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Celebs Go Dating Season 15 Episode 1
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00:02Celebs Go Day In is back!
00:08Kicking off the line-up this year, we've got the lean, mean, rapping machine, Professor Green.
00:15I might be asexual.
00:17All green, no beans.
00:18Pop legend and loose woman, Colleen Nolan.
00:22Hi, I'm in the mood.
00:23England rugby colossus, James Haskell.
00:27This is scary.
00:28Aussie math star, Lucinda Lyne.
00:31Three since, four since, more since.
00:33Love Islander and SAS survivor, Gabby Allen.
00:37I'm just in the prison.
00:40And making his return, the reality icon.
00:44Hello, you cheeky boggers!
00:46David Potts.
00:47I'm ready for someone to put a bloody ring on it.
00:50And if that's not enough, dropping in later, we've got baller and YouTuber, PK Humble.
00:55I'm not going to do a number two, I promise.
00:57OK.
00:58Oh, God!
00:59Can this lot put in the graft?
01:02This is looking for someone with a pulse.
01:03This is really bad.
01:04Why kiss it?
01:05Swerve the drama.
01:07Did you kiss him?
01:09I would love to get a step ladder and climb up you.
01:12And overcome heartache.
01:14It felt so easy to fall in love and be in love.
01:18People don't hear men talk about this, right?
01:22To find the one.
01:23People have always told me that they can imagine me with a rugby player.
01:27Oh, really?
01:27I mean, I put it on the face off.
01:29This is going to be good.
01:30Who would you like to bring with you to Tenerife?
01:32Wow!
01:33Sexy, baby!
01:34Hello!
01:34That's our celebs!
01:35My dick is cuddling.
01:37Go!
01:38You could do a lot of spunking in here.
01:40Dating?
01:41My tits might fall out.
01:43Oh, I don't know if I'm excited.
01:44I'm going to be sick.
01:45Look!
01:50Welcome to a brand new series of Celebs Go Dating.
01:55This year, we're kicking things off in the capital with...
01:58No, not a mixer.
01:59The celebs are being treated to one of Tom Reid Wilson's infamous DP sessions.
02:06It's a dinner party.
02:08Oh!
02:10There isn't a big enough hell.
02:12Here you go.
02:13Before the agents set them on their dating journeys,
02:16they want to know exactly who they're working with
02:18at an intimate spill-the-beans dinner soiree.
02:21Yum yum.
02:23Now I'm just going to tug you gingerly.
02:26Mmm, he's touching cloth.
02:28There.
02:29So let's dispense with the needless fluffing
02:31and start stuffing this place.
02:33Because our first celeb is here.
02:35And hold up, it is massive.
02:38Needing no introduction,
02:41he might have lost himself,
02:43but he's here to find romance.
02:46Yes!
02:47It is!
02:49Ah, of course.
02:51You saw him at the start.
02:52With a PhD in hip-hop,
02:54now looking for an education in love,
02:57is Professor Green.
02:58This ain't so stereotypical, man.
03:01Not for a stereotypical man.
03:03It should be me the ones that get rid of you.
03:05Hello, my name is Steven Manderson.
03:09Hello, Steven.
03:10People may know me better by the name Professor Green.
03:14I'd say so, yeah.
03:15I would describe myself as awkward, annoying, intolerable, insufferable, but kind.
03:22Pro-G and Made in Chelsea star Millie McIntosh divorced in 2016.
03:27Then Steven became a dad in 2021 before splitting up with his partner six months ago.
03:34Being a dad and having a son.
03:36It's the most important and most significant thing in my life.
03:39If someone's going on a date with me, I would much rather than not have Googled me.
03:43But then again, low expectations are easy to exceed.
03:48I can't wait to get in front of Paul and be like, assess me.
03:50Tell me where I've gone wrong.
03:52I clearly need some help.
03:55Professor Green.
03:56Steven, please. Good evening.
03:58Steven. How you doing?
03:59Drop the title.
04:01It's just a nom de plume.
04:03I don't know what that means.
04:04It'll be something to do with plums, knowing Tom.
04:06Your work is spline.
04:07I suffer with compliments, by the way, so...
04:09Oh, do you?
04:10Yeah, if I seem awkward, it's because I am.
04:12I will stem the flow in that case, because I can be like a machine gun volley often.
04:16Yeah, well shove a thumb up your barrel, Tom, because the next celeb is inbound.
04:22It's former Richard and Judy's son-in-law, James Haskell.
04:25He played some rugby too.
04:27I played rugby.
04:28I was very lucky to play for my country.
04:29I was lucky to play around the world.
04:31I now DJ and make music.
04:39James was previously married to TV presenter and personal trainer, Chloe Maidley.
04:44I was with Chloe, I met her in 2015, and we got married, got a daughter called Bodie, who's three
04:51and a bit.
04:52You know, we separated two and a half years ago now.
04:56Dating later on in your life is definitely a bit like the Wild West.
05:00It doesn't matter how big you are, how cool you think you are, going up to a girl and ask
05:04for the number and then getting dismissed still digs you out.
05:08Oh, not for me, that.
05:09I've got high expectations of the agents.
05:12Every day's a school day and school's in session.
05:14What could possibly go wrong?
05:16You'd be surprised the massive bloke from the Chase drunk a candle last year.
05:21Hang on, where's the crutch come from?
05:22He didn't have one on the walking-in shots.
05:24How's he injured himself already?
05:26How you doing? I'm James.
05:27Lovely to meet you. How are you? How are you?
05:29Lovely to meet you.
05:30It's not just for sympathy.
05:31No, no, I wish it was. I wish it was. It's a hell of a story, but no.
05:34Do you know, you and I have an awful lot in common.
05:36Do we?
05:36Mmm.
05:37You've both seen Richard Madeley's knob?
05:39And we've both been in the junk.
05:40I know, you were amazing.
05:41Ah, yeah, that was it.
05:42Did you have to eat anything, Garst?
05:44I had to drink pig's penis.
05:45Pig's vagina, I didn't mind, because I had it in solid and liquid form.
05:49Oh, yeah.
05:49And in solid form, it was a bit like a, kind of a, a bacon-y radish.
05:53But hairier, I suspect.
05:55Quite a normal conversation.
05:56Perfect, perfect.
05:57As these two jungle vets swap war stories, strutting now a tastier treat.
06:03We're going up, bump, bump.
06:05She's bacon-y and I'm talking smote.
06:08It's the radishing bite-sized Love Islander, Gabby Allen.
06:13I'm Gabby, I'm 33, and you might know me from Love Island and Celebrity SAS.
06:17Love Island was an amazing experience because I just sit there in a bikini and have a lovely time.
06:23And then SAS is the complete opposite.
06:28Shit, is that Toadfish?
06:30It's hell on earth, but so rewarding.
06:33Let's go!
06:34Gabby, not Toadfish! Leave him alone!
06:37I've been single for two years.
06:39Everyone that I'm going for is just about initial impressions and then it all goes downhill.
06:44I have the worst beer goggles.
06:47Give me a margarita and I'll snog anyone.
06:49Barman, one margarita, please.
06:51And some mints.
06:52I'm 33 and I feel like all the good ones might be taken by now.
06:55However, statistically, they'll probably be divorced soon.
06:57And then I can probably get with them once they're out of that first marriage.
07:01Come to me with better equipment.
07:04Doubt it, their equipment won't have been used since having kids.
07:08Agents, bring them to me.
07:12Gabby!
07:12I'm so nervous, I'm so excited.
07:14Oh!
07:14Can I give you a libation?
07:16Yes, please. Thank you.
07:17Will that help? Hello.
07:18Hello, Gabby.
07:19How are you?
07:20Nice to meet you.
07:21Oh, it's lovely to meet you.
07:23Oh, perfect. In between two guys already?
07:25Both divorced? Right up your alley, Gabby.
07:27You look as braced and ready for romance as anybody ever could.
07:33Okay, that's good.
07:33He didn't say that to us.
07:34Hard luck, Haskell.
07:35Well, brace yourself for another Tom.
07:38Because our next celebs are always ready for romance.
07:41It's the wonder from down under, Aussie mass star Lucinda Light.
07:45I'm Lucinda Light.
07:47G'day.
07:47I am 45 years of age and I'm looking for love.
07:52After married at first sight, I'm ready to take a punt on love again.
07:57Walking toward him, I thought, ooh, solid and nice bum.
08:01Like I was actually just checking him out, being a total perl.
08:04Much like my wife on our wedding day.
08:06Dirty cow.
08:07I want some top tier, quality, fabulous men that have got their shit together.
08:15Dr Tara talks about big push energy, but in Australia we call it big pussy energy.
08:21And that's what I'm here to do, bring my big pussy energy.
08:24Yeah, not sure if UK men are looking for a big pussy.
08:27Gotta be honest with you.
08:28I'm a juicy wet and wild woman.
08:31You know, splish splash.
08:32So let's go.
08:33I hope Tom's brought his caution wet floor sign.
08:36Or at least a mop and bucket.
08:39That is a bald eagle, isn't it?
08:41Eyes up Tommy boy.
08:43Is it bald?
08:44You should know.
08:45I suppose they all are.
08:46It is utterly majestic.
08:49Ah, we're talking about her dress.
08:50Shame.
08:51Also, the other thing I like about it is that the talons are out.
08:55Yes.
08:55Ready to clasp some prey.
08:57It is a metaphor.
08:59I am ready to claw them in.
09:01Let's go.
09:02Having got an eye full of Lucinda's bald eagle, I'm in the mood for another love hungry celeb.
09:09It's pop royalty and loose women legend, Colleen Nolan.
09:14I'm probably best known for loose women.
09:17But just take the bra off.
09:19Oh no, Kay.
09:22Why?
09:22Because then I can tuck them in my chub rub knickers.
09:26I'm not selling myself, am I?
09:28Any form of dating app is out the window.
09:31Not true.
09:32My mate Sad Alan met his wife on chubrubbers.com.
09:35Also from my singing days with the Nolan sisters.
09:39It was a mad time.
09:44It was an amazing time.
09:45I'm very romantic.
09:47I have been in love on numerous occasions.
09:50My first marriage ended because of infidelities.
09:55Husband number one was none other than East Ender Alfie Moon, a.k.a. Shane Ritchie.
10:01Then my second marriage just grew apart.
10:03I've been single for about 18 months.
10:08I kind of need help.
10:10You want to be a part of my life, then we're a team.
10:12I'm not there to be your servant.
10:14Unless you ask nicely.
10:16God almighty, what the hell am I doing?
10:21Oh, look at this.
10:24Beautiful.
10:25Scarlet.
10:26Oh, thank you.
10:27This is most becoming most.
10:29Can I offer you a tip?
10:30I just want to listen to him all day.
10:32Yeah, she's a loose woman.
10:33She can take hours of pointless drivel.
10:35So nervous.
10:36I know it is terribly nerve-wracking.
10:39I also think the nerves are such a good sign because they're a sign of caring deeply.
10:43Yes.
10:43You're right.
10:44You know.
10:45And last up, someone who's never knowingly nervous.
10:48Yes.
10:48Ding, ding.
10:49He's back in the ring.
10:50The one.
10:51The only.
10:52David Potts.
10:53I'm good with my friends.
10:54I'm back.
10:58Agents, I'm ready for round two.
11:01I am David Potts and I am 32 years old.
11:05I know I don't look it.
11:06Who's going to tell him?
11:08I would describe myself as a nice, fun, bubbly character with a big gob and very long legs.
11:18That's right, shake it down to the floor, get low, get low.
11:20I've done Ibiza Weekend, a celebrity karaoke club, celebs on the farm, Celebrity Big Brother.
11:25I have done celebs go down, but that was eight years ago.
11:28I do want someone as tall as me, if not a little bit taller.
11:32Someone who's straight acting, beefy, lighter coloured hair than me.
11:35Who the hell?
11:35Straight acting, beefy, light hair.
11:37I'm here for you, big boy.
11:39Wrap those legs around me.
11:40This time, I want a man.
11:42I want a husband.
11:44I've had situationships.
11:45I've been seeing people.
11:47But I've never had her.
11:49We are boyfriend and boyfriend.
11:54You're coruscating, you're shimmering.
11:57I'm so excited, guys.
11:59We've been so excited to have you restored to our bosom.
12:02Thank you, my love.
12:03We really, really have.
12:05You might be a balm for everybody's souls because everybody's feeling very, very nervous.
12:11Oh no, guys, it's so much fun.
12:14Because you did it once before.
12:16Yeah, I did this like eight years ago.
12:18Definitely a different mindset for me this time.
12:20Yeah, there's been an evolution, I can see.
12:23Yeah, for sure.
12:23Yeah, all right, Tom, that'll do.
12:25They're chuffing, starving.
12:26And you've promised them some grub.
12:28Shall we get a move on?
12:29Well, darlings, it's time for you to follow me.
12:32Oh.
12:33Here we go.
12:34Where's he taking us?
12:35Trust me, sometimes it's best not to ask.
12:40Just feels ineffably grand.
12:43And speaking of grand, I reckon the little fella has pulled a blinder here.
12:46Very plush.
12:47Full marks, Thomas.
12:48Oh, wow.
12:50Wow.
12:51Now you will find your name cards, hither and yawn.
12:55Oh, my word.
12:57That's so stunning.
12:58Why are we so spread apart?
12:59Obviously, there are three holes.
13:03One up top, one up front and one round the back.
13:05For special occasions only.
13:07And these gaps are to be filled.
13:09Where's he going with this?
13:11By the Merlins of romance.
13:15Well, hocus pocus my bum hole.
13:18If it isn't the magic circle of love themselves,
13:21alaka bloody zam, it's...
13:23The one, the only, Mr. Paul C. Brunson.
13:28Relationship guru, Anna Williamson.
13:32And pint-sized sexpert, Dr. Tara.
13:44Oh, my goodness.
13:45It is so good to be back with a whole new bunch of celebs
13:48all looking for love.
13:50I cannot wait to get under their skin
13:52and find out what makes them tick.
13:55Bring it on.
13:56This is going to be epic.
13:57Hi.
13:57How you doing?
13:58Hello, my love.
14:00Well, this is a bit boosh.
14:01I know it's gorgeous, isn't it?
14:03Can I give a big hello to everyone at this table?
14:07Yes.
14:07Very much.
14:08I want to say hello and welcome.
14:10Oh, God.
14:11Tension music already?
14:13What's going on, Paul?
14:14What you're about to go on is going to be
14:16the most incredible ride, okay?
14:19How are you all feeling about that?
14:21Everyone looks a little bit nervous.
14:22I just took a deep breath and I haven't let it out yet.
14:25Tonight is not about an ordinary dinner at all.
14:28This is a dinner party with a twist.
14:31Rub my chop.
14:32We are so back.
14:42Welcome back to Celeb's Go Dating, where the class of 26 have had a good old probing
14:47by Tom, and now he's handed them over to the Brundog, who's wasted no time in getting
14:52straight down to business.
14:55Tonight is not about an ordinary dinner at all.
14:58This is a dinner party with a twist.
15:03This time we're doing things differently.
15:07So we can truly understand who you are and what you need.
15:12Wow.
15:13The agents are on full banter lockdown.
15:16F.B.L.
15:16Now, it may not be the mixer you were expecting, but don't worry, because one is coming.
15:22All right?
15:23And it will keep you firmly on your dating toes.
15:26Oh, I don't know if I'm excited or I'm going to be sick.
15:28I have a question.
15:29It's to James.
15:30Yes.
15:31You present very confident.
15:33For someone who really presents as you've got your act together, right?
15:37When you look back at the marriage, where did it go wrong?
15:41Cheers, Paul, for that.
15:42Absolutely no time for a starter before you're already demanding to know the inner workings
15:47of my marriage.
15:48It's very easy in Rachel at Breakdowns to talk about the other person.
15:51Look, you're only in control of how you behave.
15:54And I think, you know, pretty early on when we had a daughter, it coincided with me having
15:59lots of DJ trips away.
16:00And it was the first time that that part of my career was going really well.
16:03And I probably took a piss a little bit, but I'd stay out an extra night, you know,
16:07and I should have come home and I probably just didn't support her enough.
16:11And I didn't get that stuff right.
16:12So I was very excited to come here, be open-minded, let you tell me what you think.
16:18And sometimes you need to look at your own kind of behaviors the way you are.
16:22I'm sort of really keen to kind of explore that and maybe just have some of the rough
16:26edges moved off, you know, and see if I can, if I can make it work and be better.
16:30Thank you so much for sharing.
16:31And I think what you've done is you've just given everyone permission to be able to be
16:36just as vulnerable.
16:37So thank you.
16:39Stephen, you seem quite nervous.
16:41Yeah.
16:42Yeah.
16:43Yeah.
16:43He looks like he's about to drop a little Professor Brown.
16:46What are you nervous about?
16:48Everything.
16:48Yeah, all of it at the moment.
16:50But do you know what?
16:52I'd love to get under the hood of the psychology, you know?
16:55I'd love to hear from people who actually know what they're doing as far as dating and love.
17:00Um, about myself.
17:02I think we're always our own blind spots.
17:04Man's going deep.
17:05So I would like to get under the, I'd like to get under my hood.
17:08You wouldn't want to get under mine unless I've had a shower, because it stinks of quavers and guilt.
17:13My situation is difficult, but this is going to be an education for me.
17:19That was very honest.
17:20That was intense.
17:21Now, is there any actual food coming at this dinner party?
17:24Or is it just truth tapas?
17:25Lucinda, you got married to a man that you've never seen before.
17:29Like, how was that?
17:30A wild experience and so much fun.
17:33Yeah, I'd love to find that person that I can sort of do the next incarnation with.
17:39I think, you know, yeah, sometimes I get a bit doubtful or a bit like, oh God, you know,
17:46who would take this journey on?
17:48Yes.
17:48Well, you know, listen, you're in the right place.
17:50Yeah.
17:51Because we are taking that journey on.
17:52Yeah.
17:53I'm excited.
17:54Bring it on.
17:55Brilliant.
17:56Now, can we have some food?
17:57Ah, finally.
17:59Have a word with the staff, Tom.
18:00Yes.
18:00You should say grace or something.
18:02Thank you, love.
18:05Well, bon appetit.
18:07Bon?
18:08Leave it out, Anna.
18:09Even I know it's bon.
18:10Give your head a wobble.
18:17So how long have you been married for?
18:19I've been married now for three years.
18:21I've been together with my husband for six years.
18:23Oh, nice.
18:24And I also have a boyfriend here for the last seven months.
18:27I'm Polly.
18:28No, you're not.
18:29You're Dr T.
18:30You've got a boyfriend here.
18:31Yeah, yeah.
18:32I'm in an ethical, non-monogamous relationship.
18:35So, I'm Polly.
18:36Oh, she means polyamorous.
18:38God, that is so Dr T.
18:39A husband and a lover.
18:41So greedy.
18:42Double dick.
18:43My husband dates other people as well.
18:45Legend.
18:46You have to work really hard on that, otherwise it's very difficult.
18:49People think it's like, they get past the sort of amusement side of it,
18:52but then it's very much work, communication tool.
18:54But it's as hard as monogamy.
18:56Yeah, funnism.
18:57You know, I'm curious on that note is, who around the table would be open to have an ethical,
19:03non-monogamous relationship?
19:05And Colleen, I'd love to start with you.
19:10You know, because, you know, my wife and I were looking for it.
19:13No.
19:16Can I just say, I was going to say, oh, no, I couldn't deal with that.
19:19But now...
19:22It depends on with who.
19:23Wow.
19:24I think I would be open to it at this point in my life, yeah.
19:27You'd be open to it.
19:27Respect, cool.
19:28I'll see what Louie says and get back to you.
19:29Is that something that you've done before?
19:32I have explored it before, yes.
19:35With my last partner, who was a female.
19:37Okay.
19:38I gave it a go, but actually realised within it that I'm quite hetero.
19:42But I gave it a red hot shot.
19:43I am all about the exploration.
19:46Map the way for me, Dr T.
19:48I am here to look for a partner,
19:51but I don't mind having a bit of fun in the water park en route,
19:56if you know what I mean, splish splash.
19:57From my experience, if you start heavy petting in the water park,
20:00they'll route you to the exit.
20:02But, you know, exploration is beautiful
20:04because it allows you to get clarity for yourself.
20:08That's it.
20:08You know, if you've never explored, how would you actually know?
20:11Yeah.
20:12Well, David, when you were here last time...
20:15Yeah.
20:15I wasn't here.
20:16He wasn't.
20:17Uh-uh.
20:18Uh-uh.
20:19So, please, please tell us.
20:20Like, why are you back at the agency?
20:22Oh, God.
20:24Um...
20:24I think last time I was very emotionally unintelligent,
20:31whereas this time my head space is I actually don't give a shit
20:37about being judged about my vulnerabilities.
20:43Is she playing invisible castanets?
20:45Oh, so I'm ready for someone to put a bloody ring on her.
20:48Oh.
20:50Ha.
20:51Knew it.
20:51I believe that that is out there and that's what I want.
20:54But what does that true love look like for you physically?
20:57Can you, like, describe him?
20:58Oh, what it looks like.
21:00Yeah.
21:00Can you describe him?
21:01So, tall.
21:02This is probably a trigger for Anna and Paul.
21:03It is actually.
21:06Older.
21:07Um...
21:07Be fit.
21:08Be fit.
21:09Be fit.
21:09Be fit.
21:09Be fit.
21:10Be fit.
21:27Be fit.
21:28Be fit.
21:28Maybe it is right because you are ready for marriage.
21:30Gabby, what about you?
21:33I don't know.
21:34I don't actually know what I'm doing wrong.
21:37It's because I like people and they're probably wrong for me.
21:41And usually they're younger.
21:43I feel like sometimes I might compromise on things just because I'm so attracted to them.
21:49And then they end up being awful for me.
21:52However, I've dated people and that's been missing and I'm just not fulfilled at all because I
21:59Want to be with somebody that makes me feel alive and and also I need to be put my feminine
22:04energy as well
22:05Because I feel like I'm sorry. Did you say you need to be put yeah in your feminine?
22:10Yeah, so you need someone else to put you in your feminine energy. Okay. Is that wrong? Very
22:16Okay, so I mean I want somebody to
22:21Make me feel safe and secure
22:24Because I feel like that is my role within my family. So having somebody that makes cry
22:31Makes me feel like that. Yes, and that's all I say you deserve that
22:36Yes, you know, it's wild is um, I've never felt like we've started an agency
22:42With this level of intimacy
22:44Can I just say while you say that that this is the first show I've ever thought
22:51I really want to do that show
22:54I've never done that about another show ever
22:56Ha in your face loose women ladies
22:59I think because I've I've reached a part in my life where I genuinely would like to meet someone
23:05I have met people I have been on the dating apps
23:08I think what I'm looking for is really hard to find for me
23:12What do you want? I think because I'm looking for mr
23:15Everyday normal
23:16Have you considered having breakfast in weather spoons?
23:19I live a very normal life. I very rarely go to big celebrity things
23:22You know, I've got a little farm with all my animals and that's where I'm at my happiest
23:27And so I think trying to meet someone that can just accept that and accept me as me and not
23:33my celebrity status or
23:36Or be intimidated by it at the same time
23:38And that's where I'm finding it hard because I've met a lot of guys and we've had a connection
23:42And then they've been very honest and go I just don't think I can live in your world and I'm
23:47like
23:47I don't know what you think my world is
23:50Sometimes I just like someone at home to put their arms around me when I get in and go do
23:53you know what?
23:54It's all gonna be okay. We're gonna be okay
23:57This year was the first time that I've ever had to put christmas decorations up on my own
24:02I remember being in the house thinking. Oh shit. I'm
24:06I'm lonely. Oh, clean. That's so sad. Don't worry. You're in the right place. We'll sort you out
24:13So no pressure, but you are my last chance to lose
24:18You either do something or I die alone
24:20We can't have that happen
24:24Darnings all your candor has been utterly delicious and I want to reward you
24:31With the delicious dessert
24:33Have you baked us a cake? Well
24:36possibly
24:38dessert
24:39is served
24:41Oh shit, what's this?
24:44Wait, that's not a tiramisu
24:47Someone's coming. Is this your twist Paul? Yes. Oh god. Who is it? What's going on?
25:01Yeah, yeah, yeah
25:03Welcome back to celebs go dating where Tom is about to serve our new celebs with some delicious dessert
25:09I hope he's not just been to the kitchen to add extra cream
25:14Dessert is served
25:18I'm actually shaking. Yeah, I get like that with sticky toffee pudding custard cream and sauce
25:23In the form of Colleen's beloved sister Maureen
25:33David's best friend Ellie
25:36No way! Oh my god!
25:39Jesus, I could hear you know where you're back
25:42Hi everyone!
25:44Hi everyone!
25:44Get it over here!
25:45Stephen's childhood friend Lewis
25:49Oh god, what's he going to say?
25:55Oh god, what's he going to say?
26:00Gabby's dear friend Lyle
26:02Ah!
26:03Welcome Lyle
26:04He's going to go pear-shaped
26:07He knows too much
26:08Lucinda's cousin Tom
26:11There's me Lulu
26:13And James's mum, Susie
26:17Oh she's a diva
26:21I'm so glad you all turned up
26:25Enjoy your desserts everybody and I will see you at the agency
26:31Sorry, can I check, are there any actual desserts coming?
26:35Friends and family can often see where the celebrities love lives are going wrong
26:40Often things that the celebrities themselves just cannot see
26:44So these are very much the best people to help us understand our new clients
26:49We all love mums, don't we?
26:52So we want to hear from Susie
26:55Oh my god
26:56Mum is an absolute loose cannon at the best of times
26:59I am dreading what's going to come out of her mouth
27:02as long as she does not upset my ex
27:05James is not what he appears to be
27:09He actually underneath is extremely sensitive
27:14I'm not sure where he's gone wrong
27:16because prior to his marriage
27:21I met lots of lovely girlfriends
27:24Each of them just loved me, that's a bonus
27:29I never saw James squirm like that playing rugby
27:31I do have quite a strong opinion why I think it went wrong
27:46That explains why no one's seen Richard and Judy in the same room for 30 years
27:51In the past he's been extremely popular
27:53I mean I've seen at rugby matches where elderly ladies have gotten very close to him
28:00What are your hopes for James at the end of this process?
28:04You need someone that can see
28:06We'll tell him to stop with the elderly then
28:08The softness of him
28:10Oh right, I thought it meant eyes
28:13Coupled with quite a brilliant intellect
28:16Because he's written seven books
28:19Wow, quite the author
28:21And I think three of them were on the Times best-selling list
28:25Two
28:25Who's counting?
28:26I am
28:28I've got copies for everyone
28:30Has he got pictures?
28:31Because if not, it'll be hard pass for David
28:33Good
28:34Okay, up next
28:35Stephen, you seem so keen
28:37When you walked in, I was overjoyed
28:39I mean look, I'm not here to throw you under the bus or nothing though
28:42But like, Stephen is a nightmare
28:45Oh wow
28:46Wow
28:46He's not just thrown him under the bus, he's reversed it back over him
28:50You've been unlucky in love
28:52And yeah, I think you lot have got your work cut out
28:54And then driven over him again
28:56So you think about Stephen on a date
28:59I can't, I don't even want to imagine Stephen on a date
29:01It's ghastly
29:03Don't be fooled by the tattoos and the lyrics
29:05I think it's a little bit, a bit clumsy, a bit clunky
29:09But quite cute
29:10Give us an example of that
29:11Oh, not the C word
29:12Lewis, tearing me a new one
29:14Thank you, Lewis
29:15Cheers mate, appreciate it
29:16So, let's go to Lucinda here
29:18Okay, with Tommy
29:20Uh, so I'm curious
29:22What do you believe Lucinda needs in her life?
29:26A man
29:27A man-man
29:29Lulu is looking for love
29:31Genuine love
29:33And has been
29:35For a long time
29:36Lucy is a big character
29:38Which is wonderful
29:39And we don't want someone to shrink Lucy's personality
29:43But match it
29:44Lulu has said that she has explored with a woman before
29:50Naughty
29:54That's what lockdown does to you
29:57David Potts
29:58Oh
29:58Ellie
29:59He falls in love quite easy
30:01He falls in love quite easy does David
30:01Like at least once a week
30:02I'll be like
30:03They know that
30:04I fall in love
30:05I'm a sucker for love
30:06Well that's good
30:07Do you know what I mean?
30:08I'm a sucker for love guys
30:09He's got his type
30:11He's like well I want him to be this and that
30:12If he's a bit shorter
30:14And I know what you're thinking
30:16Give him a chance
30:17He could be the love of your life
30:19Ellie
30:20If he's not even able to get on the rides at a theme park
30:23He isn't going to be the love of my life
30:25Next up
30:26We have Gabby and Lyle
30:29You know she has a lot to offer
30:31And you know anyone who knows and knows
30:33She's got a lot of layers there
30:35But we don't necessarily see it enough
30:36Because she's obviously terrified of
30:39What
30:39Judgment
30:40The judgements
30:42That it Lyle
30:42Fair play
30:43Long on air
30:44Short on chat
30:44We would love to know
30:46Maureen a little bit more about Colleen
30:49Colleen has just got so much to give
30:52The problem is that when she meets someone
30:54She falls in love so easily
30:58And gives so much immediately
31:02Sometimes comes back to bite her on the ass a little bit
31:04I kind of like that
31:08Do you find sexual connection important?
31:12Yes
31:12Is that something that you're looking for as well?
31:14Well I didn't think I was
31:16And I'd heard all this thing about menopause
31:18How women lose their sexual libido
31:21And everything goes like the Sahara Desert
31:23And it's gone the complete opposite for me
31:26I don't know what's happened
31:29Susie
31:32Oh God
31:33Susie for James' sake
31:35Will everyone say nothing?
31:37Can I just say I'm loving James' face with his mother
31:40Sitting next to him in this conversation?
31:43Torture
31:44This is torture
31:47So now celebs
31:48Your night is not over
31:51But friends and family
31:52Your night is
31:55Right so now the celebs in a circle have stitched them up
31:58They're off to drink the free bar dry
32:02Well the experts have yet another surprise in store
32:06We have some envelopes
32:08Each one is personalized to you
32:10Yeah that's generally how envelopes work Dr T
32:13Otherwise it's a free-for-all
32:14These are your first dates
32:17Yes
32:20Oh my God
32:21This is getting real
32:22I am just ready to lean in and go for it
32:25How exciting let's go
32:26David
32:27Yeah
32:28If you would like to open your envelope please
32:29And reveal to us all what is inside
32:34Oh my God
32:36Is it the bill?
32:37He has jacked me
32:39Get in
32:41David
32:42I moved from Melbourne to London three months ago
32:47I'm in for a tree
32:48Remember don't fall in love
32:49Oh my God I need to chill out but what the fuck
32:52Oh my God this is love
32:56Gabby would you like to reveal who is in your envelope
32:59Oh my God I'm so nervous
33:04I can't tell from her expression
33:08Johnny 34
33:10It's probably the oldest I've ever got
33:13I spend my days handling carp
33:15Is that fish?
33:16It is
33:17Don't know how I feel about that
33:18Sexy fisherman
33:19Getting my hands wet
33:21And I'm always up for something a bit naughty
33:23This is one catch you won't want to throw back
33:25So how do we feel about Johnny the fisherman?
33:28That doesn't turn me on
33:29But he likes fish
33:33Can we have another one?
33:34No
33:34Shit
33:35You know you know what I suspect
33:37Is you looked at the photo
33:39And you weren't interested
33:40So you started looking for negatives
33:42I'm not being funny but Paul needs to get off my case
33:45I just don't fancy the fishy fella
33:47I'm trusting the princess
33:48Yes
33:49Yes
33:50Yeah that's cool
33:51Lucinda has been matched with Silver Fox Neil
33:54I'm happy to lean into that
33:55Splish splash
33:57Come on Stephen
33:59And Stephen has been paired with sexy DJ Viv
34:02Does it sort of feel like it's got a bit real now?
34:05Shit's real
34:05Shit just got real
34:06James
34:07Kitten 30
34:09I'm loud
34:09I'm high energy
34:10If you can handle me you'll definitely remember the night
34:13Even if parts of it are a blur
34:15She has a lot to say
34:16And she has great sexual energy
34:19Meow
34:19You're excited
34:20Are you a bit overwhelmed?
34:22I don't really know
34:22You know what I mean
34:22I'm sort of not really sure what my reaction is
34:24Because I've never had that
34:25I've never been on a blind date
34:26So yeah I'm very excited to see what she's like
34:29Colleen
34:30Neil P
34:3260
34:32I've blown up bridges
34:35And raised sons
34:36And if there's chemistry
34:37Let's just say
34:39I still know how to keep things running smoothly
34:41Longer than lights out
34:45Neil
34:45Neil
34:46Oh my god
34:46Come on Neil
34:47Neil looks nice
34:49But I really wanted that reaction that David's just had
34:53You are all going on these dates within the next 48 hours
34:59Except actually for two of you
35:03Who will be going on those dates
35:07Immediately
35:08Well splash my splish
35:10What?
35:11No you're joking
35:12Those two celebrities are
35:14Sink washes for everyone
35:15Get those slits and dicks clean
35:20Yourself Colleen
35:23And James
35:24No you're joking
35:25You're going on a date right now
35:27I'm in
35:28Let's do it
35:28Christ I thought I was going out to bed
35:31Well Neil might
35:34Talk about speed dating
35:35What happened to breaking me in gently?
35:38Bye
35:38Bye everyone
35:40I'm so excited I can't wait to hear all about it
35:42Hold on a minute
35:43Why do Colleen and James get to meet theirs now?
35:47Why do I have to wait to meet the gorgeous Mark from Melbourne?
35:51These agents are cock blockers
35:56So before Colleen and James can be shoved into the back of a black cab and score their dinner party
36:01out of 10
36:01They're whisked off to the other side of London for their first dates with these lucky loveless lovelies
36:07I don't think I've even met a celebrity before in my life
36:10So this is going to be a totally new experience for me
36:14Calm down Neil you're having a drink with Colleen Nolan you're not going to the NTAs
36:19I'm feeling so excited about my date
36:21I've never heard of James but they showed me a photo of him and he was topless
36:26He had abs for days you could great cheese on that and I absolutely love cheese so I'm ready
36:32Well Dairy Lee dunk my arse she's ready people take me to Cathedral City
36:44Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating where our new bunch of pampered personalities have been suitably wined and dined
36:50and then because it's us forced to spill the tea on their pitiful private lives
36:56and if that wasn't bad enough we've slung these two out for their very first date with James off to
37:02meet 30 year old admin assistant kitten
37:04meow
37:06and for Colleen is retired arm instructor neil who's no doubt going commando dick on trouser
37:12hello hello
37:13yes hello
37:15hi
37:15lovely to meet you i took the
37:18liberty of getting champagne to start with
37:21cheers cheers
37:22what's this dating lark at 60?
37:24i don't know
37:25i don't know
37:26what do you do?
37:29hello how you doing?
37:30hey
37:30how are you?
37:31i'm james
37:31nice to meet you
37:31how are you?
37:32it's a nice to meet you
37:33thank you
37:33how are you sorry give it to you
37:34oh yeah that's not awkward
37:35i love the tattoos
37:36thank you you too
37:37i am i saw online that you have a leg injury
37:40yeah i do i'm limping everywhere
37:41there's i was happy about that though because she tried you in a back door now
37:45sorry what
37:47yeah i know well i wouldn't do that anyway i'm too much for gentlemen
37:50that's what they all say
37:51where do you live like where are you from originally?
37:53the place that i'm from is really big for rugby though
37:55are you a rugby fan yourself?
37:57i've never watched rugby
37:58okay
37:58and they were like do you know who he is and i was like i'm not gonna like no
38:01but they showed me a photo of you topless and obviously i saw the abs and i was like
38:05well i want to know him
38:07well yeah i mean i'm not sure i'm really in the ab phase at the moment
38:09i look like surgery i haven't trained a lot
38:11look like you are
38:11well thank you i appreciate it i mean you look great too
38:15i embrace my personality instead of pretending to be someone i'm not
38:19so i've always had people call me crazy and stuff
38:22oh really?
38:22but it's who i am so i embrace her and now my kind of like brandiness i'm like yeah
38:26i'm the crazy tattooed woman
38:29i have a question for you
38:31yes you can ask whatever you want
38:32so usually i date non-celebrities
38:33or like 99.99 percent of the population
38:37so what do you think you can bring to the table as a rugby player that a normal man can't?
38:42the kitten's definitely lovely but this is beginning to feel like a bit of an interview
38:46i think
38:47what i'm bringing to the party at the moment is a body that doesn't work particularly well
38:50and i limp everywhere
38:51and a limp
38:52yeah if you're into guys with limps then i'm all over it
38:55i feel like the main thing for me is personality
38:57and emotional intelligence because i can't deal with these younger men who don't know how to
39:02use a washing machine anymore
39:04actually i'll be honest with you i look very manly but if you want me to like install your bathroom
39:09or like rewire a plug i'm a bit useless to that kind of stuff but he will drink piss from
39:14a rugby
39:14boot so swings and roundabouts hopefully colleen's ex-army guy neil has more useful life skills
39:21i did 15 years in the army i was in the royal engineers and i used to teach demolitions so
39:26i've
39:26never actually blown up a bridge but i taught people how to do it i guess not but you never
39:30know
39:30when that could come in handy you know this is okay actually it's not as bad as i thought it
39:34was
39:34going to be and neil's really good company do you miss the army i miss certain aspects of it
39:40never killed anyone colleen you can't ask him that it's like i'm asking you about auto tune
39:45seriously though neil who was on the bridge oh shit has he killed someone actually there's a bit of
39:53story there oh god this is awkward my bum all sucking and pulsing like a thirsty bath plug
40:04you know you see all these guys on remembrance day with a whole chest of my ass yeah go on
40:10i did 15 years what has he been banged up but i haven't got one god damn medal oh thank
40:19god for
40:19that i thought he killed loads of pensions on a bridge he's just moaning about medals why i didn't
40:24i didn't i didn't i'm gonna give you a medal unless you deserve it no but you've got to be
40:30sent i was
40:30never sent anywhere and did you want to go if you're in a unit that goes you kind of want
40:35to be part of
40:36the team but did your unit go yes and the unit went but i'd already left to go somewhere else
40:40idiot
40:42no well you know it was when i got sent back to sandhurst as an instructor
40:45and we're like get back out there and get us a medal you might just have to settle for a
40:49poppy
40:50are you good driving i don't drive i was in driving lessons for two years right i just couldn't do
40:55it they said that the only person worse than me didn't speak english what was your what couldn't
41:00you do everything like i was in driving lessons for two years and like over 100 hours of lessons
41:09kitten's definitely got some energy about her which i'm enjoying she has described herself as a bit
41:13crazy and i'm beginning to see some of those traits come through do you have a non-negotiable
41:18non-negotiable would be someone who doesn't have drive someone who doesn't work i think i need people
41:23to secure as well which is which is challenging because everyone's got things that they blind
41:28spots that they have and things that they don't want yeah it's when people just offload it all onto
41:32you and then you're like oh so what's your usual type because i've had a weird thing yes that my
41:39entire
41:39life people have always told me that they can imagine me with a rugby player oh really it's
41:44getting a bit intense probably need a bit of time out at the moment can you excuse me i'm just
41:49going
41:49to go to the bathroom is that right yeah that's fine oh when i say it's about i limp to
41:51the ball
41:53sorry sorry sorry to butt in oh god james come on how are you i'm good of course how could
42:00i argue
42:00just let me go so easy oh sorry didn't put up a fight you've got the ball story of his
42:06life
42:08so what do you think so far so good yeah good so talk to me how's it going
42:14it's going really well really nice yeah has he made you laugh yet i mean not ballet
42:19enough yet but yeah oh just picky picky right seems lovely he's very polite it's very charming and it's
42:25made me realize that i am willing to give it a go go on girl that's the spirit you've got
42:32to be in
42:32it to win it moving on to you do you know what she's really really nice i think with very
42:38different
42:39people would you see her again my mentality is listen i've been single for two and a half years
42:44i've done dates like that i i don't feel like you know yeah this waffle sounds like a definite no
42:50to me
42:55what star sign are you aquarius oh yeah oh what does that mean oh that's nice are you really i'm
43:05pisces
43:06i know nothing about this pisces are dreamers just everything's a movie and romantic and soft
43:14is that what you want right yeah i have a feeling i know what james wants should we go yeah
43:20yep an early
43:22night go go for it go for it don't expect it back though should we get the bill um yeah
43:26can we get
43:27the bill please well thank you so much for a lovely day to meet you it was really nice hopefully
43:32see
43:33you again yeah see you soon bye i really enjoyed the day actually and i feel like he had really
43:37good
43:37chat and we bounced off each other slightly unresolved i'm not sure if he wants to see me again i
43:43mean does
43:43who he didn't actually say he did to killeen look as dates go i think i showed my personality
43:50um she was very complimentary which obviously is a good thing but for me there wasn't quite
43:56that spark in terms of wanting to go further with her
44:05thank you for that i really appreciate it it's been really lovely tonight yeah because i haven't
44:12felt once awkward awkward at all no it's been really nice you might want to tell your face that
44:19no so um i would really like to see you again oh god what am i gonna say he's so
44:29nice but i'm just
44:30i'm just not sure if there's a spark i hope you feel the same
44:38that'd be lovely say like you mean it killeen had a fabulous time i thought we were a really good
44:44match um it was a really good exploratory first date all right neil it was just a drink not a
44:50reconnaissance mission in basra oh god that's a bit last isn't it yeah lovely to see you see you
44:57meet you see you again soon yeah definitely see you later bye he was such a nice guy and we
45:03do seem
45:03to match on what we want in a relationship which is good but it didn't make me laugh and that's
45:09high
45:09up on my list you know i do want to meet someone but you know what it's so hard
45:13it can't be everyone else some of it's got to be me i'm i'm obviously doing something wrong or
45:19expecting too much why is it so complicated now don't worry colleen we'll find you someone
45:26still to come the agency throws open its doors and i'm not talking about tom's back ones
45:33hello was there an affair it's kind of embarrassing hashtag orcs
45:40the celebs go dating there was literally a dog doing a wee upper tree behind you sorry okay
45:45yeah that'd throw me to be fair and the chat's back god suck a fart out of your ass literally
45:52things heat up at the first mixer you are outrageous i love it this thing that is naughty i was
45:58sandwiched between two men and i was all right sorry no we're not you sorry dude's got no game
46:02understatement what do i do oh show me bro after that whole exchange it came across as very rude
46:10and the temperature keeps rising as the celebs land in tenerife you're about to get torn left right and
46:18santa hopefully i will on my date oh colleen once i had sex up a tree oh do you agree
46:25splinter my sphincter we are go
46:27and i'll see you next time
46:57You
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