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00:06Oh
00:24You're gonna be like this today are you?
00:38Hello and welcome to Taskmaster
00:40We are at episode 8 and by now the show has truly hit the skids
00:45Backstage there's what looks like talcum powder residue everywhere
00:48The production uber account has a rating of 2.2
00:52Tom Cashman has a chimpanzee in his dressing room
00:55And for some reason it's always wearing lipstick
00:59This isn't so much a TV show anymore but more a cry for help
01:02Somebody please stop us!
01:05Until then, here we go
01:06We have Anissa Nandala
01:10Brett Blake
01:12Celia Popola
01:14Joel Creasy
01:18And Claire's very own Rose McManus
01:23Next to me a guy who wears a body cam to the masseuse
01:28It's Tom Cashman
01:34Let's get this show on the road
01:35Prize task please Cashboy
01:37Tonight they've been asked to bring in what they consider to be the object
01:40With the best personal story attached to it that can be told in just three words
01:45Okay, Rove, what have you got?
01:47The object is a picture, it's a photo
01:49And the story in three simple words
01:52Christmas with Bono
01:56Wow, impressive
01:57A very concise story
02:00I can do it in two words
02:01Festive wankers
02:04But that's two
02:05But that's two
02:06So it wouldn't count
02:07Yeah
02:08It's what it says on the box
02:09It's the two of us enjoying a wonderful Christmas in Perth in my hometown
02:14Well, I'm surprised that he knew that it was Christmas time at all
02:21Alright, Celia
02:22Oh, okay
02:25This is interesting
02:26I'll show you the item first
02:28So this is a mug of my favourite Doctor Who
02:32This is David Tennant, the 10th Doctor
02:33The three word story is
02:35Coffee and kissing
02:42Yeah, it's for coffee and for kissing
02:45And I did think
02:45Am I going to be embarrassed to tell people that I make out with Doctor Who merch on this show
02:49And then I'm like, no, who watches this show?
02:50You're into it
02:52Alright, Anissa, what did you bring in?
02:54Yes, I'll show you the photo that I brought in
02:57And my personal story is
03:00Actually came last
03:06So in this image
03:08It was like a 100 meter
03:10And I lost
03:11Because I was in Africa
03:12Not versus you guys
03:16And I came last
03:17And I asked my mum
03:18Please
03:19Can you wait until all my kids leave
03:21So I can take a photo on the podium
03:23And she did it
03:24Is this photographic evidence of you cheating again?
03:30Alright, Brett
03:31Right, I've got
03:33We'll whack the image up
03:34And uh
03:36Oh God
03:36Okay
03:38What?
03:39What?
03:39Okay
03:41Hairless
03:42Date
03:43Fire
03:47I went on a first date
03:48And before that
03:50I had to film a stunt
03:51For a comedy special
03:52I was releasing
03:53And I jumped a BMX bike
03:55Over a flame pit
03:56And I lost all my eyebrows
03:58Chest hair
03:59And armpit hair
04:01But
04:01The date was successful
04:03And we dated for four years after that
04:06Now
04:07Who wants to see me jump a bit of fire?
04:09Hell yeah
04:10Hell yeah
04:14Hell yeah
04:16Hell yeah
04:17Hell yeah
04:21Hell yeah
04:22The safety officer of this TV show has just seen what you've been wanting to do all along
04:27Yes
04:27Finally
04:28Yeah
04:28I need more danger
04:30Yeah
04:30Okay
04:31So last we've got Joel
04:33What did you bring in?
04:34My three words are
04:36Should be dead
04:37This is the image
04:40Last year
04:41I was up at the crack of dawn
04:43It was 11.30 a.m.
04:44And um
04:46I was lying on the couch
04:47And Uber Eats arrived at the door
04:48And I did a bit of a Tom Cruise
04:49Risky business
04:50Slide to the top of the stairs
04:51Head spin
04:52Fell down 10 metres of stairs
04:54Landed on the polished concrete
04:56And broke five ribs
04:59But the narcissism in me
05:01Instead of most people who put their hands forward
05:03I
05:03Covered my head
05:05Good
05:06Good girl
05:07Anyway
05:08I've had five ribs removed so I can do a fair bit now
05:16Were you worried if you landed all the Botox would get knocked out of your face?
05:23Do you know the first thing I thought as I fell was
05:25Has anyone more famous than me died today?
05:28LAUGHTER
05:29OK
05:30Well I'm going to have to give one point to Celia
05:31Because coffee and kissing
05:32I didn't really understand it
05:33Fair enough
05:34Until you told me
05:35You had to elaborate
05:36I was just thought
05:36You were just having coffee and
05:38Bit of a smooch
05:39With another person
05:40I didn't realise it was with the mug
05:41Then I'm going to give
05:42Two points to Rove
05:43Not sure it was a prize task
05:45It was more just
05:46Boasting
05:47LAUGHTER
05:48Alright
05:48And I'm going to give three points to Anissa
05:50Because
05:51It's just hard for me to reward cheating
05:54LAUGHTER
05:57Is consistently
05:58LAUGHTER
06:00I'm going to give four points to Joel
06:01Because I mean everyone loves a good accident story
06:03And everyone loves stories about you being a messy bitch
06:05That involved drinking
06:07LAUGHTER
06:08And I'm going to give five points to Brett
06:09Because finally we understand what you've been trying to achieve
06:12On this show to this point
06:14Thank you
06:14A genuine element of danger
06:17More fire
06:19OK
06:19Let's get into our task proper
06:21Lesser Tom
06:22What have we got first?
06:23I don't have a long beard for this intro
06:25Because it's not time for ZZ Top
06:27It's time for ZZZZZ down the bottom
06:43Tom?
06:46Where the hell is he?
06:47Oh I don't like it when you hide from me
06:52It's just so much better isn't it?
06:54I'm going to do my trick for Tom
06:55He's not here
06:56Is he napping?
07:06Tom is having his after lunch nap
07:11Are you kidding?
07:12Wake him
07:13Most disturbing wake up wins
07:15You have 25 minutes
07:17Your time started when you entered the study
07:19I actually think I just
07:21Maybe I could put my like
07:23My bare ass out of the suit
07:25And then I'll be like
07:27And then when his eyes open
07:29He just sees my date
07:31That's pretty disturbing
07:35OK
07:36Are you sleeping with a boner?
07:39How excited was Cashman about this task?
07:41He looked like you had full mass dude
07:43Those were my knees
07:44Oh ok
07:44I would have said the other one
07:46So it makes you look better
07:47You should have gone with that
07:48You should have gone with that dude
07:49I was trying to help you out
07:49Oh yeah no wait
07:50Oh that was my penis
07:53We're back on track now
07:54Ok so who's going to disturb your beautiful slumber first?
07:58It's east coast first west coast
08:00It's Anissa and Rove
08:30Ahh
08:42All the young people are doing it
08:45Everybody loves it
08:47Wake up
08:48Come
08:49Time to wake up
08:51You're the worst
08:54You're the worst
08:55Don't forget your wonderful breakfast
08:58Om nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom
09:00Om-a-num-a-num-a-num-a-num-a-num-a-num-a-num-a-num-a-num.
09:02You're not eating it!
09:05I felt so bad saying those things to you.
09:07Even though I looked like I was having a lot of fun, I wasn't.
09:10You did look like you were enjoying it and meant it.
09:12Are you up?
09:13I'm pretty awake yet.
09:15Good morning!
09:19I feel like you might have got disturbing and annoying mixed up.
09:24I think that was incredibly disturbing,
09:27the fact that you're going to be a virgin forever
09:29and no one's going to love you.
09:31I would be disturbed if I were you.
09:36And did I get that right?
09:37I think you were pretending to regret those lyrics.
09:40No!
09:43I feel like the task ended and you were kind of like,
09:45sorry about that, but you clearly enjoyed it.
09:49It's a lot of fun, screaming pathetic!
09:52And what were you going for there, Rove?
09:54Well, as someone who has a child in the house, um...
09:59Yours?
09:59Yeah.
10:00Yeah.
10:05I find that sometimes when you're trying to wake them up vocally,
10:10they can still close their eyes and pretend to be asleep.
10:13So to be the most disturbing,
10:15I thought I have to impact Tom the best way I could,
10:19which I have done with my daughter and put ice.
10:22Really?
10:23Yeah.
10:24Sounds like my childhood.
10:25Jesus Christ.
10:27Different ice.
10:28Oh, different ice.
10:29Yeah.
10:29Oh, different ice.
10:32Yes!
10:34Okay, so what was colder,
10:35the ice and the water
10:36or the cold hard truths from Anissa?
10:38I did actually take half an hour
10:40to try to get to sleep after lunch with each of you.
10:43I got to sleep.
10:45Pretty sleepy, pretty drowsy,
10:47pretty kind of like at least half asleep for everyone.
10:48Like, we are hearing this story.
10:54Dude, I need some ice to wake up.
10:56That was so boring.
10:58Yabba, yabba, yabba, yabba.
11:03So you can tell it's late in the series.
11:06Anyway, can you tell us more about your sleeping anecdote?
11:10It's not an anecdote.
11:12It's what we're here to do.
11:15Pathetic.
11:15Loser.
11:16Die.
11:17Die.
11:18Small penis.
11:19I riffed that one.
11:20I riffed that one.
11:21So you were genuinely getting to sleep?
11:24I was genuinely asleep
11:25and in terms of the effects that it had on my sleep,
11:27Rove's woke me up most dramatically by far.
11:30Anissa's was more emotionally disturbing.
11:33Okay, all right.
11:34Time for some ads.
11:35So can I have a little nap myself?
11:37See you soon.
11:41I'm trying to get to sleep.
11:53Welcome back to Taskmaster Australia,
11:55where five comedians are trying to get Tom Cashman
11:58to do what his therapist has been asking him to do for years.
12:02Wake up!
12:04That's correct.
12:04Our contestants are trying to wake me up from a nap.
12:06Most disturbing wake-up wins.
12:08Next up, most of his outfits look like pyjamas,
12:10so he's likely an expert here.
12:12It's Joel Creasy.
12:15Do I have to go back down?
12:17Pox!
12:18Right, let's go.
12:19Tom!
12:30Hello?
12:31Hello?
12:34What are you doing in there?
12:37You need to get up,
12:38because I cannot do this task anymore without you.
12:43Wake up.
12:43Oh.
12:46What does that mean?
12:47You finished the task.
12:49Thank you!
12:55Yes!
13:02So, just to be clear for viewers who are just joining us,
13:05Tom Cashman was hiding in a box.
13:07You thought there was a speaker in there,
13:08and you thought he was elsewhere on the property with a microphone.
13:11Correct.
13:11So you gave up on the task and left him in the box.
13:14So, when you went back just then to wake him up,
13:18did you still think he wasn't there?
13:20Yeah.
13:23So you kept returning to that plinth,
13:26because that was just the last place where you'd had contact with Tom.
13:31Yes.
13:32And while we are talking to each other like that,
13:34I had to walk down to that box during every task,
13:37which went on for the whole day.
13:40And it was raining, which ruined my hair.
13:45Well, I guess what I'm trying to get at is,
13:47you went back to it several times,
13:48did you never just think to knock it over and check if he was there?
13:53No!
13:56I actually didn't think he was on the property.
13:59I thought he was having a day off.
14:00OK.
14:02I had to do so many tasks on my own.
14:04OK.
14:04Well, then the way you tried to wake him up
14:06wouldn't have been disturbing at all,
14:07because it was a speaker
14:09and he was on the other end of a microphone.
14:11And that doesn't work the other way around.
14:13He speaks into the microphone,
14:14goes down to the speaker.
14:15If you make a noise near the speaker,
14:17it doesn't come back out through the microphone
14:18and wake him up.
14:20Give me one point, I don't give a shit.
14:26Yes, mate.
14:30All right, who's next?
14:31One wouldn't disturb a mouse,
14:33the other has seen the band disturbed live seven times.
14:35It's Celia and Brett.
14:39All right.
14:41All right.
14:51Oh, my God.
15:21Oh, my God.
15:29Ah!
15:38Oh!
15:40Oh!
15:57It smells a lot like tomato sauce.
16:00I had nothing else.
16:03I thought it would be funny.
16:05How could you?
16:07But I didn't.
16:09That's not what the blood says.
16:12Tom didn't.
16:13Or did it?
16:14Don't.
16:16I really brought the quality of this show down.
16:20I'm sorry, Tom.
16:21It was funny, though.
16:23What do you think?
16:25Good?
16:25I suppose the thing is, I know I didn't kill anyone.
16:30Oh, God.
16:31Just do it for real, Tom.
16:33Jesus.
16:33Do you want me to kill you?
16:35It's going to take a while.
16:42So, Celia, is this another moment when creativity and logic collide?
16:49Because what did he say?
16:50He said straight away that he knew he didn't kill you.
16:52How do you know?
16:53Have you heard of sleepwalking, Tom?
16:55I was in bed.
16:56Yeah.
16:56It's what a perfect alibi for a murderer.
16:58It couldn't have been me.
16:59I was asleep.
17:01I don't think many murderers write,
17:03I did it in blood next to the body.
17:04That was me.
17:05Have you not seen films, Tom?
17:07The person who gets killed in their dying thing,
17:09they write out the murderer who did it in blood.
17:11And you were supposed to wake up and go,
17:13Oh, no, I've murdered Australia's occasional sweetheart.
17:19Oh, outrageous.
17:20I think the contestants are kind of benefited from who they go after.
17:24After Brett's attempt, subsequent attempts,
17:27I was just glad I wasn't looking at an arsehole.
17:29Now, for the whole series, Brett,
17:31you've been abusing Cashman, like physically and verbally.
17:35Yeah, I'm so sorry, guys.
17:36Yeah.
17:37And you bared your arse, you put it in his face,
17:39so that's the first thing you saw when he woke up.
17:41Yeah.
17:42You actually showed a little bit of remorse there.
17:44Yeah, because the look on his face was like he was about to cry.
17:49But yeah, I'm so sorry for bringing down the quality of this TV show
17:52that I'll never watch.
17:57Face!
17:58Face!
18:00Alright, well, I have to score these, I guess.
18:02Yes, please.
18:02Okay.
18:04I'm going to say least disturbing was Joel,
18:06because he thought you weren't there.
18:07Yeah, okay.
18:08And then I'm going to give two points to Celia,
18:10because as you said, you'd wake up and go,
18:11I didn't do that.
18:12Three points to Anissa,
18:13because it was very disturbing,
18:15which I enjoyed the song, but three points.
18:17I'm going to give four points to Rove,
18:19because you did say that it was more disturbing than Anissa's effort.
18:23Yep.
18:23But five points to Brett Blake,
18:24because once again, he's never watched the show,
18:26doesn't know what he's doing, and he's killing it.
18:29No!
18:33Alright, so what has that done to the episode scores?
18:35Well, Celia's in last place with three points,
18:37but Brett is having a perfect episode so far.
18:40He's got ten points!
18:44Time to take a break.
18:45We'll be right here staring back at the blackness of the inside of your TV,
18:49wondering if we'll ever get out.
18:51See you soon.
18:52APPLAUSE
19:02Welcome back to Taskmaster,
19:04where five comedies are juking it out
19:06to win five abstract three-word stories.
19:09Let's crack another task.
19:11It's been alleged I play a horse in this task.
19:13To that I say nay.
19:15Which is how horses say yeah.
19:40Hey, Tom.
19:41Hello, Tom.
19:42Am I riding you today?
19:46Is this where they do the sports or horse concerts?
19:52Get your Tom horse to win the race.
19:54Your Tom horse must have a name.
19:56You may order one item for your Tom horse to wear.
20:00One item for your Tom horse to ingest.
20:04And one item to be a prize to motivate your Tom horse to win.
20:07God, there's a lot going on on this one, isn't there?
20:09You may also use this megaphone.
20:11I love this megaphone.
20:13To coach your Tom horse during the race.
20:15Fastest lap wins.
20:17You have ten minutes to order your items
20:19and 60 minutes before your race starts.
20:21Your time starts now.
20:24So you're the Tom horse?
20:26Well, us.
20:26Sorry.
20:27Where's the course?
20:28The racetrack.
20:29The actual racetrack?
20:31You're going to be a fit little horsey today.
20:33So I just want you to wear something stupid because,
20:36because why not?
20:37Well, maybe we could get you dressed up as like a pop artist.
20:40Like Metallica VAR.
20:41Is that pop?
20:42Nope.
20:42Okay.
20:43I'd love to see you in a little tennis skirt.
20:44I think that would be nice.
20:45I would like Cathy Freeman's running suits.
20:48Lycra?
20:48I want it to be just the shorts.
20:51I know what will make you fast.
20:52If you were streaking because there's cameras
20:55and if you're streaking they won't want to see your little dick on camera.
20:58You don't want that PR getting out for you.
21:00What item for your Tom horse to ingest?
21:02Maybe just a big glass of sugary water.
21:04Monster energy drinks get people crazy.
21:07Pre-workout stuff.
21:08Creatine.
21:09Espresso martini.
21:10A Freddo frog ice cream cake.
21:12You know those ice cream cakes you get from the shops?
21:14No.
21:14You've never had a Freddo frog ice cream cake?
21:17I don't think so.
21:18Dude, today is your lucky day.
21:21And what's my name?
21:22Oh, Stella.
21:24I think maybe like Tommy Diva's nice.
21:26Metallicum.
21:27It's like Metallica and cum.
21:29Honest Sarcather.
21:30That's a great horse name.
21:31Get out of it.
21:32The third.
21:33And you don't want to know what happened to the first two.
21:37And the only thing I'm missing is a prize to motivate you to win.
21:41And you've got 32 seconds to decide on one.
21:43What do you need though?
21:47A hug.
21:48I will give you five minutes in Tom Gleason's chair.
21:53You're a comedian who's never won a comedy award.
21:59So we need a comedy award.
22:01Ten seconds.
22:02Okay.
22:02I'm going to pick a, like a, an, um.
22:05There used to be the talk of horses going to the glue factory.
22:09So that could be my motivation.
22:10Are you saying you're going to kill me if I don't run very fast?
22:12Pretty much.
22:13And I'll, I'll do it.
22:16No prize it seems.
22:17No, I said, I, I, I, I, I, I was going to say it.
22:21You've run out of time.
22:22Sorry.
22:22Damn it.
22:23Thanks Anissa.
22:24Metallicum.
22:26Okay.
22:29Anissa, Metallica's not pop.
22:32Um, what's half of the name Metallica?
22:34Oh, it's heavy metal.
22:38Ah, the more you know.
22:42Do you remember why you were choosing Metallica?
22:46I'm not sure.
22:49I do.
22:49You were spitballing things white people like.
22:54Hey, it's true.
22:55It's true.
22:56Yay!
23:00All right.
23:01Let's see some Tom horse racing then.
23:03It's going to be a tight one.
23:04And that's straight from the horse's mouth.
23:08Here's all five contestants at once.
23:10Oh, thanks.
23:17It's just a single lap of the 1,857 metre track,
23:22which could be a push for today's field.
23:24On the outside rail, it's on its arcane,
23:26looking in peak condition.
23:28Thanks to trainer Rove McManus.
23:30You want your beautiful little feet?
23:32Eh?
23:32Turned into that?
23:33Huh?
23:34Next up is Go On Get Out Of It The Third
23:36from trainer Celia Pecola.
23:38Go on, get that espresso martini into you
23:40and just skull it.
23:41Down in one.
23:43In the centre,
23:44sporting little more than a face full of ice cream
23:46is Stella.
23:47Out from the stables of Brett Blake.
23:48Oh man, I don't think this is a good idea
23:50if a horse has an ice cream headache.
23:53Next on the line, Tommy Diva.
23:55Dressed to impress, thanks to trainer Joel Creasy.
23:58You look great in your tennis whites.
24:00Very pale.
24:01I can't see where they end and your legs starve.
24:03And holding the inside rail,
24:04along with a can of Taskmaster branded energy drink,
24:07it's Metallicum, trained by Elisa Nandola.
24:10Metallicum, this is a long race.
24:11We're going to need to not get tired.
24:14Woo!
24:16Hardly a field of stallions,
24:17but let's see how they go.
24:19And they're reaching.
24:20Go on, get out of it in the third.
24:21After we're nearly there.
24:22Go on, get out of it.
24:23Go on, get out of it.
24:24Get around it.
24:25Use those little chicken legs off you go.
24:27He's sweating up a storm.
24:29It's confronting looking at him
24:30in those tight little shorts,
24:32but look at him go.
24:33Tom, if you're running that pace,
24:35people are going to see your penis doomed.
24:37This is going to be awful for your Tinder profile.
24:39I don't want you to get tired, Metallicum.
24:42Slow down.
24:43At the end to turn one,
24:44Metallicum is trailing
24:45thanks to some counterintuitive coaching from Elisa.
24:48Slow down, Metallicum.
24:50While the rest adopt a more traditional approach.
24:52Pick up the pace, mate.
24:53Focus on your footwork, your legs.
24:56Hurry the up.
24:57As they make their way down the backstrikes,
24:59Tommy Deaver has taken the lead ahead of Stella
25:00with go on, get out of it in the third.
25:02In third.
25:03I think you're almost halfway.
25:04Come on, Dom!
25:05Oh, my God.
25:07This is the best guy ever.
25:08You are running like an Ethiopian
25:10and I love to see it.
25:11You're quite far away.
25:12If you need to just nick off to the side
25:14and have a pee, that's okay.
25:16Go on, get out of it in the third
25:18and go on and go out of it
25:19for a quick comfort stop.
25:20I was joking.
25:21You're not allowed to pee.
25:24Open the gate for Oida Starcaven
25:26to make an amazing comeback.
25:28The stitch is kicking in,
25:30but not as much as the fear
25:32of being turned into gelatin.
25:34This is riveting.
25:36Hurry up, Tom.
25:40Move your ass, Stella!
25:42Let's go!
25:43This is the only way
25:44you're going to win a comedy award.
25:46This is a heroic scene.
25:48Go on, get out of it in the third,
25:49now in fourth,
25:50and incredibly still ahead of Metallica.
25:52You don't have to run the token.
25:54Power walk it.
25:56Coming around that final bend.
25:58This is it.
25:59It all comes down to this.
26:01Hurry up.
26:01MasterChef's about to start.
26:04You're in the final bend!
26:06The final bend!
26:06Come on, Tom!
26:07Metallica!
26:08Metallica!
26:09Metallica!
26:10Metallica!
26:10Let's go, mate!
26:12I need this!
26:13Woo!
26:14Sport!
26:15Come on, Stella!
26:16Let's go, let's go, let's go!
26:17Come on, come on!
26:18Come on!
26:20That's a win!
26:21Out of the line, it's Stella,
26:22followed by a comedy,
26:23taking second,
26:24and a tumble,
26:25on a sarcasm,
26:26totally got third.
26:27Well, go on, get out of it,
26:28the third takes fourth.
26:29That was so good.
26:31Well done, mate.
26:32That strolling in itself
26:33is Metallica.
26:35I love you!
26:37Mwah!
26:38Okay, we weren't rolling on that one,
26:40we might do it again.
26:44Wow.
26:47Now...
26:50Before we get into it,
26:51the commentator might have sounded familiar.
26:54Yes, that was Alex Horne, obviously,
26:55and who did the commentating there.
26:58And for those that don't know who Alex Horne is,
27:00there's an inferior version of Taskmaster
27:02in the UK where he's the off-sider.
27:06Also the creator of the show.
27:07I was gonna say, yeah.
27:09So, what was helping you there?
27:11I think there was a combination of factors.
27:13First of all, what I was wearing was very relevant.
27:16I could hear them yelling at me the whole time,
27:18so Brett, by far, was the most intense yeller.
27:22Also, so were the tradies,
27:23they were bullying you as well.
27:24It was, dude, it was just like eight guys
27:27with mullets going,
27:28you've got a little dick.
27:30I feel like you just imagine guys like that.
27:32Yeah.
27:34To answer your question before though,
27:35the thing that influenced my performance most
27:37is whether they told me I could take a pee break.
27:39I know.
27:41And Anissa told me that I could walk.
27:43I didn't know you could go faster.
27:46If I knew, I would have been mean to him,
27:48but I was like, oh, you're doing such a good job.
27:49Good job.
27:50Anissa was my father most supportive.
27:53Do you regret committing to the joke, Celie?
27:55The joke was, like, I can't see you,
27:57you can be doing whatever you want over there,
27:58like taking a piss.
27:59Right.
28:00And the bloody stupid idiot did it.
28:03So what prize did you end up winning?
28:05I ended up winning a comedy award.
28:07Woo!
28:10This show is becoming so far-fetched.
28:15All right, so, well, you can collect your award
28:18at the end of the show.
28:19OK.
28:19OK.
28:20I'll tell you the lap times.
28:22Yes.
28:22Anissa's horse ran nine minutes and 22 seconds.
28:24Celia's nine and 19 seconds.
28:27Only three seconds difference.
28:29You really let me down.
28:30Robe's horse finished in eight minutes and 33 seconds.
28:33Joel's in seven minutes and 54.
28:35It was that bumper ketamine I gave you beforehand, isn't it?
28:40Brett's horse pips Joel's by just four seconds
28:42with seven minutes and 50 seconds.
28:46So that means Anissa gets one point, Celia gets two,
28:49Robe gets three, Joel gets four,
28:50and Brett continues to have a perfect episode
28:53getting five points.
28:55OK.
28:57Time for an ad break.
28:58If any of you gamblers won big on the last task,
29:01it's time to go cash in or double down.
29:03We'll be back after this.
29:15Welcome back to Taskmaster.
29:17We were all alone during the ads.
29:19I was OK, but Robe nearly faded out of existence.
29:23Kind of sad, really.
29:24Save him with the task, Cashman.
29:26Well, it's a bad day to be a shrimp,
29:27and I can say that as one myself.
29:42Hello.
29:43Hi, Celia.
29:44Hey, Tom.
29:45Hi, Robe.
29:45Hey, mate.
29:46There's a phone call.
29:47It's for you.
29:48Oh, yeah.
29:49Nah, it's not.
29:49No-one's phoning you.
29:50You suck.
29:51Good day for a Barbie.
29:52Yeah.
29:53Are you a Barbie girl?
29:54No, I'm a Barbie boy.
29:55Does that mean you just have a plastic mound
29:57instead of genitalia?
29:58Sometimes.
29:58Sometimes.
29:59You mean sometimes.
30:02Make an incredible catch with these tongs.
30:06Oh!
30:07Your first catch counts.
30:09Most incredible catch wins.
30:11You have 15 minutes.
30:12Your time starts now.
30:15Wow.
30:15Tongs are not easy to catch with.
30:17And just so you know, to assist your catch,
30:19if you press that thing at the bottom up,
30:21it widens the...
30:23Did you just mansplain tongs to me?
30:37That's brutal.
30:40Lesser Tom, I really expected more of you.
30:43I will not accept mansplaining on this show.
30:46Okay?
30:47Okay.
30:48Did you tell anyone else how tongs work?
30:49Rove didn't know it.
30:53The whole task, you kept them like this.
30:57Spoilers?
30:59Alright, let's see some tong catches.
31:01Who's first?
31:02Given the sacred privilege of getting on the grill
31:04and holding those tongs first,
31:05it's Rove and Anissa.
31:08Tom, has anyone ever described you as a catch?
31:11Not while I was there.
31:12I reckon you're a catch.
31:14And I think you could get caught.
31:16Okay.
31:16Tom?
31:17Yep.
31:18Let's miraculously find ourselves
31:20on a reality dating show.
31:26We're here in the finale of Lady Az,
31:30where I, Trenel,
31:34get to pick my final man
31:37to be with for the rest of my life,
31:40but let's be honest,
31:41probably really just the next six weeks or so
31:44until this gets to air.
31:45Travis.
31:47Um, yep, hi.
31:49You are a doctor, which is like great.
31:52You do a lot of charity work.
31:55You have a high sperm count.
31:59When did you measure my sperm count?
32:01Travis, I think you are such a catch
32:03and I choose you.
32:07Yay for us!
32:10Now let's knock me up.
32:12Come on.
32:12In you come.
32:15Do you want to blow your whistle?
32:17That's not a euphemism.
32:19Thanks, Tom.
32:21Look at me.
32:23I just got Tom Cashman.
32:25Tom Cashman.
32:26Was that a catch?
32:30Nooooooooooo!
32:32It's...
32:33Your punny name got me.
32:36Thanks, Anissa.
32:37Thanks, Tom.
32:44So the first catch counts.
32:46I was just playing with him.
32:48It was just a joke.
32:50Cashman.
32:50It's a pun.
32:51Yeah, yeah.
32:52Well, if you say Tom Cashman,
32:53it's not a pun.
32:54That's his name.
32:55But you said Tom Catchman
32:57and you missed out on saying Tong Catchman.
33:01It was right there.
33:04And also, just before you get too cross,
33:08I just want to ask you,
33:09are you accusing us of cheating?
33:12I'm accusing this little Tom of being unfair.
33:16I know, they're both f***ed up,
33:17but two tongs don't make a right.
33:19LAUGHTER
33:24So what am I looking out for here?
33:26Most incredible catch wins,
33:27so whatever you think is incredible.
33:29Yeah, I'm just worried Rose wasn't very incredible,
33:31mostly because he didn't know how to open the tongs.
33:33So they were just, like, slightly prized apart.
33:36I'm worried that the marriage,
33:37when you started kissing,
33:38you just would have been like...
33:39LAUGHTER
33:40LAUGHTER
33:42So, really, at this point,
33:43if I just was able to open the tongs,
33:45it would be incredible enough.
33:47LAUGHTER
33:47I'm just saying, with the two of you,
33:49it's a very low bar.
33:50That's where we're starting.
33:51OK.
33:52Alright, who's next, Lesser Tom?
33:53Loading up a plate at the BBQ,
33:55we've got BB Lake.
33:56It's Brett Blake.
33:58So I'm thinking, like,
33:59a flying fox type situation.
34:02What are you doing?
34:04LAUGHTER
34:06Well, you need to start the flying fox somewhere,
34:08don't you?
34:08Yeah.
34:08You didn't just want to go up there?
34:10Yeah, but that looked cool for the camera.
34:11It did look pretty cool.
34:12It did look f***ing cool, didn't it?
34:13Yeah, I nailed it, dude.
34:15LAUGHTER
34:15Right, I have an idea, Tom.
34:16The helmet is going to have, like,
34:18all these balls in it,
34:19and then you, like, push the helmet.
34:22I'm riding the wave with the tongs,
34:26catch one of these coloured balls,
34:28action man roll out of the way,
34:30and then you take your shirt off and be like,
34:33whoo!
34:34OK.
34:35It's incredible.
34:35You're saying my body is incredible?
34:37Your body's incredible, yeah.
34:44Three, two, one, go!
34:54OK, that was s***.
34:55Maybe hi-, yeah, higher.
35:15Oh, hang on, hang on.
35:17LAUGHTER
35:26Whoa!
35:28Shirt off?
35:31Shirt off, yes.
35:36It's not as smooth in the movies, is it?
35:39Oh, yeah.
35:40Oh, yeah.
35:40That's damn.
35:40That's incredible.
35:46It's a huge episode for Brett making me take my clothes off.
35:50Yeah!
35:51You love it.
35:52It's going to increase your Tinder matches tenfold.
35:54I don't know about that.
35:55No, it's not, dude.
35:56Was that incredible, Brett?
35:58Yeah.
35:58Of course it was incredible.
35:59Did you see the distance?
36:01Did you see the speed?
36:02I don't know.
36:02Do you really think a helmet just slowly sliding down a rope is incredible?
36:06It wasn't slow, dude.
36:07It was violently going up and down, and then you saw Tom's hairy-ass nipples.
36:12It was sick!
36:13That is incredible!
36:15I don't know.
36:15You know, when it first got launched, it looked pretty stationary.
36:19Stationary?
36:19I was on a surfboard while I was skating over a ball pit.
36:24Yeah, that's incredible.
36:25I was moving...
36:26You're wrong.
36:32I would love to see you attempt that.
36:34You couldn't.
36:35I could do that with ease.
36:36I'd just tie a rope up the top, grab something that's not a pulley, and put it on, and it
36:40would just sit there, and it would slowly come down, and then at the end I'd say,
36:43that was shit house.
36:44Of course it was, Brett.
36:45Lot of this, mate, for someone we've never seen do anything.
36:52I'm sorry, Tom!
36:54I'm sorry!
36:56Shit!
36:57Yeah, I'm the one that allocates the points.
36:59I usually do it at the end, but you've got one.
37:03Because what I saw was someone doing some very average rope work, and the crowd only
37:07clapped when you fell off, because they felt sorry for you, Brett.
37:11Okay.
37:13All right, we're cutting to some ads, and you're not going anywhere.
37:16If you move even an inch, I'm sticking Cashman onto you with some tongs.
37:20No pinches barred.
37:21See you soon.
37:33Hello, and welcome back to Taskmaster.
37:36If you're trying to skip to the end to see who wins, then you've done a terrible job.
37:40You're only at the three-quarter mark, you fool.
37:43Cashman, where are we?
37:44Our contestants are trying to make the most incredible catch with a pair of tongs.
37:48First successful catch counts.
37:50The barbecue order for these two is an extra-oily sausage with no bread.
37:53It's Celiac Pecola and Joel Greasy.
37:57Now, I know you are more of a catcher than a pitcher.
38:01That's what certain websites say.
38:02If you threw a tennis ball from up there and I caught it from really, really far away,
38:06that would be amazing.
38:07Should we try for that?
38:08Give it a go.
38:09Okay.
38:09Let's go.
38:10Okay.
38:11Tongs on here.
38:13Right?
38:13Then if I hold this...
38:15Oh, I see.
38:16It's a bigger area for me to catch with.
38:18All right.
38:18We'll start left-handed.
38:20Okay, go.
38:23Oh!
38:25That was pretty close.
38:27Go.
38:30I reckon it's gonna work.
38:33Oh, no.
38:40It was so close.
38:44That was close.
38:45I think we might be able to do this, huh?
38:53Yeah!
38:54Ready?
38:55Yep.
38:58Oh!
39:00Oh!
39:00Oh!
39:01Oh!
39:06Can you believe it?
39:08That rules.
39:10Wow!
39:12And you thought I didn't know how to use tongs.
39:17I'm a tong shark player.
39:20If I was a pirate, I'd be tong John Silver.
39:22That's me.
39:24I think because it was so exciting, I did three rolls and covered myself in duck shit.
39:31I mean, that was great.
39:32That was fantastic.
39:33You know what?
39:34It was incredible.
39:34Yeah, it was!
39:40I'm sort of surprised out of all five of you, you attempted sport.
39:44I know!
39:45I'm as surprised as you are.
39:47I mean, it was either a really stupid idea or a great idea and it turned out to be a
39:51great idea.
39:51I know, it should be an Olympic sport.
39:53Yeah.
39:54Joel.
39:55Hi, Tom.
39:55What were you doing?
39:58Well, I haven't done much sport in my life.
40:01That's very apparent from watching your efforts.
40:07You know, I've caught Pokemon.
40:10I've caught, you know, STDs.
40:15Actually thrilled with that.
40:16Like, he's getting one point, so this is the best day so far for me.
40:23Well, Anissa had to finish early because she caught Tom Cashman.
40:27Did you catch a barbecue?
40:32Yeah.
40:33Was that what that was?
40:35I thought it was a fire pit.
40:38Um...
40:38Because I'm a little bit confused because you actually caught something using a barbecue,
40:42not using tongs.
40:44Well, I guess it's up to the taskmaster, isn't it?
40:48So you tell me.
40:52I can tell you this.
40:53Blake is still getting one.
40:57They did eight cool rolls.
41:01Well, either way, I think that they were still a little bit better than Anissa's effort.
41:05So I'm going to say, Anissa, I'm going to give Anissa two.
41:08Okay.
41:08Joel, I think yours was slightly better, but again, I'm not sure whether you caught,
41:11but either way, it's three, because I've got to rank it somehow.
41:14Don't, honestly.
41:15I mean, it's a very low-scoring...
41:17It's like...
41:18I'm aware.
41:19You don't have to make me feel shit about my three points.
41:21This is the best moment I've had on this set.
41:24You shit all over it.
41:25I hate doing this, but I'm going to give Rove four, and I didn't like it one bit.
41:30That's it.
41:31Welcome to my career, baby.
41:34The most incredible catch was Celia, so five points to Celia.
41:41Good trying.
41:41You want me to know I'm an athlete now?
41:43Yeah.
41:44Oh, my God.
41:45Can we just disperse this pace to so many people?
41:49So, what has that done to the episode scores?
41:51We've got Anissa in last place on nine points.
41:53But, Brett, the brilliant start to the episode means he's still in front.
41:56He's got 16 points.
41:57Yes.
42:00Okay, comedian, please relocate to the stage for your live task.
42:08So, who's reading this one?
42:10Cash Boy?
42:11Brett Blake.
42:12I got your back.
42:13Follow your dreams.
42:14The end.
42:16Great.
42:18Drink your milkshake.
42:20You must be sitting in your seat throughout.
42:23If you knock yours or someone else's milkshake over, you are disqualified fastest wins.
42:30Are we ready?
42:31Yep.
42:31Yep.
42:32Three, two, one.
42:38Rove, stay on the thing.
42:40Oh!
42:42Joel and Rove are disqualified immediately.
42:46Tastes great though.
42:47Tastes compliments to the chef.
42:49It tastes like shit.
42:50Do we have to swallow?
42:52You've got to drink it.
42:53Can we help others?
42:54Yes.
42:54Anissa, you've got your straw the wrong way round.
42:57Go Celia!
43:23Go Celia!
43:25This is the fun part.
43:26Go, go, go.
43:27No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
43:33Celia knocked over her milkshake glass.
43:34Go, go, go, go, don't pull, don't pull, don't pull, don't pull, that's it.
43:37Lean in a bit more.
43:38He's over, he's over
43:43Can we help Anissa? In what way? Verbally help. That's permitted. Good luck Anissa. I don't like swallowing
43:52That was gross you guys
43:56I wish the flavor wasn't beetroot
44:09There was a hole in my straw
44:16All right, we're gonna have few ads and we're gonna come back and find out who sucked the hardest. See
44:20you soon
44:32Hello and welcome back to taskmaster
44:34You're just in time for the big finale, so we better score that live task Cashman
44:39How many points did everyone manage to slurp up on stage just now nobody finished?
44:46Is there anything we can do to try to discern well anything we've gone to the bunker and review the
44:51footage and we will be
44:52Awarding points based on the volume of milkshake consumed before the milkshake was knocked thought you'd like that
44:58Yes! It's Tom! Tom, Tom, Tom!
45:03Rose was the least drunk at the time of knockover. One point, Anissa got two, Joel gets three, Brett gets
45:08four, but most drunk at time of knockover was Celia. Blame that beer at five points
45:13Justice has been served
45:16We're getting to the pointy end of the competition, so what does that do for the series score?
45:20Well
45:20Oh!
45:25Okay, so no points for guessing who's in last place. It's Joel. Rove's on 127, but Brett is back in
45:31the lead by three points with 130
45:37Who won the episode? Celia and Joel both tied on 15, but Brett is the fourth fixture of the season.
45:43He had 20 points
45:44My god!
45:46Congratulations, Brett! Get up there and claim your collection of brief personal stories. Cashman
45:53You can go up there too and collect your comedy award
45:58That's another Cracker in the Barrel, only two to go. Give it up once more for Brett. Good night!
46:22What this show has made me realise is I should just stick to modelling.
46:29I'm African, you can't run from me!
46:32We almost killed Celia Pakola.
46:34I'm not Stephen Hawking up there, I'm Brett Blake.
46:37Oh, trust me, that's very clear.
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