Waiting for Guffman (1996) Full Movie HD [Full Movie] [Full Version]Full EP - Full

LovelyTimes Drama

1 day ago

Transcript

00:00:22First of all, I want to thank everybody for coming, giving up your lunch hours and all

00:00:26that. And Lord knows, very exciting for all of us. Happy to be here. Oh, me too. Absolutely. And let's

00:00:32just get our hands right into it. Who wants to start us off? I'll be happy to start. You know

00:00:35what? Gwen, why don't you start us off? Okay. You don't need the pointer here, do you? No, I don't

00:00:40need the pointer. I'll just hold on to it then. Oh, she's fine. Gwen? There is a concern that I

00:00:44have that I think needs addressing is that we can't have the port-a-potties too far off the main

00:00:48route because we do have a lot of seniors. We've solved that. We're going to take the port-a-potties

00:00:54and put them right over here.

00:00:55They're not going to be in the way. We're going to put a receptacle over near Arts and Crafts. These

00:01:01are the big bins you're talking about? Yeah. We've got barrels too. We've got barrels. And we're going to put

00:01:04the barrels on every corner. Wait a minute. That's the crate? No, that's the big barrel. That's the big barrel

00:01:09because you've got the pie eating going on right over here. It's more of a dumpster than a barrel. Now

00:01:12that's another thing. If anything happens like last year with that pie eating, which brings me to a point. Security.

00:01:18Oh. Security. I said we put a rifle on here. Yeah. Come on. A man with a rifle here and

00:01:24rifle here. Oh, please.

00:01:25Protect the whole square. Don't start that. Greenville. Yes. Every year he has to bring this up. Remember how much

00:01:30we got egged last year? Absolutely.

00:01:31What can I tell you? We're pleased as punch. We are so proud. We know that whatever we do here

00:01:37is a first for Blaine and a first for Missouri. That whatever we do is going to be the standard

00:01:41against which all other sesquicentennials, that's the 150, will be judged.

00:01:48The people of Blaine are can-do people. In fact, you know, there's an old saying in Missouri that if

00:01:54you don't like the weather, just wait five minutes. In Blaine, I honestly believe with hard work, we can get

00:02:00that down to three or four minutes.

00:02:02Here in our sesquicentennial year, we've got a lot to talk about. There's a lot to be proud of, and

00:02:07we're very proud of it, and I think it's about time that the world knows more about Blaine.

00:02:11We're chomping at the bit, certainly, from this end to get it out there. It all started with Blaine Favon.

00:02:18He was hired by 30 settlers to lead a wagon train expedition from Philadelphia to California.

00:02:23On the 14th night, word has it they were sitting around the campfire, and Blaine said,

00:02:28Do you smell it? Do you smell the salt in the air? He said, We're here. I brought you to

00:02:33California.

00:02:34And so there was a big party that night, and the next morning they got up.

00:02:38They didn't see the ocean because they were in Missouri.

00:02:43Blaine was able to convince them for a little while that it was just low tide and things,

00:02:47but what had happened was that he had made some mistakes, bad weather, wasn't familiar, perhaps, with the proper route.

00:02:53But as it turns out, everybody was quite happy to be where they were, so they said,

00:02:56It's okay. We didn't make it to California. We'll stay here, and that's why I'm at this desk.

00:03:01Well, I'm very proud to say that I'm a direct descendant of Blaine Favon.

00:03:06I've lived here all my life, as did my parents and their parents and their parents and their parents and

00:03:12so on and so forth.

00:03:14I'm very excited about the show coming up because it'll be the first time I'll have the experience of sitting

00:03:22in the audience

00:03:22and seeing actors portray my ancestor, the actual Blaine Favon.

00:03:30Being a Favon is not always easy.

00:03:34I can certainly understand how the Kennedys feel.

00:03:38I had been living in New York and working there as an actor and director and choreographer for 25 years

00:03:45or so,

00:03:46and I really felt I needed a change.

00:03:49I imagined in my fantasy, I suppose, that when I came here, I would have a completely different life.

00:03:58Perhaps a construction worker or one of those guys that works on those high wire things with a hard hat,

00:04:07you know, that sweeping sort of hat, and with the chaps.

00:04:13But that didn't really work out.

00:04:15I began to realize, I guess, that the theater was still in my blood,

00:04:19and what I had to do was make use of that.

00:04:22So I offered my services to the high school here, and they accepted,

00:04:27and I began to teach drama.

00:04:30And within about six months, I had formed the Blaine Community Players.

00:04:34I got to tell you, we are very, very excited about the big show that's happening at the end of

00:04:38the festival.

00:04:40Everyone right now is just going crazy getting ready to audition,

00:04:44and unfortunately, I won't be able to audition.

00:04:46We have to stock that day and can't get out of it,

00:04:49and Corky will not let me audition any other time.

00:04:53So that's show business is what he told me,

00:04:55and, you know, he's the master.

00:04:57You got to give him credit for that.

00:04:59President McKinley did a whistle-stop tour back in 1898,

00:05:03and a little boy, Jimmy McBean, made a stool for him.

00:05:06And he loved it so much that he called back and said,

00:05:09look, I would like to give more of these to dignitaries who are visiting,

00:05:12and before you knew it, Blaine is manufacturing all these footstools,

00:05:18and that's how the big, that's how we got the stool boom.

00:05:23Blaine became the stool capital of the world.

00:05:26My first show was Barefoot in the Park, which was an absolute smash,

00:05:31but my production on the stage of Backdraft was what really got them excited.

00:05:36This whole idea of in-your-face theater really affected them.

00:05:42The conceptualization, the whole abstraction,

00:05:45the obtuseness of this production to me was what was interesting.

00:05:48I wanted the audience to feel the heat from the fire,

00:05:53the fear, because people don't like fire poked, poked in their noses.

00:05:58You know, when you get a cinder from barbecue right on the end of your nose

00:06:01and you kind of make that little face, that's not a good thing.

00:06:04I wanted to have the sense memory of that.

00:06:07So during the show, I had someone burn newspapers

00:06:12and send it through the vents in the theater.

00:06:14Well, they freaked out.

00:06:17Of course, the fire marshal came over,

00:06:19and they shut us down for a couple of days.

00:06:22Mr. Blustein, Montezuma's revenge is nothing more than good old-fashioned American diarrhea.

00:06:28Adult diapers should never even enter the picture.

00:06:32So you lose a few pounds.

00:06:35My mom used to say that Blaine is a little town with a big heart

00:06:39in the heart of a big country.

00:06:41And to me, Blaine is a kind of town where I can have my own business,

00:06:47meet and marry a wonderful woman like Sheila,

00:06:51and be something, be somebody.

00:06:53Some people find it ironical that even though we run a travel agency,

00:06:57we've never been outside of Blaine.

00:06:59With one exception.

00:07:02Well, we've never been outside of Blaine.

00:07:05Well, I went to...

00:07:06There's a medical reason.

00:07:10You can tell.

00:07:11It's just minor surgery.

00:07:16Eight months, seven, make Sundays, make blizzards, and put stuff on them,

00:07:23and see a lot of people come in.

00:07:26A lot of people come to the DQ.

00:07:28Burgers, ice cream, anything, you know.

00:07:34Cokes, just drive in and get a Coke if you're thirsty.

00:07:39Everybody thinks that Roswell was the first sighting of a UFO in the United States,

00:07:44and that's bull roar.

00:07:45We had the first sighting here in 1946,

00:07:48and it wasn't just a sighting.

00:07:49It didn't even fly by.

00:07:50They stopped.

00:07:51They landed.

00:07:52The people in Blaine went on board the ship for a potluck dinner.

00:07:56I've been coming out to this landing site every day for two years to measure it.

00:08:03And here's the thing.

00:08:04The circumference and the diameter change by a few inches,

00:08:10yet the radius remains the same,

00:08:13which brings me back to the number five.

00:08:15There are five letters in the name Blaine.

00:08:18Mix the word Blaine up or mix it around.

00:08:21Eventually, you'll get Nabali.

00:08:23Nabali, the name of the planet in a galaxy way, way, way far away.

00:08:32I'll tell you another thing.

00:08:33Once you step inside this circle, the weather never changes.

00:08:38It is always 67 degrees with a 40% chance of rain.

00:08:44Always.

00:08:45I love to make people laugh, and I've been doing it since, you know, school.

00:08:51People ask me, were you, you know, you must have been the class clown.

00:08:56And I say, no, I wasn't.

00:09:01But I sat beside the class clown, and I studied him and saw how he made people laugh.

00:09:09And so I picked some things up, and, you know, and at parties and family functions, I have to say,

00:09:16I love, you know, breaking people up.

00:09:19So there's a thing that I think I got an entertaining bug from my grandfather, Chaim Perlgut, who was very,

00:09:29very big in the Yiddish theater back in New York.

00:09:33He was in the very, the sardonically irreverent, Dibbik Shmibbik, I Said More Ham.

00:09:42And that review, I believe, was 1914, and that review is what made him famous.

00:09:49Incidentally, the song, Bubi Medekishka, came from that review.

00:09:55My father, bless him, brought me into the business.

00:09:59This was his dental practice before.

00:10:02And I joke with my wife that, you know, at that point, that's when the money started rolling in, you

00:10:10know.

00:10:12Brave, making more wampum to buy pelts.

00:10:21One happy squaw and wigwam, happy as mongoose.

00:10:29That is, of course, from Johnny Carson, who, one of my heroes in a very funny bit.

00:10:35When I see lips waiting to be kissed, I can't stop, I can't stop for that lightning.

00:10:44Oh, it's striking again.

00:10:48Yeah.

00:10:51Lightning's striking again and again and again and again.

00:11:01I'm going to do a scene from the movie Raging Bull.

00:11:07You fucked my wife?

00:11:09What?

00:11:11You fucked my wife?

00:11:13How can you ask me a question like that?

00:11:15How can you ask me?

00:11:16I'm your brother and you ask me that?

00:11:17Where do you get the balls big enough to ask me that?

00:11:21Basically, for the last 15 years, I have been the music teacher at Blaine High.

00:11:29And part of my job, and a very important part, is to put on a show every year, which I

00:11:35have done completely by myself.

00:11:37This year, it's going to be different, because Corky, being from New York, being a professional, and having put on

00:11:46some very theatrical productions here,

00:11:53is going to be directing the show this year, and I'm going to be the musical director, which is different

00:12:00for me.

00:12:04Teacher's pet, I want to be teacher's pet.

00:12:10I want to be huddled and cuddled as close to you as I can get.

00:12:20Teacher's pride, I want to be teacher's pride.

00:12:43Teacher's pride, I want to be a president of the show.

00:12:46I told my wife I'd come out for this show, and you know, I thought I'd give it a shot.

00:12:54yes give it your best shot which won't be the first shot you ever gave hope it doesn't leave

00:12:58porky numb like most of them it's like pulling teeth to get a discount from him hey why don't

00:13:02you give some carmels to the little girl future customers and all so i can be teacher's pet

00:13:10long after school is through teacher teacher i love you

00:13:27i dream of genie with the light brown hair floating like a vapor on the soft summer air

00:13:46look out camp town races sing this song doo-dah doo-dah camp town race track five miles long

00:13:53oh doo-dah day wind run all night winds run all day bet my money on the bobtail nag somebody

00:14:01bet on the bay

00:14:02bay bay bay way down upon the swanee river

00:14:18floating like a vapor on the soft summer air

00:14:36oh

00:14:41very nice very that was very good good well thank you dr pearl well thank you very much

00:14:48thank you and we'll let you know very good thank you thank you

00:14:56you know he knows he can actually sing

00:15:12ding dong oh i wonder who knows i'm vacationing here at the oasis

00:15:20am i late you surprised how did you find me i have my ways would you like to come in

00:15:28for coffee

00:15:29you don't need to answer there's no need to speak

00:15:38i'll be your belly dancer

00:15:42prancer

00:15:43and i will be your she

00:15:47i don't need a harem honey

00:15:51when you're by my side

00:15:54and you won't need a camel

00:15:58no no

00:15:59when i take you for a ride

00:16:03we'll need some coffee to go with that ride won't we

00:16:05we're always full surprises

00:16:08but say i wonder do we have time for that coffee

00:16:11what time is it what time is it haven't you been paying attention it's midnight at the oasis

00:16:21oh thank you good that was great thank you really good well thanks a lot

00:16:28thanks for coming

00:16:30leave the uh right now why don't you just put that back there strike it yeah

00:16:35we've done a few shows for corky before so we know all the terms already going in

00:16:38thanks so much it was really fun thank you thank you wow i'm found with our cabinets

00:16:48as dr watson said to sherlock are coming together sir the old standbys the workhorses i call them

00:16:55interesting how do these people where do they come from you know up to the

00:17:00dentist and say you know are you interested in this but

00:17:05mrs pearl was in the same shop and it just was an accident you know we started talking

00:17:12about pantyhose she was saying whatever that's not the point of the story but what the point is

00:17:18was that through this accidental meeting it's like you know it's like a hitchcock movie where you know

00:17:25you're thrown into a rubber bag and put in the trunk of a car you find people you find them

00:17:34something

00:17:34it is it karma maybe

00:17:40but we found him that's the important thing and i got bonnie a wonderful pantsuit

00:17:46they took me off into a separate room i seen him taking different people off different ones of us off

00:17:51in separate rooms and put me on a big white table and uh the guy that to take me here

00:17:58the one of them

00:17:59that took me in there to examine me i guess he he probed me and then i was in there

00:18:04i i bet more than

00:18:06three or four hours in that room of being probed and at one time i have six of them at

00:18:10different times

00:18:11and all of them probed me uh not all at once you know and now even still uh it's a

00:18:18funny thing

00:18:18it happened on a sunday and every sunday

00:18:57i and Woah

00:19:15but i i mentioned that so my name is

00:19:18and i want to say that it's so good

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00:37:04Is there enough money?

00:37:06I don't want to buy a customer who didn't buy anything.

00:37:11I don't want to buy anything.

00:37:15I don't want to buy anything.

00:37:17It's easy to buy anything.

00:37:19Yeah and I don't want to buy anything.

00:37:27Yes, that's right.

00:37:38I think that it is still in the room, but the time is still in the room.

00:37:43I think it's still in the room.

Waiting for Guffman (1996) Full Movie HD [Full Movie] [Full Version]Full EP - Full

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