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TVTranscript
00:01Here we go with our battle fly
00:04Battletoads, Battletoads, Battletoads
00:06We got a Geek-O-Magnon T-Bird in the sky
00:09Battletoads, Battletoads, Battletoads
00:11Across the universe, now we're green and we're totified
00:16We were just nerds, we're rock snark
00:19Now we're super-toes, slurps and all
00:21We were strange, but now we're stranger
00:24And we're facing up to danger
00:31We got Geek-O-Rashers, it's got superpowers with our smash hits
00:37Count on us to carry the boat with the Battletoads
00:42Here we go with our battle fly
00:46Battletoads, Battletoads
00:47We got a Geek-O-Magnon T-Bird in the sky
00:51Battletoads, Battletoads
00:53Of course, if you don't understand, we're greener, we're totally fine.
00:58Belltoes.
01:07Oh, no! The Dark Queen has found us again!
01:10Then all is lost.
01:12No, Princess Angelica. You are the last star child of the blood.
01:16The Dark Queen will do anything to get your Galactico Amulet.
01:19You will find your head in the Spandara Nebula.
01:23I'll have the amulet and the pretty blonde head of the one who wears it.
01:29But, Your Majesty, we could lose him in the nebula's dense electromagnetic fields.
01:36She won't get away. Her royal guard is wiped out.
01:40Her only friend in the entire universe is that crackpot Professor T-Bird.
01:45Who could possibly save her now?
01:51Morgan Ziegler, Dave Schar, George Pye.
01:56You three are the biggest losers in the history of Waldo P. Oxnard Jr. High.
02:02And why? Because you're a bad influence on each other.
02:05So I'm splitting you three up.
02:08But, sir, you can't do that.
02:10We're our only friends in the entire universe.
02:14From now on, you don't sit together.
02:17You don't hang out together.
02:18You don't get within 20 yards of each other.
02:21Understood?
02:22Yes, sir.
02:25Okay.
02:29Greetings, fellow kids.
02:30Can I join in your cosmically fascinating game?
02:34Get lost, Toad.
02:36But I'm like a totally evolved basketball player.
02:40Oh!
02:41Watch out!
02:42Come on!
02:43Hey!
02:44Ow, Walt!
02:48Nice going, Toad.
02:52Let's hurry up with those signs.
02:54The big game is tomorrow.
02:56You'll never get any attention with those wimp-o-matic drawings.
03:02How's that for a totally eyeball-flying attention-grabber?
03:05That's the ugliest thing I've ever seen in my life.
03:08Except for you.
03:09Yeah!
03:12Oh, yeah?
03:13And what do you know about fine art?
03:17Aw, come on.
03:19Let me help.
03:20I'm good at organizing.
03:22What did you ever organize, Morgan Ziegler?
03:26Uh, well, nothing, now that you mention it.
03:29But I could be a great leader.
03:31I mean, if I knew how, that is.
03:33If I had any experience at it.
03:36Ah!
03:39Hey, come back.
03:40I was just getting warmed up.
03:43The what?
03:48Professor T-Bird, why have you brought us to this horrible place?
03:52Well, I admit the surroundings are a tad on the unpleasant side, Your Highness.
03:57But if my guess is right, this tomb contains the one thing which can save you from the Dark Queen's
04:02clutches.
04:04Yes!
04:05The genetic essence of the Battletoads!
04:07The guards of your royal ancestors!
04:09But the Battletoads were wiped out eons ago.
04:13But with this essence, we can create a new generation of Battletoads to protect you!
04:19Ah!
04:21The Dark Queen, she's found us!
04:28We must find some volunteers to become Battletoads!
04:31Where will we find people we can trust?
04:37On a distant planet in a remote solar system!
04:42A planet so backward and insignificant that the Dark Queen never bothered to conquer it!
04:47A mysterious planet called Earth!
04:56In the town of Oxnard, California!
05:00Oxnard?
05:01It sounds so mysterious!
05:19Man, wouldn't it be awesome if real life was like this?
05:24Battling alien monsters, warping between the galaxies!
05:28Right, and we'd still be the three biggest losers in the universe!
05:34Whoa!
05:42Boy, they sure make these games realistic nowadays!
05:46Please do not fear us!
05:47We are interstellar travelers seeking sanctuary on your remote planet!
05:51This is the Princess Angelica!
05:53If she is not protected, the entire universe will fall into the hands of the Dark Queen!
05:58I beg of you, help us!
06:00I know that you are wise, handsome, noble members of your planet's race!
06:06We are?
06:07I want you to come on the adventure of a lifetime!
06:11I want you to become the most legendary warriors in the universe!
06:14I can't believe it!
06:16It's what I've been dreaming of!
06:18It sounds cosmically cosmic!
06:21We'll do it, Feathered Friend!
06:23Excellent!
06:26Oh!
06:28Oh, that's...
06:36Dave, you're a toad!
06:38Yeah, well, you don't look so good yourself, buddy!
06:42Hey, this wasn't part of a deal!
06:44Of course it was!
06:46You're the Battletoads!
06:48The greatest heroes in the history of the universe!
06:51Oh, man!
06:52Now when they call us toads, they'll be right!
06:56It's an incoming teleportation!
07:03I've come for the girl, T-Bird!
07:07Battletoads!
07:08Defend the princess!
07:09Now, pardon me, but why should we do any favors for the guy that just turned us into toads?
07:16Ah!
07:17Help!
07:24Now, princess, you are mine!
07:27Not so fast, lady!
07:32Battletoads?
07:32T-Bird, what manner of allusion is this?
07:44Wow!
07:46Superhero City!
07:48We got serious brain-bashing powers!
07:50I'm a Sekourenic skull-scratching super-tub, man!
07:56Nice hands, Dave!
07:58Give me up!
08:00Nice is one big basketball game!
08:07Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
08:11Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
08:14Nice sucker!
08:18Taste cold slushy, pig-oids!
08:32The weapons are too much for us, your majesty
08:42Very well, you've won this battle, Trones
08:46But the war is just beginning
08:51Well done, Battletoads
08:53Yeah, we were kind of good, weren't we?
08:56Good, we were slamming
08:57You must let me thank you for your bravery
09:00By bestowing on you the ancient names of honor
09:03I dub you, Zitz
09:05And from now on, you are, Rash
09:08And you shall be called, Pimple
09:13You're putting us on, right?
09:16Those are the most totally rude, disgust-o-matic names I've ever heard
09:20I like them
09:21You can return to your normal form any time you choose
09:25You mean we can be totally grossed out heroes and still be our old selves, too?
09:30Psychotronic
09:31Incredible
09:33Cosmerific
09:35Let's get normal
09:39Gosh
09:41We're our old geek-o-matic selves again
09:44So, you're our favorite teacher, Mr. Thorpe
09:47And we've got to find some place safe to hide them
09:49Until we can figure out what to do next
09:52Okay, boys
09:53I'm in no mood for jokes
09:55Oh, yeah?
09:57Well, hang on to your brain pen
09:59Let's get warning
10:03Don't rule!
10:05Oh
10:06You guys are welcome to stay here as long as you need to
10:10Here's everything you'll need to live the good life in Oxnard
10:14Cool clothes
10:15High-toned sneakers
10:16A tape player
10:18Some heavy metal
10:19A surfboard
10:21Some tan oil
10:22And some organic bean sprouts
10:27And the most important thing
10:29A set of wheels
10:31Don't worry, it runs
10:33Well, sort of
10:35Actually, we were hoping you could use your scientific genius to rebuild the engine, Professor T-Bird
10:41This should be most fascinating
10:43Now, there's just one other item that's essential for survival in Oxnard
10:49Money
10:50I'm afraid one of you is going to have to get a job
10:53Your Highness
10:54I shall undertake this challenge
10:56Uh, I don't think there are many good-paying positions open for alien-talking birds
11:03The pay is $4.75 an hour
11:06What?
11:07Minimum wage?
11:08But she's a princess
11:09Are you out of your psychotronic skull?
11:12Please, Rash
11:13Let me handle it
11:14I will happily accept your offer
11:16Fine
11:16You can start by boxing them
11:22Hey, watch it with the jelly doughnuts
11:24Forgive me
11:25I am new talk, Snard
11:27And know little of these jelly doughnuts
11:31A Battletoad's greatest weapons are his hands and feet
11:34Your smash hits will come naturally if you think with your hands
11:38You mean like when my hand got really big at the stopping scarf
11:43Exactly
11:47Toads, prepare yourselves
11:50Let's get ordered
11:54Toads rule
12:05All right
12:07It's time to pop a zit
12:10And squeeze a pimple
12:13And scratch a rash
12:20All right
12:22Let's stop some toads
12:33We gotta psych ourselves up
12:35That's the trick
12:36I'm a brain-banging, mud-stomping megatoad, man
12:40Full metal earmuffs
12:49And I'm a big bad mother of all toads
12:53Hee-haw
12:54Battle dozer
12:56Kiss my fist
12:59All right, team first
13:02Where is this?
13:04Where is what?
13:07The video scape teleporter
13:09This is the property of the Dark Queen Empire
13:18Okay, think with my hands
13:21Think with my hands
13:25Sadly, Cosmic
13:42At last I have you, Princess Angelica
13:46And your magic amulet
13:48You won't get away with this
13:50The battle toads will follow you across the galaxies
13:53I doubt that very much
14:00General Slaughter
14:02I have the princess
14:04Call off your attack
14:07These police retreat
14:14And don't come back
14:16We toad-stomped them
14:18I'm not so sure
14:20I believe this has all been a diversion
14:22Yeah
14:23If they found us that easily
14:25They'll have no trouble finding
14:28The princess
14:30But if the princess has been taken to another galaxy
14:33How can we rescue her without a teleporter?
14:37And our toadster
14:38Are you off your nut?
14:40This heap won't even make it around the block
14:42And it's got three flat tires
14:44I've made some modifications
14:46Besides, where we're going
14:48We don't need tires
15:00She's taken the princess to the top of her generator tower
15:03It's the source of all her power
15:05You'll have to enter through the base
15:06Line the central shaft
15:08And break in at the top
15:09Now we've got to get inside this thing
15:13Watch me evolve, fellow toads
15:18Time for a cosmically bashing one-ton stomp
15:28Now climb upward
15:29Angelica is at the top
15:31How come we have to do all the work?
15:33Because you're legendary heroes
15:36Well, let's hop to it
15:44That blaster is tied into my main power batteries
15:47Even your amulet's magic cannot protect you from it
15:52I suggest you give it to me willingly
15:55Never
15:58Farewell, princess
16:00You're finished
16:05In a pig's eye
16:09All right, Kweenie
16:12This is the showdown
16:14You fools think your power is greater than mine
16:39Works every time
16:45Well, we're never going to stop that black tornado
16:49Say, if that's the main power shaft
16:52This could be history's biggest heavy metal blast
16:55Let's do it
17:02No
17:17Deeper
17:17Get us out of here
17:18Now
17:31I don't believe it
17:33My generator is gone
17:35I'm powerless
17:38It's those battle toads, Majesty
17:40We just can't fight them
17:43Oh, yes, we can
17:45I will muster my last remaining power reserves
17:48And destroy them
17:50With the Whipzall
17:57Hey, watch it, man
18:05What's going on here?
18:06I told you not to see each other anymore
18:08You violated my order
18:10You three are suspended
18:12You can't do that to us
18:15We're intergalactic heroes
18:16Yeah
18:17We're the head-banniest psychomatic toads you ever saw
18:22I'm not just suspending you
18:24I'm going to have you committed to the Oxnard State Institution
18:28I guess some people just have to be shown
18:31Let's get warning
18:35Tags rule
18:36They aren't insane
18:38They're evil freaks
18:39Call the police
18:40Call the National Guard
18:42So, uh, no standing ovation
18:45Attention, people of Earth
18:49For the crime of harboring the battle toads
18:52I, the Dark Queen
18:55Shall now destroy your planet
18:57Oh, no
18:59It's headed to warp the mall
19:02Don't let her destroy our mall
19:19We're gonna have to get inside that thing
19:37You pathetic toads
19:40Walked right into my trap
19:42You'll never defeat us cosmic super turds
19:45You insolent toads
19:48I'll destroy you
19:50Fire
19:51No, no, no, your majesty
19:53Don't
20:02The controls are destroyed
20:05And we must flee
20:06And we must flee before the Whip Dog crashes
20:08And we must flee before the Whip Dog crashes
20:17That lady is cosmically stiffer
20:20Uh, what did you expect from someone who hires barnyard animals?
20:25Brace Haunters!
20:31So, do we still have to stay away from each other?
20:35Of course not!
20:36Who on Earth gave such a stupid order?
20:39Well, then I'd like to introduce you to our friends
20:42This is Professor T-Berg
20:44And this is Angelica
20:46Treat her like a princess
20:48Because she really is one
20:49And you three gallant toads really are my heroes
20:53Man, those are the most totelicious words I ever heard
20:58What a remarkable little proton diffractor
21:00Actually, that's a fountain pen
21:02Let me have it before you hurt yourself
21:06Let's hear it
21:08Toads rule!
21:14Here we come with our battle cry
21:18Battletoads, Battletoads
21:20We got a geek-o-manic and a t-bird in the sky
21:23Battletoads, Battletoads
21:25Across the universe, now we're green and we're totified
21:30Battletoads
21:30We were just nerds from Oxnard
21:33Now we're super toads, sports and all
21:35We were strange, but now we're stranger
21:38Across the universe, now we're green and we're totified
21:43Battletoads
21:44Battletoads
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