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  • 6 hours ago
Dear My Countess
Transcript
00:00The third month after my husband left the estate, I didn't take a lover.
00:04I became addicted to a filthy phone call that came in every night at midnight.
00:08Wait, the man with that depraved voice, was that my own stepson?
00:12I'd tear that fussy gown off you, pin you against the wall, make you beg me.
00:17Be quiet, you madman.
00:20I hissed it through my teeth, my fingers dug into the receiver.
00:24I didn't hang up, I couldn't bring myself to hang up.
00:27Listening to him describe what he'd do to me, my legs gave out.
00:30I leaned against the cold wall of the corridor.
00:33A strange heat shot from my belly to between my thighs.
00:36The fabric beneath my skirt was already soaked through.
00:39My husband, the old Earl, had been in London at Parliament for three months.
00:43He was fifty, I was thirty.
00:45The age when a woman wants nothing more than to be hurt and filled.
00:48This dried out body of mine was driving me mad.
00:51Knees giving out, Countess?
00:53That low, dangerous laugh, pure provocation.
00:56I clamped a hand over my mouth, tried to swallow back the shameful sound rising in my throat.
01:02My body slid down the wall instead.
01:05Trembling between hunger and shame, I couldn't stop.
01:08Four times this week, every night at midnight, that depraved call came in like clockwork.
01:13At first it was terror, outrage, an unforgivable violation.
01:19But I told no one.
01:20And worse, I didn't pull the cord from the wall.
01:22By midnight, I was waiting for the bell.
01:25The Earl had been gone three months.
01:27The hollow ache in my body had grown unbearable.
01:30Before he left, every night he'd sat in the leather chair in the master bedroom.
01:34One tap of his cane on the floor.
01:36And I was to strip every layer of silk in front of him.
01:40He'd pull on his black leather gloves.
01:42The leather creaked as it stretched.
01:44Those gloved hands would need me with terrible force.
01:47No consideration at all.
01:49Until I'd torn the sheets to shreds.
01:52Staring at him, almost begging for the final thrust.
01:55Then he'd stop.
01:56He'd peel the gloves off.
01:58Slow.
01:59Drop them on the vanity.
02:00He never entered me.
02:02Not once.
02:03He'd turn and walk out.
02:04Close the door hard behind him.
02:06I'd lie naked on the bed.
02:08Listening to his boots retreat down the corridor.
02:10My legs unable to close.
02:12And then this man on the telephone.
02:14His damp, ragged breathing.
02:16His filthy fantasies of tearing my clothes apart.
02:20Words I had never heard.
02:21A seduction from another world entirely.
02:24A world without these cold, mildewed rooms.
02:27Without the endless rain and the endless waiting.
02:30A world that offered only immediate, scalding satisfaction.
02:33It was a barbed hook.
02:35Sunk precisely into the softest, most starving part of me.
02:39He knew, exactly, how to draw out a noblewoman left alone too long.
02:47Listen, my countess.
02:49You're so desperate right now.
02:52Aren't you?
02:54Go to your bedroom.
02:55I left you a gift.
02:57Go up.
02:59Enjoy it.
03:00That low, damp voice.
03:02As if pressed right against my ear.
03:05Click.
03:05The line went dead.
03:07I dragged my unsteady legs back to the bedroom.
03:10Bolted the door.
03:11On the vanity, a black velvet box.
03:14No card.
03:15I went rigid.
03:16I scanned the room.
03:17The dark drapes.
03:19The wardrobe.
03:20The shadow under the bed.
03:21The room was silent.
03:23Empty.
03:23I unwrapped it with shaking hands.
03:26Inside, a piece of oriental white porcelain.
03:30Shaped like a dolphin.
03:31But the curve of it was wrong.
03:33Too thick.
03:34Too rounded.
03:36Tilted at the tip in a way that suggested something obscene.
03:39Something made me reach for it.
03:41My hand closed around it.
03:42The porcelain was cold.
03:44My palm was scalding.
03:46I traced my fingertip up that smooth edge.
03:48The cold hardness against the heat of my skin.
03:51I lifted my head to the mirror.
03:53The woman looking back at me had a face flushed crimson.
03:56Her chest was heaving.
03:58She was breathing hard.
04:00In great open mouthfuls.
04:02A sleepless night.
04:03Julian came back at first light.
04:06The old Earl's legitimate heir.
04:0822 years old.
04:09In a pressed, dark suit.
04:12He stood in the center of the great hall like a flawless English gentleman.
04:16But as he stepped closer, that young man's heir.
04:19Aggressive.
04:20Predatory.
04:21It closed in on me.
04:22He stopped.
04:23Bowed his head.
04:24His large hand caught my wrist.
04:27Lifted the back of my hand to his lips.
04:29His mouth brushed the cold of my skin.
04:32Hot.
04:33Frightening.
04:34Every bit of heat I had only just suppressed surged back.
04:37He didn't release me.
04:39He slowly raised his head.
04:41There was no respect in his eyes.
04:43None of the deference owed to one's stepmother.
04:45His gaze slid from my face down to my chest.
04:48Without restraint.
04:49Like a pair of rough hands.
04:52They tore my fussy gown to ribbons in an instant.
04:55Stripped my wanton body bare beneath.
04:58As though he could see exactly how I'd held that porcelain dolphin last night.
05:01Exactly how I'd breathed.
05:32I sucked in a sharp breath.
05:33Night without fail.
05:35Each time I lifted the receiver.
05:37Only that cheap tavern tomb.
05:39And his aggressive panting breath.
05:41I gripped the receiver.
05:43Said nothing.
05:44Did not hang up.
05:45I listened to him describe the most depraved fantasies he had of me in the foulest words.
05:50By day the estate became another more dangerous cage.
05:55Julian was always there.
05:57Julian was always there in the narrow corridors at the bend of the stairs.
06:01Always too close whenever I wasn't expecting him.
06:04He never gave way.
06:06As we passed, his broad shoulder would brush my arm.
06:09Even through the heavy silk of my gown, his young man's body heat was startling.
06:14He turned his head, just slightly.
06:16Pressed his mouth near my ear.
06:19Murmured one word.
06:20Mother.
06:21His voice low.
06:22Damp.
06:23Almost wet.
06:24The same tone as the man on the telephone.
06:27The one who said he'd pin me to the wall.
06:29I froze in place.
06:30My fingers clenched the hem of my gown.
06:33Crushed the costly fabric in my fist.
06:35I didn't dare turn around.
06:37I just walked away in my heels.
06:39Half fled.
06:40My defenses were being shredded layer by layer.
06:43By day, I was terrified of this perfect suited stepson.
06:47By midnight, I stood like a madwoman in the cold corridor.
06:51Staring at that black telephone.
06:54Desperate for it to ring.
06:55Luncheon.
06:56A long table covered in snow-white linen.
06:59The cold ring of silver against porcelain.
07:01Three servants stood at the wall like wooden posts.
07:04Heads bowed.
07:06Motionless.
07:07Julian sat directly across from me.
07:09White shirt.
07:10Immaculate.
07:11Cravat perfect.
07:13He cut a piece of bloody beef.
07:15The silver knife shrieked against the plate.
07:17He placed the meat in his mouth.
07:19Spoke as though it were nothing.
07:22Mother.
07:23Last week, I went out to see a play with some friends.
07:25I saw a pod of dolphins.
07:27The word dolphins detonated in my skull.
07:32That obscene piece of white porcelain sitting on my vanity.
07:36The shape was a dolphin.
07:38The shape was a dolphin.
07:38He set down his knife and fork.
07:40Lifted his crystal goblet.
07:42His eyes pinned to my face.
07:44Clear and ringing in the dead silence of the dining room.
07:46Did you know they are the most wantful creatures in the natural world, second only to us.
07:52They mate to breed.
07:53They mate for pleasure.
07:55They rub.
07:56They satisfy themselves with abandon.
07:59He took a sip of red wine.
08:01His throat moved.
08:02His eyes stayed fixed on me.
08:04On my flushed, choking face.
08:07On my ruined breathing.
08:09Then the corner of his mouth lifted into a small, cruel smile.
08:12What did he know?
08:14Or was it suggestion?
08:16Rain outside.
08:17Heavy.
08:18It hammered the glass.
08:19I could not sleep.
08:21I went to the door.
08:22Turned the key.
08:23Click.
08:24I bolted myself inside.
08:26I stripped off the heavy, restrictive gown.
08:29Layer by layer, I peeled away every piece of fabric that stood for propriety.
08:33I struck a match.
08:35Lid a single candle on the vanity.
08:37In the dim light, I opened the black velvet box.
08:40I took out the oriental porcelain.
08:43The shape of a dolphin.
08:44Full.
08:45Rounded.
08:46Tilted at the tip.
08:47Its surface was cold.
08:48My fingers gripped it until the knuckles went white.
08:52I carried it to the edge of the bed.
08:54Sat down.
08:55The only sound was the rain.
08:57My legs wouldn't stop trembling.
08:59I pressed my knees together.
09:00My stockings whispered against each other.
09:03I couldn't stop.
09:04They rub.
09:05They satisfy themselves.
09:07With abandon.
09:08Julian's words at lunch.
09:10Ringing in my ears with terrible clarity.
09:13A countess's dignity.
09:14A countess's morality.
09:16Both shattered.
09:17On this rain-swept night.
09:19I stopped fighting.
09:20I closed my eyes.
09:22Tilted my head back.
09:24Drew long, open-mouthed breaths.
09:26I gripped that cold, depraved porcelain.
09:29And slowly, slowly, lay back across the tangled sheet.
09:36I lay on the disordered sheet.
09:38Eyes closed.
09:39The weak candlelight flickered against my eyelids.
09:42I held the porcelain dolphin.
09:44Slowly slid it downward.
09:45Cold.
09:46Hard.
09:46Absolutely smooth.
09:48It traced down my skin all the way.
09:50I tucked my chin.
09:51Bit down on my lower lip.
09:52The upward curve of the porcelain found.
09:54Precisely.
09:54The place that needed it most.
09:56I clutched the silk sheet on the other hand.
09:58White knuckles.
09:58I began to move it along that curve.
10:00Once again.
10:01Vesta.
10:02Short.
10:02Broken breaths.
10:03Sweat slid down the sheet.
10:05Onto the cold porcelain.
10:06The sheet was twisted out of shape.
10:08My thighs shook inside their lace.
10:10My knees knocked together.
10:11They rub.
10:12They satisfy themselves.
10:14I couldn't control it.
10:16A choked breath tore out of my throat.
10:18In that rain-soaked room, the sound was deafening.
10:20I had thrown away every shred of dignity.
10:22Panting like an animal over a piece of porcelain.
10:25Unable to stop.
10:26Just as I was about to come apart entirely.
10:29Click.
10:29The smallest turn of metal.
10:30The spare key turned in the roof.
10:32The door pushed open.
10:33Light from the corridor flooded in.
10:34Julie still in his daytime suit.
10:36Standing in the doorway.
10:38His eyes cold.
10:39Deliberate fell on me.
10:43Get out!
10:44Julian took in the disordered sheet.
10:46The piece of porcelain still in my hand.
10:48My breath stopped.
10:49I grabbed at the silk coverlet in a panic.
10:51Pulled it up to cover myself.
10:52I tried for the bearing of a countess.
10:54My voice broke.
10:55He didn't move.
10:56Then he turned and locked the door behind him.
10:58Click.
10:58Piercing in the dead room.
10:59He walked to the bed.
11:00One step at a time.
11:01His tall shadow closed over me.
11:03He leaned down.
11:04Hands braced on either side of me.
11:06His hot, young man's breath struck my collarbone.
11:08Then he parted his lips.
11:10Hummed very low a few rough notes.
11:12The cheap tavern gramophone too.
11:14The one from the telephone.
11:15My eyes went wide.
11:16No sound came out of my throat.
11:18He reached out.
11:19Through the thin silk coverlet precisely he closed his hand over the porcelain in mine.
11:23Closed his hand around my hand.
11:24He tore the silk coverlet aside.
11:26My body was bare to the cold air.
11:28His other hand braced beside my head.
11:30His tall body pressed down.
11:31He gripped my hand.
11:32Forced me to hold the porcelain.
11:34Guided my hand downward.
11:35Pressed.
11:36The full, tilted tip of the dolphin pushed up into me.
11:38It appears the piece I collected myself.
11:41Suits mother's tastes very well.
11:47He began to move my hand.
11:49Once again, brutal, I tried to close my legs.
11:52He drove them apart with his knee.
11:54The cold porcelain pressed and rubbed without mercy.
11:57Sweat ran from my forehead.
11:59I clenched my teeth.
12:01My other hand pushed the silk into deep folds.
12:04His wrist jerked.
12:05That cold, hard thing broke past the last defense.
12:08Pushed deep into the burning heat of it.
12:10I could no longer hold my lip between my teeth.
12:13He drove my hand inside me with savage force.
12:16The shock of cold and burning heat together.
12:19My thighs convulsed.
12:20I threw my head back.
12:22My neck strangled.
12:23My body shook to its limit.
12:24I came apart in his hand.
12:26Slowly, he drew my hand out.
12:28He lifted the porcelain in front of my face.
12:30From the rounded tip, a long, glistening thread of moisture trailed in the candles.
12:35Tremble.
12:35He stared at that thread.
12:37A scalding breath struck my face.
12:39The corner of his mouth pulled up in a cruel smile.
12:42Flattered.
12:43The porcelain fell to the contact.
12:45In the quiet room, the bright snap of a metal belt buckle being undone.
12:48Look at yourself, mother.
12:49You really are just like those dolphins.
12:53Utterly wanting.
12:55The hardness and heat of a young man instantly replacing that cold porcelain pressed against me.
13:01But he did not enter.
13:02He only dragged himself along the burning heat between my thighs.
13:05Cruel.
13:06Slow.
13:07The hollow ache, after the friction of the porcelain, was unbearable.
13:11He stared at me with raw violence in his eyes.
13:13His sweat dripped on my collarbone.
13:15He was waiting for me to give up the last of my dignity.
13:17I clenched my teeth.
13:19What reason I had left forced me to shrink back.
13:22My hands pushed at his hard chest.
13:24My fingertips were shaking.
13:25I begging him to stop.
13:27He stared at my flushed face.
13:28The corner of his mouth pulled into a wicked smile.
13:34He stopped abruptly.
13:35Pulled back an inch.
13:36The pressure vanished.
13:37Cold air rushed in.
13:38My legs were ruined.
13:40I couldn't help it.
13:41My back arched forward.
13:42My thighs wrapped around his waist.
13:44Like a mad woman, I pressed myself against him.
13:46A small, humiliating whimper rose from my throat.
13:49He looked at my thighs locked around his waist.
13:52The malice in his eyes ignited fully.
13:54Every night you stand in that corridor and answer the telephone, mother.
13:57Is this what you've been imagining?
13:58Until you went mad?
14:00His voice dropped lower.
14:02Mocking.
14:03Naked.
14:03I bit my lip.
14:04I had no answer.
14:05He drove down onto me again.
14:07Still not crossing the last line.
14:09He used that hardness only to slide brutally savage.
14:12Fast against the burning heat of me.
14:14The full weight of him.
14:15The frequency of it.
14:16It destroyed what reason I had left.
14:18I threw my head back.
14:19The line of my throat strained tight.
14:21The heavy oak bed began to rock.
14:23The legs slammed against the floor.
14:24A terrible pounding.
14:54I tried to push him off.
14:55His eyes were moved.
14:56His eyes were dark.
14:57The lofty young air was because of my 30 year old body drowning in his own pleasure.
15:01Watching him this undone because of me set off something I couldn't name.
15:05The burning heat between my thighs spilled out more wetness.
15:08Where we met was a ruin.
15:09What was left of my reason snapped.
15:14He went savage.
15:15Harder than harder.
15:16I threw my head back.
15:18I threw my head back.
15:18My nails tore into his arm.
15:19My body convulsed under one savage thrust.
15:22I came apart beneath him.
15:23In the same instant his arm tightened around my waist.
15:26His body bowed taut as a drawn string.
15:29A muffled, broken sound.
15:31Scalding wetness a young man spilled across my belly and the inside of my thighs.
15:35The heavy oak bed at last stopped striking the floor.
15:37I lay collapsed on the wrecked silk sheet.
15:40Drawing huge open breaths.
15:42Trembling everywhere.
15:43The hot wetness slid down my skin.
15:45The shame of being used like a thing to be ground against used and released fell over me.
15:49My eyes burned.
15:50But the real deep pleasure he had drawn out of me was so undeniable that my heart, in this despair,
15:55kept pounding wildly.
16:00Then he stood up straight.
16:01He didn't look at me.
16:02Did up his belt.
16:03He walked to the door without a word.
16:05Click.
16:06The door opened.
16:07Shut hard.
16:07The corridor light disappeared.
16:09The room fell dead silent again.
16:11I lay on the ruined sheet.
16:12Drawing back.
16:13The wetness on my skin was going cold.
16:15He had thrown me away.
16:16Like a thing he had used.
16:18Pressed against on the bed.
16:19Rubbed against until he was satisfied.
16:21Then discarded.
16:22The humiliation rose.
16:24I clenched my teeth.
16:25My nails dug into my palms.
16:27Tears mixed with sweat fell on the pillow.
16:29The days that followed, he was worse.
16:31Whenever no one was watching, he closed the distance.
16:34At the bend of the afternoon corridor.
16:35In the airless glass house.
16:37In the dust-laden attic.
16:41He'd step across the space.
16:43Catch my wrist.
16:44Press me against the rough wall.
16:46His body would come down.
16:47His knee would choke between my legs.
16:49Through the heavy gown.
16:50That hardness pressed against me.
16:52He'd breathe at my face.
16:53His thighs would start their work.
16:55Once.
16:55Again.
16:56A frequency that didn't stop.
16:58I bit down on my lower lip.
16:59My nails clawed into the wall.
17:01Sweat fell from my forehead.
17:02One of his hands gripped my waist.
17:04The other pushed up under my skirt.
17:06His fingers through the silk stockings worked the burning heat between my thighs.
17:09Open your legs.
17:10Let me end.
17:11Very well.
17:12A command.
17:13I was shaking.
17:14The wetness had soaked through the fabric.
17:16I wanted his weight inside me.
17:18To fill the hollow weight.
17:19But I clenched my teeth.
17:20Grabbed my skirt.
17:21Forced my knees tight.
17:22Held the last line.
17:24I would not yield.
17:25He stared at me with that ugly look.
17:27Then a small, cold laugh.
17:29He pulled his hand back.
17:30The pressure was gone.
17:31He smoothed his crevote.
17:33Adjusted his cuff.
17:34Without expression.
17:35Turned.
17:36Walked away.
17:37His shoes on the wooden floor.
17:38The sound retreating.
17:40I leaned against the cold wall.
17:42My skirt in disorder.
17:43My legs would not stop shaking.
17:45The ache he had left suspended in me, half built and unfinished, was driving me mad.
17:52This forbidden disorder held until my brother arrived.
17:55I should never have agreed to let him come.
17:58It destroyed him.
17:59It destroyed me.
18:01The heavy oak doors swung in.
18:03Thomas walked in with his case.
18:05Nineteen years old.
18:06In a thin shirt.
18:08Clean.
18:09Unguarded.
18:09I stood in the great hall.
18:11Julian stood at my side.
18:13Thomas came forward.
18:15Greeted me, sister.
18:16Then turned to Julian.
18:18Held out a stiff, polite hand.
18:20Julian did not take it at once.
18:22His gaze moved slowly over Thomas' face.
18:25Across the tense line of his jaw.
18:27Down to the throat that moved as Thomas swallowed nervously.
18:30In the great hall, there was only the sound of the clock.
18:33I stood half a step away.
18:35I heard Julian's breathing deepen.
18:37His throat moved.
18:39The dangerous excitement in his eyes flared all at once.
18:42The look of a starving hunter sighting prey.
18:44More avid, more greedy than when he'd pin me to a wall at midnight.
18:48He extended his hand.
18:50His broad, rough palm closed around Thomas' hand and squeezed tight.
18:54Welcome to the estate, Thomas.
18:55Very low.
18:57Very low.
18:57Damp.
18:58Aggressive.
18:59Watching his gaze warm because of Thomas, every drop of blood in my body went cold.
19:04Ice ran up my spine to the base of my skull.
19:07Cold sweat broke down my back.
19:10Julian had stopped seeing me entirely.
19:12For days, his eyes never settled on me.
19:15Not for a second.
19:16He had gone to Thomas.
19:17That afternoon, the photography darkroom of the estate.
19:19The heavy door was ajar.
19:21A line of dim red light.
19:22I stopped outside.
19:23Through the narrow gap Thomas at the basin.
19:25Julian behind him.
19:26The small distance between them gone entirely.
19:29Julian's tall body pressed down.
19:31His broad chest against Thomas' thin back.
19:33He reached around from behind.
19:34Folded both arms around Thomas.
19:36Those large hands.
19:37The ones that had gripped my waist at midnight.
19:39Now covered the backs of Thomas' hands.
19:41Guided them down into the developing fluid.
19:43The surface trembled.
19:45Julian bent his head.
19:46His mouth brushed Thomas' ear.
19:47He spoke low, slow, damp.
19:49The same tone I had heard every midnight in the telephone.
19:52Thomas did not know how to develop a photograph.
19:54He stood frozen.
19:55His thin shoulders shook against Julian's burning chest.
19:58Their breath tangled in the red light.
20:00The heat that had been mine.
20:01The violence that had been mine.
20:03All of it transferred.
20:03I stood in the cold corridor.
20:05My fist clenched.
20:07My nails sank into my palm.
20:08Sharp pain.
20:09A bead of blood seeped through my fingers.
20:11Wet and sticky in my hand.
20:13I stared at the two figures pressed together in the gap of the door.
20:16Whatever sense I had left burned to ash.
20:18I had to do something.
20:21Deep night.
20:22The corridor was dead silent.
20:24I stopped at the end of the corridor.
20:26Near Thomas' guest room.
20:28The heavy door wasn't fully shut.
20:30A narrow line of yellow light spilled across my shoes.
20:33I heard them.
20:35Thomas' breathing fast.
20:37Defenseless.
20:38The breathing of someone already lost.
20:40Already past resisting.
20:42Then Julian's voice.
20:44Very low.
20:45Very slow.
20:46With that damp tone I had heard so many nights in the corridor telephone.
20:49He was drawing Thomas across the last line.
20:52I stared through the gap.
20:54Julian's dark coat lay on the carpet.
20:56His tall body had Thomas pressed against the edge of the bed.
20:59Thomas' trousers were already loosened.
21:01The same large hands that had gripped me, used me, were now between Thomas' open lines.
21:07The muscles in Julian's arm passed.
21:09A strong, controlling rhythm.
21:11Fast.
21:12Heavy.
21:12Up and down.
21:13The wet, sticky sound was loud in the dead room.
21:16Thomas made a single broken sound.
21:18My violence.
21:20My hardness.
21:21He was about to give all of it to someone else.
21:24The bright snap of a metal belt buckle from inside the room.
21:27Clatter.
21:28The sound struck my ear.
21:30I stood outside the door.
21:31Stared at the suit jacket on the carpet.
21:34I raised my hand.
21:35Closed it around the cold brass handle.
21:37Without hesitation.
21:38Pushed the door open.
21:41A loud crack.
21:42The brass handle slammed into the wall.
21:44Thomas flinched.
21:45His face flushed scarlet.
21:47He stared at me with horror and shock.
21:49Shirt open.
21:50In disarray.
21:50I didn't look at him.
21:52I looked at Julian.
21:53On the edge of the bed.
21:54His hand was still between Thomas' legs.
21:56Motion stopped.
21:57That wet, grating friction gone.
21:59He slowly raised his head.
22:00The dangerous excitement in his eyes.
22:02A cold smile pulling at his mouth.
22:04I walked to the bed in my heels.
22:06Step by step.
22:07Sis.
22:07Thomas' voice trembled.
22:09Thomas' voice trembled.
22:09He fumbled at his fallen trousers.
22:11I ignored him entirely.
22:12I stared straight at Julian.
22:14Both hands catching the sash of my robe.
22:16I pulled hard.
22:17The robe fell open white skin.
22:19Nothing beneath but lace.
22:20I lifted my leg.
22:21In front of my own brother, I climbed astride Julian's thigh.
22:24Through the rough trousers of his suit, I pressed down on the hardness already weighted.
22:28My hands pressed his broad shoulders.
22:30My thighs were shaking violently.
22:31I caught his hand, the one that had just been working Thomas, and pressed it flat against
22:35my chest.
22:37Let him go.
22:38The last thing you want.
22:41I will give it to you.
22:43Now, take me.
22:47This instant.
22:50Julian didn't refuse.
22:52He smiled with genuine interest.
22:55He tore the last barrier away.
22:57The rough fabric of his trousers scraped my thighs.
23:00He locked his hands around my waist.
23:02Drove up into me.
23:04His hardness broke into me at once.
23:06Without mercy, I sat astride his thigh.
23:09In front of Thomas.
23:10I pressed my hands on his shoulders.
23:12I began to drive myself down.
23:14Once.
23:15Again.
23:16The heavy bed frame rocked.
23:18The legs slammed against the floorboards.
23:20A great, terrible pounding.
23:22I threw my head back.
23:24I could not hold the sound.
23:25Wide, open breaths echoed in the room.
23:28Sweat slid down my throat.
23:30Across the torn lace.
23:31Thomas was huddled at the side of the bed.
23:34Frozen.
23:35His eyes were red.
23:36Locked in horror on the place where Julian and I were joined.
23:39Julian leaned back against the headboard.
23:41A wild fire in his eyes.
23:43One hand gripped my waist.
23:45Controlled how deep I went.
23:46The pace.
23:47His other hand reached for Thomas.
23:50That broad palm caught my brother's chin.
23:52The thumb moved.
23:53Slow.
23:54Back and forth across Thomas' trembling lips.
23:57Are you watching closely, Thomas?
23:59Look at your dignified, virtuous sister.
24:01Look at how she rides a man.
24:03See how want is she is.
24:06I shook all over.
24:08I clenched my teeth.
24:09I didn't stop.
24:10I stared at Julian.
24:12My movement turned wilder.
24:14Heaven.
24:14Frequent friction.
24:16The impact was deafening.
24:17A final savage thrust.
24:19He locked my waist.
24:20His body went rigid.
24:21A muffled, broken sound.
24:24Scalding wetness filled me.
24:25I collapsed against his chest.
24:27Drawing huge breaths.
24:29My thighs trembled against his trousers.
24:31He released my waist.
24:33That hand slipped down.
24:34Brushed across the edge of where we were still joined.
24:37His rough fingertip came away coated.
24:39A long, glistening thread of wetness.
24:42He reached for Thomas again.
24:44The fingertip pressed against Thomas' lips.
24:46He smeared the wetness across them.
24:49Without restraint.
24:49Do you want it?
24:51Your sister's taste.
24:54And mine.
24:56In a few days, I'll give it to you.
24:59I lay against his sweat-soaked chest.
25:01The words struck my ear with terrible clarity.
25:04My hand closed slowly to a fist.
25:06My ten fingers clenched the sheet beneath us.
25:10After that night, everything changed.
25:13The music of an evening reception drifted through the great hall.
25:16I stood behind a pillar.
25:18I watched Thomas' eyes follow Julian.
25:20I walked over.
25:22I caught Julian's wrist.
25:23I pulled him straight into the storeroom at the end of the corridor.
25:55I locked the door behind us.
25:57I pounded against its frame.
25:58I dug my hands into the wood.
26:00Pushed my back against him.
26:02Met every brutal stroke.
26:04His scalding sweat fell on my back.
26:07Your brother is still looking for me in the hole.
26:10He doesn't deserve it.
26:12Give it to me.
26:14His fingers on my waist tightened.
26:16Nearly dug into the flesh.
26:18He turned savage.
26:19A heavy, ceaseless rhythm.
26:21I threw my head back.
26:22My throat strained.
26:24In the dark of the storeroom, only the slap of flesh and the ragged breath.
26:30Crack.
26:31The storeroom door was kicked open.
26:32Thomas in the doorway.
26:33His eyes red-rimmed.
26:34His chest heaving.
26:36He stared at the two of us.
26:37Disbelief written all over his face.
26:39I'm going to London.
26:41I'm going to write to the Earl.
26:44I'm writing everything down.
26:45Everything you've done.
26:47Come.
26:48Hold him.
26:49I calmly straightened my skirt.
26:51Steadied my breath with Julian.
26:52Watched him come apart.
26:53The guards moved forward.
26:54Caught Thomas by the arm.
26:56Thomas struggled.
26:57A guard kicked behind his knees.
26:58Thomas dropped onto the carpet.
27:00The guards twisted his arms behind his back.
27:02A knee on his spine.
27:03His face pressed to the floor.
27:05He opened his mouth to scream.
27:07Julian came up behind me.
27:08His tall body pressed against mine.
27:10The hardness still there.
27:11Through the silk of my gown.
27:12One of his arms came around.
27:14Caught my waist.
27:15I looked at my own brother.
27:16Pinned.
27:17Helpless.
27:17On the carpet.
27:18Julian's fingers tightened.
27:20The hardness behind me slid against me.
27:22Up.
27:22Down.
27:22My breath broke.
27:24My thighs clamped together inside my skirt.
27:26I leaned back into Julian's chest.
27:28Looked at Thomas on the carpet.
27:31You aren't going anywhere.
27:35Thomas' pounding on the door was sealed away at the end of the corridor.
27:38The estate fell entirely silent.
27:41The next day.
27:42Afternoon.
27:43The library on the second floor.
27:45The old Earl's leather sofa.
27:47Julian had me down on it.
27:49He hadn't removed his jacket.
27:51The rough fabric scraped my thighs.
27:53He tore at the silk of my gown.
27:56The clatter of a belt buckle on the carpet.
27:58He gripped my waist.
28:00Drove down savagely.
28:02The leather sofa beat against the oak panel.
28:04Heavy documents and the inkwell shook loose from the desk.
28:08Scattered.
28:09I threw my head back.
28:10Sweat fell on the leather.
28:14Evening.
28:15The bath chamber.
28:16Steam everywhere.
28:18He walked in.
28:19Pinned me against the wet glass.
28:21Nothing between us.
28:23Skin to skin.
28:24His hardness pushed straight inside.
28:26One hand at my throat.
28:28The other pulled my leg up high.
28:30A savage rhythm.
28:32The glass door shook.
28:33A great noise.
28:35I locked my arms around his broad back.
28:37My nails left deep streaks of blood.
28:40My wide breaths and the impact drowned the sound of water.
28:43From day into night.
28:45From leather sofa to cold tile.
28:48My legs shook every day.
28:50My thighs and knees were covered in deep bruises.
28:52But the moment he stepped close.
28:54The moment that burning hardness came against me.
28:57A fresh helpless wetness spilled out.
29:02The days of indulgence did not last.
29:06That night, a storm.
29:07I stood at the top of the stairs.
29:09My robe was loose.
29:10On the inside of my thigh, the sticky thread left only minutes before.
29:14Crash.
29:15A great, heavy sound.
29:17The oak doors of the great hall were thrown open.
29:19Wind and rain poured in.
29:21The Earl of Ashworth stood in the center of the hall.
29:24Long black coat.
29:25Rain water ran from his hem and pooled dark on the floor.
29:28He had returned from London.
29:30Early.
29:31The cane in his hand struck the floor.
29:33Tap.
29:34The sound was perfectly clear in the dead estate.
29:37He raised his head.
29:38Cold eyes pinned to my face.
29:40I stepped back half a pace.
29:42My knee struck the wooden banister.
29:44The bruise beneath my stocking pressed against the hard wood.
29:47A fine, dense, cold sweat broke at once across my forehead.
29:50I clutched at the crumpled silk of my skirt.
29:53The burning wetness beneath had been struck cold the moment the wind came through the door.
29:57I stood there, my chest rising and falling, drawing wide, open breaths.
30:02The Earl stared at me beneath his utterly cold gaze.
30:05My thighs clenched themselves together under the gown.
30:08They would not stop trembling.
30:11He drew off the black leather gloves.
30:14Slowly, slap.
30:15The soaked gloves struck the long table.
30:17He stepped forward.
30:18His mud-soaked boot struck the floor.
30:20He raised his head.
30:22That utterly cold gaze passed over my loose robe.
30:25Down the silk skirt I had crushed into deep folds.
30:28Came to rest on my face.
30:30I let go of the hard wooden banister.
30:33Walked down the stairs.
30:34One step at a time.
30:36The sticky thread on the inside of my thigh moved with every step.
30:40Brushed against my skin.
30:42I stopped in front of him.
30:43Raised both hands.
30:45Began to undo the buttons of his black coat.
30:48My fingers shook.
30:49They touched the rough, cold, wet fabric.
30:51They would not bend properly.
30:53Click.
30:53The first button came open.
30:55Slowly.
30:56The Earl did not move.
30:57He stared down at me.
30:59Above us on the stairs.
31:01Leather shoes against wood.
31:02Julian.
31:03Standing in the shadow on the second floor.
31:08He'd thrown his white shirt back on.
31:10Sloppy.
31:11The collar open.
31:12Across his collarbone a fresh red welt.
31:15Both hands in his pockets.
31:17Looking down at the hall.
31:19The corner of his mouth pulling up.
31:21A small, almost smile that meant nothing.
31:24The Earl suddenly raised a hand.
31:26That broad, cold palm closed around my wrist as I worked the buttons.
31:31His thumb pressed down hard.
31:33Onto a dark red bruise on the inside of my wrist.
31:36The print of fingers.
31:37Left ten minutes earlier.
31:39When Julian had pinned me against the leather sofa.
31:42I sucked in a sharp breath.
31:44My teeth broke the skin of my lower lip.
31:46The taste of iron flooded my mouth.
31:50The Earl let go of my wrist.
31:52The dark red bruise had been pressed into deep purple.
31:55He turned, took up his cane, walked toward the end of the corridor.
31:58The leather boots struck the wooden floor with a heavy beat.
32:00I rushed forward.
32:02My back struck the heavy oak door.
32:03Pressed against it, blocking him.
32:05The brass handle on the guest room door was wrapped in a thick chain.
32:08Long nails driven into the window frame.
32:10Why has Thomas not come out?
32:12Ill.
32:13Gravely.
32:13Cannot bear the draft.
32:14The Earl said nothing.
32:16The corridor was utterly silent.
32:17His gaze passed across my loose road.
32:19Slowly across the rough chain.
32:21Came to rest on my eyes.
32:23Five seconds.
32:23He did not reach for the door.
32:25He did not touch the chain.
32:26He only stared down at me.
32:28I leaned against the wood.
32:29Drew short, open breaths.
32:30My legs shook violently beneath the silk.
32:32My knees knocked together.
32:33I couldn't stop them.
32:34The absolute pressure of him crushed me.
32:36But under that dangerous stare, the still damp thread on the inside of my thigh began to burn again.
32:41From deep beneath my skirt, fresh wetness spilled against my will, aching to be filled.
32:48The night was crueler.
32:50The wide marriage bed.
32:51The Earl lay beside me.
32:53In the dark, only his heavy, even breathing.
32:56I lay flat on my back.
32:57My hands clenched the silk corner of the coverlet.
33:00My nails almost cut through.
33:02The bed was clean.
33:04Solemn.
33:04But my mind was nothing but Julian.
33:07The pin against the wall.
33:09The leather sofa.
33:10The savage, broken breathing.
33:12The brutal impact.
33:14The absolute control.
33:16And the absolute silence they set my body on fire.
33:19I dared not turn.
33:21Dared not make a sound.
33:23I clamped my thighs together.
33:25The wetness between my legs spilled out in great heavy pulses.
33:28Cold sweat soaked my silk nightdress.
33:31In the Earl of Ashworth's bed, I shook to the point of madness.
33:35Fantasizing wildly about his son breaking down the door.
33:38Climbing onto this bed and filling me.
33:42Luncheon.
33:43The long table.
33:45The air was as dead as a stagnant pond.
33:47The servant stood at the wainscoting like wooden posts.
33:50The Earl sat at the head.
33:52The silver knife in his hand.
33:54Cutting slowly at his meat.
33:56I sat at his right.
33:58Julian sat directly across from me.
34:00The Earl bent his head and chewed.
34:02I sat upright in the high-backed chair.
34:04But beneath the heavy linen under the great shadow of the table,
34:07I slipped my right heel off.
34:09A small, dull sound.
34:11Drowned by the clink of silver against porcelain.
34:14I extended my foot, in its thin silk stocking, across the table, pressed it against Julian's
34:20calf.
34:21Through the rough fabric of his trousers, I dragged the top of my foot up the line of his
34:26shinbone.
34:27Slowly, with weight.
34:29Once, again, the crudest provocation.
34:33Julian's knife stopped.
34:34He slowly raised his head.
34:36Those wild eyes crossed the silver candelabra and pinned me.
34:40The Earl was half a meter away at the head, lifting his crystal goblet, drinking red wine.
34:46Julian stared.
34:47Beneath the table, his shin lunged forward, drove between my feet.
34:51The rough fabric forced its way up, pressed savagely against the thin silk.
34:55I sucked in a sharp breath.
34:57My silver fork scraped against the porcelain.
35:00A piercing chime.
35:02The Earl paused.
35:03His cold gaze cut to me.
35:05I bit my lip.
35:07Held my back straight.
35:08Met his eyes.
35:09My head full of how I would draw Julian into a dark corner tonight.
35:13Beneath the table, where no one could see, my knees closed tight around his leg.
35:19Wetness surged.
35:20Slid down the inside of my thigh.
35:24Next month, you report to the Royal Foot Guards.
35:27I've arranged everything for the family.
35:30The Earl's silver knife cut through a bloody piece of beef.
35:34Red juice seeped onto the snow-white porcelain.
35:37A perfectly flat sentence.
35:39In the dead dining room, it struck like thunder.
35:42My knees clamped on Julian's calf beneath the table went rigid.
35:46Clatter.
35:47The crystal goblet slipped out of my hand.
35:49Hit the floor.
35:50Glass shattered.
35:52Deep red wine sprayed everywhere.
35:54Bright red.
35:55The Earl stopped chewing.
35:57His gaze crossed the long table.
35:59Settled on my face.
36:00Three servants rushed in.
36:02Dropped to their knees to clean.
36:04I sat upright in the high back chair.
36:06Drawing short, open breaths.
36:08The wetness between my thighs burning hot a moment ago went cold.
36:12Julian did not look at the broken glass on the floor.
36:14He slowly drew his leg out from between mine.
36:17Set down his knife and fork.
36:20Leaned back into the high back chair.
36:22Drew a long breath.
36:23Let it out slowly.
36:25The aggression that had wrapped around him day and night.
36:27The ready to bite menace.
36:29All of it lifted clean off him in that moment.
36:31His eyes crossed the silver candelabra.
36:34Looked at my chalk white face.
36:35He tilted his head a fraction.
36:37The corner of his mouth pulled up slowly into a faint smile.
36:41No anger.
36:42No fight.
36:43Just a kind of relief.
36:45The kind that comes when something inevitable has at last arrived.
36:49One word from this old man who held absolute power and the bodily abandonment I had thrown
36:54my dignity away for was ground to powder.
36:59Luncheon ended.
37:00The Earl dropped his napkin.
37:02Took up his cane.
37:03Walked toward the library.
37:05The leather of his boots struck the floor with a sounding rhythm.
37:08The sound disappeared at the end of the corridor.
37:11I stood up.
37:12The silk of my long gown clung against my shaking legs.
37:16I was not afraid.
37:17Julian had accepted his sentence.
37:19I had not.
37:20A twisted hatred born of absolute submission churned in me.
37:25That old man had taken my youth.
37:27Now he meant to cut away easily the one outlet I had.
37:30I stared at Julian.
37:32Bit through my lower lip.
37:33The taste of iron flooded my mouth.
37:36I turned.
37:37Looked down the deepest part of the second floor corridor.
37:40There.
37:41The Earl's master bedroom.
37:43The cleanest, most exalted forbidden room of the estate.
37:46If he meant to end it,
37:48tonight I would push open that door myself.
37:50On that bed, the symbol of his absolute dignity,
37:53I would open my legs without restraint.
37:55I would have his son, who had just surrendered,
37:58drive into me in the lowest, most savage way.
38:00I would leave that old man's dignity and his sheets a complete ruin.
38:07I stood barefoot in front of the master bedroom door.
38:10My hand on the cold brass handle.
38:13Footsteps on the stairs.
38:15Julian came up.
38:16He'd taken off his coat, held it in his hand.
38:19His cravat undone, loose around his neck.
38:22He had accepted the old man's arrangement.
38:25He was on his way to his rooms on the third floor.
38:27I blocked him in the middle of the corridor.
38:30He stopped.
38:31Looked at me.
38:32The corner of his mouth pulled up a tired, temperatureless smile.
38:37Get to bed, mother.
38:38It's over.
38:40It's over.
38:43Pitched low.
38:44Carrying a final, resigned acceptance.
38:46He moved to step past me.
38:48I caught his wrist.
38:50My ten fingers clenched.
38:52Nails dug into the flesh of his forearm.
38:54He stopped.
38:55Turned his head.
38:57I said nothing.
39:00I only stared at him.
39:02My other hand found the collar of my silk gown.
39:05Snap.
39:06The first button came open.
39:07The second.
39:09The third.
39:10I caught the fabric in both hands.
39:12Pulled it apart.
39:13The heavy gown slid down my thighs.
39:16Fell on the wooden floor.
39:17Cold air struck me.
39:19The corridor was dead silent.
39:21Julian's eyes locked.
39:23I gripped his wrist.
39:24Pulled it forward.
39:26Pressed his warm palm directly against my bare chest.
39:29I stepped back.
39:30My back pushed open the oak door of the master bedroom.
39:36The hinge turned silent.
39:38The room in that wide bed of the Earl of Ashworth, made up with snow white silk, was exposed in
39:42the dark.
39:43The most untouchable forbidden room of the estate.
39:45I looked into his eyes.
39:47My breath fell on his jaw.
39:48One last time.
39:49On his bed.
39:51Now.
39:51Julian looked at me.
39:52His gaze went over my shoulder.
39:54To the bed.
39:55The resignation in his eyes under absolute madness cracked apart by inches.
39:59His throat moved.
40:00Hard.
40:01His breathing turned heavy at once.
40:03Slop.
40:03He dropped his coat to the corridor floor.
40:06He caught the back of my neck with one hand.
40:08His tall body drove forward.
40:09He stepped into the master bedroom.
40:11Click.
40:12The heavy oak door he shut it behind us.
40:14Bolted it.
40:16Julian slammed me down onto the snow white silk.
40:19No wasted motion.
40:20He undid the belt.
40:21Brutally drove straight inside.
40:22I threw my head back.
40:23The back of my skull struck the Earl's pillow.
40:25One wall away the library.
40:27The muffled creak of a leather chair.
40:29The scratch of a pen across paper.
40:30The old Earl was in the next room.
40:32The snow white sheet was destroyed in seconds.
40:34Julian gripped my waist.
40:35A heavy, ceaseless rhythm.
40:37The heavy oak frame began to rock.
40:38The legs slammed against the floor.
40:40A pounding so loud it shook the walls.
40:43Sweat fell from his chin onto the silk.
40:44My hands locked around his broad back.
40:46My nails dug deep into the flesh.
40:48Cut long streaks of blood.
40:49The blood and the sweat ran together.
40:51He drove down.
40:52The cruelest thrust.
40:53I threw my head back.
40:54My throat strained.
40:55I could no longer hold my lip.
40:56A sharp, broken cry tore out of my throat.
40:59In the empty estate, the sound was deafening.
41:01In the same second, he locked his arms around me.
41:04His body went rigid.
41:05A muffled, broken sound.
41:07Scalding wetness poured into me.
41:08The air went dead.
41:09The scratch of the pen in the library stopped.
41:11The leather chair was silent.
41:13In the corridor, heavy leather boots.
41:15One step, another, stopped outside the master bedroom door.
41:18Cracks.
41:18A terrible splintering noise.
41:20The heavy oak door was hacked to the roof from outside by a long sword.
41:23The metal bolt broke loose, clattered to the floor.
41:26Splinters flew.
41:27Lightning split the window.
41:28The bone white flash lit up the room.
41:29The Earl of Ashworth stood in the door.
41:31Dressed in black.
41:32A cold, gleaming crusader's sword in his hand.
41:35Rainwater still ran from the hood.
41:36No expression.
41:37Cold.
41:38Dead.
41:38His gates passed over the splintered door.
41:40Pinned itself on the ruined front.
41:42On the two bodies still joined.
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