- 6 hours ago
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🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:19Piano music
00:02:51Yes, speaking.
00:02:53What?
00:02:56Poor old Stark.
00:02:58What about his formula?
00:03:01Damn!
00:03:02I'll get on to it straight away.
00:03:04Yes, sir.
00:03:05I want the chief security officer immediately.
00:03:10She's on the ball.
00:03:12And...
00:03:15And...
00:03:35Oh, thank goodness for that, I thought I'd been filed for life.
00:03:39What the hell are you doing in there, Simpkins?
00:03:41You'll never believe it, Chief.
00:03:42Last night I came in here to put some files away, and some stupid, interfering, over-efficient
00:03:47nit went and slammed the door on me.
00:03:50I was the one who locked up in here last night, Simpkins.
00:03:53Oh.
00:03:53Oh.
00:03:53Oh.
00:03:54Yeah.
00:03:54Yeah, it's, well, a very good job you've made of it, sir, I must say.
00:03:57If everyone was as conscientious as you were, we wouldn't need a secret service, would we?
00:04:02Uh-huh.
00:04:03Haven't you got anything to do?
00:04:04Not enough.
00:04:05After being in there all night...
00:04:06Work, man!
00:04:07Have you got any work to do?
00:04:08Oh, yes, Chief.
00:04:10Oh, yes.
00:04:10Rather, I've got security drill with the trainee agents.
00:04:14You know, that's showing them how to go out on their passes.
00:04:17Well, get on with it, or you'll go out on yours.
00:04:18No, don't be like that, Chief.
00:04:20Get out!
00:04:21All right, all right.
00:04:22I'm going.
00:04:25Oh, look what you've done now, clumsy.
00:04:29Get out!
00:04:31Hi.
00:04:33That's Simpkins.
00:04:34Wish the other side had make him a good offer.
00:04:36You can forget about him, Copley, if you've got something far more disastrous to worry about.
00:04:39Oh, don't say they've forgotten your elevenses again, Chief.
00:04:42Worse than that, this morning, Bilkington Research Establishment was broken into,
00:04:46poor old Stark and half his laboratory blown up,
00:04:48and they got clean away with the formula.
00:04:50What?
00:04:50No need to tell you how dangerous this could be if it got into the wrong hands.
00:04:53But how did they get in?
00:04:54Who was it?
00:04:56Was it...
00:04:57them?
00:04:59Well, it certainly wasn't us.
00:05:01No, no, no.
00:05:01There's only one man capable of masterminding an audacious piece of espionage, I think.
00:05:06Huh?
00:05:07As it happens, Major, you were right for once.
00:05:11One of my agents took Stark's formula,
00:05:14and at midnight tomorrow, it will be in my hands.
00:05:17Trace's call.
00:05:19And as you are no doubt completely baffled as to how he got into Bilkington,
00:05:24I will give you a clue.
00:05:26His name is Milchman.
00:05:29Doesn't he?
00:05:30Milchman.
00:05:32Milchman.
00:05:33Get it?
00:05:34I've got it.
00:05:35Hello?
00:05:36Hello?
00:05:38It's right off.
00:05:39What's it?
00:05:42Dr. Crowe.
00:05:43My God, that devil.
00:05:46Hello?
00:05:47Yes?
00:05:47Oh, well done.
00:05:49Whitehall 66066.
00:05:50We've got him, Chief.
00:05:52Whitehall 66066.
00:05:53Find out the address for that number.
00:05:55Quick.
00:05:55It's all right, Chief.
00:05:56We'll whistle up a few men around there,
00:05:58and with any luck, we'll have him.
00:05:59Hurry!
00:06:00Cobbly.
00:06:01Sir?
00:06:02Whitehall 66066 is our number.
00:06:04Great Scott, sir.
00:06:05Yes, there it is.
00:06:07All right.
00:06:08Scrub that.
00:06:10Fiend crow.
00:06:12Always too clever for us.
00:06:14Come in.
00:06:24Begging you excuse for inrushing like this, Comrade Chief.
00:06:27But here is cord message from Vienna coming.
00:06:30Well, well, well, well.
00:06:33It's all right.
00:06:33Go on.
00:06:34That's all.
00:06:37Not at all sure we're doing the right thing,
00:06:39having foreigners in our coding department.
00:06:42Listen to this, Cobbly.
00:06:44It's from Carstairs, our man in Vienna.
00:06:48Milchman, repeat, Milchman, arrived here by air,
00:06:51repeat air at 10.40, repeat 40.
00:06:53Great Scott, Chief, that's marvelous.
00:06:56Good old Carstairs repeats to air.
00:06:58Right, well, let's see.
00:06:59We've got till midnight tomorrow.
00:07:00I want every available man there as soon as possible.
00:07:03Well, come on, man.
00:07:04What are you waiting for?
00:07:06Well, I don't think there is anybody, sir.
00:07:08What?
00:07:08The way things are in the world today,
00:07:10we're spread pretty thin, you know.
00:07:12Don't be silly.
00:07:13It must be somebody.
00:07:14Well, I know it's scraping the bottom of the barrel,
00:07:17but there is always Simpkins.
00:07:19Scraping the bottom?
00:07:20That's getting underneath it.
00:07:22Still, I suppose beggars can't be choosers.
00:07:24We send some trainee agents with him.
00:07:26Who have we got?
00:07:26What a marvelous idea.
00:07:29Now, let's see.
00:07:30There's, yes, there's...
00:07:31Trainee agent Harold Crump, sir.
00:07:32Number?
00:07:3404733, sir.
00:07:35You look like the sort of man
00:07:36who could take care of yourself in a fight.
00:07:37You done any judo?
00:07:39Well, yes, as a matter of fact,
00:07:40I have, Mr. Simpkins.
00:07:41I was Southern Counties champion for four years running.
00:07:43Really?
00:07:44Yes, and I always use my own counters, you know,
00:07:45little red ones.
00:07:46I used to shake those dice and...
00:07:47No!
00:07:48Whip them!
00:07:48Not judo, not lew-do, you fool.
00:07:51I'm sorry, sir.
00:07:52Trainee agent Daphne Honeybutt, sir.
00:07:55Number?
00:07:56382235.
00:07:57No, your number,
00:07:59not your vital thing-a-me jigs.
00:08:01Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
00:08:03I forgot where I was for the moment.
00:08:04Actually, it's 4711.
00:08:06Have you had any experience?
00:08:08Oh, yes, a little.
00:08:11Hello.
00:08:12Hello.
00:08:13Agent Bind.
00:08:15James?
00:08:16No, Charlie.
00:08:17Number?
00:08:17Double O.
00:08:19Oh.
00:08:19Oh, what?
00:08:20I have no idea.
00:08:22They looked at me and they said,
00:08:23Uh-oh.
00:08:24Oh.
00:08:25Oh, yeah, I see what you mean.
00:08:27Yes.
00:08:28Well, I want you to listen to me very carefully, men,
00:08:31because we are being entrusted
00:08:32with a very important mission here, men.
00:08:35Excuse me, sir?
00:08:36Yes, what is it, Crump?
00:08:37Miss Honeybutt's a woman, sir.
00:08:39I don't need an identity kit to tell me that, Crump.
00:08:42The fact is, in the Secret Service,
00:08:43all personnel are regarded as men.
00:08:46They all take the same risks,
00:08:48they all wear the same clothes,
00:08:49they all eat the same food,
00:08:50they all use the same password.
00:08:53Is that understood?
00:08:54Oh, yes, sir.
00:08:55Don't worry, sir.
00:08:56I'm quite prepared to forget my sex.
00:08:58Well, just so long as the others forget it, too.
00:09:00Now then, men,
00:09:01as I was saying,
00:09:02this mission is liable to be rough and tough.
00:09:04Some of us may not get through.
00:09:07But that's all in the game.
00:09:08Now, here is your essential equipment,
00:09:10containing one fake passport,
00:09:13one set of forged papers,
00:09:15one bogus identity card,
00:09:17counterfeit money,
00:09:18and one set of false eyelashes,
00:09:21all in an imitation leather container.
00:09:25Ah, yes, sir,
00:09:25but they have got a real zip.
00:09:27Yes, well,
00:09:28we haven't perfected a phony one as yet,
00:09:29but we're working on it.
00:09:30Thank you, sir.
00:09:31Right now, men,
00:09:32you will draw your revolvers and holsters
00:09:34and report back here in half an hour.
00:09:36Yes, sir.
00:09:40Mr. Simpkins,
00:09:41you will excuse me,
00:09:43but aren't we going to have
00:09:44one of those trick-a-tasha cases,
00:09:46you know, with a spring lock?
00:09:47You just press a button
00:09:48and out pops a huge knife.
00:09:51No, we had a spot to bother with one of them.
00:09:53One of our agents
00:09:54had to get into a crowded corridor train
00:09:57and had to sit down in his suitcase.
00:10:01How do I look?
00:10:02Oh, smashing, yeah.
00:10:03You look ever so nice.
00:10:04Will you help me on with mine, please?
00:10:06Of course, yes.
00:10:18You'd better just put it in your handbag, Daphne.
00:10:21All right, men,
00:10:22if you're ready.
00:10:25Oh, no.
00:10:27Oh, Mr. Simpkins,
00:10:29I hope we don't have to do much walking.
00:10:31You're not supposed to wear it down there.
00:10:33You'll do yourself a mischief.
00:10:34You're supposed to be up here.
00:10:36See?
00:10:36All ready to get off a slick draw like that, you see?
00:10:40Oh.
00:10:41So make these things the right way round.
00:10:43Oh, Mr. Simpkins,
00:10:44that was wonderful.
00:10:46I'm sure I'll never get my jaws off as slickly as that.
00:10:51Well, I'm sure I need not stress
00:10:52the importance of this mission, chaps.
00:10:54The formula must be got back at all costs.
00:10:56Don't worry, Chief.
00:10:58You can depend on Earth.
00:10:59Well, I'll have to.
00:11:00But make no mistake,
00:11:01you'll be up against tough opposition.
00:11:03Dr. Crow heads a subversive organization
00:11:06known as, um...
00:11:08What was it, Copley?
00:11:09The Society for Total Extinction of Non-Conforming Humans.
00:11:14Commonly known as Stench.
00:11:16You've issued code names, I believe, Simpkins?
00:11:19Oh, yes, sir.
00:11:19I'm Red Admiral.
00:11:22Yellow Peril.
00:11:24Blue Bottle.
00:11:26Well?
00:11:27Brown Cow.
00:11:28Nothing personal, sir.
00:11:30Just luck of the drawer.
00:11:31Oh, well, hard luck, Brown.
00:11:33You only have to use your codename
00:11:34for wireless transmissions and so forth,
00:11:36you know, not socially.
00:11:38Now, here's a complete list of the European offices
00:11:40with the call signs and frequencies
00:11:43which we will memorize and then destroy.
00:11:55Here.
00:11:55You haven't memorized that already?
00:11:57Oh, yes, I have, sir.
00:11:58Why not?
00:11:59Yes, she has.
00:12:00Really, sir.
00:12:01She's got what they call a photographic memory.
00:12:04Photographing memory?
00:12:06You're having me on.
00:12:07I'm not, sir.
00:12:08Go on, Daphne.
00:12:08Tell me what it said.
00:12:10All right, then.
00:12:11Top secret.
00:12:12Call signs and frequencies of European offices.
00:12:15Paris.
00:12:17910 meters.
00:12:18Call sign, La Plume de Matante.
00:12:20Brussels.
00:12:21640 meters.
00:12:22A pound of sprouts.
00:12:25Copenhagen.
00:12:26673 meters.
00:12:28Call sign.
00:12:29Our father.
00:12:30Berlin.
00:12:301,250 meters.
00:12:32Call sign.
00:12:33Up your...
00:12:34Thank you, Chief.
00:12:35She's right.
00:12:36Remarkable.
00:12:37Congratulations, Kyle.
00:12:39Your brand.
00:12:40Remarkable.
00:12:40Well, I told you, didn't I, sir?
00:12:42And that's not all she does, either.
00:12:43I'm sure of it.
00:12:45Well, that's that.
00:12:46You've arranged travel, have you a compliment?
00:12:48Yes, of course, Chief.
00:12:49In order not to attract undue attention, they're going by separate and entirely different routes.
00:12:55Well, naturally.
00:12:56On arrival, they will each be contacted by Carstairs with prearranged code questions and answers.
00:13:02They will then be given their orders.
00:13:03Excellent.
00:13:04Well, that's it, chaps.
00:13:08No need of remains for me to say.
00:13:09Goodbye.
00:13:10Thank you very much indeed, sir.
00:13:11Goodbye.
00:13:12Goodbye and goodbye.
00:13:13Goodbye and goodbye.
00:13:14Goodbye and goodbye.
00:13:15Goodbye and good luck.
00:13:16Goodbye and good luck.
00:13:17Goodbye and good luck.
00:13:18Goodbye.
00:13:19Goodbye.
00:13:20Thank you so much.
00:13:21Goodbye.
00:13:21Goodbye, sir, and good luck.
00:13:22Thank you very much.
00:13:23That's right.
00:13:25But I'm not the one who's going.
00:13:26You are.
00:13:27Get out of here.
00:13:28Yes.
00:13:28Come on.
00:13:29Fear nothing.
00:13:30Goodbye.
00:13:33I just want to say, Chief, you can sleep peacefully.
00:13:36You've chosen the right man for the job.
00:13:37A man with a cool head.
00:13:39A man who knows where he's going.
00:13:42By the way, where are we going?
00:13:44Vienna!
00:13:45Oh, Vienna.
00:13:47Lovely.
00:13:48I've always wanted to see Vienna before I die.
00:13:51With a bit of luck, you'll do both.
00:14:21What's the matter with you?
00:14:23The journey from London to Vienna by diesel locomotive is uncomfortably long.
00:14:28Especially on a train with no corridor.
00:14:33Cafe Mozart, 10 o'clock.
00:14:46The penalty for smuggling in English steak and kidney pudding is very excessive.
00:14:52I have put my English steak and kidney pudding in the next man's case.
00:14:57Cafe Mozart, 10 o'clock.
00:15:00Hässet, 10 o'clock.
00:15:11A no door.
00:15:12A long pesky started it to drink in the next Druid from the late laugh.
00:15:25Can I?
00:15:25Well, we've got some nonsense.
00:15:25Can I please, Of course.
00:15:26Can I please.
00:15:26How did I take a camera?
00:15:26How did I pull out?ynthia
00:15:26now we have come together. A man
00:15:26I'll give you my heart. Good boy.
00:15:27I lose it.
00:15:28If I myself.
00:15:28If it wasn't
00:15:28a two, you've got a house.
00:15:32I'd like a packet of filter-tipped mattress, please.
00:15:35I'm sorry, I've only got filter-tipped boot laces.
00:15:39I cannot smoke those, they make me deaf.
00:15:43Cafe Mozart, 10 o'clock.
00:15:48Oh!
00:15:49Look out, I didn't...
00:15:55Never mind.
00:16:05I'm sorry, I'm afraid I cannot.
00:16:06Schnitzelstrasse, that's right.
00:16:07Now, let me see.
00:16:08First of all, I've got to wait here, and then I've got to...
00:16:12Good evening, darling.
00:16:14You would like to come home and see my fine old Viennese etchings?
00:16:19Beg pardon?
00:16:21You would like to come home and see my fine old Viennese etchings?
00:16:25Oh!
00:16:26I'm sorry, I'm afraid I cannot.
00:16:29Because I had broken my looking-glasses in two different places.
00:16:33About time.
00:16:34Cafe Mozart, 10 o'clock.
00:16:36Here, wait a minute.
00:16:37Where's Carstairs?
00:16:38I am Carstairs.
00:16:45Stop!
00:16:46Move him!
00:16:56Too late, too late, too late I see I was wrong, we did belong, our love was strong.
00:17:11Too late, too late, too late I have no doubt I was blind, out of my mind to lose you,
00:17:27I thought we were just fooling, and so I let you go.
00:17:40Too late, too late, too late, too late I knew, too late I knew, too late I knew, out of
00:17:53my mind.
00:17:53No, no, no, doctor. It has almost been too simple.
00:17:57Yeah, they sent four of their agents after me, but they were too stupid to cause me any trouble.
00:18:02Yeah, yeah, I have it here with me.
00:18:05Good, you've done well. Remain there. The fat man will contact you to arrange the meeting place.
00:18:10Dr. Crowe, don't forget the 50,000. The fat man must have that with him. Otherwise, no formula.
00:18:17I tell you, I know what I'm doing. No, no, you wait here. I'll go in first.
00:18:26Is it all right?
00:18:27No, no, not yet.
00:18:31Oh, I'm so sorry. Clumpy old me.
00:18:36Too tough!
00:18:36Oh, don't be like that.
00:18:38Try not!
00:18:39Oh, anyone would think I was after, just rubbing old papers.
00:18:43All right, you can come in now.
00:18:46Oh, good evening. My cloak. Thank you.
00:18:49May I have your hat, sir?
00:18:51Thank you very much.
00:18:53Thank you, sir.
00:18:55Oh, yeah, dear. Oh, never mind. Hair today. Gone tomorrow.
00:19:03What do we do now, sir?
00:19:05Yes, oh, well, now we'd better split up. You two go in together, and from now on, you don't know
00:19:09me, and I don't know you. Understood?
00:19:12Yes, of course, sir. We don't know who you are.
00:19:15That's right. Mum's the word.
00:19:18Oh, I get it, sir.
00:19:20Come on, Daphne.
00:19:21Well, see you later, Mum.
00:19:23Come on.
00:19:24Come on, Daphne.
00:19:26Come on.
00:19:28Come on.
00:19:30Come on.
00:19:31I've had a phyoo.
00:19:52I've had one.
00:19:52I've had one.
00:19:53I've had one.
00:19:54I've got one.
00:20:05are you looking for a table sir that's right about three feet tall brown coloring wearing a
00:20:09white tablecloth i have one all ready for you herr simpkins this way please
00:20:15there we are wait a minute i can't sit here i don't know these people they don't know me
00:20:21we're complete strangers aren't we that's right mr simpkins that's right mr simpkins
00:20:27um i'm sorry my information must have been wrong have this table here yes that's better thank you
00:20:34there we are
00:20:35in tower
00:21:09no nothing to eat thank you
00:21:13it's all right it's only me what are you doing under there oh i didn't like the look of that
00:21:16head
00:21:17waiter i don't suppose he was mad about your looks either no no you don't understand just
00:21:21now somebody tried to shoot me shoot you where in the schnitzelstrasse oh it sounds like it might be
00:21:26very painful oh no they're not very funny no you're quite right i don't like this let's join the others
00:21:32for a conference yes here here someone just tried to shoot bind you talking to us well of course i'm
00:21:39talking to you well i'm very sorry we're not in the habit of conversing with strangers stop messing
00:21:43about this is serious someone's just trying to kill him and i'm being watched not surprised are they
00:21:48oh and that's not all look at this reserve for party of british agents oh i say do you think
00:21:54they're on to us don't be silly how could they be on to us we don't even look british
00:21:58champagne cocktails with the compliments of the management
00:22:01oh thank you very nice excuse me please testing testing eins zwei drei vier fünf sechs peter peiper
00:22:13picked a peck of pickled pumpernickel danke oh bitter bitter i'm sure what were you talking to the
00:22:21delightful oh who cares my favorite champagne cocktail don't touch those drinks i have a lot
00:22:29there may be something in them well yes there is look i don't mean that cherry you fool uh no
00:22:35listen
00:22:35dear you better let me try it first if there's anything funny i'll soon know i've got very sensitive
00:22:40buds seems all right still i better try yours oh thanks i don't like the look of yours though i'd
00:22:54better
00:22:54try that as well no they're all all right still you can't be too careful in this game
00:23:05dr co just called arrange a meeting place with milchman and collect the formula then dispose of
00:23:12him and proceed to algias's plan you'll take care of the four british agents don't worry they will not
00:23:18leave here alive
00:23:30the magical love mysterious magic of love
00:23:46the magic of love mysterious magic of love i feel it filling me thrilling me willing me up to the
00:23:58heavens above
00:24:01this feeling sublime our hearts are always keep your wits about you see don't let nothing distract you
00:24:10especially women oh they're the worst don't have nothing to do with them have no oh hello
00:24:16it's easy to see if you come closer to me
00:24:22but i'll be unbearable charming that's what i keep telling you see you can't trust no one
00:24:28oh look that was my last one oh i say miss excuse me miss will i have some cigarettes please
00:24:35yes sir here no no not those they're the ones with something in them and they
00:24:40oh no i'll have this one no not that one you won't like those it's all right dear thank you
00:24:44very much
00:24:45that's a good girl did you see that she was trying to give me some dope cigarettes that's why i
00:24:49keep
00:24:49telling you you see you've got to keep your wits about you yes that's right
00:24:56oh look at that oh look there's a message on it
00:25:06where's the compliments of the management you see
00:25:12oh good we have got time for a quick one haven't we
00:25:14just a minute dear i think i'd better taste it
00:25:33i don't like the look of this
00:25:38so if you could create a diversion i'll try and get daphne back to the hotel
00:25:42well that's all right but who's going to get us out of here
00:25:44he's right it's the only way come on
00:25:50oh well done mr simpson
00:26:06let me see first aid shock
00:26:12keep the patient warm keep the patient warm
00:26:15warm at all costs and loosen clothing loosen clothing completely
00:26:19oh oh what are you doing it's all right it's all right daphne i'm just loosening your clothing
00:26:24oh what yeah well you you've had a very nasty shock you see there was something in your drink
00:26:29oh oh yes yes i remember now we just got that message
00:26:35leave us warehouse at midnight
00:26:36come on we'd better go
00:26:38oh no daphne no you've had a very nasty shock dear you must stay here and keep loose
00:26:42i mean you must stay here and keep warm you see i mean the others will go it's all right
00:26:48yeah but say something's happened to them
00:26:49oh well i suppose i'd better go then
00:26:54yes yes i suppose you had better go
00:26:58thanks for looking after me harold
00:26:59oh that's right daphne
00:27:03it was nothing really i loved looking after
00:27:07i'd better go i'd better go daphne
00:27:09i'm coming chief
00:27:45hello hello anyone there
00:27:48hello anyone there
00:27:51hello
00:27:53hello
00:27:58hello
00:27:59hello
00:28:05hello
00:28:12hello
00:28:13hello
00:28:13hello
00:28:14hello
00:28:18hello
00:28:25hello
00:28:26hello
00:28:43Good night.
00:28:57Jack, there's someone there. Is it Carstairs?
00:29:00No, it's a small man standing on one leg.
00:29:02Probably Milchman.
00:29:04All right, Bind, leave him to me.
00:29:07I don't want any arguments about this.
00:29:09I'm gonna get that dirty rat.
00:29:12He's mine.
00:29:13Do you understand?
00:29:14Mine.
00:29:15You're welcome, I'm sure. I don't want him.
00:29:17Ooh, coward.
00:29:24Oh!
00:29:25Ooh, I haven't done that since I played cricket last.
00:29:30Ooh, it's agony.
00:29:31Well, I'm not surprised. This is an iron post.
00:29:33Well, how was I to know?
00:29:36Ooh, what is done to my pistol? Look at this.
00:29:39Well, it'll come in handy when you have to shoot round corners.
00:29:42Yeah, no, stop messing about. Come on.
00:29:45Where are we going to?
00:29:46Inside, of course.
00:29:47Ah, but haven't we better wait for Harold to come?
00:29:49No, the message said midnight, and it's past that now.
00:29:53Oh, no.
00:29:53This is locked.
00:30:02You'll have to give me a leg up.
00:30:04Yes.
00:30:05Right there.
00:30:06Right.
00:30:07That's it.
00:30:08Yes.
00:30:08Oh!
00:30:09What's the matter?
00:30:11Shh!
00:30:11Don't you know walls have ears?
00:30:13Yes, and so have I, and you've just put your dirty great foot in one of them.
00:30:16Shh!
00:30:18I'll have to force it.
00:30:34Harold!
00:30:41What'd you say?
00:30:42Open the window.
00:30:44It is open.
00:30:45I know it's open now, but it, oh, never mind.
00:30:48Don't just stand there.
00:30:49Go round the front and give us a bunker.
00:30:51Oh, come on, give us a hand.
00:30:53Well, you...
00:30:53Oh!
00:30:55Oh!
00:30:56Four!
00:30:57Oh!
00:30:58You all right?
00:30:59Oh, yes, I just love having windows slammed down on the head.
00:31:02Well, I'm sorry, sir, I didn't realise what you were trying to do.
00:31:04I was trying to get inside.
00:31:05What do you think?
00:31:06Why don't you go through that little door like I did?
00:31:09Oh, you don't tell anybody, do you?
00:31:12Don't you worry, sir, I know when to keep my mouth shut.
00:31:14Oh, fine Secret Service agent you are.
00:31:16Come on.
00:31:17Come on.
00:31:19Come on.
00:31:20Come on.
00:31:29You are in these crates.
00:31:32Carnival novelties.
00:31:34What a lovely place to have a party.
00:31:37Ah!
00:31:38Shh!
00:31:39Be quiet.
00:31:40The place may be full of stench men.
00:31:42Spread out.
00:31:43Follow me.
00:31:44And don't make a sound.
00:32:02For goodness sake, keep quiet.
00:32:09Do you think anybody heard us?
00:32:11Oh, no.
00:32:12And even if they did, I expect they only thought it was two blundering great idiots charging
00:32:16around like a couple of carnival queens.
00:32:18If you're going to be personal, I'm going.
00:32:19Shh!
00:32:20Hey!
00:32:22Listen, somebody's in trouble.
00:32:23Hey!
00:32:24Come on.
00:32:29Sir, here he is.
00:32:31Ah, my friend, got you.
00:32:33Come on.
00:32:33The game's up.
00:32:34No tricks now.
00:32:35Sir, sir.
00:32:36I think he's dead.
00:32:37I don't care.
00:32:37Do you hear?
00:32:37I don't care.
00:32:38He's not going to get away with it.
00:32:39All right, my friend, the game's up.
00:32:40You are surrounded.
00:32:42Come on.
00:32:42What's your name?
00:32:43What is your name?
00:32:47Milkman.
00:32:49Milchman.
00:32:49There.
00:32:49What did I tell you?
00:32:51All right, Milchman.
00:32:52Come on.
00:32:52Admit it.
00:32:53You're not dead, are you?
00:32:55Are you?
00:32:56Doesn't matter if he is dead.
00:32:57Get the formula and let's get out.
00:32:59All right.
00:32:59All right.
00:33:00I was coming to that.
00:33:00Don't rush me.
00:33:01All right, my friend.
00:33:03Where is it?
00:33:04Where is the formula?
00:33:06Ah.
00:33:07Ah.
00:33:09Ah.
00:33:11They got it.
00:33:12Who got it?
00:33:15He's cold.
00:33:17You better get this down right.
00:33:18He's cold.
00:33:20Oh.
00:33:20Ah.
00:33:22Oh.
00:33:23Ah.
00:33:24Would you mind repeating that?
00:33:26Oh.
00:33:27Ah.
00:33:28Oh.
00:33:29Ah.
00:33:30Sounds as though the Chinese are mixed up in this.
00:33:32No, no.
00:33:33His name is the Fat Man.
00:33:37Fat Man.
00:33:38Go to Algiers.
00:33:39Cheers.
00:33:40Guthrie.
00:33:41In Street of a Toulsons.
00:33:44Oh.
00:33:52Sir, I think he's gone.
00:33:53A Street of a Thousand what?
00:33:55I don't know.
00:33:57But whatever they are, that's where we're going.
00:34:20Harold, I don't think we ought to be doing this.
00:34:24I mean, somebody might come in.
00:34:25No, it's all right, Daphne.
00:34:27I mean, the door's locked.
00:34:28Oh, even so, it doesn't seem right.
00:34:30Not in raw daylight.
00:34:32Well, we've got to tell the chief what's happened.
00:34:34Shh.
00:34:34I think I've made contact.
00:34:35Hello?
00:34:36Red Admiral calling Bosch.
00:34:38Come in, Bosch.
00:34:49Red Admiral, sir.
00:34:51Red Admiral.
00:34:51I'll take him.
00:34:55Red Admiral.
00:34:59Red Admiral.
00:35:01It's number one here.
00:35:05I say it's number one here.
00:35:08Where are you?
00:35:12Algiers?
00:35:14What the hell are you doing in Algiers?
00:35:17Ah, I thought you'd be surprised, chief.
00:35:20Well, it's a long story.
00:35:22I don't know what became of your man Carstairs.
00:35:25He didn't turn up.
00:35:27What?
00:35:27They've lost Carstairs.
00:35:29What about the formula?
00:35:31Who's got it?
00:35:32The fat man.
00:35:33The fat man?
00:35:35Yes, we've heard of him.
00:35:37Where do you find him?
00:35:38The cafe in the Street of a Thousand.
00:35:41Cafe?
00:35:43In the Street of a Thousand what?
00:35:45Well, your guess is as good as mine, chief.
00:35:48Probably in the old city somewhere.
00:35:50The Cas Bar.
00:35:52The Cas Bar.
00:35:54Repeat, Bar.
00:35:56I've got his dossier here.
00:35:58I'll give you all the information we have on him.
00:36:02You better get this down.
00:36:04Emil Fozak, I spell.
00:36:07I know you do.
00:36:09Spellman!
00:36:10F-A-U-Z-A-K, known as the fat man.
00:36:17Description, male.
00:36:19Male.
00:36:20Male.
00:36:20Male.
00:36:21Fat.
00:36:22Fat.
00:36:22Fat.
00:36:23Fat.
00:36:24Is that all?
00:36:25I'm afraid so, chief.
00:36:26I'm afraid he's got a very small dossier.
00:36:30He's got a very small dossier.
00:36:32Very small dossier.
00:36:33Very small dossier.
00:36:34Habits.
00:36:35Fond of good living.
00:36:37Wine.
00:36:38Women.
00:36:39And so on.
00:36:41Fond of good living.
00:36:43Wine.
00:36:43Women.
00:36:44And so on.
00:36:46That's all.
00:36:47Keep trying to contact Casters.
00:36:48Get the radio people on to me.
00:36:49He can't have banished.
00:36:50He may be trying to work solo.
00:36:51So I get Simpkins and co back, sir.
00:36:53No, no, no, no, no.
00:36:54They are after the fat man, but Casters isn't.
00:36:56Get him to sort them out and then go after the fat man himself.
00:36:58Just keep trying to contact Casters.
00:37:00Oh, Vienna?
00:37:01Come in, Schnitzel.
00:37:03Right, now, listen.
00:37:04This is what we're going to do.
00:37:05We're going to split up and search this town from top to bottom.
00:37:09Right?
00:37:10Crump, you take the top bit.
00:37:11I'll take the middle bit and bind.
00:37:13I can imagine.
00:37:14And what about me?
00:37:16Oh, yes.
00:37:16Let's see what bit you can take.
00:37:18Oh, no, no, sir, please.
00:37:19No, I don't think Daphne should go out alone in a place like this.
00:37:22I mean, very funny things can happen to white women, you know.
00:37:25Oh, really?
00:37:26What?
00:37:27Well, I'd rather not say, but I don't want you finishing up in a hurry with 50 other women.
00:37:31Oh, I should think not.
00:37:33Oh, that's silly.
00:37:35I know the fat man better than any of you.
00:37:37Look, I took mental pictures of everyone who was in that Café Mozart.
00:37:40No, dear, I think Harold's right.
00:37:43There are a funny lot about women out here, especially white women.
00:37:45Oh, detergent lot.
00:37:49No, dear, you'd better stay in your room like a good girl.
00:37:52Oh, I don't want to be a good girl.
00:37:54I want to do my bit.
00:37:55Well, you'll have to do your bit in your room.
00:37:57Oh.
00:38:02Temper?
00:38:03Right now, lads, let's get cracking.
00:38:05We'll need radio transmitters and disguises.
00:38:09Oh, yes.
00:38:12Very cosmopolitan.
00:38:14Now for the hat.
00:38:18Oh, I beg your pardon, miss.
00:38:21Nose engage.
00:38:26Sir!
00:38:27Sir, it's Daphne.
00:38:27She's gone.
00:38:28Isn't she in her room?
00:38:29No, sir.
00:38:30I've looked in there, sir.
00:38:30I bet she's gone to the Casbah.
00:38:33Oh, no, no, sir.
00:38:34I've looked in there as well.
00:38:35I've looked all over the hotel.
00:38:36It's those stench people, sir.
00:38:37They've got her.
00:38:38And if I find them, sir, I'll smash them up.
00:38:40I'll kill them, Peter.
00:38:42All right, all right.
00:38:44There's no need to do your nut.
00:38:45I'll join you.
00:38:46Just get my hat.
00:38:48Oh.
00:38:48There you are.
00:39:55Brown cow to Red Admiral. Brown cow to Red Admiral. Come in, please. Come in, please. Where are you, Red
00:40:02Admiral?
00:40:07Excuse me, officer. I'm looking for a woman.
00:40:10Come with me, sir. I've got very pretty sister.
00:40:14Oh, no, I mean. Excuse me.
00:40:25Red Admiral here. Red Admiral here. Who is it?
00:40:29Brown cow here. Brown cow.
00:40:31Brown cow. Where are you? We've been looking for you.
00:40:35I found him, the fat man, at the Café El Zig Zig in the street of a thousand artisans.
00:40:43Artisans. Oh, yes. When you come to think of it, it couldn't be anything else, really, could it?
00:40:48Shall I tackle him now, sir?
00:40:49No. Just keep him in sight until we get there. That's all. Over and out.
00:40:58Red Admiral calling Blue Bottle. Red Admiral calling Blue Bottle.
00:41:02Blue Bottle, come in. Blue Bottle.
00:41:15Hello. Blue Bottle here. Blue. What?
00:41:19She has?
00:41:20That's marvellous.
00:41:22Good old Dabby. I told you she was wonderful, sir.
00:41:25Yes. Yes, all right. Yes. Yes.
00:41:26Yes. I'll be there. It's all happening, you know. It's the snakes. You can't get them.
00:41:36When you've quite finished, that's my bed.
00:41:39Sorry.
00:41:56Over there.
00:41:58He's fat all round.
00:41:59And he was in the Café Mozart.
00:42:01It's him, all right.
00:42:16You all right, Dabby?
00:42:17Look, it's Ali Baba.
00:42:19Put your snake away.
00:42:21Oh, look, he's going.
00:42:23Where's Brian? Is he going?
00:42:25I think we're better off without him.
00:42:26We were better off without him. Look.
00:42:38I'm awfully sorry. So clumsy. Allow me.
00:42:42There.
00:42:43Oh, one moment.
00:42:45Why can't we get these?
00:42:48Well, you might have said thank you.
00:42:50There's something to me, but you know.
00:42:52I do have your pardon. I'm so sorry.
00:42:53It's me, you fool.
00:42:55Oh, of course it is.
00:42:56You know, it's the hat.
00:42:57Ah, Joey, did you have any luck?
00:42:59Did you find the fat man?
00:43:00That was him you were talking to just now.
00:43:03Oh, come on.
00:43:05Oh, fool.
00:43:13Don't let him see us.
00:43:14Pretend to be buying something.
00:43:16Oh, come on.
00:43:18Oh, come on.
00:43:29Oh, come on.
00:43:34Oh, come on.
00:43:36Oh, come on.
00:43:39Oh, come on.
00:43:40Oh, come on.
00:43:41Oh, come on.
00:43:42Oh, come on.
00:43:44Oh, come on.
00:43:45Oh, come on.
00:43:46Oh, come on.
00:43:46Oh, come on.
00:43:46Oh, come on.
00:43:46Oh, come on.
00:43:47Oh, come on.
00:43:47Oh, come on.
00:43:47Oh, come on.
00:43:47Oh, come on.
00:43:48Oh, come on.
00:43:55He went in there.
00:43:59Hakim's Funhouse.
00:44:00Has there got a place like that in Blackpool?
00:44:01I wouldn't bet on it if I were you.
00:44:03I look it up.
00:44:03I've got this guidebook here.
00:44:05It's bound to be the list of all those places.
00:44:07Oh, yes.
00:44:08Hakim's Funhouse.
00:44:10Oh.
00:44:10Well, what is it?
00:44:12Well, I suppose you could call it a sort of hotel.
00:44:15A hotel?
00:44:16Hmm.
00:44:16How many stars?
00:44:17No stars.
00:44:18Just five exclamation marks.
00:44:21Let's go in.
00:44:22No, wait a minute.
00:44:23I'd better handle this.
00:44:26Good afternoon, sir.
00:44:28Or madam.
00:44:30We'd like some fun, please.
00:44:32You all members?
00:44:33No.
00:44:35Go in peace.
00:44:36Yes.
00:44:39Well, we've got lunch and vouchers, if there's any help.
00:44:42You would like your throat slit from ear to ear?
00:44:45Oh, no.
00:44:46Not for lunch, I don't think.
00:44:48Go in peace.
00:44:50You know, something tells me we're not wanted here, sir.
00:44:52There must be another way we can get in.
00:45:08That's the way to get in.
00:45:09But it's different for them.
00:45:10They're women.
00:45:11So am I.
00:45:12No.
00:45:12Yes, he is.
00:45:13No, I didn't mean that.
00:45:13I mean, it's not safe for Daffy to go in there.
00:45:15Anything might happen.
00:45:16Anything.
00:45:16But we've got to get the formula, Harold.
00:45:18He might be handing it over to someone in there right now.
00:45:21You're right, dear, but we'll have to get you some different clothes.
00:45:24Come on.
00:45:24No, you can't.
00:45:25It's not safe for Daffy to go in there by herself.
00:45:28Look, if she's going in, I'm going with her.
00:45:34I never felt her silly in all my life.
00:45:36No, no.
00:45:37You look lovely.
00:45:37Full of Eastern promise.
00:45:39Well, it's all right for you.
00:45:40We should try wearing these things.
00:45:41It's like being inside a letterbox.
00:45:43Now, what's the matter with you?
00:45:44I was wondering what time's the last collection.
00:45:46Oh, come on, Harold.
00:45:47You'll be all right.
00:45:48Yes.
00:45:51Oh.
00:46:15Ah, better now with you.
00:46:20And she's a lovely wee singer.
00:46:26What are we going to do?
00:46:27Go in.
00:46:29Go in?
00:46:30Yes.
00:46:30Go in.
00:46:34Take your things off.
00:46:37You as well.
00:46:57Oh, what are they up to in there?
00:47:00Oh, no.
00:47:01Oh, excuse me, sir, please.
00:47:04Oh.
00:47:04I'm sorry.
00:47:05I thought it might be someone we knew.
00:47:16Do you know why I picked you, my little flower?
00:47:20Well, I suppose it's because you like picking little flowers.
00:47:29No.
00:47:30No, it's because your skin is so white.
00:47:34I like white skins.
00:47:36The whiter, the bitter.
00:47:38Oh.
00:47:40What's the matter?
00:47:42Oh, nothing.
00:47:42It was just that I was thinking of something someone said.
00:47:45That's all.
00:47:50You mustn't think, my little flower.
00:47:53Relax.
00:47:55We haven't got much time.
00:47:56I have a very important appointment soon.
00:48:07Do we have to have her in here?
00:48:09Oh, yes.
00:48:10She's my best friend.
00:48:11I'm her best friend.
00:48:13Yeah, we always go everywhere together.
00:48:16Yes, yes, I know.
00:48:17But it's time you and I were alone.
00:48:31Oh, no, you'll be very sorry.
00:48:34Most men find her very exciting.
00:48:38Really?
00:48:39In what way?
00:48:41Well.
00:48:43Well.
00:48:45All right, my dear.
00:48:47Let me see your shimmy.
00:48:49Certainly not.
00:48:50Your dance, Harriet.
00:48:52Harriet!
00:48:54Excuse me, please.
00:48:58Like this.
00:49:07Come over here.
00:49:08I want to see you.
00:49:16Come over here.
00:49:18I want to see you.
00:49:19What's the matter?
00:49:20He's got the formula in his pocket.
00:49:22You contact Mr Simpkins and I'll keep him occupied.
00:49:24Come over here.
00:49:25Come over here,
00:49:54Bluebottle to Red Admiral. Bluebottle to Red Admiral.
00:49:58Come in, Red Admiral.
00:50:00Red Admiral here. It's about time you called.
00:50:03What's going on?
00:50:06Never mind what's going on. It's what's coming off that worries me.
00:50:14Listen, Daphne's with him now, and he's got the formula.
00:50:17Is she getting it?
00:50:21No, but she will any minute now.
00:50:22Now, listen, sir, you've got to do something.
00:50:25He's going to be mad here.
00:50:27Perhaps she will be more culpable than...
00:50:41Right, I'm all ready.
00:50:42Now, when he answers, say something really rude.
00:50:46Something to make him rush out angrily.
00:50:48Something rude?
00:50:49Yes.
00:50:49Really rude?
00:50:50Rude.
00:50:51Manure.
00:50:52No, like the Arabs do it.
00:50:55Insult his father.
00:50:57They hate that.
00:51:00Hello.
00:51:01I happen to know that your father was an illegitimate son of a free picker's daughter.
00:51:05Ah, so you knew my father.
00:51:07You may come in, friend.
00:51:08No, you come out here and I'll tell you what your mother was.
00:51:10Really?
00:51:13So you knew my father?
00:51:15Yes, she was...
00:51:16Yes, she was...
00:51:21Go in peace.
00:51:27Oh.
00:51:31Come on.
00:51:31A fruit machine.
00:51:32You know, I can never resist them.
00:51:33I just...
00:51:34Time for larking about.
00:51:35We've got to find Harold and Daphne.
00:51:36All right, then.
00:51:46All right.
00:51:47I've been trying to keep him safe.
00:51:49Uh, we're not going to be where he went.
00:51:53Don't choose that.
00:52:07You're feeling a little bit more amorous now, my flower.
00:52:11Oh, no, no, you lie back and have a rest.
00:52:29Oh, lift your head up a bit and I'll put a cushion under it.
00:52:33Oh, anyone for tennis?
00:52:38That is much better now.
00:52:40You smoke, come on.
00:52:41No, no.
00:52:42Go on, you have a little smoke.
00:52:43No, I'm trying to give it up.
00:52:45Give it to him.
00:52:45Uh-huh.
00:52:59Shh, there's someone coming.
00:53:07You wicked old.
00:53:08I know.
00:53:10I'll bring it out of you.
00:53:19All right, fatty, you know what I want.
00:53:20Now, where is it?
00:53:21Come on, where is it?
00:53:22It's down the corridor.
00:53:22It's the first on the right.
00:53:23Shut up and you won't get hurt.
00:53:25Now, come on, hand it over or I'll shoot you where you sit.
00:53:27Oh, no, not where he sits.
00:53:32Right.
00:53:34Now, no one move out of this room for the next hour
00:53:36or you will be shot down.
00:53:39Oh, well done, Harold.
00:53:44What's going on?
00:53:45Oh, it's that man, Mr. Sinkins.
00:53:47He's got the formula.
00:53:48Ah-ha.
00:53:50So that's your game, is it?
00:53:51Hand it over.
00:53:53Hand it over.
00:53:53I've got you covered.
00:53:54You can't get away.
00:53:56I've got buildings all around the men.
00:53:58Oh, no.
00:53:59No, not you again.
00:54:00Oh, yes, it's me.
00:54:02All right, hand it over.
00:54:03Come on.
00:54:03You can't get away.
00:54:04I'm not afraid to use this, you know.
00:54:07What, use that?
00:54:08Look, get out of my way, you damn fool.
00:54:11You stupid imbecile.
00:54:13I am...
00:54:18Oh, good shot.
00:54:21Oh, no, no, no.
00:54:23Look.
00:54:25Oh, look.
00:54:27Oh, look.
00:54:28We've got you together.
00:54:28That's a long, nasty.
00:54:49It's time.
00:54:56So, my fat friend, you have failed me.
00:55:00I should have known better than to trust one with such a pitiful weakness for the pleasures of the flesh.
00:55:07It wasn't my fault, Doctor.
00:55:09Of course it was your fault, pig.
00:55:11You let yourself be outwitted by four of the most stupid agents Britain has ever produced.
00:55:15Four imbeciles.
00:55:16You know the penalty for failure?
00:55:21No.
00:55:23No.
00:55:29Please, Doctor.
00:55:31Give me another chance.
00:55:33Stop crawling and listen to me.
00:55:35The British agents are returning to London by the Orient Express.
00:55:38I have arranged a plane to take you to Trieste where you will join the train.
00:55:41Understand this.
00:55:42I want that formula and I want them.
00:55:44Or you will die.
00:55:46Yes, yes.
00:55:47I will get them.
00:55:48I promise you that.
00:55:49I will not make any more mistakes.
00:55:51I'm sure of that because from now on I am putting someone in charge of this operation whom I can
00:55:56trust to see that you don't.
00:55:58Open the door.
00:56:02Go on, pig, open it.
00:56:04There's nobody there.
00:56:06Do what I say, you fool.
00:56:20Here's to the success of our first assignment.
00:56:23Cheers.
00:56:24Cheers.
00:56:25Cheers.
00:56:25Cheers.
00:56:25Cheers.
00:56:26Good luck.
00:56:26Oh, lovely.
00:56:28Very good year.
00:56:29In all fairness, I must admit, I probably couldn't have carried it off without the help of you three.
00:56:35Oh, nice.
00:56:35I still don't see why we're going by train.
00:56:38We are not dealing with a bunch of mugs, you know.
00:56:40They're going to try and get this formula back.
00:56:43Yes, I know.
00:56:44That's why I thought we should have gone by air because it's quicker by air, isn't it?
00:56:47Look, in this game, it's all a question of trying to out-think the other side, see?
00:56:52I mean, they think we would be going by air, so we fool them by going by rail, see?
00:56:59On the other hand, being smart, they think that we would think they'd be thinking that,
00:57:04so we, being smarter still, out-think them by doing what they didn't think we'd think to do when we
00:57:10first thought about it.
00:57:11Understand?
00:57:12I still don't see why we're going by train.
00:57:14Because I get air sick.
00:57:16Now, shut up and drink your wine.
00:57:18So you think no one's likely to have followed us onto this train, then?
00:57:21No one.
00:57:22Not a chance.
00:57:24Well, who's that sitting opposite?
00:57:28God.
00:57:39I think she wants us to follow her.
00:57:41Don't be a fool.
00:57:42We don't know which side she's on.
00:57:44Well, I'm not fussy.
00:57:45Come here.
00:57:46We are not going to take any chances, understand?
00:57:48We're all going to go straight to our sleeping compartments and lock ourselves in with a cup of cocoa.
00:58:15Come on.
00:58:17Come on.
00:58:18Come on.
00:58:18My, my, Miss, excuse me, Miss, Miss, I, sorry, Miss, I don't want to disturb, think of the neighbours, oh,
00:58:36you, thank God, I thought it was one of those awful men, I am one of those awful men, I
00:58:41mean, please, help me, please, I've had such a terrible time, I just can't take any more,
00:58:45oh, don't you take any more, though, the sensible girl, only I'd be pleased if you didn't take it somewhere
00:58:50else, because this happens to be my birth, I'm terribly sorry, I had nowhere else to go, nowhere, there, there,
00:58:59don't cry, let me dry your eyes for you, thank you, you know, the moment I saw you, I knew
00:59:07you'd be kind and help me, you did, oh, yes, you see, I'm in trouble, real trouble, you carry on
00:59:13like that, and we'll both be in trouble,
00:59:15oh, I'm not a fool, you know, you've been following me about, haven't you, yes, I suppose I owe you
00:59:21an explanation, yes, you certainly do, and it had better be a good one, I'm a reasonable man, but don't
00:59:27try to fool me, the fact is, when I first saw you in Vienna, I fell madly in love with
00:59:33you, well, that sounds reasonable enough to me, yes, that's why I came in here tonight, I wanted to warn
00:59:38you,
00:59:38well, you have something that a lot of people are after, well, I suppose I have, really, I mean, the
00:59:44formula, how did you know about that, never mind how I know, but they're on the train here tonight, and
00:59:51they'll kill you for it, oh, stop missing a bell, why doesn't anyone want to kill me, if you don't
00:59:56believe me, look in the corridor,
01:00:01oh, you're right, what am I going to do, give the formula to me, I'll look after it for you,
01:00:05oh, yes, oh, what a good idea, no, I've got a better idea,
01:00:11we'll stay in here all night with the door vaulted, I think the formula would be safer with me, yeah,
01:00:18you're supposed to be on my side, aren't you, give me the formula,
01:00:27you thought you'd get the better of me, didn't you, but you've got to get up earlier in the morning
01:00:32and back, no, stop, don't go,
01:00:34I'd rather face them than you, and besides, I've got a gun, not that way, stop, what happened, he's gone,
01:00:43with the formula,
01:00:47so I'm not the only one who makes mistakes, eh?
01:00:59Oh!
01:01:00Oh, hello there.
01:01:03Oh!
01:01:04Wait for the door!
01:01:06Oh, gracious me!
01:01:08Get in!
01:01:09Oh, really? What on earth were you doing out there?
01:01:13It was such a nice night, I thought I'd take a walk.
01:01:15Eh?
01:01:16What do you think I was doing out there?
01:01:18Oh, now, look, I asked you that.
01:01:19The whole train is simply swarming with Dr Crow's agents.
01:01:23That's why.
01:01:24Oh, you're out thinking.
01:01:25Come on.
01:01:26All right, I've got to get my trousers on, haven't I?
01:01:28Come on, hurry up.
01:01:32Oh, come on.
01:01:41After all.
01:01:44All change!
01:01:45Everybody up!
01:01:46All change!
01:01:47Everybody up!
01:01:47All change!
01:01:48Everybody out!
01:01:49All change!
01:01:51Everybody out!
01:01:51All change!
01:01:52Everybody out!
01:01:53all change!
01:01:57All change!
01:01:59All change!
01:02:01All change!
01:02:18Come on, dars!
01:02:23All change!
01:02:23wouldn't it it's all right when the train is standing in the station no pull that it's a 10
01:02:27pound fine well we can't just stand here i can't but you can if you can hold them off for
01:02:33a few
01:02:33minutes yes you remember it's for england good luck harold daphne i'm afraid the worst has happened
01:02:42how dare you i mean we're only kissing i'm not talking about you the train is full of stench
01:02:48mainly i don't think we stand a chance where are they how long have we got just so long as
01:02:53bind
01:02:53can hold them back which should be all of two seconds oh dear mother this is probably the last
01:03:01letter you'll get from me hoping it finds you as it leaves me there's one get him
01:03:11oh no don't you stand back there i've got a gun
01:03:15ah i've got a gun i tell you
01:03:28what are you doing here i thought i told you to hold them off i can't hold them off these
01:03:34up at the same
01:03:34die oh dear well what are we gonna do now well there's only one thing we can do destroy the
01:03:40formula oh how can we do that there's only one copy but i can photograph them first of course
01:03:54how are we going to destroy the formula i know waiter four soups please well done daphne you're a gem
01:04:21oh pardon i'm going to make you sick that shouldn't be very difficult
01:04:55all right in you go yeah but i i don't want to go go on oh well well you gotta
01:05:00go you gotta go
01:05:21go
01:05:26bargain basement kitchenware underwear camping equipment it must be their headquarters looks
01:05:34more like they're hindquarters
01:05:40you will take the girl honeybutt to dr crow immediately no come the leader is waiting
01:05:53we will take the three men to sell ten and i warn you do not try to resist oh don't
01:05:58worry i won't
01:05:59okay
01:06:05yes miss honeybutt or may i call you brown cow
01:06:09I am Dr. Crow. You are surprised?
01:06:13Yes, I am. I expected you to be a man. Or a woman.
01:06:18I am both. The first of a new super race.
01:06:22With the combined mental and physical endowments of both man and woman.
01:06:27You must have great difficulty with your clothes.
01:06:29Enough. Now, I am prepared to be lenient with you, my dear.
01:06:34If you will tell me the details of Stark's formula.
01:06:38We've destroyed it. But not before you were able to use your
01:06:42remarkable photographic memory on it.
01:06:46And I have ways of unlocking the innermost secrets of the mind.
01:06:52Nasty ways. I'll never tell.
01:06:55I'll see you in hell first. You cannot
01:06:58pit yourself against stench. Stench is invincible.
01:07:03Take her to the interrogation room.
01:07:09The End
01:07:09The End
01:07:09The End
01:07:10The End
01:07:25Oh, why don't you sit down? You're making me feel dizzy.
01:07:28How can I sit down when I think of what they might be doing to poor Daphne?
01:07:31Well, I just wouldn't think about it if I were you.
01:07:34After all, they can only torture her.
01:07:36Like, pull her nails out. Or burn the soles of her feet.
01:07:40Or pull her arms and legs out. Or tickle her with a red dog.
01:07:45Shut up! I can't stand it!
01:07:48I've got to get out!
01:07:49I've got to get out!
01:07:50I've got to get out! Let me out!
01:07:53Let me!
01:07:54Oh, now look what you've done. They'll probably make us pay for it.
01:08:03Enough. Stop the optical device.
01:08:11You are now completely hypnotized. You will do anything I tell you.
01:08:17Open your mouth.
01:08:20Now you understand what you have to do?
01:08:25Right. Now.
01:08:26Ah!
01:08:28Isn't that what you wanted me to do?
01:08:29I will make you pay for this.
01:08:32Start the sonic device.
01:08:42What are you doing now?
01:08:43I'm trying to contact whoever's in the next cell,
01:08:45and he might be able to get a message out for us.
01:08:49Oh, listen. He's answering.
01:08:51It's Morse code. Quick, come in the bed.
01:08:55Oh, come on. What's it say?
01:09:00Dash, dot, dot, dash. Dash, dot, dash, dot.
01:09:03What does it mean?
01:09:04I don't know.
01:09:04Oh, give it to me.
01:09:07Please stop that banging as I'm trying to sleep, you nit.
01:09:16Wake up. Wake up.
01:09:20Now.
01:09:22You will repeat the formula. Understand?
01:09:26Good. Start the tape recorder.
01:09:30Now. Begin.
01:09:33Water. Water.
01:09:35Got some water.
01:09:39Right. Now.
01:09:42That's better? What do we do now?
01:09:45I can't believe it.
01:09:46No one has ever survived the sonic device before.
01:09:49Oh, well, I'm used to a lot of noise.
01:09:50I used to sing with the rock and roll group.
01:09:52Start the brain disintegrator.
01:10:03How's it going?
01:10:05Fine.
01:10:07Is it hot?
01:10:08Is it another load?
01:10:11Oh, we'll never do it.
01:10:13Don't you believe it, sir?
01:10:14I think we're just about ready to break through.
01:10:16By my reckoning, I've gone thirty feet.
01:10:29I've done it!
01:10:31I'm free!
01:10:32I'm free!
01:10:34Mr. St. Gims!
01:10:36Charlie, you can come out now!
01:10:38I'm free!
01:10:40I'm free!
01:10:43I'm free!
01:10:44You should have made, it's like miscalculation!
01:10:47All right, take it away!
01:10:50You are completely in my power!
01:10:52I am completely in your power!
01:10:53You will answer all my questions!
01:10:55You will answer all my questions!
01:10:56No, you will answer my questions!
01:10:58What is your name?
01:10:59You are completely in my power.
01:11:01No, no, I am completely in your power.
01:11:03What is your name?
01:11:04My name is Dr. Crow.
01:11:05What is your job?
01:11:06I am Head of Stench, an organization designed to rule the...
01:11:11What am I saying?
01:11:13You're supposed to be answering the questions.
01:11:15What do you want to know?
01:11:17That's better.
01:11:18What is the formula?
01:11:20You are completely in my power.
01:11:21Oh, I give up.
01:11:23I can do nothing with this monster.
01:11:25Can I go now then, please?
01:11:27Yes, go for heaven's sake.
01:11:33You know, we must have another little chat sometime.
01:11:36It was most...
01:11:39Top secret formula X, page one.
01:11:42Quick, start the paper coder.
01:11:45Improved process for immediate production of hydroformaline.
01:11:49Take one tablespoonful of nitroglycol.
01:11:52Three tablespoonfuls of amistate sulfamine.
01:11:55No, come on.
01:11:56You've got to get back down there, otherwise the guard will see you when he comes in.
01:12:00Well, hurry up, because it's a terrible drought.
01:12:01Drought?
01:12:02Where could he be coming from?
01:12:03I don't know where he's coming from, but I know where he's going to.
01:12:05Go on.
01:12:05Oh, shut up and...
01:12:06All right, Bind.
01:12:07Now.
01:12:07Bind.
01:12:09Guard!
01:12:10Come quick.
01:12:11Someone is escaping.
01:12:12Guard!
01:12:13Down there, Paul.
01:12:14He went down that way.
01:12:15Yes.
01:12:15Shall I take your stick for you?
01:12:17Oh, thanks.
01:12:18That's all right.
01:12:19Down there, Ian.
01:12:20You'll have to hurry up.
01:12:23Here we go.
01:12:29Here's your stick back.
01:12:31Go.
01:12:48And this solution is kept at a temperature of minus 300 degrees centigrade for a period of 48 hours, at
01:12:55the end of which it is ready for immediate use.
01:12:57I have it.
01:12:58The formula.
01:12:59Oh, she's told them everything.
01:13:01They've got it on tape.
01:13:02If they've done anything to her, I'll kill them.
01:13:08Grab the tape.
01:13:11Come on, Daphne.
01:13:13He's got it.
01:13:14Come on.
01:13:20All right.
01:13:23After that.
01:13:35What is it?
01:13:36What's happened?
01:13:37The British agents.
01:13:38They've escaped.
01:13:41Look.
01:13:42There they are.
01:13:50Which way now?
01:13:52Wait a minute.
01:13:53Enum, enum, enum, enum.
01:13:54We haven't got time for all that.
01:13:56Let's get, er, this way.
01:13:58Come on.
01:14:02No, no, no.
01:14:03No.
01:14:03No.
01:14:04In future, I'll make the decision.
01:14:06I'm sorry, sir.
01:14:07Go ahead, please.
01:14:07Well, yes.
01:14:08Now, what were we trying to decide?
01:14:11Oh, come on.
01:14:12Let's get out of here.
01:14:13Come on.
01:14:23I wonder which way they went.
01:14:25Look.
01:14:31Wait.
01:14:32Now, what's the matter?
01:14:33I've drawn one of me spoons.
01:14:34Oh, no.
01:14:35Oh, we'll have to go back.
01:14:36Yeah, but, sir, it's all right.
01:14:44Thank you very much, all right.
01:14:46Here.
01:14:47Hold it.
01:14:47Don't stop on our shoes.
01:14:49Dad.
01:14:52Fools.
01:14:53Idiots.
01:14:54Oh, come on.
01:14:56Is there nobody to stop them?
01:15:02This way.
01:15:07It looks as though you're peeing.
01:15:09Oh, no, my dear Leela.
01:15:11They'll never get out that way.
01:15:17Oh, it looks as though we've had it.
01:15:20Oh, Captain, before we go, will you marry me?
01:15:23Oh, yes, of course I will hold.
01:15:24Oh, that's just like you.
01:15:25Ask a girl to marry you when she's in trouble.
01:15:28Oh, look.
01:15:29Oh, come on, quick, sir.
01:15:32On the back.
01:15:32Oh, that's right.
01:15:33Oh, that's right.
01:15:33Oh, get on.
01:15:34Go on.
01:15:34That's right.
01:15:35Oh, come on.
01:15:38Come on.
01:15:45This is smashing, isn't it?
01:15:47I wonder where it goes to.
01:15:48Never mind where it goes.
01:15:50It's going faster than they are.
01:15:51And that's all.
01:16:03Look, they've stopped chasing us.
01:16:12Poor fools.
01:16:14They are going straight into the automation area.
01:16:17You must stop them.
01:16:19I'm afraid that's out of my hands, my dear Leela.
01:16:22Everything that happens in that area is automatically controlled by this tape.
01:16:28What will happen to them?
01:16:29Well, it should be interesting.
01:16:31Come on, watch.
01:16:41Stephanie.
01:16:42Come on, dear.
01:16:47Where are we?
01:16:48It looks like some sort of factory, sir.
01:16:51Oh, oh.
01:16:53I wonder what they're making.
01:16:55Mince me.
01:16:56No.
01:17:02This is horrible.
01:17:04How can you let it go on?
01:17:18Well, I've heard of a washing brush out, but this is ridiculous.
01:17:25They can't possibly survive the next process.
01:17:30That's incredible.
01:17:32I didn't think they'd be so sensitive to foreign matter.
01:17:35Will they be safe now?
01:17:36Oh, don't worry.
01:17:38They'll never get out of there alive.
01:17:41This looks like the way out, sir.
01:17:43Come on.
01:17:56Impossible.
01:17:57They have charmed lives.
01:18:12What happens to those pieces of metal now?
01:18:14They are hardened by being immersed in a vat of acid at a temperature of 300 degrees.
01:18:24It looks like we're frying tonight, chaps.
01:18:27You'd think they'd have the courtesy to batter us first, wouldn't you?
01:18:31Oh.
01:18:32You would have to open your big mouth.
01:18:35In about 20 seconds, the first one will die.
01:18:38Haven't you forgotten something?
01:18:39He still has the tape.
01:18:41Hmm.
01:18:42My dear Leela, surely you're not foolish enough to believe that I only took one recording of
01:18:47the formula?
01:18:49This tape was recorded simultaneously.
01:18:53Now then, please be quiet.
01:18:55I wish to enjoy this.
01:18:58That's far enough, Doctor.
01:19:03What?
01:19:03Are you mad?
01:19:05Stop the machine or I will kill you.
01:19:10Don't even make it sick.
01:19:12What a place to break down.
01:19:14They do keep us hanging about, don't they?
01:19:17I'll take the tape, if you don't mind.
01:19:20You won't get away with this, of course.
01:19:23Now, how do we get them out of the automation area?
01:19:26There is no way, except by reversing the entire process.
01:19:30Then reverse it.
01:19:32And quickly.
01:19:49come on.
01:20:04Come on.
01:20:06Oh, my God.
01:20:54Oh, my God.
01:21:05Where are we? What happened?
01:21:07Over here, quickly.
01:21:09This is a special lift leading directly to the surface.
01:21:11All right, Doctor, in your go.
01:21:13I tell you, you won't get away with this.
01:21:14Stench is invincible.
01:21:16Stench is supreme.
01:21:17Stench is...
01:21:18Ah, shut up and get in.
01:21:19She's a little stinker, isn't she?
01:21:22I say, have you noticed that?
01:21:25Shall we?
01:21:26Yes.
01:21:28Oh, what's this?
01:21:40Where did this come out?
01:21:41I don't know, but don't worry.
01:21:42We're safe now.
01:21:43Well, I'm glad you're on our side.
01:21:45I can see more of you now.
01:21:47Didn't you see enough of me in that sleeping compartment?
01:21:49Oh, don't.
01:21:50You make me all embarrassed.
01:21:52Actually, I'm not exactly on your side.
01:21:54Oh?
01:21:54I work for another organisation.
01:21:56Would you like to join us?
01:21:57Well, it depends.
01:21:59What is it?
01:22:00The Society for the Neutralisation of Germs, commonly called snog.
01:22:04Oh, yes.
01:22:05I've always wanted to do a bit of snogging.
01:22:08No, it's not listening to that.
01:22:09That's the place.
01:22:10I tell you, I practically had it in my hands, Chief.
01:22:12Then those damned idiots came in and the shan fell.
01:22:16Oh, what's the use?
01:22:18Oh, nothing we can do now.
01:22:19The formula's gone and so have they.
01:22:21Come in!
01:22:23Come in!
01:22:26Damn it, what's the other people?
01:22:29What can...
01:22:32It can't be.
01:22:39Oh, who'd have thought we'd have come out here?
01:22:42Back in the old place.
01:22:44How very convenient.
01:22:45Where the hell have you come from?
01:22:47Their headquarters.
01:22:49This is Dr. Crow.
01:22:52No, don't laugh.
01:22:54No, she can't help it.
01:22:55Poor thing.
01:22:55Well, you mean that her headquarters are immediately underneath this building?
01:22:59Yes.
01:23:00Well, you don't need to worry about that anymore.
01:23:02You see, as we were leaving, we saw this sign which said,
01:23:06Plus...
01:23:07Oh, dear.
01:23:10Here are...
01:23:12Here
01:23:13A super spooky day.
01:23:14Oh, stop it!
01:23:14Someone might see!
01:23:16Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, yeah.
01:23:19Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
01:23:20Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
01:23:20Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
01:23:23You
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