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Half.Man.S01E01.540p.X265.AAC [Full Movie] [Must See]Full EP - Full
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Oh
00:53I'm not speaking about this.
00:58You don't have to speak.
01:00You have to listen.
01:03Really?
01:06You picked today.
01:09My fucking wedding.
01:16Come on, Truman, stop messing.
01:21Put your top back on.
01:34Oh, for fuck's sake.
01:45Oh, Niall.
01:53Come here.
01:55Come here.
02:02I'm proud of you, yeah?
02:05You know that?
02:13You look gorgeous, so you do.
02:15I tell you, if I wasn't family, I'd get up and underneath that kilt right away.
02:20No, Ruben, don't.
02:21What?
02:22I tell you, you look gorgeous.
02:24Come on, show me.
02:24There's nothing to show, Ruben.
02:25I've got boxes on underneath, for Christ's sake.
02:27Oh, boxers.
02:28Stop teasing me, you little mate.
02:33Hey.
02:34Yeah.
02:35Come here, look at me.
02:36Look at me.
02:38That's it.
02:41Look at me.
02:44We may not flow through each other's veins, but we flow through each other's brains, you
02:49get me?
02:50Please, I don't think that...
02:50One more time, eh?
02:52For all time's sake.
02:54I just need to hear it.
02:57Before I lose you forever.
02:58You're not serious.
03:01Go on.
03:02Say it.
03:03What am I?
03:08Your brother from...
03:16You're not the mother.
03:21You're not the mother.
03:23Beautiful.
03:36No!
03:51Come on, give us your best, you little fike.
04:04What is this now?
04:06Oh, fucking Snickers, Indiana Jones, that film is gay as fuck, I'm gonna have these, no, please,
04:17Gus, you can keep one, okay, I'm not a monster, pick one.
04:29Second to last.
04:30Good.
04:52Open up.
05:00Okay, degenerate, settle down, settle down.
05:05Right, as we know, the prelim exams start this week, are we aware of how important they are?
05:15Well, the prelims are your safety net, for whatever reason you missed your finals.
05:20You get hit by a bus, you come down with a bubonic plague.
05:24These exams are your get out of jail with an appeals card.
05:27Have I emphasized their importance enough?
05:34Positively spellbinding.
05:37Right, moving on.
05:38Well done.
05:38I should probably make you aware that a new student will be joining the class from tomorrow.
05:43One Reuben Pallister.
05:46What?
05:49Some of them are, Kennedy.
05:52No, it's just...
05:54Did you just say Reuben Pallister?
05:58That's right.
05:59A new pupil you can show off your sparkling personality to.
06:04Reuben will be transferring from Pullman Young Offenders Institute, and will be resitting
06:09two years, which means he'll be a little more feral than the rest of you.
06:13Any questions?
06:17Nobody.
06:18Good.
06:18Open your drawers.
06:19We'll pick up where we left of you after the day.
06:22Page 16.
06:25Kennedy.
06:27Did you listen to what I just said?
06:30What?
06:30Yeah.
06:31Of course.
06:33What did I just say then?
06:37Reuben's back.
06:50Mum, it's Niall.
06:52Honey, I'm working. What is it?
06:53It's Ruben. He's out. He's coming to school.
06:55Look, now is not the time, all right?
06:57He's not staying with us, is he?
06:58We can talk about this when I pick you up.
07:00But, Mum...
07:21You should have said about her, then.
07:22Oh, piss yourself! You're a 15-year-old boy.
07:26Given your life, I don't need to give you respect.
07:33Look, I'm sorry, OK? I should have told you.
07:37I'm keeping with the theme of surprises.
07:39He's moved into your room.
07:42What? No way.
07:43What did you think that second bed was for?
07:44We were almost begging you to ask.
07:46I thought it was for guests.
07:47He is a guest.
07:48No, he's not. He's a psycho.
07:50He bit someone's nose off.
07:51I've seen the guy, too. It's horrible.
07:53His wife left him and everything.
08:03Look, you're not to talk about this, OK?
08:05Nobody in this town knows about that.
08:07The last thing that boy needs is folk whispering.
08:09Don't bite people's noses often.
08:11No, shh. You're not to speak this way in front of Maura, all right?
08:13Oh, you always put her first.
08:15She was only supposed to be living with us for six months,
08:17and now her kid is moving in.
08:18Come on, Mum.
08:19He's a psycho.
08:21Her son getting out is a big deal.
08:22He's been away for two years, for Christ's sake.
08:25This is happening, Niall, so get used to it.
08:28I'm so sorry.
08:32I don't know.
09:22Remember me, Bambi?
09:24Last time I saw you, you were about yea high.
09:33Grown at least two feet since then, maybe more.
09:36You've got the exact same size head though, creeping me out a bit.
09:46You helping or what?
09:48We can't have this shit up.
09:50No more for bringing Buds home.
09:52Here.
09:56Get to it then, Bambi.
09:58Grab a bag, get stuff in.
10:07Here.
10:08Take that poster down and put this up.
10:26Put it up then, you dick.
10:54What the fuck are you staring at?
10:58What?
11:00Nothing.
11:24Ah!
11:26Looks like Pallister's a no-show.
11:28Off to a great start.
11:31Alright everyone, open your jotters.
11:33We'll pick up from yesterday.
11:44Right, what's going on here?
11:49Kennedy.
11:52Open your jotter.
11:55No.
11:57Open, boy.
12:05Who did this?
12:08On up, come on.
12:13Uh...
12:13Me, sir?
12:15You?
12:16You called your own mum a dyke?
12:18No, I called someone else's mum a dyke.
12:21Really?
12:22I know first hand from your essays.
12:24Your grasp of irony isn't that strong.
12:28So come on.
12:29Who did this?
12:34My mum's not a lesbian.
12:36I beg your pardon?
12:37I said my mum is not a fucking lesbian.
12:44Come with me.
12:45Go off me, you nods!
12:47What did you say?
12:48Like to touch young boys, do you?
12:50You fucking old poof!
12:53I'm just wondering if there's something else we should be worrying about.
12:56What are you insinuating?
12:57All I'm saying is I've seen a change in my office.
13:00Then what change is that then?
13:01Look, he's gone from being a committed gifted student
13:03to one that acts out in most lessons.
13:05Sir, go on.
13:06I know you want to.
13:07Look, we have to call into question Niall's rather unusual state of affairs at home.
13:10You don't know anything about my damn home!
13:27You fucking fucking bastard man!
13:34You fucking bastard man!
13:35You fucking bastard man!
13:37I know you're up there!
13:38What?
13:40I've been sitting about by a muck all day, waiting.
13:45Is that your dad?
13:46What the fuck?
13:47I'll wait, no cunts, hear me!
13:53You're not a muck?
13:55I'm not these fucking muck.
13:57You get down here and explain why you stay with that dite!
14:03And not me!
14:05You've been, son.
14:07You start again, eh?
14:09I think I'll get you all mine up and hug it!
14:15I don't think I can't see you, boy!
14:18Please hear me the fucking color!
14:20We've got to go!
14:22I'll get, I'll get, Mum.
14:23I'll move the bridge!
14:25We never!
14:26Don't shoot her!
14:27Fucking deal!
14:31No, it worked, okay?
14:33No, it fucking worked.
14:35I can't...
14:38I can't...
14:39I can't get through it!
14:39Don't shut your mouth!
14:41Fuck.
14:42You don't tell anyone about this.
14:44Do you understand?
14:45This never happened.
14:46Don't.
14:47Don't.
14:48Don't.
14:48I don't know.
15:21I don't know.
15:48I don't know.
16:03I don't know.
16:19I don't know whether you heard all that commotion last night.
16:28No, we were asleep.
16:30Both of us.
16:34No, right.
16:35Well, that's okay then.
16:37Ignore me.
16:59What the fuck are you staring at?
17:02Just seeing if you're all right.
17:04Why wouldn't I be?
17:05It's just last night.
17:06Fuck last night.
17:08No, yeah.
17:09Absolutely.
17:10Fuck last night.
17:18So are you nervous or?
17:20How the fuck would I be nervous?
17:21Well, first day of school.
17:23This is Dalkenny.
17:24This is where the fairies go.
17:25Oi, soft cock.
17:27Are you a boyfriend?
17:30Ignore them.
17:32These guys bothering you, Bambi?
17:33Nah, it's just banter.
17:35Big up the young man, dear, you little faggot.
17:38Great banter.
17:42These guys bothering you, Bambi?
17:46I'll ask you again.
17:48Are these guys bothering you?
18:00Is that a knife?
18:01Go to school.
18:02What?
18:02Go to school.
18:03You're not a witness if you don't see what happens.
18:04Look, just fucking go.
18:06Go to school.
18:40And at the heart of this relentless conflict lies a love story.
18:47Ah, Mr. Pallister.
18:49Nice of you to fit us into your busy schedule.
18:52Boys and girls, this is Ruben.
18:54Ruben will be joining us from now on.
18:58Where's your school uniform?
19:00On your mother's floor.
19:02That's enough, everyone.
19:06Disc at the back.
19:10And for the record, my mum's dead.
19:12So extra points for nihilism.
19:20Right.
19:21As I was saying,
19:22two households like families.
19:25Both in a bit of youth.
19:27Cusp.
19:28And for the record, my mum's dead, my mum's dead, my mum's dead, my mum's dead, my mum's dead, my
19:47mum's dead, my mum's dead, my mum's dead, my mum's dead, my mum's dead, my mum's dead, my mum's dead,
19:47my mum's dead, my mum's dead, my mum's dead, my mum's dead, my mum's dead, my mum's dead, my mum's
19:47dead, my mum's dead, my mum's dead, my mum's dead, my mum's dead, my mum's dead, my mum's dead, my
19:47mum's dead, my mum's dead, my mum's dead, my mum's dead, my mum's dead, my mum's dead, my mum's dead,
19:47my mum's dead, my mum's dead, my mum's dead, my mum's dead, my mum's dead, my mum's dead, my mum's
19:49dead, my mum's dead, my mum's dead, my mum's dead, my mum's dead, my
20:00you've been working out Niall
20:02certainly has
20:03there's only an inch of space when I cut my hand
20:06around his bicep, used to be at least two
20:08three maybe
20:09I'm going to my room
20:12sit down you little
20:14killjoy
20:24we need you to persuade
20:25Rabin to go to the exam tomorrow
20:27what? no way
20:28Niall, please
20:30do this for us
20:31what are you doing?
20:32I'm
20:33stop that, I'm not a kid
20:35that's exactly what you are
20:36get off me
20:37come on, do this for me
20:39go on, go on
20:40Niall, I need you to do this, come on
20:43please
20:43go off me
20:44come on, just this one thing
20:46I said go off me
20:57I'll take it from here
21:08okay
21:10that's
21:12you have a fairly sizeable nice fire in there apart
21:17she's making all the effort in the world
21:18I don't care
21:20we're not friends
21:21we never will be
21:23come on
21:23fancy the pants off of her when you were a wee
21:26and remember the love letters we'd send to her house on Valentine's Day
21:34fine
21:35playtime's over
21:39look, will you speak to him at least?
21:41no
21:42no, he's terrifying
21:43come on, Niall
21:45you wouldn't believe how hard Maura had to work to get Ruben into Dalkenny
21:48she changed her postcodes and everything
21:52he's on probation too
21:53so he needs to show up and pass this prelim
21:55for the school, kick him out
22:54what you see?
22:55what, what do you mean?
22:56am I speaking foreign?
22:57dance, I'm sorry, dance
22:58you tell anyone about this I will put you to sleep
23:01do you understand?
23:01I won't
23:02I mean, I thought it was great
23:04thought it was great
23:30what do you want?
23:32just a quick something
23:34that's come to me
23:35just now
23:35in the moment
23:39I was thinking about the exam tomorrow
23:41fuck off
23:42right you are
24:10you're dead
24:18what about him?
24:21how old were you again?
24:26I was eight
24:28when I died
24:32what did he do again?
24:39he was a writer
24:41oh yeah
24:43I don't remember that
24:45well he worked in a pub mainly
24:47but
24:48he wanted to be a writer
24:50and what did he write about?
24:55working in a pub
25:04he was really good though
25:06I've read all his stuff
25:08he was so close to getting published in the end
25:10what stopped him?
25:13well
25:15death
25:29that's why I want to give it a shot myself
25:31you know
25:32you're right too?
25:34I keep a diary
25:35that doesn't count
25:37try sending that to Anne Frank
25:38who?
25:41nah
25:41she was just
25:45it doesn't matter
25:57what happened to Gus
26:02he'll survive
26:07I just thought with
26:09the knife
26:09you'd done something
26:10you know
26:13really bad
26:15almost did
26:17and I'm up against the wall with it
26:19guppy and like mad
26:22whispered
26:22it'll be over soon
26:25so he thought for a second
26:26I was going to stick it in him proper
26:29it'll be over soon
26:34I love seeing that
26:37you really get a sense
26:38of what a cunt looks like
26:39when they think they're going to die
26:42you're sort of infant like
26:44it's all innocent
26:45and it's just weird
26:47I'll be over soon
27:12I'll be over soon
27:17where's your bulldog now eh?
27:18not the way you tell us where Gus is
27:20I don't know
27:21we know you live with that inbred prick
27:22you're bound to say something
27:23we don't talk
27:25go
27:42leave me alone
27:43leave me alone
27:43what a cunt looks like
28:09they don't think she'll 태 improve
28:10they just wrote
28:10got it
28:10they weren't
28:10they're
28:11we're
28:11they're
28:11they're
28:12they're
28:40Let's smoke this son of a bitch!
28:42Woo! Woo! Come on! Come on!
28:45Pallister, nice of you to join. Please refrain from shouting out.
28:49It's only prelims. Where am I sitting?
28:51There's an empty chair there, two rows along. Please move quietly.
29:39All right, guys. We have ten minutes left.
29:41Ten minutes? Get fucked.
29:43Language, Pallister.
29:45I started later than everyone.
29:46Well, I'm afraid the onus is on you there.
29:48Piss off, Jenkins. I shagged your mum in her onus.
29:53Pallister, get back here.
29:56Pallister, don't you walk away from me, son.
29:59Oi, I'm speaking to you.
30:01I'm speaking to you.
30:31All right, guys. Not long now.
31:17This girlfriend.
31:18Oh, Jesus. What now?
31:21Reuben passed.
31:23He passed the prelim.
31:26He can stay in school now.
31:29Oh. Really?
31:31Yeah.
31:34You helped him, didn't you?
31:36Oh, no, I...
31:38Last night, I heard you talking.
31:45I mean that.
31:49I know we haven't always seen it eye to eye.
31:52Mainly because you're a little brat who blames me for everything.
31:56I do think you could be a positive influence on my boy.
32:04Thanks.
32:07I think.
32:15Now, that feels weird.
32:18Let's never do that again.
32:20This is...
32:34This...
32:48This is, this...
32:50You have to catch this.
32:50I've got to keep it down. Bambi's sleeping.
33:03Isn't it a bit weird doing this with a wee Nile in the room?
33:06I don't care. I passed the prelims today and I did it in a speck at the time every other
33:10fucker.
33:11Stop it, Ruben. If I swear anymore, I'm going to put my back out.
33:14Shh! I don't know.
33:16I thought you said you didn't care about him hearing.
33:18What are you doing? I just don't want my mum rubbing one out all week.
33:24Yeah, TV's off. I want it for you, Scal, Scal.
33:27Oh, baby.
33:47Okay, here, here.
34:09Caught you, Nile Kennedy.
34:10What? No, I was sleeping.
34:12Fuck off.
34:13We saw you.
34:14I wasn't. I was sleeping.
34:15Liar.
34:16At least admit it, you little scrote.
34:18You were perving.
34:19Pervy little Niall Kennedy, eh?
34:23So, tell me.
34:26Did you see anything that you liked?
34:33Quite something, huh?
34:35Is this the first time you've seen a naked woman?
34:40In the flesh.
34:44And what do you think?
34:49Felix.
34:51What would you do to her now, if you could have your way?
34:56Go on.
34:59I would... I'd ask her for her permission.
35:03Obviously.
35:04Fucking loser, aren't you, Bambi?
35:06Touch my breath, Niall.
35:08What?
35:22Here.
35:23Let's see how he's getting on, shall we?
35:25What?
35:26No, no, no, no.
35:27Wait, wait, wait, wait.
35:27No, no, no, no, no.
35:28That's fine, Bambi.
35:30Just relax, okay?
35:31Let her do her thing.
35:48Well, nothing.
35:50What's going on?
35:51You got something against Mona?
35:52Is it my boobs?
35:53What?
35:54No, it's just...
35:55This isn't how I pictured it.
35:57Well, how does your picture it, then?
35:58More than one woman.
36:01That's it, isn't it?
36:03Niall here loves group sex.
36:05No, no, I don't.
36:06Well, little Niall Kennedy loves a bit of group sex.
36:10Well, I could assume different characters, if you like.
36:14I could be Candy, blonde bombshell who lives next door.
36:19Or I could be a Svetlana, Russian warrior of the North.
36:27She's incredible, isn't she, now?
36:29There's something to keep her.
36:31Uh-uh.
36:32Svetlana is kept by no one.
36:34How's he getting on now, then?
36:37Come on, son.
36:38I got full marks on my Santa grades back in the day, Niall.
36:41I know you love a nerd.
36:58Oh, hello.
37:03Here we go, my man.
37:06You ready?
37:32That's it, that's it.
37:34Easy, boy, easy.
37:36Steady, steady.
37:42Oh, wow, he's a grower, young Niall.
37:53Oh.
37:57Sorry.
37:58Back you go, mister.
38:00No, no, no, wait.
38:00Stop it.
38:01Fighting, you let her do her thing.
38:04Here, I'll hold it up, Ray.
38:06What?
38:16Hold it, son.
38:18Hold it.
38:20Hold it.
38:21Hold the man rhythm.
38:41Wow, he's really going for a night.
39:09For fuck's sake, did you just call me me?
39:13You fucking did, you mink!
39:15Oh, no, for our feet are all.
39:16Now, son, you need to pull out.
39:18For fuck's sake, I better not be pregnant.
39:20I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.
39:21It just came out of nowhere.
39:23Relax, son, it's fine.
39:25But, I mean, like, what happens now?
39:28Will I get the virus?
39:32What?
39:36Do you mean AIDS?
39:48Oh, my God.
39:52Lie back, you daft cunt.
40:01So, is that it, then?
40:05That's it, Bambi.
40:14What?
40:15Oh, my God.
40:18That's it.
40:20That's it.
40:35How?
40:54I was just thinking, do you have any hash?
41:06We can bake Niall Kennedy. Dark Horse, my man.
41:18Niall Kennedy, eh?
41:21Sex God, drug fiend.
41:36I don't know.
41:36I don't know.
41:41I don't know.
41:42I don't know.
41:47I don't know.
41:48I don't know.
42:14Well, I get the virus.
42:18Oh, I feel like an idiot.
42:22Nah, you're good.
42:26I know what you did.
42:29As in?
42:31There you go.
42:33Oh.
42:38I've never seen her look at me like that before.
42:42I've seen her cry.
42:44Loads.
42:46You know, but...
42:53I like this.
42:55It works.
43:03What did you make of Mona, then?
43:05Yeah, I liked her.
43:06Yeah, you fucking did.
43:09You can thank me when you're ready.
43:13Someone had to lose your virginity for you, didn't they?
43:17Oh, come on.
43:18You didn't think that was chance, did you?
43:22There's no way a lassie would take time out from sleeping with me
43:25to sleep with you.
43:27I set it up.
43:29My way of saying thanks.
43:36Well...
43:36So, come on.
43:38Tell me you loved it.
43:42I loved it.
43:45Yeah, you did.
43:49I should run a brothel or something.
43:51I'm like...
43:52The Pied Piper of pussy.
44:00I don't know.
44:40I don't know.
44:55I don't know.
44:57I don't know.
45:26I don't know.
45:27Fuck him.
45:31Yeah.
45:32Afraid so.
45:36Does it bother you or something?
45:39No.
45:40I don't really.
45:43As long as they're happy, I guess.
45:47Although they don't seem all that happy.
45:55There's a lot you don't know about.
46:09Yeah.
46:11Got you something.
46:20I'm going to train you.
46:22Just in case something happens to me, I need to know you'll look after yourself.
46:28Why do you care?
46:32We're family now.
46:35It's the most important thing.
46:39My brother, if I'm another lover.
46:48Come on, boys.
46:49School.
46:51Bring those thin bags down while you're at it.
46:56This is going to be some morning.
46:58We'll be floating to school after all that.
47:05Hey.
47:09You've got nothing to worry about with our mums.
47:12Ten years time, you'll be at a party somewhere and realise it makes you more interesting.
47:23We have numbers.
48:02Just cause I ain't never had no nothing worth having
48:05Never, ever, never, ever
48:12You ain't got no call not to think of what I'm falling
48:15To thinking I ain't too clever
48:23And it ain't not having one thing or not another
48:25Rather neither is it anything, whatever
48:33And it's not, not knowing that there ain't nothing showing
48:36In the eyes of the name of Trevor
48:41However
48:46Knocked me down with a feather
48:50Clever Trevor
48:56Why browse wonder whether clever Trevor's clever
49:05No, neither, haven't not got no right to make a clock out of Trevor
49:25No, neither
49:26What do you think?
49:28Mm-hmm.
50:00It won't work, Bambi.
50:02Here.
50:04Have a sip.
50:16Hey.
50:17Easy.
50:18Sip.
50:18Don't chug.
50:19Come on.
50:21That's it.
50:31Jesus.
50:33You're dripping.
50:37Let's sort this out.
50:40We're gonna stay here.
50:42All right.
50:44Hey.
50:45It's gonna be okay.
50:47You're gonna be fine.
50:51Come on.
50:52Hey, it's gonna be all right.
50:54Don't...
50:54Hey.
50:55Come on.
50:56Nihil.
50:56Please.
50:57No.
50:57Please.
50:58Hey, hey.
50:59Settle.
50:59Settle.
51:00Settle.
51:01Don't do that right.
51:02Settle.
51:02No, no, no, no.
51:03Settle.
51:04Settle.
51:04Just breathe.
51:05Hey.
51:06Hey.
51:07It's fine.
51:08Nihil's fine.
51:09Just settle a bit.
51:11Settle.
51:13You're full of my breath.
51:19There's no following my breath.
51:21I can't.
51:22Follow it.
51:22I can't.
51:23Try it.
51:23Yes, you can.
51:24You fucking can't.
51:25Come on.
51:26Come on.
51:26Follow it.
51:27You're full of my breath.
51:54Yeah.
51:56Nihil's fine.
51:57Go with it.
51:57Go with it.
51:59No, no, no.
52:00Nihil's fine.
52:00Nihil's fine.
52:02Just breathe.
52:04Okay.
52:05I'm here for you.
52:08Just keep breathing.
52:10Nihil's fine.
52:12Nihil's fine.
52:14Nihil's fine.
52:15Don't worry.
52:18It'll be over soon.
52:27Nihil's fine.
52:29Nihil's fine.
52:36Nihil's fine.
52:52Nihil's fine.
52:53Nihil's fine.
52:55Nihil's fine.
53:12Nihil's fine.
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