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Half.Man.S01E01.540p.X265.AAC [Full Movie] [Full Version]Full EP - Full
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Oh
00:53I'm not speaking about this.
00:58You don't have to speak.
01:00You have to listen.
01:03Really?
01:06You picked today.
01:09My fucking wedding.
01:16Come on, Truman, stop messing.
01:21Put your top back on.
01:34Oh, for fuck's sake.
01:45Oh, Niall.
01:53Come here.
01:55Come here.
02:02I'm proud of you, yeah?
02:05You know that?
02:13You look gorgeous, so you do.
02:15I tell you, if I wasn't family, I'd get up and underneath that kilt right away.
02:20No, Ruben, don't.
02:21What?
02:22I tell you, you look gorgeous.
02:24Come on, show me.
02:24There's nothing to show, Ruben.
02:25I've got boxes on underneath, for Christ's sake.
02:27Oh, boxers.
02:28Stop teasing me, you little mate.
02:33Hey.
02:34Yeah.
02:35Come here, look at me.
02:36Look at me.
02:38That's it.
02:41Look at me.
02:44We may not flow through each other's veins, but we flow through each other's brains, you
02:49get me?
02:50Please, I don't think that...
02:50One more time, eh?
02:52For all time's sake.
02:54I just need to hear it.
02:57Before I lose you forever.
02:58You're not serious.
03:01Go on.
03:02Say it.
03:03What am I?
03:08Your brother from...
03:16You're not the mother.
03:21You're not the mother.
03:23Beautiful.
03:36No!
03:51Come on, give us your best, you little fike.
04:04What is this now?
04:06Oh, fucking Snickers, Indiana Jones, that film is gay as fuck, I'm gonna have these, no, please,
04:17Gus, you can keep one, okay, I'm not a monster, pick one.
04:29Second to last.
04:30Good.
04:52Open up.
05:00Okay, degenerate, settle down, settle down.
05:05Right, as we know, the prelim exams start this week.
05:10Are we aware of how important they are?
05:16Prelims are your safety net.
05:18For whatever reason, you missed your finals.
05:20You get hit by a bus, you come down with a bubonic plague.
05:24These exams are your get out of jail with an appeals card.
05:28Have I emphasized their importance enough?
05:34Positively spellbinding.
05:36Right, moving on.
05:39I should probably make you aware that a new student will be joining the class from tomorrow.
05:43One Reuben Pallister.
05:46What?
05:50Some of them are, Kennedy?
05:52No, no, it's just...
05:54Did you just say Reuben Pallister?
05:58That's right.
05:59A new pupil you can show off your sparkling personality to.
06:04Reuben will be transferring from Pullman Young Offenders Institute and will be re-sitting two years,
06:09which means he'll be a little more feral than the rest of you.
06:13Any questions?
06:17Nobody.
06:18Good.
06:18Open your jars, we'll pick up where we left off yesterday.
06:22Page 16.
06:26Kennedy.
06:27Did you listen to what I just said?
06:30What?
06:30Yeah.
06:31Of course.
06:33What did I just say then?
06:37Reuben's back.
06:41Come on.
06:41Come on.
06:46Come on.
06:47Come on.
06:50Come on.
06:50Come on.
06:50Mum, it's Niall.
06:52Honey, I'm working.
06:52What is it?
06:53It's Reuben.
06:54He's out.
06:54He's coming to school.
06:55Look, now is not the time, alright?
06:57He's not staying with us, is he?
06:58We can talk about this when I pick you up.
07:00But Mum...
07:21You should have said about her then.
07:22Don't piss yourself.
07:24You're a fifteen-year-old boy.
07:26Given your life, I don't need to give you respect.
07:32Look, I'm sorry, okay?
07:35I should have told you.
07:37I'm keeping with the theme of surprises.
07:39He's moved into your room.
07:41What?
07:42No way.
07:43What did you think that second bed was for?
07:44We were almost begging you to ask.
07:46I thought it was for guests.
07:47He is a guest.
07:48No, he's not.
07:49He's a psycho.
07:50He bit someone's nose off.
07:51I've seen the guy too.
07:52It's horrible.
07:53His wife left him and everything.
08:03Look, you're not to talk about this, okay?
08:05Nobody in this town knows about that.
08:07The last thing that boy needs is folk whispering.
08:09Don't bite people's noses off then.
08:11No, shh.
08:11You're not to speak this way in front tomorrow, alright?
08:13Oh, you always put her first.
08:15She was only supposed to be living with us for six months,
08:17and now her kid is moving in.
08:18Come on, Mum.
08:19He's a psycho.
08:21Her son getting out is a big deal.
08:23He's been away for two years, for Christ's sake.
08:25This is happening, Niall, so get used to it.
08:48He's called for the new boss.
08:53He was like a kid, He's a ninja.
08:53He's got ai.
08:53He's getting out of time for the new boss.
09:16He's using the new boss.
09:16He's coming in under the house.
09:17He's going out of time.
09:17He's even up to the new boss.
09:17He needs him to help us,
09:22Remember me, Bambi?
09:24Last time I saw you, you were about yay high.
09:33Grown at least two feet since then, maybe more.
09:36You've got the exact same size head, though.
09:39Creeping me out a bit.
09:46Are you helping or what?
09:48We can't have this shit up.
09:50No more for bringing Buds home.
09:52Yeah.
09:56Get to it then, Bambi.
09:58Grab a bag, get stuff in.
10:07Yeah.
10:08Take that poster down and put this up.
10:26Put it up then, you dick.
10:54What the fuck are you staring at?
10:58What?
11:00Nothing.
11:26Looks like Pallister's a no-show.
11:29Off to a great start.
11:31All right, everyone, open your jotters.
11:33We'll pick up from yesterday.
11:39Right, what's going on here?
11:50Kennedy.
11:52Open your jotter.
11:55No.
11:57Open, boy.
12:06Who did this?
12:08Oh, no, come on.
12:09Come on.
12:14Me, sir.
12:15Me, sir.
12:15You?
12:16You called your own mum a dyke?
12:18No, I called someone else's mum a dyke.
12:21Really?
12:22I know firsthand from your essays.
12:24Your grasp of irony isn't that strong.
12:28So, come on.
12:29Who did this?
12:34My mum is not a lesbian.
12:36I beg your pardon?
12:37I said, my mum is not a fucking lesbian.
12:44Come with me.
12:45Go off me, you nods.
12:47What did you say?
12:48Like to touch young boys, do you?
12:50You fucking old poof.
12:53I'm just wondering if there's something else we should be worrying about.
12:56What are you insinuating?
12:57All I'm saying is I've seen a change in Niall recently.
13:00Then what change is that, then?
13:01He's gone from being a committed, gifted student to one that acts out in most lessons.
13:05Sir, go on.
13:06I know you want to.
13:07Look, we have to call into question Niall's rather unusual state of affairs at home.
13:10You don't know anything about my damn home.
13:29You fucking...
13:30You fucking...
13:31You fucking...
13:33You bastard, man!
13:35Oi, Ruth!
13:37I know you're up there.
13:38What?
13:40I've been sitting about by a muck all day waiting.
13:45Is that your dad?
13:46Shut the fuck up.
13:47I'll wait, no cunts.
13:49Hear me!
13:53You're not a muck.
13:55I'm not these fucking muck.
13:57You get down here and explain why you stay with that daint.
14:03And not me.
14:05You man.
14:06Son.
14:07You start again, eh?
14:09I think I'll get you all mine up and hook it.
14:15I don't think I can't see you, boy.
14:18Who's here by the fucking collar?
14:20We've got to go on.
14:22I'll get, I'll get mine.
14:23I'll move to the bridge.
14:25We do.
14:26Don't shoot her.
14:27Fucking deal.
14:29I don't know.
14:31I don't know.
14:31I don't know.
14:32I don't know.
14:32I don't know.
14:32I don't know.
14:33I don't know.
14:35I don't know.
14:38I don't know.
14:39I don't know.
14:40I don't know.
14:40I don't know.
14:40Shut your mouth.
14:42You don't tell anyone about this.
14:44They understand.
14:45This never happened.
14:46Don't, don't, don't.
15:16Don't, don't, don't.
15:50Don't, don't, don't.
16:16So, boys, I am not sure whether you heard all that commotion last night.
16:28Now we were asleep, both of us.
16:34Well, right, well, that's okay then. Ignore me.
16:59What the fuck are you staring at?
17:02Just seeing if you're all right.
17:04Why wouldn't I be?
17:05It's just last night.
17:06Fuck last night.
17:08No, yeah, absolutely.
17:10Fuck last night.
17:18So are you nervous, or...?
17:20Why the fuck would I be nervous?
17:21Well, first day of school.
17:23This is Dalkenny.
17:24It's where the fairies go.
17:25Oi, soft cock.
17:28Are you a boyfriend?
17:30Ignore them.
17:32These guys bothering you, Bambi?
17:33Nah, it's just banter.
17:35Big up to your mum, dear, you little faggot.
17:38Great banter.
17:42These guys bothering you, Bambi?
17:46I'll ask you again.
17:48Are these guys bothering you?
18:00Is that a knife?
18:01Go to school.
18:02What?
18:02Go to school.
18:03You're not a witness if you don't see what happens.
18:04It's all right.
18:05Just fucking go.
18:08Go.
18:40And at the heart of this relentless conflict...
18:43Lies a love story.
18:47Ah, Mr. Pallister.
18:49Nice of you to fit us into your busy schedule.
18:52Boys and girls, this is Ruben.
18:54Ruben will be joining us from now on.
18:59Where's your school uniform?
19:00On your mother's floor.
19:02That's enough, everyone.
19:06Disc at the back.
19:10And for the record, my mum's dead.
19:12So extra points for nihilism.
19:20Right.
19:21As I was saying,
19:22two households like families.
19:25Both in a bit of a feud.
19:27Cuts.
19:28Yes.
19:31Mm-hmm.
19:33Three edges.
19:33Two.
19:56Six designs.
20:00you've been working out Niall
20:02certainly has
20:03there's only an inch of space when I cut my hand
20:06around his bicep, used to be at least two
20:08three maybe
20:09I'm going to my room
20:12sit down you little
20:14killjoy
20:24we need you to persuade
20:25Rabin to go to the exam tomorrow
20:27what? no way
20:28Niall, please
20:30do this for us
20:31what are you doing?
20:32I'm
20:33stop that, I'm not a kid
20:35that's exactly what you want
20:36get off me
20:37come on, do this for me
20:39go on, go on
20:40Niall, I need you to do this, come on
20:43please
20:43go off me
20:44come on, just this one thing
20:46I said go off me
20:57I'll take it from here
21:08okay
21:10that's
21:12you left a fairly sizeable nice fire in there apart
21:17she's making all the effort in the world
21:18I don't care
21:20we're not friends
21:21we never will be
21:23come on
21:23fancy the pants off of her when you were a wee
21:26remember the love letters we'd send to her house on Valentine's Day
21:35fine, playtime's over
21:39look, will you speak to him at least?
21:41no
21:42no, he's terrifying
21:43come on, Niall
21:45you wouldn't believe how hard Mora had to work to get Ruben into Dalkenny
21:48she changed her postcodes and everything
21:52he's on probation too
21:53so he needs to show up and pass this prelim
21:55for the school to kick him out
22:10I just love the line
22:12that we've been chosen
22:13all to the time
22:15of your life
22:18our time
22:23just as long as it's done
22:26some day we'll say never, never, never, ever
22:34things have got a bit lead to what I never said
22:36till my mouth becomes dead
22:37which ain't not all that clever
22:44and it's not saying one thing, no, not another, rather, neither is it anything I haven't said, whatever
22:58you tell anyone about this I will put you to sleep, do you understand?
23:01I won't
23:02I mean, I thought it was great
23:04I thought it was great
23:06I thought it was great
23:32just a quick something that's come to me just now, in the moment
23:39I was thinking about the exam tomorrow
23:41fuck off
23:42right you are
24:10you're dead
24:11you're dead
24:18What about him?
24:21How old were you again?
24:26When was he?
24:28When he died?
24:32What did he do again?
24:39He was a writer.
24:42I don't remember that.
24:45Well, he worked in a pub mainly, but he wanted to be a writer.
24:50And what did he write about?
24:55Working in a pub.
25:04He was really good though. I've read all his stuff.
25:08He was so close to getting published in the end.
25:11What stopped him?
25:14Well...
25:16Death.
25:30That's why I want to give it a shot myself, you know?
25:32You're right too.
25:34I keep a diary.
25:36That doesn't count.
25:37Try sending that to Anne Frank.
25:39Who?
25:41No, she was just...
25:45It doesn't matter.
25:56What happened to Gus?
26:02He'll survive.
26:07I just thought with the knife you'd done something, you know...
26:13Really bad.
26:15Almost did.
26:17Headed up against the wall with it, guppy and like mad.
26:22Whispered, it'll be over soon.
26:25So he thought for a second I was going to stick it in him proper.
26:29It'll be over soon.
26:34Yeah, I love seeing that.
26:37You really get a sense of what a cunt looks like when they think they're going to die.
26:42You're sort of infant like...
26:44It's all innocent and it's just weird.
26:48It'll be over soon.
27:00Night, Bumpers.
27:04Night.
27:04Night.
27:04Night.
27:07Night.
27:11Night.
27:13Night.
27:14Night.
27:15Night.
27:16Night.
27:17Where's your Bulldog now eh?
27:18A Guzz?
27:19Not when you tell us where Gus is.
27:20I don't know!
27:21Murray!
27:21We know you love that unbred prick.
27:22We're bound to have said something.
27:23We don't talk.
27:25Go!
27:27Alright.
27:42Leave me alone.
27:57Leave me alone.
28:40Let's smoke this son of a bitch
28:42Come on, come on
28:45Pallister, nice of you to join
28:47Please refrain from shouting out
28:49It's only prelims, where am I sitting?
28:52There's an empty chair there, two rows along
28:54Please move quietly
29:22Pallister
29:39Alright guys, we have ten minutes left
29:41Ten minutes? Get fucked
29:43Language, Pallister
29:45I started later than everyone
29:46Well, I'm afraid the onus is on you there
29:48Piss off, Jenkins
29:49I sagged your mum in a row
29:53Pallister
29:53Get back here
29:56Pallister
29:57Don't you walk away from me, son
29:59Oi, I'm speaking to you
30:02Welcome to Claire
30:03I'm having fun
30:21I'm smoking
30:22I'm karaoke
30:22I'm handling all
30:25I'm walking
30:25I'm sensing you
30:29I'm currently
30:31All right, guys. Not long now.
31:16This girlfriend.
31:18Oh, Jesus. What now?
31:21Reuben passed.
31:23He passed the prelim.
31:26He can stay in school now.
31:29Oh. Really?
31:31Yeah.
31:34You helped him, didn't you?
31:36Oh, no, I...
31:38Last night, I heard you talking.
31:45I mean that.
31:49I know we haven't always seen it eye to eye.
31:52Mainly because you're a little brat who blames me for everything.
31:56I do think you could be a positive influence on my boy.
32:04Thanks.
32:07I think.
32:15Now, that feels weird.
32:18Let's never do that again.
32:20I know.
32:28I know.
32:43I know.
32:46I know.
32:50I've got to keep it down. Bambi's sleeping.
33:03Isn't it a bit weird doing this with a wee Nile in the room?
33:06I don't care. I passed the prelims today and I did it in a speck at the time every other
33:10fucker.
33:11Stop it, Ruben. If I swear anymore I'm going to put my back out.
33:14Shh! I don't know.
33:16I thought you said you didn't care about him eating.
33:18I don't. I just don't want my mum rubbing one out all week.
33:23Yeah, TV's off. I want it for you, Scal, Scal.
33:27Oh, baby.
33:47Get here, yeah.
34:09Caught you, Nile Kennedy.
34:10What? No, I was sleeping.
34:12Fuck off.
34:13We saw you.
34:14I wasn't. I was sleeping.
34:15Liar.
34:16At least admit it, you little scrote. You were perving.
34:19Pervy little Nile Kennedy, eh?
34:22So?
34:23Tell me.
34:26Did you see anything that you liked?
34:33Quite something, huh?
34:35Is this the first time you've seen a naked woman?
34:40In the flesh.
34:45And what do you think?
34:48She...
34:50She looks...
34:51What would you do to her, Nile?
34:52If you could have your way?
34:56Go on.
34:59I would...
35:01I'd ask her for her permission.
35:03Obviously.
35:04Fucking loser, aren't you, Bambi?
35:06Touch my breath, Nile.
35:08What?
35:10Huh?
35:22Here.
35:23Let's see how he's getting on, shall we?
35:25What?
35:26No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
35:27No, no, no, no, no.
35:28That's fine, Bambi.
35:30Just relax.
35:31Okay?
35:31Let her do her thing.
35:47Wow.
35:49Nothing.
35:50What's going on?
35:51You got something against Mona?
35:52Is it my boobs?
35:53What?
35:54No, it's just...
35:55This isn't how I pictured it.
35:57How did you picture it, then?
35:58More than one woman.
36:01That's it, isn't it?
36:03Nile here loves grip sex!
36:05No, no, I don't...
36:06Little Nile Kennedy loves a bit of group sex.
36:10Well...
36:11I could assume different characters, if you like.
36:14I could be, uh...
36:16Candy.
36:17Blonde bombshell who lives next door.
36:19Or I could be, uh...
36:21Svetlana.
36:23Russian warrior of the North.
36:25Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
36:27She's incredible, isn't she, now?
36:29There's something to keep her.
36:31Uh-uh.
36:32Svetlana is kept by no one.
36:34How's he getting on now, then?
36:37Come on, son!
36:38I...
36:38I got Phil Marks on my Santa grades back in the day, Nile.
36:41I know you love a nerd.
36:45Here.
36:47Just focus on how things feel.
36:49Give me your finger.
37:01Oh, hello.
37:03Here we go, my man.
37:06You ready?
37:07Oh.
37:08Come on, Daddy.
37:16Oh!
37:22Oh.
37:25Oh.
37:30Oh!
37:33That's it. That's it.
37:34Easy, boy, easy. Steady, steady.
37:41Drop. Don't call her.
37:46Oh, wow. He's a grower, young Niall.
37:53Oh.
37:57Sorry.
37:58Back you go, mister.
38:00No, no, no. Stop it. Fighting. You let her do her thing.
38:04Here. I'll hold that, I'll pray.
38:06What?
38:16Hold it, sir. Hold it.
38:20Hold my rhythm.
38:42Wow. He's really going for a night.
39:09For fuck's sake, did you just call me?
39:13You fucking did, you mink.
39:15Oh, no. For our feet are all.
39:17Now, son, you need to pull out.
39:18For fuck's sake, I better not be pregnant.
39:20I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. It just came out of nowhere.
39:23Relax, son. It's fine.
39:25But, I mean, like, what happens now?
39:28Will I get the virus?
39:32What?
39:36Do you mean AIDS?
39:52Lie back, you daft cunt.
40:01So, is that it, then?
40:05That's it, Bambi.
40:08Oh.
40:14Oh.
40:18Oh.
40:22Oh.
40:30Oh.
40:31Oh.
40:33Oh.
40:34Oh.
40:35Oh.
40:54I was just thinking, do you have any hash?
41:06We can bake Niall Kennedy. Dark horse, my man.
41:18Niall Kennedy, eh? Sex God, drug fiend.
41:36Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
42:14Well, I get the virus.
42:18Oh, I feel like I do it.
42:22Nah, you're good.
42:26I know what you did.
42:29As in?
42:31You got him.
42:33Oh.
42:38I've never seen her look at me like that before.
42:42I've seen her cry loads.
42:47You know, but...
42:53I like this.
42:55It works.
43:02What did you make of Mona, then?
43:05Yeah, I liked her.
43:06Yeah, you fucking did.
43:09You can thank me when you're ready.
43:13Someone had to lose your virginity for you, didn't they?
43:17Oh, come on.
43:18You didn't think that was chance, did you?
43:21There's no way a lassie would take time out from sleeping with me to sleep with you.
43:27I said it up.
43:29My way of saying thanks.
43:37So, come on.
43:38Tell me you loved it.
43:42I loved it.
43:45Yeah, you did.
43:49I should run a brothel or something.
43:51I'm like...
43:52the Pied Piper of Pussy.
43:55I love it.
43:58I love it.
44:06I love it.
44:35I don't know.
44:39I'm imagining these massive vaginas
44:43with legs falling through the nose.
44:51You're a manger, papi.
45:16Can I ask you something?
45:18Do I?
45:22Are our mums, you know,
45:28fucking...
45:31Yeah, I'm afraid so.
45:36Does it bother you or something?
45:40No, no, not really.
45:43As long as they're happy, I guess.
45:47Although they don't seem all that happy.
45:55There's a lot you don't know about.
46:10Here.
46:12Got you something.
46:20I'm gonna train you.
46:22Just in case something happens to me,
46:24I need to know you'll look after yourself.
46:28Why do you care?
46:32We're family now.
46:35It's the most important thing.
46:39My brother,
46:41if I'm another lover.
46:48Come on, boys!
46:49School!
46:50Bring those friend bags down while you're at it.
46:56This is gonna be some morning.
46:58We'll be floating to school after all that.
47:05Hey.
47:09You've got nothing to worry about with our mums.
47:12Ten years time, you'll be at a party somewhere
47:14and realise it makes you more interesting.
47:23Later, Pampers.
48:02Just cos I ain't never had no nothing worth having.
48:06Never ever never never.
48:07Ever
48:12You ain't got no call not to think of what I'm falling to thinking I ain't too
48:18Clever
48:23And it ain't not having one thing or not another, either neither is it anything
48:28Whatever
48:32Ever
48:33And it's not not knowing that there ain't nothing showing in the eyes of the name
48:37Of Trevor
48:41However
48:46Knock me down with a feather
48:51Clever Trevor
48:56Why browse wonder whether clever Trevor's clever
49:05No, neither haven't not got no right to make a clock out of Trevor
49:11I got no right to make a clock out of Trevor
49:16You got no right to make a clock out of once
49:17Just past multiple edges
49:20You're going to get into the other areas
49:26See?
49:28M graphic
50:01It won't work, Bambi.
50:02Yeah.
50:03Have a sip
50:14Hey, easy
50:17Sip, don't chug
50:19Come on
50:21That's it
50:30Jesus
50:32Jesus
50:33You're dripping
50:37Let's fill this out
50:39We're gonna stay here
50:42Alright
50:44Hey, it's gonna be okay
50:47You're gonna be fine
50:51Hey
50:51Hey, it's gonna be alright
50:54Don't, hey, come on
50:56Niall, no
50:57Hey, hey, settle, settle
51:00Sell
51:02No, no, no, no, settle
51:04Just breathe
51:04Hey, hey
51:06It's fine
51:07It's fine, just settle a bit
51:12Here
51:13Follow my breath
51:19There's no following my breath
51:21I can't
51:22Follow it
51:22I can't
51:23Try it, yes you can
51:24You fucking can
51:25Come on
51:25Come on, follow it
51:36I can't
51:37I can't
51:38No, no, no, no
51:49Let's go
51:49Hey, see
51:56I said go with it, go with it, no no no, that's it, that's it boy, just breathe, okay, I'm
52:05here for you, just keep breathing, that's it, that's it boy, don't worry, it'll be over soon.
52:25I said go with it, stop it.
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