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LegalDramaDaily
  • 21 hours ago
Marijuana Minutes 2022
Transcript
00:01:00I think today I'll wear a nice white dress
00:01:04Throw my hair in a tight part
00:01:07I want a Cadillac car
00:01:12A new head view
00:01:17I want to go to work and tell my boss fuck you
00:01:21I want to go to work and tell my boss fuck you
00:01:25Hey, hey
00:01:27Uh, job or, uh, hi, are you, are you, uh, job-ing, uh, hiring?
00:01:34Oh, hey, it's crazy
00:01:37This is the one, you're the one
00:01:39You're the one
00:01:39You are so pretty
00:01:41You got this
00:01:44Hey
00:01:45Uh, I'm, I'm Amy
00:01:48Hello
00:01:48My future boss
00:01:50I feel like a job
00:01:53You got this
00:01:56I'll work on it on the way
00:01:57I shot a man
00:01:59Cause he looked at me wrong
00:02:01I feel as different as I have all along
00:02:05I said, uh, I shot a man
00:02:08Cause he looked at me wrong
00:02:10I told a bunch of
00:02:13Bucky lies in the song
00:02:25Don't bring that in here
00:02:26I actually have paying customers to drive around
00:02:28Can't help you smoking up the car
00:02:30Okay
00:02:39Let's go
00:02:40I'm gonna get a job tonight
00:02:41Let's hope so
00:02:42I don't know, I promise this car
00:02:51Oh, five dollars on your bill
00:02:54Cool, cool, cool
00:02:58Gotta stop smoking, brother
00:03:00You smoke
00:03:01Yeah, and I'm not a gross, phlegmy mess
00:03:03Maybe I'll switch back to wax
00:03:05Get a vape pen
00:03:06Don't those cause fucking, like, the black lung or something?
00:03:11Yeah, if you believe the media
00:03:12You don't?
00:03:13Hell no
00:03:14Big tobacco and big pharma want vapes dead
00:03:18So they keep selling cigarettes and chemo juice
00:03:20So vapes are safe?
00:03:22Nothing's safe, but
00:03:23You'll stop smelling like an ashtray
00:03:26You smell like an ashtray
00:03:27Yeah, but I have rockets
00:03:28And I'm not going on interviews
00:03:30Yeah
00:03:32You look and smell like a homeless person
00:03:35It's a secretarial job for a small IT company
00:03:38It's like nothing work
00:03:40Is this the same outfit you wear on a date?
00:03:43No
00:03:44No?
00:03:44Like, y-yes?
00:03:46I don't know, it's been a while
00:03:48Job hunting is like dating without the sex
00:03:51I'd honestly rather have the sex without the dating
00:03:55Yeah, well
00:03:56I'll get delayed later
00:03:57For now, go bone this interview
00:04:00I'll pick you up
00:04:01That's my next drive, you idiot
00:04:02Thanks
00:04:02You got it, brother
00:04:15Hello?
00:04:42Can I help you?
00:04:44I'm looking for Jason
00:04:46I'm Jason
00:04:50Cool, man, I made me
00:04:51I'm here for the interview
00:04:58Okay
00:05:02Okay
00:05:04Should I come in?
00:05:07Suppose so
00:05:24Cool place
00:05:27Where is everyone?
00:05:29We give all of our employees one Friday off a month
00:05:32Oh, cool
00:05:35Why are you here?
00:05:37For this
00:05:39Right
00:05:40Cool
00:05:41Right
00:05:43You thought that was a good look for an interview?
00:05:46Uh, the job listing said you guys do casual Fridays
00:05:51Business casual
00:05:53I've often done business in this very outfit
00:05:57Hmm
00:05:58So, what drew you to this job?
00:06:01It seemed easy enough
00:06:08Right
00:06:09So, what are your strengths and weaknesses?
00:06:13Uh
00:06:14Huh
00:06:18Well, I mean, I think I could do this job fine
00:06:22Right?
00:06:23I mean, that's probably my greatest strength
00:06:25As for weaknesses
00:06:27I'm not really a morning person
00:06:29Haven't been up in the AM in months
00:06:32But I think I could overcome that
00:06:34Uh, my other greatest weakness is peanuts
00:06:38They could kill me
00:06:39And I probably will never overcome that
00:06:42We'll be in touch
00:06:44You will?
00:06:45It's a formality
00:06:46To get in touch?
00:06:48To say we'll get in touch
00:06:49Ah
00:06:52So, no good?
00:06:53No
00:06:54Not so good
00:06:59Well, um
00:07:00Since
00:07:02We're not gonna be colleagues
00:07:03Would you
00:07:05Maybe wanna
00:07:07Go out with me?
00:07:08No, thank you
00:07:09Okay
00:07:29I didn't get it
00:07:32How do you know you didn't get it?
00:07:34Because I asked
00:07:35Did I get it?
00:07:36And he said
00:07:36No, you did not get it
00:07:39Yeah, well, sex is suck
00:07:40Try again
00:07:41Trying so hard
00:07:43You cupping me up?
00:07:45Oh, I can't
00:07:46This cuck has to make it
00:07:47To the stupid airport
00:07:50That's fine
00:07:51I'll go walk to Trevor's
00:07:52Gotta go pick up some goods
00:07:54Cool, cool
00:07:55Go buy those drugs
00:07:57Maybe
00:08:02So what, you going on vacation or something?
00:08:05Oh, yeah, I'm gonna
00:08:06Oh, shit
00:08:07Don't be rude
00:08:08I'm trying to listen to this
00:08:10I thought there's
00:08:22Watch the paint
00:08:23As it dries
00:08:24Twiddle thumbs
00:08:26Roll your eyes
00:08:27Search the fridge
00:08:28Stare at screams
00:08:29Try to get some new routines
00:08:32Don't cut much to do
00:08:34We're doing fine
00:08:36Aw, we're
00:08:37Looking far away
00:08:39That's the time
00:08:41Hey!
00:08:49How about wandering
00:08:52If we can't be sauntering
00:08:54How are you?
00:08:56Doing great
00:08:57Sorry, friend
00:08:58Can't relate
00:08:59Out of luck
00:09:01But never out of time
00:09:04Not doing a lot
00:09:09Doing fine
00:09:14I haven't seen you in church
00:09:16I haven't seen you in church lately
00:09:16Yeah, well
00:09:18There's not much sense
00:09:20In my going to church
00:09:21Hey, man
00:09:22Hey, man
00:09:23What's good?
00:09:24I'm looking for one of those
00:09:25Weed vape pens
00:09:26Like the kill your lungs kind
00:09:27Clover said it won't really
00:09:29Kill my lungs
00:09:29So it's just the government
00:09:30Or something
00:09:31Yeah, yeah
00:09:32It probably is the government
00:09:33I tell you
00:09:34I'd be outraged
00:09:35With the state of things
00:09:36If I voted
00:09:37I paid taxes
00:09:38Titto
00:09:39Night of the living dead?
00:09:41Yeah
00:09:41Trying to watch
00:09:42Every version of it in existence
00:09:44This is the blue version
00:09:46On account of the blue tint
00:09:47That is over the whole movie
00:09:49Nice, man
00:09:51They're coming to get you, Barbara
00:09:54Stop it!
00:09:55That line has never been more true
00:09:57How so?
00:09:59Well, zombies are just a metaphor
00:10:01For society, you know
00:10:02Stuck looking at their cell phones
00:10:05And by they
00:10:05I also mean the government
00:10:07Who are also looking at their cell phones
00:10:09And that is why I do not have a cell phone
00:10:11Wasn't this movie made in the 60s or something?
00:10:14Yeah, I know what they were doing
00:10:18So, the weed pen?
00:10:19You got one?
00:10:20Oh, yeah
00:10:21I usually don't carry them, actually
00:10:24But my dealer gave me this one
00:10:27That he said was really intense
00:10:29He said it'll give you
00:10:31Serious marijuana minutes
00:10:35Cool, man
00:10:36Mind if I give her a test trip?
00:10:38Sure
00:10:38Be my guest
00:10:39Try it up, fry it up
00:10:47Sure
00:10:47Be my guest
00:10:48Try it up, fry it up
00:10:49It's good
00:10:50It is
00:10:51Try it
00:10:57Sure
00:10:58Be my guest
00:10:59Try it up, fry it up
00:11:00You okay, Trent?
00:11:02Yeah
00:11:02You okay?
00:11:03Yeah
00:11:04Just, uh, really high, I guess
00:11:05Uh, how much for this?
00:11:07For you?
00:11:08I can't charge my best customer
00:11:11That's cool, man
00:11:12I only have seven bucks
00:11:13Damn, girl
00:11:14Give me a job
00:11:15I'm working on it
00:11:17Honey
00:11:18Yes, Mama?
00:11:20Are you okay?
00:11:21Yes, Mama
00:11:22Are you hungry?
00:11:25No, Mama
00:11:26Is your friend hungry?
00:11:30No, Mama
00:11:32You good then, honey?
00:11:34Yes, Mama
00:11:36We're so good, Mama
00:11:49That was my mother
00:11:50I got that
00:11:51Uh, we're real close, you know
00:11:53Especially, uh, since Dad left
00:12:04Well, I should get back to it
00:12:06Cool, man
00:12:06I'll see you later
00:12:07I'll be here
00:12:14Oh, now it's more green
00:12:39Thank you
00:12:47Clover?
00:12:50You asked the guy interviewing you out?
00:12:53I don't know
00:12:54I figured he's got a job
00:12:56Seems like a good judge of character
00:12:58How so?
00:12:59He didn't hire me
00:13:01Mmm, that was a good call
00:13:05Can I have some chicken?
00:13:08No
00:13:09Just one piece
00:13:10You get chicken when you have a job
00:13:13You get wonton soup
00:13:14When you mooch off your best friend
00:13:16Just one piece
00:13:20Ah, Jesus
00:13:22Fine, you adorable little gremlin
00:13:25Oh, I made you a Kindling account
00:13:28What is that?
00:13:30The dating app
00:13:31To get you laid
00:13:33When did you have time to do that?
00:13:36Red light, red light, red light, red light
00:13:39Multitasking
00:13:42So, what do you do?
00:13:44Oh, swipe right on everyone
00:13:45It's a numbers game
00:13:46Then ask them out somewhere public
00:13:49So you can make sure
00:13:50They're not trying to bone you
00:13:50Figuratively instead of literally
00:13:55Oh, I got a match
00:13:56Mother
00:13:57Uh, what next?
00:13:59Mmm, be charming as hell
00:14:02Okay
00:14:04Also
00:14:06You can borrow this
00:14:10It's for dates
00:14:11For slashing nuts
00:14:13If they get rapey
00:14:13Or start talking about politics
00:14:16How many nuts have you had to slash?
00:14:19Had to?
00:14:21Maybe three
00:14:22Three guys?
00:14:24Three nuts
00:14:25Two guys
00:14:27Rent's due in two days
00:14:41It's supposed to be 150
00:14:43And you were supposed to fix her sink
00:14:45But the water still looks like it was imported from Flint
00:14:54It's undrinkable
00:14:55I'm probably ill
00:14:58She's probably ill
00:15:08That'll be okay
00:15:11Thanks
00:15:12I'm adding it to your tab
00:15:22Hey, I mean, praying's for church, huh?
00:15:24Come on
00:15:26I haven't seen you in church lately
00:15:29Well, not much sense in my going to church
00:15:32Do you remember one time when we were small, we were out here
00:15:35I jumped out at you from behind the tree
00:15:38And Grandpa got all excited
00:15:39And he shook his fist at me
00:15:40And he said
00:15:41Boy, you'll be damned to hell
00:15:44Remember that?
00:15:44Right over there
00:15:46Well, you used to really be scared here
00:15:49Johnny
00:15:51You're still afraid
00:15:53Stop it now
00:15:53I mean it
00:15:56They're coming to get you, Barbara
00:16:02They're coming to get you, Barbara
00:16:09They're coming to get you, Barbara
00:16:11Stop it!
00:16:12You're acting like a child
00:16:19Oh my gosh
00:16:23They're coming to get you, Barbara
00:16:33They're coming to get you, Barbara
00:16:37Stop it. You're ignorant.
00:16:40They're coming for you, Barbara.
00:16:42Stop it. You're acting like a child.
00:16:45They're coming for you.
00:17:12Hey!
00:17:13Yeah?
00:17:15I'm sorry, but this is for science.
00:17:18What the?
00:17:23Yeah?
00:17:25Jesus!
00:17:29Jesus!
00:17:34Yeah?
00:17:35Nothing.
00:17:36All right.
00:17:37Hey.
00:17:39It's one piece.
00:17:57Go down.
00:17:59Go down.
00:18:02Swing it around.
00:18:04Swing it around.
00:18:06Anointing punk.
00:18:08Damn!
00:18:08Pain him.
00:18:10Hey, cool.
00:18:11Swing it.
00:18:11Swing on the brain.
00:18:13Swing on the brain.
00:18:14Swing on the brain.
00:18:16Swing on the brain.
00:18:17Match got caps.
00:18:19Damn!
00:18:20Hard door slam.
00:18:23Swing.
00:18:26Mm-hmm.
00:18:29Hmm.
00:18:31Hmm?
00:18:45I'm going to need more dirt on the West Trail.
00:18:47Bad dirt here.
00:18:49real bad dirt.
00:18:53Hey!
00:18:54Hi.
00:18:56You testing the dirt?
00:18:58Every day.
00:19:00Can't actually smoke here, ma'am.
00:19:03Why?
00:19:03Are you going to arrest me?
00:19:05No.
00:19:06But I could write you a ticket and call the police.
00:19:08Yeah?
00:19:09Because you're a little narc.
00:19:11It's not that I mind.
00:19:12You know, it might surprise you.
00:19:15I've partook in the partaking of nature's fine green grass myself, but...
00:19:19took an oath when I took this job.
00:19:22Solemn oath to protect these trees.
00:19:25So please, don't light the joint before I have to do something drastic.
00:19:33See you.
00:19:41Ah...
00:19:43Ah...
00:19:43...
00:19:46Yeah!
00:19:54Ah...
00:19:56Ah...
00:19:57Ah...
00:19:58Ah...
00:20:10We got a 10-4-20 on the West Trail by the Bad Dirt.
00:20:13That's a code, right?
00:20:14There's a knife, but I don't know if I can do it.
00:20:21Okay.
00:20:24Whatever you say, Mr. Park Ranger.
00:20:43Oh, you are a no-match for me.
00:20:49Hello?
00:20:50I'm busy.
00:20:51Hey, Trev.
00:20:53Oh, hey, Sven.
00:20:54Want to take a VR run?
00:20:55Yeah, I do.
00:20:56I do want to.
00:20:57But I can't.
00:20:59Why not, man?
00:21:00Well, you know that guy I buy my stuff from, Sleazy Evan, that I sell to you?
00:21:03Well, apparently he's pissed, because he was supposed to keep that stuff safe for Dirty
00:21:06Lizzie, who was supposed to bring it to Big Bad Ramon.
00:21:08Really nice guy.
00:21:09Who was going to bring it down to Mexico to blast him up Maria.
00:21:12But then I went, and I sold it to you.
00:21:15Well, I had no idea the supply chain had so many steps.
00:21:18Yeah.
00:21:18Well, Dirty Lizzie went to school for supply chain management.
00:21:21I think that's why it runs so smoothly.
00:21:23Until now.
00:21:25Well, I still have pretty much everything you sold me in that box.
00:21:29Want some?
00:21:30No, it's cool.
00:21:31I brought my own.
00:21:42Oh, dude.
00:21:44Man, dude.
00:21:46It's not here.
00:21:47What?
00:21:48Did you sell that vape pen?
00:21:50Oh, yeah, right, I did.
00:21:52Oh.
00:21:53So apparently I need that back.
00:21:55Oh.
00:21:55Yeah, it's sold, amigo.
00:21:57Cool, cool, cool, cool.
00:21:58That cool, cool, but cool, cool.
00:22:00To who exactly did you sell it?
00:22:02To who?
00:22:03Who?
00:22:05With whom did you partake in the selling of it?
00:22:08Oh, to Amy.
00:22:09She lives over on Irwin Place, the basement of the house with the roof.
00:22:12Oh, the one with that door.
00:22:13Yeah, yeah, nice door.
00:22:15Shit door.
00:22:16Well, yeah, shit door, but nice.
00:22:18Yeah, no doubt.
00:22:19Okay, cool.
00:22:20Everything is going to be fine.
00:22:21Oh, good.
00:22:22I was worried it wasn't.
00:22:23Yeah, just, you know, stay here, relax.
00:22:26I'm great at relaxing.
00:22:28And tell your friend that she has nothing to worry about.
00:22:31She's completely safe.
00:22:33There's no harm that's going to come to her at all.
00:22:36There's no problem with anything.
00:22:38I mean, in fact, if anything, she's better now than she was before.
00:22:43I'm pretty sure that, like, she's going to be able to go on vacation or something.
00:22:59Sleazy here.
00:23:00How are you?
00:23:00Hi, Sleazy.
00:23:01It's Sven.
00:23:02Listen, my boy Trevor sold that pen that you said not to sell to his boy, Amy.
00:23:07Well, drats, Sven.
00:23:09That is a bit of a pickle.
00:23:12Let me patch you in Big Bad Ramon and Dirty Lizzie.
00:23:27Big Bad Ramon here.
00:23:29How may I help you?
00:23:40Dirty Lizzie, what's up?
00:23:42Lizzie, is that you?
00:23:43Ramon, so good to hear your voice.
00:23:46Guys, I hate to be the breaker-upper of fun, reconnective conversation, but we've got ourselves
00:23:50a bit of a pickle here.
00:23:52Oh, uh, what happened?
00:23:54Hi, y'all.
00:23:54It's Sven.
00:23:55Hi, Sven.
00:23:57I really screwed the pooch, you guys.
00:23:59The first step is to take a deep breath and just breathe.
00:24:09Now, tell us what happened.
00:24:11Well, I sold that pen that wasn't supposed to be sold.
00:24:13Oh, dear.
00:24:15I think I know the one.
00:24:17Blast him up.
00:24:18Maria really wanted that back.
00:24:20I know.
00:24:21I'm the worst.
00:24:22Guys, let's lay off Sven, okay?
00:24:25He made an honest mistake.
00:24:26And really, this is all of our mistake.
00:24:29You're absolutely right.
00:24:30No one is to blame.
00:24:32The first step is to breathe.
00:24:36I think we should all breathe.
00:24:55Okay.
00:24:56Now, sleazy Evan, as the middle manager of the supply chain, why don't you manage this problem?
00:25:02Oh, absolutely.
00:25:03I will get that pen back at all costs.
00:25:07Unless she says no and I can't.
00:25:09Sven, you tell him where he can find your boy's boy, and we'll see if sleazy can handle it.
00:25:14Okey-doke.
00:25:15Let's all just breathe.
00:25:24Oh, that's my piano teacher, guys.
00:25:26Let me know how it goes, pals.
00:25:27Bye, Ramon.
00:25:29Good luck, sleazy.
00:25:30Good luck.
00:25:34Once again, it's up to me, sleazy Evan.
00:25:41Come on.
00:25:48Come on.
00:25:54Come on.
00:25:58Come on.
00:26:13Amy?
00:26:14Dante?
00:26:15That's me.
00:26:16You are a handsome young man.
00:26:18Well, thank you.
00:26:20Oh, and I'm not going to objectify you by saying anything about your outward appearance.
00:26:24Thanks, I think.
00:26:26So where is this topless place?
00:26:28It's actually right down the street from here.
00:26:30This Albanian couple opened up a Cuban-Korean fusion tapas place right on their back patio.
00:26:35It's called Teeny Tiny Tapas Terrace.
00:26:37Sounds niche.
00:26:39Very.
00:26:39Shall we?
00:26:41Yeah.
00:26:41Consent to hold your hand?
00:26:43Yeah, sure.
00:26:54So, have you lived in this part of New Jersey all your life?
00:26:57No, I'm from down south, like Pine Barren South.
00:27:01Oh, all right.
00:27:02So do you have your own place?
00:27:03I have my own basement, yeah.
00:27:05Your own basement?
00:27:10Uh, yeah, I have my own place.
00:27:12Cool.
00:27:12Oh, I actually just moved into a new place down by the river.
00:27:15It's, uh, the lofts.
00:27:16Oh.
00:27:17What is...
00:27:18Oh, uh, do you know what you want?
00:27:20Uh, whatever you get.
00:27:22Uh, just no peanuts.
00:27:23Adventurous.
00:27:23Okay.
00:27:24We'll have the, uh, vaca frita bulgogi, the bibimbap rellano, the oros con mandu,
00:27:29the chapchi de moros, and side fries.
00:27:34Uh, no peanuts.
00:27:36Wow, that sounded like you really pronounced it all right.
00:27:39It's because I did.
00:27:40Uh-huh.
00:27:40Oh, no need to double check.
00:27:42So, uh, what do you do, Dante?
00:27:44Me?
00:27:45Oh, no, no, no, no.
00:27:46We shouldn't talk about me.
00:27:47That would be such a show of toxic masculinity.
00:27:50We should talk about you.
00:27:51What do you do?
00:27:53Oh, I'm looking for a job at the moment.
00:27:56Oh, what did you do before?
00:27:59Uh, you know, just, like, fart around and shit.
00:28:04You fart and shit?
00:28:06No, like, you know, like, just, like, fart around.
00:28:10You know, do, like, like, random shit.
00:28:11And, like, uh, hang on.
00:28:18I'm an entrepreneur.
00:28:19Oh, cool.
00:28:20Yeah.
00:28:21What do you do?
00:28:23Mm.
00:28:24Ah.
00:28:25Sorry, I'm just, like, really high right now.
00:28:27You're high?
00:28:28Balls.
00:28:34Sorry, I'm just a little out of it today.
00:28:38You know, may I speak of myself for a moment?
00:28:41Please.
00:28:45So, I've been feeling out of it too lately.
00:28:47I mean, I think any rational citizen would be feeling out of it.
00:28:51You'd have to be crazy not to be feeling a little taken advantage of in this political climate.
00:28:56Oh, and I don't mean crazy as in mentally ill.
00:28:59I would never mean that.
00:29:02Good?
00:29:03Huh?
00:29:04Was the arroz con mandu good?
00:29:06Oh, yeah.
00:29:07Totally.
00:29:07Very satisfying.
00:29:08They don't call it teeny tiny tapas for nothing.
00:29:10Mm-hmm.
00:29:11You would ever need more than that.
00:29:12Smaller portions actually help save the environment.
00:29:15Food waste is one of the number one contributors to our dying ecosystem.
00:29:20One-third of the land we use to grow crops is used on wasted food.
00:29:24There shouldn't be a hunger problem.
00:29:26There should be an obesity problem.
00:29:28Word.
00:29:29I'm sorry.
00:29:29I feel like I'm usurpering the conversation.
00:29:31Tell me something else about yourself.
00:29:34Uh, my best friend Clover's an Uber driver.
00:29:37That's interesting.
00:29:39Mm-hmm.
00:29:39It's, like, really good that women can be Uber drivers.
00:29:44Yeah, definitely.
00:29:46Cool.
00:29:46Cool.
00:29:47Cool.
00:29:50Cool.
00:29:51Cool.
00:29:52Jesus Christ.
00:29:53This tiny food is really driving me nuts.
00:29:55Why is it so tiny?
00:29:56Well, it helps prevent our ecosystem from...
00:29:59This is bullshit, man.
00:30:01Hey, this, this is all bullshit.
00:30:04Oh, my God.
00:30:05I'm too high for this.
00:30:08You're high.
00:30:09I can't go back in time anymore, man.
00:30:11I'm sorry.
00:30:11You're just going to have to deal with it.
00:30:12I'm really high right now.
00:30:13What are you high on?
00:30:14Because if it's not anticipation, then...
00:30:16Food waste.
00:30:18I take your food.
00:30:19I take it.
00:30:20And I drink it up.
00:30:21It's mine now.
00:30:22It's mine.
00:30:25Mine.
00:30:26You think you're the profit?
00:30:28You think you're the food waste profit?
00:30:31Think again, my boy.
00:30:32We should put you in a jar.
00:30:34We should put you in a jar.
00:30:36And we should poke you and prod you and make sure that whatever is left of your body is sustainable
00:30:42for the rest of the environment.
00:30:44Reduce.
00:30:44Reuse.
00:30:45Recycle.
00:30:46Would you like that?
00:30:48Would you like that?
00:31:09So, I scared him.
00:31:11He fell over.
00:31:12Split his head open and then asked for a to-go container for me to prevent food waste.
00:31:20Brother, much respect for making a scene.
00:31:23I honestly love it.
00:31:24I kind of loved it, too.
00:31:26But I also loved his kind eyes.
00:31:30And I feel bad about the whole head-splitting thing.
00:31:32Those weren't kind eyes.
00:31:34Those were douchebag eyes hiding behind layers of narcissism-fueled activism.
00:31:39I don't know.
00:31:40I mean, you seem pretty genuine.
00:31:42Every kind deed is fueled by self-gratification.
00:31:45Therefore, the only truly, selflessly kind thing someone can do would have to be done
00:31:50anonymously for someone that person hates.
00:31:53That's real negative thinking.
00:31:55Yeah, don't you love it?
00:31:59Oh, and also, my weed pen can send me back in time.
00:32:04Dope.
00:32:05Real good stuff?
00:32:07No.
00:32:07Well, yes, it's very good stuff.
00:32:09But it can also literally send me back in time.
00:32:13So what?
00:32:14You give Abe Lincoln the old what now?
00:32:16No.
00:32:17It only sends you back for as long as you could hit it.
00:32:21This is a bit?
00:32:22No.
00:32:23I'm serious.
00:32:24Wait.
00:32:27You got this from Trevor?
00:32:29You sure he didn't accidentally give you something else?
00:32:31Did they make mescaline pens?
00:32:33I don't think so.
00:32:35Bummer.
00:32:42I don't think anything happened.
00:32:44Wait.
00:32:44Let me say something so you have a point of reference.
00:32:47Butts.
00:32:52Nothing.
00:32:53Okay, wait.
00:32:53Let me say something so you have a point of reference.
00:32:56Butts.
00:32:57Up.
00:32:59Nothing.
00:33:00I swear it works.
00:33:03Maybe it does.
00:33:04Drugs don't really affect me.
00:33:06I watch you snore dirty snowflakes on a weekly basis.
00:33:10For the aesthetic.
00:33:14Is it unethical to travel back in time to trick a guy into thinking I'm his dream girl just
00:33:18so I can ride the dong?
00:33:21Yeah.
00:33:22Ain't it super cool?
00:33:23Do it.
00:33:24Just don't use that pen for something I wouldn't do.
00:33:27What wouldn't you do?
00:33:28I don't know.
00:33:30Help someone.
00:33:30Cool.
00:33:32Cool.
00:33:33Tight, tight.
00:33:34I won't help anyone.
00:33:39I got eyes on her.
00:33:41She's outside the house.
00:33:45She seems to be like Chinese food.
00:33:48And mean.
00:33:49I make my move.
00:33:50So I'm right.
00:34:13You have something that doesn't belong to you.
00:34:19You have something that doesn't belong to you.
00:34:21Justin?
00:34:22No.
00:34:23It's not Justin.
00:34:25It's Sleazy Evan.
00:34:27Um.
00:34:28It's your worst nightmare.
00:34:30Yeah.
00:34:31It's your worst nightmare.
00:34:32Oh.
00:34:33Okay.
00:34:34Well, um.
00:34:35You're actually trespassing.
00:34:37So I'd appreciate it if you left.
00:34:41Right now?
00:34:42Yes, please.
00:34:45All right.
00:34:46Fine.
00:34:47But I wasn't going to do anything creepy or weird.
00:34:49I just really need that vape pen.
00:34:51Oh, I don't have it.
00:34:52You don't?
00:34:53No.
00:34:55Oh, jeez.
00:34:57This must be one big misunderstanding.
00:34:58I'm so sorry.
00:35:00Eh, don't worry about it.
00:35:01Just, uh, lock the door on the inside before you leave.
00:35:03Okay.
00:35:04All right.
00:35:07For your troubles.
00:35:11Dope.
00:35:11I'll see you later.
00:35:16And when I said I'll see you later, I meant that colloquially I will not actually be back later.
00:35:23Oh.
00:35:33Brother.
00:35:38You get it?
00:35:39You know, it was the darndest thing.
00:35:41She didn't even have it.
00:35:42Are you sure?
00:35:44Yeah.
00:35:44Sure as heck.
00:35:45She told me.
00:35:46Who?
00:35:47The girl herself.
00:35:49Sleazy.
00:35:50Yes, ma'am.
00:35:51Of course the girl is going to say she doesn't have it.
00:35:55She is?
00:35:57Yes.
00:35:59Because she wants to keep it.
00:36:01Wait.
00:36:03So she lied?
00:36:06She lied to my face?
00:36:07People lie, Sleazy.
00:36:09I'm sorry, honey.
00:36:11I can't believe this.
00:36:13I mean, you think you know somebody.
00:36:16You think the world's generally filled with good people who try to do the right thing.
00:36:22This nice girl.
00:36:23Up and lies to her drug dealers, drug dealers, drug dealer.
00:36:28Calm down, Sleazy.
00:36:29How am I supposed to calm down?
00:36:31It's okay.
00:36:33It's not.
00:36:35Go home.
00:36:36Get some sleep.
00:36:38I'll call Big Bad Ramon.
00:36:40He'll know what to do.
00:36:42You know, I just think I need some rest and relaxation.
00:36:48You do.
00:36:50You earned it, Bubba.
00:36:51I did.
00:36:52Go get some sleep.
00:36:58He broke into your house?
00:37:00Well, I forgot to lock the door, so it was less of a break-in and more of like a
00:37:05walk-in.
00:37:05If I find out who it was...
00:37:07Oh, I think it was one of Trevor's friends, but it's all good.
00:37:11Oh, that goddamn little weasel!
00:37:16Give me that fork.
00:37:17What?
00:37:17Give me the fork!
00:37:18Give me the fork!
00:37:19I'm gonna shove this fork in his ass!
00:37:22I'm gonna twirl it around!
00:37:23I'm gonna get a few hairs!
00:37:25I'm gonna shove the hairs in his ear!
00:37:26I'm gonna twirl that around!
00:37:28I'm gonna feed it to his mom!
00:37:29Oh, my God!
00:37:31Oh, my God!
00:37:36All right, cucks.
00:37:37Who's gonna explain why my sweet baby girl Amy got harassed by some sleazy creep?
00:37:42Sup?
00:37:42Oh, hey, Amy.
00:37:43Hey, Trev!
00:37:46Hey!
00:37:47Cut that out!
00:37:48I have questions, you appropriating bitch!
00:37:50How in the world is this appropriation?
00:37:52I'm just paying homage to cultures that I think are groovy.
00:37:56You're manipulating a culture to suit your own needs.
00:37:59Multiple cultures, really.
00:38:00Is loving a culture so much that you get a kick-ass tattoo of Buddha eating a taco?
00:38:05To show how much you love tacos?
00:38:09Appropriation?
00:38:14Oh, wait.
00:38:15It is.
00:38:17My life is a farce.
00:38:20Listen up, jokers!
00:38:22Some dude creeped into Amy's basement last night looking for that weed pen.
00:38:26Oh, no.
00:38:27I worried this would happen.
00:38:28Look, Clover, it's really out of my control.
00:38:31I'm the low man on the proverbial totem pole.
00:38:34Hey, appropriation.
00:38:35I'm the low man on the American flagpole.
00:38:39Yeah.
00:38:39And Sven?
00:38:40I'm the second lowest.
00:38:41I got no say in what the higher-ups do.
00:38:43Look, I'll talk to Sleazy Evan.
00:38:45See if I can get him to bury the hatchet.
00:38:49Bury the gun?
00:38:52Yeah.
00:38:55If I find out anyone is after this adorable little creature, I'll kill them.
00:39:00And then you.
00:39:01And then you!
00:39:03And then you again after I revive you.
00:39:05It's cool, Clover.
00:39:07I think I handled it pretty well.
00:39:08Yeah, chill.
00:39:10So help me.
00:39:11I will tell your mother you're a drug dealer!
00:39:14Mommy?
00:39:16Yeah.
00:39:16Yours, too.
00:39:17Well, joke's on you.
00:39:19Because my mom's very dead.
00:39:22And I miss her a lot.
00:39:29Mmm...
00:39:29Shit.
00:39:30I gotta go.
00:39:32You two clowns better fix this!
00:39:35Coke?
00:39:36Yeah.
00:39:42Is she okay?
00:39:43She seems upset.
00:39:45She's just worried.
00:39:46Some people give hugs.
00:39:47Clover threatens people.
00:39:49Hmm.
00:39:49Well, I'll see what I can do.
00:39:51But really, they're all harmless.
00:39:53You finished all the Night of the Living Dead films?
00:39:55I did!
00:39:56I'm now on to watching all the student film remakes of it.
00:40:00Some of them are really innovative,
00:40:02but most of them have terrible sound and are really not innovative.
00:40:08Hmm.
00:40:10Ah.
00:40:11Just this dating app that I've been using.
00:40:13Some guy just asked me out.
00:40:15Yeah, okay.
00:40:17Gonna get a little action.
00:40:19Uh, I don't know.
00:40:20He seems kind of bro-ish.
00:40:23Salmon pants.
00:40:24I tell ya, if I owned a sweet pair of chinos,
00:40:27I could say with 100% confidence they would not be salmon.
00:40:31Can't hurt to try, though, right?
00:40:32Free drink.
00:40:33That's a winning attitude, m'lady.
00:40:35He wants to meet in Highlands, though.
00:40:37Ugh.
00:40:38Huh.
00:40:39I got you covered.
00:40:41Let me see if we can borrow Mama's hatchback.
00:40:43Mama!
00:40:45We need to borrow your car!
00:40:47A friend in need requires assistance!
00:40:49You're such a good boy, Trap Trap.
00:40:52Thank you, Mama, Mama.
00:40:55I got pants on the car.
00:40:56Let's roll.
00:40:57You good to drive?
00:40:58Yeah, I'm basically sober.
00:41:09Hey, Dad.
00:41:14So, I know that guys like it when girls make the first moves sometimes,
00:41:17so I was wondering if you had any advice for maybe how to do that maybe.
00:41:21Oh, sure.
00:41:22So, most people that go for a kiss, they go straight for the cheek, right?
00:41:25But what men really love is when you give them a little kiss on the forehead and a boop on
00:41:29the nose.
00:41:31Okay, I'll remember that.
00:41:32Remember it.
00:41:33Grown men love it when you boop them on the nose.
00:41:35Grown men love it when you boop them on the nose.
00:41:38Anyway, here she is.
00:41:40Not sure why they call it a hatchback, but it does have this big, weird trunk.
00:41:44Well, it looks like some sort of hatch.
00:41:46Damn it.
00:41:49All right.
00:41:50Okay.
00:41:50There we go.
00:41:52Five, six, seven, eight.
00:42:01Mama loves gnomes.
00:42:03She orders them in bulk from this Armenian artist.
00:42:05She really likes the banana ones.
00:42:08Yeah, they're her favorite.
00:42:11What's your mom do for a living?
00:42:12No idea.
00:42:13Never asked.
00:42:14She has a job, though, right?
00:42:16I'm really not sure.
00:42:18Maybe she's also a deadbeat that sells drugs.
00:42:21You're not a deadbeat.
00:42:22Oh, it's okay.
00:42:23I'm very comfortable being a deadbeat.
00:42:24We can cause it like citizens.
00:42:26No, I mean, you're not a deadbeat.
00:42:28You're more like a n'goodnik or a n'er-do-well.
00:42:33Deadbeats have no source of income.
00:42:35N'goodniks and n'er-do-wells do something with themselves.
00:42:38It's just frowned upon.
00:42:40Huh.
00:42:41I thought about it like that.
00:42:44N'er-do-well.
00:42:45I like that one.
00:42:47I have a deadbeat, but I'm trying to reform, become a layabout.
00:42:51You know, someone who has a job, but they just really don't give a shit.
00:42:56Well, it's nice to have aspirations.
00:43:01So where are we going?
00:43:02I've just been rolling that way.
00:43:03Oh, yeah.
00:43:04An address would help.
00:43:06All right, we are cruising.
00:43:07All right, five, six, seven, eight.
00:43:24Thanks for the lift, man.
00:43:25Oh, no problem, no.
00:43:26And remember, have a good time.
00:43:29I'll see you soon, okay?
00:43:30Dope.
00:43:31All right.
00:43:32Be safe.
00:43:33Do drugs.
00:43:34Wash your hands.
00:43:35Don't talk to ugly strangers.
00:43:38There we go.
00:43:40Oh, not good.
00:43:41All right.
00:43:42All right.
00:43:45Everybody, stop.
00:43:46All right.
00:43:47I'm coming that way.
00:43:48Uh-oh, that's not good.
00:43:57Chad?
00:43:58Hey, uh, Amy.
00:44:00Yeah, hey.
00:44:01Thanks for coming.
00:44:02Uh, I'm sorry.
00:44:03Just give me a second.
00:44:04I know a bad date out of, kid.
00:44:05I just got to lock in my fantasy lineup.
00:44:07Oh, no worries.
00:44:08I already locked in mine.
00:44:09You have a fantasy team?
00:44:11Yeah.
00:44:12It's Wonder Woman, Gandalf, Judi Dench, and Elizabeth Warren.
00:44:16And my kicker's there, bud.
00:44:19Yeah, that's, uh, that's not fantasy.
00:44:21Yeah, you're right.
00:44:23Gandalf could never be in fantasy.
00:44:24Never heard of the guy, but I doubt it.
00:44:27Drink?
00:44:28Sure.
00:44:28Excuse me.
00:44:29Hello?
00:44:30Yes, can we get a drink for the fine lady?
00:44:39So, uh, tell me about your fantasy team, or whatever.
00:44:44Oh, well, I mean, you're gonna love this.
00:44:46So, my boy, Donny, forfeit first-round pick, and it goes to me.
00:44:50And everyone knows that first-round pick was 100% gonna be DeBrumbrick Shanquallen.
00:44:56The guy ran 750 yards in one season.
00:45:00Huh.
00:45:01DeBrumbrick.
00:45:01Good call.
00:45:02Yeah, yeah.
00:45:03And, you know, he's just the base, the consistency pick.
00:45:06My true golden boy is Daryl Strawberry.
00:45:09This guy's been running yards since he was 19.
00:45:11He's got more sacks and tacks than Brad Manley.
00:45:13And when you're yardin', you're yardin'.
00:45:16And that guy yards it.
00:45:18He puffs it down that turf like a yardin' man should.
00:45:21Ah, boy does he yard it.
00:45:23He just keeps yardin' and yardin' and yardin'.
00:45:26Chargin' on his yard card, cause he's got yard credit out the wazoo.
00:45:30He's on a date.
00:45:30I think we can use this to our advantage.
00:45:32Well then, we'll just have to make you a profile she cannot resist.
00:45:43So, uh, do you have a favorite team?
00:45:46Oh, shit.
00:45:47Sorry.
00:45:48Didn't think you'd ever actually ask me a question.
00:45:50What's up?
00:45:51Uh, a favorite team.
00:45:52Do you have a favorite team?
00:45:54What's your favorite team, Brad?
00:45:57It's Chad.
00:45:58Sure.
00:45:59Ah, I gotta say, I love my seabirds.
00:46:02I'm a lifelong fan.
00:46:04And did you know that the seabirds are 100% fan-owned?
00:46:14Favorite team, do you have one?
00:46:16Seabirds.
00:46:16They're 100% fan-owned, and for some reason, that matters to me.
00:46:20You're joking my ass.
00:46:22Amy!
00:46:22I love the seabirds!
00:46:24Ugh.
00:46:25I can't even fake this.
00:46:28No, by the reason, the favorite team, do you have one?
00:46:32I don't really have a favorite team, and I find you to be a real lump-a-cum.
00:46:37Wow.
00:46:37Oh.
00:46:38Sorry, that was mean.
00:46:39That was, that one was too mean.
00:46:43I don't know about who you mean to be your favorite team.
00:46:44Do you, do you have one?
00:46:46Uh, I don't really have a favorite team.
00:46:48Tell me all about the footballs.
00:46:50What's that?
00:46:50Well, uh, sports.
00:46:53Sports, sports, sports, sports, sports.
00:46:55Sports.
00:46:56Sports, sports, sports.
00:47:00Sports, sport, sport, sport, sports, sport, sport...
00:47:05Sports, sport, uh, sports, sports, sports, sports, sports...
00:47:11Sports.
00:47:12Sports!
00:47:14Sports.
00:47:17Hey!
00:47:18Sports.
00:47:18Hey!
00:47:19Sports.
00:47:20IDs.
00:47:20Someone call 911, I think this guy's having a stroke.
00:47:22Sports.
00:47:22Oh!
00:47:23Where?
00:47:26Sports?
00:47:27Sports.
00:47:37I'm really sorry about your friend.
00:47:40It's the way you would have wanted to go.
00:47:52So then he has an aneurysm.
00:47:55He falls to the ground and splits his head open.
00:47:58Here I was thinking that this would all be accompanied by a warm meal.
00:48:01And then the ambulance came, but it was already too late.
00:48:06Oh, I love your dating life.
00:48:09Everybody gets their heads split open.
00:48:12Yeah.
00:48:14Well, whatever.
00:48:17What's wrong?
00:48:18Nothing.
00:48:20You're not bummed about those dates not working out, are you?
00:48:23A little.
00:48:25Brother?
00:48:27You're the fucking best.
00:48:28And those turds can't even keep their heads unsplit.
00:48:32They're not worthy, and you'll find someone to bone who's better than those jabronis.
00:48:36Well, what if I want something more than just a quick bone?
00:48:41Gross.
00:48:41Why?
00:48:42I don't know.
00:48:43I was just thinking, maybe it would be nice to have someone to do nothing with all day.
00:48:48You got me.
00:48:51Yeah, I know.
00:48:57Yeah.
00:48:58This is romantic AF.
00:49:06You want to just chug these?
00:49:07Let's just do it, babe.
00:49:18Looking for a woman with no job who likes Chinese food.
00:49:22Good, good.
00:49:24Eat more.
00:49:25Mention weed.
00:49:27Ah.
00:49:27I enjoy participating in 420 activities.
00:49:33Oh, and say that you like to lie to tall Art Garfunkel types who you've never seen or met before.
00:49:41A little on the nose, Sleazy.
00:49:43Okay, well, I saw on her Facebook page that she likes 90s-style hip-hop, so maybe you could work
00:49:49that in there.
00:49:50Yeah, I called my boy, Sushi Maine.
00:49:55Maybe set up a date at a recording studio.
00:49:59Interesting.
00:50:00So how about this?
00:50:03Looking for a sex.
00:50:06No strings attached.
00:50:08Just the sex.
00:50:11Real easy.
00:50:13That's good.
00:50:15Do we know her mission is to get laid?
00:50:18I think so.
00:50:21Are you sure?
00:50:22I don't think we have that information at this point in the script.
00:50:28Yeah, maybe not.
00:50:31This whole thing's pretty low stakes.
00:50:33I don't think it matters.
00:50:35Okay, why don't we just add a little flashback here where Sleazy overhears that little tidbit.
00:50:43Exciting.
00:50:53This thing has really gone off the rails.
00:50:57My vision is a shade of what it once was.
00:51:04Do what you will.
00:51:11I just want to get laid.
00:51:13No strings attached.
00:51:15Just the sex.
00:51:16Real easy.
00:51:17Sushi wants the sex.
00:51:21Now make sure you upload at least four pictures, otherwise you're going to look like a bot.
00:51:26Oh, and you can call yourself Ramon.
00:51:30Oh, that's your name already.
00:51:32Yeah.
00:51:33How about Raymond?
00:51:36I like it.
00:51:39Big bad Ramon is about to become sexy Raymond.
00:51:46You know, before I waste this whole magic pen stuff, maybe I should use it to try and get a
00:51:52job.
00:51:53What, like interview hacking?
00:51:55Yeah.
00:51:56Is that like crossing a line?
00:51:58No, no way.
00:51:59My mom got all her jobs by lying on her resume and putting her friend's numbers down as references.
00:52:08God damn it!
00:52:11Stupid customer!
00:52:13Stupid customer!
00:52:31I didn't do an Uber pool.
00:52:35Yeah, this is my intern.
00:52:37Now kindly shut it.
00:52:39So, yeah, you think I should time travel my way into a low income job?
00:52:43Hell yeah, brother.
00:52:47Um, are you fucking kidding me?
00:52:49What?
00:52:50Listen to a podcast or something, creep.
00:52:53I don't have any headphones.
00:52:56Oh.
00:53:01And Jerry Pats.
00:53:31If you don't give me five stars, I'll come murder you.
00:53:50It's gonna be a new me.
00:53:52A whole new me.
00:53:54A me who doesn't ever appropriate.
00:53:59A me who appreciates other cultures by respecting them.
00:54:14Hey, ladies, how goes it?
00:54:16Hey, yo, yo, it goes well.
00:54:18How'd the date go?
00:54:19Amy killed him.
00:54:21How is it?
00:54:22Oh, we don't know that.
00:54:23He could still be alive.
00:54:25His brain bled out.
00:54:26He had like an aneurysm or something.
00:54:29Amy made his dumb brain bleed.
00:54:32Uh, you guys want some bud?
00:54:34By the burger sugar?
00:54:36Nah.
00:54:37Amy asked if we could stop by.
00:54:38Probably to mooch some weed while we pretend to like hanging out with you guys.
00:54:41Ah, fine by me.
00:54:45Trev, Trev.
00:54:46Yes, Mama?
00:54:48I brought you some pizzi rollies.
00:54:50Thank you, Mama.
00:54:52Thank you for being my son.
00:54:54So, who are your friends?
00:54:56This is Sven, my business partner.
00:54:59Oh, it's you, Sven.
00:55:01I remember you.
00:55:02Hello.
00:55:03Hi, Miss Pigowitz.
00:55:04And this is Clover.
00:55:07Oh, hello, Clover.
00:55:08It's nice to meet you.
00:55:10Your name is so beautiful.
00:55:12Pleasure's mine.
00:55:15Oh, no, no.
00:55:17Allow me.
00:55:21And this is Amy.
00:55:24Oh, this is Amy?
00:55:26Oh, my God.
00:55:28She's beautiful.
00:55:29She's a beautiful young lady.
00:55:32It's nice to meet you.
00:55:34Goodbye, everyone.
00:55:36Goodbye, Mama.
00:55:42I love you, Trev, Trev.
00:55:44I love you too, Mama.
00:55:48I love you more than anyone.
00:55:50I love you more than life itself.
00:55:53Not more than.
00:55:54I love you, Mama.
00:55:56You really do love you.
00:56:00You gotta chill with this whole weird mom relationship you got going on.
00:56:04What do you mean?
00:56:06I mean, you're practically still dangling off her nips.
00:56:10Nah.
00:56:13No.
00:56:14We're just a close family.
00:56:16That's all.
00:56:17You know.
00:56:19Since Dad left.
00:56:25Come on, Trevor.
00:56:27Come on, Trevor.
00:56:28Here.
00:56:28Oh, God.
00:56:32So when's the next day?
00:56:34Well, I don't know if this whole online thing is for me.
00:56:36Yeah, but the best things happen in threes.
00:56:39Like musketeers or celebrity deaths.
00:56:42Maybe one more shot.
00:56:44Maybe.
00:56:44If it doesn't work out, I could buy you a gigolo or some shit.
00:56:49Oh.
00:56:51That's a good friend.
00:57:10Knock, knock.
00:57:21You know I didn't give you the job, right?
00:57:23Yes.
00:57:24But I thought I could interview again.
00:57:26Business casual style.
00:57:29Sweatpants.
00:57:33Business up top, casual down low.
00:57:35Besides, you guys are just sitting at desks anyway.
00:57:38I mean, who's going to notice?
00:57:39I already gave the position away.
00:57:42Just please for practice.
00:57:44I'm trying.
00:57:45Okay.
00:57:46Two minutes.
00:57:47But then you leave and I never see you again.
00:57:49Deal.
00:57:54Well?
00:57:55Oh, do we start?
00:57:56Yes.
00:57:57Okay.
00:57:57Shit.
00:57:58Hang on a second.
00:58:00And I never see you again.
00:58:01Deal.
00:58:02I'm a hard worker.
00:58:03I'll show up on time, and I will dedicate my life to this company.
00:58:09A little overdramatic.
00:58:13Those your kids?
00:58:15Yes.
00:58:16What are their names?
00:58:18It's Brian and Adam.
00:58:19Brian and Adam?
00:58:21Brian.
00:58:22And your wife?
00:58:25Jessica.
00:58:26Hey, you know what?
00:58:26This is getting a little weird.
00:58:27Three wolves today.
00:58:29A little overdramatic.
00:58:32Yeah.
00:58:34Maybe.
00:58:35But don't we have to be overdramatic?
00:58:39Okay, listen.
00:58:40In the game of business, which is the game of life, we have to be dramatic.
00:58:47I mean, for instance, if you lost your job, what would happen to little Brian or Adam or your lovely
00:58:55wife, Jessica?
00:58:56Come on.
00:58:57Excuse me?
00:58:58You need a job to support them, right?
00:59:01Is that a threat or something?
00:59:03No.
00:59:03Hey, man, that wasn't what I was...
00:59:05I didn't have my wife and kids' names.
00:59:06No, I was...
00:59:07Well, that's harder to explain.
00:59:08Get out!
00:59:09Okay.
00:59:09Just get out!
00:59:10I'm...
00:59:11I didn't...
00:59:11Uh...
00:59:12I'm sorry!
00:59:22I think the jobs just aren't for me.
00:59:24You went to the same place.
00:59:27Yeah, and somehow it went worse this time.
00:59:30Of course it did.
00:59:31You need a job at, like, some bougie-ass coffee shop where your lackluster work ethic will be mistaken for
00:59:38character.
00:59:39You're right.
00:59:40Kaprofs get free coffee, too.
00:59:42Mm.
00:59:43Oh.
00:59:46Oh, hey, I got another match.
00:59:48What's his bio?
00:59:49It says 420 friendly, gainfully employed, and will buy you Chinese food.
00:59:55Up-and-coming 90s-style hip-hop artist.
00:59:58Cool.
00:59:59I'm gonna have to buy you Chinese if you date this chode.
01:00:01He cute?
01:00:07He's cute.
01:00:09Message him.
01:00:10I'll drive you to Bone Town.
01:00:11Okay.
01:00:12I'll drive you to Bone Town.
01:00:13Dale!
01:00:15Hey!
01:00:17What's up?
01:00:18He gets weird, you text me S.O.S., and I'll come bring my axe and slice his nuts off.
01:00:22Cool.
01:00:23Cool.
01:00:23And?
01:00:24I brought my dull one today.
01:00:26So it'll be especially fun.
01:00:28Dull?
01:00:29But...
01:00:29How do I look?
01:00:32Like a beautiful baby angel.
01:00:34Is that a good thing?
01:00:36Yes.
01:00:37Duh.
01:00:38Okay.
01:00:39Go get him, Tigress.
01:01:01She's here.
01:01:02Mask on.
01:01:06She's here.
01:01:07Mask on.
01:01:17Hey, I'm Amy.
01:01:19Hey, yourself.
01:01:20You Raymond?
01:01:21Nope.
01:01:23You're not?
01:01:25I mean, yes.
01:01:26Uh, I am Raymond.
01:01:28I thought you said Ramon.
01:01:29Uh, I have never been a Ramon.
01:01:31Big and bad.
01:01:33Or otherwise.
01:01:35Uh, cool.
01:01:38Can I come in?
01:01:41Yeah, of course.
01:01:50So you're just in time for our recording session?
01:01:52It's kind of like a Beastie Boys, Backstreet Boys, Beach Boys Club.
01:01:58All the boys.
01:01:59Uh, yeah.
01:02:00So do you like, um, 90s?
01:02:0390s style hip-hop?
01:02:05I do.
01:02:06Yeah?
01:02:06Uh, who's that?
01:02:07That's my producer, Sushi Main.
01:02:10Sushi Main?
01:02:11Yeah.
01:02:11We have, uh, Chinese food.
01:02:15Oh, cool.
01:02:16I'm good for now.
01:02:17All right.
01:02:17Cool, cool.
01:02:18Uh, hey, you know what I always love for recording session?
01:02:24Uh, hit a vape pen.
01:02:26Do you have one?
01:02:31Uh, no.
01:02:34Cool, cool.
01:02:35Tight, tight.
01:02:36Sushi Main, drop that beat.
01:02:43Ah.
01:02:45Ah.
01:02:50My name is Big Bad Raymond.
01:02:54But I ain't playing.
01:02:56I'm always a hippin', a hoppin', but I never be a droppin'.
01:02:59That beat.
01:03:01Grew up in the hood.
01:03:02Raised on the streets.
01:03:03A nice, sunny, suburban street.
01:03:06But it wasn't always great because my mom never says she loves me.
01:03:10Because my mom never says she loves me.
01:03:15My mom never says she loves me.
01:03:22Uh, I think Sushi Main needs you.
01:03:25Okay, I'll be right back.
01:03:32What's going on, buddy?
01:03:34I was rapping from the heart and I realized some things.
01:03:38Oh, come on, man.
01:03:39You know your mom loves you.
01:03:41She got you that Xbox for Christmas.
01:03:43But that's just the thing.
01:03:44She always gave me things as a substitute for love.
01:03:47Come here.
01:03:54No, it's okay.
01:03:57Gonna go back out there, okay?
01:03:59Got this.
01:04:11Sushi Main, drop the beat.
01:04:15Christmas time.
01:04:17Best time of the year.
01:04:18All of your family from far and near.
01:04:21Come together to celebrate Jesus.
01:04:23But the thing about family is, boy, does my mom suck.
01:04:31Get out.
01:04:32Get out.
01:04:33Upper class, middle class, it doesn't even matter.
01:04:36You could still have a bad mind to have father.
01:04:41I hate my mom, okay?
01:04:46Just give me the weed pen.
01:04:48Oh, shit.
01:05:00You hate my mom, man.
01:05:02I hate you by your mom, okay?
01:05:06Just give me the weed pen.
01:05:11Fuck.
01:05:14What the fuck?
01:05:17Excuse you.
01:05:19Oh, oh, Raymond.
01:05:21Oh, dear.
01:05:24I'm never gonna get laid.
01:05:27Right in the leg.
01:05:29Do you know how much blood is in the leg?
01:05:30A lot?
01:05:31Probably.
01:05:32This guy is dead, okay?
01:05:34He's dead meat.
01:05:35What?
01:05:37Nobody messes with my nice, sweet boys.
01:05:40Oh, my God.
01:05:45Trevor, I have to go to your place.
01:05:47Your dealer pills are after me.
01:05:49Watch.
01:05:50Okay.
01:05:51Okay.
01:05:51You're gonna be okay.
01:05:52I'm gonna be okay.
01:05:53Uh-huh.
01:05:53It's just a needy-panty flesh wound.
01:05:55Oh, no, no, no, no.
01:05:57Oh, no.
01:05:58Oh, no.
01:06:01Go on without me.
01:06:03I'm not leaving my best friend in the cold to die.
01:06:07Best friend?
01:06:09Number one, buddy.
01:06:10It's so cold.
01:06:14It's warm in there.
01:06:16I see a bright light.
01:06:19No, no, don't go into the light.
01:06:21It's so bright and beautiful.
01:06:23All my family's there.
01:06:25Even Mom.
01:06:26Stay away from the light.
01:06:27I didn't know she died.
01:06:29You're gonna stay with me, okay?
01:06:30You're gonna stay right here.
01:06:32I just need to get this knife out.
01:06:34Okay.
01:06:38I forgive you, Mommy.
01:06:41That feels good.
01:06:43Oh, God.
01:06:44Oh, I was wrong.
01:06:46I was so wrong.
01:06:49Mama?
01:06:50I'm gonna put it back in, okay?
01:06:52I'm gonna put it back in.
01:06:54Mama?
01:07:00Ramon?
01:07:03Ramon?
01:07:29Just for the record, I don't think it's very appropriate for you to appropriate those.
01:07:33We can discuss that later.
01:07:35I just think that later.
01:07:37We need to protect Amy.
01:07:42Bingo.
01:07:47I'll use my non-appropriative broom poke action.
01:07:51Oh, yeah, that's it.
01:07:52The thrust.
01:07:53That's what it's about.
01:07:53The thrust.
01:07:55Amy!
01:07:55We're here to help.
01:07:59Catch your breath.
01:08:09Good work, Sven.
01:08:11Sven's guy.
01:08:11Oh, uh, we're actually here to stop you, but I do not approve of his weapon choice.
01:08:18Everybody, just stay right where you are.
01:08:21This thing's spring-loaded and hurts like a bitch.
01:08:24Ow.
01:08:25Whoa, hey.
01:08:26Hey, let's all just calm down.
01:08:30That's her.
01:08:31That's the girl who killed Big Bad Ramon.
01:08:34Killed?
01:08:35You killed BBR?
01:08:38Sven, Big Bad Ramon was the smallest, least bad guy I know.
01:08:44I don't want to fight you, Sven.
01:08:49But I will.
01:08:56Everyone, back off, Amy!
01:08:59Oh, thank God.
01:09:04It's like a real Mexican standoff here.
01:09:06Or as they would say in Mexican culture, a standoff.
01:09:29I don't want to fight you, but I don't want to fight you, but I don't want to fight you,
01:09:30but I don't want to fight you, but I don't want to fight you, but I don't want to fight
01:09:30you, but I don't want to fight you, but I don't want to fight you, but I don't want to
01:09:30fight you, but I don't want to fight you, but I don't want to fight you, but I don't want
01:09:30to fight you, but I don't want to fight you, but I don't want to fight you, but I don't
01:09:30want to fight you, but I don't want to fight you, but I don't want to fight you, but I
01:09:31don't want to fight you, but I don't want to fight you, but I don't want to fight you, but
01:09:33I don't want to fight you, but I don't want to fight you, but I don't want to fight you,
01:09:36but I don't want to fight you, but I don't want to
01:09:53I didn't mean to kill him. He lunged at me. He was working on his doctorate.
01:09:58He was going to change the world. It was always his dream to eradicate the common cold.
01:10:03Yeah, well, he wouldn't be dead if you stumble, bum cucks. Didn't stalk in Catfish Amy.
01:10:17I can fix this. And how exactly can you do that? The pen. It can send me back.
01:10:24You know damn well it doesn't work like that. I just have to hit it for long enough.
01:10:29He died like 20 minutes ago. There's no chance.
01:10:32You'd have to hit it for 19, no, 20 minutes.
01:10:37I have to try. Amy, no. You could end up really, really sleepy and hungry or worse.
01:10:47But we could hit it together. Double the power. Share the burden.
01:10:53Will that work? I don't know. Lizzie?
01:10:59Fine. But if it doesn't work, you're handing over that pen.
01:11:06Amy, you say the word and I'll rip this bitch's lungs out.
01:11:09No, no, no. Not yet, Clover.
01:11:14There's so many paradoxes in play here.
01:11:17My quantum physics degree is really doing very little for me in this situation.
01:11:22I don't know if this could maybe not work never once, but I certainly think it could maybe work once
01:11:27never.
01:11:30Regardless.
01:11:33Tricky.
01:11:35You don't have to do this.
01:11:37Hey, I got you into this mess.
01:11:40I gotta help you get out.
01:11:46Ready?
01:11:48Ready.
01:11:50One.
01:11:50Two.
01:11:51You just do it.
01:11:52I'll do it?
01:11:52Okay.
01:11:53Start from the top.
01:11:54Okay.
01:11:55Ten.
01:11:56Nine.
01:11:56Oh, you went way up there.
01:11:57Yeah, I thought this.
01:11:58All right, here we go.
01:11:58You just do it.
01:11:59All right, sure.
01:12:00Three, two, one.
01:12:00A fear.
01:12:05Ah!
01:12:09Yeah.
01:12:11Yeah.
01:12:13Ah!
01:12:13Ah!
01:12:14Ah!
01:12:20Ah!
01:12:24Ah!
01:12:26Ah!
01:12:27Ah!
01:12:27Ah!
01:12:28Ah!
01:12:42it was from right over there i jumped out you from behind the tree grandpa got all excited
01:12:48he shook his fist at me and he said boy you'll be done for help remember that right over there
01:12:55he said really be scared here johnny you're still afraid stop it now i mean it
01:13:07they're coming they're coming they're coming they're coming they're coming they're coming to get you
01:13:19barbara barbara barbara barbara barbara barbara barbara did we oh oh no we smocked the hole
01:13:37not the hole hold the smock uh hole what the hell is going on here
01:13:52interior treva's sunroom treva lays down amy just appeared out of thin air and you guys are both
01:14:01really high am i on drugs drugs other than the usual ones all done
01:14:35i've never been stood up by a girl before well except for my mom at soccer practice
01:14:43plenty of the fish in the sea bud
01:14:47plenty of moms in the sea too sure
01:14:55can we get ice cream
01:15:00yeah we can
01:15:10well looks like i'm gonna have to make a call to blast them up maria
01:15:14this isn't gonna be pretty
01:15:30clover what's up
01:15:33how long was i asleep for looks like at least two days
01:15:38did we say ramon oh wait if we did you wouldn't know you did
01:15:45i know because this is your third time you've woken up and told me about it only to go back
01:15:49to sleep
01:15:50we did it you did i guess i'm not gonna lie part of me thinks that you and trevor took
01:15:56some bad
01:15:56shrooms or something no it was real
01:16:01okay
01:16:03i was just here making sure you're okay
01:16:07you okay
01:16:08yeah i'm good clove
01:16:15i'm gonna go make some cash
01:16:17we'll hang later
01:16:20oh and clover
01:16:22yeah
01:16:25thanks
01:16:28you know i got your back bitch
01:16:30but i'm adding fifty dollars to your tab
01:16:32for all the worry cigarettes i smoked watching your high ass
01:16:35yeah that's fair i'll pay it back
01:16:38heard that one before
01:16:49trevor
01:16:56trevor
01:17:02what time is it
01:17:04uh i don't know but we slept at least two days
01:17:09damn
01:17:12did you see the cat box
01:17:14and the other us us's
01:17:18yeah
01:17:20what was that
01:17:22like
01:17:26some kind of dimensional rift i guess
01:17:29oh man
01:17:32that was pretty cool
01:17:38hey trevor
01:17:41you know how
01:17:42i've been going on those online dates
01:17:45and
01:17:46they always either end up
01:17:47cracking their heads open or i stab them to death
01:17:50yeah
01:17:51well
01:17:52i was thinking
01:17:54i'd rather just hang with you
01:17:56oh
01:17:56dope
01:17:57yeah
01:17:59you can always hang here
01:18:00okay but the the reason
01:18:02that i went on those dates was to get late
01:18:06and i still want to get late
01:18:08but i also want to hang
01:18:11well maybe we can go to the bar or something and find someone
01:18:15but i just said i want to hang with you
01:18:18oh yeah
01:18:19you can hang
01:18:22but i also want to have sex
01:18:25oh
01:18:27i see
01:18:30you might like my cousin timmy
01:18:32he is a little weeb
01:18:36but he's a nice boy
01:18:39i want to hang
01:18:40and sex
01:18:42the same person
01:18:44oh timmy can hang
01:18:45but i want to hang with you
01:18:46oh
01:18:47after timmy
01:18:48no
01:18:49now
01:18:51before it
01:18:52no timmy
01:18:53because he's a dweeb
01:18:56i want to have sex with you
01:18:59and then i want to hang
01:19:03oh
01:19:07like me and you
01:19:08yeah
01:19:09would you want that
01:19:11to hang or have sex
01:19:13both
01:19:19yes
01:19:19to both
01:19:21to both yes
01:19:23okay
01:19:25cool
01:19:26cool
01:19:28we can uh
01:19:30do it in mama's hatchback if you want
01:19:32i'd like that
01:19:35me too
01:19:39mama
01:19:43we need to borrow your car
01:19:48she keeps it unlocked anyway
01:19:56is that good
01:19:56oh
01:19:58yeah
01:19:58yep
01:19:59it's all pretty good to me
01:20:00is it good for you
01:20:01oh yeah
01:20:02it's pretty dope
01:20:03wanna hit this
01:20:04what
01:20:05when'd you like that
01:20:06a couple minutes ago
01:20:08sweet
01:20:09yeah let me hit it
01:20:13you okay
01:20:15yeah
01:20:16just
01:20:17joints always make me cough
01:20:18oh
01:20:19true
01:20:20you know what
01:20:21i'll ask my boy's friend
01:20:22to grab you a new weed pen
01:20:23oh
01:20:23dope
01:20:24can it be a non-time travel one
01:20:26i'll ask
01:20:27i'm sure he can do that for you though
01:20:29he owes us both one
01:20:30for turning on us
01:20:31in that standoff
01:20:31what do you remember that
01:20:33all right
01:20:34time travel
01:20:35no
01:20:36but he's easily convinced
01:20:37no doubt
01:20:41just finished
01:20:43oh
01:20:43cool me too
01:20:45sweet
01:20:46wanna get chinese food
01:20:47sure
01:20:48hand me your socks
01:20:49mama doesn't want me leaving a mess
01:20:58hey uh i'm here for the barista job
01:21:02you're like four hours late to your interview
01:21:04yeah i slept in
01:21:07it's cool
01:21:08we're all usually late
01:21:09oh word
01:21:10word
01:21:11word
01:21:12word
01:21:13word
01:21:14word
01:21:15would you
01:21:16say you
01:21:17generally give a shit
01:21:19no
01:21:20not really
01:21:21tight
01:21:22cool
01:21:23cool cool tight tight
01:21:24dope
01:21:27dope
01:21:28dope
01:21:41all right
01:21:42all right so i guess i'll see you monday
01:21:45yeah whatever
01:21:47word
01:21:48word
01:21:49word
01:21:50word
01:21:51word
01:21:52word
01:21:52word
01:21:56word
01:22:02word
01:22:03word
01:22:08word
01:22:12word
01:22:14word
01:22:17word
01:24:15Oh, it's you. It's your solo.
01:24:17It's your solo.
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