- 17 hours ago
The Boys S05E05 (2026) [Full Movie] [Latest Version]Full EP - Full
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00:02They're up before dawn.
00:04They got a thousand heads of cattle to herd.
00:06It's hard work and strong coffee.
00:09Old leather saddles and the worn stock of a trusty Remington.
00:14And when the sun finally rises over the range,
00:17the cowboys know America is God's country
00:20and Americans God's chosen people.
00:23So shouldn't we have our own church for Americans?
00:26With American grit and American values
00:29founded by the greatest American of us all.
00:32A true American prophet.
00:34Come home to the Democratic Church of America.
00:37Come home to Homelander.
00:39Already, the campaign's aided awareness outpaces the norm
00:43by plus 22 points led by white men and women ages 36 to 54 and 55 to 72.
00:51We are also seeing massive growth on the ground level.
00:54Yeah, I'm seeing massive growth myself.
01:00Church attendance is up.
01:02And our online donation CTR is at 44%.
01:05That's a new record. Amen.
01:06Amen.
01:07Next up is a 500 million ad blitz with OOH, e-blasts, print and digital.
01:15Ain't nobody won't know about the Democratic Church of America and its chosen prophet.
01:25Prophets are servants.
01:27Of course.
01:29Sir, great point.
01:30We're just trying to ease people into it.
01:32No, no, no.
01:33We need to prepare America for my ascension.
01:37You must be honest.
01:38You must be direct.
01:40I like Savior or Lord.
01:44Yes, I couldn't agree more, sir.
01:45Hmm.
01:46Religion's not about being meek.
01:48We should dominate the seven mountains of society.
01:51Bring the kingdom of heaven to earth.
01:53Amen.
01:54Amen.
01:54Amen.
01:55I love all that.
01:56So fucking dope.
01:57Easter is just around the corner.
01:59How perfect would it be for your second coming to come on the day of Jesus' resurrection?
02:04Hmm.
02:05Second coming?
02:06Let's be clear.
02:07I am not the son of God.
02:11Well, of course.
02:12Many people believe that Jesus is both God incarnate and the son.
02:16Well, that's just confusing.
02:17I don't want my church getting involved in all of that.
02:21Exactly.
02:21Besides, if we pull up our timeline, you won't have...
02:25Yes.
02:36We gonna drag our feet because of a book.
02:38Not a book.
02:41The book.
02:42The Homelander Bible.
02:49Heavy.
02:51It's got the Old Testament, the New Testament, and the brand new American Testament.
02:58Written by AI, trained on the works of Pat Robertson.
03:00See, we need to pass the torch, sir.
03:03From Jesus to you, sir.
03:06And we don't get more than one chance at a first impression.
03:10Are we really gonna rush something this important?
03:14We need Arby's after all.
03:16No.
03:18We're the Cheesecake Factory.
03:24Okay.
03:26We'll do it your way.
03:31You do realize this kind of sudden religious upheaval is likely to generate widespread civil unrest?
03:37Local law should be able to handle the suburbs, but we could use extra hands in major metros.
03:41No.
03:42Is recall all superstition overseas?
03:44The American heroes should be protecting America, not who gives a fuck a stand.
03:48Great idea.
03:48Mm-hmm.
03:56Something wrong?
03:58Everything's peachy.
04:05Well, I can see why they call this the city that never sleeps.
04:09How could you with all that racket?
04:12You get used to it.
04:13You seem to us.
04:14City life seems to suit you.
04:16I guess.
04:19I was surprised you called, Reverend.
04:21Well, I was surprised you answered.
04:23It's been a while, and I said things I regret.
04:25You both did.
04:29You remember when you used to stop by the church after school?
04:33Use your powers to light our candles.
04:35I remember staying for supper.
04:37Oh, man.
04:39Those fish fry Fridays.
04:41I never liked eating alone.
04:42Well, were you making sure I got at least one hot square a day?
04:48Reverend, is something the matter?
04:50I'm embarrassed to bug you with all of this, but the last couple of weeks have been rough.
04:55We've been bleeding congregants to the Democratic Church of America and what folks are sticking around and shared.
05:02Why?
05:03Because last Sunday, somebody melted her stained glass window of Mary.
05:08Melted it?
05:08Mm-hmm.
05:09It's a local soup.
05:11Prairie Mantis.
05:13He sprayed acid out of his butt.
05:15I mean, his glands is whatever.
05:17Yeah, I know him.
05:18It was a message.
05:19I called the sheriff.
05:21I called the mayor.
05:22I've caught half of Florida.
05:23You're all I got left.
05:26Reverend, I don't know what I could do.
05:28Well, you gotta be able to do something.
05:30Your Homelander's right hand.
05:33Well, Homelander's not too keen on being challenged.
05:38Why not just pay the franchise fee and join?
05:41Honey, we can barely afford to pay our water bill.
05:44Besides, the Democratic Church of America, God does not favor one nation over another.
05:50Doesn't he, though?
05:51No.
05:52Name one way God's ever blessed Canada.
05:58Just cause Homelander tells you that the sky is red does not make it so.
06:05You still have that, uh, that Jesus action figure.
06:09I'm surprised you remember that.
06:10How could I forget it?
06:11You carried it with you everywhere you went.
06:12You almost worked face off the thing.
06:15You still carry him?
06:16Yeah.
06:21It's complicated.
06:22No, it's...
06:23I don't think it is.
06:25Homelander's a great American.
06:27He can stop bullets.
06:29He can fly and do amazing things.
06:31Those aren't miracles.
06:33And he is not God.
06:36If you're the same Misty Tucker Gray that I taught the Bible to, Overfish, I think you know it too.
06:53What are you doing?
06:56We ain't doing that again.
06:58It's what you said the last six times.
07:00Well, I really mean it this time.
07:05You seem a little out of it.
07:07Did you nut?
07:08It's usually you nut.
07:13Were you baptized?
07:18Yeah, in front of half of Chestnut Hill.
07:20Governor Sproul did the honors.
07:22My family kept up appearances, of course.
07:25And we never set foot in church again.
07:27I had lunch today with the Reverend who baptized me.
07:29He's been getting heat to switch over to our church.
07:33I think Homelander might be open to going easy on him.
07:36Just...
07:36Give him a little more time.
07:39I wouldn't ask if it was just anybody, but...
07:41That man practically raised me.
07:44So you didn't nut.
07:48You know this whole Homelander is God shit.
07:50It's...
07:51It's fucking ridiculous.
07:53Really? You think so?
07:55If he's a second coming, then what does that make me?
07:57Joseph?
07:59We talk about the biggest cook in history.
08:01A man trades his best cow to bag some hot-ass virgin.
08:04And then God comes and squirts his baby gravy up her meat wallet.
08:09Fuck that.
08:10I guess I've been struggling with where to place Homelander in my heart in relation to Jesus and the Lord.
08:17Okay.
08:19Of course I worship Homelander.
08:21I mean...
08:21He's always been a God to me.
08:23Look, I'll tell you this.
08:24If there is a God...
08:27Sure as hell didn't come out of my balls.
08:30I gotta go.
08:31Where are you off to?
08:32L.A.
08:33L.A.
08:35L.A.
08:35I fucking hate L.A.
08:41L.A.
08:43L.A.
08:43L.A.
08:44L.A.
08:46L.A.
08:48Hello?
08:50Does Homelander know you're here?
08:53Yeah, of course.
08:54Some of our church's followers generously donated their milk for our savior's sustenance.
08:59I mean, he gotta get his liquid gold from somewhere, am I right?
09:02You need something.
09:04Where's Homelander?
09:05Oh, well, he didn't tell you.
09:07Yeah, he had to fly off to L.A.
09:09Strange he didn't mention anything.
09:10Well, I've been real busy working for his glory, so not much time for chitchat.
09:14Of course.
09:15Look at us, regular Peter and John, just bearing witness and spreading the gospel.
09:19A real blessing.
09:20Amen.
09:21Amen.
09:21A real blessing.
09:23Oh, uh, by the way, after our meeting, I checked in on the timeline of that Homelander Bible,
09:30and, uh, the printers were happy to rush it to make Easter.
09:34Well, ain't you fully get up and go?
09:37Thing is, they said it wasn't a problem.
09:39So I wondered why you were so bent on holding it up.
09:44I wasn't.
09:46See, I just wanted to make sure everything was just right.
09:49Listen, if you are ever feeling any doubts, come to me.
09:55I could be a warm shoulder and a friendly ear.
09:58Well, bless your heart.
10:02I'll do that.
10:06What'd you want to talk to Homelander about?
10:08Maybe I could help.
10:10That is so kind of you.
10:13But what important?
10:24What's up?
10:25Um, got a tip from our southeast stringer.
10:29Praying Mantis rated half a dozen churches in Daytona.
10:33Was one of them Holy Baptist?
10:36The man upstairs wants us, you, to run with it top of show.
10:40He thinks with it being your home church and all, it'll make a strong statement.
10:44So I'll have Chris load the new graphics.
10:47I've got to finish getting ready.
10:57Welcome to Truth Bomb.
11:00Our top story tonight is a personal one.
11:02It's the story of my hometown church.
11:05Holy Baptist of Daytona.
11:07It was the church I grew up in.
11:08Sang my hymns from the pews there every Sunday.
11:11But that church, that church, that church has become a hotbed of starlighter infestation.
11:32And my old pastor, Reverend Greg Dupree, has been infected by starlight seditious propaganda.
11:46Now, I never told Sol this, but when I was a little girl, the Reverend regularly had me over for
11:53supper alone.
11:57Nothing ever happened to me, but I heard stories about his fish fry Fridays.
12:06And if that ain't code for child grooming, I don't know what is.
12:13How much longer are we going to let these institutional pedo churches diddle our babies?
12:23Americans deserve better.
12:27They deserve Homelander.
12:33They deserve Homelander.
12:35They deserve the Democratic Church of America.
12:52Something wrong?
12:54Everything's peachy.
12:58Would you like some knee pads?
13:00I'm sorry?
13:00You're looking at me like you want to suck my hog.
13:04So I'm asking if you would like some knee pads.
13:07Take it easy, I'm a little guy.
13:09You brought me Stan Edgar.
13:12Thank you, sir.
13:19Thank you, sir.
13:34Barry Gibb.
13:34B-G.
13:35There's no B-G's without me.
13:37B-G means the brother is a Gibb.
13:39What, you think that falsetto makes you boss?
13:41I think Saturday Night Fever going platinum sixteen times makes me boss.
13:44We made that album together.
13:46Nothing without me and Maurice.
13:48Don't you dare bring me into this.
13:51I don't know, it feels inauthentic for Barry to move like this.
13:54Oh, yeah?
13:57In what way?
13:59Egomaniacs like Barry are really just insecure.
14:02I think he's threatened by Robin's talent.
14:04So maybe he expresses that by doing a barrel roll instead.
14:11Never mind. Sorry. I broke character. I didn't mean to.
14:13Yeah.
14:14You need to apologize, all right?
14:17For being a fucking genius.
14:20Are you fucking kidding me? A barrel roll?
14:22Holy shit.
14:25It's brilliant.
14:27Justin, I don't know who you are or where you came from or anything about you,
14:31but my God, if you are not a fucking talent.
14:35Well, thank you.
14:35No.
14:39Let's take ten, everybody.
14:43All right.
14:46Lay it on me, Justin.
14:47What do you mean?
14:48You're acting up there. Stop acting.
14:51Stop acting.
14:54Don't act.
14:55Don't.
14:56Because I don't need an actor.
14:59I need Barry Gipp.
15:00You're right, boss. I'm sorry.
15:02My process has been all over the map.
15:04It just...
15:04This thing is a little close to home.
15:08All right.
15:08Let me guess the egomaniac we're talking about that's someone in your life.
15:11Someone I work with.
15:12In my day job.
15:14All right. What are you doing so quit?
15:16There's no way this gig is more important than the fucking theater.
15:17I thought this guy was my brother.
15:19But he should have hijacked something I did and took all the credit for it.
15:23All right.
15:25I've been trying to keep this on the DL, but...
15:28In addition to my theater work, I also happen to be a massive feature director.
15:33For Saturn Wars to prove it.
15:34So I was working on this little film.
15:36I don't know. You may have heard of it called Dawn of the Seven.
15:38Billy Dollar Gross, but who's counting?
15:41There was this fucking guy.
15:43The Deep.
15:44He just kept upstaging everyone with his trite, shitty improvs.
15:49I heard he's a real baby.
15:50He's a Jared Leto-level baby bitch.
15:53But you've got to put people like that in their place, right?
15:56So whoever's upstaging you, you fucking upstage them right back.
16:00Okay?
16:00Yeah.
16:01All right.
16:02You got this, Gubbala.
16:05Hey, perfect.
16:07Peace, peace, peace.
16:07So great you're here, bro?
16:08I'm a big, big, big.
16:09Yes.
16:10Well, we need to meet young men where they are if we plan to usher them into the fold of
16:15our lord.
16:15Toots my goats.
16:17So listen, you know, I've got some ideas about how to take this whole church thing to the next level.
16:21Oh, yeah?
16:22So you know how communion wafers taste like dried shit?
16:26What if they were Nilla wafers instead, huh?
16:30Oh, yeah.
16:31And if you could throw in a commandment about how it's not cool to try and bone another bro's girl.
16:36We have that.
16:38That already exists.
16:39Great minds then, eh?
16:41Point is, me and homeowner, we go way back.
16:43I know what he likes, doesn't like, so you ever want to bounce my ideas back?
16:46Don't listen to him, bro.
16:48Oh, shit.
16:50He talks.
16:51No, he does not.
16:52He's not trying to help you.
16:53He's like those fish who suck on whales.
16:55He's talking about a sucker fish?
16:56He latches onto every new soup.
16:58Starlight, me, sage.
17:00He pretends he's the guy, but he's not the guy.
17:02He's a joke.
17:03That smell in his breath?
17:04It's because he's been clam diving.
17:06On clams.
17:06What?
17:07I have not done that.
17:08I have definitely never done that.
17:10Look, if you really want to impress Homelander, bring me on stage for Easter.
17:13Homelander can heal me.
17:14I'll get my voice back.
17:15And then I'll fly.
17:17You know I can fly, right?
17:18That's so fucking stupid, bro.
17:20Well, now, I'm going to have to run this by Homelander, but in honest-to-God faith healing,
17:24that's like a nine-point bump with Pentecostals right there.
17:29God damn.
17:44There's my guy.
17:46Little pep in the step, huh?
17:49Sir, I did what you said, and I upstaged that bucket at work.
17:53I'm proud of you.
17:54Now, that's exactly how I handled that motherfucker, Paul Rudd.
17:57He's not who you think he is.
17:58I appreciate that, boss.
18:00You bring-
18:01Oh, my God, kid.
18:02You know what?
18:02Keep this between us, bud.
18:04You know of a lot of studios hung you out to dry after they shelved training a-train?
18:08Oh, yeah.
18:09And at first I drowned my sorrows in crack.
18:12Nitrous, huffing glue, huffing paint, paint thinners, cough medicine, guns, high-risk sex, codeine.
18:17Did you ever fuck on codeine?
18:20But that's not the answer.
18:23This play.
18:26It saved me.
18:27You saved me.
18:29Wow.
18:31No.
18:32Kid, thank you.
18:34Because I got some big news.
18:36We're going to Broadway.
18:37Yes.
18:38No more mindless studio bullshit.
18:40I can finally be the artist I just dreamed of.
18:41And you.
18:42Kid, you have no idea, but you're going to be a fucking star.
18:45So you ditch that office, kid, because you and I, we are going to save the world with our talent.
18:52Oh, my God.
18:52You have no idea how much this means to me.
18:55Oh.
18:56I love you, kid.
18:59You start your vocal warm-ups.
19:02Yeah.
19:02I'm going to drop a juice.
19:04Okay.
19:09I fucking told me to go away.
19:23I'm going to drop a juice.
19:31God.
19:35Come here.
19:38Close there.
19:44My ass hurts so fucking much.
20:08Hey, bro.
20:09Don't you fucking hate bro me.
20:10What the fuck is wrong with you?
20:13Nothing.
20:14Why?
20:14What's wrong with you?
20:15I call you a clam diver, and you send an eel to ass-murder Adam Bork?
20:18Did something terrible happen at your play rehearsal today?
20:20Which is definitely not your job.
20:22The lead producer's stepping away.
20:24They're shuttering the production.
20:25Get it coming.
20:27Fucker didn't use my improvs in Dawn of the Seven.
20:29He believed in me, you fuckwit.
20:30And for what?
20:31Because I fucking upstaged you with O-Father?
20:35This is going to happen now.
20:36You are going to fucking do whatever I say, whenever I say it.
20:40I'm going to kill Home Lander.
20:41You are in some pussy play.
20:43Which is a definite conflict of interest, since Home Lander outlawed the National Endowment for the Arts.
20:49You have nothing to say.
20:52Nice.
20:53We'll get the hang of that miser technique, huh?
21:03Hey, buddy.
21:04Good boy.
21:06Good boy.
21:10You want to fuck me?
21:12You want to fuck me like a good boy?
21:30Hold on.
21:32What are you doing?
21:33Frenchie won't cook my steak past medium rare.
21:35And I like mine burnt with ketchup.
21:37Okay, and why are you telling them that?
21:38I have.
21:40Maybe we just don't like the same steak.
21:44You know?
21:47Jesus Christ.
21:49Has Butcher ever washed this thing?
21:51That thing is like glazed in dog semen.
21:53Like a cum donut.
21:55Cum nut?
21:55Did I just invent a new word?
21:57You know what?
21:57I'm going to do a still a favor and wash this.
21:59Terror, your boyfriend is about to become a virgin all over again.
22:03Good boy.
22:21What the fuck is that?
22:23You finally building yourself a fuckbot?
22:25Sorry, me and Frenchie working on it.
22:28Preparation?
22:28I'm planning my son.
22:29I'm in my fucking business.
22:30Got it.
22:31Yeah, that's the one.
22:32And he leaves on bum sight.
22:33Not a damn thing.
22:34He's an unbreakable cum that flies through the air.
22:36How old can it be?
22:37Well, it was so easy.
22:39Why don't you look for him?
22:40I've had every single dead end and then some.
22:42How about legend?
22:43That old bastard knows everyone.
22:45He's in the wind.
22:46If I had as much shit on Vidas he did, I'd fuck off too.
22:50Oh, shit.
22:50Wait, wait, wait.
22:51Wait, Tara.
22:52No.
22:53Hey, get down.
22:53No, Tara.
22:54Wait, wait, wait, wait.
22:55No.
22:56You can't have no chocolate, man.
22:58Yeah, get your own chocolate.
23:05What?
23:06The Mississippi room.
23:07Bloody hell.
23:08I never thought I'd see the guy.
23:10It's got a fucking pubic ear on it.
23:11I know.
23:11Tasty, too.
23:13Hmm?
23:16You know what's funny?
23:18Here we are.
23:20Parked in the middle of hell.
23:21And I've never slept or shit so good my entire life.
23:25What's different?
23:26Hmm?
23:26Like you, I just finally realized that I'm already dead.
23:31And once I just gave up that stress of needing to stay alive, it's like, shit got easier.
23:39I spent my whole life going after Soulja Boy for what he did to my family.
23:44Yet, he's immortal.
23:47He's immune.
23:49What kind of fucking cosmic joke is that?
23:52So you tell me, Butcher.
23:54Why should I keep going?
23:56Well, you keep going from the name to your name.
24:00They're better off without me.
24:01How can a man so smart be so fucking daft?
24:04They are.
24:05And I'm better off without them.
24:08Because if I thought that there was a snowball's chance in hell, then I might see him again.
24:15Then I might be too scared to do what you and me both need me to do.
24:37Oh, bonsoir, mon tutu.
24:40You wonder what am I doing?
24:42Well, first, I made Kimiko the perfect French rebuy.
24:48You know, she loves my steak.
24:51And for dessert, my souffle en chocolat.
24:55It's a thing of legend.
25:03You know, she wants one of you, too.
25:06I don't know.
25:07What is it that you do?
25:10Eat, sleep, or fetch?
25:13Ha, ha.
25:14I stir the wall.
25:15You bring it back.
25:16I stir the wall.
25:17You bring it back.
25:19It's a nightmare of futility.
25:21What would I do with one of you?
25:24I've killed every plant I've owned.
25:26I'll surely kill you, too.
25:32She deserves peace.
25:36A normal life.
25:39But I...
25:44I don't know how to give her this.
25:49If I even can.
26:07I need fresh air.
26:09You want to come?
26:10Outside?
26:11No?
26:13Okay.
26:18If you and M.M. still think...
26:20Oh, for fuck's sake, Huey.
26:21You knock it off with this V1 strike.
26:22You're doing me fucking head in.
26:25Oi.
26:26Terror.
26:27Cut it out.
26:28Come on.
26:29Now, listen.
26:29If we do find that stuff,
26:30we're not making any fucking vaccines out of it, all right?
26:33We're not the Department of Fucking Health.
26:34We burn this shit before only anyone gets his paws on it,
26:36and that's sad.
26:37Well, if you want to kill yourself,
26:38knock yourself out,
26:39but why do you have to decide for the rest of us?
26:40Oh, because I'm fucking right.
26:42Because I've always been right.
26:43I've been telling you lot,
26:44from the fucking start,
26:45the sky has fallen.
26:47And guess what?
26:48The sky fucking fell.
26:49Well, you kind of helped bring it down.
26:50Oh, don't give me that bollocks.
26:52Listen.
26:52Homelander thinks he's a fucking god.
26:55Once he becomes a mortal,
26:56he's going to start killing like one,
26:58and we are talking millions of people.
27:00Now, are you telling me
27:01you're honestly happy
27:02to risk all of that
27:03for a life on the run with your girl,
27:06knowing
27:07that you could have stopped it?
27:11You can live with that, can't you?
27:14What if it was Becca?
27:18You just let her die?
27:24Oh, it's a little doll.
27:27Look.
27:28I know that Homelander comes first.
27:31I really do.
27:32All I'm asking
27:33is that we try.
27:36Annie and Kimiko deserve that much.
27:41Oi, Sarah, no!
27:43Oi, get out of there!
27:44Oh, bloody hell.
27:45Is that chocolate?
27:46Isn't chocolate bad for dogs?
27:47For a dog, this soda's fucking lethal.
27:49Oi, freshie, you cunt!
27:50Get me some hydrogen peroxide, would ya?
27:52We have some in the first day,
27:53take it, give me one second.
27:54What happened?
27:55You poisoned me fucking folk!
27:57No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
27:59All you need is chocolate.
28:00We should call that.
28:01They're going to tell you you need chocolate.
28:02Guys, we got this, just give us some room.
28:03I'll hold this mouth over.
28:04You pull, right?
28:05On the count of three.
28:06One, two, three.
28:07Sorry, buddy.
28:09There you go.
28:11That's all right, all right.
28:15Oh, I see, man.
28:17That's a good boy, all right.
28:18You're going to be all right, boy.
28:21Fuckin' hell.
28:26Hey, you want some turkey?
28:30Well, first you gotta fuck me,
28:33then I'll give you the turkey.
28:39Oi.
28:42There he is, eh?
28:44Oi, hey, were you having a dream, were you?
28:46Was it a goodie?
28:50How's he doing?
28:52Yeah, he's all right.
28:54Thank you for, uh...
28:57Yeah.
28:58It's all good.
29:08Oi.
29:10Joey.
29:14Listen, uh...
29:15If we do find that B1,
29:18and if it don't fuck us,
29:21you can have some.
29:25For any, you know.
29:27Come eat on.
29:28What about you?
29:32Oi, but as soon as Frenchie's got that shite sorted,
29:35we're using that, all right?
29:36Ready or not?
29:49What you looking at?
29:52Nothing.
29:57Well, as for you,
29:58don't you ever fucking do that to me again, all right?
30:01Good boy.
30:03Now,
30:04I caught Blondie trying to give you a make-plush to boil wash,
30:08but I'll know how you love the crunchy bits.
30:10Usually I do want to know how you love those crunchy bits.
30:12Yeah.
30:24You do realize
30:25this kind of sudden religious upheaval
30:28is likely to generate widespread civil unrest.
30:30Local law can handle the suburbs,
30:31but we could use extra hands in major metros.
30:33But, well,
30:34recall all the superstition overseas.
30:36American heroes should be protecting America,
30:38not who gives the fuck a stand.
30:40Great idea.
30:52Where to?
30:53Brian Analytics.
30:59That was thrilling, wasn't it?
31:02What a bright future we have ahead of us.
31:05It was a real Gucci-only piss party.
31:08Imagine how much more exciting it'll be
31:10when Homelander becomes immortal.
31:14Have you found who you want?
31:18No.
31:19Homelander hasn't gotten anything out of Stan Edgar.
31:22No.
31:23But I haven't had a crack at him yet.
31:34Jesus,
31:35give me a little personal space,
31:36will you, Garth?
31:3824-7 agents must be hard for someone so into scat play.
31:41You realize I do actually work?
31:43I was this close to convincing the FCC
31:44to pull every broadcast license but VNN.
31:47Homelander feels this is more important.
31:51What now?
31:52The president and I stand by this decision.
31:54We need our American soups here in America.
31:57Well, isn't it kind of sorta your fault for being invaded?
32:00You might as well have been wearing a short skirt.
32:02Man, those Ukrainians sure have a fucking mouth on them.
32:05Remember,
32:07you're doing the Lord's work.
32:08Words out.
32:09Vodsock is tanking.
32:10The international markets are in free fall
32:12and you're not the least bit concerned.
32:13It's not about what I think.
32:15It's what the man wants.
32:18It's always what the man wants.
32:24You want a drink?
32:26So we're at the Climate Change Summit in Reykjavik
32:28where the Swiss Chancellor says
32:29we should all race our Gulf Streams.
32:31The amount of CO2 we splooched out,
32:33the air was chewy the next day.
32:35Lolz.
32:40Come on.
32:41What do you want from me, Sage?
32:42What makes you think I want anything from you?
32:43You haven't called me the poster child
32:45for late-term abortion once today.
32:46Truth be told,
32:47you're not the one I want.
32:49I know you know what Homelander's doing.
32:52He's going after the V-1.
32:53Wait, what?
32:54And if he gets any,
32:56he lives forever.
32:57What is V-1?
32:58And what do you mean Homelander lives forever?
33:00I've done what I can
33:01to make sure he doesn't find any.
33:03How do you know about this and I don't?
33:05Have you two been talking without me?
33:07Homelander is an open baby book,
33:09but Soldier Boy is tricky.
33:10I need you to read his mind.
33:11What he knows,
33:12where they're headed next,
33:13and most importantly,
33:14if Soldier Boy is warming up to his sadistic...
33:16Well, glad.
33:18Okay, I'm in.
33:20The fuck you are?
33:21We are not conspiring against Homelander.
33:23Hey, don't forget the Aung San Suu Kyi quote,
33:25Tramp Stamped on Our Ass.
33:26The only real prison is fear.
33:28No, the only real prison is prison.
33:30Ashley,
33:31what do you think happens to you if I die?
33:33I'm not about to risk my neck
33:35because I let an overgrown boil do my thinking for me.
33:38Okay, fine.
33:39Just stay.
33:40Why?
33:40So you can play more mind games?
33:41You gave me your answer.
33:43I heard you.
33:44Now,
33:45don't make me drink alone.
33:49I'm starving.
33:50Are you starving?
33:51I'd kill for a chalupa right now.
33:53I'd kill for a big juicy dick.
33:54Oh, you should call Gavin.
33:56His growth was amazing.
33:57And oh man,
33:57the amount of spunk he shot back here.
33:59We looked like Pepe Le Pew.
34:00We are not booty calling my high school boyfriend.
34:02But he was so sweet.
34:03And mom loved him, remember?
34:05Yeah, well, mom's dead,
34:05so she doesn't get a say.
34:07And neither do you.
34:07What happened to her?
34:09Cancer.
34:10My grandmother, too.
34:12What was she like?
34:13Your mother.
34:15Tiny.
34:17I'm terrifying.
34:18This one bitch, Harper Hewitt,
34:20used to make fun of my nose.
34:21So my mom tells Mr. Hewitt
34:23that Mrs. Hewitt
34:24has been railing the UPS guy,
34:26which she was.
34:27That was mom.
34:28Bringing a nuke to a knife fight.
34:33So they moved.
34:34And the rest of kindergarten was no sweat.
34:36My folks shot me out with V,
34:39thinking I'd be a meal ticket.
34:40And then my power turned out to be smarts.
34:43Which is the worst fucking one.
34:44Try knowing what everyone really thinks of you all day.
34:46Ooh, trust me.
34:47The thing people hate more than just about anything
34:51is feeling stupid.
34:52So when a three-year-old corrects her grammar,
34:55or, oh, tells them
34:56their life dream yogurt shop
34:58is doomed to fail,
34:59they start to hate you, too.
35:01At least my parents did.
35:02Until they don't meet my grandmas.
35:04But grandma,
35:06you know, she was the only one
35:06who ever thought it was a gift.
35:09I would quote Othello to her,
35:11word for word,
35:12and, and...
35:13She'd clap.
35:15And laugh her big laugh.
35:19I'm still so pissed sheet is gone.
35:23I used to want to be like my mom.
35:26Strong.
35:27Pushy as fuck.
35:29Didn't take shit from anyone.
35:30You still can.
35:32If you help me.
35:36Fuck you.
35:37You knew about my mom the whole time.
35:39You drew it out of me
35:40just to soften me up.
35:41Did it work?
35:42No.
35:42This is my fucking problem with you.
35:44I know you've been working
35:45some big plan all year.
35:46How am I supposed to trust you
35:47if I'm just a pawn
35:48in your fucked up chess game?
35:50All right.
35:51If I tell you?
35:53Will you help me?
35:54I would heavily consider it.
35:56Helping Homelander
35:57take control of the country
35:58is phase one.
35:59It was only ever the beginning.
36:01Phase two is the end.
36:02The end of what?
36:03The world.
36:05After this soup-killing virus
36:07is released.
36:07Wait, you want it released?
36:09Oh, you bet I do.
36:11After soups realize
36:12humans are behind it,
36:14all hell will break loose.
36:15Soups butchering humans.
36:17Virus butchering soups.
36:18Oh, fucking World War soup.
36:20I don't believe you.
36:21Swear on my grandma's soul.
36:23Why would you possibly want that?
36:25Because I'll be watching
36:26for my cozy bunker
36:27outside Colorado Springs.
36:28And when it's all over,
36:30I can read all day every day.
36:33No one bothering me.
36:36Nothing.
36:36But peace and quiet forever.
36:40Which is why
36:41Homelander can't survive.
36:43That needy asshole
36:44would never give me
36:44a moment's rest.
36:46It defeats the whole purpose.
36:48Don't worry.
36:49You're invited to my bunker.
36:51You too, Ash.
36:55Fuck.
36:59Would you like some knee pads?
37:01Sorry.
37:01What?
37:02You're looking at me
37:02like you want to suck my hog.
37:06So I'm asking you
37:07if you would like some knee pads.
37:09Go easy on the little guy.
37:11You brought me a stand-up.
37:12Thank you, sir.
37:13You may leave.
37:24What crawled up your shithole.
37:25No idea what you mean.
37:27When you're pissy,
37:29you tend to make
37:30everybody else's lives
37:31pissy too.
37:32Stan Edgar,
37:33still stonewalling you.
37:35I've talked to him
37:35three times, now.
37:36Says he has no idea
37:37where the V1 is.
37:38Heart rate,
37:39steady as a rock.
37:40I'm some W.
37:41That slippery fuck
37:42used to fetch my cocaine.
37:46You know what?
37:48I have an idea.
37:51Why don't I take a crack at him?
37:54What, you don't trust me?
37:56Well,
37:57you did lock me in a room
37:58with nuclear material
37:59and tried to stop me
38:01getting to V1,
38:02so I'm sure you can understand
38:04my hesitance.
38:06You could have killed me
38:07at Fort Harmony,
38:08but you didn't.
38:09Maybe I feel like I owe you.
38:10I'm going to be lying.
38:11Maybe.
38:17Give me an hour.
38:19I'll meet you at it yourself.
38:30My, my.
38:31Now the mighty
38:31have fucked themselves
38:33square in the ass.
38:35Don't shit where you eat, Stan.
38:37So you've called in reinforcement?
38:38I wanted to see the prick
38:39that sold me out to the Reds.
38:41It wasn't personal.
38:42It was a business decision.
38:43We had your replacement model
38:44on the way.
38:45Even as a toddler,
38:47Homelander showed more promise
38:48than you ever did.
38:50Not that it amounted to much.
38:52When have you ever done anything
38:56remotely interesting or original?
38:58My power is absolute, Stan.
39:02At heights no one's even dreamed of.
39:05I call that pretty fucking original.
39:07Nothing that the lowest speck
39:08of this pointless species
39:10couldn't have thought of
39:11were they to be granted
39:12your level of power.
39:14Why am I still alive?
39:17Because you're useful, Stan.
39:20And I always wanted a pat, perhaps.
39:23Or is it because
39:24you are so desperate
39:25for daddy figures
39:26that you can't even bring yourself
39:28to kill the ones
39:29who hate you?
39:30At least that's something
39:31he and I have in common.
39:33Do you want to die, Stan?
39:40Jesus, you'd get pregnant
39:42with all the eye-fucking...
39:44Tempe, Arizona.
39:46Is that supposed to mean something?
39:48Well, I had the eggheads
39:49and crime analytics
39:50track down your granddaughter,
39:52Zoe, and her dad.
39:54They're in Tempe, Arizona.
39:59So, where is the V1?
40:04As I told you,
40:05I genuinely don't know.
40:12But,
40:14I may know someone who does.
40:16You should go and see
40:17Mr. Maramond in L.A.
40:19He's always had
40:20an intense interest
40:22in Vaught's history.
40:24It should be
40:25a delightful reunion.
40:29Hooray for Hollywood!
40:32That's screwy ballyhoo-y Hollywood!
40:35Go out and try your luck!
40:36You might be Donald Duck!
40:38Hooray for Hollywood!
40:40Homelander,
40:41it's really, uh,
40:41really good to see you.
40:42Um, why?
40:43But, uh,
40:43what brings you by?
40:44Relax.
40:45We're just there to talk.
40:46Yeah, great.
40:47Awesome.
40:47I told you about you.
40:48Wow.
40:48Big fan, sir.
40:49I actually, uh,
40:50popped my cherry in your underoos.
40:52Nice.
40:53So you were part of the seven?
40:54Oh, I was.
40:55I was.
40:55You know,
40:56until this one replaced me
40:57with a train.
40:58Check it out.
40:58Come on.
40:59Well, you're only
41:00the world's fastest man
41:01as long as you're
41:02the world's fastest man,
41:03champ,
41:03and you got slow.
41:04It was one race.
41:05Never gave me the chance
41:06to win it back, boss.
41:11Hey, check this one out.
41:13Gross 35 mil.
41:14On a 200 million dollar budget.
41:16These aren't even VOD films.
41:17What's the difference?
41:18These were made
41:18where washed up soups
41:19go to die.
41:21Sony Pictures TV.
41:22It's a legit studio.
41:23And I save half
41:24on their TVs.
41:25And maybe we're not part
41:26of the official ECU
41:27and maybe we can't
41:28mention VOD
41:29or, you know,
41:29any licensed VOD hero.
41:31But, hey,
41:32still making magic.
41:34Yeah, and I, uh,
41:35I slung a little bit
41:35on the side
41:36and flow pills.
41:37I was like,
41:37wherever you need.
41:38Fastest dealer in town.
41:39All right, come on.
41:40The gang will be
41:40psyched to meet you.
41:46Did you guys hear
41:47the rounded-up
41:47Aziz, Macaulay,
41:49Joaquin, Kiefer,
41:50Meryl?
41:50I saw who they got,
41:51Benedict.
41:52Wong or Cumberbatch?
41:53Oh, fuck.
41:53I know, dude.
41:54What the fuck,
41:55Malchemical?
41:55Get your boys in check, huh?
41:56Just because I'm a suit
41:57doesn't mean I truck
41:58in that fascist shit.
41:59We need to do something.
42:00Counterpoint.
42:00Why?
42:01Because we're storytellers, dude.
42:02Yeah.
42:03Our superpower
42:03is we inspire hearts
42:05and minds.
42:05Look at the characters
42:06we create.
42:06Luke Skywalker, Katniss,
42:08Condi.
42:09Oh, bitch, please.
42:09Come on, like Mark Hamill,
42:11J-Law, and Sir Ben Kingsley
42:12do anything
42:13but collect
42:13their fucking residuals.
42:15They're very engaged.
42:16Look, here's what we do.
42:17We all post about this
42:19simultaneously
42:19on Instagram.
42:20Yes.
42:21Black squares
42:21on the main feed.
42:22Black Lives Matter
42:23did black squares.
42:24Fuck.
42:24You're right.
42:25We do blue squares
42:26on the grid.
42:26Because blue lives matter.
42:27I wouldn't post that.
42:28Is there any color
42:29that hasn't been taken
42:30by some fucking group?
42:31What about white?
42:32Brown.
42:33Oh, ooh, ooh.
42:34I'll get Lena Dunham
42:35to write an editorial
42:36for The Atlantic.
42:37Oh, yeah.
42:37That'll really make it.
42:38She's a great writer.
42:40She's very persuasive.
42:41Whatever fuck sticks.
42:42Look, best day of my life
42:43was when they executed Hader.
42:45Right?
42:45More offer onlys
42:46for the forte.
42:47Hey, do you think
42:48Michael Cera's the starlighter?
42:49Because we're up
42:49at the same part right now
42:50and it'd be pretty good
42:51if you got Vantish.
42:51You've been friends
42:52with him for 20 years, Chris.
42:53Yeah, but I really
42:54need this part, man.
42:55Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
42:57What's up?
42:58Homelander.
42:58Soldier Boy.
42:59Wow.
42:59I'm Will.
43:01Remember me?
43:01I'm the one
43:02who turned in Channing Tatum.
43:06Seth Rogen.
43:07We actually met once before
43:08with Black Noir
43:09at the premiere
43:09for Sound of Vengeance 3,
43:10Vengeance Reloaded.
43:13Big fan.
43:14I'm actually testifying
43:15in front of Congress
43:15for you, you know,
43:16outing suspected starlighters.
43:17Spoiler alert.
43:18Post Malone.
43:20You need to get the fuck
43:21away from me right now.
43:22You bet, yeah.
43:24We came here
43:25looking for something.
43:26Well, you know enough
43:27if you want.
43:29Come to the right place.
43:38Here you go.
43:42Oh, yeah.
43:43Vogue yanked out
43:43one from the newsstands
43:44after Kent State.
43:47Good times.
43:48How'd you end up with it?
43:49Some old bitch on eBay.
43:50I paid 20 bucks.
43:51I mean,
43:52it'd go for half a mil
43:53at auction.
43:53Easy.
44:01Yeah, Dr. Vogue was
44:03a titan.
44:04A visionary.
44:05He was a pansy.
44:06The German accent
44:07and sweaty palms.
44:08He was a complicated guy.
44:17Do you
44:18or do you not
44:19have V1?
44:22I don't.
44:23But Bombside does.
44:24He does.
44:26That piece of shit's
44:27still alive.
44:27Yeah.
44:28He was my best customer
44:29for a long time.
44:30What makes you think
44:30he has it?
44:31One night,
44:31he was tweaked
44:32out of his gourd
44:32and he told me
44:33he has some
44:34and I believe him.
44:34Where is he?
44:35Me and Bombside
44:35are so cool.
44:36Why don't we all
44:36just hang out
44:37for a second
44:38and I'll call him.
44:38He'll fly right over.
44:47Let's get this up
44:47in Bogota
44:48where you're
44:48taking the best.
44:49I mean for the
44:50soldier boy?
44:51Nothing but the best.
44:58Oh, no.
44:59I actually hate weed.
45:00I just pretend
45:01to like it
45:01from my brand
45:02so I can sell
45:02ashtrays to suckers.
45:06Yo, Homelander.
45:08You want to hit this?
45:10It is my life goal
45:11to smoke you out, homie.
45:15Don't call me that.
45:18Homelander,
45:19it's good to see you again.
45:23Do I know you?
45:24Yeah, we met
45:25like six times.
45:27Malchemical,
45:27make deadly gases,
45:29did that whole campaign
45:30with gas sex.
45:34That's embarrassing.
45:36Homelander's still
45:37as weird as he was
45:37when I was there.
45:39Well, I wasn't there
45:39back then, but
45:40yes.
45:41Let's get this one.
45:42One time,
45:43at Ledoux,
45:43Misha Barton
45:44wanted to suck him off,
45:45right?
45:45He spent two hours
45:46talking to her
45:46about Niji
45:47then left
45:48when she stepped
45:48on his cape.
45:49Oh, that fucking cape.
45:51Like a baby
45:51with a blanket.
45:52Pretty sure he jerks
45:53off into it.
45:54Probably why it's so stiff.
45:55Say that again.
45:59Oh, can't you
46:00take a fucking joke?
46:04Say it again.
46:07If not as much.
46:08If Mom's eye's
46:09not coming,
46:09I'm leaving.
46:10He's on his way.
46:10Be here any minute.
46:11I swear.
46:15I'm done.
46:18Oh, shit.
46:19By the way,
46:20wait!
46:21I heard you all.
46:22And I want you all to know
46:23that very soon,
46:25gentlemen,
46:25you are going to pay
46:26for your sick posts
46:28and your hateful memes.
46:30Especially the memes.
46:34No, no, no, no.
46:35It was Camille
46:36and Seth's idea.
46:36What?
46:37Fuck you, Forte.
46:37He was fucking his idea, man.
46:39If he had just
46:40stuck in your dick
46:40so you could help
46:41his shitty fucking career.
46:42Take them, okay?
46:43Shit, I'll take them
46:43out for you right now.
46:44Oh, really?
46:44Yeah.
46:44You want to take me, bitch?
46:45I'm fucking yoked.
46:46No, no, no.
46:46Really?
46:47Okay, Forte.
46:47You make of this work?
46:48Stop!
46:49Everybody stop!
46:50He really should
46:51held up Michael Cera.
46:54I'll let her
46:56Sorry, quick question.
46:57What?
46:58Oh, for fuck's sake.
47:05Who's memorable now?
47:06What the fuck?
47:07Easy, easy, easy.
47:08Can we fuck off, please?
47:09Shut up, MacGruber.
47:10Everything's cool.
47:11Hey, man.
47:11We don't have a problem with you.
47:12Honest.
47:12But, but, but, but,
47:13fuck this fucking guy.
47:14You know, he fucked my life.
47:16If you help us get rid of him,
47:17then we all win.
47:18And you, you can have the seven.
47:20And I don't even, like,
47:21really care if you bring me back
47:22or whatever.
47:23I don't need to kill him
47:23to get the seven.
47:24No, yeah, of course not.
47:25What about all that creepy shit
47:26he's doing with that church?
47:27I mean, they're rounding up
47:28everybody cool.
47:29All the hookers,
47:30the drug dealers.
47:31They want to ban porn.
47:32I mean, they want to ban
47:33fucking abortions.
47:34Okay, well, banning abortion
47:35wouldn't be a big problem
47:36for me personally.
47:37Exactly, for all of us.
47:38So if we kill him,
47:40we can stop worrying
47:41about being cops
47:41or gods
47:42or asexual weirdos.
47:44You know, we can go back
47:45to fucking
47:45and being fucking awesome.
47:48Look, we know you've got
47:49that fucked up chest blast thing.
47:50I mean, I was at Hero Gas
47:51and I saw it.
47:52Just finish him now.
47:53Take away his powers
47:54so we can curb stomp him
47:55while we have the chance.
48:03He is a fucking asexual weirdo.
48:05Yeah, yeah.
48:07But as much as it pains me
48:08to say this,
48:10he's my fucking asexual weirdo.
48:15No one fucks my son but me.
48:18What?
48:19That came out wrong.
48:21No!
48:21Gah!
48:24Ow!
48:30Oh!
48:31Oh, fuck!
48:33Oh, fuck!
48:35Oh, fuck!
48:38Oh, fuck!
48:40Damn it, Trey,
48:41I need to stick to acting
48:42and up top of those
48:42fuck my shit.
48:44Soldier boy!
48:48911, what's your emergency?
48:50Yeah, please send police right now.
48:51I don't know the address.
48:52I don't know the address.
48:53Do you know the address?
48:53I don't know the address.
48:54Oh, fuck.
48:55Fuck.
48:56Don't kill us.
48:56Shut up.
48:56Shut up.
48:57I'm not gonna kill you.
48:58I'm gonna get you out of here
48:59but you need to do
49:00exactly as I say.
49:07Go!
49:07Go!
49:08Go!
49:12Fuck!
49:21No!
49:22No!
49:29What's he doing to me?
49:31Seth?
49:33Fuck!
49:34Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
49:35This isn't bad.
49:36Uh, well, uh...
49:38I...
49:38I didn't mean to.
49:39Uh, I wanted to...
49:41It's gonna be okay.
49:42I'll remember you
49:43every time
49:44I watch an American Pickle.
49:46What?
50:25Does Bombside really have it?
50:28Fuck you!
50:29I'm gonna rip your balls off and stuff them down your throat.
50:31That'd be like trying to shove two grapefruits through a garden hose.
50:34Does Bombside have the V1?
50:39Yes, yes, okay, yes.
50:41The Bombside is a wonderful fucking god, man.
50:43He's got it.
50:43Where is he?
50:44I don't know.
50:45Where the fuck is he?
50:45I don't know.
50:46I haven't talked to him in like five years.
50:47I swear to God.
50:48Please.
51:00What happened?
51:02I took care of it.
51:06Why?
51:08Because fuck them.
51:10That's why.
51:12I don't think this micro prick was lying.
51:14Bombside has the V1.
51:16I'm just gonna find him.
51:18Also, um, I've been fucking firecracker.
51:25But, out of respect for you, that's, uh, that's done.
51:31Plus her pillow talk was, need to be a real drag.
51:36Pillow talk?
51:50Home lander.
51:50Home lander.
52:09How was L.A.
52:12Did you catch Annette's truth bomb?
52:14I did indeed.
52:16And it was a real barn burner.
52:18Well done.
52:18Thank you, sir.
52:19That means the world.
52:22How's sex with my father?
52:26Is he good at it?
52:28Are you thinking about me when you're making love to him?
52:34I never meant to cross a line or offend you.
52:37Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
52:38Don't fret, little one.
52:39I don't care about the sex.
52:41Really.
52:43I do care about your little chats after sex.
52:46Sir, whatever soldier boy told you, I can assure you that I...
52:48You mean your inner turmoil when it comes to me and, uh...
52:55Jesus.
52:56Are you thinking of Jesus when you're praising me?
52:59No, you are my one and only savior.
53:03You say that, but your jagged little heart is wearing like a hummingbird.
53:11You're supposed to worship me.
53:13Love me.
53:15And me alone.
53:17I do.
53:17I believed in you.
53:19Turns out...
53:21You don't believe in me.
53:25I need you to collect your things.
53:28And leave.
53:31But I do believe in you.
53:33I love you.
53:35I am the only one here who ever has.
53:38I gave you everything.
53:40I gave you my soul.
53:42And everybody else here, they're just...
53:43They're just scared of you.
53:45Or they want something from you.
53:47But I have always loved you for you.
53:52Just the strongest, smartest, best man on earth.
53:58Man.
53:59No, no, no, no, no.
54:00God, no.
54:01No, no.
54:01Be God.
54:03My Lord.
54:05That look you used to get when you'd suckle me.
54:08I felt like Mother Mary herself.
54:10I felt blessed.
54:13To nourish someone as important as you.
54:20But nothing I ever did was good enough, was it?
54:23You cast me out of the cold.
54:26Which was so much worse than ever feeling your warmth in the first place.
54:30So all I have been trying to do is to get you to see me the way that you used
54:35to.
54:36Hell, the only reason I was with Soldier Boy was because your reflected light is better than all that at
54:43all.
54:44Please, sir.
54:48I love you.
54:49We all need love, don't we?
54:53Even God.
54:56It's just it.
55:12What?
55:17Well,
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