00:11take that munch why did you kill me we are teammates not anymore you're dead
00:24parker are you excited it's that time of year again it's my half birthday where's my half cake and half
00:32gift no no even better it's time for the mama's sweet baby boy pageant
00:43the mothers of stevens point have a pageant where we parade in costume with our youngest sons
00:52best day of the year worst day of the year but it's really important to my mom so i suck
00:59it up
01:00and die a little inside mom used to make me do the pageant but then there was a new baby
01:07boy for her
01:08to dress like a doll now i go to laugh and take lots and lots of pictures remember when you
01:16were
01:16seven and the theme was mysteries of the ocean my favorite
01:25oh look at my little sailor
01:28so this year's theme is beyond the arctic circle now mama pulled a few strings so
01:37you get to be the narwhal
01:42can i get a narwhal what
01:48this is a narwhal i know it's technically a whale but let's be honest
01:54it's a sea unicorn i've got to get out of this pageant it'll be worse than disco fever
02:12i'm up with the sunshine
02:14i lace up my heart's up
02:18slam dunk
02:19ready or not
02:21yeah show me what you got
02:23i'm under the spotlight
02:25i say you come on and follow you dance to your own beat i'll sing the melody when you say
02:35yeah
02:36i say no when you say stop
02:41all i wanna do is go go go
02:45you you never have to leave me
02:49the hell I never feed me
02:52the hell which makes me great
02:55you you you never have to leave me
03:00the hell that always leave me
03:03then we both know
03:05we're better in stereo
03:12hey guys
03:14Oh, no, she's sick.
03:16Pete, she's sick.
03:18Whenever one twin gets sick, the other goes down, too.
03:23One time.
03:24Liv got sick in California.
03:26By that afternoon, Maddie had a fever in Wisconsin.
03:31You heard of the Black Plague?
03:33Well, this is the Blonde Plague.
03:38Oh, let's not panic.
03:40Maybe they've grown out of it.
03:41You know, I saw Maddie this morning.
03:44She's fine.
03:45What?
03:46Is she woman?
03:49Is she?
03:51Mommy.
03:54I'm sicky.
03:59I'm so cold.
04:01I want my blankie.
04:03I can't get sick.
04:05Okay.
04:08There, there.
04:09All better.
04:12Mmm.
04:14So hot.
04:16Is this blankie made of fire?
04:22Well, looks like I'm on plague patrol.
04:26I can kiss that pageant goodbye.
04:29Oh, wait a minute, honey.
04:31I can take care of the twins.
04:33What?
04:33You would do that for me?
04:35Sure.
04:36You are such a prince.
04:39No.
04:42Does no one see me dying here?
04:47Well, hop to it, prince.
04:50Mama loves you.
04:55Daddy.
04:58Puppy.
05:04Liv, honey, you all right in there?
05:08Yeah.
05:10Good news is, I got it all out of me.
05:13Bad news is, I think we might need a new toaster.
05:41There's a hundred ways to die in Clancy's dairy farm slash community center.
05:48Choose one.
05:50Jump!
05:56There's also a hundred ways to look like a doofus.
05:59Burn!
06:02Now stop this tomfoolery and turn the mat over to a real kendo master.
06:08Why, are you hiding one under your orange man perm?
06:15One.
06:19I will destroy you at Kendo.
06:21And two.
06:23This is all me, baby.
06:28One.
06:29And I challenge you to a duel.
06:31I'm gonna slice you, dice you, then serve you over rice.
06:37You.
06:40Very well.
06:42When I win, you will have me over for a sleepover
06:45so your enchanting sister, Liv, can be bewitched by the sight of me
06:49in my casual evening attire.
06:53Lights a girl's candle like footie pajamas.
06:56You don't have to tell me, brother.
06:59Fine.
07:01But if I win, I get your minions.
07:05My minions?
07:07I could never part with Taylor, Joel, and...
07:13The other one.
07:17Luckily, that will never happen because of my can-do kendo skills.
07:20The other one.
08:08Is that a ladybug?
08:10Ah!
08:12Demi at the summer garden!
08:14Minion, seize her!
08:23I used your fear of ladies and bugs against you.
08:29Your minions are now minions.
08:35Victory music, please.
08:46Wait!
08:47Don't leave me with the ladybug!
08:59Mmm.
09:01Minty.
09:03I could get used to this.
09:06Minions!
09:08To robotics class.
09:16Hello, Artie.
09:17Have you, uh, have you lost weight since yesterday?
09:21Like, I don't know, three minions worth?
09:24Artie?
09:27You guys are so good at that.
09:33My minions have always opened it for me.
09:44I wouldn't worry about it.
09:47I wouldn't worry about it.
09:47That's not your locker.
09:51Minions!
09:53We rise!
10:02Worker, I know you're only here twice a week for robotics class, but you were not supposed
10:07to take projects out of the lab.
10:09Mom and Superintendent Niebauer are right there!
10:12Don't worry, I know what I'm doing.
10:20Don't worry, I know what I'm doing.
10:24Oh, hey!
10:26Oh, no!
10:28I've made a horrible error in judgment!
10:32Oh, Parker, what is the matter with you?
10:36And why are you wearing a second skirt?
10:40I have four more under this one.
10:42I don't leave the house until I'm completely prank-proof.
10:47Now, what do you plan on doing with this hooligan?
10:50Are you tough enough to discipline your own kid?
10:53Of course I am.
10:55Now, Parker, if you are old enough to get into high school trouble, you are old enough for
11:00high school consequences.
11:02You have detention for the next two days.
11:05I'll make you a snack.
11:08Two days?
11:10This entire hallway almost got an eye full of underpants.
11:15I want this little monster in there for the rest of the week.
11:18Oh, really?
11:19Kind of has plans on Friday.
11:21They've just been canceled.
11:28Oh, did Mama's sweet baby boy get thrown into detention accidentally, making himself
11:36unavailable for the patch-in?
11:39Oops.
11:40I guess he did.
11:48Line up, detainees.
11:52Superintendent Niebauer, you're in charge of detention?
11:55Oh, yeah.
11:56And you're in for a week of hard labor.
12:02Listen up, maggots.
12:04I want this school to shine.
12:07First up, graffiti removal.
12:13And we're waiting for what?
12:20Dump truck?
12:21What kind of loser calls himself dump truck?
12:24Who you calling a loser?
12:27Well, it's lovely to meet you, Mr. Dump truck, sir.
12:30I'm a big fan of your work.
12:33Listen, noob.
12:35I don't know how to do things in middle school, but this here is my detention.
12:41That's the boss.
12:43But I'm the guy.
12:47She lets me say that we got a little arrangement going on.
12:52You're going to do what I say, noob.
12:55First, you're going to empty the rat traps out by the dumpster.
12:58Then you're going to empty the roach traps out by the dumpster.
13:01And then you're going to clean the dumpster.
13:04Then you're going to go to the cafeteria and you're going to make me some nachos.
13:12Wash your hands after the dumpster.
13:16Anything's better than being Mama's sweet baby boy.
13:20Even a bag of dead dumpster rats.
13:25Mostly dead dumpster rats.
13:39Daddy!
13:42There's the bell.
13:44Got to go to school.
13:47Hey, Mom!
13:50Love that outfit.
13:56Daddy's here with the juice.
14:00Dad, that wasn't the juice bell.
14:03That was the fluff by pillows bell.
14:05This is the juice bell.
14:09Pull out the first period bell.
14:11I am so late for class.
14:15Flip, ready, press it, Mrs. Tidwell.
14:17I have my pencil and I'm ready to learn.
14:22Oh, oh.
14:23Honey, honey, you're delirious with fever.
14:26Come on.
14:27No school for you, sweetheart.
14:29Dad, I'm fine.
14:31Dad, I'm fine.
14:31Joey, tell Dad that I'm fine.
14:34Ow.
14:35Joey, your arms are getting really thick.
14:41Is that to rub my feet bell?
14:44No.
14:45Daddy has to get the boogies out of my nose bell.
14:48Come on, Daddy.
14:51Here's the star sucker.
14:54Second period!
14:56It's time for choir!
14:59Amazing grace, how sweet the sound.
15:07That saved a wretch like me.
15:19What?
15:20What?
15:21Tissue, tea, cough, drop.
15:24What?
15:27If you loved me, you would know.
15:31Oh.
15:35I once was lost, but now I'm free.
15:56Oh, wow.
15:57Oh, oh.
15:58Okay.
16:02Guys, I can crack my own claw.
16:23Minions seem like a good idea until they are smothering you all day long.
16:29Applying your deodorant after gym, popping blackheads on your forehead, handing you toilet paper under the stall.
16:39Granted, it was six-ply and really soft on my bottom.
16:43Um, but still, a man needs his space.
16:51Stop it.
16:55Okay, really, none of this is weird for you guys?
17:02Get off me, get off me, get off me, get off me, get off me, get off me.
17:06Arty!
17:10Oh, I have never been so happy to see you.
17:15Hey, Minions.
17:18Dude, you have to take them back.
17:21I thought it would be cool, but I am just not a minion man.
17:25Man.
17:27Joey won back.
17:29I won them from Never Whore Soccer in a vicious game of hopscotch.
17:34I won them from me.
17:36Fine.
17:38But...
17:39You'd do that?
17:43Bless you!
17:45You.
17:49You.
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