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Coronation Street - Season 67 - Episode 35: Monday, 23rd February 2026
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00:26Hey, what are you going to ignore them?
00:29Number without?
00:30Honey, but you could have won your dream home in the Cotswolds.
00:33Yeah, that'll be it. Leave it.
00:35Leave it!
00:36Hey! Hello?
00:40Loft insulation? No, no, no.
00:42Listen, I think you need to amend your database,
00:44cos, like, we live in a barge.
00:46One chemical toilet needs emptying. OK, bye!
00:49What are you on about? You need to get out, ma'am.
00:51You know what? Loft insulation's not a bad idea.
00:55You shouldn't be allowed to withhold the numbers.
00:57What time are you two setting off?
00:59When a madam here packs a knapsack.
01:02Hey, this time next week, you'll be driving patients round.
01:05Yep. And then back to paramedic training in September.
01:09I am so pleased you're keeping your hand in, kid.
01:12Mmm. Patience will be an all.
01:14Thanks.
01:17Right. I'm always packed anyway.
01:19OK. Go ahead.
01:21God love her.
01:22Right, listen, honey, I have got Gemma and Summer mind in the shop,
01:26so please make sure you don't register to the ground.
01:28Oh, bases are covered. Go and have a blast.
01:30Thank you, but I think she's going to be long walks and log fires and hot chocolate.
01:33Sounds perfect.
01:34Not without you.
01:35And I'll ask you to come with, OK, but I just want to ask you to...
01:37No, no, no. Never in a million.
01:39She needs some alone time with her dad.
01:41Thank you for always understanding.
01:44Mwah.
01:45And I will be back by Wednesday lunchtime and, er...
01:48Where's my phone?
01:52Oh!
01:53Oh!
01:55Oh!
01:56Oh!
01:58Hmm.
01:59It's Carl.
02:00Oi, nosy.
02:01Probably wants a rematch.
02:03All right, smug married.
02:05Look at the judgey.
02:07Well, it's him I'm judging.
02:09All right? You're punching down.
02:10That's pretty much what David said.
02:12Well, why is that the bar so low?
02:14Why so serious?
02:16Because he's the Weatherfield bike.
02:18Come on.
02:19Bit of an exaggeration.
02:21Well, what's in it for you?
02:22I mean, you deserve someone nice, you know, honourable.
02:26You know, like they're growing trees.
02:28At least pretend to value yourself.
02:30Tell him it was a one-off.
02:32I think you've forgotten what it's like to be single.
02:35I remember what it's like to be in the wrong kind of relationship
02:37and there's nothing lonelier.
02:39Yeah.
02:40You'll fall for him, he'll run for the hills, he's got form.
02:46I know what you're saying.
02:48So?
02:50Come on, spill what we said.
02:53Sorry, babe. Not feeling it.
02:56See you round like a doughnut.
02:59Sent.
03:00And how does that feel?
03:03Yeah.
03:04Can't lie.
03:06Pretty damn good.
03:09Is that your new boyfie?
03:11It's just a little bit of post-match analysis.
03:14Yeah, well, you were texting all day, yesterday.
03:17So?
03:18Should I be worried?
03:19I am loved up in hetero heaven, but yes, I am enjoying a bromance.
03:23It's very dry.
03:24You know Tim's gonna be david.
03:26Well, Stevie's got enough love to go round.
03:29Ben says I'm very funny.
03:30Well, he's right there then.
03:32I mean, Tim's my homie, you know, but he can be very clingy.
03:37Oh!
03:38Oh.
03:38Is somebody Ben-O now?
03:40Well, I suppose I'd better give you a bit of privacy.
03:43Mwah!
03:45Hello, Ben Driscoll's office.
03:46How may I direct your call?
03:49Oh, sorry.
03:50Er, yes, Steve speaking.
03:56Here, what can I get you?
03:58Er, a bernie or something.
03:59Ah, if I hurt your feelings.
04:01No chance.
04:02Life's too short for birds who blow hot and cold.
04:05Er, flat white to go, please.
04:07Birds?
04:08You're fairer and superior sex.
04:12Your hair's different.
04:15Need to wash.
04:17Always putting herself down.
04:18What am I gonna do with you?
04:20Whereas Jodie is more into biggin' herself up, eh, Jodie?
04:24Yep.
04:25Never touch the nerve.
04:27Ah!
04:28Watch what you're doing, you clown!
04:30That thing's lethal!
04:31Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sure, but there's no need to bark me head off.
04:33She's a feisty one!
04:35You call that an apology?
04:38Roy's expecting me.
04:40You can't go swing in a metal box, idiot.
04:43Cheers, Bernie.
04:44I'll see you around like a donor.
04:48He's mad about me.
04:50You shouldn't mess with people's feelings.
04:53You should mean what you say and say what you mean.
04:58So, where's we eat?
05:00Dry cleaners.
05:01Don't suppose you've seen my book?
05:03What, you woman not in the white tights book?
05:06You've searched high and low.
05:10You spent a few quid on that, then, didn't you?
05:12More, then.
05:13An early edition Wilkie Collins does not come cheap.
05:17Well, maybe it's just fallen into someone's delivery bag or something.
05:21Possibly.
05:22To say some of them a slapdash would be, well, an understatement.
05:26Well, I can't see someone robbing it on accident, Mike.
05:29Me neither.
05:30That would be spiteful.
05:32I mean, ciggies, yeah, vapes, chocolate, that I could understand.
05:37But a mouldy old book? Nah.
05:39Kill me now.
05:41You've remembered where you've left it, haven't you?
05:44I think I know where I might find it.
05:46Will you stop stressing?
05:48You can't be held responsible for your dad's unpaid rent.
05:52He's put me down, he's his flipping guarantor.
05:56Nah, you'd have to sign something.
05:58Well, he's obviously forged my signature, hasn't he?
06:00Then they'll have to get a handwriting expert.
06:02And who's gonna pay for that?
06:04Well, just tell the landlord it's fraud.
06:06I mean, just make out you've had legal advice
06:08and get that Adam fella to write you a letter.
06:11Well, this Rick sounds like a right thug!
06:13How much is he owed?
06:15Eighteen hundred.
06:17He wants his money.
06:19He's got me name, he's got me address.
06:22Flipping blood group.
06:24He has got you by the short girlies, hasn't he?
06:29He's like a morganeer.
06:32Dead or what?
06:34Well, if one of you would like to go home
06:36and make up the hours when we're busy.
06:38Oh, you're on.
06:39Lifesaver.
06:40I promised Lillian help with this girl project.
06:43What project's this then?
06:44Oh, it's AI.
06:47What about it?
06:48You know, me and Lil on a learning curve together.
06:50The world of AI, it's massive, innit?
06:52Doting, aren't they?
06:54Guilty as charged.
06:56Laters.
06:56Laters.
06:58Well, I'm off down the bank to get Mal's money for a job extremely well done.
07:03Thank you, sir.
07:04One does one's best.
07:05In the meantime, perhaps a coffee on the house, Bernie, if you'd do the honours.
07:10Yeah, coming up.
07:11Oh, best job ever.
07:13Hey, careful now, don't go flashing the cash on the mean streets of Weatherfield.
07:16Ah, now this is where my down-at-heel shopper comes into its own.
07:23Oh, smashing fella.
07:25To think I once punched his lights out.
07:29The sort of business picks up, eh?
07:32Well, I'm sure someone will be in soon.
07:35So why don't you take the weight off and I'll bring it over?
07:38Ah.
07:38Yeah.
07:39I'd rather hang around, er, Mission Control, if that's okay.
07:45Not some visit this is.
07:48You sat there sulking.
07:51I'm looking out for you.
07:53Carla's, he's taking advantage.
07:56In your opinion?
07:58Which I didn't ask for.
08:00Nice.
08:01Can you put £2,000 into his account today, please?
08:04You're being manipulated.
08:08Carl is down on his luck.
08:11And his useless mother here has got plenty of money sloshing around.
08:15What you mind here for your care?
08:16Oh.
08:17Aren't you cheerful, eh?
08:19Right rate of sunshine.
08:22I abandoned him.
08:24No, you're rewriting history.
08:26Your mum and dad stepped in.
08:27Step-mum stepped in while I was off gallivanting.
08:32Carl's always felt like he...
08:35Like he didn't belong.
08:36Look, it's a difficult situation, I get that.
08:39If he's damaged, it's because of me.
08:43He's more than damaged, he's a Roman.
08:45And you might be feeling the love for him, but it's a one-way street.
08:51Believe me.
08:53Can you transfer the money or not?
08:55Yes or no?
08:57Look, I didn't want to tell you this.
08:59Yes or no, Ronnie?
09:01He tried to ruin you.
09:04Right.
09:04I'll have to ask Ryan then.
09:07He's only out for himself.
09:11Look.
09:14Him and his associates.
09:17They're up to something.
09:18They had their sights set on the Chariot Square Hotel.
09:23Can you be any more, Vic?
09:27Just stop the character assassination.
09:30Yeah?
09:31And do what I'm asking.
09:35You just don't know who you're dealing with?
09:37Yes, I do.
09:40My son.
09:42Transfer the money.
09:44Yeah?
09:49Don't know how you do it.
09:50Must be like whack-a-mole.
09:52Jobs going in thick and fast.
09:53It's a walk in the park compared to looking after the quads.
09:57I'd love to meet him.
10:00If you want to get off, I'm sure Roy can drop it through your door.
10:03Oh, aye.
10:05Here's your hat.
10:06What's your hurry?
10:07No, I'm just saying he'll have got way laid.
10:09He's chatty like my dev.
10:13Yeah, perhaps I...
10:15Perhaps I will call you a day.
10:17I know Roy's an honest broker.
10:20Thanks for the coffee.
10:23And the company.
10:26Second to none.
10:42Have you just bolted the door?
10:44Bear with me.
10:46I'm just...
10:48I'm so glad to have me all to meself.
11:05Come on now.
11:07You need to stop this nonsense and unbolt the door.
11:11Is my Bernie panicking?
11:12I'm no threat.
11:14You know that about me, right?
11:15Well, I know Roy will have your guts for garters.
11:17I think about you all the time.
11:19I've got all these feelings for you and I don't know where to put them.
11:22I'm happily married.
11:23You say that, but three weeks ago...
11:26Three weeks ago? I was off my cape.
11:2725 days and 13 hours ago, before you popped that pill, we kissed.
11:33I never kissed you back.
11:34Oh, Bernie!
11:35Come on now, you've blown this out of heart.
11:37We kissed.
11:39Thee and me.
11:42I counted.
11:44One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippis.
11:48You are a force of nature.
11:53A magnificent woman.
11:57Hope, got a visitor.
12:00Afternoon.
12:02I just wondered if you'd accidentally taken my book.
12:05No.
12:06What's this?
12:08Oh, inadvertently borrowed it.
12:10Are you accusing my daughter of stealing?
12:12I ain't touched a stupid book.
12:13No need to be rude, Hope.
12:14It is, was, one of my most prized possessions.
12:18Wilkie Collins, early edition.
12:20You're barking up the rum tree, Mr Baku.
12:23She'd have told me if she'd robbed it.
12:25Yeah, that's true.
12:26So what made you think of Hope?
12:28We had a frank exchange of views.
12:31Right, well, I'll not keep you any longer.
12:34Who else is on your list of suspects?
12:36Yeah, that's a good question, that.
12:37Because, I mean, if you've had it in the cabin,
12:39it could be any one of your customers, couldn't it?
12:41Theoretically.
12:42Right, well, I'm just relieved that you've realised
12:46it wasn't my hope.
12:47I'm pretty shocked, actually.
12:49You're a resilient young lady.
12:51I'm sure you'll bounce back.
12:54Bye-bye, Mr Bakun.
12:55Bye, Mr Bakun.
12:56Bye-bye.
12:58Bye-bye.
13:00No!
13:02So, are you gonna plug it online?
13:05I haven't got it.
13:06I haven't.
13:09We're really connected.
13:12Small talk, big talk, your Paul.
13:15Billy.
13:17Your glorious brood of grandkids.
13:20Pop trivia.
13:21Brand sauce versus ketchup.
13:25You're rabbit in headlights.
13:27Difficult conversations to be had.
13:29No.
13:29I get that.
13:29But I promise, it'll be worth it.
13:33I know we can have a great little life together.
13:36Right, well, you need to build that life with someone else,
13:38and maybe not hold a mustache at work.
13:41But that's what love does to a man.
13:42But crying out loud, Malcolm, I am not interested.
13:46It's Mal!
13:47I couldn't give a monkey's!
13:49Right, you need to open your lock holes.
13:51This is never going to happen.
13:52Not in a month of Sundays, Mondays, or wet Wednesdays.
13:56Cheap teas.
13:58Excuse me?
14:00You heard.
14:03Drink a man's minibar dry.
14:06Slip out to buy drugs.
14:08Pump up the volume.
14:10Slither and slide.
14:12All over him.
14:14Drive him to distraction.
14:17To distraction.
14:19And then guess what?
14:20Turns out, she's not interested.
14:26A greasy, little, tart, bacon fat, in her hair,
14:33who had her tongue down my throat for three Mississippi's!
14:39Folks, turns out, she's not.
14:43Man for me, off for me, all down with it.
14:46Oh!
14:47A narrow escape, Mal!
14:49I could have ended up with a course of antibiotics!
14:54Hello?
14:55Bernie, you in?
14:56Yeah, hold up!
14:57Hang on!
14:58Hang on!
15:00Hey, come in, come in!
15:09What's with the door?
15:11I'm, er, I'm sorry about that.
15:14What can I get you?
15:16Just a coffee, Tara.
15:19Right.
15:21One coffee.
15:23Coming up.
15:25Everything okay?
15:27Yeah.
15:28Yeah, I'm fine.
15:31Fine.
15:35I mean, put yourself in Debbie's shoes.
15:37Anyone would feel guilty.
15:40To a point, maybe.
15:41But she's convinced herself that Carl's had a terrible child,
15:44and she's a terrible person.
15:46Hey.
15:49Mothers and sons, trust me, you can't win.
15:52Life's two grand she's gonna need.
15:54Well, maybe she needs peace of mind more.
15:58We're giving Carl two grand, it's gonna make her happy.
16:01He's a...
16:01He's a croc, man.
16:04Yeah, well, that may be, but...
16:05Where's the bigger picture?
16:06Yeah, exactly.
16:08This two grand is just a start.
16:09It's the tip of the iceberg.
16:11You'll bleed her dry, and then you'll just...
16:13disappear.
16:15Yeah, well, that manipulative wasted space
16:17has just walked in his head in this way,
16:19so do not take the bait.
16:22Let me guess.
16:23It's...
16:24early bird specials.
16:25Oh, hi. Are you joining them?
16:27Give me two ticks and I'll set you a place.
16:28No, no, no.
16:29He wants the table at the far corner over there.
16:32The telephone.
16:33Oh, I'm sorry.
16:34Erm...
16:35OK, shall we...
16:36After you?
16:36Yeah, just anywhere you like.
16:38Cheers.
16:42I'm thinking sirloin steak and a nice posh red.
16:46Feeling flush?
16:47Yeah, funnily enough.
16:49Like they say, no pockets in a shroud, eh?
16:51How do you sleep at night, boy?
16:53Er, T-shirt, boxers and quite a cold bedroom.
16:56Top tip that.
16:57I like a light.
16:58Guten Appetit.
16:59Meinhellen.
17:02If I had the house to myself right, this is what I would do.
17:04I would lock the door, switch my phone off, lash my bra, right?
17:08I would put the eating on, full blast.
17:10Get in a red hot bath full of bubbles.
17:13I'd order in sweet as our chicken, half rice, half chips,
17:17prawn crackers, can of pork.
17:18Right, she's big on detail, isn't she?
17:20Yeah.
17:20And then I would lay on the couch and I would binge watch
17:24real housewives of no charity from the beginning.
17:28Yeah, ma'am?
17:29Oh yeah, that, erm, Lisa Vanderpump.
17:32Ma'am, she's Beverly Hills.
17:34Lisa Vanderpump.
17:36She left.
17:37Because Dorit gave her puppy back to Lisa and Ken's animal shelter.
17:41It all kicked off, man.
17:43It was mega.
17:46Yeah, Sarah's into all that rubbish.
17:49Oh.
17:50You are such a snob.
17:53You're worse than that Brian.
17:55Oh, do you know he was going demented before because he'd lost his book
17:58or somebody had nicked it or something.
18:04Oh, man.
18:07Chez wants a hand.
18:10Right, I should, er, I should probably get off as well.
18:13Oh, no, no, no.
18:13Let's have another drink.
18:15Mash out.
18:17Ooh, you've changed your tune, you big alky.
18:22Power at PA.
18:23Ugh.
18:24You're worse than her.
18:26Get a flippin' handwriting expert.
18:28Hey, dial down with the knock.
18:29You doing my acting?
18:34Well, private investigator.
18:36How much is that going to cost?
18:37A lot less than you'd ask around their ears.
18:39Logical thinking.
18:40I like it.
18:41It's a nightmare.
18:42I like everything my dad does.
18:44We'll track him down, make him pay up.
18:45Oop, you rubbish-blush boss.
18:47We'll help you.
18:47Three heads is better than one.
18:51Nice, a nice idea.
18:52Well, he's ex-military, isn't he?
18:54He's bound to have mates about.
18:55Well, good thinking.
18:57What about us mates in the regiment?
18:59I mean, bound to be on socials.
19:02It was Moonbase, I guess.
19:05Runcorn, I think.
19:06All witness.
19:07Used to throw discus for Liverpool, all witness.
19:10Well, it's a start.
19:12Go, Team Steve.
19:13Hey, it's your fave, sis.
19:15How about we watch Prizemates tonight?
19:17We could crack open a bottle, order in.
19:21Tell Diddy Dave that it's girls only.
19:23What do you reckon?
19:28And then there were two.
19:30Yeah, Gemma's caved.
19:32I think she has dialed up the guilt.
19:34Well, you're not going, are you?
19:35Yeah.
19:35Well, if I'm home in time for a box set binge, I get brownie pints.
19:39Yeah, so I can't come and play Gooseberry.
19:41I get it.
19:42It's okay.
19:43Oh, no, no.
19:44Of course you can.
19:44No, no, no.
19:45It's all right.
19:46I could do with an early night myself anyway.
19:48Sure?
19:49Yeah.
19:50Okay.
19:51Come on.
19:51I'll walk you home.
19:53Oh.
19:54You're a good one, aren't you?
19:56Yes, you are.
19:57Right.
19:59Well, I left him three voicemails.
20:01No, sorry.
20:02Four voicemails.
20:03He never got back to me.
20:06Are you kidding?
20:09Since when?
20:12No, um, no, I'll ring them right now.
20:17Okay, thanks.
20:17Bye.
20:19Who's that?
20:21My dad's ex.
20:22Oh, so my base has come off Trump's then.
20:25What's wrong?
20:28He's in hospital.
20:29Since when?
20:31Is he all right?
20:32I don't know.
20:40I don't know.
20:48It's all right.
20:51It's all right.
20:53Okay.
20:54Okay.
20:56Just get a grip, Bernadine.
20:58Yeah.
21:10I don't know.
21:14No.
21:17When?
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