00:00From Jay Leno, no f***ing way. You got a question from Jay Leno?
00:05I'll tell you, when I got this gig, Jay Leno called me right away.
00:08And Jay goes, yeah, you got the, uh, you got the Pope job.
00:12Yeah, you got the job until you did.
00:14You were wrong on that one, Jay.
00:26Hi, I'm Stephen Colbert, and I have been handed a stack of questions, I have been told, are from my
00:31fellow hosts.
00:33Can I just roll into these?
00:34Here we go.
00:35All right, from Jay Leno.
00:36As a road comic, I've always enjoyed live audiences.
00:39Have you ever thought about a road version of your best jokes for a live audience?
00:44Still waiting for the best jokes, Jay.
00:46Yeah, I think that's a great idea, Jay.
00:48Please send me a list of what my best jokes have been.
00:51And, and let's hit the road together.
00:54You drive.
00:58From James Corden.
00:59How are things at CBS?
01:01Should I come back?
01:02100%, James.
01:04100%.
01:05Hold on, let me see what Corden actually asked.
01:07What have you been doing to mentally and emotionally prepare for your daily life after the show?
01:11Trevor and I can send a Zoom link if you need.
01:14Good question.
01:15I don't know about you guys, but there's no, I don't think there's any prepping for it.
01:18Look, I try not to make eye contact with the people in the building too much.
01:22I've always discouraged it, but now I'm really being hard ass about it.
01:26Don't look me in the eye, because I'm a weeper.
01:29And I like the show a lot, but I love the people I work with.
01:33And that's going to be hard.
01:34And they're all so physically attractive.
01:49From Trevor Noah.
01:50Is there anything you were never able to do because you had a late night show?
01:55And do you see yourself doing it now?
01:58Exercising.
01:59That's what I would like to do.
02:00I think my wife has waited long enough.
02:02It's time for abs.
02:04Okay, honey?
02:05I don't want to be swole.
02:06You're not even going to recognize me.
02:07I'm going to be ripped.
02:09You're going to be able to bounce a quarter off my ass and get back two dimes and a nickel.
02:13Alright?
02:14Brace yourself.
02:15It's finally happening.
02:16Okay, from Conan O'Brien.
02:18Just who the hell do you think you are?
02:21Sometimes I wish I was Conan O'Brien.
02:24Because I've never been able to dunk.
02:26I think I'm Conan O'Brien's friend.
02:28That's what I think.
02:30It's hard to tell from this question, but I think I'm Conan O'Brien's friend.
02:32I think I'm Conan O'Brien's best friend, actually.
02:35Is that possible?
02:37That I'm his best friend?
02:47Jon Stewart, how do you know when the fudge is done?
02:49Okay, this is very important.
02:51If you are making what I consider fudge.
02:53Not that stuff that's kind of like a thick tar you buy like down on the shore.
02:57You know, I don't know why fudge is the first day of vacation.
02:58My mom could not cook really because it's awful, but she could make fudge.
03:02I don't know if she wanted to do that.
03:04You know when the fudge is done, you have a candy thermometer.
03:08I would say, how much butter do you put it?
03:10It's about the size of a medium cake.
03:12It's a firm ball.
03:13And obviously, what's the difference between a softball and a firm ball?
03:15It's a firm ball.
03:16You learn this clearly in the book.
03:18And that's fudge.
03:22That's fudge.
03:22From Jimmy Kimmel,
03:24Is it true that hospitals are sometimes forced to send patients who are too obese
03:28for their MRI CT machines to be scanned at the zoo?
03:33Okay, sometimes, once, it happened once.
03:36But then after that, I got the shot.
03:39And I don't have to go to the zoo for my CT scan anymore.
03:49From Jimmy Fallon,
03:51You've had the best seats in the house for over 10 years.
03:54What's the one musical performance on your show that you and the crew still talk about?
03:58I mean, we just recently had Hosier and Lake Street Dive do Joe Cocker's Woodstock version of
04:06With A Little Help From My Friends.
04:07That's pretty fantastic.
04:09God, Moses Sumney was amazing.
04:11Anderson Paak wasn't happening yet.
04:13We had him on, I think we might have been the first show he was on.
04:15He was incredible.
04:17Roger Waters did a medley from The Wall back when it was still cool to have Roger Waters on.
04:23And it was cool, man.
04:24Joe Walsh, just like, hey man, I want to come on.
04:28Like, Joe Fantastic Walsh.
04:29Joe Walsh doing Rocky Mountain Way burned this theater to the ground.
04:34The damn Doobie Brothers.
04:36Absolutely.
04:37Just structural damage to this building.
04:39From Seth Meyers.
04:42What's an answer a guest gave that will stay with you the longest?
04:45Oh, there have been so many.
04:47We do the thing called The Colbert Questionnaire.
04:49And that came about because I interviewed Keanu Reeves one night.
04:53And out of nowhere, I don't know why, I just asked him, what do you think happens when
04:57we die?
04:58And he paused.
04:59In that way only Keanu can.
05:01And he said something beautiful, actually.
05:04He said, I know that the ones who love us will miss us.
05:18Deceptively simple.
05:19Because it blew up.
05:21I mean, it was one of the most watched clips we've ever had on YouTube.
05:25And we went, oh wait, let's ask that question of everybody.
05:28And then we built the Colbert Questionnaire around it.
05:30So that would be one.
05:31Another one is I interviewed Ambassador Andrew Young.
05:35In 1969, my father had just begun running a hospital in South Carolina, the Medical University
05:41of South Carolina.
05:42And there was a strike.
05:44The hospital workers went on a strike.
05:46And there was this young guy who was working with Ralph Abernathy who had come down.
05:51This was a year after Dr. King had been killed.
05:53And Ralph Abernathy came to Charleston with Coretta Scott King.
05:57And they had this young guy who was working with him named Andrew Young.
06:00And the president of the university was from South Africa and just would not talk to any
06:04of the black strikers.
06:06And my father was down.
06:07He'd worked with, I think it was 1199, the hospital workers union up here at Bellevue.
06:12And my father said, I can talk.
06:13I can talk to the unions.
06:15And so Andrew Young and my father settled that strike.
06:19And when the strike came in 2007 and 2008, I was, I didn't know what to do.
06:24It was my first experience with that.
06:26It was a bad situation.
06:27And my brother Ed said, well, why don't you call Andrew Young?
06:29So I had Andrew Young on.
06:32And he said to me things about my father I didn't know because he died when I was 10.
06:37And he said, your father understood to always keep talking.
06:40Because if you're talking, there's hope.
06:43I'll never forget that.
06:45And then the last night of the Colbert Report, Andrew Young was invited to be with 70 guests.
06:51He was one of the guests.
06:51And he walked in with his cane and his booming voice.
06:54And he walked in and he says, I am here representing Stephen's father.
06:59Isn't that lovely?
07:00And I said, somebody should.
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