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Short filmTranscript
00:14at the moment David I have nine boyfriends and then of course I also have my husband
00:20and none of them know about each other it's a full-time job I don't know how I always let
00:26this happen well Brenda this sounds like a textbook expression of an addictive personality
00:32what does that mean David people with addictive personalities are impulsive they're sensation
00:38seeking you may find that this facet of your personality affects you okay Maggie you've
00:45talked about your daughter in the group before how would you characterize that relationship is
00:49it steady consistent it's a mess she hates me I need her may hello you've mentioned
00:56feeling anxious about your girlfriend before do you think there's some part of you that enjoys
01:01or attracts intensity and drama um no we're actually very good right now it was stressful
01:07and then now it's very good it's just the greatest love story ever told so it's incredibly chill that's
01:12wonderful Tony she introduced you to our friends then you can transform a toxic relationship into
01:20a healthy one I've been with my partner Stuart for 11 years and we've had our difficulties he's entirely
01:25dependent on me financially but ultimately you've got to settle in you can't just operate on a trend
01:31oh hi I gotta go sorry my uncle needs a lift to karate
01:47oh my god I didn't think you'd actually come you said to come as a matter of urgency yeah I
01:52ran home
01:52and then I ran here I ran like Tom Cruise oh my god oh my god I'm gonna lose my
01:55job what the fuck is
01:56wrong with me wait didn't even see you yeah a kid saw me but guess what I told them I
02:01was a ghost and
02:02they believe me how are you how's your day going wait wait wait why did you run home before you
02:09ran here
02:09I've got the dick I got a strap on oh my god great can you put it on yeah or
02:13you could what oh no you
02:15could put it on you never really worn it oh yeah I have but I just hold it in my
02:19hand like a weapon
02:19like it's the same thing is it the same thing oh mate it really suits you I just don't think
02:23I'd
02:23suit a massive cock I really think you would actually but okay George Joyce is there that's
02:29good yeah I'm just fixing that sorry it's a squeaky squeaky like a like a mouse that's fixed so I've
02:34got
02:34the scoop okay what scoop okay you know the fit new PE teacher yeah you know how we said we
02:39wanted
02:39to be the field and let him be the sprinklers and he could irrigate us until we were fertile did
02:44I say
02:44that he's single praise the Lord he's single may the best woman win okay may the odds be ever in
02:52your
02:53favor the Hunger Games George oh I've got to go make a paper mache model of the female reproductive
03:02systems well great okay thanks Joyce hi hello oh may come on it's Joyce I don't talk to Joyce about
03:23my personal life okay I'm gonna make you come and then you can fuck me I don't think I can
03:27come George
03:27because I'm not the one that gets turned on from being in a closet if you catch my drift look
03:32how can
03:32you not think this is fit okay it's forbidden it's like the Montagues and the Capulets I've never seen
03:37Macbeth oh no no are you serious I'm sorry I can't make it up to you I'm sorry okay so
03:52um who did the
03:52assignment that I set on Friday
03:57if you could just take out your papers for the test
04:03close all the doors
04:05turn for tonight and let those thin ribbons apply
04:11work their way through all your dreams
04:15I'll try and remember what I've seen
04:19and wait up all night
04:21bye see you tomorrow
04:29hello
04:34may may may may may may may may wait wait wait can you go out the window I'll pick you
04:40up from your gig
04:49guys hey hey hey hey hey that was the worst show I have ever hosted in my entire life
04:56what happened oh it was brilliant I had a great time you had your eyes closed the entire set
05:01what do you mean mate mate what the fuck I'm sorry I just wasn't feeling it I don't know why
05:08I bomb so hard
05:08I do it's obvious what what's the common denominator every time you bomb it's because you're having
05:15some problem or some argument with your girlfriend
05:18hello
05:22hey what have you stopped talking what's happening look okay come on let's go where are we going
05:29right come on
05:32fuck
05:34well well well well so well how did it go not good very not good I was insecure the whole
05:41time
05:41well I really like it when you're insecure because you touch your hair a lot and it's really fit
05:45look I'm really sorry about earlier okay but I'm gonna make it up to you
05:50oh
05:55sorry
05:56may stop apologizing sorry okay I don't know what's wrong I'm so close
06:03I've been so close for like 45 minutes I'm not I'm not in a hurry okay I just I might
06:08just have to
06:09switch hands in a minute oh my god no this is humiliating no it happens to everyone okay not to
06:14me
06:15I can usually come just from thinking about the musical Chicago well then it is my fault
06:20no but why don't I just go down on you again why don't I fuck you again no mate please
06:24come on
06:24come on I really want you to come okay can you say that again but like in the voice of
06:32Susan Sarandon
06:33um okay my uh my my name is Susan Sarandon lower my my name is Susan Sarandon and I really
06:44want you to come yeah that's good yeah can you say more stuff uh oh my favorite role um well
06:51Thelma and Louise was a commercial L6 not about Thelma and Louise like stuff about me
06:57oh yeah okay like can you tell me tell me that you don't want me to come um I don't
07:04in the voice
07:05of Susan Sarandon please oh okay okay okay my name is Susan Sarandon and if you come I will be
07:11absolutely furious oh fuck yeah I'll be so angry how angry I will be so angry that I will close
07:20down all the cinemas in the land oh my god is that Phil what's wrong with me oh mate look
07:33at me look at
07:34me mate what would make you happy in this moment okay just say anything I won't be freaked out I
07:42want to do a role play I want to do like fit role play where like yeah your parents come
07:48around
07:48for dinner and I get to meet them and then they leave and then we're bone fresh uh yeah okay
07:54I really
07:54want to do a sexual role play that involves my parents come on I've just completely lost my boner
08:00okay forget it your parents what about your friends what about like one friend so we're out we bump into
08:05one of your friends like hi this is my girlfriend man on jizz everywhere may I'm really sorry I'm
08:11really tired can we can we just go to sleep
08:31oh you would love that if you have any questions my name is chela goble would you like to come
08:39in for
08:39some oolong tea yeah no actually no thank you oh what are you gonna wear tonight uh I don't think
08:46I
08:46could make it tonight Binks what George it's his birthday I know I'm sorry I really I just I'm just
08:51busy because we're hanging out with Jonathan Crenshaw just bring him really weird that we haven't met him
08:56yet how are things going um they're not no actually that it's fine yeah babe George what's happening I
09:05can't make him come what I think he no I know I just he's really experienced and I maybe I'm
09:13bad in bed
09:13just suck his dick is he gay oh my god hilarious let's not tell a gobble no excuse me hi
09:18um my friend
09:20can't make her boyfriend come so um what should she do please well let me start by thanking you for
09:25your candor well during sex do you find yourself taking a passer roll um no no I I go down
09:31on him
09:32loads wouldn't mean passive that's what sex is um lots of men enjoy relinquishing control through anal
09:38play we have a huge range of strap-ons strap-ons are disgusting oh yeah okay um what about a
09:45role
09:45play scenario we have many costumes okay this is weird actually I'm going um George quite massive
09:50cock for me I'm soon in the cafe okay um can I have some of that oolong tea mm of
09:57course thank you
10:11you're good thanks oh my god it's you uh Maggie's daughter yes lava laura my mom was high and she
10:19named me lava I hate it I really like it what are you doing here who are you here to
10:27see you said
10:27you're a comedian so I looked you up you looked me up yes that's what I just said okay cool
10:33I wanted
10:35to ask you if you meant it about my mom being good I want to know oh my god she's
10:39the best she's my
10:40sponsor and she takes care of me and she like helps me stay clean and we do pottery together she
10:47wants
10:47to meet up I really think you should she's like my rock thanks see you around okay bye is that
10:59true
11:00what you said on stage you can't come oh yeah I think I have some problem I should go to
11:06the doctor
11:07but what makes you think it's your problem what do you mean if you're my girlfriend I'd make you come
11:25in under a minute George I think we need to talk oh my god what is happening I'd love to
11:32talk may
11:32but I'm afraid you're under arrest no oh yeah what for uh for war crimes no no for no for
11:39being
11:39actually to fit to fit for the street oh cool danger can I speak to my lawyer um oh uh
11:48no you
11:48can't actually no because he's actually got a day off thank you for personal reasons oh what personal
11:52reasons because his kids got ALS no no George we need to talk I think no sorry my name isn't
11:59George
11:59mate what is your name my name is detective Parks detective Rosa Parks oh my god may I spent 300
12:07pounds on this uniform and look I mean it's too big but I just think I really need you to
12:15like
12:16just be my girlfriend oh I am your girlfriend yeah you are when we're alone in this apartment but I
12:23don't want to just exist in this apartment and it feels like you want to keep me here like Rapunzel
12:28fit not fit I don't want to be Rapunzel I want to meet your friends I think I need to
12:33meet your
12:33friends like now I know I just ah it's just scary I'm scared I know but I think it's why
12:40I can't come
12:41because I don't feel safe and now this is not helping to be honest it's barbaric
12:49okay okay Binky's having a party tonight and I wasn't gonna go but like maybe we should just go
12:55yes yeah really yeah oh man thank you okay yeah yeah oh great great okay great great yeah
13:07fuck George why are you so nervous they're gonna be so happy for you when they see you're in love
13:12you
13:12don't know these people may they find emotions disgusting they just want to have a good time and
13:17make jokes oh so they're British why do you even bother with these people this is exactly why I barely
13:22ever see them anymore but they're like they're like my oldest friends I mean Binky's basically family
13:27why are you laughing because I can't believe you know somebody called Binky wait wait I need to tell
13:33you something and just don't be angry okay they think I have a boyfriend called Jonathan Crenshaw
13:41I thought you told them about me weeks ago okay it's not my fault I told them I was seeing
13:46someone
13:46and they just assumed they just assumed his name is Jonathan Crenshaw look let's make a deal okay if you
13:52promise to just keep it together tonight then I will tell someone that we're fucking oh wow cool
13:57deal he couldn't make it he got stung by ants by red ants oh but this is my friend May
14:13and we saw
14:14you do comedy once oh my god hi May I'm Binky or Binks whichever your hair is so funny oh
14:20thank you
14:20your hair is also hilarious oh my god my cousin Cynthia is here she's a lesbian you'll love her
14:25oh are you dating anyone I am seeing someone but she's kind of an asshole so I don't think it's
14:29gonna last oh so cute what's she called um oh Hoggie Hoggie Dunlop what yes Hoggie Dunlop weirdly is
14:40her name it's funny actually I met her through Jonathan Crenshaw that's mad how do they know each other
14:46they are your mother and son what yes I'm dating George's boyfriend's mother well it's not really
14:56my boyfriend well exactly it's not even here George come talk to Jared oh Cynthia come talk to me
15:01um you two can talk about uh blazers I think May fancies me
15:09hey hey hey hey how's it going I'm May hey hey I'm I'm Hugh I would shake your hand but
15:33I'm
15:33Chocoblock making me old man a dick sandwich and I'm fresh out of dick
15:41okay I'm from Canada so I don't understand
15:43oh
15:44oh
15:45oh
15:45oh
15:45oh
15:45oh
15:45oh
15:46oh
15:54oh
15:55oh
16:07I'm just saying to Hugh I'd rather not leave my Doritos in the kitchen with all the rip-rap
16:14you know i'd rather keep them with me here safe in my chino trousers big binks yeah um okay i
16:21um
16:21i think i'm gonna end things with crenshaw oh no hey why i think i'm gonna break up with him
16:27um because and it's it's not like a big deal but i uh i should tell you i've really wanted
16:33to tell
16:34you oh my god why is your friend staring at you she's like obsessed with you binks wash me bum
16:47did you tell them yes i'm doing it my way but your eyes are like lasers like the back of
16:52my neck
16:52is actually hot like you're burning me with lasers just just take the pressure off me for one second
16:59just be confident why don't you dance there's nothing less attractive than someone that's too
17:04neurotic to dance at a party just sat in the door can i ask you something did you ever have
17:07braces
17:08as a kid what or acne did you have acne when you were a teenager okay can you can you
17:11just keep
17:12can you just calm down you grew up rich and white and straight and hot you won the lottery so
17:18of
17:19course you want to dance you're surrounded by people that want to fuck you of course i don't
17:22want to dance in front of people that would have bullied me in high school and you're too ashamed
17:25to touch me if you want me to feel confident then hold my hand you two are always having like
17:31the
17:31most intense whisper conversations what is going on here are you two like a thing now
17:36don't be a dick stop it but seriously is there something going on no obviously not
17:48i'm gonna go yeah i'm gonna go yeah if you want
17:59hey if you want to talk to me about something no it's fine can i just
18:14hey i just had a nice thank you darling thank you what for oh it's it's wonderful
18:23it's these magnificent what is look hello oh my god you came yeah love and i've been talking
18:34laura laura sorry darling laura yeah just catching up low key no pressure just chatting and laugh
18:41i said laura sorry darling laura said she came to see you yeah she came to my gig i did
18:45she's funny thank you oh god sorry ignore me i've probably got crooked glands how are you i'm good
18:55yeah i'm good um but can i hang out with you guys tonight of course darling we'll we will have
19:05a slumber party
19:19i like you a lot fuck off you fucking rat do me i want to do it do it do
19:26it do it
19:47Oh, my God, Georgie, baby, are you okay?
19:52This piece is disgusting.
19:54Is it bad?
19:55It's fucking awful, baby.
19:56Why don't you come in fucking blood, George?
19:58Can you call me?
19:59Who?
19:59The girl who looks like corn.
20:01She's in my phone, under corn.
20:03Call corn!
20:05Oh, look, this is you in Corfu.
20:07Oh, my God, you look like Ronald Reagan.
20:10She refused to wear a dress no matter how hard I tried.
20:13That's because I knew I was gay when I was, like, three.
20:15Yes, you did, sweetheart.
20:18Oh, this is such fun.
20:19I'm having an absolute blast.
20:21Who wants a drink?
20:22Gin?
20:23Gin?
20:24Gin for the girls?
20:26Or tea?
20:27Just a tea.
20:28How about that?
20:29Wear the girls who tea!
20:31Thanks, Mum.
20:35How's your girlfriend?
20:37Uh...
20:38You still haven't come.
20:39I mean, that's not really the issue.
20:43Maggie told me about her.
20:44Oh, really?
20:45George.
20:46Yes.
20:47You know, I've dated many, many girls like George.
20:50She's straight and she's wasting your time.
20:53You should be with someone that knows what they're doing.
20:55Uh-huh.
20:55Yeah, I don't mean about sex.
20:57Just don't let her shame rub off on you.
20:59It'll give you bad posture.
21:02Yeah.
21:07I...
21:07I don't want to go home.
21:11So don't.
21:17Hello?
21:18Hello?
21:19Hi, this is Corinne.
21:20No, this is...
21:21Uh, yeah, this is Corinne.
21:22Hi, hi.
21:23Um, it's George.
21:24Um, she fell through a glass table.
21:25There's blood everywhere.
21:26It's fucking disgusting.
21:27What?
21:28You need to come to the hospital now.
21:29Is everything okay?
21:30Oh, my God.
21:31Okay.
21:43Hi.
21:45Sorry, who are you?
21:47Um...
21:47Friend of George's.
21:48She's dating George's boyfriend's mum.
21:50Is she gonna be okay?
21:51We've given her morphine, so...
21:53Hello?
21:57Baby, you came.
21:59You came to see me.
22:01Please come here.
22:03Oh, I love you.
22:07I'm so sorry.
22:09It's okay.
22:09No.
22:10It's not okay.
22:12Oh, I'm a fucking idiot.
22:15I love you.
22:17I'm gonna make you come.
22:18Ooh.
22:19Okay.
22:20Okay.
22:21Um, can you open my bag?
22:23Doctor, please, can you pass my bag?
22:26Oh, oh.
22:29Look.
22:30Oh, my God.
22:31Whoa.
22:32I don't think that's...
22:34I'm gonna fuck my girlfriend with a strap on, Doctor.
22:36Oh, just get a nurse.
22:38Yeah.
22:39No.
22:40Aw.
22:41Yeah.
22:41I'm such a stupid idiot.
22:44I'm so sorry.
22:45I...
22:46Oh, my God.
22:50You are so beautiful.
22:52Your eyes.
22:54No.
22:55Oh, my God.
22:56Come on.
22:57Come on.
22:58Okay.
23:00Come on.
23:01Come on.
23:05Come on, applause.
23:07Come on.
23:07Come on.
23:10Come on.
23:17Come on.
23:19Come on.
23:23Come on.
23:25Come on.
23:32Come on, animals.
23:35Look at what's supposed to do.
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