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Short filmTranscript
00:00:17My name is Holly McBride. I'm the only girl in an all-male softball league. I'm not bad,
00:00:24actually. And for the most part, the other players treat me like just another one of the guys.
00:00:33I work as a professional model, but lately I have a dream of starting my own modeling agency.
00:00:41Then there's my cousin, Jake McBride. He's arguably the best player in the league. Off the field,
00:00:48well, Jake is Jake. Play ball!
00:01:02Congratulations, Jake. You've done it again. Thank you. Hey, drink up, jerk. Oh, whoopsies. His name's Jake, huh?
00:01:11Mmm! Next time you're going to be the one buying me drinks. Got it. Hey, Gary, do you remember that
00:01:16time,
00:01:17today when I got up in the seventh inning with the game on the line? Mmm.
00:01:21Come on, Jake. Bring me in. Let's go. Let's go.
00:01:24Here comes big Jake McBride looking for his third home run of the game.
00:01:28You want to make this interesting? Yeah, I do.
00:01:30You hit this one over the fence and I'll buy all the beers tonight. You're on.
00:01:34I was probably just thinking about marching through the championship with my robot.
00:01:39Really? You don't remember that? Because I seem to recall you were on the mound and we had a man
00:01:44on first.
00:01:44Yeah. Actually, it was a woman on first with my team down seven to six.
00:01:49You already got the first base. Uh, play your cards right. Good score. Gross.
00:01:54You guys, take it easy on the girl. He's already got to wake up and be his cousin tomorrow.
00:01:58Come on, Jake. Go, baby. Come on, Jake. I'm not even touching the mat. I don't need it.
00:02:05Oh, my God. There we go. I was like a snake handler.
00:02:16That's the game. And then I was like, in your face, Garrett. Woo-hoo.
00:02:22Taking a round of beers and shots from my boys. Yeah. The reigning softball champs.
00:02:26Didn't it seem funny that I would maybe just a bit off my game? Huh? You want to know why?
00:02:31Uh, let me think. I was out all night humping some supermodel's brains out.
00:02:36No, you weren't. You see a redhead sitting behind our bench? Big old sunglasses.
00:02:41She tells me her name's Christine. We hit it off big time.
00:02:44We hop in the Miata, shoosh, down the expressway, straight home, straight to the bedroom.
00:02:49I don't got to tell you everything else that happened, but everything else happened.
00:02:53Then again in the morning, I almost missed the ball game. So that's what I'm up to. Models.
00:02:58Hey, Holly. Come on down here. Cheers.
00:03:03Gary was wondering, what's it like to be a model and to beat him in softball?
00:03:07Dude, it was a team effort.
00:03:10You've got like six of the best players in the league carrying you around every game.
00:03:15I don't need any of those guys. I can win the league with like a team full of Holly and
00:03:20her friends. Like all models.
00:03:21Hey, Carl. You hear this? This guy thinks he can win any championship with him and a bunch of models.
00:03:25Yeah, right. I'll bet you $5,000 I can win the whole league with a team full of models.
00:03:30Gary, he's drunk.
00:03:31No, no. I'll take your $5,000.
00:03:32This is real responsible. Why don't you just bid $50,000?
00:03:36Even better. I'll bet you $50,000 that I can win the softball championship with a team full of models.
00:03:41Have you lost your mind? Haven't you lost enough gambling?
00:03:45We're talking about real, working, professional models, right?
00:03:48Because I don't want to see a whole bunch of transvestites out there.
00:03:52You're on.
00:03:54Then you'll pay me when I win, right?
00:03:55Oh, you know it.
00:03:58I'm saved. No more own money to boogies.
00:04:00You're an idiot, Jake.
00:04:02Beer!
00:04:25Oh no...
00:04:28Jake... you can't go through with this.
00:04:31Then what are you going to tell the guys?
00:04:33Don't worry about it. Just take a seat.
00:04:38Can I have your attention, Hornet?
00:04:40Yeah!
00:04:43Defending champs!
00:04:44Woo!
00:04:46That's why I think each and every one of you
00:04:48have a great opportunity to join
00:04:50one of the many other teams there are in the
00:04:52West Valley Softball League.
00:04:55Uh...
00:04:56Why would we want to do that?
00:04:57We're too good as a team, and it's becoming too easy.
00:05:00It's just not that fun anymore.
00:05:01You seemed to be having a lot of fun yesterday.
00:05:04Are you saying we're not a team anymore?
00:05:05Look, have you guys ever heard of the term free agency?
00:05:08Did you get hammered and bet Gary
00:05:10that you could win the entire
00:05:12softball league with a team of models?
00:05:15I'm gonna take that as a yes.
00:05:17Are you a f***er, Jake?
00:05:19Don't you already owe ten grand to another bookie?
00:05:21Look, we'll all still play together in the league,
00:05:24just not on the same team.
00:05:25Guys, I don't know about the rest of you,
00:05:27but I'm out of here.
00:05:28And just for the record, I can't wait to crush
00:05:30your team of models.
00:05:31That's not very sportsman-like, guys.
00:05:33Let's go, guys.
00:05:34We're not going to f*** you.
00:05:36You know, I'm not going to lie.
00:05:38I'm not going to be able to f*** you for like an hour.
00:05:41I mean, they're serious, and then they're serious.
00:05:44Butt crack.
00:05:45Well, that went well.
00:05:48Have you tried talking to Gary so you can call this thing off?
00:05:50I called him like a hundred times.
00:05:52He just keeps laughing at me.
00:05:54Look, Holly.
00:05:55You're a model, and you're a great player.
00:05:57You can help me recruit a bunch more of you.
00:05:58If I win, I'm up fifty grand.
00:06:00I'll split the money with you.
00:06:02I'm not going to take blood money from my cousin.
00:06:04Take your half.
00:06:05Go start your own modeling agency.
00:06:09Do you really think we can do this?
00:06:11Take a group of models and force them to become a winning softball team?
00:06:16I mean, they're going to be afraid to break a nail, dude.
00:06:18We'll get the girls to distract the guys.
00:06:20I'll get a bunch of home runs.
00:06:21Bingo bango, fifty grand.
00:06:22Oh, Jake.
00:06:31Okay, guys.
00:06:32I just want you to remember to keep an open mind.
00:06:35Okay?
00:06:36I like your cousin Jake.
00:06:38I can't remember.
00:06:39Is he gay or straight?
00:06:44So, Jake, you know my roommates, Olive and Millie?
00:06:48Hi.
00:06:48So, do you want to play?
00:06:50I'm trying to recruit some models to play on my team.
00:06:53A little softball.
00:06:54It's sort of the same idea as baseball, but a bigger ball.
00:06:57I want to play.
00:06:58I want to play.
00:06:59Are you kidding?
00:07:00Really?
00:07:00I'm not going to give up my Sunday mornings so I can go play with a bunch of fat losers
00:07:04who just want to stare at models all day.
00:07:06I mean, what's in it for us?
00:07:08Respect.
00:07:09Oh, Holly.
00:07:10We're talking about men here.
00:07:12And not just any men.
00:07:13Men who live to drink as much beer as possible until they puke.
00:07:17Try.
00:07:18Cool.
00:07:18Is that French?
00:07:19Look, Holly, I don't want to be a part of your freak show.
00:07:21It's not like we can actually win anyway.
00:07:23It's just a joke.
00:07:24Look, I'm the best player in the league.
00:07:26Holly here has proved that a girl can play with the big boys.
00:07:29Yeah.
00:07:29I'm just looking for a few good women.
00:07:30Well, you wouldn't know what to do with a few good women.
00:07:33I hate it when you guys fight.
00:07:36I just can't believe it.
00:07:38I just can't believe it.
00:07:40Geez.
00:07:40Oh, sweetie.
00:07:43Whatever it is, you know, I'm here for you.
00:07:47I just can't.
00:07:48I just can't.
00:07:53There's nothing that we can't work through.
00:07:56I just want you to play on the baseball team with me side by side.
00:08:01Playing?
00:08:02Olive.
00:08:03You're in here crying because I won't play on Holly's stupid softball team.
00:08:08But you said you'd always be there for me no matter what.
00:08:17So you'll play?
00:08:20You suck, Olive.
00:08:23Yay!
00:08:24No!
00:08:25Stop it!
00:08:28We're both gonna play.
00:08:30That was fast.
00:08:31Every time the b**** cries, she gets me.
00:08:38Playing with the mind in a hostage state, you were throwing it down.
00:08:41Now it's all just hate.
00:08:43Killing you slowly from within.
00:08:45Always a day away.
00:08:48Where is my summer day?
00:08:50You hit the ground, but there's a way.
00:08:53Oh, you see people walking by.
00:08:55You stick your little butt out.
00:08:57You stick it out.
00:08:57She's like, meow.
00:08:58Come pick me up.
00:08:58Let me see me meow.
00:08:59Oh, now you spin around.
00:09:00You're walking away.
00:09:01You're a sassy, kitty.
00:09:02You're sassy.
00:09:03Oh, you don't even know that you want them to adopt you.
00:09:05Oh, now you're a cat in heat.
00:09:07You're fire.
00:09:07You're rar.
00:09:09You're rar.
00:09:09You're calling out on the pub, guys.
00:09:11You need the breed.
00:09:13I want to see you need the breed.
00:09:14Alright, delicious.
00:09:15Oh, and you're an angry kitty.
00:09:16You got fish caught in your teeth.
00:09:18Oh, angry kitty.
00:09:18You were ready to get that out of there.
00:09:19You don't got fingers.
00:09:21That was hot.
00:09:22Take five, everybody.
00:09:24Anyone seen my nicotine inhalers?
00:09:29Oh my goodness, hello.
00:09:32How are you?
00:09:34Good.
00:09:34Hey, baby girl.
00:09:36Look at you all grown up with your own boobs and everything.
00:09:38Holly?
00:09:44Going for plus size modeling or?
00:09:46Don't mind him.
00:09:47He's on this period.
00:09:48Who's this handsome fella you brought with you?
00:09:50Jake, this is Kat.
00:09:51One of the fastest rising stars in the modeling industry.
00:09:54Yeah, I recognize you from the fashion magazine.
00:09:58Well, it's very lovely to meet you, Jake.
00:10:00Yeah.
00:10:00It's lovely to meet you, too.
00:10:03So, Holly, here for a shoot?
00:10:05No, I recently retired from modeling.
00:10:07Really?
00:10:08I'd like to be on the other side of the business.
00:10:10You know, start my own agency.
00:10:11Oh, wonderful.
00:10:12Sign me up.
00:10:13My current agent's all .
00:10:13I'm not there yet.
00:10:14I need to lock down some financing, but that's not why I'm here.
00:10:19I'm actually looking to sign you to another team.
00:10:22Have you played any sports?
00:10:24I was the captain of my high school cricket team.
00:10:26Had a 56% average in 71 innings.
00:10:30Is that good?
00:10:31Right, that's good.
00:10:32Have you ever played softball?
00:10:34I love softball.
00:10:36I used to play for my high school team, actually.
00:10:38This is Candace.
00:10:40My favorite wardrobe style.
00:10:43You have to be a model to be a part of the team.
00:10:46No problem.
00:10:47I used to freeze model at the Apple Hill Mall in Sacramento.
00:10:50What's a freeze model?
00:10:51Well, we would stand there all day and model in the department store window.
00:10:57Who cares?
00:10:58She modeled, and that's the only rule.
00:10:59Yeah.
00:11:24Who cares?
00:11:33I got it.
00:11:34Would you like to feel like me?
00:11:37Giving so much of yourself.
00:11:40You forgot who you should be.
00:11:44Okay, Cat.
00:11:45Hitting is just like it is in cricket, alright?
00:11:53Ow!
00:12:02I hit it!
00:12:03I hit it!
00:12:03I hit it!
00:12:03What do I do?
00:12:04Run!
00:12:05No.
00:12:06Run the fur-
00:12:08Woo!
00:12:16We're doomed.
00:12:17Well, it's our first practice.
00:12:19We'll get better.
00:12:20The only way we could get worse is if we played with a team of dead models.
00:12:24Get off the phone!
00:12:27How do you want to be remembered for your honor or your friend?
00:12:37I'm Dave Carboni from KFED AM radio in the morning 510, right at the bottom of your AM
00:12:43dial.
00:12:44And it is every announcer's dream to be out here calling some beautiful beer league softball
00:12:49here.
00:12:50Okay, men.
00:12:51Listen up.
00:12:52It's very important that we get off to a good start out there.
00:12:56And I want to let you all know that you guys are the best team that I've ever coached.
00:13:01You guys play every facet of the game well.
00:13:04We pitch.
00:13:05We field.
00:13:06We hit.
00:13:07And chemistry.
00:13:08Chemistry is very underrated in softball.
00:13:10So that's why we need to hustle out there.
00:13:12I want to see everyone running out every single hit-
00:13:15I like the red one.
00:13:15The blue one is so stupid.
00:13:17How many size does that have?
00:13:19Olive?
00:13:20Would you mind, uh, flipping the phone away, please?
00:13:23Why?
00:13:23Well, because we're in the dugout and the game's about to start.
00:13:26Well, is it against the rules?
00:13:27Well, no.
00:13:28Yeah, that's my coach.
00:13:29He's being really mean right now.
00:13:32Okay, new rule!
00:13:33No phones at the game!
00:13:35We're here to play softball, people!
00:13:36Got it!
00:13:38Can I at least text?
00:13:40Hi, Jake.
00:13:43This your team?
00:13:44Yeah.
00:13:45And we're gonna kick your ass!
00:13:46The only thing you're gonna win is a wet t-shirt contest.
00:13:49Go back to your dugout.
00:13:50Hold on a second.
00:13:52I'm trying to figure out which girl I want to pick out.
00:13:54Oh, hello, Holly.
00:13:55How's it going?
00:13:58You know what?
00:13:59You're going down, Jake.
00:14:00You know, little cousin Holly?
00:14:01She's going down on me.
00:14:02Oh, yes.
00:14:03Get out of here!
00:14:05All you men are pigs!
00:14:10We love for the Hornets is gorgeous Holly McBride, the cousin of team manager Jake McBride.
00:14:15Boy, would a guy like me love to get a piece of that.
00:14:20Little dribbler down to third base.
00:14:22The throw over to first.
00:14:23Oh, Holly McBride running down the line.
00:14:25This announcer is not going to be standing up anytime soon as she is safe in there.
00:14:29One woman aboard with nobody out here in the top of the first.
00:14:32Jake McBride, the man at the center of this spectacle, the degenerate gambler himself,
00:14:37now steps into the batter's box.
00:14:41All right, Jake.
00:14:42Here we go, Jake.
00:14:44Here's the pitch.
00:14:45Jake McBride swings.
00:14:46And that's hit well.
00:14:47That's way back.
00:14:49What you talking about, Willis?
00:14:50That is gone.
00:14:52Goodbye.
00:14:53Jake McBride, two run, home run.
00:14:55And just like that, the Hornets are ahead.
00:14:58Two to zero.
00:15:00Sting.
00:15:00Jake McBride circling third and coming around to score.
00:15:04The only man that I know getting a reception like that at home might be Hugh Hefner.
00:15:22Many of the guys out here are distracted by very sexy.
00:15:27Oh, that's right out here by the broadcast booth.
00:15:30Close call.
00:15:30I haven't had a close call like that since my girlfriend, Mr. Last.
00:15:34We go up and we come down.
00:15:37After McBride's first run home run, it seems like the green team had some brilliant strategy.
00:15:43They walked Jake McBride every time he came up.
00:15:46Obviously, he wasn't thinking clearly when he made this bet.
00:15:48It seems like very simple baseball managerial strategy.
00:15:57And another run in makes it 27-2.
00:16:02That's going to do it here for our beer league softball coverage here on KSED 510 AM.
00:16:07I've never read that.
00:16:08I've read the book cover to cover.
00:16:09No mercy rule in this lane.
00:16:11I'm going to go out there and get an interview with Jake McBride.
00:16:13We can still come back!
00:16:14Jake!
00:16:15Jake!
00:16:16Jake!
00:16:17Jake!
00:16:18Jake!
00:16:28Jake!
00:16:30Jake!
00:16:32Jake!
00:16:36Jake!
00:16:37Jake!
00:16:38Jake!
00:16:40Jake!
00:16:44Jake!
00:16:46Jake!
00:16:47Jake!
00:16:48Jake!
00:16:48Jake!
00:16:48Jake!
00:16:49Hey, come on!
00:16:50Get off the van!
00:16:54Hey, Harley!
00:16:55It's your turn, babe!
00:17:09Police say you're a supermodel whose dad never had a son.
00:17:17You're the redhead from the stands, Gary's one-nighter.
00:17:20If you mean going home with a drunken idiot who falls asleep after one sloppy kiss, then yeah, I'm the
00:17:26girl.
00:17:26My name's Christine. Give me that ball.
00:17:41Alright, see you at the next practice.
00:17:53Your order was already shipped out.
00:17:55I can send you the tracking number, sir.
00:18:00Yeah, I promise there's no bait and switch going on here.
00:18:05Sir?
00:18:06Sir?
00:18:07If you're gonna keep yelling at me, I can't- I can't deal-
00:18:15Customer service.
00:18:20Yeah.
00:18:22No, I sent that check.
00:18:23Yeah, now that one got lost in the mail.
00:18:28I definitely sent it.
00:18:36I'm so dead.
00:18:38Do you want the chicken kebab, or do you-
00:18:40Oh, surprise!
00:18:42Oh, surprise!
00:18:43Oh, surprise!
00:18:44Holy crap.
00:18:48How they hanging, Jake?
00:18:49We brought you some special brownies.
00:18:51Yeah.
00:18:52Delicious.
00:18:52If you eat some of these, I guarantee they'll make you feel so much better.
00:18:54No.
00:18:55You'll feel great.
00:18:57We have enough for everyone.
00:18:59Yes, please.
00:19:04Woo!
00:19:05Isn't this fun?
00:19:06You gotta get out of here.
00:19:07You're gonna get me fired.
00:19:08I just wanna cheer you up after the first game.
00:19:10We hope that we aren't stopping you guys from getting your work done.
00:19:13Oh, no.
00:19:14You're not buying enough at all.
00:19:15No, I've been speaking for myself.
00:19:17I am incredibly cheered up right now.
00:19:18I just gotta figure out how to turn my life around.
00:19:21Jake, is there anything we can do to make you feel better?
00:19:25I'm just realizing how royally suited I am.
00:19:29Oh, Jake.
00:19:31Why so tense?
00:19:32I'm tense.
00:19:33I'm very tense.
00:19:34This is a very tense work environment.
00:19:37Just a little bit right here.
00:19:38Dude, you're drooling all over the office.
00:19:40Take it easy, please.
00:19:41Jake, we'll get better.
00:19:42We promise.
00:19:44We'll hit every ball.
00:19:45Mm-hmm.
00:19:46Hard.
00:19:46Play with the mind in a hostage state.
00:19:49You were throwing it down.
00:19:50Now it's all just hate.
00:19:51Killing you slowly from within.
00:19:54Always a day away.
00:19:57Where is my summer day?
00:20:00Those girls were so hot.
00:20:03How did you do that?
00:20:07Third base.
00:20:14Alright, alright.
00:20:15Sorry about that.
00:20:15Maybe a little too hard for you.
00:20:18Now they don't call it the hot corner for nothing, okay?
00:20:21These balls are going to be screaming at you down there.
00:20:32Alright, nice play.
00:20:33Yeah, now throw it first.
00:20:34Okay, that's not going to reach.
00:20:39Okay, almost.
00:20:40Cat.
00:20:42Alright, this one's to you, Christine.
00:20:45See that, guys?
00:20:47You see that?
00:20:47Yes!
00:20:48See everyone?
00:20:48Watch her.
00:20:49She makes plays.
00:20:51Candice.
00:20:55See, Christine made that one too.
00:20:57You gotta beat her to it.
00:20:59Okay, shortstop.
00:21:03Almost.
00:21:19Christine and Wright!
00:21:22I got it!
00:21:29I called it!
00:21:30Sorry!
00:21:31Your self-esteem is a bit too high.
00:21:34A little more and you could touch the sky.
00:21:38You love yourself and I don't know why.
00:21:42But your wild self-impression borders on obsession.
00:21:46You always give yourself a brave review.
00:21:49Olive, they call it catcher because you're supposed to catch the ball.
00:21:53I hate you, but I hate you!
00:21:58Why don't you cry about it?
00:22:01Where the hell is home?
00:22:02Right here.
00:22:03Good.
00:22:04We needed some more power in the lineup.
00:22:05This is Michelle.
00:22:06She's a plus size model and she used to be an alternate for the Olympics for the hammer throw.
00:22:11Michelle, can you hit?
00:22:12I haven't tried since junior high, but how hard can it be?
00:22:21Alright, alright. Don't worry about it. We'll try another one.
00:22:31Maybe it's because I closed my eyes as I released the hammer.
00:22:34Well, maybe you should try to keep your eyes open.
00:22:42Nice even swing. Watch the ball hit the bat.
00:23:00This is ridiculous. You can't hit.
00:23:02Yeah? Pitch me another one, sweetie.
00:23:08Alright. We can work with this.
00:23:12There is one chick we haven't talked about.
00:23:17No, Jake.
00:23:18She loves sports. She has worked legitimately as a model.
00:23:22We need her.
00:23:23Forget it. Rachel's not going to talk to either of us.
00:23:26The past is the past.
00:23:27I will always have the key to Rachel's heart.
00:23:38No. No, no, no, no. Who lets you in here?
00:23:41Professional life has really agreed with you.
00:23:48What part of I never want to see you again, didn't you understand?
00:23:50I thought that was in the heat of the moment.
00:23:52Just tell me what you want, Jake.
00:23:54I want you to join...
00:23:55The all model softball team so that you can win a bet with Gary.
00:23:58So you heard about that.
00:24:00Yeah, and I'm not doing it. I'm not even a model.
00:24:02But you used to and that's all that counts.
00:24:04Holly got me into it just so I could pay my way through college.
00:24:07Honestly, if I had bigger boobs, I might have been a stripper.
00:24:10These girls, they're too afraid to break a nail.
00:24:13But you, you're a jock.
00:24:16Oh, Jake.
00:24:17Yeah, you've never really understood me.
00:24:20Is that why you broke up with me?
00:24:23I broke up with you because you cheated on me.
00:24:25With my sister.
00:24:26In my apartment.
00:24:29On my bed.
00:24:30I said I was sorry.
00:24:32A nice try.
00:24:33But I'm not joining your softball team.
00:24:36If I lose this bet, I'm totally screwed.
00:24:41What are you doing?
00:24:45Security, this is Rachel on 4.
00:24:47This is Rachel on 4.
00:24:51Ladies, a toast.
00:24:53To the Hornets.
00:24:54We might suck at softball, but at least it's a good try.
00:24:58Woo!
00:25:00Here's to looking hot.
00:25:02Talking about the girls.
00:25:04Millie is convinced she's a lesbian.
00:25:06Bisexual.
00:25:07Have you ever actually tried it?
00:25:08Of course.
00:25:09I mean, everybody has.
00:25:11It's part of the job.
00:25:12It's like losing your virginity, that first-rate photographer.
00:25:15And don't lie.
00:25:20This definitely isn't our typical after-game chatter with the guys.
00:25:24I'm not about to say.
00:25:26Hey Vinnie, I'd like to get me a piece of Rick.
00:25:29So you mean to tell me that you've never thought about being with another man?
00:25:33Definitely not. I love women.
00:25:35Whatever.
00:25:36Then how come you've been on this team of hot, steamy models
00:25:39and you haven't managed to make a move on a single one of us?
00:25:42I kissed Christine.
00:25:45Actually, I kissed you.
00:25:47And you didn't seem so into it.
00:25:49Oh.
00:25:50You guys are implying that I'm not a totally heterosexual man's man.
00:25:54I'm a totally straight man.
00:25:57You're a bank man?
00:25:58What?
00:25:59Alright, that's it.
00:26:00I will take every single one of you on, one by one.
00:26:02Except for Holly.
00:26:03There's some advantages to being your cousin.
00:26:06It's totally not serious.
00:26:07Who's in?
00:26:08I was just messing with you.
00:26:09You don't have anything to prove.
00:26:14You know I'm not gay, right?
00:26:18No.
00:26:19What?
00:26:20Well, at least I hope not.
00:26:26You know, you're looking really cute.
00:26:31That blue collar kind of way.
00:26:33Maybe I'm dense, but I don't know what I'm supposed to do now.
00:27:00It's soft and feminine.
00:27:02Whoa!
00:27:06Wait.
00:27:07I don't want you to think I'm taking advantage of you.
00:27:10Just shut up.
00:27:12Take it like a man.
00:27:13Okay.
00:27:28Let me pry, kid up.
00:27:32Jake, get your ass up. We're not a motel.
00:27:39Okay.
00:27:40If you don't mind that your game is probably already starting.
00:27:43Holy crap.
00:27:49Where's my glove?
00:27:51Where the hell is my glove?
00:27:52Hey.
00:27:53Come on, Nathan.
00:28:01Big Wave, Dave Carboni here with you again.
00:28:04We've got some more exciting beer league softball coming at you
00:28:07in the West Valley Softball Championship.
00:28:12Oh, my God.
00:28:13What a catch.
00:28:16Yeah.
00:28:16Come on.
00:28:17Nice catch.
00:28:18All right.
00:28:18Nice.
00:28:19Oh, Jake.
00:28:20Love a new glove.
00:28:22All right.
00:28:23Whoa.
00:28:24Jeez.
00:28:25Hey, what inning is it?
00:28:26Are we winning?
00:28:27Well, we haven't got a chance to bat yet.
00:28:29They've already scored 12 runs.
00:28:30Who made that amazing catch?
00:28:32An old friend.
00:28:35Rachel?
00:28:42I want to put some pants on, Jake.
00:28:45Oh.
00:28:46Pants.
00:28:47Oh.
00:28:48Yeah.
00:28:49Oh.
00:28:50And, uh, I'd cover up that hickey, too, if I were you.
00:28:54Don't you dare cover that up.
00:28:57Anyway, looks like I'm up.
00:28:59Come on.
00:29:00Let's go.
00:29:01Nice.
00:29:02That's it.
00:29:02Run it out.
00:29:03Yeah.
00:29:04Gobble the mic.
00:29:06Why do you think Rachel decided to play again?
00:29:08I have no idea.
00:29:10I guess she's still in love with me.
00:29:13You're kidding, right?
00:29:15What do you say up there, Christine?
00:29:17All right.
00:29:17Come on, girl.
00:29:18Woo!
00:29:19Just like practice.
00:29:25A little dribbler down for second base.
00:29:28Throw to first.
00:29:29Oh, he's blocking the first baseline.
00:29:34Knocked the ball right out of his glove.
00:29:38Hey!
00:29:40Hey!
00:29:42Hey!
00:29:42Go!
00:29:43And I can see that faster, Jerry, to get up.
00:29:47Yeah, Jerry, better fit there.
00:29:48No, I don't.
00:29:50You're against my religion to hit a woman!
00:29:52So everyone beat the crap out of Jake!
00:29:55Okay, cool.
00:29:59Alright, that's a forfeit.
00:30:02The orangutans made the first move, so the Hornets win!
00:30:05Are you all right?
00:30:15Shut up!
00:30:17Yes!
00:30:18Whoo!
00:30:19Come on!
00:30:21Yeah, right win! Right win!
00:30:24Shut up, Jake!
00:30:26What do we do? We can't fight a team of girls, man.
00:30:29We're gonna just tag her out!
00:30:31Hey!
00:30:38I'm Doug.
00:30:39I'm Doug, Christine.
00:30:40You don't necessarily practice like you play in the game.
00:30:44You have to have quick hands, quick reflexes.
00:30:46Your eyes have to be everywhere.
00:30:48You gotta be loose.
00:30:49Okay.
00:30:50Okay, but firm, but firm at the same time.
00:30:52So how many girls have you made that way?
00:30:55Good. That's great. That's a great form.
00:30:58I was wondering, uh, what kind of alcohol do you like to drink?
00:31:07Doug, are you okay?
00:31:09It hurts.
00:31:10It hurts so bad.
00:31:11You should watch your mouth next time.
00:31:13She hit you with the bat, Doug?
00:31:15Let's make out.
00:31:17Okay, I got you. I got you shadowed.
00:31:20I got the perfect vantage point back here, okay?
00:31:22Don't worry about it.
00:31:26See, in a real game, I'm not gonna be here for you.
00:31:29You need to sacrifice the body.
00:31:31Kevin!
00:31:32Kevin!
00:31:33Yeah!
00:31:33That was awesome!
00:31:35I caught it with the glove!
00:31:36I saw!
00:31:37Did you see the dedication that Kevin had catching that ball?
00:31:40I'm getting all distracted and flustered.
00:31:41I can't have it!
00:31:43Look, you need to do this, because I've seen on TV where they do this.
00:31:46Like...
00:31:48Are you sure these guys know what they're doing?
00:31:51They're my only friends outside the league.
00:31:53Yeah, they're perfect to coach these girls.
00:31:54Well, it looks like they're just trying to get into their pants.
00:32:00Hey, what's up?
00:32:01Yeah, I am serious. I'm trying to help this team win.
00:32:04Guys, can I talk to you for a second?
00:32:06Downstairs, guys.
00:32:08What's up, coach?
00:32:09What up?
00:32:09I called you guys down here to help coach the team, not to try and sleep with all the girls.
00:32:14I see. You're just trying to hog all the models for yourself.
00:32:18Sure.
00:32:18It's against the guy code.
00:32:19I'm not trying to hog all the models.
00:32:21Why? Because you have a girlfriend?
00:32:23Dude, she's my cousin.
00:32:24It's cool. I kiss my cousin. It's fine.
00:32:27Kevin, I'm not cool at him.
00:32:28Hey, where's that hot Australian chick?
00:32:30I came specifically to coach the hot Australian chick.
00:32:34Cat?
00:32:35Seriously, I'm disappointed.
00:32:37Cat! Sweet!
00:32:39It's pigs.
00:32:41Is that cat?
00:32:42No.
00:32:43Cat?
00:32:47Did you just caress him?
00:32:49So, uh, where's cat?
00:32:51I got a text from her. She had to take a photo shoot.
00:32:54So she's skipping practice.
00:32:55Jake, the girl's gotta work.
00:32:56A player's first priority has got to be his team.
00:32:59This is why we lose.
00:33:02You know, drag her back here.
00:33:04Now, there's one party that's really beautiful and nobody can see it. Can you see it?
00:33:07Can you think of it?
00:33:08Well, imagine the prettiest part of your body.
00:33:10Oh, now it's ruined. It was taken away from you.
00:33:12Amputated. Lost.
00:33:13In a terrible, ferocious accident.
00:33:15Now your face is all smashed up, and you want everyone to see your good soul inside.
00:33:20It's just me working here, isn't it?
00:33:21Okay, right now you're at one-fifth. I think you should be at six-fifths.
00:33:24We've been shooting all day.
00:33:26Oh, what? Really? That's a job. You're a model. Your job is to be shot, okay?
00:33:30You know what? Just go freshen up. Freshen up the attitude for one thing.
00:33:33Start pulling off.
00:33:34A waste of my time.
00:33:35I quit, actually.
00:33:40Where were you today?
00:33:41Um, you obviously know the answer to that question.
00:33:43It was just practice. It's not like it was a game.
00:33:47If we were trying to do a photo shoot here, you'll-
00:33:50She's supposed to be at my practice!
00:33:51Okay, seven! I can handle this. Don't worry about it.
00:33:55Yeah, sure.
00:33:57Sit.
00:34:00So, Jake, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to quit the team.
00:34:03What do you mean you're quitting the team?
00:34:04It's not what I thought it was gonna be.
00:34:06I'm sorry. I'll be out of your hair from now on.
00:34:08Don't make me beg.
00:34:12Well, if you want me to play for your team, you could always show me your Willie.
00:34:15What? Who's Willie?
00:34:17Willie is Australian for penis.
00:34:20Wiener, Wang, Dong, Johnson.
00:34:23You'll play for my team if I have sex with you?
00:34:26Uh, no. I'll play for your team if you flop out your dick.
00:34:30I'm sure Devin's really interested as well.
00:34:32Well, not really, but-
00:34:33Well, I'm not just gonna whip it out right here.
00:34:36Well, then I guess you're just not willing to do whatever it takes for the team.
00:34:51Alright, I'll see you at next practice.
00:34:53Yeah, you better be there.
00:34:56It was like slinky, but like smaller.
00:34:58I feel kinda bad.
00:35:10What the hell is this?
00:35:11Oh, they're our new outfits. Aren't they cute?
00:35:13They're not outfits. They're uniforms. And no, they're not cute. They're terrible.
00:35:16Take them off right now.
00:35:17We got more.
00:35:18Nothing matches.
00:35:19No, definitely.
00:35:20It's a positive thing for team morale.
00:35:22Yeah, well, we're playing Gary's robots today.
00:35:25Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hello, Jakey.
00:35:30I hadn't realized you guys would change your team name from Hornets to Vaginas.
00:35:35Hey, Holly.
00:35:37Are you sick of hanging out with this loser yet?
00:35:39I was gonna ask Carl the same thing.
00:35:40You leave Carl out of this.
00:35:42I'm not tired of hanging out with Gary yet.
00:35:45I see you picked up one of my ex-star players.
00:35:48Careful, Jake. She's got claws.
00:35:51Like, literally, she digs her nails into you when you're doing it.
00:35:54In your wet dreams, douchebag.
00:35:56Yeah, I think that was your mom.
00:35:58Or was it your mom?
00:36:01I'll see you guys on the field of battle.
00:36:06Gary's robots are now ahead 19 to 3.
00:36:09This one's getting uglier than Amy Winehouse around 5 o'clock in the morning.
00:36:15The biggest rivalry in all of beer league softball.
00:36:19Jake McBride's models are taking on his arch-rival Gary and the robots.
00:36:23How you doing, baby?
00:36:24Just give me a nice big fat one, huh?
00:36:27Why does that sound so familiar to me?
00:36:32No, she hit him with the pitch.
00:36:34Oops!
00:36:35I bet that wasn't intentional.
00:36:37And if you believe that, I don't have crabs.
00:36:39Somebody tell Roger Clemens over here that this is a soft pitch league.
00:36:45Excuse me, Chris.
00:36:47Uh, yeah, I'm sorry.
00:36:48You must have just gotten away from me.
00:36:50Friendly game, lady!
00:36:51It's okay.
00:36:52It's okay, Carl.
00:36:53She's probably just upset because somebody named Gary broke her heart recently.
00:37:01Whatever.
00:37:02Let him just laugh and drink it up.
00:37:04Hey, you know what would be real nice?
00:37:05You two would, uh, make out while you're on the mound.
00:37:09Hey, Christine!
00:37:10Hey, next time you and Gary get together, maybe you can invite Holly.
00:37:14Invite the whole team.
00:37:16We'll turn Chateau Gary into a stew pot.
00:37:19Make some model stew up.
00:37:20Big Gary will be the spoon.
00:37:27Hey, hey, hey!
00:37:29Oh, sorry.
00:37:30I was just trying to keep him close to the back so he wouldn't steal.
00:37:32Oh, okay.
00:37:33Uh, well, actually, there's no stealing bases in this league.
00:37:36Oh, I'm so sorry.
00:37:38I didn't know.
00:37:39Uh, you consider it a warning.
00:37:41If you keep this up, we're gonna lose the game by forfeit.
00:37:44Holly, the game's gone already.
00:37:47Alright.
00:37:48Let's have some fun.
00:37:49What the hell's going on in here?
00:37:51Look, we've already lost the game.
00:37:53We might as well just have some fun.
00:37:54Wow, that's a tight shirt.
00:37:55I think I can see what Jake McBride had for lunch.
00:37:58Just play hard.
00:38:07See, right!
00:38:15Nice!
00:38:16All right!
00:38:17All right, run!
00:38:19Run!
00:38:22Run!
00:38:25Take three!
00:38:26Take three!
00:38:27Come on!
00:38:28Come on!
00:38:29Go, go, go!
00:38:40Go, go!
00:38:52Go, go, go!
00:38:57Go!
00:38:59Go, go, go!
00:39:01Go, go!
00:39:01Go, go, go!
00:39:02Go, go!
00:39:03We only lost by ten.
00:39:04Yeah.
00:39:05Not bad.
00:39:06Getting a little better.
00:39:07That's all it counts.
00:39:08Yeah, we want it.
00:39:43Yeah, we want it.
00:40:20Yeah, we want it.
00:40:40Yeah, we want it.
00:40:40Okay, you're hot.
00:40:41You're so hot.
00:40:41You're sweating.
00:40:42Good.
00:40:43Let me say sweat.
00:40:44Sweat.
00:40:44Okay, now you're freezing.
00:40:45You're in the Arctic.
00:40:46You're a penguin.
00:40:47It's cold.
00:40:47It's cold.
00:40:48Beautiful.
00:40:53Beautiful.
00:40:53Now you're American soldiers.
00:40:55We want you on the banks of Normandy.
00:40:58There's Nazis everywhere.
00:40:59Splash the Nazis.
00:41:00Splash them.
00:41:01Splash those Nazis.
00:41:02Splash them.
00:41:03Get them all wet.
00:41:04Beautiful.
00:41:04You.
00:41:10Candace!
00:41:11Candace!
00:41:12What are you doing?
00:41:14What?
00:41:15What?
00:41:15Are you a model?
00:41:16Well, you better get sexy now if you want to be in that Hornet's calendar.
00:41:21Alright?
00:41:22Don't let them get you down, okay?
00:41:23Stop.
00:41:24Where are you going?
00:41:24Stop.
00:41:25You're on a break.
00:41:25Cold.
00:41:26Good.
00:41:27Sexy.
00:41:28Closing.
00:41:29Lovely.
00:41:29We love it.
00:41:30Oh.
00:41:31Sultry.
00:41:31Sultry.
00:41:32Get less porn star.
00:41:33Alright, whatever.
00:41:34You're done.
00:41:40Rachel!
00:41:43Matt!
00:41:44Get your mocha latte butt over here!
00:41:47I don't have time for you to turn into a deep-fried ho-ho!
00:41:50Alright, I'm coming!
00:41:52Looks like I'm Hannibal Lecter's next victim.
00:41:54Yeah.
00:41:56Am I the only person working here?
00:41:58Hello?
00:42:04Oh no.
00:42:05We're both dickheads at 12 o'clock.
00:42:11What are they doing here?
00:42:12I don't know.
00:42:13Maybe they heard about our calendar shoot and we decided that they need some sun.
00:42:19Oh, and there is a fact that Gary's totally into you.
00:42:22What?
00:42:24Okay, now your sisters.
00:42:25Sisters, flying, and kites.
00:42:27Kites to the sky.
00:42:28Kites up here.
00:42:29Up here.
00:42:29Look up there.
00:42:30Alright, Pierre!
00:42:32Ladies, ladies, ladies.
00:42:35What a lucky little twist of fate that we should find you all out here on the beach.
00:42:43Gary, it's, uh, it's really nice to see you, actually.
00:42:46I thought you might say that.
00:42:48So what do you think about calling off this bet, you and Jake?
00:42:51And let's just play for pride instead of cash.
00:42:54Kinda seems like it might take all the fun out of it, don't you think?
00:42:56Gary, the bet's meaningless.
00:42:58Jake's never gonna be able to pay you.
00:43:00Why would you take a bet that you can't collect on?
00:43:02Alright, cats, so you're a dolphin that just turned into a human.
00:43:05Alright, good, no, no, scratch that.
00:43:06You're a mermaid that just turned into a person.
00:43:09You just got feet.
00:43:09Oh, how do those feet feel?
00:43:11Ew, the sand in your coat.
00:43:13What?
00:43:13You stupid, fat tub of lard.
00:43:16This cost you twelve million dollars.
00:43:18Me, twelve million dollars.
00:43:20That's more than your life.
00:43:21Hold it.
00:43:22I like that angle.
00:43:23Beautiful.
00:43:23You hate me, but you love me.
00:43:25You hate me, but you love me.
00:43:26Not only do you want to beat Jake, but you want to completely humiliate him.
00:43:30He's doing that all by himself every single day.
00:43:32But I do want to do a little jig on his grave afterwards, maybe.
00:43:36There's gotta be some way to make this a, uh, a nice bet.
00:43:42What about, uh, fifty dollars?
00:43:44I see your point.
00:43:46I mean, maybe you and I could sit down in a little more private setting
00:43:50and discuss how to work this out for dinner, maybe at my house.
00:43:56She'd love to.
00:43:57Great.
00:43:58At seven, then.
00:43:59And don't be late.
00:44:01Yeah.
00:44:01Alright.
00:44:02Yes.
00:44:02Perfect.
00:44:03Alright.
00:44:04Boom.
00:44:05Gross.
00:44:06God.
00:44:07You'll be fine.
00:44:09Ugh.
00:44:38Alright guys, keep up the good work.
00:44:40I gotta take a wicked piss.
00:44:44Come on, Gary.
00:44:45You have to go after the ball.
00:44:47You can't wait for him to find you.
00:44:50Brock.
00:44:52Hey guys, how's it going?
00:44:55Mr. Junior wants his money, Jake.
00:44:57Oh, I know.
00:44:58Uh, don't worry.
00:44:59I'm gonna pay him.
00:45:00I just gotta win this sucker bet against Gary first.
00:45:02You can't win this league.
00:45:03Not with a team of bays, man.
00:45:05It's funny watching them tries in the ranch.
00:45:06Yeah, Hammer.
00:45:07It's fun, but it's not getting us Mr. Junior's money.
00:45:09And by the looks of things, it ain't gonna happen.
00:45:11Kids play at this part.
00:45:13Let's...
00:45:13Come on.
00:45:14I like kids.
00:45:15We all like kids.
00:45:16Look around, Hammer.
00:45:17No cancer.
00:45:18Pick up your ass up.
00:45:20Look, man.
00:45:20We're on a roll.
00:45:21All we need to do is win a few more and then we're in playoffs with momentum.
00:45:24Yeah, Jake?
00:45:25You think you can win this league?
00:45:26You think you can pay Mr. Junior's 20k?
00:45:28Definitely.
00:45:29The Hornets have won the last two championships.
00:45:31Wait, 20k?
00:45:32I only owe 10.
00:45:33Come on, Jake.
00:45:34Haven't you seen all the movies?
00:45:35It's wrist reward.
00:45:36Mr. Junior trusted you.
00:45:38You disappointed him.
00:45:39Now we either deliver 20k or your sorry ass.
00:45:41Sounds about right.
00:45:42Let's just break his thumbs.
00:45:44Hey, how's our home run hitter supposed to hit any home runs with broken thumb?
00:45:47I don't know how you do it, Jake.
00:45:49You're a loser.
00:45:50Your face is all screwed up.
00:45:52How do you get all these pretty ladies?
00:45:54Why don't we just break his face a little bit?
00:45:55That way he can still play.
00:45:57That's not such a bad idea, Hammer.
00:45:58No!
00:45:59No!
00:46:00Danny!
00:46:01Put him down right now.
00:46:03I don't know nothing about this Danny person.
00:46:04My name's Rich.
00:46:06Put him down right now or I'll call your mother!
00:46:14Come on, Olive.
00:46:15You know my mom will kill me if she knows what I really do.
00:46:18Everyone needs to make a living.
00:46:19You'll get your money when we win the league.
00:46:22But until then, you better sit on the bleachers and root us on.
00:46:26All right.
00:46:26I'll talk to Mr. Junior about giving him this one last chance.
00:46:29But after the championship, if you don't collect the money, we're still gonna have to kill him.
00:46:34Fair enough.
00:46:36You should thank this girl, Jake.
00:46:38You just bought yourself a couple more weeks of breathing.
00:46:42Better get that money, Jake.
00:46:46Thanks, Olive.
00:46:47Don't worry about Danny.
00:46:49He's just acting like a big shot.
00:46:51He's really a teddy bear at heart.
00:46:52What about that Hammer guy?
00:46:54Oh yeah, him.
00:46:55He's psychotic.
00:46:59Just tease him.
00:47:00I mean, most guys are satisfied.
00:47:03As long as they think they could have gotten some.
00:47:05All they need is just something to tell their stupid friends the next day.
00:47:08How am I gonna get Gary to go for it?
00:47:10Which I'm not going to do.
00:47:12And then I blow the opportunity to call off the bat.
00:47:15Just tell me you're on your period.
00:47:16What if he's into that sort of thing?
00:47:18I don't know.
00:47:20Tell him that you used to be a man.
00:47:22It's gonna be fine.
00:47:23Don't worry about it.
00:47:24I mean, you're a beautiful, intelligent woman.
00:47:26Men are stupid.
00:47:28Alright, this isn't helping.
00:47:30Here's the deal, okay?
00:47:31You're gonna leave your cell phone on and just text me like ten minutes after he calls off the bat
00:47:35and I'll call you.
00:47:36And you can just say that, like, it's your grandma calling to tell you your grandpa fell and can't get
00:47:41up.
00:47:41I don't know.
00:47:42And then just give him a mercy kiss and split.
00:47:44Gary's not gonna call off the bat.
00:47:46He'd rather totally humiliate me than get laid.
00:47:53Okay.
00:47:54I need out to talk.
00:47:57I have a really big favor to ask you.
00:48:00I've just been so stressed out with work and everything that I was wondering if maybe you could take my
00:48:07laundry over to your complex and perform a little fluff and fold.
00:48:14Yeah, if you need laundry and stuff.
00:48:18Can I do that?
00:48:20See how easy it is to get a guy to do something?
00:48:23But Millie, you're so good at it.
00:48:25You should be the one that's going out with Gary.
00:48:27No, you're the one he's into.
00:48:29You're gonna be fine, Holly.
00:48:30Just be the tease.
00:48:33Okay.
00:48:34I can do this.
00:48:36By the time I get back tonight, the vet's gonna be called off.
00:48:39You still need the laundry?
00:48:42Yeah.
00:48:51Hey, Holly.
00:48:52Welcome to my flat.
00:48:53Thanks, Gary.
00:48:55Broke open the bubbly already.
00:48:57I was gonna save it for Carl's wedding, but tonight's a pretty big night too.
00:49:02Yeah.
00:49:03Come on in.
00:49:07You know, there's a bunch of French people out there who think that champagne isn't aphrodisiac.
00:49:14Might be exactly why I'm finding you super attractive right now.
00:49:19So, Gary, I'd like to talk about this little bet between you and Jake.
00:49:24You need to relax some, huh?
00:49:26You're so tense.
00:49:28You're trying to start a modeling business.
00:49:32Do some entrepreneurial kinds of work and maybe Gary could help you out a little bit, huh?
00:49:38Thanks, Gary, but I got some things in the works.
00:49:40I read you.
00:49:41You don't want to mix business with pleasure.
00:49:47Gary, you know that Jake has a little gambling problem, right?
00:49:54Listen.
00:49:56There's something that you could do for me that I would, uh, really appreciate.
00:50:02What's that?
00:50:04Will you crack my back?
00:50:07What do you want me to do?
00:50:08I want you to march up and down my spine.
00:50:12Okay.
00:50:15Um, shoes on or off?
00:50:18Uh, off.
00:50:22Oh, jackpot.
00:50:24How's that?
00:50:24Oh, my gosh.
00:50:26It's like a hundred times better than when Carl does it.
00:50:29So how about that bet, Gary?
00:50:31Like, it's a tiny little army of little people.
00:50:36And they're using mallets to play beautiful songs.
00:50:39And they're using my spine and it's making music and everyone's so happy.
00:50:44You know, Gary, with the Hornets really starting to play better, what if by some crazy twist of fate you
00:50:49were to lose?
00:50:50You'd be out $50,000 and be humiliated by a team of girls.
00:50:54Will you step back on my, on my butt?
00:50:58Gary, I came over here to talk to you about calling out this bet.
00:51:02But just moosh me in the butt a little bit.
00:51:04You're a real creep.
00:51:05And you're gonna lose this bet.
00:51:07The Hornets are gonna kick your ass.
00:51:13Carl, will you come down here and stomp on my bottom?
00:51:17Playing with the mind in a hostage state.
00:51:20You were throwing it down.
00:51:21Now it's all just hate.
00:51:22Killing you slowly from within.
00:51:26Big wave, Dave Carboni here.
00:51:28And if you're just joining us, the Hornets are trailing eight to three.
00:51:32This one's slipping away faster than the days that Pamela Anderson is still doable.
00:51:38Whoa!
00:51:40Here we go!
00:51:43Here we go!
00:51:45Here we go!
00:51:47Here we go!
00:51:47Oh!
00:51:52Jake, are you okay?
00:51:54Well, don't look at me!
00:51:55Score!
00:52:06Whoa, whoa, whoa!
00:52:07Time out!
00:52:08Time out!
00:52:15Hey!
00:52:16Stop wanting like a woman!
00:52:18Think of being like a man!
00:52:19Hey!
00:52:20Are you getting balls in there, buddy?
00:52:21Hey!
00:52:21At least you're proud to put a ball in.
00:52:24You would know, wouldn't you, Rachel?
00:52:26Sweetheart.
00:52:30Not cool.
00:52:31Are you gonna do something about this?
00:52:32Well, you want me to call something?
00:52:33How about if I call intentional blocking of the runner?
00:52:36Oh!
00:52:37It's pretty painful, huh?
00:52:38No, no, it's fine.
00:52:39Come on!
00:52:39What are you guys doing here?
00:52:40Come on, play ball!
00:52:41Let's go!
00:52:41Come back to the runner!
00:52:42I don't know, Jake.
00:52:42You don't look so good.
00:52:45Alright, alright, that's the game.
00:52:47What?
00:52:48What?
00:52:48That's the game.
00:52:49What...
00:52:50What are you talking about?
00:52:51What's your problem?
00:52:53Uh...
00:52:53You can't...
00:52:54What are you...
00:52:55What?
00:52:55Hey!
00:52:56Just because of a little piece?
00:52:57Are you kidding me?
00:52:58You've been doing me all day?
00:52:59I feel like I'm in a porno.
00:53:00I feel like Jenna Jameson, alright?
00:53:01What are you even talking about?
00:53:02I've been getting pounded all day, huh?
00:53:03Look at him!
00:53:04He's a mess!
00:53:04Why don't you tell me this time?
00:53:06Oh, yeah.
00:53:06Please, that'd be nice.
00:53:07Vinny, you know, I've taken your...
00:53:09Um...
00:53:09Sir, do we win?
00:53:11As a matter of fact...
00:53:12You do!
00:53:13Are you kidding me?
00:53:14Yes!
00:53:14The years that passed, the years that passed us by.
00:53:17We go up and we go down, but we're still the same inside.
00:53:25Are you crazy?
00:53:28What is your plan?
00:53:29What?
00:53:29You're working!
00:53:30You're working!
00:53:31You're working!
00:53:31You're working!
00:53:32You're working!
00:53:33You're working!
00:53:34What was your plan?
00:53:37I don't want to leave!
00:53:38What are we doing?
00:53:39Come on, one second!
00:53:40Freak me fast!
00:53:40Most ridiculous thing I've ever heard in my life!
00:53:42Are you kidding me?
00:53:42I'm sorry!
00:53:43Look to your third base coach, because he's going to tell you why you didn't swing, you
00:53:46idiot!
00:53:47Calm down!
00:53:48It's just a game!
00:53:49Is it home?
00:53:50Is it?
00:53:51That's it?
00:53:51I have to play hard.
00:53:53Risk your lag?
00:53:53I mean, you'll never be able to play again.
00:53:55You know, you could have made it to pro ball if you wouldn't have got your pitching elbow
00:53:58crushed.
00:53:58That wasn't from playing.
00:54:00Exactly!
00:54:01Didn't your bookie have your pitching elbow crushed?
00:54:03You think I'm not aware of that?
00:54:04Stupid.
00:54:05Idiot.
00:54:06Who is it?
00:54:07Hi!
00:54:08Oh, hey Rach.
00:54:09Hey Rachel, sorry I got hurt and the season's down the drain.
00:54:12And now you joined the team for me.
00:54:14I didn't join the team for you.
00:54:15Or for you, Holly.
00:54:18I did it for me.
00:54:19Well, why now?
00:54:20Why this team?
00:54:22I just wanted the chance to kick the crap out of some guys.
00:54:24You're a man-hater.
00:54:25I knew it.
00:54:27I didn't know what to do.
00:54:28Hey Mom.
00:54:28We should probably go and park the red zone.
00:54:31This is my friend, Holden.
00:54:33Hey.
00:54:34How's that?
00:54:34I'm Holly.
00:54:35Nice to meet you.
00:54:36Hey, how's it going, man?
00:54:37Do I go in a bowl?
00:54:40Is it a man-hater or is it a boyfriend?
00:54:41No.
00:54:42I certainly do not hate men.
00:54:49Oh, come on. This guy ain't your boyfriend. You're just doing this to make me jealous.
00:54:54Come on, Jake. Do you really think I care if you get jealous?
00:54:56Then why are you here, Rachel?
00:54:58I just wanted to see how Jake was doing and to drop these chocolates off for you.
00:55:04Oh, these are my favorites. You remember.
00:55:07That's the exact box you gave me on my birthday when I was trying to dye it.
00:55:12All right. See you at the next practice coach.
00:55:15Hey, feel better, bro. Nice to meet you.
00:55:17Yeah, let's do it.
00:55:17Feel better, bro. I'd like to meet you.
00:55:24Ow!
00:55:25Oh, all right.
00:55:33Oh, all right. Good try.
00:55:39Oh, come on, Millie. You can get that one.
00:55:41Come on, Jake. This is stupid. It's not like we're going to actually win if you can't even play.
00:55:45Wasn't the whole point of this bet, Jake, that you're so good that you can win with a team of
00:55:49girls?
00:55:49So you want to just quit, huh?
00:55:52Everyone's going to just quit.
00:55:54Our star player gets hurt, and we're all going to quit now.
00:55:58Practice isn't over until we're good enough to win.
00:56:01Jake, what?
00:56:07You want the guys to know that the girls can't play, so I'm going with the big boys?
00:56:11Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh?
00:56:14You know what, Jake? I am totally over this.
00:56:17Oh, Kat, please wait just for a few more minutes.
00:56:20Holly, I would do anything for you, but I can seriously not see how what another few minutes is going
00:56:24to do.
00:56:25Help is on the way.
00:56:27Well, it was fun while it lasted.
00:56:32Billy, get back to third!
00:56:34Sorry, Jake. I didn't come here to be humiliated again by Gary.
00:56:46There's a game that she used to play. Try and make it all go away. Conflicted soul and lost divine.
00:56:53Always a day away.
00:56:56Every step was her mistake.
00:56:57They came! Who came?
00:56:59A couple of girls who could destroy the big boys if they wanted to.
00:57:02They're not models.
00:57:04But they can play really good ball.
00:57:09Hornets, this is Kara and Leah, and they start for the UPCF college softball team.
00:57:14Hello, ladies. You ready to get dirty?
00:57:19You've got to bend your knees like this. Bend your knees. You've always got to be ready for the ball,
00:57:23all right?
00:57:23You always have to have your hands up.
00:57:31When the ball comes, when it comes in, you're going to bring it in and scoop it and scoop it
00:57:35up to your chest.
00:57:39You've got to be ready for it, all right? So just like that. Keep your knees bent. Now if I
00:57:43push it, you're going to fall?
00:57:44No.
00:57:46Come here.
00:57:49All right.
00:57:53Pick a pick.
00:57:53Your whole body has to do anything.
00:57:55You really got to get down and be ready for the ball right in front of you.
00:57:58So, uh, Leah, how long have you been playing softball?
00:58:04You know I'm not a lesbian, right?
00:58:05It doesn't matter anyway.
00:58:09They don't know that back in great school, all the boys told me I wasn't cool, broken into tears.
00:58:17Yay, I got him.
00:58:18We're still in this thing. We won our last game. We're in playoffs.
00:58:23One more game.
00:58:24One more.
00:58:30It all comes down to this. It's Jake McBride and his team of models.
00:58:35Taking on Rick Fitzgerald and his team, the Fighting Orangutans.
00:58:39These two teams are going to battle it out today. One team's going to the playoffs. The other team is
00:58:44going home.
00:58:47I can't tell you how happy it makes me that I'm going to be the one that cost you 50
00:58:52grand.
00:58:53You should never kick me off your team, Jake. You I still like.
00:58:57Oh, I love my life!
00:59:00I figured out how we can do this.
00:59:02How?
00:59:02We're going to cheat.
00:59:03Ooh, cheating.
00:59:05Now there is a subject that you are just an expert in.
00:59:09Jake, we can't cheat.
00:59:10Cheating is one of the grand traditions of this game.
00:59:12Uh, cork bats, foreign substances, steroids, hello?
00:59:16Why don't you just get the girls all roided up ten minutes before a softball game?
00:59:20Alright boys and girls, let's play some ball. Come on, let's go!
00:59:31We're blowing this!
00:59:33I've got to get in there and slam a bunch of home runs.
00:59:35Jake, what are you doing?
00:59:36I'm putting myself in. The only way are we going to win.
00:59:38You can't do this. You're going to injure yourself for good.
00:59:41Jake, you can't do this.
00:59:43Hey, come on, I got a bat in my hand.
00:59:46Oh, you got the bat. Come on. Let me at him.
00:59:48Oh, I'd love him.
00:59:49Oh, he's 50 grand in debt and he's a cripple the rest of his life.
00:59:52Is it my birthday? Is it Christmas?
00:59:56So sad.
01:00:02Down by two runs with two outs and nobody on,
01:00:05it looks like the dream of the Hornets making the playoffs is as over as...
01:00:09Where am I going to come up with 50 grand?
01:00:13Oh, and there's a base hit to the left field.
01:00:14Oh, run, run, run!
01:00:16Run, go!
01:00:19Where'd you go, Olive?
01:00:20Just pay attention, Olive, okay?
01:00:30Alright, Candace, what do you say up there, huh? Base hit.
01:00:32Jake, I'm really nervous. I don't want to be the last out.
01:00:34You're not going to be the last out.
01:00:36I have to pee.
01:00:36Well, you can pee after we win, okay?
01:00:38Just get a hit, alright? Watch the ball hit the bat.
01:00:40You can do it.
01:00:45You're pulling your back leg out way too early on those swings.
01:00:48Keep your back foot planted, alright?
01:00:50Thanks, Jake.
01:00:51We've got a real barn burner. This game is tighter than mine.
01:00:55That's what Candace put you say up there.
01:00:57Let's go, Candace!
01:00:59Let's go, base hit!
01:01:00Let's do it!
01:01:07With the Hornets down to their final out, here comes Holly McBride.
01:01:12Go get him, Holly.
01:01:14Get the back foot planted, alright?
01:01:17With 19 singles and 14 doubles.
01:01:19Come on, Holly.
01:01:19Base hit here and we keep this thing alive.
01:01:21Jake!
01:01:22Don't disown your cousin when she gets the last out.
01:01:25You know, she's still hot.
01:01:28Come on, Holly.
01:01:29Wait for your pitch and take your cut.
01:01:41A swing and a drive, that one's way back.
01:01:43It's got a chance.
01:01:45Dabba, dabba, ding-a-rang-a-doo-dad.
01:01:47Where's the beef?
01:01:48It's gone!
01:01:59I haven't experienced anything this improbable
01:02:02since my night of hot, unprotected sex with Jessica Alba.
01:02:07Oh, man, you had to have been there.
01:02:09That was amazing.
01:02:11Now we're friends with me and Jessica Alba.
01:02:15This one is over and just in time
01:02:18because this announcer has to pee.
01:02:20Hornets win!
01:02:21Hornets win!
01:02:23Holly McBride hit a three-run walk-off homer to win it
01:02:27and the Hornets have clinched the final playoff spot.
01:02:30Hornets!
01:02:31Hornets!
01:02:32Hornets!
01:02:33Hornets!
01:02:34Hornets!
01:02:35Hornets!
01:02:35No one could believe that a team of models could get this far.
01:02:38But against all odds, we've made it to the playoffs.
01:02:44But when you get out there today,
01:02:46I want you to do whatever it takes.
01:02:49Hmm?
01:02:50You mean like what we do to get a ticket?
01:02:52Yes!
01:02:53Let's bring it in.
01:02:59Hornets!
01:03:06Hornets!
01:03:07We're down to the final eight teams,
01:03:09and I haven't been this excited since the time I took three Viagra.
01:03:15Hornets!
01:03:16Come on, Candace!
01:03:17Get the ball, Candace!
01:03:19Come on, Henry!
01:03:19Vinny rounds first.
01:03:20He's going to go for second.
01:03:21Hey, Vinny!
01:03:23No!
01:03:24That looks like we got some boobs.
01:03:26Very nice boobs.
01:03:27Sweet Jesus.
01:03:30Yes!
01:03:31Yes!
01:03:32Yes!
01:03:32Wow!
01:03:33That was the greatest thing I've ever seen on a softball field.
01:03:35Hey, Vinny, have you ever seen a boob before?
01:03:37Shut up, Jake.
01:03:51Oh, my God!
01:03:53Oh, my God!
01:03:57Here's the player for the plate, and she is...
01:04:00Youra!
01:04:01Bad call!
01:04:03Candace, what's the matter?
01:04:04What's the matter?
01:04:04Are you okay?
01:04:05No, I was safe and you called me out and I just really wanted to stop him.
01:04:10He missed the tag. He missed the tag, he missed the tag.
01:04:14Not cool. Not cool, man.
01:04:17What is your problem?
01:04:23Here's what you need to do. Here's my number.
01:04:25I haven't seen this much crying since me on my wedding night.
01:04:28Oh, you need to call me, okay?
01:04:36It's the bottom of the seventh and the Hornets are clinging to a one-run lead,
01:04:40but the fighting orangutans have the bases loaded.
01:04:43Jake, is there any particular part of the fence that you want it over?
01:04:53Ball.
01:04:54Tying blue.
01:04:56The Hornets are in as much trouble as John Stamos in a maximum security prison.
01:05:00Rick's a great hitter, especially in the clutch. We've got to get him out.
01:05:05Ladies, hoist your sails!
01:05:09Don't worry, we've got this covered.
01:05:29And we've got a full-fledged boner alert. If anybody asks, I'm just happy to see you.
01:05:36I'm just happy to see you.
01:05:37Nice to meet you!
01:05:38Woo!
01:05:39I'm pretty good.
01:05:39I'm good.
01:05:43I'm good.
01:05:50Rick!
01:05:51Yeah, you're up.
01:05:52Oh, thank you.
01:05:55Oh, I got this.
01:06:07Come on, Rachel, one more, one more!
01:06:20Strike three, do you believe in miracles?
01:06:23The Hornets are going to the championship!
01:06:33They lost.
01:06:41I haven't seen anything like that since my last massage.
01:06:59Oh, little Jakey McBride, you're waltzed into the playoffs with your band of pretty ladies.
01:07:05I gotta tell you, man, I'm impressed.
01:07:07Gary, what do you want?
01:07:09All I wanted to do was come and say thanks to Jake, that's all.
01:07:12I mean, if he hadn't cut some of the best players in the league right at the beginning of the
01:07:14season,
01:07:15well, they wouldn't be playing for me in the championship.
01:07:17Thank you, buddy.
01:07:19I'll take this.
01:07:20It's hot.
01:07:21And I'll take another 50 grand you're gonna owe me.
01:07:24Why is it that a bunch of pretty ladies like you all would play for a loser like that one?
01:07:29Why are you such a cocky bastard, Gary?
01:07:34Well, I know why you're so feisty, kitty cat.
01:07:36Why?
01:07:37Because he boinked you.
01:07:40Right.
01:07:41I mean, that's why you're playing for Jake, right? To get to me?
01:07:43No, actually, I'm playing because I saw Jake hit a winning home run off of you.
01:07:46And I love softball.
01:07:48Yeah, right.
01:07:49Sure, guys.
01:07:50Just keep telling Carl what a stud you are.
01:07:53You all just have to live with the truth.
01:07:55And we'll see how feisty you all are feeling after we smoke you in the championship game.
01:08:03Watch it, creeps.
01:08:07See ya.
01:08:10Why are we even doing this?
01:08:11I don't know.
01:08:12We're doing this for Holly.
01:08:13No, we started out doing this for Holly and now it just seems like we're doing it for Jake.
01:08:18Let's be honest.
01:08:19Yeah.
01:08:19He's not the world's most eligible bachelor.
01:08:22He's just immature and he's in debt.
01:08:25And he can be very mean.
01:08:27Why did you have sex with him?
01:08:30I was bored.
01:08:31I don't know, Rachel.
01:08:32Why did you have sex with him?
01:08:33You were his girlfriend.
01:08:34No, that thing over there was an unfortunate accident, okay?
01:08:37Really?
01:08:38What?
01:08:38Do you still have feelings for him?
01:08:41No.
01:08:43No!
01:08:45Absolutely not.
01:08:46I just worry about that guy over there.
01:08:48He's so sad and lonely and...
01:08:50Anyway, he has this quality about him that just makes you want to kick his ass and then protect him.
01:08:55Yeah.
01:08:56That was almost believable.
01:08:58Shut up.
01:08:59Ha ha ha ha!
01:09:02Take a stroll down to Quarcannon.
01:09:08Under all the spiders on the land?
01:09:13Find the beauty.
01:09:27Big Jakey McBride.
01:09:30The warrior cut down in his prime.
01:09:32What do you want, Gary?
01:09:35Just popping in to offer you a compromise.
01:09:38Oh, yeah? What's that?
01:09:40Holly.
01:09:42They must talk.
01:09:45Okay.
01:09:47I got a deal for you, okay?
01:09:48I know you can't pay me 50 grand.
01:09:50All I want you to do is for you to walk up before the game,
01:09:54and then you're going to roll right out to the pitcher's mound,
01:09:56and you're going to say, everybody, listen up.
01:09:57We're not going to play any games today. I forfeit.
01:09:59And then you're going to tell them why you forfeit.
01:10:01Gary rules, and you're a loser.
01:10:03So what's up, Carl? How's it going?
01:10:06Oh, good.
01:10:07Good?
01:10:08Gary's doing great.
01:10:09That's good. I'm glad you did that.
01:10:11We're practicing and everything for the game.
01:10:12We're going to give you guys a run for your money.
01:10:14Yeah, sure.
01:10:16And if I lose, I'll pay you.
01:10:18No matter how long it takes.
01:10:21You don't have 50 grand.
01:10:23I'm going to take that little piece of crap car away from you, right?
01:10:26And then, let's see, with the interest you'll be accruing on that,
01:10:29I would say you're going to owe me about $500 a month
01:10:33for the next, I don't know, 15 years.
01:10:35Does that sound fun to you?
01:10:36Well, that is, unless Mr. Junior's goons get you first.
01:10:39Come on.
01:10:40Make it real easy.
01:10:42Just give up.
01:10:48Okay.
01:11:04And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
01:11:12Gave proof through the night
01:11:15That our flag was still there
01:11:19Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
01:11:28Over the land of the free
01:11:32And the hope of the brave
01:11:40Play ball!
01:11:42All right, Jakey boy, no more chances.
01:11:44You might notice I picked up a couple players.
01:11:46I believe you've met Vinny and Rick.
01:11:48No.
01:11:48I know.
01:11:49And don't think your girls are going to get away
01:11:51with their little cutesy flirty routine again either.
01:11:53Because I had all the robots masturbate this morning.
01:11:56I did it like four times.
01:11:57I counted.
01:11:58Good luck, Gary.
01:12:00We made it here.
01:12:02Even though no one thought a team of models could compete.
01:12:05You guys stuck by me.
01:12:06It kept us alive.
01:12:08No matter how big of an ass I've been.
01:12:10And I'm truly privileged to play on a team with you guys.
01:12:14Show them what you're made of.
01:12:15One more time.
01:12:17For the championship!
01:12:20On Big Wave, Dave Carboni,
01:12:23and I'm here for the finals of the West Valley Softball Championship.
01:12:27It's Jake McBride and his team of models
01:12:29taking on their arch-enemy,
01:12:31Gary Schiavo and his team of robots.
01:12:33The girls wanna be like me.
01:12:36All the boys...
01:12:37Rock, Melody, go!
01:12:38Woo!
01:12:39Can't they see?
01:12:40Let you down inside.
01:12:42We don't know the same.
01:12:45I'm a teenage.
01:12:47Supergirl.
01:12:48We need my friends.
01:12:50We rule the world.
01:12:51Gary, I'm in a pickle.
01:13:02This game has all the makings of a classic.
01:13:05Both teams playing strong and tough.
01:13:06Now, this one is way back.
01:13:09Balky Bar Taco Bell, it's outta here!
01:13:12Carl, look at that.
01:13:13Isn't that pretty?
01:13:14Throw you, Michelle!
01:13:16Told me I wasn't cool, broken in tears.
01:13:19Nights and years.
01:13:20I cry myself to sleep.
01:13:23Woo!
01:13:24Uh-oh, Jakey.
01:13:26I smell dynamite in this bat.
01:13:29Come on, Gary!
01:13:30Woo!
01:13:33Woo!
01:13:34Woo!
01:13:35Woo!
01:13:35Woo!
01:13:36Namaste!
01:13:38Rowan's got a two-run lead now.
01:13:47What do you say, Olive?
01:13:48Hey.
01:13:49You got it, you got it.
01:13:50You got it, you got it.
01:13:53Come on, Olive.
01:13:55Woo!
01:13:55You got it, Olive.
01:13:56You got it, Olive.
01:13:56You got it, Olive.
01:13:57You got it, Olive.
01:14:03Woo!
01:14:05Candace, you're up, girl.
01:14:07I can't be the one in this position again.
01:14:09I have terrible stage fright, and I know I'm gonna strike out and lose it for everyone.
01:14:12You've helped your team enough this season.
01:14:16I gotta finish what I start.
01:14:17takei focus.
01:14:24Go, Nick!
01:14:25Woo!
01:14:27Wui!
01:14:29Woo!
01:14:29Woo!
01:14:29Woo!
01:14:31Woo!
01:14:45Woo!
01:14:46Woo!
01:14:46All righty!
01:14:47This one's way back.
01:14:48It's got a chance.
01:14:49And it's caught at the wall.
01:14:53What a plan.
01:14:54And the robots win the championship.
01:14:57Suck it!
01:14:57Suck it so hard.
01:14:58I hate you.
01:14:58Here in the finals.
01:15:00Oh, it feels nice.
01:15:08Hornets, hornets, hornets, hornets, hornets, hornets,
01:15:14hornets, hornets, hornets, hornets, hornets.
01:15:17Hornets, hornets, hornets, hornets.
01:15:20Oh, sorry, Gary.
01:15:22I just got excited for a second, huh?
01:15:24You won.
01:15:26Oh, ho, ho, ho.
01:15:28Jakey boy.
01:15:29Sorry to ruin your little Cinderella story there, boyo.
01:15:32But you owe me big, and I'm going to make you pay.
01:15:36Unless those big old stupid goons of yours don't get you first.
01:15:39You call me a goon, man.
01:15:40I got something else.
01:15:42I'm a big fan of the hornets.
01:15:44Yes, I am.
01:15:46And I recommend it to Mr. Junior.
01:15:48He puts you on a more flexible payment plan.
01:15:50All right?
01:15:50You guys are awesome.
01:15:51Well, that's fine.
01:15:51I'm still going to get paid, so I'm awesome.
01:15:53Think you can just buy and sell people?
01:15:55That's kind of what I do.
01:15:58I'm going to put giant douchebag in the memo.
01:16:03Here you go.
01:16:04I'm sorry, Holly.
01:16:05You don't have enough money to start your own agency.
01:16:08Don't worry about it, Holly.
01:16:09All horn's got to talking, and we're all going to chip in
01:16:12and join the Holly McBride modeling agency.
01:16:14I mean, we all decided that we still want to be a team.
01:16:16We're all going to be your first clients.
01:16:18Really?
01:16:19Yeah.
01:16:22Hey, Gary.
01:16:24How about we go double or nothing?
01:16:27Uh, softball season's over.
01:16:29Sport?
01:16:29The flag football season isn't.
01:16:35Yeah, okay.
01:16:36You're on.
01:16:37How do you want to be remembered for your honor or your pride?
01:16:49How do you want to be remembered for your body or your mind?
01:17:04told me I really wanna be honored if it's nothing, we can take it to work in the day?
01:17:24We've seen it on average journey of love all day.
01:17:24I really love you for the pain, though, and Max to tell you that you're not eating unless you're
01:17:27If you've been loving it, the show happened now.
01:17:29Out in sync with the steptops driving
01:17:32And I apply close to the sun
01:17:35That's why the, that's why the could die young
01:17:38I leave no song unsung
01:17:41A heart and soul is made for the living
01:17:45The past is always different for giving
01:17:48And time is on my side
01:17:51With every breath I'm alive
01:17:54How do you want to be remembered?
01:17:59For your anger
01:18:01Or your love
01:18:05How do you want to be remembered?
01:18:12For your beauty
01:18:14Or your blood
01:18:19Time, time goes
01:18:23Tick, tick, tick
01:18:25And I won't lie
01:18:28Before you know it dear
01:18:29Before you know what you love
01:18:31They're dying
01:18:32The sand slips low into the past
01:18:36Pile high and fast
01:18:39I lend a simple lesson
01:18:42Be kind and counter-less
01:18:44I'll be alive
01:18:45This rat race
01:18:46I'd rather move with this thing
01:18:49It feels fast
01:18:50I can't
01:18:51You're as though
01:18:52I know, it is a huge man
01:18:55I do do
01:18:56And I'll see you
01:18:56I can't
01:18:58You'll see you
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