- 12 hours ago
Rivals Season 1 Episode 5
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🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:03Fancy a bite, Rupert?
00:05Oh, that's wrong.
00:08Mr. Campbell Black,
00:10may I interest you in something?
00:13Yes, you can.
00:17I was coming to find you.
00:19It was me thinking you were going to grandmother's house.
00:22My grandmother lives in Ireland.
00:25Um, I had some leftovers from a job I did.
00:28It's a spare jam roly-poly.
00:29Can I interest you in a bite?
00:31A bit of it.
00:34I'll have one.
00:35Hi, Baz. I made it with rhubarb.
00:38Yeah.
00:43Oh, my God.
00:45You're such excellent. You not having any?
00:48No, I'm fine.
00:49Shall we head back?
00:52Okay, then.
00:54Bye, darling.
00:55Bye. Delicious.
00:58Well, someone's got a huge schoolgirl crush.
01:00Don't be ridiculous.
01:02She's just being thoughtful.
01:03I was talking about you.
01:06Roly-poly.
01:07You lucky bugger.
01:08Not lucky at all.
01:10I promised Declan I wouldn't go anywhere near her.
01:13Well, I'm glad to see you kept your promise.
01:25I'm a true feat.
01:27What?
01:28I'm glad to see you next week.
01:29Love her.
01:30You've been a really good boy.
01:31You've been a really good boy.
01:32Have you been a really good boy?
01:32Have you been a good boy?
01:35Yeah.
01:36Yeah.
01:37Yet, she's been a very good boy.
01:38Yeah, that's such a sweet boy.
01:41Yeah, that's such a sweet boy.
02:11And now our TV Pick of the Week.
02:14Declan O'Hara has been dominating the front pages,
02:17pictured visiting 10 Downing Street with Minister for Sport Rupert Campbell Black.
02:22This week, Mrs Thatcher returns the invitation,
02:24putting herself in the hot seat for a good O'Hara grilling.
02:28As Declan's star rises even higher at Carinium than it did at the BBC,
02:33we're asking ourselves, is this the most powerful man in television?
02:54Mr O'Hara, Enid Spink, big fan.
03:00I'll be watching Thursday.
03:02Give that milk snatcher a run for her money.
03:04I won't let her off easily.
03:06You have my word.
03:07Dame Enid, can I take you through to Studio 2?
03:10They can't keep Mr Verica waiting.
03:16Now, James, we have a real treat today, don't we?
03:19Yes, Sarah, one of England's leading contemporary composers,
03:22and she is a Rutger resident.
03:25So, let's have a warm Cotswolds Roundup welcome
03:28for our special guest, Dame Edna Spink.
03:48Well, now, that was quite an entrance, Dame Edna.
03:50May I call you Edna?
03:52As long as you're not going to ask me to put on a lilac wig
03:54and stuff my brow with Luro.
03:58Apologies, Dame Enid.
04:00You really are a dumb blonde, aren't you, dear?
04:04Well, thank you very much.
04:10So, judge's desk here.
04:12Smashing view of the girls in their swimwear.
04:14Beauty contest.
04:15You are not the only show I'm producing.
04:18Miss Carinium is exactly what the IBA wants to see us join.
04:21Good, regional, wholesome fun.
04:24It was Daisy's brainchild.
04:25Daisy has a brain.
04:27Who knew?
04:30I'm Declan.
04:31Yeah?
04:32Did you get me an autograph?
04:35Mrs Thatcher?
04:37I'm so sorry, Daisy.
04:39I completely forgot.
04:40I'll get her when she comes in, okay?
04:41Okay, so, how was the meeting?
04:42You and Rupert looked pretty cosy in those photos.
04:45Was Thatcher friendly?
04:46Oh, define friendly.
04:47Two boxers circling each other before the big fight.
05:03Thatcher, she's in my Wembley stadium.
05:07Do you think I should save Northern Ireland for part two after the Sunday shopping bill?
05:12Oh, this matters a lot to you.
05:14I have wanted to interview her ever since she handbagged away into number 10, but the BBC would never let
05:21me at her.
05:22Show everyone who she really is.
05:23Whatever she's doing, people want more of it.
05:26She is selling the state off to the highest bidder.
05:29No, she has turned this country into a land of haves and have-nots, Cameron.
05:33And you're one of the haves?
05:35Yeah, well, I mean, I wasn't always.
05:38Declan, sorry to just say, Lord B wants you in his office right now.
05:42Pardon me, Joyce.
05:43A friend at Westminster slipped me something.
05:46You're not going to believe it.
05:47It's a draft of a white paper.
05:51This is embargo, right?
05:53Declan.
05:53Yeah, sorry, Joyce.
05:55Tell Tony I'll catch up with him later.
05:57All right.
06:01A local authority shall not promote the teaching in any maintained school of the acceptability of homosexuality as a pretended
06:10family relationship.
06:11I mean, it's inhumane.
06:13This is going to make gay people's lives harder than they already are.
06:16Having a tea party?
06:18Inside track and a new government policy.
06:20Fascinating reading.
06:22What do you need?
06:23The PM's office has faxed a list of questions they want you to ask.
06:33How do you manage to balance motherhood and your demanding job?
06:38Do you miss Wilberforce the cat now that he's retired?
06:42Is this a joke?
06:43Well, if you don't agree, she won't do the interview.
06:45Just tell them we agree and then when I get her on the show, I can ask me own questions.
06:49You don't care that screwing the government might risk the franchise?
06:51I care that conceding to this shite risks my reputation.
06:57Our reputation.
06:58Tony, he's right.
06:59Once we're live, she can hardly walk off set, can she?
07:02You promised me editorial freedom, Tony.
07:06I'll ask what I want.
07:07This is my interview.
07:08This is my company.
07:09And I don't ask questions about fucking cats.
07:28Get James Verical up here now.
07:39Tony, it said Edna on the cue cards.
07:42If anyone's head needs to roll here, it's Deidre's.
07:44Sit down.
08:03Nothing's gonna stop us.
08:06Nothing's gonna stop us.
08:15No hard feelings.
08:20The hard that I want to do is hold you forever and ever and ever and ever.
08:34The Prime Minister.
08:35Declan is yesterday's news.
08:37I feel honoured sharing that sofa with you.
08:39Well, after my Thatcher interview, there is a very good chance you'll be on that sofa alone.
08:43I won't be able to film a tea time show when I've got the prime time slot.
08:49Would you think I'm good enough to fly solo?
08:52Paul never even watches our show.
08:54Does, um, does Lizzie?
08:56Oh, Lizzie, no, she's always too busy writing.
08:59I don't know why she bothers.
09:00Just get rejected like the last one.
09:03Well, if I were your wife, I wouldn't be able to take my eyes off you for a second.
09:10Oh.
09:17What the fuck are you playing at?
09:20No one wants to see Verica interview the Prime Minister?
09:23Oh, better than watching you interview an empty chair not to get your friend Rupert back when I'm a love
09:27him.
09:28Oh, okay.
09:30This is because I didn't eviscerate Rupert for you like you wanted.
09:33No, it's because you won't do what you're bloody well told.
09:37I bring 20 million viewers to your station each week.
09:42If you don't like the way I work, then I quit.
09:45You might own Carinium, Tony.
09:48But you don't own me.
09:52Hmm.
09:52As it happens, I sort of do.
09:56Firstly, there's that tax bit I collect for you.
09:59Secondly, well, I was warned you were hard to control.
10:03Luckily, I got a little insurance policy.
10:14Patrick's godfather, I gather, got rather close to Maud last year, didn't he?
10:19Your wife certainly likes a man with a moustache.
10:25You have no idea.
10:28Maud and I don't have secrets.
10:31All right.
10:33But I wonder how happy young Taggy's gonna be when she sees her mother's naked arse across the centerfold of
10:38the scorpion.
10:48Be sure to cancel any plans you have for Friday night.
10:51Your 20 million viewers will be watching you judge a cutie contest.
11:22You're home early.
11:24I've taken the week off.
11:26I can finally fix the roof.
11:29And mowed the lawn.
11:31Whoa, so what about Mrs. Thatcher?
11:33Tony's given up to Verica.
11:34Why?
11:35What did you do?
11:36I didn't do anything.
11:37Well, I'm surprised you didn't resign on the spot, then.
11:39I would have.
11:40But as it turns out, I couldn't.
11:47What does that mean?
12:01Prime Minister.
12:03Yes, Mr. Verica?
12:04How is it you manage to be the perfect woman?
12:08Balancing motherhood and our country with such effortless grace.
12:12Well, any woman who understands the problems of running a home
12:18will be nearer to understanding the difficulties of running a country.
12:25And next, the one about her relationship with Reagan.
12:27No, I'd go for something more personal.
12:29While you have her in a soft mood.
12:31You might be right.
12:33This is fun, isn't it?
12:35Like your days on the Bristol Post.
12:37And we used to practice together.
12:39Got another one. Ready?
12:40Yes.
12:40Okay.
12:44How do the men in your cabinet respond to your authority, Prime Minister?
12:48Well, Mr. Verica.
12:50Or can I call you James?
12:53The way I see it, being powerful,
12:57is like being a lady.
12:59If you have to tell people who you are,
13:05then you aren't.
13:07What do you do?
13:10Just try and have a bit of fun.
13:12Please don't.
13:12Okay.
13:13You're not 26 anymore.
13:15No.
13:16Um,
13:18right.
13:22The train now rising on to lap 4 and 2 is the 8.36 to the government of Farrington.
13:32Letty's nipples hardened with desire as Ferdy led her through the kitchen.
13:36And in the darkness of the scullery, he lifted her red caffeta skirt.
13:40His fingers sought out the ladder in her tights.
13:44I love a ladder, Ferdy whispered gruffly.
13:48Stairway to heaven and all that.
13:51Letty gasped urgently as he lingered on the soft, fleshy openings in the nylon.
13:58Step by step, he climbed his way up her inner thigh
14:01until he could feel the biblical heat of her burning bush.
14:08You're a genius.
14:10It's going to be a smash hit.
14:14Darling,
14:16we both know this isn't James.
14:20You simply have to be playing away.
14:22Oh, I've been far too busy writing, Carol.
14:25You know what they say,
14:26keep the drama on the page.
14:28Never heard such nonsense.
14:30Now tell me this man of yours, our hero,
14:34is simply too good not to be true.
14:47Freddie James, what are you doing here?
14:50Long, hard day at the coalface.
14:52I saw you running down the platform.
14:54Oh, lunch round on.
14:55I was plied with champagne and completely lost track of time.
14:59Gentleman buying you champagne, no less than you deserve.
15:02Today was good.
15:03I was actually celebrating with my agent.
15:05She loved the first three chapters of my book.
15:09Well, why don't we continue the celebration in first class?
15:12I only have a second-class ticket.
15:14If the conductor comes, I'll pay the difference.
15:18Come on.
15:30I can't imagine how clever you've got to be to write a book.
15:32I don't think I could have done any of it
15:34without your incredible equipment.
15:38I mean, your word process.
15:46Ah.
15:48No, no, Valerie will kill me.
15:50She's got me on the Scarsdale diet.
15:52I've only had two boiled eggs today.
15:54Well, then you must eat.
15:56Is it fruitcake?
15:57I made it.
15:58Kissy.
15:59Personally, I find diets have the opposite effect.
16:01It'll just make me fatter.
16:04Oh, wow.
16:06Kiss please, ladies and gents.
16:08Looks like we're not going to get away a bit after all.
16:10No, you don't.
16:11Complete waste of money.
16:12Come on.
16:13We're nearly out of a stop.
16:17Look at it.
16:21A bit of a tight squeeze.
16:22Maybe the show has been on the Scarsdale diet.
16:28Perhaps I should have just paid.
16:30Absolutely not.
16:32I'll miss all the fun.
16:36Next stop, Conchester.
16:38We will shortly arrive at Conchester Station.
16:40Please.
16:45Thank you for saving me £2.50.
16:48Thank you for saving me from falling asleep
16:50and waking up in Gloucester.
16:55My chapters.
16:57Oh, I love them.
16:59Oh, girl.
17:00God.
17:05We're all ready.
17:07Oh.
17:14Oh.
17:36Keep you busy, Charles.
17:37Good morning, Tony.
17:38Morning, girls.
17:47Excited to meet the Iron Lady?
17:52You should be.
17:53She's the only woman I've ever met as a tougher bitch than you.
17:56I hope you're not still sulking.
17:58The country wants to see that you're locking horns with Declan.
18:01Not that dipshit James Veriker.
18:03This is self-sabotage, Tony.
18:04Call Declan.
18:05He could be here in half an hour.
18:06Forget Declan.
18:07I've got something to cheer you up.
18:10Cuatro hombres agricolas has been nominated for an award.
18:16Four men went to mow.
18:17You're going to need to brush up on your Spanish
18:18if you're going to go to Malo your next month to collect it.
18:21An award?
18:22We're big in Spain, apparently.
18:25Let's say we go together.
18:28Stay in a hotel.
18:29Walk the red carpet.
18:31Just the two of us.
18:37Now I'm forgiven.
18:41Call Declan.
18:42No.
19:01All right, everyone.
19:02Two blue Tory smiles, please.
19:05Where's the photographer?
19:07Come on, come on.
19:08Up front.
19:09Right there.
19:10Grab the shot as soon as she steps out of the car, yes?
19:12Nice big one for the office wall.
19:18What's that?
19:18She's cute, right?
19:19Yes, she's you.
19:20She's late.
19:21That's all right.
19:27This is...
19:28Come on, you lot.
19:28We're making history here.
19:30Come on, imagine it's George Riker.
19:37Mrs. Thatcher, welcome to the room.
19:42And now for a very special episode of Declan
19:44featuring none other than our Prime Minister,
19:47Mrs. Thatcher.
19:50Ladies and gentlemen,
19:52please welcome to the stage
19:53tonight's guest presenter,
19:55James Merringar.
19:59Oh, stop it, you're too kind.
20:01I know what you're thinking.
20:02When did Declan become so handsome?
20:08What's the ingredients for a bolognese?
20:10Thought it might tempt Daddy out of his study.
20:12He's watching the interview.
20:17Mummy, you should have stopped him.
20:18Long time since I've had any influence.
20:21Don't cook for me.
20:23Not hungry.
20:47I can't bear it any longer.
20:50I can't bear it any longer.
20:59What's wrong with your father?
21:01They're saying he's ill.
21:04Where is he?
21:05Declan!
21:07Declan!
21:19People are saying you're ill.
21:21You don't look ill, just paralytic.
21:23Fuck off, Rupert.
21:25The PM knew you'd never show her caring side,
21:28so she dodged the fight.
21:29She knows what she's doing.
21:30And now, thanks to James Merringar,
21:33we all know what Dennis got for his birthday.
21:35And that she swapped recipes with Nancy Reagan.
21:38Tony should have let me have her, Rupert.
21:40God, give us that.
21:41No, no, no, no, no.
21:42Stop it.
21:43Stop it.
21:43Stop it.
21:45Come on.
21:46Come on, up you go, big boy.
21:48Up, up, up, up, up.
21:51Sorry, Tig.
22:00He'll have one hell of a hangover in the morning.
22:03He has one every morning now.
22:07Mommy's given up, so it's all me.
22:11I don't know how men work.
22:13It's people.
22:16I don't understand them.
22:17And I hope for them.
22:21Could you...
22:22Yeah.
22:23I'll be here first thing.
22:25We'll bring him round, don't worry.
22:30Your supper's gone cold.
22:33I can heat it up.
22:34There's more if you want to stay.
22:40See you in the morning.
22:51Fredy's hands roamed over Letty's back and hips,
22:55gripping her tightly as he drove her to the edge of pleasure.
22:58Finally, with a cry of release,
23:00they both came together,
23:02their bodies convulsing with the force of their shared orgasm.
23:05Fredy!
23:06Good morning.
23:07Well, today and every day,
23:08this week, we're going to be in the studio.
23:10Fred, Fred!
23:10And I'm going to be...
23:12Fred, Fred!
23:13Shit!
23:16What on earth is going on?
23:17The Green Goddess is waiting.
23:21Were you looking at pornography?
23:22I swear in my life, I was not.
23:24It's you.
23:25Look sexy in that.
23:26Honestly, Frederick.
23:28Time and a place.
23:29And now we've missed our chance to go for the burn.
23:39I swear in my life, I swear in my life, I swear in my life.
24:01Freddie!
24:03I wanted to bring this back.
24:05That was so kind of you.
24:09You look like Superman.
24:11Running after the train.
24:18I'm sorry, I, er...
24:22I wondered if you might agree to come to lunch with me.
24:25I mean, not now.
24:28Not in my dressing gown.
24:32I was thinking maybe the black horse in Bisley.
24:35You know, it's very, er...
24:37Discreet.
24:38Exactly.
24:42I can't tell you how many times in the last few weeks
24:45I've hoped you'd ask me a question like this.
24:49Now you're here.
24:54I realise that I can't.
24:56I'm so sorry, Freddie.
25:00I...
25:01I'm married.
25:05Thank you, though.
25:07For asking.
25:10And for the manuscript.
25:12I hope you don't mind.
25:15I read your chapters.
25:17Oh.
25:20They were brilliant.
25:23And sexy.
25:27Like you.
25:47Mummy, where are you?
25:50Mummy!
25:54I'm coming.
25:57I'm coming.
26:07There she is.
26:08Taggy!
26:09Oh, my God, Caitlin, have you been expelled?
26:11I've got an ex here.
26:13Mr. Mummy and Daddy forgetting about me.
26:15Not you, Tag.
26:16Call her hitchhiking from Cotches the Station.
26:18I'm so sorry.
26:19You're OK?
26:20Your father where I left him?
26:22Yeah.
26:23Taking him out?
26:26Declan, I'm going to lunch.
26:28Did I want your opinion on a horse?
26:31Is Mummy still in bed, too?
26:33No.
26:33She left before I got up.
26:36Janey!
26:39Janey!
26:43I think she's just here.
26:46Thank you for the change, yeah?
26:59It's not like you to be, Ernie.
27:02I've missed you.
27:07Oh, it's very tempting.
27:09But I actually have something else in mind.
27:22Henry Hampshire spotted him the other day.
27:25Alan doesn't realize how good his bloodline is.
27:27His grandson was in Marvel.
27:30Look how long the legs are.
27:32Is that what you look for?
27:34This age one, I'm still a bit gangly.
27:37Awkward.
27:37Bit of an ugly gelding, but you can see the swan he'll grow into.
27:40Yeah.
27:42Sometimes you can just tell by the eyes.
27:48Well, to be said for a pair of kind, honest eyes.
27:54What's his name?
27:56Mmm, Ventura.
27:57Hmm.
28:00Yeah.
28:00So, Alan.
28:01Oh, take him off your hands, see what I can do with him.
28:04Should we say two and a half?
28:05Sorry, Mr. Campbell Blatt.
28:07I've just had an offer I can't afford to refuse.
28:09What the fuck?
28:11Freddie!
28:12Sorry, Root.
28:12Didn't know it was you.
28:14Hampshire tipped me off.
28:15He was going on the low side.
28:16I don't like doing things on the cheap, so I've offered him five grand.
28:19What?
28:20I've always wanted erasals.
28:24Unless you fancy a syndicate.
28:32That Valerie was fuming.
28:35You know she thinks you're a very bad man.
28:37Oh.
28:38Is she a good judge of character?
28:40She's had practice.
28:41She's been judging my character since we were fifteen.
28:43Fifteen?
28:44Yeah, she's a good girl.
28:45She's stuck by me for a thick and thin.
28:47You know what?
28:48I've...
28:48I've never even had another girlfriend.
28:54It's pretty sweet.
28:55It's pretty sweet.
28:56Still, do you two lads make an odd couple?
29:00How did you become so friendly?
29:02Well, we met just after I moved down here, and then we got chatting after a few months, and it
29:06turns out...
29:07...we're allergic to the same thing.
29:11Bullshit.
29:12Paddingham!
29:13Let's not waste time on that bastard.
29:16Let's drink to the horse that brought us together today.
29:21Er...
29:21Ventura.
29:23Ventura!
29:24Oh, yeah.
29:41I got it from Littlewoods.
29:45I didn't know you were a contestant.
29:47Come on, everyone.
29:47Ready for the final rehearsal?
29:49First position is ready.
29:50Cameron.
29:51Cameron.
29:51Reverend Penny's car hasn't arrived and Rutshire cabs can't get to him for at least an hour.
29:56What?
29:57Penny is our most important judge.
29:58We need him here now.
29:59I could get him.
30:01If I had a car.
30:03Take mine.
30:05Hi.
30:06Hello.
30:06Hi, everyone.
30:07Hello.
30:08Hello, ladies.
30:10Looking forward to getting to know you all.
30:11Can I show you my special talent?
30:14Er...quite.
30:14I loved your interview with Mrs. Satcher.
30:17So, Karen.
30:18Thank you so much, Miss, um...
30:21Bisley.
30:26Introductions.
30:27Introduce the judges.
30:28Wesley.
30:29Emerson.
30:29Wesley.
30:30Emerson.
30:30A reverend.
30:31Penny.
30:32Penny, penny, penny.
30:33Penny for your thoughts.
30:34Spend a penny.
30:36Penny, penny, penny, penny.
30:37Good Lord, Sarah.
30:38Bloody hell.
30:38I'm so thrilled to be one of the final six contestants.
30:42Do you think there's a chance I might take home the crown tonight?
30:51Well, Miss Cotchester, that depends on your...special talent.
30:59Doesn't it?
31:02Oh, Miss.
31:04Oh, oh, oh!
31:05Naughty, Sarah!
31:06Oh, Miss!
31:07Oh, yes!
31:09Don't leave me this way.
31:13Don't understand.
31:15I'm at your command.
31:18Oh, baby, please.
31:20Oh, don't leave me this way.
31:23Oh, baby!
31:28what can i do i can't leave leave him he's not worth it if i didn't have a truly
31:36gargantuan mortgage i would tell him where to stick his beauty contest
31:42jesus what time is it just gone five what i'm supposed to be judging miss carinium
31:59that field just just up ahead there pull in there child i promised my producer i'd be as quick as
32:07possible just here just here there's a beautiful view you should see great let's go straight away
32:14again from the top please girls cue playback and five six seven eight
32:28here sir it's very lovely but we're already late i should go what did you say her name was dear
32:36daisy sir daisy
32:51andy hopkins thought that spring was rejoicing in
32:55life's juices what do you think
33:06days
33:09please
33:12stop
33:41Who's idea was the big number?
33:45Daisy, it's not half bad.
33:46Well done, Daisy.
33:52Come on, girl, we're late.
34:06I mean, that golden duck at the Oval.
34:10Aw, how'd I get that on his trip?
34:11You're too kind.
34:13I'm trying to make me the same colour as James Berger.
34:15Welcome to the Cotswolds.
34:17I'll send you a little bit of that translucent powder
34:19is probably best.
34:21Cameron Cook.
34:22Controller of programs.
34:24Starter from the Yanks.
34:25Most talented woman I've ever met.
34:26I don't doubt it.
34:27Make sure Wesley gets star treatment.
34:29He is one of my all-time cricketing heroes.
34:31This way, you're an ace.
34:32Yes.
34:33Ah, Reverend.
34:34So glad you made it.
34:35Trust my staff have taken good care of you.
34:37Oh, indeed they have, Tony.
34:39And from what I've seen so far, the franchise is safe.
34:43Oh, so pleased to have your support, Fergus.
34:45Now I've got to get a show on the road.
34:46Drinks on me afterwards, yes?
34:47Oh, good.
34:51What a nice idea.
34:58Okay, come on.
34:59Come on.
35:03There you go.
35:09Who did this to you?
35:11You have to tell me who it was.
35:14Silence only protects the monster who did this.
35:16I promise you.
35:18I will make them pay.
35:25If you don't report him dear, what about all the other innocent girls he might prey on next?
35:36I offered to drive to help with your bid.
35:41Please don't be cross with me.
35:43You've done nothing wrong.
35:44No one's going to be angry with you.
35:57It was the Reverend Penny.
36:14You said you didn't lead him on?
36:20You're such a friendly girl.
36:25No, I...
36:29I was really professional.
36:48You know Reverend Penny's very important to us, don't you?
36:55I know you're a team player.
36:59Valued member of the Carinean family.
37:04So...
37:06Best forget this whole thing ever happened, don't you think?
37:15That's a good girl.
37:17You're gonna go far here.
37:19I'm sure Miss Madden will help.
37:22Tell yourself up.
37:24Good girl.
37:29Sorry it's a wardrobe ad.
37:34All this talk of equal rights.
37:37Nothing really changes.
37:39One rule for them, one rule for us.
37:44Did I spoil everything for the bid?
37:48Not at all.
37:50He'll get off scot-free.
37:52He won't think he's done a thing wrong.
37:59This terrible thing which has happened to you is your secret.
38:05It's also your weapon.
38:07Use it to get what you want from them.
38:10Do you hear me?
38:12Don't be sad.
38:13Be angry.
38:15I'll serve you better, dear.
38:23Oh, wait, there.
38:26Just a few sips.
38:27You can lead a horse to water, Seb.
38:29Declan.
38:29No, no, no.
38:33Hey, Daisy.
38:34Nice dress.
38:38Daisy.
38:39Daisy, what's wrong?
38:41What's happening, Joyce?
38:43Daisy.
38:44Daisy, wait.
38:45Daisy!
38:49From the Welsh borders to the dreaming spires of Oxford.
38:53From Southampton to Stratford-upon-Avon.
38:55Live from Rochester, this is Miss Carinia.
38:59And here are your hosts, James Berger and Sarah Stratton.
39:05All right, here we go.
39:07Showtime.
39:09Caitlin, it's starting!
39:10Good evening.
39:11Good evening.
39:13I've got popcorn.
39:14The jewelry of jewels we have here tonight, Sarah.
39:16And I don't just need the tiaras.
39:18The girls waiting backstage this evening are gems, are they not?
39:21They certainly are, James.
39:22Two minutes left of intro.
39:24Especially being a bit of a sparkler myself.
39:27Standby audience cutaways on three.
39:29You're an absolute Bobby Dazzler.
39:32Your husband is a very lucky man.
39:34Sarah's looking sensational, I do think.
39:37Or mine, of course.
39:38Only because she's already been everyone else's.
39:41But she will also win a screen test to become our new tea time weather girl.
39:47Standby judge has got toys on, too.
39:49Before we meet our contestants, let's meet our judging panel.
39:52First up, it's demon bowler and local cricketing hero,
39:55Wesley Emerson.
40:00And then, of course, there's Carinium's very own Declan O'Hara.
40:08Back in the saddle today after his brief indisposition earlier in the week.
40:12And here to ensure we're all behaving ourselves,
40:15ex-prepandry from the Church of England,
40:17Reverend Fergus Penny.
40:23Please give a big round of applause for our judging panel.
40:33Miss Chipping Sodbury is 21 years old.
40:36She's training to be a driving instructor.
40:38She looks so pretty.
40:40But in her spare time, enjoys breeding miniature poodles.
40:42Oh, to be a creature in Miss Chipping Sodbury's care.
40:45Last Friday, we danced against Rugbra.
40:46And one lot of boys took some fifth formers up on the garage roof.
40:49And they were smoking and drinking and telling the teachers to fuck off.
40:53Oh!
40:54And the gym mistress found three condoms in the rhododendrons.
40:57She's now focusing on planning an upcoming wedding.
41:01That's nice.
41:02Look, Ruth, it's nicer.
41:03Hey?
41:05Shut up.
41:07Three, three, hold the two short.
41:10Four, take the close-ups.
41:12It's coming really well.
41:13Is this conscious death?
41:15Spinning her way into our hearts.
41:18Come on, check your body, baby, do the conga.
41:20You can't make the prayers of any longer.
41:22Feel the rhythm as a music getting stronger.
41:24Don't you find it till you're trying to do the conga.
41:31Don't you find it till you're trying to do the conga.
41:31Isn't she good?
41:32I have not.
41:34Come on, check your body, baby, do the conga.
41:36I know you can't get the prayers of any longer.
41:38Feel the rhythm as a music getting stronger.
41:40Don't you find it till you're trying to do the conga.
41:42Feel the conga.
41:49Miss Wootten Under Edge is a fabulous five foot seven inches tall.
41:53And it's a full 33, 25, 36.
42:06Now, judges, Miss Bezos stands at an elegant five foot four.
42:10Her measurements are 36, 24, 36.
42:13Some might describe her as perfection itself.
42:26Reverend Penny, are you looking for perfection tonight?
42:29Oh, well, perfection is not my concern.
42:32And the qualities that I'm looking for in the inaugural Miss Carinium consists of a healthy body and sound morals.
42:42You filthy, hypocritical old kiss.
42:50What the fuck is he doing? Cut the feed.
42:53Cut the feed.
42:54Oh, Jesus.
42:56Jesus H. Christ, I only left the house for a minute.
42:59What just happened?
43:00Oh, my God, Mummy.
43:04Oh, my God!
43:06Oh, my God!
43:06Oh, my God!
43:07Oh, my God!
43:08Oh, my God!
43:08Oh, my God!
43:09Oh, my God!
43:09Oh, my God!
43:09We'll get what's coming to you.
43:15Did you answer the phone?
43:16He's ruined everything.
43:18Answer the phone.
43:21Do it!
43:22Do it!
43:42You let that religious fraud get away with raping one of your employees.
43:48And then you parade all those young girls in front of him like a fucking menu.
43:56I am out of this cesspit for good.
44:01You flouted my authority at every opportunity, but I'm not sure we can let you go just yet.
44:09Don't touch me!
44:11How does it feel, Tony?
44:13Huh?
44:14How does it feel to be weak and helpless?
44:18I'll have you locked up for GBH.
44:19I'll be freer inside than ever will be working for you.
44:26Fuck you.
44:28I quit.
44:32Oh, it's so melodramatic and you missed your calling.
44:35Well, enjoy the morning papers.
44:37You should probably let Maud know she's gonna be a star again.
45:01Bloody hell.
45:04I'd hate to see what he does with a driver.
45:14Are you okay?
45:19Can I give you a lift somewhere?
45:24You should call the police, Daisy.
45:27Report that sick bastard.
45:32She told you.
45:38And that's why you hit him.
45:42I didn't need your help, Declan.
45:46I'm sorry, Daisy.
45:48I just...
45:57Why couldn't you have kept your mouth shut?
46:11Just quit my job.
46:13Get in the car, lads.
46:15Let's get rat-assed.
46:21As I say, Declan O'Hara will be strongly dealt with in the coming days.
46:25Very publicly, too.
46:26Good.
46:28Whilst I don't hold with vengeance,
46:31there's no place for violence and vulgarity on our screens.
46:34No, no. You have my word, Fergus.
46:38Deirdre!
46:39Deirdre, Deirdre.
46:40Please make sure the Reverend Penny gets home safely.
46:43Yes, Lord Buddingham.
46:45Go to a minicamp, Deirdre.
46:49Bye, Fergus.
46:51Bye, Tony.
46:59I'll get the glaziers in.
47:02I'll have this delivered to B.D. Johnson at the Scorpion from an anonymous source.
47:11Prince Madden!
47:13Joyce!
47:17Has anyone been in my office?
47:18Not to my knowledge.
47:22Fuck!
47:32Is he dead?
47:33He will be when Mummy's done with him.
47:49Oh, fuck.
48:12I don't want to be that woman who's waiting for her husband to come home.
48:17It's...
48:19It's not me.
48:26You need to go back to work.
48:27Well, that's good, because I resigned last night.
48:31It'll be easier for you if we go back to London.
48:40I saw Mallory.
48:43I...
48:44I asked him if I could audition for his new show.
48:49I mean, there's nothing enough of me. I'm too old.
48:54I'm sorry, love.
48:57You should have told me.
49:01What happened to us?
49:06We...
49:07fix it?
49:21Who the fuck is that?
49:25Oh.
49:34Is Tony trying to hound me into the grave?
49:36He doesn't know I'm here.
49:38I shouldn't have told you about Daisy.
49:40Oh.
49:42I'd probably have hit the old pervert anyway.
49:52Sometimes Lord Baddingham needs a bit of help...
49:55to steer the right course.
50:07Gertrude!
50:09Gertrude!
50:10Gertrude!
50:11Gertrude!
50:11Oh, come back!
50:13Gertrude!
50:20You all right?
50:23Can I walk with you?
50:24No.
50:24No, you can't.
50:25I asked for your help and you got him drunk and let him implode on live television.
50:29He's a grown man, Taggy.
50:30God, we are in so much debt.
50:31We can't afford the mortgage without Daddy working.
50:34Mummy's already packing.
50:35What are you talking about?
50:39This is the only place I have ever loved.
50:41And now we have to leave.
50:43He's Declan, O'Hara.
50:45Now find another job.
50:48Not here!
50:50Gertrude, come on!
50:56You know, I could have told you, you and Declan were never gonna work out.
51:00Neither of you could bear not being big dogs.
51:03So am I big dog now?
51:04You're the last dog standing.
51:07So what do we do now?
51:10We have to put something out there.
51:13Oh, not an apology.
51:14Oh, God, no.
51:16He's the one who threw all the punches.
51:18It's not your fault he can't handle provocation.
51:24And of course, he's also the one with the drinking problem.
51:32Very good.
51:58I don't know.
52:00Turn it off.
52:01And mental disturbance.
52:06Where is he?
52:08Where is he?
52:20Now, it's so grim.
52:22Frederico and I have a brilliant new plan.
52:24No offense, but I'll give it a miss.
52:26One afternoon with you lads nearly finished me off.
52:28Yeah, we're going back to London.
52:29Sorry, Maud.
52:30We can't let you.
52:31It's business.
52:32Can't let a hot property go to waste.
52:33We're starting a production company and you're gonna run it.
52:37Partnership.
52:39We're gonna work together.
52:40It'll be fun.
52:41We'll trust you on the creative stuff.
52:44Sorry lads, but I can't.
52:45Why not?
52:47You'll be your own master.
52:48But you want it.
52:51Because I think we should pitch for the franchise.
52:56But that'd mean the mother of all takeovers.
53:01Drive Tony Battingham out of town once and for all.
53:05I think we've got it in us.
53:07Don't you?
53:16How can you do it?
53:20If you could go tolers ofiniziand.
53:23If you could do it till you turn up, you're so gross.
53:23I'll be right back.
53:25I'm drinking in your house.
53:26I'm drinking is my best.
53:29Until yes, I'm drinking now.
53:32As always, I'm drinking machine.
53:38Oh, oh, oh, oh.
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