- 9 hours ago
G.h.o.s.t.s-S5E22
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Short filmTranscript
00:01Jay, we should leave for the airport.
00:03Okay, so once again, an elevator is called a lift,
00:06an apartment is a flat, and a cigarette, now this one's weird.
00:08Okay, Pete, I don't think that's going to come up a lot, but thanks for your help.
00:11Hey, while you guys are over there, can you pop over and check in on my daughter?
00:15And by check in, I mean keep any creepy French guys and their baguettes away from her,
00:19if you know what I mean.
00:22They'll get innuendo, big time.
00:24I suppose once we have the proof we need, we could pop to Paris for a quick visit.
00:28Ooh, no can do, Sammy. I mean, Europe's no hop-skip.
00:32I don't want to press my luck with my ghost powers.
00:34I can't make a bunch of side trips while we're there,
00:36or else my baguette will start to disappear.
00:38Once again, though, grasp. This guy, keepin' up.
00:42Plus, we got a big day coming up when Pete returns,
00:44the one-year anniversary of when we started dating,
00:46our first non-facebomb kiss.
00:48It's a good lesson for the kids out there.
00:50If you try to kiss someone and they resist, just keep trying.
00:53I'm not sure that's the takeaway.
00:55Huh. Paula?
00:57Oh, the Hollywood producer? Get it, Sam.
01:01Hello.
01:02What the hell? Did you call me?
01:03No, uh, I think you called me.
01:05This is a hot start.
01:06Trying to copy your email.
01:08They put the damn video button so close.
01:10Why do they do that?
01:12Anyway, I have news.
01:13It's about your movie script, Polar Opposites.
01:16If I had known this was a video call,
01:18I would have encouraged a wardrobe change,
01:19but you're doing great.
01:21I showed it to the studio.
01:22They loved it.
01:24Oh, my God, really?
01:25Does that mean they're gonna buy it?
01:26Hey, Paula, I just got here.
01:28Hey, Jay.
01:29No, they're not buying it yet,
01:30but they want to continue the conversation.
01:33Oh, we're gonna be so rich.
01:35Aquarium wall, here we come.
01:36The studio wants a franchise.
01:38I won't bore you with the details,
01:40but basically,
01:40they want to know what the next two films
01:43in the P.O. trilogy are going to be.
01:45I can start putting together some ideas,
01:47but can it wait till next week?
01:49I've got sort of a big couple of days.
01:51No, we need to get on a Zoom this weekend.
01:53There was an incident on the set of Christmas in Cabo.
01:57Turns out Mario Lopez does not work with dolphins.
02:00Anyway, they're looking to fast-track its replacement,
02:03so can you do it or not?
02:05Don't worry about England, babe.
02:07I'll go.
02:07You got this.
02:08I'll get to noodling, Paula.
02:10Great.
02:10Thanks, Sam.
02:12All right, Pete.
02:13Looks like it's you and me, buddy.
02:16Let's ride.
02:17How's this gonna work?
02:18Didn't Jay almost kill Pete on a trip to the market?
02:21We'll call Kyle.
02:26Now, if you'll follow me,
02:27I'll give you a tour of the dungeon.
02:29Hey, hang back a sec.
02:31Man, what a tour.
02:32I can't believe I didn't know the difference
02:33between a longsword and a broadsword.
02:35I mean, it's negligible, but interesting.
02:38Have you seen Nancy's painting?
02:39Because I'm starting to realize
02:40I don't know what she looks like.
02:42Kyle?
02:43Focus.
02:44Oh, sorry.
02:45I just flew to England at the drop of a hat
02:47to help you,
02:48so excuse me if I need to move a teeth cleaning.
02:50Look at this suit of armor.
02:52How you doing there, tin can?
02:53Not so great, to be honest.
02:55I've got this very specific itch
02:57that I haven't been able to scratch
02:58for 600 years now.
03:00Well, Jay, there's a suit of armor ghost.
03:02Seriously?
03:03That is so damn cool.
03:05How did he die?
03:06Was it jousting or, like, fighting a dragon?
03:08Sadly, no.
03:09As soon as I got all this stuff on,
03:11I was leaning over to scratch me bum,
03:14lost me balance,
03:15and fell down the stairs.
03:17It was a noble death.
03:20Hey, guys.
03:21Um, here in England,
03:23we all like to stick together on a tour.
03:26So if you could kindly follow.
03:27Yeah, yeah, that would be brill.
03:29You know, we were kind of interested
03:31in seeing some old portraits.
03:32Would that be part of the tour?
03:33Oh, sorry.
03:35There was a big fire in the 70s.
03:38The lady of the house left an unattended crumper
03:41in the toaster.
03:42All the tapestries in portraiture were lost.
03:46Anyway, please follow me to the dungeon.
03:48Uh, actually, I think we were just here
03:50to see the paintings,
03:52so we're probably gonna head out.
03:54So, to yourself.
03:55But for five quid,
03:56you can take your picture on the rack.
03:59I mean, the painting thing is obviously a setback,
04:02but take it from a guy who's been to his share of Ren Fairs,
04:04you're not gonna find a better rack price than that.
04:10We need that Nancy painting.
04:13This is a disaster.
04:15What are we gonna do?
04:16I think there's a gift shop.
04:18Maybe they sell a book with a picture
04:19of Princess Adeline's portrait.
04:21I also wouldn't say no to smelling a bag of prawn crisps.
04:24You're looking for Princess Adeline's portrait?
04:26Yeah.
04:27We actually know her.
04:28She goes by Nancy now,
04:29and she's dressed in a potato sack.
04:31Oh, I would kill to have died in a potato sack.
04:35Oh, I bet she's just able to itch everywhere, huh?
04:37Yeah, and she does.
04:40Well, is the pseudo-arer saying something?
04:41Can you ask him how he went to the bathroom in that thing?
04:44Was it a complete removal, or is there a little latch?
04:46I know the portrait you speak of.
04:47He's saying he remembers the portrait.
04:50Is she wearing this necklace in it?
04:53Yes.
04:54Yes, that very one.
04:55But despite what the tour guide said,
04:57it was not destroyed in the Great Crumpet Fire of 1973.
05:00That's because a few years before the dread event,
05:03it was donated to the Museum of England in London.
05:06He's saying it didn't burn.
05:08It's in a museum now.
05:10Amazing.
05:10All right.
05:11Well, let's go take that picture on that rack,
05:13and then we can get going.
05:14You don't even show up in pictures.
05:15Yeah, but I'll know I was there.
05:18Hey, guys.
05:19What's going on?
05:20Sam's waiting to see how the studio liked her pitch
05:22for what a polar opposites trilogy might look like.
05:24She have high hopes,
05:25even though things generally not work out,
05:27but honestly, it's kind of sad.
05:31You got this.
05:33Well, I've got good news.
05:35You killed that pitch, Sam.
05:37Yes.
05:38Really?
05:39They like it?
05:39That's amazing.
05:40They have a few thoughts,
05:41but nothing that's going to be that hard to execute.
05:43This is all great to hear, Paula.
05:45We'll ideate and then talk next steps.
05:47And I've got more good news.
05:49Have you ever heard of Aline Brosh McKenna?
05:52She wrote a little movie called Devil Wears Prada.
05:55Oh, love that movie!
05:57It's a inspiring story of Anne Hathaway
05:59overcoming boring boyfriend
06:01who only talk about Goldsberg.
06:03Yeah, I love that movie.
06:05What about Aline?
06:06Well, we're in talks to have her do the rewrite
06:08and hopefully the sequels.
06:10I'm confused.
06:11You want someone else to write my movie?
06:15What are you doing?
06:16It's Thor's impression of Dragon Lady
06:18when she not liked Dress from James' whole collection.
06:20Look, this is a win.
06:22They still want to buy your movie.
06:23I don't know.
06:24I need to think about it.
06:26Okay, but if you're not okay
06:27with us bringing someone else in,
06:29this whole thing could go away.
06:30Thank you, Paula.
06:31I'll be in touch.
06:32Yeah, we're going to huddle on our end
06:34and we'll ping you back by EOD tomorrow.
06:39Hey, sorry to bother you.
06:41We're looking for a painting
06:42that we didn't see on display in the museum.
06:44Give me a second.
06:45I'm reeling in a big fish on a dating app.
06:48She's a bit older.
06:49Still fit.
06:51Sure.
06:51Good luck with her.
06:53You know, they should really slap a content warning
06:55on that antiquities wing.
06:57Some of the scenes depicted on those urns.
07:00I mean, what was that swan doing to that lady?
07:06Archives.
07:09Peter.
07:10Oh, my God.
07:12Amenhotep.
07:13I think Pete ran into one of his friends, Amenhotep.
07:16Mummy ghost.
07:17Nice.
07:18He tried to destroy my squash with locusts,
07:20but we're cool now.
07:21What are you doing here?
07:23My mummified remains are part of a touring exhibit.
07:25Kind of the centerpiece, actually.
07:27It must be difficult being separated from your wife again
07:30so soon after being reunited.
07:32It is not the worst thing to get a little space.
07:34When you are apart from someone for three millennia,
07:37you tend to focus on their good qualities
07:38and forget how much they talk about cats.
07:43Hey, sorry.
07:44We're looking for a portrait of Princess Adeline Marie Dunham of Bedford
07:48and it would have been donated in the early 70s.
07:50Adeline Marie Dunham of Bedford.
07:57Ah, yes.
07:58I'm seeing the donation,
07:59but the whole collection was thrown into archives
08:02without being digitized or catalogued.
08:05Could be anywhere back there.
08:07Can we go in there and look?
08:08Of course.
08:09We love letting strangers go back there
08:11and root around our priceless treasures.
08:13I'm pretty sure he's being sarcastic,
08:15although it is hard to tell.
08:16They are dry here.
08:18Peter, what if we were to enter the archives
08:20and take a look ourselves?
08:21Oh, that's true.
08:21We're ghosts.
08:22This shouldn't be too hard.
08:23Back in a GIF?
08:32Oh, golly.
08:33This is like the end of Raiders.
08:36What is Raiders?
08:37Oh, it's about this really cool guy
08:39who goes to ancient Egypt
08:40to steal a bunch of priceless antiquities and...
08:44You know what?
08:45It's not that good, actually.
08:46I didn't really care for it.
08:52Okay, we are running out of time
08:54to find this painting,
08:55and you remember what Nancy looks like, right?
08:57Yes, I met her at Woodstone on Halloween.
09:00She propositioned me while wearing a potato sack.
09:03That's our girl.
09:04All right, why don't you take the crates on the right,
09:06I will take the ones on the left.
09:08Peter, what's wrong with your hand?
09:11Oh, that's not good.
09:14I start to disappear when I'm away too long from Woodstone.
09:17I reform when I get back on the property.
09:19And what happens if you don't make it back in time?
09:21I actually don't know.
09:23Peter, perhaps you should leave now.
09:25No, this is too important.
09:27I'll be okay.
09:27I have enough time.
09:29Please, don't mention anything to the livings about this.
09:31Jay's dealing with enough already.
09:33Yeah, let's do this.
09:38Nope, just more Greek smut.
09:41How did they invent democracy
09:42when they were carrying on like that?
09:44I mean, where did they find the time?
09:47So, what do you guys think I should do?
09:49You gotta tell those movie people to take a hike, Sam.
09:52Agreed.
09:53You cannot give in.
09:54Be like if Andy not returned to work
09:56after a makeover montage with Tucci.
09:59Let me tell you this story about Mr. Sylvester Stallone.
10:02Did you know when he was trying to sell
10:04the screenplay for Rocky
10:05that they only wanted it if he didn't play Rocky?
10:09Is that true?
10:10But he stuck to his guns.
10:12And in the end, it was him
10:14punching beef in that freezer.
10:16It was him going 15 rounds with the champ.
10:18It was him falling in love with that
10:20actually, frankly, very weird girl from the pet store.
10:23Trevor's right, Samantha.
10:25All of us guys carry regrets with us.
10:28Those shots we did not take.
10:30Those rails, we did not snort.
10:32Amen.
10:33You know, I used to think that this house
10:35and all the things in it were what mattered.
10:37But now that it might be taken away from me,
10:42I realize that you, Samantha, are my true legacy.
10:46You never know what life will bring.
10:48So you need to seize the opportunities
10:49when they present themselves.
10:51Agreed.
10:52Many people said I didn't have what it took
10:53to pull off a strategic surrender
10:55at Fort Ticonderoga,
10:56but I didn't give up.
10:58Isn't a surrender literally giving up?
11:00Yes, but with honor.
11:02And having secured enough horse meat
11:04for all my men,
11:05which was a huge morale boost,
11:07although not for the men in the cavalry.
11:08Sort of a nightmare scenario for them.
11:11I think what Isaac's trying to say
11:12is this is your moment, Sam.
11:14Yeah.
11:15You only regret the bears you didn't hug.
11:17Wait.
11:18No.
11:19Yeah.
11:20Wait.
11:20You guys are right.
11:22I know it's a risk,
11:24but I got to stand my ground.
11:27Girl, yeah.
11:28This like moment when Andy returned from desk,
11:31successfully wearing Chanel boots.
11:33Triumphant.
11:34You are one weird damn back in.
11:37Okay, Winston, this text is not bad,
11:39but you're going to want to pull it back
11:40with all the exclamation points.
11:42Way too thirsty.
11:43But I am thirsty.
11:45Still, maybe throw some typos in there
11:47so you look like a busy, happening guy.
11:50Busy, happening guy?
11:52I do not have a lot of game.
11:54We found the painting.
11:55Nancy wearing the necklace.
11:56Aisle 37, box 9.
12:02Archives.
12:03They found the painting.
12:05Great, but we still need a picture of it.
12:07We got to distract this guy
12:08so that we can get into the archives
12:09and take a photo of that painting
12:11to send back to Sam.
12:12Right.
12:13But how?
12:13Kyle could engage him in some short-form improv,
12:16or Jake could fake a heart attack,
12:17or there's always the tried-and-true pointing
12:19and saying,
12:19hey, what's that over there?
12:21Pete has some ideas.
12:22They're not great, though.
12:24What if I use my ghost power
12:25to summon a swarm of locusts
12:26to descend upon the museum,
12:27distracting him away from his post?
12:29Yes.
12:30And then Pete and I can slip in undetected.
12:33The mummy is going to do locusts.
12:36Oh, hell yeah.
12:40Yeah.
12:46Yeah.
12:48I'm going to have to put you on a brief hold.
12:54What the hell is that?
12:57And I may not have written
12:58several beloved films yet,
12:59but I know that there is greatness within me.
13:02I just need the chance.
13:04You know what?
13:05You got balls, kid.
13:07Okay.
13:08From her tone,
13:09I'm thinking the testicle statement
13:10is one in our favor.
13:12What the hell?
13:12The job is yours.
13:15What? Really?
13:17Congratulations on selling
13:18your first screenplay.
13:19And don't screw up the trilogy.
13:21Oh, my God.
13:22Thank you, Paula.
13:23I won't let you down.
13:24Yeah, this is great news.
13:25Send the paperwork over
13:26and we'll have our people
13:27hash out the details.
13:28Oh, it's a text from Jay.
13:31I found the paycheck.
13:33Uh, I gotta go, Paula.
13:35Oh, interesting.
13:36Big shot now, huh?
13:38That's fine.
13:39I've got stuff to do, too, you know.
13:43Oh, look at that.
13:44The little troll's really a princess.
13:48Thank you for coming out
13:50on such short notice.
13:51We are right up against
13:51the deadline with Ever Creek.
13:53It's no problem at all.
13:54I have a lot of free time
13:55since my wife started
13:56sleeping with Matthew,
13:57her Pilates instructor.
13:59I'm not gonna lie.
14:00I'm worried about Joe.
14:01So, what do you think
14:03of the painting?
14:03Deft redirect?
14:04Nicely done.
14:05I think you're gonna be
14:05very pleased.
14:06This painting is conclusive evidence.
14:08This necklace belonged
14:09to Princess Adela.
14:10Yes!
14:10So, you're saying
14:11that you now believe
14:12that she died here
14:13at Woodstone?
14:14Because Stuart gave me poop water.
14:16Indeed, I am.
14:18I hereby declare
14:19your property
14:20is a historic landmark
14:22and, as such,
14:23it is immune
14:24to redevelopment.
14:25Oh, thank God!
14:26My life's work,
14:27my true legacy
14:28is saved!
14:29Wait, what about
14:30all that business
14:30about Sam being
14:31a true legacy?
14:32I was coping!
14:34I mean,
14:34she's great, I guess,
14:36also,
14:36but thank God!
14:38My house has been spared!
14:40Long live this shrine
14:42to my greatness!
14:43So, now what?
14:45Do you, like,
14:45stamp something
14:46or how do we
14:47make it official?
14:48Oh, I just have to
14:48go back to my office
14:49and fill out a form.
14:51But that won't be a problem,
14:52seeing as I sleep there now.
14:54Come on, Sam.
14:55One follow-up question.
14:57The man's just looking
14:57for a tiny bit
14:58of human connection.
15:00Well,
15:02thank you.
15:03Take care.
15:08She caught it
15:09in the ice
15:09out the coast
15:10of Horningsfog.
15:12It's a very cold place.
15:15So, yeah,
15:16he just looked
15:16at the picture
15:17you guys sent
15:18and said we were good.
15:19So, now,
15:20Evercreek can't
15:21demolish the mansion.
15:22This is great news.
15:23Less important,
15:24but still worth sharing,
15:25the archivist texted me
15:27him and Linda
15:28are at the pub
15:29hitting it off.
15:30What does that mean?
15:31That means your man's
15:32texting game
15:32is still on point.
15:34Not something
15:34a wife loves to hear.
15:36Oh, tell Pete
15:37I can't wait to see him.
15:38Alberta says
15:39she can't wait
15:39to see Pete.
15:41Just tell her
15:42I can't wait
15:42to see her, too.
15:43And don't mention my arms.
15:45I don't want anyone
15:45to worry.
15:48He says
15:49he can't wait
15:50to see her, too.
15:51And,
15:52more big news,
15:53Polar Opposites sold.
15:55Oh, my God.
15:56Babe!
15:56That's awesome!
15:57The studio loved
15:58the pitch for the trilogy
15:59and Paula wants me
16:00to write it.
16:01Wants is a little
16:02strong,
16:02I'd say settle for
16:03is more accurate.
16:04But still a win.
16:06This is incredible!
16:08The thing is,
16:08I'd probably have
16:09to be out of town
16:09for a little bit
16:10for the shoot.
16:11How do you feel
16:12about that?
16:12Oh, yeah,
16:13it'll be hard,
16:13but, babe,
16:14this is your dream.
16:15We'll make it work.
16:16Yes, yes,
16:17it'll be very hard.
16:18Hey, what about Kyle
16:19as a ghost sitter
16:20while you're gone?
16:21Oh, my God,
16:22that'd be amazing!
16:22Kyle is the best!
16:24Kyle!
16:26Kyle!
16:27Kyle!
16:27Kyle!
16:28It'll probably be
16:29pretty hard
16:30for the ghosts, too,
16:31I imagine.
16:32Yeah,
16:32they're pretty upset.
16:34Kyle!
16:34Kyle!
16:35Kyle!
16:36Hey, uh,
16:37what if Kyle
16:38came and stayed
16:38for a while?
16:39Oh, that's
16:40an interesting idea.
16:41Hey, I might
16:42actually have
16:43something to do.
16:44Do you?
16:45Well, I mean,
16:46no,
16:47but I could have.
16:53Okay,
16:54thanks very much.
16:56Great news.
16:56They're letting you
16:57return that sweater?
16:58No,
16:58that was Evercreek.
16:59Since they can no longer
17:00use Woodstone
17:01as a data center,
17:02they're selling it back
17:03to us at a reduced rate,
17:04and they're calling
17:04the property
17:05essentially useless.
17:06Yay,
17:07and how dare they?
17:09So,
17:09can you afford
17:10to buy back
17:10Singhouse you are?
17:12Famously poor.
17:13Well,
17:13I happen to have
17:14an ace up my sleeve.
17:15Finally selling
17:16those fate picks.
17:17Good for you.
17:18No,
17:18I'm talking about
17:19the payment I'm getting
17:19for polar opposites.
17:21Hope there'll be
17:21a little left over
17:22for that movie theater
17:23style popcorn machine.
17:24Oh,
17:25yes,
17:25that is next
17:27on my to-do list.
17:28It's just that
17:28it was sort of
17:29the centerpiece
17:29of my whole acceptance speech
17:30when I became
17:31Ghost Representative,
17:32and if you make me
17:33look like a fool,
17:34I'm going to destroy you.
17:35Also,
17:36congrats on the movie.
17:37That's so great.
17:37Sam,
17:38have you heard from Jay?
17:39They're supposed
17:39to be back by now.
17:40I know their flight
17:41was delayed taking off
17:42due to a swarm
17:43of locusts
17:43in the London area.
17:45Amanhotep.
17:45He gives with one hand
17:46and takes with the other.
17:47Oh,
17:48Pete's okay.
17:48This is really pushing it.
17:49They landed 40 minutes ago.
17:51They'll be back any second.
17:52He's going to be fine,
17:53Bertie.
17:54Pete!
17:55How's he doing?
17:58Ah,
17:58it's going to be close,
18:00Jay.
18:00Hang in there, buddy.
18:01We're going to get you home.
18:02Here I go again
18:03on my own
18:06Going down the only road
18:07I've ever known
18:09I sing Whitesnake
18:11when I'm nervous.
18:12It started when I was nervous
18:13at a Whitesnake concert.
18:14A lot of people
18:15close together.
18:16And those bathroom lines.
18:17Yeah,
18:18those are tough.
18:19Let's get home fast,
18:21okay, Jay?
18:22We're going to get you there,
18:23Pete!
18:23We're only a few minutes away!
18:25Here I go again
18:26on my own
18:28Going down the only road
18:30I've ever known
18:32Like a drifter
18:33I was born
18:34to walk alone
18:37Pete?
18:39Oh, no.
18:40Pete!
18:41What?
18:42He's gone.
18:46Pete!
18:51I've got to know
18:53He's gone.
18:54He's gone.culosis
19:00is me. There
19:03is no one podcast
19:05worry. It has
19:05been Gerade and they
19:05are for all
19:06the way up. While the
19:08biết For everything
19:08that's ny,
19:11We're
19:11never allowed to find
19:11the ways they can
19:11serve them.
19:11You
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