00:04What was Beethoven's favourite fruit?
00:07Banana-na!
00:10That's a good one!
00:11I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts.
00:14It's called Leave Me The Fuh.
00:16Come on.
00:21Do you know what?
00:22I didn't even understand it.
00:26It's just how you said it.
00:27It just made me laugh.
00:28How can you tell the s**t of an ant?
00:30If it sinks, girl ant.
00:32If it floats, boy ant.
00:36Why can chicken only make one sound?
00:39They can't think outside the box!
00:42What do you call a cow with three legs?
00:44Lean beef.
00:47What do you call a cow with no legs?
00:49Ground beef.
00:50What do you call a cow with two legs?
00:52Your mum!
00:55You hear about the Italian chef that died?
00:56He passed away.
01:05What do you get if he mixed pony DNA with human DNA?
01:09Kicked out the zoo.
01:14A fireman says to some parents,
01:16Sorry to tell you this, but your son set the school on fire.
01:19The dad says,
01:20So it was arson?
01:20The farmer says,
01:21Yes, it was arson.
01:24This is long, but I really like it.
01:30A woman let her brother name her children as his dying witch.
01:34Okay, so a woman's brother was dying.
01:36He said it would be his way of being remembered.
01:39So she asked the doctor,
01:40Well, what did he name the girl?
01:41The doctor says,
01:42Denise.
01:43She says,
01:43Okay, that's not too bad.
01:44What did he call the boy?
01:45The doctor says,
01:45Don't F you.
01:53What do grenades and whys have in common?
01:55Once you pull the ring off, your house is gone.
02:00What do you call the Spanish man doing slide tackles?
02:03Gracias.
02:05My friend Tony asked me not to say his name backwards.
02:13Why not?
02:14Jeannie granted me one wish, so I wished to be happy.
02:17Now I live with six dwarves and work in a mine.
02:20R.I.P. to a friend of mine.
02:21His wife sent him out to get some sewing thread,
02:23but he ended up in the bar all day.
02:25Gone, but not for cotton.
02:29Can someone please tell me what LGBTQ stands for?
02:34Nobody is giving me a straight answer.
02:37When my wife is depressed, I let her colour in my tattoos.
02:40She just wanted her shoulder to crayon.
02:44A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
02:49They say one man in ten is gay,
02:51but I personally think one man in one man is gay.
02:56How do you keep an idiot waiting?
03:05Tim, you can swallow.
03:13Someone told me to list two things that hold water.
03:16And I was like, well, damn.
03:20I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.
03:24He later told me it was the most violent book he'd ever read.
03:28I asked my dad how he got the job reporting on international foreign affairs.
03:33He said it was all experience.
03:35He slept with a Brazilian last while he was married to my mum.
03:37International foreign affairs.
03:40International foreign affairs, right?
03:42My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.
03:46Guess who came crawling back?
03:53When trying to figure out how long it took for the earth to do a full rotation,
03:57the scientists gave up and said, let's call it a day.
04:01So I met this gangster who goes around pulling up the back of people's pants.
04:05It was Wedgie Quay.
04:09Someone told me that Arnold Schwarzenegger hates all holidays throughout the year.
04:13But when I asked him, he said, nah, I still love Easter, baby.
04:19My seven year old asked if he could go to McDonald's for food.
04:24I said, if you can spill it, you can eat it.
04:26He said, oh, we'll just go KFC.
04:33What did Batman say to Robin before he got in the car?
04:36Get in the car.
04:47That's on my hand.
04:48That's on my hand.
04:49What do you call a man with one arm hanging off a cliff with an itchy
04:55Oh my God.
04:58Oh my God.
05:00Mate, I just let go and hope for the best.
05:02What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?
05:06Shakespeare?
05:11What's the most unrealistic part about Harry Potter?
05:13A ginger with friends.
05:19Two robbers were robbing a liquor store.
05:22When one picks up a bottle and says, is this whiskey?
05:24The other says, yeah, but not as whiskey as robbing a bag.
05:36How are you from this hotel?
05:40Birmingham?
05:41Mm-hmm.
05:41Sorry to hear that.
05:46What's the worst part about having two dads?
05:48You can hear them celebrate Father's Day.
05:52Oh God.
05:54Sorry, I didn't mean to elbow the **** out of you, man.
06:02That's on my hand, that's on my hand, that's on my hand.
06:05I have such a good son, honestly.
06:07I told her about the birds and the bees, and he told me about my wife and the butcher.
06:14The other day, I took my wife to Birmingham Zoo to see the chimps.
06:18There's too much hurt in her feces, so the monkey started throwing it back.
06:25What do you get when you mix human DNA and pony DNA?
06:29Kicked out the zoo.
06:35Oh, no, no!
06:37My lesbian neighbours gave me a Rolex for my birthday.
06:40I think I misunderstood when I said I wanted to watch.
06:44What does Michael Jackson like to do on holiday?
06:47Scoopy!
06:51Did you hear about that actress that got ****ed?
06:54Reece?
06:55Reece?
06:56No, with a knife.
07:03You clocked immediately.
07:06I was so scared last night because my printer was playing music.
07:09Turns out the paper was just jammin'.
07:12Told the stranger that I dropped my sick owl off at a speciality clinic for nocturnal birds.
07:20I'll try again.
07:22Told the stranger that I dropped my sick owl off at a speciality clinic for nocturnal birds.
07:27He said, who cares?
07:28I said, yeah, that's the place.
07:31Hmm?
07:32Everyone remembers Bruce Lee and how fast he was, but nobody seems to remember his even faster brother.
07:37Sudden.
07:47What noise does James Bond's doorbell make?
07:52Donk.
07:53Ding-dok.
07:55I'm going to find...
07:59What was Michael Jackson's preferred pronouns?
08:04He-he-he-he-he.
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