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00:00The goddess of healing
00:03She is
00:04eccentric and elusive and no one has ever seen her before whoever finds the goddess healer will get the five
00:11million dollars
00:13Oh kind stranger, let me repay you by granting you a wish
00:17I wish for you to cure my brother's illness. Can you do that?
00:20My brother's a war hero who single-handedly saved his country from a terrorist attack
00:24If he's a hero to you, then that means he must be a good person. It's a deal
00:30I'll save Lysander Armstrong. How can this shit-stained hobo cure your brother?
00:35I mean you wouldn't be homeless if you were actually any good
00:38That's right the Queen Angel and I are already the top doctors in the world if we can't save him
00:45No one can don't don the mantle of doctor when you're only capable of harm now stop getting in my
00:51way
00:53Every second counts
00:58Healer goddess, hear my plea
01:02Please save my child
01:19Rod of a sepulius
01:38Rejuvenate
01:46Rejuvenate
01:48PRAISE!
01:49She is the healer goddess!
01:52No, please.
01:53Don't call me that.
01:55I'm just glad I could help.
02:01Here you go, miss.
02:05Why be weighed down by a throne
02:07when I can live amongst the common people
02:09and help those the most in need?
02:22You must be rushing off to go find your jewels
02:25because only a sackless coward
02:27would hit a puppy and run!
02:31Aw, it's okay, little guy.
02:34I'll fix you right up.
02:40Right
02:41rewrites the wrong.
02:45We're doing it.
02:50See?
02:51Good as the day you can kick him out of your mother's womb.
02:56Come on, Cleo!
02:57Let's go!
03:13Please.
03:14My brother's been in a coma the last two years.
03:17We have no idea what the illness is.
03:19If anyone can help cure him, we will pay you handsomely.
03:22Be Lysander Armstrong!
03:24His military family basically owns the entire global stock market!
03:28He's so hot!
03:30Does he come with the money?
03:32Yes.
03:32He'll even marry you if you can cure him.
03:34Money.
03:35Fame.
03:36Power.
03:36Power.
03:36It's all yours.
03:42Are we still moving forward, Miss Trixie?
03:44Yes.
03:45Give the presidential contract to Marissa.
03:48Oh, I have another call coming in.
03:52Grandma!
03:52I'm dying!
03:54Save me, Trixie!
03:56Grandma?
03:58Grandma.
03:59When are you getting married?
04:00I'm already a hundred years old.
04:03I'm gonna keep you healthy forever, Grandma.
04:05And Butch is still on deployment, so that's why I haven't been married yet.
04:12Oh, but why marry a vegetable when I can bang a younger stud like you?
04:18We're talking about my brother's life.
04:20I don't have time for jokes.
04:23No!
04:32Please go feed your dog, Miss.
04:34Don't let it starve like you.
04:35Oh, kind stranger.
04:37Let me repay you by granting you a wish.
04:40Grant me a wish?
04:40Mm-hmm.
04:41That you can barely feed yourself.
04:43The downfall of humanity.
04:44It all starts with the loss of faith.
04:47What?
04:48Oh.
04:49Jeez, this is giving me a migraine.
04:51Are you telling me to pray to God because we've been doing that?
04:54I'm telling you to have some faith in me.
04:57Okay.
04:58Uh, I wish for you to cure my brother's illness.
05:02Can you do that?
05:03I can topple mountains and make a king out of a frog if I wanted to.
05:07Cleo, stay right here for a second.
05:09Don't go too far, Cleo.
05:14Hold still.
05:21What?
05:22My migraine's gone.
05:24Okay, then let's go.
05:25If you can cure my brother, he'll even marry you.
05:28Come on.
05:28Come on.
05:29What?
05:30Oh!
05:43How is he?
05:44What is the diagnosis?
05:46Remember, you will not marry him unless you cure him.
05:48I'm sorry.
05:49I don't know what this is.
05:51Aren't you the queen of medicine?
05:52You're supposed to be one of the best.
05:54Don't worry, General.
05:56I'm the angel herbalist and I have mastered all healing methods of the East.
06:00I can detect what condition your son has with just one needle.
06:21I have no clue what this is.
06:25Oh, it looks like the angel herbalist doesn't live up to her name after all.
06:31That's why we saved the best for last.
06:33Me, the witch doctor.
06:34I'll save your son, Lysander.
06:47He's not budging.
06:48There's no movement.
06:49Truly.
06:50I have saved thousands of patients all over the world, but I don't know what this is.
06:56Lord, I've scoured the earth for the best doctors.
06:59They've tried all these methods and they've all failed.
07:01If we can't save him, there's only one person who can.
07:08Who?
07:11The goddess of healing.
07:15Wait a second.
07:16You're not talking about the legendary goddess healing.
07:19That's correct.
07:20Her right rewrites the rond and her left leaves the bereft.
07:25That's her motto.
07:26It's what makes her a sage amongst mortals.
07:29We are nothing compared to her.
07:31She is eccentric and elusive.
07:35No one has ever seen her before.
07:37If this legendary healer is the only one that can truly save my son,
07:41I don't care if I go bankrupt.
07:43I will find her.
07:45James, come.
07:47Put out a bounty.
07:48To the entire world.
07:50Whoever finds the goddess healer will get the five million dollars.
07:54There's no need.
08:09I'll save your son.
08:12Who the hell is she?
08:13Dad, she says she can cure Lysander.
08:15She's gonna save your brother?
08:16Don't be ridiculous.
08:19How can this shit-stained hobo cure your brother?
08:22Exactly.
08:23God, the unemployed are getting crazier and crazier.
08:26She's trying to scam her way into marrying the rich.
08:30Ew!
08:30She even brought a filthy dog with her.
08:33I bet it has fleas.
08:35That flea-infested dirty thing is your companion.
08:39Don't try to steal Lysander Armstrong from us.
08:46Don't touch him.
08:49They say don't judge a book by its cover,
08:51but I can see from all your faces that you've failed.
08:54So step aside.
08:55I'll take it from here.
08:58Could you hold this?
08:59Mm-hmm.
09:00Ho, ho, ho, ho.
09:00You're not gonna touch my son.
09:03I'm the richest tycoon in this country
09:05and a former general.
09:07I know a gold-digging whore when I see one.
09:09I bet she's only here because giving blowjobs
09:12on the street corners wasn't paying enough cash.
09:15Who knows what an unskilled, poor girl like her
09:18would do for some.
09:19A skinny-ass beggar trying to take advantage
09:22of Lysander Armstrong when he's unconscious?
09:26Ew.
09:27Disgusting.
09:28Go back to being a prostitute.
09:30Security!
09:31Get this STD-infested peasant out of here now.
09:34Let's go.
09:35If you throw me out,
09:36you're tossing away your son's last chance at life.
09:42Sir, we are at our wit's end trying to find a cure
09:44for Master Lysander and to no avail.
09:47Maybe we should give her a try?
09:49You can always deal with her later
09:51if she turns out to be a fraud.
09:53All right, I'll give you a shot.
09:55But I warn you, if you fail,
09:58I'll have your and your dog's head mounted on my wall.
10:02Is that any way to ask for help?
10:04You'd be blessed to have me.
10:07And I'm only here to repay your younger son's kindness.
10:10But since I'm not welcome here,
10:12I'll leave.
10:14Devon, come find me when you have a different wish.
10:17No, Miss Trixie.
10:19My brother is a hero to me.
10:21I can't lose him.
10:23Well, if he's a hero to you,
10:26then that means he must be a good person.
10:29My brother's a war hero
10:30who single-handedly saved this country from a terrorist attack.
10:33Also, he's great with puppies.
10:35He'd make a great husband.
10:38Who says I want to marry him?
10:40As if the number one hottest 30 under 30
10:43would even dream of marrying a penniless bum like you.
10:47Only a lunatic would be crazy enough to marry her.
10:50I mean, look at her.
10:51Even if she cleaned herself up,
10:53you couldn't find an ounce of femininity on her.
10:56Only those cut from the lowest ranks
10:58were bigger over such trivial matters.
11:00Continue wasting your time.
11:02But I'm saving this patient.
11:14Okay!
11:16What?
11:17What's happening?
11:19What are we doing?
11:31What the hell are you doing?
11:33I knew she was a perv!
11:35She's definitely trying to steal Lysander from us.
11:38Do you all not know that sweat can tell you everything
11:40that's medically wrong with a patient?
11:41Are you insane?
11:43Security, smash her face in for licking my son.
11:47He's born with congenital heart disease,
11:49has a peanut allergy,
11:50and the condition he has is called
11:52endogenic cryomorphy.
11:53Yeah, right.
11:55I mean, no way you got all that just from licking him.
11:58Oh, okay.
11:59I've studied every disease known to man, right?
12:01I even have the badge of universal medicine right here.
12:05And I've never heard of
12:07endo-cryo-
12:09What?
12:10What?
12:12This?
12:19Is worth nothing when I have the real thing right here.
12:22What?
12:23What?
12:24So you think that this crummy walking stick of yours is what?
12:28THE rod of a sepulius?
12:30Why don't you go back to the homeless asylum where you came from
12:33if you're going to be this delusional?
12:35I agree.
12:36I mean, even if she does solve this medical mystery,
12:39what is the point of doctors who have studied for years?
12:43We are all certified.
12:44But Lysander does have congenital heart disease.
12:48She's right about everything.
12:52Yeah, but if she just throws out a bunch of fake diagnoses, one of them is bound to be right.
12:57And again, there is no such thing as endo-cryo-what-what!
13:00Endogenic cryomorphie.
13:02Oh.
13:02And of course none of you have heard of it.
13:04Because I just discovered it.
13:07This condition only affects those with both CHD and a peanut allergy.
13:11The chances are a billion to one.
13:13A hundred times rarer than winning the lottery.
13:15But lucky for you all, you've hit the jackpot by finding me.
13:20What a bunch of baloney!
13:22I mean, you wouldn't be homeless if you were actually any good.
13:27Precisely.
13:27You are just a scamming prostitute.
13:30You don't compare to meet us who actually studied real medicine.
13:35I bet you were too poor to go to real medical school.
13:39Oh, so she went to the super circus instead.
13:42And now she's here putting on this clown show coming up with fake diseases,
13:46which mean nothing if you can't wake him up.
13:50Is that supposed to be a challenge?
13:54If you three incompetent doormats want to show me up,
13:58I think you all should grow parts of your brain back.
14:01Which, by the way, that condition is called an encephaly.
14:05What is that supposed to mean?
14:06It means you're being schooled by me.
14:08And I'm about to walk all over your medical licensees.
14:13Then let's have a bet.
14:15If you can't heal him, we'll break your hands.
14:20And then you can't pretend to have healing hands anymore.
14:26These hands have saved more lives than all three of you combined.
14:30You're that desperate to get rid of your competition, huh?
14:34Miss Trixie, don't risk your hands for them.
14:37There's too many lives at stake.
14:41Don't worry. I got this.
14:45It's a deal.
14:47I'll save Lysander Armstrong.
14:50No one is dying on my watch.
14:57Lysander Armstrong has been in a vegetative state for two years.
15:04Are you stopping me because you're scared I'd actually succeed?
15:08Homeless or not, if you save my son, I'll give you everything.
15:20I'll even have Lysander, my heir, marry you.
15:23I'm not doing this for the money or for a wealthy husband.
15:26I just believe in helping good people and doing the right thing.
15:31Prepare a Jacuzzi set at exactly 113 degrees Fahrenheit.
15:34Wait, wait, wait, wait. What for?
15:36Don't listen to her.
15:38She probably stinks so bad that she just wants a bath to wash the homeless stench off of her.
15:43Firstly, this is called greatness.
15:47Secondly, even if you drown yourself in plastic surgery, you couldn't get rid of your own ugly moral character.
15:54What? Did you just call me?
15:58There's a man's life at stake here, and you're standing in my way.
16:03Don't don the mantle of doctor when you're only capable of harm.
16:07Now stop getting in my way, or I promise you, you will be bubbling at the mouth very soon.
16:13Oh, yeah?
16:14Hey, you wanna see real pain? Where's the dog?
16:16Well, put down the dog!
16:18With pleasure.
16:29Oh!
16:35Left leaves the wrong bereft.
16:41You don't deserve to call yourself a doctor.
16:46She's been poisoned!
16:48It was her!
16:50Do you see any poison on me?
16:52Medicine in the right hands can save lives, but in the wrong hands, it becomes nothing but poison.
16:58This bitch isn't good enough to take down the Queen of Medicine!
17:01Do you have one of your antidotes on you?
17:03Of course.
17:05I've saved entire civilizations with my antidotes.
17:08If I wanna save someone, even the Grim Reaper can't stop me.
17:28Why is she spitting blood?
17:30This wasn't supposed to happen!
17:31I thought you said even the Grim Reaper can't get in your way, angel herbalist.
17:36This is what I call malpractice.
17:40This isn't fatal. She'll live.
17:42But she deserves a little punishment.
17:44Well, where's the jacuzzi I asked for?
17:47Jacuzzi is ready?
17:48Right this way.
17:49Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
17:50What the hell is going on?
17:52You say you want your son to live on to give you tons of grandchildren, don't you?
17:56Then stop getting in my way.
17:58Every second counts.
18:01Let's go for our dip, shall we?
18:06General Armstrong, your family is the richest and most powerful in the nation.
18:11Are you really gonna let this hobo slut touch your son?
18:15Hold on. You two are going in there alone?
18:19If you don't want these drooling vultures to see your son naked, then sure, invite everyone in.
18:25Alright, but I warn you, no funny business.
18:44As you know, the world's house is really you.
18:47What is the giant shark?
18:51I am a Number 4
18:53You know?
18:57The whole world is really great.
19:29You really
19:31shouldn't leave your precious son in there with that
19:33homeless conwoman, General Armstrong.
19:35Exactly! What if she gets pregnant
19:37by him? She could
19:39blackmail you for millions.
19:42That's what I would do
19:43if I was that poor. And then the Armstrong
19:45family will be the laughingstock of the
19:47nation, held for ransom
19:49by a homeless woman.
19:51Dad, you can't seriously be listening
19:53to that. We have to have faith.
19:56Where did you actually find
19:57this little life?
20:00Uh...
20:00on the streets?
20:02Are you shitting me?
20:04You found this bum on the streets?
20:06Are you nuts? You don't know her?
20:08You don't know her background?
20:10She could be a psychotic murder.
20:11That is it, General! You have to go in and stop this now!
20:14You're right. That's it. I'm shutting down
20:16this clown show right now. James, let's go.
20:19Yes, sir.
20:22Oh my...
20:30I told you all to stay out.
20:37This is a critical moment for you.
20:39We can't be interrupted.
20:40Otherwise,
20:41we'd both die.
20:46I'm not going to let this homeless
20:48hoochie mama trap my son.
20:52I'm going to save him myself.
20:54No!
20:56Ow!
20:58You see that, General?
21:00This isn't just a gull-dicking con woman.
21:02This
21:02is
21:03witchcraft.
21:05I know what this is!
21:06This is the dark witch.
21:08I've heard of her.
21:10She uses her dark magic
21:12to steal the hearts of young,
21:13handsome men,
21:14and then she eats them alive!
21:16Oh.
21:16I'm going to kill that bitch
21:17before she takes my son.
21:19James,
21:20get the SWAT team.
21:21Yes, sir.
21:25You regain consciousness.
21:29Yes.
21:30Yes.
21:32Yes.
21:33Yes.
21:34Yes.
21:37Help me.
21:38I just want to...
21:43Something's wrong.
21:47You were drunk with an aphrodisiac.
21:50Lysander Armstrong
21:51and his fortune will soon be mine.
21:55That's one more thing
21:56I'm saving you from.
22:04Sir?
22:05The SWAT team is here.
22:07Captain Morales.
22:10My son is trapped behind there
22:12with a devious,
22:14man-eating witch.
22:15I need you to do whatever you can
22:16to tear down that door.
22:18Rest assured, General Armstrong.
22:20We'll break down that door
22:21and bury that bitch alive.
22:27Wright
22:29rewrites the wrong.
22:37Who the fuck are you?
22:39And why the hell are we naked?
22:42Good.
22:43You're awake.
22:44I'm saving you.
22:45Saving me?
22:46By bathing with me?
22:48Who are you a fucking spy?
22:51Talk.
22:52I swear to God
22:52I'll have you arrested for this.
22:56You're the one who's trying to kiss me
22:58in your stippor.
23:00I will never.
23:02Oh, really?
23:16Look who's scouting now.
23:20Look, I don't know
23:20what the fuck this is,
23:21but it is a biological fact.
23:24A man is attracted
23:26to a naked woman
23:28and her breasts.
23:30Science, okay?
23:31It just means that my body
23:31Oh, shut up.
23:32is physically...
23:35You're distracted me
23:36with your foot.
23:38And I'm a professional.
23:40I hear Lysander's voice.
23:41Captain, do something now.
23:43Ready!
23:49We're almost there.
23:51Aim!
23:53Get him, boys.
23:55Get him!
23:57Fire!
24:00Fire!
24:15Those demon seals.
24:17How is this possible?
24:19It's not even a scratch.
24:21I told you this is dark magic.
24:23Of course, your earthly bullets
24:25won't do a thing.
24:26No.
24:26I believe Miss Trixie
24:27is a good person.
24:29She's not the dark witch.
24:31Young Master Armstrong,
24:33you are too easily fooled.
24:35This homeless psycho
24:36doesn't even have the skills
24:37to make a living.
24:38How is she going to save
24:39someone else's life?
24:40That's right.
24:41The Queen Angel and I
24:43are already the top
24:44female doctors in the world.
24:45If we can't save him,
24:47no one can.
24:48Except for the goddess healer.
24:50Think about it.
24:51We heard Lysander's voice.
24:52He's been in a coma for two years.
24:54Miss Trixie must have
24:55woken him up.
24:55You're right.
24:56This homeless girl
24:58is maybe the goddess.
25:02Maybe this homeless girl
25:03is really the goddess.
25:04No!
25:05No!
25:06Absolutely not.
25:07There is no way
25:08this hobo girl
25:09is better than us.
25:10How could you know for sure?
25:12Right now,
25:13what we need to do
25:14is not interrupt Miss Trixie.
25:16You're wrong, sir!
25:17This homeless snake
25:18is using the forbidden techniques
25:20on Master Lysander.
25:21It's called borderline revival.
25:23She uses torturous pain
25:26to wake the patient.
25:27But only temporarily.
25:29It's a trick
25:29to pull the wool
25:31over your eyes and ears.
25:33That means my son
25:35is in tremendous pain.
25:36I'm going to ask you two
25:37to do whatever you can
25:38to kill that
25:40antler rod bearing witch.
25:42My son doesn't deserve this.
25:44He is dying right now
25:45naked in a jacuzzi
25:47with a smelly vagrant.
25:48Then it looks like
25:49it's up to me.
25:50The witch doctor.
25:52Only I know
25:53the right techniques
25:54to take her down.
25:56My son's life
25:57is in your hands.
25:59You heal him,
25:59I will give you
26:00whatever your heart desires.
26:03I don't know
26:04who you are,
26:05but there is no way
26:07I am letting you
26:07rip my golden bachelor
26:08away from me.
26:11This isn't
26:12the finishing touch.
26:13I must now
26:15give you the kiss of life.
26:17So we can both survive.
26:37It's poison gas.
26:39That poison gas
26:40will smoke them out
26:41and end her torture
26:42over Master Lysander.
26:44Poison gas?
26:45My son is in there.
26:47You're jeopardizing
26:48his life as well.
26:49No, don't worry, General.
26:51Gold diggers like her
26:52only care about themselves.
26:54Soon,
26:55she'll come out
26:56crying to Mommy.
26:57Then we can reverse
26:58the poison on your son
26:59and then he can marry
27:00one of us.
27:02They really won't stop
27:03until they get
27:04both of us killed.
27:07I knew they promised you
27:09that I'd save you.
27:10It's now or never.
27:24What the hell
27:25are they doing in there?
27:26It's been over 10 minutes.
27:27Wait a second.
27:29You don't think
27:30that they're...
27:31You!
27:32You suffocated
27:33my brother
27:33and Miss Trixie in there!
27:34Don't point your fingers
27:35at me!
27:36If your brother's dead,
27:38it's because of
27:38that homeless gold digger!
27:40Oh my God.
27:40Yeah?
27:41She's the one
27:42who sealed the door shut.
27:43I mean,
27:44she probably locked
27:45themselves in there
27:46on accident.
27:47Miss Trixie wouldn't
27:48have to do that
27:48if you weren't trying
27:49to sabotage her
27:50from saving my brother!
27:51This is taking
27:52way too long!
27:54Captain Morales,
27:55it's time to get out
27:56the big guns.
27:58These bazookas
27:59can flatten
28:00even a bomb shelter.
28:02Bazooka!
28:02She won't be able
28:03to hide
28:03even if she's
28:04the devil himself!
28:05Crap!
28:06Oh my God!
28:06Get back, son!
28:09Ready!
28:10Aim!
28:11Oh, shit!
28:16Quit your whining
28:17and stand down!
28:30The parasite's
28:31been extracted!
28:32Shoot her dead now!
28:33Do I need to
28:34fix your hearing too?
28:35I said stand down!
28:38Don't listen to her!
28:40She's a fraud!
28:41A termite
28:42to the field of medicine!
28:43I just saved this man
28:44that otherwise
28:45would have died
28:45in your care!
28:46If I'm a termite,
28:48then...
28:49you're worse
28:49than a disease-spreading
28:50tick.
28:51Wait a second.
28:52Are you saying
28:53you cured my son?
28:55He'll wake
28:55in just a moment.
28:56You can see
28:56for yourself.
28:58Well, now you're
28:59just asking
28:59to be exposed.
29:01That is it!
29:02No more stalling,
29:03General!
29:03If you won't punish
29:04her,
29:05I will!
29:09Don't hurt her!
29:15He's a killer!
29:21His pulse is regular.
29:23In fact,
29:24it's never been better.
29:28There's no sign
29:29of illness,
29:30infection,
29:30or disease.
29:39Miss Trixie did it, Dad.
29:41Lysander's warm again.
29:42He's not cold
29:43and pale like before.
29:44And his heart is strong.
29:46Come, feel it.
29:49I saved my son.
29:52Next time,
29:52don't go seeking
29:53medical advice
29:54from those with ill will.
29:55Your son would have
29:56otherwise died
29:57by their greedy
29:58and unskilled hands.
30:00I've learned my lesson.
30:01I will not let
30:02these two nutjobs
30:03ever practice
30:04their voodoo voodoo magic again.
30:05Wait, wait!
30:07No, no!
30:07There is only
30:08one person
30:09in the world
30:10who is more skilled
30:11in the field of medicine
30:12than the queen,
30:13angel, and I.
30:14It's the...
30:16The goddess healer!
30:21Could you really
30:22be the goddess
30:23of healing?
30:23But rumor has it
30:24that the goddess
30:25of healing
30:26is well over
30:27100 years old
30:28and you don't look
30:29a day after 20.
30:31It doesn't matter
30:32who I am.
30:33What matters
30:33is that the patient
30:34is healthy again.
30:35Devon,
30:36I've repaid your kindness
30:37by fulfilling your wish
30:38of saving your brother.
30:39Take care.
30:40No, wait!
30:42Miss Trixie,
30:43we still haven't fulfilled
30:43our promise to you yet.
30:44He's right.
30:46We are men of our words
30:47and as I promised you,
30:49my heir, Lysander,
30:50would take you as a wife
30:51if you cured him
30:51and you did just that.
30:53Of course,
30:54you're welcome
30:55to marry me instead.
30:56Oh,
30:57I really appreciate it
30:59but I'm sorry.
31:01I...
31:02I'm already engaged.
31:06Already engaged?
31:07I am.
31:08I've been patiently
31:09awaiting his return
31:10from deployment
31:11for the last three years
31:12and he's coming back today.
31:14But don't be disappointed.
31:16Really,
31:17I'm no one special.
31:18I just got lucky
31:19with your brother.
31:20Some guru taught me
31:21that spa water
31:22can cure all kinds of ailments.
31:24But you're still
31:24Lysander's savior.
31:25Please,
31:26let me give you
31:27what I promised.
31:28Take the gold.
31:29No, really.
31:31I don't need anything.
31:32I just believe
31:34in doing good
31:34in the world.
31:38Trixie,
31:39it's your fiancé.
31:41He's back
31:41and he says
31:42he's breaking up
31:43with you.
31:45I must go.
31:53Hobo close.
31:55Halo glow.
31:55I bet the goddess healer
31:57is just like
31:58Miss Trixie.
31:59It was just
32:00dumb luck.
32:01She's even dumber
32:02for not accepting
32:03his marriage proposal.
32:04She could have been
32:05the richest woman
32:05in the world,
32:06marrying the hottest,
32:08most powerful
32:09bachelor around.
32:13I'm gonna marry
32:14that homeless woman.
32:19Oh my god.
32:20I mean,
32:21I don't know
32:21about that homeless
32:22bimbo,
32:23but this is godly.
32:26No, no, no,
32:27no, Lysander.
32:29Lysander's job
32:30is supposed to be mine.
32:32I'd so much rather
32:33share him with you
32:34than let that
32:35penniless,
32:36ugly bitch have him.
32:37You two nut jobs
32:38are a disgrace
32:39to your profession.
32:40Take these two weirdos
32:41out of here
32:42and revoke their licenses.
32:43Wait, no!
32:45We're not brides!
32:46No, she's just
32:47better than us!
32:49Oh my god.
32:50Oh my god.
32:53We were truly blessed
32:54to have Miss Trixie here,
32:55huh?
32:56She's no average Jane.
32:57No, she isn't.
32:58She said it was
32:59just dumb luck.
33:00But if she truly
33:01had these special skills,
33:03why did she wear
33:04that shit-stained dress
33:05and had an impeccable
33:06looking doll?
33:06But think about
33:07the impenetrable walls.
33:08No normal person
33:09could have done that.
33:10Goddess or not,
33:12homeless or not,
33:12I don't care.
33:13I have never met
33:14a woman like that.
33:15I have to find her.
33:16I have to make her my life.
33:18She won my heart over too.
33:19But if my bestest
33:20big bro wants her,
33:22I'll help you find her.
33:23All right, listen.
33:25I need help
33:25finding three wedding gifts.
33:32I'm dumping Trixie,
33:33so I want you,
33:34your granddaughters,
33:36filthy things,
33:37out of my house
33:39now.
33:40Trixie paid for this house.
33:42She waited for you
33:43for three years.
33:45She was dumb enough
33:46to put my name
33:46on the lease.
33:47And I'm upgrading
33:48for a better girlfriend now.
33:49One with some serious
33:50fuck you money.
33:52So get lost.
33:54Who gave you permission
33:55to bark like a rabbit hyena
33:57in my house?
34:03Grandma.
34:04Beatrice, Trixie,
34:06Amore.
34:07I've been dying
34:08to throw this in your face.
34:09I'm dumping you
34:10for your best friend,
34:12Marissa.
34:14In fact,
34:15the wedding's tomorrow.
34:17So sign over the house
34:18now.
34:23You gave me this ring
34:25and asked me to wait.
34:26And I did.
34:28For three years
34:29while you were deployed.
34:30Yet you cheat on me
34:32with my best friend
34:33and now you're trying
34:34to swindle my home?
34:36Do you have no shame?
34:38We were together
34:39for three years
34:39and it was a complete
34:41waste of my life
34:42when I could have been
34:42with a loaded girl
34:43like Marissa.
34:50That's how much
34:50you would owe me
34:51if I was in the
34:52rent-the-boyfriend business.
34:55I see you're fulfilling
34:56your highest aspirations
34:57of being a low-grade
34:59male prostitute.
35:03Oh yeah?
35:05Well, Marissa
35:07is so much better
35:08than you.
35:09She grew up
35:10even poorer
35:11than you
35:12and now
35:12she's the CEO
35:14of an entire
35:15corporation.
35:17Dude!
35:18Oh!
35:19And you?
35:21You're still nothing.
35:23So you think
35:24she's an upgrade?
35:26Of course
35:26she's an upgrade.
35:27Look what she
35:28got me
35:29for my
35:30engagement.
35:31Oops.
35:33Yeah.
35:34That's maybe worth
35:35one millionth
35:36the presidential contract
35:37I gave her.
35:43You gave her the presidential contract?
35:45I certainly did.
35:46In fact,
35:48Marissa,
35:48you and your dimwit brother
35:50only have everything you have
35:53all thanks to me.
35:58Oh, I think she's losing it, bro.
36:00That breakup must have
36:01hit her hard.
36:03You two are the ungrateful
36:05cheating scum here.
36:07My granddaughter
36:08supported you
36:10and your entire family
36:11for three years
36:12while you were gone.
36:13How dare you insult her?
36:16It's okay, Grandma.
36:18Let's not stoop to that level.
36:21Poor Edna.
36:21She still doesn't know
36:22what you're doing
36:23out there on the streets, huh?
36:24What is he talking about,
36:26Jersey?
36:27Show her, Bob.
36:32This is how embarrassingly useless
36:35your granddaughter is.
36:36She didn't purchase
36:37this house on her own.
36:38She was begging
36:39on the street for money.
36:41I can't be caught
36:43with a piss-poor nobody like you.
36:45Even if you got no game,
36:46I got street cred
36:47I got off keep.
36:48You dig?
36:49The word you're looking for
36:50is dignity.
36:51And you're one to speak,
36:53cheater.
36:55Is this true, Trixie?
37:00I've been broadening
37:01my horizons, Grandma.
37:03I want to see how regular,
37:04everyday people live.
37:05so that I can help them.
37:08Of course,
37:09those without substance
37:10underneath
37:10would never understand that.
37:12What is that supposed to mean?
37:14It means
37:14the new girlfriend
37:15you think is an upgrade
37:17is actually a downgrade.
37:22Enough bullshitting already!
37:23Just sign the damn papers
37:24and we can each get on
37:25with our lives.
37:39At your wedding, I will.
37:41What?
37:42If you won't do good by me
37:44of breaking things off
37:45before two-timing me
37:46with my best friend,
37:47why should I do good by you?
37:49I'll give you my
37:50John Hancock at your wedding
37:52as my charity
37:54to you.
37:55Fucking bitch!
37:56You better keep your word.
37:58Oh, that's rich.
38:00After tomorrow,
38:01you will never feel
38:01so rich ever again.
38:03Do remember that.
38:10Trixie,
38:11Marissa's a millionaire now.
38:14They'll destroy you
38:15if you show
38:15even so much as a hair
38:17at their wedding.
38:18Grandma,
38:19I have to confess
38:20something to you.
38:21I've secretly amassed
38:23a fortune worth trillions.
38:25Trillions?
38:27That would make you
38:29the richest person
38:30on the planet.
38:32It's because of
38:32the healing hands
38:33I inherited from Asseplius,
38:35the god of healing.
38:37I've saved several
38:38world leaders
38:39with these hands.
38:40That's how I was able
38:41to give Marissa
38:42the presidential contract
38:43and become
38:44the goddess healer.
38:45It makes me angrier
38:47hearing her name
38:48knowing how she betrayed you.
38:50But please,
38:51Trixie dear,
38:52I know it was
38:53to broken your heart,
38:54but embellishing
38:56your worth
38:57and who you are,
38:58it will only delay
39:00the healing process.
39:01You don't have to
39:02believe me just yet.
39:04After we lost
39:04Mom and Dad
39:05because we didn't have
39:06the money
39:06for their medical bills,
39:08I vowed
39:09that I would do
39:10everything I can
39:11to serve those in need.
39:13That's why I'm
39:14taking everything
39:14back from Butch
39:15and I'm giving it
39:16back to Charity.
39:17You've always had
39:18an angel's heart.
39:19I'm certain
39:20you will meet someone
39:21who will treat you right,
39:23who actually
39:24deserves you.
39:25You will see
39:26tomorrow, Grandma.
39:28Oh, yeah.
39:31You're stuck.
39:34You said
39:35Trixie's crashing
39:36your wedding?
39:37She was bullying us,
39:38too, Sasa.
39:39She's probably
39:40trying to extort you
39:41now that she knows
39:42you're rich as fuck.
39:44I hope
39:44when nobody
39:45steps on Snake
39:46Snake bites back hard.
39:48So let her come
39:49and embarrass herself.
39:50Yeah.
39:51You mean
39:54we broadcast
39:56that video of me?
39:59Yes.
40:00Her cavewoman
40:01staked the 19th century
40:02tin can.
40:03She'll prop me up
40:04higher on my pedestal
40:05and the whole world
40:06sees her in her
40:06homeless mess
40:07against my
40:08presidential glow-up.
40:10Let's turn this party
40:11into her funeral.
40:19There he is.
40:21Welcome home, brother.
40:23Welcome home, General!
40:27Sir,
40:28the homeless woman
40:29who saved you,
40:29Miss Trixie,
40:30this is the file
40:31of her ex,
40:32Butch Tanner.
40:32He served with your
40:33regiment in the Marines.
40:34You mean the Butch Tanner
40:35that can barely
40:36carry supplies?
40:37Well, she's been
40:38providing for him
40:38and his entire family
40:39while he's been
40:40deployed overseas, sir.
40:41So she waited for him
40:42for years
40:43and then he betrayed her.
40:44Fucking coward.
40:45According to intel,
40:46she's planning to bring
40:47it down on them
40:47at their wedding.
40:49Then we should join her.
40:50Men,
40:51I'm only alive today
40:52because of that
40:53virtuous woman
40:54and her incredible power
40:55that saved my life.
40:56So she needs our support.
40:58Will you join me
40:59in protecting her?
40:59Yes, sir!
41:00We will allow our lives
41:01to protect her, sir!
41:04Then let's roll.
41:19Welcome everyone
41:20to my wedding.
41:21Today is a very special
41:22day for me and Butch.
41:23Not only are we
41:24getting married,
41:25but in just one hour
41:26my company will be
41:27receiving the
41:27presidential contract
41:28allowing my biomedical
41:30company to go public.
41:35Congratulations
41:36on the contract
41:37once again
41:37Mrs. Wakeham Stowe.
41:39Butch is taking
41:40my last name.
41:41Oh and please
41:42don't be so uptight
41:43Secretary Cho.
41:44You are the
41:45secretary of the
41:46entire U.S. Health
41:47Department
41:47but this is a
41:48par-tay
41:49after all.
41:50I see some of
41:51the most important
41:51people in the nation
41:52have also arrived
41:53to celebrate you.
41:56The U.S. president
41:57will also be
41:58arriving soon
41:59to give you
42:00the contract herself.
42:02It's an honor.
42:03And that's why
42:04Sasa is the best
42:05wife a man
42:05could ever dream of.
42:08We will make sure
42:09the crowd is
42:10entertained tonight.
42:11We'll let the
42:11wedding begin.
42:14Not so fast.
42:16The party doesn't
42:17start until
42:18I say it does.
42:40You two really are a match
42:42made in hell.
42:43So I've come to save
42:44your guests from this
42:45oncoming train wreck.
42:46I don't recognize it
42:47from any of our
42:48elite circles.
42:49Who is she?
42:50Um, this is our
42:51entertainment for tonight,
42:53sir.
42:53Just watch.
42:57Trixie, what are you
42:57doing here?
42:58This isn't the
42:59homeless shelter.
42:59You lost.
43:00I bet she's here
43:01to bum a meal off us.
43:02You know, being
43:03this poor.
43:06Me, but my meal.
43:08Have you forgotten that
43:09it was I who bankrolled
43:10you two for the last
43:11three years?
43:12And what evidence
43:12do you have of that?
43:14Look at me, then go look
43:15at yourself in the mirror.
43:16I'm a millionaire CEO.
43:18Even the first woman
43:20president will be here
43:21any second now to
43:22congratulate me.
43:23And you're nothing
43:23but a washed up
43:24sewer rat.
43:26Sasa, she's like
43:27so obsessed with me.
43:28She's like
43:29See, everyone?
43:31Butch already cut ties
43:33with his ex,
43:33but she's so shameless
43:35and desperate that
43:36she'd still show up
43:37to my wedding
43:38to suck up to me.
43:39This is what poor
43:41sad girls do.
43:42They beg for scraps
43:44from us,
43:45the rich and glorious.
43:47Projecting much, Marissa?
43:48You might feel
43:49all high and mighty now,
43:50but don't bite the hand
43:51that feeds you.
43:53Especially when I'm the one
43:54who's giving you
43:54the contract.
44:00You giving me
44:01the contract?
44:03You have no skills,
44:04no education,
44:05no connection,
44:06so how could you
44:07possibly have a pool
44:08to get the U.S.
44:10fucking president
44:11to give me
44:11a billion dollar contract?
44:13We both share
44:14humble beginnings, Marissa.
44:15And I saw potential in you.
44:17Even trusted you
44:18as my best friend.
44:19But I recognize now
44:21that greed
44:21has poisoned you.
44:23Don't be all sore now
44:24just because I stole
44:25your man.
44:26This is what
44:27us rich girls do.
44:29They steal
44:29from lame spinsters
44:31for fun.
44:32Damn right.
44:33You were
44:33too embarrassing
44:35for me.
44:36Sasa tramples you
44:37any day.
44:38I can say that
44:39now that I'm
44:39marrying the rich.
44:41Bravo.
44:42Self-admission
44:43of a gold digger.
44:44Quick, somebody
44:45put that on a memoir.
44:46Sasa, she's embarrassing
44:47me in front of everyone.
44:48She'll make her sup.
44:49Don't listen to her,
44:50everyone.
44:50She's the gold-dicking,
44:52blood-sucking leech.
44:53I don't even have
44:54to lift a finger
44:55and you're already
44:56embarrassing yourself
44:56in front of everyone
44:57for me, butch.
44:59You may look
45:00and sound like a man,
45:01but you're nothing
45:02but a pathetic coward.
45:04Okay, enough!
45:05You know what I always
45:06couldn't stand about you?
45:07Your moral posturing.
45:09But guess what?
45:11Morals are just lies
45:12to make you lame girls
45:13feel better about yourselves.
45:14That's why no man
45:15will choose you
45:16over Marissa, Trixie.
45:18Because I've got
45:18the material goods
45:20and you're just
45:20all empty talk.
45:22I'm not here
45:22to request to be chosen
45:24because I'm the one
45:25who's doing the choosing.
45:28See this?
45:40Oh my god.
45:42Is that the
45:42billion-dollar contract
45:43for Sasha?
45:46The one that's supposed
45:47to make us all rich as fuck?
45:48No, absolutely not.
45:50I don't believe it.
45:52You all sound
45:53so scared already.
45:54Don't worry.
45:55This isn't that contract.
45:57It's the lease
45:58to the modest home
45:59you try to swindle from me.
46:03See, everyone?
46:04She's just trying
46:05to bluff us.
46:06But you don't even
46:07have the guts
46:07to go all the way.
46:08Look at her
46:08following orders.
46:09I asked her to sign
46:11over the lease
46:11and here she is.
46:12Like a good little
46:14peasant slave.
46:15That house is worth
46:16all her life savings.
46:21You want to, uh,
46:22I don't know,
46:23beg for a little treat
46:24while you're at it?
46:34You misunderstand me.
46:36I'm here to take back
46:37everything I've ever
46:38given you.
46:39I'm giving it to charity.
46:47Bro!
46:48She's gone cuckoo
46:49in the head.
46:50She thinks that just
46:50because she rented
46:51a pretty little dress
46:52she can pretend
46:53to be a deep pocket
46:53and invest in baddie.
46:55You wish you had
46:55that kind of money
46:56to just toss away,
46:57Trixie.
46:58It's just a drop
46:58in the bucket for me.
47:00Uh, I know
47:01what this is.
47:02You've gotten delusional
47:03and you think
47:04you're Cinderella
47:05so you can just
47:06show up to a fancy
47:07party and some
47:07Prince Charming
47:08will scoop you
47:09into money forever?
47:10Well, that's not
47:11happening.
47:12Security!
47:12Lock the doors!
47:13This woman doesn't
47:14leave until
47:15we're through with her.
47:19This is where
47:20your dreams
47:20will die,
47:21bitch!
47:24We found
47:25Miss Trixie Lysander.
47:26She's being cornered
47:27by her ex
47:28and his mistress
47:28at the Wickham wedding
47:29right now.
47:29Butch Tanner.
47:30Well, he's gonna wish
47:31he died in battle
47:32after I'm done with him.
47:34Let's go.
47:38You think a few toy guns
47:39scare me, Marissa?
47:40I've saved plenty of people
47:42for much worse.
47:44Including your head
47:45of command, Butch.
47:47General Lysander Armstrong.
47:49You mean the legendary
47:50war hero?
47:51He's been in a coma
47:52for years after he saved
47:53the nation from a terrorist attack.
47:55You're an unskilled,
47:57unemployed,
47:58ugly leech,
47:59so how could you
47:59possibly have this
48:00magical ability
48:02to heal someone
48:03like General Lysander Armstrong?
48:05No one here
48:05is gonna believe you.
48:06If you really cured
48:07the incurable general,
48:09then Sasa
48:09is the fucking
48:10Virgin Mary.
48:12And she's not.
48:13You're just asking
48:14to be humiliated, Trixie.
48:16Show them, Butch.
48:22See for yourselves, everyone.
48:25Trixie's just a
48:26freeloading beggar.
48:30She won't leave me
48:31and Marissa alone
48:31because we're rich
48:33as fuck now.
48:34I'm a major
48:35in the Marines.
48:36Sasa, she has
48:37a billion dollar
48:39biomedical contract
48:40with the military.
48:42Approved by the
48:43first female president
48:44of the United States
48:45herself, bitch.
48:46How despicable.
48:48She's just trying
48:49to leech off you
48:50like a parasitic gold digger.
48:52Get out of here.
48:52No one wants to marry you.
48:54No free meals
48:54for the poor.
48:55Do you see this, Trixie?
48:58This is high society.
49:00So you're either
49:01born on a silver spoon
49:02or you're as accomplished
49:03as me to be here.
49:04Maybe if you do
49:05some serious
49:06dick-sucking here,
49:08maybe someone will
49:09drop a couple bucks
49:10in your tin can.
49:13I already have
49:14everything one can dream of.
49:15But I valued
49:16our friendship, Marissa.
49:18Which is why I came here
49:18to give you a second chance.
49:20To see if you'd apologize
49:21and admit to your backstabbing.
49:23But no.
49:24You stooped so low
49:26it disgusts me.
49:28Nothing is more disgusting
49:29than you standing
49:30on street corners
49:31like a bum.
49:32And who knows
49:33if you've already started
49:35offering sexual services.
49:37Well then,
49:39why don't you get
49:40on your knees
49:40for me, Trixie?
49:41My brother
49:42will never take you back.
49:44No man will marry
49:45an embarrassed man
49:46like you.
49:47But make me happy
49:49and I might consider
49:50making you my
49:51personal prostitute.
50:03How dare you hit
50:04my brother!
50:04I'm never letting you
50:05leave here alive!
50:09Don't worry, my dear.
50:11After I'm done
50:12with you, Trixie,
50:13not even
50:13the goddess of healing
50:14will be able to save you.
50:16Oh.
50:17Is that so?
50:19Security!
50:22Get down on your knees
50:23and give Bob
50:24one hell of a blowjob
50:26in front of everybody here
50:27or I'll pop
50:28so many holes in you
50:29the men here
50:30won't know which one to fuck.
50:31I don't need to be
50:32the goddess of anything
50:33to punish you.
50:34Any of the powerful leaders
50:36I've saved before
50:37could crush you
50:38before you even touch me.
50:39Dream on!
50:41You wish General Licender
50:43scooped you off your feet
50:44but you weren't good enough
50:45for me.
50:46You're definitely
50:46not good enough for him.
50:48Enough!
50:49You're souring my party
50:50so you either
50:51get the fuck out
50:53or I'm gonna shoot you.
50:55On the count of three!
50:57I think I quite like it here.
50:58Two!
51:10This wine is so delicious.
51:13One!
51:14Shoot!
51:17Nobody is laying a hand
51:19on my future wife.
51:26It's...
51:27It's...
51:37Who the hell is this?
51:42I'm sorry that I'm late.
51:43Did they hurt you?
51:45No.
51:46I'm fine.
51:47But, um...
51:48When did I become
51:49your future wife?
51:52You saved me,
51:53Trixie.
51:54Remember?
51:55I'm a man of my word.
51:57They're never gonna hurt you
51:58ever again.
51:59Really?
51:59It was nothing.
52:01I saved you
52:02because you're a good man.
52:03Not because I want you
52:04to owe me any favors.
52:11I see what this is.
52:13You're the one
52:13who cheated on me, Trixie.
52:15Look at you guys
52:16all lovey-dove.
52:17Don't try to pin this on her.
52:18She waited for you
52:19for three years.
52:20This is the kind of woman
52:21a virtue that a man
52:22would die for.
52:24Virtue?
52:26Don't make me laugh.
52:27She's probably out there
52:28giving blowjobs for cash.
52:30No man
52:31who in a hundred foot pole
52:33would want to touch her.
52:34She should be happy
52:35Bob was willing
52:36to give her some.
52:41I see her in the Marines.
52:44I'm a major.
52:46Look, man.
52:47I know Trixie
52:48is like a
52:49I don't know
52:49like a seven
52:50now that she's
52:51all cleaned up
52:52but don't waste
52:52your manhood
52:53on a whiny
52:54worthless woman
52:55like that.
52:56Ow!
52:57Ow!
52:58Ow!
53:00Ah!
53:01A real man
53:02never talks about
53:04a woman that way.
53:05You're a coward.
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