00:00Any doctors here? Any good doctors? Any doctors? You're a doctor?
00:05He's a gynecologist.
00:12You're a gynecologist?
00:17I like how hard your lady is laughing.
00:20She's like, oh my god, I never thought it was going to come out in public.
00:24I wonder if we're a gynecologist.
00:26Because for my own life, I'm a comedian. I have a long day at work.
00:29I do comedy. When I go home, I don't feel like doing comedy anymore.
00:37I'm just curious.
00:40When you go home, do you still feel like being a doctor?
00:44I mean, play a doctor?
00:55She's laughing so hard.
00:58Because she knows he's not even good at his job.
01:05It's been a long time.
01:08And he still hasn't been able to figure it out.
01:15What do you do in the politics?
01:18IRS.
01:24You know, everybody in here, not one person pays their taxes right.
01:32Except one person.
01:34Now we have one person.
01:35He is IRS himself.
01:37Buddy, make sure you come see me after the show.
01:42Everybody hates paying tax, especially Iranians.
01:46And we have probably ways to get around it that you don't even know.
01:51But if you give us a little advice, maybe we'll give you a few back.
01:56Can you give us a short little advice that we can learn from you, yeah?
02:02Did anybody ask you?
02:06Audit him for the rest of his life, every day, for taking your moment away.
02:11Just pay your taxes.
02:13No shit, asshole.
02:15We want to learn something here.
02:17You pay your taxes.
02:19But we're all going to learn some new shit, and we're going to pay some of our taxes.
02:27Why do we have to pay all of the taxes?
02:32What do you do?
02:35Sexologist.
02:39I'm sure we all can learn a lot from you.
02:42Are you a doctor?
02:45Clinical psychologist?
02:47Okay, so this gets deeper, huh?
02:50It's sexologist for the psychos.
02:54What do you do?
02:56Like, you get there, like, okay, psychologically.
02:58Your dick is getting hard.
03:02Please, Natalie, it's fascinating.
03:04Tell us, like, what happens?
03:06Men have the biggest problem with the Irish.
03:10That's what I said.
03:11I figured, okay.
03:17Somebody said, oh, my God.
03:21Who said that?
03:21The Bulgarian?
03:22With a big boyfriend?
03:24Dude, go see the doctor.
03:28Why you lose the erection?
03:31Any advice for that?
03:37The problem is with his mother.
03:42The problem is your mother, dude.
03:44Guys, now we know what to say in the bedroom, right?
03:48We say it's my mother's fault.
03:53This is crazy.
03:58Natalie, you're wrong.
04:01And what about the women?
04:02They're just perfect.
04:05Women cannot have an orgasm.
04:07They, uh, they get, ah, ah, ah.
04:32What happened, your mother?
04:36Oh, you're...
04:37Ask her what?
04:42What about?
04:43What should I ask?
04:45Oh, you know her?
04:47Yes.
04:47So, oh, you're talking about her?
04:50Oh, oh, oh.
04:55Why only...
04:56Oh, oh!
04:57Oh!
05:02What's your name?
05:04Yeah, you, yeah, yeah, blue shirt, yeah.
05:05Aaron.
05:06Aaron, are you friends with these guys?
05:08I'm a token white guy.
05:09They look like fucking the most degenerate Persians of Dallas.
05:14They don't look trustworthy at all.
05:16They look shady, man.
05:19And he's like, yes, they are shady.
05:21This is what I love about white people.
05:23He tells me, yes, they are shady.
05:25Oh, my God, how did you know?
05:27They do a lot of illegal things in the community.
05:30He was telling me he doesn't pay his taxes.
05:34Nobody here pays taxes.
05:37You and him, the only one.
05:40And you both wear blue shirts.
05:43How did you guys meet?
05:45I met him at a bar.
05:46See, the fucking Persian guy has to tell.
05:49Eric goes, oh, do I tell the truth?
05:54And the person goes, I got this.
05:56I lie.
05:56I know, I know.
05:57Man, we were at the bar, okay?
06:02What do you do here in Dallas now?
06:04I live here and I work in California.
06:06Oh, you live here and you work in California.
06:09You sound shadier and shadier as we go.
06:14Who the fuck, who does that, you know?
06:17You work there, but you were like, what is your job there?
06:20Health care industry.
06:21Health care industry.
06:23So you smuggle drugs?
06:28And Aaron, what do you do?
06:30Pilot.
06:31You're a pilot?
06:31Yeah.
06:32Oh, shit.
06:32What airline?
06:33Not an airline.
06:34So you smuggled the drugs for him on your private plane.
06:41Now we're understanding.
06:44Eric, what do you do?
06:45Tell me you're a fucking lawyer.
06:52Finance.
06:53Thank you very much for paying for the operation.
06:58Of course, they would bring the finance guy.
07:02Oh, which bar you guys hang out at, buddy?
07:08Oh, shady.
07:10Oh, God.
07:11I work in Cali, but I live in Dallas.
07:15Nobody does that shit, bro.
07:20You from India?
07:22Yeah, buddy, what's your name?
07:23My name is Iben.
07:24Iben, nice to meet you.
07:25Are you filming this for insurance purposes?
07:31You're a young dude.
07:32You came by yourself, too?
07:33Yes.
07:34Yeah?
07:34What do you do?
07:35I'm a pilot.
07:36You're a pilot?
07:37Yeah.
07:38Really?
07:40This is a fascinating show.
07:43What kind of planes do you fly?
07:46A private plane.
07:47A private plane?
07:48A private pilot.
07:49A private pilot.
07:51For private planes?
07:52I'm actually training right now.
07:54You're training?
07:54Bitch, you ain't a fucking pilot yet.
07:57You fly those little ass, like, propeller shit.
08:01Every day, you just, like, go to the propeller room.
08:08Okay, let's go fly the friendly sky.
08:13You know what I'm thinking?
08:14I've never heard a pilot that's Indian.
08:18That's some fucking racist shit.
08:21Think about it.
08:22I've never been on any plane.
08:24Go,
08:25Hey, Doha, how are you?
08:28This is your pilot, Roger, speaking.
08:31How you doing, everybody?
08:34Very good day.
08:35Very good day.
08:36Very good day.
08:36Very happy day.
08:38Oh, we have some chicken masala for you.
08:45What do you do?
08:46I'm a sex and intimacy coach.
08:53Sex and intimacy coach.
08:55So, how do you do it in person?
08:57Like, do you show up to their house?
09:00They're like, okay, warm up.
09:02Coach is here.
09:09Coach is here.
09:10Let's go.
09:11He's like, go.
09:14He's timing.
09:16Ah.
09:18Again?
09:21I know a lot of you guys in here are like,
09:23I'm a professional.
09:26You're not.
09:28If you want to find out,
09:29tell your woman to tell you the truth.
09:34So, give me a number.
09:36How many sex toys you have?
09:38A lot?
09:40A whole closet, huh?
09:42Yes, yes.
09:43It doesn't, dildos,
09:44listen, you have to be open-minded.
09:46Men, women, it doesn't matter.
09:47Use it.
09:49Use it, uh, I don't know.
09:52Use it as a weapon.
09:53Oh.
09:57Maybe in the kitchen.
09:58Use it for the dough.
10:01Dildos are very, very important, you know?
10:03Because you guys in this country,
10:05you're not allowed to have guns.
10:07Right?
10:08But if you keep a dildo in your house,
10:11and the robber happened to be from the Middle East,
10:16he's like, I will kill you.
10:18And you will pull out the dildo.
10:20Motherf***er, I got you.
10:22The guy will run like a bitch.
10:24Oh, astaghfirullah, let's go.
10:26He has a dick.
10:27He's coming with a dick.
10:33Brian, and you're married to an Iranian?
10:35No.
10:36No?
10:37You, uh, you're here by yourself?
10:39No, I'm dating an Iranian.
10:40You're here, oh, you're dating an Iranian.
10:42Oh, okay, you don't need to be an asshole about it.
10:47No, nobody says,
10:48No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
10:50Your cheeks don't need to vibrate.
10:52No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
10:54You seem like a fun guy.
10:56You got a great attitude.
10:57I like that.
10:58What do you do?
10:59Psychologist.
11:00Psychologist?
11:01Oh, well, she needs you.
11:05You guys are made in heaven.
11:09I really hope it works out.
11:10And what do you do?
11:12I'm a genius.
11:14You're a genius.
11:16You definitely need a psychologist, honey.
11:23See, in the history of all geniuses in the world,
11:27they've never themselves said,
11:29I am genius.
11:31See, other people identify who is a genius.
11:36Brian, what do you think?
11:37Huh?
11:38She is a genius.
11:39She is a genius.
11:40You just trying to get laid.
11:41But the thing is,
11:43the truth is,
11:45you don't introduce yourself as a genius.
11:49I'm sure she's a genius, yeah?
11:51But socially,
11:52even geniuses are genius enough to know
11:55that you don't say that,
11:56I am genius.
11:57Because they're such geniuses
11:59that they know that shit is not okay to say.
12:01See?
12:01It's a genius thing to do,
12:03not to say, I'm genius.
12:06I don't know how to explain this.
12:12And what kind of genius?
12:14Like, in what format you're a genius?
12:17Brian, don't help her!
12:22I'm working for Apple.
12:23You work for Apple.
12:25Okay.
12:25Okay, relax.
12:26We don't know what she's doing.
12:28What?
12:30Calm down.
12:32Maybe she's customers there.
12:34What can I do for you?
12:35Okay.
12:36Thank you for calling Apple.
12:40Oh, is that the phone?
12:41Okay, turn off your phone, turn it on.
12:44Oh, it didn't work?
12:45Let me give you to the engineer.
12:46Maybe that's the shit she does.
12:48Let me find out what she does for Apple.
12:54They get tricked really easy.
13:02You work for 911?
13:04No!
13:06This is the lady we're calling.
13:08Hi!
13:08Please send the police!
13:11What's the matter?
13:14I'm getting robbed!
13:16Does he have a gun?
13:18No, he's got a knife!
13:20Well, okay then.
13:21You'll be just fine.
13:24The cops are on their way.
13:25They'll be there tomorrow morning.
13:27That's a tough job, seriously.
13:29Give her a big round of applause.
13:31This woman saves lives.
13:35Tammy, tell us one of your stories.
13:37One of your crazy calls.
13:38I've had people call and ask what the number is to 911.
13:47Hello, 911?
13:49Yes, how can I help you?
13:50What's the number for emergency?
13:53911.
13:54I know, I called 911.
13:55I want the emergency card.
13:57It's 911.
13:59I called 911!
14:01What is the 911 for the 911?
14:03It's 911.
14:05Oh, it's 911!
14:06Okay, I called you when I have emergency.
14:12What are you doing?
14:13I'm an engineer.
14:14I belong to...
14:15Ah, that's beautiful.
14:16So, you're an engineer and you worked on...
14:19B-1 B-Bomber.
14:20Yeah, the bomber.
14:22Yeah, the f***ing bomber, yeah.
14:29Bomber?
14:34You work for the government?
14:36I support the U.S. Air Force.
14:38Well, of course you do.
14:42Oh, f***.
14:43I'm sure you love what you're doing.
14:48Who's single?
14:49Clap.
14:49Let me see how many single people here.
14:51Clap.
14:51Clap.
14:53Oh, that guy right there, he's like, I am Habibi, I am single.
14:56And he brought his phone out.
14:58He's like, I am going to record for evidence.
15:01What do you do?
15:02It's very important.
15:03Security.
15:04Security?
15:05For what?
15:07The club?
15:08The club?
15:08The nightclub?
15:10You work at a nightclub, and you cannot find a girl?
15:16Masao, check the situation.
15:21There is a problem.
15:23The guy works at a nightclub.
15:26The girls line up to get in.
15:31And you cannot talk to any of these girls, man.
15:35Man, big problem.
15:36You should go gay.
15:40Look, Musawa is like, I am filming this.
15:41I don't know what to do now.
15:45Don't worry, everybody knows.
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