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Short filmTranscript
00:00:27Laila
00:00:28Layla once said that somebody once said that all stories end in death or marriage.
00:00:35That's because somebody was a complete idiot.
00:00:44You could argue that they're more or less the same thing anyway.
00:00:47But hey, this is Layla's story, not mine.
00:00:52His note says he's dead.
00:00:58He signed it.
00:01:00And he dotted the I in his name with a little happy face.
00:01:05From this day forward, I swear to God that I will never let some lying clown tell me he loves
00:01:12me.
00:01:13Much less agree to marry him for it.
00:01:15Nonsense.
00:01:16I'll die first.
00:01:18You go to Harvard first.
00:01:20Okay, granted, getting blown off on your wedding day sucks a pretty big one.
00:01:24But, you know, hunt him down and kill him.
00:01:26Don't go all hysterical.
00:01:29I mean, what chick hasn't sworn off boys at some point in her life?
00:01:33Really, they're like cigarettes.
00:01:36You try out a few in the woods behind school.
00:01:39You puke.
00:01:40You give them up.
00:01:41But right around that third jello shot, they start to sound pretty good again.
00:01:46And while we're at it, what guy hasn't had his most tender lies, well, you know, burnt up?
00:01:56What I'm trying to say is you get over it.
00:02:00Unless, of course, you're still a virgin.
00:02:03Then it can take a while.
00:02:07A long while.
00:02:10A long while.
00:02:32I'm trying to say the truth will reveal you now.
00:02:36What?
00:02:37What?
00:02:38What?
00:02:38What?
00:02:39What?
00:02:39What?
00:02:40What kind of sparkly now?
00:02:42Mm-hmm.
00:03:08So 12 years later, and Layla's suite remains the poster child for me.
00:03:12Purity.
00:03:14Gorgeous.
00:03:15Virtuous.
00:03:17Clearest.
00:03:18Lost in the sexual woods with a big moral compass, but without the thing they put in the compass
00:03:23to make it actually point somewhere.
00:03:24And if on the bright side she has one male friend, note that he's on the end of the leash
00:03:29and is named after an antidepressant.
00:03:31Come on, Paxel.
00:03:33Let's post them.
00:03:35Come on.
00:03:40Good boy.
00:03:47What do you call this?
00:03:49It doesn't have a name.
00:03:51Where's Paxel?
00:03:52He's afraid of you.
00:03:54Well, try it at least, dear.
00:03:55It's full of vitamins and great slimming.
00:03:58Is your sister joining us?
00:03:59She's on the phone with Donald.
00:04:01Oh, yes.
00:04:03Donald.
00:04:03He's a very nice boy.
00:04:05Good family.
00:04:06John is toast.
00:04:07He's about to be our son-in-law.
00:04:10Must be great in the sheets.
00:04:11Ernest.
00:04:12What?
00:04:14Like you both haven't thought the same thing?
00:04:16No, you probably haven't.
00:04:18Oh, my God.
00:04:19What now?
00:04:21Mmm.
00:04:23It's quite slimming.
00:04:24Hmm.
00:04:26Here we are.
00:04:28So, ready for the big day?
00:04:30I guess.
00:04:31It's going to be a beautiful ceremony.
00:04:34I booked St. Andrews.
00:04:35Yeah.
00:04:36Ernest.
00:04:37You're quite a grouchy uncle, aren't you?
00:04:40Ignore him.
00:04:41You just fell off the horse once.
00:04:42That's all.
00:04:43I think she got bucked off.
00:04:45You're right again, sweetie.
00:04:46In a great big billowing white dress.
00:04:49Okay.
00:04:50Can I remind you all that I am not marriage-minded?
00:04:53I hate love.
00:04:55I hate weddings.
00:04:57Except for yours.
00:04:59And I hate white dresses.
00:05:02Obviously.
00:05:03You burned a perfectly good one to billowing gray ashes.
00:05:07Okay.
00:05:08I have to go.
00:05:09I'm late for the park.
00:05:11Come on, Paxil.
00:05:13Oh, sweetie, don't.
00:05:18How can you be late to a park?
00:05:22Bye.
00:05:29Listen to this.
00:05:31Researchers announced that male dogs raised in New York City are at an increased risk to develop medical problems,
00:05:38including anxiety, skin rashes, depression, tooth decay, hypochondria, and impotence.
00:05:45Oh, that's so sad.
00:05:53Here you go.
00:06:06Yours?
00:06:07Me?
00:06:09No.
00:06:11Mine.
00:06:12Paxil.
00:06:14Very fuzzy head.
00:06:21Yours?
00:06:22Well, it's my sister's.
00:06:24They steal them on Sundays.
00:06:28We were just about to leave.
00:06:30I don't suppose you'd want to get a cup of coffee with us?
00:06:33I wouldn't.
00:06:34You would?
00:06:35Oh, no.
00:06:35I was just wondering why you thought that I wouldn't.
00:06:38So you want.
00:06:40I actually don't do this.
00:06:43What?
00:06:43The talking to you part.
00:06:46I understand.
00:06:47Thanks, though.
00:06:49Sure.
00:06:56I'm sorry.
00:06:57I'm sorry.
00:07:01I'm sorry.
00:07:05I'm sorry.
00:07:06We built you, too.
00:07:32Bye, honey.
00:07:36Bye, honey.
00:08:08Somebody once said that nostalgia is the rust of memory.
00:08:13Now that one I agree with.
00:08:18See, people's brains are basically oysters, all mucousy and gross, but there's always
00:08:24a grain of sand inside trying to annoy the oyster into making a pearl, and not a bogus
00:08:28pearl either.
00:08:29One with some value, one with some weight, the kind you cast before swine.
00:08:36Come on, Paxil.
00:08:37Come on.
00:08:42Of course, there is such a thing as a false pearl.
00:08:51The ten of rods.
00:08:53You know, it looks like the bartender at Vivisection.
00:08:56Oh.
00:08:57What?
00:08:58Good morning, boss.
00:09:01Good morning, boss.
00:09:02The help from Slacker Hell.
00:09:05That's me with the marble.
00:09:07Remind me to nominate you employee of the month.
00:09:11Remind you?
00:09:12Isn't that what's-its job?
00:09:14Post-its.
00:09:15Prozac.
00:09:16Paxil.
00:09:19Then again, if this guy was your only customer, how hard would you work?
00:09:24Welcome to Sweet's Muffin Shop.
00:09:27Would you like to hear a list of our muffins today?
00:09:32What's your problem?
00:09:33Layla wants us to be nice to the customers.
00:09:37All right, Dottie.
00:09:38Let me hear a list of your muffins today.
00:09:41We have...
00:09:43cranberry?
00:09:47I'll have one of those.
00:09:48Okay.
00:09:53What happened to your arm?
00:09:55You get shot?
00:09:56It's a nicotine patch.
00:09:58Oh, like you don't get enough from smoking.
00:10:04Hey, Layla.
00:10:06Hello.
00:10:07See you tomorrow, Dottie.
00:10:08Will you lock up?
00:10:09Sure.
00:10:09You want to come out with us tonight?
00:10:10We're going to get tattoos.
00:10:11Um, I already have plans.
00:10:16All I said was, hey.
00:10:20It's like I'm invisible.
00:10:25T'was brillig, and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the way.
00:10:30All mimsy were the borrgoves, and the moan wrath's outgrave.
00:10:35I remember that one.
00:10:37I'm the faintest idea what it means.
00:10:39I have a picture of Evie and me here as kids.
00:10:42Yes, I know, dear.
00:10:43I took it.
00:10:43You were six.
00:10:46Mammy, are you sorry that you never had children of your own?
00:10:49But I do.
00:10:49I have two beautiful daughters.
00:10:51You know what I mean.
00:10:53I don't think children were ever an option for me.
00:10:56Or for your uncle.
00:10:59What's on your mind, sweetie?
00:11:02I want to have a baby.
00:11:05Immaculately.
00:11:06Vaginally.
00:11:09Oh, dear.
00:11:12This is not a pretty mental picture.
00:11:15Gee, thanks.
00:11:16No, seriously, I can't even get your clothes off.
00:11:18Evie!
00:11:20Layla, I'm sorry.
00:11:21It's just that for ten years, you have been locked up tighter than a nun.
00:11:25And now all of a sudden, you want the Kama Sutra.
00:11:28Just the part that gets you pregnant.
00:11:31Okay.
00:11:33Well, you know, there are working parts.
00:11:38Penis?
00:11:39Good.
00:11:41Good.
00:12:01Make sure you lose the panties.
00:12:06What?
00:12:07Nothing.
00:12:10You're not wearing panties?
00:12:12No, I'm wearing underwear.
00:12:14You don't see men running around in...
00:12:17Panties?
00:12:18Maybe in a perfect world.
00:12:21Fine.
00:12:23Job.
00:12:25Excuse me?
00:12:28Occupation.
00:12:29I run a muffin shop.
00:12:31Gee, that's what I do.
00:12:34Shouldn't I be getting undressed now?
00:12:37Oh, sure.
00:12:38The doctor will be beating the door down any minute now.
00:12:42Oh.
00:12:55That's a huge difficulty.
00:12:56Oh.
00:12:58Oh.
00:13:07Ciao.
00:13:08Oh.
00:13:09Oh.
00:13:09Oh.
00:13:09Oh.
00:13:10Oh.
00:13:10Oh.
00:13:11Oh.
00:13:13Oh.
00:13:21Oh.
00:13:27I'm sorry to keep you waiting
00:13:31I'm Dr. Kirk
00:13:34As in Beverly
00:13:37Yes, my mother claims it's British
00:13:40This really is quite the horrifying coincidence
00:13:43I could refer you to a colleague
00:13:44No, thank you
00:13:45That won't be necessary
00:13:49Horrifying?
00:13:50Not of course what I meant at all
00:13:52Embarrassing
00:13:52Is what I meant
00:13:54I mean, for me, that is
00:13:57Do you know that's on backwards?
00:14:00I thought it was supposed to be
00:14:02Not here
00:14:03Oh
00:14:05Well, I could turn it around
00:14:07We'll manage
00:14:22So you'd like to start a family
00:14:24That's lovely
00:14:26I noticed you answered the sex question now
00:14:29Yes
00:14:31I see
00:14:34How long have you and your partner been trying to conceive?
00:14:38I don't have a donor
00:14:40As of yet
00:14:44Artificial insemination?
00:14:46No, thank you
00:14:48Right
00:14:50I'll tell you what
00:14:50Let's start with the routine exam
00:14:52And when you leave
00:14:54I'll recommend an population kit
00:14:55The instructions are on the package
00:14:59Oh
00:15:00Sorry
00:15:01I was bored
00:15:03It can be erased
00:15:06You wrote this?
00:15:08It's, uh
00:15:09Ben Casey
00:15:11Yeah
00:15:19I can't remember the one for birth
00:15:22Doctor?
00:15:24Doctor
00:15:25Yes, of course
00:15:26I'm sorry
00:15:28Right
00:15:29Right
00:15:30Right
00:15:30Um
00:15:39I'm having trouble finding a
00:15:40Oh, your ears are on your neck
00:15:44Quite right
00:15:47Would you be more comfortable if the nurse were present?
00:15:50No
00:15:51No, thank you
00:16:14Wait, did you lock it?
00:16:16Yeah, I locked it
00:16:17Mm-hmm
00:16:20She didn't lock it
00:16:22She didn't give you the wrong key
00:16:24No, no, no
00:16:25I don't want it
00:16:25Is the customer
00:16:26I don't want it
00:16:27You were just in there
00:16:29Oh
00:16:44Well, I understand that
00:16:46But I'm not the person who rents out clowns
00:17:12You mistakenly called my number when you were trying to reach clowns to go
00:17:15See, their number's the same as mine but in the 718 area code
00:17:20I get a lot of calls from people looking for clowns and
00:17:24You know those people who say, get a life?
00:17:27Sure, I'll hold
00:17:30Well, if you're a single sexually challenged babe in the big city
00:17:33You know those people who say, this is a life
00:17:36That is, until an actual one shows up
00:18:03I saw Evie yesterday
00:18:04How is your sister?
00:18:07Good, she's working on another fish story for the magazine
00:18:11One uses the Ivy League education I paid for to write about food
00:18:15The other to serve it
00:18:16There they are
00:18:17I think she's getting cold feet
00:18:19That's perfectly normal
00:18:21Oh, that reminds me, I have to check some measurements for your dress
00:18:23Oh, not today, Mammy, please
00:18:28I understand you've got a new doctor
00:18:30Are there any secrets in this family?
00:18:32How did you find him?
00:18:34Handsome?
00:18:35Competent
00:18:37Bull feathers
00:18:38He's a hunk
00:18:40How would you know?
00:18:42Evie emailed his file
00:18:44Oh, God
00:18:45If you can't give it up for a cute single doctor
00:18:49I'll shoot your dog
00:18:50He's not trying to pressure you, dear
00:18:52Yes, I am
00:18:56When I say push, you have to push hard
00:18:59And don't freak out if there's a little blood, okay?
00:19:01Won't it hurt?
00:19:02For a little while
00:19:03Just make sure it goes all the way through
00:19:05And catch the needle with the cork
00:19:07Okay
00:19:08Got any cream?
00:19:09Check the fridge
00:19:11We're out
00:19:13Okay, you ready?
00:19:14Mm-hmm
00:19:15Alright
00:19:16One
00:19:17Two
00:19:18Three
00:19:19Go
00:19:19Ow
00:19:22Okay, good, good, good, good
00:19:24Good
00:19:25Um, just let it stay until it takes
00:19:27Tell me if you think I've got this right
00:19:30Attractive, intelligent, self-employed woman, not 30
00:19:33Virgin
00:19:34Seeks potent, genetically sound man
00:19:3725 to 44, short-term sex
00:19:40No romantics or commitment seekers, please
00:19:57So you mentioned in your questionnaire that you have, um, four kids
00:20:02Can I ask if you're still in touch with them?
00:20:06Well, as much as the next guy, I suppose
00:20:09We know teenagers, they have a mind of their own
00:20:11So your wife has custody
00:20:14You know, custody, divorce
00:20:20You are divorced
00:20:29Actually, uh, where I come from, I'm known as being large
00:20:34And, uh, do you want to see?
00:20:36No
00:20:36Oh, okay
00:20:38I'll put the doggy in a pound for you, baby
00:20:40I'll get you barking like a coon hound
00:20:44I'm just really horny
00:20:46Woo!
00:20:47I don't show flanks
00:20:48Full metal jacket
00:20:50I once had an erection for, for 19 and a half hours
00:20:54You sure you don't want to take a little peek?
00:20:56Also, the idea of not paying for sex is, is a new idea to me
00:21:06You know, I almost didn't come over
00:21:09The whole thing just seemed so, I don't know, clinical
00:21:14Then I realized the sacrifice you were making for this baby
00:21:18I thought, well, maybe I could help
00:21:21Maybe I was chosen to help
00:21:25That the Virgin of the Plains was risen
00:21:27And that I, the foul spawn of indifference
00:21:31Had found purchase on the honeyed trail
00:21:51I'm sorry, no more men
00:21:53What?
00:21:55No interviews
00:21:57Don't want one
00:21:59Who are you?
00:22:03What are you supposed to be?
00:22:04What do you mean, what?
00:22:05Slappy the Clown
00:22:11Nothing rings a bell?
00:22:14What kind of childhood did you have
00:22:15That you don't know Slappy the Clown
00:22:16When he comes to your own front door?
00:22:18I heard of him
00:22:19I just thought he was cuter
00:22:21I brought you these
00:22:25Don't you frighten the children?
00:22:28I just want to thank you for referring all those calls to Clowns2Go
00:22:32Hey, you
00:22:34Tickles
00:22:34Fuck off
00:22:36It's Slappy, okay?
00:22:38And eat me, pal
00:22:41Well, I'm sorry to bother you
00:22:44Here
00:22:50Bye
00:22:51I'm sorry
00:22:52I'm sorry
00:22:52I'm sorry
00:22:52I'm sorry
00:22:52I'm sorry
00:22:53I'm sorry
00:22:55I'm sorry
00:22:56I'm sorry
00:22:58I'm sorry
00:23:05I'm sorry
00:23:06I'm sorry
00:23:07I'm sorry
00:23:07I'm sorry
00:23:08I'm sorry
00:23:08I'm sorry
00:23:08I'm sorry
00:23:09I'm sorry
00:23:09I'm sorry
00:23:09I'm sorry
00:23:09I'm sorry
00:23:10I'm sorry
00:23:10I'm sorry
00:23:10I'm sorry
00:23:10I'm sorry
00:23:12I'm sorry
00:23:16I'm sorry
00:23:21Oh, I'm sorry, I just don't want any menus.
00:23:28Did I ask you if you wanted any menus, lady?
00:23:30I didn't ask you if you wanted any menus.
00:23:32I don't care if you want menus.
00:23:34Well, I don't.
00:23:36Good, because I don't want to crawl around like a reptile
00:23:39passing the damn things out.
00:23:40Oh, poor you.
00:23:43Right, poor me.
00:23:45If I don't hand these out, I don't eat.
00:23:47Well, if you'd bothered to read my sign,
00:23:51none of this would have happened.
00:23:52I read your sign.
00:23:54I ignore it.
00:23:55That's how I make money.
00:23:57And anyhow, aren't you a bit attractive
00:24:00to be doling out menus for a living?
00:24:03What's that supposed to mean?
00:24:05Nothing, except you could be like a supermodel.
00:24:09Then I definitely couldn't eat.
00:24:12Fine.
00:24:13Fine.
00:24:14So, what do you want to be?
00:24:16According to my MFA, I am a poet.
00:24:19Really?
00:24:19I love poetry.
00:24:21Say one.
00:24:23What am I, a jukebox?
00:24:26Oh, come on.
00:24:28It'll be fun.
00:24:30We could go get coffee and muffins.
00:24:33Do you think I need a date?
00:24:42Me?
00:24:43I'd have this guy in a bondage chair with a rubber ball in his mouth.
00:24:46But Layla's going the stale coffee, burnt pastry route.
00:24:51We should probably have a talk.
00:25:00Let me guess.
00:25:01A donut?
00:25:03That's not mine.
00:25:18What are you looking at?
00:25:20Him?
00:25:22He's a friend.
00:25:24Okay.
00:25:25How'd you find a friend?
00:25:27On the street.
00:25:28He's a starving artist.
00:25:30That explains the donut.
00:25:33It's not a donut.
00:25:35And I have to take it somewhere.
00:25:38So when he gets up, give him whatever he wants.
00:25:40Don't worry.
00:25:42And then, you know, show him the ropes.
00:25:44We don't have ropes around here, Layla.
00:25:46If we did, we'd hang ourselves.
00:25:48So, what's he gonna do?
00:25:50What you do.
00:25:52Do you think he can handle it?
00:25:57We're supposed to tell you what to do around here.
00:26:00As you can see, business isn't an issue.
00:26:04But there is something that desperately needs doing.
00:26:10The cheese?
00:26:12The balls.
00:26:14You have to tell her about the birds and the bees.
00:26:17They fly.
00:26:18No, no, no, no, no.
00:26:19You have to tell her how to get boned.
00:26:24Consider it done.
00:26:27You did her?
00:26:30She's been clued.
00:26:32Right here?
00:26:34Right here.
00:26:35Six hours of good, hard, honest.
00:26:39Talking.
00:26:42Is that a slam?
00:26:44She was a bit confused about the penis.
00:26:47Who isn't?
00:26:48Straight up.
00:26:49You guys make the worst muffins I've ever tasted.
00:26:53The customer likes them.
00:27:03What?
00:27:58I don't have an appointment.
00:28:00No, please, come in.
00:28:06I'm sorry about Timmy.
00:28:08He's mad at his mother for being pregnant.
00:28:11Me too.
00:28:12Let me get your towel.
00:28:20Here.
00:28:21It's birth.
00:28:22Oh, you found it.
00:28:24It's kind of messy.
00:28:26Uh, well, it usually is.
00:28:28Um, huh.
00:28:30Here.
00:28:31Sit.
00:28:36Oops.
00:28:38Um, circles.
00:28:39Uh, I don't remember circles.
00:28:46Uh, so, uh, I, I have your, uh, your test results back and everything looks normal.
00:28:52I'm normal.
00:28:54Well, not normal.
00:28:55Well, that sounds like average, which, of course, I don't mean.
00:28:58Uh, you're certainly way, way above average.
00:29:00Like, uh, I don't know, uh, spectacular.
00:29:06Uh, the point being, uh, I don't see any reason why you shouldn't be able to have a child.
00:29:11If you want to.
00:29:14Would you, would you like a grapefruit juice?
00:29:17Ulcer.
00:29:17Ulcer, yes.
00:29:18You mentioned that.
00:29:19You read my chart, then.
00:29:21I'm nearly through it.
00:29:23Uh, you have wonderful penmanship.
00:29:24I suppose I was a little thorough.
00:29:27I don't know.
00:29:27I, I learned you have very good teeth.
00:29:29Not that that matters to me, of course.
00:29:31And that, uh, we had a fine education.
00:29:34Uh, which you used to, uh, uh, to become a waitress in a donut shop.
00:29:41Proprietor.
00:29:42Muffins.
00:29:43Uh, that your height and weight are perfect.
00:29:45Uh, not to mention your skin, of course, and your eyes.
00:29:53Would you go out with me?
00:29:57I, I really can't.
00:29:58Of course not.
00:29:59I'm sorry.
00:30:00Not that I'm against it.
00:30:01Just that it leads to, you know.
00:30:03Indicourse.
00:30:05You got pretty far in my chart.
00:30:08I was actually referring to love and marriage.
00:30:11Those two, I don't do.
00:30:14The other thing, well, I just haven't done yet.
00:30:18That's why I'm here.
00:30:24That's not birth.
00:30:26What?
00:30:27Well, it's not a donut.
00:30:28It's an upside-down triangle.
00:30:31Your source?
00:30:32The what?
00:30:33Yours?
00:30:34A poet?
00:30:36I think we got a loser.
00:30:38Thank you, Jean.
00:30:47Well, I should go.
00:30:50Timmy's probably out there squirting things.
00:30:52Uh, I just wanted to give birth to you.
00:30:57The sign.
00:30:58Oh.
00:31:00Yeah.
00:31:02Yeah.
00:31:04Yeah.
00:31:04Okay.
00:31:28Hey.
00:31:29Hey, hey.
00:31:29Timmy, this is not a toy, okay?
00:31:34You understand?
00:31:34You could seriously hurt somebody with one of these.
00:31:39Is Mr. Peters here?
00:32:00Where'd he get food?
00:32:04Who's he?
00:32:06Astrea.
00:32:07Layla adopted him.
00:32:08Hey, who are you?
00:32:12Strictly need to know, basis.
00:32:17Where's Layla?
00:32:18She's not upstairs.
00:32:19Sorry.
00:32:21Hi, Chip, as usual, girls.
00:32:22This place is like the Microsoft of muffin shops.
00:32:26Thanks.
00:32:28Nice to have.
00:32:36You're skin and bones.
00:32:38I'm going to make you a tin roof.
00:32:41It's your uncle's favorite.
00:32:43Every bite could kill him.
00:32:47Mammy, you're kind of like a woman, right?
00:32:51It's a good thing I love you, dear.
00:32:54You know what I mean.
00:32:55You're softer than uncle.
00:32:57Thank you, sweetie.
00:33:01Do you still have sex with him?
00:33:05You do know that normal people don't talk like this.
00:33:09Well, when you do, does a big bell go off or something?
00:33:13Because I've interviewed some men, and I don't think I have a bell, Mammy.
00:33:19It's just in a different key, dear.
00:33:22You have to wait for the right song.
00:33:50Out of the car.
00:33:51Seems like a dove, write some words, about anything, anything alone.
00:34:03I've been above all of my prison, with blue and gray for the skies and bold.
00:34:11It's a twinkies.
00:34:12Framed inside, with a shadow, anything alone.
00:34:20Yeah, I had to go, but I won't miss him.
00:34:25I've got better things to do, like writing stories and making pictures of anything alone.
00:35:00There we go.
00:35:09That's about the children!
00:35:34I've got better things to do
00:35:39Like writing stories and painting pictures
00:35:43Of anything but love
00:35:48Anything but love
00:36:11Axel, you fed yourself. What a great dog
00:36:20Hey Lila, it's me. I'm with Mammy choosing linens or something
00:36:24Oh, I left you some goodies today
00:36:26Have you picked a guy yet? Call me
00:36:31Uh, hi, my son is having a birthday party on the 17th
00:36:35Hello
00:36:35I was wondering if you had someone who makes balloon animals
00:36:37Especially pigs. Please let me know
00:36:39Hello? Hello, you there?
00:36:44Hi
00:36:47Who are you?
00:36:49It's me, Slappy
00:36:51You're not Slappy. He's got blue hair
00:36:53Alright, so I'm the gingerbread man
00:36:56Do you think I can come upstairs and change my clothes, please?
00:37:00Why?
00:37:01Because I'm a cookie
00:37:02Hey, you. Yeah, you. Ginger snack
00:37:06What? Fuck off!
00:37:11Do you have a business card?
00:37:18Eddie, head clown
00:37:24Paxel, head dog
00:37:26I'm Lila
00:37:29Do you think I could use your...
00:37:31Oh, yeah, sure. It's right back there
00:37:33Thanks. Excuse me
00:37:34Oh
00:37:34Who's your father?
00:37:36Who's your father?
00:37:40Who's your father?
00:38:03What are you having?
00:38:06Oh, I changed my mind.
00:38:10Would you like anything at all?
00:38:14Along the lines of milk.
00:38:17Do you have anything along the lines of tequila?
00:38:21I've had a long day.
00:38:23There's a bottle up there of scotch, but it's 10 years old.
00:38:28And the label on it warns you that it was 12 years to begin with.
00:38:43Looks like you could use some, too.
00:38:45Me?
00:38:46No, I haven't had any since I was 18.
00:38:52Alcohol.
00:38:53I got dumped, I got depressed, and I drank a whole bottle of Luna and...
00:38:58Ooh.
00:38:59Mm-hmm.
00:39:00What kind of peckerhead would dump a babe like you?
00:39:04I bet you say that to all the girls.
00:39:22What's with the guard dog?
00:39:25No, he wasn't as pretty as the collies, so they dumped him.
00:39:28Who dumped him?
00:39:30He's rich in different owners.
00:39:33Some people shouldn't have dogs.
00:39:36And others who truly deserve them can't have them.
00:39:39Like who?
00:39:41Orphans.
00:39:42Orphans do not have beautiful dogs with little red collars.
00:39:46And what about Annie?
00:39:49She's an exception.
00:39:50She's a cartoon.
00:39:54So, what do you have?
00:39:58Oh.
00:40:01What's good?
00:40:05Drink up.
00:40:07Drink, drink, drink.
00:40:11Thanks.
00:40:13N.
00:40:13Okay.
00:40:17Nepal.
00:40:19Uh.
00:40:22Lesilto.
00:40:23Ooh, la-la.
00:40:25Um.
00:40:27Oh.
00:40:30There aren't any O's.
00:40:32There's one.
00:40:36Okinawa.
00:40:37That's not a country.
00:40:38Ah.
00:40:39That's another drink right there.
00:40:41No fair.
00:40:42You played this before.
00:40:44Oh.
00:40:44All right.
00:40:45More ice.
00:40:54I fed myself.
00:40:56Good for you.
00:41:01Have a girl.
00:41:03I'm trying.
00:41:04I'm trying.
00:41:05Ok?
00:41:05Don't pressure me.
00:41:08What?
00:41:09You're married?
00:41:11No.
00:41:13Gay?
00:41:14No.
00:41:16Well, help me out here, Layla.
00:41:28That's my sex life.
00:41:31I'm like a total virgin.
00:41:40Will you show me?
00:41:42How?
00:41:46Um.
00:41:47Well.
00:41:48Your lips were a little.
00:41:49A little bit slack.
00:41:51You might want to, uh.
00:41:54Just.
00:41:56Um.
00:41:57Show me.
00:41:59Um.
00:42:02Um.
00:42:04Um.
00:42:04Um.
00:42:04Um.
00:42:05Um.
00:42:14Um.
00:42:15Um.
00:42:18Um.
00:42:21Uh.
00:42:25Uh.
00:42:25Uh.
00:42:34Last night
00:42:35I got loaded
00:42:38On a bottle of whiskey
00:42:40On a bottle of whiskey
00:42:43Last night
00:42:45I got loaded
00:42:47On a bottle of whiskey
00:42:49On a bottle of whiskey
00:42:52You know I feel alright
00:42:54I feel alright
00:42:57I feel alright
00:42:59I feel alright
00:43:04Mmm
00:43:06Mmm
00:43:06Mmm
00:43:06Mmm
00:43:07Mmm
00:43:08Mmm
00:43:10Mmm
00:43:25I never would have got that
00:43:29So you didn't actually have sex then?
00:43:31No, not according to the evidence
00:43:33Well good
00:43:35Look, I mean, most people like to at least remember their first time so they can pretend years
00:43:40later they enjoyed it
00:43:41Look, I want tips
00:43:43Hard tips
00:43:45Hard as bullets
00:43:47I want it to be scary
00:43:49I want it to be scary
00:43:49Tips?
00:43:51Positions
00:43:52Good ones
00:43:53I have to answer you?
00:43:55You're my doctor
00:43:56Yes
00:43:58Well, there's a, uh, a school of thought which believes that conception may be more likely to occur if one
00:44:06were to
00:44:09Well, if you were to get up on one's, um, off force, helping to, you know, attaining a sperm near
00:44:20the cervix
00:44:23Sperm near the cervix
00:44:24Then after you might want to, to, to, to roll over on, on one's, uh
00:44:31Back?
00:44:32Good
00:44:33That's so that you're long
00:44:34You're, uh, or up in the air
00:44:36My legs
00:44:36That would be fine
00:44:39And
00:44:39Gravity takes over
00:44:42Gee
00:44:44Doesn't sound like much fun
00:44:45Speak for yourself
00:44:56Bad night, dear?
00:44:58I got drunk and kissed a clown
00:45:00But that's wonderful
00:45:03I went to the doctor
00:45:04You don't need a doctor
00:45:06Sir?
00:45:07It got worse at the doctor's
00:45:09It's about love, isn't it?
00:45:11That sickly blue sheen under your skin
00:45:14An affair of the heart can be wretchedly blue
00:45:17People have perished
00:45:19It's alcohol, not love
00:45:21There's nothing wrong in a little champagne, in moderation, and on the right occasion
00:45:26What about a tidal wave of scotch?
00:45:29Washes away the inhibitions
00:45:30Very instrumental in the bedding of your uncle
00:45:33And look how that turned out
00:45:36Oh lord
00:45:37Your uncle
00:45:38The fitting
00:45:40What's the fitting?
00:45:42Baby sister's big day
00:45:43The maid of honor
00:45:44I left Ernest in a love car
00:45:47Today's the final fitting
00:45:49When was the first?
00:45:51Well, honey
00:45:52You're not the bride
00:45:54Well, of course, you will be one
00:45:56Again
00:45:56Oh, there's everybody's coat
00:46:00Just bring me a dress
00:46:01I don't even care if it fits
00:46:03This one
00:46:04Yumi Katsuru waits for no one
00:46:08She outfitted the nutcracker
00:46:13I don't see how one person can forget about another person when that person is sitting downstairs in a car
00:46:21For an hour
00:46:22Twenty minutes max
00:46:24Forty bucks minimum
00:46:26Where's Evie?
00:46:29You tell her
00:46:31She's not in the mood
00:46:33It's her wedding, I'm not in the mood
00:46:35The important thing is, the only thing is, there is going to be a wedding
00:46:39What about the dress?
00:46:41Tell her
00:46:43You tell her
00:46:44Tell me what?
00:46:48No
00:46:49Absolutely not
00:46:51I do not wear gowns
00:46:53You can
00:46:54And you will
00:46:57Oh no
00:46:58Don't worry
00:46:59You've got another jiffy
00:47:01And you're practically the same size as Evie
00:47:03Except for the rise
00:47:04And there is no rise
00:47:05And of course the little white panties
00:47:08How do you do?
00:47:10Is this the joyful bride?
00:47:12No
00:47:12Do I detect a few jitters?
00:47:15You detect a bottle of scotch
00:47:18Where's the dumb dress?
00:47:19Please excuse my extra niece
00:47:22She poo-poos love and marriage
00:47:24Ah, the single sister of the bride
00:47:28Poor child
00:47:29For this poor child, we'll also need something in white
00:47:31As we mentioned, we're planning an all-white wedding
00:47:35This one actually is a virgin
00:47:37The bride, of course, is not
00:47:39Yes
00:47:40Don't worry
00:47:41When a young woman puts on a wedding dress
00:47:44Even someone else's
00:47:45She's positively transformed
00:47:47mean someone else
00:47:48No, no
00:48:13I look like noัng
00:48:17Will I dream? Will I dream tonight?
00:48:27Where are you? Where am I? In a dream, in a dream.
00:48:38Fly me away to the moon and the stars.
00:48:45Fly away so far.
00:49:04You're a bad boy. No, I'm not. Yes, you are. No, I'm not. Yes, you are.
00:49:19Spartacus? Me, Addie.
00:49:24You look like Spartacus. Then you look like a lot of people.
00:49:29Why are you crying?
00:49:32Because I barfed on my sister's wedding dress.
00:49:36You can tell me. I just did.
00:49:40Come on, Layla.
00:49:44You're trying to get me to say that I'm crying.
00:49:48Well, that I'm really crying because I once was a kid.
00:49:53And I once had parents.
00:49:58And I once had secret hopes and dreams.
00:50:02But I'm afraid that that's not it.
00:50:05It's that I threw up on my sister's dress.
00:50:09Well, my uncles will have it clean.
00:50:10But still, my sister, my little baby sister has to get married in a dress that I barfed on.
00:50:16Once you barf on it, they make you buy it.
00:50:19You bastards.
00:50:22One look I'm talking about.
00:50:26One.
00:50:27And suddenly, I am...
00:50:29I'm in this vortex of some giant, sucking, unfathomably forceful...
00:50:38...force.
00:50:41We're still talking about the Virgin, right?
00:50:44It's more like a great big thundering speedball of a rushing toady flood.
00:50:54You know that feeling?
00:50:56Lust?
00:50:59Dread.
00:51:00The kind of dread that perfect women inspire.
00:51:04I'm married.
00:51:06She writes five TV show words on my blackboard.
00:51:09And I run with it.
00:51:10Boy, do I run with it.
00:51:12Let it out.
00:51:16I don't completely remember last night.
00:51:19You were toast.
00:51:21Still, I should thank you for being such a gentleman.
00:51:24You were a tad unconscious at the time.
00:51:26They have laws about that.
00:51:28Gee, you're like the perfect clown.
00:51:32Not a clown now.
00:51:34No, you're a vulcanized gladiator.
00:51:37I saw the movie.
00:51:40Touch my chest.
00:51:42Well, it's so cold and synthetic.
00:51:45But inside beats the heart of a lion.
00:51:48Noble Roman.
00:51:50The sword is out to your service.
00:51:53Would you be so shamelessly used?
00:51:56I'm Spartacus.
00:52:00You really do deserve to wear the skirts.
00:52:09Hands!
00:52:10Put your face, put your face, put your face, put your face.
00:52:12All right, here we go.
00:52:13Come on!
00:52:14Come on!
00:52:15Come on!
00:52:15That's it!
00:52:16Goodbye, Madame!
00:52:19Okay, what happened next?
00:52:20I don't know what he does.
00:52:21So, then he took off his helmet and he kissed me a lot all over.
00:52:29And you were awake.
00:52:32That's so gross!
00:52:34Breastplate on earth.
00:52:36Oh my god, this is just like ice cold.
00:52:41Did you touch it?
00:52:43I laughed at it.
00:52:45No, Leila, no!
00:52:47Well, he took it out.
00:52:48I laughed and he left.
00:52:50That's all.
00:52:52That's all.
00:52:53I knew that's probably enough.
00:52:57I told you I couldn't trip that shit here!
00:53:01I love you, bitch.
00:53:03Yeah, come on now!
00:53:06He's quite graceful.
00:53:09He's rich.
00:53:12He's gorgeous.
00:53:16He's perfect in red.
00:53:21Oh, god!
00:53:25I love you!
00:53:27I love you, thanks, honey.
00:53:29How's that?
00:53:31How's that?
00:53:33How's that?
00:53:35How's that?
00:53:45How's that?
00:53:46What's that?
00:53:47Come on.
00:53:47It's all.
00:53:48Hey, boss.
00:53:48Haven't seen you in a while.
00:53:50Where are all these people?
00:53:52Customers.
00:53:53When do we get customers?
00:53:57Here's the deal, Harvard.
00:53:59From now on, the menu's whatever I decide to cook.
00:54:03I set the prices according to rules by.
00:54:07Lawyers can no longer refer to it here.
00:54:10Hey, I'm a lawyer. Who is this guy?
00:54:13He hates that question.
00:54:14How would you know?
00:54:20I get no salary but 10% of the gross.
00:54:24We close on Wednesdays because I don't like Wednesdays.
00:54:27We are close on Sundays because I do like Sundays.
00:54:31But it's possible that I will leave at any time.
00:54:34Do we have an understanding?
00:54:37Are you wanted or something?
00:54:38Good one, Donald. Say yes, boss.
00:54:42Can you get her here by 6 a.m.?
00:54:44Nose rings set and shined.
00:54:46Doubtful. Very, very doubtful.
00:54:50So, who's angry?
00:54:53Akiri, what about you?
00:54:55I don't know how to price your meal.
00:54:59Layla.
00:55:01Uh, Eddie.
00:55:04Listen, I don't know what got into me last night.
00:55:08I'm not a dad.
00:55:10Some clown. Last night?
00:55:13It's a long story.
00:55:16So, this is Slappy?
00:55:17All the good names were taken.
00:55:19Could we take this?
00:55:26Listen, Layla.
00:55:27I'm beginning to feel a little bit objectified here.
00:55:31Defender?
00:55:33Oh, good. Children.
00:55:35Are you really the defender?
00:55:38Sure, why not?
00:55:39Then you gotta help her. She's sick.
00:55:48How is she?
00:55:49I'm only hypothermic. A little weak. She'll be fine.
00:55:52Well, you always feel better when they throw up on me.
00:55:54Uh, who are you again?
00:55:56Eddie.
00:55:57Head clown.
00:55:58Oh.
00:56:02So, someone must be worried about you, huh?
00:56:04What's your name?
00:56:06I'm Jack. She's red.
00:56:08Nobody's worried.
00:56:10Okay. Red. That's a pretty name.
00:56:13Do you remember your address?
00:56:14Hmm?
00:56:15She zipped her lips.
00:56:16Really? You know, I once did that too.
00:56:18I once zipped mine for about a month.
00:56:21So, where's your secret key?
00:56:22It's a zipper. Not a lock.
00:56:25Huh.
00:56:27Whoops.
00:56:30Okay, then what about you? What's your address?
00:56:33Same as hers. Or twins.
00:56:36Huh.
00:56:37Well, on that note,
00:56:40Doc, Layla, kids,
00:56:42I'm off to right some wrongs.
00:56:48Is he your boyfriend?
00:56:50I don't have boyfriends, Jack.
00:56:53He's not really a superhero, you know.
00:56:56Not by long stretch.
00:56:59Here you go, sweetie.
00:57:00You want that?
00:57:02My dog?
00:57:05I was gonna mention him.
00:57:06Hey.
00:57:07That's her dog.
00:57:09Okay.
00:57:10Will you take good care of him?
00:57:12Hmm?
00:57:13He zipped his lips too.
00:57:16Jack?
00:57:17Red?
00:57:18You're staying with me tonight, okay?
00:57:21You got a cable?
00:57:34I'm just gonna go tuck her in, okay?
00:57:38Your room's right there.
00:57:39Here.
00:57:51I'm just gonna wait here for a second.
00:57:56Okay.
00:57:57You know,
00:57:59make sure everything's cool.
00:58:02I understand.
00:58:04Cause...
00:58:05You never know what's gonna happen.
00:58:07That's true.
00:58:09I'm not even that tired.
00:58:12You're a brave guy, Jack.
00:58:13He took good care of your sister.
00:58:16Can I shake your hand?
00:58:22All right.
00:58:23You know,
00:58:24I was thinking though.
00:58:24What if, uh...
00:58:26What if Red wakes up?
00:58:27And, uh...
00:58:29You're not there.
00:58:30She might get scared.
00:58:32Amanda, you'd rather have your own room.
00:58:34But you think for tonight,
00:58:34you might stay with her?
00:58:37Protect her?
00:58:39Yeah?
00:58:41Yeah.
00:58:56I may not be perfect at this, but I won't be mean.
00:59:00So, please, don't get anything bad or fatal or indictable while you're here.
00:59:07Or not here.
00:59:09Actually, don't get anything.
00:59:12Anywhere.
00:59:13Okay?
00:59:15Amen.
00:59:18And you...
00:59:20Look after them, Buster.
00:59:32Leslie?
00:59:38It's nice.
00:59:39Like a little story.
00:59:41Yeah.
00:59:43When Evie and I were kids, we used to think our father was an astronaut.
00:59:46Because there was always spacesuits lying around the house.
00:59:52His real job was to make sure that the visors on the helmets didn't steam up.
01:00:00What?
01:00:00Not everyone's a star.
01:00:01Not everyone's a star.
01:00:14What's gonna happen to them?
01:00:16I don't know.
01:00:18I'll make some calls.
01:00:20I was thinking that they could stay here.
01:00:23What about your mission?
01:00:25Well, I can postpone that.
01:00:28Still, I think Eddie's an excellent choice.
01:00:31He can name almost every country.
01:00:34On Krypton?
01:00:35I'm serious.
01:00:38Okay, seriously then, I would have to say the clown in question is not an excellent choice.
01:00:45It's less than excellent, in fact.
01:00:48Actually, it's insane.
01:00:50It is stupendously, mind-numbingly insane.
01:00:58You don't practice on children, Layla.
01:01:00You don't pick daddies off a Wheaties box.
01:01:04The only thing more idiotic than letting that guy touch you is letting him father your child.
01:01:10And the only thing dumber than that is you having a child in the first place.
01:01:15Is that a medical opinion?
01:01:18No.
01:01:19No.
01:01:20Do you want one?
01:01:22No.
01:01:32You know, when I was about four, my mom was pregnant with my little sister.
01:01:39And she asked me if I wanted to touch her stomach.
01:01:45And I burst out crying because I thought that she'd swallowed this baby.
01:01:50That she was going to swallow me.
01:01:55So?
01:01:57So she told me that she loved me more than anything.
01:02:03That I had nothing to be scared of.
01:02:07I mean, the reason I know, I mean, I absolutely know, that you can love somebody again, Layla.
01:02:14Is that you're so completely afraid to.
01:02:21Why are you doing this to me?
01:02:26Layla.
01:02:32I can't.
01:02:37Look, I told you from the beginning.
01:02:40No, I know.
01:02:41You don't do love.
01:02:44Why?
01:02:48I'm sorry.
01:02:52Me too.
01:03:14I'm sorry.
01:03:27But...
01:03:31I know.
01:04:24A little fortune.
01:04:26This is a very lucky card.
01:04:28This means that you'll have a lot of...
01:04:31Look.
01:04:33Rest steady, little flip.
01:04:36Okay.
01:04:41I got a pancake.
01:04:57Hey, you.
01:05:01You guys ready?
01:05:05Not done.
01:05:11I got a pancake.
01:05:19I got a pancake.
01:05:30I got a pancake.
01:05:33I got a pancake.
01:05:37I got a pancake.
01:05:55I got a pancake.
01:06:01I got a pancake.
01:06:13I got a pancake.
01:06:31I got a pancake.
01:06:31I got a pancake.
01:06:35I got a pancake.
01:06:48I got a pancake.
01:06:50I got a pancake.
01:06:53I got a pancake.
01:07:03I got a pancake.
01:07:04I got a pancake.
01:07:06I got a pancake.
01:07:17I got a pancake.
01:07:18I got a pancake.
01:07:19I got a pancake.
01:07:21I got a pancake.
01:07:22I got a pancake.
01:07:23I got a pancake.
01:07:28I got a pancake.
01:07:48I got a pancake.
01:08:01I got a pancake.
01:08:03I got a pancake.
01:08:06I got a pancake.
01:08:09I'm drunk.
01:08:11I got a pancake.
01:08:12This is good.
01:08:14This is fine.
01:08:20Do you shave your outfits?
01:08:24I do.
01:08:30Oh my God.
01:08:32You look like an angel.
01:08:36Very nice.
01:08:40Could we get on with this?
01:08:54Red.
01:08:56You're beautiful.
01:09:01So are you.
01:09:05Okay, all in our places with sunshiny faces.
01:09:20We are. We are.
01:09:25Oh, look at you.
01:09:30Hi.
01:09:33Oh, shit.
01:09:34What?
01:09:35I forgot to write my vows.
01:09:38We were supposed to write vows.
01:09:41I forgot to write my vows.
01:09:46I forgot to write my vows.
01:10:22in the maze they still let heterosexuals marry is the groom at least here this time he's here
01:10:32when evie divorces him and remarries you do realize you'll have at least one more of these
01:10:38your pessimism has no place at this ceremony
01:11:17would you agree that the eyes are the windows of the soul
01:11:23uh absolutely father perhaps your bride might like a glimpse of your soul just now
01:11:37dearly beloved we are gathered here in the sight of god and in the face of this company to join
01:11:42together this man and this woman in holy matrimony you two
01:11:52rough night
01:11:55before we recite the traditional vows i understand the bride and groom have taken
01:11:59the time to compose something from their hearts
01:12:06why do i have to go first just reading what you've written son
01:12:19i love you deeply
01:12:26like the deep snow
01:12:35sometimes the heart is too full for words
01:12:39and the bride's declaration
01:12:48is she drunk
01:12:53you know there's a guy that bee suit here
01:12:56it's a bee
01:12:59oh
01:13:01just forget it let's uh let's move on
01:13:05deep snow
01:13:08well then if any man could show just cause why these two may not lawfully be joined together
01:13:16let him speak now or else hereafter forever hold his peace
01:13:24anyone
01:13:27no
01:13:28excuse me
01:13:30will thou donald take this woman to be thy wedded wife
01:13:33will thou love her comfort her honor and keep her in sickness and in health as long as you both
01:13:39shall live
01:13:41i do
01:13:43wilt
01:13:47will thou evie take this man to thy wedded husband will thou love him comfort him honor and keep him
01:13:53in sickness and in health as long as you both shall live
01:13:58in
01:13:58oh boy
01:14:01just saying i do
01:14:07her idea
01:14:11or something else
01:14:14excuse me
01:14:15is it too late to forever not hold my peace
01:14:18i mean to speak now
01:14:23who is this woman
01:14:25sister look
01:14:27donald
01:14:29i know this is really tricky timing and everything i mean god you've got your whole family here
01:14:35but look my guy didn't even make it inside the church at least evie walked all the way up here
01:14:40to tell you
01:14:42tell me what
01:14:43that you're not the one
01:14:46donald
01:14:47you're certainly a one probably even the one to a lot of women
01:14:51evie says you really know your way around a waterbed
01:14:55but you're just gonna have to be somebody else's
01:14:59big one
01:15:00well that makes it unanimous
01:15:01you're not
01:15:02louis you're his father
01:15:04anyway
01:15:06i'm the last person who should say anything about love
01:15:11but i know what it looks like
01:15:14you see
01:15:16it's this thing
01:15:19it's this
01:15:20really
01:15:22it's this thing that gets under your skin
01:15:26and
01:15:27and what in me is dark illumines
01:15:33wow
01:15:35that's great
01:15:36very medieval but no i was gonna say it's a hairball
01:15:40it's an unholy hairball which rots and festers and grows enormous so for like 12 years
01:15:52you don't lay a finger on it for fear that when it stops choking and itching and gagging you
01:16:00you won't feel anything at all
01:16:04and then
01:16:05one day
01:16:07a light bulb goes on and you see
01:16:11and you know
01:16:16well that your sister shouldn't marry the man that she intended to
01:16:22that's all
01:16:26she's right donald
01:16:29you think about it
01:16:31you understand don't you
01:16:33i understand
01:16:35just don't know where to go
01:16:37well don't go anywhere
01:16:40we're uh
01:16:41we're unmarried we're not dead we can still get together later
01:16:47well then
01:16:48if there are no more completely inappropriate surprises perhaps now would be fine time to call these
01:16:54proceedings to a small floor
01:16:56wait
01:16:57there's actually just one more thing
01:17:00of course there is
01:17:03yes
01:17:04when i was 17 i stood outside of this
01:17:08very church and swore to god that i would never again let anyone tell me they love me
01:17:14and guess what
01:17:17nobody has
01:17:19because
01:17:21the longer that the wall stood
01:17:23the higher it got
01:17:25until no one could knock it down anymore
01:17:28least of all me
01:17:31i've spent a long time scared to let anyone in
01:17:36especially the one who's
01:17:38hiding out there behind the curtain
01:17:41how about it beverly
01:17:44will you love me
01:17:46beverly not in my church
01:17:48he's a man reverend he's a good and kind man
01:17:52but even if you're a woman i'd love him till death even dared
01:17:57beverly will you keep me and comfort me in sickness and dubious mental health
01:18:05beverly
01:18:15even if you're a man
01:18:18but i'll be
01:18:19i'm gonna do it
01:18:23i'm gonna do it
01:18:26oh
01:18:32i'm gonna do it
01:18:33what are you doing
01:18:35nobody's married
01:18:36whoah
01:18:36we may never get this close again
01:18:38so kiss me darling
01:18:39Like, oh, you're insane.
01:18:55As for the rest of us, no real change in forecast.
01:19:00The customer smokes and pines, but mostly smokes.
01:19:04Hey, guys, no cheese.
01:19:07Many men actually did manage to turn this dump around.
01:19:11All the while banging Evie, who continues to date Donald.
01:19:16Dottie's in a millennium cult.
01:19:20Mammy, our den mother, is deeply in denial.
01:19:24Forever planning fabulous weddings that will never come
01:19:27and fussing over the adopted twins.
01:19:32Ernest, on the other hand,
01:19:35thinks children, like dogs, should be seen and not heard.
01:19:39I don't know who that guy is with Preacher,
01:19:41but he kind of smells.
01:19:45Me?
01:19:45I got stung by Eddie.
01:19:47Repeatedly.
01:19:48Until I realized I was allergic to bees.
01:19:52I have something for you.
01:19:57It's birth.
01:20:01I have something for you, too.
01:20:08Where are they going?
01:20:10Boy, you're dumb.
01:20:16Wine comes in at the mouth.
01:20:18Love comes in at the eye.
01:20:21That is all we shall know of truth
01:20:22before we grow old and die.
01:20:24I lift my glass to my mouth.
01:20:26I look at you, and I sigh.
01:20:30That's Layla's favorite poem,
01:20:31which she learned at Harvard.
01:20:33She says it's romantic,
01:20:34but I take it to mean a guy will only love you
01:20:36when he's loaded.
01:20:39Which is why I have no plans for college.
01:20:46I brought something for Layla.
01:20:48I got something for Layla.
01:20:50I was going to bring it if she wanted to give her.
01:20:52I found this in the garbage.
01:20:55It's a...
01:20:57I think it was like a snowball.
01:21:00You know, it's got...
01:21:01It's New York City in here.
01:21:03It's New York,
01:21:04and there was, like, water with snow in it and stuff.
01:21:07And, um, it must have broke.
01:21:10And I thought she would like...
01:21:12It actually plays a song.
01:21:19See, this is the, um...
01:21:21Empire State Building here.
01:21:26That's, um...
01:21:27The...
01:21:28The Plymouth.
01:21:30No, uh, Chrysler Building.
01:21:33And, um...
01:21:34I love New York, man.
01:21:35I really love New York.
01:21:37It's such a great town.
01:21:39I mean, I love it when it snows in New York,
01:21:41you know, when it covers all the shit and the grime.
01:21:44Wish it was snow still in it.
01:21:45She would probably, but...
01:21:46It still plays a song.
01:21:48And there's Times Square.
01:21:50Lots of porno shops.
01:21:51And, uh, there's a little...
01:21:53Little cab right there.
01:21:55There's snow...
01:21:56Snow in New York.
01:22:00I know the song, too.
01:22:02I know the song to, uh...
01:22:06Um...
01:22:06Start letting me out.
01:22:11Um...
01:22:12I'm...
01:22:13I'm coming...
01:22:13Today.
01:22:17Um...
01:22:18New York, New York, it's...
01:22:20It's a hell of a town.
01:22:25Something's up and the other thing is down.
01:22:29And I'm gonna drive...
01:22:31In a cab with Layla...
01:22:34All over town.
01:22:37And we'll...
01:22:39Make it...
01:22:41In this town.
01:22:43I love Layla.
01:22:44Man, I really love Layla.
01:22:47Roll that.
01:22:49Woo!
01:22:53Woo!
01:22:56Woo!
01:22:56Woo!
01:22:56Woo!
01:22:57Woo!
01:22:57Woo!
01:22:58Woo!
01:22:58Woo!
01:23:00Woo!
01:23:02Woo!
01:23:02Woo!
01:23:03Woo!
01:23:05Woo!
01:23:10Woo!
01:23:13Woo!
01:23:18Woo!
01:23:20Woo!
01:23:21Woo!
01:23:22Woo!
01:23:22Woo!
01:23:23Woo!
01:23:24Woo!
01:23:24Woo!
01:23:25Woo!
01:23:26Woo!
01:23:27Woo!
01:23:27Woo!
01:23:28Woo!
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