- 11 hours ago
Rivals - Season 1 Episode 2 PrimeCut Series
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00:17You may not lie, things we do are leading it up to all that you do
00:26It's easy to go down and hide where the world is bright
00:35We're gonna move real good, yeah, I gotta dress so fine
00:39I'm stuck, I'm stuck, I'm stuck
00:41And on the day fourth-form pupils begin studying for their new GCSE exams,
00:48we put a group of Cochester shopkeepers through their paces to see how much they can remember
00:53from their O-level maths
00:56Meanwhile, here at Carinium, we are buzzing with excitement for our new live show, Declan
01:04Declan's first guest will be Hollywood Hellraiser Johnny Friedlander
01:09One of the cinema's brightest stars
01:11In his first interview since being the unfortunate victim of a sex tape scandal two years ago
01:17The reclusive star is on his way to Carinium Studios as we speak
01:24Can Declan O'Hara coax him out of his shell?
01:27And what about those James Bond rumours?
01:32That's Declan, live tonight at eight o'clock, with his very first interview here at Carinium
01:38Right after Coronation Street
01:40I'll definitely be tuning in
01:45Run!
01:57Run!
01:59Run!
02:21Oh, my God.
02:46Oh, my God.
03:21Oh, my God.
03:24Oh, my God.
03:26Oh, my God.
03:30I love you.
03:36Johnny, you're going to give us a cup.
03:39Mr. Freelander, welcome to Carinium.
03:43Please call me Johnny.
03:45Tony Batting, please come on through.
03:57your first live audience you're not going to wear those socks on the program
04:01we get this right jerry no one will be looking at me feet
04:25good night ladies
04:38show time everyone
04:46so um paddy and mick are walking to the pub and they spot a sign saying tree fellas wanted
04:51so paddy turns to mick and he says well isn't it ashamed as only the two of us you know
04:56i can hear
04:56you brian you don't tell jokes about jews or blacks anymore so why are you picking on the irish
05:01okay mate uh can we get some level cut the fucking paddy jokes or i'll knock you from here to
05:05the
05:05irish sea is that leveling up here yeah loud and clear story texan
05:12cameron are you there what am i supposed to do with the um cards we talked about this declin
05:18o'hara doesn't hide behind a desk if you let me see the questions i could have fed them to
05:23you
05:26just trust me will you
05:33where's johnny houston do we have a problem
05:40declin's a journalist of international stature so the fact that he left the bbc for us
05:46that's all very impressive lord b uh of course it's the wife who's the tv viewer around our
05:51well it's documentaries mostly but i do find dallas a guilty pleasure well who doesn't love dallas
05:58hi hi thanks for sneaking me in some of our new programs can give jr a run for his money
06:03have you
06:03seen four men went to mow well the goose is here excuse me a minute you said lady gosling so
06:10good
06:10of you to come do you know the reverend penny my deputy on the franchise renewal committee of course
06:16welcome well looking forward to some scrupulous broadcast journalism tonight i was just remarking
06:22what with there being a set in every living room these days television companies must recognize
06:26that they are the custodians of the nation's morality
06:45i'm working
06:53showtime mr freelander
07:01that's four men went to mow wednesday night nine o'clock
07:05oh lovely that's a very nice wine how long have we got i'll get it
07:17i think we just found our fox
07:23thug
07:23thug it's it's him oh my god
07:25this isn't daring me
07:30hello rupert
07:31mizzi darling hope we were just passing successful day
07:34well little fucker gave us the slip fun just interrupt us
07:40hello my name's katelyn how are you
07:45sit bunny girl
07:49hello you found the holy grail
07:50it is okay declan the eagle has landed
08:01you have some level please
08:03what did you have for breakfast johnny
08:05want to give me a rest
08:07declan looks nervous
08:08he cut me dead earlier it's awfully uncool to get so uptight
08:11shut the fuck up or get the fuck out
08:13run music
08:16five
08:18four
08:20three
08:23two
08:25one
08:28and in
08:31one
08:40why aren't you in the audience mod daddy gets too nervous if mommy's there
08:43isn't it daft
08:44it's because he cares what you think more than anyone in the world
08:47it means i miss a lot of parties good evening i'm declan o'hara my guest tonight is one of
08:54the
08:54world's most recognizable stars he's the star of box office smashes such as last man on mars
08:59highway 12 and dog tag 3 voyage to vietnam to name just a few he's been nominated for numerous
09:05awards but in recent years it's his turbulent personal life and of course finding himself
09:10the victim of a cruel honey trap which has attracted almost as much attention as his films
09:14johnny friedlander welcome to the show what's it like seeing your ex-partner in grime you know
09:19johnny friedlander well shared a few lovers back in the day yeah not silly enough to let anyone film
09:25me having sex though what a crowd people are excited to see you well i gotta say that's nice it's
09:31been
09:31a while since i've done one of these so why do this interview now yeah okay well yeah of course
09:36i feel
09:36it's time to move on that's what you're afraid now johnny your last film was mired in controversy
09:43there were stories that you were late to set you picked fights with the director you passed out
09:48of the wheel while driving under the influence say nobody prepares you for fame you don't know
09:52how you're going to react to being given the keys to the candy store it turns out that i react
09:56by
09:57overdosing on candy
09:59you're doing well don't you think absolutely not sure about the songs
10:09jesus christ who signed up on that
10:15and what was it like when you drove off that bridge
10:21well uh i woke up the second i hit the water but man it was uh scary thank god i
10:27was in a
10:27convertible or i'd be at the bottom of the river now but yeah i had to get sober 415 days
10:35later
10:36the world looks more beautiful than ever
10:50now shall we talk about the sex tape
10:55why not the elephant's in the room already crapping in the corner
10:58is the girl okay miss uh miss cortez hell i don't know you don't see her uh not on my
11:07christmas card list
11:08no but she is uh she's an actress right i don't know uh we met a bar hope she got
11:15a lot of money
11:15out of the whole thing is five thousand dollars a lot of money according to miss cortez that's how
11:21much you paid her to have sex with you and then take the tape to the national enquirer
11:26what oh fuck you said you were the victim but in fact you paid her to video herself having sex
11:35with
11:36you as if it'd been filmed undercover so that when she took the tape to the press you could pretend
11:40that you'd been set up simultaneously getting sympathy as the victim of a honey trap while reaping
11:45a ton of publicity that made you look like a virile sex god yeah she got publicity too trust me
11:50you sat
11:50back and let the press vilify her to the extent that all her acting work dried up you could have
11:56stepped in and told the truth but you didn't the world would have believed you but your silence
12:02demolished her your stock shot up overnight while pia cortez lost her apartment five thousand dollars
12:09for a woman's reputation is that a fair price what reputation she was a porn actress i paid her to
12:14make a porno fuck we've lost him he's gonna walk out
12:45oh man i'm an ass what did you do is tell two to hold on johnny stay on johnny now
12:56move in
12:57slowly slowly slowly slowly get me the sweat beating on his brow this is the one
13:07i'd had four flops in a row and i'm scared
13:13it's the worst thing about hollywood is when you're out all you can think about is how to get back
13:18in
13:20what a mess
13:24the worst part is
13:28i really like that girl
13:31i thought she had something
13:34what would you say to her if she was here yeah she's an l.a man
13:38no she might see it you never know
13:47okay um sure
13:58tia if you're watching i'm sorry i'm an ass when you buy a drink or a car whatever you want
14:12i'm sorry
14:22man i've been sitting on that seat for too long
14:25feel good to get it off your chest
14:29god the water here tastes good
14:32can i get another
14:34join us again after the break when i'll be asking johnny about james bond
14:38and we're clear
14:43okay stand by everyone
14:45three minutes
14:46that was more stressful than i expected
14:48daddy always goes in for the kill
14:51he really is a master at this your deck
14:53i mean is that erotic
14:55doing a video
14:56well i think it is if you've made it for each other or you watch it when they're away
15:01or watch together it's a warm up
15:03yeah it can be pretty hot
15:05with the right co-star
15:07can't imagine james wanting to make a sex video with me
15:10the camera puts pounds on you and he already thinks i'm fat
15:14well he's bad
15:15yeah
15:15you're exquisite
15:20sandwich anyone
15:21yeah i'm starving
15:23oh my god you made this taggy
15:26ambrosial
15:27please please tell me you'll come and work for me
15:29caitlin go and fetch another one of these for me please
15:31no i uh i tried working in a restaurant it was just uh it was too hectic
15:35well you you could do people's dinner parties and things a private chef i bet you'd get bookings
15:41i could put a word around if you'd like
15:42caitlin oh daddy's back
15:52here it is your closet sir
16:04put something against that
16:06do you think johnny friedland barricades the door
16:12the guy he had the most stupid walk
16:17i tell you what cubby brockley said when my people called up and suggested me
16:21he said he'd sooner have james bond played by a woman
16:28ladies and gentlemen johnny friedlander
16:34that you can 26-5-6-7-7-7-5-9-7-7-8-4-2-3-3-4-3
16:41-4-3-4-0
16:41just one time
16:46wow
16:51james bond
16:52that's good job
16:54johnny
16:54did you see just a few of our company
16:56this is ginger beans
16:57hey a bastard spiked johnny's dressing room
17:00Gave him a bottle of vodka.
17:01Oh, no, I did that.
17:02What?
17:04Why didn't you tell me?
17:06We needed your first show to be jaw-dropping television.
17:08No way was I leaving that to chance.
17:10And you didn't tell me you were gonna skewer the guy live on air.
17:13You don't think he fucks your producer or not to know that?
17:15We didn't need to push him off the wagon.
17:17I didn't need help.
17:18Yeah, you didn't need a desk either, did you?
17:22Hi, this is Esther McLeod.
17:23Hi, hi. How you doing?
17:25This is Lady Gosling.
17:26Hey, how you doing?
17:27Hello.
17:27Freddie Jones.
17:28Hey, good to meet you.
17:29His lovely wife.
17:30Hey, how you doing?
17:31James Orecka.
17:32Hey, how you doing?
17:33This is the backroom boys.
17:35Hey, how you doing?
17:36Daisy.
17:36Hey, how you doing?
17:37This is Deirdre.
17:38Hey, how you doing?
17:46At least he didn't film you.
17:49He's a mug.
17:50He looked like a Charlie's Angel.
17:54Thanks, Seb.
17:56That's nice.
17:57He's very good, isn't he?
17:59Not the new jewel in Carineon's crown.
18:02Extraordinary socks.
18:03Oh, yeah.
18:04He has so much character.
18:05He's a breath of fresh air.
18:07It's such a shame that you couldn't get Campbell Black onto the board.
18:11Wow.
18:12Is Freddie Jones in the back?
18:14Oh, very much so.
18:14Very much so.
18:16And much more used to us.
18:17His expertise in technology, business, the real world.
18:22But I've got to say, Declan's got some brass.
18:24I thought Johnny was going to lamp in one.
18:26How do you keep it together?
18:27All that going on?
18:28Can I tell you a secret?
18:30That was my first time taking the show out live.
18:33Did you like it?
18:34Oh, my God.
18:35The adrenaline.
18:36Yes, I loved it.
18:37But please don't ask me any specifics.
18:39It's a blur.
18:39You met Cameron, then?
18:41You need people that can deliver under pressure, don't you?
18:44Diamonds.
18:45Couldn't agree more.
18:46That's why we're courting you for the board.
18:51You're getting the fuck of a lifetime tonight.
18:55Yeah.
19:09Isn't that crazy?
19:11And then the man started turning up at the house.
19:14I know.
19:14And he was so in love with Mummy.
19:16But then Daddy found out about it.
19:18And that wasn't funny at all.
19:21Caitlin.
19:23Anyway, that's the real reason why we moved out of London.
19:26Daddy's new job came just at the right time.
19:44Mrs. Thatcher tells me if I want to succeed in politics,
19:47I have to keep my nose clean.
19:48No more cunnilingus, then.
19:51Maud's got a thumping crush on you.
19:54Declan looks strong.
19:56I'd watch yourself.
20:00Darling, you know I love you to bits.
20:03You never tell me what to do.
20:05...
20:34.
20:48I must be exhausted.
20:51How did I do?
20:53You were wonderful.
21:17Christ, you're wet.
21:20I've been thinking about you coming home all evening.
21:37Oh, what is it?
21:39Everything all right?
21:42Shitting awful evening, actually.
21:43Oh, I'm sorry.
21:46You should have come with me to watch a new Declan show.
21:50It was...
21:51brilliant.
21:59You might be a little more supportive, Lizzie.
22:14I mean, it's only my first date boarding school.
22:17It's not like it's momentous or anything, is it?
22:18I'm sorry I can't drive you there.
22:20You know Daddy needs the car this morning.
22:21I didn't mean you.
22:27Bye-bye, gorgeous, ugly dog.
22:34Is Mummy going to start one of her things with Rupert?
22:38I'm not going to keep her secrets again if she does.
22:43Mummy and Daddy are going to be okay.
22:45Keep an eye on them, I promise.
22:49Oh, I'm going to miss you.
22:51Now go.
22:52I'm going.
22:56Just you and me now, pups.
22:57Rabbit, Jabba-Rabbit.
22:59I'm the back.
23:00Rabbit, Jabba-Rabbit.
23:01Jabba-Rabbit, Jabba-Rabbit.
23:02Bunny, Jabba-Rabbit.
23:03Good evening, I'm Jackson O'Hara.
23:05Call ya one start talking.
23:07You've got up and close if you move.
23:08Why don't you give me the rest?
23:11Take it.
23:12You've got more rabbit than Sainsbury's,
23:15This time you got it all for ship.
23:19Now, you was just the kind of girl to break my heart into.
23:22I knew right old friend I could split my eyes on you
23:26But hours are to know you've been my heroes too
23:29With your incessant togy
23:32You're becoming a piss
23:39Now you're a wonderful girl
23:43You've got a wonderful smile
23:47You've got a wonderful smile
23:49You've got a charm
23:55Get the fuck off me!
23:57With your incessant togy
24:01It's wonderful
24:13Oh my God
24:15Look at all this
24:19If it's a neighbourhood dinner party
24:21Why didn't Valerie Jones invite you to hand me?
24:23I don't know, Mummy
24:24She did, I said we couldn't do it
24:27What? I've work to do
24:28I never get to go anywhere
24:30I mean, how can we meet anyone
24:33If you're going to turn down everything
24:34Just to prepare your stupid programme?
24:37My stupid programme is all just paying the bills
24:39On this rotting pile of bricks
24:40And all you do is spend money
24:42I mean, why the fuck do we own our harp?
24:44Well, you want to take my music away from me?
24:45It's all that I have left
24:46I have to go to work
24:47No, no, I'm still talking to you
24:48We can talk about a leisure
24:50Good luck, Tag
24:51Bye
24:52You know, it's a good job that you bought a priory
24:54Because I might as well be a nun
24:57You know, he's still punishing me
24:59I mean, when has it been stopped?
25:06My congratulations, both of you
25:0810 million viewers
25:10I want 12 mil this week
25:11I can't believe you got that story out of Mick Jagger
25:14People like telling me things
25:16Psychiatrist to the stars
25:17So who's next on the couch?
25:19Diana
25:19Doesn't do TV
25:20Arnold Schwarzenegger?
25:21Jesus, he couldn't even speak
25:22Joanna Lumley
25:23Rupert Campbell Black
25:25No way
25:26Celebrity?
25:27Ex-Olympian, a heartthrob, so I'm told
25:28And now Minister for Sports
25:29Surely that's an extraordinary trajectory
25:31There's no hinterland
25:32If I'm to interview someone
25:33Whose politics I despise
25:35I want to worry the opponent
25:36Could you stop swinging your dick for a moment?
25:38If you stop swinging your vagina
25:39Okay, okay, okay, okay
25:43Declan's right
25:43Campbell Black's an arrogant brat
25:45Everything people hate about the upper classes
25:47Why do you hate him so much?
25:50Because he always gets everything he wants
25:53Joyce, Rupert Campbell Black
25:55I wasn't surprised when the wife left
25:57He'll never settle, will he?
26:00Doesn't that make him an interesting interview?
26:02He's the only man in England
26:04Who can come out of a sex scandal with a promotion
26:06Minister for sport, for God's sake
26:08The man plays tennis naked
26:10He's an irredeemable shit
26:11We needn't pour fertiliser on his already overgrown ego
26:16Who do you want, Declan?
26:18Thatcher
26:19Margaret Thatcher
26:20No, Charles, fucking Dennis Thatcher
26:22Look, she'll never say yes anyway
26:24She thinks I'm an irate pink
26:25Well, let's see
26:26I've donated eye-watering sums to the Tory party
26:29It's not the public who decides which way the election goes, is it?
26:35Alright, stop staring at me, fuck off
26:37We've all got work to do
26:40Declan?
26:40Yeah?
26:41Don't go, have a proper drink
26:42After you
26:46You've got viewing figures most people would sell their granny for
26:50So, I'm just wondering
26:52Why are you still unhappy here?
26:55Are you Cameron?
26:56No, no
26:58I mean, she's hard work
26:59But you're right
27:01She knows what she's doing
27:02I just have a lot on my mind
27:05Money stuff
27:07I have an unpaid tax bill following me around
27:1080 grand
27:13London wasn't cheap
27:14Not with a wife who throws a party every time someone blows their nose
27:20All right
27:20Well
27:22Why don't I settle with the end loan revenue for you
27:25You can pay me back when you can
27:26Nobody need to know about it
27:28Just the two of us
27:29And my accountant
27:32That's very decent of you
27:34Self-interest, really
27:35You're no good to be preoccupied
27:40Well
27:41Nothing
27:43Cheers
27:43Do I trust for every situation
27:47Moving through the doorway of the nation
27:51Pick me up and shake the doubt
27:54Baby, I can't do without
27:56Don't mess around
27:58You bring me down
28:00How you get it best
28:02Don't make sense
28:03Move down
28:16Are you always this height?
28:18I can usually size people by looking
28:20Well, I didn't think you'd want me to serve things
28:22Well, I can't exactly do it myself, can I?
28:23And you know to go around the dinner table
28:25Clockwise, don't you?
28:26Don't pick, Sharon
28:27And I need you to write the menu out
28:28One for each end of the table
28:30In French
28:30If you don't mind
28:31Hello, Taggy
28:32Nice get up
28:33Grub smells good
28:34I'm still cross with you, Fred Fred
28:36I mean, what were you thinking?
28:37Inviting a single man
28:38I mean, what kind of a dinner party
28:39Have you ever had nine guests?
28:40Ten guests now
28:41Because I've just invited a single woman
28:42To balance her books
28:43Fred Fred, how could you?
28:45Now I'm going to have to change the whole plus month
28:51Terrific
28:51I could help you with the menus
28:56I'm doing French for GCSE
29:05They're going to be here soon, Mrs. Makepeace
29:07Yes, Mrs. Jones
29:08Sorry, did you decide if you want the cheese first or the pavlova?
29:12Fred Fred?
29:13Cheese or dessert?
29:14Don't posh people say pudding?
29:16Pudding?
29:16But dessert is French
29:18Agatha, which is it?
29:20I don't know
29:20Pudding
29:20I mean, they learn how to board in school
29:24Chin up, Massey
29:25We've worked so hard we can enjoy it now
29:27I mean, who'd have thought it, you and me
29:29Into telling the Lord and the Lady, eh?
29:33Right
29:48Yeah, it's a nice, cosy dinner
29:50At Freddy's bum in a board seat at the end of it
29:53I've rather implied to Lady Gosling
29:54He's already said yes
29:55So we need to reel him in tonight
29:57And we might as well kiss goodbye to the franchise
29:59No, absolutely
30:00Operation Charm Offensive
30:02Well, Offensive is right
30:04We'll be forced to admire the soft furnishings
30:06Fitted carpets everywhere
30:08Well, don't let Valerie Jones get you, darling
30:11You know who she reminds you of
30:13Who?
30:14Your mother
30:16Hmm
30:28Come on
30:30You've got five minutes
30:31Yeah, well, five minutes is how long it takes to do this bloody dress-up
30:36No, right
30:39Um, you know I need you to, er, behave yourself this evening, don't you?
30:44Er, I want Tony to invite me onto the board at Carinium
30:47And we need to look proper
30:50Respectable
30:50Darling, is this about Rupert?
30:52It was just a silly flirtation
30:54Come on, you know I love you most of all
30:56Besides, I thought you wanted a young wife that everyone admires
30:59I do, darling
31:01I just prefer they admire you from further away
31:16So it was a considerable renovation?
31:18Yes, it was terribly pokey
31:20Three bedrooms and only the one bathroom
31:23So we had to extend
31:24But once we'd rendered over the old stonework
31:26You can't tell the joy between the old and new
31:28I thought this was a listed building
31:30Oh, it is, yeah
31:31Fred Fred has friends in high places
31:34I mean, one needs a good-sized lounge for entertaining
31:37Hmm
31:38I want to hear
31:40I think it's charming
31:42I think I've had this dream
31:50Valerie made me
31:51She's so short
31:54Brevity is the soul of wit
31:56And I can almost see your brevities
31:58In fact, this is a listed building
32:06The rules
32:07To come
32:08Don't worry
32:14Oh
32:16Darling, you look ravishing
32:18Oh, James hates this
32:19But it's the only clean one I've got
32:21Um
32:22Hello, Valerie
32:25Evening, Stratton
32:26Listen
32:27I think you're giving the wrong impression
32:28About the tennis game with your wife
32:30Or quite innocent
32:31Sort of thing that wouldn't bat an eyelid on the continent
32:33Good, clean, open-air fun
32:34Shake hands and play nicely, shall we?
32:45Freddy!
32:47Sound system!
32:48Sorry, love
32:49Wrong room
32:49Look, Freddy's equipment is staggering
32:53Well
32:57I, er, I gather you spent this afternoon on the couch with my husband
33:00Yes
33:01Do you mind?
33:02No
33:03Good for you
33:04I hope he told him it was marvellous afterwards
33:09Thanks, Fred
33:10Nature abhors a vacuum
33:11Yes, so does my cleaner
33:15That's very good
33:16It's pretty good
33:17Why don't you show me this sound system
33:20I'll be back in a tick
33:23You're ahead with the host
33:25But you're next to him at dinner
33:32Right, I'm off to see what decorative hell Valerie's unleashed on the downstairs loo
33:37Cluecrum, darling
33:38Cluecrum
33:49Well, I think your expertise would be a lie
33:54Of course, you're busy
33:55Well, I think you like flipping useful
33:57We'd have fun
33:58Not trying to seduce you onto his board, is he?
34:01We're a viable, growing company with excellent prospects
34:04The financial awards are considerable
34:06Ah, must be bring money into it
34:09Fred isn't business man, it's what we do
34:10You ever said no to this man?
34:12Frequently
34:13Did you enjoy the polo?
34:15Ho, ho, ho, ho
34:16You're a very bad influence
34:17I did ache for three days
34:18Freddie, er, Mr. Vereker and Mrs. Stratton are on the television
34:22Oh, yes, do you want to see this?
34:24Yeah, okay
34:37Sarah, welcome
34:38Hi, James
34:38Absolutely
34:39There you are, Sarah
34:40Thank you
34:40Where's Sarah?
34:41You've been married to Paul Stratton, MP for Cotchester, for a few months now
34:46How do you see your role as the wife of an MP?
34:49To support my husband in every possible way
34:51And how do you get on with Paul's family?
34:53I mean, his children must be nearly as old as you are
34:55Oh, very good, James
34:56Gripping stuff
34:57No pressure on Paul to leave his first wife
34:59But because he eventually made that decision
35:01You know, I'm branded a scarlet woman
35:03So I've had to try even harder to prove myself a good woman
35:10Cute
35:20Engaged to be married to a busy, powerful, famous man
35:23The one thing I will say is do not let yourself go after you're worried
35:26I mean, we all know what happens
35:27Hello, Cameron
35:28Let me get you a drink
35:30They're all glued to the local news, I'm afraid
35:32Well, thank you
35:32Oh, James
35:34Stop it
35:36What are you, 21?
35:37Oh, please
35:38And the rest
35:39She's a natural, isn't she?
35:41Well, it's just wonderful to see her opening up
35:42I understand that
35:43I understand that
36:29Don't last the seconds, all right? Is this not fishing?
36:33You cologne?
36:34I wear it all the time.
36:35I like it.
36:36You sure the lighting wasn't a bit hard?
36:38It was brilliant.
36:40What the hell are you doing here?
36:41Freddy called after you left.
36:43I couldn't say no to him, could I?
36:44Well, don't do anything outrageous.
36:45Stay out of my way.
36:48Well, I clearly drew the long straw.
36:54Are we all here yet?
36:56Yeah.
36:59Ah, Cavendish.
37:00We've never really had a proper chat, have we?
37:02No, we haven't, Lee, Betty.
37:04Oh, Monica, please.
37:05We're all friends here.
37:14Rupert Campbell Black.
37:18I presume, since we're the only people here with our partners, that we're being set up with each other.
37:22And just so you know, I am perfectly comfortable with them.
37:26Do you have a boyfriend?
37:28Kind of.
37:30Kind of?
37:31Mm-hmm.
37:33Best kind.
37:37Sorry, I think, uh, someone's been playing with the, um...
37:41Anything all right, Valerie?
37:43Yes.
37:43Yeah.
37:44Quite, quite all right.
37:46Do you work with Cavendish, Dre?
37:48Her name's Cannon.
37:49No, I promise it's not.
37:51No, Cavendish.
37:53See?
37:54James thought you were called Cameron.
37:56Yeah.
37:57It's Cameron.
37:58Yeah.
37:59But this beautiful was answer to Cavendish, so why didn't you say anything, Mum?
38:03You're my boss's wife.
38:05Well, silly girl.
38:08There's no need.
38:09Honestly, what peculiar behaviour?
38:16Salon, ooh.
38:17Do you like some of these?
38:19So, what have you got?
38:21Chinged French peasant cravat sauce.
38:25Desert chateau.
38:26You think it's garnished from actual sand?
38:28Garnished with leftover peasants, Mum?
38:32Not frequently, no.
38:34Not quite, Agatha, please.
38:36Sorry.
38:36I didn't tell her.
39:00It looks amazing.
39:03I do love a blue pheasant.
39:06And how'd you get on with Declan?
39:08Well, I'm his producer, which gives him license to be obnoxious.
39:11God knows how his wife puts up with him.
39:13Well, you could ask Taggy here. She's his daughter.
39:16Oh, God, I'm sorry.
39:19It's all sport with you, isn't it?
39:21Blood sport, mostly the chase.
39:23Oh, but if you caught something, I don't think you know what to do with it.
39:27She's quite the ball breaker, your new producer. Where'd you find her?
39:30Hunted her down in New York.
39:31Ah, blood sports again.
39:32You guys go to school together or something?
39:34Oh, no, no, no, no.
39:36And that's funny. Why?
39:39Because, as it happens, no, we didn't.
39:42Rupert went to Harrow.
39:44I went to grammar school.
39:46And you'll never let anyone forget it, will you?
39:48I wasn't going to say anything of the sort of you that won't let anyone forget at Battingham.
39:54Tony was quite different as a boy.
39:57Oh.
39:58Billy Bunter, weren't you?
40:00Okay.
40:01What's grammar school and how is it different from where you went?
40:04Well, it's increasingly hard to say.
40:06Rupert's school cost a lot more, but they didn't spend any of it teaching him manners.
40:12Very good, Lady Battingham.
40:13I can't imagine you, fat Tony.
40:15It's where I got my drive to succeed.
40:17I wish Fred Fridge had a drive like that.
40:19We can't budge his girls at all.
40:21Ha!
40:22Be careful what you wish for, Valerie.
40:25It might drive him to some dangerous places.
40:28I've been meaning to say, Tony, we found a presenter for our Caring for the Elderly segment.
40:32She's a Jamaican lady living in Cotchester, a 70-year-old widow with an adult daughter,
40:37which makes her a black single mother.
40:39Box tape.
40:40I was brought up by a black single mother.
40:43Can't wait to tune in.
40:52She's so exotic, isn't she?
40:54Where's she from?
40:55America, I think.
40:56Wayne likes black girls, don't you, Wayne?
40:57What? Shut up!
40:58You've got a picture of Grace Jones when I close on.
41:00I saw it in your pants drawer.
41:02Oh, it's going so well.
41:04The pheasant was divine.
41:06Everyone's saying so.
41:07I knew you'd be wonderful at this.
41:10I'm sorry I should put you in that thing.
41:11It was me. You were at the menu's out.
41:13That's why the spelling's so bad.
41:15Oh, God.
41:16You're dyslexia.
41:19I'm so sorry.
41:21We thought we were taking the mickey out to...
41:24someone else.
41:26Well, you cook like a dream,
41:28even if you can't spell for shit.
41:33Oh, my God.
41:36Bravo.
41:37Bravo.
41:38Bravo.
41:40Bravo.
41:54What's your favourite thing about your job?
41:57Well...
41:59What a lovely question.
42:04Space.
42:05Up there.
42:07Most British satellites use my computers now,
42:10and sometimes...
42:12I look up at the night sky,
42:14and I see a little star winking back at me,
42:16and I think...
42:18I've made that happen.
42:21and it blows my mind.
42:31Chateau Ghetto.
42:33Mmm.
42:34This looks...
42:35...define.
42:38Well done, Angel.
42:53You stupid bitch!
42:54What the fuck are you doing?
42:55I'm so sorry.
42:56I'm sorry.
42:58Oops.
42:58Fetch a cloth, Agatha.
43:00Don't fetch a cloth.
43:01It's Armani.
43:02I'll pay for it.
43:03Whoa!
43:04You couldn't begin to!
43:05Needn't be a bitch about it.
43:07I'm sorry.
43:10Come on.
43:11This can't get you tidied up.
43:13Come with me.
43:15Rupert, how could you?
43:21God, that is exactly the kind of...
43:24I thought she'd like it.
43:26God knows her mother would have.
43:27We're going home just a buffet.
43:29They're down for you to snack on.
43:30Perhaps she's not as innocent as you think she is,
43:32and that's a very cheeky little dress.
43:34Valerie made her wear it to do the job.
43:37Not that you'd understand.
43:39With looks like hers, I wouldn't have thought a career was that important.
43:41Honestly, Rupert.
43:43This was badly done.
44:08Get away from me.
44:11I thought you wanted me to.
44:12Why on earth would you think that?
44:14You like to watch.
44:16I thought you might be grown up enough to play, too.
44:19You're disgusting, and I want nothing to do with you.
44:24Taggy.
44:25Hang on.
44:40What a traumatic answer to the evening.
44:43All these sobbing women.
44:46Valerie, all right?
44:48She's chuffed to bits that you're going to dinner.
44:51So, thank you.
44:54So...
44:56This bald thing.
44:59My vow.
45:00She...
45:01She's keen for me to get into something more cultural.
45:05So, why don't you send me over to business plan?
45:07I'll look over it.
45:10I'll give you a call on Monday.
45:28Last night was humiliating.
45:30I don't know if I can do this anymore.
45:34You and me.
45:35What?
45:36Why?
45:37Why?
45:41You were at Valerie Jones' dinner party?
45:45Yeah.
45:46I gather you got pudding tipped all over you by my daughter.
45:49I'll pay for the cleaning bill.
45:50Wouldn't Rupert do that?
45:52It was him who made Taggy drop the pudding when he groped her.
45:56He what?
45:57Oh, yeah, no, no.
46:00It was more than a pinch on the bottom, wasn't it?
46:02I didn't see it at the time, but grope sounds right.
46:04I'm sorry, he fucking what?
46:07Yeah.
46:08He's a promiscuous libertine, isn't he?
46:10He fondles whoever he likes.
46:15Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
46:16Hold on, Declan, wait, wait, wait.
46:18The bastard!
46:18Jesus, when I catch him up.
46:20Interview him to death?
46:23You know, that's an idea.
46:25Think about it.
46:26You go over there and thump him, who gets to see it?
46:28One housekeeper and a gardener at best.
46:31Have him on the show.
46:33You can flay him in front of 16 million people.
46:37Oh, but you already said you didn't want him, right?
46:39No hinterland.
46:39I didn't want him either.
46:41I didn't want to give him the exposure, but exposing him.
46:44Come on, that's a whole different show, isn't it?
46:46That's where you destroy him,
46:48and it lasts a fuck of a lot longer than a black eye.
46:53Revenge is a dish best served on television.
47:09Revenge is a Cena.
47:11We bothAME on television.
47:13We must smash it.
47:14We must raise it.
47:20We must make it.
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