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Transcript

00:02And we're live in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

00:11Welcome to the naughtiest show on television.

00:15Coming to you live from Carinium Studios.

00:18Uncensored.

00:19Tonight we'll be bringing you the stories they don't want you to hear.

00:23We name the breakfast television presenter who's been staying up late with Ladies of the Night.

00:27And as rumours circulate about a famous pop star's homosexuality,

00:31our celebrity panel wanders.

00:33Who are the poofs of pop?

00:35But first, love and prayers from everyone at Carinium.

00:39For our beloved leader, Lord Battingham.

00:43Fuck you!

00:45Everyone at Carinium has been shocked and saddened by his tragic accident.

00:49Don't you ever stop, I'm here with you.

00:55Lord Battingham, Tony, wasn't just our boss, he was our family.

01:00Lord, you said, you follow me.

01:05You follow me.

01:08And I, I, I follow you.

01:21What's happened?

01:23But it takes more than a little bump to the head to keep Tony Battingham down.

01:33Help me.

01:34Help me.

01:34gong

01:55Money

03:43Welcome to Bella Vista.

03:46Val's had her eye on this since we moved to Green Lawns.

03:48It's nice though, being right here in Penscombe, near Rupert and you lot.

03:52We brought our swimming costumes.

03:54Ah, well Val's got some rules.

03:56No running, pushing, ducking, bombing or skinny dipping.

04:01What about heavy petting?

04:03Go for your life, as long as you keep your cozies on.

04:07Baby, come on!

04:12Here they are.

04:13I invited the polo team round for some swimming.

04:17Val's turned it into a bloody circus.

04:20You all right, lads?

04:21You all right, lads?

04:24You all right, lads.

04:25Freddie!

04:26Sebi and Dommie Carlisle, people call them the Heavenly Twins, although they're not identical.

04:31Sebi's taller and apparently Dommie's got a bigger willy.

04:33Oh, where's the pole, Mr. James?

04:37Follow me.

04:39Hi.

04:46Welcome to Bella Vista.

04:49We called it Bella Vista because it means nice view.

04:55It's so wonderful to be able to stand at the bottom of one's drive and not be able to see

04:59one's house.

05:01Right, if you'd like to go through.

05:03Shoes off, everyone, please.

05:07Who's the heavenly girl?

05:08One of Baz's stick chicks.

05:10I tell you what, Patrick, they only let beautiful people play polo.

05:13Worried they let you play, then?

05:14I'm the patron of the Joneses Jets.

05:17Patron?

05:18Is that how polo people say it?

05:19Yeah, I just give them a load of money to sponsor the team and then they stick me on a

05:22pony

05:22and they set me up to score goals and look good.

05:25We're finally where we belong, aren't we, Fred Freds?

05:30Shall we?

05:37It's so nice to have a man around the house

05:41Oh, so nice to have a man around the house

05:47Someone sweet who's glad he found you

05:50Who will put his arms around you

05:52And his kisses just astound you

05:54It's so nice

05:55Oh, a house is just a house without a man

06:00He's the necessary evil in your plan

06:05There are many things about him

06:08You just cannot do without him

06:11Though it's just a constant game of cat and mouse

06:15It's so nice to have a man around the house

06:27Tacky?

06:28Did you make all these?

06:31Uh, yes

06:36Prick me with a fork

06:37I'm done

06:39Right

06:39Good

06:42Ventra meeting, jacuzzi

06:43Let's talk polo

06:48It's our first chance of making TV

06:50We're going to film the match

06:52Flog the footage to the BBC

06:54And show everyone that Ventra can cover sport

06:56Your people really want to watch polo

06:58I love watching polo

07:00It's the Russia Cup

07:01This has been held on the estate since 1874

07:03You sure you want me on celly on a horse?

07:06Pony

07:07What?

07:08Anyway, with no bloody Rupert, our team's a man down

07:10Still no word for me

07:11Or Cameron

07:12Not even a bloody phone call

07:14It's pandemonium at Carinium

07:15No Cameron

07:16Tony's still off work after his accident

07:18I'm in charge of everything

07:19But you're Ventra, what?

07:21I'm double agenting Henry, remember?

07:23Oh, yes

07:24Sorry, Charles

07:25I hate to admit it

07:26But I was under the impression

07:27We had already won the franchise, huh?

07:29We won the race to compete

07:30Against Carinium

07:31Jesus, Henry

07:32It's a good thing I'm hiring proper staff

07:34The Prime Minister's really quite ticked off

07:37The general election's days away

07:38And nobody's heard from him

07:39Stop it

07:39Last time Rupert got himself lost in a sex marathon

07:41He didn't come up for air for a month

07:48Devil's egg, your holiness

07:50Thank you

07:52Lady Hampshire

07:53Why not, Mrs Jones?

07:55Thank you

07:55Oh, no, please

07:57Call me Mousy

07:58Oh, have we told you that Wayne is starting Eton in September?

08:03We're very proud of him

08:04How did he get in?

08:08Did Freddy donate a computer lab?

08:12Well, now he passed the exam

08:18No!

08:27War a polo

08:30Willy!

08:32Come on, come on!

08:41Neil, Kennock, Neil, Kennock, Neil.

08:44I after heart.

08:47I said no screaming!

08:55I really didn't want to see my brother completely naked.

08:59But I saw the Carlisle Twins bit, so I'm taking that as a win.

09:04I thought Sebby's willy was nicer.

09:07Have you still not heard anything more from your Seb, Tag?

09:09Oh, he was never my Seb. His letter was lovely and his new job stands amazing.

09:14He dumped you in a letter? The shame!

09:15Have you heard from Cameron since she's been off shagging Rupert?

09:19Dipstick.

09:24Tag?

09:25What's the matter?

09:27Um...

09:33Rupert kissed me.

09:34Fucking fuck!

09:35What?

09:37Where?

09:38Er, in the kitchen.

09:39No, I meant where did he kiss you?

09:41Oh, er, on the mouth.

09:42Yeah, he said such lovely things and then the next day he just disappeared.

09:47Oh, Tag.

09:48Is he gonna breathe without me?

09:52I just don't believe he would say that and then just disappear.

09:57Doesn't make sense.

09:58Something awful must have happened.

10:03Something awful must have happened.

10:15No, I pretended to go.

10:15Oh, oh no.

10:39plenty more where that came from i mean bringing me here keeping me safe

10:45well it's just good manners rupert be serious for a moment

10:51i promised i'll protect you and i will

10:56so you hide me here forever well we don't have to stay in devon

11:01we're friends all over the world we keep moving

11:05stay ahead of the game stay ahead of the game

12:00really well dad

12:03we thought you were dead you'd be daft camilla daddy's invincible

12:07thank you beatrice if you packed your belongings for school the car will be waiting to take

12:11you back girls archie will go by train listen to your mother

12:17thank you darling

12:20you really don't remember anything

12:25no i got to the police it's a complete blank

12:28it's extraordinary

12:31no it's very kind of you thanks for your concern

12:38yes it's certainly very nice to be home

12:42i know i know i know quite the end of theory's cliffhanger

12:50thank you

12:52thank you so much yes it's splendid to be back home with the family

12:56you too lady gosling thank you good night

13:03you should be heading up the wooden hill to bedfordshire

13:06tony i'll redress your wound for you

13:09let me lock up down here

13:12no cigars

13:16come on dogs

13:28no i don't know

13:47no i don't know

13:48no i don't know

13:53I didn't clean it.

14:00Do you think she's gone back to America?

14:04She's gone to Rupert Campbell Black.

14:09Hunt the bitch down.

14:14From the moment he met Marty was infatuated.

14:18Words started pouring out of him.

14:20Everything he ever wrote was for her.

14:22This hugely magnetic woman who constantly rejected him.

14:26Anyone would think this was your biography, Declan.

14:29That's why it has to be me who tells the Yates story.

14:33Documentaries are normally so dry.

14:35No offence, Mike.

14:37Maud gone. Married someone else just to get a rise out of Yates.

14:41What does Yates do?

14:43Tries to seduce her daughter.

14:45Sounds like EastEnders.

14:47EastEnders did get 28 million viewers last month.

14:54Documentaries aren't presented by celebrities.

14:57Whatever next?

14:57Joanna Lumley on plumbing.

15:00Listen, we really do want your face back on the Beebold boy.

15:04Would you consider hosting Breakfast Time?

15:07Frank Bob's on his way out.

15:09Wait until the mornings.

15:10Can I say, Jeremy, this is exactly what the BBC documentary department are looking for.

15:17New formats bringing the wonders of the world to a wider audience.

15:20Declan O'Hara, Irish God and British National Treasure.

15:24And who got his big break at the BBC?

15:27Look, it's relevant.

15:29It's noisy.

15:30It's informative.

15:31But gripping.

15:32Homework becomes entertainment.

15:35A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down in a most delightful way.

15:40One day.

15:42All right.

15:45Over here.

15:46Oh, Lexi.

15:46You all so kind.

15:47Thank you so much.

15:49Excuse me.

15:50So sweet.

16:06He came.

16:08He came.

16:09Hmm.

16:27Well, Caitlin fell asleep.

16:28Patrick has script notes for Ibsen and Taggy,

16:32while she couldn't make head in her tail of a deed.

16:34I mean, I love the play.

16:35It's just a really small part.

16:37You might blink and you miss me, right?

16:41I mean...

16:42You don't have to be kind, Declan.

16:45It's...

16:47I really appreciate you coming.

16:53House falling apart without me, is it?

16:55It's quieter.

16:56Hey!

16:58I mean, the kids seem okay.

17:00Sure, why wouldn't they be?

17:02You're doing a play.

17:03We're all very happy for you.

17:05They've offered me the tour.

17:07It's making my soul seem...

17:09Right?

17:11That's...

17:12Good news?

17:14Hm.

17:16But I really want to come home,

17:19once we've finished in London.

17:20Oh, thank God.

17:24But I meant what I said, Declan.

17:26I need to keep working.

17:29You...

17:34Are you dancing?

17:35Are you asking?

17:38No one else is.

17:41You've never stopped us before.

17:43My heart.

17:43Your love is king.

17:47Never need to part.

17:49Your kisses ring.

17:52Round and round and round my head.

17:55Touching a very part of me.

17:57It's making my soul seem.

18:00I'm crying out for more.

18:03Your love is king.

18:07I'm coming home.

18:12I'm coming home.

18:14I'm coming.

18:17I'm coming.

18:18You're making me dance.

18:23Inside.

18:25I'm coming home.

18:27I'm coming home.

18:29I'm coming home.

18:30Touching the very part of me.

18:32It's making my soul seem.

18:35Tearing the very heart of me.

18:37I'm crying out for more.

18:52And this turned into a worthwhile trip.

18:57I had a meeting with Jeremy Bonington earlier.

19:00The BBC are interested in turning my Yates biography into a documentary.

19:06What?

19:07I really want to film it in Sligo.

19:10And I'm playing Maud Gawne, right?

19:12Well,

19:14You're a West End star now.

19:15I couldn't afford you.

19:16Stage hands have more to do than me.

19:19Oh, my God.

19:20The Christmas tree.

19:25I like the Christmas tree.

19:31What do you think of the new ending?

19:33Hmm.

19:37Yeah.

19:38I mean, it was sacrilegious, but it gave a new meaning, I suppose.

19:43You fucking bullshitter.

19:47The only thing the producers haven't changed is the ending.

19:50She still leaves her husband and children for a better life, but you wouldn't know that.

19:55Just as you didn't know, the Christmas tree fell over tonight because you didn't watch the play.

20:02Maud.

20:03Get out.

20:04Listen.

20:04The meeting is ran over.

20:06I had every intention of going.

20:07Don't fucking get out.

20:08Please, Maud.

20:09Get up.

20:09Come on.

20:10Please, don't.

20:11Just get out.

20:12Just fucking get out.

20:15Maud.

20:18Maud.

20:31Ladies.

20:36Is that Terry Wogan?

20:38Come on.

20:41Let's go, Hmm.

20:54Let's go, Hmm.

21:02Let's go, Hmm.

21:34CHOIR SINGS

21:58Sorry I'm late, darling. I've had a terrible headache.

22:06I've had a terrible headache.

22:13I've had a terrible headache.

22:19Cameron!

22:20Cameron!

22:22Cameron!

22:33Cameron!

22:34Cameron!

22:35Cameron!

22:41Cameron!

22:43Cameron!

22:51Cameron!

22:53Cameron!

22:55Cameron!

23:02Cameron!

23:04Cameron!

23:05What the fuck is this?

23:06I'm giving you a choice.

23:08A choice?

23:11I tried to kill you, Tony.

23:14Well, because I hurt you and you were defending yourself, we both got a little carried away.

23:18I lay in that hospital bed and wondered what this meant for our relationship.

23:25I could have you punished, sent you to prison.

23:29I can't imagine America would want you back after that.

23:33But then I thought of the alternative.

23:35And that is?

23:38Forgiveness.

23:42I've already told the police I don't remember anything.

23:45If you stay with Karinian, stay with me, I will remember it was a simple accident.

23:58I love you, Cameron.

24:01No, you don't love me.

24:05You just want to beat Rupert.

24:09Well, can't a man have it all?

24:31You don't love me.

24:46Rumours of my demise have been greatly exaggerated.

24:49Which one of you greased the front steps, eh?

24:51No, seriously.

24:53Do be careful entering and exiting the building.

24:56My little slip could have been far, far worse.

24:59Thank goodness for Miss Madden.

25:01Joyce, I can always trust you to catch me when I fall.

25:05I would like to welcome back Cameron Cook,

25:08who's been taking time away to study the opposition.

25:13Her first-class espionage means we are now fully abreast of venturous plans

25:18and are ready to knock them out of the competition.

25:21Thank you, Miss Cook.

25:22There are no lengths you won't go

25:24in order to keep Carinium, this franchise bid,

25:28and all our livelihoods safe.

25:38Because, make no mistake, we are under attack.

25:44Venturer, led by Rupert Campbell Black,

25:48and Declan O'Hara will continue to solicit employees from our ranks

25:53to elicit confidential information.

25:55Those Venturer gangsters have no scruples.

26:01So be on your guard.

26:03Trust no one!

26:06Oh, Charles, where's Charles Furban?

26:09Here, Tony.

26:10Charles has done a fantastic job covering Cameron's role

26:13while she's been away, so thank you, Charles.

26:15Now, Beattie and Sarah's Uncensored is demolishing the competition.

26:21The teams are gearing up to shoot series three

26:24of four men when to mow in September.

26:27Master Dog will be back.

26:29Bigger and barkier than ever.

26:31With James Verica back on presenting duties.

26:34Woof.

26:361987 is a franchise year, ladies and gentlemen,

26:39and we are at war.

26:43An eye for an eye,

26:44we'll take their fucking heads off!

26:48Yes!

26:49Yes!

26:52Phillies!

26:53Oh, my God.

27:24Robert.

27:25Sorry, Tag, not now.

27:28Battingham found out about Cameron and me.

27:31She thought he was going to kill her, so she walloped him.

27:34Shame she didn't succeed.

27:35That's why we had to get away.

27:37She was in danger. I had to protect her, but he found us.

27:42So why has she gone back to him?

27:43I don't know. She just got into the helicopter.

27:46Doesn't seem like Cameron.

27:47She's such a tough cookie.

27:49She was scared of him.

27:50We've...

27:52We've got to get her out of there.

27:54Rupert, she's a big girl.

27:56If she's gone back to him, then maybe we've got to accept her.

27:58No, it's not like her. There's got to be something else going on.

28:01You're wrong, Rupert. She's definitely Team Carinium.

28:04She's back at Tony's side as if nothing ever happened.

28:07And there's something else.

28:10Tony says that we're now filming the polo match on Sunday.

28:13No.

28:14We're filming the polo match on Sunday.

28:16Sorry, Declan, it's all set.

28:18Carinium are filming the polo too.

28:23Well, let's get ready for a fight.

28:34Morning. Hello.

28:35Hmm.

28:37Rupert Campbell-Blag. Welcome to Ventura.

28:38Mike Maples.

28:39Oh!

28:40Excited to be here.

28:41Are you ready?

28:42Well, I left behind regular hours and the BBC pension

28:45to work for my Broadcasting Heroes Renegade Production Company.

28:49I've never been so poor or so happy.

28:59Right on schedule.

29:15Okay.

29:15Ventura-Neg is done right away.

29:18Cameron.

29:22Beautiful day for it.

29:25Let's have a fair fight.

29:28Make the best team win.

29:33You can make television without being a cunt, Tony.

29:37It's not really so much fun, though, is it?

29:39Go on, Cameron.

29:43What are you doing?

29:44Staying ahead of the game.

29:47Come on, lads.

29:49It's time for David to kick Goliath's arse.

30:08Dance, dance, put on your red shoes and dance the blues.

30:16Dance, dance, dance, to the song that's playing on the radio.

30:26If you say run, I'll run with you.

30:34And if you say hide, we'll hide.

30:41Because my love for you would break my heart in two.

30:50If you should fall into my arms, tremble like a blow.

31:04Let's dance, dance, dance, for fear the grace should fall.

31:21Let's dance, for fear tonight is all.

31:26Come on, let's dance.

31:33So sexy.

31:35So...

31:36What?

31:37This is my new favorite spot.

31:39No-one's actually here to watch polo.

31:41They're here to watch each other.

31:46Has Rupert said anything?

31:49I don't say he wants to get Cameron back.

31:53All less complicated men to fall in love with.

32:02Polo Polo, the sport of kings.

32:05Four players per team, four chuckers per game, seven minutes per chucker.

32:09Look at all the pretty horses.

32:11Let's horse around.

32:12Horseplay.

32:14Par for the horse.

32:15Ponies.

32:16Can I get some water, please?

32:17What?

32:18They're called ponies, James.

32:20I thought ponies were baby horses.

32:21Apparently not.

32:22Stupid game.

32:23Standby to record.

32:26Floor standing by.

32:28Waiting for shot to clear.

32:29We ready?

32:29Chukka, chukka, chukka.

32:30Chukka, chukka.

32:31Chukka, chukka.

32:31OK, on camera one and action.

32:34Did you know, James, that polo is the oldest ball sport in the world,

32:38dating back to 600 BC?

32:40Yes, Sarah, I did.

32:41Now, viewers at home will be wondering why you're wearing that rather fetching jumpsuit.

32:46Are you auditioning for Treasure Hunt?

32:51Oh, no!

32:53Yucky!

32:54Oh, my God.

32:54I'm so sorry.

32:55Oh, my God.

32:56This is polo, Ralph Lauren.

32:57We have Beatty standing by to take over.

32:59I can feel it on me.

33:00I can feel it on me.

33:01Deidre, strip James off.

33:02Oh, she's already on it.

33:05It's not on my trousers.

33:06It's not on my trousers.

33:07It's just me being in the van.

33:11Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the final of the Russia Cup at the estate of Lord and Lady Hampshire.

33:17We have four-time winners and last year's champions, the Remington Steelers,

33:21playing against newcomers, the Jones Jets.

33:26The match is about to start.

33:29Stand by.

33:30Let's rock and roll!

33:40And go away!

33:57Let's rock and roll!

34:12Get ready!

34:21Come on, Chris, Chris!

34:33What on earth is that woman doing?

34:36Oh, her high heels are stuck in the mud, Gwendolyn.

34:39She looks as though she needs to go to the moon.

34:42Ha, ha, ha, ha!

34:44I'll get you some shampoo.

34:46Ha, ha, ha, ha!

34:48It's wonderful to see you out and about again, Monica.

34:51Tony's accident must have been very hard on you.

34:55Well, we're all soldiering on now.

34:59Do let Hermione and me know if we can help at all.

35:02Yeah.

35:03Us Wickham Abbey girls, look out for one another.

35:07Well, I must say, Mrs. Stratton looks ready for action in her boiler seat.

35:11Art, Sarah has a surprise for us after the final chakai, Reverend Penny.

35:15I'll enjoy that.

35:15Ooh, what's the surprise?

35:17Wouldn't be a fucking surprise if I told you, would it?

35:19Now let's enjoy these fools getting beaten.

35:38Well, that's a sexy fucking polo.

35:43And with the score now at one goal apiece, it makes it even Stephens at the end of the

35:50second chakka.

35:51My lords, ladies and gentlemen, please take to the pitch.

35:55Or they'll give it stab me.

35:59Oh, sorry, sorry.

36:01Come here.

36:02Sorry.

36:03He just loves telly.

36:06Which side are you on?

36:08Uh, Carinium.

36:09Oh.

36:09I'm Carinium.

36:10Ah.

36:12Is Master Dog coming back?

36:14Of course.

36:15Are you thinking of entering?

36:16Oh, David does not enjoy the spotlight.

36:19I like having my belly rubbed in front of Knott's Landing.

36:22Don't we all, David?

36:24David Bow Wowie, if you please.

36:26Ah!

36:28Would you like to watch the filming with me?

36:31Could we?

36:31That's awfully kind of you.

36:33Charles, Fairbairn.

36:35Muffy, short for Caroline.

36:43Sweaty work.

36:46Might go back to mine and, um, have a long shower.

36:51Who with?

36:52Me or my brother?

36:54We know you've been bonking both of us.

36:56Don't play a player, mate.

37:06It's like West Side Story.

37:08The two different sides coming together.

37:10Yeah.

37:12I guess it is.

37:14Do you go both ways, then?

37:16Oh, uh, I just like sex.

37:21A lot.

37:22Oh.

37:25I haven't done it yet.

37:27I really want to, though.

37:36All set for the big surprise, team.

37:39Ready for the grand finale?

37:40Mm-hmm.

37:45I can't wait to come and see you tonight.

37:48Tonight can't come soon enough.

37:50Mm-hmm.

37:57James, James, right back in the game now, running hard.

38:19Is Rupert the Daddy, or is it James?

38:24We've been running to the ladies all week.

38:26The men around you may not have realised, but that's men.

38:30Right.

38:32Ready for launch.

38:33Sarah's so excited, she could burst.

38:35Ah, smile.

38:36We're going to be in Tatler.

38:39Okay, thank you.

38:39No, come on.

38:40Crack your face here.

38:41Having fun.

38:42Little distance.

38:43That's enough.

38:44Fuck off.

38:45Let's get you up, then, Sarah.

38:47We discussed this.

38:48It's really very simple.

38:50You jump out of the plane.

38:51The parachute pops open.

38:52You just float like a little butterfly.

38:55Thrilling.

38:55Down into the field, everyone applauds, lovely, lovely.

39:00Is there a problem?

39:01No.

39:02Come on.

39:06We'll look after her.

39:08Good luck.

39:11Tony, I'm pregnant.

39:13Huh?

39:14Speak up, woman.

39:15I'm pregnant.

39:18Oh, you are the face of two primetime television shows.

39:21This is a shooting, you mean.

39:24Well, we'll have to start auditioning for replacements on Monday, then, Deirdre.

39:28Come along, then.

39:29Let's carry you up in the plane.

39:30No, I can't.

39:32Tony, I can't.

39:35I have four camera crews, 12 photographers, the whole of Roger waiting for a fucking surprise.

39:40Who's going to jump out the bloody plane, then?

39:51You're gonna jump out the whole of you.

39:54Come on, James.

39:55Jets feet off.

39:56The Remington Steelers win.

39:57It is Campbell Black's speed.

39:59Offside.

39:59That's a lovely bit of work by him.

40:01Look at the same ride him off.

40:03They can't do it.

40:04They're struggling to get hold of him, and he's still there.

40:07Campbell Black going right back.

40:09And he's going to have the final shot of control to it.

40:12He's going to score for Mertex and Rory on the top shot.

40:15And that's a goal!

40:24The Joke Jets are winners of the Roger Cup.

40:31Yes!

40:38Yes, good to see you.

40:39Well done, Freddie.

40:41Lovely.

40:42Can that be all, madam?

40:46And a lager for Mr Jones, please.

40:49He looks thirsty.

40:51Can you put it in there for me?

40:57I can't stop thinking about you.

41:02Me too.

41:06It's like a beautiful dream I had.

41:25Fred, Fred!

41:27Didn't he do well!

41:29He was wonderful.

41:31Well played, Freddie.

41:32Oh, I worried he was too tubby for polo.

41:34Hey!

41:35That poor horse!

41:37Could you, uh, take a picture of us?

41:39Give the camera to Mrs Vericard.

41:41Okay, I'm not great, but these, uh...

41:44No searching, Sharon?

41:45Uh, say cheese!

41:47Cheese!

41:50Lovely.

41:51Oh, come on, you've got...

41:52Sharon!

41:53You look nice, she looks slim when you stand up, Shane.

41:56Who's that?

41:56Lovely.

41:57Right, shall we go get a little drink?

41:58It's a breakfast.

42:04Lizzie!

42:05No, no, Freddie.

42:06You've walked off of Elle's camera.

42:08Oh, God, sorry.

42:17I think it's best we keep away from each other.

42:23It's gonna be quite hard.

42:25Us being neighbours now and everything.

42:29It's hurting my heart.

42:42My lords and ladies and gentlemen,

42:45some quiet, please.

42:46We are delighted as ever

42:49to host you all here in the grounds

42:51of our humble home.

42:53And this year with even more joy

42:55in our hearts than usual, because...

42:57The day Hermione and I thought would never arrive

42:59is finally on the horizon.

43:01After her sterling work

43:03for the Spazdix

43:04and rebuilding that school in Ghana.

43:07Oh, Ghana.

43:07Yeah.

43:07Our beloved Caroline

43:08is getting married.

43:13We are delighted

43:14to announce the engagement

43:16of our daughter, Caroline Margaret.

43:22to Mr. Gerald Middleton.

43:25Come up, Gerald.

43:31To Gerald and Muffy, everyone.

43:34Gerald and Muffy.

43:37To Gerald and Muffy.

43:43Beautiful.

43:44Right, have a fantastic afternoon, everybody.

43:50It's been a wonderful day for Carinium.

43:52Well, personally, may I say

43:53how fabulous it is

43:54to have you back at the helm, Tony.

43:56Stronger than ever.

43:57None the worst for my little adventure.

43:59Ah, yes.

43:59And before Carinium's big surprise today,

44:03just to confirm

44:04for some concerned viewers at home,

44:06this was an accident.

44:08It wasn't due to any foul play.

44:10I slipped on the steps

44:12outside Carinium

44:13entirely my own fault.

44:14Perhaps I should wear trainers

44:16instead of brogues, unfortunately.

44:17Well, thank you for putting

44:18all our minds at rest.

44:19Welcome.

44:19And cut.

44:21Terrific, Tony.

44:21Well done.

44:22Excellent.

44:22As always.

44:23Thanks, Tony.

44:25Glad we got the truth on record.

44:29No threat of police for me.

44:31No public scandal for you.

44:33Win-win, right?

44:58You stayed ahead of the game.

45:00I did.

45:16Mikey, Mikey, shoot it.

45:18Right.

45:19Roll on the parachute.

45:22Ah!

45:26Ah!

45:33No!

45:34Ah!

45:36No!

45:44Ah!

45:59And finally, to today's Rukshire Cup at the Hampshire Estates with this exclusive footage brought to us by Ventura Television.

46:13The match was won by satellite technology mogul Freddie Jones' Jones Jets, with Mrs Thatcher's Minister for Sport, Rupert Campbell

46:20Black, back in action, helping to score the winning goal.

46:24And the behind-the-scenes fiasco Tony Baddingham didn't want you to see, as a Carinium employee humiliates himself after

46:32crash-landing his parachute into a tree.

46:35Poor chap. I hope he's all right.

46:38In the ITV franchise battle between television titan Carinium and the newly formed Ventura Television, it was Ventura who won

46:46the day.

46:47What?

46:50May I speak with you, Tony?

46:52Oh, this is getting extremely dull, Sarah. If you want to keep your job, your little inconvenience needs to be

46:58flushed away.

46:59It's yours.

47:04It's your baby, Tony.

47:16I'm scared.

47:21Long day, darling.

47:23What's for dinner?

47:25Um, I have to admit, today was embarrassing.

47:30Oh, darling, I'm sorry.

47:32No, not for me. For you.

47:35You let her humiliate you in front of our friends, in front of your children.

47:43I defied my father and my whole family when I agreed to exchange this house for your surname, Tony.

47:51There will be no more lies.

47:53Or I will hurt you far more than any mistress ever could.

48:00You want to win so badly.

48:05You make yourself very easy to beat.

48:10Come on, dog.

48:12Come on.

48:22Why didn't you tell me you were Jerry's chum? I just can't believe it.

48:26We're going to be a proper little gang, the three of us.

48:29Well, the four of us.

48:30This must be what love does to you.

48:32I'd completely forgotten about David.

48:34I'm just not mounting Gertrude in the garden.

48:43You should have told me she was Henry's daughter.

48:45Sorry, Charles. I wanted to speak to you first.

48:48And tell me you're into Muffy.

48:52I like her.

48:55Do you think it'll work?

48:57Our plan.

48:58Worth a try, isn't it?

49:00I mean, they were an exciting last two chuckers, didn't they?

49:03Well...

49:03I played some chuckers in my time.

49:05Thank you, Angel.

49:09We did it.

49:11You did it.

49:13Where did you manage to hold your nerve?

49:16I held on to Rupert

49:18and waited until Tony publicly absolved me.

49:21If he goes to the police now, he'll just look foolish.

49:24Tony would never let that happen.

49:25We better be careful.

49:26He'll be out for blood.

49:28Glad you got out alive, though.

49:30Wow.

49:31I got out alive, but without my car or my apartment.

49:35Well, you're coming to live with me.

49:39Pensacombe Court.

49:41You mean that?

49:43Of course.

50:04You know what?

50:04I'll just, um...

50:06Be back in a sec.

50:06I need to explain.

50:22I need to explain.

50:29Cameron came to me for protection.

50:33I had to get her away quickly, keep her safe from Tony, do the right thing.

50:41I'm trying to behave honourably.

50:46Did you sleep with her immediately, or did you honourably hold off for one night?

50:50I was already sleeping with Cameron before I kissed you.

50:52Well, then you shouldn't have kissed me.

50:54No, I shouldn't have kissed you.

51:01It's true.

51:02What everyone says about you.

51:07You aren't capable of love.

51:12Ty.

51:13Please.

51:14Get out of my kitchen.

51:36people say that life isn't a fairy tale

51:40that happy ever after doesn't exist

51:44but what if you just haven't found the person who'll give you your happy ending

51:49it's up to you to give yourself the love you deserve

51:57however be prepared with love may also come war

52:02and every war has its casualties

52:08welcome home

52:20most peculiar

52:23dogs

52:32get the fuck out of my house

52:38you know it's only a matter of time before he did chichi cameron

52:42six days six weeks

52:45he might even keep you six months to venture a finally

52:48don't get the franchise then he'll kick you out like all the rest

52:51why are you here tony

52:57i brought you a housewarming present

53:03i don't need evidence to punish you

53:07the retribution i had planned will be far more painful

53:16this is gonna be fun

53:27you

Rivals - Season 2 Episode 1

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