00:00My son transitioned today, and I told him he's a superhero. He's an X-Man.
00:08What do you call a cow with three legs? Lean beef. What do you call a cow with no legs?
00:13Ground beef.
00:14Well, what do you call a cow with two legs? Your mom.
00:22Why doesn't Alton John like spinach? He's a rocket man.
00:28What do you call an Italian oil rig worker? Regatoni.
00:37If you have a green ball in one hand, you have a green ball in the other.
00:40What do you have? Curve and scream from mercy.
00:48I want you guys to notice the common theme, okay?
00:51So why are pirates all pirates?
00:53Because they are.
00:56What's a pirate's favorite animal?
00:58An armadillo.
01:00What's a pirate's favorite veggie?
01:03It's a joke.
01:05What's a pirate's favorite branch of the military?
01:09The Navy.
01:16There's two whales in a bar.
01:17The first whale says...
01:29We're going to have to try that one again.
01:36It's the delivery, James.
01:46What's made out of leather and sounds like a sneeze?
01:48A shoe.
01:54What do you call an obese psychic?
01:56A fortune teller.
02:01My wife used to be afraid of the dark.
02:03One night, I turned on the lamp while I was...
02:06Now she's afraid of her life.
02:09I went to school with a girl named Non-Stick Cooking Spray.
02:14No, you didn't.
02:20You didn't.
02:21You didn't.
02:23That's not a fact.
02:26That's a lie.
02:29Say what you want about deaf people.
02:32Oh, God, you can.
02:39That shouldn't be funny.
02:41I shouldn't have laughed at that.
02:42Is that it?
02:43That's it.
02:44That's it.
02:46That's it.
02:50Say what you want about deaf people.
02:53You can't.
02:55That's it.
02:59That's it.
03:00That's it.
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