- 8 hours ago
Two Years Later S01E04
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:09So, this is the date.
00:11I love that.
00:15Do we have a game plan?
00:17Listen, I've got a list, but I am prone to impulse.
00:21We could end up with a lot of spontaneous purchases.
00:24You need me to rein you in, just so I know the ground rules here?
00:26I mean, you can try.
00:27You'll never convince me in the moment, though.
00:29I know everything is an amazing idea.
00:32Uh, there it is.
00:39Mike says fucking great.
00:45Do you have reception?
00:50Just going to no bars.
00:51Oh, man.
00:53You think they do this on purpose?
00:55What, create huge shells of metal and concrete to block reception
00:58so you can't look at your phone and compare prices?
01:00Probably.
01:02They do have free Wi-Fi.
01:03Ew, I don't use public Wi-Fi.
01:05You don't use public Wi-Fi, do you?
01:07It's free.
01:08Public Wi-Fi is like public toilets.
01:10You stay out.
01:13Oh, you don't use public toilets, too, do you?
01:16Of course.
01:17But guys don't have to sit down and no surface contact.
01:19What a charmed life you lead.
01:22Ooh, cutlery.
01:24Fifteen bucks.
01:26Done.
01:33Do you think this couch is me?
01:35Could be.
01:35Might be.
01:36You never know until you try it.
01:40I think that pineapple is staring at you.
01:43Yeah.
01:46Do you want money or something?
01:49Hey.
01:50Nice to have.
01:52I'm so sorry.
01:53He's got ADHD.
01:54It's fine.
01:55I'm a big fan of pineapple.
01:56It has a lot of health benefits.
01:58They had a back-to-school dress-up day,
02:00which was supposed to be job-meaned.
02:03You want to be a pineapple when you grow up?
02:04No.
02:05The suit's from last year's fruit day.
02:07He didn't want to be the only kid not dressing up,
02:09but he doesn't know what he wants to be.
02:11It's okay.
02:12None of us do.
02:13There are worse things to be than a pineapple.
02:15I believe you could do it.
02:18Say bye.
02:25Can we stay here forever?
02:28No.
02:29Come on.
02:33Everyone has ADHD these days.
02:35Is anyone still just a rude, weird asshole?
02:38You calling that little pineapple an asshole?
02:40No.
02:41He was cute enough,
02:42but let him be weird and awkward and see what happens.
02:45He could turn out to be really fun.
02:46These are very nice.
02:4918 pieces for 40 bucks.
02:51That is very good.
02:53Should I get two?
02:54The dinner parties?
02:55How many friends do you have?
02:56I don't have any friends.
02:58But I use all my dishes,
02:59and I like clean things.
03:01I just don't like cleaning things.
03:04That sounded pathetic.
03:06I'm not a loser.
03:07Okay?
03:08I have friends.
03:09I think.
03:11How many friends do you have?
03:14Let me see.
03:15None.
03:15I don't have any friends.
03:17Really?
03:18I mean,
03:19I used to have a drink with people from school once a year,
03:22and work friends like Helen,
03:23but now I don't really hang out with anyone.
03:25Yeah,
03:25me neither.
03:27Are we losers?
03:30I don't really feel like a loser,
03:31do you?
03:32Yes,
03:32I do.
03:33How do we not have any friends?
03:35We're amazing people.
03:36I would love to be friends with us.
03:52This article says that millennials have the least amount of friends of all the generations.
03:56What did you search?
03:58Why don't I have any friends?
04:00Are you getting a signal?
04:01I'm on the Wi-Fi.
04:0527% of millennials have no close friends.
04:0730% have no best friend.
04:0920% report having no friends at all.
04:11I like the worst segment of that.
04:13Overall,
04:1430% of millennials report feeling often or always lonely.
04:17Significantly higher than other generations.
04:20Wow.
04:21Do you feel lonely?
04:25Yeah.
04:26I do.
04:29Sometimes.
04:32Ooh,
04:33spatula.
04:34$1.50.
04:36Or I could get two for $6.
04:38As an accountant?
04:39I mean,
04:39it's more,
04:40but you get two.
04:41That's two meals before I have to do the dishes.
04:44Why not two of the cheap ones?
04:45Well,
04:46these ones have solid acacia wood handles.
04:50Is that good?
04:51Sounds good.
04:53Well,
04:53it sounds like you already know what you want.
04:55Hey,
04:55I'm cheap,
04:56but I'm easily swayed.
04:57And these could end up as your spatulas too,
05:00if you play your cards right.
05:01Well,
05:02I love the wood ones.
05:03Really?
05:04Me too.
05:05Good choice.
05:07Oh,
05:09how is this display bed so much nicer than mine?
05:13Well,
05:13next payday,
05:14I'm getting a new bed.
05:16Or a deposit on one.
05:19Are you a spooner?
05:21Do you need me to be?
05:23I never turn my back on anybody.
05:24That's how they get you.
05:26Good.
05:28I'm more of a turn-the-meet-in-the-middle kind of guy.
05:32Beep.
05:34Oh,
05:34this is nice,
05:36right?
05:39The real people actually spoon.
05:41I'm sure some people do somewhere.
05:45We've been swapping left and right these past few weeks.
05:48What side do you naturally sleep on?
05:50Traditionally,
05:51I fall on the left.
05:52Uh-oh.
05:53Me too.
05:54We'll flip you for it.
05:56Do you have a coin?
05:57I have an app.
06:00Installed?
06:00Mm-hmm.
06:01How often do you use that?
06:01Oh,
06:02you'd be surprised how often I use it.
06:05Okay.
06:06Heads or tails?
06:07Tails.
06:08Interesting.
06:13My phone died.
06:15Didn't you charge it on the way?
06:17Hey,
06:17this is my workhorse.
06:19Texts,
06:20emails,
06:20notes,
06:21research.
06:22My entire life is on this thing.
06:23And I forgot to charge it last night.
06:26How often do you charge yours?
06:28Like once every couple of days.
06:30Wow.
06:31What a life you live.
06:32It's okay.
06:33I have a charge on.
06:42Dead?
06:43I forgot to charge the charger.
06:46Okay,
06:47let's keep it moving.
06:49Still no reception?
06:50Oh,
06:51this is like a horror movie.
06:53Big maze,
06:54no phone signal.
06:55You should have listened to the old man at the gas station.
06:57Mm,
06:57he did say a lot of people go missing around these parts.
07:01Pull yourself together.
07:02Focus.
07:03We've got to get to higher ground and see if we can get a signal.
07:05Come on.
07:08Come on.
07:30Oh,
07:31come on.
07:32You idiot.
07:34I'm your idiot.
07:36I like this,
07:38but I don't see the bin in this colour.
07:41Why don't you just get a different colour bin?
07:42Have you been paying any attention to my card?
07:45I've got a colour scheme going on here.
07:47Change of plans.
07:49What about black?
07:50Do you see your toothbrush parked in a black toothbrush holder?
07:53The black is a bit too intense.
07:55What about the aqua one?
07:57It's turquoise,
07:58but yeah,
07:59I like it.
08:00Good choice.
08:01But now we have to redo the whole thing.
08:03Do you even need a bin in the bathroom?
08:04Do you know anything about women?
08:06You're really throwing up red flags here, dude.
08:10Red flags to look for when dating a new man.
08:13Mmm,
08:13this should be good.
08:14He's over 30 and still lives with his parents.
08:17Technicality.
08:18Grandparents.
08:18Or is that worse?
08:19I don't think so.
08:20I think you've got a pretty sweet set-up going on.
08:22It's kind of separate from the main house.
08:24I'll give you a pass on this one.
08:26Well, thank you.
08:27Mmm.
08:28When is this quiz written?
08:301980.
08:31You can barely afford the rent on this new place.
08:33If that's a red flag,
08:34then we are all fucked in this economy.
08:37He seems a little too perfect.
08:39We'll see.
08:43He promotes an alpha attitude.
08:45Mm-mm.
08:46He spends more time with his friends.
08:48God,
08:49they're really digging in the boot, huh?
08:51Pass.
08:54Are you allowed to do that?
08:56Well,
08:56it's not stealing.
08:57It's going to be mine in 20 minutes.
09:01He is not emotionally open.
09:03See,
09:04I don't really get that.
09:04What does that even mean?
09:05Well,
09:05I think it just means you're forthcoming and honest about your feelings.
09:09I mean,
09:10I feel like I've been pretty honest with you so far, haven't I?
09:12Yeah, you have.
09:13As far as I know.
09:15Did you want me to tell you every single thing that I'm feeling?
09:17Because I've done the open book thing before,
09:19and it's never really worked out.
09:21That's interesting.
09:22Unpack that for me.
09:24I mean,
09:24I do this thing where I understand people pretty quickly,
09:27and when I express my observations in an open-hearted way,
09:30they tend to get mad.
09:32It doesn't really sound like you're being emotionally honest about yourself.
09:35So it sort of just sounds like you're talking at people,
09:38which sort of sounds a bit rude.
09:42Noted.
09:46He's over 30 and never had a long-term relationship.
09:50Ooh,
09:51go.
09:51What was your longest relationship?
09:53Five years.
09:54Wait,
09:55what?
09:56When?
09:5625 to 30.
09:58What happened?
10:00It kind of just played itself out.
10:02Oh,
10:03come on.
10:03You have to give me more than that.
10:05What was she like?
10:07What was her name?
10:09Did you ever get engaged at any point?
10:10Come on,
10:11you have to give me something.
10:12Her name was Sam,
10:14and she was great.
10:16It wasn't her fault,
10:17and no,
10:17we were never engaged.
10:19How?
10:20Sorry,
10:20this is none of my business.
10:22No,
10:23it's fine.
10:23I just never really asked.
10:25It shouldn't have gone on for as long as it did.
10:29I knew it wasn't really going to last,
10:31and it wasn't really fair on her.
10:33How do you know?
10:34I mean,
10:35you just know,
10:36right?
10:37Yep.
10:40Okay,
10:40so,
10:41longest relationship?
10:42No.
10:43Excuse me,
10:44this is a red flags for dudes quiz.
10:46That's fair.
10:49Okay,
10:50fine.
10:51Two years
10:52with David,
10:53but by circumstance,
10:55we got a little locked in
10:56by the old pandemic.
10:58And what about before that?
11:00I don't know.
11:01I guess just a couple of months.
11:03Really?
11:04A couple of months?
11:05Is that it?
11:07Wait,
11:08am I the red flag here?
11:17He avoids talk of commitment
11:19and remains elusive about the future.
11:20Well,
11:21I did ask you to marry me,
11:22didn't I?
11:23But that has been a problem in the past.
11:26David asked me to marry him after a year.
11:29Really?
11:30Mm-hmm.
11:30What was your answer?
11:32Nothing.
11:32I just ran to the bathroom
11:34and he never brought it up again.
11:35He has a history of cheating.
11:37Never.
11:38Never?
11:39Hmm.
11:41Pass,
11:41obviously,
11:42but never before.
11:45Have you ever been cheated on?
11:47Nope.
11:48Or I don't think so.
11:49Not that I know of.
11:50I have.
11:51Well,
11:51I'm not going to do that.
11:52You know,
11:53that's what they all say.
11:54Yeah,
11:55but I'm not them.
11:55I'm me.
11:57You know,
11:57I didn't even have a proper boyfriend
11:58until after high school.
12:00I find it hard to believe.
12:01Well,
12:01believe it.
12:02And when I did,
12:03I got the big fish,
12:04the most popular guy at school.
12:06The captain of the football team?
12:08No.
12:09The thing about my school
12:10is that the douchebags
12:11were the cool kids.
12:13Ugh,
12:13it was so dumb.
12:15I was just so over the moon
12:16that he had picked me,
12:17that somebody had picked me.
12:19I'd been a real nobody at school.
12:21Come on.
12:22No,
12:22it's true.
12:22Anyone will tell you.
12:24And they'll all tell you
12:25how lucky I was.
12:26And I believed it.
12:28I was somebody
12:29for like three months.
12:31And he was cheating on me
12:33the entire time
12:34and everyone knew.
12:35And they still said
12:36I was lucky
12:37because I was the public girlfriend.
12:39I fucked up with that.
12:40It's up there.
12:41Mm-hmm.
12:43And I was with my sister.
12:44What?
12:45Mm-hmm.
12:46Yeah,
12:47I come from a town
12:48where everyone fucks everyone
12:49and nobody gets out alive.
12:51Except you.
12:52Did I go?
12:56Still talk to her?
12:57Not if I can avoid it.
12:59A couple of times a year.
13:00Five minutes on birthdays
13:01and things.
13:03They have a kid now.
13:04Hey?
13:05Yeah,
13:06they're still together.
13:06They're married.
13:08Holy shit.
13:09Yeah.
13:11That's fine, though.
13:13They were built for that place.
13:14I dodged a bullet
13:16and they seemed happy,
13:17I think.
13:18But still.
13:19Yeah,
13:20but still.
13:23All right.
13:24He's a serial data
13:25with little or no gaps
13:26between relationships.
13:27Okay,
13:28you know what?
13:28This quiz is fucking stupid.
13:30If everyone used this
13:32as a yardstick
13:33to decide
13:33and define their relationships,
13:35it's no wonder
13:36everyone is alone
13:37and miserable.
13:38I mean,
13:39who can pass this shit?
13:40We failed half of this stupid quiz.
13:43And yet,
13:43here we are.
13:45Here we are.
13:48Yeah,
13:49fuck them.
13:5428,
13:5529.
14:02This one.
14:02Five.
14:04Gronster.
14:08Dang,
14:08that's heavy.
14:13You're welcome.
14:15Come on.
14:23So,
14:24this is my shout.
14:27It's the best day ever.
14:31So,
14:31I've been making my way
14:32through your reviews
14:33and articles.
14:34Uh-oh.
14:34Very funny.
14:37No,
14:38I knew you were like
14:38funny in real life
14:39and everything,
14:40but
14:40you're a great writer too.
14:42That's very nice of you.
14:44And I read your short story.
14:46Wait,
14:46what?
14:47My short story?
14:48How did you,
14:49even cyber stalking me?
14:51Yeah,
14:52you inspired me.
14:53Did you not troll through my social media
14:54and find out everything you could about me?
14:56Fair enough.
14:58I didn't know you were an award-winning author.
14:59Oh,
15:00second place.
15:01Did you get a trophy?
15:02I got a certificate.
15:04That's an award.
15:06Sorry.
15:08The whole contest folded a year later.
15:10I think the bar was getting pretty low.
15:13Good.
15:15Thanks.
15:17I loved it.
15:19And the air was filled with coconut smoke
15:21and the dense tang of a hundred clashing fragrances.
15:23Oh.
15:24That's my favourite line.
15:27You get paid to do what you do,
15:29which would stand to reason that you're good at it,
15:31right?
15:32You're really good at it.
15:34Okay.
15:34Is this going to be one of those
15:36you're too good for what you're doing things?
15:38No.
15:39I'm just letting you know
15:40that I think you're great at what you do.
15:51So,
15:51are you good at accounting?
15:54Yep.
15:55But I'm not going to make you read
15:56a bunch of spreadsheets.
15:59What you do is quantifiable.
16:03Entertaining talent,
16:03people like that.
16:12I almost had one of those.
16:15Oh, one what?
16:16My kid.
16:18Really?
16:19Right at the start of lockdown.
16:23I was probably pregnant the last time I saw you
16:25and I didn't even know it yet.
16:26Oh, wow.
16:28Yeah.
16:29Good thing that you didn't hit on me then, huh?
16:34What happened?
16:37It didn't take.
16:38I miscarried after 15 weeks.
16:40I've got a septate uterus.
16:42What?
16:44My uterus is like a nose.
16:45It has a septum running through the middle.
16:48Wow.
16:49Never heard of that before.
16:50Yeah.
16:51Neither had I.
16:53But I'm hopefully going to get it fixed
16:55now that elective surgeries are back on.
16:57So don't worry,
16:58you're not going to be saddled
16:58with some vaginal freak show or something.
17:05I did ask the doctor
17:07if I could ever have kids
17:09and he said,
17:09we'll see.
17:10So that's a very cool thing
17:12to carry around at 35.
17:15I'm sorry.
17:16Really?
17:17Did that happen to you?
17:18It is what it is.
17:19That's what they say, right?
17:23Something like that.
17:29Can I be honest?
17:32This is such a horrible thing to say,
17:34but I was actually kind of relieved.
17:38How did David take it?
17:39Very cavalier.
17:41Very pragmatic.
17:42I mean, he is a doctor after all.
17:45He was like,
17:46it's okay.
17:47Just wasn't meant to be.
17:50And I was like,
17:51this whole fucking thing
17:53isn't meant to be.
17:55And I knew there and then,
17:57I think he did too.
17:59But we stayed in it anyway.
18:02I've always been really scared
18:04of being alone.
18:05And then the pandemic hit
18:07and suddenly everyone is isolated.
18:11And I didn't even see anyone really
18:14other than David
18:15for like two years.
18:17And so I was scared of leaving him
18:19because I didn't want to be truly alone.
18:22But I was still lonely
18:25even when I was with him.
18:30After we lost the baby,
18:32I don't think either of us
18:33wanted to lose anything else.
18:37I don't think human beings
18:39are meant to be stuck at home alone.
18:41I think we're meant to be out in the world,
18:43living,
18:45getting meatballs at Ikea.
18:52The kid would be like over a year now.
18:55I mean,
18:56can you imagine me with a kid?
18:58I can barely take care of myself.
19:02Man.
19:04Man.
19:16Yeah, there's the story.
19:18As you're out,
19:19if any of that is a deal breaker for you.
19:22It's not a deal breaker for me.
19:25Even after all that?
19:27Especially after all that.
19:29As far as skeletons go,
19:31you're doing fine.
19:45Sorry.
19:51What's up?
19:54Antonio quit as CEO
19:57and his company just shut down
19:59the entire online publishing section.
20:07I think I just lost my job.
20:08I think I just lost my job.
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