- 4 hours ago
Big Girls Wanted Escaping Pearadise S01e03 The Cost Of Curves
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00:11I don't know who needs to hear this message today, but here you go.
00:15Sis, quit waiting to live your life until you're skimming.
00:20Live your life today.
00:22We don't have tomorrow promised.
00:25Life is short.
00:27Do it.
00:31Cass wanted other women to feel beautiful about themselves.
00:36I lost so much of my life to being so obsessed about being fat until I met Cass.
00:46One day, I opened my phone and I just was like watching her Instagram story.
00:51I started seeing all these RIP posts.
00:55We're just going to have a moment of silence for Cass.
00:58I called Stefan and I said, what the f*** happened to Cass?
01:16Cass is dead because of the harm that was put on her body through death feederism.
01:25Having this rapid weight gain, she had pretty bad sleep apnea.
01:30People told me she fell out of bed and stopped breathing.
01:37Cass found freedom in feederism.
01:41It was financial freedom.
01:43It was freedom from the chains of fat phobia.
01:47That was false freedom.
01:51She was 29 years old.
01:53She has so many things that she could have done.
01:56And this is very difficult.
02:02Stefan doesn't take accountability for what he does and how he affects other people.
02:07It definitely is a matter of time before it happens again.
02:11Cass hasn't maxed it by.
02:13Would she be alive?
02:16Before she passed, I feel like Paradise had already killed a part of her.
02:22She lost a lot of herself in that house.
02:27She lost a lot of her.
02:37She lost a lot of her.
03:06It makes me really sad for her.
03:09Stefan was trying to replace her.
03:11She just gave up on herself.
03:13That's not the cast I knew.
03:15She didn't deserve how he treated her.
03:18She felt powerless.
03:19I told him this was going to happen.
03:22Had it not been for Stefan,
03:24had it not been for Paradise,
03:27Cass will be alive today.
03:30Being accused of having something to do
03:33with her not being around anymore
03:36is the ultimate dagger in the heart.
03:40She had been a big part of my life.
03:43The whole Paradise circle, everybody loved her.
03:54We miss her.
03:59No, I'm not a feeder.
04:02Cass is a feeder.
04:05If I was in charge of feeding anybody here,
04:07they would all stound.
04:11I would absolutely say feederism can be dangerous.
04:15The two years that she was away from Paradise,
04:18she put on 100 pounds, which was like a lot.
04:22While she was at the house,
04:24while she was with me,
04:25she was never into feederism.
04:26If someone's saying that,
04:28in your opinion,
04:29does that mean that they are lying about it?
04:31If somebody is going out
04:35insinuating that I had anything to do
04:37with Cass' weight gain,
04:38it is purely to make me look bad
04:41because of what happened.
04:44She was engaged in feederism at the house.
04:48Stefan knew what Cass was up to.
04:56When you are engaged in feederism,
04:59you're just trying to put on weight
05:02and put on this show of how much bigger can I get.
05:06Time for another Rumble review.
05:09You might not recognize it,
05:11but that's what a lot of the Paradise content is.
05:14Ready? Go.
05:16Blueberry cheesecake cookie.
05:17It's feederism content.
05:18Oh, my God.
05:20He knows, like, what he's doing,
05:23but I don't think he sees
05:26the nuances behind what's happening.
05:30It is more than the feederism, too.
05:34All of that back and forth
05:35and Cass in the middle of it.
05:38Don't.
05:39Don't get emotional now.
05:40No, no, no.
05:41She felt powerless.
05:43The world that Cass was living in killed Cass.
05:46Cass doesn't care about women.
05:48She cares about herself,
05:50her money, and her fame.
05:52And the one thing that I hate more
05:55than a man who wants to prey on big women
05:58is a big woman who is helping that man prey on women.
06:03Did you ever meet Cass in person?
06:05No, I never met Cass.
06:08I never want to force a woman to relive her trauma.
06:11In my opinion, Cass is...
06:14And if there's any collateral damage,
06:16that does still fall on me.
06:29There's several truths to the story.
06:32All I can do is be honest about
06:35what I saw, experienced, and felt.
06:39I started to see my own humanity more there.
06:49I didn't come home and immediately
06:52pour over every photo.
06:55I did it in doses.
06:58It became very clear to me
06:59that I came across something
07:01that was so much more than a personal project.
07:06So I sent the story to an editor
07:10at one of the papers that I work for.
07:12They weren't interested in running it.
07:15And for some reason,
07:16I just heard the first note with this
07:17and just stopped digging.
07:19I don't know.
07:20Nothing ever felt right.
07:22This project felt unfinished for me.
07:25Does part of you want to go back?
07:27Yeah.
07:31I never really closed the door on it.
07:35If I'm scrolling on TikTok late at night
07:37and they're live, I'll click in and I'll watch.
07:39Start the story time off.
07:40It's still a lot of the same anger about betrayal.
07:43That was over four years ago now.
07:46At the end of the day,
07:48they all used to be friends.
07:49And it's like, how did we get here?
07:52Where does that switch flip?
07:59For a very long time, I believed,
08:02the girls were blowing it out of proportion
08:04with sexual assault allegations.
08:07It's really easy to minimize
08:11someone else's experience
08:14until you go through something yourself.
08:22One night, I was at Stefan's
08:26and one of his friends,
08:28she had decided to reach out
08:31to a bunch of men on Tinder
08:35and tell them that there was
08:37a bunch of plus-size women
08:39that were all looking to hook up.
08:41Her response was basically,
08:43well, I'm going to pick the one that I want
08:44and then you guys can figure out
08:46what to do with the rest.
08:49And all of them showed up at the house.
08:52One guy was in the pool
08:53and he kept reaching over
08:54and trying to grab at me.
08:57And to make it very clear
08:59that I wasn't okay with it.
09:02Later that night,
09:03I was in the hot tub
09:05and one of the girls
09:06pulled me into her lap.
09:09I was just kind of in the moment.
09:11I wasn't paying full attention.
09:14And it took me a minute for my brain
09:16to kind of process what was going on.
09:19and I realized that girl was gone.
09:22Yet I was still being groped by someone.
09:29The same guy who had been trying
09:31to grope me before,
09:32he was touching me.
09:34I was being fingered.
09:38I didn't say anything.
09:39I literally just got out of the hot tub.
09:49And the next morning,
09:50I got up and I told Stefan.
09:55And Stefan's response was,
09:57oh wow, I'm sorry.
10:00He didn't know the guys that were there.
10:05That would be like going to the strip
10:07and just grabbing four random guys
10:08and bringing them back to the house.
10:12So to this day,
10:13I don't know this person's name.
10:15I couldn't press charges if I wanted to.
10:19It changed my perspective,
10:21not just on sexual assault.
10:28It was more than just what happened
10:30with Ali and Savi.
10:32With Stefan,
10:33there is no remorse.
10:36There is no,
10:37oh damn, this needs to change.
10:41And that was when I realized
10:43that I was done.
10:49That house is not safe.
11:00I wanted to go to the girls
11:02and say, you know what?
11:03I am so sorry
11:05that I played a part.
11:09I messaged Kimmy.
11:13And the first words
11:14out of my mouth were,
11:15what do you want to know?
11:16I'm an open book.
11:25Heather was the big dog.
11:27Meow, Heather check.
11:29This is the woman
11:30who was his right-hand man.
11:32When the women are fighting for him,
11:34they're not our enemy.
11:36Just remember,
11:37you tried to sweep things under the rug.
11:41The problem is,
11:42I remember where you keep all your dirt.
11:44One of the things
11:45Heather had brought to my attention
11:46was he was talking to minors.
11:51In most instances,
11:53he would tell them
11:54they had to wait
11:54until they were 18
11:55to join the Discord.
11:58But Stefan definitely encourages them
12:00to send pictures,
12:03to continue to communicate with him,
12:05to know that he's a safe space.
12:08And in reality,
12:09what he's waiting for
12:10is them to turn 18.
12:12He's going to create
12:13enough of a connection
12:14that they will come.
12:16He will get to have sex with them
12:17and rinse and repeat
12:19for however long it lasts.
12:23You're a terrible person
12:25and a horrible friend.
12:40When I left the house,
12:42he called me a traitor.
12:47The solution
12:48to people leaving
12:50is to just delete them.
12:54If you were to look through this,
12:57I don't exist.
12:58I'm just some random person
13:00that's talking crap
13:01about paradise.
13:04We were all put
13:05in the same position.
13:13His sweet spot is 22.
13:15I've learned.
13:18He was in his mid-40s
13:20at the time
13:21when I met him.
13:22I was 21, 22.
13:2524-year age gap.
13:28When we're that age,
13:30we think we know
13:31what we're doing.
13:33His relationship
13:34with the boys
13:37depended on
13:37how well I treated him.
13:40It eventually got to the point
13:41where I decided
13:42there's nothing here for me.
13:45I just packed up my stuff
13:47and I didn't turn back.
13:51That's when a lot of people
13:52were coming to me
13:53with stories.
13:54And I found out
13:57what was going on
13:57behind my back.
14:00After I found out
14:01I was pregnant,
14:03apparently,
14:03he wanted to
14:06have
14:07women in the house
14:09go to the doctors
14:10and say that
14:12they were pregnant
14:12to get abortion pills.
14:17The plan was to
14:20crush them up
14:21and put them
14:22in a drink.
14:29The story that I heard
14:31from someone
14:31within the house
14:32was
14:33Stefan was likely
14:35trying to get somebody
14:36to slip her plan B
14:37in her drink
14:39so that
14:40she would have
14:41a spontaneous miscarriage
14:43and lose the twins.
14:44I was
14:46absolutely astounded.
14:48She decided
14:49to go through
14:49with the pregnancy
14:50so I made a joke
14:51and said like,
14:52oh, this bitch,
14:53like she did this
14:54and this and this.
14:54She should not
14:55keep those kids.
14:56You know,
14:57you can say things
14:58as a joke in private
15:00and of course
15:02somebody decided
15:02to take a joke
15:03and say like,
15:05oh, he was planning
15:06to do it.
15:07No, I never did.
15:09Why is all the attention
15:10on me right now?
15:11Currently,
15:12my relationship
15:13with the boys
15:14is non-existent
15:15but that's because
15:17I need to protect
15:17my own mental health.
15:20I have to live
15:21with the fact
15:21that there's two kids
15:23that were conceived
15:24against my consent.
15:27It's nothing
15:28you can do
15:28as a man.
15:29I have to live with it.
15:33I'm telling my story now
15:35because
15:37I have two little boys
15:39that depend on me.
15:40My biggest fear
15:42is that they'll hate me.
15:44One day,
15:44they'll ask me,
15:46mom,
15:46why weren't you
15:47better to him?
15:48Because then we
15:49could have had a dad.
15:53I'll be honest
15:54with them
15:54and I know
15:55so many other women
15:56who were there
15:57at the time
15:58will also be there
15:59to help share
16:00what kind of man
16:02he is.
16:05He's done everything
16:06that he can possibly
16:06do to villainize her
16:08and in reality,
16:11he's chaos
16:13personified.
16:18I can't watch it anymore.
16:20Now there's
16:21a whole new set
16:22of people.
16:23I have no idea
16:23who they are.
16:24All I know is
16:26there's always
16:27somebody that's young.
16:30one of the girls
16:31is like 22.
16:33It gives me the ick
16:34in the worst way.
16:43Who wouldn't love
16:44Rissa, right?
16:45Rissa is the sweetest.
16:48My name is
16:49Carissa Stroup.
16:52I'm 22
16:53and I'm from
16:54North Carolina.
16:56And I'm currently
16:58indefinitely
16:58visiting Paradise.
17:00You're cooking.
17:01There we go.
17:03Bacon, bacon
17:04to go on
17:04the sandwich.
17:05I'm from a small town
17:07in North Carolina.
17:07I'm used to
17:08a two-bedroom trailer
17:09with one bathroom.
17:12Stefan's house.
17:13It was gigantic.
17:15It was insane to me.
17:19I love to cook.
17:21I love to cook.
17:22I like to make
17:23southern dishes.
17:25Finding Stefan
17:26and finding Paradise
17:27has changed my life.
17:29Yeah, these are my snacks.
17:30You want to watch me eat them?
17:34I had just
17:35gotten out of my
17:36relationship with my ex.
17:39He was an extreme feeder.
17:41At one point,
17:43my ex had told me
17:44that I was
17:46the weakest bitch
17:47he had ever met.
17:48He had wanted me
17:50to eat
17:50a whole
17:51sheet cake.
17:53A whole, like,
17:54you know,
17:54sheet cake for a birthday.
17:55I would stuff myself
17:57force feed,
17:58run to the bathroom
17:59and throw up.
18:03I still have
18:03appetite issues
18:04to this day
18:05because of it.
18:21Stephon has been
18:22my biggest supporter,
18:23to be honest with you.
18:26Stephon plays a role
18:27of cameraman for me.
18:28I post, like,
18:31belly videos,
18:32just full-body pics,
18:34embracing me
18:35and my own skin.
18:37I do do OnlyFans,
18:39so I do a lot of
18:41fetishized content.
18:44I'm not into
18:45hardcore feederism.
18:46I eat my regular food
18:48and I put it up for sale
18:49and people just
18:51happen to buy it,
18:52so that makes me
18:53some money.
18:54Every chance
18:55that I get,
18:56I give that man
18:57the money he deserves.
18:59He's never asked
19:00me for a dime.
19:01It's all out of
19:02my own heart.
19:05You love Stephon.
19:06I do love Stephon.
19:08Stephon confessed
19:09his feelings first.
19:10I definitely feel special.
19:13When we first met,
19:14she had, like,
19:14this sweet innocence
19:15about her.
19:17Right now,
19:17at this moment,
19:18like, I keep telling them,
19:20like, I am currently single
19:21and I'm very close
19:22with everybody.
19:23And Rizna is cool
19:24with it.
19:25The girls just
19:26do their own thing.
19:28And what I get back,
19:31maybe, like,
19:31a home-cooked meal,
19:32you know?
19:34He gets the thrill
19:35of watching me
19:35do what I do.
19:36Like, he's very kinky,
19:38very, um, hands-on.
19:41And I mean,
19:42I'm perfectly okay
19:43with it.
19:44I'm going on
19:4523K followers.
19:47I get a million views
19:49on my account
19:50in a month.
19:51Like, I built that
19:52myself,
19:54and it's all
19:55from body positivity.
19:58The body positive movement
20:00gave people permission
20:01to feel sexy
20:03and to feel seen.
20:04And then, of course,
20:05you're going to get people
20:05that are like,
20:06you're disgusting
20:06and I can't bear
20:09to look at you.
20:10It really has everything
20:11to do with
20:12mainstream media.
20:14Sick of feeling fat,
20:15ugly, and tired.
20:16You know what?
20:17You're not alone.
20:18This is what body fat
20:19is on your daughter.
20:20This is what 67 pounds
20:22of fat looks like.
20:24Class A's bodies
20:25have always been portrayed
20:27as something that needs
20:28to be fixed on TV.
20:31And it has serious implications
20:33for how society treats us.
20:36Do it now, okay?
20:38Everyone goes for 30
20:40seconds.
20:41The fact that
20:42The Biggest Loser
20:43got to exist
20:45is truly diabolical.
20:47We're here today
20:48at Zemora's High School.
20:49Today is the first day
20:51that is going to change
20:51her life.
20:52When I look in the mirror,
20:53I see disappointment.
20:54I feel disgusting.
20:57Whether it's a choice
20:58to be fat
20:59or whether they are
21:00desperately trying
21:01to lose weight,
21:02that kind of narrative
21:04is extremely damaging.
21:07This takes a while.
21:08This is a long process.
21:09Not something happens
21:10in a day.
21:11Even if you wanted
21:13to change,
21:14it's dehumanizing.
21:17It's exhausting.
21:19Any of those shows,
21:21looking back,
21:22you realize
21:22at the end of the day,
21:24it does have real impact.
21:27Zemora,
21:28today,
21:29we are going to help
21:30you change your life.
21:33Now,
21:34I'm at Paradise in Vegas.
21:43Zemora is an influencer
21:44and a friend of Paradise.
21:46I met her on TikTok.
21:48We invited her to Paradise.
21:51She's funny.
21:52She's original.
21:55She makes TikToks
21:56that make you laugh.
21:58Watch your way
21:58f***ing dog.
21:59I don't f***ing dog.
22:01Yada na yesterday.
22:02And I don't know
22:02when she was at the house.
22:05She gained followers
22:06from Paradise
22:06and I gained followers
22:08from her.
22:09I'm about to comment, guys,
22:10so you guys can follow me.
22:12I mean, I wanted to do
22:12like a mukbang.
22:13Don't come for me.
22:14Oops.
22:15A mukbang is internet slang
22:17for eating on camera.
22:19Walmart haul
22:20at 5.22 a.m.
22:22I got jerky.
22:24I mean,
22:25Zee is still mukbang-ing.
22:29As a guy
22:29that absolutely loves
22:30fat girls,
22:31I always want them
22:32happy and healthy, too.
22:34There's a red line
22:34in the sand.
22:35You don't want to go
22:35across that line.
22:37Cass was across that line.
22:39I also saw Zee
22:41on the other side
22:41of the line.
22:43I was there
22:44when Zee
22:46and Mara
22:46came to
22:47visit Paradise.
22:50We made TikToks.
22:51We had family dinners.
22:53Zee!
22:54Hi!
22:55And then she got sick.
22:58We had noticed
22:59that like the vibe
23:00was off.
23:00She was very quiet.
23:02She didn't come out
23:03of her room.
23:03It was for multiple days.
23:05And like, you know,
23:06eventually it got to a point
23:07people in the house
23:08got concerned.
23:17We had checked on her
23:18and she was kind of
23:21incoherent.
23:24She was crying
23:25and she just was
23:26not in good shape at all.
23:28Her skin didn't look good.
23:29I ran out
23:30to get an oxygen meter.
23:34And we clipped it
23:35on her finger
23:35and the reading
23:36was like 60
23:37and it was immediately
23:38911.
23:42We didn't know
23:43if she was going
23:44to make it.
23:46She was freaking out.
23:47She didn't want to go.
23:51And I had to tell her,
23:54you're choosing to die.
24:12Zio Mara ended up
24:13in the hospital
24:14here in Las Vegas
24:15and we were all
24:16heartbroken.
24:17she had contracted
24:19pneumonia
24:20and flu.
24:22I'm mad at myself.
24:24I didn't really see
24:25how bad she was
24:27until it was that bad.
24:41she disappeared for a few months.
24:43People within the
24:44plus-size communities
24:44were like,
24:45is she alive?
24:46Is she dead?
24:47Is she alive?
24:47Is she dead?
24:48She's doing all right.
24:49And hopefully
24:51she can get out
24:53sometime soon.
24:55She went into a coma
24:56and when she came out of it,
24:58she started trying to document
25:00more of her health journey.
25:03I feel like I never really
25:05got to live my life
25:06and it's sad.
25:08She's been in rehab
25:09to regain her mobility.
25:14In the beginning,
25:15she was sharing her journey
25:17day after day after day,
25:20once or twice a day.
25:22Happy 400K!
25:24Wow, that was creepy.
25:25Let's go, Arizona.
25:31But then she started
25:32going live on TikTok
25:34and muckbanging,
25:35basically,
25:36from DoorDash
25:37in the hospital bed.
25:38Look at the cheese
25:39at the bottom.
25:40Oh my gosh.
25:43That's what I got.
25:45This is really delicious.
25:47Her pastime
25:48is going live,
25:49talking to people,
25:50eating food or whatever.
25:54But, like, you know,
25:55as a friend, like,
25:59I was worried about her.
26:02Being bedridden
26:03for that amount of time
26:04would be killing me.
26:12Guys, my paradise friends
26:14are about to be here.
26:17I told her, like,
26:18Zee, like,
26:19when you're ready
26:20for visitors,
26:22let me know.
26:26And we went to see her.
26:28We made a couple of TikToks.
26:29One of them actually went viral
26:30right now,
26:311.4 million views.
26:33Guys, look at this guy here!
26:36All right,
26:37we're going to go eat food now.
26:38We ate dinner with her.
26:40We hung out.
26:40We spent the whole day with her.
26:41Finally trying a Michi pizza.
26:43This is a Supreme,
26:45a Caesar,
26:46Mots.
26:48They're good.
26:49I've had people
26:50quite literally say,
26:51like, you know,
26:51I'm the reason why
26:52Zee is in the hospital.
26:53We brought her that
26:54because she asked for it.
26:55She's an adult.
26:56I think they knew
26:57we were fat
26:57and wanted big-ass pizzas.
26:59I'm not her parent.
27:00I'm her friend.
27:02There are people claiming
27:03that I send her
27:04DoorDash every day
27:06and feed her.
27:07Zee herself responded to that
27:08and said, like,
27:09what an utter amount of bullshit.
27:11Her being at this house
27:12really contributed
27:14to things getting
27:15so much worse.
27:19A lot of people
27:20blame StƩphane
27:21for what happened to me.
27:23I don't care
27:24what people say online.
27:26I know what he's been to me.
27:33And StƩphane
27:34has been a friend to me.
27:37He has never once fed me.
27:39He has not paid for my food.
27:41I will always defend him.
27:44I don't think
27:54So you told me
27:55how I have to have it.
28:03I didn't go to StƩphane's house
28:05and get fat.
28:07She's gonna get on
28:08for the TikTok.
28:11I was already fat.
28:15Can you guys hear me?
28:17I've been doing TikTok
28:17since 2019.
28:19I was already making videos,
28:21eating,
28:22but, like,
28:23that's a personal choice.
28:26It makes me happy.
28:37Right before I went
28:38to the hospital,
28:38I weighed myself.
28:40And I was, like,
28:416'20".
28:47The truth is that
28:49once I started
28:50hanging around
28:51the house and stuff,
28:53like,
28:53I was brought into
28:54a different world.
28:55I've never been around
28:57men that have fetishes.
28:59I never knew
29:00about feederism.
29:05When I was at the house,
29:06I made a feeder content.
29:09I experienced, like,
29:1080-person feeders, too.
29:13Like, I'd have people
29:13come to the house
29:14and they'd feed me.
29:16It was a lot,
29:17but it was also exciting.
29:19There's a community
29:20that likes me for my size.
29:23As humans,
29:24we can eroticize anything.
29:26And that's both good
29:27and that's bad.
29:28And when you pair
29:30arousal or pleasure
29:32with something,
29:33that gets hardwired.
29:34So for someone
29:36who has had
29:37pleasure associated
29:39with being fed,
29:41it is nearly impossible
29:43to turn off.
29:47Silly goose.
29:48People don't understand that.
29:49This is my life now.
29:53Oh.
29:54I feel lonely.
29:57I've been eating more
29:58because I've been
30:00getting new feeders.
30:02People DM me on IG,
30:04even TikTok,
30:05and, like, they ask for stuff.
30:06I do it for money
30:10and do enjoy it.
30:13Content creation
30:14is almost a trifecta
30:16of risk.
30:17It's financially beneficial.
30:20Your ego gets validation.
30:22Oh, my God.
30:25And if I have nothing else
30:26to feel good about,
30:27that is where I find my worth.
30:30To finally feel wanted
30:31and desired
30:32is going to make it very hard
30:33to back away from something,
30:35even if it's life-threatening
30:37and dangerous.
30:40The night before
30:41I was hospitalized,
30:44we'd start getting
30:45into a deep conversation,
30:47and he had tears
30:48in his eyes.
30:51I think I remind him
30:53of Cass a little.
30:55It's like he would see her
30:56or something.
31:01And he was like,
31:02Zio,
31:04this is not your world.
31:06He was like,
31:07I don't want something
31:08to happen to you.
31:13Say bye.
31:15Bye.
31:17I love you.
31:24I did not think
31:25I'd be going
31:26to the hospital again.
31:28I turned 30
31:29in a couple of hours
31:30and I'm going to be
31:31having surgery
31:32for the first time
31:33in my life ever.
31:34It's my gallbladder.
31:35There's a lot of risks,
31:37obviously,
31:37with the person my size,
31:38and I am worried.
31:42I'm going to be
31:43I'm going to be
31:44I'm going to be
31:45I'm going to be
31:46I'm going to be
31:47I'm going to be
31:50I just had
31:51my first surgery
31:53ever.
31:54With everything
31:55that I go through,
31:55I just learned to
31:58love myself
31:59a little more.
32:04I have a lot
32:05of working
32:06on myself to do.
32:08I do PT every day.
32:09I do go to every day.
32:10Five days a week
32:11like I'm walking.
32:14Me being a part
32:15of paradise,
32:16I wouldn't be able
32:17to grow
32:18if I didn't
32:19go through that.
32:21One of the things
32:21that I did feel
32:22in the house
32:22was safe.
32:23You know,
32:24it's all good sides
32:25and it is
32:26a plus size community
32:27but I could see
32:29where people
32:30could see it differently.
32:40this battle
32:41between us
32:42and paradise.
32:43It's not this
32:44black and white
32:45situation.
32:45It's not cut
32:46and dry.
32:47At the end
32:47of the day,
32:48all I cared about
32:49was those girls.
32:53We were in this
32:54fight for your life
32:55for a whole year
32:56and a half.
32:57We were being sued
32:59for a million dollars
33:01and he didn't really
33:02want to win
33:03a million dollars.
33:04He wanted to scare us.
33:06Stefan benefits
33:07off of silencing people.
33:11Early January,
33:12I was in the process
33:14of making a TikTok video
33:15and this little
33:16notification pops up
33:18from our lawyer.
33:19So I click on the email
33:20and it's the judge
33:21saying that they're
33:22throwing out
33:22the defamation lawsuit.
33:24And I literally felt
33:26my knees just cry
33:27because it felt like
33:28this weight
33:28had been taken off.
33:30I remember just thinking,
33:31oh my God,
33:31we made it.
33:35Yesterday,
33:35we got word
33:36that the court
33:37is fighting in our favor
33:38and has dismissed
33:39the case.
33:40Because we won
33:41the lawsuit,
33:42I could keep
33:43speaking out about this.
33:46But now,
33:46I really do feel trapped
33:48because I don't think
33:49this is something
33:49that's ever going
33:50to be done
33:51because he's
33:52never going
33:53to be done.
34:04I missed you.
34:08From the jump,
34:10you were like
34:10the rock.
34:13You kept me going.
34:14You kept everybody going.
34:16I would go into battle
34:17with you no matter
34:18where we go.
34:19Always and forever.
34:20Yeah.
34:20I wish more people knew
34:22because I know
34:23there are women
34:23going into that house.
34:29Woo!
34:30R.G.
34:31R.G.
34:33R.G.
34:34R.G.
34:35R.G.
34:46I'm not a victim.
34:49And nobody
34:49at the house
34:50is a victim.
34:51People should be
34:52asking us
34:52why we want
34:53to be there.
34:56Living in this world
34:57that doesn't want
34:58me to be here,
34:59paradise will always
35:00be a part of my life.
35:01It'll always be
35:02a part of who I am.
35:04Looking back
35:05at the girl
35:06that I was,
35:07it's just like
35:08super unbelievable
35:09being comfortable in my skin.
35:12I'm still alive today because of it.
35:16I still believe in the mission of paradise.
35:19It's very important for people to understand
35:21that, like, we need it.
35:23I believe in treating everybody like I wanna be treated.
35:27For anybody that's ever been in my presence, like,
35:31you know, if I ever said anything or did anything,
35:35if you ever felt uneasy about me, like, I'm sorry.
35:37Like, that was never, that was never my intention.
35:40I'm a completely different person to, like,
35:42I've grown so much since then.
35:44Eventually, I'm gonna get to the point
35:45where I can forgive these girls.
35:49And telling my story has to be the closure
35:54because otherwise, I'm gonna carry this around me
35:57till the end of my days and I don't want to.
36:04Cut.
36:05Great.
36:07I'm really curious to see what comes out.
36:10You know, sometimes people just don't want to hear my story.
36:12They just don't want to hear it.
36:23At the end of the day, what you're looking at is, like,
36:26a bunch of bitter bitches that didn't get what they want.
36:29To an uneducated TV viewer, this whole thing is just gonna look
36:32like, oh, this is some problem.
36:34Like, there's some bitches that went to that guy's house
36:36and then they tried to cancel him.
36:40That's where we are right now.
36:42We're trying to move past it, but he never does.
36:45What I had to deal with, I don't have words for it.
37:01It was just going to be too wet side.
37:19Like, I'm gonna have words for a little bit of time.
37:19I don't have words for a little bit of time.
37:22I've never made any unprovoked content about anybody unless it was me defending myself.
37:28You know the whole porkchop ass situation is like there was plenty of people that immediately
37:32contacted me and said like, you know, why did this bitch even take a shit off in your
37:35living room?
37:36Like, who does she think she is?
37:38And I couldn't go out on TikTok and say like, ah, because she was a slopping whore at my
37:42house and she was just taking her shit off in my living room.
37:44Like that would have been the appropriate reaction to that, but I didn't.
37:46I just kept quiet, I deleted the video, and then I took it completely down and say, you
37:50know what, it's not even worth it, because at the end of the day, every time.
37:53You know, he's grasping at trying to prove innocence rather than take accountability for anything
38:00he's done.
38:02It never stops.
38:03It just never stops.
38:10If paradise is a safe space for big girls, the world has failed big girls.
38:27I want to think that we're all intelligent people and that we would have never expected
38:35that we would have ended up in the situations that we've been in a million years.
38:37I don't know.
38:39Empathy would make the world a lot safer of a place.
38:43There's a lot that's happened over the last couple of years.
38:46We've seen a lot, done a lot, hurt a lot of people, and I'm sorry.
38:51I cannot begin to put into words how f***ing proud I am of you.
38:55You look at peace.
38:58It's good to see you, to see you, if you know what I mean.
39:03I feel like me again.
39:06That's good.
39:06That's awesome.
39:07That man f***ed me up.
39:10I know.
39:11You are worth so much more than that.
39:13You have always been worth so much more than that.
39:25I think the culture that we live in will push fat women so far that a place like paradise,
39:31that is the better option.
39:33Paradise is the backdrop.
39:35But really, it's a conversation about how we're f***ing treating each other.
39:41If you have not lived in a fat body, I hope that people will watch this and want to make
39:46a change.
39:47You have the power to live your life fearlessly, to experience joy and happiness and love and passion.
39:56And I would hope that one day we are seen as more than just our bodies.
40:04The road you're on is unpaved, but the gravel is worth it, it has to be.
40:13Time hasn't failed you, just derailed you.
40:18Keep breathing, I know you'll see what I see.
40:24I would tell younger me that she's gonna be okay.
40:27You deserve better.
40:29You deserve to feel better about yourself.
40:32And you deserve all the love and all the good things of the world.
40:36And you deserve friends.
40:37People who see you and who love you unconditionally.
40:42Sure it's heavy, sure it's hard
40:46Sometimes you've gotta go back to the start
40:50But you're still in there
40:52Despite the fall, despite it all
41:00We're gonna get through it.
41:04Right?
41:05We're gonna-
41:05We're gonna do it.
41:20But you can only do it.
41:20I feel like everybody's going to chance to die.
41:20But, and you're gonna succeed.
41:21You're gonna get through it.
41:21But, and you're gonna die again,
41:22You're gonna die again.
41:26You're gonna quit your hours with some mistakes.
41:27Don't waste all for lonely.
41:27Match the life, you're gonna score it.
41:27Stop that!
41:28No!
41:35I feel like...
41:36I feel like you are the best for your life!
41:43You
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