00:07Almost ready, Dad? We gotta get a little practice in.
00:10Just lacing up.
00:12Delay the game on Dad!
00:16Okay, Parker, if you want to be our ref, at least wait until we start playing.
00:21Welcome back to the ref.
00:23Technical foul!
00:30What are those?
00:37Those are shorts.
00:40It was a dark time in fashion before you were born.
00:45These are primetime Pete Rooney's lucky shorts.
00:48He wore them when he led Bridgewood to the state championship, so he's wearing them now.
00:53And when he talks about himself in the third person, it means primetime Pete Rooney's fixing to win.
01:01Yeah.
01:04Our town has a big two-on-two tournament where an adult teams up with a kid and, uh...
01:09No girls ever won.
01:11Till now.
01:15I was saying that I'm gonna be the first girl to win.
01:17Was that not clear without the bam?
01:19Yeah, okay.
01:20BAM!
01:21WHAT?!
01:22Okay, Dad.
01:23I've seen you holding the clipboard on the court.
01:26Now let's see if you can still play.
01:29Oh...
01:29I can still play.
01:32Check it.
01:34What?
01:35Oh!
01:35Oh no!
01:49Just a little rusty.
01:53Traveling!
01:55Traveling?
01:56Yeah, those tiny shorts are traveling right up your butt.
01:59Traveling!
02:00Traveling!
02:00Traveling!
02:08Traveling!
02:08Traveling!
02:09Traveling!
02:09I'm up with the sunshine.
02:11I lace up my hats off.
02:13I'm slam dunk ready or not.
02:16Yeah, show me what you got.
02:19I'm under the spotlight.
02:22I dare you come on and follow.
02:24You dance till your own beat.
02:26I'll sing the melody when you say yeah, I'll say no when you say stop.
02:36All I wanna do is go, go, go.
02:39You, you, the other house of me, me, the house I'll never be, me, the house that drives me crazy.
02:49You, you, the other house of me, me, the house I'll always be, me.
02:56The Wiggles know, you're better in stereo.
03:06This is tough.
03:08No, it may not look like Bernard, but I am not particularly gifted in the sports department.
03:14Trust me, it looks like it.
03:19Oh, I am dying to kick that ball out from under you.
03:25But you seem to have gotten yourself a bodyguard.
03:31Parker, this is Bernard.
03:33I entered a raffle at the mall to win a personal trailer.
03:36Turns out it was for a personal trainer.
03:41I do not need.
03:43Joe, you need a trainer much more than you need a trailer.
03:49I respectfully disagree, Treetop.
03:53A trailer is like a bathroom on wheels.
03:56The possibilities are endless.
03:58A trainer can give you tips on fitness and nutrition, but also make your lives happier and healthier.
04:07I'm already happy and healthy-ish.
04:13Joy, when I was your age, I hated to work out, too.
04:17The ladies laughed at Bernard 1.0.
04:27But the ladies love Bernard 2.0 much more.
04:36I want the ladies to love me.
04:40Well, at least you know that I'm alive.
04:44I am a pathetic lump of clay.
04:49Mold me!
04:57Oh, hey, Lip.
04:58Oh, sitting and reading.
05:01I remember when I used to have time for that.
05:05Yeah, it's a play that the drama club is doing, and they offered me the lead on your first role
05:13since saying it loud.
05:20Yeah, please don't ever do that again.
05:24It's a story about a working mother who struggles to juggle her career, home, and kids.
05:31I'm just really not sure that I can pull it off.
05:33I have that same thought every day of my life.
05:38But, like, do we really want to play a character who is so overworked and haggard that she can even
05:46barely make it through her day?
05:50Well, that does sound terrible.
05:53Was there another character in the play who's single and doesn't have kids?
05:58Actually, her sister.
05:59Play her.
06:04Hey, Max.
06:05Rehearsal any better with Dad today?
06:07Okay.
06:08One, it's cold practice.
06:10Two, rehearsal was a disaster.
06:14He's running slower.
06:16He's shooting worse.
06:18And somehow his shorts got even shorter.
06:23Does this mean that you aren't going to be the first girl to win the pageant tournament?
06:28I knew it was wrong the second I said it.
06:31I'm certainly not going to win with Dad on my team.
06:34What do I do?
06:36Okay, here is an exercise that I've done in the past.
06:40Close your eyes and let's visualize the best possible solution to your problem.
07:02Oh, yeah.
07:09Live Maddie, this is Bernard, my personal trainer.
07:11He's going to get me all jacked.
07:16What he says means muscular.
07:20Nice to meet you.
07:21Um, where is the trash?
07:33Nice shot.
07:36I played a little college ball back in the day.
07:39But come on, Jolie.
07:41The gym is that way.
07:45I gotta get you ripped.
07:51Ripped.
07:52That also means muscular.
07:56Okay, the visualization thing has never worked that well before.
08:02So, that was the universe telling me to dump Dad, right?
08:06The universe is screaming at you to dump Dad.
08:09That's right, this wave.
08:10Okay.
08:11Now, close your eyes with me and let's visualize Ryan Gosling.
08:22Hey, teammate.
08:23Hey, coach.
08:24I need to talk to you about the tournament.
08:27Great.
08:28I've been working on my jumper, getting my rhythm back.
08:30What?
08:35So, Dad, um, you and I have had some really great times together.
08:42Um, I just don't think that it's going to work out.
08:46What are you saying?
08:50I'm breaking up with you.
08:53What?
08:54Why?
08:55What did I do?
08:56I can change.
08:57I can be better.
09:00See, it's, it's not you, it's me.
09:05But I'm your dad.
09:07Right.
09:08And I will always have a special place in my heart for you.
09:15But it's just time that I move on.
09:17And I think in the long run, this is, this is going to be better for both of us.
09:22Wow.
09:23Wow.
09:24I can't believe this.
09:25I thought we were good together, you and me.
09:32This is awkward.
09:34Dad, there's someone else.
09:42Are you okay?
09:43Yeah, yeah, yeah.
09:45I'm fine.
09:46You know, just a little surprise.
09:48But it's cool.
09:49You know, you do you.
09:50I'll do me.
09:55Maybe I'll just get a ride home with Mom.
09:58I think that would be best.
10:05Thank you so much for agreeing to be on my team, Bernard.
10:08Sure thing, teammate.
10:10I'm so excited.
10:12Now hit me up top.
10:18How about I hit you up the middle?
10:21Okay.
10:22Boom.
10:23Now let's win this tournament.
10:25Bam!
10:26What?
10:27Woo-hoo!
10:30I like that.
10:31Can I, can I give it a try?
10:32I mean, you know, it's kind of my thing to try.
10:36Okay.
10:40Bam!
10:41What?
10:41Oh!
10:44You, my good sir, are a natural Bam-Wetter.
10:49What is this?
10:50Oh!
10:56Okay.
10:57Just gotta get a little...
10:59Just gotta get a little warmed up, right, Bernie?
11:07I think it's, uh, more of like a, like, like one hand.
11:19Yes!
11:20I hit the backboard.
11:23I am on fire.
11:29Uh, uh, Bernard.
11:32I thought you said you, uh, played in college.
11:35I did.
11:37In the National Trash Can Basketball Association.
11:45We used to roll around our office chairs and shoot up wadded up paper.
11:54Uh, trash can basketball?
11:58Yeah, trash can basketball.
12:00I won Defensive Player of the Year.
12:03Three years in a row.
12:06Yes!
12:07Okay?
12:08I judged a book by its cover.
12:10But come on!
12:12It was a seven-foot book!
12:18Hey!
12:18Mom!
12:19I'm so glad you're here.
12:20So, I've been thinking about this role, and I think I had it all wrong.
12:25She's not a haggard, broken-down housewife.
12:28She's a super mom who gets it all done and looks great doing it.
12:33So, to prepare for that role, I think I know the perfect person to talk to.
12:39Oh, that is...
12:41That is so sweet.
12:43Mrs. Reichschneider, my German teacher.
12:49The one with the live-in housekeeper?
12:53Yeah!
12:54Yeah!
12:56Yeah!
12:57Ask her!
12:59Ask her!
13:05Sliv, I have a huge problem.
13:08Uh, I'm listening.
13:10Okay, it's just...
13:11The thing with Bernard is...
13:13Hold on, hold on.
13:14Mom?
13:17Do you mind?
13:20More than you know.
13:24Go on.
13:26Okay, I just...
13:27I thought Bernard would be a better teammate, but he's terrible!
13:30Worse than Dad?
13:31Way worse than Dad.
13:33Are his shorts as bad?
13:36No shorts are that bad.
13:39The point is, I'm not going to win a tournament with Bernard,
13:42so I need to figure out a way to ditch him and get Dad back.
13:46Why would you want Dad back?
13:48Because it's too late to get anyone else!
13:53And because he's my father and I love him.
14:00What am I going to do?
14:01Oh, I think you know.
14:03Close your eyes and let's visualize the best possible solution to your problem.
14:19Check it out.
14:20I'm a fruit viking.
14:35All right, Bernard.
14:37Now, I have set a fitness goal for myself based on completely reasonable expectations.
14:44I want you to make me into Joey 2.5.
14:54Huh?
14:56Nice, huh?
14:57I even have shoulders bigger than yours.
14:59Nobody has shoulders bigger than me.
15:06The only shoulder in the world bigger than this one is this one.
15:13Sorry, but it's true.
15:16Okay.
15:17So what's the plan for today?
15:19All right, Joey.
15:20I want to determine your target heart rate.
15:22We're going to do some squats, some crunches, and we're going to jog a couple miles.
15:31Oh, what is that noise?
15:35Somehow you've exceeded your target heart rate by just listening to me talk about exercise.
15:44So, we're done for the day.
15:49Joey, we haven't even started yet.
15:52Now, get ready to sweat.
16:01This is fun.
16:05Plus, it's great cardio, and it's easy on the joints.
16:10Oh, easy.
16:11That is the word I've been looking for.
16:15You can totally blast your quads and get a great core workout by just hopping from side to side.
16:23Huh.
16:24Nah, man.
16:25I'm good just boinging in place.
16:29Joey 2.5 doesn't boing in place.
16:32Dad.
16:33Hey.
16:34You're done.
16:35You're done.
16:36You paid your point.
16:37You're done.
16:38May I?
16:40Please do.
16:42Stop.
16:43Stop, buddy.
16:44Okay, we're done.
16:45Stop.
16:51Hey.
16:52Dad, can we talk?
16:54Sure.
16:56Since it went so well the last time we did.
17:02Look, I made a mistake.
17:05I think I finally realized that the whole point was for us to win this tournament together.
17:14You're right.
17:15That was the whole point.
17:19Well, back to practice.
17:21Really?
17:23I'm going to go get changed.
17:25Oh.
17:25No, no, no.
17:27Not with you.
17:30With my new teammate.
17:36Your new what, mate?
17:41Diggy?
17:44Sup, Rooney?
17:47Oh!
17:52Told you, prime time Pete Rooney would find his rhythm.
17:56Ring the alarm bells.
17:57Because I'm on fire.
18:00Yeah.
18:04Wait, but I'm your daughter.
18:06How could you do this to me?
18:08Because Diggy knows not to stab me in the back.
18:11Plus, he's a great player with a solid jumper and impeccable fashion sense.
18:27If you were trying to psych out your competition, mission accomplished.
18:32Oh!
18:33Oh!
18:34Oh!
18:36Oh!
18:40Oh!
18:41Oh!
18:44Oh!
18:46Oh!
18:48Oh!
18:48Sup, Diggy?
18:52Okay, before you say anything, I'm sorry that I teamed up with your dad.
18:58And that you had to see me in those shorts.
19:03Relax, Diggy, I'm not upset with you.
19:06You're not?
19:07Wow, that's really cool of you.
19:11You are being really cool, right?
19:16Way cool.
19:19Oh, it's just, uh, it's too bad, though.
19:22Whoa, wait, what's too bad?
19:25Oh, you know, it's just, like, we're on different teams now, and so we're enemies, and I've sworn to crush
19:32all my enemies.
19:36Are you saying that I can't play in the tournament with your dad?
19:39No, I would never tell you what to do.
19:44Hey, uh, do you remember that one time that we went ice skating and I got cold?
19:50Of course, that was the first time we ever hung out together.
19:53You were so cute.
19:54Yeah, here's the scarf that you loaned me.
20:01Okay.
20:02All right, I'm really getting the feeling you're saying not to play in that tournament.
20:08I'm not saying anything.
20:10Here's a collection of every single note that you've ever left in my locker.
20:12Okay, okay.
20:16I get it.
20:16I will, uh, I'll find a way to get off your dad's team.
20:21I mean, if that's what you really want.
20:34And I really want to play Coach R, but, ah, my arm just hurts so bad.
20:39Cut down in my prime.
20:43It's a tough blow to team short shorts, isn't it, Dad?
20:47It sure is.
20:49Let me ask you one question, Mr. Smalls.
20:52Would Maddie by any chance be pressuring you, I don't know, to fake this?
21:00Ha ha!
21:02That girl's no good for you, son.
21:06Dad, you don't even like Diggy.
21:08That's not true.
21:09He's a fine young man.
21:10Really, sir?
21:11Stay out of it, Diggy.
21:13You leave Diggy alone.
21:15No, I'm the basketball coach.
21:17You two, knock it off!
21:24Now, I don't know who started this war, but I'm ending it.
21:27Get in the kitchen.
21:30Now.
21:31No!
21:41Awesome!
21:42Yeah!
21:43I really want you to dig in on this last session.
21:46I feel like I've made a lot of progress.
21:50Progress?
21:52Sure.
21:59Progress!
22:01Progress!
22:01He said progress!
22:04Yokey.
22:05Let's do this, Burn Nasty.
22:10Burn who?
22:12Burn Nasty.
22:13You're not ready for nicknames.
22:16Not from you.
22:18Good one, Treetop.
22:19Thanks, P-Train.
22:21All right, Joseph.
22:23This is simple.
22:25All you have to do is run to me while fighting those resistance bands.
22:30Oh!
22:31Piece of cake.
22:32Piece of cake.
22:33Everything is not a dessert.
22:39Run to me as though the walls are chasing you!
22:44Ooh.
22:45Can I imagine a zombie?
22:48If you must.
22:52Come on, Joey!
22:53Big Joey!
22:54All you have to do is touch my hand, and you'll be Joey 2.5.
23:02Yes!
23:05Gah!
23:07Wow!
23:08No one can stop me now!
23:13Bye-bye!
23:19Hey, do you do birthday parties?
23:22My pals will really enjoy you.
23:24Any time, P-Train.
23:27Up top.
23:31Uh, guys?
23:34Deal.
23:37A little help over here, Treetop?
23:41P-Train?
23:43Help me, Burn Nasty!
23:50You two are so stubborn.
23:52Can we at least agree there are more important things than winning?
23:56Gah!
23:58You two have been playing basketball together since Maddie was five,
24:03and now you're going to let this wonderful thing you share tear you apart?
24:06She started it.
24:09I swear it's like you two are the same person.
24:13Gah!
24:15I know, shocking.
24:17Now figure it out.
24:22Is it possible there are things more important in life than winning?
24:27It doesn't seem right, does it?
24:32I'm sorry I dumped you, Dad.
24:35I'm sorry I dumped you back.
24:40Are we supposed to hug now or something?
24:43My brother would play basketball.
24:44Let's play basketball.
24:49Hey, listen, Diggie.
24:51Um, Maddie and I got back together.
24:55Beat it.
24:58That actually makes us less awkward.
25:01I'm teaming up with the big man.
25:03And if anyone's confused,
25:07I'm the big man.
25:12Just a warning, Diggie.
25:13That big man is a big mistake.
25:16Yeah, about that.
25:17Bernard is a lot better with his goggles.
25:20No.
25:36Damn!
25:38What?
25:41I'm so much better when I can actually see the hoop.
25:47Good luck in the tournament, losers.
25:55Oh, yeah.
26:09Honey, I know it was hard to lose the championship game to Diggie and Bernard,
26:13but the tournament's over.
26:15You need to give it up, Pete.
26:16But we can win next year.
26:18No, no, I made your Daisy Dukes.
26:21Because no one wins when you wear those.
26:26Hey, prime time, Pete.
26:28Rooney's been practicing a lot, and he's got his groove back.
26:31He'd like you to check this out.
26:36Oh!
26:38In your face, old man!
26:43Exercise this, bud.
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