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  • 1 day ago
Dana Gould Perfectly Normal
Transcript
00:00:08Release the Comedian!
00:00:21Hello! Thank you very much!
00:00:24Welcome to Dynasty Typewriter's coveted Monday night at 10 spot.
00:00:33When the Mid-Wilshire comes out to play.
00:00:42We have a lovely stage set here. We have, uh, Liberace's Storm Shutters.
00:00:54Someone got the mud flaps from Timothee Chalamet's Cybertruck.
00:01:03This, uh, neighborhood is, uh, called the Mid-Wilshire in Los Angeles.
00:01:07When I first moved here, I used to live right down the street.
00:01:10Uh, and I moved here from, uh, Massachusetts, and people would always ask my relatives,
00:01:17do you miss the seasons?
00:01:20Well, it depends.
00:01:21You know, I love fall in Massachusetts.
00:01:25But winter, like, I love winter.
00:01:28That's why I live in Los Angeles.
00:01:33I love winter up until about January 1st.
00:01:37Then I'm done.
00:01:40And if you live in Massachusetts, after January 1st, all you have left to deal with is four
00:01:46more months of shit.
00:01:49It's too cold to do anything.
00:01:52It gets dark at two o'clock in the afternoon.
00:01:55The world is just dead trees and dirty snow.
00:02:00Owls in the woods.
00:02:02Why?
00:02:04Why?
00:02:08Everybody's depressed.
00:02:10Suicide hotline.
00:02:12I want to kill myself.
00:02:13I called you.
00:02:21It's just so cold.
00:02:25Halloween in New England is awful because it's already so cold.
00:02:30Half the time, you put on your costume, and then you would have to put your parka on over
00:02:36your costume, and just go around the neighborhood flashing your neighbors, and like, I'm a pirate.
00:02:42Give me a Zack nut.
00:02:43Jesus Christ.
00:02:50Who are you?
00:02:50I'm C-3PO.
00:02:51Take me a word for it.
00:02:52Just give me the Reese's Cup.
00:02:55I get pneumonia, for Christ's sakes.
00:02:58And then I move to Los Angeles, where Halloween starts in the middle of August.
00:03:04It's 150 degrees.
00:03:07I took my kids to the pumpkin patch.
00:03:09It was just pies.
00:03:16They start the season really early because it makes a lot of money.
00:03:20So they get in there, and when you go into, like, CVS or Walgreens, when they start to decorate
00:03:27for Halloween, they always lead with the big three monsters.
00:03:35Dracula, Frankenstein, and older woman.
00:03:49She doesn't even have to be in a witch's hat, have they?
00:03:51It doesn't need it.
00:03:54Older woman.
00:03:57Can your heart stand the shocking facts of what time and gravity do to the female face?
00:04:05And the horror you'll feel when they leave the house.
00:04:12The big three.
00:04:13Dracula, Frankenstein, and Nana.
00:04:19And I love, I love horror movies, you know?
00:04:21That's where I grew up on.
00:04:22Do you have a, do you love horror movies?
00:04:24You have a favorite horror movie?
00:04:26Get Out.
00:04:27Get Out?
00:04:27I like Pretty Woman.
00:04:31You thought I said horror.
00:04:35Um, understandable, no.
00:04:38No, I like it.
00:04:39I love, have you ever seen Blackula?
00:04:44Blackula is fantastic.
00:04:471972, William Marshall plays Blackula.
00:04:52The first scene in Blackula, Dracula bites a black guy.
00:05:02This is easily anticipated if you know the name of the movie you're watching.
00:05:11And then Dracula goes, I christen you Blackula.
00:05:17And they cut.
00:05:19And I wish they would just hold it for five more seconds.
00:05:22So you can hear Blackula go, ha, ha, ha, what the fuck did you say my name was?
00:05:33Just to watch Dracula backpedal?
00:05:37Look, as the king of vampires, I come from a position of privilege that I clearly didn't take into consideration
00:05:45when I made that show.
00:05:46Which is not indicative of my feelings in any way.
00:05:50I won't even eat Count Chocula.
00:05:52Like, I'm committed.
00:05:54I want you to know my truth.
00:05:56That's what this is about.
00:05:59And then all the bros with podcasts will drag Dracula for backpedaling to Blackula.
00:06:09You've got to double down on that all the time.
00:06:12You've got to just double down.
00:06:14That's the problem.
00:06:15There's no real men anymore.
00:06:19But for all you real men listening,
00:06:22here's a commercial for a pill that will give you a boner.
00:06:29All the podcasts dedicated to the resurgence of the alpha male
00:06:37are paid for by pills that give you a boner.
00:06:46I still get my own boners.
00:06:51Like some kind of pussy.
00:07:02I like Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
00:07:05That's a great horror movie.
00:07:07Yeah.
00:07:08Great title.
00:07:09Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
00:07:12Then again, after Texas Chainsaw
00:07:15kind of writes itself.
00:07:21Texas Chainsaw
00:07:22bake-off
00:07:23is not going anywhere.
00:07:26Texas is just one of those states.
00:07:28You put it in front of something.
00:07:29It's like Tennessee.
00:07:30You put Tennessee
00:07:32in front of any activity
00:07:34and it becomes a sex move.
00:07:40Went home late last night.
00:07:41Woke up the wife.
00:07:42Tried a Tennessee car wash.
00:07:48How'd that go?
00:07:49Well, I'm staying with my brother
00:07:50for a couple of days.
00:07:51I think she'll calm down.
00:07:55Should have warned her.
00:08:01Speaking of sex moves,
00:08:02I got married
00:08:03about a year and a half ago.
00:08:06Yeah, it was great.
00:08:09Thank you very much.
00:08:11It was, um...
00:08:14It's my second marriage.
00:08:18My second marriage.
00:08:20I'd, uh...
00:08:22been married before.
00:08:24And I thought marriage
00:08:26is such a sacred,
00:08:27holy,
00:08:29once-in-a-lifetime thing.
00:08:33Let's do it again.
00:08:38But even though
00:08:39it was my second marriage,
00:08:41it was my wife's first.
00:08:43So you still gotta go all in.
00:08:46You know,
00:08:47you can't cheap out.
00:08:48You can't do the Forrest Gump,
00:08:49six people in the backyard.
00:08:51You've gotta...
00:08:51You're gonna spend...
00:08:52You're spending money.
00:08:54You're spending money.
00:08:55But even though
00:08:56it's her first time
00:08:58and it's a big deal,
00:09:02you've done it.
00:09:06It is the second time
00:09:08on the rollercoaster.
00:09:09It's like,
00:09:10are you scared?
00:09:11No, it goes up and down
00:09:12and around
00:09:13and dancing and cake.
00:09:15It's fine.
00:09:15It's not a big deal.
00:09:17That's what they do.
00:09:18We're gathered together
00:09:19before God...
00:09:19No, I know.
00:09:20Yeah, it's very good.
00:09:23With the ring
00:09:24and the cake
00:09:24and the...
00:09:27Till death do you part.
00:09:29No.
00:09:31Sure thing, boss.
00:09:32Whatever you say.
00:09:34Whatever makes you happy, boss.
00:09:39That's what they say.
00:09:40Till death do you part.
00:09:42That's just God's way of saying,
00:09:45I can get you out of this.
00:09:52It's a little extreme.
00:09:58The way I see it,
00:09:59I didn't get divorced.
00:10:01I cheated death.
00:10:12Adolf Hitler.
00:10:19Adolf Hitler.
00:10:21Adolf Hitler.
00:10:22The definition of evil
00:10:27waged war on humanity
00:10:31for six years.
00:10:35And then,
00:10:36in his bunker,
00:10:40wed Ava Braun.
00:10:41And the next morning,
00:10:44blew his brains out.
00:10:56Marriage is hard.
00:11:06What did she say?
00:11:14You call this a bunker?
00:11:20My sister's bunker.
00:11:21That's a bunker.
00:11:23Now, you go in there
00:11:24and you really know
00:11:25you're in a bunker.
00:11:27And maybe you'd like
00:11:28your sister's bunker.
00:11:34Charles Manson.
00:11:37Charles Manson
00:11:38was in prison
00:11:40for life.
00:11:43And at the end of his life,
00:11:44a young woman
00:11:45wanted to marry him.
00:11:46And at the last minute,
00:11:47he backed out.
00:11:50This is true.
00:11:52He was in prison
00:11:54for life.
00:11:56But he valued
00:11:57his freedom.
00:12:00His freedom.
00:12:09My father-in-law
00:12:11made a big speech
00:12:13at our wedding.
00:12:14I did not know
00:12:14he could talk.
00:12:20We'd had several
00:12:22conversations
00:12:22about the wedding.
00:12:24And whenever it got
00:12:25to that point
00:12:26where he might have
00:12:27said something like,
00:12:28hey, Dana,
00:12:30why don't I pay for that?
00:12:40My father-in-law
00:12:41is an airline pilot.
00:12:43Do you know
00:12:44the difference
00:12:45between an airline pilot
00:12:47and God?
00:12:51God doesn't walk around
00:12:53like a fucking
00:12:54airline pilot.
00:13:03And don't give me,
00:13:04don't give me,
00:13:05I love my wife.
00:13:07I'm going to tease her
00:13:08a little bit,
00:13:09but I love my wife.
00:13:10She's great.
00:13:12She's Swedish.
00:13:14She's much taller
00:13:15than I am.
00:13:17She's much more beautiful
00:13:19than a woman
00:13:20you would think
00:13:21I would be with.
00:13:24And we just kind of
00:13:26walk around
00:13:26like a 3D
00:13:28Lord of the Rings
00:13:29poster.
00:13:35Did you see
00:13:36Midsommar?
00:13:37Okay.
00:13:38You know those
00:13:38floral crowns
00:13:39they wore in mids?
00:13:40That's a traditional
00:13:41Swedish thing.
00:13:42And our wedding photo,
00:13:43she's wearing one.
00:13:44Our wedding photo
00:13:45is this tall,
00:13:47elegant woman
00:13:47in a floral crown
00:13:49and a flowing robe
00:13:50and this little guy
00:13:51looks like a foot
00:13:53and
00:13:55it looks like
00:13:56she's sending me
00:13:58off to Mordor.
00:14:06and it's funny
00:14:07because we'll walk
00:14:08down the street
00:14:09together
00:14:09and I will see
00:14:10guys look at
00:14:11my wife
00:14:12and then look
00:14:13and see that
00:14:13she's with me
00:14:14and it's like
00:14:22I enrage
00:14:23them.
00:14:27so I guess
00:14:28my father-in-law's
00:14:29thinking
00:14:30when he made
00:14:31this speech
00:14:31was
00:14:33welcome
00:14:34to my
00:14:34daughter's wedding
00:14:37that her husband
00:14:39is paying for
00:14:42you probably
00:14:43want to know
00:14:44a lot about
00:14:45me
00:14:52and I'm in the
00:14:53back going
00:14:54actually
00:14:55no
00:14:57I just want
00:14:57to go home
00:14:58and fuck
00:14:59your kid
00:15:11she's an adult
00:15:18but it's
00:15:19it's technically
00:15:20true
00:15:23and therefore
00:15:25fun to say
00:15:31you know
00:15:32if you're in
00:15:32QAnon
00:15:37if you're in
00:15:39QAnon
00:15:39anyone you
00:15:40don't like
00:15:40is a pedophile
00:15:43everyone in
00:15:44Hollywood
00:15:44is a pedophile
00:15:45every
00:15:45democrat
00:15:46or progressive
00:15:47is a pedophile
00:15:49I wonder
00:15:50if the real
00:15:51pedophiles
00:15:51are standing
00:15:52around like
00:15:52you know
00:15:56I remember
00:15:57when being
00:15:57a pedophile
00:15:58really meant
00:15:59something
00:16:04you had
00:16:05to earn
00:16:05it
00:16:09get a
00:16:09van
00:16:14took
00:16:14took my
00:16:14dog
00:16:15to the
00:16:15groomer
00:16:16make
00:16:16sure
00:16:16it's
00:16:16the
00:16:16dog
00:16:17groomer
00:16:26some
00:16:27guy came
00:16:27out
00:16:27said
00:16:27she
00:16:28seemed
00:16:28really
00:16:28mature
00:16:29for her
00:16:29for her
00:16:29age
00:16:41my father
00:16:42did not
00:16:42speak at our
00:16:43wedding
00:16:43that was
00:16:44as planned
00:16:46my dad
00:16:47is 93
00:16:48years old
00:16:49god bless
00:16:50him
00:16:50yep
00:16:51still going
00:16:51still going
00:16:52strong
00:16:53but he was
00:16:54born in
00:16:541930
00:16:56he's got
00:16:57some
00:16:57old
00:16:58school
00:16:59attitudes
00:17:02about the
00:17:03way things
00:17:03are
00:17:04maybe not
00:17:05the best
00:17:05guy you
00:17:05want
00:17:06near a
00:17:06microphone
00:17:07at a
00:17:08public
00:17:09event
00:17:12I watched
00:17:13Gran Torino
00:17:14with my
00:17:14dad
00:17:14it was
00:17:15like
00:17:15watching
00:17:15Mighty
00:17:16Joe
00:17:16Young
00:17:16with a
00:17:17gorilla
00:17:28my dad
00:17:29was a
00:17:29bartender
00:17:30when I
00:17:30was a
00:17:30kid
00:17:31very
00:17:32serious
00:17:32man
00:17:33unless
00:17:34he was
00:17:34drinking
00:17:35and then
00:17:36he was
00:17:37hilarious
00:17:39so I
00:17:40grew up
00:17:40with a
00:17:40dad
00:17:41who
00:17:41was
00:17:41really
00:17:42really
00:17:42funny
00:17:42all
00:17:43the
00:17:44time
00:17:49he
00:17:49would
00:17:50sing
00:17:50Christmas
00:17:51carols
00:17:51all year
00:17:53round
00:17:53but use
00:17:55them to
00:17:55bitch
00:17:57oh
00:17:58I make
00:17:59all the
00:17:59money
00:18:00and your
00:18:01mother
00:18:01spends
00:18:02it all
00:18:02so I
00:18:03hope you
00:18:04want to
00:18:04be
00:18:04homeless
00:18:05cause
00:18:05we're
00:18:06going
00:18:06to
00:18:06lose
00:18:06the
00:18:07house
00:18:10oh
00:18:10your
00:18:10grandma
00:18:11sick
00:18:11and she
00:18:12isn't
00:18:12gonna
00:18:12make
00:18:12it
00:18:12and you
00:18:13better
00:18:13not
00:18:13cry
00:18:13cause
00:18:14I
00:18:14don't
00:18:14like
00:18:14people's
00:18:14feelings
00:18:22but he
00:18:23could be
00:18:23surprisingly
00:18:24progressive
00:18:26but never
00:18:27for the
00:18:28right
00:18:28reason
00:18:30this is
00:18:30a true
00:18:31story
00:18:31I'm
00:18:32not
00:18:32clever
00:18:32enough
00:18:33to make
00:18:33this
00:18:34up
00:18:36my
00:18:36my
00:18:36cousin
00:18:37Lori
00:18:37is
00:18:38lesbian
00:18:38she
00:18:38came
00:18:39out
00:18:39when she
00:18:39was
00:18:39about
00:18:3920
00:18:4021
00:18:40years
00:18:41old
00:18:41and
00:18:42my
00:18:42father
00:18:43was
00:18:43the only
00:18:43member
00:18:44from that
00:18:44generation
00:18:45of our
00:18:45family
00:18:46who didn't
00:18:47lose
00:18:47his shit
00:18:48that we had
00:18:49a gay
00:18:49person in the
00:18:50family
00:18:50you know
00:18:51an openly
00:18:51gay
00:18:51person
00:18:52we all
00:18:52knew about
00:18:53cousin
00:18:53Tony
00:18:53but
00:18:56but Lori
00:18:57would like
00:18:57leave the
00:18:58house
00:18:58during the
00:18:58daytime
00:18:59she had
00:18:59self-esteem
00:19:00it threw
00:19:01everybody
00:19:01off their
00:19:02game
00:19:06and my
00:19:06father was
00:19:07the only
00:19:07member from
00:19:08that generation
00:19:09of the
00:19:09family that
00:19:09stood up
00:19:10was like
00:19:10what do
00:19:10you care
00:19:12no I'm
00:19:13serious
00:19:13how does
00:19:14it bother
00:19:15you
00:19:15who Lori
00:19:17goes home
00:19:17to at
00:19:18the end
00:19:18of the
00:19:18god damn
00:19:19day
00:19:20good for
00:19:21you
00:19:22she can't
00:19:23find a
00:19:23guy
00:19:28what if
00:19:28she has
00:19:29to kill
00:19:29a spider
00:19:30women
00:19:30can't
00:19:31kill
00:19:31spiders
00:19:32it's in
00:19:33the bible
00:19:33men and
00:19:34apparently
00:19:35lesbians
00:19:35will kill
00:19:36a spider
00:19:36as soon
00:19:36as look
00:19:37at
00:19:37give the
00:19:38woman
00:19:39someone
00:19:39to kill
00:19:39a spider
00:19:40will ya
00:19:45but that's
00:19:46the family
00:19:47I grew
00:19:47up in
00:19:48you know
00:19:48I have
00:19:49four older
00:19:50brothers
00:19:50okay
00:19:50three of
00:19:52my older
00:19:52brothers
00:19:53super fun
00:19:54life of
00:19:56the party
00:19:57one of
00:19:58my older
00:19:58brothers
00:20:01kind of
00:20:01a hard
00:20:02ass
00:20:03bit of
00:20:04a bully
00:20:06when we
00:20:07were kids
00:20:08he would
00:20:09beat us
00:20:09more than
00:20:10our parents
00:20:14that's just
00:20:14wrong
00:20:18now
00:20:20guess
00:20:20which one
00:20:21of my
00:20:21brothers
00:20:21became a
00:20:22cop
00:20:28so
00:20:29I called
00:20:30him by
00:20:30accident
00:20:31you ever
00:20:31call the
00:20:32wrong
00:20:32sibling
00:20:36hello
00:20:39now I
00:20:40gotta think
00:20:40of something
00:20:40to say
00:20:41well kids
00:20:42he has kids
00:20:43I have kids
00:20:44we can get
00:20:44that out of
00:20:45the way
00:20:45five minutes
00:20:45hey man
00:20:46what's going
00:20:47on
00:20:47just checking
00:20:49in
00:20:49how you
00:20:50doing
00:20:51just got
00:20:52Nellie
00:20:52that's my
00:20:53youngest
00:20:53daughter
00:20:53just got
00:20:54Nellie
00:20:54your last
00:20:54set of
00:20:55vaccinations
00:20:55so she's
00:20:56all caught
00:20:57up
00:20:58yeah
00:20:59we're not
00:21:00gonna be
00:21:00doing that
00:21:00around here
00:21:02gonna keep
00:21:03our DNA
00:21:04intact
00:21:08now my
00:21:09brother
00:21:10knows
00:21:11my daughter
00:21:12is adopted
00:21:18I have
00:21:20three daughters
00:21:21they're all
00:21:23from China
00:21:25because I'm
00:21:26terrified
00:21:26of my
00:21:27DNA
00:21:37and I'm
00:21:38sorry
00:21:39I don't
00:21:39understand
00:21:39how it
00:21:40can be
00:21:40in this
00:21:41day and
00:21:42age
00:21:42that an
00:21:43educated
00:21:43person
00:21:44can be
00:21:44against
00:21:45something
00:21:45as
00:21:46fundamentally
00:21:46beneficial
00:21:47as a
00:21:48vaccine
00:21:50and then
00:21:51it hit
00:21:51me
00:21:52you know
00:21:53why they're
00:21:53against
00:21:54it
00:21:56because
00:21:56other
00:21:57people
00:21:57are
00:21:58for it
00:22:01the
00:22:02end
00:22:06that's
00:22:06it
00:22:09you just
00:22:10have to
00:22:10be for
00:22:11something
00:22:11and they'll
00:22:12show up
00:22:14it's all
00:22:15they have
00:22:16it's what
00:22:16they do
00:22:17go online
00:22:18tomorrow
00:22:19morning
00:22:19and just
00:22:20quietly
00:22:20post
00:22:21I like
00:22:22French
00:22:22toast
00:22:24check
00:22:25back in
00:22:2620 minutes
00:22:26fuck
00:22:27French
00:22:28toast
00:22:30breakfast
00:22:31of the
00:22:32privileged
00:22:32what else
00:22:34do you like
00:22:34for breakfast
00:22:35genocide
00:22:38where do
00:22:39you work
00:22:44but his
00:22:46reasoning
00:22:46drives me
00:22:47crazy
00:22:47I ain't
00:22:47getting
00:22:48vaccinated
00:22:49I don't
00:22:50know how
00:22:50it works
00:22:55right
00:22:57that's why
00:22:58we went out
00:22:59and got
00:22:59some people
00:23:00smarter than
00:23:01you
00:23:05so we can
00:23:06have fun
00:23:06stuff like
00:23:07open heart
00:23:08surgery
00:23:08and airplanes
00:23:10planes
00:23:12I don't
00:23:13know how
00:23:13zippers
00:23:14work
00:23:20but every
00:23:20morning I
00:23:21put my
00:23:22faith in
00:23:22the science
00:23:28leave the
00:23:29house fairly
00:23:30certain I'm
00:23:30not going to
00:23:31be in line
00:23:31at the bank
00:23:32with my
00:23:32dong out
00:23:37it all
00:23:38comes down
00:23:39to fear
00:23:40it's just
00:23:41fear
00:23:42I'm afraid
00:23:42I'm going
00:23:43to get sick
00:23:43so I want
00:23:44everything you
00:23:44have
00:23:45I want
00:23:45pills
00:23:46I want
00:23:46shots
00:23:47I want
00:23:47surgery
00:23:48I want
00:23:48everything
00:23:49you can
00:23:49give me
00:23:49but my
00:23:50brother
00:23:50he's much
00:23:51smarter
00:23:52than I
00:23:52am
00:23:54he's an
00:23:55independent
00:23:56thinker
00:23:58he thinks
00:24:00what all
00:24:01the other
00:24:01independent
00:24:02thinkers
00:24:03think
00:24:03that the
00:24:10government
00:24:10the same
00:24:12people in
00:24:13charge of
00:24:14the post
00:24:14office
00:24:16and the
00:24:18DMV
00:24:20are also
00:24:22behind a
00:24:23massive
00:24:24global
00:24:24genetic
00:24:25super
00:24:26conspiracy
00:24:30that I
00:24:31will believe
00:24:31when I
00:24:32can buy
00:24:32one stamp
00:24:33in under
00:24:3445 minutes
00:24:42some people
00:24:43just don't
00:24:43want to be
00:24:44told to do
00:24:44anything
00:24:45by an
00:24:45authority
00:24:46figure
00:24:46it's really
00:24:47weird when
00:24:48they're cops
00:24:52but you'll
00:24:52have to work
00:24:53that one
00:24:53out for
00:24:53yourself
00:24:57but you
00:24:58know where
00:24:58he gets
00:24:58it
00:25:00he gets
00:25:00it from
00:25:01our
00:25:01mother
00:25:03when we
00:25:04were growing
00:25:04up
00:25:04my mother
00:25:05she would
00:25:06smoke
00:25:07she would
00:25:09drink
00:25:09she would
00:25:10take any
00:25:11pill
00:25:12she could
00:25:13get her
00:25:13hands
00:25:14on
00:25:14unless
00:25:16it was
00:25:17prescribed
00:25:18by her
00:25:19doctor
00:25:23then she
00:25:23had big
00:25:24problems
00:25:27could have
00:25:28been prescribed
00:25:28by your
00:25:29doctor
00:25:30we could have
00:25:31been at your
00:25:31house and she
00:25:32found some
00:25:32pills
00:25:33those would be
00:25:34down like
00:25:34skittles
00:25:37but god
00:25:38forbid
00:25:38it goes
00:25:39I really
00:25:39think you
00:25:39should
00:25:40take a
00:25:40slow
00:25:40down
00:25:41big
00:25:41pharma
00:25:45I found
00:25:45some
00:25:46mushrooms
00:25:46growing
00:25:47under the
00:25:47bridge
00:25:47that I
00:25:48read about
00:25:48in a
00:25:49witchcraft
00:25:49magazine
00:25:53I'm going
00:25:54to give
00:25:54those six
00:25:55to eight
00:25:55months
00:25:55see if
00:25:56they
00:25:56work
00:25:57and if
00:25:58not
00:25:58I'll set
00:25:59my leg
00:25:59the way
00:26:00you think
00:26:00I should
00:26:08and you
00:26:09know
00:26:10who is
00:26:11just like
00:26:12my
00:26:14mother
00:26:20my
00:26:21wife
00:26:26it's
00:26:28true
00:26:28I can't
00:26:31get away
00:26:32from this
00:26:34personality
00:26:35type
00:26:36I am
00:26:40going to
00:26:41be dealing
00:26:41with this
00:26:42for the
00:26:43rest of
00:26:44my life
00:26:45I'm a
00:26:47comedy
00:26:48writer
00:26:49I'm a
00:26:50very
00:26:50cynical
00:26:51person
00:26:53my
00:26:54home
00:26:55is full
00:26:56of
00:26:57crystals
00:27:02and
00:27:04my
00:27:06wife
00:27:06will
00:27:07approach
00:27:08me
00:27:08with
00:27:09a
00:27:09crystal
00:27:10and
00:27:12say
00:27:12sweetheart
00:27:13whisper a
00:27:15manifestation
00:27:16into
00:27:17this
00:27:18crystal
00:27:22I
00:27:23understand
00:27:24that
00:27:25marriage
00:27:26requires
00:27:26compromise
00:27:30mine
00:27:31mine
00:27:31is
00:27:31I
00:27:32have
00:27:32to
00:27:32pretend
00:27:33I'm
00:27:34a
00:27:34wizard
00:27:42but if
00:27:43manifestations
00:27:43worked
00:27:44we
00:27:45wouldn't
00:27:46have
00:27:46any
00:27:46crystals
00:27:48because
00:27:49that's
00:27:49all I
00:27:49ask
00:27:50of
00:27:50them
00:27:50when
00:27:51we
00:27:51speak
00:27:58who's
00:27:58are you
00:27:59guys a
00:27:59couple
00:27:59down here
00:28:00now who's a
00:28:01couple
00:28:01anybody in
00:28:02the
00:28:02no one
00:28:03no couples
00:28:03that's my
00:28:04draw
00:28:10lot of
00:28:10guys my
00:28:11age
00:28:11who walk
00:28:12without
00:28:12moving
00:28:13their
00:28:13arms
00:28:20well to
00:28:21begin with
00:28:21Voyager isn't
00:28:22in the
00:28:22Kelvin
00:28:23timeline
00:28:24so I
00:28:25can't believe
00:28:25you're so
00:28:26stupid
00:28:26too
00:28:38it's
00:28:39common among
00:28:39couples that
00:28:40when you
00:28:40go out to
00:28:42the store
00:28:44like you'll
00:28:44come go hey
00:28:45honey I'm at
00:28:45the store
00:28:46do you need
00:28:47anything
00:28:48and then
00:28:49the person
00:28:50that gets
00:28:50that call
00:28:51says what
00:28:52they need
00:28:54in my
00:28:55theory
00:28:55the person
00:28:57that gets
00:28:57that call
00:28:59you get
00:29:00six words
00:29:03hey I'm
00:29:04going to the
00:29:04store do you
00:29:05need anything
00:29:05a latte
00:29:06from Starbucks
00:29:07thank you
00:29:11some potato
00:29:12chips would
00:29:13be great
00:29:15Nell wants
00:29:16more frozen
00:29:17waffle sticks
00:29:18boom
00:29:18six words
00:29:20cat
00:29:21Mrs. Gould
00:29:23bless her
00:29:24heart I
00:29:24don't even
00:29:25call anymore
00:29:26hey honey I'm
00:29:27going to the
00:29:27store do you
00:29:28need anything
00:29:28oh yes
00:29:30gosh thank
00:29:31you yes
00:29:31okay
00:29:35I need you
00:29:36to go to
00:29:37the nature
00:29:37well but
00:29:39not the nature
00:29:40well convenient
00:29:40to our home
00:29:41I need you
00:29:42to go to
00:29:43the nature
00:29:44well annex
00:29:45it's by the
00:29:46cargo hangar
00:29:47of the
00:29:47Van Nuys
00:29:48military airport
00:29:51now
00:29:51there's a
00:29:52guard shift
00:29:53at four o'clock
00:29:54from 4.03
00:29:55to 4.11
00:29:56there's no one
00:29:57in the shack
00:29:58drive right through
00:29:59you'll hear a siren
00:30:00but ignore it
00:30:01no one's coming
00:30:02I promise you
00:30:04drive all the way
00:30:05down to the last
00:30:06hangar on the left
00:30:07but don't go
00:30:08in the front door
00:30:09it's open
00:30:09but there's an
00:30:10infrared scanner
00:30:11and you'll be
00:30:11sterile
00:30:12go around to the back
00:30:14there's a bulkhead
00:30:16go down
00:30:16keep going down
00:30:18it's gonna get
00:30:20very dark
00:30:21and very cold
00:30:22and very wet
00:30:23you're going
00:30:24in the right direction
00:30:27you'll see a small
00:30:28shaft of light
00:30:29open the door
00:30:30you should see
00:30:31several middle-aged
00:30:33Asian women
00:30:33in their underwear
00:30:35ironing money
00:30:36you're going
00:30:37in the right direction
00:30:39keep going down
00:30:41on the right
00:30:42you'll see
00:30:42the annex
00:30:43ask for Paolo
00:30:45if he's not there
00:30:46wait
00:30:47but don't make
00:30:48eye contact
00:30:51I want a green
00:30:52apple smoothie
00:30:55but instead
00:30:57of a smoothie
00:30:58see if they'll
00:30:59make it as a juice
00:31:00but instead
00:31:02of apple
00:31:02I want kale hearts
00:31:04and a turmeric
00:31:06extract
00:31:06actually
00:31:07better idea
00:31:08are you near
00:31:09a penitentiary
00:31:11or cattle ranch
00:31:13anything with
00:31:14the kind of
00:31:15fencing
00:31:15where I could
00:31:16get electricity
00:31:17into lemons
00:31:18no
00:31:22I'm not
00:31:23doing this
00:31:27because I'm
00:31:28home now
00:31:32I've been
00:31:33home for
00:31:3420 minutes
00:31:38I emptied
00:31:39the dishwasher
00:31:41because you
00:31:42don't know
00:31:42how to ask
00:31:43for juice
00:31:45but you
00:31:46might be
00:31:46saying
00:31:47that's okay
00:31:47she can
00:31:48get her
00:31:48own juice
00:31:49no
00:31:55because if
00:31:55there's one
00:31:56thing I can
00:31:57tell you
00:31:57about people
00:31:58who only
00:31:59eat
00:31:59health
00:32:00food
00:32:00they are
00:32:01sick
00:32:02every
00:32:03fucking
00:32:04day
00:32:04they are
00:32:06sick
00:32:07every
00:32:08fucking
00:32:09day
00:32:10the sun
00:32:12pierces
00:32:12the veil
00:32:13of night
00:32:14and they
00:32:15don't feel
00:32:16good
00:32:17if I had
00:32:19to cast
00:32:19people with
00:32:20the plague
00:32:21for a movie
00:32:22I would get
00:32:23any shift
00:32:24from Whole Foods
00:32:27their skin
00:32:28is all
00:32:29sallow
00:32:30their hair
00:32:31is Tim Burton
00:32:34too weak
00:32:35to point
00:32:35where's the
00:32:36deli
00:32:42and they get
00:32:44so
00:32:44buttered
00:32:46so we
00:32:47were at
00:32:48a vegetarian
00:32:49restaurant
00:32:50a lot
00:32:51of people
00:32:51I didn't
00:32:52know all
00:32:53of them
00:32:54I did
00:32:55we're there
00:32:56the group
00:32:57and I
00:32:57made the
00:32:58mistake
00:32:59of casually
00:33:00mentioning
00:33:01I was not
00:33:02vegetarian
00:33:04and this
00:33:05one dude
00:33:06most people
00:33:07are cool
00:33:07one dude
00:33:08what
00:33:14you'll eat
00:33:15a steak
00:33:18yeah
00:33:20oh but
00:33:20you don't
00:33:21want to
00:33:21watch them
00:33:21murder
00:33:22the cow
00:33:26nailed it
00:33:31I love
00:33:32my brother
00:33:32I don't
00:33:33want to
00:33:33watch my
00:33:34parents
00:33:34fuck
00:33:41you don't
00:33:42have to
00:33:42drag
00:33:44everything
00:33:44back
00:33:45to the
00:33:46point
00:33:47where
00:33:49it's
00:33:49awful
00:33:54everything
00:33:55is
00:33:56awful
00:33:56eventually
00:34:02so I
00:34:03know a
00:34:03couple
00:34:04from back
00:34:04home
00:34:05back east
00:34:06the husband
00:34:07did not
00:34:08get vaccinated
00:34:09the wife
00:34:10did get
00:34:11vaccinated
00:34:12the husband
00:34:13got COVID
00:34:14the wife
00:34:15did not
00:34:16get COVID
00:34:17do you
00:34:18know why
00:34:22because the
00:34:23husband
00:34:23was standing
00:34:25in front
00:34:25of the
00:34:26wife
00:34:26when the
00:34:27wind
00:34:28blew
00:34:29the COVID
00:34:30at them
00:34:35you can
00:34:37be wrong
00:34:40it's
00:34:40okay
00:34:42when did
00:34:42that become
00:34:43illegal
00:34:45you can
00:34:46make a
00:34:46mistake
00:34:47you don't
00:34:48lose time
00:34:49off of
00:34:49your life
00:34:50I was at
00:34:51a yard sale
00:34:52not to
00:34:53brag
00:34:58yeah
00:34:59I'm a big
00:35:01shot
00:35:01I
00:35:02go to
00:35:03yard sales
00:35:03no we're
00:35:05at a yard sale
00:35:06and there
00:35:07was this stack
00:35:07of old
00:35:08people
00:35:09magazines
00:35:11people
00:35:12magazines
00:35:13that were
00:35:14old
00:35:16not old
00:35:17people
00:35:17magazines
00:35:20not like
00:35:21matlock
00:35:22watcher
00:35:25denture
00:35:26enthusiast
00:35:29and my
00:35:31favorite
00:35:31extremely
00:35:32legal
00:35:36and there
00:35:37was a
00:35:38people
00:35:38magazine
00:35:39from
00:35:391986
00:35:40and the
00:35:42cover story
00:35:42was
00:35:43the most
00:35:43respected
00:35:44man in
00:35:45America
00:35:45readers
00:35:46poll
00:35:47you know
00:35:48who it
00:35:48was
00:35:50Bill Cosby
00:35:53Reagan
00:35:54came in
00:35:54second
00:35:56true
00:35:57we made
00:35:58a mistake
00:36:01we didn't
00:36:02know
00:36:04he was
00:36:05the most
00:36:05respected
00:36:06man in
00:36:06America
00:36:08and then
00:36:09he went
00:36:09to prison
00:36:11and then
00:36:12they let
00:36:12him out
00:36:15I think
00:36:16they were
00:36:16afraid
00:36:17he was
00:36:17going to
00:36:17commit
00:36:18sue
00:36:18frazzle
00:36:19frizzles
00:36:24I
00:36:25assaulted
00:36:26too
00:36:26many
00:36:27women
00:36:28so I'm
00:36:29going to
00:36:29hang
00:36:29myself
00:36:30in the
00:36:30cell
00:36:30and commit
00:36:31sue
00:36:31frazzle
00:36:36it's
00:36:36a clear
00:36:37cut
00:36:37case
00:36:38of
00:36:38prison
00:36:39sue
00:36:39frazzle
00:36:44I
00:36:45went to
00:36:45high school
00:36:46in the
00:36:471980s
00:36:47every
00:36:48guy
00:36:49in my
00:36:49graduating
00:36:50class
00:36:50had a
00:36:51mullet
00:36:52seemed
00:36:53like a
00:36:53good
00:36:53idea
00:36:54at the
00:36:55time
00:36:57you look
00:36:58in my
00:36:58yearbook
00:36:59now
00:36:59it looks
00:36:59like I
00:37:00went to
00:37:00high school
00:37:00with a
00:37:01lesbian
00:37:01separatist
00:37:02militia
00:37:07one day
00:37:08we'll be
00:37:09like that
00:37:09about
00:37:09vaping
00:37:10seemed
00:37:10like a
00:37:10good
00:37:10idea
00:37:11the
00:37:12great
00:37:13taste
00:37:13of
00:37:13steam
00:37:17the
00:37:17cool
00:37:18look
00:37:18of
00:37:19blowing
00:37:19a
00:37:19flashlight
00:37:20and
00:37:24the
00:37:25ultimate
00:37:25example
00:37:26of
00:37:27we
00:37:27didn't
00:37:28know
00:37:30Michael
00:37:31Jackson
00:37:34we
00:37:34didn't
00:37:35know
00:37:38and he
00:37:38didn't
00:37:39give us
00:37:39any
00:37:39signs
00:37:42who
00:37:47would
00:37:48have
00:37:48thought
00:37:48that a
00:37:48glow-in-the-dark
00:37:49skeleton
00:37:50who dressed
00:37:50like
00:37:51Napoleon
00:37:51and lived
00:37:52by himself
00:37:53in an
00:37:54abandoned
00:37:54amusement park
00:37:55with other
00:37:56people's
00:37:56children
00:37:57and a
00:37:57feral
00:37:58chimp
00:37:58would have
00:37:59such a
00:38:00creepy
00:38:00dark
00:38:01side
00:38:08and if
00:38:10you get
00:38:10to the
00:38:11point
00:38:11in your
00:38:12life
00:38:13when you
00:38:14wake up
00:38:14one morning
00:38:14and think
00:38:15you know
00:38:16I need
00:38:17a chimp
00:38:21you're
00:38:22doing
00:38:22too
00:38:23much
00:38:26chimpanzees
00:38:27are
00:38:28horrible
00:38:29animals
00:38:30if you've
00:38:32ever read
00:38:32a newspaper
00:38:33story about
00:38:34someone who's
00:38:35been attacked
00:38:36by a
00:38:36chimpanzee
00:38:37the wounds
00:38:39are
00:38:40always
00:38:41horrific
00:38:44and
00:38:45they're
00:38:46always
00:38:47the same
00:38:50because
00:38:50chimpanzees
00:38:52are born
00:38:52with this
00:38:52thing
00:38:53called
00:38:54an
00:38:54attack
00:38:54protocol
00:38:57chimpanzees
00:38:58are born
00:38:58knowing
00:38:59how to
00:39:00kill you
00:39:02the first
00:39:03thing a
00:39:03chimpanzee
00:39:04does
00:39:05when it
00:39:05attacks you
00:39:06and I'm
00:39:06going to
00:39:07tell you
00:39:10I want
00:39:11you to
00:39:11know
00:39:14they say
00:39:15that when
00:39:15a bear
00:39:16attacks you
00:39:17you're
00:39:18supposed to
00:39:18make yourself
00:39:19look as
00:39:20physically
00:39:20imposing
00:39:22as you
00:39:24possibly
00:39:24can
00:39:26and speak
00:39:28very
00:39:31soothingly
00:39:35the
00:39:36trial
00:39:37and error
00:39:38that went
00:39:38in
00:39:39to
00:39:39figuring
00:39:40that
00:39:40out
00:39:43is
00:39:44written
00:39:44in the
00:39:45blood
00:39:45of
00:39:45campers
00:39:48bear
00:39:49mercy
00:39:50notes
00:39:50and
00:39:50dozy
00:39:51notes
00:39:51and little
00:39:51emzy
00:39:52timey
00:39:57don't
00:39:57sing
00:39:58pop
00:39:58songs
00:39:58from
00:39:59the
00:39:59thirties
00:40:03next
00:40:07but
00:40:08bears
00:40:08are so
00:40:09stupid
00:40:12bears
00:40:13think
00:40:15we all
00:40:15walk
00:40:15around
00:40:17with
00:40:18shit
00:40:18in our
00:40:19pants
00:40:23because
00:40:27everyone
00:40:27they've
00:40:28ever
00:40:28caught
00:40:35well
00:40:36we're
00:40:3612
00:40:36for
00:40:3612
00:40:37you
00:40:37tell
00:40:37me
00:40:42let's
00:40:42just eat
00:40:43the top
00:40:43half
00:40:43and go
00:40:43find
00:40:44some
00:40:44garbage
00:40:48should
00:40:49we
00:40:49tell
00:40:49them
00:40:49we
00:40:49speak
00:40:50English
00:40:50why
00:40:50so
00:40:51we
00:40:51can
00:40:52talk
00:40:52about
00:40:52the
00:40:52shit
00:40:52in
00:40:53their
00:40:53pants
00:40:58here's
00:40:58your
00:40:58head
00:41:01the
00:41:02first
00:41:02thing
00:41:02a
00:41:02chimpanzee
00:41:03does
00:41:05when
00:41:05it
00:41:06attacks
00:41:06you
00:41:07it
00:41:08breaks
00:41:08your
00:41:09jaw
00:41:11so
00:41:11you
00:41:11can't
00:41:12bite
00:41:12it
00:41:14then
00:41:16it
00:41:17chews
00:41:18your
00:41:18hands
00:41:19off
00:41:19so
00:41:21you
00:41:21can't
00:41:21claw
00:41:22it
00:41:22and
00:41:24then
00:41:25it
00:41:27tears
00:41:28your
00:41:28genitals
00:41:29off
00:41:41I
00:41:42guess
00:41:43so
00:41:45you
00:41:45won't
00:41:48rape
00:41:49it
00:41:54chimpanzees
00:41:56are
00:41:56are
00:41:57so
00:41:57full
00:41:58of
00:41:59themselves
00:42:03they
00:42:04actually
00:42:04think
00:42:05that
00:42:05even
00:42:05after
00:42:06they've
00:42:07broken
00:42:07your
00:42:07jaw
00:42:08chewed
00:42:09off
00:42:10your
00:42:10hands
00:42:10you're
00:42:11still
00:42:11going to
00:42:12be
00:42:12trying
00:42:12to
00:42:13get
00:42:13them
00:42:13into
00:42:13the
00:42:13sack
00:42:17like
00:42:18there
00:42:18were
00:42:18guys
00:42:18chasing
00:42:19them
00:42:19through
00:42:19the
00:42:19jungle
00:42:20you
00:42:20wouldn't
00:42:20have
00:42:21chewed
00:42:21my
00:42:21hands
00:42:21off
00:42:22if
00:42:22you
00:42:22didn't
00:42:22want
00:42:23it
00:42:27you
00:42:28wouldn't
00:42:28have
00:42:28come
00:42:28out
00:42:29of
00:42:29the
00:42:29tree
00:42:29if
00:42:29you
00:42:29weren't
00:42:30into
00:42:30a
00:42:30lady
00:42:34yes
00:42:35my
00:42:35jaw
00:42:36is
00:42:36broken
00:42:38and
00:42:38my
00:42:38hands
00:42:39are
00:42:39chewed
00:42:39off
00:42:41and
00:42:41you
00:42:41know
00:42:41what
00:42:42else
00:42:43I'm
00:42:44tired
00:42:45of
00:42:45all
00:42:45the
00:42:45games
00:42:46and
00:42:53now
00:42:55I'm
00:42:56going
00:42:56to
00:42:56tell
00:42:57you
00:42:57all
00:42:57a
00:42:59terrible
00:43:00story
00:43:06that
00:43:07happened
00:43:08to
00:43:09some
00:43:09children
00:43:12at
00:43:13the
00:43:13Neverland
00:43:14Ranch
00:43:17yes
00:43:18I
00:43:18am
00:43:21and
00:43:22when
00:43:22I'm
00:43:22done
00:43:23you're
00:43:24going
00:43:24to
00:43:24laugh
00:43:27you
00:43:27think
00:43:28that
00:43:28you
00:43:28won't
00:43:28but
00:43:30you
00:43:30don't
00:43:30have
00:43:30all
00:43:31the
00:43:31information
00:43:33as
00:43:34everyone
00:43:34knows
00:43:35Michael
00:43:35Jackson
00:43:36had a
00:43:36chimp
00:43:36named
00:43:37Bubbles
00:43:38and
00:43:38Bubbles
00:43:38was
00:43:38adorable
00:43:39when
00:43:40it
00:43:40was
00:43:40a
00:43:40baby
00:43:41because
00:43:41everything
00:43:42is
00:43:42adorable
00:43:43when
00:43:44it's
00:43:44a
00:43:44baby
00:43:46rattlesnakes
00:43:47are
00:43:47adorable
00:43:47when
00:43:48they're
00:43:48babies
00:43:49but
00:43:50then
00:43:50Bubbles
00:43:51grew up
00:43:51and became
00:43:52an adult
00:43:52male
00:43:53chimp
00:43:53very
00:43:54powerful
00:43:55very
00:43:55unpredictable
00:43:56and
00:43:57with
00:43:57the
00:43:57potential
00:43:58for
00:43:58great
00:43:58physical
00:43:59violence
00:43:59so
00:44:00Bubbles
00:44:01was
00:44:01put
00:44:01into
00:44:01a
00:44:01cage
00:44:02and
00:44:02moved
00:44:03off
00:44:03the
00:44:04beaten
00:44:04path
00:44:04there
00:44:05at
00:44:05the
00:44:05old
00:44:06Neverland
00:44:06Ranch
00:44:07but
00:44:08make-a-wish
00:44:09kids
00:44:09would
00:44:11come to
00:44:12the
00:44:12ranch
00:44:12and
00:44:13they
00:44:13wanted
00:44:14to
00:44:14see
00:44:15Bubbles
00:44:15and
00:44:17Bubbles
00:44:18would
00:44:19hurl
00:44:20his
00:44:21feces
00:44:22at
00:44:22them
00:44:25which
00:44:26was
00:44:26not
00:44:26their
00:44:27stated
00:44:27wish
00:44:34and
00:44:35what
00:44:35you
00:44:36end
00:44:36up
00:44:36with
00:44:36is
00:44:37kids
00:44:38in
00:44:40wheelchairs
00:44:40on
00:44:42grass
00:44:43trying
00:44:45to
00:44:45evade
00:44:46cannonballs
00:44:47of
00:44:48monkey
00:44:49shit
00:44:51and
00:44:52I
00:44:53like
00:44:53to
00:44:53imagine
00:44:53what
00:44:54that
00:44:54must
00:44:55have
00:44:55looked
00:44:55like
00:44:56to
00:44:56the
00:44:57sound
00:44:57of
00:44:58Louis
00:44:58Armstrong's
00:44:59what
00:45:00a
00:45:00wonderful
00:45:00world
00:45:05I
00:45:06see
00:45:07trees
00:45:08of
00:45:08green
00:45:18red
00:45:20roses
00:45:21too
00:45:37no
00:45:37don't
00:45:38give
00:45:38I
00:45:38love
00:45:39animals
00:45:40we
00:45:41have
00:45:41a
00:45:41ton
00:45:41of
00:45:41animals
00:45:42I
00:45:42have
00:45:42a
00:45:43wife
00:45:43and
00:45:43three
00:45:43daughters
00:45:44everybody
00:45:44has
00:45:45a
00:45:45cat
00:45:46I
00:45:47have
00:45:47four
00:45:48cats
00:45:48two
00:45:48dogs
00:45:49I
00:45:49love
00:45:49my
00:45:49dogs
00:45:50I
00:45:51love
00:45:51my
00:45:51dogs
00:45:53but
00:45:54one
00:45:54of
00:45:54my
00:45:55dogs
00:45:57Alfie
00:45:59my
00:45:59little
00:46:00dog
00:46:00Alfie
00:46:03is
00:46:03so
00:46:05fucking
00:46:06stupid
00:46:09he's
00:46:10a
00:46:10rescue
00:46:12he's
00:46:12never
00:46:13been
00:46:13right
00:46:16Alfie
00:46:16has a
00:46:17look in
00:46:17his
00:46:17eyes
00:46:18that
00:46:18you
00:46:18only
00:46:19get
00:46:19from
00:46:20a
00:46:20guy
00:46:20in
00:46:20an
00:46:21army
00:46:21jacket
00:46:21sitting
00:46:22alone
00:46:22on
00:46:22a
00:46:23swing
00:46:23set
00:46:23in
00:46:23the
00:46:24rain
00:46:26he
00:46:31will
00:46:32be
00:46:32outside
00:46:33romping
00:46:34and
00:46:34playing
00:46:34for
00:46:35five
00:46:36hours
00:46:36running
00:46:37around
00:46:38the
00:46:38yard
00:46:38barking
00:46:39at
00:46:39squirrels
00:46:40and then
00:46:40finally
00:46:40I'll
00:46:41let
00:46:41him
00:46:41in
00:46:41like
00:46:41oh
00:46:42thank
00:46:42god
00:46:42I'm
00:46:42inside
00:46:43oh
00:46:43I
00:46:44almost
00:46:44peed
00:46:44outside
00:46:45I
00:46:45had
00:46:45to
00:46:45pee
00:46:45so
00:46:46bad
00:46:48this
00:46:48feels
00:46:49so
00:46:49good
00:46:51I
00:46:51almost
00:46:51peed
00:46:52on
00:46:52the
00:46:52tree
00:46:55is
00:46:55this
00:46:56the
00:46:56antique
00:46:56your
00:46:56mom
00:46:56gave
00:46:57you
00:46:58nope
00:46:59happy
00:46:59to
00:46:59market
00:47:00thank
00:47:00me
00:47:00later
00:47:00oh
00:47:01god
00:47:04and
00:47:06he
00:47:07just
00:47:07would
00:47:07not
00:47:08learn
00:47:08so
00:47:09I
00:47:09take
00:47:09him
00:47:09to
00:47:10the
00:47:10vet
00:47:10the
00:47:10vet
00:47:10puts
00:47:11him
00:47:11on
00:47:11dog
00:47:11Prozac
00:47:12I
00:47:13feel
00:47:13like
00:47:14an
00:47:14idiot
00:47:14getting
00:47:15my
00:47:15dog
00:47:16Prozac
00:47:17and
00:47:18then
00:47:18a
00:47:19bigger
00:47:19idiot
00:47:19a week
00:47:20later
00:47:20when I
00:47:20have to
00:47:20bring
00:47:21him
00:47:21back
00:47:21because
00:47:21he
00:47:22can't
00:47:22get
00:47:22an
00:47:22erection
00:47:30and
00:47:30he's
00:47:3118
00:47:34he
00:47:34won't
00:47:35die
00:47:39he's
00:47:40staying
00:47:40alive
00:47:41out
00:47:41of
00:47:42spite
00:47:45I
00:47:46take
00:47:46him
00:47:46to
00:47:46the
00:47:46vet
00:47:46he
00:47:47said
00:47:47everything
00:47:47wrong
00:47:48with him
00:47:48a dog
00:47:49could
00:47:49have
00:47:49I
00:47:50take
00:47:51him
00:47:51to
00:47:51the
00:47:51vet
00:47:51every
00:47:52other
00:47:53week
00:47:53and
00:47:53it's
00:47:55surprising
00:47:57but
00:48:01it's
00:48:01not
00:48:01time
00:48:02yet
00:48:03that's
00:48:03what
00:48:03they
00:48:04always
00:48:04say
00:48:04it's
00:48:04not
00:48:04time
00:48:05yet
00:48:06to
00:48:07put
00:48:07him
00:48:07down
00:48:09you
00:48:09know
00:48:09they
00:48:10say
00:48:10a
00:48:10dog
00:48:11is
00:48:11a
00:48:11man's
00:48:11best
00:48:12friend
00:48:13you
00:48:14know
00:48:14what
00:48:14my
00:48:14best
00:48:15friend
00:48:15is
00:48:15never
00:48:15going
00:48:16to
00:48:16do
00:48:17make
00:48:18me
00:48:18murder
00:48:19him
00:48:22I
00:48:24have
00:48:25several
00:48:26human
00:48:26best
00:48:26friends
00:48:27I'm
00:48:28not
00:48:28afraid
00:48:28of
00:48:29that
00:48:29call
00:48:29hey
00:48:30Dane
00:48:30I
00:48:30don't
00:48:31know
00:48:31what
00:48:32you're
00:48:32doing
00:48:32this
00:48:32weekend
00:48:32but
00:48:33I
00:48:33haven't
00:48:33been
00:48:33feeling
00:48:33that
00:48:34good
00:48:36I
00:48:36think
00:48:36maybe
00:48:37you
00:48:37just
00:48:37come
00:48:37by
00:48:37and
00:48:37kill
00:48:38me
00:48:38with
00:48:38a
00:48:38shovel
00:48:40I
00:48:40think
00:48:40one
00:48:41good
00:48:41swing
00:48:41to
00:48:41the
00:48:41head
00:48:42will
00:48:42do
00:48:42it
00:48:43why
00:48:44do
00:48:44I
00:48:44care
00:48:44what
00:48:44the
00:48:44police
00:48:45will
00:48:45think
00:48:46it's
00:48:47not
00:48:47about
00:48:47you
00:48:54so
00:48:56so
00:49:00I was
00:49:01in the
00:49:01airport
00:49:01the
00:49:01other
00:49:02day
00:49:02and
00:49:02I
00:49:03see
00:49:03this
00:49:03really
00:49:03sweet
00:49:03sight
00:49:04I
00:49:04see
00:49:04a
00:49:04woman
00:49:04she's
00:49:05walking
00:49:05with
00:49:06her
00:49:06little
00:49:06boy
00:49:06and
00:49:07the
00:49:07little
00:49:07boy
00:49:07is
00:49:08walking
00:49:08with
00:49:08his
00:49:08little
00:49:08dog
00:49:09and
00:49:09it
00:49:09was
00:49:09so
00:49:11sweet
00:49:12and
00:49:13the
00:49:13only
00:49:13thing
00:49:13that
00:49:13was
00:49:13interesting
00:49:14about
00:49:14it
00:49:15to
00:49:15me
00:49:15was
00:49:16that
00:49:16the
00:49:16woman
00:49:16was
00:49:16covered
00:49:17in
00:49:17tattoos
00:49:18just
00:49:18completely
00:49:19sleeved
00:49:20on both
00:49:20arms
00:49:21huge
00:49:21plate
00:49:22across
00:49:22her
00:49:22back
00:49:23and
00:49:23I
00:49:24understand
00:49:24that's
00:49:25normal
00:49:26now
00:49:26that's
00:49:27culture
00:49:29I'm
00:49:30just
00:49:30glad
00:49:31it
00:49:31wasn't
00:49:32culture
00:49:32when
00:49:33I
00:49:33was
00:49:34that
00:49:34little
00:49:34boy
00:49:36just
00:49:36thinking
00:49:37about
00:49:37the
00:49:37tats
00:49:38my
00:49:38mom
00:49:38would
00:49:39have
00:49:39gotten
00:49:42pack
00:49:43of
00:49:43merits
00:49:43and
00:49:44an
00:49:44astrology
00:49:44magazine
00:49:49big
00:49:49gothic
00:49:50font
00:49:50across
00:49:51her
00:49:51chest
00:49:51can
00:49:52I
00:49:52have
00:49:52five
00:49:53goddamn
00:49:53minutes
00:49:54to
00:49:54myself
00:49:54please
00:49:57and
00:49:58don't
00:49:58think
00:49:59I'm
00:49:59not
00:49:59gonna
00:49:59tell
00:50:00your
00:50:00father
00:50:00what
00:50:01you
00:50:01did
00:50:01when
00:50:02he
00:50:02gets
00:50:02home
00:50:02from
00:50:02work
00:50:03although
00:50:04god
00:50:04knows
00:50:04when
00:50:05that's
00:50:05gonna
00:50:05be
00:50:06cause
00:50:06it's
00:50:06Thursday
00:50:07night
00:50:07and
00:50:07he
00:50:08got
00:50:08his
00:50:08paycheck
00:50:08so
00:50:09he's
00:50:09down
00:50:10at
00:50:10the
00:50:10bar
00:50:10with
00:50:10his
00:50:11asshole
00:50:11friends
00:50:12buying
00:50:13everybody
00:50:13rounds
00:50:14like
00:50:14we
00:50:14got
00:50:14all
00:50:14the
00:50:15money
00:50:15in
00:50:15the
00:50:15world
00:50:15and
00:50:16then
00:50:16he's
00:50:16gonna
00:50:16come
00:50:17home
00:50:17and
00:50:17bitch
00:50:17to
00:50:18me
00:50:18that
00:50:18we're
00:50:18broke
00:50:19like
00:50:19I
00:50:19haven't
00:50:20seen
00:50:20a
00:50:20$20
00:50:20bill
00:50:21since
00:50:21Johnson
00:50:22was
00:50:22the
00:50:22president
00:50:23I'm
00:50:24sorry
00:50:24Mrs.
00:50:24Gould
00:50:25we're
00:50:25all
00:50:25out
00:50:25of
00:50:25back
00:50:25well
00:50:26find
00:50:26somebody
00:50:26else
00:50:27I'm
00:50:27still
00:50:27angry
00:50:30I
00:50:34have
00:50:35a
00:50:35lot
00:50:35of
00:50:35respect
00:50:36for
00:50:36moms
00:50:37when
00:50:38I
00:50:38when
00:50:39my
00:50:39first
00:50:40wife
00:50:40and
00:50:40I
00:50:40divorced
00:50:42I
00:50:43didn't
00:50:43think
00:50:43I
00:50:43was
00:50:43gonna
00:50:44date
00:50:44anybody
00:50:44again
00:50:45I
00:50:45was
00:50:45kind
00:50:45of
00:50:45like
00:50:45I'm
00:50:47done
00:50:48and
00:50:49then
00:50:49you
00:50:49know
00:50:49life
00:50:50intercedes
00:50:50and
00:50:51I
00:50:51ended
00:50:51up
00:50:52dating
00:50:52a
00:50:52woman
00:50:52that
00:50:53I
00:50:53knew
00:50:54socially
00:50:54that
00:50:55was
00:50:55in
00:50:56like
00:50:56my
00:50:56social
00:50:56group
00:50:57and
00:50:57we
00:50:58were
00:50:58both
00:50:58married
00:50:59and
00:50:59then
00:50:59we
00:50:59were
00:50:59both
00:50:59divorced
00:51:00and
00:51:01at
00:51:01the
00:51:01time
00:51:01I
00:51:02had
00:51:02three
00:51:02daughters
00:51:02and
00:51:03she
00:51:04at
00:51:04that
00:51:04time
00:51:05had
00:51:06two
00:51:06year
00:51:06old
00:51:07triplets
00:51:11and
00:51:12that's
00:51:12why I
00:51:13say
00:51:13that
00:51:13because
00:51:14that's
00:51:15always
00:51:15the
00:51:15response
00:51:16I
00:51:19go
00:51:19all
00:51:20over
00:51:20the
00:51:20country
00:51:21Europe
00:51:22Canada
00:51:23never
00:51:23once
00:51:26every
00:51:27time
00:51:32what's
00:51:32your
00:51:32girlfriend
00:51:33like
00:51:33oh
00:51:33she's
00:51:33great
00:51:34she's
00:51:34in
00:51:34that
00:51:34religion
00:51:35where
00:51:35they
00:51:35speak
00:51:35in
00:51:35tongues
00:51:36and
00:51:36dance
00:51:36around
00:51:37with
00:51:37a
00:51:37poisonous
00:51:37snake
00:51:38oh
00:51:38yeah
00:51:38I've
00:51:38seen
00:51:39that
00:51:39that's
00:51:39fascinating
00:51:40yeah
00:51:40and
00:51:41she
00:51:41has
00:51:41triplets
00:51:41what are
00:51:42you
00:51:42fucking
00:51:42nuts
00:51:43get
00:51:43the
00:51:43hell
00:51:43out
00:51:44of
00:51:44there
00:51:49the
00:51:49only
00:51:50reason
00:51:50I
00:51:51bring
00:51:51it
00:51:51up
00:51:51is
00:51:53I
00:51:53had
00:51:54never
00:51:54changed
00:51:55a
00:51:56boy's
00:51:56diaper
00:51:57before
00:51:58and
00:51:59I
00:51:59don't
00:52:00know
00:52:00if
00:52:00any
00:52:00of
00:52:00you
00:52:00have
00:52:00ever
00:52:01changed
00:52:01a
00:52:01boy's
00:52:02diaper
00:52:02or
00:52:04have
00:52:04seen
00:52:05an
00:52:05elephant
00:52:06bathe
00:52:06itself
00:52:07in a
00:52:07river
00:52:12same
00:52:13principle
00:52:14and
00:52:21that's
00:52:21the
00:52:22difference
00:52:22between
00:52:23having
00:52:24kids
00:52:24and not
00:52:24having
00:52:24kids
00:52:25I was
00:52:26like
00:52:26oh
00:52:26I
00:52:26have
00:52:26pee
00:52:26in
00:52:27my
00:52:27hair
00:52:28and
00:52:29not
00:52:29call
00:52:29911
00:52:32it's
00:52:32pee
00:52:33it's
00:52:33pee
00:52:36so
00:52:36I
00:52:36turn
00:52:37around
00:52:37to
00:52:37get
00:52:37a
00:52:38napkin
00:52:38my
00:52:38back
00:52:39is
00:52:39turned
00:52:39for
00:52:39about
00:52:39an
00:52:39eighth
00:52:40of
00:52:40a
00:52:40second
00:52:40I
00:52:40know
00:52:41I've
00:52:41done
00:52:41this
00:52:41before
00:52:42you
00:52:42know
00:52:42so
00:52:42I
00:52:42turn
00:52:43around
00:52:43and
00:52:43by
00:52:44the
00:52:44time
00:52:44I
00:52:44turn
00:52:44back
00:52:45he
00:52:45is
00:52:45grabbing
00:52:47his
00:52:49junk
00:52:50and I
00:52:51don't
00:52:51mean
00:52:51like
00:52:52pocket
00:52:52pool
00:52:52waiting
00:52:53for
00:52:53your
00:52:53taxi
00:52:54or
00:52:54lift
00:52:55you
00:52:55know
00:52:55like
00:52:56Hercules
00:52:57trying
00:52:57to tear
00:52:58the skin
00:52:59off
00:52:59a
00:52:59serpent
00:53:02I
00:53:03literally
00:53:03went
00:53:04involuntarily
00:53:08get a
00:53:08full
00:53:09curly
00:53:10honey
00:53:11the
00:53:12baby's
00:53:12trying to
00:53:12pull
00:53:13his
00:53:13cock
00:53:13off
00:53:13I
00:53:14don't
00:53:14know
00:53:14how
00:53:14you
00:53:14want
00:53:14me
00:53:14to
00:53:14play
00:53:15this
00:53:16and I
00:53:17had to
00:53:17say
00:53:18something
00:53:18because I
00:53:18didn't want
00:53:19her to
00:53:19come in
00:53:19and find
00:53:20me
00:53:20fighting
00:53:21with her
00:53:21son
00:53:22over
00:53:22his
00:53:22penis
00:53:23hey
00:53:24no
00:53:24hey
00:53:25hey
00:53:31I
00:53:32can
00:53:32explain
00:53:35he
00:53:35wanted
00:53:36to
00:53:36touch
00:53:36it
00:53:38it's
00:53:38a good
00:53:39thing
00:53:39I
00:53:39was
00:53:39here
00:53:42but
00:53:43he
00:53:43he
00:53:44had
00:53:44no
00:53:45shame
00:53:47I
00:53:47just
00:53:47think
00:53:47about
00:53:48how
00:53:48I
00:53:48was
00:53:48raised
00:53:48you
00:53:49know
00:53:49Irish
00:53:49Catholic
00:53:50Massachusetts
00:53:50shame
00:53:51any
00:53:53bodily
00:53:53function
00:53:54shame
00:53:56what is
00:53:58the
00:53:58percentage
00:53:58of
00:53:58people
00:53:59in
00:53:59this
00:54:00country
00:54:00who
00:54:01chronically
00:54:02masturbate
00:54:03like
00:54:04who have
00:54:05a problem
00:54:05it
00:54:06interferes
00:54:06with
00:54:06their
00:54:06life
00:54:08120
00:54:09130
00:54:10percent
00:54:15half
00:54:16of
00:54:16those
00:54:17people
00:54:19believe
00:54:20in
00:54:20guardian
00:54:21angels
00:54:24half
00:54:25the
00:54:25country
00:54:26believes
00:54:26in
00:54:26guardian
00:54:27angels
00:54:28half
00:54:29the
00:54:29country
00:54:30believes
00:54:30there's
00:54:31a tiny
00:54:31invisible
00:54:32woman
00:54:32in a
00:54:34nightgown
00:54:34floating
00:54:35above
00:54:36your
00:54:36head
00:54:36and
00:54:38she's
00:54:38there
00:54:38to
00:54:38help
00:54:39you
00:54:39find
00:54:39your
00:54:39keys
00:54:42my
00:54:43mom's
00:54:43one of
00:54:44those
00:54:44people
00:54:44sweetheart
00:54:45you
00:54:46have
00:54:46a
00:54:46guardian
00:54:46angel
00:54:47and
00:54:47she's
00:54:48always
00:54:48with
00:54:48you
00:54:50i
00:54:51know
00:54:55i
00:54:56feel
00:54:56so
00:54:56bad
00:54:57for
00:54:57that
00:54:57woman
00:55:01the
00:55:01shit
00:55:02she
00:55:02has
00:55:02sat
00:55:03through
00:55:05oh
00:55:05dana
00:55:06what
00:55:06are you
00:55:07looking
00:55:07at
00:55:07on
00:55:07the
00:55:07computer
00:55:08oh
00:55:09no
00:55:09not
00:55:10again
00:55:12think
00:55:16of the
00:55:17time
00:55:17you
00:55:17waste
00:55:19could
00:55:20have
00:55:20learned
00:55:21a
00:55:21language
00:55:23could
00:55:24have
00:55:24learned
00:55:25all
00:55:25the
00:55:25languages
00:55:27she
00:55:28has
00:55:28too
00:55:29many
00:55:29friends
00:55:31so
00:55:36there's
00:55:36a
00:55:36store
00:55:37here
00:55:38in
00:55:38los
00:55:38angeles
00:55:39called
00:55:40the
00:55:41pleasure
00:55:42chest
00:55:42it's
00:55:44up
00:55:44on
00:55:45santa
00:55:45monica
00:55:45boulevard
00:55:46in
00:55:46west
00:55:47hollywood
00:55:47and
00:55:48it's
00:55:48a
00:55:48lovely
00:55:48little
00:55:49place
00:55:49it's
00:55:50an
00:55:50adult
00:55:50novelty
00:55:51store
00:55:51a
00:55:53dildorium
00:55:54if you
00:55:54will
00:55:56and
00:55:57they
00:55:57have
00:55:57a
00:55:57comedy
00:55:58night
00:55:58there
00:55:59because
00:56:00of
00:56:01course
00:56:01they
00:56:01do
00:56:02and
00:56:05they
00:56:05called
00:56:06me
00:56:06up
00:56:06and
00:56:06they
00:56:06said
00:56:07do
00:56:07you
00:56:07want
00:56:07to
00:56:07do
00:56:07the
00:56:07show
00:56:08and
00:56:08I
00:56:08go
00:56:08sure
00:56:08yeah
00:56:08I'll
00:56:09come
00:56:09down
00:56:09I'd love
00:56:09to
00:56:09and
00:56:10I
00:56:12did
00:56:13now
00:56:14the
00:56:14first
00:56:14thing
00:56:14that
00:56:15strikes
00:56:15me
00:56:16when
00:56:16I
00:56:17went
00:56:17into
00:56:17the
00:56:17pleasure
00:56:18chest
00:56:18was
00:56:20the
00:56:21toys
00:56:21don't
00:56:22look
00:56:22like
00:56:23what
00:56:23you
00:56:24would
00:56:24think
00:56:24they
00:56:25would
00:56:25look
00:56:25like
00:56:26they're
00:56:27not
00:56:27anatomical
00:56:28at
00:56:29all
00:56:29they're
00:56:31they
00:56:31used
00:56:32to
00:56:32be
00:56:32now
00:56:33they're
00:56:34just
00:56:34like
00:56:34bright
00:56:35orange
00:56:35curly
00:56:36queues
00:56:37and
00:56:38lime
00:56:38green
00:56:39twisty
00:56:39shapes
00:56:40it
00:56:41looked
00:56:41like
00:56:41replacement
00:56:42limbs
00:56:43for an
00:56:43all
00:56:44muppet
00:56:44veterans
00:56:45hospital
00:56:52my
00:56:53question
00:56:54is
00:56:55who
00:56:55shops
00:56:56at
00:56:56that
00:56:56store
00:56:59doesn't
00:56:59everybody
00:57:00have
00:57:00the
00:57:00internet
00:57:02I
00:57:02mean
00:57:03again
00:57:03it
00:57:03could
00:57:03be
00:57:03me
00:57:03I'm
00:57:04from
00:57:04a
00:57:04very
00:57:04repressed
00:57:05upbringing
00:57:05but
00:57:05I
00:57:06honestly
00:57:06could
00:57:07not
00:57:07just
00:57:07walk
00:57:07in
00:57:08that
00:57:08store
00:57:08like
00:57:08huh
00:57:09hmm
00:57:10hmm
00:57:16with a
00:57:17list
00:57:17oh
00:57:17yeah
00:57:19hey are
00:57:20these
00:57:20gluten
00:57:20free
00:57:21you know
00:57:23they're
00:57:24anal
00:57:24beads
00:57:30which
00:57:32are
00:57:32a
00:57:32thing
00:57:36anal
00:57:43beads
00:57:46are
00:57:47a
00:57:47thing
00:57:48that
00:57:50we
00:57:51as
00:57:53a
00:57:53people
00:57:53design
00:57:57mass
00:57:58produce
00:58:00market
00:58:02and
00:58:03sell
00:58:09the
00:58:10American
00:58:11experiment
00:58:12is not
00:58:13over
00:58:17there
00:58:19is
00:58:19still
00:58:19life
00:58:20in the
00:58:20old
00:58:21girl
00:58:21yet
00:58:25look at
00:58:26the
00:58:26competition
00:58:28Russia
00:58:29ha
00:58:31Russia's
00:58:32not even
00:58:33a country
00:58:34it's a
00:58:35gas station
00:58:36with an
00:58:37army
00:58:40Russia
00:58:41only
00:58:41does
00:58:42two
00:58:42things
00:58:43it
00:58:44supplies
00:58:44the
00:58:45eastern
00:58:45bloc
00:58:45with the
00:58:46raw
00:58:46material
00:58:46for
00:58:47fossil
00:58:47fuels
00:58:48and
00:58:48occasionally
00:58:49chooses
00:58:51the
00:58:51American
00:58:52president
00:58:52but that's
00:58:54all
00:58:54Russia
00:58:54does
00:58:59what does
00:59:01China
00:59:01really
00:59:02do
00:59:05it
00:59:06steals
00:59:06our
00:59:07intellectual
00:59:07property
00:59:08and sells
00:59:09it back
00:59:09to us
00:59:10at a
00:59:11vastly
00:59:11inflated
00:59:12price
00:59:12and
00:59:14occasionally
00:59:15allows
00:59:17you know
00:59:18assholes
00:59:19like
00:59:19me
00:59:21to have
00:59:23a family
00:59:24but
00:59:25here in
00:59:26America
00:59:27we
00:59:30innovate
00:59:31we put
00:59:34a man
00:59:34on the
00:59:35moon
00:59:35we
00:59:36invented
00:59:37the
00:59:38computer
00:59:39chip
00:59:39we
00:59:40have
00:59:41anal
00:59:43beads
00:59:50specially
00:59:51made
00:59:52beads
00:59:53just
00:59:56for
00:59:56your
01:00:00anal
01:00:05we
01:00:06didn't
01:00:06steal
01:00:07the
01:00:07idea
01:00:07from
01:00:08another
01:00:08country
01:00:09and sell
01:00:10it back
01:00:10at an
01:00:11inflated
01:00:11price
01:00:13an
01:00:13American
01:00:15shot
01:00:15out of
01:00:16bed
01:00:16in the
01:00:16middle
01:00:16of the
01:00:17night
01:00:17and
01:00:17thought
01:00:18golly
01:00:21I
01:00:22wish
01:00:22there
01:00:22was
01:00:22a
01:00:23necklace
01:00:23so
01:00:23big
01:00:24it
01:00:24felt
01:00:24great
01:00:25being
01:00:25yanked
01:00:26out
01:00:26of
01:00:26my
01:00:26asshole
01:00:39nobody
01:00:39touched
01:00:40this
01:00:40equation
01:00:45three in
01:00:46the
01:00:46morning
01:00:46Matt
01:00:46Damon
01:00:47comes
01:00:47in
01:01:02there
01:01:03are
01:01:04two
01:01:04jobs
01:01:05in
01:01:05America
01:01:06with
01:01:07debilitating
01:01:08levels
01:01:09of
01:01:09stress
01:01:10air
01:01:11traffic
01:01:12controller
01:01:13and the
01:01:15person
01:01:15that
01:01:16ties
01:01:16the
01:01:16knot
01:01:17on
01:01:17that
01:01:18last
01:01:19piece
01:01:21because
01:01:26what you
01:01:27really don't
01:01:28want
01:01:28go
01:01:39don't
01:01:40panic
01:01:42I
01:01:43made
01:01:43chili
01:01:55I'm a
01:01:56lot more
01:01:56positive than
01:01:57people think
01:02:02and I
01:02:02really
01:02:03did
01:02:03try to
01:02:05change
01:02:05my
01:02:06outlook
01:02:06on life
01:02:06a couple
01:02:07years ago
01:02:07and you
01:02:07know
01:02:07what
01:02:07really
01:02:08was the
01:02:08motivating
01:02:09factor
01:02:09and I'm
01:02:10not
01:02:10kidding
01:02:10the
01:02:11Mr.
01:02:12Rogers
01:02:12documentary
01:02:14did anyone
01:02:15see that
01:02:15it's called
01:02:16won't you
01:02:17be my
01:02:17neighbor
01:02:17it's
01:02:19unbelievable
01:02:20the whole
01:02:20premise
01:02:21of the
01:02:21documentary
01:02:22is
01:02:22he's
01:02:23really
01:02:23Mr.
01:02:24Rogers
01:02:25you know
01:02:25like he
01:02:26was a
01:02:26tubby
01:02:27kid
01:02:27and he
01:02:27got
01:02:27bullied
01:02:28but he
01:02:28didn't
01:02:28let it
01:02:29destroy
01:02:29him
01:02:30and he
01:02:30grew up
01:02:31and he
01:02:31had
01:02:31problems
01:02:32but he
01:02:32worked
01:02:32through
01:02:33them
01:02:33and he
01:02:33got
01:02:33married
01:02:33and he
01:02:34loved
01:02:34his
01:02:34wife
01:02:34and he
01:02:35had
01:02:35kids
01:02:35and he
01:02:35loved
01:02:36his
01:02:36kids
01:02:36and he
01:02:37was
01:02:37famous
01:02:37all of
01:02:38his
01:02:38life
01:02:38and he
01:02:38didn't
01:02:39rape
01:02:39anybody
01:02:39and we
01:02:40don't
01:02:40know
01:02:40how
01:02:40that
01:02:40happened
01:02:46we
01:02:47can't
01:02:47figure
01:02:47it
01:02:47out
01:02:50the
01:02:51most
01:02:51moving
01:02:52part
01:02:52of the
01:02:54film
01:02:54is he
01:02:55goes
01:02:55to
01:02:55visit
01:02:55Coco
01:02:56the
01:02:56gorilla
01:02:57I
01:02:58don't
01:02:58know if
01:02:58you're
01:02:58familiar
01:02:59Coco
01:02:59the
01:02:59gorilla
01:02:59was this
01:03:00hyper
01:03:00intelligent
01:03:01silverback
01:03:02mountain
01:03:02gorilla
01:03:03who lived
01:03:03in northern
01:03:04California
01:03:04and she
01:03:06could speak
01:03:06in sign
01:03:07language
01:03:08she had
01:03:09a kitten
01:03:09a domesticated
01:03:10pet
01:03:11which is
01:03:11unheard
01:03:11of
01:03:12for a
01:03:12silverback
01:03:13mountain
01:03:14gorilla
01:03:14and she
01:03:14loved
01:03:15watching
01:03:16Mr. Rogers
01:03:17neighborhood
01:03:17in her
01:03:18enclosure
01:03:19so they
01:03:20arranged
01:03:20for Fred
01:03:21Rogers to
01:03:22come and
01:03:23visit her
01:03:23so Fred
01:03:24Rogers
01:03:24comes in
01:03:25and he
01:03:25sits
01:03:25down
01:03:25and then
01:03:26this is all
01:03:27in the
01:03:27film
01:03:27and then
01:03:28Coco
01:03:28comes around
01:03:29the corner
01:03:30and Coco
01:03:32is the
01:03:33size of
01:03:33a minivan
01:03:36she's a
01:03:36silverback
01:03:37mountain
01:03:37gorilla
01:03:38and she
01:03:38comes up
01:03:39and she
01:03:39sits down
01:03:40at his
01:03:40feet
01:03:41and then
01:03:42very
01:03:42gingerly
01:03:44slips
01:03:44off his
01:03:45shoes
01:03:47because that's
01:03:48what she
01:03:48saw him
01:03:48do
01:03:49on television
01:03:50he would
01:03:50come in
01:03:51sit down
01:03:51and take
01:03:52off his
01:03:52shoes
01:03:52and put
01:03:53on his
01:03:53tennis
01:03:53shoes
01:03:54and then
01:03:55she signed
01:03:56I love
01:03:57you
01:03:59then she
01:04:00broke his
01:04:01jaw
01:04:04she
01:04:04refused
01:04:06for him
01:04:07to
01:04:07his
01:04:07jaw
01:04:12the
01:04:13terrible
01:04:14day
01:04:14in the
01:04:14neighborhood
01:04:17the
01:04:17end
01:04:18thank you
01:04:19very much
01:04:21see you
01:04:22next
01:04:22time
01:04:23oh my lord
01:04:25thank you very
01:04:26much
01:04:27thank you
01:04:29thank you
01:04:31thank you
01:04:33oh my lord
01:04:33I
01:04:33I
01:04:46I
01:04:47I
01:04:50I
01:04:50I
01:04:51I
01:04:52I
01:04:53I
01:04:53I
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