- 2 hours ago
Rivals - Season 1 Episode 8
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🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:08Hello, good evening, and welcome to How to Stay Married, with me, James Verica, and over
00:00:15here, the woman lucky enough to call herself my better half, my wife, Lizzie.
00:00:21Thank you, darling.
00:00:22Hello.
00:00:23Now, a wise man once said, marriage isn't a battlefield, it's a partnership, and married
00:00:29people should be comrades, not rivals.
00:00:32Though that's sometimes easier said than done.
00:00:36How do you stay connected after 20 years of children, careers, everything?
00:00:42How do you keep each other interested over dinner or in the bedroom when the honeymoon
00:00:47period comes to an end?
00:00:49We'll be chatting to a range of celebrity and ordinary couples to ask, how do they make
00:00:54it work for them?
00:00:55And we'll find out if the grass really is greener on the other side of the fence.
00:01:14We'll be quizzing the experts on how to keep a marriage fresh without seeking excitement
00:01:19elsewhere.
00:01:20We'll discuss how to deal with the pain if one of you breaks the rules.
00:01:25And how to keep your feet on the ground when you're thinking about walking away.
00:01:52Gosh, that's a lot to get through, isn't it?
00:01:54Well, we did say, till death do us part.
00:01:57So, stay tuned.
00:01:59And stay married.
00:02:00Mm-hmm.
00:02:07And stay married.
00:02:09Yeah.
00:02:19Thanks two.
00:02:21Okay.
00:02:23Bye.
00:02:24Bye.
00:02:26Bye.
00:02:29Bye.
00:02:54Good afternoon.
00:02:55Hello, and this is Rupert Carvel-Brack, MP for Chapin and Bisley,
00:02:59reminding you to vote conservative.
00:03:01Keep the Cotswolds blue.
00:03:04Hi!
00:03:07Yeah, that's a cheese.
00:03:09Cotswold blue.
00:03:12Don't let the lab attack our cheese.
00:03:31It's lovely to see you again this morning.
00:03:33Thank you so much.
00:03:34Thank you so much.
00:03:34Oh, baby.
00:03:36I'll take you down.
00:03:38I'll take you down.
00:03:40But no one's ever gone before.
00:03:43If you want to go.
00:03:45If you want to go.
00:03:47Oh, oh.
00:03:49I said jump.
00:03:51For my love.
00:03:53Jump in there.
00:03:53Oh, yeah.
00:03:54Oh, thanks.
00:03:55I have no idea about this.
00:03:57What are you talking about?
00:03:58I've got lots of signatures.
00:04:00What do you think about doing this professionally?
00:04:01Very funny.
00:04:04What is?
00:04:05Oh, yeah, let me. There's an accident.
00:04:07Do you mind?
00:04:07Yeah.
00:04:26Patrick O'Hara.
00:04:27I finished university.
00:04:29I'm a real grown-up now.
00:04:32We don't have time for declarations.
00:04:34You're a lovely boy, but I'm...
00:04:35You're what?
00:04:36Busy being the mistress of a wanker.
00:04:40Can I kiss you?
00:04:42Jesus, Patrick.
00:04:43I...
00:04:44You have no idea.
00:04:48You look fucking incredible, by the way.
00:04:51You look fucking incredible, by the way.
00:05:15Of course.
00:05:17Yeah.
00:05:17Me too.
00:05:19Yeah, you're quite the campaigner.
00:05:25Oh, Seb's here.
00:05:27Yeah, he's taking me to the cinema.
00:05:31You're going out with him.
00:05:35I like him.
00:05:37He's decent.
00:05:39Well, is...
00:05:41That the best you can hope for, decent?
00:05:44Well, maybe I'm fed up with sitting around waiting for my life to happen.
00:05:48Making sandwiches for everybody else.
00:05:54Hey.
00:05:55Hey.
00:05:55You okay?
00:05:56Yeah.
00:05:57You ready?
00:05:57Yeah.
00:05:58Taggy!
00:06:01Yeah, see you tomorrow.
00:06:22Okay.
00:06:23Okay, next item.
00:06:24As you know, we're finally putting something punchy in Declan's old slot.
00:06:27Sarah's show.
00:06:28Still working on the format.
00:06:30Newest idea is we bring in a co-host to mix things up a bit.
00:06:33Finally.
00:06:35A co-host?
00:06:35More like a magazine, but spicier.
00:06:37Network loves the idea.
00:06:39It's not your fault, Sarah.
00:06:40Primetime slot is a big thing for you to carry by yourself.
00:06:43Who is it?
00:06:43We're working on the details.
00:06:44Obviously it won't be James.
00:06:45What?
00:06:46Your cots will round up.
00:06:48Can't dilute the brand, can we?
00:06:49Okay, next.
00:06:50Great gardens.
00:06:51We need a new location.
00:06:52Now that we're pulling green lawns.
00:06:54Do we need to pull it?
00:06:55Freddie Jones is actively campaigning to bring down Carinium.
00:06:58Why would we put his house on our gardening show?
00:07:01Well, it might be a show of strength if we go ahead anyway.
00:07:03And means that we gain access to the property.
00:07:05See if we can't pump Mrs. Jones for info.
00:07:08Yes.
00:07:09Good.
00:07:09Let's go ahead.
00:07:11Now then.
00:07:15Am I a man of my word?
00:07:18Cameron.
00:07:21You are a man of many words.
00:07:23Am I a man of my word?
00:07:28Yes.
00:07:29Of course.
00:07:30I think we'd all agree, Tony.
00:07:33Would you?
00:07:35That's curious because I quite clearly remember telling you not to speak to any of those Venturer traitors.
00:07:42Do you remember what I said, Ginger, it would be the consequence?
00:07:48Instant dismissal, Tony.
00:07:52In which case, Mr. Burrows, I might take it you no longer require Carinium Services as an employer?
00:08:02No.
00:08:05Um...
00:08:06Sorry.
00:08:07You were observed attending a screening of Absolute Beginners at the Cultures de Regal.
00:08:13With Taggy O'Hara.
00:08:18He was spying on me.
00:08:20It's franchise season, Sebastian.
00:08:21I'm spying on everyone.
00:08:22It's self-preservation.
00:08:23And it turns out entirely necessary given that you're a double-crossing little shitbag.
00:08:28So now, I'm gonna make an extremely fucking public example of you.
00:08:32I'm not only gonna make sure you never work in commercial television again.
00:08:36I'm gonna make sure there's no job for you on any channel, anywhere.
00:08:40I'm gonna make sure you can't get a job selling televisions at Rumbelows.
00:08:49Escort Mr. Burrows to his car, would you, Ginger?
00:08:51Don't let him clear his desk.
00:08:52But I...
00:08:53I'm very fucking glad you're leaving here with all ten fingernails.
00:08:57All right, then. Off you all, fuck.
00:08:59And thank you for your loyalty. It has been noted.
00:09:02Quick chat, Cameron.
00:09:16I brought this little guy as requested.
00:09:21You can have it back as soon as Lady Gosling's had a good look.
00:09:24Where were you Friday night?
00:09:25Home.
00:09:26I rang, you didn't answer.
00:09:27I unplugged my phone.
00:09:29Wanted to make sure I got a good night's rest prepping for Great Gardens.
00:09:31You're not wearing your ring.
00:09:35Close to my heart.
00:09:38I didn't want people asking questions or...
00:09:41Patrick O'Hara was at your house.
00:09:43And I told him where to get off.
00:09:46I know.
00:09:49You know you don't have to spy on me, Tony.
00:09:55Ready to go for a spin.
00:10:02You've done a spectacular job. The cameras are gonna love it.
00:10:06We only feature the very best gardens on the program.
00:10:08Oh, wow.
00:10:09Monica's at the Fulcrum, of course.
00:10:10Mm-hmm.
00:10:11Duchess of the badminton.
00:10:12And then, Mon, she doesn't mind.
00:10:14With all of the unpleasantness.
00:10:16I haven't spoken to her in weeks.
00:10:19Monica feels, and I agree, you're so special.
00:10:23And showcasing this lovely garb now, it's far more important than petty personal feuds.
00:10:29Oh, I just wish we could all go back to how it was before when we're all friends.
00:10:34Do you, um...
00:10:36Do you have to host meetings here?
00:10:38Oh, yes.
00:10:39They hole up in Fred Fred's office and I just leave them to it.
00:10:42You know the hardest thing is remembering who's siding with who.
00:10:45I'm so glad you said that.
00:10:46I can't remember from one day to the next.
00:10:48I'm sure we've got a couple of moles.
00:10:50Yes.
00:10:51Yes, Freddie is worried about moles.
00:10:53Really?
00:10:54Mm.
00:10:55He's been putting castor oil everywhere.
00:10:57I'm terrified.
00:10:58I'm going to wake up in the morning and find molehills all over the lawn.
00:11:09Think about it.
00:11:20Oh, you have to come down more often.
00:11:24Drive safe.
00:11:32What was Malhart doing here?
00:11:33He came to see me, darling.
00:11:35I do have friends.
00:11:36So what?
00:11:37He came for a cup of tea?
00:11:38Oh, Jesus Christ.
00:11:39We had a drink.
00:11:43Is there something you want to ask me?
00:11:46Hm?
00:11:46Do you know where your daddy is?
00:11:48I mean, because I don't see you hounding him.
00:11:50But daddy would never.
00:11:51Oh.
00:11:52I am sick of your disapproval.
00:11:54You have no idea what I've done for this family over the years.
00:11:57Well, I don't know why you bother if you resent it so much.
00:11:59Well, you don't even like me.
00:12:01I love you.
00:12:01You're my daughter.
00:12:02When you look at me, all you see are the things you've done wrong.
00:12:05That's bloody unfair.
00:12:06I nearly died giving birth to you.
00:12:08Twenty years ago.
00:12:14Malhart offered me a part.
00:12:16A part?
00:12:17Yes.
00:12:18A part.
00:12:18In a play.
00:12:19Like I used to do parts in plays.
00:12:20But I don't anymore, because I'm stuck down here.
00:12:23It's a play in London.
00:12:24Well, what did you say?
00:12:27No.
00:12:29Of course I did.
00:12:33Sorry.
00:12:35I guess, yeah.
00:12:36I guess it's nice to be asked.
00:12:40No, it's not, Taggy.
00:12:42You get so used to putting other people's needs first that it becomes second nature.
00:12:47And then one day you look at yourself and you think,
00:12:51Why in fuck's name did I do that?
00:12:54But by then, it's too late to change.
00:13:07Darling!
00:13:22I'm so glad to see you.
00:13:24Just supporting my husband.
00:13:26Not that he needs it.
00:13:30What brings you to Valerie's opening?
00:13:32Sticker bombing.
00:13:34I managed to get one on Valerie's bottle.
00:13:38Closest to our opening I ever want to get.
00:13:40I know.
00:13:41They probably shouldn't be talking.
00:13:43Since we're with rival consortiums.
00:13:46Consortia?
00:13:46Dunno.
00:13:47Consortia?
00:13:48Consortiums?
00:13:49Hmm.
00:13:51Anyway, it doesn't matter.
00:13:52We're all adults.
00:13:53I'm not giving you up for the sake of any stupid franchise.
00:13:56You're the closest thing I have to a conscience.
00:13:58Mwah.
00:13:59How many gentle flowers grow in an English country garden?
00:14:07I'll tell you now of some I know and those I miss, I hope you'll pardon.
00:14:14Daffled hills had seasoned flocks.
00:14:16Middle sweet and lily stocks.
00:14:18Gentle loving and tall holly hocks.
00:14:21Roses, pots, blocks and drops.
00:14:24Forget-me-nots.
00:14:25In an English country garden.
00:14:28Harder.
00:14:33This is horrendous, isn't it?
00:14:35Absolute hell.
00:14:37Lemonade, Mrs Veracoff.
00:14:38Thank you, Sharon.
00:14:40Lovely hat.
00:14:42Fine.
00:14:48Just hang on one second.
00:14:49Whatever you can do.
00:14:51Thank you so much.
00:14:54James is having an affair with Sarah Stratton.
00:14:59Oh, darling.
00:15:01I shouldn't have told you that.
00:15:02You'll leak it to the Scorpion to discredit Carinion.
00:15:07Why don't you leave him?
00:15:08He's a wanker.
00:15:14I...
00:15:18I've booked a hotel room to have an affair with Freddie.
00:15:22Then I bottled out.
00:15:25Hated myself.
00:15:26Everyone does it.
00:15:30Really, everyone.
00:15:32All these people.
00:15:34What?
00:15:35Her.
00:15:35Over there.
00:15:37In the hat.
00:15:38Oh, is she fucking up there next to her?
00:15:40Is it?
00:15:40Why, she's not looking at him.
00:15:42Him and her.
00:15:43Hmm.
00:15:44Handjobs in the potting shed.
00:15:46I mean, am I really...
00:15:48the only person holding out?
00:15:54Does that make...
00:15:56me a bit simple?
00:15:59Should I be able to hold...
00:16:02more than one man in my head at once?
00:16:07Oh.
00:16:08Oh.
00:16:11Oh, God.
00:16:11I'm gonna make it a show about fidelity, for God's sake.
00:16:15Yes, you're an embarrassment to premium television.
00:16:19Blimey.
00:16:20Oh, God.
00:16:20Bit of a circus, innit?
00:16:23Ah.
00:16:24Send in the clowns.
00:16:26Speaking of which, they're about to film your spouses.
00:16:30I think I'll, um...
00:16:33go and watch.
00:16:41You didn't come.
00:16:45I tried.
00:16:46I...
00:16:46I couldn't get out of the car.
00:16:49I'm sorry.
00:16:51Yeah.
00:16:53No, it's probably for the best.
00:16:58You probably were out when you said no the first time.
00:17:09Seconds away, James.
00:17:10Quiet, please!
00:17:12And...
00:17:13action, James.
00:17:14One only has to look at your borders, Mrs. Jones,
00:17:16to appreciate what an extraordinary gardener you are.
00:17:19Tell me, what's your secret?
00:17:20But how do you grow such whopping glands?
00:17:22Well, James, I feed them with grow more.
00:17:26And obviously, I stake them very tall,
00:17:28so they're not flopping over everywhere.
00:17:30Can we have some quiet, please?
00:17:33Quiet!
00:17:35Right, Deirdre, are we ready?
00:17:36Excellent.
00:17:38Oh, for God's sake.
00:17:40Cops!
00:17:41I'm so sorry.
00:17:42It's like working in a zoo.
00:17:43Why is there a dog off the lead?
00:17:44Can we find out why there's a dog off the lead?
00:17:46OK, shall we try this again?
00:17:48Are we ready? Are we ready?
00:17:49I'm ready.
00:17:50Action!
00:17:51One only has to take a look at your borders, Mrs. Jones,
00:17:53to realise...
00:18:01I'm here to pick you up.
00:18:04I have my car.
00:18:05Well, Ginger will drive it, haven't you?
00:18:07OK, I don't understand.
00:18:10They're taking you out.
00:18:19...
00:18:28The way that you don't have something may be muut,
00:18:32the Melissa leaping into the locker room...
00:18:34...
00:18:35...
00:18:36...
00:18:37...
00:18:53It's the Ventura franchise application.
00:18:58Okay, but how did you get it?
00:19:00Ginger did a little light espionage at Greenlawns.
00:19:05Can I read it? What's in it?
00:19:07Enough else to get our teeth into.
00:19:09We'll pick over it tomorrow.
00:19:17Tonight is about you and me.
00:19:26Listen, I know I don't say it enough, but...
00:19:29Tony, people can see us.
00:19:40Dance with me.
00:19:42Nobody's dancing.
00:19:43I don't care. Come dance.
00:19:48We are young.
00:19:53Heartache to heartache we stand.
00:19:58No promises, no demands.
00:20:08I meant what I said about the ring.
00:20:11Once we win this, we'll do this whenever we want.
00:20:20We are strong.
00:20:24No one can tell us we are wrong.
00:20:29Searching our hearts for so long.
00:20:35Both of us knowing.
00:20:40Love is a battlefield.
00:20:42Love is a battlefield.
00:20:57Come on, Tag. A, B, C or D?
00:20:59None of them.
00:21:00No, you have to pick one.
00:21:02Come on.
00:21:02Otherwise, how do we know which former Momentimo character you're going to marry?
00:21:07Tag, have you seen this?
00:21:08What?
00:21:10Show me?
00:21:13Rupert in Clinch with Cook.
00:21:15Oh, my God, you're in the Scorpion.
00:21:17You're the Cook!
00:21:19It's Cameron Cook. They must mean Cameron.
00:21:21Cameron?
00:21:21No, it's definitely you.
00:21:24Seb's going to be devastated. Losing his job. Now this.
00:21:27What about Cameron?
00:21:28It's Rupert and Cameron. Didn't you know?
00:21:31Wow, she really picks him, doesn't she?
00:21:33Oh, God, please. It will ruin everything for Daddy if it comes out.
00:21:36I shouldn't have told you. Please, Patrick, leave it alone.
00:21:44Tomorrow, at the public meeting, we all need to be able to answer whatever questions come up.
00:21:49Seb's been doing some briefing notes for everyone.
00:21:52Now that he has more time in his hands, but we need to know this back to front like Cameron
00:21:57does.
00:21:57Where is Cameron?
00:21:59With the Dark Lord, I suppose. I rang him this morning, we should announce him.
00:22:02Gerald, you got a spare copy? I couldn't find mine this morning.
00:22:05Ah, yes. Rupert does that a lot.
00:22:07Why does this have to be at Carinium? Should the public meeting be on neutral ground?
00:22:11Well, it's deliberately stacked in favour of the incumbent.
00:22:14It's simpler for everyone if they get to keep the franchise, so the IBA make it easy to defend and
00:22:18difficult to challenge.
00:22:21Look, we have to prove we've got the money and experience to take over the building,
00:22:25because plenty of franchise applications fall at this hurdle, so, you know.
00:22:27You got your best side.
00:22:30It's not anything.
00:22:38You think this is funny?
00:22:41Oh, come on. It's just tabloid nonsense tonight's chip paper.
00:22:44You promised me you wouldn't touch her.
00:22:46I didn't touch her.
00:22:48What the fuck is that?
00:22:49The seatbelt wasn't working.
00:22:50You made him promise not to touch me.
00:22:53I'm 20 years old.
00:22:54Oh, so something did happen then, didn't it?
00:22:58She's just seeing Sebas, isn't she?
00:23:02Sebas.
00:23:03Nothing.
00:23:04No, it's okay.
00:23:06She's her own person.
00:23:07Yeah, you see, she's her own person.
00:23:11Get out of my house.
00:23:12Daddy, for God's sake, stop.
00:23:14You're going to be serious if your life depended on it.
00:23:18What the fuck do you have riding on this?
00:23:19I put my house up.
00:23:21I bought the Bluebell Wood so you could clear your debts?
00:23:24You've had all my money, what more do you want?
00:23:25Look, Steve.
00:23:27Should we get back to work and stop talking about who gets to touch up, Tiger?
00:23:32Oh!
00:23:34Come here, come here, come here.
00:23:36Brick!
00:23:36We need you, come here.
00:23:38Oh, no.
00:23:39Come on, shabby.
00:23:40That is enough.
00:23:42Gosh.
00:23:43The fuck is your offense, man?
00:23:44Jesus Christ.
00:23:46What the fuck?
00:23:48What happened?
00:23:50You shouldn't be here.
00:23:51It's not safe.
00:23:52I was going to call, but I got scared in case Tony bugged the phone.
00:23:55That's paranoid, darling.
00:23:57No, not anymore, it's not.
00:23:59Tony has seen the application.
00:24:01He knows all of our plans.
00:24:03What?
00:24:04How?
00:24:09Freddie.
00:24:11You got your copy?
00:24:30We should probably get someone to fix that.
00:24:34I'm for that, darling.
00:24:36Oh, that green lawns?
00:24:39Mm, it's the Great Gardens tape.
00:24:41Come and watch with me.
00:24:42And here I am, surrounded by...
00:24:43...and laugh at Valerie's gruesome borders.
00:24:45...yellows, greens, blues...
00:24:46...lilows, oranges, indigos, all the colors of the rainbow.
00:24:50And who's this little collection of colorful characters we have here?
00:24:53See?
00:24:53She's got loans.
00:24:55I think he's a little camera shy, don't you?
00:24:58And what's the inspiration behind this piece of landscaping here?
00:25:00Oh, well, James...
00:25:02What does she feed those enormous clavioli?
00:25:04Same thing she feeds her children.
00:25:06To me.
00:25:08And reflected it does.
00:25:10Almost blinding.
00:25:11Oh, look.
00:25:12Poor James is the same color as the marigolds.
00:25:16She looks like she's dressed for Ascot.
00:25:19Lady Valerie of Bulgaria.
00:25:21What's your secret?
00:25:22How do you grow such whopping glass?
00:25:24Well, James, I feed them with grow more.
00:25:26And obviously I'll take them very high so they're...
00:25:30Whoops-a-daisy!
00:25:31Ha-ha-ha!
00:25:36It's my foot.
00:25:38Eva!
00:25:39Jakey, we find out why there's a dog off the lead.
00:25:41I, uh...
00:25:42It's so still on my table now.
00:25:43She's in front of me.
00:25:44He-he-he-he.
00:25:49What's that?
00:25:50Are ya ready?
00:25:51A bit just a small one.
00:25:52Hang on for one moment.
00:25:53Are you ready?
00:25:54Are you ready?
00:25:55Shall we try again?
00:25:57Are you ready?
00:25:58I'm ready.
00:25:58Bear away.
00:26:11Viva seems besotted with Miss Cook, doesn't he?
00:26:16It's rather like he knows her.
00:26:29It's rather like he knows her.
00:26:33Oh, my God.
00:27:04The day of reckoning arrives.
00:27:06Could we say the application was just sitting on Freddie Jones' desk?
00:27:10Makes them sound appallingly careless.
00:27:13I'm not sure we want to admit to trespassing and theft, do we?
00:27:17That's a fair point.
00:27:18The best way to take advantage of this little windfall is to pull apart every idea they've got.
00:27:22Poor scorn on every word they say this afternoon.
00:27:27We've got it all worked out, right, Tony?
00:27:31Absolutely.
00:27:33No question. It's ours.
00:27:38Never pays to think something's definitively yours, in my experience.
00:27:44Let's not rest on our laurels just yet.
00:27:51Emotions are riding high in Rocha in the battle for control of the central southwest television region.
00:27:56The franchise holder Carinium will go head-to-head at a public meeting with new consortium Venturer,
00:28:02led by TV presenter Declan O'Hara, MP and former Olympian showjumper Rupert Campbell Black,
00:28:08and tech wizard Freddie Jones.
00:28:11They've got the charm, but can they convince the IBA that they've got the chops to catch the crown?
00:28:21When two tribes go to war, point is all that you can't score.
00:28:29When two tribes go to war, point is all that you can't score.
00:28:40When two tribes go to war, point is all that you can score.
00:28:56When two times go to war
00:29:33Why the candles? Are we on television?
00:29:35I was for the evening news. Don't stare at them. They'll look like a game show
00:29:39Hello, look, there's Charles
00:29:40Hello, Charles
00:29:41Henry, try and remember who's on his side
00:29:44If you need help, just ask
00:29:49I'm better on the subject
00:29:50You can get on that room
00:29:51Good idea
00:30:00We know coming to Carinium, I don't understand
00:30:03Come on, listen, it's Daddy's big day
00:30:05And we're here to support him
00:30:11I'm just going to find a seat
00:30:13No, no, no, you're up here with us
00:30:15Rags-ags sort of bunch, aren't they?
00:30:18Spent half the time fighting each other, apparently
00:30:20Embarrassing
00:30:21Yes
00:30:23Well, we can talk with it
00:30:31Goodness, all human life is here
00:30:34Mostly pond life over that time
00:30:36What the hell is BT Johnson doing here?
00:30:42Hello, darling
00:30:49Is everything okay?
00:30:54Love you
00:30:59Ladies and gentlemen, the meeting is about to begin
00:31:01This consultation aims simply to determine if the new company Venturer has the capacity to be a contender for the
00:31:09Southwest Central franchise
00:31:11We will inform Venturer by telephone later in the evening if they may submit a formal franchise application
00:31:17And however, in the meantime, this is an opportunity for you, the public, to give both sides a good grilling
00:31:25So, are there any questions from the floor?
00:31:29Yes, lady at the back over there with the very tight perm
00:31:35Can I please ask both teams when you're going to start showing bingo on the telly?
00:31:40Well, we're absolutely committed to bringing as many different sports to the viewing public
00:31:45So, if there's an appetite for bingo, absolutely
00:31:47Ah, yes, I was, I was rather wondering if James might sign my blouse
00:31:53Yes, my company's been developing satellite television for a while now
00:31:56Dishy Daniel won't be leaving four men went to mow this next series
00:32:01Well, Venturer, we've got plans to show polo
00:32:04I'm sorry that the chipping Sudbury WI feel we've disproportionately covered news from Cotchester
00:32:09So, Venturer, are going to harvest this technology for domestic use
00:32:12That's something that we've got and corinium haven't
00:32:15Oh, and yes, I would be delighted to sign your blouse
00:32:20We'll ensure he removes his shirt at least once an episode
00:32:27Yeah, we'll keep it on the network if it's popular
00:32:30Well, um, I'll respond to that if I may
00:32:34The underdog team over there might expect to retain all of your favourite programmes
00:32:38But I'm afraid they belong to corinium
00:32:43Cots will round up, ladies and gentlemen
00:32:45Imagine a world without that sofa, James
00:32:49No master dog
00:32:50No Dorothy Dove
00:32:53And, ladies and gentlemen, what that means
00:32:57Is no more four men went to mow
00:33:00Sorry, lads
00:33:01What a dreary prospect
00:33:04And what about the future?
00:33:07Our newest output brings us to a whole new frontier of entertainment
00:33:12Most imminently, we're replacing our tired old talk show, Declan
00:33:16With a brand new format
00:33:18And a new presenter
00:33:20Joining Sarah Stratton in her first ever television job
00:33:25Celebrity gossip columnist, B.T. Johnson
00:33:34Heading up uncensored
00:33:37The naughtiest
00:33:39Most gossipy show on the independent network
00:33:42Because that's what we do at corinium
00:33:45We serve you the television you want
00:33:50Your station
00:33:52Now and always
00:33:57Because who wants to feel like their television station
00:34:00Is some rich man's second hobby
00:34:05Honestly, what does Rupert Campbell Black know about broadcasting?
00:34:14I know people
00:34:17I know this area
00:34:19From representing you all in Parliament
00:34:21I've knocked on a damn sight more doors than Tony Battingham has
00:34:24And look at the audience
00:34:26That have come today to support Ventura
00:34:28We've got a Cotchester Council gardening team
00:34:31The Chipping Sodbury WI
00:34:33Bisley Ballroom Dancers
00:34:35The Headmaster from Rugbra
00:34:37And the lads
00:34:38From Cotchester Rugby Football Club
00:34:40Ventura
00:34:41Ventura
00:34:43Ventura
00:34:44They know a good team when they see one
00:34:46This lot, a team
00:34:47A team
00:34:48Ask Rupert where he got that bruise
00:34:51They're a bunch of amateurs
00:34:53Brawling
00:34:55Brawling
00:34:55And bruising
00:34:56And bedding other people's wives
00:34:58The drama should be on the screen
00:35:02Not off it
00:35:13No, you're right
00:35:17They do deserve better
00:35:25You deserve better
00:35:29You all
00:35:32Deserve better than the shice Tony Battingham's been pumping into your living rooms for all these years
00:35:38You deserve better than endless quiz shows
00:35:42That cost nothing to make
00:35:43And nourish nobody's soul
00:35:45Yes, they have a good drama
00:35:48But one
00:35:48One good drama
00:35:50We will make dozens
00:35:52There will be venture shows all over the network
00:35:55So you can be proud of the work that comes out of the central southwest
00:36:01We're not in this to make money
00:36:03We are in this to make joy
00:36:08Because what is television for?
00:36:11I don't think Tony Battingham's asked himself that in a very long time
00:36:16Christ it shows
00:36:18You know what I think it's for?
00:36:22Community
00:36:24People used to sit around the fire for their stories
00:36:29Now we sit around the television
00:36:31We point our chairs at the corner of the room
00:36:34And that is where we commune
00:36:38Television has the power to bring us together
00:36:42To help us forgive each other
00:36:47And we've had a stupid fight
00:36:53To give us a window
00:36:56Into others' lives
00:36:59To bring new ideas
00:37:01Into our homes
00:37:04It is, I believe
00:37:08The greatest art form man has created
00:37:10I got into this business
00:37:12Many years ago
00:37:14In the pursuit of truth
00:37:17And integrity
00:37:20And I still believe in both
00:37:23And you deserve better
00:37:27And we will move mountains
00:37:29To give you better
00:37:30If you put your faith in us
00:37:32And give us a chance
00:37:39Thank you
00:37:41Go!
00:37:48Go!
00:37:49Go!
00:37:50Go!
00:37:52Go!
00:37:54Go!
00:37:55Go!
00:37:58Go!
00:38:00Go!
00:38:01Go!
00:38:01Go!
00:38:02Go!
00:38:02Go!
00:38:02Go!
00:38:03Go!
00:38:05Go!
00:38:08I've spent months fighting this.
00:38:10When does it ever stop?
00:38:11We don't know the verdict yet.
00:38:13Oh, right.
00:38:13You see Gosling's wizened face light up at Declan's blarney lyricism.
00:38:17Then we have the smear campaign.
00:38:19More scandal.
00:38:20More dirt.
00:38:21Ginger, you wouldn't know dirt if it shut itself into your face.
00:38:24Do you have any idea of the size of dirt you've managed to miss this week?
00:38:26Hmm?
00:38:26You were supposed to be my fucking eyes and ears!
00:38:30Get better reports from Helen fucking Keller!
00:38:37Well done, darling.
00:38:39Thank you, sweetheart.
00:38:46I did what I said.
00:38:48I just hope that it worked.
00:38:51It's just brilliant.
00:38:52Everybody loves you.
00:38:53Thank you, darling.
00:38:55We just got all these people.
00:38:56Hello, Agatha.
00:38:57I bet you didn't expect this lot.
00:38:59Sorry we're a bit rowdy with you.
00:39:02This is from all of us.
00:39:04Here, Rupert.
00:39:05I reckon she's a keeper, don't you?
00:39:09Oh, mate, she's our top striker.
00:39:15We did good, Ryan.
00:39:16We did okay.
00:39:17Hey.
00:39:18Hey.
00:39:20It's all back to yours.
00:39:21Apparently.
00:39:21Apparently.
00:39:41And why didn't you tell me he was bringing in BT?
00:39:43I didn't know.
00:39:44I don't know what the hell he's doing.
00:39:46Something's going on with him.
00:39:47He knows something, or I...
00:39:49It's okay.
00:39:50We're gonna win this.
00:39:55And what if we don't?
00:39:56I'll look after you, whatever happens, okay?
00:39:59Promise.
00:40:00Can you come to the Priory?
00:40:04I'm supposed to be here, but I'll slip away if I can.
00:40:17Come on, Sarah.
00:40:19Lizzie, Lizzie, listen.
00:40:21Sarah's not coming out.
00:40:23Do you just go in and see if she's all right?
00:40:25Oh.
00:40:26Oh, I think you could go in if it's your wife, Paul.
00:40:29Look how we see coming out of the ladies.
00:40:31I'm a member of parliament.
00:40:32Look, let's go grab a drink.
00:40:33The womenfolk can join us later.
00:40:54Sarah, are you all right?
00:40:59Um...
00:41:00I must have eaten something.
00:41:06Neves.
00:41:08That woman!
00:41:11Why has he put me with her?
00:41:14My big chance, and then it's her.
00:41:18Bloody Tony.
00:41:20Do you know, I've spent my life running around
00:41:22after these men who just can't be trusted.
00:41:24And they have all the power.
00:41:27They just squeeze us out like toothpaste.
00:41:30Not even toothpaste.
00:41:32They don't need us at all.
00:41:33Oh, I think they do.
00:41:37But fuck them, right?
00:41:43We should stop putting them first.
00:41:46Do what we want.
00:41:48Not just the right thing.
00:41:50All the time.
00:41:54I'm not sure I've ever done the right thing.
00:42:01I've got to go.
00:42:02Your husband's looking for you.
00:42:12I thought I told you to fuck off.
00:42:16No, darling.
00:42:18It's me.
00:42:26I'm here to say come home.
00:42:31Archie's waiting in the car.
00:42:33Why do I have to bring the boy to see his father being humiliated?
00:42:36We both know it's not that you're angry about.
00:42:40But perhaps this is a test.
00:42:45It's time for you to decide.
00:42:48I've been loyal all of these years, but even my stoicism has a limit.
00:42:54So do be careful.
00:42:57Come home tonight and let's talk about it.
00:43:02Because if you don't,
00:43:05I'll take the children to my sisters in the morning.
00:43:19Would be rather a thing to win it though, wouldn't it?
00:43:23I love you guys.
00:43:39Legs on that end.
00:43:41I think I might be in there.
00:43:42You fucking idiot.
00:43:45What if Declan finds out?
00:43:46Not to mention he's a friend, but it's wrong.
00:43:49You've never objected to a bit of wife sitting before.
00:43:56Goodness, when did you get so morally fibrous?
00:44:00Damien, it's on the piano. She's fucking amazing.
00:44:07So, what happens now?
00:44:09We're just waiting on Lady Gosling to call to say if we're through to the next round.
00:44:13You sure you can't stay?
00:44:15Yeah.
00:44:16I've had a lovely time.
00:44:17But they're tired, so I'll take them home.
00:44:21Fingers crossed.
00:44:23Thank you darling.
00:44:24Thanks for coming.
00:44:26I'm really proud of you Fred Fred.
00:44:35Love you.
00:44:38Stop slouching Sharon, you look like a potato.
00:44:46Turn around, bright eyes.
00:44:49Every now and then I fall apart.
00:44:52Turn around, bright eyes.
00:44:55Every now and then I fall apart.
00:44:58Have another drink.
00:45:00Sit down and relax.
00:45:01And I need you more than ever.
00:45:05And if you won't be holding time.
00:45:09We'll be holding on forever.
00:45:13Yes!
00:45:14I've managed to escape right.
00:45:16And we'll never be wrong.
00:45:18Together we can make it till the end of the time.
00:45:22Your love's not your shadow on the end of the time.
00:45:27I don't know what to do but I'm always in the dark.
00:45:31Living in a powder gag and giving off.
00:45:34Oh, I really need you tonight.
00:45:38Forever's gonna start tonight.
00:45:42Forever's gonna start tonight.
00:45:44Hello.
00:45:47Hello.
00:45:48Hello.
00:46:11I'm still a bloody black.
00:46:15Do you think you'll get it?
00:46:17Lots of hurdles to jump yet.
00:46:19I think we did a really good job tonight.
00:46:24So, is this a night off then?
00:46:40Have you got any idea how fucking beautiful you are?
00:46:59How are you?
00:47:01Surprisingly well, frankly.
00:47:04Mother knew me this morning.
00:47:07First time in months.
00:47:09It made me feel like life is possible.
00:47:13And I wanted to say to you that even if you can't love me, then I think friends would be
00:47:18rather nice.
00:47:25Charles, I think I found someone to marry.
00:47:29Goodness.
00:47:31Well, she's a nice girl from a good family and she likes me in the right way.
00:47:39Do you like her?
00:47:41I think we get on rather well.
00:47:42Well, I really think I could bear to be married to her.
00:47:46Especially if it meant everyone would stop asking me why I'm not married.
00:47:51It'll give me the respectability I need for my career and then we can meet together.
00:48:01Still in secret.
00:48:03But safe.
00:48:12I don't know if I can live without this.
00:48:15Without you.
00:48:22No.
00:48:28No.
00:48:30No.
00:48:33No.
00:48:35No.
00:48:37No.
00:48:54I've never done this before.
00:48:57What's this?
00:48:58They're tautory.
00:49:00I've written about it a lot.
00:49:03I've never met anyone I wanted to do it with before.
00:49:37It's so nice to feel so happy.
00:49:38I've never met myself for ever coming hard with.
00:49:55I'm going to declare this an area of outstanding natural beauty.
00:49:58I'm going to declare this.
00:50:17I'm going to declare this.
00:50:21I'm going to declare this.
00:50:40What's going on?
00:50:44I'm going to Linden. Malhar offered me a part in a doll's house.
00:50:52I thought you didn't get it. It's a different part. It's the maid.
00:50:58You're playing the maid? Yeah. Declan, yeah. Because as it turns out, I'm not a star anymore.
00:51:12As it turns out, I spent too long following you around. For wherever you wanted to be.
00:51:21There for the children so that you get to do what you want to do. I want to work.
00:51:33I need to work. And you of all people should understand that.
00:51:47And if you'd been even remotely available to me recently, you would have been part of that decision, but you
00:51:54weren't.
00:51:55So I made it myself.
00:52:08We need you here, love.
00:52:12You actually don't.
00:52:15Good luck with the franchise bit.
00:52:18Mummy. Tag, stop her. She said she's going to London to do a fucking play.
00:52:21I am going to London to do a fucking play.
00:52:25And I should never have left it this long.
00:52:30But why, my sweetheart?
00:52:35Please don't go. Maud, please.
00:52:51Did she get that?
00:53:04Hello?
00:53:06Yes, hi, Lady Gosling.
00:53:09No, no, of course no. I appreciate your calling.
00:53:36Later tonight, the battle of the Central Southwest Television region is on.
00:53:41Incumbent company, Carinium, now being challenged by Venturer.
00:53:45Headed by Carinium's biggest star, Declan O'Hara.
00:53:49Along with ex-show jumper and minister for sport, Rupert Campbell Black.
00:53:53Today's meeting was to decide if Venturer has the capacity to be a serious contender for the franchise.
00:54:13What?
00:54:13Leaving already?
00:54:14Oh.
00:54:18Shall we pop tomorrow?
00:54:20For what?
00:54:23Never asked me that before.
00:54:42How long have you been sleeping with Rupert Campbell Black?
00:54:46Come on.
00:54:53What am I having?
00:54:56Just a bit.
00:54:59Hey, what's that?
00:55:00Just a bit.
00:55:00Oh.
00:55:01How long have you been sleeping with Rupert Campbell Black.
00:55:06You're probably going to be walking with the front.
00:55:35I was spying on him, on Venturer.
00:55:37Oh.
00:55:40So what information did you fuck out of him for me?
00:55:44Turns out I'm not a very good spy.
00:55:46Oh, don't fucking goad me.
00:55:49There is no one in the world you could sleep with.
00:55:53He is the worst man in the world.
00:55:57You knew that.
00:56:01Oh, you fucking reek of him!
00:56:09I'll give you whatever you want.
00:56:11I'll bring my solicitor tomorrow.
00:56:13I'll start the divorce.
00:56:14I'll do anything.
00:56:15Just swear you will never let that man touch you again.
00:56:20Just let me have this one, please.
00:56:24Mm-mm.
00:56:26I'm sorry.
00:56:31I will sack you so hard.
00:56:33You can't sack me.
00:56:35I'm resigning.
00:56:36Your visa's tied to your job, darling.
00:56:39I'll make sure you're on a first plane back to America.
00:56:42Yeah.
00:56:43I will marry Rupert.
00:56:46Then I can stay.
00:56:50Redshire might have won this battle.
00:56:52But have they won the war?
00:56:54That's the question on everyone's lips.
00:56:56They have been successful putting together an impressive pool
00:57:00comprising the great and the good of Russia.
00:57:03People used to sit around the fire for their stories.
00:57:08Now we sit around the television.
00:57:11That is where we commune.
00:57:14Television has the power to bring us together.
00:57:17Fuck you!
00:57:22To help us forgive each other.
00:57:24We've had a stupid fight.
00:57:28To give us a window into others' lives.
00:57:32To bring new ideas into our homes.
00:57:36Where's Mummy?
00:57:37It is, I believe, the greatest art form a man has created.
00:57:44Hi.
00:57:46Hi.
00:57:47Oh.
00:57:49Come on!
00:58:01Seb's a nice boy.
00:58:03Are you all right?
00:58:05Yeah, he's lovely.
00:58:06He's a good sort.
00:58:07Yeah.
00:58:10Only he's not you.
00:58:17Okay.
00:58:20I don't know why I just said that.
00:58:23I think I'm tired.
00:58:31It's the franchise.
00:58:33Come on.
00:58:35I'm trapped.
00:58:36I can't get out of here.
00:58:37I'm not asking you to.
00:58:41She's not you.
00:58:45I can't breathe without you.
00:59:10I can't breathe without you.
00:59:17I can't do this before looking.
00:59:19Well, it's...
00:59:41First ever television job.
00:59:44Celebrity gossip columnist B.G. Johnson.
00:59:48Fearing up uncensored.
00:59:51Fortiest, most gossipy show on the internet ever.
00:59:56Because that's what we do at Carinium.
01:00:01We serve you the television you want.
01:00:05Your station.
01:00:07Now and always.
01:00:23We serve you the television you want.
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