- 8 hours ago
Urzila Season 1 Episode 4
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:01Oh my!
00:02Bitch, I'm not prepared for that. This house is a mess.
00:05I'm not gonna let you see my filth.
00:07I bet you're one of those tidy house psychos.
00:10What are you hiding, huh?
00:11What kind of fritzle situation is going on at your place?
00:14Can I just use your bathroom?
00:17No. We don't have one.
00:19Yeah, we're free weirs now. It's better for the environment.
00:23Just go we over there.
00:31Yeah, grub.
00:42Oh, hello!
00:44You are on fire!
00:47Oh my God!
00:49Honestly, you make my tits perk up and nothing does that.
00:53Can I just say, as a 50-year-old woman,
00:56do you know the hardest part of my day these days?
00:58And you go, is it menopause? No.
01:00It's lining up my nipples.
01:03Like initially, like in my 40s, it was once a day.
01:05I put the bra on. I'd line the girls up.
01:08I'd go, I'm good to go.
01:09Now, they go...
01:13They're wilting like celery in Brisbane.
01:16They just can't do it.
01:17Then you talk to younger women, you know, whose skin still fit.
01:20And they go, it's so embarrassing.
01:22I said, today, I went to work and I forgot to put on a bra.
01:32They go, I didn't even notice till I went for morning tea,
01:34made a cup of tea.
01:35When I opened the fridge, my nipples just went...
01:38I was like, yeah, I weirdly had a very similar experience this way.
01:42Forgot to put a bra on, went to make a cup of tea,
01:45and slammed my tits in the drawer.
01:52Very similar story.
01:54My nipples also went ding-dong.
01:58Honestly, the stuff we go through as women with our boobs is crazy.
02:01I can't believe the technology's not really changed, you know.
02:05The fight we have with our underwire is insane.
02:09Insane.
02:10Like, you go throughout the day, and you never know when that thing's coming out.
02:14You're just at work, you're working, three o'clock,
02:16you turn to look at your work wife, and you're like,
02:18oh, I can't.
02:21And then, you know, you go,
02:22oh, I think I may have had a stroke or something.
02:25I can't turn my...
02:26Oh, no, it's the underwire.
02:27It's out.
02:28The underwire crept out.
02:30No one had said anything to you.
02:33And you know that thing didn't just go...
02:35It didn't just pop out.
02:36It's slowly, incrementally,
02:38quarter-millimeter by quarter-millimeter was creeping out.
02:41You've been dealing with clients all day.
02:44You've been talking to your friends.
02:45Not one of them have gone,
02:46hey, babes.
02:48Yeah, your mechanical tit is unraveling.
02:52You know, that's how it changes.
02:53You go, how has your life changed as you've gotten older?
02:56I've got a lot more confidence,
02:57and I went from a double D to a 38 long.
03:12No.
03:13I'm looking for the owner of a 10 double D grey granny bra
03:18with underwire issues 2017 model.
03:20It's me.
03:21Come on.
03:24All right.
03:26Pop the hood.
03:28Yay.
03:28Hey, old lady.
03:30I haven't seen one of these in years.
03:32Yeah, it's vintage.
03:33No, it's a shitbox is what it is.
03:35You should have come to see me ages ago.
03:37What the hell?
03:38I've got an antenna.
03:39You can catch talkback radio on this.
03:41Oh, I'm a racist bastard.
03:43But we could just take the underwire out,
03:45and then it should be fine.
03:46If we take the underwire,
03:47that bright tip is going to come right down,
03:50and by Wednesday,
03:51you just drop kicking it on the pavement.
03:52I don't want that.
03:53No one wants that.
03:54What we're going to do
03:55is I'm going to go ahead
03:56and put it back in for you, okay?
03:59Yeah.
04:00Oh, God.
04:00Just don't scream.
04:02Okay, yeah.
04:03Oh, God.
04:03She's in.
04:04That feels so much better.
04:05So much better.
04:06Thank you for your work.
04:08Oh, we're not done.
04:09We're not done?
04:09No, no.
04:10Look, the suspension on this thing is munted.
04:12Look at that.
04:13Look at that.
04:14Diff is going to be dragging on that thing.
04:16It's got no shocks left in it.
04:18Okay.
04:18Do you get a lot of tit poppages on that?
04:20Oh, yeah.
04:21Sometimes if I stop suddenly.
04:22Yeah.
04:22It's because your brakes on, Roy.
04:24Okay.
04:24I'll tell you what.
04:25She's a big job.
04:26The rims are all bent up.
04:27Leave her with me for a couple of days.
04:29I'll give you one of these courtesy bras.
04:31Maybe that sporty one.
04:32No.
04:32I can't wear that.
04:34And I need this done now.
04:35I need it now.
04:38Hop up.
04:38Let me have a look underneath.
04:41Alrighty, Ro.
04:42Shall we?
04:43Okay.
04:44Good news, bad news.
04:45You're getting new lice.
04:47Yeah, just do it.
04:47Just do it.
04:49Oh.
04:50Oh.
04:51Are you sure you know what you're doing down there?
04:53I'm going to need a hammer.
04:56Oh, wow.
04:57Got it.
04:58They should lift those girls up.
05:02Oh.
05:02Oh, no.
05:03I've hit the milk tank.
05:04Oh, sorry.
05:05I'm night tanning.
05:06I should have seen it.
05:07It's all right.
05:08It happens all the time.
05:09Don't worry about it.
05:11That was a messy job, eh?
05:13Like, oh.
05:14I'm going to smell like custard for days.
05:15I mean, it's much better, so thank you.
05:18There you go.
05:211,455 bucks.
05:22That seems like a lot.
05:25Oh, hi, Mum.
05:26What's the damage?
05:27Um, well, underwires, 15 mil straps, g-cup re-putting.
05:34Well, going off this month's Spotlight catalogue, I'd say $17.70.
05:39Yeah, and labour, though.
05:41So, like, 10 minutes.
05:441770, is it?
05:47Thanks, Mum.
05:48Mm-hmm.
05:50Thanks.
05:51Don't hurry back.
05:52Next!
05:54It's been 28 days since the virus spread.
05:57What many are calling a Karen-demic.
06:00She spat in my son's face.
06:02I'm notifying the authorities!
06:05And...
06:06We'll look at him.
06:09You have no right to film me.
06:11That's it.
06:12If you film me, I'll film you.
06:14The Australian military has finally captured the first of the infected, Karen Zero.
06:19You're bending my body back!
06:22Scientists hoping her DNA may provide a cure to this horrifying plague.
06:32Karen!
06:33Karen!
06:33Karen!
06:34Can you hear us?
06:34Karen!
06:35Karen!
06:35Yes!
06:36I'm asleep, not dead.
06:39Use your inside voice.
06:40Can you understand what we're saying?
06:42Yes, I speak English.
06:43This is an English-speaking country, the last time I checked.
06:45Although, before you know it, we'll always speaking Afrikaans.
06:48So why stop letting those people in?
06:49We only have until midnight to secure a DNA sample.
06:52It's the only way to create a cure.
06:54Okay, Karen, I'm gonna get a strand of your head now, okay?
06:58Hey, hey, hey!
06:59The only people I let touch my blunt bulb is Fernando, my stylist.
07:03And me, when I have to fix his cock-ups.
07:05You're not touching my blunt bulb!
07:06We're running out of time.
07:08I'm gonna get a skin-scraping.
07:09Good luck, I've had more sunbeds than you've had hot meals.
07:12Don't you know you're ruining the world?
07:14You're evil!
07:15And you're rude, Missy!
07:17I'm gonna make you really famous on my Facebook community page.
07:20We need to get a blood sample.
07:22Excuse me, are you even a qualified phlebotomist?
07:24I'm gonna be the man for this job, please.
07:27Are you not putting that on me?
07:28Ah!
07:28I didn't even get vaccinated!
07:30You don't know what's in that!
07:31I do all my own research!
07:33Get off me!
07:34There are 443,000 Karens on this planet because of you.
07:38And that number is increasing minute by minute!
07:42It's okay.
07:42I'll talk to their supervisor.
07:44There is no supervisor.
07:45I'll talk to their manager then.
07:46There is no manager either!
07:48So who's in charge of these Karens then?
07:50You are the first Karen who started the virus!
07:53So what does that mean?
07:54I guess it means the supervisor is you.
08:00I want to talk to the supervisor.
08:02I am the supervisor.
08:04I have to speak to myself?
08:06But I...
08:06But you can't talk to me like that!
08:08I pay my taxes!
08:09I know my rights!
08:10I've been a customer here for years!
08:12You can't talk there!
08:14Don't film!
08:14I will film you!
08:16Why don't you go back to where you came from?
08:19Speak in charge!
08:28Is she dead?
08:29I think so.
08:30No!
08:31We may win this war yet!
08:39Oh this place is filthy!
08:41How long are you going to let the blood lie here?
08:43Who's in charge of mopping these floors?
08:45This is a safe thing to show.
08:48You know, we are in here because we all have something in common.
08:52We all love comedy and very sexy lesbians.
08:56No, you know, that's what bring people together.
08:58The things we have in common.
09:00We think it's sport but it's a lot more simple than that.
09:02We have very simple things.
09:04It's like if you drive a car, you own a car, you pick your nose in the car and you
09:08flick the snot in the passenger footwell.
09:11Don't you?
09:12Oh, me!
09:13I will go lock down that car park next to this building and I will get someone to take a
09:18blue light through all of your cars.
09:20That passenger footwell will light up like a smurf's anus.
09:24You know it!
09:25You know when you're driving.
09:29Well, you're not going to eat it, you animal!
09:31I mean, on a nice day when the windows open, you biff it out the window.
09:34But otherwise it goes in the passenger footwell.
09:36You also don't want to roll the car and then have to explain to people it's because you're picking your
09:40nose.
09:41We all, that's the stuff that bring us together.
09:43The little things that get on our nerves or the little things that we do.
09:46Like we all drink box wine.
09:48You know?
09:48And I know, so if you're fancy and you go, well I have never.
09:51Well, if you've never had box wine, then you've never asked for the house wine at a restaurant.
09:57That's a fact.
09:57You think they get that stuff out of the good bottle?
10:00Dream on, my friend.
10:01They don't.
10:02That stuff comes straight out of a bag.
10:04How handy are those bags at the end?
10:06You can float on them down a river.
10:07You use them as a pillow.
10:09The kids are playing with them.
10:10You're basically a good parent if you have that.
10:12Okay.
10:19This is actually one of my personal favourites.
10:23What fresh hell is that?
10:25Oh, somebody knows their box wine.
10:27Smells well.
10:28Now this one you can actually drink immediately.
10:30But we do recommend that you sell it for 10 to 12 minutes.
10:34Any longer and it's going to burn a hole right through your stomach like that.
10:37Mmm, that is acrid.
10:39It's stinging my eyes.
10:40Also, I'd like you to try a new one.
10:42It's going to take you on a bit of a journey.
10:44So pay attention to the notes in it and tell me what you taste.
10:50Beautiful colour.
10:52Mm-hmm.
10:53Right?
10:56That tastes like my mouth stubbed its toe.
10:59I can already taste what it would be like to throw this up in the back of an Uber.
11:02Oh, yeah.
11:03Um, it's quite acidic.
11:05Almost, um, ear-in like.
11:07Yeah, it's the piss.
11:08Real piss?
11:09Yeah.
11:10Yeah, yeah, yeah.
11:10That is directly from our Felix filtration system.
11:14Go, buddy!
11:15There's a strong stream.
11:16Yeah, it rigs!
11:18He's got three kidneys.
11:19Oh.
11:20A mouth is a gift.
11:21Wow.
11:21Yeah.
11:21It gives a depth of flavour to the wine that you're just not going to find in any other
11:25box wine.
11:27Ugh.
11:28I actually wouldn't mind trying some of these others if I could.
11:31Mucky Pond scum, deodorant, anal leakage?
11:34No, anal leakage.
11:35It's English.
11:36Yeah, yeah.
11:37Anal leakage.
11:37Anal leakage.
11:39Okay.
11:39How do I pronounce this last one?
11:41Spew.
11:42Spew.
11:42Spew.
11:43Yeah.
11:44Spew.
11:45I'd like to taste the spew.
11:47Of course.
11:47It's actually part of our tasting flight.
11:51Wow.
11:52Wow.
11:54Fancy.
11:55If it lands on you, you must drink every last drop.
11:59The last drop.
12:01You ready?
12:02Yes, okay.
12:03Let's do it.
12:03Good luck.
12:04Woo!
12:05Yeah.
12:06Woo!
12:07Woo!
12:09Woo!
12:09Woo!
12:14Here's to Sally, she's too blue.
12:17She's a piss swap through and through.
12:19She's a bastard, so they say.
12:22She's trying to go to have a bunch of weight the other way.
12:25Down!
12:25Down!
12:26Down!
12:26Down!
12:27Down!
12:28Down!
12:30Down!
12:30Down!
12:31Down!
12:31Down!
12:32Yeah!
12:35It's nutty.
12:36My ballsacky.
12:37I really wouldn't know.
12:42All right.
12:43Off you go, Jack.
12:44Go find someone to play with.
12:45Oh, cool.
12:46There's Oscar.
12:47Yeah, yeah.
12:48He's definitely there.
12:49But also, there's Axel.
12:52Go play with Axel.
12:54I think I'll go play with Oscar.
12:58You and I have to have a little chat, okay, buddy?
13:00Whoever you choose to be friends with, I have to be friends with their mums,
13:04and I cannot do that.
13:06Okay?
13:07So go play with Axel.
13:08What's wrong with Oscar?
13:09Oscar's class captain.
13:10So you know his mum runs half marathons.
13:13She's going to want to chat to me about intermittent fasting,
13:15and has about 4,000 recipes for chia pudding.
13:18I cannot do another chia pudding, okay?
13:20I'll have a blowout.
13:21But look at Axel's mum.
13:23She's a baby.
13:23I like her.
13:24Do you see how she doesn't have orthopedic sneakers on?
13:26It's because she's cool.
13:28And cool parents have cool kids.
13:30So please, go play with Axel.
13:31But isn't Axel a bad kid?
13:33What do you mean?
13:35Look at him.
13:36He's eradicating ants.
13:37You hate ants.
13:38The insects and the movie.
13:40But Oscar looks like he's having fun too.
13:43Oscar's picking up other people's trash.
13:44Okay, so you know his mum has a cute cup
13:47and some hot opinions about vegetarianism.
13:50I'm not getting involved in that.
13:55I thought you said bullying was wrong.
13:57What bullying?
13:58He's teaching younger kids to be resilient, baby.
14:01They need that.
14:03I don't know, Mum.
14:04Oscar's really smart.
14:06As is Axel.
14:07I don't need you two cents.
14:09I need dollars.
14:10Look at him.
14:10He's selling...
14:11He's selling sherbet to kids.
14:14What a good kid.
14:15He's a little entrepreneur.
14:16I don't think that's sherbet, Mum.
14:18Please.
14:19Think of me just for once, okay?
14:21And go and play with the evil kid.
14:23Okay, fine.
14:31Hi.
14:32Hello.
14:33Hi.
14:33Yeah, good.
14:34Yeah.
14:35Kids, eh?
14:36Just get up to the darndest things.
14:38Oh, I know.
14:38I would kill for a kid like Axel.
14:40Oh, this is bad.
14:41Wait, you're not Axel's mum.
14:43Oh, I wish.
14:44Get this.
14:45I tried to get Oscar to sell pingas in the playground the other day.
14:48And he said, no, I'd rather do origami.
14:50I'm so embarrassed.
14:51Wait, so who's Axel's mum?
14:53Oh, you do not want to know.
14:56Yoo-hoo!
14:58That's not her.
14:59Hi, hi.
15:00Hi, hi, hi.
15:01Oh, my God.
15:02Look, Axel's made a twin.
15:04Hit it!
15:04Hit it!
15:05Hit it!
15:06Harder!
15:07Looks like we're gonna be besties.
15:09I am.
15:10Mmm.
15:11Have you heard of intermittent fasting?
15:13Honestly, I just broke my fast with this amazing turmeric chai chia pudding.
15:17Hey, that is too big for anything.
15:20That and that.
15:21Jack, let's go!
15:22Your kid is a bad influence on my child and should be in prison.
15:26So should you.
15:29You're gonna have a blowout, by the way.
15:31Can you please give this to Axel and tell him I'm good for it.
15:35I'm good for the next one.
15:37Axel, darling, I said no dealing in the playground.
15:39You're not listening to mummy.
15:41Listen, can I just say, you know, we live in this world now where it is what it is.
15:46Like, we're burning it to the ground.
15:48But at least we're more aware of each other and we know that everyone is beautiful.
15:58That's not true, is it?
16:00Oh, you know, when people go, everyone's opinions count, everyone has valid, valid opinions and everyone is beautiful.
16:06I go, no they're not.
16:08I have seen some dogs in my time.
16:12I know.
16:13And I know right now you're going, this is, am I allowed to?
16:17I want you to quickly transport yourself out of your own Facebook community page and what you would say online
16:24to put you and your friend in a mall.
16:27Let's create a scenario, shall we?
16:30Let's for instance say, we're all in the mall, okay?
16:34We're out of this theatre, we're in the mall, me with this body right now in a black mini skirt,
16:41a leather one, okay?
16:43You're there with your best friend.
16:45You two see me walking.
16:50Yeah, that's what you're doing right now.
16:53You know, you fucking know.
16:59You don't think you've got a mean bone in your body, alright, let's amp it up a little bit, shall
17:05we?
17:05We're in the mall, I'm in my black mini skirt and we're all going up the escalator, okay?
17:12Now you're with me, I'm a few steps ahead of you, then your friend, you want to tell your friend
17:17something so you look right at my clacker.
17:19Now you've got pink eye, is it still beautiful? Is it still beautiful?
17:27If you honestly believe that every person is beautiful, you've never been on public transport.
17:35You have not because that is an assault on your eyeballs and quite frankly all of your senses, okay?
17:41I'm not saying we're not all beautiful, like you may find something sexy, right?
17:47What's sexy to you is not necessarily sexy to me.
17:50All I'm saying is, like not all beautiful things are sexy or not all sexy things are beautiful.
17:55We're not here to yuck your yum, whatever you're into.
17:57That's called having a kink, okay?
18:01If you think everyone's beautiful, congratulations, you've got a kink.
18:04Maybe, maybe you think all accents are beautiful, right?
18:08Maybe like, you know, the South African accent is very sexy.
18:12It is a very attractive accent.
18:14It just makes your panties drop right off you.
18:18Feeling lonely?
18:20Looking for that special someone?
18:23At Exotic Passions, we have beautiful women from all around the globe to satiate your every desire.
18:30Ciao, bello. For $8.99 a minute, I'll let you have a slice of my homemade pizza pie delicioso.
18:38So, who do you want to talk to?
18:41Oh, hello. I'm Penelope. I'm your buxom British babe from across the pond.
18:47And for $5.99 a minute, you could be my Big Ben.
18:52And for the more budget-conscious gentlemen, we also have this very, very cheap South African lady.
19:00Yeah, no, I'm currently naked right now.
19:02Yeah, full bush out, nipples on high beam.
19:05I'm absolutely stinging for a fuck.
19:08Are you horny?
19:10No, I said, are you horny?
19:12Yeah, like a rhino. Yeah.
19:15Me too.
19:17I'm Tiffany.
19:18Call me now for $7.99 a million.
19:21I'm looking for a stallion around all night long.
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19:37Pick up the phone and call 1-900-PASSIONS to talk to beautiful women from all around the world.
19:44Or this bitch.
19:46Ach man, I'm riding you so hard right now.
19:49And you're charging at me like a hippo.
19:51And it is wet season in the savannah.
19:53Now you're hard like a cricket wicked man.
19:56You're long and skinny.
19:57With a bit of grass coming through the sides.
20:00Don't you finish.
20:01Ach, shame man.
20:03Okay, bye.
20:03Bye.
20:04Don't wait.
20:05Call 1-900-PASSIONS right now.
20:08And all your fantasies will come true.
20:11But don't call me for the next 45 minutes.
20:13I'm on lunch.
20:14This biltong is real aptitude free.
20:17So, who do you want to talk to?
20:21Hey, do you know the world's sexiest accents?
20:24They rank them every year.
20:26Did you know that?
20:27Do you want to guess the sexiest accent in the world right now?
20:31Kiwi.
20:32That's right.
20:33Kiwi accent.
20:33Doesn't that just fucking blow up your ass?
20:36A Kiwi accent is number one.
20:39Do you want to guess what's number two?
20:41South African.
20:42South African.
20:43That's right.
20:44Australia comes in at number five.
20:47So, I've got a hybrid of all three of those.
20:50Honestly, I'm amazed.
20:52If you, while I'm talking, if you just listen, you can hear the knickers just drop around the room.
20:58She's a full-time job.
21:00Just go and pull that up.
21:01Put that back in.
21:03Alright, thank you so much for coming.
21:04You guys have been amazing.
21:11Yes, Melody.
21:13This bull tongue is real hard to chew free.
21:17Hello.
21:18My name is Christia.
21:19And for an extra dollar.
21:22And for an extra dollar.
21:28Fucking boy.
21:29And for an extra dollar.
21:32Is everyone horny?
21:40Someone's never had a sip of liquid.
21:44What part of me is real wet?
21:46My armpits.
21:47My armpits.
21:48My butt crack.
21:48It's so hot in here.
21:50We haven't got the air conditioning fixed.
21:52Here I know the heart.
21:53I like.
21:54No, I'm just sitting here playing with my life nipple.
21:58Yeah, she's a lot more sensitive than the other one.
22:02The other one, I slammed in a car door when I was little.
22:05The other one, I was little.
22:07The other one, I'm hungry.
22:10The other one, I'm hungry.
22:11The other one.
22:11I'm hungry.
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