- 2 days ago
Category
π₯
Short filmTranscript
00:02:33Thank God this job's only for two days.
00:02:36These local yokels give me the creeps.
00:02:38Oh, nonsense.
00:02:39They're probably just shy.
00:02:41You just have to be the one that's friendly first.
00:02:43A pleasant good evening to you, madam.
00:02:46Fuck off.
00:02:47That went well.
00:02:48Hey, Uncle Chode, you've seen the princess?
00:02:50Is she beautiful and sweet and innocent like in all the fairy tales?
00:02:54Here come and see the princess.
00:02:57Lord, let her be a hot little virgin anxious to learn the wicked ways of the world.
00:03:06Oh, baby, somebody's been hitting the super size.
00:03:09Well, let's just say they call them fairy tales for a reason, kid.
00:03:23Is it Halloween already?
00:03:26Geez, you tell me.
00:03:27You all look a little old to be trick-or-treating.
00:03:31We've been hired to guard the princess.
00:03:33Oh.
00:03:34In that case, let me introduce myself.
00:03:37I'm...
00:03:37Don't tell me, Eyesore.
00:03:39No, I don't know why everyone thinks my name is Eyesore.
00:03:42Maybe it's because, uh, you've got...
00:03:45What?
00:03:45Heh, nothing.
00:03:47Who is the inconsiderate bastard that's bothering us at this time of the night?
00:03:52They're here to guard the princess.
00:03:54Yeah, my name's...
00:03:55Don't tell me, swollen hemorrhoid.
00:03:58May I call you swollen?
00:03:59I'm Felschmidt.
00:04:00I'm her highness's lady in waiting.
00:04:03Show them in.
00:04:04Walk this way.
00:04:11Nah, too easy.
00:04:15Sorry, but your cow will have to go in the barn.
00:04:18I beg your pardon.
00:04:21Oh, I am sorry.
00:04:22Your talking cow will have to go in the barn.
00:04:26I am not an animal.
00:04:29Oh.
00:04:38Piss off!
00:04:39Your murdering's fine!
00:04:41What?
00:04:42How dare you talk to me like...
00:04:44Who's out there?
00:04:45What did you say?
00:04:47Nothing.
00:04:53So I said to him,
00:04:55Dr. Richard Turner is so formal.
00:04:58Do you mind if I call you...
00:05:00Dick?
00:05:02Give me your clothes.
00:05:04You forgot to stay, please, sweetie.
00:05:07Okay, girls.
00:05:09Time to close up.
00:05:10If you think I'm staying open all night again,
00:05:13you're...
00:05:15I said, give me your clothes.
00:05:18Hey, girlfriend, we don't want any trouble.
00:05:20Get going while the getting's good.
00:05:24How would you like a wedgie?
00:05:26Sounds like my old gym teacher.
00:05:39You just missed him.
00:05:41He was here asking about renting the place.
00:05:44The homophobic little bastard took off when he realized
00:05:47it was a gay bar.
00:05:53If I ever see you again,
00:05:56I'll scratch your eyes out, you bitch!
00:06:02And when I am king,
00:06:04you will be queen, mother.
00:06:07Mother.
00:06:10One minute!
00:06:13One stinking minute!
00:06:17What is it, woman?
00:06:19Last night there was another threat
00:06:21on the life of the princess.
00:06:23Let me see that note.
00:06:25I hope that security team
00:06:27that I asked you to hire
00:06:28knows their stuff.
00:06:29Yes!
00:06:30I got the best bodyguards
00:06:32in the business.
00:06:38They'd better be.
00:06:39If anything were to happen to her,
00:06:41our nation would be without a leader.
00:06:44Oh, we would find one somewhere.
00:06:47Mwah!
00:06:48Nonsense!
00:06:49There is no one left of royal blood.
00:06:51She's the last of an ancient noble line
00:06:54that goes back hundreds of years.
00:06:56Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:06:58Don't let the door hit you on the arse
00:07:00on the way out.
00:07:03Did you know
00:07:05Her Highness' royal crown
00:07:06is on your moose head?
00:07:09Did you know
00:07:09even in this light
00:07:10I can see your moustache?
00:07:12Ah!
00:07:14Oh, that was close.
00:07:17It's time to kill me
00:07:18one bigger, ugly princess
00:07:21and become
00:07:22the king!
00:07:28Hmm, this is torture.
00:07:31She hasn't done anything
00:07:32but look at herself
00:07:32in the mirror for hours.
00:07:34How could she stand it?
00:07:36Oh, those earrings are lovely.
00:07:38What do you know?
00:07:40Uh, it must be wonderful
00:07:42to be in a position
00:07:43to make a difference
00:07:43in the lives of your people.
00:07:45Oh, them.
00:07:47They're the reason
00:07:47I don't have a minute for myself.
00:07:50Why am I brushing my own hair?
00:07:53You with the big tits,
00:07:54get over here
00:07:55and start brushing
00:07:56a hundred strokes.
00:07:58Yeah, I could use
00:07:59a hundred strokes myself
00:08:00about now.
00:08:01I'm bored.
00:08:03I brought along a word game.
00:08:05Good idea.
00:08:06You're not as stupid
00:08:07as you look.
00:08:09Set it up
00:08:09and make it snappy.
00:08:13Over here.
00:08:17I had to get you alone.
00:08:19Oh, boy, here it comes.
00:08:20Look, lady,
00:08:21you're not my type.
00:08:23I get broads like you
00:08:24hitting on me all the time.
00:08:25Let me tell you how it is.
00:08:26You're too old,
00:08:27you're too ugly,
00:08:28and for the record,
00:08:29I'd like to be the only one
00:08:31in the relationship
00:08:31who shaves.
00:08:33Oh, I have no sexual interest
00:08:35in you.
00:08:36Hey, hey,
00:08:36what am I, chopped liver?
00:08:38Listen,
00:08:38the princess is in great danger.
00:08:40I don't mean to tell you
00:08:41your job,
00:08:42but I think the prime minister
00:08:44is up to no good.
00:08:46The prime minister?
00:08:47He seems like a nice enough guy.
00:08:51You think so?
00:08:53Maybe I'm just being paranoid.
00:08:55Oftentimes we judge people
00:08:57so harshly
00:08:57when we are only projecting
00:08:59our own fears.
00:09:01Man is inherently good.
00:09:06Yeah, that's what I believe.
00:09:09I hope that's what you do believe,
00:09:11because if anything happens
00:09:12to the princess,
00:09:13you and your friends
00:09:15will all be put to death.
00:09:17What?
00:09:17I didn't see anything
00:09:18about death in the contract.
00:09:20It's standard.
00:09:21Always read the fine print.
00:09:23Cannot.
00:09:24And I get double points
00:09:25for the cake.
00:09:26Just a minute.
00:09:27That's not a word.
00:09:28It is so.
00:09:29Oh, really?
00:09:30Use it in a sentence.
00:09:32My authority
00:09:33cannot be questioned.
00:09:35Otherwise,
00:09:36a certain robot's
00:09:37gonna get his fairy ass
00:09:38carted off to the scrappy.
00:09:40Well,
00:09:41now that I hear it
00:09:42in a sentence...
00:09:43Hey, where you going?
00:09:45We have to keep an eye
00:09:47on you at all times.
00:09:48Oh, please.
00:09:49I'm just going
00:09:50to the powder room
00:09:51and it ain't
00:09:53to take a powder.
00:09:55Somebody go with him.
00:09:56Do not...
00:09:57Ah!
00:10:10Ah!
00:10:15Ah!
00:10:16Ah!
00:10:18Ah!
00:10:18Ah!
00:10:19Ah!
00:10:19Ah!
00:10:19Ah!
00:10:20Ah!
00:10:20Ah!
00:10:21Ah!
00:10:23Ah!
00:10:25Ah!
00:10:25Ah!
00:10:26Ah!
00:10:27Ah!
00:10:28Ah!
00:10:29Ah!
00:10:30Ah!
00:10:42Ah!
00:10:43Ah!
00:10:44Ah!
00:10:46Ah!
00:10:48Ah!
00:10:48Ah!
00:10:49Ah!
00:10:50on them holy shit we gotta get out of here if the princess's subjects find out she's been murdered
00:10:55we'll all be executed executed uncle chode is it true are we doomed well if you want to see the
00:11:03glass is half empty technically showed really stop i need you to lock into our coordinates
00:11:09and team us back on board no can do el capitan what do you mean i kind of shorted out
00:11:13the beaming
00:11:14device with a fork you should have never left me alone how the hell did that happen well i was
00:11:20trying to be my raisin toast out of the toaster with the help of the transporter beam and a fork
00:11:24why for christ's sake because my toast was stuck in the toaster we're toast uncle chode
00:11:33ah jeez i'm surrounded by fucking morons look if we can find out who killed the princess
00:11:38maybe they'll go easy on us everybody grab the rest of her
00:12:02hey you better not be doing anything weird in there
00:12:07my penis is caught in the bed springs oh okay that's all right then
00:12:15jeez whoever said die young and leave a beautiful corpse never meant this stiff chode what do we do
00:12:20now we gather every shred of evidence pour over every clue go to any extreme necessary to determine the
00:12:27perp's identity aha what is it it's a short curly purple hair of some sort probably
00:12:34the killers or your own pubic hair dumbass uh that's another theory that deserves exploring
00:12:41princess princess it's almost time for your noon appearance my god what has happened to the princess
00:12:49after a battery of sophisticated tests i've determined she died of natural causes what she's been cut to
00:12:56ribbons well i mean after that naturally she died for all our sakes no one must find out i need
00:13:02time to think
00:13:04her majesty god damn it i needed more time than that it's known your highness time for you to greet
00:13:11your
00:13:11loyal subjects this is no time to fall apart your highness your public awaits pull yourself together
00:13:19mother i know mother i get my sense of humor from you i'm brushing my teeth i'll be right out
00:13:29you will well please hurry your subjects can't wait to see you and frankly neither can i i i'll be
00:13:39right
00:13:39out why'd you say that if she doesn't show the townspeople we'll know immediately something is wrong
00:13:47tanook grab that head the princess will be right out
00:14:14the suckers are buying
00:14:15How can this be? She's dead!
00:14:27Show's over, folks! The princess is dead!
00:14:30Uh, uh, tired! Hope to see you all at the coronation!
00:14:35Free beer and pretzels!
00:14:38You two, come with me! I suspect the princess has been the victim of vowel play!
00:14:44Sir, what exactly is vowel play?
00:14:46Don't nobody with the brain understand the English?!
00:14:52Okay, we need an escape plan.
00:14:55We're trapped! We're not going anywhere!
00:14:58Nonsense! You're going to certain death! Unless...
00:15:02Unless...
00:15:02No, no, it's too crazy! Too far-fetched! It goes against all the laws of nature and God!
00:15:09You're not talking about my sex life, are you?
00:15:11No! I'm talking about bringing the dead princess back to life!
00:15:18Am I hearing you right?
00:15:19I don't know! When's the last time you had your hearing tested?
00:15:23You really should take her to the vet every once in a while!
00:15:27They're going to knock down the door any minute!
00:15:29She's right! Everyone grab a piece of princess to go and follow me through this secret passageway!
00:15:34Where does it lead?
00:15:36Oh, let me guess! To a long-forgotten laboratory where a mad scientist once reanimated the dead?!
00:15:41Wow! Does someone got that woman's intuition or what?!
00:15:47I'll leave a note to throw them off the scent!
00:15:51Break it down!
00:16:02Gone to the movies! Double feature! Grabbing a bite after! Don Vader!
00:16:09Let's see! The knee bone's connected to the thigh bone! The thigh bone's connected to the hip bone!
00:16:17Chode, you can't perform an operation as complex as this!
00:16:20Well, not so fast! According to this reanimating the dead for dumbasses book, it's not so hard!
00:16:25Okay! Six! Plug in that electrical V-shaped thing that goes zzz!
00:16:30Gus, find me a giant needle and thread!
00:16:33Chanuk, make sure the moonroof opens!
00:16:36Whip, go over to that shelf and grab me a brain!
00:16:46Careful, Whip!
00:16:47Don't worry! There's another one!
00:16:49Senator Dianne Feinstein, Mel Brookstein, Hardy Fiberstein!
00:17:22Check it out! The storm is on Mr. Ekli over here!
00:17:29Raise the gurney!
00:17:38Give my creature life!
00:17:48Oh, what a pretty knight it turned out to be.
00:17:51Look, I don't need a pretty knight. I need fucking lightning.
00:17:53Is there any other source of intense electricity around here?
00:17:56Yeah, I could divert the electricity from the entire kingdom's power grid to the cables you are holding.
00:18:03That is, if I can reach the switch.
00:18:05You've got to try.
00:18:08Okay.
00:18:20Did you say something?
00:18:22Could you at least wait until I let go of the cables?
00:18:27Oh, my apologies.
00:18:29Okay, now.
00:18:44Bring us down!
00:18:51Love the hair. It's sort of Liza meets Lily Munster. Oh, great job, everybody.
00:19:03My God! Look at this place! Don't tell me I'm playing dinner theater in the Poconos!
00:19:10No! This is Slovenia!
00:19:13Slovenia! I've opened out of town before, but this is ridiculous.
00:19:16Look, you were dead, and we brought you back to life.
00:19:19Okay, now you're starting to sound like my agent.
00:19:24I am so parched!
00:19:26Who does a queen have to do to get a drink around here?
00:19:29Your Royal Highness! Welcome back!
00:19:32Royal Highness?
00:19:34Uh, let me explain, lady.
00:19:36Uh, mister, uh, whatever the hell team you're playing for.
00:19:39Look, in this show, you play a princess who gets crowned queen and lives happily ever after.
00:19:45Unless, of course, they declare you a total weirdo and the fickle public turns their back on you.
00:19:51You mean, like, Tom Cruise?
00:19:53There's an angry mob led by the Prime Minister surrounding the castle.
00:19:56It sounds like he's whipping them into a frenzy.
00:19:59Ah! Not a face! Not a face!
00:20:03They have killed the princess!
00:20:05Sliced her up like a turkey on Thanksgiving morning!
00:20:08I say we'll lynch them first and ask intelligent questions later!
00:20:12Ah!
00:20:15I haven't seen critics this out for blood since Puff Daddy did Raisin in the Sun!
00:20:20We're going to have to go down there and face the people!
00:20:23Let me know how that turns out.
00:20:25Chode, we don't have any choice.
00:20:27We've got to escort the princess out there and see if her subjects will accept her.
00:20:30Well, him.
00:20:31I gotta take a wicked leak! Where's the men's room?
00:20:38Is anyone really stupid enough to buy that big lug as the princess?
00:20:41Wow! Is that princess babe hot or what?
00:20:45Show's on.
00:20:50Oh, hey, the royal princess!
00:20:56Smile at the people.
00:21:00Yeah!
00:21:01Watch where you're putting that thing, you buggy-eyed ass!
00:21:05Wait a minute! Why is your voice so deep?
00:21:07Uh, Friday night's my poker night. Too much booze and cigarettes.
00:21:13Well, that satisfied my curiosity.
00:21:15I'm not buying it! If you're the princess, sing the princess's favorite song!
00:21:26Sorry, just warming up my instrument. Hit it, frow!
00:21:32I love Slovenia in the summer, when it sizzles!
00:21:37I love Slovenia in the spring!
00:21:40When the singing flowers bloom!
00:21:42I love Slovenia in the winter, when it's snowing and snowing and snowing!
00:21:48You gotta admit, he snows like a motherfucker out here!
00:21:51But when you feel Slovenia in the fall...
00:21:56That's when I love Slovenia!
00:21:58And when she loves Slovenia!
00:22:00That's when I love Slovenia!
00:22:03And when she loves Slovenia!
00:22:05That's when I love Slovenia!
00:22:09Most of all!
00:22:17Not bad!
00:22:18We call it a package audition!
00:22:21How much can I put you down for?
00:22:23Put me down for one pitchfork in the belly!
00:22:26Wait a minute. I say we let the people decide.
00:22:28Would you like to continue to live your lives in quiet desperation, living off the stale crumbs from this tyrant's
00:22:35table?
00:22:36Or...
00:22:37Have a fabulous queen, who's going to put on hit show after hit show, and make this town a bundle
00:22:43of busloads of out-of-town suckers?
00:22:45Perhaps we could put on Hunchback of Notre Dame, the musical!
00:22:49Long live our drag queen!
00:22:52Hit it! Hooray!
00:22:55What a bunch of ingrates!
00:22:59Bob!
00:23:00You better be calling me to tell me the transporter's fixed!
00:23:02I don't want to be doing choreography for the rest of my days.
00:23:06Great!
00:23:07Beam six and Tanook aboard, and the rest of us down to Terra.
00:23:10I've still got a raunchy birthday bash to organize.
00:23:16I'm looking for Chode!
00:23:19He just took off!
00:23:20But if you know him, you must be as big an asshole as he is!
00:23:41What are you looking at?
00:23:43You better not be having one of your oral fantasies.
00:23:45I'm merely trying to understand how you can eat that garbage.
00:23:49I hear it contains rat parts.
00:23:52Hey, Chef Gayardee!
00:23:54On this planet, baseball fans eat millions of hot dogs every week, and that's good enough for me.
00:23:59Besides, they say rat parts make you smart.
00:24:02Then please explain why Pittsburgh Pirates fans keep showing up.
00:24:06Yeah.
00:24:07Or how come you couldn't figure out La Casio Poofter was a gay bar?
00:24:11I told you!
00:24:12I thought Poofter was foreign for Snatcherooski.
00:24:15I don't know why you didn't rent that place. It looked perfectly fine to me.
00:24:19Excuse me if I don't go into why I'm not surprised.
00:24:22I'll just repeat.
00:24:23No birthday bash of mine is going to be held in a gay bar.
00:24:26Oh, get off your soapbox. It's not even your birthday.
00:24:30Yeah, but my guests don't know that.
00:24:32They also don't know.
00:24:33They'll have to cough up for parking, admission, exorbitant prices for the booze,
00:24:38and oh, did I mention my little credit card scam on the side?
00:24:41Hmm, baby!
00:24:42I'm gonna be rolling and down.
00:24:44What makes you think they'll even show up?
00:24:46Because I come up with a hook.
00:24:48Hey, check that place out.
00:24:49I don't know, Uncle Chode. That looks a little gay, too.
00:24:53Oh, yeah? Then why don't you drop your pants and stick your ass through the door?
00:24:56If you haven't squealed in 30 seconds, the joint's straight.
00:24:59Okay, let's go. The sooner we get this over with, the better.
00:25:01Relax. We got all night.
00:25:04Yeah?
00:25:06Well, why are you calling? Something wrong on the ship?
00:25:08No, I just miss you, that's all. You hunk-a-hunk of burning testosterone. Where are you?
00:25:13Have you been sniffing the ship's fumes?
00:25:15Don't be a silly Billy. I'm just feeling a little horny.
00:25:18Thought you might like to know what I have in store for you when you get back.
00:25:21Oh, yeah.
00:25:22Ooh, that thing with your tongue.
00:25:25What?
00:25:26You're gonna put your index finger where?
00:25:28How wonderful.
00:25:29His mother never forgets to call.
00:25:32Pay six!
00:25:32I'm gonna be back as soon as I can.
00:25:34I just gotta check out this high-hair nightclub and...
00:25:38Yeah.
00:25:39Move it, you two. We haven't gone all night.
00:25:43Hey, uh...
00:25:44Would you ever have that fucking connection set?
00:25:45Yeah. The fucking streets ain't safe for decent people no more.
00:26:00Okay, it's a deal, Gloria. I'll pay you 10% of the take next Saturday night in exchange for the
00:26:06room and your bartending services.
00:26:08Yeah.
00:26:11No guessing why this place is called the high-hair nightclub.
00:26:15What's that supposed to mean?
00:26:17Uh, nothing.
00:26:18Hmm.
00:26:19What a loser.
00:26:20Her head looks like an explosion in a mattress factory.
00:26:23I like it.
00:26:24Purdue is reminiscent of a flock of seagulls.
00:26:27Yeah.
00:26:27And a flock of seagulls could nest in it.
00:26:30Gus, you're in charge of designing the party invitations.
00:26:33Include a drawing for a five-meter surround sound 3D flat-screen TV door fries.
00:26:39A.K.A. the hook.
00:26:41Whip, you email the invites to everybody we know, except that fucking clown Bobo.
00:26:46I've had it with that bastard.
00:26:49Jeez, that was painful.
00:26:51I warned you about that hot dog, but would you listen?
00:26:54Uh-oh.
00:27:46You went down for me.
00:27:48I'll go down for you.
00:27:50Bonebun.
00:27:51Five-five-five.
00:27:52Oh, where's that pencil?
00:27:59Damn faulty toilet.
00:28:03Jesus Christ, what a dump.
00:28:05Then, wiggle your bum like you're pulling up a pair of underpants.
00:28:09Like this?
00:28:10Hey, the light bulb in the can just blew, and your crapper exploded.
00:28:14I'll need them fixed for the party.
00:28:15Cool it, you two!
00:28:17The so-you-think-you-can-dance tryouts are till next week.
00:28:20Hey, Six.
00:28:21Mission accomplished.
00:28:22Get us out of here.
00:28:31I'm sorry, sir, I didn't...
00:28:33Aw, jeez.
00:28:35You'll be beaming to fabulous heaven, no doubt.
00:28:38Fabulous heaven?
00:28:40The all fruit, uh, gate planet.
00:28:42No.
00:28:43Transport me to Jupiter 42.
00:28:46Jupiter 42?
00:28:48That's a private ship.
00:28:49You got permission?
00:28:49Permission?
00:28:50I ain't allowed to transport anybody to a private address,
00:28:53unless they've got written permission.
00:28:56Sorry, Shirley.
00:28:59I'll be back.
00:29:04Hey, what's your fucking problem?
00:29:08I'll be back.
00:29:25What?
00:29:25I didn't know docking where the mothership was considered incest, Your Honor.
00:29:44Oh, God.
00:29:57I'm coming.
00:29:59I'm coming!
00:30:03That was wonderful, Chode.
00:30:06The best ever.
00:30:08Yeah, well, I really prepared myself for tonight's session.
00:30:18You must be looking for Gus.
00:30:21He's the second door down on the left.
00:30:28You must be looking for Gus.
00:30:30He's down the hall on the right.
00:30:34Push me around, will ya?
00:30:37Ya fucking clown!
00:30:38Chode, that clown looks insane.
00:30:40Let's get out of...
00:30:44Run!
00:30:45Ryman's a psycho trying to kill us!
00:30:48Us or you?
00:30:49Could you be more specific?
00:30:50I need my beauty rest.
00:31:01Let me try!
00:31:02I got more to live for!
00:31:04I haven't even had oral sex yet!
00:31:07To next!
00:31:08As your captain, I order you to the back.
00:31:11There's no way you can shoot me if your fat ass is in the way.
00:31:13Since you asked so nicely, get out of my fucking way!
00:31:27Hold your butt!
00:31:38Oh!
00:31:41Does anyone hear anything?
00:31:45Sorry, hot dog.
00:31:47Oh my!
00:31:47That thing, whatever it is, is unstoppable.
00:31:50What are we going to do?
00:31:51I've been giving it some thought.
00:31:53This is no time to fall apart.
00:31:55We go back a long way.
00:31:57If we stick together, we'll get through this okay.
00:32:00Well, that's a really nice sentiment, Danuk.
00:32:02I wasn't talking to you, dumbass.
00:32:05I was about to suggest we hand you over to the psycho,
00:32:08so the rest of us can live!
00:32:10Hey! How do you know it's me he's after?
00:32:12Duh!
00:32:13First, he blasts your bed.
00:32:15Then he tries to kill you in Six's room.
00:32:17Who do you think he's after?
00:32:19Six?
00:32:20Uh, jealous lover?
00:32:21Chode, you've programmed me not to do clowns.
00:32:24Yeah, but you're an exception!
00:32:26Okay, so it might be me he's after,
00:32:29but if it was one of you, I'd stick by you no matter what!
00:32:32Chode!
00:32:41Chode, we must get off the ship!
00:32:54I don't get it!
00:32:56A bulletproof clown on steroids tries to kill us.
00:32:59Now you show up wearing ass-floss!
00:33:02What the hell's going on?
00:33:04Firstly, I accept your thanks for saving your life.
00:33:07And secondly, what's going on involves Chode, not you.
00:33:10Firstly, thanks.
00:33:12And secondly, you better talk,
00:33:14or I'll tear you a new asshole!
00:33:19Can we try and survive now and talk later?
00:33:24To the transporter room.
00:33:46Now what?
00:33:46I'm gonna get my ass to the shuttle.
00:33:50But the others?
00:33:51Hey, it's not them the thing is after.
00:33:53Right now, it's every man for himself.
00:33:55Have I ever told you you're my hero?
00:33:58Yoo-hoo! We did it!
00:34:00We gave that crazy motherfucker the slip!
00:34:07P-Bim me back down!
00:34:09No parlor inglaise, monsieur!
00:34:11P-Bim et moi en bas!
00:34:14Merde!
00:34:31hello bob can you hear me hello nothing it must have been damaged when we landed
00:34:38do you have your communicator no you no i left it on my nightstand
00:34:44what kind of idiot leaves a ship without his communicator don't rag on me chode what with
00:34:48dismembered princesses shady nightclubs and homicidal maniacs the last few days have been
00:34:54the worst of my life seems somebody could use a little r&r right now and as luck would have
00:34:59it
00:34:59check that out chode are you insane the others could be in that thing's clutches for all we know
00:35:04please tell me you're not thinking of actually visiting this den of iniquity at a time like this
00:35:08am i out of my mind look who i'm talking to
00:35:15hey where are gus and uncle chode do you think the clown got him who cares i think our intrepid
00:35:22captain left us to take the fall no wait look
00:35:33he's still looking for him chode must have escaped there is no god
00:35:42can you help a fella out i'm flat broken and desperate need of a lap dance
00:35:47hmm well consider this my random act of kindness for the day
00:35:55not from you mary name's bill offered the girls this in lieu of cronings but had no takers i'll sell
00:36:02it
00:36:02to you for 20 cronings that should be enough to throw a little party in my pants what is it
00:36:07well
00:36:08they take you to the champagne room and do the old bump and grind on your crotch i was asking
00:36:13about the
00:36:13medallion you horny toad i'm the only surviving member of my expedition we were searching for the
00:36:19treasure of the pirate treasure it was stolen and hidden somewhere in the jungle many centuries ago
00:36:25the key to this treasure is on this planet it not only reveals the treasure's location but also allows
00:36:31access to it so where is this key that's the problem no one knows but this medallion will lead you
00:36:38to it
00:36:38but what kind of treasure are we talking about here the finder would be so rich his toilet paper
00:36:43would be made out of gold wouldn't that shave what if this thing could make you that wealthy
00:36:47why are you sitting here bumming a 20 for a little tail shaking i said it would lead you to
00:36:51the key
00:36:52i said nothing about it protecting you from the danger that lurks along the way
00:37:01head for the third sun on the right do east and pray and hope that your prayers are answered
00:37:07mine have been well i've had my fun
00:37:12i hear my pillow calling my name that's not your pillow that's the gold talking danger schmanger we
00:37:18can do this am i going to have any success getting your mind off this treasure and getting you back
00:37:23aboard the ship have you ever noticed you're the color of gold i don't think this is due east
00:37:28now you sounded like six what the hell does due east mean anyway
00:37:35ow i swear that tree wasn't there a second ago one too many at the juice bar i guess i
00:37:41only had
00:37:41one and by the by what kind of juice was that you don't want to know gussy boy you don't
00:37:47want to know
00:37:47okay what's going on
00:37:53i think i just busted myself
00:38:02this way
00:38:11six is right your sense of direction sucks
00:38:15excuse me butch sundance is afraid of
00:38:21you guys couldn't catch herpes in a whorehouse
00:38:25oh
00:38:29now what
00:38:41i beg your pardon
00:38:44i think i felt it move
00:38:46it didn't move just shut up already
00:38:47no that
00:38:48what the hell
00:38:49maybe it's a lie detector
00:38:53it's some sort of crystal compass
00:38:55you sure it's not gaydar
00:38:57that guy bill was a chicken shit
00:38:59get past those monsters and it's fruit loops time
00:39:02poly knows baby nothing to be afraid of
00:39:04oh and i suppose that's a howard johnson's
00:39:07no judgeable by its cover guys it could be like a vegas theme hotel or something i don't remember an
00:39:12apocalypto hotel on the strip
00:39:26who did you say it was a chicken
00:39:31this place reminds me one of those ancient ruins you'd see in the movies where there'd be an epic battle
00:39:35between two ferocious monsters
00:39:40i'm not going to keep playing if you keep throwing paper every time
00:39:44then throw scissors
00:39:46then you'll do rock
00:39:47jeez walter that's the freaking game
00:39:52uh
00:39:53uh
00:39:53uh
00:39:53uh
00:39:54Oh, my God.
00:40:43Please, let this be it.
00:41:01Well, 3PL, you're the one with the Tranlang-4 communicator module combined with the AA-1 verbobrain.
00:41:08What the hell does it say?
00:41:09That's just a golden robot stereotype.
00:41:11Can you read it or not?
00:41:13Yes.
00:41:14Then read it.
00:41:18Out loud!
00:41:19It says, push button for treasure.
00:41:46This has got to be the next piece of the puzzle, right?
00:41:48Unless it's some sort of nuclear device.
00:41:50Can you at least pretend the glass is half full?
00:41:53Okay.
00:41:54Now what?
00:41:55What did Bill say?
00:41:56Remember to pray.
00:41:59God.
00:42:00Lord.
00:42:01What should I pray for?
00:42:03Duh.
00:42:04Treasure.
00:42:05I pray for lots of treasure.
00:42:06Amen.
00:42:08That's funny.
00:42:09I got a sworn I've seen something like that before.
00:42:11You have.
00:42:12It's the same shape as the medallion, you idiot.
00:42:14I know that.
00:42:15I was just testing you.
00:42:17I know that.
00:42:43I was just testing you.
00:42:44Your anger out on me.
00:42:45I'm just a temp hired to provide slaves.
00:42:48Slaves?
00:42:49Yes.
00:42:49Mr. Big didn't want to get his hands dirty with the day to day.
00:42:52Mr. Big.
00:42:53Is that just a nickname or is he really...
00:42:56He's the brains behind this operation.
00:42:58Aren't we losing the plot here?
00:43:00What about the treasure?
00:43:00Actually, we just need you for the discovery and recovery of the key that opens the vault containing the treasure.
00:43:06It was lost in one of Pyridia's mines many moons ago.
00:43:10Yeah.
00:43:11Okay.
00:43:12You got me.
00:43:13This is really one of those stupid-ass Fox reality shows, isn't it?
00:43:19Consider what you've been through today as kind of like getting into a good college.
00:43:37Dick!
00:43:40There's no way I can implement this tool without some kind of gloves.
00:43:44Hey, Charlie.
00:43:45This guy wants some gloves.
00:43:48Oh, yes.
00:43:51That will do nicely.
00:43:57Thanks for the update, Bob.
00:43:58We'll stay down here in case that psycho decides to beam back aboard.
00:44:02If Cho gets in touch, tell him where we are.
00:44:05Yeah.
00:44:06Get some rest, kiddo.
00:44:08Cause when you wake up, you got a lot of spleenning to do.
00:44:12Come on, you little green asshole.
00:44:14We ain't good all day.
00:44:15I'm thinking.
00:44:16How do you manage that without a brain?
00:44:20Meh.
00:44:22You'd better be spelling out cunning.
00:44:27What the hell was that?
00:44:29Well, looky here.
00:44:33Discovery!
00:44:34We have a discovery!
00:44:41Yes, Mr. Big.
00:44:42I've got it in my hand.
00:44:43What now?
00:44:44Uh, 20% cut is a reasonable reward.
00:44:47Right, Gus?
00:44:47Mm-hmm.
00:44:47You'll get your reward all right.
00:44:49In heaven, Mr. Big said to throw them back in the mine and seal it.
00:44:53What the f- Hey!
00:45:09Well, that's that.
00:45:11You can kiss my shiny ass goodbye.
00:45:13If that doesn't make me want to get out of here, nothing will.
00:45:15Come on.
00:45:22Gus, load all that dynamite into a hover card.
00:45:25Come here!
00:45:27Uh!
00:45:34Uh!
00:45:39Uh!
00:45:41Uh!
00:45:42Uh!
00:45:43Uh!
00:45:43Uh!
00:45:44Uh!
00:45:44Uh!
00:45:45Uh!
00:45:46Uh!
00:45:49Uh!
00:45:54Uh!
00:45:56Uh!
00:45:57Uh!
00:45:58Uh!
00:45:59Uh!
00:45:59Can you hear my confession before I die?
00:46:00Jenna Jameson's?
00:46:01Yes.
00:46:02Yours?
00:46:02Not on your life.
00:46:03Uh!
00:46:08Uh!
00:46:09Uh!
00:46:10Uh!
00:46:10Uh!
00:46:11Uh!
00:46:11Uh!
00:46:12Uh!
00:46:13First time, shame on you.
00:46:14Second time, shame on me.
00:46:19Chode, let's get out of here.
00:46:21The shuttle's in this direction.
00:46:22Get a grip, Gussie.
00:46:23There's something we have to do first.
00:46:26But I thought, Chode McBlob, will you please tell me what's going on?
00:46:29Are you telling me that you swapped it for the key to the lock on your porn stash?
00:46:33Relax, I got a duplicate.
00:46:35Besides, there's no way I'm going to walk away from all that treasure.
00:46:38Now, all I have to do is figure out how this key is going to lead me to it.
00:46:42Probably got some kind of magical element.
00:46:44An ancient spell.
00:46:46Hey, look, there's a little red button here.
00:46:48Huh?
00:46:49Ooh, I just got chill bumps.
00:46:56Here you are, sir.
00:46:58The key to the treasure.
00:47:00This isn't the key to the treasure, you dunderfuck!
00:47:12What are you waiting for, Chode?
00:47:14Stick it in.
00:47:14Guss, promise you'll never say that to me again.
00:47:19Two minutes to the annihilation of Piridia.
00:47:23Holy shit!
00:47:24The fucking thing's booby-trapped!
00:47:26Oh!
00:47:28The treasure!
00:47:30The fucking treasure!
00:47:32It's all yours!
00:47:34Shit!
00:47:44Good news, Chode.
00:47:45The radio's back up and running, and I've made contact with the others.
00:47:49We'll join them in next to no time.
00:47:50Hmm.
00:47:51Oh, don't be so depressed.
00:47:53You may have missed out on the treasure, but you'll always have us, your faithful crew.
00:47:57You really know how to rub salt in the old rooms, don't you?
00:48:06Where were you two?
00:48:07On your honeymoon?
00:48:09Don't ask.
00:48:10Any sign of that clown?
00:48:11I think we've given it the slip, Uncle Chode.
00:48:13What the hell were you doing on my ship?
00:48:15I beamed myself aboard.
00:48:17The dude at the transporter boutique wasn't in much shape to do it himself.
00:48:21I don't get it.
00:48:22Who's that crazy clown, and why is he trying to kill Uncle Chode?
00:48:26You're not going to believe me if I tell you.
00:48:28Try us, kid.
00:48:29The other night, my folks were in bed talking.
00:48:31I was listening by the wall.
00:48:34My dad had just...
00:48:35Do you always listen to your parents when they're in bed, you little pervert?
00:48:39Well, I...
00:48:39Hey!
00:48:40Do you want to hear my story or not?
00:48:41Yeah, button your pie hole, Tanook.
00:48:43Let the kids speak.
00:48:44Like I said, my dad had just...
00:48:46Were they talking dirty?
00:48:48You know, using words like a cornhole, ream, suck.
00:48:52Listen up!
00:48:53My dad had just returned from Bobo's mansion.
00:48:56He'd been there answering a domestic dispute call.
00:48:58You little slut!
00:49:01I should have had you fix the day you were born!
00:49:04You're gonna get rid of it, or else...
00:49:07Shove it, pup!
00:49:08Don't tell me to shove it, or I'll put my 524 boot up your ass!
00:49:13How could you have done this to me?
00:49:16You...
00:49:17You harlot!
00:49:18Okay, okay.
00:49:19Cool it, you two.
00:49:20We've been getting complaints from all over this zone.
00:49:23Relax, Commander.
00:49:25My husband's just trying to bond with his daughter.
00:49:28And you can keep your trap shut!
00:49:30I blame you for all of this!
00:49:32Your daughter can't help being a trap.
00:49:34It runs in your family!
00:49:36Yeah!
00:49:38Ha ha ha ha!
00:49:40Ha ha ha!
00:49:40All right, what's this all about?
00:49:42It seems our daughter's gone and got herself pregnant.
00:49:46You don't know the worst of it.
00:49:47That dirty purple shit Chode is responsible.
00:49:52When I get my hands on him,
00:49:54I'll ram a party favor down his throat
00:49:57and blow it out his anus!
00:49:59When did this alleged act of penetration take place?
00:50:02A couple of months ago at Chode's birthday party.
00:50:05I don't want to hear anymore!
00:50:07She got drunk and did it with him in a washroom stall.
00:50:10When I think of that disgusting pile of excrement
00:50:13with my little girl.
00:50:16And now she refuses to terminate the bastard.
00:50:19If you don't mind me saying, Bernice,
00:50:21you're taking this pretty well.
00:50:23That's because, unlike my loser husband,
00:50:26I've taken steps to ensure the vile act of copulation
00:50:31never takes place.
00:50:33What? What do you mean?
00:50:35Remember that combat android you constructed last year?
00:50:38The Arnie 1000.
00:50:40Sure I do.
00:50:41The first time I program it to fight the Gliopadians,
00:50:45some grunt lobs a grenade at it and destroys it!
00:50:49News bulletin, bonehead.
00:50:51It wasn't destroyed.
00:50:52Seems for once in your miserable life
00:50:55you exceeded yourself.
00:50:56The thing's indestructible.
00:50:58Well, where is it?
00:51:00Right now, it's two months in the past.
00:51:02I hope you didn't use a Federation time displacer.
00:51:05That's not allowed.
00:51:06So's doing my daughter!
00:51:08Babette refuses to terminate Chode's spawn,
00:51:11so I've programmed it to terminate Chode
00:51:13before he does her.
00:51:15Bernice, that was sneaky, underhanded,
00:51:18cold-blooded and vicious.
00:51:20I knew there was some reason I married you.
00:51:23Cut that shit!
00:51:24You married me for my cronings!
00:51:27Oh, shut your gob, you bitch!
00:51:31So you've also transported back from the future.
00:51:33Is that why you're naked?
00:51:35You can't use the Federation time displacer wearing clothes?
00:51:37Not really.
00:51:38It's pituitous nudity.
00:51:40Tell me about it.
00:51:41You gotta help me.
00:51:42You have to get Bernice to call that thing off.
00:51:45I'm begging you!
00:51:46If you promise not to screw Babette,
00:51:48I'll return to the future and tell Bernice.
00:51:50I'm sure she'll deprogram it.
00:51:52I promise.
00:51:53Okay.
00:51:54Wish me luck.
00:51:58Wait, I haven't finished.
00:51:59I promise to stick it to Babette until her eyeballs pop.
00:52:02Huh?
00:52:03Chode, are you crazy?
00:52:04That android will kill you.
00:52:05Well, you heard the kid.
00:52:06Bernice will call it off.
00:52:08And if you guys think I'm going to pass up this opportunity
00:52:11to drive Bobo up the wall,
00:52:13you're the crazy one.
00:52:14Besides, that Babette's one sweet piece of ass.
00:52:17Chode, what if Adam 12 can't convince Bernice to stop that thing?
00:52:20She's not exactly Miss Congeniality.
00:52:22Yeah, you might have a point.
00:52:24I suppose it wouldn't hurt to lie low for a little while until the party.
00:52:28Right?
00:52:29My name is Alice Marie.
00:52:31Nothing strange has ever happened in my life.
00:52:34That is, until recently.
00:52:35That was when I went into my bedroom
00:52:37and retrieved an old revolver
00:52:39that hadn't been used in years.
00:52:42Goddamn fucking piece of shit!
00:52:49Alice certainly had a beautiful funeral.
00:52:52Yes.
00:52:55Except when that whore, Deirdre, grabbed her husband's ass.
00:52:58I'm really going to miss her.
00:52:59She had so many good qualities.
00:53:02I'll even miss Alice's bad qualities.
00:53:04Remember, she tended to be a little paranoid.
00:53:06And she was bigoted.
00:53:07And a snob.
00:53:08And irrational.
00:53:09A funny thing happens when you die.
00:53:12Your body is gone, but you can still see and hear everything.
00:53:14What a bunch of bitches.
00:53:17Hey, there's that strange family that moved in next to Alice's place.
00:53:21They've sure been keeping to themselves.
00:53:23Where do you think they're from?
00:53:24Probably Africa.
00:53:25They've brought their wildebeest with them.
00:53:28This may sound weird, but I've been without, um, male companionship for so long.
00:53:34Even that disgusting fat purple one is beginning to look good.
00:53:38I hear you, sister.
00:53:39My dear old hubby spends so much time working, I'm ready to date a banana.
00:53:46No wonder that broad next door shot herself.
00:53:49This place is so boring.
00:53:50I agree.
00:53:51The flesh-burning pus swamps controlled by the scab-infested anus rapers on planet Vomitaria look good right now.
00:53:57Only a complete idiot could be happy living in this burp.
00:54:01Wow, there's some really cool video games here.
00:54:04I just broke the all-time record for hours logged onto Universe of Warcraft.
00:54:08I rest my case.
00:54:10I used to be here, here on the sidewalk, watching you, baby, moving, so sexy, I can feel your desire.
00:54:29You look at me, all your eyes are fire.
00:54:37Chode, what are you thinking?
00:54:40I'm thinking that if I'm ever reincarnated, I'd like to come back at that cost.
00:54:43Chode, don't even consider fooling around while we're here.
00:54:46We don't want to draw attention to ourselves.
00:54:48Or do you want to end up as a corpse?
00:54:49Or a prison bitch for 30 years?
00:54:51Nick's the prison bitch talk.
00:54:53Here come the local natives.
00:54:55Hi there, neighbors.
00:54:56We noticed you moving in.
00:54:58I'm Sue Ann.
00:54:59I'm Danielle.
00:55:00And I'm Horny.
00:55:04Oh, Sue Ann, Danielle, Horny.
00:55:09I'm Chance.
00:55:11I'm Chance.
00:55:12They're a bunch of nobody losers who cannot hold any possible interest for you.
00:55:16Chance, I was wondering, have you seen my pussy?
00:55:20No, but the night is still young.
00:55:22Chance.
00:55:22Ah, here it is.
00:55:28Chance, what do you think of my hooters?
00:55:31They're magnificent.
00:55:33Chance?
00:55:35No, silly.
00:55:37Up there.
00:55:39Hey, want to see my ass?
00:55:41Oh, you have a donkey?
00:55:43No, an ass.
00:55:45Why don't you all kiss it?
00:55:47Whoa, I've seen smaller cracks on a fault line.
00:55:51Yeah.
00:56:13I virtually threw myself at that miserable Moe motherfucker, and he still hasn't come sniffing around.
00:56:19Perhaps I was too subtle.
00:56:21Yeah.
00:56:22Have you seen my pussy?
00:56:23Really subtle.
00:56:24If you insist on jumping his bones, why don't you throw a welcome to the neighborhood party?
00:56:29Hey, that's a great idea.
00:56:31Where?
00:56:32When?
00:56:32Why not here, tonight?
00:56:34I have an idea.
00:56:36Ron always liked my lobster Thermador.
00:56:39All I need is three pounds of cheddar cheese, nutmeg, six bottles of dry white wine, a dozen lobsters, and
00:56:4530 gallons of boiling water.
00:56:46Is it any wonder why her husband had a fucking heart attack?
00:56:51I hear the dead woman's husband next door left town.
00:56:54Smart guy.
00:56:56Aren't you curious as to why she killed herself?
00:56:59We should take a look around.
00:57:01Ah!
00:57:02Geeze, why don't you marry a Spice Girl and sign for the L.A. Galaxy?
00:57:06Oh, dear.
00:57:07Now I'll have to climb over the fence and get it back.
00:57:32If I stay around here much longer, I'm gonna kill something.
00:57:34And if you don't stay, you might be the one getting killed.
00:57:37I'm willing to re-enter the civilized world and take my chances.
00:57:40There's no way that assassin will ever find me, and if he does, I'll kick his ass.
00:57:52It's the babe from across the street.
00:57:56Hello again, Chance.
00:57:58Hello again, Chance.
00:57:58I've just dropped by to invite you over for a welcoming party.
00:58:01Eh, one moment.
00:58:02I'll consult my friends.
00:58:05Please.
00:58:06Six.
00:58:06Let me go.
00:58:07I'll be good.
00:58:08I promise.
00:58:08Please.
00:58:09It'll be safer if we come along.
00:58:12Are my friends invited?
00:58:15If they're not, who cares?
00:58:16I'll just tell them they are and ditch them later.
00:58:18Of course they're invited.
00:58:20Except for the ugly fat one with the big ass.
00:58:22Deal.
00:58:22What time should we be there?
00:58:23Anytime you're ready, the front door is always open.
00:58:26Or you can go around to the back and enter that way.
00:58:33And don't worry.
00:58:34We're harmless.
00:58:36They are all stupid, shallow, and I believe quite insane.
00:58:40I fear for my life.
00:58:42Holy shit.
00:58:43Those crazy housewives killed her.
00:58:46Hey, you'll never.
00:58:49Huh?
00:58:52Damn.
00:58:56Don't forget to use your aliases.
00:58:59Hi, neighbors.
00:59:00Glad you could make our little party.
00:59:02Come on in.
00:59:03And no hanky-panky.
00:59:05I promise.
00:59:06Are you crossing your fingers?
00:59:07Of course not.
00:59:12So, throw a party and not invite me, eh?
00:59:15Well, nobody kisses off Deirdre Clit and gets away with it.
00:59:22Yes.
00:59:24I think I have.
00:59:27Look who's here, everyone.
00:59:29Our new neighbors.
00:59:59Hi, Chance.
01:00:00Oh, Meg's right.
01:00:01No.
01:00:02Tie me to the bedpost.
01:00:03Really.
01:00:04I'm looking for my friends.
01:00:06I don't believe you were invited.
01:00:08Oh, my God!
01:00:09I'm too late!
01:00:11What have you done, you crazy bitch?
01:00:14Get a grip, Cujo.
01:00:16What are you talking about?
01:00:17Quit blowing smoke up my ass.
01:00:19I heard a scream.
01:00:20It's the lobsters.
01:00:21I just put them in the water.
01:00:23Oh, yeah?
01:00:24Then where's Chance?
01:00:27Strange.
01:00:28He and Sue Ann were here a moment.
01:00:30Chance?
01:00:31You better not be doing what I think you're doing.
01:00:39Come on!
01:00:40Get him off, you sexy orb of purple Play-Doh!
01:00:43I'm trying, but you'll have to remove that finger first.
01:00:46Chance, where are you?
01:00:48I can't be found like this.
01:00:49What is it with that woman?
01:00:51She's just jealous.
01:00:52I mean, who could blame her?
01:00:53Quick, think up a story.
01:00:58Where is he?
01:00:59I don't know what you mean.
01:01:00I just came in here for a lie down.
01:01:03My menstrual cramps hurt like hell.
01:01:09Hey, sweetheart.
01:01:11Looking for a little action?
01:01:13Toad?
01:01:14Is that you?
01:01:15Psh!
01:01:15Get showed, baby.
01:01:17He can't do it with his tongue.
01:01:19What I can.
01:01:20Whip!
01:01:21You're drunk!
01:01:22Not that drunk.
01:01:24And this was me at the office a few years ago.
01:01:27I was high up on the corporate ladder.
01:01:29You were a window cleaner?
01:01:31That was before John suggested that I quit and become a full-time housewife and mother.
01:01:35Oh, how considerate.
01:01:36After all, those are the most precious days of a woman's life.
01:01:39I hated the bastard for it.
01:01:41And I wish he'd been run over by a bus.
01:01:43I couldn't agree more.
01:01:45And these are the twins.
01:01:46They are so adorable.
01:01:49No, they're not.
01:01:50They're ignorant, stupid, and don't do a word I tell them to.
01:01:53Have you tried discipline?
01:01:55Why, Guffman, you nutty boy.
01:02:03And that's how you do the fudge trot.
01:02:06Now, the walls is something completely different.
01:02:12That's so rough.
01:02:13Quick!
01:02:14We have to get out of here.
01:02:15They kill their neighbor, and we could be next.
01:02:23I can't believe it.
01:02:30Less than two hours to go to my birthday bash,
01:02:33and Six insists I mow the lawn.
01:02:35Soft, fleshy snatch, silicone snatch.
01:02:38So what?
01:02:39Women are all the same.
01:02:45Not getting into Chance's pants was bad enough,
01:02:48but lobster three times a day for the next month?
01:02:50Give me a break.
01:02:51Hey, what's going on over there?
01:02:54Oh, my lord!
01:02:55It's a man with a gun!
01:02:57And he's pointing it at Chance.
01:02:58He's kinda cute.
01:03:00Damn, here comes that whore, Deirdre.
01:03:13I saw him first!
01:03:14Back off, bitch!
01:03:15This one's mine!
01:03:17Stop scratching!
01:03:18There's enough here for all of us!
01:03:21That's it!
01:03:21I've had enough!
01:03:22Okay, we're out of here.
01:03:25Look at them.
01:03:27They'll screw anything that moves.
01:03:28But they didn't kill me.
01:03:30And I wasn't referring to them in my journal.
01:03:32I was talking about that bunch of foreigners
01:03:34who moved in next door to me.
01:03:36My friends are right.
01:03:37I am a paranoid, bigoted, irrational snob.
01:03:40And yes, I shot myself.
01:03:41I mean, who wants to live next to stupid assholes like that?
01:03:54Seventy crone eggs.
01:03:55Seventy crone eggs?
01:03:57I just got charged 200 at the door for admission.
01:04:01What a rip off!
01:04:02This party sucks!
01:04:04I said charge everybody 80 crone eggs, not 70.
01:04:08Except that sexy little clown over there.
01:04:11Her drinks are free.
01:04:11I want her nice and loosey-goosey.
01:04:15Man.
01:04:20Thanks, Vivette.
01:04:21For what?
01:04:22For the birthday bang you're gonna give me tonight.
01:04:25Dream on, you bloated sack of shit!
01:04:28That's what you think.
01:04:29What?
01:04:30I said have another drink.
01:04:32What do you mean you have no intention of deprogramming that android?
01:04:35Read my lips.
01:04:37Chode is toast!
01:04:39But he promised not to fu-
01:04:40Ow!
01:04:41Have sex with Babette.
01:04:43Yeah.
01:04:43And he better not.
01:04:45But if you think I'm gonna call off the Arnie,
01:04:47you're out of your friggin' minds!
01:04:50Why should I?
01:04:51This is my chance to get rid of Chode once and for all!
01:04:55Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
01:04:57I just gotta check out this high-hair nightclub!
01:05:00Get out of the way, you green freak!
01:05:04Sorry, fellas.
01:05:05No can't do it.
01:05:08Okay.
01:05:09You asked for it, asshole.
01:05:10My wife needs a new handbag.
01:05:13Go on!
01:05:15I gotta visit the little girl's room.
01:05:20I understand.
01:05:22Completely.
01:05:26A thousand and one.
01:05:28A thousand and two.
01:05:30A thousand and hell.
01:05:31That's long enough.
01:05:39Oh!
01:05:40Excuse me!
01:05:41Huh?
01:05:42Uh-oh!
01:05:44Told ya!
01:05:47Hmm.
01:05:48There you are, you little vixen.
01:05:50Come to papa!
01:05:51Mmm.
01:05:53Oh, yeah.
01:05:54Mmm.
01:05:54Keep doing that.
01:05:56Oh.
01:05:57How do you like that?
01:05:57You dirty girl, do you?
01:06:00Yeah, I do!
01:06:01Girl!
01:06:06Why the fuck did you tell us Chode was responsible?
01:06:10I was afraid if you found out Adam did it, you'd kill him.
01:06:14If you killed Chode, who'd care?
01:06:17But when you sent that android to kill him, I felt rotten about it.
01:06:21That's why I went back to warn him.
01:06:22Under the circumstances, isn't it about time you shut it down?
01:06:27What do you think, darling?
01:06:29We have to do the right thing, honey.
01:06:32Chode dies!
01:06:33What do you mean?
01:06:35That thing's still after me?
01:06:36I didn't do bad bad, I tell ya!
01:06:38Maybe you should've.
01:06:39Dying for no good reason sucks big time!
01:06:43You should get out of here before it sees you.
01:06:44We'll try and stall it.
01:06:45Hmm.
01:06:46I'll never forget you all for this.
01:06:48Six.
01:06:50Whip.
01:06:51Gus.
01:06:53Uh...
01:06:53Tanuk!
01:06:54Yeah, Tanuk!
01:06:55Thanks, guys!
01:06:56Thanks, Everso.
01:07:04Thanks, Everso.
01:07:34Ah!
01:07:35Mmh!
01:07:36Ah!
01:07:37Ow!
01:07:39You...
01:07:41No!
01:07:44Oh!
01:07:45Oh, my God!
01:07:45Oh, my God!
01:07:48Ah!
01:07:49Oh, my God!
01:07:54Oh, my God!
01:07:55Oh, my God!
01:07:56Let's go.
01:08:29So, it's agreed. You and Babette travel back, decline the invitation to Chode's party, and Bernice will shut down the
01:08:37Arnie 1000.
01:08:38Yeah, okay.
01:08:39I can't hear you!
01:08:41Sir, yes, sir!
01:08:43Please, let me live, and I'll become a new person. I won't cuss anymore, I'll give up the booze, I
01:08:50won't hang out with hookers.
01:08:55Just because we won't be at the party, doesn't mean we still can't get it on, right?
01:09:01I heard that, you little whore! Bernice!
01:09:06Hey, big guy, you gotta give me a break. It's tough to go cold turkey on so many things all
01:09:11at once.
01:09:12What say I cut back on my language in exchange for the occasional prostitute?
01:09:18No, I was joking!
01:09:20Please, please! I'll do it, if you let me live!
01:09:24You will travel back! You will not go to the party! You will not have sex! Not then, not now,
01:09:29not ever! You got that?
01:09:31Yeah!
01:09:40I'm gonna say this one more time, you creedins. I now am the legal owner of that cyborg.
01:09:46Just because I'm listening to you doesn't mean I give a damn! I created it, and I want it back!
01:09:51Hello? Hello? Are we having a communication problem here? Confederation law clearly states that salvaged goods become the property of
01:10:00the salvager.
01:10:00You didn't salvage it, you stole it! And that salvage goodie should be worth a few cronics on the black
01:10:07market.
01:10:07You can't sell it! It's mine!
01:10:10It's nothing I can. Besides, whatever I get for it still won't compensate for the pain and suffering you two
01:10:15assholes have caused me.
01:10:17Oh, your pain and suffering are only just starting, you purple!
01:10:23Hey! You know what they say. Possession...
01:10:25Oh, you're not gonna give me that nine-tenths of the law crap, are you?
01:10:30Well, I was gonna say I now possess the cyborg, so fuck off, but that works too.
01:10:35Chode, are you crazy? Those two could start that thing up again.
01:10:38Relax. Gus is reprogramming it as we speak.
01:10:41What makes you think he can reprogram it?
01:10:43Yeah, Uncle Chode. Perhaps it's un-reprogrammable.
01:10:47Once a killer, always a killer. And you brought it aboard.
01:10:50Jeez! What a bunch of scanty-gads.
01:10:55Hey, Gus! Gus! Are you there?
01:10:59I don't like the look of this Uncle Chode.
01:11:01Now, shut up, will ya? That thing can't hurt us anymore.
01:11:04Look, I'll prove it.
01:11:07How do you like that, you metal moron? See? What did I tell ya?
01:11:11I chose to run for your life. I couldn't.
01:11:19Quick, to the transporter room.
01:11:26Don't leave me here like this. Open the door. The thing's gonna kill me!
01:11:33For fuck's sake, beat me outta here.
01:11:35No can do, El Capitan. I can't lock onto a fast-moving object.
01:11:41Woo-hoo!
01:11:46Huh?
01:11:53Ha-ha-ha! Very fuckin' funny!
01:11:55Glad you think so.
01:11:56It's just a little payback, Uncle Chode.
01:11:59Yeah, for all the crap you've put us through over the last few days.
01:12:02I hope this teaches you a lesson. You can't go around screwing everything in the universe.
01:12:07Why not? Hadn't done Paris Hilton's career any harm.
01:12:09Are you sure this thing isn't dangerous?
01:12:11Of course, it's reprogrammed. Bob, cue music.
01:12:24That's it. Wiggle your bum like you're pulling up a pair of underpants.
01:12:29You programmed it to dance?
01:12:31Why not? Dance is the language of love. Bob, hit it.
01:12:47Geez! Guest can do everything that android can do, only backwards and in high heels!
01:12:52Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, and . . . .
01:13:02My circuit's on empty light, I'm on. My beat, I circle around, so you can see.
01:13:12Might as well get up from your seat!
01:13:16The music renders on a memory
01:13:21Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
01:13:27Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
01:13:39R, S, E, O, T
01:13:45C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C,
01:13:52C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C,
01:14:03C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C,
01:14:04C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C,
01:14:06C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C,
01:14:06C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C
01:14:17Can you feel it?
01:14:44Can you feel it?
Comments