- 10 hours ago
Deli Boys-Season 1 Episode 1 Comedy Drama
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Short filmTranscript
00:26Philadelphia, land of opportunity.
00:30Opportunity. Business opportunity. Education opportunity. Marriage opportunity. Dear shareholder, when I came to Philly in 79 with just $3, my
00:42first opportunity was at a deli. 15 hours a day, 7 days a week, living above the store with 9
00:48other guys with only 6 shirts totaled between us.
00:52With no comfort of home except Kaka Brana Chai, I saw opportunity. After I took over the deli, I invented
00:59a product that changed the way America consumes coffee. Mega Glag! 124 ounces of coffee that still fits in the
01:10beverage holder.
01:11And today, there are 40 ABC delis across the Delaware Valley. And now, I'm taking us into the prestigious world
01:21of golf courses. And with this new venture, I'll lead Darko into the next era to the highest heights of
01:29this beautiful game we call capitalism.
01:33By the way, I also just bought Kaka Brana Chai.
01:42By the way, I'm taking a look at Kaka Brana Chai.
02:13You did it, Baba. You are living proof that seeing opportunity is the key to success.
02:18And having followed in your footsteps, I have learned so much about the world of business, even more than I
02:24learned at Drexel University.
02:26Insert compliment here.
02:28Now, you are such a great role model, Baba. I'm basically you now, though smaller in stature. Hold for a
02:35laugh. Two, three, four.
02:37Now, if you ever want to take a break from the administrative minutia that is my passion, just know that
02:42I'm always here for you. I love you, Baba.
02:46Babe, that was so good, like Colin Powell good. I think it's ready for Baba to hear it.
02:50Yeah? Yeah.
02:51I mean, I can go harder, show him that I really deserve the top spot, then I know I can
02:53do it.
02:54You're overthinking. It's perfect. By the way, lose the neckbeard.
02:57Yeah? You like that night?
02:58Yeah, you know I do.
03:01You did it, Baba.
03:06Oh, yeah.
03:07Preach all that bad tears you right out of me, fellas.
03:10Please don't address them directly, Raj.
03:16Today's my day.
03:17I haven't even put the pin in yet.
03:18What?
03:21Oh.
03:27Oh, I gotta go.
03:29Wait, work out as usual.
03:31Let's do the ball.
03:38Okay.
03:40Oh!
03:41God, stop it!
03:42Just reaffirming the power dynamic, bro.
03:44Gotta check you sometimes.
03:45God, you're so dumb. Just hit it.
03:47All right, here we go.
03:49Are you kidding me?
03:51Hey, you gotta use that third eye for putting, bro. I told you.
03:54Hey, you shaved your neckbeard.
03:56Get away from me.
03:57It looks super handsome.
03:59You gonna ask Baba to make you CEO?
04:00No, I'm not.
04:02But, you know, if it comes up organically, then...
04:04Mir, you know who Baba wants to run Darko?
04:07A man of action.
04:09Yeah.
04:10Someone like me.
04:11Oh, my God.
04:12Lucky for you, I'm not really interested in that,
04:14but I do want to know how I'm getting my cut on this golf course venture, though.
04:17The same way you make money off of everything,
04:19by doing absolutely nothing.
04:20How could you wake up every morning and go into work when you know you don't have to?
04:24Do you not have any perspective?
04:26You know, we could have ended up as child laborers in the Levi's factory,
04:29making denim jackets for hipsters.
04:31Have you learned nothing from Baba?
04:32Mir, I don't have time for your survivor's guilt trip.
04:35It's up to us to enjoy this life for everyone who looks like us but doesn't have it.
04:39That's the secret to living in America, man.
04:42Work is for our white slaves.
04:44What are you talking about?
04:44Hello, boys!
04:46Baba!
04:47Hey!
04:47There he is.
04:48You're in one of your tiffs again.
04:50Let me remind you that the guy next to you is your brother.
04:55And no one in the world is closer to you.
04:58As my Baba used to say, when it's time to eat...
05:01Leave the tiff in the tiffin'.
05:03That's right.
05:04It's time you matured.
05:07It's all part of a larger strategy.
05:10Our next phase is two-pronged.
05:13Prestige!
05:14Dolph!
05:15The Game of Kings!
05:17We're going international, boys!
05:19You know, I crunched the numbers thinking it was going to be a dud,
05:21but once again, you were right.
05:23You have the keenest instinct.
05:25And that's something you can't learn in a school.
05:27Not even my prestigious alma mater, Drexel University!
05:30I know you're going to get there, Mir.
05:32Just be patient.
05:34That's your strength?
05:35You're inquisitive, organized, determined!
05:38Speaking of inquisitive, organized, determined...
05:39Baba, I knew from the get that it was going to be a hit purely based on the vibes.
05:43That's because you got your Baba's instincts, Raj!
05:46Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
05:49Success at all costs, lads!
05:52Filling up words is for white boys.
05:54Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
05:59All right, Baba, you got it.
06:03Nice!
06:04Booyah!
06:04Let's go!
06:05Jesus Christ.
06:06This golf venture is going to take us places that delis never could.
06:10We're going from coffee cups to champagne flutes, boys!
06:13Yeah, we are!
06:14Yes!
06:15Yes!
06:15Woo!
06:16Woo!
06:16Woo!
06:16Woo!
06:16Woo!
06:17Woo!
06:17You did it, Baba!
06:18You are living proof!
06:20Oh, my god!
06:26Oh, my god!
06:30All right!
06:53I don't know if I could do this.
06:57It's Baba.
06:59No.
07:01This is just an empty vessel.
07:06Baba's somewhere else.
07:08Ma'am, please, this is not proper.
07:10Lucky, auntie?
07:11We know her.
07:12I have been this man's most loyal business partner
07:14through Hello High Water for three decades.
07:16How dare you!
07:17Oh!
07:18Oh, my God.
07:18Yeah!
07:19Oh, my God!
07:23Lucky auntie, what are we gonna do?
07:26Let me bathe down.
07:27Let me bathe down.
07:29Just one breath at a time.
07:31So much to discuss, but all that can be done later.
07:37Are you gonna take care of us now?
07:41Yes?
07:48All right.
07:50No sense in dilly-dally.
07:52Get me those.
07:57Allahu Akbar.
07:59Allahu Akbar.
08:02Allahu Akbar.
08:05Allahu Akbar.
08:06Allahu Akbar.
08:07Allahu Akbar.
08:08Allahu Akbar.
08:09Allahu Akbar.
08:22Get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up.
08:23Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
08:30Yeah, do you think she's one of Babas?
08:32What?
08:34Inappropriate, Raj.
08:34I'm just saying, Baba liked white women.
08:36Unless you think that's more his type.
08:40Actually, I do.
08:41Very strong.
08:42Yeah.
08:42Of course.
08:44Ameth, uncle.
08:45I can't believe it.
08:46My deepest, I'm Dardee.
08:48Thanks.
08:51Thank you, Ameth, uncle.
08:56Hmm.
08:57Azad and all of you.
09:00Ameth.
09:01Lucky.
09:02I hope at least today you'll take a break from your personal campaigning.
09:07Leave the business to me and stick to making biryani, hmm?
09:12Oh.
09:15Some days I could just kill you.
09:26Hello.
09:28Hello.
09:29Hello, everybody.
09:30Um, before we proceed to Kabristan and bid our final goodbyes to our esteemed colleague,
09:37I would like to invite his sons to speak.
09:40I'll go first.
09:42You have something prepared?
09:44No.
09:44I'm just going to freestyle it.
09:46Of course you are.
09:50I'll go first.
09:50I'll go first.
09:52Firstly, shouts to the gods and the infinite versions of Earth.
10:05All right, Mayor.
10:07You can't just go in there and ask to be CEO.
10:09You got to take that shit, okay?
10:10I got your back.
10:12Raj, this is a darker board.
10:13They're like family to us.
10:14They're going to do what's in the best interest of the company.
10:16This isn't adversarial.
10:17Trust me, bro.
10:19I'll play you in.
10:30All right, you corporate pancho.
10:33There's a new sheriff in town, and his name is Mir.
10:38Motherfucking Dar.
10:39I need to turn it on.
10:41Okay, I'll do the turn.
10:41All right, go ahead.
10:42Ladies and gentlemen of the board, I'm here to tell you exactly why I am the new CEO of Darko.
10:48First things first, I've been told I exude strong little brother energy.
10:52But I assure you, I'm no longer a little boy.
10:54I am a man.
10:55A dar man.
10:57What you see before you is an introversion of Baba with the same heart.
11:01But dare I say, a better business acumen for with...
11:06Stand out.
11:06Rojas, to the back.
11:09Which one of you gets Daddy's seat?
11:11Uh, wait, we just talked about...
11:14We're going to have a bug?
11:15I don't want to, you know, but...
11:17Before we get a final answer, I've been standing a seat.
11:22I'm the interim CEO.
11:24Let's go.
11:26What?
11:30Okay, no, no, no, no.
11:31Let's go now.
11:32Don't say shit.
11:33Bye.
11:33What is going on?
11:34She didn't do anything.
11:35Darko's been implicated with two decades of scamming government programs, tax fraud, and false insurance claims.
11:41I've known, but your father had some friends in high places.
11:44Now, with him gone, we got the go-ahead.
11:46Shockingly, neither of you has one single incriminating email.
11:50Rojas, that includes the 247,000 unread messages in your inbox.
11:54I have an email address?
11:56Okay.
11:57Agent Mercer, hi.
11:58My name is Mir Dar.
12:00I know.
12:00And this is probably just some sort of miscommunication.
12:02We'd be happy to cooperate and clean that up.
12:03No, no, fuck that.
12:04We are not cooperating, Mir.
12:05I'm not a fucking snitch, dude.
12:07Hmm.
12:07Okay.
12:08If that's how you want to play it, go right ahead.
12:09But remember my face, because it's going to be smiling when the two of you are in orange jumpsuits.
12:19Great.
12:19Thanks.
12:19It's, uh, it's my first raid.
12:22I'm so sorry for your loss.
12:26He lied to us.
12:27I thought I was going to be CEO.
12:29Was he laughing at me the whole time?
12:30No, bro.
12:31He was protecting us.
12:32A lot of parents wouldn't want their kids knowing how the sausage gets made.
12:35But what if that kid went to Drexel University to specifically learn how to make sausage?
12:39That shit is haram and you know it.
12:44Hey, babe.
12:45What the fuck is going on?
12:47Put down the fascia blaster!
12:48Are you okay?
12:49They took, they took my, Mir, they took my fascia blaster.
12:52Okay, okay.
12:52I'll be there in a second.
12:54I know.
12:55Our place was listed as a Darko satellite office?
12:57I know.
12:57I swear I didn't know.
12:58Baby, I would never lie to you.
12:59It was probably, like, for tax purposes.
13:04Mir, I loved your dad like one of my own parents, okay?
13:07And believe me, I'm super into corporate tax workarounds.
13:10But this feels irresponsible.
13:14Everything's gone.
13:16Hey, Mir, they took your fedora collection.
13:20Are we fucked?
13:21Possibly.
13:22What did Darko's general counsel say?
13:23It was all Baba.
13:26And please uncuff me.
13:27Okay, maybe we're fucked.
13:28Ah, looks like they got the wireless meat thermometer I gave you, too.
13:32Maybe Baba had a contingency plan.
13:33He had to have protected you in some way.
13:35Was there a trust fund or a life insurance plan?
13:38No!
13:39They took the giant mirror.
13:41All the accounts are locked.
13:42Even the personal ones associated with Darko.
13:45Your shells.
13:46I'm gonna figure this out.
13:47Paperweights.
13:48All I need is some time.
13:49All of your curiosity.
13:49Maybe you can go to Malvern for a few days.
13:51I do not want to go to my mother's for a few days.
13:53They're already pissed that we're living in sin.
13:55And if you don't think that she's gonna be talking about this Darko shit the entire fucking time, Mir.
14:00Hey, Mir!
14:01They took all your little shoes, man.
14:03They took everything!
14:04Please sit down!
14:05On what?
14:06Baby, look, you know I love you, okay?
14:10I just need a little time to sort this out.
14:12You know you're the most precious thing in the whole world to me.
14:15Mm-hmm.
14:16Mir.
14:16Mm.
14:19I want to build a life with you, and I'll never leave your side.
14:24Unless you leave me no choice.
14:25No.
14:25I know you're going through a lot right now, but I need you to get your shit together.
14:29Okay.
14:29Okay?
14:30Yeah.
14:30Fix this.
14:31I will.
14:32Mir, if you don't give this gorgeous woman a baby, I'm gonna have to.
14:35Lock that shit up, Mir.
14:36Right?
14:37Please let me take care of my life, and you can take care of your orgy cabal.
14:41Oh, my God, my orgy cabal!
14:43Hey, hey, hey, that's all my shit!
14:45Okay, okay, keep it.
14:45Hey, those are prescription medical devices!
14:47The FBI, okay.
14:49Let me get the prison!
14:49No, no, no, no, you guys got everything!
14:51Okay.
14:53Hey, Prairie!
14:55Where's everyone else?
14:56They were pretty into money, it turns out.
15:00Shocking.
15:03Fuck!
15:05It was funnier when they took your shit.
15:09Oh, man, they took all my leeches.
15:11Except George.
15:13Hi, George.
15:17Oh.
15:18Thank God they didn't take the coping room.
15:21What the fuck?
15:23Oh, the cheat is great right now.
15:28THCA, psilocybin, TERPS.
15:30To reflect and compartmentalize your stress.
15:33What are we gonna do, man?
15:35We have no family, no money.
15:37Maybe I should add some Sapa Sapa for you.
15:40I mean, Papa kept me in that office every day like a fucking doll.
15:44He didn't tell me anything.
15:45He signed a million contracts a day.
15:47What were they even for?
15:49Stop wallowing, man.
15:51Trust the process.
15:52Wallowing?
15:52We just found out an hour ago.
15:54What are you, a sociopath?
15:54And this is why I added the fish.
15:58Listen, my dad, my hero, isn't who I thought he was.
16:02Okay?
16:02There is no bullshit Himalayan sea crystal salt prairie potion that can change that.
16:07We are fucked!
16:10Wow.
16:17Hey.
16:18Keep my shaman's name out your fucking mouth, Mir.
16:23Maybe Papa didn't tell you because you're a fucking asshole.
16:26You're a fucking joke.
16:27You never take anything seriously.
16:29That is your problem.
16:30Including the fact that we could go to jail.
16:32We're not gonna go to jail, man.
16:35We're innocent.
16:36Right.
16:36We'd be the first innocent brown people in jail.
16:39Oh, my God.
16:41Oh, my God.
16:44Oh, my God.
16:45I'm all alone.
16:47You're the only person I can turn to in this world, and...
16:51You're a moron.
16:53Me?
16:53You were in there every day, and you didn't see any of this.
16:56You're the moron.
16:57You're the moron.
16:58You're the moron.
16:59You're the moron!
16:59You are!
17:00No, you are!
17:01You are!
17:01You are!
17:02You are!
17:02You are!
17:03You know what?
17:04I am a grown man with a graduate degree.
17:06This is ridiculous.
17:07I'm leaving.
17:08What are you gonna do?
17:09I'm gonna scour every corner of Darko and find out what's left for us.
17:12It's such a stupid plan.
17:21Found you.
17:22So you were Baba's start, huh?
17:26Jesus Christ.
17:27Allahu Akbar.
17:29What are you doing here?
17:30It's a gizmuth, man.
17:32I followed the love arrows, bro.
17:34The curve that'll lead you to make the most beautiful four-dimensional sculpture that is
17:39your life.
17:40What?
17:41I had a headache, so a prairie dropped some acid into my eyeballs.
17:44Oh.
17:44And then I went on the most epic journey across the city.
17:47And then I forgave you.
17:49And I was scrolling in my phone, and I rewatched the investor video that Baba made.
17:53And inside of it was a clue.
17:55This piece of shit deli.
17:57I just dug through all the old records.
18:00This is the only ABC deli not registered to Darko.
18:04Huh.
18:05It's not much, but it's a start.
18:09A start to what?
18:12The new and improved Darko.
18:13Oh, no.
18:14It all makes so much sense now.
18:15We're here for a reason.
18:16This is the start of Baba's journey.
18:18We can do it like he did.
18:20We can start small, but we'll do it legit.
18:21No shortcuts, no breaking laws.
18:24We'll just have to get our hands dirty a little bit.
18:25That sounds not super fun.
18:29Well, lucky for me, you literally have no options left.
18:33Oh.
18:36Okay, uh, all right.
18:38On one condition.
18:39Mm, okay.
18:40You have to do slightly more shit than I do, but we still split profits 50-50.
18:46Counter?
18:48How about I forgive you two?
18:51Tiffin' the Tiffin'?
18:52Tiffin' the Tiffin'.
18:54Tiffin' the Tiffin'.
18:55Okay.
18:57All right.
18:59Baba would be so proud, man.
19:01Mm-hmm.
19:03I love you, bro.
19:04Oh, all right.
19:06Say it back.
19:07Um, me, me too.
19:12Have a good one.
19:13You too.
19:17All right.
19:19All right.
19:22Hey, what are you doing here?
19:26How's that coffee coming along, man?
19:28Fresh pots all around.
19:29Nice.
19:30I'm gonna restock the sodas.
19:31Cover for me?
19:31Oh, you got it, bro.
19:33You're the best.
19:34Oh, yeah!
19:35Yeah!
19:38Can I help you, my friends?
19:40We're Baba Dar's boys.
19:43You probably heard about our father's tragic passing to the next realm via golf ball.
19:48Baba's dead?
19:50Yeah.
19:54What does that mean?
19:56Oh!
19:57Oh, my God.
20:00Excuse you.
20:01Easy.
20:02Hey, hey, come on.
20:03Shit.
20:04This is not good.
20:05My uncle's gonna kill me.
20:07Hey, my uncle.
20:08What?
20:10Boys, what are you doing here?
20:11Lucky, auntie?
20:12You're out of jail already?
20:14Oh, shit.
20:19Lucky, auntie, do you guys know each other or something?
20:22Yeah, what is this vibe here?
20:25Did you two fuck?
20:32What just happened?
20:39Oh, I know what you're thinking.
20:42Has lucky auntie gone crazy?
20:44I just didn't expect both of you to show up here.
20:47Come on.
20:48But I guess this is the kismet Allah chose for us.
20:50Go eat.
20:52Very nice.
20:53Good boy.
20:53Lucky, auntie.
20:54There you go, huh?
20:56Who the fuck are you?
20:58This is nothing.
20:59It's nothing.
21:00I was just rectifying a problem.
21:01Your Baba's death left a bit of a power vacuum.
21:04The fallout might be...
21:07...substantial.
21:08Okay.
21:09Raj, take this.
21:11Take your brother.
21:12Get as far away as you can from here.
21:14Did your phones by burners.
21:16Do not rent a car.
21:17Those records are very easy to dig up.
21:19And Peter, dark soda will get this right off.
21:21Or stay in devil for blood and semen.
21:23Um, actually, just give me your clothes
21:26and I'm gonna take care of everything here.
21:28No.
21:30I can't walk away from this
21:31and pretend like I never saw it.
21:36I want to know what the fuck is going on here.
21:39All right, boys.
21:42All right.
21:45There's something I'm gonna show you.
21:56Boy, sit down here.
22:02My boys,
22:04if you're seeing this,
22:06it means the unthinkable has happened
22:08and I've loved you.
22:10I hope I had a dignified death
22:14while doing something I love.
22:16But anyhow,
22:18down to business,
22:19Darko has diversified in ways
22:21that I chose to keep from you.
22:23It was for your own
22:26protection.
22:28Lucky.
22:28She can teach you everything.
22:30But this is all yours.
22:33Even if it is a little unsavory.
22:36Everything I built,
22:37I built for you.
22:38So for now,
22:39just be strong.
22:41You're not boys anymore.
22:43You're grown men.
22:45And better yet,
22:46you're dark men.
22:49Wear it well.
22:55I love you.
22:59All I ever really wanted
23:00was to make him proud.
23:03Hey.
23:05We still can.
23:07We can build Darko back up
23:09from the ground.
23:10We can do it legit.
23:12It's fine.
23:14Yes,
23:14this is your happy little store.
23:16Soda and hot dogs.
23:17Ice cream for breakfast.
23:19Yes,
23:20fine.
23:21Okay,
23:21boys,
23:21it's a wonderful idea.
23:23Have your little deli.
23:25Sell cigarettes
23:25and lotto tickets.
23:28The FBI figured out
23:29Baba cooked the books,
23:31but things at Darko,
23:32they go way beyond
23:33financial crimes.
23:35This
23:35is what is happening
23:37in the background.
23:38You want to run the front?
23:39Be my guest.
23:40Now that you've scared
23:41off the Yemenis,
23:41there's really
23:42no one else to do it
23:43and being useful,
23:44I guess,
23:46is a great way
23:47of staying alive.
23:49This is a life of crime
23:50and the life
23:51of this deli.
23:52Now that you know,
23:54you work for me.
23:56Every day,
23:57right here.
23:59All right.
24:00Send some deli,
24:01darling.
24:02We'll deal with
24:03the body tomorrow.
24:04In the meantime,
24:05bag him up.
24:07Oh.
24:33Let's go.
24:43Let's go.
25:028.15 a.m., nothing yet.
25:489.15 a.m.
25:509.15 a.m.
26:209.15 a.m.
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