- 21 hours ago
LOL: Last One Laughing UK - Season 2 - Episode 05: The Seagull and the Frankfurter
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00:02We'll be back.
00:36We've got Bob Mortimer's Joker coming up.
00:39I am so delighted I'm not in that room for this.
00:43We can just enjoy it.
00:44This could be a problem for people.
00:46He could do anything. I fear him.
00:49Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome on stage Mr Graham Lester.
00:54Not ready for this at all.
01:10My name's Graham Lester, ladies and gentlemen.
01:13It's your privilege to be entertained by me this afternoon.
01:16I know doctors, dentists, architects are recently parked in the same park and ride as an anaesthetist.
01:26We're not fucking about here. Do you understand?
01:38Oh no. Don't own goal it, Bob.
01:48It's just loud.
01:53You got a problem, son?
01:56You got a problem, son?
01:57No, absolutely not, no.
01:58Yeah, you got a face like a Dalek's penis.
02:01You don't mind me saying.
02:05I'll have you know, my next door neighbour, but one, yeah, has access to agricultural poisons.
02:16Behave yourself.
02:19I'd like to present for your entertainment an item that I'm calling lard for laughs.
02:26I'll extract two laughs from lard by forcing the lard through the face of Mr Jimmy Carr.
02:37I feel weirdly honoured.
02:41Do you have a problem, son?
02:44No.
02:47Maybe I do.
02:53Oh no.
02:59I will force the lard through Jimmy Carr's face whilst extending the pronunciation of the vowel A.
03:07It's two laughs.
03:31Look at David.
03:35Le A-R-D.
03:41Lard for laughs, ladies and gentlemen.
03:45Oh, Mel's face.
03:46Secondly, for your entertainment, I would like to tell you about a very unusual incident that occurred at Costco in
03:53Croydon.
03:54I was there with my pet seagull, Ruth, shopping for apricots.
04:03We wanted a big catering-sized tin.
04:06We wanted a big catering-sized tin.
04:06Why wouldn't we?
04:07Why wouldn't we want catering sauce?
04:09We love our apricots.
04:12I have a keyboard behind here.
04:14I have a keyboard behind here.
04:14It's powered by success, represented by the trophy, obviously.
04:18And nourishment, represented by the mango.
04:22The mango.
04:24The mango.
04:26David, David, is it going?
04:29So, I was with Ruth at Costco to buy the apricots, and we had hot dog each before entering the
04:38shop.
04:39And then, at the far end of the store, that was mango.
04:44At the far end of the store, we spotted a large catering tin of apricots on the top shelf.
04:50It must have been 20 feet.
04:52Can you imagine?
04:5320 feet high.
04:55Let's have some music, as I tell you what then occurred.
05:01So, I clambered up on some crates of Sunny Delight and some Warsaw-packed cases of powdered milk.
05:13As I clambered up to the top shelf with Ruth on my shoulder, I reached up to the tin of
05:20apricots and sadly fell.
05:22And this song illustrates what occurred during that fall.
05:28Mangoes.
05:29Oh, my God.
05:33Oh.
05:35Oh.
05:36Oh.
05:39Oh.
05:39Oh.
05:41Oh.
05:41Oh.
05:41Oh.
05:42Oh.
05:47Oh.
05:48No.
05:49No.
05:51Do you get me?
05:53Do you get me?
06:03Do you get me?
06:04Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
06:05I hope you've been entertained.
06:08APPLAUSE
06:16Shit.
06:19Tricky times, guys.
06:20Tricky times.
06:21It was really difficult.
06:21Very, very tricky.
06:22I think, for me, the moment when...
06:24the Frankfurter came out of the seagull's mouth.
06:26Coming out of the seagull's mouth.
06:28That was very difficult.
06:29Who was it?
06:30OK, that was definitely a laugh.
06:35I'm OK.
06:36I'm OK.
06:37Who knows?
06:38Someone's gone.
06:40Bob.
06:41Bobbage.
06:41Bob.
06:42Oh, yeah.
06:42Oh, no.
06:43Hey, well, thanks for watching, guys.
06:45Flippy.
06:45That was superb.
06:47That was a ruddy privilege.
06:49Well, I mean, of course, Bob took someone out.
06:51Reigning champion and all.
06:53Doors.
06:54Oh.
06:55Oh.
06:56Oh.
06:56It might be me, too.
06:58It might well be me.
06:59It might be me.
07:01Oh, my God.
07:02You're sitting down like a human.
07:04Relax, Jimmy.
07:05That looked incredibly tough.
07:07That was insane.
07:08That was so tough.
07:09Very difficult.
07:09Is the card red or yellow?
07:13Let's take a look.
07:14Oh, my God.
07:15This is so tense.
07:17I would like to tell you about a very unusual incident
07:21that occurred at Costco in Croydon.
07:24I was there with my pet seagull, Ruth.
07:31Not Diane.
07:33OK.
07:34That's a red card.
07:35I think that's a fair cop.
07:36Oh, my God.
07:37I'm so sorry.
07:38You've got to come with me.
07:39Oh, my God.
07:40I can't cope.
07:41Bye.
07:41Bye, everyone.
07:42Bye.
07:42See you, Diane.
07:44Well, hey, Diane.
07:46Doors.
07:47I mean, that was harsh.
07:48You did very, very well.
07:49I'm glad it was Bob that took me out, though.
07:51Yeah, that felt pretty special.
07:53It seems fair.
07:54The seagull called Ruth, that's what did it.
07:57Don't know why.
07:57Ruth is a funny name for a seagull.
08:00Diane Morgan, everyone.
08:01Oh!
08:03You did so well.
08:05Well done.
08:06Oh, well done.
08:07She did laugh.
08:10Oh, team.
08:11Five of us left.
08:13I had 20 quid on you to win.
08:15I thought you were just absolutely...
08:17Oh.
08:17I thought you were absolutely...
08:18Well, my money's on Sam.
08:20Look at him.
08:20He's not laughable, isn't he?
08:22In fairness, I don't think Sam understands a lot of what people are saying.
08:25LAUGHTER
08:27So, it's a red card for Diane, and she's out like...
08:31What's the phrase?
08:32Out like a hot dog from a seagull's mouth.
08:34Yeah, that's it.
08:36You'll notice that Bemi is not here.
08:38Bemi isn't feeling well, so she's left the control room.
08:42Oh, bless her.
08:42I think suppressing laughter is probably quite hazardous to one's health.
08:49I mean, gutted that I miss the rest of the game, but I am feeling much better now.
08:53Let's restart the game.
08:56Oh, here we go.
08:59OK.
09:03Maisie, who do you think is going to win?
09:04I think this is Sam's all day.
09:06All day.
09:06I mean, Romesh is very, very good at this.
09:09I think it's going to be Mel.
09:11I mean, because Mel's laughing face is rock solid,
09:15she can attack, because then she just does that.
09:18Yeah, yeah.
09:20Do you throw down? Do you get into the video games?
09:21What's your relationship with that medium?
09:23It's past, but very strong at one point.
09:26Do you remember when the Resident Evils came out?
09:28Yeah.
09:28I used to do all the Resident Evils.
09:30I once came back from a gig.
09:32Everybody was asleep in the house.
09:34I started playing that, and then I got so freaked out,
09:36I was too scared to even switch the console off.
09:39I just left the controller on the floor and I went to bed.
09:41They're getting very comfortable with each other in there.
09:44So I'm going to send in the show's intimacy coordinators,
09:47Natasha and Ellie.
09:49Oh!
09:51Oh, God.
09:52Bloody hell.
09:53Why have they made us come through these?
09:54Did anyone else have to enter through a hatch?
09:56We've been there since 10am.
09:58There's a door over there.
09:58I'm sorry, but that's not OK.
10:00Right, OK, can we get up, please?
10:02I feel sick.
10:03Could you get around, please?
10:05We're listening and we're focusing.
10:07We are intimacy coordinators.
10:09Yeah.
10:10OK, do you know what that is?
10:11So, intimacy coordinators, we're hired by the show
10:14to come into very toxic work environments,
10:16a little bit like this.
10:17We're here to make sure you're all feeling as safe
10:19and comfortable and respected as possible,
10:21because we all know the TV industry can be a little bit pervy.
10:25LAUGHTER
10:26Carry on as you were.
10:27We're just going to be floating around,
10:29and we're going to pick you off one by one
10:30to have a little one-on-one,
10:31just to see that you're all feeling OK.
10:33No, this is bad.
10:34This is bad for me.
10:35They're like two of the most talented character performers around.
10:40Promise, you're leaving now,
10:41but actually we're going to start with you, my darling.
10:43You're OK, my love.
10:44I was in a lot of trouble.
10:45I was saying to her when I came in,
10:47I'm a giggler.
10:48I giggle non-stop.
10:49Yeah.
10:50So I wouldn't last 10 seconds in here.
10:52No, no, she doesn't.
10:52But at the moment, I'm fine,
10:54because quite a few of my family members died last week.
11:01Sorry to hear about your family.
11:03Thank you so much.
11:04You're the first person that said that to me.
11:06Has he got his parent here?
11:09They accuse me of being a child,
11:11even though I am certainly of age
11:16and have even been to nightclubs.
11:17We weren't sure that you might not know what intimacy is.
11:20Do you know what SEX is?
11:23Yeah, I think I do, yeah.
11:24Just to sort of let you know,
11:25so the scientific explanation is
11:28when one organ, one private organ,
11:30welcomes the other one within it.
11:31So if it's a man and a woman,
11:33the vagina welcomes the penis within it.
11:35If it's two men,
11:37the one penis welcomes the other penis within it.
11:40And if it's two women,
11:41it's actually more of a pat amongst,
11:43less than a welcoming within.
11:45LAUGHTER
11:46I'm going to ask you a seriously.
11:47You're both quite close, if you don't mind me saying.
11:49Is that OK?
11:49That's OK.
11:50We want this to feel safe.
11:53So, first things first, Ramesh.
11:55There are no wrong answers.
11:56No, nothing to be ashamed of.
11:57Question number one.
11:58First, nice and simple.
11:59Would you consider yourself a pervert?
12:02LAUGHTER
12:07You think about it.
12:09I don't want to just answer straight away.
12:11I would not consider myself a pervert, no.
12:14Really?
12:14I heard you down as one of the dangerous ones.
12:16Interesting.
12:17OK.
12:18So, on a scale of one to ten,
12:19how aroused are you right now?
12:21Like, two?
12:22Good.
12:23That's good.
12:24That's a good answer.
12:25How about if I do this?
12:30Is that everything you're doing?
12:32Yeah.
12:33Still two, I'd say.
12:34OK.
12:35Is there any smutty or naughty language or words
12:37you yourself would rather not hear or are offended by?
12:40I don't like a lot of the sort of slang terms
12:42for female genitalia, do you know?
12:44OK.
12:45Well, actually, that's interesting
12:46because innuendo is actually OK in the workplace.
12:49It's a fun, safe way of expressing what you think
12:52without being too smutty.
12:53So, for me, I like to describe my area
12:56as the mouth of a screaming seal.
13:01Is he going?
13:05Was that a laugh?
13:06That was a cough.
13:07Genuinely, you weren't covering a laugh with a cough?
13:09Oh, yeah, no.
13:10Do you have to be honest at this point?
13:11I'm honest.
13:13And you could describe your area as, um, I don't know,
13:15cheese baguette?
13:16Wrinkled leather pipe?
13:19Gentleman's factory?
13:20Or dead snake?
13:23Nasty little sword.
13:28I'll leave you with that.
13:30OK.
13:30That was the closest I came to getting a card
13:33without getting one.
13:34That was horrific.
13:36Sam, can we have you, please, darling?
13:37Can we have the child here?
13:39Are you OK, darling?
13:40It's a funny way of referring to him.
13:42I must say I noticed that.
13:44Yes.
13:45That amused me.
13:46Does your mum know you're here?
13:47Yes.
13:48She does?
13:49Is she OK with that?
13:50Yeah.
13:51OK.
13:51How have you been?
13:52Not good.
13:53Not good.
13:54I've been in that hatch for about, since 10.30.
13:56You've been in the hatch the whole time, though?
13:58Yeah.
13:58It's been incredibly dry.
14:00They've treated us incredibly badly.
14:01The industry is so barbaric.
14:03It is exactly, and that's why we're here.
14:04You know, I just got asked to host Junior Naked Attraction.
14:07No, you can't do that.
14:08That's not OK.
14:09Oh, my God.
14:13He's going to break them.
14:15So, has anyone in the house smacked you?
14:19Nothing like that has happened to me.
14:21And has Jimmy Carr touched you in any way?
14:24He's touched me by staying on top for, what is it, 40 years in the business?
14:28I love that answer.
14:29I love that.
14:30That's touched me.
14:33David?
14:34David and Mel?
14:35David and Mel, can we borrow you, please?
14:37I like sofa chat.
14:39Oh, I don't think Mel's going to stand up well to this.
14:41So, we've been observing from our little hatch quite a lot of sexual tension between you
14:45two, my mum.
14:46We thought maybe because you're two both part of double acts and you're without your other
14:49half, you've maybe been drawn to each other in a sexual way.
14:53We have had sex three or four times in the locker room.
15:00Was it a closed set?
15:01Locker three, we used Alan's sausage.
15:03Well, that would be used Alan's sausage.
15:05Don't drag me into it.
15:08Because we know it can be a little bit awkward to discuss sexual fantasies.
15:11What's your sexual fantasy?
15:12I'd like to know.
15:13Yeah.
15:14Okay, I don't mind saying this in front of you two.
15:17I don't mind not listening.
15:19Older man, much, much older.
15:22The older, the better, I'd say.
15:24And I'm in a bowling alley and we're doing everything but, if you understand what that
15:28means.
15:29And when I climax, I shout, strike.
15:40All right, everyone.
15:41Okay, we're just going to wrap up now.
15:44You've done really, really well.
15:45I will say that studies show that one in three people are perverts.
15:48So, there is at least one or two of you in here.
15:51So, good luck.
15:52Can I open up your hatch for you, ladies?
15:54Thank you so much.
15:54Please, if you wouldn't mind.
15:56I think you came through here, didn't you?
15:57Yeah.
15:58Thank you so much.
16:01Lovely to see you.
16:10Sam, come back.
16:21David, can you do Geordie?
16:23Absolutely not.
16:24That is like, no way.
16:26Howie, give it a gore.
16:28Howie, give it a gore.
16:29I'd love to come to Geordie with you.
16:32Give it a gore.
16:33Let's gun and dunk the medals for Bob.
16:36Aye.
16:36You're right.
16:38You sound like you're speaking in tongues there, Mel.
16:40Oh, I've lost it.
16:41How are they going to get these to laugh?
16:44I don't think anyone's going to go.
16:45Yeah.
16:46Okay, this might help.
16:47I've got a plan.
16:49Mel, they've got...
16:50Oh, hello.
16:52It's the sofa jobs.
16:54Bob, David, you're going to go head to head in a special challenge.
16:58Bob, you're going to be David's career advisor.
17:01You need to get to know him, find out his strengths and weaknesses,
17:05and try and match him to the perfect job.
17:07David, your life is in Bob's hands.
17:09Please, take your places on the stage.
17:12Good luck, guys.
17:13Come on, team.
17:14You've got this.
17:15The game will start and end when the bell rings.
17:18You don't mind if I jump on that one?
17:19Come on.
17:20Sorry.
17:21Come on, Sam.
17:23How old are you, David?
17:25I'm just 15.
17:26You must be very nervous then, at that age.
17:28I am.
17:29I did okay in my GCSEs.
17:31Well, just relax.
17:33Because I'm your friend, trying to...
17:34You're not a careers advisor.
17:37Yeah, but think of me as a friend.
17:40Okay.
17:41You're a stout lad.
17:46Have you ever thought of working down the shit farm?
17:51The shit farm?
17:53The sewage works.
17:54Oh, I see.
17:55Yeah.
17:55Because I'm so fat.
18:00No, because you're stout.
18:02You think I'd be good for the work of a sewage works?
18:05Does it appeal to you in any way whatsoever?
18:07I'd like to work in the creative industries, please.
18:10I'm a careers officer, so I know nothing of the creative industries.
18:16Do you like digging?
18:17Have you ever buried mud?
18:20No.
18:21Is it something that interests you, though?
18:24How would you tell where the buried mud started
18:26and the mud you're burying the mud in ended?
18:32Exactly.
18:33It's a job that never ends.
18:34It's a job for life.
18:36When you were young, did you...
18:37And your mother or father said,
18:39what would you like to be when you grow up?
18:40What did you say?
18:42I am young.
18:43And I said to them yesterday,
18:45I want to work in the creative areas.
18:47And they said,
18:48never mind that.
18:49Go and see this careers advisor
18:50and try to think of him as a friend.
18:53Would you like to design tight trousers?
18:56Oh!
19:00Yes, I would, actually.
19:02Ah!
19:03Yeah.
19:04Now we're getting somewhere,
19:05because, you know,
19:06the uniforms down at the shit farm
19:08are getting increasingly tight.
19:13Are they trying to make the shit farmers appear sexier?
19:17A little bit sexier,
19:19a little bit futuristic,
19:20but the job's the same,
19:22and it's a job for life.
19:23So, I think this has been a great success.
19:26We'll send you down the shit farm.
19:28Thank you very much.
19:32I mean,
19:33a job with a shit farm.
19:35The head-to-head with David,
19:37just talking to David,
19:38it's quite intimidating.
19:40And he pulled me up on the accusation
19:42that he was stocky.
19:45He is stocky.
19:46Let's put that on record.
19:48If he was in, like, a medieval army,
19:51he'd have been an archer,
19:52a little stocky archer.
19:54He knows it.
19:56Anyone for dessert?
19:58Something a bit sweet?
19:58What are you offering, Mum?
19:59I've actually made something.
20:02That's nice.
20:03I'll get some dessert.
20:04Absolutely.
20:05I'm really proud of my biscuits.
20:07And actually, I'd forgotten about them,
20:09because you do,
20:10you sort of forget,
20:10oh, my God,
20:11I've still got something in the locker.
20:13Thought, I've got to get these in subtly,
20:15and I think they did actually believe,
20:17because I just said,
20:18oh, anyone fancy something sweet?
20:20Drama school training,
20:22which I don't have.
20:23I failed to get into drama school.
20:26Oh.
20:28It's a little something.
20:29This looks good.
20:30A little sweetie.
20:31It's a nice tin.
20:33They're vegan,
20:34there's no nuts or anything like that.
20:36How do you know?
20:36I'm going to try.
20:37Because I made them.
20:38Are these yours?
20:39Yeah, yeah.
20:39Thank you, Mel.
20:40No worries, lovies.
20:41Wait, these are for real.
20:42What do you mean?
20:43I was sure this was a trick.
20:45I think so.
20:48David?
20:49Yeah, those are a bit hairier, aren't they?
20:52I, sometimes...
20:52Hairier?
20:53Sometimes, well,
20:54sometimes my biscuits can get a bit hairy.
21:01What I'd done was three normals on the top,
21:05then there's a greaseproof paper,
21:06and then we reveal the hairy biscuits.
21:09Quite a lot of hair there.
21:11What?
21:12Mel, why am I eating this?
21:14That is macky.
21:16Oh, look, they're covered in hair.
21:18This one doesn't look so bad.
21:20No, that's quite hairy.
21:21What do you think?
21:21That one's all right.
21:22I'm sorry, I think those are fine.
21:23I think this one's OK.
21:25I think I can eat round it.
21:30Rom, hair-free or whiff of a hair?
21:34I get what you were doing with the hairy biscuits,
21:36but then to actually offer people biscuits,
21:38and then we start eating them,
21:40and then underneath, there's a hairy layer.
21:42I didn't know that that batch had gone a bit wrong.
21:44I thought Rom was just quite offended
21:46by the fact that he'd eaten a biscuit
21:49that was adjacent to a hairy biscuit.
21:51We'll never know where those hairs came from.
21:54Did you know, Romesh,
21:55that Alan Sugar is actually 30% candarell?
22:01Bob, don't do this to me, man.
22:04Don't do this, man.
22:06None of them are going to go, are they?
22:07Is Sam ever going to do his joker?
22:10He's not done his joker.
22:11OK, all right.
22:12All right.
22:18Hello, last one laughing.
22:20Could you ask Sam to do his joker?
22:22No problem.
22:24Yes, yes, yes.
22:26Sam, could you do your joker, please?
22:30Hey, guys, get ready.
22:32You're about to see a show.
22:34What the hell could it be?
22:35He might just pull his teeth out through his arsehole.
22:38While Sam's getting ready,
22:39I've got a little surprise.
22:42What does that mean?
22:43I don't know.
22:46Romesh, please go to the locker room
22:47and open the utility's cupboard.
22:52Hairy biscuit, Bob?
22:54Do you want to wear hairy biscuits or not?
22:57I did quite like the look of them, actually.
23:06Oh, hi, Romesh.
23:09No, no, no, come back, come back.
23:12Can Romesh come to the utility's locker?
23:15And then I do that,
23:16and then this is Jimmy Carr gloryhole looking at me.
23:18Look, your manager won't let me anywhere near you, Bob.
23:21I want to pitch you some ideas for shows.
23:23Like, you know how you're always doing shows
23:25with your mum, right?
23:26I just thought it'd be cool
23:27if you did a show with my mum.
23:29It's just you sort of travelling around with an urn.
23:35I've got another great idea.
23:36Jimmy and Romesh's cannon fodder.
23:39We travel around Britain,
23:40but everywhere we go,
23:42we're fired from a cannon.
23:51What about Jimmy and Romesh?
23:52is Naked Attraction.
23:56We take off our clothes
23:57and see if we're attracted to each other.
24:02Oh!
24:04Oh!
24:06Oh!
24:08Oh!
24:16Hello, sailor.
24:17What's going on there?
24:18I think something happened in there.
24:20What the frick?
24:21That was very intense and quick.
24:24Maybe it all played out in that room.
24:30What happened, Rob?
24:31I'm done.
24:32What?
24:33Ah, man.
24:38Hello.
24:39That was bullshit, man.
24:41How was that bullshit?
24:43I just had some ideas for shows.
24:45I mean, look,
24:46can I be honest with you?
24:47I thought what happened to me was unfair.
24:49There's jokers,
24:50there's head-to-heads.
24:52Nowhere did it say
24:53Jimmy Carr will emerge
24:54as a surprise from a cupboard.
24:55Let's have a look at the replay.
24:58All right, all right.
24:58Last idea, Rob.
24:59Jimmy and Rom,
25:00she's a naked attraction.
25:02We take off our clothes
25:03and see if we're attracted to each other.
25:08That's mean.
25:10What?
25:10That's really hard.
25:17That's really hard.
25:17That's really hard.
25:19Oh, dear.
25:19With the little face in the circle.
25:22It was like a sniper.
25:23It was so out of order.
25:26Oh, man.
25:27Rom.
25:28Come with me.
25:29See you, Rom.
25:30Oh, Rom.
25:31See you.
25:31And then there were four.
25:32Okay.
25:33See you, Rom.
25:34See you soon.
25:34Yeah, yeah, see you soon.
25:35Love you, brother.
25:36See you soon.
25:36Take care.
25:37Good luck.
25:37Doors.
25:39Good luck.
25:39See you.
25:40Come on, Rog.
25:40I fully concede
25:42that was a dick move.
25:44It was a dick move.
25:45I'm going to say this generally.
25:46Jimmy Carr doesn't like me.
25:49He's a prick.
25:51Put that in the trailer.
25:53Oh.
25:54Well done.
25:59Well done.
26:00Bang out of order.
26:01So out of order.
26:02Well, thank God Romish laughed.
26:04Otherwise, I would have been forced
26:05into phase two
26:06of the glory hole item.
26:09OK, I think we're all
26:11in for a little treat.
26:12OK, yes.
26:13This is Sam's Joker, right?
26:14It's Sam's Joker.
26:15Let's restart the game.
26:17Let's laugh, please.
26:18I don't know if we're allowed to.
26:19Let's have a little laugh.
26:21We're not now.
26:22We were.
26:26Can't imagine what he's going to do.
26:27Honestly, I think we could all
26:28have a hundred guesses
26:29and none of us would know.
26:30We're off.
26:31All is well with the will.
26:33So have a damn good laugh.
26:34Yes.
26:34Oh, my God.
26:37Here we go.
26:39Oh, my Lord.
26:41Hello.
26:45What is this?
26:58Now, listen here.
27:00Today's the day.
27:01I've invited Father Percival
27:03around for a cup of tea
27:04and I'm going to have
27:05to ask you to behave.
27:07Father Percival, cup of tea.
27:09Father Percival is a man
27:10of the cloth,
27:11an important man.
27:13You're going to have to
27:14keep your beak shut.
27:15Remember last week
27:17when I stubbed my toe?
27:19I cannot have you repeating
27:20any of the foul language
27:22I uttered in error
27:24as it would make him
27:26very, very shocked.
27:27Fuck!
27:28Promise!
27:29You must,
27:30because if Father Percival
27:31were to hear such things,
27:33I may be moved
27:34to another diocese,
27:35so you must promise me.
27:37Big shot!
27:38Promise!
27:38Fuck!
27:43Coming, Father Percival.
27:45Now, you keep your beak shut
27:46and I'll bring you
27:47cuttlefish galore.
27:51Father Toby,
27:53trust you are well.
27:54What a beautiful word.
27:56Can he speak?
27:58Not usually.
27:59He mostly just sits there
28:00being very polite.
28:02God, I'm tired.
28:04I was up all night
28:06fucking these two ladies
28:07from the parish.
28:11I beg your pardon.
28:13They both were biddos
28:15and they have
28:16fucking huge bazookas.
28:22Father Percival!
28:37I could have watched
28:38a bit more of that.
28:39Yeah, I could have.
28:40It was brilliant.
28:41Yeah.
28:42First Vicar was fabulous.
28:44I nearly went in that one
28:46with the first Vicar.
28:48He was very droll.
28:49I was okay with Sam as a bird.
28:52It kind of seemed,
28:53yeah, of course Sam's a bird.
28:55Nothing unusual.
28:56Nothing to see here, really.
28:58I like the term bazookas.
29:00Bazookas was excellent.
29:02Well, it feels like it's wrong
29:03because bazookas are sort of,
29:05they're more phallic, aren't they?
29:07Well, bosoms that go forward.
29:09Do such bosoms exist outside?
29:11They do, yeah, yeah, yeah.
29:11They do.
29:12Would you like to fire
29:13like an RPG or a bazooka?
29:15Yes, I'd like to.
29:16Would you fire a vicar
29:17or just a mattress or something?
29:19I'd fire randomly, Bob.
29:22Good.
29:23Possibly in the leatherhead area.
29:26Nice.
29:29Mel's playing.
29:30Mel is not going out without a fight.
29:32I think Mel is a silent assassin.
29:34Yeah, I think she is.
29:40So what has been happening?
29:42I may applaud you, though,
29:43for your time.
29:44Really?
29:44Was that OK?
29:45I just, I thought it was OK.
29:46No, thank you.
29:47Oh, yeah.
29:48That's nice.
29:49You were good as a bird.
29:50I liked, you have good legs.
29:52Oh, thanks, David.
29:53Not realistically avian,
29:55which is a good thing in legs.
29:57Is he on a sedative?
29:59He's so dazed, Sam.
30:00I mean, he's like one of those pigeons
30:02that flies into a patio doors.
30:05OK, we're running out of time.
30:06I'm going in.
30:07You're going in?
30:10Iron Man can iron up to ten shirts
30:12in five minutes.
30:18Doors.
30:21We've only got 40 minutes left.
30:24By that time,
30:24I thought no one was ever going to laugh again.
30:26So we're going to go sudden death.
30:29Going to sudden death,
30:30I felt, OK, this is a proper contest.
30:32If you laugh, you're out, OK?
30:34Oh, wow.
30:35The stakes are high.
30:36If anyone laughs, it's a red card.
30:38Oh.
30:43Tune in next week
30:44for another crazy episode.
30:49Do it in a rap way, David.
30:50That was in a rap way.
30:54David, have you ever dropped a Bible?
30:56You should have asked that six hours ago.
30:58This thing on.
30:59Do you want to have a waltz with me, Bob?
31:01Meh.
31:02I don't know what's going on.
31:04Doors.
31:04This makes a lot more sense.
31:06Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
31:07It's extremely funny.
31:09Sam's going to try and finish him off.
31:10It's come down to this.
31:12You've both played...
31:14Bye-bye.
31:15...an incredible game.
31:18No.
31:20Oh, my God!
31:21Come on!
32:21Come on!
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