- 5 minutes ago
Zero Stars - Season 1 Episode 4 - Cruise
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Short filmTranscript
00:16you're standing on the dress sorry sorry I've got a twist back I've got twisted
00:20again sorry I think I've collected some cigarette butts in the skirt we're here
00:28baby most travelers avoid bad reviews let's see what the review says one star one star one star
00:34I've never seen anything more stupid if I could give it zero stars I would not us I'm a woman
00:39in
00:39a man's world I make up my own mind I'm Sarah Pascoe I'm brilliant at this I'm Roisin Conaty come
00:46on fishy fishy we're comedians but more importantly best friends as someone who has received bad reviews
00:53I will always try to look to the good so we're turning the tables on the review sites there
00:57are so busy typing in their phone lonely they've got to look out and visiting places based on the
01:02worst reviews I'm closer it's nothing to be afraid of my review is 100 stars but will this journey of
01:09salvation be a five-star fun first I'm an absolute killer or are we in for a holiday from hell
01:35here we go cruising got your sea legs on oh Sarah I should have told you earlier I get very
01:43sick at sea
01:44oh it's too late now I have never been on a cruise I've only ever been on a ferry and
01:49a pedalo I'm
01:50very excited about cruising I'm thinking about the stars in the sky at night cheeky cigarette up on
01:56deck it's gonna be exquisite you just gotta think like a mermaid Roisin my god I'm a cruise virgin I
02:03presume the reviews that people haven't enjoyed it but I'm hoping I'll get a taste for it maybe I'll have
02:09a
02:09little flirt with a captain if he wants only if he wants no pressure wow that's bigger than some
02:21countries that's got to make you feel more positive yeah it looks so massive I think this is gonna be
02:27fantastic I know that's what people are boarding the Titanic sort oh don't say that it's so big it
02:32can't go wrong but this is so big it can't go wrong yes it's all aboard the Gemini for a
02:40three
02:40night taster cruise sailing from Athens to the islands of Santorini and Mykonos before finally
02:47dropping anchor in the Turkish port of Kushadasi it's been described as very economical compared to
02:54other cruises which seems true for just 480 euros depending on when you sail you get a sun deck swimming
03:01pool jacuzzi beauty center gym bars a casino and two restaurants a swordfish anyone one cruiser loved
03:12it saying I highly recommend it to those who want to live a unique experience sounds like a bit of
03:18us
03:20but some others haven't loved the Gemini so we're setting sail to find out for ourselves
03:31it's 12.01 and time for the welcome aboard this can't be the only way on I think it's probably
03:39setting the tone for us isn't it this might as well be the village ferry look the rest of it
03:44looks quite
03:45glamorous this says lower your expectations yep oh god first things first we venture to the cabins below deck
03:58the glamour it's small Sarah it's cozy
04:15it's tiny if I look if I go in here when you need some room or some space then I
04:22could let you have some privacy thank you
04:25see it's a wardrobe big enough oh that's so loud it's so loud it's a really loud wardrobe but watch
04:31this in the morning sorry Sarah I'm just gonna go down and get some breakfast
04:36forgot my trousers forgot my trousers the cabin is pokey it's tiny it's perfect if you're on holiday with
04:44your friends oh I like this area all the electricals in one zone all the mod cons yeah air conditioning
04:50written on in blue biro handy hello why is the room so small here we go oh it's not a
04:59bad bathroom
04:59on a boat look at this look at this happy fellow there is a beer bottle opener a beer bottle
05:06opener
05:07you can have one on the toilet boat life man that's learning about it indicative of something bad
05:13well let's read some of these reviews like steerage class on the Titanic faded pink toilet seats
05:19would not recommend to anyone take a formal cruise what do you mean a formal cruise line what is this
05:25amateur and also did they survive the Titanic disaster and then get on another cruise ship
05:30because they said it's like you had actual info of what steerage I don't think the room is bad I
05:35think it's small but it's not bad so it's on a boat and when you get on a truck train
05:40to sleep
05:40like a sleeper carriage it's small because you're on a train yeah when you sleep on a plane you've only
05:44got your chair yeah so this is loads of room compared to a chair okay we're on holiday I think
05:51we should be open to anything whoa whoa whoa okay sounds like a swingers line personally bring it down
05:58or not in your suit right it sounds like there's loads of stuff going on it's different every day
06:04so mini golf okay not swinging unless you think I got excited about the swinging golf swing oh there
06:10she is lock up your captains it's time to explore the Gemini I'm an Aries not normally into them wow
06:18way
06:21now we're cruising up that we are cruising everyone's here to see and be seen hi fellas
06:29yes so the ship is not the most luxurious liner on the water she may have seen better days she
06:39may
06:39never have been that glamorous in quite competitive field but it's a lot of fun yeah I'm a different
06:45person on the cruise I'm saz paz I'm cooler saz paz that's a good name yeah my first impressions of
06:53the
06:53cruise are it's quite charming which I'm surprised by there's lots of very odd stuff and also you get
07:01quite into cruise wars right we're bigger than you bigger than sea jets we're not the smallest boat see
07:08you later losers there's a wholesomeness to it and a bit of an oddness to it but there's a dartboard
07:14just
07:14out here imagine you're just trying to get down here we're just slinging darts chaos it's great chaos
07:24it's also lunchtime so we head to the complimentary all-you-can-eat buffet
07:31one of the attractions of a luxury cruise is a dazzling array of restaurants and gourmet cuisine
07:37the Gemini is definitely keeping it more real with a couple of cheeky buffets where me and saz paz who's
07:44also a Gemini are perusing the delicacies are you gonna just start loading up before you do all
07:51the recce oh I need you recce to know what what's there first at a buffet this is good this
07:57shows as
07:58a personality you've got to the first one and started loading up on the place there's a mad rush
08:03the hummus there isn't any protein is it a veggie I rang ahead and said I had a meat allergy
08:08and that I'd
08:09die if there's any on board Roisin I hope that's okay Roisin guess what this is a salad area there's
08:17all the meats over there see you later there's a hot meat section this is great we're gonna have very
08:23healthy lunch Greek salad no feta I've taken out the expected of it these don't look like anyone loved
08:30them when you cut tomato like that I think it's a real tell about the place it's like a canary
08:36in
08:36the coal mine it's like I don't give a fuck right now to my favorite the meats oh oh it's
08:43a bit this
08:43will be the thing these kind of stews the fingers of buffets is you need to know we need to
08:47should have
08:47done recce because look at our plate we're already I'm already at capacity but the glorious thing
08:51about buffets you can revisit so you don't need to recce I always feel weird about that I don't that's
08:57that's the that's the joy I'll see you again in a minute you know usually when you're really really
09:03hungry food just tastes fantastic that isn't and I'm so hungry in the Sainsbury's they'll have a
09:10salad bar yeah it isn't that different from that it's worse than that yeah Sainsbury's don't
09:15the Sainsbury's like that chicken's nice looks like somebody's eating chicken for three days
09:25at least we can take in the views of the dock we've not left yet would you like to hear
09:31some
09:31reviews while you enjoy your I like the way you wait till I'm halfway through the bit of food that
09:36I like but I'm all in waited in line for hours to get a cup of tea we're getting off
09:40this boat
09:41so we're getting off this boat with anything Greek cruise question mark we chose a holiday to the
09:51Greek island but we didn't taste any Greek cuisine the cruise is clearly Turkish Turkish food is my
09:58favorite food this food is international waters food but the desserts are fantastic well that's it for to
10:05not with a cup of tea lunch wasn't great I'm hungry you know it's a strange old boat but it's
10:12quite sweet
10:13and archaic and I love it a bit cruising now that's the noises I came for
10:27we're on a suspiciously cheap cruise on the Mediterranean Sea well that's where they said
10:33it's going we haven't actually left the dock for the entire first day but who cares we're off to a
10:38cocktail making class hopefully I'll get so pissed I think I'm at sea hello what's your name still a song
10:50number tender for Yemeni cruise line ah so now we have our cocktail Gemini sour a Germany sour
10:59Gemini the name of the boat Gemini otherwise I thought I mean I guess I don't have a sense of
11:04humor but I wouldn't call them it's okay it's okay you're a rookie you're a rookie so now we will
11:09teach you how to make nice first thing we take the shaker we use a gin oh lovely just one
11:15of these yes
11:16one of these okay little bit of a lime it's enough okay yeah we like lime grenadine just a little
11:23bit oh
11:24okay little bit it's okay everything can happen ice ice come on we've got a busy bar out here how's
11:30our business going to last sorry guys it's my first day I don't know how to work the tool no
11:35ice in the
11:35glass oh in the glass yeah what do you want a Germany sour she's got it yeah do it now
11:42you can shake
11:42time I'm wearing white so I'll do it like this in front don't be scared come to Sarah and Roisin's
11:48bar it's as cheap as the weather spoons I'm done I think that's ready yeah it's very very cold
11:54thing did I not do it properly he man shook he did man shake me didn't he you will put
12:01in the glass
12:01cocktail oh and mummy gets to taste it now is she thank you you are so sweet cheers cheers I
12:12love to cruise
12:14when does it take off call me naive but I did think cruising would involve a lot more being at
12:22sea our
12:23ship should have left Athens two hours ago but I can still get my Jane McDonald on when I was
12:2920 it was
12:30my dream to work on a cruise as an entertainer and it's only taken me 25 years and I'm finally
12:36on a
12:37cruise and I'm gonna get onto that stage no matter what happens you wanted to be an entertainer yeah
12:44I used to go to the auditions I always got through the singing round never through the dancing scuppered
12:48me I always got through the dancing Sarah did you don't even the running man shut I don't know why
12:52I did luxury cruise ships have Cirque du Soleil and Broadway productions on board but the Gemini offers a
13:02more unique setup one reviewer said the entertainment on the ship remains in the 1980s let's hope it's
13:09not a gritty play about thatcherism so the entertainment was a secret pirate show and
13:21it really did make us jump I mean where have they been hiding well shiver me timbers my dreams of
13:35cruise ship entertaining are coming true I like the entertainment we're not as much as Sarah
13:44obviously absolutely lost the run of herself it's a non-speaking show it's a dance troupe Sarah's like
13:56no time to tell this is how this is happened and that's happened she's ad-libbing the whole way
14:00through look there's no such thing as small parts only small actors all right
14:11she's really trying to get a story going and narrative art
14:16I'll give you all that treasure
14:34very good acting thank you
14:41you must be in a really good mood is that we get a pina colada because you've got to find
14:45a living dream
14:46I was amazed at being up there you should have seen the eyes of the crowd rose they were watching
14:50me like I wish I was you and so now you're in the crew what are you pirate number one
14:57109 109 straight to the top of the cool shade
15:00all right we're going to read some reviews of the entertainment nearly 20 dance groups came to the
15:07ship for two nights made us sit constantly changed clothes hypnotized us all and made us sleep on the sofa
15:14what what what now that's in review how'd you been irritated by oh you've changed again
15:20i know you you're wearing something different you're in a red top a minute ago i can't keep up with
15:25this
15:27okay let's go i'm having fun roj i am actually end of day one i feel a little bit perturbed
15:34we haven't
15:34moved it's like going on a road trip and then you ask me at the end of the first day
15:39of the road trip
15:39how's it going and i go we're still in the car park in fact our ship doesn't make it out
15:44of port until
15:45midnight that's only six hours after we're supposed to
15:54put your foot down pal we've got places to be
16:04overnight the gemini has absolutely bombed it across the sea
16:08and now we're on our way to our first excursion on the island of santorini
16:14very early start for us yes it's quite a tight time frame isn't it like the way they do on
16:20the
16:20cruise yeah it's like be there at five past eight or you're staying on the boat day but i like
16:26this
16:27boat as a change from the old boat i'm used to that boat this is a new boat oh it's
16:34beautiful look
16:35it's so pretty have you ever been to santorini i don't think i have have have you no i've heard
16:41about it i thought it was in italy though because it sounds italian oh yeah but i do like santorini
16:45tomatoes love them you might beat some it's at this moment that my seasickness really kicked in
16:53happy holidays i'm not a great sailor now this is the bit where i could spew on you sarah i'll
16:59hold
16:59your hair i've done really well until we got over there and then the second we stopped rolling i puked
17:05in the sea so yeah not a great sailor and i'm i'm even worse with heights
17:14the santorini cable car travels 220 meters up a hill to the town of fira where all the pretty stuff
17:20is
17:23it's this rickety lift or a 45 minute walk in the baking sun so time to face my fears
17:31i'm going to close my eyes for this
17:36there's donkeys i know you don't want to look but i don't want to look okay just tell me tell
17:40me
17:40what they look like okay i was talking for i actually want to learn how to do with a blind
17:42man
17:43this is very similar so there's a little patch of donkeys they're all swishing their toes look very
17:46happy okay you're going up a steep hill but if you look behind don't mention the hill um there's
17:50there's the ocean that's just tell me a different thing okay okay well butter beans are my favorite food
17:57probably okay what i'd love to do is it'll make them a broth that they really deserve oh nice oh
18:03god
18:03the key i went to a soup making workshop the key is onions have to be cooked from gold you
18:10can't put
18:10if you put onions into hot oil they taste disgusting okay just not nice
18:16we should have a cooking program where you've got your eyes shut and i just make you some food
18:20i prefer it to this to be honest do you want to open your eyes i feel like i've been
18:28quantum leaked
18:30hot spot of the super rich santorini is famous for its volcanic hot springs beautiful ancient ruins
18:36and delicious local wines and we've got just enough time for none of those things wow
18:43are you surprised how high we are i'm very surprised and i'm glad i kept my eyes closed sarah
18:48so pretty it's so nice according to the information on the boat the thing to do on santorini is a
18:55called a flying dress photo shoot you'll not fly in the chances yeah that because that's that'll be
19:02great it's like an instagram thing i guess where people come and have is that what it is yeah well
19:07i imagine our instagrams we're gonna get more followers now i thought it was nearer on the map the
19:13thing is if you were here for a week you take your time you do this we've got such a
19:18limited amount
19:19yeah we've got to do all of santorini in an hour and 45 minutes and we've been on these stairs
19:24for
19:2412 minutes yeah so why can't this dress come and get us and fly us there maybe we will fly
19:29all
19:29the way back to the top again that's your eyes shut you can tell me about soup
19:37here she is hello hello we're ready it's very warm for our makeover nice to meet you i'm
19:44eugenia hello i'm sarah i'm roisin nice to meet you hello nice to meet you i'm miltos flying dress
19:51photo shoots are now popular all over the world but the concept was actually invented in santorini
19:57in 2016 and today we're having our photos taken by its original creator eugenia bolacatina one online
20:05reviewer said the pics make me think the wearer just blasted the biggest fart lucky i had beans for
20:12breakfast uh we picked up two dresses for you uh one a fluffy one but still uh with a flying
20:19really long
20:20train another one is a golden one like for a goddess and now we will be taking pictures right
20:27here wow and why do people do this on santorini i think because uh this background really pops up
20:33uh in the contrast of these uh dresses usually we have these bright colors like the most popular is
20:39red actually but all other colors look fantastic on this white and blue background and it's called a
20:45flying dress why is it called a flying dresses because they actually fly we have an assistant
20:50who will make it fly actually oh okay oh this is it but you know like that bit in uh
20:55in wicked yeah
20:57sometimes when it's windy they fly themselves but not it's not they okay let's go and get changed
21:02shall we let's go i'm not very good at being a model no no am i what's your selling
21:09so you might have noticed
21:15what a holiday
21:38here we are yes pictures together
21:42so you're standing on the dress sorry sorry sorry sorry i've got a twist back i've got twisted
21:49again sarah uh standing near the wall and you on this side okay i think i've collected some
21:54cigarette butts in the skirt where are you going sorry don't flash me i can completely hide you
22:00i want me near the wall okay so we've decided what you said oh you're standing on this side this
22:05is
22:05me i'm not brushing brushing you're on that side yes my feet are in it okay so with your left
22:11hand
22:12hold the dress this part yes shoulders straight boobs out yes uh maybe uh bend your left leg more i
22:20think i look like i need the toilet i'm just going that is what she looks like when she needs
22:24the toilet
22:25left shoulder lower which one's left left yes there you go doesn't feel great it's a little
22:31teeth it doesn't feel great but on the pictures it does look great usually one yeah go go three
22:36ha ha ha maybe the same laughing you look looking at each other look at each other yeah one
22:55this is going to be evidence when they put this in my side you know that one two three
23:04ha maybe you can i can i can do it don't worry i said is there anything else we need
23:11i think we
23:11should do serious yeah for our passports yeah serious one now like we're just like our husbands
23:16didn't turn up on the mountain we're running from the church we've got some ideas the models have
23:22got ideas we're more than just our beauty you know my face is about to melt yeah one two three
23:33one two three whoa cool all right smashed it okay we did it we're models now
23:45wow it's taken most of our time here on the island but we don't look that bad in one of
23:50the photos
23:50it looks like a princess and i'm like your std
23:55that dress is absolutely stunning hope i don't get my lunch down it come up
24:00do you think the birkenstocks make it or no yeah it shows you're down to earth okay
24:05okay smash that now time to do the only other thing we've got time for on the island
24:10leaving that's all we've got time for we have to leave imagine how nice it would be to actually get
24:14to see santorini you've got to get a cable car
24:19so you've got two choices with lasagna in terms of work would you dare put the pasta in not at
24:24all cooked
24:25those i don't trust the oblongs of pasta to soak up the juice oh god
24:37we're on a cruise which one reviewer said fell short of our expectations leaving us disillusioned
24:44and regretful but so far i don't regret a thing but that could change as we've signed up for some
24:50mini
24:50golf with bob the entertainment officer hmm mini golf oh yes hello how are you good i'm good ready
24:58for money golf yeah oh we're doing it here yeah okay it's like mobile mini golf you can just bring
25:04it
25:04anywhere yeah because mini golf is supposed to be holes in the ground this is supposed to be a mini
25:08version of golf whereas what bob has is a piece of woods with some holes in it and so when
25:14he sort of
25:15came along i thought this isn't going to work for us we're sophisticated women on a cruise did you
25:20color it in yourself yeah it's really good this is like the original way isn't it i mean go don't
25:27be
25:27shy oh no it's for first time that's good it's very lo-fi but his attitude is exceptional and we
25:40want to give it a go though cut it in oh and you have to be lucky for sure yeah
25:46you have to be lucky
25:49how long have you worked on cruise ships like three years it's fun you like the lifestyle yeah
25:54well it's entertainment job so you're always moving yeah and i'm going mykonos santorini
26:00i never go in these places before no it's a great way to see the world so we are like
26:05working
26:06i'm playing at the same time like you're having fun in your job you don't get annoyed with the
26:10tourists look sometimes it's happening yeah bob's got some stories it's something yeah it's happening
26:21come on bob show us what you're made of huh muscles muscles let's say muscles before you go
26:28oh yeah that's very slow yeah good face good golf face yeah that was very good
26:39we should talk like uh business deals because that's what people do when they do go yeah
26:44some people say it's a crime but what do they know
26:50business the thing i like about my secretary is she wears a really tight skirt
26:58oh these tax men are up my ass it's 19 not enough
27:05what's your line of business bob i need to have a disco you need to have a disco yeah i
27:10will be the
27:11boss 100 that's it that's the chat that's going to get you over the line bob this business we're not
27:17going right now this is the most fun on the boat best thing i've done i'm saying just on this
27:23cruise
27:24i'm saying potentially over the whole of zero stars my life no it's not a highlight of my life
27:30is that what roisin said oh that's sad so on a scale of one to standing in a baking hot
27:35dress
27:36and the island yeah i'm attuned i've learned something about myself and i think i might be
27:42uh i might be a golfer did it you did it no who knew i'd find out about it on
27:48the gemini cruise
27:52and it just shows you what you can have fun with because when you turned up with the sign that
27:56you're
27:56colored in yourself bob my expectations were not not high well it's really lovely to meet you
28:01thank you thank you you really my pleasure just take care of yourself thank you very much i was
28:06going to steal it but i like you can take it you know i'm there thank you so much bye
28:10take care of
28:11yourself in fact we've had so much fun playing zero stars mini golf we've missed the boat to go to
28:16mykonos for the evening but no fear we've decided to hit the ship's casino instead and go all in on
28:24this cruise but first we need a glow up for our evening of glamour so we've got to get out
28:29of the
28:30businessman character and into a business lady this afternoon i went to a spa with roisin we're not
28:36really girly girls but we have been a bit on this boat i've never had my nails done before
28:41i don't know what she's going to do to them i'll be a vamp i hope she gives you those
28:44big shawl ones
28:45i'll never have to walk up again i'll also never be able to pick my nose again hello i'm
28:50i'm good guy will be your hairdresser for today you can follow me inside thank you very welcome
28:56hello welcome with sarah my name is linda and i'll be your nail technician what service are we doing
29:01today we're doing the nails yes you can make them um colorful colorful yes do you get good gossip i
29:08bet
29:08you get good gossip in the salon a lot a lot being in the salon is like therapy yeah oh
29:16because
29:16people just sit there and then they go they've been a lot yes all right okay yeah there was a
29:21couple at the airport when i landed and i don't think they're going to last the holiday why she said
29:26you've been you've been acting like a prick ever since we got on this flight and he went you can
29:32stick
29:32your stupid holiday and he walked away but only about 15 feet do you like having your hair done
29:38i really like having my hair done to give you all the tingles yeah makes you relax nicely when i
29:43was
29:43a child i used to itch my head in front of my mom so she checked my head for lice
29:47because i like the
29:48feelings that is manipulative it's really good like that near it but oh come here and then she start
29:53going through a lot of the time i did have lice so it actually ended up shame on me go
30:00go where else have
30:01you been on the cruises okay i've been everywhere like i just miss asia like japan china and australia
30:08everywhere else i already was full europe and states canada yes you've been to antarctica yes
30:15on the cruise yes there is a many cruises around there it looks so pretty machine oh it does i
30:21can't
30:21almost a bit of a wipe in the mirror you look like 60s do i yeah no not in your
30:2660s from the 60s
30:28oh this is taking a very bad time no no you look like someone you and goga enjoyed that big
30:32old
30:32love there she really had a little tickle no it's gorgeous you've done such a lovely job it's like
30:37you sort of proper beehive swinging 60s carnaby street rochey pretending she's french
30:48now we're the with the upmarket version of what we used to be we're going to go into that buffet
30:53and
30:53be like i think you can keep it open a little bit later than half eight tonight yeah yeah they'll
30:58be
30:58like put those green beans down like this where is where is the buffet gone yeah i want a bread
31:04roll
31:06i'm is about to finish you here now okay oh wow what did i have done in the salon
31:14it's the rudest thing i've ever been asked i love it thank you guys would you like to change something
31:18no
31:19no no it's really great you've made it you and you kept some down for for my gels i appreciate
31:23you
31:24and we are all done i hope you're happy with the shape and your color i'm very happy it was
31:29so
31:29lovely thank you so much thank you bye so we're gonna have a disco nap need one on my hair
31:36how will
31:37i light it out i'll have to sleep like this looks like i've been on the germany sours not a
31:44great angle
31:49aboard a cruise ship described by one reviewer as unacceptable at all levels well we're on level
31:55four and we're about to make our entrance at the casino we're definitely bringing it in the glamour
32:05department now it's time to show them how it's done around the poker table hello my experience
32:11with poker is i used to be very good at it and i had a name called the rhino because
32:15i could sit there
32:16all night in my own filth as my friend to sit and then charge the table oh you escaped the
32:22pirates
32:22then yeah i was worried about you but there doesn't seem to be anyone here apart from the man from
32:28the pirate show and his pal considering we went to the beauticians and i got this very up do yeah
32:33we
32:34needn't have made this effort it's a little bit insane i looked a little bit like you look like um
32:39when someone's mums enter them in a pageant yeah should i have seen your cards not the problem here
32:44i can't see cutting everybody which one coming here i don't know that you can in poker look at my
32:49card okay okay so how does it how do we play yeah you kind of have nothing for it just
32:57only queen
32:57nothing everybody is good you can change four cartoons somehow if you talk that fast and that
33:02confusingly even when she was explaining like other questions i still didn't understand her you just
33:07saw the king before his big hurry card personal king you put in here we put in 100 here more
33:14russian poker i've never even heard of it which makes me think it's made up i'm not accusing you
33:19she did change the rules several times if you were listening and we can we recorded this we can do
33:24rewind and playback you know two cards but you change card but i'd like to do three you've done it
33:29no you
33:30changed two casting it was like oh you've got a king i know someone called tony so you can't win
33:36yeah oh i saw a six earlier so that nine is in the bin and i had chicken for dinner
33:40last night so
33:41unlucky i win the house wins new rules i've got to live with these
33:47i've got great cards good poker you want to take me on good luck
33:58it's not like it is on tv is it no it's a lot of it's a lot of uh i
34:01don't think victoria
34:02corin mitchell's quaking in her boots already oh oh we upset the gods normal oh this can't be normal
34:12ah yeah like all luxury casinos this one comes with a complimentary terrifying shipquake
34:23the boat shaking as it did did you give it that whole titanic end of the world
34:27just play your last hand go all in maybe that's what it is to make you go oh
34:31this is my last ever game of poker i reckon it's just people rattling around us trying to make us
34:36feel like yeah you can't take it with you yeah the boat is really kicking off it sounds absolutely mad
34:43if this is the last dance let the chips fall where they may battle of six just under
34:52why does he want what she wants and super not bad i've bided my time i've taken in the rules
34:59i've said death in their face now for the rhino to charge
35:07it's good for you yes it's three people i pay for you like this did i win two sets
35:13yes you got two three thousand three wow so i won best of three yes i don't understand the game
35:23but
35:23i'm glad i'm good at it yeah i think i'm gonna quit while i'm ahead on this actually before i
35:28owe you
35:28um my house my car my cat naz i'll be down later with my checkbook
35:37that's how it's done fellas it seems keeping your poker face is very easy if you've got
35:41no clue what's going on it was very it's very of the gemini boat yeah oh you know not again
35:51i hate
35:52these announcements this ruins cruisin
36:04guys they do this all through the night when we're trying to sleep in our beds to be fair
36:09at least that was a shorter one sometimes they're like they're reading war and peace
36:21it's our final morning of cruising not like that and our last stop is the sassy little port town
36:28of kushadasi on the turkish coast it's probably the ultimate zero stars luxury shopping destination
36:35as it prides itself on being the milan of focature okay we're in a different country mental and this
36:43is all like cheap designer stuff apparently it's genuine fake watches sarah also happy wife happy
36:49life so i'll get you whatever you want keep a smile on your face yeah i feel giddy
36:57appropriately enough the reviews are a mixed bag one chopper said if you like haggling well good for you
37:04and if you feel you came out winning well you didn't all right debbie downer don't even know what
37:08that means are you allowed to say things are the thing no it's definitely not the thing they're
37:12genuine fakes i thought you're supposed to say charnel or something it's supposed to put like a
37:16different letter in it i don't think the onus is on us to mispronounce the brands i have got sort
37:21of a
37:21giddy feeling of like oh this is a it's all cheap but it's chanel stuff and and it's i can
37:27see why it
37:28would be quite intoxicating it's got an air of um it's got an air of uh dodgy but legal dodgy
37:36are you
37:37a good haggler i won't do it when i went to morocco and they only haggle i insulted them because
37:43i just
37:43kept paying what they asked because i wanted to be free that's my only shopping experience a million
37:48pounds seems fair yeah here's my debit card i don't want any more peppermint tea let me go
37:54we don't know how cheap it is yet nothing's got a price on it oh hello sorry i'm roisin
38:01sergio uh this is sarah just texting my friend to see if she wants a bag
38:05she's doing some business online hello hello you've got a lovely shop before we start really
38:09shopping we probably we haven't asked the prices for anything yeah how expensive is this shop it's
38:13depends on the the one we put our tough business faces on we're going to play it super cool with
38:19this
38:20guy if you want to see the better quality we have a top secret room you can have a look
38:25there and you
38:26can see the more choice over there okay hmm should we be going into locked rooms with strange men
38:32yeah they've got bags because everything looked so real i got like flooded with like oh my god i want
38:39to buy it oh i'm it's pretty woman i want to buy all the stuff i could afford it what
38:44do you think of
38:44these sarah oh yeah oh they've got a big prada on the side oh my god yes i want to
38:50do a haggle
38:50help me okay ready how much for these you can make it 83 we don't want them four pounds i
38:57can make
38:57a better deal if you're going to buy the more things they make a package deal okay all right 16
39:05it's not yet not yet just you can keep it for you let's see he knows he knows he knows
39:10i really like
39:10these glasses as well the more you spend the more you save they look great on you
39:16i don't know they do look great on you i don't really like the bits on them because i've got
39:21good it's just is this business you're pretending yeah how much are they not really a fan take them
39:26or leave them with bargain or without bargain oh what do you want to bargain with bargain let's do
39:33that one is the 95 okay right and uh so the two together or together i can make a good
39:39deal for
39:40both let's make a 100 for both all right 100 for both that is an incredible deal you've got to
39:45understand that we've been pent up on that ship for 48 hours with no outlets of course roshin went
39:50crazy the minute she was next to some genuine fake leather goods
39:58goosebumps i've got bargain goosebumps yeah
40:02that's a lovely bit of bag do we need to get out of here no i need to have another
40:08little look okay
40:16i'll try not to run
40:21see i think carrie i'd all like this one and then you've got a free bar of wood yeah how
40:25much for
40:25this one that one is uh 450 euro the genuine ladder one great i'll take it i'm not gonna haggle
40:33it's for a friend she can't get out i don't want anything for myself this isn't my vibe genuine or
40:39replica but my friend carrie had has always sort of mentioned near her birthday she'd like a chanel
40:44handbag so i got her a fake one thank you so much for showing us around the shop i'm gonna
40:49hopefully buy
40:50this if the price is right all right and i'm gonna get these glasses all right yes now roisin sniffed
40:57every bag in here she's decided to just get these sunglasses let's make a 350 for this one 350 right
41:04this is a with the discount it's gonna be the 50. it's 400 for both the best price i can
41:10do yeah i'm
41:11gonna play hardball this is it this is our final offer deal yes it's a dip thank you so much
41:28this is
41:28my favorite place i've ever been to and i've now got a new addiction let's go play some mini golf
41:33obviously viewers have seen what roisin bought on screen but if you get a present from roisin in the
41:37next two years maybe you don't get it verified cheers sarah cheers cheers we survived and we're
41:50at lovely kushadasi for about 11 minutes yeah look at this this is lovely well that's the problem it's
41:56ratios too much time on the boat not enough time not on that boat what i liked about it was
42:02it's an
42:03affordable version of a luxury thing that people maybe didn't have access to the people on the boat
42:08seemed nice it wasn't a horrible rowdy like crowd or anything they seemed really nice they were quite
42:13young i was expecting a lot older and even if it was five it hears us it's coming oh my
42:21gosh let us live
42:25wow wow we're sorry gemini
42:31the gemini gave me the chance to live my dream of being a cruise ship entertainer and another quite
42:37different dream i had once about being in a disaster at sea maybe glamour's not all it's cracked up to
42:43be
42:43you'd be missing out on stuff like playing mini golf with a piece of mdf i give it three egg
42:49sword
42:49fishes out of five this seasick areas had a blast on the gemini i got to release the rhino at
42:57poker
42:57i got to see santorini sort of and i only puked up once so yeah i gave it four knock
43:05-off bags out of five
43:10sightseeing's over let's go that's us baby i'm time i guess the thing about holiday
43:15is it does make you appreciate home
43:21i'm not it's how you leave a cruise
43:34you
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