- 8 hours ago
Welcome to Plathville - Season 8 Episode 11 - Stir the Pot
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Where are you and Tegan at would you say and what's like kind of your goal in like going up
00:04to Wisconsin?
00:05It's just where I feel I need to be
00:07Are you guys gonna like looking to get back together or what's the?
00:12You'll figure that out
00:13There's stuff that Zach was asking me that I haven't even talked to Mike and Isaac about and
00:18If I haven't talked to them, but I'm certainly not gonna talk to Zach about that
00:24In terms of Lydia and Zach, I know he was telling Mariah she shouldn't be drinking
00:28Montana he would only talk to the girls when I was away
00:32He was pulling the girls aside and telling them that Mariah shouldn't have this in her house
00:36She shouldn't have this playing. They shouldn't listen to this kind of music. I
00:40Heard bits where you talked about Joshua publicly
00:43Lydia gave lots of details of Joshua's death things that I feel she doesn't have the place to say
00:51The intent was not pointing fingers. I just needed him to be acknowledged
00:57We lost a son in
01:002008 we were doing some yard work. I pulled a vehicle Ford and I ran over him one of my
01:06daughters was
01:07Blaming me for not giving her what she needed to be able to move forward
01:13She did a play-by-play. I don't want to relive that day. What makes it so hard for me
01:19to hear is that I
01:21Inflicted that same pain and they have to feel that pain, too
01:34I can't I can't bear thinking about how much I hurt every day
01:47I
01:47Can I know it was it was an accident cam? Yeah
01:52You're taking a lot of responsibility right now, and you've probably been taking a lot of responsibility
01:57But let me make something very clear for you
02:01At that time
02:03You had a significant loss. Yeah each one of those children had a significant loss
02:09Though the loss was the same
02:13It was very different for each person
02:16I don't think I've really ever told anyone
02:19How much it hurts me to think about the pain I've caused everyone else I
02:25Still feel bad about Joshua. I'm sure I always will
02:29Why are you carrying all of this I guess because now?
02:35My daughter's bringing it up again
02:38Is it about the fact that she's gone public with this and maybe it was so that's kind of a
02:43separate issue?
02:44because it does hurt that she's gone public with it and
02:47This more to that because I want her to get some healing, but I want all of us, too
02:55When I heard Lydia say that she feels like she can't talk to me that just broke my heart because
03:01Really? I'm here. I try to give my older kids space, you know to live their lives and do their
03:07own thing
03:07But I'm here to talk anytime at the same time
03:11I feel like I need to set some boundaries with Lydia about what she can and can't talk about publicly
03:17Right now they need their mom
03:20Because not only did they lose a sibling
03:23They lost their mother for a period of time. Yeah, and that's that's okay. It's completely understandable
03:29But I think it would be important for you to allow them the space
03:34To say whatever it is that they need to say
03:37I guess I just want to know how to better facilitate the whole family
03:41Maybe the reality is is not the play-by-play that is needed because for whatever period of time and
03:48this is no fault of your own
03:50This is just grief. You might have been present but not available for you. Yeah
03:56I know it would be tough for you, but even if it's that play-by-play
04:01You have to sit there because if you walk out, it'll be like you're doing it again
04:09They need you to hear them
04:13Grief is internal and that's why we stay in grief
04:18Mourning is external
04:20That's when we start to verbalize the things that we may be avoiding saying
04:25So how does saying it?
04:28It releases all that's
04:31All trapped inside of you
04:34And you know what? Let me let me give you a way to do it
04:37What about if you were to tell it as a story?
04:42To Joshua
04:46Joshua this is what happened on that day
04:52It was supposed to be this and we were doing this and we were doing that
04:57And in the hurry and scurry and bustle of life
05:01Did this
05:05Yes, ma'am, I got you
05:09I got you
05:11I got you
05:13You do not have to do this by yourself
05:16But I know without a shadow of doubt, you've got to do it
05:24And guess what else you're gonna tell Joshua
05:27You're gonna tell him how much you miss him
05:30You're gonna tell him how you have committed your life to being the best that you can possibly be with
05:36what you know and what you have
05:38You're gonna thank him
05:42You're gonna thank him
05:42For the time that you had with him
05:47But Kim, you have to do that
05:54Can I get a second opinion?
05:56You can get one from me
05:58You can get one from me
05:59You can get one from me
05:59No, no
06:03You need to hear this
06:05Today
06:06Because it's time
06:07Because it's time
06:25The way of
06:27Seeing you in that way
06:28Feeling
06:29That I caused it
06:31Yeah
06:34Made me feel
06:35X, Y, or Z
06:36Okay
06:39I think the biggest thing that may be affecting Kim today is the fact that Kim has not forgiven herself
06:46She hasn't
06:48And this meeting can go either way
06:50It can be a 50-50
06:51She's gonna hang in there
06:52She's gonna take it
06:53It can be
06:55She's gonna get up and leave
06:56Thank you
06:57Thanks for the insight and input
06:59And all that
07:00Absolutely
07:01If Kim is going to start this healing journey
07:04And it is a journey
07:06It's gonna start with her sitting with those children
07:10Hearing their truth
07:11And then her at some point telling them her truth
07:15She's gonna have to be able to take all of that
07:19So can she do it?
07:21If she wants to
07:26Dr. Tai has given me some things to work on
07:29It doesn't feel cathartic yet
07:31It feels overwhelming
07:32I don't know how I can do this
07:34But I have to try
07:43Okay
07:43Hey, I'm at work right now
07:45Oh, okay
07:45Well, real quick
07:46I just wanted to let you know
07:50I did a counseling session with Dr. Tai
07:53Okay
07:54And we talked about Joshua
07:56And I know you said that
07:59That's something you wanted us to all talk about
08:02And I'm ready to do that now
08:07So I was thinking Saturday
08:10Come to the farm
08:12Okay
08:12Are you up for that?
08:15Yeah
08:16Okay
08:17Sounds good
08:18Okay
08:19Okay, I know you gotta run
08:21Yeah
08:22Cause you're working
08:22But we'll talk later
08:25Okay
08:25Okay, love you
08:27Love you
08:27Bye
08:29It looks like we're on for Saturday
08:32I'm a little nervous about
08:34Sitting down and talking with everybody
08:36For many reasons
08:39I'm planning a surprise party
08:41For their first anniversary
08:43But there's having to address the whole
08:45Zach and Lydia
08:47Talking to everybody about how to live a holy life
08:52And we have to somehow address all that
08:55But then there's also
08:56What are they gonna say when we talk about Joshua
08:59And how hard is it gonna be to hear
09:00But
09:02If Lydia needs me
09:03I wanna be here for Lydia
09:17So how's your family doing?
09:20My dad's doing really good
09:21He's real happy
09:22I feel like your dad's always happy
09:24Yeah
09:27So Mariah's here
09:28She flew down
09:29Well that's good
09:31Micah
09:32I think he was going to come
09:33But
09:35As usual
09:36He
09:38Had other stuff going on
09:40Yeah
09:40Today we're celebrating
09:43Zach and Lydia's
09:44One year wedding anniversary
09:46I'm looking forward to seeing
09:48The family today at the celebration
09:51And Ethan informed me that
09:53Before that
09:54That the family's gonna sit down
09:55And clear the air
09:56About some
09:58Interpersonal family drama
10:00That I guess has been
10:01Going on
10:01And also sitting down to talk about
10:03Joshua
10:04Who's Ethan's youngest brother
10:06Who's passed
10:08Thank you for inviting me
10:10Thank you for coming
10:11Thank you for inviting me
10:12While I'm staying down here in Georgia
10:14I'll be staying at a hotel
10:16And Ethan's been staying with his family
10:19Everybody's excited to see you
10:21When we were together I used to
10:23You know, stay with the family
10:24We're not together anymore
10:25But I think we definitely made
10:28You know, improvements on our friendship
10:30So I think that's really good
10:32Now we've done the Montana trip together
10:35We've seen his house
10:36And so we're at a better spot
10:39Friendships are easier to build
10:42Than a romantic relationship
10:44And I think that's, you know, the right direction
10:46I think we're making gradual progress
10:50I have some exciting news
10:53About my divorce
10:54Yeah?
10:59My ex
11:01She
11:02Finally got back to
11:03The attorneys
11:05And sent them all of her
11:06Information
11:07She did sign it
11:09Oh, that's good
11:09And now the court will
11:11Review it
11:13And sign it
11:13And then it'll be done
11:15Good
11:17Finally I'm divorced
11:20So
11:22That's definitely a great feeling
11:24But
11:25Put that in the dustbins
11:27And move on
11:28Finally
11:30Something I've been waiting on
11:31For a long, long time
11:34That's good
11:35I mean, it's been a long time coming
11:36And I'm sure it'll be nice
11:38For the both of you
11:39To have like that fresh start
11:40And that baggage gone
11:42You know?
11:44When we broke up
11:45My two biggest things
11:47To get back together
11:48Were
11:48We'd have to be somewhere
11:50Close together to date again
11:51And then him being divorced
11:54So in terms of us
11:55It does give us more of like
11:57An open door opportunity
12:00Yeah, we'll see
12:03Tegan wanted me to get divorced
12:05For a long time
12:06I think she's happy
12:08It's definitely a good thing
12:12No
12:13Do you know what Zach told me?
12:14No, what?
12:16He had on
12:17Some things that he felt
12:19Were concerns
12:20About you
12:21About me?
12:24Yeah
12:25That's not good
12:26He said
12:27There are like three things
12:29He thinks you're using me for money
12:32Okay
12:32He said
12:33He referred to
12:35Your daughter as baggage
12:41And
12:43He said that
12:44Like your sexuality
12:45Or whatever is
12:46Something that I should not be
12:48Okay with
12:49The audacity
12:54Lydia's lifestyle
12:55That she lives now
12:56Has the foundation
12:57Of the values
12:58That Barry and I
12:58Taught her growing up
12:59Is it then hypocritical
13:01For us to say
13:03Zach and Lydia
13:03Are being judgmental
13:06For telling other people
13:07What to do?
13:09They're trying to tell us
13:10How to live
13:11Where should I sit?
13:13I feel like
13:14We just need to clear the air
13:15With some things first
13:16I know that you've interjected
13:19Yourself many times
13:20About frivolous things
13:21I don't really find it respectful
13:23Man, so I'm a problem
13:25For the whole family
13:26Got it, cool
13:36I think I need something
13:38To lay across these napkins
13:39So they don't blow away
13:40I'm planning a surprise party
13:43For Zach and Lydia's
13:44First anniversary
13:45Tonight
13:46Lydia has said that
13:47That night before her wedding
13:48Was the worst night of her life
13:50I hate that for her
13:51I wish things had transpired differently
13:54I can't do anything about that
13:56In the past
13:57But I can try to give them
13:58A really great first anniversary
14:02Everyone's coming out
14:03Ethan and Tegan
14:04Lydia and Zach
14:05Isaac
14:06Barry
14:07Mike is unable to come
14:09I really wish he could
14:10I miss him
14:14Isaac built a gorgeous bench
14:16We're going to carve
14:18Joshua's name
14:19In the bench
14:20And
14:21We're going to talk about
14:22Where
14:22On the farm
14:23To put this bench
14:25In Joshua's memory
14:28But
14:29Before we can get
14:30To those things
14:31We kind of need
14:31To clear the air
14:32Because there's been
14:33Some hard feelings
14:35With
14:36Lydia and Zach
14:38Zach and Lydia have been
14:40Sitting people down
14:41And telling them
14:42That they're not pleasing God
14:44Yeah, nice
14:45That looks really good
14:47Lydia's lifestyle
14:48That she lives now
14:49Has the foundation
14:49Of the values
14:50That Barry and I
14:51Taught her growing up
14:52Parents have to
14:54Decide what
14:55Is good and not
14:56Good to teach
14:57Their children
14:58I mean all parents
14:59Do that
15:00Regardless of what
15:01Their exact values
15:02Are
15:02So
15:03Is it then
15:05Hypocritical
15:06For us
15:07To say
15:08Zach and Lydia
15:09Are being judgmental
15:10For telling other people
15:12What to do
15:12The difference is
15:14Teaching your children
15:16Versus
15:17Sitting down
15:18Other adults
15:19And telling them
15:20How they should
15:21Live their life
15:23I mean I feel like
15:24Lydia and Zach
15:25Want to honor God
15:26Want to honor God
15:26By living
15:28A very pure lifestyle
15:29I think that's
15:30A wonderful thing
15:32The rub
15:33Is just simply
15:35They're trying to
15:36Tell us
15:37How to live
15:39I'm determined
15:40To work on that
15:41And resolve that
15:42Ultimately
15:43I want some kind
15:44Of family cohesion
15:45Here
15:45I mean I want us
15:46To all be
15:47In a good place
15:49And it's really important
15:51To me right now
15:52To mend
15:53This relationship
15:54With Lydia
15:54If opening up
15:56And having a more
15:57Difficult conversation
15:58Is what needs to be done
15:59Then I'm all in today
16:06The last couple days
16:08I've just been
16:10You know thinking
16:10Through stuff
16:12About Joshua
16:13And we're gonna
16:14Talk about Joshua
16:16Remember him
16:17And I feel like
16:18It's gonna be okay
16:22I'm not a professional
16:25I think that
16:26Kim talking to the children
16:27Is kind of long overdue
16:29I don't think I have it
16:30Very tight
16:31I think Kim has buried
16:33A lot of that
16:34Inside herself
16:35And today is gonna be
16:37Therapeutic for her
16:39She really does
16:40Want the children
16:41To understand
16:42And know exactly
16:43What happened
16:43And she wants to
16:44Honor Joshua
16:45That looks
16:47Amazing
16:54Okay
16:54I'm gonna go see
16:55If Amber is free
16:56Yeah, see if Amber is free
17:03Zach said that
17:04Like your sexuality
17:05Or whatever
17:06Is something
17:07That I should not be
17:08Okay with
17:09And I was just like
17:10I just told him like
17:11If I want
17:13Input from you
17:13I'll come ask
17:17Zach has pretty much
17:18Gone to everyone
17:19And voiced his concerns
17:21About what they're doing
17:22From the most minor thing
17:24Like what they watched
17:25To a relationship
17:26Whatever needed
17:26With Me Too
17:27About Teagan
17:28I figured I should
17:29Let Teagan know
17:30Ahead of time
17:30What some of those things were
17:32Before it just came up
17:33In the meeting
17:34I don't know
17:35Who he is
17:36To judge
17:37Or speculate
17:37My sexuality
17:39I've been nothing but
17:41Honest with Ethan
17:42In our relationship
17:42I was very upfront
17:44And clear
17:44About how I
17:45Feel about sexuality
17:47How I view my sexuality
17:49And so
17:50He's
17:51You know
17:52Fine with it
17:53And
17:53If he wasn't
17:54I would've never dated him
17:55In the first place
17:56Especially given what
17:58He went through
17:59You know
18:01No offense
18:02You
18:02And
18:03Half of the internet
18:05Speculate
18:06I mean they still do
18:07It's like
18:07I never judge them
18:08For waiting for marriage
18:09To kiss
18:10You know
18:11Zach's second concern
18:13Had to do with
18:14Me being a mom
18:15My gut reaction
18:17Is to be very
18:18Upset
18:19Because
18:20You shouldn't talk about
18:21Anybody's
18:23Kids
18:24Or parenting styles
18:25Which I know he's done
18:26In the past
18:27With Kim and Barry
18:28And stuff
18:29And their youngest kids
18:31Telling them what TV shows
18:32Like they can or can't watch
18:33Or
18:33Games that are like
18:35Inappropriate
18:36So that's been happening
18:37For a while?
18:38Yeah
18:38Since before they were married
18:40Zach has a lot of opinions
18:41About I think
18:42Kids in general
18:44And
18:44You know
18:45When he has his own
18:46Someday
18:46He can raise them
18:47How he would like
18:49I believe
18:50Jesus sat with sinners
18:51And saints
18:51So
18:54Interesting
18:56Pretty much
18:57Comes down to
18:57That
18:58She's not as religious
18:59As he thinks
19:00A partner of mine
19:01Should be
19:01I guess
19:02That's pretty much
19:03Bottom line
19:03But
19:04That's not
19:05Not his business
19:06It's really unfortunate
19:09Given that
19:10He's so godly
19:11Like who is he to judge
19:12You know?
19:14I know
19:14I know my mom's got
19:16Some stuff that she wants
19:17To work out
19:18Lydia and Zach
19:19About
19:20Joshua's death
19:21And how
19:21Lydia and Zach said
19:23They wouldn't tolerate
19:24People talking behind their back
19:25And all that
19:26And Lydia and Zach
19:27Zach wouldn't tolerate
19:28People talking about
19:29Him behind his back?
19:30Yeah
19:30And then he does it?
19:33And so
19:33We're all like well
19:35Ironic
19:36Yeah
19:38Ethan's a wild card
19:39So
19:40He might
19:41Confront Zach
19:42I know
19:42He's very protective
19:44Of me
19:45I know your family
19:46Does have so much love
19:47For each other
19:47You know?
19:48I hope for everybody's sake
19:50That today is constructive
19:52And positive
19:52And you know
19:53Hopefully everyone's just open
19:55Yeah
19:56I hope I can keep myself
19:57Composed
19:58It's just some stuff
19:59That's been
19:59Getting under my skin
20:04Hey Teagan
20:05Can you come in here for me?
20:06Yeah, of course
20:07It sort of feels like
20:08Being called to like
20:09The principal's office
20:10Or something
20:11Oh God, am I in trouble?
20:12Like I have
20:13No clue what's coming
20:15Kim
20:16Says she's ready to talk about Joshua
20:17So
20:18We're actually pretty excited about that
20:20Because
20:20Happy
20:21Good
20:22I was
20:23Very hurt
20:24That you talked about
20:25My
20:26Deepest
20:27Darkest feelings
20:48Well today
20:48We're gonna talk about Joshua
20:50And
20:51Also about
20:53Lydia and Zach
20:54Talking publicly about his death
20:55And all that stuff
20:57My mom
20:58Has been through a lot
21:00And
21:01Joshua
21:02His death
21:03Is very hard for her
21:04To think about
21:04Talk about
21:05Hear about
21:06And it is for me too
21:07Not to the degree that
21:08I'm sure
21:09I can't even imagine
21:11You know
21:11For my mom
21:12It's different between me and her
21:13But
21:14I think the goal
21:15For my mom
21:16Is to
21:17Clear the air
21:18Between her and Lydia
21:19And her and Zach
21:20In regards to Joshua
21:21For the rest of us
21:22I think it's
21:23To voice to Zach
21:25Our frustrations
21:26About
21:27Him constantly inserting
21:28His opinion
21:29Into things that we feel
21:31Are not
21:32Asked for
21:33And
21:33It is kinda hard to
21:37Engage
21:37Or have a relationship
21:38Or build a relationship
21:39With somebody
21:39When that always happens
21:40You know
21:46Hey Tegan?
21:47Yeah?
21:48Can you come in here for a minute?
21:49Yeah, of course
21:53Hey
21:54Hi
21:57Oh God, am I in trouble?
21:59Like I have no clue what's coming
22:01Or what to expect
22:02I haven't seen her
22:03In about like a month or so
22:05And we're on great terms
22:06But it sort of feels like
22:08It sort of feels like being called
22:08To like the principal's office
22:09Or something
22:10I don't know if these
22:11Necklaces are ever
22:12Going to be separated
22:13Hey, I'm no help
22:14With these nails
22:14But I feel like
22:16You know
22:17I just wanted to
22:18Talk with you
22:20You know
22:21Check in
22:22Yeah
22:23I wanna make sure Tegan's okay
22:25That she's not
22:26Just thrown into something
22:27Especially if it comes up
22:29You know
22:30Talking about her
22:31And
22:32You know
22:32Zach's concerns about Ethan
22:34Dating her
22:35I just want her to have
22:36A heads up
22:37That that might come up
22:38In conversation
22:40We just have to clear the air
22:42Because Lydia and Zach
22:43Have been doing and saying things
22:45That have hurt a lot of people
22:46In the family
22:47And telling them that
22:48Their lives aren't honoring to God
22:50Yeah
22:50And to me
22:53All of that with
22:54With you
22:55Kind of falls in that category
22:58When Zach sits people down
23:00In the family
23:01And tells them
23:02What they're not doing right
23:03Overall it's a feeling of judgment
23:04It's a feeling that
23:08That Zach and Lydia
23:10Have figured out how to live
23:11And it's their job to tell us
23:14It feels like they think
23:15They're better than us
23:17And
23:17They're not better than me
23:19I have some more battle scars
23:20Than they do
23:21But
23:22You know
23:23We're all
23:24Children of God
23:26Zach going to Ethan
23:27With concerns about me
23:28You know
23:29It's obviously
23:30Sort of upsetting to hear
23:32But
23:32At the same time
23:33I don't want to
23:34Cause any unnecessary drama
23:36Cause I guess
23:37I don't think
23:38I don't think
23:40Today would probably be the best day
23:42To talk to him about it
23:43I guess
23:43On my side
23:44Like I don't want to ruin anything
23:45And I mean
23:45I feel like
23:47There can be a time or place
23:49For
23:50Helping somebody
24:03Healthy
24:04And there's no getting around that
24:05We just have to learn
24:06To love each other
24:07And tolerate our differences
24:09A quilt has many colors
24:11If you make a quilt
24:12Out of all one piece of fabric
24:13It's boring
24:15Hopefully the conversation
24:17Will go better
24:18Than my trying to separate
24:20These necklaces
24:20Yeah
24:22Okay
24:22That looks great to talk to you
24:23Thanks
24:26Okay
24:26Well
24:27I'm gonna
24:28Find another necklace
24:29I'll see you out there
24:30In a little bit
24:40Where?
24:42Oh
24:44It's cute
24:46A few months ago
24:47All of us sat down
24:49Lydia and Zach had things
24:50They want to talk
24:51About
24:52You know
24:52With everyone
24:53And I think that went pretty well
24:55Now
24:56There's things that the rest of my family
24:58Wants to talk about
24:58With Lydia and Zach
25:00So it's kind of the other way around
25:01But
25:01If these things aren't addressed
25:03Everyone's gonna kind of
25:04Like
25:04I know my family
25:05I know myself
25:06We're just gonna kind of
25:07Push it away
25:08And avoid it
25:09And that means
25:11Maybe not talking to them very much
25:13Not inviting them to things
25:14Kind of steering away from it
25:15Then they're gonna feel isolated
25:17Which I think they already do
25:18I definitely don't want Lydia or Zach
25:20To feel like
25:21We're sitting them down to beat them up
25:22And make them feel better
25:23Or anything
25:24That's
25:24Not the intention at all
25:27Hopefully it'll be a constructive conversation
25:33Thank you
25:34Thank you
25:35Is dad coming or
25:36Do you want this chair?
25:37He's supposed to
25:40I didn't tell Zach and Lydia that
25:42We needed to clear the air first
25:44Because I didn't want them to worry
25:45Ahead of time
25:47I didn't want them
25:48To not come
25:49And I kind of feel like
25:50I mean I did
25:51I brought up these things to Lydia before
25:55So
25:55We're talking about things
25:57That we've already addressed with them
25:59That were never resolved
26:01Yes
26:02I'm sorry
26:03Hi
26:04Hi
26:04Hi
26:08Kim
26:09Says she's ready to talk about Joshua
26:11So
26:12We're actually pretty excited about that
26:14Because
26:14Happy
26:15Good
26:16I know Lydia
26:17Has confided in me a little bit
26:20About
26:20About
26:20Some of that
26:25Holy
26:26God
26:26You showed up
26:28Yeah
26:29Happy do you want coffee?
26:31I'll take some coffee
26:33I think it's
26:34It's good to have the opportunity for her
26:37To
26:38Confide in her family a little bit
26:40About
26:41The incident
26:42Hey man
26:43How's it going?
26:44Good
26:49All I know about the conversation is we just want to talk about Joshua
26:54And if there's any lingering issues regarding his death
26:57It does measure well that Kim's the initiator here
27:01To be able to hear where she's at now
27:03Has she processed things?
27:05Is she at an okay place?
27:07And so to hear her initiate this and let us know where she's at is a very good thing
27:15Where should I sit?
27:17Either that chair or the one back there
27:20Oh goodness hi
27:22Today marks the year of the brothers talking to Lydia just about their disagreements with our marriage
27:30And that was just very very heavy for us
27:34So yeah our emotions are kind of wild coming into this but we're here
27:41Hi Mariah
27:42Hi Mariah
27:42Hi
27:42I like the earrings
27:44Thank you I found them
27:45I guess I left them here
27:47Yeah there's coffee over there
27:48No it's okay
27:49I think I'm gonna go do some cooking
27:50Okay
27:52I know is Amber in there doing some cooking?
27:54She's in the house
27:55We didn't come out to see any of you guys
27:58I'm aware that everybody's gonna have a chat about stuff
28:01And for me I just told everyone that I didn't feel like I needed to be a part of it
28:09But Hamster Amber her nickname is Hamster
28:13She told me she wants me to help her bake a cake so we're gonna do that
28:16I'll be in the kitchen
28:18Okay
28:18Okay cook it up
28:24Well
28:24Well
28:25Well
28:26I think it's gonna be a nice day
28:29It was saying it was gonna rain and then
28:31Now it's saying like cloudy
28:33Which is good
28:37Is it this is a weather meeting?
28:38Yeah this is a weather meeting
28:42I really don't know how to get it started
28:47In terms of the painful stuff the hard conversation
28:50I'm kind of skirting around it a little bit
28:53Because I really don't want to hurt Lydia and Zach's feelings
28:56There's some things that I want us to all talk about
29:00Like you know Joshua
29:02Isaac made a bench
29:04And at some point today we're gonna sign it
29:08And like Woodburn
29:09Yeah
29:10Sign it
29:11In memory of him
29:12Just family like immediate family like who was here
29:15Yeah
29:15Yeah
29:16Us kids and mom and dad
29:18Yeah
29:19But I just wanted to take a minute and just see if there's any like
29:24I feel like there's some
29:30Things that we might want to talk about first
29:49Amber
29:49Yeah?
29:50Do Lydia and Zach know?
29:52No this is for them?
29:53No clue
29:54You can go and put the cakes in the oven if you want
29:58Okay
30:01Everyone's outside clearing the air on some things
30:03And Amber and I are attempting to bake a cake for Lydia and Zach's party tonight
30:08It's Lydia and Zach's one year anniversary
30:13How do you do it without it going?
30:15Is there a way?
30:16You should do it very slowly
30:22I thought it was slow
30:23I started learning to like how to cook
30:27But I haven't learned how to cook yet
30:30Like I was baking a peach cobbler
30:33And it went perfectly and it was really good
30:36And then I set it on top of the stove and I didn't turn the burner off
30:38And it baked the whole thing and I went to move it
30:40And it popped into like 500 pieces
30:44So I fired myself from the kitchen for a while until now
30:48I'm going to try and bake this cake
30:50What time do you put the cakes in, Maria?
30:53We'll say 1240
30:58I know there's some stuff with Zach that people wanted to talk to him about
31:01And he and I have had those conversations
31:05I invited Lydia and Zach to Montana
31:08And they got to see my life and they just, you know, sat down with me
31:12And told me the things that they didn't like after the fact
31:18Whatever, we'll clean it up afterwards
31:19Yeah, that's fine
31:22Could have mushed it in a little bit
31:24It never works
31:25Zach and Lydia weren't happy with the fact that Maria was, you know, drinking around me
31:30And just the other life choices of hers
31:32And they sat her down and talked to her
31:33Told her that she really shouldn't be doing that around me
31:36And shouldn't, you know, have liquor in her house and just stuff like that
31:40After Lydia and Zach sat Maria down and talked to her about what she needed to change in her life
31:44She told me what happened
31:45And then on our way to the airport we all talked about it in the car
31:48You know, Lydia starts crying and Zach starts, you know, saying
31:52You know, everything that we did wrong on the trip
31:55It's just not always like pleasant and comfortable
31:59When you are given like a list of things that like someone doesn't approve of
32:05And they're like, okay, thank you, thank you, what do I do with this?
32:09Uh-oh
32:13I just told him that it wasn't his place
32:15And that, you know, if it came from someone like Lydia or someone, you know, it would be a little
32:20bit different
32:21But it didn't, it didn't feel right for him to marry into the family
32:25And then right away go tell everyone how to live their lives
32:28When I told him that he was like, no, but I have to, like, it is my place
32:33And I just kept telling him, well, it's not really
32:35And then it went on for like a long time
32:37And he's telling him it wasn't his place, him saying that it was
32:39And then eventually we just, I was just like, okay, well, if we could just move past this
32:43You know, I won't hold it against you
32:44And I wouldn't say we resolved it, but we kind of just agreed to disagree
32:49And then I was like, oh shoot, we still have like four hours left
32:53So that's when I was like, oh no, this is going to be uncomfortable
32:59Um
33:04I feel like we just need to clear the air with some things first
33:09You know, I was very hurt that you talked about
33:13About my deepest, darkest feelings
33:16And then also speculating that that's why Barry and I divorced
33:23Like, I'm glad you brought that up, Lydia, about Joshua
33:26But I really didn't like how it was brought up
33:36If I'm being honest, I didn't like what I saw
33:39One of the things that you guys made very clear was
33:42Before anyone talked about someone else
33:46They should talk to them first
33:49That's definitely, I would say, falls in that category
33:52Mom didn't care for it
33:54Especially not having talked to her first, you know
33:58And my personal opinion, you know, I don't
34:00I don't really like talking about Joshua publicly
34:03Unless it's remembering him for who he was when he was alive
34:07But talking about the death publicly
34:08I personally don't like that
34:12I don't think it's respectful to him
34:14I think that that would be something that you
34:17This is what I would do
34:19Talk about it with mom or dad or a therapist
34:21But mom's already got a lot of
34:24For how she raised us
34:26Putting that on the internet
34:28I wouldn't do it, obviously you can do whatever you want to do
34:30But, you know, at least talk to mom first
34:39I did not know that the conversation would include
34:43Kim addressing public statements that Lydia had made
34:46About Joshua's passing
34:47I mean, that's a touchy subject
34:49And there's different emotions involved
34:51So, you know, there's those hurdles to overcome
34:58But this is a conversation that just needs to happen
35:13Yeah, I mean, basically, if you're going to go on a podcast and talk about me
35:18I'd like a heads up first
35:19And we can see, you know, what
35:23I can clear up any misunderstandings
35:26You know?
35:29Mom brings up what I said publicly about Joshua
35:33And I know her and I mentioned it on our car ride
35:36But I guess it wasn't talked about too much
35:38So maybe it wasn't fully resolved
35:40Why not?
35:41I mean, I've done that with Zach
35:44Zach's been my safe place to really just
35:48Get everything off my chest
35:50Well, I'm sorry if
35:52I mean, it wasn't meant to be about you
35:54It was meant to be about my experience
35:57And I don't blame you for anything
36:01Like, you were going through your own hell
36:03You don't deserve any blame
36:05Yeah
36:05For anything
36:06And as far as correlating that to the divorce
36:10It's like, honestly, I've kind of just been left to speculate
36:14Yeah
36:14Because I don't really know
36:16But the issue is Joshua's not really in the mix of that
36:19Joshua, yeah, Joshua had nothing to do with it
36:20Because that's kind of a separate
36:21It really was just between the two of us
36:24That had nothing to do with Barry and I getting divorced
36:26Right
36:28Barry's always been supportive of me in regards to Joshua
36:33And his death, and that means a lot to me
36:37Oh, I'm really sorry if it caused you any hurt
36:41I didn't know the question was going to come up and
36:43I guess I didn't
36:46Think it all the way through
36:49I think a part of it is just
36:51She hasn't been able to talk about her experience
36:54And because
36:55Every time she's tried to talk about it, it can't be talked about
36:58She hasn't had the opportunity to confide in you
37:03There hasn't been those opportunities to even talk about Joshua
37:08I don't agree with what Zach's saying
37:11I talked about Joshua to my children whenever they asked
37:14And I did try to talk to Lydia on the road trip
37:17And she was quiet
37:18The parts that I couldn't talk about was the graphic stuff
37:26I'm sorry if I shared too much or said anything I shouldn't have
37:31Yeah
37:33Kim and I tried to address the topic with the children
37:37At their age-appropriate level that they could understand
37:40But you know, now we're just, they're fast forward
37:43They're grown and they still have questions
37:46You're welcome to talk to me about Joshua
37:48You know, you can
37:49And that's kind of what we're going to do a little bit later today
37:52Is we're going to talk through more of that
37:56So, yeah
37:57Well, I think if you want an opportunity to talk about them
37:59Try to do that first before just going out publicly, you know
38:01Yeah
38:08I glad mom brought this up
38:10It definitely affected her
38:12And so I want to know about it
38:13And know how I can do better in the future
38:15And I get what Ethan was saying
38:18About like, you know, sharing his life
38:21And not the tragedy of his death
38:24But at the same time
38:27It's affected me in every way
38:29It's affected how I handle stressful situations
38:32It's affected me when I hear a siren
38:35Like, it's just affected my life
38:37And so we can't just
38:40Ignore that and only talk about the good stuff
38:44It does hurt
38:46The goal with all this is not to pick on anybody
38:49But just come closer together
38:52Is there anything else that anybody wants to share
38:56Or you guys
38:57Or concerns or thoughts?
39:01Thoughts?
39:07I don't know if anyone else wants to say it
39:09But I kind of want to clear the air with you, Zach
39:18I don't know if it's coming from a good place
39:20But all the critiques that you give to the younger kids
39:26Mariah, you know, talk to me about her
39:29And I know that you've interjected yourself many times
39:33About frivolous things
39:35That my family's doing, what shows they're watching, what games they're playing
39:38Whether you think it's right or wrong
39:40And I feel like it's an overstep
39:43I don't really find it respectful
39:47It's
39:48I feel like ironic
39:49That he's bringing up all of my conflicts
39:53When he's
39:55Given me a lot of conflict
39:57And I've never brought it up to him
39:58Like throwing me out of the farmhouse
40:01Like calling me gay
40:03Zach could sit down and throw a lot at Ethan if he wanted to
40:06But he
40:07I'm not holding him to it
40:09You've never talked to him?
40:10No, because we want to move forward
40:13Past the hurt
40:14And just be a brother
40:16Whenever I do anything
40:19That's even remotely wrong
40:21He is so detailed on it
40:23And then decides to speak for the family
40:26Man, so I'm a problem for the whole family
40:28Got it, cool
40:29Okay, I'll just
40:31Shut up, I'll be
40:33Never around
40:40I do want to try to build a relationship with you
40:42And I find it hard to do that
40:44I would appreciate it if
40:46You kept your opinions to yourself
40:47And not just with me, but with the rest of my family
40:53You're exporting your opinion into
40:55Lands that don't want to import
40:57If someone's judging me
40:59I'm just like
41:00Okay, I'll judge you too
41:02They're my kids
41:03They're Barry's kids
41:05We're the ones that need to decide
41:07Things on raising them
41:08I just feel like time and time again
41:11Zach's always misunderstood
41:18They're good
41:18Am I supposed to just wrestle them?
41:21And just have fun?
41:22I don't know
41:22I don't know what to do
Comments