- 19 hours ago
A Fantastic Relationship Full Movie [Full Movie] [Latest Version]Full EP - Full
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:37Hey, so, uh, I kind of have a surprise for you.
00:00:44A surprise?
00:00:46Yeah, sort of like a gift.
00:00:49You got me a gift?
00:00:51Aw.
00:00:53Wait, did I miss an occasion or something?
00:00:56Did I forget our anniversary?
00:00:57No, no, I just thought you might get a kick out of it.
00:01:00Oh, wow.
00:01:04You know, don't get too excited.
00:01:06I mean, you might hate it.
00:01:07Okay, fine.
00:01:07I will not judge it until I decide if I hate it or not.
00:01:23What do you think?
00:01:26Pretty nuts, right?
00:01:29What is that?
00:01:31It's a huge tattoo.
00:01:34Of us.
00:01:37So, uh, thoughts?
00:01:43I hate it.
00:01:55Alexa, stop!
00:02:01So, uh, what do you hate about it?
00:02:03Everything.
00:02:04Okay.
00:02:05I would really love to know who the tattoo artist is because, wow.
00:02:08What?
00:02:09Brian, I look horrendous.
00:02:10How did you think I was going to like a tattoo of me looking like Sloth from the Goonies?
00:02:13Okay, I feel like you're attacking me now.
00:02:15I feel like you're attacking me with that tattoo.
00:02:17Okay, oh my god.
00:02:19Will you just stop?
00:02:20So, do you deny that that tattoo is stupid?
00:02:23No, but I thought that was part of the fun.
00:02:24No, this would only be fun if it turned out that a toddler had drawn it with a sharpie.
00:02:29Oh my god.
00:02:29You know, what I did was impulsive and probably kind of dumb, but honestly, you know, how you're
00:02:33reacting is so much worse.
00:02:35Well, my reaction is far less worse than that abomination.
00:02:40You know, whenever I go and do something, you always default to this negative, cynical energy
00:02:45that translates into you belittling me.
00:02:47So, anything you do, no matter how insane or bizarre, I'm just supposed to be like, cool?
00:02:52I'm so happy that you have a picture of me looking like a melted wax figurine permanently
00:02:56on your torso.
00:02:57That is so far from the reality of this situation.
00:03:00You have been dating me for two years, okay?
00:03:02You absolutely knew that this was going to be my reaction.
00:03:06I didn't.
00:03:06Yeah, you did.
00:03:07I didn't.
00:03:08I think that you did this on purpose so that you could once again play the victim.
00:03:12I am never the victim.
00:03:14Oh, you are always the victim.
00:03:16Okay, well, if I'm always the victim, then that makes you always the assailant.
00:03:19Oh, so I'm the assailant now.
00:03:20No, you're not an assailant.
00:03:22You're a black hole.
00:03:23And I, like, I don't mean that as a fat joke because, you know, you're in good shape.
00:03:26What I mean is you are a void that sucks up the things I offer, like romantic gestures
00:03:31or compliments or vacation ideas, and you crush them into, like, this infinitely small mass
00:03:36that light can't even escape from.
00:03:38Your compulsive desire to pulverize everything positive I do, it, like, defies the laws of
00:03:43gravity and physics.
00:03:44I would rather be a black hole than a middle school emo crybaby.
00:03:49Every single challenge in life, instead of going, hey, maybe let me meet this with some
00:03:53kind of level of composure and dignity, I'm gonna instead throw a big old tantrum and
00:03:58blame my girlfriend.
00:03:59Look at me.
00:04:00Look at me.
00:04:01I'm Katie.
00:04:02I'm a robot.
00:04:03I work every minute of every day to avoid addressing my strange relationships and personal
00:04:07life.
00:04:07On my deathbed, I'm gonna regret spending my whole life completing meaningless tasks.
00:04:12I work a job that I have trouble describing what it is I actually do.
00:04:16I am overcompensating in order to win the approval of my parents.
00:04:21Oh, great, great.
00:04:22Yeah, maybe you should show the neighbor your nifty new tattoo.
00:04:25You know, I bet they're gonna be more supportive than my girlfriend.
00:04:31What the fuck is going on in here, man?
00:04:33I'm sorry, we're having a bit of an argument, you know, we'll try and keep it down.
00:04:36Alexa, stop.
00:04:37Hey, man, I got kids upstairs, man.
00:04:39They don't need to hear this toxic shit.
00:04:41They don't need that.
00:04:42Like I said, I apologize, we'll keep it down.
00:04:44Alexa, stop.
00:04:45Who in the hell fights over this new wave shit?
00:04:46The Alexa broke.
00:04:48Honestly, I don't like it either.
00:04:49It's her music.
00:04:50Listen, man, this is supposed to be a quiet, family-friendly duplex.
00:04:53We promise we're gonna be very family-friendly from now on.
00:04:56Alexa, it's okay!
00:05:14I get it, man.
00:05:16We all go through this.
00:05:18We all have fights.
00:05:19But you guys, your fights are so different, man.
00:05:22They're cold.
00:05:23I mean, they're sad.
00:05:25I mean, fuck, they're empty.
00:05:26God damn, you guys are fucking sad.
00:05:44Oh, I think we can both agree that was pretty embarrassing.
00:05:49Look, this has become unsustainable.
00:05:53I assume you're talking about our relationship?
00:05:56Yeah.
00:05:57You know, I just don't see any reality where this works long-term.
00:06:02Yeah, that might be the case here.
00:06:08So, uh, what's next?
00:06:14Well, this might be a little inappropriate, but, um...
00:06:19Is it okay if I keep the apartment?
00:06:22I mean, all my mail for my business comes here, and I spent all the time finding this place and
00:06:27decorating it, and you didn't do much.
00:06:30No, no, that don't make sense.
00:06:34Great.
00:06:38I'm really regretting the tattoo.
00:06:52A lot of people don't want to know the truth.
00:06:54Someone's fallen on the streets.
00:06:55Every puppet has a master.
00:06:56It's Chase Bank.
00:06:57It's the Bush administration.
00:06:58People either want to be controlled or they want to be in control.
00:07:00I know what I want.
00:07:02Now, I've got someone to embrace.
00:07:05Ports are good.
00:07:07I think I'm doing what I was expecting, but it's fine.
00:07:09I think I go through all the annual courses from last year.
00:07:12I've been forever wanting to be a part.
00:07:17Don't you feel the times are coming?
00:07:20Because I feel it so strong.
00:07:23I've been on hold on, baby.
00:07:27Don't you feel the times are coming?
00:07:30When it feels so right to dance in the moonlight, baby, with you?
00:07:46Hey.
00:07:47Uh, yeah.
00:07:48So I am going to come to your house right now.
00:07:53Yeah.
00:07:54You love her.
00:07:56Yeah, it's just like, I think of you.
00:07:59All my troubles.
00:08:03I've gone without a trace.
00:08:07From all the things that are you.
00:08:12I know my love can see us through.
00:08:17Don't you feel the times are coming?
00:08:20Because I feel it so strong.
00:08:23I've been on hold on, baby
00:08:26Don't you feel the times I'm calling
00:08:30When it feels so right
00:08:33To dance in the moonlight, baby, with you
00:08:56It's like the moment he showed me the tattoo
00:08:58I knew I could never look at him the same
00:09:00I mean, he might as well have thrown an old lady down a flight of stairs
00:09:03It's like I can't unsee it
00:09:04Totally
00:09:05Just imagining that idea popping into his head
00:09:08And him going, hmm, this is a good idea
00:09:09And then just like scampering into a tattoo parlor
00:09:12And getting it done
00:09:12Kind of makes me sick
00:09:13Totally, it's sickening
00:09:15And you should have seen the way that he showed me the tattoo
00:09:18It was like he was this weak little puppy
00:09:20Just begging for my approval
00:09:23Puppy, gross
00:09:24You know, and it's not like he has to have it together all the time
00:09:27But it's like, have a backbone sometimes, man
00:09:30It's I am your girlfriend, I am not your mother
00:09:34Mother
00:09:37Are you even listening?
00:09:40Yeah
00:09:44Okay, Katie
00:09:45Have you ever tried dating someone that seems less like a guy and more like an animal?
00:09:51What?
00:09:52Katie
00:09:53Right now I am seeing this guy that just feels dangerous
00:09:58He works out all the time
00:09:59He does MMA
00:10:00He takes steroids
00:10:01He drives recklessly through neighborhoods with like kids in the streets
00:10:04He has all these guns
00:10:07And his dick is just
00:10:10And his dick is just
00:10:10It's huge
00:10:12Honestly, I think it's too big
00:10:13But I don't know, actually, I think it suits him
00:10:16Anyway, what I'm trying to say is after years of dating
00:10:18Like the down-to-earth, self-aware type, right?
00:10:21I am just refreshed dating someone who feels like he's gonna fly off the handle
00:10:26Like last week we were at this restaurant and he just started screaming at our server
00:10:29I mean he totally lost it
00:10:30Thought he was gonna like break a bottle and start stabbing people
00:10:33It was like a movie
00:10:36The point is
00:10:39It was really hot
00:10:42And I think, Katie
00:10:44Deep down inside
00:10:46Whether you want to admit it or not
00:10:49You need something like that in your life
00:10:55I think I'm good on that
00:10:58I think what I really need is someone who knows what he wants
00:11:00I know what I want
00:11:01I don't compare myself to other people
00:11:03I don't judge myself
00:11:04I just want someone to meet me on that level
00:11:06I want a man who is as secure in his life as I am
00:11:16Yeah
00:11:18I'll be right back
00:11:27Natalie!
00:11:28Oh my god, hey
00:11:29How are you, girl?
00:11:31I'm good
00:11:32I'm so good
00:11:35It's good to hear from you
00:11:36It has been way too long
00:11:37Yeah
00:11:38Yeah, I think the last time we saw each other was mom's awkward Zoom call
00:11:42Ugh, I knew the day of reckoning would come when she learned how to use video chat
00:11:47So, how are you?
00:11:49What's going on?
00:11:51Well, I actually wanted to call to let you know I'm in town
00:11:57Really?
00:12:00Wow!
00:12:01Yeah!
00:12:02I'm sorry for not letting you know sooner but it was sort of a spur of the moment thing
00:12:06where Luke and I wanted to visit some friends
00:12:07How long are you guys in town for?
00:12:09Only a few days actually
00:12:12Oh no!
00:12:13Yeah, I wish I could stay longer but you know how things get
00:12:17Anyway, I know this is so, so last minute and feel free to say no but Luke and I are
00:12:23going
00:12:23to this really small dinner party tonight at a friend's place and I wanted to see if you
00:12:27I just wanted to come
00:12:32You still there?
00:12:34Yeah!
00:12:35Yeah!
00:12:36Did she say tonight?
00:12:37Yeah, again, it's totally fine if you can't make it
00:12:41I just wanted to get a chance to see you
00:12:43Yeah!
00:12:44Yeah, I can be there
00:12:46Yeah, no problem
00:12:47Sure?
00:12:50Absolutely
00:12:50Oh my god, that's so great
00:12:52I can't wait to hear everything that's going on with you
00:12:57Yeah, I'm so excited
00:12:59Great!
00:13:00Wait, oh, are you still with, um, I'm so sorry I forget his name
00:13:05Brian
00:13:05Yes, Brian!
00:13:07Are you still together?
00:13:13Yeah
00:13:14Yeah
00:13:15We're, we're totally
00:13:17We're so, we're so, we're so good
00:13:19Great!
00:13:20Well, he's more than welcome to come along
00:13:22I'd love to finally meet him
00:13:25We'll both be there
00:13:25Awesome!
00:13:27Well, we've got to run but I'll text you when you do
00:13:29Okay, um, I'm so excited
00:13:32I can't wait to see you, Katie
00:13:35Bye!
00:13:43Oh my god, have you seen Rachel's new wedding photos?
00:13:46Barf!
00:13:49Bye!
00:13:56Bye!
00:13:57Bye!
00:13:58Bye!
00:13:59Bye!
00:14:01So, you're saying your relationship would've fallen apart anyway because her sense of humor isn't as good as yours?
00:14:09No, I would never say that
00:14:11Okay
00:14:12I mean her sense of humor, to be honest, definitely doesn't match mine
00:14:15I mean she never got like subtle jokes and ironic gestures, obviously
00:14:20And yeah, that probably would've led to us eventually breaking up
00:14:24But I feel like it's more about her inability to communicate
00:14:27You think she doesn't listen to you?
00:14:29No, obviously she listened, she just didn't listen, you know?
00:14:34For example, I have told her on multiple occasions, you know, I'm allergic to wine
00:14:39I know, it's weird, but I am
00:14:41I get flush, my stomach acts up, I feel like complete garbage
00:14:45But like clockwork, once a month she'll be like
00:14:47Oh my god, we gotta try this new place, Cafe Pazazza
00:14:50I mean it honestly feels like a slap in the face when she does that
00:14:53Yeah man, that's super disrespectful
00:14:55No, it's not super disrespectful
00:14:57It just shows she has no consideration for anyone but herself
00:15:01I just think she is deeply emotionally insecure
00:15:05You know, she's in a relationship, but what's even the point?
00:15:08She never wants to do anything fun
00:15:10We never go on trips because of her work
00:15:12She never really listens
00:15:13She says I love you, but after dating someone for two years
00:15:16That's mandatory
00:15:18I don't think she has a definition of what love is for her
00:15:22And to be perfectly honest, my love might be too strong for her
00:15:25You know, my love is pretty strong
00:15:28I sort of wonder if she can't fully comprehend the power of my love
00:15:36You know?
00:15:40Yeah, um
00:15:43Yeah, there's definitely a lot to unpack there
00:15:47You know, it's tough for me to be sort of neutral in all this
00:15:51Because Katie and I haven't really seen eye to eye on most things
00:15:58The one piece of advice I can give you is that
00:16:01Even though you're going through a tough time
00:16:04I think what happened is good
00:16:06I think this is a great opportunity for you to find some change in your life
00:16:09You know, during the next chapter
00:16:12But it's important to remember that when you read a book
00:16:14You don't go back and read a chapter twice
00:16:16You move on, you continue with the story
00:16:20Because I think you're going to find there's some way better chapters ahead of you
00:16:24Because honestly, that last one, I don't think was that great
00:16:28Whatever you do, don't go back because that is unhealthy and toxic
00:16:31And in my opinion, pretty unlikable
00:16:34So...
00:16:34Move on
00:16:37You know, Jarek, you're completely wrong
00:16:42Because I already have
00:16:46Okay, great
00:16:53Oh, hello Katie
00:16:55Hello, Jarek
00:16:56Is Brian here?
00:16:57He is, but he doesn't want to speak to you right now
00:16:59Hey, actually I'm going to talk with her for a minute
00:17:01What are you doing? We just got done talking about chapters
00:17:03No, I know, don't worry, it's cool
00:17:04No, it's not cool, it's not cool at all
00:17:05Just be a minute, I really appreciate you looking out for me, thank you so much
00:17:08Brian!
00:17:14So...
00:17:15Hey
00:17:16Hi
00:17:18I think we both said some things this morning that we didn't mean
00:17:22Sure
00:17:24You know, I was heated, you were heated
00:17:27We were heated
00:17:29And I was just wondering if we could just both acknowledge that we were wrong
00:17:35And then...
00:17:37You know, move on
00:17:39Are you apologizing?
00:17:40No
00:17:40God no
00:17:42But I'm not asking you to, either
00:17:46Okay, that's... that's fair
00:17:50Okay, so I kind of told my sister that you were coming to the party
00:17:55So you told your sister I was going to be at the dinner party
00:17:59I did
00:18:00I did, yeah
00:18:01That's pretty weird that you would say that
00:18:03I know
00:18:05But...
00:18:06Either way
00:18:07I was...
00:18:09Wondering if maybe...
00:18:11You know...
00:18:13I think what you're asking me to do is very unhealthy
00:18:16Uh...
00:18:17For you and for me
00:18:18We've gone through a profoundly traumatic experience
00:18:21And for us to put on some grotesque performance for your sister
00:18:24I... I think it's regressive
00:18:26I think it's despicable
00:18:27I think...
00:18:28Oh my god, are you done?
00:18:29Okay, look, I get I have no right asking you this
00:18:32And I understand how pitiful I look right now, okay?
00:18:35But...
00:18:35I'm saying...
00:18:37This would really mean a lot to me
00:18:39If you did this
00:18:42Plus this could kind of be like...
00:18:44Like our last hurrah, right?
00:18:46This is what...
00:18:48Every couple wishes for when they break up
00:18:51Closure
00:18:53That's kind of poetic
00:18:57Plus I'll pay you
00:18:59A thousand dollars
00:18:59I'm a small business owner
00:19:01And...
00:19:02You're doing me a service
00:19:04Hmm?
00:19:06This isn't because of the money
00:19:07Because frankly, you know
00:19:08That's a little bit insulting
00:19:10But...
00:19:11Yes...
00:19:12I will do it
00:19:14Thank you
00:19:17No, no, stop, no
00:19:19God damn it, Brian
00:19:19What the hell is wrong with you?
00:19:20It's like you've literally forgot
00:19:21Every single thing we talked about in the last hour
00:19:23You realize how bad this is gonna screw you up, right?
00:19:25And this...
00:19:26Mmm, this is twisted
00:19:27Even for you
00:19:28You really should be ashamed of yourself, you witch
00:19:30Derek Gary
00:19:31A school's gonna be fine
00:19:32Trust me, this is what I need right now
00:19:33And I'm so glad that you helped me through this
00:19:35And I respect you so much
00:19:36And I love you
00:19:48Don't take this the wrong way, but you need to get in quotes for this thing tonight
00:19:51My first impulse is to argue with you, but I agree
00:19:55So you haven't talked to your sister in three years?
00:19:58I mean, not in person
00:19:58But we've talked on Zoom a couple times
00:20:00Oh, well, that's better than a normal conversation
00:20:05So your sister's a really successful lawyer?
00:20:08I mean, yeah
00:20:09She may partner at 29, but like, who cares?
00:20:11There were so many lawyers, especially in D.C.
00:20:13I mean, that's what makes it impressive, right?
00:20:15The fact that there's so many lawyers?
00:20:19So your parents are probably pretty stoked that your sister's an important lawyer?
00:20:23Yeah, they are, okay?
00:20:30Okay, her Instagram is insane
00:20:32She travels all the time
00:20:34Wait, she's a workaholic attorney that travels? How is that possible?
00:20:37She's just one of these people who travels to find herself
00:20:40God
00:20:41You know, I've been a few places in my life
00:20:43And I've never learned anything about myself
00:20:45It's a joke
00:20:46Everything with those kinds of people is a joke
00:21:12So, since we're lying about being together, I thought that we could also lie about your job
00:21:20You can see why I'd find that offensive, right?
00:21:23It's like, we're already lying, so might as well just go for it
00:21:26Are you gonna lie about your job?
00:21:28No
00:21:30Look, I love that you're a graphic designer
00:21:33It's creative, and it's interesting, and it's so cool
00:21:36But it's just not really intimidating
00:21:38You think graphic designer is, like, an inherently weak profession?
00:21:42No, what I'm saying is that someone who's, like, a CEO
00:21:45Or, like, a politician
00:21:47Has this menacing horror about them
00:21:49And it has nothing to do with how they act or their personality
00:21:51It's just their job title
00:21:53Do you always wish I had a job that terrified your friends?
00:21:56No
00:21:56I love that you love being a graphic designer, okay?
00:22:02You're just not the most career-oriented person
00:22:04You know, at the risk of sounding pretentious, I feel like by now solely concentrating on my job
00:22:08I've kind of built a robust internal life
00:22:11You know, I watch movies, I read books, I reflect on things
00:22:14You reflect on things?
00:22:16I reflect on all sorts of things
00:22:17I reflect on culture, the state of society, who I am
00:22:21What books do you read? You don't read books
00:22:23I do read books, I do
00:22:31Did you have a specific job in mind?
00:22:33I was thinking, like an entrepreneur
00:22:36Absolutely not, every person I know who calls himself an entrepreneur is just a humongous piece of shit
00:22:41Fine, Ryan, what imaginary job would you like to have?
00:22:45Well, I was thinking, like, maybe something like a scientist
00:22:48Like, kind of like a climate change scientist
00:22:51There's no way in hell anyone is ever going to believe that you're a scientist
00:22:55Is this just shit on Brian Day or something?
00:22:57I mean, like, the fact that I'm passionate about climate change will add depth to my performance
00:23:02Can you just be an investment banker?
00:23:05Fine, I can be an investment banker
00:23:07Great
00:23:14Yeah, so I don't know anything about investment banking
00:23:18I know a guy
00:23:59Well, this situation you're in, Katie, is quite strange
00:24:03I'd be lying if I said I wasn't genuinely intrigued
00:24:06I mean, to be a part of such an elaborate ruse is riveting
00:24:13tantalizing. There's a seductive quality to it. And I've actually always believed that there exists
00:24:21sincere yearning within each of us to cast aside the banality of the me and to allow transcendence
00:24:27through a type of performance. Yes? All the world stage, etc. But Katie, through this contrivance
00:24:35you've concocted, you really get to do it. I hope you excuse my greenish complexion, Brian.
00:24:42I'm seething with envy. Also the way you describe your sister. Sounds like a huge bitch.
00:24:49She's a lot. So you're cool teaching me about finance stuff? Of course, Brian. Although
00:25:00I do admit, I'm a little surprised, Brian, that you're actually up for all this. I mean it
00:25:04must be kind of difficult after just getting dumped this morning, right? I think it's more
00:25:09of a mutual breakup thing. But yeah, I think there's kind of a great way to find closure
00:25:13in our relationship. That's what I said. And I agreed.
00:25:15Katie, as a deeply respected professional colleague of yours, I have to say I would help you with
00:25:21anything. But Brian... uh... Brian may not be able to glean the appropriate amount of financial
00:25:30know-how in time in order to pull off this glorious charade. I don't know, I think I'm a pretty
00:25:34quick
00:25:34learner. I just need the basics and some buzzwords you guys use. He just needs to know what to
00:25:39say if someone asks him what he does for a living. Brian is really good at making things
00:25:43up. The hell's that supposed to mean? Oh, I will be right back. Arnold, thank you so much
00:25:50for doing that. Okay. So, where do we start?
00:26:15Hey! What's up? Hey, I didn't need to pressure you into coming out tonight. I really didn't
00:26:21mean to put you on the spot like that. I know. It's all good. You didn't put me on the
00:26:26spot.
00:26:28Just to sort of get a gauge of where you're at so far, are you familiar with how small businesses
00:26:33attract financing through venture capital firms in exchange for equity? Only in the... in
00:26:37the broadest sense. How about how early stage companies attain market entry through the use
00:26:41of external funding and maybe... Oh! Bootstrapping. What do you know about bootstrapping? I don't
00:26:48know much about that. What about how pre-seed founders core startup accelerators to the use
00:26:51of idealization models? What can you tell me? I'm so excited for tonight. It will be great
00:26:59to finally get up to speed with each other. Yeah. Yeah. It's been way too long. Way too long. Way
00:27:05too long.
00:27:09I guess an easy way to pretend like you know what you're talking about is to go ahead and say
00:27:14that
00:27:14you're going through a Series J funding round with a small startup that's showing promise.
00:27:19Series J? Sure. As long as you can remember some of the big words and throwing a letter here and
00:27:23there, Brian will pass as a big old businessman who knows all about this complicated money stuff.
00:27:27Okay. I'm sensing a certain level of condescension being directed at me right now.
00:27:32You're sensing it? Yeah. I'm also sensing a certain level of prickishness just sort of like emanating
00:27:37from this direction. The direction I'm in? Yeah. I mean, it's almost like you're a prick.
00:27:43Great. I'll grab a bottle of rosé.
00:27:46I gotta go. Bye.
00:27:51Well, you can imagine how torn up I am about your assessment of my attitude, Brian.
00:27:54Well, maybe you should be. That way you might learn how to not be completely off-putting.
00:27:57Guys! Guys, how did this escalate so quickly?
00:28:00Katie, Katie, I'm sorry to say it, but I think Brian is a lost cause.
00:28:02As I was graciously trying to impart some of my professional wisdom to him, he began lashing
00:28:05out at me due to what I assume is his lack of comprehensive abilities. It's not his fault.
00:28:09And he became increasingly defensive and extremely hostile to me. I don't feel safe. I don't feel safe right now.
00:28:12Please. The only reason I was defensive was because you were offensive. The guy's been treating me like
00:28:16a patronizing kindergarten teacher from the moment he saw me.
00:28:18Okay, Katie, look. I hate to say this. I hate to say it. Fuck!
00:28:21But there is a capacity to how much a person can learn, and it ends. And I think Brian has
00:28:24reached his limit.
00:28:25Okay, guys, I cannot handle this right now, okay? Thank you so much, Arnold. Brian, get in the car.
00:28:29Great. Now you're patronizing me, too.
00:28:31Okay!
00:28:31Uh, uh, Katie, Katie, Katie, Katie! Um, uh, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry about that. You know, I didn't mean
00:28:37for that to happen. Out of care. I'm sorry.
00:28:39It's fine. It's totally fine. Okay, okay. Okay, thank you for everything.
00:28:43Yeah, it was great seeing you. It was great seeing you. Um, if you ever need help in the future,
00:28:48truly, with anything, any kind of work, you know, yard work, whatever, I'm always here to help. Uh, you. Okay.
00:28:56Okay.
00:28:57Okay.
00:28:57I gotta go. You're the best. Okay. I gotta, I gotta go. Okay.
00:29:06Oh, come on.
00:29:11Ryan, were you going to attempt to learn anything, or were you just gonna immediately be unpleasant?
00:29:21Honestly, I went into that situation as a complete sponge, and Arnold might have ruined my interest in finance. How
00:29:26do you even work with a guy like that?
00:29:28He has introduced me to dozens of clients.
00:29:31Oh, well, what a gracious man.
00:29:32Oh, what? Do you think that he was attacking you for no reason?
00:29:35Oh, no. He had a reason.
00:29:37Okay, so what was the reason?
00:29:39Please, are you really gonna play this game?
00:29:41I am not playing a game, Ryan.
00:29:43You are actively playing a game.
00:29:45All right, so wait, you think that he attacked you to impress me?
00:29:49Bingo.
00:29:49Wow. Okay.
00:29:51No, we are strictly professional colleagues.
00:29:55You are literally smiling while saying that.
00:29:59Literally smiling because this is insane.
00:30:02No, you're smiling because you're happy that you can rebound literally hours after we've broken up.
00:30:07Okay. I think there is a much bigger issue at play here.
00:30:10Of course there's a bigger issue at play. There's always a bigger issue at play.
00:30:20You know, it is like a general rule that whoever is driving is in control of the music.
00:30:27So I'm just going to put it back on.
00:30:31I, I, I can't get along without you.
00:30:35I'll never say goodbye.
00:30:37I can't get along without you.
00:30:44Ryan, you are acting hysterical.
00:30:47You know, you think I'd be used to your, like, empathetic deficiencies by now, but today you really raised the
00:30:52bar.
00:30:52What did I do?
00:30:53The relationship I've been in for two years literally ended this morning and now like four hours later I'm watching
00:31:00my ex flirt with some dude literally right in front of me.
00:31:03I was literally not flirting. Okay? You were literally making this up.
00:31:07Why do we think she set this whole thing up just to fuck with my feelings one last time?
00:31:11Like, like, like, like some orca that tortures its prey before eating it alive.
00:31:15I think that your feelings aren't even that hurt right now.
00:31:18Yeah, I think that you're using this as an opportunity to be like, hmm, let me just, like, gaslight Katie,
00:31:23make her feel like a sociopath so that I can take the moral high ground and make her feel bad
00:31:27about herself.
00:31:28Well, you know what? I am not the orca, Ryan. You are the fucking orca!
00:31:39Great. Yeah, go ahead. Go ahead and hang out with all the other marine life.
00:32:07Alexa, play Trinidad James, all gold, everything.
00:32:14Alexa.
00:32:19Alexa.
00:32:20Alexa.
00:32:23Hey.
00:32:27I'm having a really hard time right now. Do you think I'm a sociopath?
00:32:32No, you're not charismatic enough.
00:32:35I just think I really misread how Brian is handling all this. Like, completely.
00:32:39And I know that this might not be good for him, but I need him. And I just, I feel
00:32:43like shit.
00:32:44Wait, who's Brian again?
00:32:47Is that a serious question?
00:32:50Oh, yeah, never mind. Um, yeah, no, he sucks. You are too good for him. And you just need to
00:32:57remember, we're Queens, girl, and Queens is our King, so just remember that.
00:33:14Okay.
00:33:15Yeah.
00:33:33I don't want to apologize, but I regret putting you through this.
00:33:41If you don't want to do this, it's fine.
00:33:44You know it's probably the better person thing to do.
00:33:50I shouldn't say that you lack empathy or refer to you as a robot.
00:33:55That's an easy dig on my part.
00:33:58I'd like to go through with this thing tonight because, I mean, you know, why not, right?
00:34:06Just to be clear, you're not into Arnold, right?
00:34:10Oh my god, no.
00:34:13No, I mean, he's nice, but he looks too much like an owl.
00:34:16You know, what's nuts is I kind of thought he looked like a hawk.
00:34:19He always looks like he's hunting, you know?
00:34:20Yeah, it's something about his head movement or something.
00:34:23It's just like...
00:34:37Who's Hannah?
00:34:40A friend.
00:34:42A friend.
00:34:44Why haven't I heard of her?
00:34:49I don't know.
00:34:54Hello?
00:34:54I don't think you should...
00:34:55Can I talk to her?
00:34:56No, this is Katie.
00:34:57Brian's girlfriend.
00:34:59Well, ex-girlfriend.
00:35:00Who is this?
00:35:01Oh, Hannah.
00:35:04Hannah, you're Brian's friend.
00:35:06And I've never heard of you.
00:35:07I'm taking the phone.
00:35:08Yeah, no, this is weird.
00:35:09This is, this is really weird.
00:35:11Oh, yeah.
00:35:12You've heard about me?
00:35:14You're going to spray me with pepper spray?
00:35:16Cool, cool, cool.
00:35:16Is that what you're going to do?
00:35:17Okay.
00:35:17Maybe you should go and stop being such a colossal whore.
00:35:20I'm taking the phone.
00:35:21Stop!
00:35:22Oh my god.
00:35:25Shit.
00:35:31How did you meet her?
00:35:33I met her about a year ago at a bookstore.
00:35:35Okay, what is it with you and books?
00:35:36I've never even seen you read a book.
00:35:38I read books, okay?
00:35:39I do read books.
00:35:40Okay, so that's just one more thing that you're hiding from me.
00:35:42Look, it's totally messed up that I hid this from you.
00:35:45That was very unfair, but I will say it was a completely platonic relationship.
00:35:48There's absolutely no sex whatsoever.
00:35:51I don't believe you.
00:35:52And even if I did, then it's still cheating.
00:35:54I legitimately believe that talking with Hannah helped our relationship.
00:35:58When we hung out, it was almost like mutual therapy.
00:36:01We just dumped our emotional baggage and leave.
00:36:04You know, by doing that, you got spared having to listen to a lot of my problems,
00:36:08because let's be honest, you kind of shut down whenever we talk about personal stuff.
00:36:11Do you want me to pepper spray you again?
00:36:13I think you should meet her.
00:36:16What?
00:36:16I think if you met her, you'd understand how innocent our relationship was.
00:36:20Okay.
00:36:23Okay, what?
00:36:24Okay, let's meet her.
00:36:27Okay?
00:36:28Okay.
00:36:29Okay.
00:36:30Okay.
00:36:31Okay.
00:37:25So, thank you for letting us be here and talk with you.
00:37:29I know this is weird, but thank you.
00:37:33And, um, thank you, you know, for being willing to come here and hear what this is all about.
00:37:54Who are you?
00:37:56I'm Chris.
00:37:58Okay.
00:38:03So, um, I'll be honest, I don't really know what to say right now.
00:38:08Okay, so you guys have been seeing each other for a year?
00:38:12Yes.
00:38:13Did you know that he was dating me?
00:38:16Yes, I did.
00:38:17And did you feel guilty that he was in a relationship?
00:38:21No, because I'm not responsible for what Brian does.
00:38:26Do I think it was morally wrong he didn't tell you about me? Maybe.
00:38:29Probably, but it's not my place to judge.
00:38:33Did you sleep with him?
00:38:35No.
00:38:36How do I know you're not lying?
00:38:38You don't.
00:38:40I will say this, and you can choose to believe me or not, but I am sincerely not attracted to
00:38:47Brian
00:38:47sexually or physically in any way.
00:38:51It's hard to explain, but to me there is actually nothing romantic about Brian at all.
00:38:57I almost see him as the antithesis of romance.
00:39:00Okay, uh, let's pause here for a second.
00:39:03I'm the antithesis of romance?
00:39:06It's like, it's not like I'm some sort of swamp creature or something.
00:39:10I think I'm an okay guy here.
00:39:12I'm not saying I see you as a swamp creature.
00:39:15To me, you're more like a child or a dog.
00:39:20You could see how I could find that insulting, right?
00:39:24You're completely allowed to be offended by how I think of you.
00:39:27Well, I don't think you actually think of me like that.
00:39:29You're allowed to think that.
00:39:30Please stop allowing me to do things.
00:39:32Brian, when you would come over and talk about your problems and cry about various existential
00:39:37crises you were having, in those moments I viewed myself as a sort of counselor or mother.
00:39:43That's completely healthy.
00:39:45I don't think this is an accurate depiction of our relationship.
00:39:48Okay, um...
00:39:50Hold on, why did you want to hang out with a man who acts like a baby?
00:39:55It's hard to explain, but I love watching men experience profound emasculation.
00:40:03Wow.
00:40:05Okay, let's just be clear. I am not a child.
00:40:07I am not a dog. And I am not a baby.
00:40:10I'm not saying you are. I'm saying that's how I see you.
00:40:12This was a mutual thing. We both shared our problems with each other.
00:40:15No, you told me about your problems. I didn't tell you mine.
00:40:18Yes, you did.
00:40:19No, Brian. I didn't.
00:40:21Why do you like to watch men act pathetic?
00:40:25To say my father was a masculine figure would probably be an understatement.
00:40:31He hunted. He drank. He gambled. He fought.
00:40:36One day, he blacked out and crashed his Mustang into our house.
00:40:40But it was in that moment I saw him do something I didn't think he was capable of.
00:40:47He cried. It's probably the most honest thing I ever saw my dad do.
00:40:53Boxing, cigars, big muscles, big trucks, big dicks.
00:40:58These things don't really do much for me.
00:41:01Even if a guy is genuinely into that stuff, due to my adolescent imprinting,
00:41:05it seems performative in some way.
00:41:07I know it probably seems strange, even regressive, but the idea of me comforting a gigantic adult-sized baby is
00:41:15exciting.
00:41:16It's intoxicating.
00:41:18I know a baby can't be adult-sized, but through the magic of roleplay, we get pretty close.
00:41:28One thing I will say is this.
00:41:29There's nothing like coming home to a 30-year-old man dressed entirely in Oshkosh Bogosh.
00:41:35Hannah, stop.
00:41:36What?
00:41:37I can't do this anymore.
00:41:39Do what?
00:41:41I'm not a baby.
00:41:43I never said you were.
00:41:44Oh, okay. So you just treat me like one?
00:41:46Sure. Within the healthy boundaries that we both agreed upon.
00:41:49Hannah, there's nothing healthy about this.
00:41:51I don't understand.
00:41:52I'm a man, okay? I'm not a baby. I'm a man.
00:41:55Chris, calm down. You're having a tantrum.
00:41:57You don't realize how much this affects me.
00:41:59I'll be at work filling out spreadsheets wondering if I should drink my coffee through a bottle. I've had it.
00:42:03I thought you liked baby time.
00:42:04I did baby time because you wanted to do baby time.
00:42:07Do you think I like watching Peppa Pig and being called big boy and waddling around in diapers?
00:42:10It's roleplay.
00:42:11It's moved far beyond roleplay, Hannah.
00:42:13Also, I don't appreciate you working through your mother fantasies with other dudes.
00:42:16We agreed to an open relationship.
00:42:18Yeah, I thought you were going to bang other guys,
00:42:19not talk to losers about their feelings in our living room.
00:42:22Well, you definitely weren't complaining when you slept with my friend Maggie.
00:42:25Oh, yep.
00:42:26There it is.
00:42:27Can't let that one go.
00:42:28Now who's the baby?
00:42:58I'm having a hard time.
00:43:00Yeah, well, I don't blame you.
00:43:01I mean, that was something back there.
00:43:06I think I'm having a breakdown.
00:43:08Okay, fine.
00:43:09You're fine.
00:43:10Look, I'm not even mad at you anymore, okay?
00:43:12That wasn't cheating.
00:43:13I don't know what that was, but that definitely, that was not cheating.
00:43:17I just, just, all of that back there is sort of making me question a lot about myself.
00:43:23Well, maybe this is good for your growth.
00:43:26I need to talk to somebody.
00:43:27Just relax, okay?
00:43:29At least you're not that Chris guy.
00:43:31Katie, I need some sort of professional help because I'm freaking out.
00:43:34Okay, look, the dinner is in like three hours.
00:43:36Can you just like freak out at another time?
00:43:37Katie, I need to talk to somebody or I'm going to fucking lose it.
00:43:40Oh my God.
00:43:41What, what, well, what are we supposed to do?
00:43:44I don't know.
00:43:45I don't know.
00:43:46Brian, breathe.
00:43:47Oh my God.
00:43:48God damn it, Brian.
00:43:49What about that guy we both did work for a couple months ago?
00:43:51He has some sort of therapy business, right?
00:43:53Daryl is not an actual therapist.
00:43:55I don't care.
00:43:56I'm going to call and make an appointment.
00:43:57Oh, God damn it.
00:43:59God damn it.
00:44:14I'm not an actual therapist.
00:44:22When we talked a few months ago,
00:44:24you mentioned you did some sort of therapy outside your accounting business.
00:44:29You must have misunderstood.
00:44:32I trained therapy dogs for people suffering from mental trauma,
00:44:35PTSD, addiction, that sort of thing.
00:44:39Are they the dogs that walk around with blind people?
00:44:41No, those are service dogs, very different.
00:44:46Okay, well, thanks, Daryl.
00:44:50I gotta get this.
00:44:52Hey, Arnold.
00:45:01Brian.
00:45:05Looks like you've been through the ringer.
00:45:10Yeah, I guess I have.
00:45:14What do you say we go out back and I introduce you to one of the dogs?
00:45:22I think I'd like that.
00:45:25Good.
00:45:28Good.
00:45:31Hey, Katie.
00:45:33How are you?
00:45:35I'm good.
00:45:36What's up?
00:45:37Well, I just wanted to call and apologize for what happened earlier.
00:45:41That was completely out of character and I should have been a lot more patient with you and Brian.
00:45:48Well, Brian requires a lot of patience.
00:45:51Right.
00:45:52Well, I certainly didn't mean for it to get very heated, which it did.
00:45:56Brian seems like a nice guy, a good guy.
00:45:59Maybe he's a little misguided, maybe a little bit inarticulate, but good.
00:46:03Ultimately, to my mind, he seems very pleasant to me, very pleasant.
00:46:08Well, I appreciate that.
00:46:11So, Katie, how are you doing?
00:46:16I'm good.
00:46:17I can imagine this whole situation you're in must be utterly exhausting.
00:46:29When I got back from the Gulf, nothing made any sense.
00:46:35I think the biggest problem was in Kuwait.
00:46:37I knew exactly what I had to do.
00:46:40Every day, laid out.
00:46:44But when I got home, it was like I couldn't figure out, I mean, who I was, who I needed
00:46:51to be.
00:46:53You felt lost.
00:46:55Yeah.
00:46:57The next few years was all dope, booze, jail, cancer.
00:47:01I had a kid in there somewhere.
00:47:05Caused a whole lot of grief.
00:47:08When I reached the bottom, the only thing I had left was pain.
00:47:15Pain you can't run from or ignore.
00:47:19Pain that surrounds you, becomes part of you.
00:47:26Took a little while.
00:47:28But I finally figured out that all that pain I was feeling was not a burden.
00:47:34It was a gift.
00:47:37Because whether you like it or not, pain changes you.
00:47:44Hey, take it for what it's worth from an old, stupid man like me.
00:47:49But do not run from pain.
00:47:53Let it hit you harder than a train.
00:47:57Because if you fight change, you're dumber than me.
00:48:05I think I know what you mean.
00:48:09The only thing is, I think there's a lot more change ahead.
00:48:14Oh yeah?
00:48:15Oh yeah, big change.
00:48:18What kind of change?
00:48:22I think a war is coming.
00:48:25A war?
00:48:27When I was in the service, the enemy was Saddam.
00:48:31Later, Al-Qaeda.
00:48:33Now, I think we're up against an enemy that I don't think we're ready for.
00:48:38What kind of enemy?
00:48:45Brian, what do you know about the globalists?
00:48:50Imagine this whole situation is awful.
00:48:53The stress you're under.
00:48:55Oh my god.
00:48:56Yeah, I just hope that everything plays out well tonight.
00:48:59I'm sure everything will be fine, Katie.
00:49:01That's actually what you're good at, Katie.
00:49:03You know, you know what you want.
00:49:04And you power through and make it happen.
00:49:07But you remain considerate, which is deeply refreshing to a guy like me.
00:49:11Well, thank you.
00:49:13Hey, Katie.
00:49:13I was wondering, and this might be totally wacky,
00:49:17but do you think maybe sometime next week we could perhaps, if you wanted,
00:49:23get a... grab a... get a... grab a coffee?
00:49:26What do you think?
00:49:29A coffee?
00:49:33I mean, think about it.
00:49:34They completely control media, tech, the banks, diamonds.
00:49:38All while engaging in pedophilia on a mass scale.
00:49:42I am counting the days until we all say,
00:49:44enough!
00:49:45We're coming after you.
00:49:47And we are not gonna stop until we get you.
00:49:50That's the day that I'm waiting for.
00:49:53I am just in such a weird place right now.
00:49:56I don't know where my head's at.
00:49:57I just... I feel like I just need some time to get my bearings.
00:50:02Uh, yeah, I totally understand.
00:50:04Katie, yeah.
00:50:06You know, if I went through what you're going through, I'd be doing the same thing.
00:50:11Thanks, Arnold.
00:50:12You're just such a cool person.
00:50:14I mean, it's always been a goal of mine to be as cool as possible, so thank you.
00:50:19I gotta go, but, um, you know, stay in touch, bud.
00:50:23Oh, okay.
00:50:23Okay, bye.
00:50:58And you better believe the ATF has no idea what I have in the basement.
00:51:02All I know is when the signal's given, I will be the first one in the trenches.
00:51:08To take back our country.
00:51:10Are you done with the dog?
00:51:12We really gotta go.
00:51:14Hey, uh, I think we need to talk.
00:51:18Oh, goddammit.
00:51:19So, in talking with Daryl, I've heard some pretty wild things.
00:51:23But, um, I've also sort of realized that I can't do this.
00:51:31This thing we're doing is killing me because I still have feelings for you.
00:51:35Because, well, you know, I mean, we literally broke up a few hours ago.
00:51:40But now you're taking advantage of my feelings in order to do this whole thing with your sister.
00:51:44And honestly, that's, that's fine.
00:51:46You know, we've been in this emotional chess match for a while now.
00:51:50So, you know, good move.
00:51:53I just, I can't do it.
00:51:57And this isn't me trying to get one over on you.
00:52:00This is me saying I'm spent.
00:52:12Okay.
00:52:15Are, are you gonna say anything?
00:52:18I have nothing to say anymore, Brian.
00:52:40This heart, it seems
00:52:48Sweet words to you
00:53:01We'll sit and smile
00:53:09As the world
00:53:12Passes us by
00:53:19And I'll carry you so safely
00:53:26If only
00:53:28If only you'll take me
00:53:34Hey, Katie.
00:53:36I think you did the right thing leaving him.
00:53:38I know it's tough.
00:53:40But you'll get through it.
00:53:41You're strong, right?
00:53:42But you also look a fucking wreck.
00:53:45I mean, god damn.
00:53:47I mean, look at you.
00:53:48Fuck.
00:53:50Oh my goodness.
00:53:52Oh my goodness.
00:53:53Oh my goodness.
00:53:55This heart has weeped
00:54:02And it will fly to you
00:54:10This heart has weeped
00:54:28This heart has weeped
00:54:36Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
00:54:37Hello?
00:54:40Hey, Arnold.
00:54:49It's like, should I feel guilty, elated, angry, or is it like a like a multi-emotional blend?
00:54:55Also, I'm still pissed she never remembers I'm allergic to wine.
00:54:58I feel like my emotional state can only be described as like raw I'm at peak raw
00:55:03Which is either a very good thing or a very bad thing
00:55:07Yeah, and just a heads up. I'm gonna need a lot of emotional support probably over the next several months.
00:55:13You know what I mean?
00:55:15I mean, it's like she doesn't even care about climate change even though it's the issue of our generation
00:55:26So you think
00:55:31Yeah, I I I think that I
00:55:39Cannot listen to any more of this shit
00:55:45I
00:55:45Have been forced to tolerate the raw sewage that flows out of your mouth for
00:55:54way too long
00:55:57Every time you talk like it's shit in my ears and
00:56:03I nod and I go mm-hmm. Yeah, that's that that sucks dude. Yeah, I'm sorry to hear that that
00:56:09must be tough
00:56:12I mean, I get it like like we all need to vent and we all have problems, but I am
00:56:17NOT a sewer
00:56:20You can't keep gathering up all of your shit and
00:56:24Saying hmm, where do I put this and then you you call me up and you come over to my
00:56:31house my home and
00:56:33you
00:56:34dump it
00:56:36all over me
00:56:39You want my advice? Of course, you know, what am I saying? You don't want my advice. Well, I'm gonna
00:56:43say it anyway
00:56:43Fuck it. You need help. Okay, you don't need a girlfriend
00:56:48You need to take a good hard look at you and say well, how do I fix this thing?
00:56:54that is me
00:56:56because
00:56:57Brian
00:57:00you are
00:57:01very very
00:57:03very
00:57:04fucked up
00:57:07in your head
00:57:13You know Derek you're completely wrong. Oh my god. I'm fucking murder you. I don't need to work on myself
00:57:18I mean I do but yeah, I've been working on myself a lot. I
00:57:22Think maybe too much. I need to do something for someone else for once
00:57:27I need to fix other people and look I don't care if Katie hates me or or doesn't even care
00:57:33about me
00:57:34I care about Katie and so I'm gonna go to that dinner party and I'm going to lie to a
00:57:41bunch of
00:57:41Strangers for her now. Can you give me a ride?
00:57:49Are you asked me to drive you to the dinner party?
00:57:51I am
00:57:53I am
00:57:54No
00:57:55No
00:57:59Okay
00:58:02I will uh
00:58:03I'll call a lift
00:58:05and my battery's dead
00:58:12I
00:58:12I
00:58:12I
00:58:13I
00:58:13I
00:58:13I assume you're not gonna let me use your bike
00:58:20Shit
00:58:23um
00:58:40Hi Katie, how are you?
00:58:42Thank you for coming.
00:58:46Of course. Shall we? Or shall we?
00:58:49You brought me flowers.
00:58:51Well, yeah. I'm a flowers guy. Here.
00:58:55Awesome. Thank you.
00:58:57Wow.
00:58:58Well, we should probably get going.
00:59:00Yeah. Yeah. Let's do it, Katie.
00:59:03Yeah.
00:59:03Yeah.
00:59:12Okay. Well, I am extremely excited.
00:59:15It's going to be, I think, a lovely evening.
00:59:32Okay, if I put some music on?
00:59:34Sure.
00:59:36Yeah?
00:59:37Okay.
00:59:43I don't listen to that rap crap.
00:59:59So do you have any, like, fun vacations plans?
01:00:03Uh, no.
01:00:05I try not to leave town too often.
01:00:06It actually, uh, kind of throws me off.
01:00:10I find keeping my movements to a minimum keeps me sharp.
01:00:24I often find The New Yorker to be an admirable, um, source of criticism, if you will.
01:00:33I often will write my own criticisms of the books that I read and compare them to the critics of
01:00:39our time.
01:00:58Does your book have a place on TV?
01:00:59Yeah.
01:00:59Do it.
01:01:00Yeah.
01:01:03Ty.
01:01:06Do it.
01:01:06Do it.
01:01:06Do it.
01:01:09Do it.
01:01:09to the back of the book, then it comes.
01:01:21Brian?
01:01:27Hey.
01:01:29What are you doing here?
01:01:31Hold on a second.
01:01:32Look, I make it a point in my life to never overstep my boundaries.
01:01:36Yeah.
01:01:37But I think it's incredibly inappropriate for you to be here, Brian.
01:01:40You should just go home.
01:01:42Shame on you.
01:01:43Arnold's right.
01:01:44Also, you look awful.
01:01:48You're right.
01:01:50I look awful.
01:01:52I feel awful.
01:01:54I am probably awful.
01:01:56You know, you getting Arnold to do this, that might be awful.
01:02:00Arnold, I don't know you that well, but, you know, I can tell you're awful in your own way.
01:02:05We're all awful.
01:02:07And that is okay.
01:02:10Look, I've been called a pathetic loser by multiple people today.
01:02:13But I think I should at least be a pathetic loser who finishes something.
01:02:18I owe it to you to do this.
01:02:20Also, I'm pretty angry with myself right now.
01:02:24And that's sort of motivating me to, like, dunk on those assholes in that house.
01:02:28And show them we're, like, way cooler and way more interesting and way more successful, even if none of that
01:02:35is true.
01:02:35So, so please.
01:02:39Can't...
01:02:39Can we do this?
01:02:45I think I gotta do this with Brian.
01:02:48What?
01:02:50Everything Brian said, and we really have been through a lot.
01:02:58I gotta do this with him.
01:03:03Wow, okay.
01:03:05Um, I mean, you sort of strung me along through all this.
01:03:09I feel so terrible, honestly.
01:03:11And you're so great.
01:03:13Thank you for doing this, even though you didn't really, you know, do this.
01:03:17Yeah, it's fine.
01:03:18Okay.
01:03:22Do you still want to get coffee with me next week?
01:03:25Yeah.
01:03:27Sure.
01:03:30I wish you well, Katie.
01:03:32You too.
01:03:35Hi.
01:03:37Hi.
01:03:39Hi.
01:04:04Oh, hey, uh, Katie and, and, and, uh...
01:04:07Brian.
01:04:07Brian.
01:04:08Yeah.
01:04:08Brian.
01:04:08Oh, my God.
01:04:10It is so good to see you.
01:04:11Hi, I'm joking, Brian.
01:04:13It's finally great to meet you.
01:04:14Great to meet you, too.
01:04:15Great.
01:04:16Come on in.
01:04:29Well, the sword of Damocles is obviously the looming regulatory climate.
01:04:33We saw it in China.
01:04:34We're seeing it in Europe.
01:04:35And who knows what those geniuses at the Fed are up to.
01:04:38Now, am I one of the, uh, the true believers that think we're headed toward a, a decentralized
01:04:44utopian wonderland?
01:04:45No.
01:04:47But do I think that in 10 years, we might see 20% of the population utilizing crypto in
01:04:52a meaningful way?
01:04:55Maybe.
01:05:02What do you think, Brian?
01:05:06I think you should invest all your money in Barnes & Noble.
01:05:15Ah.
01:05:19I don't know.
01:05:20I, I, I got a good feeling about bookstores.
01:05:23Come on.
01:05:24I'll spoon my drink.
01:05:25Way to go, Brian.
01:05:26I didn't expect that from you, Brian.
01:05:28Me neither.
01:05:29Me neither, Brian.
01:05:30I love what you've done with your hair.
01:05:32Thanks.
01:05:32I just kind of let it go.
01:05:34It's great.
01:05:35Aw.
01:05:40So, we kept driving.
01:05:42Sure.
01:05:42Into Utah.
01:05:43Straight on into the mountains.
01:05:47Katie told me about your wine tasting trip in Sonoma.
01:05:51She did.
01:05:51Well, uh, yeah, we, uh, we did that and it was great.
01:05:56Well, we're doing a sort of pairing tonight and I cannot wait to get your thoughts on the
01:06:00Pinot Noir.
01:06:01I think it's, uh, it's Casta.
01:06:03Casta.
01:06:04Castalia.
01:06:05Fantastic.
01:06:06Mm-hmm.
01:06:11This could be a present.
01:06:12Oh, yeah.
01:06:13Yeah, yeah.
01:06:14Christmas card.
01:06:14Like, fruit.
01:06:15Oh, that looks so good.
01:06:18Stop it.
01:06:20It's crazy.
01:06:22I think there's something to be said about having too much stuff.
01:06:26At the same time, I am very tactile when it comes to products.
01:06:31Not to sound pretentious, but there is something profoundly spiritual and stirring about Montana.
01:06:40Oh, yeah.
01:06:41I think we will eventually see the equivalent of a, um, Woody Allen for TikTok.
01:06:46Maybe Woody Allen isn't the best example, but you get what I'm saying.
01:06:52Oh, my God.
01:06:53Oh, my God.
01:07:01You know, I love what I do, and I think the industry's headed in some really interesting
01:07:05directions.
01:07:06I mean, some of these businesses we're invested in.
01:07:09Wow.
01:07:10You know?
01:07:10I mean, talk about innovation.
01:07:11Right now, we're going through a Series J funding round for a startup, you know, and
01:07:16they build, uh, they build, like, robot hands, uh, for people, for people that don't have
01:07:21hands.
01:07:22Wow.
01:07:24Yeah.
01:07:24Did you say Series J?
01:07:28I did.
01:07:29Yeah.
01:07:30Because, uh, you know, we like to go high with the letters.
01:07:37Ryan, you have not tried the wine yet.
01:07:39I would love to know what you think of the flavor profile.
01:07:46Okay.
01:07:53Mm-hmm.
01:07:55Yeah.
01:07:56I can taste the berries.
01:07:57Yeah.
01:07:58Yeah.
01:08:00So, Katie, how's everything going with your consulting business?
01:08:04Oh, it's great.
01:08:05But I won't bore you guys with the details.
01:08:07Oh, don't be silly.
01:08:09It sounds like you're up to some really cool stuff.
01:08:11Well, for those of you who don't know, I have a consulting business that specializes in
01:08:15strategies for mostly tech startups.
01:08:18It's a lot of marketing, timing product launch, a lot of hand-holding.
01:08:22But our company has really, like, expanded, exploded, actually.
01:08:26We've been able to double our clientele, hire more employees, and just overall expand.
01:08:32For an industry that seems pretty dry, it's actually very exciting for us.
01:08:35I mean, I don't want to name drop, but some of my clientele are Bryan Cranston and Young
01:08:41Thug.
01:08:43I love Young Thug.
01:08:44Me too.
01:08:45Oh, he's so sweet and funny.
01:08:46Yeah, things have been so busy.
01:08:48I mean, I'm even considering hiring a strategy consultant for my strategy consulting business.
01:08:55Girl, boss lady here.
01:08:58It sounds so cliche, but I feel like I'm really changing the world.
01:09:03I mean, the companies that I'm involved with, they're in biotech and green energy and social
01:09:08justice, things that I'm really passionate about.
01:09:11Plus, there's just so much investment going into these businesses.
01:09:13Like, I can charge whatever I want, which is a total perk, you know, getting paid really
01:09:18well to do what you love and make the world a better place.
01:09:22Like, it's just the perfect life.
01:09:23It's the perfect life that I've always dreamed of living.
01:09:26You know, I feel strong emotionally, spiritually, physically.
01:09:29I am in the best shape of my life.
01:09:31I have just boundless amounts of energy.
01:09:33It's amazing how much energy you have when you just are just so filled with goodness,
01:09:38you know, and you're just so good.
01:09:40I'm so happy.
01:09:41I'm really just so happy.
01:09:46Wow.
01:09:47That's great.
01:09:48That is so great.
01:09:50That is awesome.
01:09:53And we're buying a house.
01:09:57Oh.
01:09:59Welcome to the joys of home ownership.
01:10:02Yeah.
01:10:04Cheers.
01:10:06Cheers.
01:10:08So, how about you, Natalie?
01:10:10What have you been up to?
01:10:12Oh, uh, good.
01:10:14Good.
01:10:15I mean, things are great.
01:10:19What have you been up to?
01:10:21Oh, you know, this and that.
01:10:24This and that?
01:10:25Yeah.
01:10:26We are just finally living life on our own terms for the first time in a really long time.
01:10:34Oh.
01:10:35Feels really good.
01:10:36Yeah.
01:10:36Yeah.
01:10:37Cool.
01:10:38So, how is the law firm?
01:10:43Well, um, I quit.
01:10:47You quit?
01:10:48I quit.
01:10:52Why?
01:10:53Well, I mean, it's a long story, but there just came a point where I realized this is just
01:11:00not for me.
01:11:01You know, the long hours, the work weekends, the stress, the clients, I mean, I just, oh,
01:11:08I just hit a breaking point and I thought to myself, I'm not living life anymore.
01:11:11And so I quit.
01:11:14And so I quit.
01:11:15And I am so much happier.
01:11:17Congratulations.
01:11:18Oh, that's huge.
01:11:21Are you guys living in your condo?
01:11:23I mean, I know that you, you bought it because it was so close to work.
01:11:27Nope.
01:11:28Sold the condo.
01:11:30You sold the condo.
01:11:31Yep.
01:11:31Yeah.
01:11:32I just wanted to simplify my life.
01:11:36Yeah.
01:11:36Uh, and plus, leaving the job would make some of those payments a little tricky, but selling
01:11:41it at the time I did actually turned out pretty well.
01:11:45Great.
01:11:47Great.
01:11:48Uh, so where in D.C. are you living now?
01:11:52Um, actually, we're not living in D.C. anymore.
01:11:56What?
01:11:56Mm-hmm.
01:11:59Oh, my God.
01:12:00What?
01:12:02That's great.
01:12:02Natalie, I feel like I don't even know you anymore.
01:12:06Well, sorry for this info dump, but yeah, we just got tired of the constant hustle and
01:12:12the craziness and the politics.
01:12:15It was too much.
01:12:16Yeah, and we just said, uh, screw it.
01:12:18Let's leave.
01:12:20So where are you living now?
01:12:23Well, we're not really living anywhere right now.
01:12:27We're, uh, doing the whole van life thing.
01:12:33The whole van life thing?
01:12:34The whole van life thing.
01:12:36We've been traveling across the country and stopping at these little funky places and
01:12:41just finally living our life.
01:12:43That's why we're here, actually.
01:12:45We're going to be continuing up the coast this week and then, um, who knows where?
01:12:51Who knows where?
01:12:53I mean, honestly, we should show you the van after dinner.
01:12:55Oh, that's a good idea, huh?
01:12:56It's a custom Mercedes Sprinter, 170-inch wheelbase, full kitchen sink, stove, side hookups for
01:13:03electric and gray water disposal.
01:13:05I mean, this way, when you're at a campsite, it's like you're in a real home.
01:13:08Oh, and my favorite part is, you know, besides just meeting all these colorful characters
01:13:12across, you know, this beautiful patchwork of land that is the United States, is this
01:13:18amazing detachable shower hose head.
01:13:20I don't know if we call it again.
01:13:22But it does both hot and cold water.
01:13:24It is truly top of the line, this van.
01:13:27And we're just excited to, you know, live where we want.
01:13:30So, yeah, it's been great.
01:13:35You look shocked.
01:13:37Yeah.
01:13:39Yeah, I'm pretty shocked.
01:13:40Well, I mean, it is quite a change.
01:13:43It's a huge change.
01:13:44I mean, so you're not making any money?
01:13:47Well, Luke and I have saved up, plus the sale of the condo has helped us out a lot, so
01:13:52we're
01:13:53kind of good for now.
01:13:55So you just kind of just, you threw everything away?
01:13:57Well, we sold it.
01:14:00Actually, it's very liberating.
01:14:03So, you know, you have no savings, you're not building towards any kind of future.
01:14:06We're not really thinking about that right now.
01:14:08We're sort of just living life on our own terms.
01:14:11That's so inspiring.
01:14:13So inspiring.
01:14:14Cheers.
01:14:14Yeah, cheers.
01:14:16There we go.
01:14:17Cheers.
01:14:20Did you tell Mom and Dad?
01:14:22I'm going to hold off on that.
01:14:25Yeah, I probably should, because they're going to be pretty pissed off.
01:14:28Well, I'm not thinking about that right now.
01:14:30Yeah, you're just thinking about yourself.
01:14:31Yeah, I mean, it is my life.
01:14:35Is everything okay?
01:14:37No.
01:14:39No.
01:14:40No, actually, this whole thing, this is insane.
01:14:42I guess it is a little insane.
01:14:45Okay, could you stop agreeing with everything that I'm saying?
01:14:49Because the things that I'm saying, they're not good things.
01:14:51Life changes.
01:14:52Priorities change.
01:14:53Things change.
01:14:55Yeah, but you don't change.
01:14:56What does that mean?
01:14:57Of course I change.
01:14:59Nope, not since I've known you.
01:15:04Maybe we talk about something else, yeah?
01:15:06Let me just be clear about this.
01:15:09Okay, you have no career goals, no plans for a tangible future.
01:15:12You're crisscrossing around the country like some vagabond hobo with carrot top over here living out of your car.
01:15:18Well, to be clear, it's a van.
01:15:20I mean, I'm not sure why you are getting so angry about this.
01:15:24Okay, this doesn't affect you at all.
01:15:27I'm not upset.
01:15:27I'm not angry.
01:15:28Then why are you raising your voice?
01:15:29I am raising my voice!
01:15:37Look, this is absolutely not the right place to talk about this, but, you know, I don't pass any judgment
01:15:42on you, so I think you should show me the same courtesy, okay?
01:15:46Please, you don't pass any judgment on me?
01:15:48I don't.
01:15:49Okay, yeah, all you do is pass judgment on everything and everyone.
01:15:53Katie, no, I don't.
01:15:54I don't do that.
01:15:55You know what? It doesn't matter anyway, because there's nothing to pass judgment on me about, because I'm doing okay.
01:16:00I know.
01:16:00Yeah, yeah.
01:16:01I'm doing just fine. My business is doing great. I'm in a fantastic relationship, and we're buying a house.
01:16:05Congratulations.
01:16:06Yeah, and we're having a baby.
01:16:12Really?
01:16:14Mm-hmm.
01:16:22Um.
01:16:25Cheers.
01:16:43Um, hold on. I will be right back.
01:17:03This weather is crazy, right?
01:17:07Whether you like it or not, climate change is here.
01:17:14Hey, Katie, there's someone here to see you. He says it's an emergency.
01:17:21Yes.
01:17:24It is an emergency.
01:17:33Hello.
01:17:36My name is Arnold Buckwalter, and I am a professional colleague of Katie's.
01:17:42I work in capital finance, and I am a very...
01:17:49lonely man.
01:17:51Okay, you know what, maybe you and Katie could take this into the...
01:17:54No.
01:17:56I want to hear what Arnold has to say.
01:18:09Since I was a child, I have suffered from extreme social anxiety.
01:18:16And although I have worked hard to improve myself, I still find it difficult to act natural in group settings.
01:18:35In school, my nickname was Birdman because of my lack of blinking and rapid head movements.
01:18:41I cry regularly, and I'm okay with that.
01:18:46I never stand up for myself, but today is different.
01:18:53Today, Katie asked me to pose as her boyfriend for this dinner party because she recently ended her relationship to
01:18:59Brian.
01:19:01From what I understand, Brian got a tattoo of them together, which she found repulsive.
01:19:06I assume the only reason that Katie asked me was because of my social status as an investment banker.
01:19:12Wait, hold up. I thought Brian was an investment banker.
01:19:15No, Brian is not an investment banker. Brian is a liar.
01:19:18And a graphic designer or something.
01:19:22I assume Brian told you something about Series J funding rounds?
01:19:25Yeah, that's not actually a thing. I made it up.
01:19:28While Brian is a mean-spirited, low-assuming person, Katie is much worse.
01:19:34While Brian would insult me to my face, Katie's behavior was far more insidious.
01:19:39She knew I was weak, and she knew I had feelings for her, and she used that knowledge to bully
01:19:44me into helping them with this frankly despicable charade.
01:19:49She used me to lie to her family.
01:19:52And when I was no longer needed, I was cast aside like trash, like garbage.
01:20:00But I know my worth. And I'm not garbage.
01:20:06You're garbage.
01:20:10You're garbage, Katie.
01:20:19Okay, you're right. You're right. Okay? I'm garbage.
01:20:23I said it. Does that make you feel better?
01:20:25Look, I said it. Everyone, I'm garbage. Okay? I'm garbage. I am garbage.
01:20:30I lied about mostly everything that I said tonight.
01:20:33My business is not doing well. Brian and I broke up this morning.
01:20:36We're not buying a home, and I'm definitely not pregnant.
01:20:39I've never even met Young Thug.
01:20:41I probably drank way too much.
01:20:43I watch a lot of videos of corgis on my phone because the idea of actually owning one gives me
01:20:48a frickin' panic attack.
01:20:50And I lie a lot. I lie a lot. A whole lot.
01:20:53Especially to myself because I can't stand the fuckin' fact that everyone on planet Earth is doing so much better
01:20:59than I am.
01:21:01I just, I just for one night wanted to feel what it felt like to be doing better than you.
01:21:11I never knew you felt that way.
01:21:13Natalie, could you please do me a huge favor and just cut the fucking shit for once in your life?
01:21:20You literally know that you win at everything in life. You constantly beat me.
01:21:25And you love it, girl. Oh, you bask in it. You crave it.
01:21:30I hope you're happy. I hope you're happy because you've won again for the millionth fucking time.
01:21:35Because all you do is just win, win, win. When I, I just lose, lose, lose. It's great. I lose.
01:21:42One time, I thought I would cheat and try to figure out what it was like to win at this
01:21:47hellish game that we've been playing our entire lives.
01:21:50And so after all of the lying and the scheming and the begging, I get here and you tell me
01:21:57that you quit?
01:21:58That you just, you decided to stop playing the game. You're going to just live hashtag van life.
01:22:03I am so close to winning and you, you, you can't even give me that one thing.
01:22:09And here I am questioning my entire fucking life and you are living in a truck.
01:22:26This heart has wings and it will fly to you.
01:22:43This heart, it seems
01:22:52Sweet words to you
01:23:05We'll sit and smile
01:23:13As the world passes us by
01:23:20And I'll carry you so safely
01:23:27If only, if only you'll take me
01:23:35This heart has weased
01:23:42This heart, it seems
01:23:50Sweet words to you
01:23:59This heart has weased
01:24:11My behavior as of late has not been morally great
01:24:17I haven't been very nice to you
01:24:19Or really anybody for that matter
01:24:23So I probably deserved that humiliation
01:24:26At that dinner party
01:24:29I know I don't usually say this
01:24:32But I'm sorry
01:24:39There's a lot I should probably apologize for too
01:24:44But yeah, I don't want to get into the weeds with it all
01:24:47So I'm just going to kind of do a blanket apology
01:24:50And say I am sorry too
01:24:57Cool
01:24:58I think it's important that we acknowledge these sorries
01:25:01And sort of learn from them, I guess
01:25:04But also maybe we kind of just like forget about the details
01:25:08I would love that
01:25:11Great
01:25:11Great
01:25:14You see, do you maybe just want to keep living together for a little while?
01:25:20You know, I'm living such a huge pain in the ass
01:25:21And I really, I really can't handle a big change right now
01:25:25I would like that
01:25:27Yeah, we could kind of move our relationship into like a gray area
01:25:32That sounds pretty healthy to me
01:25:41Man, you were not kidding about your sister
01:25:44Van life can be great
01:25:47Oh God
01:25:47I mean, I heard your friends at the worst
01:25:49They're just like a bunch of nerds
01:25:51Yeah, I don't know how you could wake up in the morning
01:25:54And look at yourself in the mirror and see those people
01:25:55You know, they're like yoga people
01:25:57You know, people get up in the morning and do yoga and meditate
01:26:01It's like, ugh
01:26:03This is the worst people
01:26:04They're such fuckers
01:26:09Thinking about what we've been through
01:26:13The world can be a lonely place
01:26:18Baby, I'm so glad that I found you
01:26:23Now I got someone to
01:26:25I got someone to make you a break
01:26:28From the day you stole my heart
01:26:33I meant forever want to be a part
01:26:37Don't you feel the times are coming
01:26:41Cause I feel it so strong
01:26:44I've been on hold, no baby
01:26:47Don't you feel the times are coming
01:26:51When it feels so right to dance in the moonlight, baby, with you.
01:27:08Sometimes we all struggle.
01:27:12But when the sun's our face,
01:27:18I think of you and all my troubles.
01:27:23I've gone without a trace.
01:27:28From all the things that are you,
01:27:33I know my love can see us through.
01:27:38Don't you feel the times are coming?
01:27:41Cause I feel it's so strong.
01:27:44I've been on hold on, baby.
01:27:48Don't you feel the times are coming?
01:27:52When it feels so right to dance in the moonlight, baby, with you.
01:28:07How wonderful life can be.
01:28:13No matter what's in store.
01:28:18As long as you and me, baby
01:28:23We can open every door
01:28:28From the day you stole my heart
01:28:33I never, ever
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