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Bait S01E01-2 (2026) [Full Movie] [High Quality]Full EP - Full
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00:29Más información www.mesmerism.com
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01:00You have terrible taste in hostages. Wentworth was the mole. Could have just as easily aimed a few centimeters higher.
01:08No, no.
01:38Loane?
01:39Cut!
01:40Sorry.
01:43Sorry, Helen.
01:45It's all good.
01:46It's all good.
01:47It's just we're on a bit of a schedule.
01:50Yeah, that's why I was thinking.
01:50Quick reset back to once.
01:51I'll nail it this time.
01:52How are you blowing this audition?
01:54I know the speech.
01:56I know it.
01:57Yeah, you fucked it up every time at the exact same moment.
02:02What is this, a prank show?
02:03Wearing a hidden camera.
02:04It's funny.
02:05No, I just have a very particular process.
02:07I've got my head around it now.
02:08I'm ready.
02:09Sorry, guys.
02:10You just said we had to...
02:10Yeah, well, just a minute.
02:11Sorry.
02:12How was your weekend?
02:13That's good, thanks.
02:13How was yours?
02:13Great.
02:14Yeah, what did you do?
02:15Just...
02:16Yeah, thanks.
02:16Thanks, Jim.
02:17This is my set...
02:19Stop it.
02:20Sorry.
02:21You know what?
02:22They didn't want to see you.
02:24I had to convince them.
02:25So this is on me.
02:26I've got a confession to make.
02:29I'm lightheaded from fasting.
02:31It's the holy muslin month.
02:34It's called Ramadan.
02:37This involves no eating and drinking in the day.
02:40I'm lightheaded from...
02:41If I could have a bit of a cultural understanding.
02:43Well, I've just seen you drink apple juice.
02:45Six takes in a row.
02:47I tried.
02:48Just a shame you didn't.
02:52Thanks so much for coming in, Sharon.
02:54We'll be in touch.
03:02You want to know what it's like doing the dirty work?
03:07Fighting everybody and being nobody?
03:12I don't live with myself.
03:14I live with whoever you need me to be.
03:18The blood on my hands is mine.
03:20Because I kill a part of myself every day.
03:24If I don't know who I am.
03:26Because you don't want to.
03:31You knew it.
03:33You knew it!
03:35What's wrong with you?
03:38Do you know who you are?
03:39I'll tell you who you are.
03:41You're a fucking failure.
03:43Who just shat on your last chance of being somebody.
03:47You should be ashamed of yourself.
03:49You are ashamed of yourself.
03:50Because you're ashamed of your family.
03:52You're fucking nobody.
03:53You're nothing.
03:53You're just a fucking...
03:55Dumb fucking baggy.
04:07Come in.
04:24Come in.
04:27Gracias.
04:57Just so you know, there's a photographer camped out front, so I'm going to take you down the side.
05:02Oh, yeah, yeah.
05:03The press gets a pic of anyone who's auditioned, and the whole Bond rumour mill goes crazy.
05:10Sorry, you know what? I just realised I left my charger in the dressing room.
05:14Oh, I'm happy to come with.
05:15I'll go and grab it. Another way.
05:16Are you sure?
05:16Thank you, though. Thanks a lot.
05:17Okay.
05:31You all right?
05:57I am happy.
05:57Hap.
05:59Hap.
06:00Hap.
06:03Hap.
06:05Hap.
06:05Hap.
06:06Hap.
06:09Hap.
06:13Hap.
06:15Hey!
06:16Huh?
06:16Dude.
06:17What?
06:17I know you.
06:18Mate!
06:20I'm a huge fan!
06:21Sit, you're talented.
06:22No, no, no.
06:23Yes, you are.
06:24¡Gracias!
06:54My family, my community, I mean, internationally.
06:56He's not Dev Patel!
06:59What?
07:00He's not Dev Patel.
07:02Look how short he is.
07:04Dev is tall, strong, handsome.
07:06Our Gujarati hero.
07:09Hello, Shah Jahan Latif.
07:10Are you the Shah Jahan place?
07:12Who's Shah... Shah... Shah...
07:15Shah Latif, Shah. That's me.
07:20Can we go, please?
07:21No problem.
07:27Assalamualaikum Mr. Latif, Shah.
07:28I hope you are enjoying your MOBA experience and Dertiya.
07:32Temperature is of enjoyment for you.
07:34I asked for an asylum ride on the app, so...
07:36Sir, just one thing. Where are you from?
07:39Because you are looking like the packy,
07:40but you are talking like the honky-tonky, right?
07:42And you look like a jihadi, but he's a sphincter.
07:46Sphincter?
07:46Well, that's a boss.
07:47He likes sphincter.
07:48He just came to me like that.
07:49Sphincter?
07:49Thanks for picking me up, bro.
07:51Come on, man.
07:51I appreciate it.
07:52I want to watch my apology, please.
07:53Your arse off my shoulder.
07:54Oh, you fucking love it.
07:55Hey, listen.
07:56Did you bring the watch, yeah?
07:57Yeah, I couldn't find it.
07:58You couldn't find it or you didn't look?
07:59I didn't look.
08:00I'll be busy, okay?
08:01What do you always say?
08:01Bro, you're a dickhead.
08:04What the fuck is this doing here?
08:06What the fuck is this doing here?
08:06I was going to tell you, innit?
08:07Basically, I need that for my cars, bro.
08:09And there's no brown dolls for saying that.
08:11It's weird.
08:11It's not a doll, bro.
08:12It's a limited edition collectible action figure of me from my film.
08:15You've got to ask me before you use my likeness.
08:18You need to chew your tits.
08:19First of all, this don't even look like you.
08:20And second of all, you've got a hundred of these many dildos lying around in the garage.
08:24It's not a dildo.
08:24It looks like a dildo to me.
08:25And I need it for my fleet anyway.
08:27All right.
08:28Well, you and six guys, yeah?
08:30It's 26, actually.
08:31Fuck off.
08:32Yes.
08:32Things have been going very well.
08:34Got some serious investors interested.
08:37Hmm.
08:38Hmm.
08:38What?
08:39Say mashallah.
08:40Mashallah.
08:40Brother, if you're going to say it properly, mashallah, there you go.
08:43Right.
08:44Investors know that nobody needs a Muslim Uber, bro.
08:46Uber in London's already Muslim.
08:48Right?
08:48Every next driver's named Abdi.
08:50Listen to me.
08:51We drive that thing, but we need to own our thing.
08:53And I want us to own this thing.
08:54Okay.
08:55And if you're strapped for personal right now, I'll take you on as a driver.
08:59I don't mind.
08:59I don't need any money from you, bro.
09:00Is it?
09:01Yeah, I got stuff cooking.
09:02There's no why I heard.
09:02I got stuff cooking.
09:03Where you going cooking?
09:04I can't tell you.
09:05Huh?
09:05It's top secret.
09:06I signed an NDA.
09:07You ain't signed no NDA.
09:08I did a non-disclosure agreement.
09:10I signed it.
09:10I understand what that means, but you ain't signed.
09:12You ain't got shit, bro.
09:12Bro, you're mistreturning for mine.
09:13Yeah, we didn't actually, because we're going to mummy and barbers.
09:16What?
09:16Yes.
09:17No.
09:17What do you mean no?
09:18I mean no.
09:19We don't.
09:19Yes, we are, bro.
09:20Okay?
09:21You have not checked in on your mum in time.
09:22She's going to be gassed to see you.
09:24Bro, I'm not in a mood.
09:25Yeah?
09:25Can you turn it around?
09:26Well, I don't care if you're in a mood or not.
09:27If you're getting free rides, you're going to make the stops.
09:31NBA.
09:47Come.
09:48Yeah, I'll come in a minute.
09:51Sometimes being here is enough, you know?
09:53Okay, just one minute.
09:55I'm coming.
10:01I'm coming.
10:01I'm coming.
10:03I'm coming.
10:04I'm coming.
10:04I'm coming.
10:05I'm going to get a personal shopper.
10:07Okay.
10:08Do you need a silver rally set tomorrow?
10:10No, no.
10:10Do you need a silver rally set?
10:11No, no.
10:11Thank you.
10:12It will be fine, right?
10:13Yes, yes, yes.
10:14It is.
10:14It is.
10:14Good morning, auntie.
10:17Good morning.
10:18Look at you.
10:19All grown up, huh?
10:20Such a strong boy.
10:22MashaAllah.
10:23Bye, auntie.
10:25Bye, auntie.
10:26Bye, auntie.
10:27Look who is here.
10:28Look who is here.
10:28Who knows?
10:29Honey, brother.
10:30Come here.
10:31Come here.
10:32I'll die.
10:33I'll come back to my house.
10:34I've been two weeks.
10:35Two months, bro.
10:36Yes.
10:37A couple of weeks.
10:38I can't.
10:39I'm dying for this job.
10:40Like audition thing.
10:41You're dying for the rose.
10:43Oh, you're dying for the rose.
10:44Oh, you're dying for the rose.
10:44Oh, you're dying for the rose.
10:44Oh, you're dying for the rose.
10:46You should fast all year.
10:48You know what's going on?
10:50My mind has come on so many days.
10:52You're dying for the rose.
10:54He bought a car in Dubai.
10:55He bought a car in Dubai.
10:56He bought a car in Dubai.
10:57He bought a botox.
10:58I bought a botox.
10:58I thought it was Marco Jackson when I came in the house.
11:02No, I didn't think so.
11:04Don't worry about it.
11:05Come on.
11:06I'm fine, sir.
11:07I've seen something in Google Alerts.
11:08I haven't seen some time.
11:11Yeah.
11:11There's stuff going on.
11:12I don't know.
11:13I don't know.
11:15Don't talk about it, okay?
11:16Just tell me.
11:19What?
11:20Well, I'm...
11:23Just a prayer.
11:24Just pray.
11:25A prayer for you, Samir.
11:27A prayer for you all the time.
11:28A prayer for you.
11:29Okay.
11:30A prayer for you.
11:45I've seen in one film.
11:46You've been pervert on his newsreader all day.
11:47Listen, don't tell me about it.
11:50Baba.
11:51Why aren't you showing up to these doctor's appointments, huh?
11:53They're expensive.
11:54I've booked them for you so we can find out what's wrong.
11:56I've booked them for you so we can find out what's wrong.
11:56They're going to give you all the money.
11:59Hey, cousin.
12:00Oh, shit.
12:01What are you saying?
12:02No, man.
12:03Oh, bless.
12:04What's this?
12:05What's what?
12:05You're getting to take out your tags.
12:07Oh.
12:07Rah!
12:08Is that you, yeah?
12:10Give me that.
12:10Baba, see how your boy's spending?
12:12Give me that.
12:13Why are you home?
12:14Quit my job, man.
12:16Manager was a dickhead.
12:17Hey, I wasn't able to...
12:18Do you think I bothered to charge me?
12:19He was a weirdo.
12:20If you need work experience, I could sort you from Felicia.
12:22No, no, no.
12:23Listen.
12:23If you really want to help me, take me to Taser's show tonight.
12:26Is he playing tonight?
12:27Yeah, why?
12:29I told you you can't work for me.
12:30Brother, I already sent you my counter offer.
12:3250% of my business.
12:33Yes, but do you believe in gender equality or nah?
12:36No, not really.
12:39Oh, my God.
12:41Sharpa, are you going to be the next James Bond?
12:44What?
12:46Eh?
12:47Wait, wait, wait.
12:48It might be cut, it might be cut.
12:49Can I have a look at that?
12:50Oh, shit.
12:51No, no, no, no.
12:51It's legit.
12:52What the fuck?
12:53Oh, my God.
12:54This is crazy.
12:55This is crazy, bro.
12:56Wait, wait, wait.
12:57Chill, man.
12:58Check the website.
12:59It's BBC we contracted.
13:00What did you tell me?
13:01Why didn't you tell me?
13:03What?
13:03It's just an audition.
13:05This is what he did this whole time.
13:06Super James Bond made a shot.
13:07Listen.
13:08It's an audition.
13:08It's a photo from today's audition.
13:09What's wrong?
13:11What?
13:11James Bond is white.
13:13Stop.
13:14Stop.
13:15I'm the haram.
13:16Do you know how much sex James Bond does?
13:19He's doing sex.
13:20What's going on?
13:22What's going on?
13:23I'm the haram.
13:24I'm the haram.
13:25I'm the haram.
13:26I'm actually the haram.
13:27Listen.
13:27Baba, it's okay to be a little bit excited.
13:29You know?
13:29It's nice even just to have the opportunity.
13:31It's a big deal.
13:32You know?
13:32Brown James Bond.
13:33I should be proud.
13:34You know?
13:35This guy's face is going to be fucking blasted everywhere.
13:37Imagine it.
13:38Imagine it.
13:38Daniel Craig will be 20 M's for the last movie.
13:41My Shahjoo will get 21.
13:43Just calm down.
13:44It's just an audition, yeah?
13:45Call me if you need a body double for sex scenes.
13:47What's wrong?
13:48What's wrong?
13:49Can you tell her to call me as soon as she comes back in?
13:52Yes, sure.
13:52Can you tell her to call me as soon as she comes back in?
13:56What's wrong?
13:56I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing.
13:57I'm just going to sort this out and work it out.
14:00Curz, look at me.
14:03I'm proud of you.
14:04Yeah?
14:06Fucking James Bond.
14:07Oh my God, come on.
14:08Let's see what happens.
14:08Of course, inshallah.
14:09But do they know about the height?
14:11What do you mean?
14:13They're going to give you special shoes.
14:14Like James Bond's big, isn't it?
14:19I'm just saying it for you.
14:25Hey, Felicia.
14:26Can you call me back, please?
14:27I'm just wondering if the audition news league thing has helped me or, you know, fucked me.
14:31Thank you.
14:39Thank you.
14:43Thank you.
14:55Thank you.
14:56Thank you.
15:04Yeah.
15:05Yeah.
15:06Where have you been?
15:07Painting my nails on a fucking sunbed.
15:09What the fuck do you think?
15:10Listen, did you call the pap?
15:12I'm not that clever.
15:14What are they saying?
15:16Are they pissed?
15:16Well, they are very surprised.
15:19Fuck.
15:19About how much you're trending.
15:21Right.
15:21And because of the reaction, they might give you a second chance to audition.
15:25Fuck.
15:26Yes.
15:27Oh.
15:28You plus the female director is doing very well for the 18 to 34s and you know that demographic
15:32gets them wet.
15:33Oh my God.
15:33So listen, sit tight and let this play out.
15:37Oh my God.
15:39Thank you.
15:40That is amazing.
15:41That's really, really cool.
15:42Thank you.
15:42God bless the internet.
15:44Yeah.
15:45So, just one thing.
15:47We can't just see how this plays out.
15:48We've got to do everything we can to get me back in there.
15:51Sha, I just told you it's good you're trending.
15:54Look, I'm just thinking, unless you delete all that old music, just the really political
15:59bits.
15:59What do you think?
16:00As your agent, let me deal with that stuff.
16:04You just need to act.
16:05Listen, there's videos of me online fucking pissing on a British flag.
16:09It's already out there.
16:11All you can do is own it.
16:12That makes you the edgy POC candidate.
16:14Yes.
16:14Fresh blood.
16:15So, new fans for the great old institution.
16:17Listen, don't find a thing that got you here, you know.
16:19Huh.
16:20Okay.
16:20Okay.
16:20So, what are you saying?
16:21Maybe I should lean into it?
16:24Or...
16:24Because Taze and them lot are doing a show tonight.
16:27I could maybe do a little thing there.
16:29There's nothing to lean into.
16:30You just are.
16:31Listen, just don't do anything and stay home.
16:34Yeah, yeah, yeah.
16:35Done.
16:51Alright, let's go.
16:53Set, let's go.
17:01Let's go.
17:04We got a plan.
17:14¡Suscríbete al canal!
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26:33No, no, no, no, no, no.
26:51He's not my brother. He's my cousin.
26:53He was raised with us.
26:54Okay.
26:54It's complicated.
26:55All right. Well, look, this is for you, as you quote,
26:59although I would be willing to postpone payment, you know,
27:03in consideration of the future work,
27:06because if my internet searches are correct,
27:08then you will be needing our services a lot more in the future.
27:10Oh, let's see what happens.
27:13It's really reasonable, because you just leave it with me.
27:15I'm getting a few different quotes in.
27:16That's fine. Okay.
27:17Oh, so did you want me to provide a personal for tonight?
27:20No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
27:53I heard you go into this garland tonight.
27:56On your own or?
27:59I've got a plus one.
28:02Is it?
28:04I haven't got any shoes on trainers.
28:07Can I range it?
28:09Go on, get ready, you fucker.
28:20Come on, get ready, you fucker.
28:23Come on, get ready, you fucker.
28:32Oi, that is a proper go fucker there.
28:34It's a good job I came to babysit you.
28:36Aye, bro, you might be taking care of the muscle,
28:38but I'm winning over the hearts and minds, yeah?
28:41But when you're in the middle of a culture war,
28:42that's the real battleground.
28:43Big man, how are you going to fucking battle them
28:45with your horny make-up face?
28:46¿Qué?
28:47¿You know the face that you do when you're on the red carpet?
28:49It looks like you're trying to shag that camera, but you're worried the camera's going to shag you out.
28:52No, I'm not. Don't put that in my head right now. You're going to put me off.
28:55Okay. For confirmation, cuz.
28:57What is that?
28:57Yeah?
28:58What, man? I look good there.
28:59You look like you're making a pervy version of fucking planet Earth.
29:01All right, let me just see something.
29:04Raj Taka? Motherfucker.
29:06All right, all right. Don't jizz on my level of seats. You can't afford to clean your feet.
29:09Okay, listen. Let's just go there and smash it, all right?
29:11Brother, we are already fucking smashing it, okay?
29:13We are arriving in the Muba Prime experience. Look at this.
29:16Halal Harry Bowls. Custom, specifically branded Zamzam water.
29:19You're a little mini dildo on the dashboard.
29:21Cuz, look at me. We are arriving like this is fast and furious, but without the four skins.
29:25You understand?
29:26Come on, let's get it, cuz, yes?
29:27Yeah, you ready?
29:28Yes, bro.
29:30Yeah.
29:32Come on, don't do that on the red carpet.
29:33I can't guarantee it.
29:46There's a lot of excitement, but also some displeasure at the idea of a Gujarati playing Bond.
29:53Proving those voices wrong has been my life's mission.
29:56How so?
29:57Well, it's why I want the role.
29:59It's why I'm here speaking to you.
30:01Is that why you wanted to make a speech at the King's Museum Gala?
30:04Exactly.
30:06To show people that this is what a hero can look like.
30:09To show them that this, too, is what British looks like.
30:16Hey, yo, listen.
30:17I support the team.
30:19I support the team.
30:19But when you finish tonight, please, get home with Muba.
30:22Okay?
30:22That's for you.
30:23Sorry, there's no service in your area.
30:25I'm Turkish.
30:26You're Turkish?
30:26Then there's service in your area.
30:28Thank you.
30:28Excuse me, sister.
30:33Can I get a pick?
30:37You want a pick?
30:37I'll kill you next week.
30:38Hey, yo, guys.
30:39Guys.
30:40Come and get a picture with your one and only fan.
30:41Come on.
30:42Oi.
30:43Bro, you're ignoring me.
30:44Bro, we've got to go, man.
30:45Why are you going in there?
30:47Man, slow down.
30:49You should be out here with us.
30:51Hey, yo, yo, yo.
30:52Make sure you made a photo with you.
30:53What's the problem?
30:54Bro, if I get a photo to take with them, it's not the right image I'm going for right now.
30:58All right?
30:58The real change happens in there.
30:59We've got to get in there.
31:02Listen, I know you think you're his majesty's secret service or something, eh?
31:05But don't go full coconut pussy all around you tonight.
31:07Oh, yeah?
31:08Then don't go into father fuckboy on me, then.
31:10You want that respect, my guy?
31:11Keep it real, yeah?
31:12Okay, why don't you respect this?
31:14Watch and learn.
31:18You're doing it again?
31:18I'm not doing the face.
31:20You're doing the face again.
31:20Go on, then you do the face again.
31:21All right, let me show you.
31:23Nah.
31:24You know what that is?
31:25You look like a pedophile germ, bro.
31:27There's cameras.
31:27Why would you say pedophile a pedophile?
31:29Because they don't have sound.
31:29It's follow up.
31:29Mr. Lateef.
31:30Hi.
31:31So happy to be here.
31:32Really, I'm so glad to be here.
31:33Thank you.
31:34This is my associate, Magra Machika Learn.
31:36Um, can I ask, um, who I might speak to about my speech this evening?
31:40Oh, we don't have you done us doing a speech.
31:42Oh, I think it's because I'm a last minute addition.
31:46So, well, it'll be a new house, I suppose.
31:48Yeah.
31:49She's our new director.
31:50Okay.
31:50Oh, I'm guessing I have a plus one.
31:53Uh.
31:54Mr. Zulfika Ali, CEO of Move Enterprises.
31:57I just think it should be like an official record that I'm here tonight, so, thank you.
32:00Mm-hmm.
32:03Cuz, where the fuck have you bought us, man?
32:04This looks like the Jarl's bull sack.
32:07You're from humble beginnings like me.
32:09So, how's your family dealing with all this?
32:12The same way we deal with everything, as a team, together.
32:16I'm proud to say that we've all got each other's backs.
32:20Bro, this is mad.
32:21Yeah, I told you, bro.
32:22I've got stuff cooking.
32:23As-salamu alaykum.
32:24As-salamu alaykum.
32:25Sorry.
32:28Um, all right.
32:30We've got to find this Vivian, yeah?
32:32Yeah.
32:33No point in me being here if I can't get on stage.
32:35There she is.
32:35Museum director, yeah?
32:36My God.
32:38The fuck are you, bro?
32:39Some eagle, bro.
32:40Look at this.
32:41Come on.
32:41All right, listen, now.
32:41I'm going to work on her.
32:43Hey, yo, yo, shall we take team her?
32:44What?
32:45Not like that.
32:46I mean, like, convince her together, like, good packy, bad packy.
32:50What would that be like?
32:52Like, good cop, bad cop.
32:53I've got packies.
32:55I've got this one covered, yeah?
32:57You sure, yeah?
32:57Yeah, yeah, yeah, in a bit.
32:59I'll be here.
33:01Sing, let me tell you about this.
33:03You said to me anymore, mommy, so we're going to think you have a need to talk complex.
33:07He didn't get it.
33:08Oh, you didn't even think you're in college.
33:10Oh.
33:11I'm Vivian, Charlotte Eve.
33:13Oh, yes, of course, Mr. Lateef.
33:15I wonder if I could borrow you for a moment.
33:17Oh, absolutely.
33:18Although anything borrowed has to be given back now, apparently.
33:21What can I do for you, Mr. Lateef?
33:22I was actually wondering what I might be able to do for you.
33:25There's nobody like Muslims that can get you to where you need to be on time.
33:28Brother, we are on time for prayers five times a day.
33:30If you call me, brr, brr, Zulfi, can you get me to where I need to go?
33:34I'll get you there.
33:35This museum means a great deal to me, and I saw you had a number of protesters outside.
33:38Yes, and it thrills me to see young people engaging in a conversation about our shared heritage
33:44and culture.
33:45In fact, we invite this kind of dialogue.
33:47Is it a dialogue, though, if you don't have an ambassador of sorts to help bridge the divide
33:51between those on the inside and those out there?
33:53Who's your name?
33:54Ali Raza.
33:55Ali Raza, I'm feeling the Iran.
33:57Yes.
33:57Yeah, a bit of Farsi, my guy, come on.
33:59So we could be in that region.
34:01I, for one, would be honored to get up there and say a few words about how global Britain
34:06truly is, both its artifacts and its people.
34:09You know, I'm an eighth Indian.
34:10I did not.
34:11Wow.
34:12What about yourself?
34:13Where are you from?
34:13London.
34:14You're from London?
34:15You sound...
34:17Wait, originally from London?
34:19But I understand your latest acquisition is from a Muslim country.
34:22Yes, but treasures like the one we're unveiling tonight don't just belong to Islam.
34:25They belong to us all.
34:27So I can go up and say a few words?
34:29I'll be very brief.
34:30No, Miss Latif.
34:32That's simply not how we do things around here.
34:34This isn't a pop-up Banksy exhibit.
34:35Besides, we already have our dear friend Raj Thakkar giving a speech.
34:38Enjoy your evening.
34:41And so I say to him, Your Majesty.
34:47And now, to the more uncomfortable part of our chat.
34:51You didn't think this was going to be all softballs, did you?
34:55Raj Thakkar, your rival?
34:57I wouldn't call him that.
34:59Come on, come on.
35:00You can be honest.
35:01I can't be in the same room as Ian Magneto McKellen.
35:05Oh, sorry.
35:06Sir, Ian Magneto McKellen.
35:08I just think that there's plenty of room for all of us at the top.
35:12Oh, please.
35:13A day ago, you were the only brown bloke up for the job.
35:16And now, there are two.
35:18And word on the web is he'd make a better bond.
35:21Yeah, well, I don't really pay attention to what people say about me.
35:23It's just not in my nature.
35:24You should, old chap.
35:26He's a bigger name with a bigger fan base.
35:29And I dare say he's thought of as a better actor.
35:32That's subjective.
35:34Cut the camel shit, Latif.
35:36You couldn't even convince that museum director to let you speak.
35:40How do you expect to convince the world that you can be Bond?
35:44You don't stand a chance in a whore's pyjamas, do you, you pussyhole?
35:50He's the good addition, you push-gun!
35:55No use being angry with me.
35:58You only have yourself to blame.
36:00I'm trying.
36:01Try harder.
36:03Do you understand?
36:07Here he is.
36:08Hey.
36:09Hey, sure I love this man.
36:11I haven't seen you in a minute, bro.
36:12How's it going?
36:12Yeah, when was the last time I saw you?
36:15Mango tree premiere.
36:16Yeah, yeah, yeah.
36:17Thank you for coming.
36:18Man, you were so good in that.
36:19Thank you.
36:19Do you guys see that?
36:20Under the mango tree.
36:22So it's about this magical mango tree.
36:24This white woman eats a mango.
36:25She travels back in time to colonial India.
36:27Falls in love with this Indian guy.
36:29And they have this relationship over space and time.
36:31It's about her.
36:32Loves timeless and crosses all sorts of boundaries.
36:36I don't know why I didn't connect more.
36:37Actually, can I?
36:38Where are you from?
36:39Yeah, yeah.
36:39Just for it.
36:40Yeah.
36:40Thanks a lot.
36:42You look incredible, by the way.
36:43And very, very smart getting photographed in the tugs and holding that drink.
36:46It's just here to support one of our nation's most important cultural institutions.
36:53Just one thing's got people going mental, hasn't it?
36:56Yeah, people are passionate, man.
36:57It's just that the hate, though.
36:59The hate, it's a lot, right?
37:01I know you're probably getting a lot of that, too.
37:04Not really.
37:06Nothing to cry about.
37:07You just got to stay grateful.
37:09People are busting their asses at dead-end jobs just to put food on the table.
37:13We live in the dream.
37:14Yeah.
37:15Yeah.
37:15There we are.
37:15Yeah, hate's a small price to pay.
37:17It is.
37:17It's just some psycho sent a pig's head to my mom's house.
37:22Are you serious?
37:23Yeah.
37:23Fuck, you know.
37:24That's actually why I'm here.
37:26I want to show them that no amount of hate is going to make me hide.
37:30And actually, if this museum can house treasures from all around the world,
37:34then this country has to take in people from all around the world.
37:36Am I right?
37:37Yeah, preach.
37:38I just want to make a statement showing that this, this, too, is what British looks like.
37:43I love the passion, man.
37:45I'm so glad you said that because I heard that you're speaking later,
37:47and I was thinking maybe we could tag team it.
37:49Yeah, that's a great idea.
37:51Yeah.
37:52You've got something important to say.
37:53I want to be a part of that.
37:54Yeah.
37:54I'll tell you what, why don't I go up first, and then I'll bring you up.
37:57I would love that.
37:58Thank you, my brother.
37:59I love that, man.
38:00Of course.
38:01I really appreciate it.
38:01There you are.
38:03Hey.
38:03I know you.
38:04This is my security guy.
38:05The Mooba guy.
38:06Yeah, I overheard you chatting about it earlier.
38:08I love the concept.
38:09Thank you, brother.
38:09Yeah, yeah.
38:10Are you Muslim?
38:12Help me all.
38:12A little.
38:14Have you got a card?
38:15I'll spread the word.
38:16Nice.
38:18Yeah.
38:19Okay.
38:19I've got to go.
38:20That's my mom.
38:21You brought your mom?
38:21Yeah, yeah, yeah.
38:23I wouldn't be here without her, so.
38:24Shouldn't be here without her, you know?
38:26It's all thicker.
38:27That's me.
38:27That's to me.
38:28Good to see you, man.
38:29Yeah, you too.
38:31Man.
38:33He's either the sweetest twat I've ever met, or the thickest twat.
38:37You're a thick twat.
38:39What?
38:39Security guy.
38:42That's all I am to, honey.
38:43You literally told me to bring you here as security.
38:45Why are you getting cranky?
38:46Oh, you haven't broken fast, huh?
38:48No, I haven't.
38:49Of course I'm hungry, man.
38:49Do you eat a canapé?
38:50Champagne, gentlemen.
38:51Just have a little canapé, bro.
38:54Just have a little something to eat.
38:55Nothing here is halal, none of the little things, the big things, none of it.
38:58Have some halumi.
38:59Halumi.
39:00Halumi's not Israeli.
39:01That's what they want you to think.
39:02It's an Arabic.
39:03Cheers.
39:04Prove it to me.
39:04Google it.
39:05You know I don't use Google.
39:08Thank you.
39:10Too kind.
39:13Good evening.
39:15In 2001, we watched in horror as Taliban fanatics laid waste to a once great nation's cultural heritage.
39:25We wept as monuments to peace were turned to rubble.
39:30But tonight, we right this wrong.
39:32After a nine-year, 15 million pound restoration project, it is my honor to present to you tonight
39:40the restored Buddha of Bamiyan.
39:56And now an extra special treat.
39:59It is with great enthusiasm that I invite tonight's guest speaker to the stage, the most gentleman
40:05of Vampire Hunter I've ever had the pleasure of meeting, Raj Dakar.
40:16It's an honor to be here.
40:17I mean, wow.
40:21This museum is home to artifacts from around the globe.
40:26And so it should follow that England, too, is home to people from those same places.
40:31And tonight is a celebration.
40:32But I would like to speak with you all about my experiences as an Englishman and as a person
40:38of color.
40:39Recently, racist hate took the form of a severed pig's head delivered to my family's doorstep.
40:51It was horrific.
40:53There was blood everywhere.
40:55My mother was left traumatized.
40:57Mummy, I'm sorry.
40:59But no amount of hate will make me hide.
41:03Those driven by prejudice, they need to see us in these spaces.
41:12And because this, too, is what British looks like.
41:18Thank you.
41:20Thank you.
41:21Excuse me, Mr. Latif.
41:23You have a situation?
41:24A man claiming to be your brother has been harassing and racially profiling museum guests.
41:29What?
41:30They're really doing very special work.
41:33Oh, and Shah Latif wanted to say something, too.
41:36I'm about to go on, man.
41:37Shah?
41:38Otherwise, we're going to have to escort him off the premises immediately.
41:41I don't know.
41:59So, let's talk about your big moment.
42:02The speech that never was.
42:05A silky bit of spycraft from Thacker.
42:07He's clearly made for the role.
42:10Not to mention, he can get the bleeding lines out.
42:15Nine?
42:16I can do better.
42:17I can.
42:18Can you now?
42:20Let's see.
42:21I also had a pig's head sent to my mom's house.
42:28I, um...
42:29Nice one, dickhead.
42:31You're more frozen than me.
42:33But it's not your acting that's the problem, is it?
42:36It's who you are.
42:39You don't have the balls to be bombed.
42:43Hey, yo, guys.
42:44Bomby, me, you're one and only five.
42:45You turned your back on your own fans.
42:48Man, slow down.
42:49You turned your back on your own family.
42:52I'm going to get the fuck out of me, bro.
42:55Face it.
42:56People like you are never the heroes of the story.
43:00You'll always just be a scared little Paki.
43:09Send him back where he came from.
43:15I'm going to get the fuck out of me.
43:25I'm going to die.
43:31I'm going to die.
43:41¿Qué?
43:47¿Qué?
43:48¿Estás bien?
43:48¿Qué?
43:49¿Qué estás haciendo?
43:51¿Qué estás haciendo?
43:52Nada, bro. ¿Estás 2am?
43:54¿Estás hablando con alguien?
43:55¿O qué?
43:57Sorry, I was just running late.
43:59¿In a suit?
44:00Costume, ¿no?
44:02Bueno, el moon ha estado sited, ¿no?
44:05Ed Mubarak
44:06Eh
44:08No, no, you weirdo
44:13Ed Mubarak, bitch
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