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7 Days - Season 18 - Episode 17 Eng Sub
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00:22You can call me the early bird because I've caught all the news worms of the week and
00:26I'm ready to regurgitate them into your hungry waiting beaks.
00:29This is seven days, ew, let's meet the teams.
00:32Leader of team one is a Billy T award winner making him the best comedian in the country
00:3726 years ago when he won it. It's Paul Ligo!
00:40Thanks Gerry, thank you yes, very happy to be here tonight.
00:44Look team one looks like my daughter has brought home her wild new boyfriend
00:49to get back at me for being a terrible father but the joke's on her, I'm his dad as well.
00:55It's Bridget Davies and Cory Gonzalez McCullough!
01:01The leader of team two now lives in London where he's been rubbing shoulders with real celebrities
01:05who all tell him to stop rubbing their shoulders.
01:08It's Joseph Moore!
01:12You know Jeremy, I'm thrilled to be here and what a team we have.
01:16You know, if these two are here, then who's bloody standing in front of the barn in the painting holding
01:20a pitchfork?
01:23It's Tony Lyall and Justin Smith!
01:26We're going to start the show with newsmakers because that's what we usually do and I'm not good with change.
01:33We'll give each team an answer based on a headline from the week they need to work out which news
01:37story it relates to.
01:38Team one, we're starting with you, here's your answer, check it out.
01:41Good, very good or excellent?
01:43What does my wife never mean when she says she's fine?
01:49What are the options in National's questionnaire about mental health?
01:57When I say I'm open to feedback, what feedback do I mean?
02:02Correct.
02:03Before he called the song Bad, what did Michael Jackson consider calling it?
02:09It does sound like some sort of a survey question obviously, so what's been going on?
02:14I know I did see a thing about, we have like a Health of New Zealand thing where they investigate
02:20how we're all feeling, what the vibe of the country is, is that something to do with that maybe?
02:24Yes it is Paul, in fact the question is what are some of the multi-choice options
02:27in Stuff's Health of the Nation survey?
02:30It shows that despite eating our veggies and exercising, we're all stressed and burnt out
02:35due to lack of sleep, the general state of the world, with many of us concerned at the state of
02:39health care
02:39and I personally agree with that, I don't trust the so-called health care system.
02:43My doctor tried to tell me I'm a diabetic, when actually I'm a Capricorn, so it's there on the sheet,
02:51it's in the information you fill and he's got my date of birth.
02:54You've definitely got the body of a diabetic, well actually you've got the body of two.
03:02I don't think anyone whose life is good is opting to do a survey.
03:07No. Imagine that, go home you know to your happy life and someone's like complete this survey,
03:11uh no I'm busy, what do people with good lives do?
03:17Spend time in their basements.
03:19Kill, kill, kill.
03:20I think that's part of the problem though eh, is it seems a bit optimistic, like it said that 68
03:24% of men
03:25rated their health this way, like positively, um which sounds good but then you realise that the
03:30majority of men also, where can they win a fight with a bear?
03:33Yeah that's right.
03:34Yeah I can feel this, like I kind of get this, so this year I've probably worked 80 hours and
03:42um
03:43like I'm wiped man like I'm burning the candle at one end, it's just.
03:48You really are.
03:50How do we even know if they filled in the survey correctly, like have you seen how she's using the
03:54computer?
03:57I thought that was taken in Corby's basement.
04:02This country has had a problem with burnout for quite a long time but until now most of them have
04:07been in the pack and save car park.
04:09Yeah well it's just such a great car park, I mean the thing is if you, if you swing the
04:15car at the
04:15right angle you can see the specials as you go past.
04:19And also if you're outside you don't have to listen to that annoying voice inside.
04:25How have you been to answer you?
04:26I've been to pack and save with Paul, it's terrible.
04:29You haven't been to pack and save?
04:33Tip two we're coming to you, your turn now, your answer is school rubbish bin.
04:38Where do they get the ingredient for the school lunches?
04:43Where did all of Jeremy Corbett's Valentine's Day cards end up?
04:48Where could I cut out the middleman and put my kids artwork directly into?
04:52It's cool.
04:55Where do you put your undies after it happens again on the monkey bars?
05:02Any idea what the story might be?
05:04It's pretty hard just from an answer I'll give you that.
05:06School rubbish bin.
05:07Yeah.
05:08This could be to do with the national party.
05:10Didn't they give a whole lot of shit to some schools?
05:12I think so, one of the guys, I don't know where, I can't remember where, but a guy, he showed
05:15up to
05:16schools and like gave, gave out merch.
05:18Branded merch.
05:19Like branded merch.
05:19Merch for the kids.
05:21Is it about giving the merch to the kids?
05:23Yeah, well done Joseph.
05:24Where did many of Mike Butterick's swag bags end up?
05:27The school rubbish bin, the MP4 of Wairarapa, has upset parents for delivering national swag bags
05:31to schools in his electorate.
05:33Bags included a stress ball, some mints, not meat mints, you know, after that, mints.
05:40Pens and all with national branding and his contact details on them.
05:43Butterick has also been reprimanded by the national party who said his actions have come
05:48dangerously close to putting money into schools.
05:52A little rap on the knuckles for that behaviour, yeah.
05:56There he is, Mike Butterick.
05:57It's going to be the first time that in one sentence has contained the word national party and swag.
06:04I'm looking forward to the Winston Peters giving out the New Zealand first riz kits.
06:09It's an insane thing to give kids.
06:11Look, look there. That is a, uh, that is a key ring with a bottle opener on it.
06:16Correct.
06:18For people who cannot drink, drive or vote.
06:21Yeah, that's right.
06:23Uh, we've always Wairarapa, I mean, they care.
06:26It's funny how the national party are like, oh wait, so we shouldn't give the kids swag bags,
06:30we shouldn't message them on Snapchat.
06:32It's almost like you don't want us interacting with 10 year olds at all.
06:35They are playing the long game, eh?
06:37Like, it's up to, what, 10 years before these kids can vote?
06:40And it's at least 30 till they vote national.
06:42So, like, it's...
06:44Yeah, that's very true.
06:46But also, what I love about it is that he's got, this Mike Butterick guy has put his number on
06:51it,
06:51so he's just going to get 500 calls that just go,
06:53huh, duuuk, and then back up.
06:56Yeah, but the kids are just going to look at this and go,
06:58he's got butt in his name.
07:00He's got butt in his name and very nearly dick.
07:05All right, scores for Newsmakers.
07:06Team 1, you're going to have one number of goals scored by Football Powerhouse England
07:10against the All Whites in a World Cup warm-up game on Sunday, which is pretty good.
07:15I feel another clean sweep of drawers on the way.
07:19Team 2, 9,000, that's dollars worth of chocolate bars.
07:22An Auckland man has been charged with stealing from supermarkets in West Auckland.
07:25Not a cherry ripe amongst them. Congratulations. Team 2, you get the first star of the night.
07:33Our teams will earn one shiny star for every game they win tonight.
07:37The team with the most at the end of the night will walk away with our coveted prize.
07:40And here it is. Please make some impressed noises right now.
07:44Yes, thank you.
07:46That is Corby's Cup of Concrete.
07:49Has the state of the world got you down?
07:51Feel like a powerless cog in a cruel system barrelling toward war, climate, devastation and famine?
07:55Have you tried just hardening the **** up?
07:59Well, now you can with Corby's Cup of Concrete.
08:02As 9 out of 10 doctors say, have a cuppa and just walk it off, mate.
08:07It's time now for Yes Minister, where we bring out one of the few politicians willing to be made fun
08:12of on TV.
08:12See if they end up regretting that decision.
08:15Joining us this week, please give it up for Green MP, Kahurangi Kata.
08:23Hi, sit yourself down, Kahurangi. Thanks for joining us.
08:26Your job, of course, is to answer the questions from these political journalists without giving us a yes or no.
08:31Got it?
08:32Got it.
08:33Got it. Take it away.
08:35Hi, Kahurangi Kata.
08:36Hi, Kahurangi Kata.
08:37So, you're the sponsor for the Green Party's parody and satire bill.
08:41Could you do an impression of Japanese Prime Minister Sakai Takaichi?
08:47I don't want to get in too much trouble.
08:51Don't do it, Kahurangi.
08:54When you were spearheading the satire bill, did it feel weird putting so much work into something that affects about
09:0020 people in this country, half of whom are in this room?
09:05Well, I really love Justine Smith. Hi, Justine.
09:08And I thought, if I bring this bill, then Justine can just do what she does even more. Ah, hey.
09:19And Kahurangi, you are a trained actor in New York, I'm led to believe.
09:23Do you think that it's weird that you're the highest paid actor in New Zealand?
09:29Well, politics was obviously appealing to me because it is the biggest theatre in the country.
09:36Kahurangi, so, I'm also a trained actor.
09:38She's a gay actor.
09:38Um, I'm also a trained actor.
09:40Who was your case manager, Erwin?
09:50It was a robot.
09:53So you can do a robot, but not an Asian man.
09:58I've always assumed that somebody in the Green Party would be a vegetarian.
10:03Is that correct? Are you a vegetarian? I don't know why I think that.
10:05My ex-husband was a butcher.
10:07Was he? So, a fan of meat. Great. The, um, I've got a place you can go.
10:19Sometimes I think, I don't get a lot of these jokes, but I'm just laughing along.
10:23It's probably best.
10:24It's probably best.
10:24Let me say, I will explain.
10:26Okay.
10:27It's Paul's, Paul's job. He's the voice of pack and save.
10:30Oh my gosh, famous.
10:35Yeah, and New Zealand.
10:38Hey, Kahur, you are the Green Party whip, is that right?
10:42That's right. We call it the Debt Kitty Musterer because we are non-violent.
10:47Okay.
10:48Because I was going to ask, is being the whip, has it got anything to do with the whip that
10:53Corby has in his green room, that's none of my business?
10:56Well, well, well.
10:59We can make it your business.
11:03Oh my goodness, dear man.
11:07Now, Kahur, I know, are you flirting with me?
11:11Because I've read that, anyway.
11:16I, uh, got me flustered, forgot my question.
11:20I'm enjoying this, Kahur, but not often I see Jazzy flustered. I'm quite enjoying it.
11:24Yeah, well, you wouldn't.
11:30We'll see what Mr Whippy has to say about that.
11:35I often get emails from, uh, Greenpeace and the Green Party about bottom trawling,
11:40and, um, I've never had a colonoscopy, but is that what it's about?
11:47You should have one.
11:49Right.
11:49Because that is good, you know, our health is our wealth.
11:52Yes, and if I don't get one, it's killing the fish.
11:57I didn't read the whole thing.
11:58Yeah.
11:59Are you also, you studied psychology at the University of Auckland?
12:02Yeah.
12:03I did.
12:04Same, same.
12:05Oh yeah, and philosophy.
12:07Nice.
12:07Did you also leave feeling completely unprepared for the workplace?
12:13Yeah.
12:18Give it up for Kahurangikata.
12:24And keep the applause going for Team Run.
12:27Uh, they win the star.
12:28Well done, thank you.
12:30Thank you, Kahurangikata.
12:33All right, time now for the Burger Fueled Brain Grill,
12:36where we turn back the hands of time.
12:37This week, we're going to the year 1991,
12:40and Team One going to show you a video.
12:42You just have to tell me what's going on, please.
12:44One Network News with Tom Bradley and Greg Clark.
12:48Good evening.
12:49Drunken teenagers, many of them students,
12:51went on the rampage in Palmerston North last night.
12:54Causing $1 million worth of improvements.
12:57I imagine.
13:00If it's Palmerston North.
13:04No, that's Tom Bradley.
13:05It's funny.
13:05That's Tom Bradley.
13:06They used to do the news.
13:07They used to have...
13:08The face was like so much of the screen.
13:10Is that because TVs were just smaller back then,
13:13and you had to sit further away?
13:14Or why is this face so massive?
13:16It's just the style.
13:17Paul, have you met yourself?
13:24Yeah, so that was the time an event during Massey Orientation Week,
13:27or O-Week, turned into a student riot.
13:30That is weird, because the night I lose my virginity makes the news.
13:35I mean, it's pretty incredible.
13:36All right, time for a break.
13:38I hope you haven't eaten in the last 20 minutes,
13:40because soon we're taking a dip in the balmy waters of Club Topakana,
13:43and we'll see you then.
13:57Hello, welcome back to Seven Days.
13:59Well, bury me up to my neck and wait for the tide to come in,
14:02because it's time for Club Topakana.
14:03Play the steel drums.
14:04Whoo!
14:15Club Topakana is brought to you by Dole Pineapples.
14:18Pineapples, if you don't like them on pizza,
14:20don't worry, they've got plenty of other uses.
14:22Hawaiian lasagna.
14:25Hawaiian beef stroganoff, yum.
14:27The only limit is your imagination.
14:29My pineapple is full of comedic suggestions inspired by the headlines of the week,
14:33unlike most pineapples, which are almost always just full of pineapple.
14:37All right, let's dive in and have a look with our first story.
14:40Yes, we're going to Fiji.
14:41Police in Fiji have been granted new crime scene investigation
14:44powers, and while I'm sure they'll use them responsibly,
14:47I'd prefer to see examples of terrible crime scene etiquette, please.
14:55Oh, my God.
14:57Oh, my God.
14:58The family across the road, they've all been murdered.
15:01What's this going to do to house prices?
15:09Fire in the kitchen.
15:10Two dead.
15:11Maybe deliberate.
15:12Either way, looks like these guys, uh, toast.
15:17Wow!
15:28All right, team, welcome to another episode of Whodunit.
15:32First, a huge shout out to our sponsors from HelloFresh.
15:35Uh, and don't forget to smash that subscribe button if you reckon the husband did it.
15:40And, uh, kicked the body, sorry, team, carry on.
15:47Hey, so, yeah, uh, he, when he died, he was, like, lying like that, and he was holding a cucumber.
15:53So that's why the chalk outline looks a bit weird.
16:02Uh, yep, rigor mortis has definitely set in, and the body is stiffening.
16:08Yeah, could you go step out, please?
16:15So I've got to get the bodies back to the morgue.
16:18Does anyone mind if I take it?
16:20Because I really want to use the T2 lane.
16:28Okay, guys, do not go in the bathroom.
16:32There's another crime scene in there.
16:38Can I borrow you for a second?
16:40Sure, mate.
16:40If you just stand here like this, with your arms out, yeah, yeah, yeah.
16:43Yep, okay.
16:45So on the left, you have what looks like when the body went into the water.
16:50And on the right, you have the body three weeks later floating in the water.
16:57Thanks for doing it that way around.
17:01Oh, no.
17:03Now, Officer Lyle, promise me this time, was all the semen here before you got here?
17:11All right, back to the pineapple for our next story.
17:15Oh, yum, New Zealand's oldest fish and chip shop is on the market in Taranaki.
17:19I'd like you to take us back, teams, to when they opened,
17:22and give me some scenes from New Zealand's first fish and chip shop.
17:28Ah, there we go.
17:31Dave's fish, sausages, doughnuts, power fretters, potato fretters and chips.
17:36We've got to simplify the name.
17:43OK, all we need now is just someone to man the desk.
17:45I reckon it should only be someone under 11 or over 80.
17:54One cent extra for tomato sauce?
17:56What a rip-off.
18:02Oh, this battered sausage is really hot.
18:04Oh, what if I just put a stick in it?
18:12Fish and chips, we will be the greatest meal in New Zealand, right up until burger fuel is invented.
18:19Proud sponsor of seven days for ten more years.
18:26Good work, Tony, good work.
18:29Oh, yum, I'll just unwrap the newspaper.
18:32Oh, hey, it says here that the British are coming.
18:38I'm sure, I'm sure it'll be fine.
18:42It's back to our dull pineapple for our next story.
18:45The Tony Awards were this week celebrating the best of Broadway,
18:48which is a little bit boring, isn't it?
18:49Failure, way more fun.
18:51I'd like to see examples of rejected musicals, please.
18:56You are 16, I am 47.
19:04I'm here for my massage.
19:10Nice to get him each and Jeremy.
19:16Yeah, so it's called Fiddler on the Roof.
19:21What's that?
19:21Oh, no, no, I can't play the violin.
19:25Sorry, what?
19:27Yeah, yeah, okay, I'll pop my pants on.
19:34Show us your list, Mr. Schindler.
19:43The hills are alive with the sound of someone mowing at 7am.
19:54Hamilton, but the town.
20:02Tell me, Officer Lyle, was the semen already here before you arrived?
20:07I've tried to tell you a thousand times.
20:09There was already semen there.
20:10I don't know how it got on my lips.
20:12I don't believe you, Mr. Lightyear.
20:15I don't believe you, Mr. Lightyear.
20:16I don't believe you, Mr. Lightyear.
20:18I don't believe you.
20:19How good is all of the singing?
20:23I had no idea they have this hidden talent.
20:25Give them another round of applause.
20:26The singing was outstanding.
20:31Jeremy Clarkson is launching a venture he's calling Only Farms.
20:36Not as sexy as it sounds, but it did make me think I would like to see
20:39some examples of farmer pick-up lines, please.
20:44Are you a John Deere 5000 two-cylinder?
20:46Because you sure know how to attract a woman.
20:55Is your body an arable section of land?
20:58Because I wouldn't mind ploughing and fertilising it.
21:06Baby, are you Fonterra?
21:08Because you look like you're about to me.
21:21All right, round the back to your mongrel!
21:23Get round the back!
21:24Get round the back to your mongrel!
21:26Get her behind!
21:32All right, everyone, now to the water before you get any prunier.
21:35That is the end of the game.
21:36Play the steel drums.
21:37Sit yourselves down.
21:48Oh, great, great round of top of Kana.
21:50Still admiring your vocal stylings.
21:53All of you, very impressive.
21:54Team one, you can have five as a score.
21:56That's the placing for Liam Lawson in this week's Monaco GP,
21:59equalling his Formula One career best.
22:01Nice.
22:01Good.
22:02Team two, you can have zero.
22:03That's a number of real models Huffer have been accused of using,
22:06after a model accused them of using an AI version of him
22:09in their marketing campaign.
22:11Team one wins five nil and gets the star.
22:13Well done.
22:16It's just time for a break now, but don't go far,
22:18because next we've got the 2026 Gold Guitar Champion here
22:21for Slice of Seven.
22:33Howdy, partners. Welcome back.
22:35It's time for the Seven Days Hoedown with Slice of Seven.
22:37This week we have the winner, Country Music's Gold Guitar Award.
22:41Give it up for Simon Thompson.
22:46Simon will be singing and strumming some classic country anthems
22:49that have been subtly altered to reference the story from the week's news.
22:53All you have to do is guess which one.
22:55Team one, we're starting with you.
22:56You need to tell me what news stories Simon is singing about.
22:58In your own time, Simon.
23:06You're heading on out there at night with the boys.
23:10You're getting jacked up on peptides and roids.
23:13Smashing up your bones and holding like hell it heals right.
23:20Buy a real chisel to chisel your jaw.
23:23Medical advice from the TikTok store.
23:26You're open for ladies, but we'll settle for a couple of lies.
23:33Botox, your brother get a heart can peel.
23:36Yum protein shakes for every meal.
23:40Hey, don't mock me.
23:46Kiwi's getting ready for the newest hot trend.
23:50Giga-chat beef flags of Hamilton.
23:55Kobe's getting on it.
24:02Kobe's been on it.
24:11So good Simon, what a great voice.
24:13And you know, such a youthful face.
24:15And the bottom half, father time.
24:18A beautiful, heady mix.
24:19What do we think, team?
24:21Yeah, I think he's all right.
24:22Yeah, he's all right.
24:24On behalf of all women, yeah.
24:26On behalf of all women.
24:27Are you all right?
24:30This is, sorry, but I know this.
24:32It's all these young dudes, it's a new craze.
24:35They're trying to be like making themselves more handsome by taking steroids.
24:39They hit their faces with like hammers and stuff.
24:41What?
24:42Like, Google it.
24:42It'll change your algorithm, but it's unbelievable.
24:46Okay, I think that's probably the answer.
24:48Something to do with the young guys improving themselves.
24:49These extreme methods.
24:51Absolutely correct.
24:52Looks maxing is the word.
24:54It's the online self-improvement trend.
24:55It's arrived in New Zealand, young men are now maxing their looks using not just skin
25:00creams and all the rest of it, but invasive and even hitting their faces with hammers to
25:05try and improve their jawlines.
25:07And I, you know what?
25:08I can see why.
25:09Because you do get treated differently when you look good.
25:11It's called pretty privilege.
25:12Have you heard of that?
25:13Ah.
25:13And it's a thing.
25:14Like, just this week, someone gave me their seat on the bus.
25:17Someone helped me cross the road.
25:20They put the groceries in my boots for me and helped me change the font
25:25size on my phone.
25:26So all because of this.
25:28All because you're so good looking.
25:30Yeah.
25:31Call me old-fashioned, but I reckon a little bit less looks-mixing and maybe more books-mixing.
25:36Yeah.
25:37Um, there are books out there where they teach you how to trick women into liking you.
25:40So, um...
25:42Men are doing wild things to make themselves more attractive to women,
25:46and not one of them is listening to how our day was.
25:48Yeah, that's right.
25:49I think men are getting it wrong, you know.
25:52These young guys are getting it a bit wrong.
25:53I mean, we live in a world, there's a lot of pressure to look a certain way,
25:57to be a certain way, but it's not about looks.
26:00What's really letting these guys down is their f***ing dog-shit personalities, so...
26:05All right, before we kick in to you, team two,
26:08I think a round of applause for Simon for winning the gold guitars.
26:12Congratulations.
26:14And you didn't think you were going to win it?
26:16Not at all.
26:17What's it sort of judged on?
26:19Is it your own songs, or just playing and performing, or...?
26:21We've got sections like the traditional country music section, we've got country rock,
26:25you've got male vocals, solo, gospel, there's a myriad of them.
26:29So it's based on, A, ability to sing, which is always quite helpful in a singing competition.
26:34Yeah, that's for sure.
26:34Yeah.
26:35Um, musicianship, stage presence, um, remembering lyrics.
26:39There's always a good thing.
26:40And people don't realise that what you're holding on the left, that's actually the trophy.
26:44On the right is the guitar.
26:47Yeah, that one's, yeah, the one on the left hand,
26:50so the one with all the stars and stuff over that's been 1974,
26:52had its first star put on it by Patsy Rigger.
26:55So we're 51 years this year.
26:57This is the Ranfirli Shield of New Zealand country music.
27:00Um, and it really, really is.
27:02The award is prestigious.
27:03It's, it's, to be able to win it and walk away with it is just absolutely mind-blowing.
27:07Brilliant.
27:07And you got, you won the gold guitar,
27:08and you're thinking, life can't get much better.
27:10And then, hello, invite from seven days.
27:13Just when I film a week, couldn't get any worse.
27:17All right, Simon, you ready for song number two?
27:19Absolutely.
27:20Not literally that song from Blur, but another country anthem.
27:23Are you ready, team two?
27:23Yeah, we're ready.
27:24Tell me what Simon's singing about.
27:29He's fighting with it, orange parsley, roundhouse kicking in the Oval Office.
27:43State discussions, getting smashed in the doors, gonna get concussions, they're a portrait of George Bush.
27:53Octagon, punch my dome in the Oval Office.
28:00Oh, that country I am from, USC fight, house is so white.
28:10So punch my dome in the Oval Office.
28:19So punch my dome in the Oval Office.
28:24Oh, that country I am from, USC fight, house is so white.
28:35So punch my dome in the Oval Office.
28:39Gong!
28:48Appreciate you.
28:50Yeah.
28:51Oh, the greatest time of my life.
28:55Incredible.
28:56Probably the funniest lyric we've ever had on Seven Days On Stone.
28:59Funniest of it, the song just...
29:00It's my dong.
29:01You may have just converted me to country music, I think.
29:04Yeah, I hear a lot of chat about dongs and the Oval Office,
29:08and Bill Clinton hasn't been there in the ages.
29:10So, yeah, I think it's probably the UFC fight that's happening at the White House.
29:15It's gotta be.
29:15For the 250th anniversary of the United States,
29:18Trump staged a UFC fight on the White House lawn,
29:22but only because he thought it standed for underage fried chicken.
29:27Yes.
29:28Yeah, exactly.
29:29The controversial UFC fight taking place on the lawn of the White House
29:32to mark USA's 250th birthday and Trump's 80th birthday is happening this week.
29:38Look, if you want to see some grown men fighting at an 80-year-old's birthday,
29:42just go to an RSI and demand everyone call you they-them pronouns.
29:47You're sweet.
29:48You're sweet.
29:50I mean, he's ripped up the garden, he's smashed the left wing down,
29:54he's got a UFC fight where a beautiful garden used to be.
29:59I mean, has anyone thought that this Trump guy, he might be a little bit crazy?
30:04I think that's the nice part, that finally there's going to be someone in the White House
30:07with more brain damage than the President.
30:11Trump did show a moment of, like, vulnerability though.
30:14He sent a tweet out last night, I think it was last night,
30:17where it said,
30:17it's my first party without Geoffrey, I'm a little bit nervous.
30:23Do you know how I wish had pulled out?
30:25Donald Trump senior.
30:33All right, team one, you can have eight for points.
30:36That's years.
30:36A Ukrainian woman has had a mercury thermometer stuck inside her.
30:40Doctors this week finally removed it after she complained of abdominal pain.
30:43No word on what her final temperature was this morning.
30:46And you can have 70, team two.
30:48That's the number of calls Pet Control Services are receiving per week
30:51to attend an outbreak of rats in Ponsonby.
30:54Three times as many as usual.
30:55That means the star for Slice goes to team two.
31:02Please give it up for our wonderful guest,
31:04winner of the gold guitar, Simon Thompson.
31:14All right, no time to celebrate, team two.
31:16It's your turn now for the burger-fueled brain grill.
31:18I've got an image for you this time.
31:20What's going on here? 1991.
31:22What now before it got lame?
31:26I think it's a helicopter parent when their kid's like,
31:29I'm going to go to the rock concert.
31:30They're like, I'll just have a watch of you.
31:33That was Metallica playing in Moscow,
31:35would you believe it, for 1.6 million people
31:37after the collapse of the Soviet Union, 1991.
31:40This moment in metal history is brought to you by the new
31:43Maltallica Burger, which is accompanied by our very own
31:46Devil's Skins Potato Skins.
31:47Head to burgerfuel.com, Maltallica, for details on how to win
31:51a year's worth of free burgers and some incredible prizes.
31:54Guitar and all. Get busy.
31:57OK, it's time for a wee rest, or a wee and a rest.
31:59Your choice. See you soon for History on Seven Days.
32:16I hope you're feeling nice and nostalgic.
32:18We're about to peel back the calendar, if that's a saying.
32:21With a game of history.
32:22Teams, time to look at your screens and relive the glory days.
32:26Thousands of people will soon converge on Takaka Hill,
32:29near Nelson, for The Gathering, a 48-hour music and dance festival.
32:33Preparing for The Gathering.
32:35Eight and a half thousand people expected for the alcohol-free event,
32:38first held four years ago on the remote Takaka Hill, near Nelson.
32:42The Gathering is a festival of freedom, dance, music and participation.
32:48More than 200 artists will perform for the 48-hour party, the largest yet.
32:53Bigger, better, louder, nicer, noisier.
32:56Its popularity is spread by word of mouth.
32:59Tickets were sold out three months ago.
33:00We've got people this year coming from the UK, the US, Canada, Finland, Holland, Denmark.
33:07I mean, people from all over the world.
33:09And that, for us, is quite an honor.
33:11Three, two, one!
33:18That is footage from legendary New Year's festival The Gathering, held in the late 90s in Kanan Downs,
33:24just outside Mochueka.
33:25The alcohol-free music festival kick-started the dance and electronic music culture in New Zealand,
33:30launching the careers of bands like The Black Seeds, Pitch Black and Concord Dawn.
33:34Sort of like New Zealand's Woodstock for a generation of millennium hippies.
33:38And in amongst those hippies was the publicist for The Gathering.
33:41Her name is Alison Green.
33:42She is in our line-up tonight.
33:44Joining her is a landlord, a knitter and a homemaker.
33:48Team two, starting with you tonight.
33:51Okay.
33:51Try and identify Alison.
33:53What is that? Landlord, knitter...
33:54And a homemaker.
33:55Homemaker.
33:56Yeah, we're sort of going for hobbies this time.
33:58Okay.
33:58Well, if I'm...
33:58Hey, hey, hey!
33:59Homemaking's not a f***ing hobby, mate.
34:02You shut your sexist mouth!
34:06I think if you look at their shoes to start with, I think you can learn a lot from the
34:11shoes.
34:11Because, number one, incredibly beautiful shoes.
34:15Yeah.
34:15They do look like the shoes someone who took acid for five years in a row might wear.
34:19Wait, wait, wait.
34:20I'll tell you what.
34:20She's a landlord.
34:23She is giving landlord a little bit.
34:24Well, I don't think...
34:25Again, I think the hair is like full-on blotter acid, listen to trunks for a week.
34:31That's true, actually.
34:32You're true.
34:33Though...
34:33Don't make her laugh.
34:34She might have a wee week.
34:36No, I'm getting a little bit of landlord, because I would be unsurprised to see her kind
34:40of in my garden without any warning.
34:44She has entered a room before by saying, only me!
34:48And you know what?
34:49She's adorable.
34:50You make her a cup of tea.
34:52And I mean, if we're talking shoes, number three, what the f***?
34:58I mean, I'm sure they're comfortable, but f***.
35:01Yeah, f***.
35:02Now.
35:03Chelsea, I don't know what I'm saying to you, but she looks like she's robbed your wardrobe.
35:09You've come to warn her that in ten years it gets worse.
35:17I think number three has probably knitted those socks.
35:21Can we, is it okay to have another look at them?
35:24Sure.
35:24I'll put it down, put it down.
35:26They, they, they look, they do look homespun, I think.
35:29What a sort of a three-four knitting, um, if I do know my knitting, which I don't.
35:35I think that four could be our gathering.
35:37I think so.
35:38I think so.
35:38Because you know, she's done the gathering and then she's realised what a mistake, you know,
35:42and she's voting national now.
35:43And probably every, every three to four days she's having a horrific acid flashback,
35:48which is, she's learned to deal with that, as we all have.
35:51Two is the homemaker because she's wearing sensible shoes.
35:53Yep.
35:53Because she's running around after everybody all the time,
35:56being the backbone of New Zealand.
35:58That's right, Corbett!
36:01Yeah, so, uh, one is our landlord, two is our homemaker, three is our knitter,
36:06and therefore four was responsible in some way for the gathering.
36:09Okay, so, uh, team two has gone for Alison being number four.
36:13Team one, your turn.
36:14So one of them's a knitter.
36:15My kids had knits.
36:16Which one looks like they could find a kid with knits?
36:21Oh, that's the worst.
36:22Maybe we get all, all four of them perhaps to see if we can find the knitter for sure.
36:27Maybe, could I get you all to mime doing a, uh, your basic pearl stitch, please?
36:31All right, basic pearl.
36:34What the ****?
36:36Yeah, I don't know anything about knitting.
36:38No, number four, when you asked, like, the first question about that,
36:42she played it way too cool.
36:45And just then she was, like, took a while to think about it,
36:47and then obviously that's nothing.
36:49Oh, and then she was doing, like, a distraction,
36:50like, to throw us off the scent, you think, almost?
36:52Yeah.
36:53Like, could be.
36:54So you think four is maybe our knitter?
36:55Yeah.
36:56Okay, I agree that four could perhaps be our knitter.
36:58I'm very much getting, uh, a gathering vibe from three.
37:02A hundred percent.
37:03Yeah, yeah.
37:04And also because it's the woman with the same face.
37:09From the video.
37:10That's often a clue I find a bit of difference.
37:12Which means one or two is the homemaker.
37:14So who looks like they do more work than anyone but for no remuneration?
37:20Mate, what do you guys think out of one and two for the,
37:22because I think three is gathering.
37:23I reckon landlord two.
37:25Landlord or home.
37:26Turn home out of one.
37:27Okay.
37:27One is our, um, homemaker, Jeremy.
37:29Right.
37:30Uh, two is our, uh, landlord.
37:33Right.
37:33Three is, um, the gatherer.
37:36Right.
37:36Of the peoples.
37:37Mm-hmm.
37:38And four, um, confined nits.
37:40All right, just to recap.
37:41Team one thinks Alison Green is number three.
37:44Team two, you think Alison is number four.
37:46Can I ask the publicist for the gathering back in the 90s
37:49to step forward, please?
37:51Ah!
37:51Yeah!
37:52Well done, mate.
37:55Woo!
37:57Thank you, well done, Alison.
37:59Thank you, well done, Alison.
38:00Fond memories of that particular festival?
38:02Oh, my God.
38:03I watched the documentary that we made this afternoon
38:06and I haven't watched it in ages.
38:08And it made me quite emotional because it's 30 years ago now
38:12since we did those parties.
38:14And it was just the best time.
38:16That must have been pretty crazy.
38:18Like, you know, obviously it was alcohol free.
38:20But, uh, do you still go as hard in the paint 30 years later?
38:23Like, are you still whacking it back?
38:25LAUGHTER
38:26I'm just going to say no comment to that.
38:30LAUGHTER
38:30You say no comment, but I watched the start of the documentary
38:33and the organiser at the time was quite clear about that.
38:36The accusation was made that people take drugs
38:37and she said, yes, yes, yes, what we're into is, like,
38:40keeping it, making it safe.
38:41Exactly.
38:41So that was the whole thing, that you go,
38:44OK, we cannot control the fact that people try drugs
38:47and they will bring them to our party.
38:49What can we control?
38:50What we can control is the environment itself
38:53and the information that we give to people to keep them safe.
38:56And also on that note, do you have any?
38:59No.
39:00She's got some tucked into the socks.
39:02Yeah, yeah, yeah.
39:04I like my socks.
39:06That's good for you.
39:08They look pretty insane, like, the stuff that's happening
39:10in those videos, like, people out there dancing in the mud,
39:13losing their minds, running through the bush.
39:14Like, do you have any, like, memories that stand out
39:16of something that happened and you look back
39:18and you'd be like, jeez, that was wild times?
39:21I think one of the most interesting times was the Millennium Party
39:25and there was this huge rumour that got bigger and bigger and bigger
39:29over the months before it happened that a whole bunch of skin eggs
39:33were going to come to the party and cause an awful lot of trouble.
39:36And the rumour, I heard about the rumour,
39:38and people kept asking me, is it true, is it true?
39:41And every time I heard it, it was more extreme and more wild.
39:45And I remember at midnight, dancing in the trance zone,
39:49thinking, if they're going to come, and I know they're not,
39:52but if they are going to come, they're coming right now
39:55and we can take them.
39:57And it was brilliant.
40:00Give it up for Alison Green.
40:06Thank you, Alison. Now you can step back.
40:08Let's get our landlord to step forward.
40:09Please, where's our landlord?
40:11There, number two.
40:13The two for two, team one, our knitter.
40:15This is a big one.
40:16You've done it.
40:17Team two, four for four, you get the star.
40:19Please, step forward, our homemaker.
40:23Thank you all for coming and a big round of applause for team one.
40:27Thank you for the star.
40:30OK, I'm talking to you now, our wonderful viewer.
40:33Your time, your turn to take a chance,
40:35have a crack at the Burger Fuel Brain Grill.
40:37Here's one for you at home.
40:38Good image, that.
40:39It is also up on our socials.
40:41So head to Facebook or Instagram and throw us a caption,
40:44basically fill in the blanks there.
40:46Best answer wins $100 of Burger Fuel.
40:49I'm going to have my own little gathering now.
40:50After that, I have some pretty pictures
40:52for our last game of the night.
40:53Captions.
40:54See you then.
41:07Welcome back to all our wonderful viewers,
41:09and also the awful ones, skinny eyeballs will do.
41:11We're rounding into the home stretch of the game.
41:14We're going to play Caption That,
41:14where I show the comedians some weird and wonderful photos
41:17from the week's news.
41:17They have to guess the caption,
41:19and we'll start with you, team one.
41:20Okay.
41:20You're up first.
41:21Here's your first photo.
41:22What's the caption?
41:23Oh, and now we put in the soil.
41:27Get it?
41:29Do you get it?
41:30We put in the soil.
41:32It is joke about name.
41:34Also, be careful.
41:36Don't use your back like Ukraine.
41:41Is it when you get demoted from dictator to branch manager?
41:50Okay, we promise to give back this much of Ukrainian soil.
41:57I love the guys patiently waiting with the watering things.
42:00Oh, yeah.
42:01Two guys at the back is like,
42:02this is the weirdest student job search gig we've ever had.
42:05Yes, that is Russian President Vladimir Putin
42:08and Kazakh President Kasim-Zhomartokiev planting a tree
42:11at the Valley of Friendship in Astana, and that's in Kazakhstan.
42:14Team two.
42:15Your turn now.
42:16Caption this.
42:17Is it ADHD kids ruins minute of silence?
42:23Despite his age, Chelsea support are about to get beaten to death.
42:28Is it, um, hey, no, we don't need to buy him a red jacket.
42:33No, no, no, not everyone is going to be wearing red.
42:35We won't stand out at all.
42:38Hey, like, hey, babe, you're being dramatic.
42:40Like, no one's going to take a photo of him and put it on TV, all right?
42:42You're being a psycho.
42:45What Tim Payne fans will look like once they actually see him play.
42:51Man chooses strange time to try out new ventriloquist, dummy.
42:58That is River Plate fans watch an Argentine soccer league match
43:02against San Lorenzo in Buenos Aires, Argentina.
43:05Ah, OK.
43:05Back to you, team one.
43:06What's the caption for this one?
43:09Oh, Rafiki.
43:10Rafiki looking a bit rough after the gathering.
43:16This spicy image lights up the month of June in the SPCO fundraising.
43:22Is it, um, Pauline Hanson forgot her razor on holiday in Bali?
43:28I think it's an exact picture of me as I wait for the shower to warm up.
43:34That is a wild rhesus macaque overlooking dramatic sandstone pillars in the Zhangjiajie
43:39National Forest Park in China.
43:41It's time now, though, to announce tonight's winning team.
43:44Let's go to the star chart.
43:45Holus Bolus.
43:46Look at that.
43:47Congratulations, team one!
43:53Please enjoy your cup of concrete.
43:55We've got one each.
43:57And unbelievably, that really is concrete.
43:59So be careful with those.
44:01All right, that is all for this week.
44:03Please join me in thanking Paul, Bridget, Corey, Joseph, Tony and Jazzy.
44:06We'll see you in seven days.
44:07On seven days, goodnight.
44:12Thanks, New Zealand On Air.
44:14You are 37.
44:16I am 37.
44:17That feels appropriate.
44:19I am 38.
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