00:10Okay, guys, while Dad's away, Mom's gonna give her first wizard lesson.
00:14So let's show her some respect.
00:16Oh, we respect her. It's you we don't respect.
00:21Anywho.
00:22See? We don't respect you because you say things like that.
00:28Uh, yay, I'm in the wizard's lair.
00:31Or as I like to call it, the garage sale that never happened.
00:37Okay, guys, now listen up.
00:39Dad wants me to teach the lesson today while he's away at the No Wizard Left Behind conference.
00:45So let's get this over with.
00:47Okay, uh, what is wizard where?
00:52Max.
00:53Alex is on my side of the bench.
00:54You don't own the bench, Max.
00:56Dad's side, I do.
00:57You guys are being childish right now.
01:00Mom's here, you shouldn't be doing...
01:01Don't make me stand up.
01:03I just...
01:04That is my dad.
01:05That's it.
01:06I quit.
01:07Justin, it's all yours.
01:13She, uh, lasted a lot longer than Dad said she would.
01:24Today we continue with magical wizard garments.
01:28Having covered armor, we move on to sportswear.
01:37This is a speed shirt.
01:39It gives you supersonic speed.
01:42Oh, does it grow your hair really long?
01:47Speed.
01:48Shirt.
01:52Now, watch how fast I can run into the sub shop, make a sandwich, and come back.
01:56Okay, ready?
02:01Done.
02:04No way.
02:07Yes way.
02:08Wow.
02:11You forgot the cheese.
02:14Oh, hang on.
02:19Is that enough cheese for you?
02:21I think so.
02:22Nice.
02:25Okay.
02:27Item two is called a nightcap.
02:30Whoever wears it falls asleep instantly.
02:33Well, are you gonna keep teaching?
02:34Because I want to be asleep for that.
02:36Hand it over.
02:38Ooh, I'm tempted.
02:39But then you wouldn't get to know about these.
02:42Sure, Woody.
02:46Smarty pants.
02:50They give whoever wears them superior knowledge on anything and everything there is to know.
02:56I'd put them on, but I'm already smarter than them.
03:01Ooh, you're smarter than pants.
03:03Good for you.
03:06Now, pay attention while I read off some of the possible side effects of keeping the pants on too long.
03:11Side effects may be headache, nausea, rash, chronic giggling, belly button bubbles, say it don't spray, disease, tongue reversal, ear
03:20gas, sweaty knees, Picasso face, problems with the bowels.
03:26All right, lesson's over.
03:27Come on, Max.
03:28I think I'm just saying draw on his face.
03:30Okay, cool.
03:32Ooh.
03:37Ooh.
03:37The last one that you ask me to make a new suit.
03:39The last one that you say is the meme, you can't make your develop.
03:41You can't make a new suit.
03:43I know.
03:44It'll go to your head when you write a report on a book you never read.
03:47If it's happy, you think it is.
03:48You can make your very happy.
03:50That's why I say everything is not what it seems
03:56When you can get all you wanted in your wildest dreams
04:00You might run into trouble if you go to extremes
04:05Because everything is not what it seems
04:09Everything is not what it seems
04:14When you can have all you want, that's simpler to me
04:19Be careful not to mess with the balance of things
04:23Because everything is not what it seems
04:37Alfred, the plan was if you were going to be ref, you wouldn't have thrown me out of the game
04:42Hey, when I put this shirt on, friendship goes away
04:49Hey, look at the line for the water fountain
04:51Oh, wow
04:56Hey, Zeke
04:58What's with the line? Are the other ones broken?
05:01Nope, the water that comes out of this one is the best in the school
05:05But I don't get it, water's water
05:07Well, I beg to differ
05:09This water is delicious
05:12Excuse me
05:15Sheriff's in town
05:17Step away from the watering hole
05:25Now that is some fine H2O
05:34If I could figure out a way to bottle this stuff, I would make a fortune
05:39You can bottle it
05:41Alfred, don't bother me, I'm thinking
05:45Hey Alex, are you as excited as I am about the Tribeca quiz bowl?
05:50Oh my gosh, no
05:55You're excited? Who wouldn't be?
05:57It's an academic decathlon
05:58And when I take my team to victory, people are going to know me as Harper
06:02The girl who's got the brains
06:04Not just Harper, the girl who's the fashion dynamo
06:10Harper
06:11If you want people to notice that you're smart, she might want to wear a little less produce
06:16That's not going to happen
06:19Papayas just came into season
06:23Well, I'd like to be known as Alex, the girl who doesn't care what she's known as
06:27You are known as that
06:29I don't care
06:30See, it looked like I really didn't care there for a second, huh?
06:33That was good
06:35Oh my gosh, there's Dean
06:37I hope he knows me
06:39Dean Moriarty?
06:41He don't want to know him
06:43I hear he plays with firecrackers
06:48Dean Moriarty
06:49I was wondering if you could be a good little Kimo Sabe
06:55And rustle up some students to help gussy up the gym for the big quiz bowl this year
07:02You gotta slow down, Mr. Larry Tate
07:05I'm only on my first semester of cowboy
07:10All right, Dean
07:12You and your whole posse are on set-up patrol
07:17Hey, just sitting up might be all right
07:19What time should we be there?
07:21What? You'll do it?
07:24That was a lasso toss in the dark
07:27I'll meet you at three o'clock
07:30Moriarty?
07:31You're turning into a citizen
07:35Looks like I'll be helping set up the gym for quiz bowl this year
07:38Why do I have a feeling you're just doing that to get to know Dean?
07:41Cause I'm making it pretty obvious
07:46Hey Dean
07:48What's up, Russo?
07:49Yeah, what's up, Russo?
07:52She's cool
07:52She's cool?
07:54Oh, she's cool
07:58So, um, I hear you're setting up the gym for quiz bowl this year
08:01It's kind of my thing
08:03So maybe we should talk about that and see how it's gonna work
08:06Want a thumb wrestle for it?
08:09Cute
08:11Oh, I know
08:15Most chicks don't like to get down and dirty with how things work
08:18They usually just make posters and gossip
08:21Really?
08:21Cause it sounds like you're gossiping about chicks right now
08:25I'll be setting up the big boy stuff
08:27And I'll get you some cardboard and you can make yourself a poster
08:37So, uh, Dean
08:39What are you thinking?
08:41I think I'm setting up for the quiz bowl with Russo
08:44While you guys are making posters
08:46Got it, Dean
08:48Guys?
08:48We're gonna make posters!
08:50Yeah!
09:05What you doing?
09:07What does it look like I'm doing?
09:09I'm making a pizza
09:10Ah, watch it
09:11I own sarcasm and didn't give you permission to use it
09:16Cute
09:17Get used to it
09:19Okay
09:19So, um, what do you want me to do?
09:21Well, you can finish why on the last buzzer for me
09:24Okay
09:24Remember, green goes to red, goes to blue
09:26Goes to blue, red goes to green, red
09:28Goes to blue, green
09:33Okay, I miss all of that
09:35But yeah, I'll figure it out
09:36It's good
09:42Oh, hey, Harper
09:43Nice headband
09:44Are those real grapes?
09:47No
09:47The real grapes didn't survive the washing machine
09:50But you know what?
09:52It took this
09:55To figure out this
10:02Yes, it did
10:04Hey, do you mind if my team practices are buzzer technique?
10:07Let me just hook this up first
10:13And...
10:14Oh, that looks pretty
10:15Okay
10:19All right
10:20Team Maroon
10:21Ready positions
10:27This dangerous South American spider
10:30Is often found in boxes of exported fruit
10:33Particularly bananas
10:46Does anyone else's hair feel hot?
10:50What's happening?
10:55Don't look at me
10:56I'm a girl
10:57I was just making posters
11:06Thank you very much, Alex
11:08Nellie dropped out of the quiz bowl
11:10That whole buzzer accident freaked her out
11:13Oh, wah, wah
11:14She looks better with her hair up anyway
11:18Maybe if you weren't so concerned with getting to know Dean
11:21You would have hooked the wires up the right way
11:23Now, now, don't go blaming Dean
11:25I would have jacked that up anyway
11:29And besides
11:30Can't you just get someone to fill in for Nellie?
11:33No
11:33Everyone in school is already on their team
11:35So we have to forfeit
11:37Ugh, Justin's team's probably gonna win now
11:40Now I'll never get a new reputation
11:42It's really hard being known just as the glamour girl
11:51I wish you were smart
11:53Then he could fill in for Nellie
11:55I am smart
11:57I'm street smart
11:58But not book smart
11:59I am too book smart
12:02Sure, I don't read books
12:04But I hollow them out and hide things in them
12:08Hey, Harper
12:09Heard about Nellie's little, uh, accident
12:11Thank you, Alex
12:13Yeah, nice work
12:14Way to zap the competition
12:16Hey, just because you're winning through a forfeit
12:19Doesn't mean you really win
12:21That's not a satisfying victory
12:22Oh, well, I'm pretty satisfied
12:25How about you, Zee?
12:26I'm very satisfied
12:28Thanks for asking
12:32Miss me high, hit me low
12:33That's what I'm talking about
12:35Oh
12:40Well, guess what?
12:41You tools didn't win
12:43Harper's team doesn't have to forfeit
12:45Because I just joined it
12:47You, come on, Alex
12:50You got a D in lunch
12:52Ooh, ouch
12:53Fly high, hit me bar
12:55Oh
12:56Oh, please
12:59The quiz bowl's just a glorified trivia game
13:02I know stuff
13:03You know what?
13:05Beating you in this competition
13:06Will be a delight
13:08And to make things fair
13:10Which I should
13:11I'll even loan you my 15,000 handwritten cross-reference index cards
13:16Of information
13:21Does one of those cards tell you not to answer the phone?
13:24Yellow
13:27I can't wait for this quiz bowl now
13:29Zeke, are you feeling the need to do what I'm feeling the need to do?
13:32The need to blog about it?
13:34Oh, yes
13:40Alex, what are you doing?
13:42You're just going to embarrass yourself in front of everyone
13:47I'm going to have to hit the books
13:49Okay, but not the ones that are hollowed out
14:15Okay, we get it
14:17They cause side effects
14:19Such as
14:21Headache
14:22Nausea
14:23Rush
14:24Skeleton legs
14:27Belly button bubbles
14:29Say it, don't spray it disease
14:32Smelly feet
14:35Yellow toes
14:36Flaky hair
14:39Oh
14:39Now I know how to shut you up
14:41Scaly piss
14:44Huh
14:45Knowing stuff is so cool
14:56What are you doing?
14:58You remember how people love the water found water?
15:01I hauled this whole bucket of it home from school
15:06Now I'm going to bottle it
15:07And I'm going to sell it back to them
15:12Why are you going through all this trouble?
15:14Why don't you just sell them bottled water
15:17And tell them it's around the fountain
15:19It all tastes the same
15:24We know you have a lot of choices for your fountain water
15:27We're glad you chose us
15:31Hey, you guys are waiting in line to buy this fountain water
15:34Because you don't want to wait in line at the fountain
15:35Meanwhile, there's no line at the fountain
15:41Hey, hey, there's no line here now
15:45Hey, guys
15:46When we're done with these
15:47We can use our empties to fill up at the fountain for free
15:54We just lost our business
15:58What do we can't do?
16:00We gotta come up with something
16:01Panic in one
16:02It's never not worked
16:14Oh my gosh
16:16This is such a big turnout
16:24I guess there's no point in waiting around for more people
16:30Okay, Calico Kittens
16:32Let's get ready to quiz-bowl
16:42Quiz-bowl?
16:44What are we doing here?
16:47Uh, I just wanted to come by to see your poster
16:52Really?
16:54Sure
16:59One, two, three
17:00Win!
17:05Why are you rolling those stretchies up?
17:08They're cute and really stand out
17:09Which is the sign of a really good stretchy
17:11Oh, it's just hot in here, you know
17:14But remember, this isn't about me
17:16This is about everybody getting to appreciate you for your brains
17:19And not just your oranges
17:23They're tangelos
17:24But thank you
17:27Teams ready?
17:28Have some fun
17:29Take your time
17:30And remember
17:31There are no losers
17:32Only winners
17:34And the people that aren't them
17:38Question number one
17:39What umbrella term refers to the diseases of the heart and blood vessels?
17:45Cardiovascular disease
17:46Correct
17:50Nice, you studied
17:56Yeah, that's what I did
17:59Next question
18:01How many distinct codon sequences are there in an RNA messenger molecule?
18:08Eight or two cubed
18:15What did we say, Zeke?
18:16If it's a guess, it's a mess
18:2264 for cubed
18:24And bingo was his name-o
18:33You can't see through these cards
18:35Can you, Russo?
18:39Wow, how did you know that?
18:42You're the one who said he studied
18:43Why are you asking me?
18:46Larry Kate
18:47You know, I should get credit for this
18:49She studied off of my study card
18:51Okay, look, I think we all established that I studied here
18:54Mr. Larry, take question three
18:56Please
18:58Question three
19:03Archimedes principle
19:109,476,251 micrometers
19:19Puppets
19:25The Japanese pronunciation is
19:28Dariga
19:29Eiyoga
19:30Hanasimasuka
19:35My
19:36Study
19:37Cards
19:45D
19:45Sen
19:45tell
19:45Deborah
19:45D
19:45D
19:45D
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