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  • 2 days ago
Leaving Jesus
Transcript
00:00:28Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:58Transcription by CastingWords
00:01:06Transcription by CastingWords
00:01:10Transcription by CastingWords
00:01:19Transcription by CastingWords
00:01:19Transcription by CastingWords
00:01:19us. We were responsible for ourselves. And I woke up realizing that God was not coming.
00:01:32Jesus was not coming. All of the things that we had been told about salvation
00:01:46was, uh, a myth.
00:02:35Breathing in, breathing out.
00:02:40Without any tension you have. To be comfortable and relax and feel safe. Feel safe and secure.
00:02:57And gradually, you can go back in time and picture yourself at age four. And then you
00:03:09can think about, is this an innocent child or does this child carry original sin? Should
00:03:22this child be any different in order to be acceptable? And see if you can tell your four-year-old,
00:03:32I love and
00:03:35accept you as you are. There's nothing wrong with who you are.
00:03:53How was this exercise for you? I cried. When you got to the four-year-old. The four-year-old?
00:04:09Because, uh, the thing is, is, uh, I think I also did that to my kids. Did you judge them
00:04:19and discipline early on? Mm-hmm. And I, uh, I say the thought that I could do it to anybody?
00:04:27Um, but I, uh, seeing that I'd done that to myself, you just sort of just relive, you don't know
00:04:34anything different. You know, you just kind of go on and do the same thing to the next generation.
00:04:39Um, but, uh, I'm happy. It's not like that these days. Um, what was this like for you? Um, I
00:04:47had a lot easier time giving myself, I don't know, credit or being, you know, feeling more innocent at four
00:04:52years old. But as I get older, I just, yeah, for not, or just frustrated for not, not questioning, not
00:04:57saying something. Because I knew something wasn't right.
00:05:02Who would you like to start? Um, I haven't talked a lot about my story. I don't think. What's your
00:05:11name? Carrie. Carrie. Yeah. Until about four years ago, I didn't really know or associate with anyone ever who was
00:05:22not Adventist. Not a single person. Um, I was afraid.
00:05:29Of, uh, of, uh, hell. Going down the wrong path. That, like you said, like, that my life would be
00:05:42miserable. That, that I am nothing. And that I would be nothing without God.
00:05:55I was five. And this little girl comes up in the schoolyard. She's just this hippie free spirit, beautiful little
00:06:03freckled child. And she kissed me on the cheek. And that was the moment I knew I wanted her to
00:06:09do it again.
00:06:10Like, and so I knew simultaneously in that moment that I liked girls. And that also I had to never
00:06:21tell anyone.
00:06:23And I don't know how I knew that so young. But I, it was so deeply known. Um, and it
00:06:32just began this pattern of hiding and lies.
00:06:37And, and when I've said to my friends or my partner, you know, I've, I grew up very oppressed. They
00:06:46don't understand what that means.
00:06:49They, I, I,
00:06:59You're doing great.
00:07:01Hang in there.
00:07:04Hang in there.
00:07:21Pfff.
00:07:23There you are. Hi.
00:07:25Hi. How are you? Good, how are you? I'm good. We just finished dinner, but it's weirdly comfortable. Like, I
00:07:37don't know, I just feel like I've been here way longer than a day.
00:07:41Right. And then, of course, like, you know, everybody's crying, but I'm crying the most. I'm sure you're shocked by
00:07:56that.
00:07:56You are the tear factory. Yeah.
00:08:06I'm Isabel. I'm from Norway. I'm on the south coast, where they call it the Bible Belt. Lots of evangelical
00:08:20Christians living there.
00:08:23Yeah. I told my family that I was going here. And I'm, I don't know if I regret that or
00:08:31not, but I almost didn't come.
00:08:35I tried to cancel my ticket, actually, because I felt so bad about coming here.
00:08:40And because of my family, I feel like I'm going against them or, yeah, like I'm doing something bad in
00:08:56a way.
00:08:57So now they're all bombarding me with text messages, with Bible verses, and they gathered for a family meeting to
00:09:07pray because of the devil's attack on my family.
00:09:12They think that the devil is attacking my family for me leaving.
00:09:16And the stupid thing is that that scares me, too, because I'm scared of the devil, if you know what
00:09:21I mean.
00:09:51And I thought I saw shadows that I thought were demons.
00:10:04When I talked to my parents about this, they couldn't tell me that it wasn't real, you know?
00:10:15But I still have this weird thought coming into my head.
00:10:19If I'm going to my house alone, and I know that no one's there,
00:10:27what if the devil is sitting on my kitchen table when I get home?
00:10:49My name is Jeff from Seattle.
00:10:53I'm hopeful.
00:10:55I'm hopeful.
00:10:56And that came just on the fly here.
00:11:07I don't know if I can really do this.
00:11:20I can relate to your anger.
00:11:26Mental costal.
00:11:27I mean, I've been through so many churches, even thinking about if my brothers or if my mom was live
00:11:37and was going to watch what I'm saying right now, there's fear.
00:11:51So I'll just try to streamline it.
00:11:55I grew up in Menlo Park Presbyterian down the road, and my parents, my mom married a pedophile, didn't sexually
00:12:07abuse me.
00:12:08But it was a mess, but it was a mess, and they moved to Utah to save the Mormons from
00:12:15hell, because they're satanic, and it's just so effing confusing.
00:12:23It's back in 2000, I started to get mad, outwardly mad, just like this is a, yeah.
00:12:34And so I didn't know anybody for two decades, I've not known anybody until now.
00:12:56And I'm going to check the engine, serpentine belt, that it's not frayed, cracked, or signs of wear.
00:13:07And check that it, the tension of the belts is, does not deflect more than a half to three quarters
00:13:16of an inch when, from the center of the belt.
00:13:22Not bad.
00:13:45Oh.
00:13:48Hey.
00:13:49Hello, how are you doing?
00:13:50Good.
00:13:50I'm doing well.
00:13:51I'm Sister McClelland.
00:13:52I've seen you, you, when you, I don't know you.
00:13:55Probably.
00:13:56You might have.
00:13:57Yeah.
00:13:57We're all over the place, we do, we're all over the place.
00:13:59There's quite a few of us around here.
00:14:00Yeah, I know, I know, it's cool.
00:14:02Yeah.
00:14:03Absolutely.
00:14:03So did you get to hear about the Book of Mormon at all?
00:14:08Yes.
00:14:10You know, I'm going to tell you straight up.
00:14:12Absolutely.
00:14:13I'll tell you straight up.
00:14:14My parents were highly religious, very Christian, and they went to Utah to actually save you guys.
00:14:23That's okay, we've heard a lot of misconceptions about us, and we, I mean, this message is so
00:14:30important to us that we've dedicated 18 months of our lives to be able to come into this.
00:14:34We're far away from, I'm from Idaho.
00:14:36Oh wow.
00:14:37And I haven't seen my family in six months.
00:14:39To be able to come and to be able to share this message.
00:14:42That's cool.
00:14:43So can I ask, was there a defining moment?
00:14:47Oh yeah.
00:14:47Yeah.
00:14:48It was kind of like one of those aha moments and stuff.
00:14:51You're like, wow.
00:14:52Yeah.
00:14:52We're not the only one out here.
00:14:54And there's something way more that's going on than just a bunch of people walking around
00:14:59doing their thing.
00:14:59Yeah, that's big, that's huge.
00:15:01Have you ever been able to have that moment for you?
00:15:03You know, that's a really good question.
00:15:07Because my story is, I tried many, many times and never felt what everybody else was feeling
00:15:12like, saved and that kind of thing.
00:15:15So in a sense, no, I haven't.
00:15:18Yes.
00:15:19But I went to Bible college actually.
00:15:21I was going to be a youth minister.
00:15:23So you still believe this?
00:15:24That you have a loving Heavenly Father?
00:15:26Well, I don't know if I want to believe it.
00:15:28I tried to believe a lot of things, but just ran into actually a lot of hypocrisy really.
00:15:34But yeah.
00:15:35That's kind of the trouble with this world, isn't it?
00:15:37It is.
00:15:38But I want to feel whatever it is.
00:15:41Man, what's your feeling?
00:15:42You know what I mean?
00:15:43Yeah.
00:15:44I'm so excited.
00:15:45Do you want to go knocking on doors for it?
00:15:47I don't know if I'm that excited.
00:15:48That's okay.
00:15:49You're doing a, that's a, that's a tough one.
00:15:53I'm not sure.
00:15:55I need to.
00:15:55He will love you no matter what.
00:15:57He'll love you no matter what path you go down.
00:15:59That's cool.
00:15:59But He knows what path is going to make you the most happy.
00:16:02And that's why He gave us His Son, Jesus Christ.
00:16:06Because He knew what path was going to make you the most happy.
00:16:09And that's what He wanted for you because of how much He loved you.
00:16:12And our whole message is that God loves you.
00:16:14And He wants you to be able to come back into His presence.
00:16:18And so the way that He's made that possible is by giving us His Son, Jesus Christ.
00:16:22So that we can become clean to be in His presence forever.
00:16:35So many times I've tried to get that feeling that she, she talks about.
00:16:48Feeling just unconditional love I suppose.
00:16:53that your father is proud of you.
00:16:57God is proud of you.
00:17:01And I, I don't get that.
00:17:05I don't get that at all.
00:17:14And just, I stepped away.
00:17:20And it feels really good.
00:17:23But, it's such a struggle.
00:17:30And if I didn't know better, I would understand, I would be right with her.
00:17:36And, and just say, yeah, let's do it.
00:17:40This, this is all good.
00:17:46But that, that feeling is so addictive, I think.
00:17:49The feeling of, uh, of that, of she, what she was talking about.
00:17:54The feeling is so powerful.
00:18:07And we know that families and churches, not government deficient, know best how to create a strong and loving community.
00:18:25And above all else, we know this.
00:18:28In America, we don't worship government.
00:18:30We worship God.
00:18:38What's.
00:18:38Why, why, why, why, why, why.
00:18:48Why, what's the.
00:18:55Why, why, why, why, why.
00:19:23I think people that come out of religion have a lot to learn about self-love.
00:19:30I like to use like a little bit of all the arts as well as you know just the heady
00:19:38talk stuff so we're expressing ourselves as well in different ways.
00:19:44I think that in religion you're just supposed to be empty so that God can express through you. You're just
00:19:51a channel and that's a little crazy.
00:19:55And then when you come out of religion you feel like you're not a real person, you don't have any
00:20:01identity, you don't have any substance to offer.
00:20:08So let's work on that.
00:20:34So this exercise is about isolating the sense of taste.
00:20:39So that you can have yet another experience of being present in the moment.
00:20:44Especially with caffeine.
00:20:46Okay, try not to talk. Just do this non-verbally.
00:20:50I seldom eat fast. I almost always take my time.
00:20:56He's expressing his emotions about the food. No?
00:20:59No, just focus on the food.
00:21:00Okay, just the food.
00:21:05Okay, cool.
00:21:07Alright.
00:21:09Alright.
00:21:09I'll do that stuff.
00:21:11Okay.
00:21:13I am sorry.
00:21:15I am sorry.
00:21:30Mmm, um-huh.
00:21:32I am sorry.
00:21:35I am sorry.
00:21:35I am sorry.
00:21:52And when you're ready, you can gently open your eyes and come back.
00:22:01Hello, everybody.
00:22:02How do you feel?
00:22:09I'm trying to figure out how can I express myself to these people that I'm pushing away.
00:22:22And feeling bad about them.
00:22:26When I'm here, I'm seriously hypervigilant.
00:22:30And that's how I feel.
00:22:32And like last night, I was just analyzing everybody.
00:22:35And then I'm feeling like when I get home, you know, this is all just same shit, different
00:22:44day.
00:22:44Um, can you think of anything that would help that people could do?
00:22:50What about people hugging you?
00:22:51Is that okay?
00:22:52Oh, yeah.
00:22:53Well, yeah.
00:22:54We're not all gonna do this out here at once.
00:22:56I've noticed that there hasn't been a whole lot of use of the cuddle corners.
00:22:59No, yeah.
00:23:00No, it's...
00:23:01Yeah.
00:23:02No, I'm a hugger.
00:23:03I want to ask if I could give Jeff some feedback about what he just said.
00:23:06Sure.
00:23:08Hypervigilance is an absolutely spectacular skill to have and harness.
00:23:35It's a fucking superpower.
00:23:41I mean, I'm...
00:23:44This is good.
00:23:46Yeah.
00:23:46It really is.
00:23:49If you do...
00:23:49What?
00:23:50I know how to hug.
00:23:51Yeah.
00:23:55It's a superpower.
00:23:56I feel like it's a ploy to get me over to the cuddle corner.
00:24:01Well, I'm capable of that too.
00:24:05I know that.
00:24:06But the point is, ask.
00:24:12What?
00:24:13When you need it, ask for it.
00:24:17And it's bouncing off the walls in abundance here for you.
00:24:57And it's a heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy.
00:26:12So this was in response to the letter that I wrote to him, my dad.
00:26:23My dearest daughter, first of all, your stepmom and I love you and nothing can ever change
00:26:29that.
00:26:30You are my and our daughter, and I will always love you.
00:26:44Secondly, this is not a surprise.
00:26:47Your stepmom and I have been praying for you.
00:26:50The Holy Spirit had impressed upon us for quite some time that something wasn't right
00:26:54with you, that there was a spiritual battle going on, and it wasn't hard to figure out
00:27:00what it had to do with.
00:27:02We could tell from the people you've been hanging with, your Facebook posts, etc., that you were
00:27:08heading in this direction.
00:27:11Third, my biggest concern is for your spiritual relationship with Christ.
00:27:16I can't imagine anyone living this life in eternity without the love of Christ, especially
00:27:22my own daughter.
00:27:26I grieve for what this is going to cost you and all those who love you.
00:27:30Yes, this impacts us all, personally, if you go down this road.
00:27:34It is a self-inflicted pain and so unnecessary.
00:27:40I'm sure there will be some well-meaning family members and friends who will tell you that,
00:27:45quote, it's okay, we just want you to be happy.
00:27:50But I do love you too much to lie to you that way.
00:27:54This is not okay.
00:28:01The stress and confliction you are feeling are just the result of a violated conscience.
00:28:08The conscience is God's loving warning system for our eternal soul.
00:28:18That being said, we are sitting on the front porch, scouring the horizon, praying for our
00:28:24beloved daughter's return.
00:28:26The choice is yours, of course.
00:28:28But should you choose to return, we will run to you, kiss you and hug you, love you and
00:28:34celebrate you, and we will help you in any way you need.
00:28:39Come home, Lindsay.
00:28:41Come home now.
00:28:43Quit your job in Minnesota.
00:28:46Get away from those who are influencing you and misleading you.
00:28:50Come back here and move in with us.
00:28:53We will take care of you and help you find the way to true joy,
00:28:57peace, ease, and freedom in Christ.
00:29:00I love you, your dad.
00:29:25That's a new one.
00:29:26I love you, your dad.
00:29:27That's a new one.
00:29:34I love you, Your dad.
00:29:43That's a new one.
00:29:51I love you.
00:30:04Actually, that was lovely.
00:30:10Okay, Norm.
00:30:15We grew up in a pretty conservative German,
00:30:18like, you know, discipline-type home.
00:30:22But really early on, you know,
00:30:25I think week in, week out, the message was,
00:30:28you know, you are a worthless piece of shit,
00:30:31but it's only because of what God's done for you
00:30:33that you have any hope, you know?
00:30:36And then all these messages that we just swallow,
00:30:41especially when you're kids, right,
00:30:43can be so destructive.
00:30:46Our oldest daughter ended up going to Wheaton,
00:30:49and our son, who was three years younger,
00:30:51came along.
00:30:52He was a really good athlete,
00:30:55and he did really well in high school.
00:30:57He spent his junior year in China.
00:30:58When he came home as a senior year,
00:30:59he went that summer on our church missions trip,
00:31:02and he said,
00:31:03Dad, I want to be in home group, blah, blah, blah.
00:31:04And then his senior year was really hard for him,
00:31:08and I stopped going to church.
00:31:12He was really angry,
00:31:14and at the end of the senior year,
00:31:16he committed suicide.
00:31:17He died, and, yeah.
00:31:30Is it how your son died?
00:31:32I'm sorry?
00:31:33Is it your son?
00:31:34Yeah.
00:31:34Yeah, he was 18.
00:31:35Did you just say how?
00:31:36He did.
00:31:40And, oh, the Sunday that after he died,
00:31:42the pastor talked about how this was,
00:31:44I think he was trying to help the church not feel guilty,
00:31:49and talked about how this was Andrew's sin that caused this.
00:31:51I'm like,
00:31:52I just, like, wanted to crawl under the pew,
00:31:54you know,
00:31:54that,
00:31:56I go, how sick is that?
00:31:57I'm, like, kind of like,
00:31:59hey, it's God's deal.
00:32:00You know, he gets to take Andrew if he wants to.
00:32:02Like, it's like that Stockholm syndrome
00:32:04where you identify with your abuser in a way.
00:32:09So, but the thought of unhooking from that stuff
00:32:14makes me so happy.
00:32:15And I almost feel euphoric
00:32:18that I don't have to submit to that kind of sick thinking
00:32:22or, you know, the helplessness of all that.
00:32:24I want my life back.
00:32:26I can't get it back.
00:32:27I don't regret.
00:32:27Like, I don't want to go there,
00:32:29but I want to say I want to be authentic and honest
00:32:32and get my, have my life back.
00:33:04like,
00:33:10I was very devout Mormon, so when I left, my whole universe shattered and turned upside
00:33:23down, and everything that I thought was real was no longer real.
00:33:31The grief eventually transformed into anger.
00:33:38I have so much of it that I don't know what to do with it sometimes.
00:33:47God is all-powerful, he's the ultimate good, and he gave us free will, and now he's testing
00:33:56us his creations, testing us to see if we're good enough, and if we're not, we're the ones
00:34:03that get punished for his fuck-up.
00:34:07I will fight God if he is real.
00:34:16I think that's crazy that you were in it for so long.
00:34:19Yeah, and I was like, I was a good Mormon, like I never thought I was going to leave,
00:34:26and then I just kind of started to realize that the source of my depression was the church,
00:34:33because every time I'd go to church, I'd feel like shit, and I'd go home and have a panic
00:34:37attack.
00:34:37Yeah.
00:34:38Yeah.
00:34:39And I thought that's just what I had to do and put up with, and then, like I was talking
00:34:44with my brother, and he pointed out some things that didn't make sense, so I was like, you're
00:34:49right.
00:34:49That doesn't make any sense.
00:34:51So wait, is your whole family Mormon then?
00:34:54Yeah.
00:34:54My brother is not.
00:34:55Cool.
00:34:56He left before I left, but the rest of my family is still Mormon, so that's awkward.
00:35:03Yeah.
00:35:03I have nieces and nephews, and they're growing up in it, and I'm just like, no!
00:35:07I know what's happening.
00:35:08Yeah, like I want to save this.
00:35:11But I'm hoping that whenever they grow up, like, they'll want to hear why I left the church,
00:35:19and I can, like, I don't want to force that on them.
00:35:21No, yeah, just like everybody else is doing to them right now.
00:35:25Yeah, exactly.
00:35:26Yeah.
00:35:26This is my, this is my temple.
00:35:28I take tequila shots of sacrament.
00:35:30Yes!
00:35:31Yes!
00:35:31Booty worship!
00:35:32Yes!
00:35:33Sunday Booty Worship Day!
00:35:36Ladies and gentlemen, you're welcome to this age right now for two songs, it's beautiful
00:35:40right now.
00:36:06This is the gradually SNES Loud.
00:36:07It's beautiful!
00:36:07Let us get Stacy Hall.
00:36:07In the evening, if you never mind it, and the day you will dance!
00:36:14It's beautiful.
00:36:14Look, it's beautiful!
00:36:14It's beautiful.
00:36:16Well, I know.
00:36:16Can you ask him down.
00:36:17Now, this is a new episode.
00:36:18haven't Smith or did anything?
00:36:18Good morning, it's funny!
00:36:24Oh man, she's been sleeping!
00:36:55Would we be able to open the window just a tiny bit?
00:37:01Would that be okay?
00:37:08I feel rage.
00:37:10Fucking rage.
00:37:13A lot of sadness.
00:37:17Rage and sadness.
00:37:21You have an opportunity here to release some of this anger and be with it in a process that we
00:37:27call an anger burn.
00:37:35Sometimes anger can turn inwards if we don't let it out.
00:37:40It's the whole situation of the church telling me these horrible messages about sex
00:37:49and intentionally withholding information that could have helped me,
00:37:58such as what is consent and what is not consent,
00:38:04which led to the situation of this man who would not leave me alone,
00:38:10even though I told him a million times to leave me alone.
00:38:14Oh, and then I felt guilty that I'd broken the law of chastity
00:38:18and that I wasn't that pure virgin.
00:38:22I was tainted, and so I had to marry this fuckhead who did that.
00:38:34And when I did reach out for help and I told my sister and I told the bishop,
00:38:39but I didn't know how to put it into words,
00:38:41so all I could say was I did something wrong,
00:38:45and they didn't ask,
00:38:48were you safe?
00:38:50You know, they didn't ask those kinds of questions of like,
00:38:53did you actually want this?
00:38:55And they were just like, oh yeah, well, you know,
00:38:58you should definitely not do that anymore.
00:39:01That's like telling someone who got kidnapped,
00:39:03oh yeah, well, you know, you should probably leave.
00:39:06I tried to leave so many times,
00:39:08and when I did finally get away from him,
00:39:10he broke my rib and he ripped my hair out.
00:39:15Let's get a good pillow for this.
00:39:18One way of releasing anger is to shout it out with your lungs.
00:39:25If you want, you can shout it out of this pillow.
00:39:28I'm going to just throw this.
00:39:31Can you throw it?
00:39:32Yeah, you can just throw it.
00:39:36Great.
00:39:37I was trying not to keep it.
00:39:38You can throw it for me.
00:39:39I didn't want to hit anyone.
00:39:41That's not angry.
00:39:42Yeah, punch it.
00:39:45Fuck the fucking motherfucking bastards.
00:39:49Ha!
00:39:50For Christ's sake, do it again.
00:39:53Get fucking done.
00:40:07These represent boundaries,
00:40:10and then my other lines aren't lines.
00:40:13They're just dashes and dots,
00:40:16and that really signifies my feeling
00:40:21that I don't have boundaries.
00:40:24I feel like so many times we associate black with bad
00:40:27and white with good,
00:40:28but for me, the white was very bad
00:40:30because it was this idea,
00:40:32and it's in a box that you're supposed to be this,
00:40:35there's this one way to be pure and perfect,
00:40:39and then it's surrounded by all this.
00:40:42Doors are to stay shut at all times.
00:40:45You have to stay in this black and white room
00:40:48because it's dangerous out there.
00:40:54There's a gray one right there.
00:40:57The blue one is the big one.
00:41:02I think in Christianity,
00:41:04everybody is infantilized in general.
00:41:07You stay children.
00:41:08You're supposed to be a child of God, right?
00:41:11You're not supposed to be...
00:41:12You don't grow up.
00:41:13Are you an adult of God?
00:41:18No, you're a child of God.
00:41:21You're dependent.
00:41:22There's all this codependency,
00:41:24and you also get told
00:41:26that you don't have inner resources.
00:41:28You don't have inner strength,
00:41:30inner love, inner wisdom.
00:41:33I mean, did anybody tell you
00:41:34you have inner wisdom?
00:41:38And by the way,
00:41:39even after you leave,
00:41:41I've noticed too that sometimes
00:41:43an atheist website will say,
00:41:46oh, your best testimony
00:41:47is to be a happy atheist.
00:41:49And I don't agree with that either
00:41:52because I think
00:41:53you don't have to feel any pressure
00:41:55to be happy.
00:41:56Just be who you are.
00:41:58And if Christians are going to
00:42:00get judgmental about the fact
00:42:02that you're struggling,
00:42:04that's their problem, you know,
00:42:06because sometimes people do go through
00:42:08anxiety and depression and all that
00:42:10when they leave the faith.
00:42:11And that's part of the process.
00:42:13It's not something that's a failure.
00:42:18So, yeah, there's no push to say
00:42:22that now I've mastered life.
00:42:24Now I've left religion,
00:42:26and now I'm the happy atheist.
00:42:31You're practicing taking on the role
00:42:34of the adult with some self-respect
00:42:38for this inner wisdom and inner strength,
00:42:41and you're not outsourcing it,
00:42:43and you're rising to the occasion
00:42:45to take care of this child.
00:42:47You're not going to pawn it off on anybody.
00:42:49What can you do that would be
00:42:52for your child now?
00:42:54I will find family where I can,
00:42:59and I will define what family is to me
00:43:07as best as I can,
00:43:09even if that's not blood kin.
00:43:21I'll remind you that you don't need
00:43:24to be perfect,
00:43:26and that having doubts about things
00:43:32doesn't mean you're damned.
00:43:38or messing up here and there
00:43:40doesn't mean that you're damned.
00:43:43Am I supposed to be, like, my mother,
00:43:45or am I supposed to be just a child?
00:43:48And you're the parent.
00:43:50You're saying if I were the parent,
00:43:52I would have...
00:43:52Okay.
00:43:53Yeah.
00:43:53I would have given you knowledge
00:43:58and let you think for yourself,
00:44:02and I would want you to do
00:44:05what you wanted to do with your life,
00:44:09and I would have let you read
00:44:11whatever you wanted
00:44:13and listen to whatever music you wanted.
00:44:25I wouldn't have told you stories
00:44:31that you were too young to hear.
00:44:41and if you were,
00:44:42or when you were scared,
00:44:49I would have told you
00:44:50that it wasn't real.
00:45:27I remember when my daughter was born.
00:45:33She was in need of a surgery
00:45:36when she was only six days old.
00:45:40It was only a 20% chance
00:45:43that she would survive.
00:45:47And I remembered that I prayed to God
00:45:51that if you save Marissa,
00:45:53if you let her live,
00:45:56then I will follow you forever.
00:46:00You know?
00:46:03And I've thought about that moment
00:46:05many times
00:46:06because
00:46:08she survived
00:46:09and she's healthy.
00:46:12But I still don't believe.
00:46:19I'm scared that she will be taken away from me
00:46:22because I'm not grateful
00:46:23and because I didn't keep my promise
00:46:25or something.
00:46:30I don't think so.
00:46:50I don't think so.
00:46:55You were going to be going to heaven where everything was going to be great and you had
00:47:04this perfect relationship with Jesus and God and you were improving all the time and becoming
00:47:10perfect and now here you are without the religion and you're stuck in this very mixed environment
00:47:18here where there's lots of problems especially now so that's very disturbing and there isn't
00:47:28any real easy answer about meaning in life easy answers to you know the big questions
00:47:34it's very murky about well you know what you're supposed to think of life well the one of the
00:47:40problems too with kind of what the apocalyptic kind of end-time religions is you you you kind
00:47:46of expect it's all going to end soon enough that I don't really need to invest in my
00:47:50future we don't need to save the planet I don't need an education because Jesus is coming back
00:47:55and and so you keep hedging your bets on the fact that it's all ending soon and then it
00:47:59just keeps going yeah so over here I've got um blockage from other people and world views
00:48:08kids being blocked from not not allowed to have information information is withheld about science
00:48:19about sex about politics history culture psychology psychology is a bad thing of course but all those
00:48:26things aspects of all those things can be bad and worldly yeah for me it's almost refreshing to see
00:48:34this because it gives context to my experience in a way that I really haven't seen before good you
00:48:40know I'm just I mean literally there's my life on a chart right there uh-huh and yeah I've just
00:48:49never
00:48:49seen something like that before so to me it feels like wow that's what it is yeah
00:49:03you know um I I came from a very disconnected family I come from a very disconnected family
00:49:13where there's no deep relationships there's no deep friendships it's all structure and rules and
00:49:24do's and don'ts and when I went through my breakup I went to church I would do everything I used
00:49:35to do
00:49:37and I'd walk back out and in six months I think three people said hi to me in six months
00:49:46it was a red
00:49:48thread it's a red thread it's what got me asking questions yeah why is it this way what's going on
00:49:55and once you
00:49:58start asking questions you're dangerous you're a dangerous man Dan no that's why we're scary I guess because
00:50:16just simply asking questions
00:50:17you're right
00:50:34and you're right
00:50:37you're right
00:50:38you're right
00:50:40you're right
00:50:41I feel like
00:50:45life has so much
00:50:47to communicate
00:50:49if we listen
00:50:53and
00:50:54I don't mean listen to what's
00:50:57going on up here
00:50:58but like what's going on
00:51:01all around us
00:51:02yeah
00:51:03and
00:51:06I feel like I wasted
00:51:09not wasted
00:51:11I squandered
00:51:14a few decades
00:51:17in my head
00:51:21and
00:51:27the old saying is
00:51:28a picture says a thousand words
00:51:30and I
00:51:38I feel like
00:51:39it's more like a hundred thousand
00:51:41now
00:52:04I feel robbed
00:52:10I feel like someone
00:52:14locked me away
00:52:15for twenty years
00:52:19and
00:52:23fed me just enough
00:52:25information
00:52:27to keep me in line
00:52:41I see others out
00:52:43enjoying
00:52:45normal life
00:52:52I wish I could be that
00:52:54normal
00:52:58I miss
00:53:02knowing someone else
00:53:04misses me when I'm not there
00:53:08I miss touch
00:53:14how do you find help
00:53:20when there's
00:53:22no one to ask
00:53:23but other humans
00:53:31I just don't even know where to start
00:53:59my card says
00:54:03resourceless
00:54:04resourceless
00:54:04poly asshole
00:54:05and the ambition is to stretch
00:54:09the boundaries
00:54:10from the acceptable
00:54:13and within your
00:54:15presence
00:54:16your stories are
00:54:18agitating the living fucking shit
00:54:22out of me
00:54:22and I'm so grateful
00:54:24and I'm so grateful
00:54:24to hear them
00:54:25to stretch those boundaries
00:54:28and experience
00:54:29something besides
00:54:30you know
00:54:31the walls
00:54:34my father
00:54:36was a religious
00:54:39Carmelite
00:54:40brother
00:54:41in Texas
00:54:44and the stories
00:54:45he told
00:54:46were how he really
00:54:47liked to be
00:54:49with the boys
00:54:50my old man
00:54:52was part of the
00:54:53Roman Catholic
00:54:54cabal
00:54:55of
00:54:56child
00:54:57sexual
00:54:58abuse
00:54:59perpetrators
00:55:00perpetrators
00:55:02of all six
00:55:03of us
00:55:07I'm the first one
00:55:09and my little
00:55:10brothers and sisters
00:55:11say that I got it the worst
00:55:13and I think that's just
00:55:14fucking bullshit
00:55:15I couldn't protect them
00:55:24I dissociate a lot
00:55:26so when you see me
00:55:28like
00:55:28doing bilateral
00:55:29stuff
00:55:30it's to remind
00:55:31my fucking body
00:55:32to stay in the room
00:55:34the stories
00:55:35were that
00:55:38they
00:55:39Carmelites
00:55:40told him
00:55:41to go home
00:55:42and get married
00:55:43because he would be
00:55:44better off
00:55:45doing that
00:55:46my old man
00:55:47was my lover
00:55:48from my
00:55:49first orgasm
00:55:51until
00:55:52I got engaged
00:55:54at 18
00:55:55and then he started
00:55:57in on my little
00:55:57brothers
00:55:58and I'd hurt
00:55:58so much
00:56:01I didn't find out
00:56:02that stuff
00:56:03until I was
00:56:0435
00:56:05and so I had it
00:56:07all blocked out
00:56:07until the late 80s
00:56:09and then
00:56:10you know
00:56:12I have two
00:56:14two marriages
00:56:15that ended
00:56:15in divorce
00:56:16and I got
00:56:18I had the
00:56:19pleasure
00:56:20of the first
00:56:20great gift
00:56:21I gave myself
00:56:22was
00:56:2331 days
00:56:24in a
00:56:26inpatient
00:56:26psych unit
00:56:27for sexual trauma
00:56:29and being able
00:56:31to own
00:56:31how
00:56:32religion
00:56:33filters through
00:56:34and
00:56:39poisons
00:56:39everything
00:56:40is
00:56:40what I'm here
00:56:41for you guys
00:56:42to help me
00:56:43cope with
00:56:46and let me tell you
00:56:48the deep
00:56:49what does he
00:56:49give me
00:56:49Gibran says
00:56:50the deeper
00:56:51that sorrow
00:56:52carves into your soul
00:56:54the more joy
00:56:54you can contain
00:56:55I gotta say
00:56:56on the flip side
00:56:57all that shit
00:56:58is
00:56:59bring your shit
00:57:00on to me
00:57:00because you ain't
00:57:01got nothing
00:57:02and I can't sit
00:57:03with you
00:57:04with
00:57:06I'm deeply moved
00:57:07by your
00:57:07by your share
00:57:32it is tacky
00:57:35though
00:57:35I actually
00:57:36some of the reasons
00:57:37I really liked
00:57:38my share
00:57:39how are the eyelashes
00:57:40going over there
00:57:41that one looks good
00:57:42is that right
00:57:43yeah
00:57:43so I'll try the same
00:57:44thing for the other eye
00:57:47perfect color combo
00:57:48for this side
00:57:49yeah
00:57:50alright
00:57:50thank you
00:57:51I'm gonna be a man
00:57:54I don't understand
00:57:55that culture enough
00:57:56to
00:57:58to dress like it
00:58:00like I would want
00:58:01to know more
00:58:03I don't know
00:58:03I don't know
00:58:04rules and boundaries
00:58:07and respect
00:58:08and disrespect
00:58:09and I'd rather
00:58:11learn about it
00:58:12before I engage
00:58:13in it
00:58:13I gotcha
00:58:14yeah
00:58:14well coming from
00:58:15a queer woman
00:58:16I would love
00:58:16if you dressed
00:58:17and drag
00:58:17wouldn't be bothered
00:58:19at all
00:58:20not offensive
00:58:21in the slightest
00:58:23I just don't want
00:58:24to create
00:58:24any ambiguity
00:58:25where I just
00:58:26don't need it
00:58:26right now
00:58:27yeah
00:58:28yeah
00:58:28so just a
00:58:29personal choice
00:58:30but I know
00:58:31what you mean
00:58:31it would be fun
00:58:32I could totally
00:58:33see you in a tutu
00:58:34is what I'm trying
00:58:34to say
00:58:35and I would love it
00:58:36and whether you
00:58:37show up like this
00:58:39or as a straight man
00:58:40in a tutu
00:58:41you're gonna get hit on
00:58:42you're gonna get hit on
00:58:43either way
00:58:43that is true
00:58:44and I've already
00:58:45pick your poison
00:58:45he's gonna get hit on
00:58:45yeah
00:58:46yeah
00:58:47yeah
00:58:47woo
00:58:49woo
00:58:50woo
00:58:53woo
00:58:54woo
00:58:55woo
00:58:56woo
00:59:16We thought it would strike like lightning
00:59:19To be spreading the Lord like a breeze
00:59:23But I let my beliefs to be taken
00:59:26How could I doubt God in strength
00:59:30In his mission
00:59:32Dang it
00:59:34It's hard to say the word
00:59:42Say the word
01:00:10I wanted to since I was eight years old
01:00:14But when I turned 21
01:00:16I confessed that I had masturbated
01:00:18So I wasn't ready to go on a mission
01:00:32I had to let it happen
01:00:34I had to change
01:00:39Couldn't stay all my life down at Beale
01:00:45Looking out of the window
01:00:48Staying out of the sun
01:00:52So I chose freedom
01:00:59Running around, trying everything new
01:01:04But nothing impressed me at all
01:01:10I never expected it to
01:01:29Let yourself travel in your imagination
01:01:33Back to where you lived as a child
01:01:39With your family
01:01:43You've kind of done a time travel here
01:01:47You are able to go in
01:01:50And get yourself
01:01:52Get this little kid
01:01:54And take the child
01:01:57To a better place
01:01:59In other words
01:02:00To come live with you
01:02:06Draw with these colors
01:02:08You can draw something literal
01:02:09Or you can draw something abstract
01:02:11But draw something that represents
01:02:13Bringing this child to your house
01:02:27She's not there right now
01:02:28Because she's outside playing
01:02:30But this is the place where she lands
01:02:33And this is the place that's hers
01:02:36And that's safe for her
01:02:37To be herself
01:02:40And how was the imagery for you?
01:02:45It felt like kidnapping
01:02:49That's the word that came to mind
01:02:50At first
01:02:51And I kind of was like
01:02:52Oh, that's a strange word
01:02:53But I think it has to do with
01:02:59The fact that my parents
01:03:00Are such good people
01:03:04I guess it's just hard to say
01:03:05They fucked up
01:03:06It's hard for me to say that
01:03:08And so it's hard to
01:03:12Let go and take care
01:03:14Of my inner child
01:03:14Myself
01:03:16In a way
01:03:17Because it feels like
01:03:24Dishonoring to them somehow
01:03:27Well, you can honor your parents
01:03:29Without idealizing them
01:03:30I think that idealism
01:03:32Is what they expect from me
01:03:33They want from me
01:03:34That if you have a problem
01:03:36It's your own fault
01:03:37Yeah
01:03:38But it's not about criticism
01:03:41It's more about you taking over
01:03:44And doing the best that you can
01:03:47You know, it's chapter two here
01:03:48And so as a grown person
01:03:52You're like a little kid
01:03:54Going back again and again
01:03:56To get love from your mother
01:03:59Who's never going to love you
01:04:01So it isn't so much that
01:04:04Everybody in your family is bad
01:04:06It's just that your child
01:04:08Needs to come into the present day
01:04:12And we need to have the wisdom
01:04:15To know when to let go
01:04:18When to just stop trying to solve a problem
01:04:22That can't be solved
01:04:23Because it can just wear you out
01:04:30Just walk
01:04:31Don't even think about anything
01:04:38And pause
01:04:39Close your eyes
01:04:40If you were to pick one value
01:04:43And put it somewhere in your body
01:04:45Where would it land?
01:04:47And maybe touch that body part
01:04:49Or put your total mind's eye
01:04:52On that body part
01:04:57And let that go
01:04:58And walk around
01:05:06And now we're going to put these
01:05:08Into a movement
01:05:10That conveys for yourself
01:05:12It doesn't have to convey
01:05:13To anyone else
01:05:14How does this value feel
01:05:15In your body?
01:05:18Peace of mind
01:05:19Yes
01:05:20Connection
01:05:22Yes
01:05:24Courageous
01:05:26Yes
01:05:27Sensitivity
01:05:29Yes
01:05:30Remindness
01:05:31Yes
01:05:33Creativity
01:05:35Yes
01:05:36Strong
01:05:38Yes
01:05:50So go ahead
01:05:50And take some deep breaths
01:05:52And let them be very slow breaths
01:05:54Because that tells your nervous system
01:05:56Nothing bad is happening right now
01:05:58Okay
01:06:02So I want you to notice your gut
01:06:04Right
01:06:04Your gut that tells you
01:06:05Yeah this is what I want
01:06:08This is what I don't want
01:06:10Guts are really good for boundaries
01:06:16And see how gentle you can be
01:06:21Right
01:06:22You made it here
01:06:26See how gentle you can be
01:06:31And start to tune into your pelvis
01:06:36Again whatever you call your body parts
01:06:38Pussy cock
01:06:41Genitals
01:06:42Vulva
01:06:43Dick
01:06:43Penis
01:06:44Whatever is there
01:06:48Nothing is about changing
01:06:50What you're feeling or experiencing
01:06:52Just beginning to tune in
01:06:54And get connected with yourself
01:06:56And so we can know what our boundaries are
01:06:59What our desires are
01:07:01In sort of a physical embodied way
01:07:04And then we also want to know
01:07:05What our brain's thoughts about desire are
01:07:20You can really squeeze if you want to
01:07:23Yeah
01:07:26Really just squeeze away
01:07:49I'm going to put on my glasses
01:07:50So I can see you better
01:07:53I'm going to put on my glasses
01:07:55I'm going to put on my glasses
01:07:58I'm going to put on my glasses
01:08:03I'm going to put on my glasses
01:08:07I'm going to put on my glasses
01:08:08I'm going to put on my glasses
01:08:09I'm going to put on my glasses
01:08:09I'm going to put on my glasses
01:08:10I'm going to put on my glasses
01:08:11I'm going to put on my glasses
01:08:11I'm going to put on my glasses
01:08:12I'm going to put on my glasses
01:08:13I'm going to put on my glasses
01:08:13I'm going to put on my glasses
01:08:14I'm going to put on my glasses
01:08:14I'm going to put on my glasses
01:08:16I'm going to put on my glasses
01:08:17I'm going to put on my glasses
01:08:29If everybody can please thank each other, you want a sweet?
01:08:33Thank you for receiving me too.
01:08:39That was beautiful.
01:09:05How do people live life knowing that the time here on earth is the only time we have?
01:09:18For some, that's a day or less than a day.
01:09:23For some, it's a few years.
01:09:25For some, it's a long, long lifetime, but then that's it.
01:09:42And the world will keep going, the solar system, the universe will keep going until it stops.
01:09:58And we're, we're so small.
01:10:17So, living our life the best we know how with the time we have is what matters.
01:10:26And focusing on what we see and do and know is the best way to spend our time.
01:10:32And not spending time worrying about things we can't see and don't know.
01:10:55Like, I would want my mom to understand that because I don't think she has any concept of it.
01:10:58No.
01:10:58I mean, even coming out to my dad, he said nothing.
01:11:01Yeah.
01:11:02Like, he said nothing for years.
01:11:04And then a year later, your mother told me, it was so devastating.
01:11:08Oh, yeah.
01:11:08We were devastated.
01:11:10Yeah, that was super inappropriate.
01:11:12Over coffee.
01:11:14It's like, man, come on.
01:11:15I'm so sorry.
01:11:16You're the victims of this situation.
01:11:19Victims of a daughter they didn't want.
01:11:23I think the whole thing is really unfair, buddy.
01:11:26Like, there's been so many tears just in the last week over this.
01:11:31And nobody should have tears at all.
01:11:33Yeah.
01:11:34Four days before, three days before, yesterday.
01:11:38I want them to come.
01:11:39I want them to support me.
01:11:40But I basically had to force them yesterday to say, do you support me or do you not support me?
01:11:45And they said no.
01:11:46Like, we don't support this, but we want to be there anyway.
01:11:49And it's just not enough for me.
01:11:52Like, that's not enough.
01:11:54Whatever you're doing, show up honestly.
01:11:55If you don't believe that, you know, gay people are okay to be together, then don't come to a celebration
01:12:01of gay people being together.
01:12:02And, like, that's a boundary I have to have.
01:12:05Like, I have to have that.
01:12:08Like, I can't really explain why that's so important to me, but it is.
01:12:12Because, Gary, because if I were to fall in love with some dude, all my family wouldn't challenge who I
01:12:19am.
01:12:21They can see why I like her.
01:12:23Like, they've said as much, but, like, they're just not.
01:12:26But your mother is in complete and total denial still that this is a phase of your life.
01:12:31Yeah.
01:12:31And they're acting like this is some things that God is somehow going to heal.
01:12:35Right.
01:12:35And, like, it's somehow going to, like, come to a point where Miranda and I are like, no, we're just
01:12:38actually best friends.
01:12:40Thanks for sticking with us, Mom and Dad.
01:12:42And it's like, I'm like, it's so like, I don't even know what to do with that, you know?
01:12:48No matter what, it's your fucking wedding tomorrow.
01:12:50Yeah, fuck it.
01:12:51You're not responsible.
01:12:51Fuck this shit.
01:12:52For keeping the peace.
01:12:53Fuck this shit.
01:12:54You're not responsible for keeping the peace.
01:12:56I know, dude.
01:12:58Fuck yeah.
01:12:58You're a boss ass bitch.
01:13:00I am a boss ass bitch.
01:13:01You like my suit?
01:13:02I love you.
01:13:03I love you too.
01:13:18Regressed back to childhood.
01:13:23And then going back even farther, being a toddler, and then a baby.
01:13:32A little baby just born.
01:13:35Beautiful little baby.
01:13:37And it's exciting.
01:13:39You're new in the world.
01:13:41You're precious.
01:13:43Special.
01:13:44And your family.
01:13:45Your family's excited.
01:13:47Your family's here.
01:13:49Your family is welcoming you.
01:13:58It is no gentle thing to have the ground give way until there is nowhere to stand.
01:14:04You have lost yourself, lost the others you thought you knew, and lost your way.
01:14:10You have had much taken from you, and it must all be reclaimed.
01:14:16Your identity, your will, your thinking ability, your feelings, your trust, your intuition, your sexuality, your creativity, and much more.
01:14:28The creation of your new life is large and more than you expected.
01:14:33You are giving birth, and you are the parent.
01:14:37There is no more outsourcing to God and no more talk of being dependent or helpless or bad.
01:14:44There is struggle, and there is wonderful discovery.
01:14:49You used to have all the answers because they were handed to you, and then enforced until you could recite
01:14:55them in your sleep.
01:14:57Now you are working on getting them out of your head.
01:15:01It will take some time, but you will find your place, and others will benefit from your hard-won life
01:15:07experience.
01:15:09You will be an elder in the best sense of the word, and we need you.
01:15:25Welcome to Asla.
01:15:25I'm when you need you.
01:15:26I'll be engaged.
01:15:27I need to know your MA ATVASCAN.
01:16:12That was the kindest and most nurturing thing that's ever happened to me.
01:16:59Yes.
01:16:59Yes.
01:17:00Yes.
01:17:01Yes.
01:17:01Yes.
01:17:01Yes.
01:17:02Yes.
01:17:02Yes.
01:17:03Yes.
01:17:04Yes.
01:17:06Yes.
01:17:07Yes.
01:17:08Yes.
01:17:13Yes.
01:17:15Yes.
01:17:19Yes.
01:17:19Yes.
01:17:20Yes.
01:17:22Yes.
01:17:24Yes.
01:17:24Yes.
01:17:25Yes.
01:17:27Yes.
01:17:29Yes.
01:17:30Yes.
01:17:31Yes.
01:17:31Yes.
01:17:33Noe was quite there are some people who were awaiting.
01:17:35What is it?
01:17:38It's a special religious group that's excluded from the rest of society.
01:17:46Why do you think they were afraid of you?
01:17:51I think they were afraid of you...
01:17:55They were afraid of you.
01:17:59Yes.
01:18:03I think they were afraid of thinking differently than what they did.
01:18:06For then...
01:18:09They won't be afraid of you in the next life.
01:18:17I think that's what they were afraid of.
01:18:22But there's no proof that the heavens existed?
01:18:26No.
01:18:28But they think it exists.
01:18:30And they want to be happy with you.
01:18:34They want to be happy with you.
01:18:36Do you want to trust the whole life that's not true?
01:18:42Do you think it's like a waste of life?
01:18:47It's like a waste of life.
01:18:49Yes.
01:18:50Is it a waste?
01:18:52But I think that the most important thing is to have respect for each other.
01:18:58And that can be difficult sometimes.
01:19:14It's like the most important thing to do.
01:19:15It's like a place to help from the world.
01:19:16I think that, as people can't wait again.
01:19:18And that's very important of us.
01:19:18But I think that the most important thing is to imagine the world's life is to live.
01:19:20I think that the most important thing is to live with you.
01:19:21The highest God of Jesus Christ is to live with you.
01:19:25As we see the answer, what is salvation?
01:19:27What is eternal life? It's knowing Jesus. It's knowing Him.
01:19:32I started listening to sermons.
01:19:35And it feels weird and it's strange to tell anybody that
01:19:45because I feel like I'd be criticized for going back to what made me sick.
01:19:56But I've been listening and I've actually been finding comfort in listening
01:20:06because I feel like it's all I've got.
01:20:16Yeah.
01:20:19It's all I've got in the sense that people can't relate.
01:20:27A lot of people can't relate.
01:20:29And not to say that they're mean or they're nice people,
01:20:33but it's just I feel so alone.
01:20:39And because I can listen to these preachers and they put it together so well
01:20:43and they're comfortable.
01:20:44They feel more comfortable in their own skin than I do in my own skin.
01:20:50And I, it doesn't seem fair.
01:20:58It just doesn't seem fair.
01:21:01And I don't know if I should fight harder to say this is what you're teaching
01:21:05and screwed up.
01:21:09I don't know.
01:21:10It's just this, what's the point?
01:21:14What do I do now?
01:21:15Where I've got a good job now, which I'm so thankful for.
01:21:20And I want to say thankful to God for, but it, it's just, what's the point?
01:21:28It, I need, I need something to get me up in the morning.
01:21:36And believe it or not, those sermons, they actually, they help.
01:21:46Even though it's, it's kind of fucked up at the same time,
01:21:51which is kind of how I feel.
01:22:03Just to be sure.
01:22:06She's going to get one of the shots.
01:22:11Okay.
01:22:29Miranda, I'm the luckiest person in the world to be loved by you.
01:22:33Sometimes it's the little things about you that I like,
01:22:35like how you try to say hello to every dog you see.
01:22:40Or sometimes how I'm doing the laundry and I find candy wrappers in your pockets.
01:22:47Most of all, I love how being with you makes me feel more like myself.
01:22:53More than anything else, I want to be a family with you.
01:22:58Lastly, I promise I'll love you like you've always loved me.
01:23:03Fiercely, patiently, and with reckless abandon for as long as I live.
01:23:09You may now kiss your bride.
01:23:23Welcome to Elena Love's virtual strip club.
01:23:28Well, he's in sports.
01:24:25Well, he's in sports.
01:24:27Well, he's in sports.
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