- 8 hours ago
Eastenders 13Th April
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:26I'll see you next time.
00:35Happy Hem-Doo!
00:45It's a bit early, isn't it?
00:47Well, yeah, we were gonna do it at the Albert, but Mark got Harry's barn, so we're gonna start it
00:50early.
00:51Where have you come as? Marge Simpson?
00:54Suck with Liz. I'm a weefer, Franklin, thank you very much.
00:57I'll say a little prayer for you, because the theme is actually 60's chic, yeah?
01:02So this rainetta slob look is not gonna cut it, babe.
01:05Do you know what? I would rather a couple of wines in a McClunkey's Bonanza Bucket if I'm honest.
01:09Do me a favour. Listen, you are not escaping the ritual of humiliation.
01:15It is tradition. Chelsea!
01:18No, packies, bring around your costume, and we'll see you at Harry's Barnetta.
01:21Yeah? Yeah. Come on, see ya!
01:24Yes, come on!
01:25Come on!
01:26Come on!
01:30Have to see a drink in the bit later?
01:32Yeah, pretty nice.
01:34Hey, Sam, coming to Hem-Doo? More the merrier.
01:37Oh, I'd love to, but I've got plans, yeah.
01:40Been in the diary for ages.
01:42Have fun, girls!
01:43Oh, yeah, all right!
01:44Hey!
01:45See you later, too.
01:53It probably seems real, eh?
01:57How can I be having a hen do when I don't even know if I should be getting married, eh?
02:02Come on, Mum.
02:07Thank you so much, Mum.
02:08Appreciate it.
02:09Uh, Lauren and Max won't be back from the auction until late, and, well, you know what
02:12stag-do's alike.
02:13Yeah, I do.
02:14And if you end up in France, bring me back a quitterose.
02:18You don't miss a trick, do you?
02:19Never.
02:20And I get to watch Disney films with my favourite boys.
02:23Yes!
02:24Hercules!
02:25Oi, oi!
02:27Your stag-do is going to be remembered for years to come.
02:30Well, that's kind of what I'm counting on, but, er, what's in the bag?
02:33Handcuffs and mankinis?
02:41I really thought you and Ross would have sought this by now.
02:44Nope.
02:45Brushed it under the carpet, didn't I?
02:47I didn't want to hurt him.
02:50He's paranoid that I'm going to run off with my secret bloke.
03:01I love him.
03:03And I don't want to live with his psycho son when he gets out.
03:06Then you've got to talk to Ross.
03:09Sorry.
03:11Interrupt, Saint.
03:12No.
03:13I was just on my way, mate.
03:23It's all very kind of you, but I am quite happy going on my own.
03:26And shouldn't you all be getting ready for the hen party anyway?
03:29I can do both.
03:30Listen, we've got to show Nigel how much we love him.
03:32Listen, ask Jasmine.
03:33She knew him.
03:34It's a carer, I'm not Disneyland.
03:36Listen, we want her to be part of the family.
03:38Include her, yeah?
03:39Go on.
03:40Alright.
03:42Hi, Josh.
03:44Jasmine, we're going to see Nigel if he wanted to come with us.
03:47Oh.
03:48I mean, I know he ran you over and everything, but, you know.
03:51But it was an accident.
03:54Listen, we just want to show him that, you know, he's not forgotten.
03:56Yeah?
03:57I love nice.
03:58Can I go?
03:58Yeah, yeah, of course.
03:59Come on.
04:00Oh, yeah.
04:01Yeah, then I mean.
04:02Amazing.
04:02See you outside.
04:07Right.
04:08Anything you can say to Zach, you can say it to me.
04:14You said you didn't trust me, and you were right not to.
04:20Because I haven't been honest with you.
04:24Talk to me.
04:28I'm scared for us when Joel comes out.
04:34I don't know how we're going to fix it.
04:36We've got time to work something out.
04:38No, we don't.
04:39I don't want to go on my head with all the girls talking about my dream man if...
04:45If you're going to choose your son over me.
04:48It's not a choice.
04:49No, it is.
04:51Ross, I'm sorry, it is.
04:53If you want Joel living with you, then I won't be.
04:56Is this punishment because I said I didn't trust you?
04:59You know, you haven't got to blackmail me over me own son.
05:01I'm not.
05:02I respect your loyalty to Joel.
05:07I won't live with the boy who nearly killed me.
05:13Darn it.
05:16You have given me a lot to think about, okay?
05:19I don't want you to do any more thinking.
05:23I just want to know that you choose me.
05:25I want to marry you, don't I?
05:28Look, I don't have all the answers, Vic.
05:31Okay, alright?
05:32He's my son, and you are the innocent party.
05:36Hello, Vic.
05:37Come on, I've got your head outfit here.
05:41Are we going to do this in a stag do?
05:46Yeah.
05:47Yeah.
05:54Nice outfit, by the way.
05:57Biggie said that if she had to dress up, so did I.
06:00Well, you've got enough booze to stand alone, huh?
06:02Thanks for sorting this out, Pen.
06:04You've done us proud.
06:05Ladies.
06:07My mum and Sharon have paid for all the booze.
06:11Oh!
06:12I'm finished!
06:15I'm not starting on the free booze before the hen gets out.
06:18This is my only night off from being a mum.
06:20I want to let me out down.
06:21And that's just why you started on the booze hours ago, yes?
06:23Oh, sue me for wanting to party.
06:25I'll get me out.
06:26No.
06:27So, my Billy's taking me up the West End tomorrow.
06:32Hashtag blessed.
06:34Are we still saying that?
06:36Hashtag, you know, couples goals.
06:38That's you and Billy, isn't it?
06:40Yeah.
06:41A bit like me and Howie, may I just add?
06:44Oh, and me and Jack.
06:45I have to pinch myself on where we were a year ago.
06:49Well, you know what that is, innit?
06:51It's the magical healing properties of not sleeping with other people.
06:55Shut up, kid.
06:58I mean, you could have couples goals, couldn't you?
07:00If you got together with Ian.
07:01What do you think, ladies?
07:02Yeah.
07:04Yeah, and Denise can give you a few tips because back in the day...
07:06Like I said, shut up, Kimberly.
07:09You know, I don't think I can take the risk, to be honest.
07:12Because I was in love once, but it didn't end well at all.
07:17I mean, it's not like I'm demanding or anything.
07:19You know, all I want from my relationships is respect, compassion, laughter, chemistry, intellect, ambition, adoration.
07:30You know, just the basics, really. Just the basics.
07:32And, um, for Samson's on a Wednesday would be nice.
07:35But, you know, not the red ones.
07:39I think you won't mind if we make a little start.
07:41No.
07:42No, I'll be just for the moment.
07:43Yeah. Yeah.
07:45Cheers.
07:47Oh, lovely.
07:52Come on, then. Give us a twirl.
07:54Really?
07:55Really. Good.
07:59Oh, you can be as miserable as your mother sometimes.
08:03Come on, then. What's up?
08:05Give me the wine, Kat.
08:06Here you go. Thank you.
08:11Me and Ross don't trust each other.
08:13Why?
08:15Is it all about this Zack business?
08:17Because you've got to put it all behind you, all right?
08:20It was just one kiss.
08:24It ain't just that. It's, um...
08:26I gave Ross an ultimatum about Joel moving back
08:29and, um, well, he said he needed to think about it,
08:32but he still wants to marry me.
08:34Well, that sounds promising, doesn't it?
08:36Does it?
08:37Yes, it does.
08:39So, come on, go and put your slap on,
08:41because you are going to get plastered
08:43and then you're going to get married.
08:45Even if it kills me.
08:48He's got pneumonia, so, um,
08:50he's been in and out of hospital over the last couple of days.
08:52Julie, sorry, we didn't know.
08:54No, don't go. No, stay.
08:56Please.
08:57Could really do with cheering up, can't we, Nigel?
09:02Nigel?
09:03My granddaughter, Jasmine.
09:05Remember her, don't you?
09:07I know, I don't look old enough, do I?
09:10Don't know about that.
09:13Hi, Nigel.
09:16Where did you disappear to?
09:17Well, if we're going to have a party, we need party favours, right?
09:19No, I know.
09:20That's a really good idea.
09:22Thanks very much.
09:24Help yourself, everyone.
09:27Come on, Judy said it's fine.
09:29It sure might do a good time, yeah?
09:32Jing said you two like the sing-song.
09:34Yeah.
09:35Oh, that reminds me.
09:37I made a speaker out of a loo roll.
09:39It was the top tip in my magazine.
09:41So, um...
09:42Ta-da!
09:45Yeah.
09:47It's good sound quality, isn't it?
09:49And so stylish.
09:50Yeah!
09:51I prefer my speaker, Jean.
09:53Don't really fancy an old bog rolling on my dress.
09:56Nigel loves this song.
09:57Aw.
09:58Yeah.
10:15Come on, Jazz.
10:17Join in.
10:17Oh, I don't know the words.
10:18That don't matter.
10:20For years, Dan thought Bob Dylan was singing Knocking on Kevin's Door.
10:23I thought, who the hell's Kevin?
10:25Kevin!
10:28Kevin, Kevin, my heart.
10:31Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
10:35So why do you want me fun?
10:36What happens on the stag stays on the stag.
10:39Come on, phone.
10:40Where's your phone?
10:40Oi, I'll be fun.
10:42Come on.
10:42Thank you, Jack.
10:43Lovely.
10:45Come on, Ian.
10:45What you got lined up for us?
10:47I'll tell you.
10:47You are gonna love it.
10:49Peter!
10:50No!
10:51Wait for it.
10:52Wait for it.
10:53We, we, we are going to have an indoor sports day.
10:59No.
10:59Yes, I guess.
11:00Is that why you confiscated our phones?
11:02Yeah, so the shame fleets can't see the evidence.
11:05No, no, no, no.
11:06We're meant to be in the prime of our lives.
11:09Come on.
11:09No, no.
11:10Yeah!
11:11You're not kidding.
11:12Right.
11:13Let's kick off with beer darts, beers all round and a set of your finest arrows, please.
11:17All right.
11:18Boys, let's get this down.
11:19All right.
11:20All right.
11:21All right.
11:22All right.
11:22So?
11:24So you and Vicky earlier, looking as thick as thieves.
11:28Why are you having a drink with me and not getting a hammer with that lot?
11:32Come on, Sam.
11:33You can talk to me.
11:35I'm a mate.
11:35You and her mom are coming in.
11:37What?
11:39No.
11:39I guess Vicky cheated on us.
11:42What?
11:45What?
11:46Wait, so...
11:48What?
11:49Oh, God.
11:55Just a few drinks, yeah?
11:56Yeah, it's all I do.
11:57Yeah, it's all right.
11:57Deal.
11:57Go.
11:58I love you.
11:59I love you!
12:01I love you so much!
12:02I love you, I love you.
12:03I love you, I love you.
12:05I love you!
12:06I love you!
12:07I love you!
12:09I love you!
12:11I love you!
12:12I love you!
12:18Are you living together?
12:20I mean, is that a total nightmare?
12:22Or is it sexy as hell?
12:24Can you at least pretend you're not enjoying this, sir?
12:26Listen, I'm recovering from breast cancer, okay?
12:29I'm allowed to enjoy a little bit of scandal, right?
12:32It's fair.
12:33So, is Vicky gonna leave Ross?
12:37Is that what you want?
12:38No, I don't know.
12:41I want her to be happy.
12:43Oh, shut up.
12:45Stop being such a girl.
12:46Why are you a misogynist?
12:50Look, Ross is a good bloke.
12:52They've got a nice life together.
12:54Steady, they go out of work, they work hard,
12:56they come in here for a pint of an evening.
12:58That sounds like the end of a marriage, not the start.
13:00Stop being so horrible.
13:02Alright, then.
13:03What do you want?
13:04I want the same.
13:07I've got the goosebumps, you know?
13:09What?
13:12Me and Vicky, guys, electric.
13:15It's not just sex, it's water.
13:19It just works, alright?
13:23Well, listen to me.
13:26If this is what you want,
13:28then I think you've got to fight for it.
13:30I mean, she's gonna bite your hand off, Zach.
13:33You've got the sexiest bloke round here by miles,
13:35and you know it.
13:37I mean, if this...
13:38if this is what Vicky wants
13:40and she's willing to risk her marriage,
13:41then...
13:42then give it to her.
13:44Give her goosebumps.
13:47Jack, what you had an idea for?
13:49I need you on my team, mate.
13:50Come on.
13:51Yeah, yeah.
13:52I'm all yours, mate.
13:57Come on, Mark.
13:59Let's have a gold.
13:59Come on, man.
14:01Come on, ladies.
14:05There you go.
14:08That sends her apologies
14:10as she's staying on in the care arm
14:12to give Julie a break.
14:15Well, let your hair down, girls.
14:19I am quite happy to watch this, your nanny games,
14:21but I am not going to party.
14:23Oh!
14:23Oh!
14:25United!
14:27United!
14:28United!
14:29United!
14:33United!
14:33Oh!
14:35Oh!
14:38Oh!
14:39Oh!
14:41Oh!
14:42Oh!
14:43Oh!
14:44Oh!
14:45Well, so it's not something about your dad's good looks,
14:47because you ain't got his moves.
14:49Phil had the moves when we were married,
14:50but, well, yeah.
14:52It's something extra special.
14:54What?
14:54You went wrong?
14:56Yeah, you didn't invent Nookie, you know.
14:58I was a teenager in the 60s.
14:59I have seen it all.
15:01Sophie!
15:02Thank you, Mickey, Mickey.
15:04Okay, yes.
15:04Come on.
15:05Tell us all what first attracted you to Ross.
15:08Because he can fill out a check shirt, like a real name.
15:10Yeah!
15:11It's funny, isn't it?
15:12Because all the hours that my Jack spends in the gym,
15:15I actually like a little bit of timber and a fella.
15:17Me too!
15:18You're such a liar!
15:19Listen, you've only got three types, dude, yeah?
15:23Mm-hmm.
15:23You've got the psycho, the gym bunny, and the psycho gym bunny.
15:28And that's fair.
15:28I'll have a bit of rough any time in a dollar.
15:31Not for me.
15:33My Patrick is a smooth operator.
15:36All right.
15:37Now, come on.
15:38Come on, Dickie.
15:39What was it about Ross?
15:41Um...
15:41Well, he weren't Spencer.
15:43Who?
15:45Who's Spencer?
15:46Oh, no.
15:46He was my ex, Alfie's brother.
15:48He, um...
15:49No, he was very, very sweet.
15:52But...
15:53I always felt like I was looking after him.
15:55And then, when Ross came along, you know what?
15:57He felt like my equal.
15:59Like he celebrates me.
16:01Yeah.
16:02He did not.
16:03Or he used...
16:04He used to, anyway.
16:07Babe.
16:09I told him that I can't live with Joel when he gets out.
16:12Why?
16:13He can't blame you, Alfie.
16:14No, no, no, he doesn't.
16:15He doesn't.
16:16But what...
16:17What if he can't turn his back on Joel?
16:23He nearly killed me.
16:26I know what it's like to not feel safe on your own home.
16:30But Ross, he stood by you in the end, didn't he?
16:34At that trial?
16:35Yes, he did.
16:35So you've got to just trust him when he's making the right decision, babe.
16:38Joel nearly ruined everything.
16:40Don't let him ruin your marriage.
16:41Yeah, they're right, Vic.
16:43After everything you've been through.
16:45Ross is a good bloke.
16:46He is, Alf.
16:47Look at him.
16:48Look, look.
16:49Good bloke.
16:51All right, then.
16:52So let's get back to the hen business.
16:55Mark!
16:56Where's the cabaret?
16:58That's French for stripper.
17:00Yeah?
17:01I didn't book one.
17:01If you want one, you have to get yourself one.
17:03Oh.
17:04Well, challenge accepted.
17:09No.
17:12No.
17:13No.
17:14No.
17:14It's disgusting.
17:15She's my sister.
17:20So let's go.
17:21You can help me find one then.
17:22Come on.
17:23Come on, you can't.
17:25Help you, can't help me!
17:29Help you.
17:34Seriously, no cheating.
17:35You're going to go on my whistle.
17:37You want to go on, Thanks.
17:38After three, two, three, one.
17:43Listen, thanks for making all the effort.
17:45I'm sorry I was a miserable git earlier.
17:47You would look after her, wouldn't you?
17:50Ian, I love your little cousin.
17:52Months removed, strictly speaking.
17:54I'm glad that we're in, all right?
17:57I know it was a bit harsh now the other week.
18:01I am glad you still working out.
18:06Ross, you're a good bloke.
18:08Aunty Pauline would approve.
18:10And as the patriarch of the family, so do I.
18:15Well, I won't let you, I won't let Vicky down.
18:18So, how would you feel about being my best man as our patriarch?
18:23I'll be honest.
18:25Thank you very much, come on.
18:27All right, well this one ain't gonna do it.
18:31So let's see who will.
18:33I'm looking for a stripper.
18:36No.
18:37No.
18:39Definitely no.
18:41Definitely no.
18:42I've seen it all before, babe.
18:44No.
18:50Easy tiger.
18:52Easy tiger.
18:54Do me a favour.
18:56No.
19:01I bet you like taking off your top for the girlies.
19:05Yeah, well, it has been, though.
19:06Keep it in.
19:07I'm right here, you know.
19:09Oh, don't be stressed, Howie.
19:11I'm just looking for a stripper for Vicky's Hindu, innit?
19:13I'm not looking for a new life partner.
19:15But then again...
19:17Well, Sam Mitchell did just say that I'm the sexiest geezer around.
19:25It's a bit weird, though, innit?
19:27It's a laugh, innit?
19:29It's a laugh, innit?
19:29I'm not presenting any of this lot.
19:30At least an Adam Brighton ain't gonna run away with a stripper.
19:36Okay, okay, can you shut up now?
19:39I've never had a family that don't care about looking stupid, okay?
19:42That's why the slaters love you so much.
19:44Oh, they love you, too.
19:46They can be making more of an effort.
19:50Hey.
19:51Hey, hey, hey.
19:53Honestly, what a day.
19:54I had my mom pack up and it was so sad.
19:56It was just...
19:56Oh, I'm sorry.
19:57No, it's good.
19:59I mean, I came back to the Trumans.
20:00I was all...
20:00Oh, what have I done?
20:02But then Yolanda made me some nice coconut chicken curry,
20:05and even though we barely know each other,
20:07it was...
20:08I mean, it was just fun, just chatting, you know?
20:10I mean, it just felt right.
20:13Everything's gonna be all right.
20:17Sorry.
20:18I'm so sorry.
20:20It leaves me blowing on about happy families
20:22when things are so orcs for you and the slaters.
20:26Especially after...
20:28Anson...
20:29At least they're trying.
20:33Sorry.
20:34That sounded patronising.
20:35I'll get drinks.
20:41Wow.
20:42Truth hurts, doesn't it?
20:44He's just blabbering on because he wants to make a good impression.
20:47Yeah, but what if he's hit the nail on the head, though?
20:49I mean, everything that Kat said in court,
20:51she can't just forget about that, can she?
20:53Stop it.
20:55You just saw how Kat stood up for you from the whole pub.
20:59Yeah.
21:00Yeah, she used to do that, didn't she?
21:03Yeah, the slaters want me around.
21:04I just...
21:05I've got to believe that.
21:08Just do without Josh staring the pot.
21:24Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
21:27Now, Miss Fowler, yes, yes, bad girl dressed up in white.
21:35What?
21:36I think you've committed a foul.
21:41Oh!
21:45Oh!
21:46Oh!
21:49Oh!
21:50Oh!
21:51Oh!
21:52Oh!
21:53Oh!
21:53Oh!
21:53Oh!
22:00Oh!
22:03Oh!
22:03Oh!
22:06Oh!
22:06Oh!
22:08Oh!
22:10Oh!
22:11Oh!
22:11Oh!
22:13Oh!
22:14Oh!
22:15Oh!
22:15Oh!
22:15Oh!
22:17Oh!
22:19It's taking us back decades.
22:22Feminism would literally be turning in her grave.
22:25If God had wanted us to see that he wouldn't have created the fig leaf.
22:29Yeah, I agree.
22:31Listen, do you think I should arrange that date with Ian?
22:35I mean, do you think he's, you know, he's a good guy?
22:39Honey?
22:40Honey?
22:41What?
22:42Yeah, where?
22:43I mean, definitely.
22:45Yeah, grab...
22:47Every opportunity.
22:49Grab...
22:50A ball by his horns.
22:52Well, you're right.
22:53Yeah, I should do that.
22:55I'm gonna find that ball and grab it by its...
22:57Well, I'm gonna look for Ian and watch.
23:01What the hell was Ian?
23:03Hmm?
23:04Oh!
23:05Oh!
23:05Oh!
23:06Oh!
23:06Oh!
23:07Oh!
23:08Oh!
23:08Oh!
23:10Oh!
23:11Oh!
23:11Oh!
23:12Oh, oh, oh!
23:13Oh, oh!
23:15Oh, oh, oh!
23:37Mr. McClunkey, from Mitchell's staff.
23:40Oh, hey, I'm Mr. McClunkey.
23:42Yeah.
23:43Mm.
23:44Was that Harry's Barn Spiralong?
23:47Here.
23:49Look out.
23:50Oh.
23:51Um, on this box?
23:55Yeah, no, thank you.
23:56Um, so, I've decided that you can take me out on that date
24:00that we discussed, and I'm free tomorrow.
24:04Right.
24:04Uh, just a couple of little stipulations.
24:08Can I ask that you treat me like I deserve to be treated?
24:11And then you don't expect anything other than an intelligent conversation and company in return.
24:17And if you're happy with that arrangement, you can pick me up at 7.30 tomorrow.
24:22Hey.
24:24Oh, yeah.
24:25Yes.
24:26You haven't ever cheated on a partner, have you?
24:31No.
24:32Who?
24:32Oh.
24:33That's good.
24:34Well, I'll see you tomorrow, then.
24:41What?
24:42What was I supposed to say?
24:44Give me down!
24:45I don't know!
24:46False alarm!
24:47Guys!
24:48False alarm!
24:49You can go back in!
24:50Yes!
24:51Well done!
24:55You look freezing.
24:57Yeah.
24:57Put this on.
24:58I'm all right.
24:59For my sake.
25:01So, put it on.
25:03I'm all right.
25:05Show up.
25:09You always get your own way, don't I?
25:12Always.
25:13No.
25:21I love Ross.
25:23So you keep saying.
25:24Yeah.
25:25And we are working through our issues.
25:27And I'm going to marry him.
25:30Pleased for you.
25:30Good.
25:32I'm pleased you're pleased.
25:35You know what?
25:36Ross is a good guy.
25:37He's a nice guy.
25:40Didn't want his lap.
25:41Bed by night.
25:42It's nice that he's found somebody that wants to do the same.
25:44Dare you!
25:47Ross ain't second best.
25:49I am not settling.
25:51Ross loves me.
25:52He's going to look after me.
25:53He promised me that.
25:54Well, he said that, did he?
25:56You don't need to worry about me and Ross.
25:58We're going to be just fine.
26:00He presses my buttons.
26:03All of them.
26:04What? I'll never know.
26:08Do you know what?
26:09I'll watch you.
26:10You two and then I'll watch you.
26:14You're watching me.
26:15Shut up.
26:16Tell me I'm lying, Vic.
26:17Well, you think you can make me happier?
26:20A loser who gets his kit off just to feed his massive ego.
26:23What? What?
26:24Take that.
26:25I've only worn it.
26:26Yeah, well, I've seen it all before, mate.
26:28Why are you down here if I'm such a loser?
26:29Why aren't you indoors with Ross?
26:31Don't worry about it.
26:32I'm going.
26:34No.
26:34Please, please, please.
26:35One thing.
26:36Just answer one thing.
26:40When you are in bed by nine and he's pressing your buttons,
26:44you tell me you ain't thinking about me.
26:51about that night, about what we did.
26:55Go on.
27:05Oh, can't I have one, Niles?
27:11Come here.
27:16Yeah, boss, there's a key.
27:18I'm on my way over.
27:24Cross.
27:26Don't forget your phone, mate.
27:29What are you sneaking off to?
27:30I am going to find your sister and I'm going to tell her how much I love her.
27:36See you later.
27:37See you later.
27:38There you go.
27:38Yep.
27:48He's a boss.
27:54Vic!
27:59Vic!
27:59I can't do this.
28:00No.
28:01Vic, Vic, Vic.
28:13Cork's Funniest.
28:14The Young Offenders are back.
28:15More crack.
28:16More chaos.
28:17Watch the brand new series on iPlayer.
28:20This and everything across the BBC is made possible because we're funded by you.
28:27Thanks a lot.
28:45Thanks a lot, and we're going see you.
28:46peace
28:46Aлам
28:47BUz A
28:47II
28:471
28:5480
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