- 8 hours ago
The Bear Gary
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TVTranscript
00:26I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
00:46you look good yeah i am proud of you i'm proud of you i love you i love you so
00:54much
01:07oh my god let's fucking go yeah do this okay you better be home by 5 15
01:19no problemo babe
01:26yo stop stop you're gonna wake up the whole fucking neighborhood be fucking on time
01:29shit i forgot yeah i'm sorry yeah give me a sec
01:36fucking oh yeah there it is there it is you get in the fucking coming to go in that car
01:43get in the
01:43fucking car get in the car let's go there's just nothing loud yet all right just
01:53why are you slamming that why do you have to just just fucking shut it
01:57just leave it don't say you didn't when you did
01:59mike i did this you guys show me again yeah
02:10how terrible is that fucking filth got it from fucking gogos
02:13it's pretty good what is it hazelot another debit only now
02:17what if you don't have a debit card right then you're fucked if you don't have a debit card you
02:20got the debit card you got to pay a fucking fee it's like they're fucking in the ass either way
02:23yeah because if they do the credit card then they got to pay a percentage of the credit card
02:28i understand but why fuck the customer it's just for no reason
02:34gotta tell you my it's kind of like a little bit of a glass half half empty kind of
02:39energy you're working with for this mission double oh fucking suck my dick what do you mean a mission
02:43yo we're fucking transporting some goods across state lines i'm taking a fucking tape box to gary
02:47indiana gary fucking indiana that's where we're going what's in the box
02:51i don't know what's in the fucking box it's taped i just said it's taped you can tell me
02:58all right fair enough i don't need to know you're a fucking donkey that's what you fucking are that's
03:02what you are fucking all you don't even know what you're fucking taking you're just fucking moving
03:05donkey fucking packing old donkey i am a donkey you ever see what a donkey's packing downstairs
03:18what's happening you're still here is that jimmy
03:23mike
03:34boy
03:36boy
03:38boy
04:00what are you doing good didn't i say stay in the car what man i said stay in the car
04:05why can't you
04:06just stay in the car you didn't say stay in the car you didn't hear me say stay in the
04:09car you
04:10didn't say it i didn't hear you say it because you didn't say it's too much rich fucking dog huh
04:15i'm not
04:16fucking dog you can't fucking tell me where to go and when to do it yo look what i made
04:23last night
04:26you made a fucking did you make that yeah i made this tunes for gary come on baby let's do
04:33this
04:35oh oh oh oh i am gradual with the volume just turn off this is gradual with the volume that's
04:43exactly what i did i swear to god stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it pull this
04:48fucking car over
04:48and fucking leave you here you understand this is not this is this is not gradual like that
04:55that's not what i did i know how to i respect the fucking car
05:00now i want you to respect the fucking music
05:17gracious
05:25gracious
05:30yeah there he is
05:31there he is
05:33there he is
05:34stop don't fucking touch me
05:35stop stop
05:39well here's some fun facts about gary
05:42guess the population
05:45seventy thousand uh it is a rust belt city it was once known as magic city it was once also
05:54known as the city of the century
05:55city of the century 54 percent female for those of us in the car that are you know not married
06:01that might be a pretty fun fact
06:05obviously john cougar melancamp michael jackson fucking orangutan michael jackson's from gary the whole jackson five for that man could
06:11have fucking said tito before fucking john cougar melancamp
06:20you're trying to tell me you're not at all excited about traveling more
06:26traveling
06:27yeah
06:27yeah
06:27you're not just tired of the same old same old
06:29this is what i'm talking about michael this is a fucking mission
06:32jimmy's entrusting us with some more responsibility
06:34we got the fucking open road ahead of us
06:36you know there's a lot of
06:37you know positive things about this day
06:40responsibility huh
06:41yeah
06:41yeah
06:42feeling respected
06:44yeah
06:45yeah
06:46i think the time you'll come to find that this is a
06:48maybe a potentially transformative day
06:52god
06:52we're on a great day
06:53bop down to gary
06:55little bada bing bada boom
06:57bap bap bap here we're fucking home by 515
07:00the latest
07:01515 why 515
07:03it's just the thing with tiff that she's got superstition about
07:05superstition about what
07:06her mom went into labor at 515
07:08she got it in her head that she's gonna
07:10you know
07:11same thing's gonna happen to her
07:12it's the stupidest fucking thing i ever heard in my life
07:14i can't
07:14why would the same thing
07:15i know literally how many minutes are in a fucking day
07:17there's like thousands of fucking minutes in a day
07:19why would it happen in the same time
07:20michael i'm not saying that this makes any kind of sense at all
07:22so we need to be back by 515 because her fucking mother spit her out
07:25it's a non
07:25it's a non-issue
07:26it's a non-issue
07:27it's a non-issue
07:28well it is a fucking issue if you're saying we gotta be back by 515
07:31we'll be back by 515
07:32that's why i'm saying it's a non-issue
07:37you'd rather be at the fucking serving beefs all day
07:41fucking open road
07:45Where's my Kansas City, baby, and a lot of Kansas City wine
07:53Well, I might take the train, I might take the plane
07:57But if I have to walk, I'm going just the same
08:02Going to Kansas City, Kansas City, here I come
08:09They got some crazy little women there
08:13Yo, welcome to Indiana
08:16You're a fucking world traveler, Rich, congratulations
08:20Let's go, yeah, you feel different?
08:26Ah, yeah
08:36City of magic
08:38City of the centuries
08:41You think this happened overnight?
08:43Oh, yeah, they just flipped a switch
08:45They just flipped a switch
08:52Definitely doesn't feel like Chicago
08:59It's fucking 35 minutes away
09:01Yo, I don't know what to say
09:04She'll change, quick
09:08They got crazy little women there
09:11And I'm gonna give me one
09:16They got some crazy little women
09:27Call it, Jimmy
09:31Hey, hi, hon
09:44Hey, how you feeling?
09:48Uh, you know, I think I'm good
09:51What do you mean?
09:53I don't know
09:53I'm not sure how to describe it
09:55It's just like
09:56It's like
09:56What?
09:57It's like, I feel like I have to shit really bad
09:59But I don't know
10:00I can't tell if this is what the doctor said to look out for
10:03Okay
10:03Like, contraction?
10:07You think it's like, like, Braxton Hicks?
10:09Uh, yeah, probably
10:10But, you know, I'll be okay
10:11It's not close to 5.15 yet, so
10:13Yeah?
10:14Yeah, don't worry
10:15I'm okay
10:16Okay
10:17Did you do the drop-off?
10:18Uh, almost
10:19Uh-huh
10:19Well, I'm proud of you
10:21I'm really proud of you
10:21How's the drive?
10:22Are you having fun?
10:23Yeah
10:24Yeah, we're having a good time
10:26And how about Mikey?
10:27Is he okay?
10:28Yeah, he's good
10:29Okay, that's great
10:30But don't smoke any cigarettes, though, honey
10:32Promise me, right?
10:33Okay
10:33Listen, I'm gonna call you back, okay?
10:35Just try me if you need anything, okay?
10:36I love you
10:37Okay, I love you so much
10:39What's up?
10:40What'd he say?
10:41He said he'd let us know in a few hours
10:44Well, let us know
10:47What's a few?
10:48Like, three, four?
10:50Richie, I didn't say it
10:50He said it
10:53He had hours to kill in Gary
10:55You still feeling respected?
10:57Fuck it
10:58It's just
10:58I don't know
10:59Let's get something to eat
11:02I see that
11:03It's Michael Jackson's house
11:05Huh
11:06Yeah
11:09Shimmo
11:18Lock the door
11:20Get you in there
11:25What do you say?
11:25Teddy Pendergrass?
11:27Yes
11:27We are
11:28Oh, a little TP
11:29Yes, I love Teddy
11:30The romantic hot dog place you got here
11:35I listen to the old school music
11:38Yeah
11:38I'm right there with you
11:39And you know what they're saying
11:41Yeah
11:44Hi, welcome to Tommy King
11:46Appreciate you
11:46Yo, Mike, this is Alicia
11:47How are you, Alicia?
11:48Nice to meet you
11:48Mike
11:49How are you?
11:50I'll be your server
11:51Just let me know if you need anything
11:52Appreciate it
11:53I got you a little bit
11:56Welcome
11:59You're missing out
12:00You're missing out, huh?
12:01Yeah
12:01Yeah
12:03How long you worked here?
12:04I've been working here five years
12:05Five years?
12:06Yeah
12:07That's business, pretty good
12:08It's great
12:09Yeah
12:09I love it
12:10You love it?
12:10What do you love about it?
12:11I like working with people for public
12:13That's the answer right there
12:15Michael hates people
12:16Oh, man
12:18I believe what he says
12:19I don't like crowds
12:20I don't hate people
12:21But I just don't like crowds
12:23You cook at home?
12:24You like the truth?
12:26Yeah, only the truth
12:27No
12:27Yeah
12:28When I leave here
12:29I don't want to go stand in front of a stove
12:31That's it, huh?
12:32Y'all cook at home?
12:34A little bit
12:35Sometimes I write out some pots and pans
12:37But I don't know
12:37Not too much
12:38I don't really cook at the restaurant, though
12:39So
12:39What kind of restaurant?
12:41Similar to this
12:42Okay
12:42You cook?
12:42Similar to this family spot
12:44I do some cooking from time to time
12:45Yeah
12:46Yeah
12:46What do you do?
12:47What do I do at the restaurant?
12:49Yeah
12:49Yeah, what do you do?
12:51Uh, I guess I'm like
12:53I don't know how you say it
12:54Like, kind of a bit of a song and dance, man
12:55There you go
12:56There you go
12:57I don't know
12:57Public relations
12:58Forward-facing
13:08You know
13:08Cozen, what do you think of the name Annie?
13:15Throw some names at me you like
13:20Hit me
13:23Call me crazy, but I actually like the name Althea
13:26Althea?
13:27Althea
13:27Althea sounds like the name of, like, somebody that's getting their ass kicked off
13:31Nah
13:32Althea?
13:33Althea strong
13:36Sounds like a nerd
13:37Nah
13:38Althea
13:40Althea
13:42Althea
13:42Althea later
13:46I'll see you around noon
13:48I'll see you
13:48I'll see you when I get back from, uh
13:52From social studies
13:54I'll see you when I get back from, uh, I'll see you when I get back from, uh, I'll see
13:55you when I get back from, uh, I'll see you when I get back from, uh, I'll see you when
13:57I get back from, uh, I'll see you when I get back from, uh, I'll see you when I get
13:58back from, uh, I'll see you when I get back from, uh, I'll see you when I get back from,
14:00uh, I'll see you when I get back from, uh, I'll see you when I get back from, uh, I'll
14:07see you when I get back from, uh, I'll see you when I get back from, uh, I'll see you
14:11when I get back from, uh, I'll see you when I get back from, uh, I'll see you when I
14:13get back from, uh, I'll see you when I get back from, uh, I'll see you when I get back
14:14from, uh, I met this, uh
14:16Eva?
14:16That I liked once?
14:18Eva?
14:34Oh, look at these little fuckers.
14:36Oh, these little fuckers are about to get it.
14:39What's up, girls?
14:41Oh, we're gonna fucking...
14:42Okay.
14:43Yeah, sure.
14:44All right, you little fuckers.
14:47You ready to get some?
14:48This is my second favorite sport right here.
14:52Hey, we got Knicks!
14:55Hey, what's the score of that game right there?
14:58Are you guys hooping and picking daisies?
15:00Let me and my boy get one of you, we run threes.
15:03Which one?
15:03All right, come on, Daffodil.
15:05You ready to win?
15:06Yeah?
15:07Come here, young butt.
15:08What's going on?
15:08I'm Mikey.
15:09What's up, buddy?
15:10How are you?
15:11Oh, we gonna have balls like that?
15:12Y'all want five points?
15:13What's up, Mikey?
15:14What's up?
15:14All right, let's run.
15:15I don't even need to warm up.
15:17All right, boys.
15:18Come on, Rich.
15:18Let's go.
15:19Oh, shit.
15:21It's time for a little silken Swede.
15:23Y'all about to get some...
15:24Y'all want Rod?
15:24You sure you don't need to stretch?
15:25I don't need to stretch.
15:26I'm about to stretch you, boy.
15:27Hold on, let's wait for him.
15:28You ready?
15:29Yeah.
15:29Hey, good luck, youngster.
15:31Let's go.
15:31Hold on, hold on.
15:33Come on.
15:35Here, here, here.
15:37I don't know.
15:37I'm sorry.
15:38Where were you?
15:39All right, play, play, play.
15:40I got bigs.
15:40Go out there.
15:41Stay where I'm staying from.
15:42Oh, okay.
15:44Uh-oh.
15:45Ha-ha.
15:45That's gonna hurt.
15:46Let's go, yeah.
15:48It's man game.
15:49Now.
15:49It's different.
15:50Let's go, ha-ha.
15:52Oh!
15:52You know it's the orange circle, right?
15:55It's the orange circle.
15:56You want to try to get it in that orange circle.
15:59Everyone's afraid to contact out here.
16:00Go to the basket.
16:02That ain't happening.
16:03Don't be afraid.
16:04Oh, come on.
16:04And one.
16:07Good for you, Mike.
16:08Every dog has his day.
16:09All right.
16:10Bring it down there again.
16:11It's because I'm covering three guys, Rich.
16:13All right.
16:13Let's go.
16:13Play ball.
16:14Ha-ha-ha!
16:16Oh, yeah.
16:19It's every time he's beating you in the back fucking door.
16:22Yo.
16:23Keep the fucking door shut.
16:24Do not let him, do not let him get behind you.
16:26It's, it's...
16:28Motherfucker.
16:28All right, let's go.
16:29Now he's playing.
16:30Oh!
16:30Where you going?
16:32Yeah!
16:33That's what I'm talking about.
16:34Hey, you got it.
16:35It's one.
16:35That's one.
16:39Hit one, Daffodil.
16:41That's a good shot, boy.
16:42Bank's fucking open.
16:43Oh, they are.
16:44I see it.
16:44Hey, hey, hey.
16:46It's a shot that fucking counts, right?
16:48Let's go.
16:48Play defense, hotshot.
16:51Hit it up.
16:53Let's go.
16:55You all right?
16:56Hey, roll up.
16:57You all right?
16:58You all right?
16:59Let's go.
16:59Play ball.
17:00Check up.
17:00Check up.
17:01He's crying.
17:02I tell you what, they breed him soft out here in Indiana.
17:05Huh?
17:05It ain't the 80s.
17:06It ain't the 80s.
17:08It ain't the 80s.
17:09It ain't the 80s.
17:09Let's go.
17:10Did you change your diaper before the game?
17:12Or do you just play?
17:13What do you got?
17:14A swimmer on?
17:15You play with a swimmer on?
17:17Let's go.
17:18Next basket wins.
17:18No.
17:19Set the boat.
17:20Yes, sir.
17:21Yes, sir.
17:23Yes, baby.
17:24Let's fucking go.
17:25Yeah, buddy.
17:25See that screen?
17:26I'm a fucking lion.
17:27I love it.
17:28I love you, boy.
17:29All day.
17:30Hey, good shit.
17:31Good shit, youngsters.
17:32Good shit.
17:33Look at that.
17:33Look at what he's doing.
17:35Hey, young buck, you're not so bad.
17:37You just miss a back...
17:37How do you miss a back door there?
17:39You see the back of his head?
17:40You got to cut to the back.
17:41And you're not passing the fucking ball.
17:42Exactly.
17:42And that's what I've been trying to tell you.
17:43You guys are fucking garbage.
17:45The Indiana guys are fucking garbage.
17:46Hey, shut your old bitch ass up.
17:49Ooh.
17:49You're negative.
17:51You're negative.
17:52You know what, actually?
17:53Don't get...
17:54No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
17:56It's all right.
17:56Let him play.
17:56Let him play.
17:57We love you.
17:58We love you.
17:58Yo, your fucking Nikes look like fucking moccasins.
18:07Fellas, let's be real.
18:09Gary, Indiana.
18:18Hey, you got tall boys?
18:20No tall boys.
18:22Regular boys.
18:23Like you.
18:24Yeah.
18:25Funny.
18:28What do we got here?
18:30Hey, yo, yo, yo.
18:30Why are you creeping?
18:35Come on, give me some of that O.E.
18:37Don't focus some of that.
18:38Ah!
18:40Drink your beer and get out.
18:41Okay, okay.
18:42Don't drink beer in store.
18:44Yo.
18:45I feel sorry for your mother.
18:46No!
18:46Oh, shit the fuck.
18:47Come on.
18:48What'd you say about my mama?
18:49Shut the fuck.
18:50Sorry about my friend.
18:54Two, please.
18:56Let me get a scratch card.
18:57Oh.
18:59Crescent kick is a defensive maneuver.
19:01That's just, you know, clearing space.
19:03Just to fucking...
19:04Snap kick is for speed.
19:07Don't even see that fucker coming.
19:09But then if you need power, then, you know, it's just fucking side kick.
19:12Bah!
19:12All day.
19:13Break a fucker's knee, right?
19:14Bah!
19:15Yeah!
19:15Woo!
19:16That's it.
19:16I felt that shit.
19:17Want me to tell you what the move is, though?
19:18Yeah.
19:19Look, dude, I don't want to fight you at all.
19:20I'm just going home.
19:21That's it.
19:22Fucking back kick!
19:24Patakow!
19:24Right?
19:25Back kick.
19:26I was getting there.
19:26Power's out!
19:27Ding-dong, motherfucker!
19:31Oh, be careful there.
19:32Be careful.
19:33Don't get it on the list.
19:33Hey, I'm so sorry about...
19:34Bah!
19:35Fuck out!
19:36And it's like a fucking mule.
19:38Like, think about a mule.
19:39Like, it's these big...
19:40You're actually generating force with, like, the big fucking muscles.
19:43Whoa!
19:44You know what I'm saying?
19:45Yeah.
19:45It's because you're already going this direction, then you come in that direction.
19:48Yeah.
19:48Yeah, just even, like, the sight of it.
19:50You know what I mean?
19:50Yeah.
19:51Fuck yeah.
19:52Yeah.
19:53Yeah.
19:57Yeah.
19:59Yeah.
20:02Yeah.
20:03Why are we starving?
20:05Christmas cousin.
20:10Whoo hoo!
20:15Woo hoo!
20:29Yes.
20:31Where's your...
20:39yes sir
20:42you're fucking unbelievable
20:44you got fucking magic power
21:02you got to swing and sway when our band starts to play a real cool and way out sound
21:07and if you get the spoon of it
21:10you feel like you gotta move around
21:15need a shot of riddle and blue
21:18with just a little rock and roll on the side
21:20ah ah
21:22spoon bite
21:23spoon bite
21:31come on
21:32come on
21:35yo
21:36and when that rhythm finally hits you
21:38with the beat that you do
21:40you see that sign?
21:42huh?
21:43cousin you see that sign right over there?
21:44yeah
21:48I think
21:51did you see it before?
21:53what are you talking about?
21:54I'm saying there's no way
21:58the two of us are sitting here for over an hour
22:01and neither of us have seen that fucking sign right there
22:06yeah rich it's a fucking sign
22:09I think that bar just appeared
22:11no fuck
22:11yo for real?
22:12shut the fuck up
22:13for real though?
22:14I think that bar just fucking appeared
22:17Michael
22:17okay bar just fucking appeared rich
22:19you don't think that's crazy?
22:21it's a fucking bar
22:23it's a sign
22:26it's a sign
22:27it's a sign
22:27open
22:29that sign's a sign
22:31that sign is the sign
22:33we're going in there
22:36are you fucking retarded?
22:37are you fucking
22:38we've been sitting here an hour
22:39he's gonna call any minute
22:40we're not going in a fucking bar
22:41what's the big deal?
22:42we're going in a little fucking shot of rhythm and blues
22:44we're not going in a fucking bar rich
22:46just sit down and do your fucking job
22:47no
22:47listen to what I'm telling you Michael
22:48that sign is a sign
22:50okay it's a fucking sign
22:51some things are bigger than you and me and fucking Jimmy
22:53we are going in there
22:53we're not going in a fucking bar
22:55just sit the fuck down
22:56I hate when you get like this
22:57get like that
22:58I fucking hate that
22:58don't hit the fuck
22:59what are you doing?
23:00what are you fucking doing?
23:01you're right
23:02you're right
23:02you're right
23:03you're right
23:04we can't do it
23:05alright
23:09what are you doing?
23:10hey Richie get in the fucking car
23:12Rich
23:12sir can you please step out of the vehicle?
23:16sir please I'm not going to ask you again
23:17please step out of the vehicle
23:19license and registration
23:20okay that's it
23:21put your vagina where I can see it
23:23put your vagina right where I can see it
23:26there's fucking houses stop
23:27yo
23:28yo come on
23:29come on we're not going
23:30no
23:30come on let's just go
23:31I'm not doing that fucking bar
23:33no
23:33just a little shot of rhythm and blues
23:34and we come back
23:35you're not doing it
23:36no no
23:36you fucking
23:37you fucking do a shot of fucking cocaine
23:40you think you can fight a fucking tiger?
23:42come on
23:43stop
23:43it's fucking terrible
23:44what's terrible?
23:46I'm like genuinely inspired here
23:47and you're just shitting all over my fucking dreams
23:51it's terrible
23:52I hope you feel good about yourself right now
23:55why are you pressuring me?
23:56come on
23:58alright fuck you
24:00Im going in
24:01go in
24:01Im going in
24:03i'm going in
24:04oh shh
24:06yo
24:07I'm good?
24:08how do i look?
24:09you look like a fucking barbarian dude
24:11I look like my father
24:13alright I'm going in
24:14yo
24:16hunk if you need me too
24:18yeah
24:20arrarrrrra
24:21you'll fucking see
24:23you'll fucking see
24:26you're gonna remember this fucking day
24:42that's a fucking sign
25:19thinking of a master plan
25:21this ain't nothing but sweat inside my hand
25:24so I dig into my pocket all my money spent
25:26so I should debunk, still coming up for Lent
25:28so I start my mission, leave my residence
25:31thinking how I could get some dead presents
25:33I need money, I used to be a stick-up kid
25:36so I think of all the devious things I did
25:38I used to roll up, cause there's a hole up
25:40ain't nothing funny, stop smiling
25:41still don't nothing move but the money
25:43but now I've learned to earn cause I'm righteous
25:46I feel great, so maybe I might just search for a nine to five
25:50if I survive, I'll stand up
25:53you Mike?
25:56yeah
25:59is it true?
26:01what's that?
26:03you're one of the goalies for the Blackhawks?
26:06uh
26:09yeah, yeah, yeah, I like never play but I'm with the squad
26:27that's cool, that's cool
26:33yeah, your buddy told us about you
26:36yeah, I bet he did
26:39he also said, um, tell you to put your big boy pants on
26:45and join us in the bar
26:48sounds about right
26:50oh boy
26:51I'm just a messenger
26:52I got it, okay
26:53it's pretty fun though
26:54okay
26:55I think you'll like it
26:55okay
26:56here I come
27:14okay, okay, okay, okay
27:16so, I, one time, after a night out, I got a ride home but they took me to the wrong
27:22house
27:23and I was too embarrassed to tell them that I knocked on the door of the house and convinced them
27:29to let me just come inside for a little bit
27:32it's a fact
27:33it's a fact
27:33it's a fact
27:34it's a fact
27:35it's a fact
27:36it's a fact
27:36it's a fact
27:37it's a fact
27:38it's true
27:38okay, all right
27:39you're up, you're up, you're up
27:41all right
27:43nine years old
27:44I'm an altar boy
27:46yo, what the
27:49no, no
27:50immediately no
27:51you guys are fucking good
27:52all right
27:53can I take another crack at this
27:55all right
27:55okay, um
27:57my senior year
27:59uh, I was doing pretty well in school
28:02but with fucking maths
28:03I'm with my fucking lambium, you know
28:05so
28:06and look who the cat drug is
28:08hey, everybody
28:08you see this
28:10fucking great
28:13um
28:14so my grandma
28:15she gave me an ultimatum
28:16she was like
28:17you gotta get a math tutor
28:19and so she told me about this lady
28:22Roxelano
28:22who sang in her church choir
28:24who
28:24she was like
28:25uh
28:26a math professor
28:27for Cooks County Community
28:30and I was like
28:31no fucking way, grandma
28:32I don't wanna fucking do this
28:33I don't wanna do the math tutor
28:34with some fucking 90 year old
28:35like, you know
28:36fucking babushka
28:37like, yeah
28:38you know what I'm saying
28:39like
28:40so
28:40but she was like
28:41listen, you gotta do it
28:42or you gotta move out
28:43so
28:44come Thursday
28:447.30
28:45I'm at this dude's house
28:48eating his fucking mom's
28:49golden lasagne
28:50you know
28:51okay
28:51and I realized
28:52like, I gotta be
28:53at, uh
28:54at Roxelana's
28:56this Tudor's
28:56you know
28:57in like, five minutes
28:58so I fucking
28:58down my cranberry juice
28:59and I fucking
29:00sprint over there
29:01bah bah bah bah bah bah bah
29:02knock on the door
29:04and this fucking woman
29:05that opens the door
29:06I swear to god
29:07like, straight
29:08out of
29:09Sports Illustrated
29:10fucking swimsuit issue
29:12this is the most gorgeous
29:13woman I've ever seen
29:14up to this point
29:16jet black hair
29:17long
29:18all the way down
29:19just kissing
29:19kind of the top of her butt
29:20you know
29:21and
29:22we get
29:22what?
29:23what?
29:23what?
29:24what?
29:25you guys willing to
29:26factor fix me yet
29:27or you wanna hear
29:28more of the story?
29:29you wanna hear the story?
29:30yeah, you wanna hear the story
29:31okay
29:32alright
29:32so we get in there
29:34we're talking math
29:36and
29:36all of a sudden
29:37I feel
29:38my entire insides
29:39just
29:40turn to liquid
29:41and
29:41I gotta take a shit
29:43like
29:43bad
29:44but I know
29:44she got one little
29:45bathroom right there
29:47this tiny thing
29:48and I know
29:48if I go in there
29:49she's gonna hear
29:50everything
29:51you know
29:51and I'm just like
29:53I mean
29:53on the outside
29:54I'm cool as a cucumber
29:56you know
29:56we're talking math
29:57and on the inside
29:58I'm just like
29:59come on asshole
30:00don't you fucking
30:00family now baby
30:02and somehow
30:03by the grace of God
30:06I make it through
30:07this fucking
30:08tutor session
30:09right
30:09that's not helpful
30:11so
30:12it's a pleasure to meet you
30:14I'll see you next Thursday
30:15you know
30:15blah blah blah
30:16I get outside
30:17and I'm like
30:17yes
30:18I'm gonna fucking make it
30:19I start to walk
30:20quickly back up
30:21back down
30:21and
30:22it just comes out
30:23that's it
30:24and it's just like
30:26that's what's
30:26that's what is happening
30:28and I'm just
30:29I start to pull my
30:30drawers down
30:31my pants down
30:32I look like
30:33one of those
30:34photographs of the guys
30:35that just discovered oil
30:36you know
30:36like
30:37stuff is gurgling
30:38I can't tell
30:39what's coming up
30:39and it's just like
30:40some mud
30:42and shit
30:43and everywhere
30:45and it's like
30:46I have this incredible
30:48feeling of relief
30:49right
30:49until
30:50I see her little
30:51porch light come on
30:52and time slows down
30:54and I see her
30:55doorknob turn
30:56and open
30:57and I look at her
30:58and she looks at me
31:00very quickly
31:00and then she quickly
31:01looks away
31:02and
31:04and I just
31:05fucking
31:05take off
31:06through the hedges
31:07and I'm just
31:08fucking running
31:09I'm just heading
31:10right back
31:10to Michael's house
31:11and I'm covered
31:12with brambles
31:13and my balls
31:13are slapping
31:14on either side
31:15and I just got
31:15like a trail
31:16behind me
31:17and I just
31:18can't stop laughing
31:19and I'm crying
31:21with laughter
31:21because I know
31:22in six blocks
31:22down fucking
31:23Milwaukee
31:23I'm going to be
31:24at this dude's house
31:24and I'm going to
31:25tell him this story
31:26and this motherfucker
31:27is going to love it
31:29Factor Fiction
31:34Sadly
31:34sadly
31:35it is a bad
31:36sadly
31:37it is a fucking
31:43I'm alright
31:44this is what's on me
31:46I subject you guys
31:47to it
31:48alright
31:48hold on
31:49I'll be right back
31:49I'll be right back
32:00you know I know right
32:02yes it
32:04huh
32:08you know I know
32:09you're not a goalie
32:10for nothing
32:10uh
32:11yes
32:12that's total bullshit
32:13yeah
32:14hmm
32:19what gave it away
32:24something in your eyes
32:25yeah
32:26fair
32:26fair
32:30you prefer Mike
32:31Mikey
32:32Michael
32:34it's got to be
32:35your call
32:36yeah
32:38no preference
32:39preference
32:40up to the customer
32:41oh no
32:43how about you
32:45what's your name
32:46thank you too
32:47guess
32:48guess
32:49guess
32:50oh man
32:51I definitely
32:53Bridget
32:54I don't know
32:54what
32:55oh boy
32:58Shonda
32:59shit
32:59shit
33:00shit
33:00fuck I don't know
33:01Sherry
33:02Sherry okay
33:04Sherry from Gary
33:05oh hey
33:06that's the first time
33:06I've ever heard that
33:07real quick
33:13you don't want to play
33:14the game huh
33:16yeah
33:18I don't know
33:18if that one's for me
33:19I mean
33:19you
33:21you want to go
33:22it's
33:24sure I want to go
33:25yeah
33:26yeah
33:28fact or fiction
33:30Michael
33:32okay
33:35ask me a question
33:37you from here
33:44I am not
33:45from Indiana
33:49I am from Portland
33:51Maine
33:52not Oregon
33:53okay
33:56what are you doing here
33:59needed to start over
34:01I need to get away
34:02from someone
34:03something
34:05got in my 88
34:06Honda Accord
34:06and started driving west
34:08and my car broke down
34:09not too far from here
34:11my mom's
34:12favorite movie
34:13was
34:1311 in the afternoon
34:14starring
34:15Gary Cooper
34:17she always said
34:18she would have named me
34:18Gary if I was a boy
34:19so I saw the sign
34:20and I was like
34:22alright ma
34:23stayed one night
34:24it was quiet
34:28I like a ghost town
34:29you know what I mean
34:32kept staying
34:34work at this jazz joint
34:35jazz
34:36joint
34:37down on Broadway
34:38called Dirties
34:39Dirties
34:39yeah I work the bar
34:40you like it
34:41it's great
34:42why
34:45come on
34:46what's not to like
34:46about a divy
34:47jazz and blues
34:49joint
34:49at Gary and Deanna
34:53I
34:55see
34:56that is a fact
35:01fiction
35:01no
35:02really
35:03yeah
35:03fuck
35:05fuck
35:07that Gary Cooper
35:08shit
35:08that was suspect
35:09as a motherfucker
35:10no that's real
35:10no that's real
35:11no it's not
35:11oh fuck
35:14Tiff it's me
35:15it's Richie
35:16wait no I can barely hear you
35:18Tiff it's me
35:19Richard
35:20where are you
35:22I'm in fucking Gary
35:23it's going so good
35:26you sound like you're in a bar
35:28you're in a bar
35:28we're in a bar
35:30why are you in a bar
35:32cause the clients
35:33the clients from Jimmy
35:37Tiff it's going so fucking good
35:40Mikey is so smooth
35:42so fucking smooth
35:43it's
35:44Mikey is so smooth
35:47we're having such a good time
35:48okay
35:49can you hear me
35:50cause I'm here
35:51please give me news
35:52hello
35:53how are you feeling
35:56do it again
35:58yeah
35:59alright
35:59I was born and raised
36:01right the fuck here
36:01here in Indiana
36:02I lived here my whole life
36:03I love to travel
36:04gone everywhere
36:06but I lived here my whole life
36:08I love trains
36:09do not put me on a boat
36:11let's see
36:12I got two older sisters
36:14they got a different dad
36:15who I thought was Santa Claus
36:17until I was 11 years old
36:18I'm not sure
36:19they gave him that one
36:20um
36:22I had ovarian cancer
36:23when I was 22
36:26my mom is okay
36:27my dad is
36:29not
36:31I got a three-legged dog
36:33named Lucky
36:33he's a cool student dad
36:37and I studied to be an arborist
36:39an arborist?
36:41yeah
36:42you like trees
36:43I do
36:44you do?
36:44why?
36:45my little trees
36:48they're quiet
36:48sturdy
36:49reliable
36:50they're always there
36:51when you need them
36:53and they're pretty
36:58that's a fucking fact
37:02maybe
37:05it's a fact
37:07maybe maybe not
37:08what makes you say
37:09it's a fact?
37:10you just
37:13you're speaking from your heart
37:15right?
37:22what are you looking for, Michael?
37:24what are you looking for, Michael?
37:33anything?
37:33you think?
37:45oh
37:46here you are, Sarah
37:56I think you just called me Sarah
38:01you're pretty on brain
38:04you're what you fucking calls me
38:07okay, so
38:08it's 317 right now
38:10I got enough time to be home by 515
38:13right?
38:15yeah
38:16yeah
38:17oh, if the train isn't running
38:18oh
38:20what happens with the train?
38:21you'll get caught behind
38:23it is
38:25oh
38:25oh
38:26oh
38:28okay
38:28all right
38:29thanks
38:29leave yourself a buffer
38:31that's like kind of the whole operation
38:34you know
38:34wow
38:34so you like work for him?
38:36yeah
38:37I mean I'm
38:38I'm self-employed
38:40you know
38:40yeah
38:40yeah
38:41so you're the boss
38:44yeah
38:44I guess
38:44I'm the boss
38:46and a lot of people depend on you
38:49I depend on a lot of people
38:53I bet you're a good leader
39:00people like
39:04like people say things about me
39:07and what do they say?
39:10they say that I don't finish things
39:16fact or fiction, Michael
39:22you mind if I do a poem?
39:25I thought you were going to be you
39:30that's
39:32that's the coolest thing I've ever heard
39:37do you plan to be there, boy?
39:39yeah, yeah
39:39no, I'm going to be back
39:40we're just down here
39:41one, two
39:42wrapping up some business
39:43and then I'll be back up there
39:45put my catcher's mitt on
39:46ready to fucking go
39:48yeah, yeah
39:50I can't tell you that
39:51it's like a birthday wish
39:52no, no, no
39:52I would tell you
39:53but my wife's got all
39:54she's all superstitious
39:56about a lot of this stuff
39:57and she was like
39:57she was one of the
39:58considerate that stuff
39:59we're having a girl
40:00I can't tell you
40:00we're having a girl
40:01oh, yeah, yeah
40:06you
40:07I'm good
40:08no
40:14and there's this
40:18when I was a kid
40:20you know
40:20my mom
40:21she used to do this thing
40:22where like
40:22when she was
40:24like on like
40:24the perfect mixture
40:25of like all kinds of
40:26fucking things
40:27in her system
40:27you know
40:28it's just like
40:29perfect
40:29she'd like come to my room
40:31in the middle of the night
40:32you know
40:32and she'd like scratch my back
40:33and she had like
40:34the longest nails
40:35and she just
40:35you know
40:36and she used to
40:37she used to walk me
40:38through my day
40:38you know
40:39like
40:40and like the most
40:40fucking minute details
40:42you know
40:42like describing
40:43every little
40:44fucking bit
40:44of fabric
40:45of the fucking day
40:45you know
40:46like what
40:46what we're gonna eat
40:47when we're gonna wake up
40:48what I was gonna wear
40:48what was gonna be
40:49on the radio
40:49like every fucking thing
40:51you know
40:51and just like
40:53it would make me feel like
40:55I don't know
40:55like I
40:56it would just make me
40:57feel so relaxed
40:57yeah
40:58yeah
40:59yeah
40:59and like no matter
41:00what was gonna happen
41:01that day
41:01it didn't matter
41:02like fucking test
41:03or some shit bag
41:04I had to fucking deal with
41:05like
41:05I knew that
41:07and she had planned it
41:08for me
41:08it was great
41:08and I remember
41:09there was just one time
41:10I was like
41:10hey ma
41:13hey ma
41:13will you come in
41:14and tell me
41:14about my day tomorrow
41:15and she was like
41:17she got kind of angry
41:18you know
41:18and she was like
41:19she was like
41:20Mike you
41:21what the fucking difference
41:22does it make
41:22it's just a day
41:25like
41:28I did
41:28I guess I didn't understand
41:29how that could be
41:30like
41:31like
41:32like how that could be
41:33the same person
41:34you know
41:36that's
41:36that's so scary
41:37yeah
41:42yes
41:42you shouldn't have done that
41:45I could get her best
41:46can I sit with you
41:50yeah
41:50I wish you would
41:55come on in
41:56the water
41:56it's fine
41:56oh boy
41:59his first impulse
42:00was the fucking movie
42:02you know what I'm saying
42:03you know what I'm saying
42:04the one without the narration
42:05that's the one
42:07okay
42:09I gotta call my uncle
42:10call him
42:11alright
42:11call him
42:12let's all
42:12everyone call their uncle
42:14Jimmy it's rich
42:15where the fuck are you
42:16alright
42:18call me back
42:20this is just like
42:23you know
42:23this way of seeing the world
42:24you know
42:25like this perspective
42:26you know
42:26this lens that I've always had
42:27like these things
42:28that just bother people
42:29and hurt people
42:30and make them frustrated
42:31or furious
42:32you know
42:33like to me
42:33it just
42:35I never got it
42:36like it didn't affect me
42:37like that
42:37no
42:38it doesn't fucking
42:38nothing matters
42:40nothing fucking matters
42:41nothing fucking matters
42:42and I get that
42:42right
42:43yeah
42:43it's meaningless
42:44so why
42:45and when I'd go on that trip
42:48like I could catch this groove
42:49you know
42:49sometimes for like weeks
42:50at a time
42:51you know
42:51like sometimes for months
42:52I'd just like have
42:53this like bliss
42:54you know
42:55and yeah
42:56I know I'm like
42:58I'm like all fucking
42:59like babbling and shit
43:00like here in a fucking bathroom
43:01like a fucking baby
43:02but I could be
43:03like I could be a fucking blast
43:04I can be a blast
43:05like I can share it
43:06you know
43:07and then
43:08all of a sudden
43:09like out of nowhere
43:09those same thoughts
43:10like this kind of meaninglessness
43:12of it all
43:13you know
43:15it like makes me sad
43:17yeah
43:19nothing matters
43:20it sets you free
43:20but then
43:21where are you right
43:22it's the same thing
43:23you know where
43:23it's the same thing
43:24and then I'm like
43:26like so sad
43:27like I'm fucking drowning
43:27you know
43:28my jaw feels fucking
43:29like a million fucking pounds
43:30and I
43:31it's like I don't wanna
43:33it sounds exhausting
43:37you must be really tired
43:51it's the same thing
43:57I'm gonna get over the top
44:01I'm sorry
44:03it sounds worse
44:05I'm sorry
44:05but then I don't know
44:12what is going on
44:15I don't do the same thing
44:22but I've got to be
44:24it sounds crazy
44:25I don't know
44:25but you know
44:30that's not a real movie
44:31I don't know
44:49Yeah, Rich, I'm good, I'm good, I'm coming.
44:51All right, we gotta go.
44:53Yeah.
44:54Sorry, I'm sorry to interrupt you guys.
44:55Cousin, we gotta go.
44:57Okay, we're going.
44:58Rich, don't do that.
44:59I said I'm coming.
45:00Okay, we're fucking going.
45:03Cousin, he said he hasn't heard from you all day.
45:07His guy is waiting.
45:08Okay, I heard you.
45:10Cousin, I'm coming.
45:11All right.
45:11Fuck, man.
45:13That's...
45:17Hey, I'll come back.
45:40Hey.
45:42Hey.
45:51Hey.
45:56Hey.
46:22It's a go time.
46:23We gotta go.
46:24You look like fucking Ronald and Donald.
46:25What's going on?
46:26No.
46:29Your phone is dead, huh?
46:31Michael, come on.
46:32What's the name of the phone?
46:32It was a capital crime?
46:33What's the problem?
46:34We got this meeting in town.
46:35Where's the fire?
46:36Where's the fire?
46:37We're going.
46:38We're going.
46:38Okay.
46:39Okay.
46:42Hey, let's hit it.
46:44Yo, we're out of here.
46:46What about my turn?
46:49It's been a pleasure to meet you.
46:50Hang on, hang on.
46:52Hey, we're in America though, right?
46:53Last time I checked, Gary, Indiana is in the sovereign United States.
46:57Is it not, Vanessa?
46:58Are we not in America?
46:59Everybody get a turn.
47:00Everybody gets a turn.
47:01How great are you fucking people?
47:03How great is this fucking place?
47:06This place got fucking heart.
47:08That's what I was trying to tell you.
47:09It's magic.
47:10This place is magic.
47:14All right.
47:16You know, we're just a pair of fucking wired and worried travelers, and we fucking love
47:20it here.
47:21We thank you.
47:21We thank you, Gary fucking Indiana.
47:23We thank you.
47:25Magic.
47:26Magic.
47:27You know, I just want to take this opportunity because right now, my, uh, my fine furry cousin
47:34right there, my fucking best friend, any second now, he's going to be a dad.
47:41And not only that, not only that, not only that, hey, he's happy.
47:47He's happy.
47:49Rich, you're happy.
47:52Right now, I swear, this is, this is the most, it's like the most healthy and like, you're,
48:00you're full.
48:02You're full.
48:03And I love it.
48:04He's in love.
48:06You know?
48:07Fucker cannot wait to be a father either.
48:09I mean, he can't fucking, he can't, he can't fucking wait.
48:13I mean, he, he's got this pride.
48:19You're glowing, Rich.
48:23You're glowing.
48:24I love you.
48:24It's my fucking boy.
48:25I love you.
48:26I love you.
48:27I love you.
48:27I love you so much.
48:29I fucking love you.
48:30Look at him.
48:31He's going to be a dad.
48:32Look at him.
48:32This fucking, that's going to be a father.
48:34That, that right there is going to be a father, right?
48:37Fucking kid's going to end up abandoned and alone just like he was.
48:41But hey, shit.
48:42Hey, at least you went into it with a good fucking mindset.
48:45Right, kid?
48:45Huh?
48:46I mean, no, no, no, no, no, no.
48:47It's okay.
48:47No, I love it.
48:48That's, that's the thing.
48:49That's the thing you got to know about Rich, man, is that the one thing that you can absolutely
48:54fucking depend on with this fucking guy is that if he is involved, he's going to fuck
48:59it up.
48:59I mean, he is going to fuck it up and everybody knows it.
49:02I mean, no, no, nobody says it, right?
49:03Nobody says it.
49:04So everybody's a fucking coward and a fucking liar, but this isn't going to be any fucking
49:08different.
49:09I mean, he's going to fuck this.
49:10He's going to, his entire life is a fucking bed that he took a shit in the middle of
49:14and he just smears it.
49:15Right?
49:15That's what's beautiful.
49:16Look at him.
49:17It's beautiful.
49:18I just got to fuck this up too.
49:19Right?
49:20No, no, no, no, no, no.
49:21It's okay.
49:21It's okay.
49:22Everybody knows it.
49:23They don't say it, but they look, look.
49:26Ooh.
49:27Ooh.
49:28Look at his eyes.
49:28Look at those beady little fucking eyes.
49:30He knows it too.
49:31That's the fucking thing.
49:32All right.
49:32He knows it too.
49:33Well, all right, what?
49:34We got to go.
49:35We got to go.
49:36Where are we going?
49:38Where are we fucking going?
49:39Yo, we got this meme.
49:40Yeah, yeah, yeah.
49:40We got it.
49:41You know what you ought to do?
49:42You ought to get in the fucking truck and just start fucking driving.
49:45All right.
49:45Just fucking bolt, Rich.
49:47Just fucking, you want to do that kid of yours a favor?
49:49Just fucking bolt.
49:50Just fucking hit the fucking road and do not come back.
49:53You want to do him a favor, right?
49:54Okay.
49:54Okay.
49:54No, it's fine.
49:55It doesn't matter.
49:56It doesn't matter.
49:57It's the truth.
49:58It's the truth.
49:59What?
49:59You going to be a good father?
50:00Is that what you got to be?
50:02Huh, Ronald McDonald?
50:03You going to be a good father?
50:04Are you going to be a good father?
50:06It doesn't matter.
50:07It doesn't matter.
50:08Just say it.
50:08Just say it.
50:09You're going to fuck it up, right?
50:10Come on.
50:10You're not mad.
50:11Don't be mad.
50:12You're not mad.
50:13You're not mad.
50:14Are you mad?
50:15Are you mad?
50:16You're not mad.
50:17You're not mad.
50:18No, just say it.
50:19Stop it.
50:20No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
50:21Stop that.
50:23He's telling the fucking truth, finally.
50:25He's telling the fucking truth.
50:27Say it again.
50:27You hate me?
50:28You hate me, Rich?
50:30You got to fuck this up, Rich.
50:32Just say that and we'll go.
50:33Say it and we'll go.
50:34Hey, hey, hey, hey!
50:40Stop.
50:41He's not lying any more.
50:42Hey, why are you doing this?
50:43I love you.
50:44Why are you doing this?
50:45I love you.
50:48You're a coward, Rich.
50:50You're a fucking coward.
50:52I'm a coward?
50:53You're a coward.
50:54I'm a coward.
50:57I can't work.
50:59I can't work.
51:08I'm a coward.
51:10Kid's gonna hate you, Rich.
51:14Kid's gonna...
51:17This is it.
51:22No, no, no.
51:23No, no, no.
52:01I can't.
52:22No, no.
52:50Hey, one of you Mikey?
52:56This is for Jimmy.
53:10What's in the box?
53:11This is for Jimmy.
53:13This is for Jimmy.
53:43What do, uh, what do plastic pump impellers do?
53:49They rotate.
53:59It's your own.
54:02Probably not.
54:05FedEx strikes are over.
54:33I don't know.
54:59I don't know.
55:02I don't know.
55:05I don't know.
55:15I don't know.
55:28I don't know.
55:34I don't know.
55:50I don't know.
55:51I don't know.
55:57I don't know.
56:14I don't know.
56:25I don't know.
56:26I don't know.
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