- 1 day ago
1997 The Real Blondie FULL HOT MOVIE [Full Movie] [Full Story]Full EP - Full
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:12Come on, buddy. Be careful. Watch out for that glass.
00:00:17Mmm. What the hell is wrong with people? Huh, buddy?
00:00:23Doesn't it seem like everybody's getting stupider and stupider?
00:00:26Well, they have to be breaking somebody's window. Huh, buddy?
00:00:31Are you listening to me? I know what you're thinking about. You just want to eat.
00:00:38Let's go now, because I've got to get to work.
00:00:42You hold on to that ball.
00:00:44What do you think you're going to have for breakfast this morning, huh?
00:00:49Bacon and eggs? Ha, ha, you wish.
00:00:58What are you? A cat or a rabbit?
00:01:02Kitty cat.
00:01:03No. You're a rabbit. A fuzzy-headed little rabbit.
00:01:09Mmm. You've got a heart on.
00:01:13No, I don't.
00:01:14You do, too.
00:01:15Mary, don't you think I'd know it if I had a heart on?
00:01:18And what's this?
00:01:20That's a carrot I keep to feed the little rabbit with.
00:01:27Come on, Joe, stop.
00:01:28I don't have time. We'll do it tonight, okay?
00:01:31Okay. If that's what you want, I'll stop.
00:01:37Oh, all right, quick. Get the rubber carrot, boy.
00:01:41Well, let's just do it without you.
00:01:44No. Come on, I don't want to get pregnant.
00:01:46All right.
00:01:47No.
00:01:47All right, all right. Calm down. I get it. Just a second.
00:01:50Help! Help!
00:01:54Help!
00:01:55Help!
00:01:55Help!
00:01:55Help!
00:01:56Help!
00:01:59Help!
00:02:01Help!
00:02:06Help!
00:02:14Help!
00:02:18Help!
00:02:19Help!
00:02:19Help!
00:02:34Hey. Hey, where are you going?
00:02:36Sorry, babe. Got a split.
00:02:40Oh, don't you want some breakfast?
00:02:42No. No time for that.
00:02:45What's with this lock?
00:02:47You turn it to the left. To the left.
00:02:51Am I going to see you again?
00:02:53Oh, sure. Of course, babe.
00:02:55I'll give you a call sometime.
00:02:57Take it easy, eh?
00:02:58Do you like rollerblading?
00:03:04Oh, shit.
00:03:08Joe?
00:03:10Is this blouse too revealing?
00:03:12Look at this.
00:03:14Here's Joe Schmoe, talented new actor,
00:03:16and here's Miss Quim, talented new actress.
00:03:18Joe.
00:03:19He's standing on the street in an overcoat,
00:03:21and she's lying on the floor in her underwear
00:03:23with her boobs hanging out.
00:03:24So?
00:03:25What do you mean, so?
00:03:26Here it is, 25 years after women's liberation,
00:03:29and women are still being reduced
00:03:30to selling themselves as sex objects.
00:03:32Maybe she doesn't feel reduced.
00:03:33Maybe she feels proud of her sexuality.
00:03:36Right?
00:03:37Well, maybe he's proud of his sexuality.
00:03:39Why isn't he crawling across the floor
00:03:41with his balls hanging out?
00:03:42And what do boobs have to do with acting?
00:03:45Nothing.
00:03:46I'm going to write a book about this.
00:03:48You're not working today?
00:03:51Yes, I'm working.
00:03:52I'm working at lunch,
00:03:52and then I have that audition
00:03:53with the casting director at three.
00:03:55Right.
00:03:56Oh, good luck, hon.
00:03:58Um, listen, I still need a check for the rent.
00:04:01What?
00:04:01Again?
00:04:02Yeah, it kind of works that way.
00:04:03You know, once a month.
00:04:06Oh, remember, we have dinner with Raina
00:04:08and Alex tonight,
00:04:09and I think they're bringing the baby.
00:04:10All right.
00:04:11I'll meet you after the audition.
00:04:12Good luck, honey.
00:04:14Bye.
00:04:17There you are, Mr. Bob.
00:04:19Clean press.
00:04:20Very nice.
00:04:21Yeah, it's a piece of shit, Chang.
00:04:23Oh, no, it's a very nice tuxedo.
00:04:26It's a piece of shit.
00:04:27And I'll tell you something.
00:04:29The next time I come in here,
00:04:30I'll give it to you.
00:04:31Oh, no, Mr. Bob.
00:04:33Keep your tuxedo.
00:04:34No, it's yours.
00:04:36Little souvenir.
00:04:37From me to you.
00:04:39You know what that means?
00:04:40Souvenir?
00:04:41Yes.
00:04:41I think it means...
00:04:43You are full of shit.
00:04:45Keep going to night school.
00:04:51Looking good today, sugar tits.
00:05:04Hello, Miss Taylor.
00:05:05It's Dee Dee, isn't it?
00:05:07It's really great to meet you.
00:05:08Thank you for seeing me.
00:05:10But how could you miss me?
00:05:11I'm standing right in front of you.
00:05:16What I'm going to do for you today, Miss Taylor,
00:05:18is one of Hap's speeches
00:05:19from Arthur Miller's death of a salesman.
00:05:27You know, Biff,
00:05:30sometimes I want to just rip my clothes off
00:05:32in the middle of that store
00:05:33and outbox that goddamn merchandise manager.
00:05:36I mean, I can outbox, outrun, and outlift
00:05:39anybody in that store.
00:05:41And I have to take orders
00:05:42from those common, petty sons of bitches
00:05:45till I can't stand it anymore.
00:05:48You see?
00:05:50Everybody around me is so false.
00:05:52I'm constantly lowering my ideals.
00:05:57Hello, Miss Taylor.
00:05:59It's Dee Dee, isn't it?
00:06:00Here's what I'm doing, you'll see.
00:06:04This is, this is precious.
00:06:06Let me put it in.
00:06:08From one bottle.
00:06:12Where are the biker boys?
00:06:14All right, biker boys.
00:06:16Show me those abs.
00:06:18Okay.
00:06:19Flex, flex, flex, flex, flex.
00:06:21That's what we want.
00:06:22Beautiful, bright, chunky abs.
00:06:25Yes.
00:06:26All right.
00:06:27Oil the abs.
00:06:33I want a bow, a stricter, or a python.
00:06:36Morning, ladies.
00:06:37Ten minutes.
00:06:37Morning.
00:06:38Let's go.
00:06:40I don't know, Mary.
00:06:42I'm sort of giving up
00:06:43on the whole human race.
00:06:46Why, honey?
00:06:47What's the matter?
00:06:49Everybody is so superficial.
00:06:52Oh.
00:06:52I am sick of it.
00:06:53I am sick of all this superficial bullshit.
00:06:57I'm a very spiritual person.
00:07:00Are you really?
00:07:02Oh, very spiritual.
00:07:04Have you seen The Little Mermaid?
00:07:06The cartoon?
00:07:08Oh, it's not just a cartoon, Mary.
00:07:11If you look just a little closer,
00:07:14you will find the spiritual message
00:07:15in every single one of Walt Disney's films.
00:07:19Could we please change this fucking music?
00:07:22Oh, sure, baby.
00:07:24What do you want to hear?
00:07:25Hole?
00:07:26Snoopy Dog Dog?
00:07:28Any, anything.
00:07:29Okay, Christ.
00:07:30Douche would be better than this shit.
00:07:33It's depressing.
00:07:34Is douche good?
00:07:35Yeah.
00:07:36I'm not going to be able to work
00:07:37with this depressing shit on it.
00:07:39It's ten o'clock,
00:07:40and I'm already depressed.
00:07:40I, I look depressed, don't I?
00:07:43No, no, you look beautiful.
00:08:04Hey, little baby.
00:08:07Hey, come here, sweetheart.
00:08:08Hey, what the hell's the matter with you?
00:08:11What?
00:08:11Don't what me.
00:08:12You know what I'm talking about.
00:08:13What if that was your granddaughter?
00:08:15Huh?
00:08:17You old fucking scumbag.
00:08:19Yeah, just leave me alone.
00:08:32Jesus.
00:08:37Excuse me.
00:08:39Do I know you?
00:08:40No, I, I don't think so.
00:08:43God, the way you smiled at me,
00:08:44I feel like I've known you my whole life.
00:08:47That's so sweet.
00:08:49Are you in a relationship?
00:08:52Yes, I am.
00:08:53You don't sound very happy about it.
00:08:56Well, I, I, I love my girlfriend very much.
00:08:58It's just that I, I don't think that she understands me
00:09:02in a real emotional or sexual way.
00:09:05Yeah.
00:09:06I sense that in you.
00:09:09You know, you know, this is going to sound really crazy,
00:09:12but I feel like I've known you my whole life, too.
00:09:14I feel like I've known you my whole life, too.
00:09:15Really?
00:09:16Yeah.
00:09:18And I'd like to give you a blowjob right now.
00:09:21Right now?
00:09:23All right, let's, look, shop.
00:09:24Come on.
00:09:26All right, gentlemen, front and center, everyone pay attention.
00:09:31You've been divided into eight two-man squads.
00:09:33First man in pours the red wine.
00:09:36Second man in serves the finger food,
00:09:38and it is called finger food precisely because it is to be eaten with the fingers.
00:09:43No utensils.
00:09:44Any questions?
00:09:46Ernst, I have a question.
00:09:47Are you wearing a girdle?
00:09:48Because your ass looks incredible in those pants.
00:09:53No, I am not wearing a girdle,
00:09:54but you can be assured that if I catch any of you faggots looking at my ass,
00:09:58I'll fire the whole fucking lot of you.
00:10:01Hey, Ernst,
00:10:02we're not all gay here, you know.
00:10:05That, my dear straight friend, is your problem.
00:10:09To your stations.
00:10:17That, my friend, is your problem.
00:10:22That, my friend, is your problem.
00:10:25It should be a big success.
00:10:33Smacks, trashes, cubism.
00:10:36Oh, that's good.
00:10:37In time...
00:10:45What is your name?
00:10:46Joe, Joe Finnegan.
00:10:47Who hired you?
00:10:48Did I hire you?
00:10:49Yes, you did.
00:10:49I was recommended by Bob.
00:10:50Never, ever let the neck of the bottle touch the rim of the glass
00:10:53and smile, for God's sake.
00:10:54You look like you're at a fucking funeral.
00:11:13Oh, my balls are killing me.
00:11:16What?
00:11:17That model I was with last night.
00:11:19She was like an animal.
00:11:2119.
00:11:22One of those tidal glasses you just want to take a bite right out of.
00:11:25Jesus.
00:11:27Where'd you meet her?
00:11:28This bar.
00:11:29T&A.
00:11:30I'll take you down there.
00:11:31All the chicks there are these gorgeous high-class models.
00:11:35Even the waitresses.
00:11:36If they're such high-class models, what are they doing waitressing?
00:11:39Hey, you're doing it.
00:11:40So are you.
00:11:42Not for much longer, pal.
00:11:44Guess who just got a part on a soap?
00:11:46Get out of here.
00:11:48Passion Crest.
00:11:49Recurring character.
00:11:50Dirk Drake.
00:11:51I wouldn't do a soap.
00:11:52It's not even acting.
00:11:54$3,600 a week?
00:11:56Actor?
00:11:56You sorry-broke-ass fucking waiter.
00:12:00Sometimes I wish Mary was a little bit more...
00:12:03What?
00:12:05I wish sometimes that she'd just go a little bit wild, like you said that model did.
00:12:10Go crazy on me.
00:12:12See, I need that, Bob.
00:12:14Well, come on, man.
00:12:16Look on the bright side.
00:12:17You've got stability, right?
00:12:19Some people need that.
00:12:21All right, I'm heading this way.
00:12:23Hey, when do you start the soap?
00:12:24Tomorrow morning, my friend.
00:12:26I guess I won't be seeing you.
00:12:28Oh, hey, come on.
00:12:30We'll get together.
00:12:32I'll give you a call sometime.
00:12:36Dirk Drake, huh?
00:12:39Passion Crest.
00:12:41$3,600 a week.
00:12:45And what is wrong with people, you know?
00:12:48Every day it seems like everybody's just getting stupider and stupider.
00:12:54You seem rather agitated today, Mary.
00:12:57I am agitated.
00:12:59I am.
00:12:59You know, every morning I pass this guy on the street and he always makes some disgusting comment to me.
00:13:04Why don't you take a different route?
00:13:07Because I don't want to take a different route.
00:13:09Why should I let that scumbag dictate how I live my life?
00:13:12Mm-hmm.
00:13:13What I feel like doing is taking him by the air and smashing his face right into the sidewalk.
00:13:19Perhaps we could find a more productive outlet for your anger.
00:13:23Another female patient of mine is taking a self-defense class that is quite unique.
00:13:29I don't need self-defense.
00:13:31Hear me out, Mary.
00:13:32Okay.
00:13:33The instructor has apparently devised a series of exercises designed to help women cope with the more ordinary rudenesses they
00:13:41encounter on a day-to-day basis.
00:13:44I'm going to get his telephone number for you.
00:13:47And you call him when you feel like it.
00:13:50A physical activity like this might alleviate some of that hostility you have for men.
00:13:58Am I hostile towards men?
00:14:01We'll talk about that next week.
00:14:04Oh.
00:14:05Okay.
00:14:05I might add that blouse you were wearing is especially becoming.
00:14:10Thank you, Dr. Leuter.
00:14:18You know, Biff, sometimes I want to just rip my clothes off in the middle of that store and outbox
00:14:25that goddamn sales merchandise manager.
00:14:28I mean, ah!
00:14:32I'm sorry.
00:14:33I, I, uh, forgot my line.
00:14:36Oh, that's all right.
00:14:37Really.
00:14:37Really, it is.
00:14:39Joe.
00:14:40Joe, we have a little problem with your credits here.
00:14:43I mean, there's no TV, no commercials, no soaps.
00:14:46I'm not that interested in doing soap operas.
00:14:49Really?
00:14:51Why's that?
00:14:52Well, it's not even acting, is it?
00:14:54I mean, not the kind of acting that I want to do.
00:14:55It's, uh, I mean, it's fake.
00:14:58It's stupid.
00:14:59Well, it's clear that you and I have absolutely nothing to talk about.
00:15:02Goodbye.
00:15:03Excuse me, uh, Miss Taylor.
00:15:04What did I say?
00:15:05Oh, Christ.
00:15:06What every other no-name, no-credit actor says when he comes through that door.
00:15:11I mean, who the hell do you think you are?
00:15:13Tom Cruise?
00:15:14Well, you're not, and believe me, you're stupid if you think that I would hire any actor
00:15:19who wasn't damn willing to work.
00:15:21Well, you-you misunderstood.
00:15:22I'm-
00:15:22This is a business.
00:15:23If you don't understand that, then you don't belong in it.
00:15:26Go away.
00:15:28You're right, Miss Taylor.
00:15:29This is a business.
00:15:30I understand that.
00:15:32I'm-I'm beginning to understand that.
00:15:35I-I didn't mean that I-I wouldn't work on a soap.
00:15:38If there was something that you thought I could do, of course I would do it.
00:15:41Really.
00:15:42I-I would love to work on a soap.
00:15:44How old are you?
00:15:4535.
00:15:4935.
00:15:51No credits, no agent.
00:15:55All right, let's get real, Joe.
00:15:59Have you got a bathing suit?
00:16:02I could get one.
00:16:03Good.
00:16:04There's a Madonna video coming up.
00:16:06Kind of a beach theme, you might be right for it.
00:16:08Unless, of course, you don't do music videos.
00:16:14Of course I do.
00:16:16That'd be great, Miss Taylor.
00:16:18Or is it Dee Dee?
00:16:20Thanks, Joe.
00:16:21I'll be in touch.
00:16:28Hey, guys.
00:16:29Come on back and see Siobhan, New York's tallest blonde.
00:16:33She's a college girl majoring in sexy, sexy, sexy.
00:16:37That's right, you there in the overcoast, tell me, Curtis...
00:16:40This, um, college chick, is she a real blonde?
00:16:44Oh, yeah.
00:16:45Beautiful, sexy, sexy chick, man.
00:16:48Like Madonna, but blonde.
00:16:50Very blonde.
00:16:51All right.
00:16:52I'll take a box for it.
00:16:55Here you come, see, that's the real thing.
00:16:57How about you other guys, huh?
00:16:59Now you want to see Siobhan, New York's hottest blonde.
00:17:30I love this little puppy.
00:17:33I love her, I love her, I love her, I love her.
00:17:35We love her, too, don't we, Cassie or Pia?
00:17:39Hey there, little Cassie.
00:17:40We don't call her Cassie, Joe.
00:17:42We have a strict rule, her whole name or no name at all.
00:17:46I'm sorry.
00:17:46That's a good rule.
00:17:47It's so great to see you guys.
00:17:50It's been too long.
00:17:51We've been absolutely crazed since Alv's show.
00:17:56Absolutely crazed.
00:17:57I'm in three galleries now.
00:17:58The paintings are selling so fast, I don't even have time to stretch a canvas.
00:18:04If you need a job, Joe, I could put you to work tomorrow.
00:18:07Why, thanks, I got a job.
00:18:09You know, I don't think we've seen you since Il Piano.
00:18:13Oh, my God, I love that movie.
00:18:15Wasn't that a great movie?
00:18:17A great, great flick.
00:18:20One of the best, really.
00:18:22That movie was a piece of shit.
00:18:27Are you kidding?
00:18:29No, I'm not kidding.
00:18:31Come on, it was nothing but a glorified romance novel.
00:18:33Spirited, sensuous young woman leaves her uptight husband for the man of her dreams.
00:18:38A masculine but sensitive native with earrings and tattoos.
00:18:43I'm sorry, Joe, but I think it completely missed what this film was about.
00:18:48Oh, what was it about?
00:18:50Well, it was about a lot of things.
00:18:52It was about courage, freedom.
00:18:55It was about unrestricted, unconditional, primal love.
00:19:00Yeah, you're way off on this, man.
00:19:03I'm just curious.
00:19:04Has anyone seen The Little Mermaid?
00:19:06Besides, it was only on every top ten list in the country.
00:19:10So what?
00:19:11What are those two going to do for the rest of their lives?
00:19:14Stand around and stare at each other all loving and unconditional?
00:19:17Do you think that they'll ever have a real argument, the way that real people do?
00:19:20Do you think that she would ever say to him,
00:19:22Hey, Kimba, you know I really love your masculine sensitivity,
00:19:25but you think that just once you could remember to lift the toilet seat before you take a piss?
00:19:30I completely agree with you.
00:19:31My boyfriend loved that movie so much, I broke up with him.
00:19:34Which movie?
00:19:35Il Piano.
00:19:36Yeah, well, what the hell was that movie all about?
00:19:39I liked it.
00:19:40I liked Harvey Keitel's ass.
00:19:41No, that's utterly untrue.
00:19:43I did not like that movie.
00:19:44But what else was there to like about?
00:19:45What are they talking about?
00:19:46Il Piano.
00:19:48Great photography.
00:19:49That little girl bugged me.
00:19:50If I had a daughter like that, I'd kick her fucking ass.
00:19:53Yeah.
00:19:53Ask me something.
00:19:54The entire soundtrack would be a stupid song.
00:19:57Well, as it should be.
00:19:58Who the hell wants to see a man new?
00:20:00Who cares?
00:20:00I thought it was incredible.
00:20:02I cried through most of it.
00:20:04Well, you did cry, and I was proud of you.
00:20:06For 18 months.
00:20:08If they had offered you that part, you would have done it.
00:20:10You would have done it hard.
00:20:14You went on and on and on about it.
00:20:17I mean, it was a little embarrassing.
00:20:18Well, I just didn't feel like listening to him blab about his paintings all night.
00:20:23Did you hear that little dig about a job?
00:20:25What dig?
00:20:26That I could come work for him, stretching canvases.
00:20:30What do I look like, a fucking handyman?
00:20:33Joe, why are you so angry?
00:20:36Did your audition go badly?
00:20:38Is that it?
00:20:38No, actually, it went great.
00:20:40I really nailed the monologue.
00:20:42And afterward, she looked at my resume and said,
00:20:44you don't have any soaps on here.
00:20:46And I said, I know I don't.
00:20:46You want to know why?
00:20:47Because I don't consider that acting.
00:20:51You said that?
00:20:52Yeah.
00:20:53And you know what?
00:20:54She may have something for me already.
00:20:55What?
00:20:56A Madonna video.
00:20:57Joe, that's fantastic.
00:21:00I mean, that could lead to something.
00:21:01And it's money, right?
00:21:03That's right, Mary.
00:21:03That's what I'm learning.
00:21:04It's a business.
00:21:05It's all a business.
00:21:07And guess what?
00:21:08I might take a self-defense class.
00:21:10Why?
00:21:11Well, Dr. Loiter said it might help me deal with my hostility.
00:21:15Your what?
00:21:16Uh, the assholes on the street.
00:21:19Oh, well, that's great.
00:21:20So that's what you guys talk about in there?
00:21:22That, other things.
00:21:24Why?
00:21:25Just curious.
00:21:29Bob got a job on his soap.
00:21:30He's not doing the catering anymore.
00:21:32He told me he met this blonde model.
00:21:35They went back to her place and had kinky sex all night.
00:21:38Is that what you'd like?
00:21:39Kinky sex with a blonde model?
00:21:42Well, she wouldn't necessarily have to be a model.
00:21:44What, I'm not kinky enough for you?
00:21:45I never said that.
00:21:48You implied it.
00:21:49I did not.
00:21:50I was simply telling you about what happened to Bob.
00:21:53Of course you're kinky.
00:21:55You're very kinky.
00:21:57Okay?
00:21:59Except we both know that sometimes I have to...
00:22:02What?
00:22:03Well, you know.
00:22:05No.
00:22:06Initiate things.
00:22:08You do not.
00:22:08What about this morning?
00:22:09Well, actually, if you recall, I suggested that we make love.
00:22:12And your first response was no.
00:22:16Christ, I thought we had a pretty healthy sex life.
00:22:19And now you're telling me you're bored with me?
00:22:20Can we just hold on a second?
00:22:22The only thing that I'm suggesting is that perhaps we could be a little bit more spontaneous.
00:22:28How?
00:22:30Well, for one thing, by not having to wear a rubber all the time.
00:22:34I'm sorry, Joe.
00:22:35I don't want to get pregnant.
00:22:37It just seems a little bit odd to me that for somebody who's so against getting pregnant,
00:22:42you seem to be infatuated with babies.
00:22:45I mean, Christ, you were all over that little tapioca.
00:22:48Cassiopeia.
00:22:49And so what?
00:22:49I like babies.
00:22:52I just don't want to have one of my own.
00:22:55That's great.
00:22:58Why, do you want to have a baby?
00:23:00No.
00:23:04I'm not going to have a kid until we can afford it.
00:23:06What does money have to do with it?
00:23:08You don't have any.
00:23:09Other people have kids.
00:23:10How do they do it?
00:23:11Either they hire somebody or one of them stays home and takes care of the baby.
00:23:15Are you going to do it?
00:23:18If you think I'm going to give up my career, you're crazy.
00:23:22What are we talking about this for?
00:23:25You brought it up.
00:23:26No, I didn't.
00:23:27I was talking about something completely different.
00:23:29Well, what were you talking about?
00:23:32Let's just drop it, okay?
00:23:36And now you're all pissed off.
00:23:38What makes you say that?
00:23:55Do you know that I never thought I'd see you again?
00:23:59I told you I'd call you, didn't I?
00:24:03Yes, but I thought maybe you didn't like me.
00:24:06Hey, what's not to like?
00:24:12Kid, do you like my eyes?
00:24:16Mm-hmm.
00:24:17Do you like my body?
00:24:19Oh, yeah.
00:24:20Do you like my hair?
00:24:24Do you?
00:24:27What's the matter?
00:24:28Nothing.
00:24:30No, come on.
00:24:31What's the matter?
00:24:34Excuse me.
00:24:35Bob.
00:24:35Wait.
00:24:37What's wrong?
00:24:38God damn it.
00:24:38I said nothing was wrong.
00:24:43There's a message.
00:24:44Did you hear this?
00:24:46No.
00:24:46It's probably for you.
00:24:49Hi, this is Madonna.
00:24:50It's Wednesday about 2.55.
00:24:52Sorry for calling so late.
00:24:53I'm trying to reach Joe Finnegan.
00:24:55Joe, can you please call me immediately?
00:24:57Elliot 555.
00:24:58Jesus fucking Christ.
00:25:01Do you really think it's her?
00:25:03Of course it's her.
00:25:03Who else would it be?
00:25:04She's probably calling about the video.
00:25:06Please call me immediately at 555-02-70.
00:25:09You know, Joe, Madonna is an international superstar.
00:25:12I mean, I seriously doubt she's going to call you at home.
00:25:16At the very least, she'd have her assistant call, right?
00:25:19Mary, I've heard she gets personally involved in all of her projects.
00:25:22She probably saw my picture on the wall and said,
00:25:25Hey, maybe I'll feature Joe Finnegan in my video.
00:25:28All right.
00:25:29All right, we'll call her.
00:25:31Well, it's only 9 o'clock.
00:25:33She's probably still sleeping.
00:25:35Oh.
00:25:35Okay.
00:25:36I'm going then.
00:25:38Hey, call me if you reach her.
00:25:40Oh, I will.
00:25:41Bye.
00:25:46Bye.
00:25:47Bye.
00:25:48Bye.
00:25:49Bye.
00:25:49Bye.
00:25:50Bye.
00:25:51Bye.
00:25:52Bye.
00:26:09Hey, baby.
00:26:10Come sit on my face.
00:26:11Oh, grow up, you stupid asshole.
00:26:13Get angry, baby.
00:26:14I like it.
00:26:15Makes my dick hard.
00:26:16See?
00:26:27Why do you say that shit, huh?
00:26:30Why?
00:26:31God, stop.
00:26:32Stop, please.
00:26:33No, I'm not going to fucking stop until you tell me why you say it.
00:26:36Do you think you're going to meet women this way?
00:26:38You think some woman is going to turn around and say,
00:26:41Hey, there's a fucking guy I'd like to go out with.
00:26:44No.
00:26:45No, I'm just a coward.
00:26:47I'm just a fucking coward.
00:27:04I'm just a fucking coward.
00:27:05I'm just kidding.
00:27:09I'm just kidding.
00:27:10I mean I can't, I'm just kidding.
00:27:15I mean I can't.
00:27:19Chahara, where were you? I just called you.
00:27:22Oh, hey. Mary.
00:27:23Oh my God. What happened to you?
00:27:25Yesterday, I went rollerblading with this guy I just met,
00:27:28and somehow I got too close to him
00:27:29and his elbow hit me in the eye.
00:27:31I know it was my fault, if you're really stupid, but can you cover it, please?
00:27:34Oh, my God, you cannot believe what I am going through with those freaking snakes.
00:27:38Oh, my God.
00:27:39Johnny Blair, I'm so sorry. It was an accident.
00:27:41Is it real?
00:27:42Yeah, it's real.
00:27:43Yes, Mary, you have to get rid of it.
00:27:45It's not the bruise. I can cover the bruise.
00:27:47The problem is the swelling. I mean...
00:27:49No, I've got to shoot today.
00:27:52I've booked those snakes a month in advance.
00:27:54Well, you're just going to have to shoot her with a black eye then.
00:27:57Oh, are you crazy?
00:28:03Darker. Darker.
00:28:04The bruise is truth. You must never hide it.
00:28:07Yes.
00:28:08Bring in the serpents.
00:28:11Yes.
00:28:12Now wrap them around their legs.
00:28:16Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
00:28:18Oh, my God. Oh, my God, that's it.
00:28:21Everybody clear. Everybody clear. Let's shoot. Let's shoot.
00:28:23Roses, right now.
00:28:26More.
00:28:31Yes.
00:28:32Oh, yes. Powerful. Powerful.
00:28:35No blame, Sarah. No blame, Kiki.
00:28:38No blame, Kiki.
00:28:58No, we won't get up, Kiki.
00:29:00No, we won't get up, Kiki.
00:29:01Yes.
00:29:02No, we won't get down.
00:29:08Don't want that. Don't want it. It's a little town near Buffalo.
00:29:14It's a buffalo.
00:29:15Yeah.
00:29:16I'd rather go to Tahiti or what's that.
00:29:19Bob's rat's fine, but I mean, you gotta fly in there. We take the bus.
00:29:26Joe! Alex, look, it's Joe.
00:29:28You're right, it is Joe. Hey there, buddy.
00:29:32What are you guys doing here?
00:29:33I'm on the board because the Met bought six of my paintings.
00:29:37Oh.
00:29:39You're getting it stretched all right, huh?
00:29:40This is so funny, Joe. You're working.
00:29:43Yeah. I gotta pay the bills.
00:29:45Great tuxedo, man.
00:29:47Thanks. It's second hand.
00:29:48Hey, you know what? I'm doing a Madonna video tomorrow.
00:29:50I love Madonna. You know, we know her.
00:29:54Yeah, she called me. She wants me to do a special featured cameo or something.
00:29:57That is just like her. Tell her I said you might.
00:30:02I will.
00:30:03And tell Mary we should get together real soon.
00:30:06Okay. You're doing great.
00:30:08He's such a good...
00:30:11Excuse me, sir.
00:30:12Is there anything else I can get you? Perhaps some more whipped cream?
00:30:15No, thank you, Captain.
00:30:17Gotta keep ship shape for all these fillies around here.
00:30:20You know what I mean?
00:30:21Aye, aye, Captain.
00:30:22I don't know.
00:30:23Anyway.
00:30:25What are you doing?
00:30:28He asked me about the strawberries, how they got so big.
00:30:30Never, never touch a guest. Never.
00:30:33I'm sorry, Ernst. Nobody told me.
00:30:34Okay, okay, okay. Just go, go, go, go, go.
00:30:36I'm gonna kill you, you fucking whores.
00:30:41Let's begin today by reviewing a few facts.
00:30:45Men are physically stronger than women.
00:30:48This is not a criticism of your gender, ladies.
00:30:50It is a fact.
00:30:52Fact.
00:30:52You, as women, are vulnerable.
00:30:55Vulnerable, but not helpless.
00:30:57This class will provide each and every one of you
00:30:59with a simple and effective means of self-defense
00:31:02in the event of a physical assault.
00:31:07Fact.
00:31:08There are other types of assault.
00:31:10Verbal harassment on the streets.
00:31:12Blatant groping and fondling in public places.
00:31:15All the behavioral tics that make men so irresistible.
00:31:19Now, my research has shown that these assaults
00:31:22can be equally damaging if the rage
00:31:25and the frustration that they arouse
00:31:27are not released.
00:31:29And to that end, I have developed a series
00:31:32of patented exercises designed to increase your RRQ.
00:31:37Class.
00:31:38Rage Release Quotient.
00:31:40Good.
00:31:42Uh, Sheila, why don't you come up
00:31:44to the front of the class, please?
00:31:50Now, remember, you can respond however you feel.
00:31:53Okay?
00:31:55If you wish to scream, scream away.
00:31:57If you feel like striking me, go ahead and do so.
00:32:00Understand?
00:32:01I think so.
00:32:02Alright.
00:32:03Let's begin.
00:32:05Looking good, sweet meat.
00:32:09Sweet meat?
00:32:11Did you hear what I said?
00:32:13Yes.
00:32:14Do you like being called sweet meat?
00:32:17No.
00:32:18Does it make you angry?
00:32:20Yes.
00:32:21How angry?
00:32:24Very angry.
00:32:26Okay.
00:32:27How do you feel?
00:32:29Better.
00:32:30Good.
00:32:32Okay, Mary.
00:32:35Come to the front, please.
00:32:39Okay.
00:32:40Let's begin.
00:32:42Man, you got some sweet little ass on you, cupcake.
00:32:46Shut the fuck up!
00:32:48Let me take a nice little bite out of that sweet little ass cupcake.
00:33:07You okay?
00:33:09It was great.
00:33:10It was.
00:33:12I was like, he brought me up to the class, and he's telling me, you know, just go ahead and
00:33:16do whatever you feel like doing.
00:33:17What?
00:33:17I mean, it was just incredible.
00:33:19I started punching and swinging at him.
00:33:21I mean, I never knew it would feel this good to hit somebody, you know?
00:33:25That's great.
00:33:25I'm glad you enjoyed it.
00:33:27I did.
00:33:27I did.
00:33:28And this teacher is so fantastic.
00:33:30He said I have a really high RRQ.
00:33:32RRQ?
00:33:33Rage.
00:33:34Release.
00:33:34Question.
00:33:35He said I have the highest in the class.
00:33:4199.3.
00:33:44Maybe I should take that class.
00:33:46You know, Alex and Raina were at that dinner tonight.
00:33:49Oh?
00:33:49They made a comment about my tuxedo, and I wanted to kill him.
00:33:52I felt like such an idiot standing there having them seeing me working as a waiter.
00:33:57Come on, Joe.
00:33:57It's what you do.
00:33:58It's not what I do.
00:34:00Okay, it's not what you do.
00:34:01But it's how you pay the rent.
00:34:03Huh?
00:34:04And there's nothing wrong with it.
00:34:05I mean, everybody has to work.
00:34:06Well, I'm sick of this shit.
00:34:08I feel like my life's going nowhere.
00:34:10Joe, your life is going somewhere.
00:34:13I mean, you did this great audition for Dee Dee Taylor.
00:34:16She immediately got you a job with pay.
00:34:19Did you ever get through to Madonna?
00:34:21No.
00:34:21No, I've been calling all day.
00:34:22It's a story of my life.
00:34:24Nobody's home.
00:34:26Come on, Joe.
00:34:28You just, you just gotta stick with it, you know?
00:34:32I mean, you're a great actor.
00:34:38I know you're gonna make it.
00:34:40You really think so?
00:34:41Oh, yeah.
00:34:42I have no doubt.
00:34:46Mary.
00:34:48I don't know what I'd do without you.
00:34:50Me too, Joe.
00:34:57Hey, feel like fooling around?
00:35:01I don't know.
00:35:02I'm not really in the mood.
00:35:04Come on, let's do it.
00:35:06I don't know.
00:35:06I could cut a big day tomorrow.
00:35:08I don't want to go in looking too tired.
00:35:10Come on.
00:35:12I'm not building the pyramids here.
00:35:17Come on.
00:35:17I won't wear you out, I promise.
00:35:19Come on.
00:35:20I'm serious.
00:35:21Come on, stop.
00:35:25Jesus, you don't have to get all pissy.
00:35:27I'm not getting all pissy.
00:35:28I'm just not in the mood.
00:35:32Okay, fine.
00:35:34There aren't machines that you can turn off and on
00:35:36by the flick of a switch, you know?
00:35:38I get the point, Joe.
00:35:43Now you're angry?
00:35:45I'm not angry.
00:35:47Next time I'm not in the mood, don't give me any shit.
00:35:51Okay?
00:36:09I'll be right back.
00:36:11I'm not angry.
00:36:34More champagne, Dirk?
00:36:35More champagne, Dirk?
00:36:39I'm leaving Deanna oh please please don't leave me I love you Dirk I love you that means nothing
00:36:47to me now but you said you loved me I don't love you Deanna you're weak you're helpless
00:36:56and frankly you bore me oh please Dirk what do you want me to do I want you to get
00:37:03out of my life
00:37:13scene 11a Deanna attempt suicide again 10 minutes
00:37:19forgive me father hey Bob hold up there wonder muffin hey what's up Roy ratings are up another
00:37:25five and you guys should give me another raise actually we've got an entirely new contract
00:37:33for you Bob five years exclusive with Dirk Drake having his own a level storyline 20 minutes
00:37:41guaranteed screen time per episode script approval that's a tall order Bob
00:37:50when you're on your knees Roy everything looks tall remember that eh Dirk Drake
00:38:10what a piece of shit this script is I can't believe I spent three years at the Royal Academy
00:38:16just so I could spew this fucking garbage I'm a little busy baby do you mind
00:38:22what are you doing now I'm working on my next scene oh I see you're preparing using Stanislavski's
00:38:31famous horoscope method what's so funny you come on muffin take off your robe no what you defy me
00:38:43Deanna I'll see you tonight baby oh but I'm ready right now see yes you are you hold on to
00:38:50that
00:38:51little monster not too tightly remember what happened last time hey that was a once in a lifetime thing
00:39:00I know it was baby
00:39:18this is Bob ladder huh
00:39:28this is Bob ladder huh leave a message hi it's me listen I was thinking about our fight and
00:39:37I know that you feel bad and I feel bad so I just wanted to call and tell you that
00:39:42I think we can work
00:39:43this out if I said anything to upset you I'm sorry really I apologize
00:39:51as the crap princess says in the Little Mermaid I love you and I want to see you so please
00:39:57call me
00:40:09Alpha I want to show you now what to do in the event that you're attacked from behind this is
00:40:14very important okay
00:40:16somebody want to volunteer Mary come on okay now get behind me okay now I want you to wrap your
00:40:25arms
00:40:25around me as if you're gonna attack me from behind okay go ahead my hands are free but it's gonna
00:40:32be
00:40:33hard to pull these arms off right what's the next closest weapon teeth right bite at the same time
00:40:41bring up that right leg deliver a heel smash to the incep so it's ah right that heel smash will
00:40:49open up this leg okay and creating the space here in which I will deliver an elbow to the stomach
00:40:56okay now why don't you assume that position
00:41:00okay okay now I'm gonna grab you here now give me the bite okay and then the heel smash
00:41:12okay that's gonna open me up a little bit and you're gonna give me that very good okay try it
00:41:17again
00:41:21okay all right it's exciting yeah yeah that's that's great yeah
00:41:34yeah but what about AIDS man AIDS was created in a laboratory by white Jewish scientists there's a conspiracy with
00:41:42the FBI basically to annihilate the power of the black nation
00:41:46this is gonna blow your mind you know the holocaust
00:41:51never happened oh man what about all the stories in the pictures shit is fake it's about as real as
00:41:59your hair come on look at this shit I read a book page after page of proof to say that
00:42:06the Jews made the
00:42:07whole holocaust stuff shit never happened hey you know I think I read that same book you remember the
00:42:12part about slavery in America what part is that where the guy proves that all the African Americans that
00:42:19came here in the 1600s actually wanted to come in fact most of them paid their own way
00:42:24what the fuck are you talking about man no it's true they heard there were lots of jobs over here
00:42:29picking cotton which they figured would lead to better jobs as as muggers and crackheads so they just all
00:42:33came rushing over here can you believe it slavery never existed
00:42:40and that shit is not even a little bit funny well it's at least as funny as what you said
00:42:45about the
00:42:45holocaust don't you think how's this funny beach boy why don't you get your pill and get out of here
00:42:52you're fucking fired
00:42:57all right everyone back on one I want spiders don't play with you today y'all
00:43:09just give me a minute with you I already told you it was the rubber
00:43:14the rubber's off now damn right the rubber's off
00:43:19well
00:43:23hold on what do you think I am a machine
00:43:30hey what are you doing
00:43:33come on Kelly get back here get back in the bed
00:43:37listen baby I know these things happen sometimes
00:43:42but I gotta know can you do this or not because if you can't I gotta get on the
00:43:46phone make some calls and find somebody who can
00:43:51what's the matter baby I hurt your feelings
00:43:54actually Kelly you did hurt my feelings
00:43:58Christ I mean I like you right
00:44:01you make me feel like I'm just a stiff piece of meat to you
00:44:03hmm well not so stiff really right
00:44:08just get the hell out of here
00:44:10you think I'm gonna do this now after what you just said
00:44:13you can't do it
00:44:17get on the bed
00:44:18no
00:44:20get up
00:44:20what do you want get off of me
00:44:23get off of me
00:44:41fuck
00:44:42thanks
00:44:42how you going man
00:44:44I'm actually I'm going downtown
00:44:45great
00:44:46anybody else who go ride downtown
00:44:47I'm going up to
00:44:49okay
00:44:53big car ladies
00:44:55no takers
00:45:08there you go
00:45:09oh thank you
00:45:22Mary
00:45:27Mary
00:45:29where is she
00:45:31you know Mary I gotta say
00:45:32of all the women who've passed through my
00:45:35classes over the years you are by far the most
00:45:38courageous and committed
00:45:40thanks Doug you're a great teacher
00:45:43I mean everybody says so
00:45:46well
00:45:48yes and no
00:45:49I mean you know
00:45:49I mean a teacher can only do
00:45:52so much
00:45:55what does your boyfriend do
00:46:00oh my god
00:46:02what the hell
00:46:07Jesus Christ
00:46:11I'm leaving Deanna
00:46:12oh please
00:46:14please don't leave me
00:46:16I love you Dirk
00:46:17I love you
00:46:18that means nothing to me now
00:46:21you said you loved me
00:46:22I don't love you Deanna
00:46:24you're weak
00:46:25you're helpless
00:46:27and frankly you're boring
00:46:28oh
00:46:29oh please Dirk
00:46:31what do you want me to do
00:46:33I want you to get out of my life
00:46:35oh what's she gonna do now
00:46:38huh
00:46:39try suicide again
00:47:05look like Bob on that TV
00:47:09wow
00:47:09wow
00:47:10it is Bob
00:47:12look at that
00:47:15and how long have you guys been together
00:47:17six years
00:47:18jump back
00:47:19wow
00:47:20like a real married couple here
00:47:23I know
00:47:23wow
00:47:24oh no
00:47:25I don't think either one of us is very interested in marriage
00:47:28you know something
00:47:30your boyfriend
00:47:31your boyfriend is a very very lucky guy
00:47:36thank you
00:47:49Mary
00:48:05baby what's the matter
00:48:09can I come in
00:48:11of course
00:48:12of course
00:48:17what's going on
00:48:22what is it
00:48:29I've been thinking a lot
00:48:33I feel it's important to tell you
00:48:40what
00:48:41don't tell me what
00:48:42well look I don't mean
00:48:43um
00:48:45no Bob
00:48:46no no you haven't
00:48:47yes I have
00:48:49I have all right
00:48:52and I feel
00:48:53um
00:48:57I feel
00:48:58um
00:48:59what
00:49:00what do you feel
00:49:06Bob baby
00:49:21did they pay you
00:49:22no
00:49:23but for me
00:49:24it was worth it
00:49:25oh that's great Joe
00:49:26that's great
00:49:27you get your first paying acting job
00:49:29ever
00:49:29and you blow it all
00:49:31by making some stupid comment
00:49:32that sounds worth it
00:49:34I don't want to sound funny Mary
00:49:35but a lecture is the last thing that I need
00:49:37right now
00:49:39hey Joe
00:49:40do you think just once
00:49:42you could lift the toilet seat
00:49:43when you take a leak
00:49:45what do you mean just once
00:49:47I always lift it
00:49:48you never do it
00:49:49come here look at this
00:49:50there's piss all over the seat
00:49:52there is not
00:49:53come look
00:49:54I'm not gonna go in there
00:49:55and look at a drop of piss
00:49:57on a toilet seat
00:49:58you admit it
00:49:59I do not
00:50:00would you get off my case
00:50:01what's the matter with you
00:50:02I'm not on your case
00:50:05you're just in a bad mood
00:50:06because you know
00:50:07you did something stupid
00:50:15what you're going to bed
00:50:18well it appears that way
00:50:20why is there something on your mind
00:50:22well it just struck me
00:50:23that we haven't made love
00:50:24for over a month
00:50:25well it's not my fault
00:50:27well it's not my fault
00:50:30Joe you have been
00:50:31very depressed lately
00:50:32no I haven't
00:50:33you just told me yesterday
00:50:35you felt like your life
00:50:36was going nowhere
00:50:37so
00:50:38I can feel that way
00:50:39and not be depressed
00:50:41well it's very hard on me
00:50:43dealing with your moods
00:50:44all the time
00:50:45well it's very hard on me
00:50:46having to wear the rubber
00:50:47all the time
00:50:47it's not all the time
00:50:49it certainly seems like it
00:50:52fine we won't use it
00:50:53I'll just get pregnant
00:50:54is that what you want
00:50:55why is it that every time
00:50:57I say I don't want to use a rubber
00:50:59you accuse me
00:51:00of wanting to get you pregnant
00:51:02you said you wanted to have a baby
00:51:04not right now
00:51:06when?
00:51:06look
00:51:07let's just stop this discussion
00:51:09right now
00:51:09I'm in a bad mood
00:51:11you're in a bad mood
00:51:12we're stopping
00:51:12I've stopped
00:51:15you make some money
00:51:16and maybe we'll talk
00:51:17about having a kid
00:51:21why does it always have
00:51:22to come down to money
00:51:23with you?
00:51:25because you don't have any
00:51:26and let's face it Joe
00:51:28I know you're trying
00:51:28to make it as an actor
00:51:29but you work
00:51:30as a waiter
00:51:31you still don't even
00:51:32have an agent
00:51:33I know I don't have an agent
00:51:35you think I don't know that?
00:51:36don't yell at me
00:51:37well don't talk to me
00:51:38like I'm a fucking idiot
00:51:39you think I like being broke
00:51:41all the time?
00:51:42you think I like wearing
00:51:43that cheap tuxedo
00:51:44serving up salmon
00:51:46and greasy cheesy sauce
00:51:47you think I like
00:51:48kissing Dee Dee Taylor's ass
00:51:50so she can get me a job
00:51:51standing around
00:51:52in my bathing suit
00:51:53which you bought
00:51:55how do you think
00:51:56that makes me feel?
00:51:57huh?
00:52:02Joe I'm sorry
00:52:03okay
00:52:03I'm sorry
00:52:03I didn't mean it
00:52:05okay
00:52:06come here
00:52:08no
00:52:09I know how hard
00:52:10it is on you Joe
00:52:14but it's hard
00:52:15on me too
00:52:15I feel like
00:52:17everything's
00:52:18on my shoulders
00:52:19I feel like
00:52:19I'm all alone
00:52:21I know
00:52:24I've got to ask
00:52:25Ernst for more work
00:52:26that's all there is to it
00:52:29I've got to find
00:52:30some way
00:52:30to make some more money
00:52:32Joe come here
00:52:42Joe I love you
00:52:43whether you have money
00:52:44or not
00:52:44okay
00:52:45I don't want to argue
00:52:46with you
00:52:47I came home tonight
00:52:48and I really wanted
00:52:49to see you
00:52:50did you go ahead
00:52:51and have a drink
00:52:52after class?
00:52:53no
00:52:54class went a little
00:52:54later tonight
00:52:55and I hopped in a cab
00:52:56and came home
00:52:59you took a cab
00:53:02yeah I just wanted
00:53:03to get home
00:53:05that makes sense
00:53:34music
00:53:37Hey, Mary, look at this.
00:53:39Look at this woman's underwear.
00:53:40See how it's all sleek and lacy,
00:53:42how it accentuates every part of her body
00:53:44and presents it like a beautiful piece of candy?
00:53:47What's the matter?
00:53:48Nothing. I'm just listening.
00:53:49Well, you got a funny look on your face.
00:53:51Joe, I'm just waiting for you to make your point.
00:53:53Well, my point is, compare that to men's underwear,
00:53:55which is white, cotton, shapeless, essentially a diaper.
00:53:58What do you think that's saying?
00:54:00All men are babies.
00:54:02I'm trying to be serious here, Mary.
00:54:04I think this is an important statement
00:54:05about the relationship between men and women.
00:54:07Good. I think you should write a book about it,
00:54:10and then maybe you can tour the country
00:54:11lecturing at lingerie stores.
00:54:13Thanks a lot, Mary. That's very funny.
00:54:15I still need the rent.
00:54:17I'm picking my check up from Ernst today.
00:54:19I might be a little bit late tonight
00:54:21because I've got an audition.
00:54:23For what?
00:54:25Some movie.
00:54:26Oh.
00:54:26Dee Dee Taylor called me in.
00:54:28Well, good luck.
00:54:30So I guess we're still fighting, huh?
00:54:34I'm not fighting.
00:54:36What? No kiss goodbye?
00:54:49I had an abortion.
00:54:51So what?
00:54:53Dirk, how could you be so cruel?
00:54:56I'm not cruel, Deanna.
00:54:57I'm honest.
00:55:01And I know exactly what you are.
00:55:02I want to go.
00:55:03No, you don't.
00:55:04I want...
00:55:05You want me.
00:55:06That's what you want.
00:55:09Cut! Cut! Cut!
00:55:11Bob, it's all about energy, man.
00:55:14When you grab her, I need to see energy.
00:55:17What the fuck do you mean?
00:55:19Sis, be so kind as to tell him what the fuck I mean.
00:55:23Louder, Carl.
00:55:25Is that what you're saying?
00:55:26God fucking damn it.
00:55:28I'm coming down.
00:55:29God damn it.
00:55:31Shh, shh, shh.
00:55:33Jesus Christ.
00:55:37This is what I'm talking about.
00:55:41You grab her.
00:55:43Like this.
00:55:44Hard.
00:55:45She feels it.
00:55:46You feel it.
00:55:47She's turned on.
00:55:49She's like a hunted animal.
00:55:51Suddenly you pull her to you, like this.
00:55:54Oh, I like that.
00:55:55Rip her blouse.
00:55:57Wardrobe.
00:55:57Let her know that it's sex right now, whether she wants it or not.
00:56:03Okay, Shakespeare, go nuts.
00:56:10And action.
00:56:12I had an erection.
00:56:16I mean abortion.
00:56:19Abortion.
00:56:20All right, all right.
00:56:22Come on, Bob.
00:56:23I said action.
00:56:27Action.
00:56:28What the fuck's wrong with it?
00:56:32Oh, bloody Christ.
00:56:36Bob.
00:56:36Bob.
00:56:37I'm off the show, Roy.
00:56:40No contract.
00:56:41No nothing.
00:56:42Party's over.
00:56:43That's it.
00:56:44Bob.
00:56:44Bob.
00:56:45Bob.
00:56:46You're making way too much out of this, man.
00:56:48You just got a little jammed up.
00:56:50That's all.
00:56:50It happens to everybody.
00:56:51No.
00:56:52We've got a big, big problem here.
00:56:54And I can tell you exactly where it is.
00:56:56All right.
00:56:56It's Carl.
00:56:57Right?
00:56:58Do you want a new director?
00:56:59No.
00:57:00It is Dirk and Deanna.
00:57:01Their story is stalled.
00:57:03They keep going in circles, saying the same things over and over.
00:57:08They're not real.
00:57:09There's no movement.
00:57:10No development.
00:57:11All right.
00:57:12Okay.
00:57:12You want development?
00:57:13No problem.
00:57:14Here we go.
00:57:15Okay.
00:57:15They, uh, they get married.
00:57:20Right?
00:57:21So we do the whole ceremony and the wedding night.
00:57:25Hot tub, baby oil.
00:57:28You with me?
00:57:30See?
00:57:31You want development?
00:57:32You got it.
00:57:33You see, I'd go in exactly the opposite direction.
00:57:37Think about this, Roy.
00:57:39The next time Deanna attempts suicide, it works.
00:57:46That would be funny.
00:57:48Christ, she talks about it enough.
00:57:51Every single episode.
00:57:56She kills herself?
00:57:59She kills herself.
00:58:05She kills herself.
00:58:13God.
00:58:14I can't believe how simple that works.
00:58:17Hey.
00:58:17Hey, good idea, Roy.
00:58:21Thanks for thinking about it.
00:58:22Eh?
00:58:23I mean it.
00:58:32Clean press.
00:58:33Hangar.
00:58:34No boss.
00:58:35Oh.
00:58:36You're the best, Chang.
00:58:37Well, I know it.
00:58:38Here.
00:58:39I've got something for you.
00:58:43Oh, no.
00:58:44My old tuxedo.
00:58:45Mr. Bob.
00:58:47Come on.
00:58:47I told you I was going to give it to you.
00:58:49Just take it, will you?
00:58:51Will you sign?
00:58:52What?
00:58:53Oh, your name.
00:58:54Sign your name here.
00:58:56Chang.
00:58:56I'm not going to sign a fucking tuxedo.
00:58:58Oh, yes, Mr. Bob.
00:59:00You will sign.
00:59:01Souvenir.
00:59:02Remember?
00:59:06Hey, Bob.
00:59:09Hey.
00:59:10Hey.
00:59:11Look at you.
00:59:12Look at me.
00:59:13How are you?
00:59:14Money.
00:59:14How are you, man?
00:59:16I'm great.
00:59:16Hey, did you get my message, man?
00:59:18You never fucking called me, you bastard.
00:59:19I was going to call you, but I've been so busy with this goddamn soap.
00:59:23Oh, yeah.
00:59:24It's going pretty well, huh?
00:59:25You can't complain, yeah.
00:59:26Just signed a five-year contract today.
00:59:28That's great.
00:59:29Yeah.
00:59:29Five years.
00:59:30What about you?
00:59:31Still doing the catering?
00:59:32Oh, yeah.
00:59:33Yeah.
00:59:33I'm picking up my tux right now.
00:59:35And, uh...
00:59:37Check it out.
00:59:41What's that?
00:59:41I did a Madonna video.
00:59:43Yeah.
00:59:44She called me at home.
00:59:46I've been trying to call her back, but I haven't been able to get through, you know?
00:59:51What?
00:59:52What, you don't believe me?
00:59:53Come over to my house.
00:59:54Come over right now.
00:59:55Come on.
00:59:56Let's go over to my house.
00:59:56I'll play the message for you.
00:59:57I saved the tape.
00:59:58Come on, I'll play it for you.
00:59:59Hey.
01:00:00That was this...
01:00:01That was this chick I know.
01:00:02She does a great Madonna imitation.
01:00:04I said, hey, call my buddy Joe.
01:00:07Say you're Madonna.
01:00:08Leave a fake number.
01:00:09But I didn't think she was going to do it.
01:00:14That was you?
01:00:15Yeah.
01:00:17Hey.
01:00:17I'm sorry.
01:00:18I thought you'd get a kick out of it.
01:00:20I mean, I'm really sorry.
01:00:21No.
01:00:22We should get together sometime.
01:00:24Yeah.
01:00:24Yeah, definitely.
01:00:25Come on, let's get together.
01:00:26All right, I'll give you a call.
01:00:28Hey, you look good, man.
01:00:29Hey.
01:00:30Likewise.
01:00:33Hey.
01:00:34Hi, Mark.
01:00:35You're getting married.
01:00:38Have you been back to class since then?
01:00:40Well, yeah.
01:00:41But I can barely look at him.
01:00:43I'm still so furious.
01:00:45Mary, I'm wondering if this enormous anger you have toward Doug is not somewhat misplaced.
01:00:53What do you mean?
01:00:54Well, should he be so harshly condemned simply for finding you sexually desirable?
01:01:01Well, should I be grateful to him for wanting to kiss me?
01:01:04Is that what you're saying?
01:01:06Mary, I know this is a sensitive subject for you, but please try to remember I'm on your side.
01:01:15I believe that you do indeed have some difficulty in accepting yourself as a beautiful, sexually desirable young woman.
01:01:24Dr. Loiter, would you please stop saying that?
01:01:27Why?
01:01:29Well, honestly, it's just a little weird hearing it from my therapist.
01:01:33That's all.
01:01:34Yes.
01:01:34I am your therapist, Mary, but I am also a man.
01:01:37And I would be lying to you if I said that I didn't have impulses as both.
01:01:42Do you think my lying to you would be beneficial?
01:01:45No.
01:01:46In truth, I've entertained sexual thoughts about you many times during our meetings.
01:01:51Dr. Loiter.
01:01:52Let me finish, please.
01:01:54Okay.
01:01:55In fact, just a moment ago while you were speaking, and while I was utterly and professionally engaged in what
01:02:02you were saying,
01:02:05part of me was imagining what your breasts would feel like, naked, in my hands.
01:02:14I think I'd better leave.
01:02:17Mary, sit down, please.
01:02:19Mary, please.
01:02:21It is imperative that you confront this issue.
01:02:25Mary.
01:02:27Mary.
01:02:36What the fuck?
01:02:36What, are you guys friends all over the place?
01:02:37Yeah, I just happen to have friends, as a matter of fact.
01:02:40I am not your fucking dog.
01:02:44Hey.
01:02:45Oh, my God.
01:02:45Look, I'm not going to fucking tell you again.
01:02:47Hey.
01:02:48See what you made me do?
01:02:49Take it easy.
01:02:50Listen to me.
01:02:51You don't have to hit her.
01:02:51Who the fuck?
01:02:52Shut the fuck up.
01:02:53Asshole.
01:02:55You're an asshole, huh?
01:02:56You're an asshole, pal.
01:02:57Yeah, I'm an asshole.
01:02:59Oh, my God.
01:02:59You want to get shot, motherfucker, huh?
01:03:01Have a fuck face.
01:03:01You want to get shot?
01:03:02Go ahead.
01:03:02Shoot me.
01:03:03You're fucking brain.
01:03:04Go ahead.
01:03:05Go ahead.
01:03:05Do it.
01:03:05You're fucking shooting.
01:03:06Shoot me.
01:03:06Go ahead.
01:03:07Shoot the whole fucking world.
01:03:08We don't care.
01:03:09Go ahead.
01:03:15Lisa!
01:03:16Come on, baby.
01:03:18I'm sorry.
01:03:33Excuse me, Ernest.
01:03:35What is it?
01:03:36You're probably going to want to fire me, but...
01:03:38Somehow, I have lost my bow tie.
01:03:42Jesus.
01:03:44Mary, Joseph, and Moses.
01:03:46I've looked everywhere for it.
01:03:48It must have fallen out of my bag.
01:03:50Well, I know you're really short tonight, and...
01:03:54I feel terrible.
01:03:59Come here, Joe.
01:04:15This is called a four-in-hand.
01:04:17Do you know how to tie it?
01:04:20No, sir.
01:04:20Mine was a clip-on.
01:04:23Are you on it for the lunch tomorrow?
01:04:25No, I wasn't told.
01:04:28Put it in your book.
01:04:30Thank you, Ernest.
01:04:31I'll make sure I have my own tie.
01:04:34I'll keep this one.
01:04:36Looks better on you.
01:04:49And hit!
01:04:51And hit!
01:04:52Okay.
01:04:53Um, we've got about a minute left.
01:04:56Chantal, why don't you come up to the front?
01:04:58Doug, could someone else go?
01:04:59Oh, I don't feel that good today.
01:05:02Well, Chantal, I mean, you're...
01:05:03Our cue is one of the lowest in the class.
01:05:06I really feel right now, if we go for it,
01:05:08we can probably bring you up 25 points.
01:05:09What do you say?
01:05:10Come on.
01:05:11Okay.
01:05:15Okay, now, just relax.
01:05:18Come on, big mama.
01:05:20I got something for you right here, big mama.
01:05:24It's all yours, big mama.
01:05:25Come on, come on.
01:05:27Okay, okay, okay.
01:05:29It's all right.
01:05:30You all right?
01:05:31It's okay.
01:05:36Class, remember tears,
01:05:38an entirely appropriate response.
01:05:41Okay?
01:05:42Mary, why don't you come up?
01:05:48How have you been?
01:05:50Good.
01:05:51You seem a little upset about something.
01:05:54You okay?
01:05:54Never better.
01:05:57So why don't you turn around
01:05:59and show me that sweet little cupcake ass of yours.
01:06:03Come on.
01:06:13I need you to the boy!
01:06:16I need you to the boy!
01:06:19I need you to the boy!
01:06:35I had an abortion.
01:06:37So what?
01:06:38Dirk, how can you be so cruel?
01:06:40I'm not cruel, Diana.
01:06:42I'm honest.
01:06:43And here.
01:06:45I brought you something.
01:06:49I love you, Dirk.
01:06:56Good boy.
01:06:58Oh, my God!
01:07:00She finally did it.
01:07:20Hi, Joe Finnegan, I have a 7.45
01:07:24They just took the 8 o'clock
01:07:28Sorry
01:07:29You're gonna have to wait
01:07:32Okay
01:07:36What do you love about me?
01:07:41Joe?
01:07:44Joe?
01:07:47Joe?
01:07:57Hi, Mary, it's Sahara.
01:07:59You're not gonna believe this, but I think I'm getting married.
01:08:02I know it's crazy, but I'm in love.
01:08:05Okay, give me a call.
01:08:05Okay, bye.
01:08:08Joe and Mary, quite contrary.
01:08:10Some might call them adversaries.
01:08:14Nonetheless, I must confess, she's the one I love the best.
01:08:19I'll see you tonight.
01:08:23Beautiful, Larry.
01:08:23Great job.
01:08:24Great script.
01:08:25Really good.
01:08:25We'll talk to you, alright?
01:08:26Thanks, Phoebe.
01:08:27Big kiss.
01:08:28Big one.
01:08:29See you, Larry.
01:08:30See you later.
01:08:32Great to see you, Lawrence.
01:08:34Next, please.
01:08:35Finnegan?
01:08:39Alright, now, Devon, I've got one more here.
01:08:41Who's this guy?
01:08:42I know.
01:08:42This is Joe Finnegan.
01:08:45I told you I thought you should see.
01:08:46I'd like two white wines and a Bloody Mary.
01:08:49Frankly, pal, so would I.
01:08:51Joe, why are you wearing a tuxedo?
01:08:53Sorry, Miss Taylor.
01:08:54I just got off work.
01:08:55I didn't have time to change.
01:08:56Joe, most of these parts are already cast, but since you are the last one, we are going
01:09:03to let you read the Nick and Shelley scene.
01:09:06Alright, now that is Tina.
01:09:08She's gonna be reading with you.
01:09:12I know you.
01:09:14The Madonna video.
01:09:17Don't you remember?
01:09:18You thought I really was Madonna?
01:09:20Oh, my God.
01:09:21You look completely different.
01:09:22You changed your hair.
01:09:24Yeah, I'm back to my real color.
01:09:26Okay, okay.
01:09:28It's fairly simple.
01:09:29You are a serial killer.
01:09:31A very sexy serial killer.
01:09:34She thinks that you love killing more than you love her.
01:09:38So, she grabs the gun that you have just used to kill her father and mother and sister
01:09:44and brother.
01:09:45I still...
01:09:46I really don't think the brother...
01:09:47It's too much.
01:09:48No, you need the brother.
01:09:48He's symbolic.
01:09:49Would you two please just mind saving this?
01:09:53I will make this decision.
01:09:55Alright?
01:09:57Anytime you're ready.
01:09:59I love you, Shelley.
01:10:01Give me the gun.
01:10:03No.
01:10:03Give it to me.
01:10:04You don't love me.
01:10:05I do.
01:10:06Tell me one thing that you love about me.
01:10:09Tell me.
01:10:11I love your hair.
01:10:15I love your breath.
01:10:17Your skin, your eyes.
01:10:19I love your smile.
01:10:20Your touch.
01:10:22I love the way you fall asleep at night.
01:10:26Hold in my finger.
01:10:29Please.
01:10:32Please.
01:10:34Give me the gun.
01:10:41Changed some of the lines there, Joe.
01:10:44I'm sorry.
01:10:44I got a little lost.
01:10:46Thanks.
01:10:46No, no, no.
01:10:47Wait, wait, wait.
01:10:49Let's see something else.
01:10:51We'll just ask.
01:10:52Of course.
01:10:52I'll find out.
01:10:53Joe.
01:10:54We'd like to see something else now.
01:10:58Something with a little different tone.
01:11:01Right now?
01:11:02Anything you want, Joe.
01:11:03We just want to get some idea of your reign.
01:11:06Do you have anything, Joe?
01:11:14You know, Biff?
01:11:17Sometimes I just...
01:11:20want to rip my clothes off in the middle of that store
01:11:22and outbox that goddamn merchandise manager.
01:11:33I mean, I can outbox, outrun, and outlift anybody in that store.
01:11:42And still, I have to take orders from those common petty sons of bitches
01:11:49till I can't stand it anymore.
01:11:57You see, Biff, everybody around me...
01:12:02is so false.
01:12:06I'm constantly lowering my ideals.
01:12:13Oh, my God.
01:12:19You see?
01:12:20I told you my instincts were never wrong.
01:12:22That was very good, Joe.
01:12:24Very, very good.
01:12:26Bravo!
01:12:44Hey, I just got a part in a movie.
01:12:48I still can't believe it.
01:12:50My first part in a movie.
01:12:52They all loved you, Joe.
01:12:54You were so great.
01:12:55I was great.
01:12:56Well, you know, you were great.
01:12:58I mean, I don't know why you're not acting in it.
01:12:59No, I'm not an actress, Joe.
01:13:01I know that now.
01:13:03What about standing in for Madonna?
01:13:06Blonde, black, back to blonde.
01:13:09My hair couldn't take it anymore.
01:13:11I think your hair looks great this way.
01:13:14Yeah.
01:13:15I think it looks great.
01:13:21I wanted to do that all night.
01:13:26Hey, I just got a part in a movie.
01:13:29That's incredible.
01:13:34A friend of mine told me about this place.
01:13:37You see all these waitresses?
01:13:39They're all models.
01:13:41All of them.
01:13:41High-class models.
01:13:48You are so sexy, Joe.
01:13:50I want you right now.
01:13:53Tina, I want you too.
01:13:56When you said those things you loved about me,
01:13:58it felt like you really meant it.
01:14:00Like you were really talking to me.
01:14:04Wow, this is crazy.
01:14:05I know.
01:14:06This is crazy.
01:14:06Let's go back to my place.
01:14:09Oh, boy.
01:14:10I'd really like to, but...
01:14:11I like you too, Joe.
01:14:13No, no.
01:14:13I mean, I gotta go.
01:14:15You gotta go?
01:14:16I'm sorry, Tina.
01:14:18Will you be all right?
01:14:20Yeah.
01:14:22Yeah, I'm gonna be all right.
01:14:28It's good to see you again, Joe.
01:14:30Good to see you, Tina.
01:14:44Good to see you, Tina.
01:14:52Manny.
01:14:54Joe.
01:14:55Joe.
01:14:55I got the part.
01:14:57Did you?
01:14:58A part in the film.
01:14:59And there's money.
01:15:01Joe.
01:15:02Joe, that's fantastic.
01:15:04Joe.
01:15:06Joe.
01:15:07Joe.
01:15:09Do I have a sexual problem?
01:15:11Are you crazy?
01:15:13Dr. Loiter said I had a sexual problem
01:15:15because I didn't want to hear his fantasies about me.
01:15:17What fantasies?
01:15:19What fantasies?
01:15:19He said he was a man and wondered what my breasts would feel like naked in his hands.
01:15:24Well, I'm a man and he's gonna wonder what my fist feels like naked in his face.
01:15:29Joe.
01:15:31You don't think I have a sexual problem?
01:15:33Hell no.
01:15:35But even you said I wasn't spontaneous.
01:15:40Well, did I?
01:15:43Oh.
01:15:44Come on, Mary.
01:15:46I meant both of us.
01:15:49You're still attracted to me?
01:15:50Of course I am.
01:15:52We haven't made love in over two months.
01:15:55I know that.
01:15:57You kidding?
01:15:57I'm very aware of that.
01:16:00Maybe you're not attracted to me.
01:16:02How can you say that?
01:16:04Maybe you're attracted to guys like your self-defense teacher and his big fancy BMW.
01:16:10Joe.
01:16:11I am very attracted to you.
01:16:16I'm very, very, very attracted to you, Mary.
01:16:22You are incredible.
01:16:24Hey, what about you?
01:16:27Little rabbit?
01:16:28Little sex rabbit?
01:16:30Carrot boy.
01:16:36How?
01:16:37Hey, how did you know my teacher had a BMW?
01:16:40Does he?
01:16:41Yeah.
01:16:46Lucky guess.
01:16:48Sorry about the rubber.
01:16:51Think we'll be okay?
01:16:54I don't know.
01:16:56I hope so.
01:17:05We'll be right into you.
01:17:16The newές!
01:17:30The new Crisis Allies.
01:17:37Good morning.
01:17:39How do you like your eggs, baby?
01:17:43Over easy.
01:17:44All righty.
01:17:45Over easy it is.
01:17:46Everything is going to be easy from here on out.
01:17:49And you know what I've decided?
01:17:51For the wedding, I'm going to go back to my real color.
01:17:56Brunette again.
01:17:57I haven't been a brunette in years.
01:17:58I don't know how long.
01:18:02Besides, it's the real me anyway.
01:18:05And who more would you want than the real me?
01:18:08Right, Barbara?
01:18:09Nothing more than just absolutely me.
01:18:11I feel so comfortable with you.
01:18:12I'm so just kidding.
01:18:14I'm so excited about this wedding.
01:18:16I can't wait to have you going back to my wedding.
01:18:31I can't wait to have you going back to my wedding.
01:18:59I feel so.
01:19:00I am so annoyed.
01:19:05I'm so excited about this wedding.
01:19:07I feel so happy to have you on out.
01:19:07You
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