00:13Hello, everyone.
00:14I'm Andy Woodhull, and welcome to Totally Funny Animals, the show
00:18that's even more fun than a barrel full of monkeys.
00:20And if you've ever played with a barrel full of monkeys,
00:23you know that's a high bar.
00:25Tonight, we have an amazing collection
00:27of hilarious animal videos to check out.
00:30Along the way, we'll reveal the five extra special videos
00:33nominated for our Golden Paw Award.
00:36Let's see if you can predict which of these nominees
00:38will take home the grand prize.
00:40So let's get this expedition started
00:42with some of the best of the best.
00:48They paid extra for the giraffe encounter package,
00:52which came with robes, but unfortunately,
00:54did not come with helmets.
00:59This time, she was totally going to nail it.
01:03Please don't fall off again.
01:06Oh, my god.
01:08Oh, my god.
01:09I mean, the ad said the couch comfortably sat three.
01:19They look comfortable.
01:26Goodbyes could be painful sometimes.
01:29Goodbye.
01:30I can't believe it.
01:35Anyone seen the cat?
01:39Never mind.
01:42Charlotte's biggest challenge regarding the car was differentiating between forward and reverse.
01:51Charlotte.
01:52Oh, Charlotte.
01:54Oh, Charlotte.
01:57Jerry was, without a doubt, the worst golfer at the club.
02:04It was.
02:06And everyone knew it.
02:11Everyone.
02:19There is nothing more invigorating than sailing the open waters with the wind in your hair,
02:24the saltwater spray hitting your face.
02:26But if you're anything like me, you're probably concerned about pirates.
02:32Yeah, seafaring hooligans commandeering your boat and doing as they please.
02:37It happens more than you think.
02:39It also happens to our first Golden Paw nominee.
02:49Bonnie the pelican casually boarded their boat and intimidated the passengers with her presence.
02:58Bonnie was their captain now.
03:00For a seabird, you'd think Bonnie would have better sea legs.
03:07Clyde joined Bonnie, and the pillaging of fish was about to begin.
03:12But it was pretty hard to catch the boat.
03:15Clyde was tired.
03:16He'd pillage later.
03:20Who stopped?
03:22Who stopped?
03:28And now, quite possibly, the cutest thing you'll see today.
03:38Ah, young life.
03:40So pure, so innocent.
03:42The future is theirs to behold.
03:45It is easy for both of them to think that all is right with the world,
03:49and nothing bad can ever happen.
03:57Ever look into your pet's eyes and wonder what they're thinking?
04:00Like when I get out of the shower and my dog is looking at me with her head tilted like
04:04this,
04:04and I say, I know.
04:06Hard to believe.
04:07I almost never work out, and my body still looks this good.
04:11Wouldn't it be nice to know what animals are really thinking?
04:18You want more bites?
04:19I do.
04:20You do?
04:21You want more bites?
04:22Yep, more bites.
04:24Okay, I'm gonna give you some more bites.
04:26Get them, get them.
04:27I'm getting it, I'm getting it.
04:28It's in my bag.
04:30Bites!
04:30Oh my gosh, that's so precious.
04:32Here, you want some bites?
04:34Bites!
04:34You want that?
04:35Yes.
04:36I know what you want.
04:38You want some more bites of this lettuce?
04:40Lettuce!
04:41I'm getting my pants dirty.
04:44Lettuce!
04:45You're so sweet.
04:46You're so sweet.
04:48Aw, thanks.
04:52Catch me.
04:55Give it your best shot, Curly.
04:58Nuh-uh.
04:59Not on my watch.
05:03You need to change your sign.
05:04From guard dog on duty to guard dog with knife on duty.
05:15I'll bark, and then I'll cut you.
05:25Don't you dare go anywhere, because coming up, we'll take a leap of faith on a funny turtle.
05:30And we'll see more of our Golden Paw nominees when Totally Funny Animals continues.
05:45Grab a drink, because Totally Funny Animals is bad.
05:50Okay, stop hogging it.
05:57Most of us are lucky enough to only have positive interactions with animals.
06:02Petting a kitten, playing fetch with a dog, respectfully declining an opportunity to hold
06:07your friend's pet tarantula.
06:09But not all interactions are so pleasant.
06:11Some are more like Close Encounters of the Animal Kind.
06:20Incoming!
06:26I got dogs making an F-sucker.
06:28Oh my god, that was on the ring.
06:31I peed myself.
06:32Hey, this is a family show.
06:37I'm backing up, Chris.
06:39Drop the bread.
06:40Bread?
06:41Bread is for ducks.
06:47Turtles eat toes.
06:50I don't think it's funny.
06:52You don't have to spray at it, just enough to make it move.
06:55If you're going to spray a squirrel, make sure it's not one of those water squirrels you hear about.
07:00Look at that.
07:01On this side, you go one side and...
07:05He loves it!
07:08Cannonball!
07:13Clay just bought this four-wheeler used.
07:17From a magician.
07:22Wow.
07:24If a single bison can completely stop traffic, I'd hate to see what a dozen of them could do.
07:28Oh, boy.
07:30Oh, my God.
07:32Oh, my God.
07:36I thought they were going to hit your truck.
07:38That was awesome!
07:39Yeah.
07:40Oh, my God.
07:41That was awesome.
07:42Oh, my God.
07:50That was awesome.
07:55Oh, my God.
07:56Oh, my God.
07:58Oh, my God.
08:00Just like snowflakes, no two dogs are exactly the same.
08:04They each have different strengths and weaknesses.
08:06My dog's biggest weakness is that she loves too much.
08:11Speaking of weaknesses, let's go to Professor Harrison and his test subject,
08:15Taubes, in our next Golden Paw nominee.
08:23Welcome back with Professor Harrison and test subject, Taubes.
08:29Okay, ready?
08:37Ready?
08:42Ready?
08:46Well, Taubes, at least you're so cute.
08:49It's so funny seeing how pathetic you are.
08:56Dogs love going for walks.
08:58You can tell by how they stop to sniff everything.
09:01Even the grossest stuff has them wagging their tails.
09:04As much as they flip out going for a walk,
09:07it's nothing compared to letting them off the leash.
09:16Hello, puppy.
09:17A visitor.
09:20Hello.
09:22Ugh, the dog got in the bushes.
09:25Hey.
09:28Heather, you mind looking for him while you're in there?
09:30No.
09:32No.
09:33No.
09:33There's a dog.
09:35Mitzi's still getting used to her leash and all the limitations that come with it.
09:44Never walk more dog than you can handle.
09:49I think she's more of a chihuahua person.
09:57Okay, this way now.
10:07Dolly was born to be a free-range chicken.
10:14Look, I'm not the most observant guy in the world.
10:17I once took a bite of a cookie before I realized it was one of my dog's treats.
10:22I apologized to her.
10:24I didn't even know why she was mad.
10:26I bought it.
10:28Don't make the mistake I did.
10:29Pay attention to this next Golden Paw nominee.
10:38The cat sees the snake, and you see the snake.
10:43The mechanic does not.
10:48Careful.
10:49Yikes.
10:54Man, he really doesn't see that thing.
11:01Oh, no.
11:06Now he sees it.
11:12Don't you dare go anywhere during the break.
11:14Unless your dog's by the door doing his little potty dance.
11:17Then you're off the hook.
11:18But hurry back, because coming up, you'll see the final Golden Paw nominees
11:23when Totally Funny Animals returns.
11:39I'm your animal anchorman, Andy Woodhull.
11:41And here now is your animal update.
11:44Sir McElhenney has gone missing.
11:46Last seen winning the fourth race at Santa Anita,
11:49Sir McElhenney tossed off his jockey and headed straight for the expressway.
11:54If anyone sees Sir McElhenney believed to still be wearing the number four,
11:58please call your local jockey club.
12:00What the hell?
12:03The case of the hungry cat has been solved.
12:07Marjorie Bennett of 327 Oak Street could not figure out why her cat was always starving.
12:12So she set up surveillance cameras, and the suspects were immediately caught on tape.
12:18The notorious Ricky Raccoon Gang is at it again,
12:21eating pet food from every porch in the neighborhood, and not caring who gets in the way.
12:27The gang feels no remorse for their crimes.
12:29One of the raccoons went so far as to say,
12:31I'd go in a litter box if I eat this good every day.
12:36A new water park, catering only to reptiles, has opened in Sarasota, Florida.
12:42And Iggy the Iguana was chosen for the inaugural ride.
12:45Now we go to our Animal Update field correspondent, Sherman Pachinko, for more. Sherman?
12:51Will it go down the slide? Look at the Iguana.
12:54Water slide. Iguana. Water slide.
12:57Will it make it? Oh, no. He's going over the edge. Do it.
13:04Come on, bro. Oh, shoot.
13:12Ripping report, Sherman. This Animal Update is sponsored in part by
13:17The Down Under Pharmacy, providing eucalyptus-flavored medications to all marsupials since 1959.
13:30Most people are confident their dog will scare intruders. It's a nice thought.
13:36But I'm pretty sure my dog would show an intruder exactly where I keep my valuables,
13:40for a tummy rub. That's not a guard dog. That's an accomplice.
13:45For our next Golden Paw nominee, Who's Guarding Who?
13:54Mama Bear and her cubs decided to take a shortcut through the new neighborhood.
13:59But the Hemsworth dogs weren't having it.
14:05Fortunately for the dogs, Sarah the dog sitter was on the case.
14:18I'd say Sarah is definitely in line for a raise.
14:26Every time I have one of those flying dreams, I can't help but wonder if birds dream about driving
14:32cars and finding great parking. The one thing we definitely have in common is,
14:38we're all just traveling on a wing and a prayer.
14:45Not only did Roger think he ruled everything the sunlight touched,
14:52but he was also a bit of a bully. Oh, he's coming back. He's coming back.
14:58Oh my God. I'm running. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Holy cow.
15:06Crackers is having an identity crisis. Are you a pretty bird?
15:23What are you now? Funny thing is, there's a wolf in the yard trying to fly.
15:34Buddy is cornered. Come out of there, buddy. Just walk through him. Hey,
15:42buddy, just walk through him. Easy for you to say. He's outnumbered.
15:48Come here, come here. Go on. Don't dump them all out.
15:59Mindy the bird is a little jealous. And you better keep your hand off her man.
16:09Don't do it.
16:12Mindy doesn't care that you've been married for 35 years.
16:22Yeah. Mindy is a homewrecker.
16:34Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but identity theft is against the law.
16:40Tell that to our next Golden Paw nominee.
16:50Darby had been watching the new deer from afar and felt like something just wasn't right.
16:56It was his attitude. He just stood there like he owned the Glen or something. And that doesn't fly
17:03around here. And when the new deer gave Darby the cold shoulder, he just sort of lost his temper.
17:19Make sure to stick around, because when we come back, we'll be giving out tonight's Golden Paw award,
17:25when Totally Funny Animals continues.
17:40I just want to pass and fight.
17:43This party invite everyone.
17:46Day nine, day of sporting.
17:48Hey, hey.
17:49We get blood dancing around.
17:52We get blood, I'm coming down.
17:54If the king is falling in.
17:59Ha ha ha!
18:16I just want to have some fun
18:18So how do you invite everyone
18:20To the K-9 dance party
18:24We get bad, dance you all
18:27We get bad, I'm coming down
18:29And the key that is holding
18:39All right, it's here.
18:41The moment you've all been screaming, howling, and squawking for.
18:45It's time to announce the winner of tonight's Golden Paw Award.
18:49But first, let's take another look at the nominees.
18:58First up, pelican and pinniped piracy.
19:03Sailors beware.
19:05And who could forget, Professor Harrison and Tobbs.
19:09It's so funny seeing how pathetic you are.
19:12There's got to be a nicer way to say that.
19:15Next, there's a snake there.
19:19Always listen to the cat.
19:21Followed by, give your dog sitter a raise.
19:27Because she goes above and beyond.
19:30And finally, dear decoy devastation.
19:36Gotta get a new one of those, I guess.
19:43Now, the winner of tonight's coveted Golden Paw Award is...
19:48Give your dog sitter a raise.
19:55Because whatever you're paying her...
20:00It's not enough.
20:09I can't believe it's already the end of the show.
20:13Time well spent, as far as I'm concerned.
20:15Let's do it again real soon on the next Totally Funny Animals.
20:19Good night, everybody.
20:50Bye.
20:52Bye.
20:53Bye.
20:54Take care.
20:55Bye.
20:55You
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