ant
10:14Habs
10:30Nope��
10:31all The
10:36falcon
10:37Crowd Err
10:37It's
10:38got her
10:38head Il It's got
10:39her
10:39head To conf
10:39Seven, let it be
10:42Seven, seven, seven
10:48She makes me bleed
11:35Seven, seven, seven
12:09Seven, seven, seven
12:12Are you ready for fun?
12:14Are you ready for friends?
12:16Are you ready for adventure?
12:19Well, we don't have any of those things here
12:21But if you drop your kids off with us here at Camp Arawak
12:25You can have all that and more
12:27Wait, did we change that?
12:29Because I'm, okay
12:30Can we do it again?
12:31But if you drop your kids off with us here at Camp Happy Trail
12:35You can have all that and more
12:37And I don't mean just for a few weeks
12:40I mean forever
12:43Have you tried everything with little Jessie
12:46But she's still just an annoying little bitch
12:48No matter what you do
12:49Is driving Tommy to repetitive boring football games
12:53And never-ending sports practices
12:55Ruining your social life?
12:57Do you hate looking at Jan's face
13:00Because even though she can't help it
13:01She looks just like your mother-in-law
13:03And that's never gonna change
13:04And you just can't take it
13:06For one more goddamn day?
13:09Well, here at Camp Happy Trail
13:11We know exactly how to help
13:14Here we are in our...
13:16We at Camp Happy Trail
13:18Know exactly how to help
13:20At Camp Happy Trail
13:22We specialize in taking care of problem teams like yours
13:26No matter what the issue may be
13:28Our specially trained counselors
13:30They've seen it all
13:32And can help with problems that therapists, priests, and teachers say can't be fixed
13:37With exciting activities like
13:41Archery
13:53Axe throwing
14:05And not tying
14:10After one season of being with us here at Camp Happy Trail
14:13You can rest assured that your little mistake won't be coming home again anytime soon
14:25Right, Johnny
14:28I'm sorry I was such a dick my whole life
14:31Too late
14:36So if you're looking for the next greatest
14:42Just one
15:00So anyway
15:01You should call us today
15:04Camp Happy Trail
15:05To begin your new journey
15:07In a whole new life
15:09Without any baggage
15:10Today
15:13Call 1-800-CAMP-KIDS
15:14To book your child's day today
15:39Sorry I didn't see you standing there
15:40Greetings
15:41Boils and ghouls
15:42Witchy poos and boo berries
15:44It's that time of year
15:45The perfect time of year
15:46For a horror comic
15:47And you think comic books are just spandex and superheroes
15:50Think again my friend
15:51Horror comics have been around since the 1940s
15:54From Dr. Occult
15:55To
16:00These things were so spooky that even the government tried to get them banned
16:05There were senate hearings in 1954
16:07Blaming horror comics for juvenile delinquency
16:11It was
16:16And you know what we have to say to censorship don't you
16:19We say fuck censorship with a witch's broken tit
16:22That's what we
16:26Okay
16:29Maybe I'm getting a little too freaked out reading this thing
16:31But you know what I gotta find out how it ends
16:33So if you'll excuse me
16:52Good evening my frightful fanatics
16:55My
16:56Deathly
16:57Devotees
16:58Tonight's tale
16:59Takes us into the world
17:01Of a loving puppet maker
17:02And his wife
17:04The puppets
17:05Are their children
17:06And you know what they say about children
17:09They
17:10See
17:11All
17:12Even when we think
17:15They aren't watching
17:44The puppeteer loved
17:46His puppets
17:47With all his heart
17:49Have some hot tea my dear
17:51Your cough will wake the dead
17:54Thank you
17:55My love
17:56Oh of course
17:57My dove
17:59Now
17:59Now
18:00Let me get back to work
18:01Our little children
18:03Need me
18:13The puppeteer loved performing
18:15And his wife
18:16And his wife helped
18:17To run their struggling business
18:20But alas
18:22The life of a puppeteer's wife
18:24Isn't resplendent
18:26With the fancy mink stoles
18:27And jewellery
18:28That the puppeteer's wife
18:29Felt she deserved
18:31But she had a plan
18:33That she had been implementing
18:35Slowly but surely
18:37Drop by drop
18:39For quite some time
19:03She cashed in his life insurance
19:05And sold the old theater
19:07Well the puppeteer
19:08Had plied his trade
19:09And then
19:11She planned to sell
19:12All of the puppets
19:14That people would be willing to buy
19:15And for those that didn't
19:17And these old puppets
19:19Can just go in the trash
19:20They're just wood and string
19:23Wood and string
19:27Worthless
19:37No
19:38I don't know.
20:09Word and scream, word and scream, isn't life a funny thing?
20:40Word and scream, word and scream, word and scream, word and scream, word and scream, word and scream, word and
20:51scream, word and scream, word and scream, word and scream.
21:00whoo whoo and that was some scary shit kids but it's just a comic book absolutely nothing
21:07to be scared of because
21:37now that was entertaining
21:42twin temple are so cool
21:47i just love the devil
21:52while halloween may be all about monsters horror and getting scared
21:56we mustn't forget that it's also all about candy and treats
21:59and we happen to have a special guest chef here on hand who is going to give you a lesson
22:03on how to
22:03make some quick delicious holiday fare that is sure to satiate all of the little trick-or-treaters
22:08in your neighborhood and speaking of creepy cuisine we also have a super weird musical guest
22:13who came here all the way from russia just to perform a song that celebrates her favorite
22:17halloween treat ravioli
22:24bon appetit uglies and let the show begin
22:29ravioli
22:54hello darlings i'm barbara crampton welcome to my kitchen
22:58i'm going to teach you how to prepare some of my favorite fast spooky recipes that are guaranteed
23:06to make you feel like the season of the witch is right around the corner
23:12i'll start things off with a finger food recipe
23:17crush the meat around the bone and the knuckles so that you can loosen them up
23:22so i'm using a nutcracker oh my god that's amazing do you hear that crunch it's gonna be delicious
23:30and then you want to sprinkle a little bit of lemon
23:34and some extra virgin olive oil i always use it
23:38don't they look delicious i might have to take a little see of them
23:50here we're going to take a fresh head crack open the cranium ready
24:00oh my gosh well you know it gets a little messy but um it's worth it
24:06we're actually going to take the brain out of the skull so all that delicious juice in there
24:15i'm gonna lift this up there we go oh my god that looks amazing
24:19and we're gonna take that and pop it just like that
24:24bam
24:25beef broth
24:26there you go
24:28i didn't measure but i think that should be good
24:30i think this is the best part of the whole recipe
24:34pig's feet yummy mash that in maybe i don't know one more that didn't feel like quite enough
24:42it already sounds delicious
24:46perfect look at that beautiful crimson color that is going to be amazing oh my gosh
24:54we're gonna take the whole head and bake it in the oven for about two hours
25:05as you can see the finished dish is just well to die for
25:13last but not least is our main course which is a classic cannibal charcoal barbecue see what i did there
25:24now as you can see i already have a fresh carcass but what i'm going to show you
25:29is how to glaze it now first you want to take the giblets out
25:37yeah they're a little stringy but they're going to be so yummy
25:41my hands got a little i don't know red from all the blood i gotta wipe them off
25:46yeah that's good
25:49now you're going to mix this right up with some other stuff
25:52first we have a little soy sauce pour that right in
25:55yeah everybody loves ketchup you can put it on anything
26:00that is going to be amazing now just toss it all over the crispy exterior of the body
26:10so voila that's all the time we have today my friends i hope you enjoy making these recipes
26:17with your family as much as i enjoyed making them with your family happy halfway to halloween ghouls
26:25and we'll see you next time on from beyond barbara's kitchen
26:30it's delicious
26:36do you have questions about your love life do you wonder if you'll meet the man of your dreams
26:40are you curious about how many kids you'll have or how rich you'll be one day
26:43do you want to know if your husband is cheating on you
26:46well now you can get the answers to all of these questions and more by calling us here at the
26:50halfway to halloween hotline
26:51everybody knows halloween is the time when our world is closest to the spirit world
26:56but if you need help now our halfway to halloween operators are standing by
27:02to connect you directly to some spooky spirits who can answer all your psychic questions
27:08and more
27:12let's take a call now and i'll show you how easy it is
27:18hello caller how can we help you
27:20oh yeah that slutty witch costume is so fucking hot
27:24oh i just want to stick my face in your
27:27whoa uh let's move on to the next caller
27:33hello stranger how can we help you
27:35hi my mom doesn't know i'm gay but i was
27:38yes she does
27:40and it's your best friend she's the one
27:43are you sure the spirits can see that
27:45well no but honestly your friend sounds like a real bitch
27:50oh my gosh thank you you helped me so much
27:52oh thank you bye bye now
27:54bye
27:55god what a fucking loser
27:57excuse me
27:59hello
27:59knock knock
28:00uh who's there
28:02i'm glad you asked
28:03for an easy payment of 59.99 per minute you can have these answers and more
28:08hi so i have a stalker and i want to know if he's watching me now
28:11oh okay let me see what my tarot cards hold for you
28:19oh the death card uh death does not necessarily mean you're gonna die
28:26see the death card holds many meanings
28:30you know in some cultures death means rebirth
28:36hello hello
28:38call us now at the halfway to halloween hotline
28:41and get your questions answered today
28:46our service and website are for entertainment only the services for adults 18 years of age
28:49november
28:49and
28:54and
29:00and
31:49Well, that was truly bizarre.
31:53And I loved every ravioli minute of it.
31:57I did too.
31:58And you know, I'm really enjoying our little halfway to Halloween celebration so far.
32:01But I can't shake the feeling that we're missing something.
32:04It's sex.
32:08Yes, yes, Halloween is all about dressing up and monsters and candy and all of that.
32:13But it's also about being a total slut.
32:18What are you talking about?
32:21What are you talking about?
32:21Think about it.
32:22Every adult Halloween costume is just a classic costume with the word sexy before it.
32:28Hmm.
32:29Hmm.
32:29Sexy nurse.
32:31Mm-hmm.
32:31Sexy doctor.
32:33Ooh.
32:33Ooh.
32:34Sexy fireman.
32:35Ooh.
32:36Sexy devil.
32:37Ooh.
32:39I guess you're right.
32:40And also, nothing says Halloween like a sexy late night hookup.
32:46Halloween always makes people lose their inhibitions and can get them caught up in all sorts of scandalous
32:53acts.
32:53True, but as we all know from watching almost every horror movie, the people who usually partake
32:59in provocation rarely make it out alive.
33:01Which, sadly, may be the case for the hot and horny couple in our next story.
33:06You see, it was a dark and stormy Halloween night.
33:10Ooh.
33:10Now, now, you don't want to spoil the surprise.
33:17And speaking of surprises, we have one of our own coming up right after our next naughty
33:22narration.
33:23Stay tuned, uglies.
33:36Look, okay?
33:37Don't be nervous.
33:38I don't.
33:38We have already done it with a few girls now, and you promised we could do it with a guy
33:42next.
33:43Yeah, I know.
33:43Come on, baby.
33:45It's our anniversary.
33:46Be adventurous.
33:48But what if he tries something with me?
33:51That is going to be fun.
33:52If he tries something, he's going to, I mean, he's going to have that.
34:00Oh, my God.
34:01I think that's him.
34:02Yeah.
34:03I think, hi.
34:03Hi.
34:04Uh, go, go, get, go around, go around.
34:07Just let him in, let him in.
34:08Okay, okay.
34:08That scared me, but.
34:09Oh.
34:10Wait, how do I look?
34:10How do I look?
34:11How do I look?
34:11Good?
34:12Okay, good.
34:12Okay.
34:13Let him in, let him in.
34:14Yep.
34:16Okay.
34:18Okay.
34:18How do I look?
34:20Oh.
34:21Whoa.
34:26You, you are much bigger in real life.
34:31Yeah.
34:33That's what they always say.
34:34I bet they do.
34:37Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, please, uh,
34:42I'm a lumberjack.
34:43I thought you said you read my profile.
34:45I don't read.
34:47She read.
34:47I did, and I forgot to tell you he's a lumberjack.
34:49You didn't tell me.
34:50He's a lumberjack.
34:51I forgot to tell you.
34:52You gotta tell me this.
34:52You're a lumberjack.
34:53He's a lumberjack.
34:53I'm so sorry.
34:54Please sit down.
34:56I'll, uh, get some drinks for us.
34:58You, you have a axe.
35:00That's awesome.
35:01Oh, look, I just, I just have to ask.
35:04Do you do this sort of thing often?
35:06Oh, yeah.
35:07Sometimes couples just need someone to come into their relationship and, uh, tear them up.
35:15You know what I mean.
35:16Yeah, I mean, I, uh, I don't know if we're looking for all that, but.
35:21It's like sometimes they start off just wanting to have a little bit of fun.
35:25Once I get started, I get the kid out of control.
35:30Before you know it, I get so heated up and I just, I want to split them both in two.
35:36Oh, God.
35:37Okay, tired.
35:39Look, we are very excited for what happens next.
35:43Um, just be gentle.
35:46You know what?
35:47I am going to get into something a little more comfortable, and I want you two to bond.
35:53Okay?
35:54That'll be great.
35:56Wait till you see what she has planned for you.
35:58It's going to be amazing.
36:09All right, guys.
36:10That's what I'm talking about.
36:21Boys, make sure you save some for me.
36:40All right, boys, I'm coming.
36:45I can't take them.
36:47It's too big.
36:54Open up, baby.
36:56Don't be scared.
36:57It only hurts when it first goes in.
37:28No!
40:08You know what flows there like wine.
40:27I'm afraid that's all the time we have with you tonight, darlings.
43:14Good night, we'll be right back.
43:15Good night, uglies.
43:16We'll see you again on Halloween night.
43:18We'll see you again on Halloween night.
43:23Good night, uglies.
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