A down on his luck man gets into an absurd but high stakes bet where he has one summer to find, and hook up with, every girl he had a crush on from 1st to 12th grade. 2016 The Bet

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2016 The Bet Full HOT TEEN Movie A down on his luck man gets into an absurd but high stakes bet where he has one summer to find, and hook up with, every girl he had a crush on from 1st to 12th grade.   *  #watchfreemovie  #watcnow  #fullmovie  #watchonlinemovie  #freestreaming  #StreamingNow  #MovieRecommendations  #MustWatch  #ClassicMovies  #Thriller  #Mystery  #WatchOnline  #TopRatedMovies  #CinemaLovers  #DramaFilm  #ForeignFilms  #AwardWinning  #MovieOfTheDay  #InstantClassic  #FeelGoodMovies  #RetroMovies  #MovieClips  #BestCinematography  #StreamingTonight  #LateNightMovies  #RomanticDrama  #Top10Movies  #PopcornTime  #MovieMarathon  #LoveStory  #romanticmovie  #WatchFree  #FreeMoviesOnline  #FilmOfTheYear  #BestMoviesEver  #Comedy  #FunnyMovie  #mustwatchmovie  #Movie  #Film  #filme  #Movies  #FullMovies  #ActionMovies  #ComedyMovies  #HorrorMovies  #DramaMovies  #RomanticMovies  #ThrillerMovies  #EuropeanFilms  #europeanmovie  #FrenchCinema  #SpanishMovies  #ItalianFilms  #GermanMovies  #EuropeanMovieClips  #EuropeanFilmFestival  #BestEuropeanMovies  #TopEuropeanFilms  #ClassicEuropeanCinema  #EuropeanDramaFilms  #EuropeanFilmAwards  #ScandinavianMovies  #EuropeanHorrorFilms  #EuropeanComedyMovies  #EuropeanArtFilms  #EuropeanIndieFilms

Transcript

00:00:06Baldi Penguin

00:00:08Baldi Penguin

00:00:27You

00:00:28Reverse Egyptian suplex reverse Egyptian suplex he's going for the pin one

00:00:38What an absolute war that was

00:00:40Okay, wrestling fans, it's time for the main event

00:00:43After years of heartbreak, unfulfilled dreams, and shattered confidence

00:00:48This young man will finally have one last shot at the world title

00:00:53Does he have any chance?

00:00:55If you ask this announcer, he's f***ed

00:00:58Dude, thanks for bogarting all these sweet wrestling DVDs from work

00:01:02Oh, yeah, dude

00:01:03I'd rather you have them seem to get thrown out when the store closes

00:01:07Oh, uh

00:01:09Keep in mind, Dad, tonight

00:01:11He hasn't been the same since we moved in the garage

00:01:14No problem

00:01:15Good luck on your date

00:01:17Maybe she'll let you sniff her b***h

00:01:20It's just dinner, dude

00:01:25Hey, Mr. B, what you working on over there?

00:01:29Completing the perfect woman

00:01:33I look forward to meeting her

00:01:37I already got started, I hope you don't mind

00:01:40Just need to get my drink on tonight

00:01:43Oh, I get getting your drink on this evening

00:01:47This is a really beautiful place you picked

00:01:50I am starving

00:01:51I'm not getting a horse

00:01:52That's funny

00:01:54Let's see, do they have horses?

00:01:55Check, no, no

00:01:56They have $30 soup, though

00:02:05So, I feel like I've been totally talking your face off about me

00:02:08Oh, no

00:02:09Tell me more about you

00:02:14I work at a video store

00:02:17People store at movies?

00:02:19Well, no, actually, that's kind of the problem

00:02:20Um, I don't know

00:02:21I think it's kind of sad that people don't go to video stores anymore

00:02:24It's kind of an Americana sort of thing

00:02:26I don't know, I'm going

00:02:27Brandon?

00:02:29Oh, no, I'm dead then

00:02:30Shaniqua?

00:02:30Danielle!

00:02:31Holy shit, I don't care

00:02:32Come here, come here

00:02:35Thank you

00:02:35Yeah, God

00:02:36You look amazing

00:02:38Thank you

00:02:39Okay

00:02:40Brandon, this is

00:02:41Denton?

00:02:42On a date with a real girl?

00:02:43Good for you, buddy

00:02:44It's just like a flying date sort of thing

00:02:47It's gone bad

00:02:48Oh, I'm right here

00:02:49I figured it was

00:02:50Hey, you know what?

00:02:50I made some improvements to the old

00:02:52Choo-choo train

00:02:53If you want to, uh, come

00:02:55Like a ride, you know?

00:02:57Maybe I'll park you up

00:02:59That a girl

00:03:00Okay, so, thank you so much

00:03:02This has been really great

00:03:03Yeah

00:03:03And, um, yeah

00:03:04Good luck with the whole video store job thingy

00:03:07Thank you

00:03:08Bye

00:03:08Can I cancel my drink?

00:03:13Hey Denton

00:03:14Whenever you're ready, Chief

00:03:19It's all over, folks!

00:03:21Hey, f*** that one up!

00:03:28Dad

00:03:30Come on

00:03:31Come on, let's go to bed, huh?

00:03:35Come on, let's go to bed

00:03:38Come on, let's go to bed

00:03:39Oh

00:03:42So

00:03:43That was the big date

00:03:45It was not good

00:03:47It was not

00:03:48In fact, it was

00:03:48It was pretty terrible

00:03:51Well

00:03:53Life is a series of miserable dates

00:03:56Oh, oh

00:03:59Terrific

00:04:01Now, I got one

00:04:04Kendra McNulty

00:04:08Kendra McNulty

00:04:09She was fine

00:04:10And she would've got that root

00:04:14That was a goddamn ball!

00:04:17Those f***s paid off the up again

00:04:19Hey, stat me

00:04:20Well, according to this

00:04:22Dyke Piazza

00:04:23You're 0 and 4 for the entire day

00:04:25So it looks like all that money spent on glare protection is really working out for you

00:04:29Bullshit

00:04:31What the hell is this?

00:04:32Oh, it's a list of all the hottest girls we went to school with

00:04:36Kendra McNulty?

00:04:37Please

00:04:38You wanna talk about fine middle school p***s?

00:04:40Haley Matthews

00:04:45Haley Matthews?

00:04:45Yo, that was the first girl in our grade to have sex, right?

00:04:48Hell yeah

00:04:48She sunk a f***ing clock on the 8th grade field trip

00:04:50No, that was Mikey Milligan

00:04:52How do you know?

00:04:54Cause I was sitting in between them

00:04:56Oof

00:04:57I cannot believe you let her do a flyover

00:04:59Next time a girl tries to do that

00:05:01Air pocket

00:05:02If I could do it all over again

00:05:04I would have a vault of Vatch to dive into

00:05:06They would call me Scrooge McF***

00:05:08I literally don't think anybody would ever call you that

00:05:10A couple people might

00:05:12You guys talking ducktales?

00:05:15Wiggins, apologies for getting you wet with a cartoon analogy

00:05:18But can you please not interrupt serious conversations about p***s?

00:05:21Hey, Dem, what do you think?

00:05:22Wanna send another one of your ladies out here so we can end this and go home?

00:05:25I got hot yoga

00:05:27I'm dead

00:05:28Wiggins, get up there and smash the ball down that motherf***er's throat

00:05:32Will do, coach

00:05:33Here we go

00:05:34Do it, Ken Spiffy Jr.

00:05:36Mmm, two for two

00:05:41Good hustle, good hustle, Wiggins, good hustle

00:05:44Dropping dimes, Brandon

00:05:47Come on, dude, really? You're gonna text during the game?

00:05:50It's called sexting, you f***ing nerd

00:05:51Oh yeah, is it prepaid?

00:05:53No, it's unlimited like your mom

00:05:56Brian!

00:05:57Shit!

00:05:58Jackson, you gotta chill, dude

00:06:00Have you forgotten?

00:06:01When old man Lucas shuts down the video store, our team goes with it

00:06:04Look at that old f*** out there

00:06:06Rubbing our faces in his s***

00:06:08Our face is right in his s***

00:06:10Eddie, honey

00:06:11I just finished my workout, but I'm gonna go pick up a six pack

00:06:14We're still watching the game tonight, right?

00:06:16Absolutely, baby

00:06:17Alright, see you tonight

00:06:18Love you

00:06:20I would totally go big on your wife

00:06:23Strike free!

00:06:24Going down swinging like your girlfriend on my d*** last night

00:06:27Joke's on you, I don't have a girlfriend

00:06:30Horribly embarrassing

00:06:31Bring it in

00:06:32You guys suck dick

00:06:33F*** you, f*** you, f*** you, f*** you, f*** you, madam, f*** you

00:06:37You so what a boner

00:06:39Always half

00:06:41Always well

00:06:42Oh, hey

00:06:44You checking out my mom's ass, perverts?

00:06:47Yeah

00:06:48Thought that was your stepmom's ass

00:06:49F*** you, Jackson

00:06:50You f***ing Ewok

00:06:51By the way, saw your game today

00:06:530 for 4, nice

00:06:54What's this?

00:06:56Hand that to me

00:06:59You're making a list of all the girls you wish you f*** in school

00:07:02That's hilarious, cause I have a list of the girls I did f*** in school

00:07:04Search your scene, it's a big f*** list

00:07:06Hey, Denton could f*** every girl on that list

00:07:09Wait, wait, wait, I'll let the man speak

00:07:10I'm sorry, you think Denton can get through this whole list, every name?

00:07:12Could you do that, Denton?

00:07:14What?

00:07:14I didn't say anything

00:07:15I, maybe her

00:07:16God, I smell a bet coming on

00:07:18I wish any of you f***ers had anything of value, anything

00:07:21I'd drain you for every penny

00:07:22In the meantime

00:07:25We got a train to catch

00:07:27Enjoy tickling each other's f***s, ladies

00:07:28Ah, f***

00:07:45This place is jumping

00:07:46How do you have any movies left?

00:07:47What's up guys, how you doing?

00:07:49Ah, good, we're just doing some man stuff around the corner

00:07:52Figured we'd stop by

00:07:53Say what's up

00:07:54What's up?

00:07:55Are we still on for Taco Tuesdays?

00:07:57God

00:07:57Yes, please

00:07:59Nice

00:07:59Any chance we can push that up a little bit?

00:08:01I have a training session tonight

00:08:03A training sesh?

00:08:04Yeah, short for session

00:08:06Okay

00:08:07Who are you training tonight?

00:08:08I haven't decided yet

00:08:11Hi, hey, how's it going?

00:08:12How's it going?

00:08:13Yeah

00:08:15Why don't you smell that?

00:08:18Smell it?

00:08:20What does this smell like to you?

00:08:22Kind of like envelope glue?

00:08:24Smells like a sweaty asshole

00:08:26Here, try this one

00:08:31Dude, all of your movies smell like a f***ing asshole

00:08:33Smells like a bottle

00:08:35Really?

00:08:35Now my player smells like a f***ing asshole

00:08:37You guys sitting on this shit?

00:08:42Delivery for Lucas Gourmet condoms

00:08:44Uh, you know what?

00:08:45Actually that goes across the street to the company over there

00:08:48They're not getting stuff here until the end of the summer

00:08:50Those f***ers are getting packages here already?

00:08:52I don't give two shits

00:08:53This is what it says on the package

00:08:55This is where I'm dropping

00:08:57Hey!

00:08:58Why don't you smell this thing?

00:09:00What does it smell like to you?

00:09:03Smells like wet, dirty assholes

00:09:08What the f*** are you guys doing here?

00:09:15Denton, what's up?

00:09:17Hi

00:09:19Denise, that was close

00:09:21You almost had it

00:09:22Sorry, um

00:09:23You guys are actually already having packages delivered to the video store

00:09:26Ooh, sorry

00:09:27Denise!

00:09:28Yeah, oh, one sec

00:09:30Uh-huh, okay

00:09:31I'll send him back

00:09:32Hey!

00:09:34Yes?

00:09:35Mr. Lucas wants to see you

00:09:36He's in Brandon's office

00:09:37Okay, just right around the corner

00:09:38Oh, uh, how does he know I'm here?

00:09:41Cause they're watching

00:09:42And you have your Taco Tuesday with your friends later at La Cabana

00:09:47How did you know that?

00:09:52Good luck with the old man, okay?

00:09:54It'll be fine

00:09:59Supposed to taste good not to prevent herpes or anything for Christ's sake

00:10:02Hey!

00:10:02Denton!

00:10:02What's up, man?

00:10:04Oh, I meant to say congratulations on f***ing Danielle

00:10:06That's awesome

00:10:07Oh, I didn't...

00:10:08I didn't...

00:10:08I'm sorry, wait, wait, wait, wait, that was me

00:10:10I f***ed twice

00:10:11We filmed it, actually

00:10:12Uh, what was the movie called?

00:10:13Oh, uh, the great train blowjobbery

00:10:15Give me all your cunny vinyah

00:10:17Oh shit

00:10:17Uh, did Danielle know that you were filming her?

00:10:20What, are you f***ing stupid?

00:10:21Like we asked permission to film her?

00:10:23Train porno

00:10:24It's the world's fastest growing fetish

00:10:26We're the Lucas and Serge burger of the genre

00:10:28Shag Hard Express, Missionary Possible, Me Hard on the Orient Express

00:10:32Uh, Trains, Planes and Cock is your meal

00:10:34F***ing classics, bro

00:10:35Amen, sister

00:10:36Tell him Mr. Lucas said f*** you

00:10:40Didn't

00:10:41I just came by

00:10:43It's a big day, man

00:10:45After my ground breaking career

00:10:47And the flavored jimmy biz

00:10:49I'll be retiring at the end of the summer

00:10:52So Brandon's your new point person in regards to the takeover

00:10:55I want my product in that bullshit video store

00:10:59Within 90 days

00:11:01Yes, sir

00:11:01We've started our move out and we will be out on time

00:11:04You damn well better

00:11:05You know, you should've just closed that shit hole today

00:11:08I mean, what the hell have you wasted your whole damn life for in there?

00:11:12Well, uh, it means something to me, sir

00:11:18I can remember all of the best times growing up going to that video store

00:11:22I made all my best friends there

00:11:24And I know people don't rent at a video store anymore

00:11:27I know that's kind of in the past

00:11:30But it's made me who I am

00:11:34A huge pussy

00:11:36Oh, shit

00:11:36Hit him in the low, dawg

00:11:38All right, all right

00:11:40Son, you're either a born loser

00:11:43Or a winner

00:11:46Take Brandon here

00:11:48The day his mama shit him out of her fucking joke

00:11:51God rest her soul

00:11:53He hit the ground with her

00:11:54Now, Sergio another hand

00:11:57I'm a real fuck-up

00:11:59Well, let me tell you what success is

00:12:04You see

00:12:05I wake up in the morning

00:12:07I slam me down a Red Bull and some vodka

00:12:10Go clubbing with some young punk

00:12:11Take me some biaggies

00:12:13And at the end of the night

00:12:16I squeeze me some of the finest little young ta-tas money can buy

00:12:21They're very big

00:12:23You see

00:12:25I can smell success

00:12:30Just like the old man on a friggin' whiff of it on you

00:12:35You know what?

00:12:38If he's your old man

00:12:39That's barbecue flavor

00:12:41That's his favorite

00:12:43Give him something

00:12:46Anything

00:12:48As far as you two

00:12:49Don't forget

00:12:50Promotional party tonight

00:12:52Peppermint Sebrum

00:12:53First lap dances on me

00:12:55Yeah, daddy

00:12:56The second lap dances on me, too

00:13:01Honey, it's one o'clock

00:13:03It's time for our couple's mani-pedi

00:13:06Hi, Ben

00:13:06Hi, Kirsten

00:13:08Hey, it's Mrs. Lucas to you

00:13:12Mani-pedi headache, here we go

00:13:14Woo!

00:13:16Whoa, whoa, whoa, Baker

00:13:18Where the fuck you think you're going?

00:13:19Sit down

00:13:19Um, are you, are you

00:13:22Done being mean to me?

00:13:24I've got a present for you

00:13:28It's a go, bitch

00:13:30You tell your little butt buddies over there

00:13:31At that stupid video store

00:13:33That the CEO of Lucas' gourmet condom

00:13:35Signed off on everything

00:13:37Rosenberg's screwed up in, uh

00:13:38Legal, he's a Jew, so I assume it's binding and everything

00:13:40You know?

00:13:41I'm gonna watch you fail

00:13:42And I'm gonna love every second of it

00:13:44Every

00:13:46Damn

00:13:48Second

00:13:50Of it

00:13:53Is that, did you, can I go now?

00:13:56Get the fuck out of here

00:13:58Let the games begin

00:14:01Cocksmoke

00:14:02Better

00:14:09What the hell is this?

00:14:12There he is

00:14:13That, you lucky motherfucker

00:14:15Is a legal and binding document

00:14:17That's right

00:14:17Me and Jackson sat down with Lucas' legal team this morning

00:14:20And hammered out all the details

00:14:21I have to sleep with twelve girls this summer

00:14:24Or the Lucases get my house

00:14:25Well, you're renting out your house

00:14:28To that asshole bub

00:14:28Technically

00:14:29So you live in the garage

00:14:30What, are you guys lawyers now?

00:14:32Huh?

00:14:32Well, I actually had a lawyer look over the details

00:14:40Hello, officers of Charles McD

00:14:42And he may or may not be my uncle

00:14:44Uh, kind of contract

00:14:46Um

00:14:48Uh

00:14:50Yeah

00:14:51Yeah

00:14:51You're good, man

00:14:53You're good

00:14:54But don't worry, man

00:14:55We did all the legwork for you

00:15:00Oh my god

00:15:02That, my friend

00:15:03Is nine of your school crushes

00:15:06You actually picked out most of them yourself

00:15:09Wait, what are the two empty slots for?

00:15:11Oh, you get to pick the two wildcard bitches

00:15:14That's right

00:15:14As long as we can prove you went to school with them

00:15:16You can decide whoever you want

00:15:18Well, now I think it's time for a celebratory shake

00:15:21Gentlemen

00:15:21You got it?

00:15:22100% alright

00:15:23Thanks, though

00:15:24What the fuck's going on here?

00:15:27Sorry, Bob

00:15:27Sorry is right

00:15:28You sorry motherfuckers

00:15:30What's those white bitches doing on the wall?

00:15:33Oh, these are all the girls

00:15:34That didn't went to school with

00:15:35Yeah, he's gonna fuck you with me

00:15:36Yeah, he's gonna fuck you

00:15:36He's gonna fuck him

00:15:37That guy is gonna fuck him

00:15:39He's gonna fuck him

00:15:39He's gonna get fucked

00:15:39You don't necessarily have to sleep with him

00:15:41Oh, no

00:15:42You just gotta bust a fat

00:15:43It doesn't matter how

00:15:45Uh, handy

00:15:46Beach

00:15:47Missionary

00:15:48Old country

00:15:49Doggy

00:15:50Bukkake

00:15:51Gangbang

00:15:51Facial

00:15:5269

00:15:53Come dump truck

00:15:54Shitty kitty

00:15:54Oh, I like that one

00:15:56Shitty kitty

00:15:57Shitty kitty

00:15:57Siberian jizz-sicle

00:15:59You know what I like?

00:16:00Nigerian cocksicle

00:16:02That's what I like

00:16:03To drill the shit out your big dry

00:16:05F***ing asses

00:16:06Bye bum

00:16:07Thanks

00:16:09That's right

00:16:09We just need to have solid evidence of each hookup

00:16:12Guys, I can't do this

00:16:13This is your chance, D

00:16:15Your biological cock is ticking, man

00:16:17Dude, if you do this

00:16:19You get 100% of the Lucas Gourmet Condom Company

00:16:22You get everything

00:16:23All associated properties and holdings

00:16:25The video store stays open

00:16:26And we can still play ball

00:16:28You can't lose the team, D

00:16:32Jackson might kill himself

00:16:34And after what Mr. Lucas did to your dad

00:16:39Think about it

00:16:41Think about it

00:16:51Hey champ

00:16:52Oh, hey Mr. Blosky, how you doing?

00:16:54You kidding?

00:16:55Hi

00:16:56Is, uh, is your dad home?

00:16:58Nope

00:16:59Don't think he's

00:17:00No

00:17:00Uh, is everything okay?

00:17:03No

00:17:05Your dad's been, uh

00:17:07He's been stealing my son's Legos

00:17:11What?

00:17:12Are you sure?

00:17:13I've been picking them up all day

00:17:15Legos

00:17:16From my house

00:17:17To your house

00:17:18He's, uh

00:17:20He's had a rough go of it

00:17:21Well, I think he's getting worse

00:17:39Maybe those assholes are right

00:17:42Fuck yeah we are

00:17:44Get up man

00:17:44We got chicks to do

00:17:46What is, what is Scott Quaker doing up there?

00:17:50You're gonna laugh

00:17:51At this

00:17:52He's actually one of your dates

00:17:54No

00:17:54Okay, look for two of the dates you only have to kiss

00:17:58It's supposed to be twelve girls

00:18:00You and Snot Shaker were inseparable in the third grade

00:18:02Everybody knows you had a crush on him

00:18:04Lucas wouldn't budge

00:18:05I didn't have a crush on him

00:18:06Listen, guys didn't even like girls in the third grade

00:18:09I love you in the third grade

00:18:10Ask Wiggins

00:18:11Yeah, it's pretty gross

00:18:13Here's the dossier for your first date

00:18:15We picked the sluttiest one first

00:18:17Seventh grade

00:18:18Hayley Matthews?

00:18:19I haven't even talked to her in like fifteen years

00:18:22Surprise again

00:18:23You've actually been talking to her all day online

00:18:26We told you to ride a Harley though

00:18:27Cause she's into bad boys

00:18:28You sold me as a bad boy to Hayley Matthews?

00:18:32How am I actually gonna impress a girl like that?

00:18:34This Denton clearly isn't doing the trick

00:18:36Fuck no

00:18:37But I mean, what's wrong with me?

00:18:39I'm fine, right?

00:18:41Okay, I guess I'll start

00:18:43Um...

00:18:44You don't put any product in your hair?

00:18:46You're always talking about bands that no one's ever heard of?

00:18:49Like, I'm sorry guys, but who the fuck is Black Sabbath?

00:18:53Yeah, man

00:18:54You live in a garage

00:18:56Wiggins, you live in a garage with me

00:18:59Oh yeah

00:19:01You're gonna have to shave your shaft

00:19:03Your taint

00:19:04Your grundle

00:19:05Your satchel page, man

00:19:07You gotta be as bald as a Scandinavian turtle

00:19:09It's gonna fucking shine

00:19:11I gotta see my face

00:19:12In your right nut, man

00:19:13Look

00:19:13I'm dressed like a Crip stepfather right now

00:19:17Does it matter?

00:19:18No

00:19:18Because I'm confident

00:19:20You just gotta be confident in who you are

00:19:22Or

00:19:23In this case

00:19:24Who you are not

00:19:30Look man

00:19:32I get it

00:19:33You're in a rut

00:19:35Are you gonna do something about it?

00:19:38If you're not gonna do it for you

00:19:48Alright, let's do it

00:19:50Nice

00:19:50Fuck yeah

00:20:07Hi

00:20:07Uh

00:20:09Is it?

00:20:09I'm sorry

00:20:10Is this 264 Pacific?

00:20:12Tenten

00:20:13Hey girly

00:20:14What's your name is?

00:20:15Ass so fab but that waist so framish

00:20:17It's all goody as long as I get a woody

00:20:19You can pack, pack with your neck all baby

00:20:21Implant davis

00:20:22Hi

00:20:23Hi

00:20:24Hayley

00:20:24You look so great

00:20:26You look...

00:20:28I can't tell

00:20:29I know, right?

00:20:30I mean, who would've thought

00:20:31Not me

00:20:36Where's your Harley?

00:20:37Uh...

00:20:38Yeah, it's uh...

00:20:39It's in the shop

00:20:40No

00:20:40Seat's...

00:20:41Seat's broken

00:20:43Oh, well...

00:20:44We're all ready to go

00:20:46Oui

00:20:56Let me tell you what can nothing when

00:20:59You give all your friends a standing invitation

00:21:02La la la

00:21:06I got a loft on them down

00:21:09It used to be mine

00:21:11There's nothing but noise and drain

00:21:14People sleeping everywhere

00:21:17Gotta get up by the clean town

00:21:20Slippin' on coats of beer

00:21:22Love comes everyday

00:21:25Let me tell you what I mean

00:21:28Let me tell you what I mean

00:21:29We're all in rocks tonight, baby!

00:21:31Woo!

00:21:33Woo!

00:21:41My therapist thought it would be a good idea if I had a major life change

00:21:45So here I am

00:21:46Wow

00:21:47This is a...

00:21:47This was a...

00:21:48This is a big one

00:21:53Yeah, I started a...

00:21:54Pretty sweet softball team

00:21:56With my buddies

00:21:58My dad's...

00:22:00Building a woman out of Legos

00:22:04Um...

00:22:05I sell my sperm at a sperm bank

00:22:08I thought you were a cage fighter

00:22:10Uh...

00:22:13Yeah, I...

00:22:14Here's the interesting part of the story

00:22:16Well, I...

00:22:17Um...

00:22:18The best part of the story is coming right now

00:22:20I was living in this, uh, apartment

00:22:23And there was this, uh, old Asian...

00:22:27Handyman who taught me to...

00:22:30To paint...

00:22:31Fences and...

00:22:32And...

00:22:33And...

00:22:33And wash cars

00:22:34Stuff like that

00:22:39So, um...

00:22:40But I...

00:22:40You know what?

00:22:40I was like...

00:22:42This...

00:22:43Sucks...

00:22:43Being a teen...

00:22:45With...

00:22:46With problems and no direction

00:22:47This is not the life I want

00:22:49But...

00:22:49You know...

00:22:50Turns out he was a...

00:22:51Martial arts master

00:22:52And he...

00:22:53Taught me a few things

00:22:54He was a...

00:22:55Blonde kid with feathered hair

00:22:57Giving me a rash of shit

00:22:58And I was like...

00:22:59Let's enter a tournament together...

00:23:01Of karate

00:23:01And I...

00:23:02I...

00:23:04Crank kicked him...

00:23:04In the face...

00:23:07And that sort of thing just, you know...

00:23:09Naturally leads to cage fighting

00:23:11That's so cool

00:23:13Yeah

00:23:13What's your finishing move?

00:23:16Hmm?

00:23:17Finishing...

00:23:17Finishing move is the...

00:23:21Head butt...

00:23:22To the nuts

00:23:24Yeah

00:23:25I get a handful of those nards

00:23:26And I just...

00:23:27Boom, boom, boom, boom

00:23:29Six or seven times

00:23:30And...

00:23:31Wow

00:23:35So, um...

00:23:35You have a girlfriend?

00:23:37Or a wife?

00:23:38Or something?

00:23:38Nah, I don't need the ag, you know?

00:23:40Yeah

00:23:41Yeah, it's just my...

00:23:43Chopper

00:23:44Cage

00:23:45And...

00:23:46Tats

00:23:47Tattoos?

00:23:48Yep

00:23:48Yep, yeah, it's a full back piece

00:23:50Yeah

00:23:51Hours of work

00:23:52It's a Yakuza tattoo

00:23:54Yeah, but...

00:23:54Instead of, uh...

00:23:55Samurai, it's Arnold Schwarzenegger

00:24:00Squat thrusting...

00:24:01Mars

00:24:02Oh...

00:24:03I've got to see that

00:24:05No, I'm sorry

00:24:06I can't, baby

00:24:07No, I can't do it

00:24:07What?

00:24:08Yeah, it melted off in the explosion

00:24:11When I was escaping the State Pen

00:24:12Oh my god

00:24:14That is so...

00:24:16Oh, yeah.

00:24:17Yeah.

00:24:19Oh.

00:24:21What?

00:24:22The sisters warned me this could happen.

00:24:25What could happen?

00:24:33Sisters, I will never forget the time we've spent together.

00:24:39Your life lessons and blessings will stay with me all the days of my life.

00:24:44Unfortunately, the exorcism performed on my devil pussy has failed.

00:24:54I want you to fuck me to, like, tap out.

00:24:57Holy shit.

00:24:59Hallelujah.

00:25:01Hallelujah.

00:25:04Ow, your knee's on my neck.

00:25:06Oh, sorry.

00:25:18Eleven to go, boys!

00:25:20Oh, yes!

00:25:21Nice.

00:25:23Details.

00:25:24Details.

00:25:24It was unreal.

00:25:25She did, like, porno stuff.

00:25:27Oh, of course.

00:25:29Butthole?

00:25:30Oh.

00:25:31Yours?

00:25:34Oh, butthole, butthole, butthole, butthole.

00:25:38Butthole, butthole, butthole, butthole, butthole.

00:25:41Yeah!

00:25:42Ah!

00:25:43Ah!

00:25:44It's everywhere!

00:25:45Ah!

00:25:46I would tongue kiss Leo DiCaprio.

00:25:48What are you saying?

00:25:49He has supple lips?

00:25:50It's possible that whenever he...

00:25:52I think he should...

00:25:54Dave!

00:25:55Straight up now tell me.

00:25:56Did you really f***ing claptrap Matthews?

00:25:58That's disgusting.

00:26:00I hope you double bagged it, man.

00:26:01But, because I'm a gentleman and a scholar,

00:26:04I got you a little present.

00:26:06Rain Jimmy's on this pitch.

00:26:07No, come on.

00:26:08Stop it.

00:26:10Oh, Dave.

00:26:11Hey, Graham, this.

00:26:12I want to keep it.

00:26:14Hashtag blessed.

00:26:16Hashtag clean these up, you f***ing idiot.

00:26:23Wiggins, hand me a condo.

00:26:27Brussels sprouts or Thai sweet chili?

00:26:31Thai sweet chili.

00:26:38Alright, Dad, let's go to the street beyond that scenery.

00:26:42Destiny.

00:26:43Welcome to church, gentlemen.

00:26:46Oh, remember, Ed said, uh, smart girls want to be hot,

00:26:51and hot girls want to be smart.

00:26:54F*** his head, though.

00:26:55He's home with his wife.

00:27:04Welcome to Steve Candy.

00:27:08You must be really good at math to be able to count up all those ones.

00:27:12Oh, yeah, I guess.

00:27:14I mean, it can be really hard to keep track of,

00:27:17especially if people throw in fives when they really like me.

00:27:20That's a valid point.

00:27:22Did you want to get a lap dance?

00:27:24They're two for one right now.

00:27:26That means that you get two lap dances,

00:27:29but you only pay for one.

00:27:31Wow, you are good at math.

00:27:33That's...

00:27:33I would love one.

00:27:36Two.

00:27:50I've just received news from the other side.

00:27:54The Dark Lord has special instructions for us.

00:27:57Oh, how's he doing?

00:28:01He's well, and says thank you for asking.

00:28:04Oh, you're welcome.

00:28:07You're welcome.

00:28:11I'm...

00:28:12I'm getting a message from the Dark Lord himself right now.

00:28:16What news does he bring?

00:28:22He says that we should consummate our unholy tryst

00:28:26on this unhallowed ground this very eve.

00:28:31He does?

00:28:32Mm-hmm.

00:28:32Yes, yes, he does.

00:28:36Then you must be the chosen one.

00:28:38I am...

00:28:39I'm totally that guy.

00:28:41Then we must commence this ritual immediately.

00:28:43Okay.

00:28:44Here, put this on.

00:28:46The neighbors are always complaining about the noise.

00:28:48It'll just take a minute.

00:28:55Oh, don't worry.

00:28:56It only hurts a little bit.

00:29:09Oh, no.

00:29:10Oh, no.

00:29:18Oh, no.

00:29:40You ready?

00:29:41You ready?

00:30:02Oh

00:30:03Marley

00:30:36That's a big dragon, huh?

00:30:38He's got big sharp teeth.

00:30:41What does he say?

00:30:43Why?

00:30:46Excuse me, sir?

00:30:48Can I help you with something?

00:30:49Oh, no, I'm just checking out this hot check.

00:30:52Oh, you know what?

00:30:53No, no, I love kids.

00:30:55I don't love...

00:30:56They don't...

00:30:58Shh.

00:31:00Hey.

00:31:01Hi.

00:31:02Oh, my God.

00:31:04Denton?

00:31:05Oh, my God.

00:31:06Denton Baker?

00:31:07From Abrams Elementary, right?

00:31:09Brandon Morrison.

00:31:11Look at...

00:31:11Wow, you got tall.

00:31:14You're...

00:31:14You're big.

00:31:17Uh...

00:31:17God, that is crazy.

00:31:19I can't believe you still hang out with those guys.

00:31:22What is Jackson up to?

00:31:24Uh, Jackson thinks he's a personal trainer.

00:31:28Like, wait, what?

00:31:30Yeah, yeah.

00:31:31He got in shape?

00:31:32No, no, he did not.

00:31:34He just, uh, he works the graveyard shift at the 24-hour gym, so, like, one person comes

00:31:39in, and he's like, oh, I'm personally training you.

00:31:41Okay, that makes more sense.

00:31:43Yeah.

00:31:44What about you?

00:31:45What have you been up to?

00:31:47Where are you working now?

00:31:48Um, I, uh, I got into, uh, cage fighting.

00:31:53Really?

00:31:53Cage?

00:31:54Mm-hmm.

00:31:54Like, like, going?

00:31:56Yeah, I know you didn't.

00:31:59Seriously, where are you working now?

00:32:00Uh, actually, I'm in the movie business.

00:32:04That's even worse than cage fighting.

00:32:05Yeah, well, it's kind of true.

00:32:08I, I still work at, uh, Video Funtime.

00:32:10Really?

00:32:12Still?

00:32:13Yeah.

00:32:13Well, not for much longer, actually, because the Lucases bought out the building for their

00:32:18gourmet condom business.

00:32:21That is, that's disgusting.

00:32:23Yeah.

00:32:26Um, well, this is me.

00:32:28So, um, super cool bumping into you, nothing.

00:32:34Uh, you know what?

00:32:37Would you want to continue this conversation sometime?

00:32:42Nope.

00:32:44Is that a, what is it?

00:32:45Yes.

00:32:46Oh, okay.

00:32:47Yeah, I would love to catch up somewhere.

00:32:49Cool, cool.

00:32:50Uh, how, how, how's eight tonight?

00:32:52Is that...

00:32:53Uh, yeah, sure.

00:32:55We can, um, we can get that cup of coffee.

00:32:58Cool.

00:33:00Here, let me, um...

00:33:08Meet me here.

00:33:12Stop looking at my c*****, man.

00:33:14I'm not.

00:33:15You're peeing on the bathroom side.

00:33:16I'm doing dishes on the right side.

00:33:20Where the f**k have you been?

00:33:21Well, I'm sorry, Schwarzkopf.

00:33:23I was busy playing stalker at the daycare.

00:33:24In fact, I'm lucky I didn't get arrested.

00:33:26Oh, yeah, that Morrison chick.

00:33:28How's she looking nowadays?

00:33:30Ah, great.

00:33:31Yeah, she seems really cool, too.

00:33:33Yeah?

00:33:34How'd you hit that?

00:33:35H.J.?

00:33:36No.

00:33:36I did not.

00:33:37You know, B.J.?

00:33:38No.

00:33:39F.J.?

00:33:40Did you get one of those F.J.'s in there?

00:33:42I didn't get an F.J.

00:33:43I didn't have quite the time that I needed.

00:33:45I couldn't close the deal.

00:33:46But right now, I'm actually going to see Amanda.

00:33:48Wait, but this is a mandatory meeting.

00:33:50You can do this one without me.

00:33:51I swear to God, you're doing amazing work.

00:33:53Goodbye!

00:33:53Ken, remember, to be the man, you have to beat off the man.

00:33:57It's beat the man.

00:33:58If you want to be the man, you have to beat the man.

00:34:01You don't want to beat him off.

00:34:03Yeah.

00:34:07But do you remember that story that you got up in front of the entire second grade class

00:34:10and you read it out loud to everybody?

00:34:12Yeah.

00:34:13Wow, I can't believe you remember that.

00:34:14Of course I do.

00:34:16Donnie the Lucky Donkey.

00:34:17Actually, it was Donnie the Down on His Luck Donkey.

00:34:24How come, how did you never get married?

00:34:27Well, my dad was in the Coast Guard, so we moved around a lot when I was a kid.

00:34:30And then, I guess, after I got my teaching degree, I carried on the family tradition.

00:34:35So you're saying you're a gypsy?

00:34:36No, I'm not a gypsy.

00:34:38Sounds like what a gypsy would say.

00:34:40No, my girlfriends are all getting married and having kids.

00:34:44And I'm just happy that I finally found a place to settle down and write.

00:34:47Oh, you're a writer.

00:34:48Well, I'm writing a book.

00:34:50It's a self-help book about how parents aren't really instilling enough self-confidence in

00:34:57their kids and the effect that it has on them later on in their adult lives.

00:35:02What about you?

00:35:03It's hard to go out and date when you're living in a garage with your dad.

00:35:11Oh, that's hysterical.

00:35:14Oh, God, you're really serious.

00:35:16Uh, kind of.

00:35:18How did that happen?

00:35:19God, I thought your dad was a successful inventor.

00:35:22Well, he was, until his greatest invention was stolen out from right underneath him.

00:35:27What was it?

00:35:29Gourmet condom?

00:35:30No.

00:35:31Mm-hmm.

00:35:32Wait, how did your dad even come up with the idea for a gourmet condom in the first place?

00:35:37I don't want to do this.

00:35:38See, we're having coffee.

00:35:39It's a really wonderful time.

00:35:40I don't want to screw it.

00:35:41Oh, come on!

00:35:42I can't go back.

00:35:43You know, once I say it, it can't be unsaid.

00:35:45I dare you.

00:35:45Bring it on.

00:35:46Let's go.

00:35:46Gross me out.

00:35:47Well, before I was born, my parents went on this kind of zany, wacky diet where they couldn't

00:35:52eat anything after midnight.

00:35:53My mom goes off to the other room to put on something a little more comfortable.

00:35:57My dad, seeing this as an opportunity to cheat on the diet, grabs barbecue chicken wing and

00:36:02starts mowing down on him.

00:36:03Afray of all this, he gets the chicken drippings all over his junk.

00:36:11My mom sneaks in, surprised the hell out of him.

00:36:14Philip, you taste delicious.

00:36:16His wheels started turning and the rest is history.

00:36:20My dad doesn't know how to balance a checkbook, let alone run a company, so Mr. Lucas offers

00:36:24his help.

00:36:25In the interim, my mom gets sick.

00:36:27Lucas says, you know what, don't worry about it.

00:36:29While you're gone, I will get this business started and running.

00:36:32So we're watching TV a couple weeks later.

00:36:35There's an ad for Lucas's gourmet condoms.

00:36:38Didn't you guys get a lawyer?

00:36:40Anything?

00:36:40We got a lawyer.

00:36:41We tried to do all that, but my dad didn't have any copyrights.

00:36:43He didn't have any proof, like solid evidence.

00:36:45From then on, it's just been this downward spiral.

00:36:49Oh my God, that is so fucked up.

00:36:53But you know what?

00:36:53This actually would make a really great example for my book.

00:36:57Hear me out.

00:36:59Your complete and utter lack of self-confidence has led you to be not only jobless, but homeless

00:37:06and girl-less as well.

00:37:07Oh my God, thank you!

00:37:09No, seriously!

00:37:11The only thing that you are lacking is testicular fortitude.

00:37:16What are you talking about?

00:37:17Balls, Denton!

00:37:19Look, I am...

00:37:20I am...

00:37:21I'm very confident.

00:37:23Really?

00:37:24Oh, oh, oh, hi.

00:37:26I'm Denton.

00:37:27Would you maybe, like, want to, I don't know, go on a coffee date with me?

00:37:30Even though all I'm gonna do is drink peppermint tea.

00:37:33That was a C-minus impression at best.

00:37:35Oh, really?

00:37:37What is this pussy-ass drink?

00:37:39It's filled with antioxidants and fights cervical cancer.

00:37:43So you look kind of dumb right now.

00:37:46Look, this is gonna be the summer that I change your life.

00:37:50And I get to document it in my book.

00:37:53Help, I have the balls of an eight-year-old.

00:37:56Elegant, yet sexy.

00:37:57I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

00:37:59You think about it.

00:38:00I'll be back.

00:38:01Scream that title again?

00:38:02What was it?

00:38:03Shut up!

00:38:04Denton!

00:38:05Oh, oh!

00:38:05You're my fucking hero, man.

00:38:07It's been an honor watching you fight your kill tonight.

00:38:12I know you're gonna fuck these hot bitches.

00:38:16How do you know about that?

00:38:18Sensei Jackson didn't tell you about me?

00:38:20I'm his star pupil, man.

00:38:22Remember a couple years back when that guy had to be cut out of his house?

00:38:26Yeah.

00:38:26That was me.

00:38:27I weighed 750 fucking pounds.

00:38:30I had to prop my titties up on a towel rack just to dry them off.

00:38:34That's about when Sensei Jackson found me.

00:38:37He put me on a grueling training reg.

00:38:40Had me sucking on his sweet, delicious power shakes.

00:38:44He fucking saved my life, man.

00:38:46The dude is a saint.

00:38:48Hey, you autographed me.

00:38:50Go!

00:38:50Hey!

00:38:53Uh, you want to get out of here?

00:38:55Yes.

00:38:57Let's.

00:38:59Hope you two had a great night.

00:39:01You're the shit, dude!

00:39:03The shit!

00:39:05Free video.

00:39:06Free video.

00:39:07Free video?

00:39:07Wiggins.

00:39:08Free video?

00:39:09Wiggins.

00:39:10Free video.

00:39:10Wait, who's that for?

00:39:11Me.

00:39:13Free video?

00:39:14Free video.

00:39:14Free video?

00:39:14You work here.

00:39:15Why won't you?

00:39:16No, wait.

00:39:17One of your crushes is coming.

00:39:18Who?

00:39:18D-Man!

00:39:19What's up, dog?

00:39:20Hi!

00:39:21Hello.

00:39:22Let me see if you're my bro.

00:39:24So, uh, new release day.

00:39:26Talk to me.

00:39:27Any new jizz flicks dropped?

00:39:29Everything new's in the back, Scott.

00:39:30All right, sweet.

00:39:32I'll be back in a sec, because it only takes me a minute to send it.

00:39:35You remember now.

00:39:36Come on.

00:39:38He seems like a power top.

00:39:39You into that?

00:39:41Wiggins?

00:39:41Dude, I'm not fucking up with the dude, dude.

00:39:44Okay, well, first of all, if you did, I'm a good enough friend, but I wouldn't tell anybody.

00:39:48Second of all, all you have to do is give him a little bit of tongue and just slip it.

00:39:51I'm not gonna do it, man.

00:39:52I don't care.

00:39:53Jackson's gonna have to figure this out.

00:39:54I'm not gonna do it.

00:39:55I'll lose the whole bet.

00:39:56I don't care.

00:39:57Hey, what bet you boys talking about?

00:39:58Nothing.

00:39:59Nothing.

00:39:59All right, fuck it.

00:40:00Well, I got my MMA.

00:40:02I got my porno.

00:40:03I'm ready to jack and jack off right there.

00:40:06You know, hit me.

00:40:06That's pretty literal.

00:40:08Yeah, look.

00:40:08Okay, we got Ben Hur.

00:40:10Citizen Kane.

00:40:12Woodfellas.

00:40:13Deep Impact.

00:40:14Oh, no.

00:40:15Actually, this one's not a porno.

00:40:16Did you know that?

00:40:17I'm a pervert, not an idiot.

00:40:20Scott, man, I can't wrench you these.

00:40:22You've had Stopper my mom almost squirt out for two years.

00:40:25Man, well, dang, you're my brother.

00:40:27You know the last decade's been a bit of a buttf**k for me.

00:40:30You know, my MMA career was going great.

00:40:32Then I got busted from being on the juice and cycled off to lose the titties.

00:40:36And then I started to get my ass kicked real bad and tap out on the dream.

00:40:41Listen, okay, you can rent these, but you've got to bring them back before the store closes.

00:40:45Okay, man?

00:40:46You have my word.

00:40:47As a retired man of the cage, I will bring these back safely.

00:40:52Knock on my wood.

00:40:53He's full of those, isn't he?

00:40:56Hey, Denise.

00:40:57Hi.

00:40:58You know what?

00:40:58These packages keep getting sent over the video store.

00:41:01Sorry.

00:41:01It's just those guys messing with you, I'm sure.

00:41:03Sure is, mothaf**ker.

00:41:04Boom, bitch!

00:41:06The canvas is not in my house.

00:41:08Hey, sir, do you want to go old school on this little baby p*****y?

00:41:11Yeah.

00:41:11Guys, come on!

00:41:12No, no, no, no, no!

00:41:13Get back!

00:41:15Oh, is your foot going higher?

00:41:18Higher?

00:41:19Hey!

00:41:20No wonder you had four girls.

00:41:21You're wearing boxer shorts.

00:41:23Bitches love briefs now.

00:41:25Come on, man.

00:41:26We're going to H&M.

00:41:27We'll buy you something.

00:41:28Clean this shit up, Denise.

00:41:29Yeah, clean this shit up, Denise.

00:41:30Oh, Denton, I'm so sorry.

00:41:33Let me help you.

00:41:34Oh, thanks.

00:41:36Oh, you know, Denton, um, we had homeroom together.

00:41:40That's right, in 11th grade.

00:41:43Yeah.

00:41:45So, um, I'm going to take my 15-minute break now.

00:41:47Oh, yeah, okay.

00:41:49Yeah, and that's just enough time for me to s*** off.

00:41:52What now?

00:41:57Oh, oh.

00:42:00Bring it up.

00:42:01Let's dig deep.

00:42:02Dig it.

00:42:03Dig it.

00:42:03Let's get it.

00:42:04Let's get it, you little bitches.

00:42:06Come on, Grandpa.

00:42:07Pick it up.

00:42:07Pick it up, Wilfred.

00:42:08I am number one.

00:42:09You're right.

00:42:10Why don't you hop on a bike, Uncle Jemima?

00:42:11Here we go.

00:42:12Jesus Christ, man.

00:42:13Calm down.

00:42:14What, are you rushing the floods in the crypts, dude?

00:42:16I'm wearing both colors to signify unity.

00:42:18Oh, that's kind of cool.

00:42:20Come on, Grandpa.

00:42:21You can do it.

00:42:21So, uh, funny bit of news.

00:42:24I just got surprise fellatio from the receptionist that works at Lucasfilm.

00:42:28Denise Davids?

00:42:29Yes!

00:42:30Oh, s***.

00:42:31You are so screwed.

00:42:33What?

00:42:33World-class psycho stalker.

00:42:36You know in school when those girls made those origami things to predict who their soulmate was?

00:42:40Yeah?

00:42:41She rigged hers.

00:42:42Rigged the f***ing thing, dude.

00:42:44Gross.

00:42:46Yeah, she had one of those things where, like, you know when one person loves another person, like, a lot,

00:42:52but the other person loves the other person more?

00:42:54She got a restraining order against her.

00:42:57Okay.

00:42:58She's nuts for real.

00:43:00She had her dog baptized.

00:43:04Hello?

00:43:05Hello?

00:43:07What?

00:43:11Gotcha.

00:43:13Uh, you reach the voicemail of Denton.

00:43:16Leave a message.

00:43:17Wow.

00:43:20Not convincing.

00:43:22I didn't do a good job at all.

00:43:24No.

00:43:30No one's home.

00:43:33Oh, God.

00:43:35What does that smell?

00:43:42Denton, Denton, Denton, you've been busy, girl.

00:43:46Hey, Serge, go wet that bed.

00:43:47All right.

00:43:50Think the tall f***s got it in him?

00:43:53Nah.

00:43:53I'm gonna piss on top.

00:43:57What the f***s going on here?

00:43:59Who the f*** are you?

00:44:00What are you doing here?

00:44:01Tell them what we're doing here.

00:44:02We broke in.

00:44:04Obvious, yes, you're f***ing breaking.

00:44:06Can I talk to you?

00:44:07Can you come here a little bit?

00:44:08Are you f***ing sure?

00:44:10Whoa, dog.

00:44:11He's got a life.

00:44:11Yeah, I see that.

00:44:12It's fine.

00:44:13It's fine.

00:44:13Well, why are you here?

00:44:14I need information about this bet.

00:44:16I want to ruin their lives, all right?

00:44:18I hate Denton.

00:44:19I hate them, too.

00:44:20Good, good.

00:44:21Maybe there's a way we both get what we want.

00:44:24Two blowjobs.

00:44:26He's such a mo-

00:44:28Here's the deal.

00:44:29I need information about this bet.

00:44:31Every time you find something out, you give me a call, I give you cash.

00:44:41I present to you, Sarah Dawn Samuels.

00:44:51Wow.

00:44:52What is she doing here?

00:44:54Well, auditioning for reality TV all day.

00:44:56Only time she has to work out is at night.

00:45:01During my shift, I'm her personal trainer, so to speak.

00:45:07We've spent some time together.

00:45:09Through all that bonding, I've learned her deepest desires and darkest secrets.

00:45:13Her scent is that of a rose garden after a midsummer's rain.

00:45:19She's a siren in the water.

00:45:21She calls to me.

00:45:22And only I hold the key to her soul's relaxation.

00:45:32It pains me to betray my lady.

00:45:34But it's for the good of the bet.

00:45:36I hold in my hand her one Achilles heel.

00:45:39Or should I say, Achilles crotch.

00:45:43Whoa, that's a serious pre-op moose knuckle.

00:45:46It looks like a six dollar burger.

00:45:48If it ever gets out, she's ruined.

00:45:50Billy Jackson, we resorting to blackmail now.

00:45:53Yeah, super.

00:45:54Now we're sexual predators.

00:45:56Sexual predators?

00:45:57What, are we just walking the streets looking for houses with teddy bears in the window to wander into?

00:46:02None of my wildest dreams.

00:46:04Sorry, baby.

00:46:09Just give me a...

00:46:11Stop!

00:46:12Hi, sorry.

00:46:13Stop!

00:46:14Stop!

00:46:14Let me...

00:46:15Get it!

00:46:17Get it!

00:46:36I'm sorry.

00:46:37Romeo's got nothing on me.

00:46:43I woke up in a haze.

00:46:45Grabbed my microphone and my briefcase.

00:46:47Stepped out the door and fell flat on my face.

00:46:50Eyes grazed.

00:46:51I must get pleased.

00:46:52Gravity fights me from every which way.

00:46:58Admire how my mind just fades.

00:47:00It's a off day.

00:47:01The sky's all gray, but if it rains, you'll find me slim

00:47:06I've been living in a dream that used to seem so real

00:47:12I used to be a show

00:47:16Last night I found a lover undercover in my sheets

00:47:20I didn't get out of bed for weeks

00:47:22Romeo's got nothing on me

00:47:24Romeo's got nothing on me

00:47:27Last night I found a lover undercover in my sheets

00:47:30I didn't get out of bed for weeks

00:47:32Romeo's got nothing on me

00:47:35Romeo's got nothing on me

00:47:41Nothing on me

00:47:48On a carpet stand from wall to wall

00:47:51An apartment full of alcohol

00:47:53Sleepwalk around my lonely orbit top

00:47:56And the ocean calls and says

00:47:58Find that girl before she's gone

00:48:01She might have a crush, but it won't last long as that

00:48:04Hi, Dad!

00:48:04Last night I found a lover undercover in my sheets

00:48:07I didn't get out of bed for weeks

00:48:09Romeo's got nothing on me

00:48:14Hey, Dad, what are you doing up so early?

00:48:17No time for sleep

00:48:18Your stepmother is getting close

00:48:22Oh, yeah, she's looking sharp

00:48:25You know, actually, grab a seat

00:48:27I've been meaning to talk to you

00:48:32Everything okay?

00:48:33Yeah, yeah, I'm fine

00:48:36So, you in second grade

00:48:40Amanda Morrison

00:48:41Yeah, Amanda

00:48:43You guys have spent a lot of time together this summer

00:48:45Yeah, she's, uh

00:48:48She's really great

00:48:50You think she'd be okay with this whole bed thing you got going on?

00:48:59Well, what the hell do I know?

00:49:01A guy making a woman out of plastic, right?

00:49:04Give me the glue, will you?

00:49:05Oh, no, you don't

00:49:10Oh, no, no, no

00:49:12Oh, Planet of the Apes

00:49:13No, no, no, no

00:49:16Planet of the Apes with Marky Mark?

00:49:18God, God no

00:49:22Oh, um, Sloth from The Goonie

00:49:28No, no, I'm Harry

00:49:30I'm Harry from Harry and the Hendersons

00:49:33I've never seen it

00:49:34You're kidding me

00:49:35You've never seen Harry and the Hendersons?

00:49:37No.

00:49:37God, that was on my favorite VHS tape.

00:49:40What are you talking about?

00:49:41Yeah, no, okay.

00:49:42When I was growing up, my dad, he made us this VHS tape

00:49:45that had like six movies on it.

00:49:47It's made in that super poor person speed.

00:49:49I guess you weren't poor, okay.

00:49:50No.

00:49:51Well, it had Last Starfighter, Flight of Dragons,

00:49:54Beastmaster, Monster Squad, and Harry and the Hendersons.

00:50:02Hey, look, um, I've been thinking.

00:50:06Summer's almost over.

00:50:08And I have had a really great time hanging out with you.

00:50:13I know that we are just friends.

00:50:16But what if we...

00:50:18We went.

00:50:19What if you and I went out?

00:50:21What if you and I went out?

00:50:22What if you and I went...

00:50:25On a date?

00:50:25Are you?

00:50:26You are.

00:50:27You're asking me out?

00:50:28Are you asking me out on a proper date?

00:50:29What if I was?

00:50:31I really have to do the maths on that.

00:50:34I don't know.

00:50:36Really think about it.

00:50:37Quite frankly, I'm not attracted to you.

00:50:39It would be me doing you a favor.

00:50:43Really?

00:50:43Were you in a grease fire or something?

00:50:45Oh my...

00:50:50Maybe I can change your mind.

00:50:54Denton!

00:50:55Where have you been?

00:50:57Grab me some camembert, a handful of those grapes, and let's get the hell out of here.

00:51:01It's cool.

00:51:03We can pick up where we left off later on tonight.

00:51:06Tonight?

00:51:07Yeah.

00:51:09On our first official date.

00:51:12Where?

00:51:14It's a surprise.

00:51:17Just pick me up here later after work.

00:51:19Okay.

00:51:21Ah.

00:51:29Well, thanks a lot, man.

00:51:30I was just about to kiss her.

00:51:31You haven't hooked up with her yet!

00:51:33You've seen her 50 times this summer!

00:51:36You're gonna fuck this up.

00:51:38How?

00:51:39What are you talking about?

00:51:40You're in love with her.

00:51:42I am...

00:51:43That is not...

00:51:45How would one know, though, if they were in love?

00:51:49Close your eyes.

00:51:51Okay.

00:51:53Imagine yourself fucking her.

00:51:56Okay.

00:51:56Her pants are around her ankles.

00:51:58She's bent over the bed.

00:52:00It's really hot.

00:52:01Her hair's kind of tousled.

00:52:02You just blew a load right inside her.

00:52:04Epic.

00:52:05I mean, you've stained her soul.

00:52:07Okay.

00:52:07What do you want to do next?

00:52:11Can I just want to cuddle?

00:52:13Fuck!

00:52:15How are you supposed to focus, man, when you're all fucking puppy dogs and ice cream upstairs?

00:52:19Where are we going, even?

00:52:22Hey, guy.

00:52:23This thing is...

00:52:23This fucking guy's gonna do it.

00:52:25He has eight or nine fucking bitches there already.

00:52:28Yeah, I'm telling you.

00:52:29The guys that have a cock are like a fucking gold cock, man.

00:52:33It's very unfortunate news, Bob.

00:52:34It's like a fucking broken fire hydrant.

00:52:36If you see the kids playing, this is fucking fucking city.

00:52:39And if one of the fucking children, the mother came, she slipped on the...

00:52:45You okay?

00:52:46Because if you're not okay, I'm not okay.

00:52:49He's doing much better than I thought he would.

00:52:51I can't lose this bet to that lanky fuck.

00:52:55We gotta get serious.

00:52:56Real serious.

00:52:58Operation Derailment Series.

00:53:01Denise!

00:53:03Sit down.

00:53:10You nervous?

00:53:11No.

00:53:12You look nervous.

00:53:13Nope.

00:53:13She look nervous to you?

00:53:14Definitely looks nervous.

00:53:16I'm not nervous.

00:53:18I'm gonna cut to the chase.

00:53:19We know you know about the bet.

00:53:21We know you're one of the girls.

00:53:22We know you blew Denton in the lobby.

00:53:23There's a video.

00:53:24Search. You've seen it.

00:53:24Yeah.

00:53:25It was a sweet fucking VJ.

00:53:28You're welcome.

00:53:28Here's what you need to do for me.

00:53:32Help me win the bet.

00:53:33How do I help you win the bet?

00:53:35I can't un- him.

00:53:39Well, you're a crazy super stalker, right?

00:53:40You got his passwords and shit?

00:53:41It's his social media info, email account, social security number, home phone, home address,

00:53:45parents, phone, parents address.

00:53:47I'm gonna stop you right there.

00:53:48Uh, we actually just need you to log into one of his email accounts and send an email

00:53:51to Amanda Morrison, alright?

00:53:52Pretend to be Denton.

00:53:53Say it's an emergency.

00:53:54I don't give a fuck.

00:53:55However you do it.

00:53:55Get her over to that garage battle station that they have.

00:53:59When she sees what he's really up to, she's never gonna talk to him again.

00:54:03Let alone fuck him.

00:54:03Am I right?

00:54:05And then we got this in the bag.

00:54:06Paper or plastic!

00:54:09Or bring your own bag and save the environment or something.

00:54:12He's just such a good guy.

00:54:13I don't feel comfortable, like, messing up his whole thing.

00:54:17That's so cute.

00:54:17She thinks she has a choice.

00:54:19You're gonna feel comfortable with it or you're gonna be fired.

00:54:22Oh.

00:54:25Go now, psycho.

00:54:26What are you doing?

00:54:27Do my bidding.

00:54:29What are you doing?

00:54:31Just get the fuck out of here.

00:54:32Okay.

00:54:33Get the fuck out of here.

00:54:34I just had to say that.

00:54:34Go!

00:54:35Vamos!

00:54:36I don't understand you two.

00:54:40Yo, did you watch that tape?

00:54:41Oh, yeah.

00:54:42Crazy ones can really suck a dick, am I right?

00:54:44No, I'm going to the psych ward for my next b**** job.

00:54:46Nah!

00:54:58Oh, this is the place.

00:55:00Looks like a fucking shithole.

00:55:03Wait.

00:55:04Kendra lives here?

00:55:05Yeah.

00:55:06And she thinks you're a doctor.

00:55:08So, you're gonna want to suit up.

00:55:10I'm getting a disease just looking at this place.

00:55:13You packing jimmies?

00:55:15No.

00:55:15That's okay.

00:55:16I got plenty in the glove.

00:55:20Wait a minute.

00:55:21Why do you have a water pistol in here?

00:55:23Oh, that's not an ordinary water pistol.

00:55:25It's filled with your seed.

00:55:27Why do you have a water pistol filled with my seed in here?

00:55:30Oh.

00:55:31Well, you know that place you donate sperm?

00:55:33Yeah?

00:55:34Well, yeah.

00:55:34I snuck in the middle of the night and grabbed a bunch of your c**** and filled up this water

00:55:37pistol here.

00:55:40Why?

00:55:41Well, you know, just in case.

00:55:44There were some chicks you couldn't pull down.

00:55:45It's a contingency plan.

00:55:46Okay.

00:55:47You know what?

00:55:47Just give me that back.

00:55:48It's my c***.

00:55:48I need it.

00:55:49You know what?

00:55:49I've got money.

00:55:50This is important.

00:55:51Can I have my-

00:55:51Give me my c*** back!

00:55:57Gee, sorry.

00:55:59You know, I always knew you'd be successful.

00:56:03I have great intuition with men.

00:56:07Except for the ones that I married.

00:56:12Oh, you got a little one, do you?

00:56:14Mmm.

00:56:16Seven.

00:56:17No s***.

00:56:17Four boys, three girls.

00:56:19But they're with their respected fathers tonight.

00:56:21I thought that, uh, it'd be nice to give us a little privacy since you were so kind to take

00:56:26a house call doctor.

00:56:27Doctor.

00:56:28Mm-hmm.

00:56:29Is so formal.

00:56:31You know, just call me Denton.

00:56:33Just regular old Denton.

00:56:34Will do.

00:56:34So, uh, what seems to be the, uh, situation?

00:56:38Oh, yeah.

00:56:39My wrist.

00:56:40Mm-hmm.

00:56:41It's like, really been giving me trouble.

00:56:43It really hurts to think it could be.

00:56:45Um.

00:56:47Do you think you could help?

00:56:48I do, I do.

00:56:49Uh.

00:56:50Let's have a...

00:56:52Listen to the old ticker.

00:56:58Yeah.

00:56:59Yes.

00:57:00Oh, yeah.

00:57:02I've heard this before.

00:57:04I'm afraid you have poor circulation.

00:57:06And I think you could be in immediate danger.

00:57:08Oh, my...

00:57:08What should we do?

00:57:09Well, I think we should probably start by getting you out of that tight restrictive top.

00:57:13Yeah, maybe even those tight tight tight pants.

00:57:16Uh.

00:57:17Are you sure?

00:57:17Oh, yes.

00:57:18Very sure.

00:57:19Very sure.

00:57:19It's the first thing we learned in doctor...

00:57:22School.

00:57:24Oh, that must have been so hard.

00:57:26Oh, it was.

00:57:27Yes, it certainly was.

00:57:28But when you see the look of pure laughter on a baby child's face after a successful brain

00:57:36appointment, it makes everything worth it.

00:57:38You know that you're doing the Lord's work.

00:57:41These hands.

00:57:41I'll tell you.

00:57:42They've seen some stories.

00:57:44Hey!

00:57:46Denton, it's me!

00:57:49Hey, Amanda.

00:57:50Denton, I got here as fast as I could.

00:57:52Is your dad okay?

00:57:53Hold on.

00:57:54Hold on.

00:57:55Mr. Me, Mr. Me, Mr. Me!

00:57:57Damn you, Phil Collins!

00:57:58Amanda Morrison is here!

00:58:00Ooh!

00:58:01Second grade!

00:58:02Denton!

00:58:02Are you in there?

00:58:03No!

00:58:05No!

00:58:06What are we gonna do?

00:58:07What are we gonna do?

00:58:08Oh, one second!

00:58:09I gotta put my pants back on!

00:58:10Me, too!

00:58:11Me, too!

00:58:13Um!

00:58:16Denton!

00:58:16Are you home?

00:58:27What the hell is this?

00:58:31Hmm?

00:58:34No!

00:58:35It's my fiance!

00:58:36Did you just finish?

00:58:37No, I don't...

00:58:39Wait, you have a fiance?

00:58:41Of course you have a fiance!

00:58:42Kendra!

00:58:43I'm home!

00:58:44Give me a beer!

00:58:45Make sure it's cold as shit from that new fridge, you know?

00:58:50Hey, Denton!

00:58:51What you doing here, boy?

00:58:52It's great to see you!

00:58:54Wait a minute.

00:58:54You're not here for them movies, is ya?

00:58:56Cause, you know, I really do need a little more time on those, you know?

00:59:01Wait a minute.

00:59:02Wait a minute.

00:59:03Why is she in her undies?

00:59:06And why does Grandpa have a chubby?

00:59:10Right!

00:59:10Back in Gibraltar!

00:59:12Bang!

00:59:13Ha ha!

00:59:13Grandpa!

00:59:14Did my woman suck this man's...

00:59:16Oh!

00:59:17Shept it real good!

00:59:19Cute!

00:59:19Seen it?

00:59:20Licked her hole too!

00:59:22Ha ha ha!

00:59:22Oh!

00:59:23No, Scott!

00:59:24My hole is unlocked today!

00:59:27You little adulterer coming into my beautiful home!

00:59:30Making my angel eat at your gas station!

00:59:32I got some bad, bad news for you, boy!

00:59:34Your timing's all sorts of shit!

00:59:36Cause I'm back on the juice, motherfucker!

00:59:39I'm sorry, Doc.

00:59:40He's gonna fuck you up!

00:59:41Yeah, that's right!

00:59:42Scott!

00:59:43Just calm down for just a second!

00:59:45Yeah!

00:59:45Ooh, what you got?

00:59:46What you got?

00:59:46Fuck that shit, boy!

00:59:48Come on!

00:59:49Bring it on!

00:59:49Come on, dawg!

00:59:51Go here motherfucking jet, Scott!

00:59:54What you gonna do?

00:59:55Shoot me with a water gun?!

00:59:57Do not make me pull this trigger.

00:59:59Dote town!

01:00:17Wiggins!

01:00:17Dad!

01:00:18You're not gonna believe this. I just hooked up with Kendra and a shot a load into Scott's mouth.

01:00:22What?

01:00:23Well, not technically, I didn't shoot.

01:00:25Well, no, no, no, technically. It doesn't matter!

01:00:27The point is, I'm about to win this fucking bet!

01:00:31Bet!

01:00:33I'm part of a bet!

01:00:35Look, look, look, look. I can explain.

01:00:38Oh, you can explain?

01:00:39I don't think that needs explanation.

01:00:42This is disgusting! Are you kidding right now?

01:00:44No! Don't touch me! I'm so freaked out right now.

01:00:48I never want to see you again.

01:00:51Don't say that. Amanda, please don't!

01:01:01Who are you?

01:01:08Yeah, man. Who are you?

01:01:14I've been run out of town

01:01:19Oh, I've been run out of town

01:01:23Heard the big news. You fucked it all up.

01:01:27I gotta admit, for a second there you had me genuinely concerned.

01:01:30Nine girls, one guy. Not bad. I tip my dick to you, sir.

01:01:36You actually came here just to be a dick to me?

01:01:39Listen to me, you quivering pussy. This bet was your shot.

01:01:42I gave it to you on a silver fucking platter.

01:01:44But you, as you do, kept up the family tradition.

01:01:47Failure.

01:01:48Don't I think my family can't take anything else from your family?

01:01:51My dad takes your dad's company. I take this shithole you call a video store.

01:01:56And then tomorrow when you lose that bet, I'm gonna make you and daddy homeless.

01:02:00You know why?

01:02:01Cause you and all your little friends, you're all a bunch of fucking weirdos.

01:02:06I win. You lose.

01:02:09Suck my dick.

01:02:14See you at the game tomorrow. You can suck my dick.

01:02:20After the walking anime porn, I catch the dude and I'm like,

01:02:23What the fuck are you doing, man?

01:02:24You look like I'm doing it. Jackson?

01:02:26Okay, dude, chill. Clearly you just need to talk about something.

01:02:27Talk about what, Ed? Huh? How you two ruined my life?

01:02:31Dude, you are this close to winning the bet. Don't you dare back out now.

01:02:34I don't fucking care about the bet. I don't care about the bet.

01:02:36I've lost the only person I want to be with.

01:02:42Scott, quick girl.

01:02:43No, it's not. I didn't. God damn it.

01:02:47What? She'll understand, right? We'll just go by her house, explain the situation. She'll get it.

01:02:52She'll understand what, Ed? That she was right?

01:02:54She's part of some stupid bet that my friends got me into.

01:02:57I cannot believe I let you guys convince me to do this.

01:03:03Fuck you.

01:03:04Fuck me.

01:03:05Dude, you sit here all day bitching and moaning about your life and things that happen to you, be it

01:03:12girls or your job. Man, fuck. Even us.

01:03:15And when shit doesn't go your way, you go on the fucking rag and just bitch about how shit Denton's

01:03:19life is. Back me up on this, Wiggins.

01:03:22I still went to bed. I can't really talk. God damn shame.

01:03:25Are you kidding me how shit my life is? Jackson, when's the last time you hooked up with it, Jack?

01:03:31Well, years. And by the way, your shakes suck. And you, Ed, you are so full of shit.

01:03:36You're this love guru except the only girl you've ever been with. You married. You two have been living vicariously

01:03:43through me. But it's not you who has the shit life. It's me.

01:03:47Get out. Just get out of here. All of you. Take this trash with you.

01:03:58Come on, Wiggins.

01:03:59Wiggins, get out here. Get the fuck out of here. Wiggins!

01:04:02Wiggins, get the fuck out of here. You've upset Wiggins.

01:04:05Wiggins, go. He's a fucking mess. I'll leave you one. I'll leave you one.

01:04:10Go!

01:04:11Wiggins is my friend now.

01:04:13Wiggins, get the fuck out of here! Get out!

01:04:26Dad, not you. You don't have to go.

01:04:30I refuse to let the lovely Lady Legos lose her virginity in this debt of sadness.

01:04:36You need to be alone right now anyway, son. You got a lot to think about.

01:05:06Meany and me, out in the heat. Standing on rock. Burning our feet.

01:05:20We'll be filthy rich

01:05:25If the damn stuff burns green

01:05:28Just her and me

01:05:32And a twenty-mule team

01:05:38On the rocks is a haven

01:05:46Out in the sun we'll be lazy

01:05:54Losing track of the time

01:05:57In the cruel spring

01:06:09Your dad's coming

01:06:10Oh yeah

01:06:11Oh, how'd it go with Lady Lego?

01:06:15It was horrible

01:06:17We all went to the field last night

01:06:18He got butt naked

01:06:20And it's all gathered around her

01:06:21As he mounted her right over there on home plate

01:06:23On first thrust

01:06:25She exploded into a million pieces

01:06:28He just sat there defeated

01:06:29As his bruised old boner went limp

01:06:33Saddest shit I've ever seen

01:06:35Well, well, well

01:06:38Look at these video fun fucks

01:06:39You guys excited, huh?

01:06:41You like the smell of the field

01:06:43The cut grass

01:06:44The stands full of quivering lady

01:06:46He's waiting for the bee dog to satisfy him

01:06:50God, I wanted to see you guys lose

01:06:52But to see you lose in front of a packed house

01:06:53Life is fucking sweet

01:06:55Like brown sugar on white

01:06:57Oh, hey, look y'all

01:06:58The president and CEO of Goldman Nutsacks

01:07:00Sorry guys, I don't speak poor person

01:07:02Mary-Kate

01:07:04Mary-Kate

01:07:05You ladies 18 yet?

01:07:06Jackson, I know you're gonna miss this most

01:07:08So really try and enjoy it, okay?

01:07:10Good luck out there, ladies

01:07:17Whoa

01:07:18You almost hit that truck

01:07:30Gentlemen

01:07:31It's been an honor

01:07:33Serving with you

01:07:34On that battlefield

01:07:36You fought like warrior poets

01:07:39In the days of old

01:07:42But I ask you

01:07:44One last time

01:07:47To fight with me

01:07:49Can you do that?

01:07:51Fight

01:07:52With

01:07:52Me

01:07:53Come on

01:07:57Spit on me

01:07:59I got someone in my mouth

01:08:00Thanks for coming out folks

01:08:02To the last game of the season

01:08:03It's gonna be a two-season

01:08:05Now that is

01:08:07Jackson Pride

01:08:11What's in it?

01:08:12Jackson Shake Masterpiece

01:08:14The final cut down

01:08:17That was a good pitch

01:08:19There's something I need to talk to you about

01:08:21Oh yeah?

01:08:22What is that?

01:08:23Balls on chin

01:08:24Dude, I'm not in the mood for jokes right now, man

01:08:27Remember the Tri-County Little League Championships?

01:08:29Yeah

01:08:30Yeah, who could forget?

01:08:31You got hit in the face twice in one game

01:08:33Taking those two balls to the chin

01:08:35Was the best thing I ever did

01:08:37What do you mean?

01:08:39Everyone knew I wasn't gonna get on base

01:08:41And if I struck out

01:08:42Which I was going to

01:08:43The game would have been over, right?

01:08:45My only option to get on base

01:08:47Was to get hit by a pitch

01:08:49Wait a minute

01:08:49You did that on purpose?

01:08:50Yeah

01:08:51I had to drink through a straw for three months

01:08:53And it was worth it

01:08:55We won because I didn't accept

01:08:56The shitty hand of cards that fate dealt me

01:08:58I took destiny into my own hands

01:09:00Old man opportunity knocked

01:09:02The sixth grade version of myself

01:09:04Answered the door

01:09:05And then

01:09:07I took his two balls on my chin

01:09:13No, no, no, no, run

01:09:15Run, run

01:09:15Push your glove

01:09:16Push your glove

01:09:19Push your glove

01:09:23It's a leadoff hit

01:09:25All your mothers

01:09:28All of them

01:09:30You're up, D

01:09:32Let's light this bitch up

01:09:33On your games, boys

01:09:39Now, Betty

01:09:41That's it bigger

01:09:43You bitch

01:09:48You know what, Lucas?

01:09:49Oh, do you want some, I say?

01:09:51According to this contract

01:09:52The bet's not over

01:09:53Till the end of the season, right?

01:09:55Yeah

01:09:55Well, there's still eight innings

01:09:56Left to win this thing

01:09:58Okay

01:09:58Rejects it

01:09:59Okay

01:10:00Game's not over, boys

01:10:04You're right

01:10:06I have been a pussy

01:10:12Need you

01:10:13To stall this game

01:10:17Ah!

01:10:19Oh!

01:10:20Uh-oh!

01:10:21Yeah

01:10:21Help!

01:10:22Oh, my jockstrap is twisted around my balls

01:10:25Oh, come on, delay a game, Blue

01:10:27You know, I wanted to wear it like Maris did

01:10:29During his 61 home run season

01:10:32I read that he did that on the back of his baseball card

01:10:35Bullshit, Jackson

01:10:36I'm a bit of a card collector

01:10:38Ah, tops

01:10:40Hey!

01:10:41Focus!

01:10:41Don't look at him!

01:10:42Look at me!

01:10:43Upper deck

01:10:43Don't look at me!

01:10:44Ah, Fleer

01:10:46Wax packs

01:10:46Where you going?

01:10:48Take a set of balls on the chin!

01:10:50What?

01:10:52Wait, is he gay now?

01:10:53No, no, it's a metaphor

01:10:54Ah, Honus Wagner

01:10:56The Honus Wagner card

01:10:57Blue!

01:10:58Delayed a game!

01:11:00Wayne Gretzky

01:11:00Boom!

01:11:00Oh, God!

01:11:02Oh!

01:11:03It's like a hangman's noose

01:11:04Tomorrow, tomorrow, father

01:11:07Feel like he's from Arizona

01:11:10We can spend every winter

01:11:13Hold it up to the seats

01:11:15Saturday, buddy, we live

01:11:17No more empty boxes

01:11:20Share this in, let it be right now

01:11:23And that was The Sneetches

01:11:25By Dr. Seuss

01:11:28Do you guys know what the moral of the story is?

01:11:30The moral of the story

01:11:32Is that there was this one boy sneetch

01:11:34Who was confused

01:11:36What are you doing?

01:11:37There was this girl sneetch

01:11:39Who was amazing

01:11:41And beautiful

01:11:42And funny

01:11:45And confident

01:11:46In who she is

01:11:47And he thought to himself

01:11:49He thought, you know what?

01:11:50You know what I need?

01:11:51I need, I need

01:11:52I need a couple stars under my belt

01:11:53To really impress this girl

01:11:55Ah, the girl Sneetch

01:11:57So he goes over to his boys in Whoville

01:11:59And he says to them

01:12:00They're like, you know what, dude?

01:12:01You need

01:12:02You need to be confident

01:12:03You need to be like

01:12:04Like the cat in the hat

01:12:06So he goes over

01:12:07And he slams some beers

01:12:08With thing one and thing two

01:12:09He hits the town

01:12:10He hooks up with a bunch of chicks

01:12:14That's not

01:12:15That's not who he is

01:12:17That's not what he's about

01:12:19He's more like the Lorax in reality

01:12:23Planting grickle grass

01:12:24And climbing truncula trees

01:12:27And smoking cheeps with the barbaloots

01:12:29What are you trying to say?

01:12:33Amanda, I fell in love with you

01:12:34This summer

01:12:38I screwed it up

01:12:39I just, I

01:12:41Screwed it up

01:12:43But you need to know

01:12:44That the man that I was

01:12:46When I was with you

01:12:47That's who I really am

01:12:50Yeah, the Sneetch may have

01:12:51Stolen a blind girl's glasses

01:12:53And shot a pistol in a dude's mouth

01:12:54That happened

01:12:55That did

01:12:57I'm not asking you for a second chance

01:12:59If this is the last time

01:13:01I get to see you

01:13:02Then I understand

01:13:03But

01:13:04You need to know

01:13:05That from now on

01:13:08I'm gonna be

01:13:09Who I really am

01:13:11Who I always was

01:13:15The Sneetch knows

01:13:16Where his real star is

01:13:22Okay

01:13:25Okay

01:13:32I'm so lonely

01:13:38How you doing boys?

01:13:39Good man

01:13:40Bottom of nine

01:13:41All tied up

01:13:43How'd it go?

01:13:44Um

01:13:46Not, uh

01:13:47Not the smoothest actually

01:13:49At least I came clean to her

01:13:51Yeah

01:13:52Well, you're a

01:13:53Better man for it

01:13:54All that

01:13:55Right

01:13:56You're up D

01:13:57Here we go

01:13:58Here we go

01:13:59Big D

01:14:01Here we go

01:14:02Moving back

01:14:03Here we go

01:14:04Big head

01:14:05Big head

01:14:06Let's go

01:14:07Dead man walking

01:14:13Everyone's getting fucked in the ass

01:14:14I'm gonna fuck so many bitches in your house

01:14:17It's gonna be disgusting

01:14:18Every single one of these fucks

01:14:20Yeah, your old bedroom

01:14:22Is gonna be painted in my

01:14:26Time out

01:14:32Are you

01:14:34Hey, hi, hi

01:14:37Denton, did you really mean what you said?

01:14:41It's the most honest I've been all summer

01:14:43This is bullshit

01:14:44Is this bet really that important to you?

01:14:47No

01:14:47Come on

01:14:48It's not as important as being with you

01:14:51Let's play ball

01:14:53Let's play ball

01:14:57Oh

01:15:02Oh

01:15:03Oh

01:15:04Oh

01:15:06Oh

01:15:06Louisville chubber

01:15:08Me too

01:15:12Now go with this game

01:15:13Okay

01:15:18Hey, Amanda?

01:15:19Hi, Amanda Morrison?

01:15:21Yeah, I'm Denise Davids

01:15:23You don't know me

01:15:24Listen, I'm not gonna hurt you, okay?

01:15:26I do have to show you something

01:15:27Right now

01:15:28It's important

01:15:30You may not like it

01:15:31But you might

01:15:34Here we go

01:15:35Here we go, D

01:15:35Knock his cock right off of his body

01:15:37We want pain

01:15:38We want to see blood

01:15:39Here we go

01:15:39Alright

01:15:40Let's see what you got

01:15:46This one's for you, daddy

01:15:47Oh, son, I'm so proud

01:15:49Here we go, D

01:15:50Right in this pussy

01:15:52Here we go

01:15:53Here we go

01:15:53Big head up, big head up

01:15:56You always made me proud

01:15:58And you know what?

01:15:59Your mama was proud, too

01:16:11Yo, B, we got a problem, dog

01:16:12Right now, sir, shut up

01:16:13Last night's movie leaked

01:16:14Are you shitting me?

01:16:17Is this train going to Paris?

01:16:20Why, indeed it is, ma'am

01:16:21All aboard

01:16:22Next up, the Eiffel Tower

01:16:24I love the correct thing

01:16:26Well, then you are in luck, ma'am

01:16:28Cause we have two

01:16:29Oh

01:16:31Aw

01:16:31Get her moving

01:16:33Oh my god

01:16:35Ah

01:16:37Ah

01:16:38Ah

01:16:39Ah

01:16:40He's the best

01:16:41Of course

01:16:42Now you are in luck, in this country

01:16:47In the alone

01:16:50Of course

01:17:04Didn't they have learnt

01:17:09More than walt forward

01:17:11Stark

01:17:11Well it's a must

01:18:11That means your house is mine and I'm gonna burn it to the goddamn ground right after I take a

01:18:15huge shittin'.

01:18:18Denise, I think you have one more text message to send.

01:18:21Wait.

01:18:32For our next motion picture, the Polar Express.

01:18:39Is this train going to the South Pole?

01:18:42Uh, it isn't, ma'am.

01:18:44But you can go south on my pole.

01:18:47Let me slide on down.

01:18:50Well done.

01:18:51Well done.

01:18:52Feed up.

01:18:53Oh, that's nice.

01:18:54Oh, that's a lot of eggnog.

01:18:56You're welcome.

01:18:57Merry Christmas to you.

01:18:59Twelve girls.

01:19:01In one summer.

01:19:03Damn.

01:19:04Now as my first official act as the new CEO of Mr. B's Gourmet Condoms, Mr. Lucas, you're

01:19:12fucking fired.

01:19:13Oh!

01:19:14Brandon, you are super fucking fired.

01:19:18What the hell is going on?

01:19:19Huh?

01:19:20A contract signed by Brandon himself.

01:19:23What else?

01:19:26Daddy, I can explain.

01:19:28It's...

01:19:31God damn fucking moron!

01:19:33I'm sorry, Daddy!

01:19:34You're greedy little shit!

01:19:35I'm sorry!

01:19:35I was trying!

01:19:36Jesus, fuck!

01:19:37Yeah, that's right.

01:19:38You guys can suck our black d**ks.

01:19:41Yeah, man.

01:19:42You can suck all our black d**ks.

01:19:44That's right, boy.

01:19:45Now as my second official act as the CEO, I intend to return the company back to its original

01:19:50owner and creator.

01:19:51The world's greatest inventor.

01:19:54My dad.

01:19:56Me?

01:19:56Yes.

01:19:57You're giving it to me?

01:19:58Yes.

01:19:58Me?

01:19:59Oh my God!

01:20:01I kind of have a theme for inventors.

01:20:06And you.

01:20:07Yeah.

01:20:08But...

01:20:09But there's still something...

01:20:11...that I owe you.

01:20:13Boom!

01:20:14Oh!

01:20:14Dad?

01:20:15That's right, Brandon.

01:20:16We throw low round here.

01:20:18Boom!

01:20:21Dang jimmies on these b**ches!

01:20:23Get em up!

01:20:24Throw em up!

01:20:26On em!

01:20:27Get on em!

01:20:28Look, Amanda, about these last couple of months...

01:20:31Screw your past.

01:20:38Besides, I still haven't told you about my summer.

01:20:43What?

01:20:43Saying ain't nobody can stop me, they better sit back and watch me.

01:20:47For really, though.

01:20:47These niggas are silly, though.

01:20:49They think that I'm flopping.

01:20:50No, this isn't Kinko's.

01:20:51You cannot make copies.

01:20:53And just cause you're a d**k, you do not have to be cocky.

01:20:55Feeling like I'm holly, though.

01:20:57Sloan like it's snowin' me and four-five of the homies.

01:20:59Girls acting like they know me.

01:21:00Come on, rolly, though.

01:21:01Well, this is just the life of knowing you the s**t.

01:21:04And I don't think I'm ever gonna quit.

01:21:06Nah.

01:21:07Party at my place.

01:21:08We gon' be faded.

01:21:10It's gon' be fun.

01:21:11You're all invited.

01:21:12And I'ma bring my friends.

01:21:14We'll have a good time under the sun.

01:21:16We'll have fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun.

01:21:22We'll have fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun.

01:21:27Well, this is sober, f**king weirdo.

01:21:29Game head zero.

01:21:30Make it white, buddy.

01:21:31I call it that Rob the Zero.

01:21:33Young cus known to make your buzz disappear-o.

01:21:36If you want this song, I drop your followers a zero.

01:21:38Hey, yo, doggie dooter.

01:21:40Did you really think that you could do-do-do-do anything as good as me?

01:21:43You need a shrink, yo.

01:21:44You're as good as me?

01:21:45No.

01:21:45If you really think so.

01:21:47You must really think slow.

01:21:48Cause you're not.

01:21:49These girls are on my jock round the clock.

01:21:51Cause I'm probably hot.

01:21:51I could make a f**king country song.

01:21:53It'll probably pop.

01:21:54Hey, yo, Taylor.

01:21:55I'd really love to nail her.

01:21:57I could rock the boat if she let me be her sailor.

01:21:59Aw, Jesus.

01:22:00I love the Chuck D.

01:22:01Shark B.

01:22:02So let me get this straight.

01:22:03You own the company.

01:22:05Yep.

01:22:06You stole the company.

01:22:07Yep.

01:22:08You won it back because your son won a bet where you had to sleep with 12 girls in the

01:22:13summer?

01:22:14Whole summer.

01:22:16You nailed it.

01:22:17Huh.

01:22:22Gluten free.

01:22:23Gluten free.

01:22:42Smooth uncoated music.

01:22:44Are you still happy?

01:22:47Have you ever seen it?

01:22:48Would you ever see that a r coy dude made me win record?

01:22:50I'll see you.

01:22:50We get a lullaby.

01:22:53Just do long of a月 of qw.

01:22:53Today we have started with our recover.

01:22:54What was the Psych mom and all of a Obi-Wan?

01:22:54What was this discipline?

01:22:54If there was something you lost my auntie.

01:22:54How could you return for the skin?

01:22:54Sneaky beach, I'm a senator, you're my piece

01:22:57And my voice, give me a sneaky beach

01:22:59Open that laptop, go ask Jeeves

01:23:01Follow where I find a shnicky beach

01:23:03Sneak, sneak, sneaky beach

01:23:05Sneaky beach

01:23:06Sneak, sneak, sneaky beach

01:23:09Sneaky beach

01:23:10Sneak, sneak, sneaky beach

01:23:13Sneaky beach

01:23:14Sneak, sneak, sneaky beach

01:23:16Sneaky beach

01:23:17Uh-oh, baby, you're in trouble

01:23:20I blew a load, now blow a cum bubble

01:23:21Uh-oh, baby, you're in trouble

01:23:23I blew a load, now blow a cum bubble

01:23:25Uh-oh, baby, you're in trouble

01:23:27I blew a load, now blow a cum bubble

01:23:29Uh-oh, baby, you're in trouble

01:23:31I blew a load, now blow a cum bubble

01:23:34Blow a cum bubble for me

01:23:37You do not know what this is

01:23:40This is why you do not swallow my cum

01:23:43But you take it to the front of your mouth

01:23:46And pucker your lips

01:23:48And blow a bubble

01:23:50Use your imagination

01:23:51Yes, yes, very good

01:23:54Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh

01:23:56There goes my cum bubble

01:23:57Sneak, sneak, sneaky beach

01:23:59Slinky bitch

01:24:15I hold these truths to be self-evident

01:24:18I only put dead residents

01:24:20Where duty sentiment is resident

01:24:24In your butthole, bitch!

01:24:25I'm in love with the stripper

01:24:27With the dollar in her butt

01:24:29The dollar in her what?

01:24:31With the dollar in her butt

01:24:32I'm in love with the stripper

01:24:34With the dollar in her butt

01:24:35The dollar in her what?

01:24:37With the dollar in her butt

01:24:39Sorry, George Washington

01:24:40Bout that dookie on your chin

01:24:42Bucking mouth, chubby sprout

01:24:44You know I had to put you in

01:24:45Deep into the beacon hole

01:24:47While she's sliding down that pole

01:24:49How it look, no disease

01:24:50Oh, let's go pop those cherry trees

01:24:52I'm in love with the stripper

01:24:53With the Lincoln where it's stinking

01:24:55With the Lincoln and a stank

01:24:56No, I'm talking about the pig

01:24:58I'm in love with the stripper

01:25:00With the Lincoln where it's stinking

01:25:01With the Lincoln and a stank

01:25:03No, I'm talking about a pig

01:25:05About a pig

01:25:05Hey, by the stave

01:25:06Hold that nose, you be brave

01:25:08Puck that poop, where's the scoop?

01:25:09You gotta look, does she shave?

01:25:11Get his burp, sure got hairy

01:25:13North and south is super scary

01:25:14See that butthole you be wearing

01:25:16John Love's spooky derriere

01:25:17I'm in love with the stripper

01:25:19With Ben Frank and a stank

01:25:21You put a Benji in her stank

01:25:22My baby poops back

01:25:24I'm in love with the stripper

01:25:26With Ben Frank and a stank

01:25:27You put a Benji in her stank

01:25:29My baby poops back

01:25:34Damn homies, you're gonna go broke

01:25:37Come on Ben, shit me out of fuck

01:25:41Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

01:25:45hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

01:25:49hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

01:25:56hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

01:25:57hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey

01:26:10This guy is very male, this guy is very male, this guy is very male, this guy is really a

01:26:26woman.

01:26:40This guy is very male, this guy is very male, this guy is very male, this guy is really a

01:27:00woman.

01:27:10This guy is very male, this guy is very male.

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