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The Boys S05E05 (2026) [Full Movie] [Trending]Full EP - Full
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00:02They're up before dawn.
00:04They got a thousand heads of cattle to herd.
00:06It's hard work and strong coffee.
00:09Old leather saddles and the worn stock of a trusty Remington.
00:14And when the sun finally rises over the range,
00:17the cowboys know America is God's country
00:20and Americans God's chosen people.
00:23So shouldn't we have our own church for Americans?
00:26With American grit and American values
00:29founded by the greatest American of us all.
00:32A true American prophet.
00:34Come home to the Democratic Church of America.
00:37Come home to Homelander.
00:39Already, the campaign's aided awareness outpaces the norm
00:43by plus 22 points led by white men and women ages 36 to 54 and 55 to 72.
00:51We are also seeing massive growth on the ground level.
00:54Yeah, I'm seeing massive growth myself.
01:00Church attendance is up.
01:02And our online donation CTR is at 44%.
01:05That's a new record. Amen.
01:06Amen.
01:07Next up is a 500 million ad blitz with OOH, e-blasts, print and digital.
01:15Ain't nobody won't know about the Democratic Church of America and its chosen prophet.
01:25Prophets are servants.
01:27Of course.
01:29Sir, great point.
01:30We're just trying to ease people into it.
01:32No, no, no.
01:33We need to prepare America for my ascension.
01:37You must be honest.
01:38You must be direct.
01:40I like Savior or Lord.
01:44Yes, I couldn't agree more, sir.
01:45Hmm.
01:46Religion's not about being meek.
01:48We should dominate the seven mountains of society.
01:51Bring the kingdom of heaven to earth.
01:53Amen.
01:54Amen.
01:54Amen.
01:55I love all that.
01:56So fucking dope.
01:57Easter is just around the corner.
01:59How perfect would it be for your second coming to come on the day of Jesus' resurrection?
02:04Hmm.
02:05Second coming?
02:06Let's be clear.
02:07I am not the son of God.
02:11Well, of course.
02:12Many people believe that Jesus is both God incarnate and the son.
02:16Well, that's just confusing.
02:17I don't want my church getting involved in all of that.
02:21Exactly.
02:21Besides, if we pull up our timeline, you won't have...
02:25Yes.
02:36We gonna drag our feet because of a book.
02:38Not a book.
02:41The book.
02:42The Homelander Bible.
02:49Heavy.
02:51It's got the Old Testament, the New Testament, and the brand new American Testament.
02:58Written by AI, trained on the works of Pat Robertson.
03:00See, we need to pass the torch, sir.
03:03From Jesus to you, sir.
03:06And we don't get more than one chance at a first impression.
03:10Are we really gonna rush something this important?
03:14We need Arby's after all.
03:16No.
03:18We're the Cheesecake Factory.
03:24Okay.
03:26We'll do it your way.
03:31You do realize this kind of sudden religious upheaval is likely to generate widespread civil unrest?
03:37Local law should be able to handle the suburbs, but we could use extra hands in major metros.
03:41No.
03:42Is recall all superstition overseas?
03:44The American heroes should be protecting America, not who gives a fuck a stand.
03:48Great idea.
03:48Mm-hmm.
03:56Something wrong?
03:58Everything's peachy.
04:05Well, I can see why they call this the city that never sleeps.
04:09How could you with all that racket?
04:12You get used to it.
04:13You seem to us.
04:14City life seems to suit you.
04:16I guess.
04:19I was surprised you called, Reverend.
04:21Well, I was surprised you answered.
04:23It's been a while, and I said things I regret.
04:25You both did.
04:29You remember when you used to stop by the church after school?
04:33Use your powers to light our candles.
04:35I remember staying for supper.
04:37Oh, man.
04:39Those fish fry Fridays.
04:41I never liked eating alone.
04:42Well, were you making sure I got at least one hot square a day?
04:48Reverend, is something the matter?
04:50I'm embarrassed to bug you with all of this, but the last couple of weeks have been rough.
04:55We've been bleeding congregants to the Democratic Church of America and what folks are sticking around and shared.
05:02Why?
05:03Because last Sunday, somebody melted her stained glass window of Mary.
05:08Melted it?
05:08Mm-hmm.
05:09It's a local soup.
05:11Prairie Mantis.
05:13He sprayed acid out of his butt.
05:15I mean, his glands is whatever.
05:17Yeah, I know him.
05:18It was a message.
05:19I called the sheriff.
05:21I called the mayor.
05:22I've caught half of Florida.
05:23You're all I got left.
05:26Reverend, I don't know what I could do.
05:28Well, you gotta be able to do something.
05:30Your Homelander's right hand.
05:33Well, Homelander's not too keen on being challenged.
05:38Why not just pay the franchise fee and join?
05:41Honey, we can barely afford to pay our water bill.
05:44Besides, the Democratic Church of America, God does not favor one nation over another.
05:50Doesn't he, though?
05:51No.
05:52Name one way God's ever blessed Canada.
05:58Just cause Homelander tells you that the sky is red does not make it so.
06:05You still have that, uh, that Jesus action figure.
06:09I'm surprised you remember that.
06:10How could I forget it?
06:11You carried it with you everywhere you went.
06:12You almost worked face off the thing.
06:15You still carry him?
06:16Yeah.
06:21It's complicated.
06:22No, it's...
06:23I don't think it is.
06:25Homelander's a great American.
06:27He can stop bullets.
06:29He can fly and do amazing things.
06:31Those aren't miracles.
06:33And he is not God.
06:36If you're the same Misty Tucker Gray that I taught the Bible to, Overfish, I think you know it too.
06:53What are you doing?
06:56We ain't doing that again.
06:58It's what you said the last six times.
07:00Well, I really mean it this time.
07:05You seem a little out of it.
07:07Did you nut?
07:08It's usually you nut.
07:13Were you baptized?
07:18Yeah, in front of half of Chestnut Hill.
07:20Governor Sproul did the honors.
07:22My family kept up appearances, of course.
07:25And we never set foot in church again.
07:27I had lunch today with the Reverend who baptized me.
07:29He's been getting heat to switch over to our church.
07:33I think Homelander might be open to going easy on him.
07:36Just...
07:36Give him a little more time.
07:39I wouldn't ask if it was just anybody, but...
07:41That man practically raised me.
07:44So you didn't nut.
07:48You know this whole Homelander is God shit.
07:50It's...
07:51It's fucking ridiculous.
07:53Really? You think so?
07:55If he's a second coming, then what does that make me?
07:57Joseph?
07:59We talk about the biggest cook in history.
08:01A man trades his best cow to bag some hot-ass virgin.
08:04And then God comes and squirts his baby gravy up her meat wallet.
08:09Fuck that.
08:10I guess I've been struggling with where to place Homelander in my heart in relation to Jesus and the Lord.
08:17Okay.
08:19Of course I worship Homelander.
08:21I mean...
08:21He's always been a God to me.
08:23Look, I'll tell you this.
08:24If there is a God...
08:27Sure as hell didn't come out of my balls.
08:30I gotta go.
08:31Where are you off to?
08:32L.A.
08:33L.A.
08:35L.A.
08:35I fucking hate L.A.
08:39L.A.
08:40L.A.
08:43L.A.
08:43L.A.
08:44L.A.
08:46L.A.
08:51L.A.
08:57Savior's sustenance.
08:58I mean, he got to get his liquid gold from somewhere, am I right?
09:02You need something.
09:04Where's Homelander?
09:05Oh, well, he didn't tell you.
09:07Yeah, he had to fly off to L.A.
09:09Strange he didn't mention anything.
09:10Well, I've been real busy working for his glory, so not much time for chit-chat.
09:14Of course.
09:15Look at us.
09:16Regular Peter and John, just bearing witness and spreading the gospel.
09:19A real blessing.
09:20Amen.
09:21Amen.
09:21A real blessing.
09:23Oh, uh, by the way, after our meeting, I checked in on the timeline of that Homelander Bible.
09:30And, uh, the printers were happy to rush it to make Easter.
09:34Well, ain't you fully get up and go?
09:37Thing is, they said it wasn't a problem.
09:39So I wondered why you were so bent on holding it up.
09:44I wasn't.
09:46See, I just wanted to make sure everything was just right.
09:49Listen, if you are ever feeling any doubts, come to me.
09:55I could be a warm shoulder and a friendly ear.
09:58Well, bless your heart.
10:02I'll do that.
10:06What do you want to talk to Homelander about?
10:08Maybe I could help.
10:10That is so kind to you.
10:13But what important?
10:17What important?
10:24What's up?
10:26Um, got a tip from our Southeast Stringer.
10:29Praying Mantis rated half a dozen churches in Daytona.
10:33Was one of them Holy Baptist?
10:36The man upstairs wants us, you, to run with it top of show.
10:40He thinks with it being your home church and all, it'll make a strong statement.
10:44So I'll have Chris load the new graphics.
10:47I've got to finish getting ready.
10:57Welcome to Truth Bomb.
11:00Our top story tonight is a personal one.
11:02It's the story of my hometown church.
11:05Holy Baptist of Daytona.
11:07It was the church I grew up in.
11:08Sang my hymns from the pews there every Sunday.
11:10But that church, that church, that church, that church has become a hotbed of starlighter infestation.
11:32And my old pastor, Reverend Greg Dupree, has been infected by starlight seditious propaganda.
11:46Now, I never told a soul this, but when I was a little girl, the reverend regularly had me over
11:53for supper alone.
11:55And, you know, nothing ever happened to me, but I heard stories about his fish fry Fridays.
12:06And if that ain't code for child grooming, I don't know what is.
12:11Because how much longer are we going to let these institutional pedo churches diddle our babies?
12:23Americans deserve better.
12:27They deserve Homelander.
12:33They deserve the Democratic Church of America.
12:52Something wrong?
12:54Everything's peachy.
12:58Would you like some knee pads?
13:00I'm sorry?
13:00You're looking at me like you want to suck my hog.
13:04So I'm asking if you would like some knee pads.
13:07Take it easy, I'm a little guy.
13:09You brought me Stan Edgar.
13:12Thank you, sir.
13:33Harry Kib.
13:34B.G.
13:35There's no B.G.'s without me.
13:37B.G. means the brother's a kid.
13:39Wait, you think that falsetto makes you boss?
13:41I think Saturday Night Fever going platinum 16 times makes me boss.
13:44We made that album together.
13:46Nothing without me and Maurice.
13:48Don't you dare bring me to this.
13:51I don't know, it feels inauthentic for Barry to move like this.
13:54Oh, yeah?
13:57In what way?
13:58Ego maniacs like Barry are really just insecure.
14:02I think he's threatened by Robin's talent.
14:03So maybe he expresses that by doing a barrel roll instead.
14:11Never mind.
14:12Sorry, I broke character.
14:12I didn't mean to.
14:13Yeah.
14:15You need to apologize, all right?
14:17For being a fucking genius.
14:20Are you fucking kidding me?
14:21A barrel roll?
14:23Holy shit.
14:25It's brilliant.
14:27Justin, I don't know who you are, or where you came from, or anything about you, but my
14:32God, if you are not a fucking talent.
14:34Well, thank you.
14:35No.
14:39Let's take ten, everybody.
14:43All right.
14:46Lay down me, Justin.
14:47What do you mean?
14:48You're acting.
14:49Up there, stop acting.
14:51Stop acting.
14:54Don't act.
14:55Don't.
14:56Because I don't need an actor.
14:59I need Barry Gibb.
15:00You're right, boss.
15:01I'm sorry.
15:02My process has been all over the map.
15:04It just, this thing is a little close to home.
15:08All right, let me guess, the egomaniac we're talking about, that's someone in your life?
15:11Someone I work with in my day job.
15:14All right, what are you doing so quit?
15:16There's no way this gig is more important than the fucking theater.
15:18I thought this guy was my brother.
15:19But he straight up hijacked something I did and took all the credit for it.
15:23All right.
15:25I've been trying to keep this on the DL, but in addition to my theater work, I also happen
15:31to be a massive feature director.
15:33Four Saturn Wars to prove it.
15:34So I was working on this little film.
15:36I don't know, you may have heard of it called Dawn of the Seven, Billy Dollar Gross, but
15:39who's counting?
15:41There's this fucking guy, The Deep.
15:44He just kept upstaging everyone with his trite, shitty improvs.
15:49I heard he's a real baby.
15:50He's a Jared Leto-level baby bitch.
15:53But you've got to put people like that in their place, right?
15:56So whoever's upstaging you, you fucking upstage them right back.
16:00Okay?
16:01Yeah.
16:01All right.
16:02You got this, gula.
16:07So great you're here, bro.
16:09Yes.
16:10Well, we need to meet young men where they are if we plan to usher them into the fold of
16:15our
16:15lord.
16:15Toots my goats.
16:17So listen, you know, I've got some ideas about how to take this whole church thing to the
16:21next level.
16:21Oh, yeah?
16:22So you know how communion wafers taste like dried shit?
16:26What if they were nila wafers instead, huh?
16:30Oh, yeah.
16:31And if you could throw in a commandment about how it's not cool to try and bone another
16:34bros girl.
16:36We have that.
16:38That already exists.
16:39Great minds then, eh?
16:41Point is, me and Homeowner, we go way back.
16:43I know what he likes, doesn't like, so you ever want to bounce my ideas back?
16:46Don't listen to him, bro.
16:48Oh, shit.
16:50He talks.
16:51No, he does not.
16:51He's not trying to help you.
16:53He's like those fish who suck on whales.
16:54He's talking about a sucker fish?
16:56He latches onto every new soup.
16:58Starlight, me, sage.
17:00He pretends he's the guy, but he's not the guy.
17:02He's a joke.
17:03That smell on his breath?
17:04It's because he's been clam diving.
17:06On clams.
17:06What?
17:07I have not done that.
17:08I have definitely never done that.
17:10Look, if you really want to impress Home Lander, bring me on stage for Easter.
17:13Home Lander can heal me, I'll get my voice back, and then I'll fly.
17:17You know I can fly, right?
17:19That's so fucking stupid, bro.
17:20Well, now, I'm going to have to run this by a Home Lander, but in honest-to-God faith healing,
17:25that's like a nine-point bump with Pentecostals right there.
17:29Goddamn.
17:44There's my guy.
17:46Little pep in the step, huh?
17:49Sir, I did what you said, and I upstaged that bucket at work.
17:53I'm proud of you.
17:54That's exactly how I handled that motherfucker, Paul Rudd.
17:57He's not who you think he is.
17:58I appreciate that, boss.
18:00You bring...
18:01Oh, my God, kid.
18:02You know what?
18:02Keep this between us, bud.
18:04You know a lot of studios hung you out to dry after they shelved training a-train?
18:08Oh, yeah.
18:09And at first I drowned my sorrows in crack.
18:12Nitrous, huff and glue, huff and paint, paint thinners, cough medicine, guns, high-risk sex,
18:16codeine.
18:17Did you ever fuck on codeine?
18:20But that's not the answer.
18:24This play, it saved me.
18:27You saved me.
18:29Wow.
18:31No.
18:32Kid, thank you.
18:34Because I got some big news.
18:36We're going to Broadway.
18:37Yes, no more mindless studio bullshit.
18:40I can finally be the artist I just dreamed of and you.
18:42Kid, you have no idea, but you're going to be a fucking star.
18:45So you ditch that office gig because you and I, we're going to save the world.
18:51With our talent.
18:52Oh my god, you have no idea how much this means to me.
18:54Ha ha.
18:56I love you, kid.
18:59You start your vocal warm-ups.
19:02Yeah.
19:02I'm going to drop a juice.
19:04Okay.
19:09Fucking Tony Gilroy.
19:33Come here.
19:39closer
19:44my ass hurts so fucking much
20:08hey bro don't you fucking hate bro me what the fuck is wrong with you
20:13nothing why what's wrong with you i call you a clam diver and you send an eel to ass murder
20:17adam
20:18bork something terrible happened at your play rehearsal today which is definitely not your
20:21job the lead producer's stepping away they're shuttering the production get it coming fucker
20:27didn't use my improvs in dawn of the seven he believed in me you fuckwit and for what
20:31because i fucking upstaged you with oh father this is gonna happen now you are gonna fucking
20:38do whatever i say whenever i say it i'm gonna kill homelander you're in some pussy play which is a
20:43definite conflict of interest since homelander outlawed the national endowment for the arts
20:49you have nothing to say nice we're gonna hang out of that miser technique huh
21:02hey buddy good boy good boy
21:10you wanna fuck me you wanna fuck me like a good boy
21:30hold on what are you doing frenchie won't cook my steak past medium rare
21:35and i like mine burnt with ketchup okay and why are you telling that i have
21:40maybe we just don't like the same steak you know
21:47jesus christ has butcher ever washed this thing oh that thing is like glazed and dog semen
21:53like a cum donut cum nut did i just invent a new word you know what i'm gonna do a
21:58still a favor
21:58and wash this terror your boyfriend is about to become a virgin all over again
22:03good boy
22:21what the fuck is that you're finally building yourself a fuckbot
22:24something me and frenchie working on it
22:27preparation i'm planning my son
22:29none of my fucking business got it
22:31yeah that's the one
22:32and he leaves on bumside
22:33not a damn thing
22:34he's an unbreakable cum that flies through the air how old can it be
22:37well if it's so easy why don't you look for him i've hit every single dead end and then some
22:42how about legend that old bastard knows everyone
22:45he's in the wind if i had as much shit on vitus he did i'd fuck off too
22:50oh shit
22:50wait wait wait
22:51wait
22:52no
22:52no
22:52wait wait wait wait no
22:56you can't have no chocolate mate
22:58yeah get your own chocolate
23:05what
23:06the mississippi rule
23:07bloody hell
23:08i never thought i'd see the day
23:09it's got a fucking pubic ear on it i know
23:11tasty too
23:12hmm
23:16you know what's funny
23:18here we are
23:19parked in the middle of hell
23:21and i've never slept or shit so good my entire life
23:25what's different
23:25huh
23:26like you
23:27i just finally realized that i'm already dead
23:31and once i just gave up that stress of needing to stay alive it's like
23:37shit got easier
23:39i spent my whole life going after soldier boy for what he did to my family
23:43yet
23:44he's immortal
23:47he's immune
23:48what kind of fucking cosmic joke is that
23:51so you tell me butcher
23:54why should i keep going
23:56well
23:57you keep going from the name
23:59to your name
24:00they better off without me
24:01how can a man so smart be so fucking daft
24:04they are
24:05they are
24:05and i'm better off
24:07without them
24:08because if i thought that there was a snowball's chance in hell
24:11then i might see him again
24:15then i might be too scared to do
24:17what you and me both
24:18need me to do
24:39you wonder what am i doing
24:43well first
24:44i made Kimiko
24:45the perfect french rebuy
24:48you know
24:49she loves my steak
24:50and for dessert
24:52my souffle en chocolate
24:55it's a thing of legend
25:03you know she wants one of you
25:05too
25:06i don't know
25:07what is it that you do
25:10eat, sleep
25:11or fetch
25:13i stir the wall
25:14you bring it back
25:16i stir the wall
25:17you bring it back
25:19it's a nightmare of futility
25:21what would i do with one of you
25:24i've killed every plant i've owned
25:26i'll surely kill you too
25:32she deserves peace
25:36a normal life
25:38but i
25:44i don't know how to give her this
25:49if i even can
26:07i need fresh air
26:09you wanna come?
26:10outside?
26:11no?
26:13okay
26:18if you and mm still think
26:20oh for fuck's sake
26:21you knock it off with this v1 shite
26:22you're doing me fucking head in
26:25oi
26:25terror
26:26cut it out
26:27come on
26:28now listen
26:29if we do find that stuff
26:30we're not making any fucking vaccines out of it
26:32alright?
26:33we're not the department of fucking health
26:34we burn that shit
26:35before homelander gets his paws on it
26:36and that's sad
26:37well if you wanna kill yourself
26:38knock yourself out
26:39but why do you have to decide for the rest of us?
26:40oh cause i'm fucking right
26:42cause i've always been right
26:43i've been telling you lot
26:44from the fucking start
26:45the sky has fallen
26:46and guess what?
26:48that sky fucking fell
26:49will you kinda help bring it down?
26:50oh don't give me that bollocks
26:52listen
26:53homelander thinks he's a fucking god
26:55once he becomes a mortal
26:56he's gonna start killing like one
26:58and we are talking millions of people
27:00now you're telling me
27:01you're honestly happy
27:02to risk all of that
27:03for a life on the run with your girl
27:06knowing
27:07that you could've stopped it
27:11you can live with that can ya?
27:14what if it was becca?
27:18you just let her die?
27:24you just let her die
27:26look
27:28i know that homelander comes first
27:31i really do
27:32all i'm asking
27:33is that we try
27:36Annie and Kimiko deserve that much
27:41oi chara no
27:43oi get out of there
27:44oh bloody hell
27:45is that chocolate?
27:46isn't chocolate bad for dogs?
27:47good for a dog this soda is fucking lethal
27:49Oiy
27:49first of your cop
27:50get me some altid Sungperoxi
27:52would you?
27:52we have some in the first aid to
27:53get me one second
27:54what happen?
27:55you poisoned my fucking thok
27:56no no
27:57let's go, it's fine
27:58no no no no no no no
27:59All you need is charcoal we should call that they're gonna tell you need chocolate. I got this. Just give
28:03us some room
28:03I'll just enough over you pull right on the count of three one two three. Sorry, buddy
28:17Good boy. All right, you're gonna be all right boy
28:26Hey
28:30Well, first you gotta fuck me
28:35Oi
28:42There he is, eh?
28:44Hey, were you having a dream were you?
28:47Was it a goodie?
28:50How's he doing? Yeah, he's all right. Thank you for uh
28:56Yeah, fuck it
29:08Hey
29:10Hey
29:10Hey
29:10Hey
29:10Hey
29:13Listen uh
29:15If we do find that B1 and if it don't fuck us
29:21You can have some
29:24You can have some
29:25For any, you know
29:27I'm coming home
29:28What about you?
29:32I don't know
29:32But as soon as Frenchie's got that shite sorted, we're using that all right? Ready or not
29:49What you looking at?
29:52Nothing
29:52Nothing
29:57And as for you
29:58Don't you ever fucking do that to me again, alright?
30:01Good boy
30:03Now
30:04I caught Blondie trying to give you my place to boil washin'
30:07I don't know how you love the crunchy bits
30:10Yes, I do want to know how you love those crunchy bits
30:12Yeah
30:24You do realize this kind of sudden religious upheaval is likely to generate widespread civil unrest
30:30Local law can handle the suburbs, but we could use extra hands in major metros
30:33But, well, recall all the superstition overseas
30:36American heroes should be protecting America
30:38Not who gives the fuck a stand
30:40Great idea
30:52Where to?
30:53Brian Analytics
30:59That was thrilling, wasn't it?
31:02What a bright future we have ahead of us
31:05It was a real Gucci-only piss party
31:08Imagine how much more exciting it'll be when Homelander becomes immortal
31:13Have you found who you are?
31:18No
31:19Homelander hasn't gotten anything out of Stan Edgar
31:21No
31:23But I haven't had a crack at him yet
31:34Jesus, give me a little personal space, will ya Garth?
31:37Hm, 24-7 agents must be hard for someone so into scat play
31:41You realize I do actually work?
31:43I was this close to convincing the FCC to pull every broadcast license but VNN
31:47Homelander feels this is more important
31:51What now?
31:52The president and I stand by this decision
31:54We need our American soups here in America
31:57Well, isn't it kinda sorta your fault for being invaded?
32:00You might as well have been wearing a short skirt
32:02Man, those Ukrainians sure have a fucking mouth on him
32:05Remember
32:07You're doing the Lord's work
32:08Words out
32:09Vodsock is tanking
32:10The international markets are in freefall
32:12And you're not the least bit concerned
32:13It's not about what I think
32:15It's what the man wants
32:18It's always what the man wants
32:24You want a drink?
32:26So we're at the climate change summit in Reykjavik
32:28Where the swiss chancellor says we should all race our gulf streams
32:31The amount of CO2 we splooched out
32:33The air was chewy the next day
32:35Lolz
32:40Come on
32:41What do you want from me, Sage?
32:42What makes you think I want anything from you?
32:43You haven't called me the poster child for late-term abortion once today
32:46Truth be told
32:47You're not the one I want
32:49I know you know what Homelander's doing
32:52He's going after the V1
32:53Wait, what?
32:54And if he gets any
32:56He lives forever
32:57What is V1?
32:58And what do you mean Homelander lives forever?
33:00I've done what I can to make sure he doesn't find any
33:02How do you know about this and I don't?
33:05Have you two been talking without me?
33:07Homelander is an open baby book
33:09But Soldier Boy is tricky
33:10I need you to read his mind
33:11What he knows is where they're headed next
33:13And most importantly, if Soldier Boy is warming up to his sadistic
33:16Well glad
33:18Okay, I'm in
33:19The fuck you are?
33:21We are not conspiring against Homelander
33:23Hey, don't forget the Aung San Suu Kyi quote
33:25Tramp stepped on our ass
33:26The only real prison is fear
33:28No, the only real prison is prison
33:30Ashley
33:30What do you think happens to you if I die?
33:33I'm not about to risk my neck because I let an overgrown boil do my thinking for me
33:38Okay, fine, just stay
33:39Why? So you can play more mind games?
33:42You gave me your answer, I heard you
33:44Now, don't make me drink alone
33:49I'm starving
33:49Are you starving?
33:50I'd kill for a chalupa right now
33:53I'd kill for a big juicy dick
33:54Oh, you should call Gavin, his grief was amazing
33:57And oh man, the amount of spunk he shot back here
33:59We looked like Pepe Le Pew
34:00We are not booty calling my high school boyfriend
34:02But he was so sweet and mom loved him, remember?
34:05Yeah, well mom's dead, so she doesn't get a say
34:06And neither do you
34:07What happened to her?
34:09Cancer
34:10My grandmother too
34:12What was she like?
34:13Your mother
34:15Tiny
34:17Terrifying
34:18This one bitch, Harper Hewitt, used to make fun of my nose
34:21So my mom tells Mr. Hewitt that Mrs. Hewitt has been railing the UPS guy
34:26Which she was
34:27That was mom, bringing a nuke to a knife fight
34:33So they moved
34:34And the rest of kindergarten was no sweat
34:36My folks shot me out with V
34:39Thinking I'd be a meal ticket
34:40And then my power turned out to be smarts
34:43Which is the worst fucking one
34:44Try knowing what everyone really thinks of you all day
34:46Ooh, trust me
34:47The thing people hate more than just about anything
34:51Is feeling stupid
34:52So when a three-year-old corrects your grammar
34:54Or, oh, tells them their life dream yogurt shop is doomed to fail
34:59They start to hate you too
35:00At least my parents did
35:02Until they don't meet my grandmas
35:04But
35:04Grandma
35:05You know, she was the only one who ever thought it was a gift
35:09I would quote Othello to her
35:11Word for word
35:12And
35:13She'd clap
35:15And laugh her big laugh
35:19I'm still so pissed sheet is gone
35:23I used to want to be like my mom
35:26Strong
35:27Pushy as fuck
35:28Didn't take shit from anyone
35:30You still can
35:31You still can
35:32If you help me
35:36Fuck you
35:37You knew about my mom the whole time
35:39You drew it out of me just to soften me up
35:41Did it work?
35:42No
35:42This is my fucking problem with you
35:44I know you've been working some big plan all year
35:46How am I supposed to trust you if I'm just a pawn and you're fucked up chess game?
35:50All right
35:51If I tell you
35:52Would you help me?
35:54I would heavily consider it
35:56Helping Homelander take control of the country is phase one
35:59It was only ever the beginning
36:01Phase two is the end
36:02The end of what?
36:03The world
36:05After this soup killing virus is released
36:07Wait, you want it released?
36:09Oh, you bet I do
36:11After soups realize humans are behind it
36:13All hell will break loose
36:15Soups butchering humans
36:17Virus butchering soups
36:18Oh, fucking world war soup
36:20I don't believe you
36:21Swear on my grandma's soul
36:22Why would you possibly want that?
36:25Because I'll be watching
36:26From my cozy bunker outside Colorado Springs
36:28And when it's all over
36:30I can read all day every day
36:33No one bothering me
36:36Nothing but peace and quiet forever
36:40Which is why Homelander can't survive
36:42That needy asshole would never give me a moment's rest
36:46Defeats the whole purpose
36:48Don't worry
36:49You're invited to my bunker
36:51You too, Ashley
36:55Oh, God
36:59Would you like some knee pads?
37:01I'm sorry
37:01What?
37:02You're looking at me like you want to suck my hog
37:06So I'm asking you if you would like some knee pads
37:09Go easy on the little guy
37:11You brought me a stand anchor
37:12Thank you, sir
37:13You may leave
37:24What crawled up your shithole
37:25No, I know what you mean
37:26When you're pissy
37:29You tend to make everybody else's lives pissy too
37:32Stan Edgar
37:33I'm still sewing walling you
37:34I've talked to him three times now
37:36Says he has no idea where the V1 is
37:38Heart rate
37:39Steady as a rock
37:40I'm starting to believe him
37:41That slippery fuck
37:42Used to fetch my cocaine
37:46You know what?
37:48I have an idea
37:51Why don't I take a crack at him?
37:54What, you don't trust me?
37:55Well
37:57You did lock me in a room with nuclear material
37:59And uh
38:00Try to stop me getting a V1
38:02So
38:03Sure you can understand my
38:05Hesitance
38:06You could have killed me at Fort Harmony
38:08But you didn't
38:09Maybe I feel like I owe you
38:10Or maybe you're lying
38:11Maybe
38:17Give me an hour
38:19I'll meet you at your cell
38:30My, my
38:30Now the mighty have
38:32Fucked themselves
38:33Square in the ass
38:35Don't shit where you eat, Stan
38:37So you've called in reinforcements?
38:38I wanted to see the prick
38:39That sold me out to the Reds
38:41It wasn't personal
38:42It was a business decision
38:43We had your replacement mall
38:44On the way
38:45Even as a toddler
38:47Homelander showed more promise
38:48Than you ever did
38:50Not that it amounted to much
38:52When have you ever done anything?
38:56Remotely interesting or original
38:58My power
39:00Is absolute, Stan
39:02At heights no one's even dreamed of
39:05I call that pretty fucking original
39:07Nothing that the lowest speck of this
39:09Pointless species couldn't have thought of
39:11Were they to be granted your level of power
39:14Why am I still alive?
39:18Because you're useful, Stan
39:21And I always wanted a pet, perhaps
39:23Or is it because you are so desperate for daddy figures
39:26That you can't even bring yourself to kill the ones who hate you?
39:29At least that's something he and I have in common
39:33Do you want to die, Stan?
39:40I don't know
39:41You get pregnant with all the eye-fucking
39:45Tempe, Arizona
39:46Is that supposed to mean something?
39:48Well, I had the eggheads and crime analytics
39:50Track down your granddaughter
39:52Zoe
39:53And her dad
39:54They're in Tempe, Arizona
39:58So
39:59Where is the V1?
40:04As I told you
40:05I genuinely don't know
40:12But
40:14I may know someone who does
40:16You should go and see Mr. Maramond in L.A.
40:19He's always had an intense interest in Vaught's history
40:23It should be a delightful reunion
40:30Hooray for Hollywood
40:32That's screwy, bally, hooey, Hollywood
40:35Go out and try your luck
40:36You might be Donald Duck
40:38Hooray for Hollywood
40:40Homelander, it's really good to see you
40:42Why?
40:43But what brings you by?
40:44Relax
40:45We're just there to talk
40:46Yeah, great
40:47Awesome
40:47I told you
40:47Well, big fan
40:49Sir
40:49I actually popped my cherry in your underoos
40:52Nice
40:53So you were part of the 7?
40:54Oh, I was
40:55I was
40:55Yeah, until this one replaced me with A-Train
40:57Check it out, come on
40:59Well, you're only the world's fastest man
41:01As long as you're the world's fastest man, champ
41:03And you got slow
41:04It was one race
41:05Never gave me the chance to win it back, boss
41:11Hey, check this one out
41:13Gross 35 mil
41:14On a 200 million dollar budget
41:15These aren't even VOD films
41:17What's the difference?
41:18These were made where washed up soups go to die
41:21Sony Pictures TV
41:22It's a legit studio
41:23And I save half on their TVs
41:25And maybe we're not part of the official VCU
41:27And maybe we can't mention VOD or, you know
41:29Any licensed VOD hero
41:31But, hey
41:32Still making magic
41:34Yeah, and I, uh
41:35I slung a little bit
41:35On the side
41:36Low pills
41:37I was like
41:37Whatever you need
41:37Fastest dealer in town
41:39Alright, come on
41:40The gang will be psyched to meet you
41:46Did you guys hear they rounded up
41:47Aziz, Macaulay, Joaquin, Kiefer, Meryl
41:50I also heard they got Benedict
41:51Wong or Cumberbatch
41:53Oh, fuck
41:53I know, dude
41:54What the fuck, Malchemical?
41:55Get your boys in check, huh?
41:56Just because I'm a suit doesn't mean I truck in that fascist shit
41:58We need to do something
41:59Camera point
42:00Why?
42:01Because we're storytellers, dude
42:02Our superpower is we inspire hearts and minds
42:05Look at the characters we create
42:06Luke Skywalker, Katniss, Condi
42:08Oh, bitch, please
42:09Come on
42:10Like Mark Hamill, J-Law, and Sir Ben Kingsley
42:12Do anything but collect their fucking residuals
42:14They're very engaged
42:16Look, here's what we do
42:17We all post about this simultaneously on Instagram
42:20Yes
42:20Black squares on the main feed
42:22Black Lives Matter did black squares
42:23Fuck
42:24You're right
42:24We did blue squares on the grid
42:26Because blue lives matter
42:27I wouldn't post that
42:28Is there any color that hasn't been taken by some fucking group?
42:31What about white?
42:32Brown
42:33Oh, ooh, ooh
42:34I'll get Lena Dunham to write an editorial for The Atlantic
42:36Is that cool?
42:37That'll really hate
42:38Oh, yeah
42:38She's a great writer
42:39She's a very persuasive
42:40Whatever fuck sticks
42:42Look, best day of my life was when they executed Hader
42:44Right?
42:45More offer onlys for the forte
42:47Hey, do you think Michael Cera's a starlighter?
42:49Because we're up at the same part right now
42:50It'd be pretty good if he got Vanish
42:51You've been friends with him for 20 years, Chris
42:53Yeah, but I really need this part, man
42:55Hold on, hold on
42:57What's up?
42:58Homelander
42:58Soldier Boy
42:59Wow
42:59I'm Will, remember me?
43:01I'm the one who turned in Channing Tatum
43:06Seth Rogan
43:06We actually met once before with Black Noir
43:09The premiere for Silent Vengeance 3, Vengeance Reloaded
43:13Big fan
43:13I'm actually testifying in front of Congress for you
43:15You know, outing suspected starlighters
43:17Spoiler alert
43:18Post Malone
43:20You need to get the fuck away from me right now
43:22You bet
43:22Yeah
43:24We came here looking for something
43:25Well, you know enough
43:27He won
43:29Come to the right place
43:38Here you go
43:42Oh yeah
43:43Vogue yanked that one from newsstands after Kent State
43:47Good times
43:48How'd you end up with it?
43:49Some old bitch on eBay
43:50I paid 20 bucks
43:51I mean, it'd go for half a million at auction easy
44:01Yeah, Dr. Vogue was a titan
44:03A visionary
44:04He was a pansy
44:06With a German accent and sweaty palms
44:08He was a complicated guy
44:17Do you or do you not have V1?
44:22I don't
44:23But Bombside does
44:24He does
44:26That piece of shit's still alive
44:27Yeah
44:28He was my best customer for a long time
44:29What makes you think he has it?
44:31One night he was tweaked out of his gourd
44:32And he told me he has some
44:34And I believe him
44:34Where is he?
44:35Me and Bombside are so cool
44:36Why don't we all just hang out for a sec
44:38And I'll call him
44:38He'll fly right over
44:47Let's get this up in Bogota
44:48I saw what you were taking the best
44:49I mean, for the soldier boy
44:51Nothing but the best
44:57Oh, no
44:59I actually hate weed
45:00I just pretend to like it from my brand
45:02So I can sell ashtrays to suckers
45:06Yo, Homelander
45:08You wanna hit this?
45:10It is my life goal to smoke you out, homie
45:15Don't call me that
45:18Homelander
45:19It's good to see you again
45:23Do I know you?
45:24Yeah, we met like six times
45:26Mal chemical
45:27Make deadly gases
45:29Did that whole campaign with gas sex
45:34That's embarrassing
45:36Homelander is still as weird as he was when I was there
45:38Well, I wasn't there back then, but
45:40Yes
45:41Let's get this one
45:42One time, at Ledoux
45:43Misha Barton wanted to suck him off, right?
45:45He spent two hours talking to her about Niji
45:47Then left when she stepped on his cape
45:49Oh, that fucking cape
45:50Like a baby with a blanket
45:52Pretty sure he jerks off into it
45:53Probably why it's so stiff
45:55Say that again
45:59Oh, can't you take a fucking joke?
46:04Say it again
46:07If not as much
46:08If Mom's side's not coming, I'm leaving
46:09No, he's on his way
46:10Be here any minute
46:11I swear
46:15No, I'm done
46:18Oh, shit
46:19By the way
46:20Wait
46:21I heard you all
46:22And I want you all to know
46:23That very soon, gentlemen
46:25You are going to pay
46:26For your sick posts
46:28And your hateful memes
46:30Especially the memes
46:34No, no, no, no
46:35It was Kamayal and Seth's idea
46:36What?
46:37Fuck you for it
46:37He was fucking his idea, man
46:39If he is just sucking your dick
46:40So you can help his shitty fucking career
46:42Take them, okay?
46:43Shit, I'll take them out for you right now
46:44Oh, really? Yeah?
46:44You want to take me, bitch?
46:45I'm fucking yoked
46:46No, no, no
46:47Really?
46:47Okay, okay
46:47Okay, okay
46:47You're making this work
46:48Stop, everybody!
46:49Stop!
46:50He really should have held up Michael Cera
46:54Who better?
46:56Sorry, quick question
46:57What?
46:58Oh, for fuck's sake
47:05Who's memorable now?
47:06What the fuck?
47:07Easy, easy, easy
47:08Can we fuck off, please?
47:09Shut up, MacGruber
47:10Everything's cool
47:11Hey, man
47:11We don't have a problem with you
47:12Honest
47:12But, but, but
47:13Fuck this fucking guy
47:14You know, he fucked my life
47:16If you help us get rid of him
47:17Then we all win
47:18And you
47:19You can have the seven
47:20And I don't even like
47:21Really care if you bring me back or whatever
47:23I don't need to kill him to get the seven
47:24No, yeah, of course not
47:25What about all that creepy shit he's doing with that church?
47:27I mean, they're rounding up everybody cool
47:29All the hookers, the drug dealers
47:30They want to ban porn
47:32I mean, they want to ban fucking abortions
47:34Okay, well banning abortion
47:35Wouldn't be a big problem for me personally
47:37Exactly
47:37For all of us
47:38So if we kill him
47:39We can stop worrying about being cops
47:41Or, or, or gods
47:42Or, or asexual weirdos
47:44You know, we can go back to fucking
47:45And, and being fucking awesome
47:47Look, we know you've got that
47:49Fucked up chest blast thing
47:50I mean, I was at Hero Gas and I saw it
47:52Just finish him now
47:53Take away his powers
47:54So we can curb stomp him while we have the chance
48:03He is a fucking asexual weirdo
48:05Yeah, yeah
48:07But as much as it pains me to say this
48:10He's my fucking asexual weirdo
48:15Nobody fucks my son but me
48:17What?
48:19That came out wrong
48:49You're policing police right now
48:51I don't know the accident
48:53Do you know the accident?
48:54I don't know the address
48:54Oh fuck, fuck
48:55Don't kill him
48:56Shut up, shut up
48:57I'm not going to kill you
48:58I'm going to get you out of here
48:59But you need to do exactly as I say
49:08Don't, don't
49:12Fuck
49:32Fuck
49:33Fuck
49:33Fuck
49:34Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey
49:36What's up, is it bad?
49:36Is it bad?
49:36Well, uh
49:37I didn't mean to
49:39I wouldn't die bad
49:41It's gonna be okay
49:42I'll remember you every time
49:44I watch
49:45An American Pickle
49:45What?
49:47Fuck
50:15Shhh...
50:25Does Bombside really have it?
50:28Fuck you!
50:29I'm gonna rip your balls off and stuff them down your throat.
50:31That'd be like trying to shove two grapefruits through a garden hose.
50:34Does Bombside have the V1?
50:38Oh god!
50:39Yes, yes, okay, yes.
50:41The Bombside was a little fucking god, man.
50:43He's got it.
50:43Where is he?
50:44I don't know.
50:45Where the fuck is he?
50:45I don't know. I haven't talked to him in like five years. I swear to god.
50:48Please.
51:00What happened?
51:02I took care of it.
51:06Why?
51:08Because fuck them.
51:10That's why.
51:12I don't think this micro prick was lying.
51:14Bombside has the V1.
51:16I'm just gonna find him.
51:18Also, um, I've been fucking firecracker.
51:25But, out of respect for you, that's, uh, that's done.
51:31Plus her pillow talk was, need to be a real drag.
51:36Pillow talk?
51:50Home lander.
51:50Home lander.
52:09How was L.A.?
52:12Did you catch Annette's truth bomb?
52:14I did indeed.
52:16And it was a real barn burner.
52:18Well done.
52:18Thank you, sir.
52:19That means the world.
52:22How's sex with my father?
52:26Is he good at it?
52:28Are you thinking about me?
52:30When you're making love to him?
52:34I never meant to cross a line or offend you.
52:37Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
52:38Don't fret, little one.
52:39I don't care about the sex.
52:41Really.
52:43I do care about your little chats after sex.
52:46Sir, whatever soldier boy told you, I can assure you that I...
52:48You mean your inner turmoil when it comes to me and, uh...
52:55Jesus, are you thinking of Jesus when you're praising me?
52:59No, you are my one and only savior.
53:03You say that, but your jagged little heart is whirring like a hummingbird.
53:11You're supposed to worship me.
53:13Love me.
53:15And me alone.
53:17I do.
53:17I believed in you.
53:19Turns out...
53:21You don't believe in me.
53:25I need you to collect your things.
53:28And leave.
53:31But I do believe in you.
53:33I love you.
53:35I am the only one here who ever has.
53:38I gave you everything.
53:40I gave you my soul.
53:42And everybody else here, they're just...
53:43They're just scared of you.
53:45Or they want something from you.
53:47But I have always loved you for you.
53:52Just the strongest, smartest, best man on earth.
53:58Man.
53:59No, no, no, no, no.
54:00God, no.
54:01No, no.
54:01Be God.
54:03My Lord.
54:05That look you used to get when you'd suckle me.
54:08I felt like Mother Mary herself.
54:10I felt blessed.
54:13To nourish someone as important as you.
54:20But nothing I ever did was good enough, was it?
54:23You cast me out to the cold.
54:26Which was so much worse than ever feeling your warmth in the first place.
54:30So all I have been trying to do is to get you to see me the way that you used
54:35to.
54:36Hell, the only reason I was with Soldier Boy was because your reflected light...
54:42is better than all that at all.
54:45Please, sir.
54:48I love you.
54:49We all need love, don't we?
54:54Even God.
54:56I love you.
54:59I love you.
55:07I love you.
55:14I love you.
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