- 13 hours ago
High Hoops - Season 2 - Episode 04: The Two Queens Zone
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TVTranscript
00:00MUSIC
00:18CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP!
00:22OK, so, this might take a bit of explaining.
00:25CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP!
00:30but it's gonna have to be quick
00:35sorry about this
00:38here comes the rewind
00:45Tommy and Jess are currently having a free throw comp
00:48just a bit of fun
00:49that I absolutely must win
00:55yes
00:57oh yeah
00:58that's 5-0 Mipha
01:00next one to miss
01:01loses
01:02stay at the obvious much
01:04yes I do Naila
01:06now I'm going to score
01:10now Aoife will miss
01:11and lose the bet we made
01:13Aoife
01:16what bet
01:18how about
01:19whichever team loses
01:20has to change their team's name to
01:22the losers
01:23for a whole week
01:25hmm
01:28hurry up and lose Mipha
01:30like I'm gonna miss
01:50so now everyone's calling us the losers
01:53and there's nothing we can do about it
01:55you kids exaggerate a billion times a day
01:58I'm sure it's not everyone
02:00losers
02:01losers
02:02losers
02:04losers
02:04losers
02:05losers
02:06losers
02:06losers
02:06losers
02:07at least it's just for a week
02:10but what if it sticks
02:12it took ages for the vipers to put respect on our names
02:15and now it's gone
02:16thanks to Jessica
02:18and me
02:19I suppose
02:20but I just need to smash this loser tag
02:23this Jessica
02:25and these eggs
02:27if it's a fight you're after
02:28we've got a battle reenactment
02:30as part of interactive history week
02:31no thanks
02:33sounds well weird
02:34there is nothing weird
02:36about playing a historical character
02:37in full costume
02:38to educate your fellow students
02:40it's like he can't see himself
02:42your brother is using his big history brain to play the queen's special little advisor
02:48just special advisor mum stop adding little
02:52the lads think it sounds daft but they'll change their tune when they see my venetian breeches
02:58think I'll wear my own breeches thank you
03:00I'm awesome being myself
03:03yourself
03:04you mean a loser
03:08sign up will you love
03:10not many people have
03:12and Jim's nervous
03:13because Mr Holt's on holiday
03:14and left him in charge
03:15you'll be the boss of everyone
03:17if you play Queen Victoria
03:18Victoria?
03:19Jim
03:20this whole week's about Queen Elizabeth I
03:22who's he?
03:24oh no
03:25Connor Lecturing coming
03:26Elizabeth I ruled over this country's golden age
03:30she inspired my sweet threads
03:32revitalised art
03:33and literature
03:34her ships defeated the mighty Spanish Armada
03:37in an epic battle
03:39this could go on for a while
03:41she kept her own cousin
03:43Mary Queen of Scots
03:44prisoner for 18 years
03:46which seems harsh
03:47but family can be annoying
03:49rude
03:53but she does sound like a legend
03:56and this boaty battle thingy
03:58that's on Friday yeah?
04:00Thursday Jim
04:01we're recreating Queen Elizabeth's epic victory
04:05on the playing fields
04:07so this Queen Elizabeth person
04:09gets to be Connor's boss
04:11have their own captive
04:12and win a battle
04:13in front of the entire school
04:14hmm
04:16the vipers are winners
04:17say it
04:29sign me up Jim
04:30I'm playing a queen
04:35which queen was that again?
04:37you know
04:37what Connor said
04:38the prison one
04:40with the cousin
04:42oh and make sure there's a jail cell
04:44and that Jessica
04:45plays the other cousin
04:47other cousin
04:49right
04:50hmm
05:00I can play that thing with my nose
05:02you know
05:03that's gross
05:04the queen commands
05:05the following students
05:06take part in history week
05:08please not clangor
05:09please not clangor
05:09please not clangor
05:10please not clangor
05:11clangor
05:11what I said please
05:12and Ben
05:15everyone wants a bit of Ben
05:21I thought we'd be happy
05:22I got you out of lessons
05:23not when you have us pushing
05:24an actual pretend well
05:25which I notice you're not doing
05:27er
05:27William Cecil
05:28doesn't do manual labour
05:31who?
05:32my incredibly high achieving character
05:35let's just pretend
05:36not this week it's not
05:37the whole point of interactive learning
05:39is living like it's real
05:41don't you want to win the battle
05:43for your queen?
05:44to recreate the sights
05:46the sounds
05:47the smells
05:48smells?
05:49oh and that job
05:50smells isn't a job clangor
05:52but if I was queenie
05:54to make it one then
05:55oh
05:55make us king while you're at it
05:57she didn't have a king
05:59prince then
05:59my hair's too good
06:01to be anything less
06:04if I do this
06:05you two take part
06:08and admit that
06:09history
06:10and
06:11by association
06:13me
06:14are very cool
06:16I'm taking that as a yes
06:20ta-da
06:23bow before your queen
06:24first job
06:26bowing lessons for everyone
06:27I've been called a loser
06:2915 times today
06:30twice by teachers
06:32all thanks to you
06:34thanks to your majesty
06:35actually
06:37Aoife
06:37your stupid bet
06:39could mean we're known
06:39as the losers forever
06:41we won't
06:42watch this
06:43boy
06:45your queen requires
06:46fizzy drinks
06:52that was
06:53impressive
06:54that's nothing
06:55chair girl
06:57I wish to sit down
07:01I forgot
07:02I sent chair girl
07:03to go get more chairs
07:04my point is
07:06everyone has to do
07:07what the queen says
07:08this week
07:08ultimate girl boss
07:10exactly
07:10so when I
07:12and my royal teamies
07:14win the battle
07:14it'll be like
07:15the loser thing
07:16never even happened
07:17in a way
07:19we'll all be queens
07:21yes queen
07:22but
07:23only me though
07:25technically
07:27so
07:28what do we do then
07:31I'm so glad she asked
07:34Naila
07:35with your
07:36no-nonsense toughness
07:37your queen commands you
07:39to be chief jailer
07:40and executioner
07:44one jail
07:46your majesty
07:46where's my executioner's weapons
07:49weapons
07:49weapons
07:51a toilet brush
07:53you do have an axe
07:54but I lost it
07:55I'll find it
07:56don't brush me
07:58and
07:58cha
07:59your wicked style
08:01makes you
08:01a perfect lady
08:02in waiting
08:03this dress
08:04would look
08:05adobe on you
08:06and hide your
08:08massive feet
08:08she's right
08:10they're enormous
08:13Zara
08:13you'll be designing
08:15and making ships
08:16for the battle
08:17because of my keen interest
08:18in naval warfare
08:19my design credentials
08:21my geometry scores
08:24yeah
08:25all of that
08:28it was the only job left
08:29wasn't it
08:31oh
08:32and she'd make some stocks
08:34ready for when we chop
08:35Jessica's head off
08:40IFA
08:42why are all the clothes
08:43with your name on so
08:46raggedy
08:47Jim
08:48who's Mary
08:50Queen of Scots
08:51the one you wanted to play
08:52the queen with the cousin
08:54the prison
08:55one
08:58him
08:58I explained this
09:01Queen Elizabeth had a Scottish cousin
09:03Mary Queen of Scots
09:04who wanted to be Queen of England too
09:06so Elizabeth threw her in jail
09:09and she was never let out
09:11never
09:13so I've gone from being the queen of winning everything
09:16to being stuck in that thing all week
09:18no no no
09:19of course not
09:20you get beheaded on Wednesday
09:23headless is a bold look
09:25but I can work with it
09:27the battle's on Thursday
09:28how am I supposed to beat Spain without a head
09:30you won't
09:32whoever's playing Queen Elizabeth
09:34will
09:36the queen with the cousin
09:44oh Mitha
09:45the bars really suit you
09:46knowingly she's right
09:48I'm totally pulling this off
09:49I wasn't going to get involved
09:51but then Jim said how much you wanted me to play your cousin
09:54oh great it's my fault
09:56again
09:56how could I refuse such a kind offer from my favourite loser
10:01you're still our queen
10:02actually
10:03losers
10:04I'm the queen you work for
10:05and I've got lots of work for you to do
10:07so you'll be coming with me
10:08take her away jailer
10:10do I have to
10:11um
10:11your majesty
10:15yes please
10:16find my axe
10:18enjoy it while it lasts
10:19because I'm totally not taking this lying down
10:24kind of think you are
10:26cuz
10:27would this be any more humiliating
10:33turns out the answer was a very soggy yes
10:39says here Mary Queen of Scots was well treated in prison
10:44the queen thought throwing wet sponges at her would be more fun
10:49she was right
10:51great work gang
10:54they literally never miss
10:56how big must my face be
11:08are we allowed to be in Mr. Holt's office
11:11I can go where I please
11:13because I am queen
11:15of course
11:16my uh
11:17my apologies your majesty
11:18what do you want from me
11:20a favour
11:21your majesty
11:22if you could make my friend
11:24Ben
11:25royalty
11:25that would mean a lot to me
11:28personally
11:29and I have been
11:30a loyal servant
11:31for many years
11:32and you are
11:34William Cecil
11:35your
11:36special advisor
11:38fine
11:38tell Jim to make Ben
11:40king of Spain
11:41he can lose the battle to me
11:43small detail
11:44the Spanish king wasn't actually
11:46at the battle
11:47it looks better if I beat the king
11:49so make that happen
11:50okay
11:51tell him to cry
11:52when he loses
11:54that's not historically accurate
11:57isn't it your job
11:58to do whatever your queen demands
11:59well yes
12:02yes
12:03your majesty
12:04good
12:05then stand on one leg
12:14now flap your arms like a swan
12:18but make a noise like a cow
12:25I'm going to enjoy this
12:27I don't suppose now would be a good time
12:29to ask you to appoint a
12:31minister of smells
12:32I mean
12:40where are you going in such a hurry
12:43to resign from my exalted position
12:45as special advisor
12:46for her majesty
12:47you
12:47same thing
12:48just way less nerdy
12:49there they are
12:51my two saviors
12:52so about that Jim
12:54I'm trying to save the viper's reputation
12:56I thought this would be a disaster
12:57but you've got so many people involved
12:59I feel like I should be paying you
13:00I can't know
13:01because I'm saving up for a new gold tracksuit
13:04that's great
13:05Jim but
13:06yeah but listen
13:07Mr. Holt will be well impressed
13:08if I pull this off
13:09and some will I
13:10yes
13:11we can't resign now
13:13he seems so
13:15happy
13:15like Clang-er with a mouldy potato
13:18Oi
13:18jails can't move
13:20ow
13:20do you have to be so rough
13:22if I'm going to play a character
13:24might as well commit to it
13:26well that's just given me a wee beastie of an idea
13:32King of Spain
13:34you're not happy
13:35not
13:36which is Spanish
13:38for no
13:39you wanted to be royalty
13:41well obviously
13:42I'm fluent in Spanglish
13:44and handsome enough
13:46you still have a better job than Clang-er
14:09you did this to me
14:16my loyal subject
14:18as you know
14:19I am the best queen that ever lived
14:22you may now applaud
14:25please
14:27please
14:27take this opportunity to learn more about how incredible I am
14:31how brilliant life was
14:33because of me
14:34and make sure to book your tickets for this battle with the Spanish Armada
14:38join us live
14:39for the naval takedown of the 16th century
14:42when Queen Elizabeth's English fleet takes on the mighty Spanish Armada
14:47which I will win
14:49for you
14:50my loyal subjects
15:05I love a good bagpipe
15:11is anyone hungry
15:13cause you're talking
15:14pure mints by the way
15:17guards
15:17seize her
15:19and take me well
15:20I'm already in jail
15:22you're dozy wheelers
15:23are queen
15:25she has a point you much
15:27you can tell who's got the brains in this family
15:31silence
15:31I order you to
15:34freedom
15:37you two
15:38come with me
15:45being this
15:46I'm wearing my own hair from now on
15:48but
15:48the real queen's hair was burnt amber
15:50with a hint of orangutan
15:52I'm the real queen
15:53you're the losers
15:55and you can find me better clothes too
15:57more modern ones
15:58and you
16:00stop building boats
16:02but
16:03I'm a boat builder
16:04now
16:04you're a jail builder
16:05I need one with no leg holes
16:07or head holes
16:08a
16:10plain
16:10box then
16:11it's what a loser deserves
16:13no one will be calling us that after what Aoife just did
16:19on second thought
16:22maybe not a plain box after all
16:24loser viper jail
16:26so much for the name not sticking
16:28Jessica forced me to make it
16:30and then she arrested me as a traitor
16:32us two
16:33I totally did
16:35cause traitors are losers
16:37now where's my minister of smells
16:43I thought you were a horse
16:44I got promoted for a special mission
16:46go put your pocket cheese in the viper's loser cell
16:49pocket cheese
16:51it smells worse than collars fee
16:53oi
16:54thanks
16:55oh
16:55before I forget
16:58as you were so funny earlier
17:00you can be my new jester too
17:02and I'll do a funny dance
17:05like she's gonna do that
17:07it's going really well Mr Holt
17:08and it looks like Aoife's about to perform a new character
17:11listen
17:17jiggity dee
17:18jiggity doo
17:19jiggity da
17:20what's it do
17:25what
17:26no no I didn't get it Aoife
17:28but the kids were loving it
17:31Aoife
17:33I can't wait for tomorrow's executions
17:36there's only meant to be one
17:38four stinky losers
17:40four executions
17:41and did I mention we're going to film them for the school website
17:45she can't do that
17:46can she do that?
17:48I totally can
17:49she totally can
17:50I emailed Mr Holt about it
17:51and he thinks it's such a good idea
17:54so now everyone can watch me winning
17:56and you losing
17:58forever
18:01and I can still smell the pocket cheese
18:07no one could take you to
18:08Ethan's getting her egg chopped off tomorrow
18:10so she is
18:12that'll be fun
18:16we're selling tickets
18:19I can't let her humiliate us like this
18:21we'll be known as losers forever
18:24losers losers losers
18:26I just want to show the lads that history could be cool
18:29but Jessica keeps rewriting it
18:31maybe we could do that too
18:33rewrite history
18:34think about it
18:35Jessica losing the battle
18:36would be a crazy plot twist
18:38everyone would be talking about it
18:47I do like that
18:50but it does go against my principle of
18:52doing anything not historically accurate
18:55did Mary Queen of Scots really wear this ridiculous thing?
18:59no wonder nobody voted for her
19:06I'm in
19:07yes
19:07and I've got the perfect plan
19:10first
19:11I sneak out of myself
19:13using a devious lie
19:15and while the Vipers gain support
19:17to the revolution
19:18Mary Queen of Scots is busy
19:21looking at memes
19:22as she often did in 1567
19:24on her
19:26wooden phone
19:32don't care if it's not practical
19:34I want a gold boat
19:36gold
19:37and then
19:39we plot to overthrow
19:41the evil queen
19:52what's that?
19:57secret meeting
19:58who put that there?
20:05Connor
20:14pretty clever if I say so myself
20:17and I do
20:18okay
20:19this is kind of cool
20:21and
20:22a plot to overthrow the queen
20:23is entirely accurate
20:25historically speaking
20:26you're ruining it
20:28clangily speaking
20:29I'll go
20:30drum up more support
20:33when Jessica tries to execute me
20:35and the Vipers
20:36I'll give the signal to our supporters
20:37they'll set us free
20:39and everyone will follow us to the battle
20:41where the Vipers will show the entire school
20:43how to win
20:44with style
20:45why should I go along with this?
20:48because I'll make you look good
20:52I don't need help with that
20:54he does
20:56Jessica's just trying to
20:57beat you quickly
20:58so she can do a boring speech
20:59I'll give you
21:00a hero's death
21:02pure
21:02Hollywood
21:04what about me?
21:05what do I get?
21:08fucking jeez!
21:09I'm sure the king is in need
21:11for a master of smells
21:14nothing can stop me now
21:18Scottish queen appreciates your support
21:24it's all very exciting
21:26oh Mr. Holt wants me to film the event for him
21:28that's good isn't it?
21:29if it's not historically accurate
21:31he'll make me do all the rubbish jobs
21:32no one else wants
21:33like what?
21:35lunchtime detentions
21:36spell checking graffiti
21:37stopping birds doing the toilet on his car
21:41what's that Hawkey?
21:42you're so hungry
21:43you could eat 50 pigeons
21:45I wouldn't have time to coach bouncy ball
21:49it's going to be great Jim
21:51especially with Aoife and Connor helping out
21:53well mainly Connor
22:00isn't that right Connor?
22:03how do you know I'm here?
22:04because I'm your mum
22:05and also you breathe really loudly
22:09there's a lot resting on this for Jim
22:11and the Vipers
22:12it is going to go well
22:14isn't it?
22:16only if I can get to Aoife on time
22:24Mary Queen of Scots
22:26aka Aoife
22:27Queen of Losers
22:30not for long
22:31I hereby sent a cute
22:33I reject your sentence
22:35now
22:37now is the time to rise up against this evil queen
22:40follow me into the battle
22:42and I will defeat the Spanish king
22:44for you
22:46my people
22:47now
22:48who's with me?
22:53I said
22:54who's with me?
22:57seriously
22:58who's with me?
23:03looks like your little revolution has failed
23:07we can't get the history wrong
23:09Connor said we'd lose Jim as a coach
23:12we'll have no choice
23:28and this is where we came in
23:30chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop
23:38hey that was my axe
23:40chop chop chop chop
23:42Chomp! Chomp! Chomp! Chomp! Chomp!
23:45Sorry about this.
23:51Can't lie. Look pretty awesome as a king.
23:55And these stink bombs are absolutely weak. Sniff.
23:58I'll take your word for it.
24:00Does this mean that he was right?
24:03That history and Connor can be cool?
24:07All right, but we can never tell him.
24:09Agreed.
24:22Where's Aoife?
24:24Jessica's won. Again.
24:27And we've lost.
24:28We're officially the losers.
24:31Forever.
24:33This really is the worst of times.
24:36But the best of times for a round-up.
24:41So it all started when we had to call ourselves the losers because someone made a bet. It doesn't matter
24:47who.
24:48So then I tried to change the past in more ways than one.
24:51But then I'd realised we'd lose Jim and nobody wanted that.
24:54So now Jessica's going to win again.
24:57And we're going to be stuck with these stupid nicknames forever.
25:00Loser! Loser! Loser! Loser!
25:05Unless...
25:07Guys, it's not over.
25:09Yes, it is.
25:10The battle's just beginning.
25:12Like, our battle's just beginning.
25:14What are you going on about?
25:15I was wrong.
25:17We can't change what's happened, but we can change what does happen.
25:22Starting now.
25:23How?
25:25Jessica wins, like, always.
25:29But she doesn't.
25:33Queen Elizabeth does.
25:48Yes!
25:49Come on, smash them!
25:50No, no, no, no!
25:52What?
25:53What?
25:56Oh, here you are, Mr Holt.
25:59Jessica's Queen Elizabeth is just about to defeat Ben's Spanish king.
26:03Oh, no!
26:04Oh, not king.
26:06Duke.
26:06Very well-dressed duke with the king's hat on.
26:10I thought Aoife would have at least come out to watch.
26:13Well, how?
26:14She's not got her head.
26:15Oh, yeah.
26:16Ha!
26:16Ha!
26:17Ha!
26:17Ha!
26:17Ha!
26:17Ha!
26:18Ha!
26:19Ha!
26:20Ha!
26:24Ha!
26:28Ha!
26:33Ha!
26:34Ha!
26:34Ha!
26:34Ha!
26:35Ha!
26:35Ha!
26:37Ha!
26:37Ha!
26:37Ha!
26:39Ha!
26:42Ha!
26:45You have to lose to me.
26:47Lie down.
26:48Nah, not my style.
26:50Smells master?
26:51Let's go out in glory.
26:58What is this?
27:02Yes, yes, yes.
27:04No!
27:27Very cool.
27:29That's how winning's done, Halty Baby.
27:31Vipers style.
27:36You can cut that last bit out, right?
27:38But it's a live stream.
27:40Did she just call me Halty Baby?
27:43It'll grow on him.
28:00Bye.
28:01Bye.
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