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00:05is that a sour dough loaf oh my god it's finally happening wow look at this hey how's it going
00:16it's so nordic i love all the pine this was exactly how i imagined finland feels
00:23are you the same vantablack as one in chiswick yeah fantastic we were on the same street you
00:29might remember higa tiga oh yeah is that the gift shop it was a lifestyle concept shop store but uh
00:34yeah i guess it was my gift to chiswick high road god it's so great to have a kindred spirit
00:39in the
00:40locale you know i would be happy to give vantablack a pump on the socials if you like i um
00:45run this
00:46little thing called sinuous cool love a local blog yeah it's not a local blog do you want a coffee
00:52oh gratis as a thank you i was supposed to be fasting till 11 but um rules are made to
01:00be broken
01:00thank you also can i just say big up to a fellow girl boss yeah who runs the world right
01:07jeff bezos
01:09i was gonna say girls yeah no i love bit of jlo there you go oh wow is that a
01:18vulva it's a coffee i love it
01:34oh this is bobby my new fur baby i was feeling a bit lonely so i went out and got
01:39myself a wolf
01:40i mean i would have started with a jack russell or something a bit smaller like a hamster
01:45well guys she came she saw she gentrified so her just got its first decent coffee shop
01:52what about ron's coffee counter i thought cortado was a make of coffee no vanta black coffee is a real
01:59boon for soha just amazed it's happened so quickly as i always said if the amanda can't go to the
02:05coffee the coffee must come to the amanda so modest yeah it's like funny that yeah poppy no no poppy
02:16this is lovely he slept next to me all night last night farting away let me realize how much i
02:25miss
02:25dela oh oh oh actually no thank you bobby come on bobby where's your ball bobby where's your ball
02:33uh i think he's found his balls fee that's all right mate hey hey you can't just drive on here
02:41what are you doing are you serious oh my god who does that mommy how are you doing here
02:49can't a doting grandmother come to chair on her little bear go georgie right anyone for brunch no can
02:56do i'm afraid mommy doing a bit of pro bono for vanta black promise i pop in later do some
03:01shots
03:01for the gram you can come with if you like mommy but i will be working it's very noble of
03:05you man's
03:06helping out local business i just think halston is crying out for a community hub i'll tell you
03:12what it's not crying out for it's a five pound bloody croissant croissant and you're paying for
03:17the quality if you want a bog standard pastry there's always greggs babe if you come for greggs you
03:22come for me i am not coming for greggs okay well i'm just saying you don't have to remortgage your
03:27flat for a coffee so please don't make this a class war abigail there's a place and so have for
03:32everyone i'll go to vantablack's you can go to greggs okay look who's this man greg and why is
03:38everyone still talking about him anyway female brunch i'd love to i gotta go and look at some sheds
03:43oh tell me you're middle-aged without telling me you're middle-aged no ned's outgrown his bunk the
03:49double bed's taken up his entire room so i thought we'd build the shed together over half time to give
03:53him some more space and where exactly is this shed going to go the end of my garden my garden
03:59no i'm
03:59pretty sure it's my garden that's why they call it a garden flat no they call it a garden flat
04:04because
04:05people are too polite to say you live in my cellar um i'm trying to get rid of an old
04:08summer house
04:09you can have it for nothing if you can be bothered to take it apart oh happy days yeah absolutely
04:14cheers
04:14well let's make a plan after coffee nobody leave without me that sounds great i'll give you a hand
04:19if you like since when have you been into diy oh yeah well it would be nice to have some
04:23father-son
04:24stepfather bonding time you know i can learn from the master bottle cap over there i'll leave
04:31yeah well if you can't do the time don't do the crime what's going on suppose you've all heard
04:36about anus gate what i got a phone call from the school yes to say that they caught darius
04:41sending pictures of his bum hole on snapchat oh gross there's only a photo of my clenched fist
04:49yes which looks remarkably like your chocolate starfish you know this could very easily have
04:53gone viral so i've taken things into my own hands have a look and feel free to share the results
04:59with
04:59your teens please repost to show my eejits on how fast things spread online please don't tell me you
05:05posted that yes i have i posted it this morning and i've already gotten 140 shares that's even more
05:10embarrassing than posting a picture with actual bum holes yeah well maybe i'll think twice now
05:14about sending another picture oh yeah yeah it does look like an anus oh my gosh i'm so sorry get
05:22that lid
05:30what have you seen nothing mummy i'm posing for the camera
05:34do you get it yeah okay right i know you want with this and swap seats for a different background
05:41keep the camera up anus
05:46so you post a picture of yourself eating cakes and that's a job no i'm going to edit it together
05:51into a montage under the hashtag let's so heart eat cake leave la revolution can i have some of these
05:58if you're not going to eat them no manners we're going to the dentist at two actually we need to
06:02bust a move we're so soon should i come with we're going to the dentist just stay and enjoy your
06:07coffee
06:07okay so we have a latte for felicity and a turmeric and ginger power shot thank you
06:16ellie babe these cakes are going to look amazing on the socials i'm just going to i'll pop in later
06:21give you a sneaky peek before it goes viral amanda it's coffee being on me just give it a stir
06:29right
06:30manners let's ride do you do wine
06:40march 2022. bin it oh it's bad enough that i'm grounded now you're making me do this
06:45i'm sorry but you're getting no sympathy for me darius if you hadn't
06:49ah jesus a mouse has gotten into me pankos i only showed the picture to a couple mates and it
06:53wasn't even my real bum hole yeah well you're going to have to learn the hard way aren't you
06:57speaking of which it's time we saw how our pot plant was going
07:03god bloody hell yeah watch your language okay
07:08shit the fucking bed that's been retweeted 40 000 times and there's 296 comments
07:15how do you get your piece of delhi looking so healthy do you water it every day god i've never
07:23been so popular i won't have to reply to these keep going with the cleaning darius you're still on
07:29probation all right let's get the other door off so we go lefty lucy righty tighty oh that's good
07:38yeah wait did you come up with that no my granddad taught it to my dad and he taught it
07:42to me now
07:43i'm teaching it to ned huh right so if you want to start on the left side me and ned
07:48will do the
07:48right just give us a shout if you need a hand i would have killed for a shed like this
07:52when i was
07:52a teenager you know somewhere to chill some magic fm set up the warhammer how are we married to the
08:00same
08:00woman what is that oh this it is an impact driver i didn't know you were into diy oh i'm
08:07not really but
08:07it was on sale and i can't resist a witch best buy you wanna go oh no i'm good with
08:12the screwdriver
08:14i got this kit for my granddad died right you're watching this ned you just line this up straight
08:19just use jj's jaw thingy it looks way quicker can't you just concentrate yeah left side done see
08:27wow want me to start on the inside while as i wait oh boys i brought you some homemade lemonade
08:32nice well they're fancy thanks it's just a little something i rustled up this is spring
08:41um are you sure you want to get rid of this it's in really good nick oh no take it
08:45i just used it for
08:46the occasional soiree in the garden during lockdown but most of my friends have sadly left us no no that's
08:52awful i'm sorry they didn't die they just moved to the cayman islands when labor got in
09:00oh um it don't feel like you have to wait out here in the cold with us no it's fine
09:04i love watching
09:05men at work heads whoa that's the front then what next
09:23ellie babe we're out of aesop in the loop oh cheers did you want another coffee yes please although i'm
09:29very tempted by your matcha matcha common action oh that's good you're going to put that on the
09:34chalkboard ellie oh god give me a break that your boss oh no that's just the guy i collab with
09:43my
09:43coco labber no i'm a digital nomad to paraphrase the song wherever i lay my laptop that's my office
09:50i'll leave you to it then yeah if you don't mind because i've actually got a huge deadline so
10:05oh by the way my uh latest post on the cafe got a lot of traction yesterday so expect a
10:11bit of a
10:11flurry great because we've just had these in oh yeah it's just oh wow hello what's this it's a macaroni
10:20a macaroni donut no no it's a macaroni and a donut that makes more sense yeah sorry
10:28i do need to concentrate so if you could just thank you
10:35hello hello how are you
10:39fee hello oh my god that's my good friend fee
10:43do you identify the chef that's her wife she's a lesbian
10:46fee you come for a coffee hey man i was just about to go and meet my uh dog walking
10:52get in here come on you've got to try one of these insane matches oh my goodness
11:01it's great isn't it yeah no i'm really pleased with it oh yeah yeah let me get a shot of
11:06you for
11:06the ground with the macaroni nut yeah oh a macaroni donut no it's a macaron and a donut fee oh
11:13obviously
11:14that's okay oh sorry yeah here we go really that face yeah okay no no it's fun oh yes right
11:24i'm just
11:24gonna upload that the socials hello i thought i'd do a quick video about how i care for my peace
11:31lily that sounds just like um it is um that's her wedding ring that's her bedroom first every day i
11:38check what is going on leaves oh my god it's the irish lady with the plants i mean good for
11:43her having a go but please um come on leave it to the professionals that's so embarrassing this
11:50one's got over a million views yeah right no it does it's over a million what yeah people love
11:57her how has that got a million views it's just some little fat hounds and a plant
12:01moisture there has she done any more yeah look this one it's got over four mil and she only posted
12:07it last night wow hands are new charlie bit my finger
12:20all right let's get this thing built so you just grip it at the end and give it a nice
12:26controlled
12:26swing like so it's only me oh god george you let me in you left this little box of bits
12:33behind and i
12:34thought it might be important you really didn't have to come all this way you know felicity just checking
12:40in on my favorite workman as you were ah there we are all right uh so remember ned you hold
12:47the hammer
12:48at the bottom of the handle and you just let gravity do the work jj is that a nail gun
12:53uh yeah i saw it in
12:55screw fixer i thought treat yourself we have very different definitions of treats can i have a go
13:00oh no come on what this is what woodwork is all about this not these fancy guns and tools all
13:07right
13:08concentrate okay here we go are you okay mate i've got a first aid kit in the car nah i'm
13:20all right
13:20okay okay just need to not breathe for a bit
13:29Amanda hey anne you okay yeah i just feel like we haven't connected in ages and i was just passing
13:36just putting the twins to bed oh that's okay just sticking in front of a bluey
13:41the cartoon cartoon oh god really sweet and shabby and yeah grubby and oh
13:52when i bedtime's a hold on that's a bit drastic i just got sent it out of the blue by
13:58some company
13:58they make their own cucumber and aloe gin sounds like a shower gel why they send that to you oh
14:04uh well
14:04they saw an insta film i made about an aloe plant that i rescued from the clearance shelf and b
14:09and q
14:09and they thought i'd like it that's just stupid is that not how senuous works like that time we got
14:16sent uh four boxes of mouthwash no that's totally different anne oh now listen i've been working as an
14:22influencer for quite some time now and you know i don't have followers no anne a mentee i'm a mentor
14:30without
14:30a mentee and i think you might just be that mentee for me oh um now we've got to undo
14:36all those bad
14:36habits you've picked up back to basics makeup oh but it's only my hands that are in shot i usually
14:42do
14:43my posts first thing so most of the time i'm just straight out of the shower and creating content isn't
14:48just a hobby it's a way of life okay i think you need to be a bit more respectful of
14:52my culture um
14:54um my apologies to your people yeah yeah i just love plants nature really gets me in the fields you
15:07know yes you can't beat a bit of green fingering and just to add if you're vibing with this then
15:12like and subscribe to senuous for more inspiring content oh wow meg and mark will eat your heart out
15:20you think so good it's so good it's quite a departure from my my usual posts and this will
15:25have boosted your viewing figures no end well um according to the analytics they've actually dropped
15:30off a bit let me see it's about 70 000 less than my previous three posts oh well and that's
15:38just
15:38numbers mine wasn't built in a day okay that's the problem with the new gen of influencers they expect
15:43overnight success i think you should just go back to doing that and love honestly no offense man's
15:49abigail with the greatest respect this is my forte and i'm imparting my extensive expertise for free
15:55to my friend who's struggling so you just stick to the running a food bank please not virtue signaling
16:05i gave you guys three thousand pounds you don't hear me shoe warning to every conversation
16:16she literally gave me a seven foot chat
16:26jeez please it's cold out there oh all right for you you ain't gotta go out and bleeding shorts
16:31she brought my thermals oh god bobby oh is your mom all right amanda yeah she's fine i mean she
16:41never really got over john lewis reducing their loyalty points but otherwise she's all right
16:45she's constantly in my garden my garden you think she might be a bit lonely lonely
16:50my mother yeah please she should get a dog if she's lonely no fee i was lonely without dales then
16:58i got
16:58a dog and i met loads of new dog walking pals and i'm no longer lonely fee that makes you
17:04sound really
17:04lonely guys my mother's not lonely honestly she's got a more active social life than i do she's basically
17:11brunching away through my inheritance don't you worry about her then why is she currently sat on
17:17my front step waiting for me to let her in like a stray cat it's freezing out there fine i'll
17:23have a
17:23word thank you oh look it's pippa's mommy maggie look where you run with lucas she is a massive massive
17:34fan of yours here come on here we go are you the lady from insta guilty as charged my fiddle
17:44leaf tree
17:45has never looked so healthy i i love your accent by the way oh thank you wait wait wait we
17:51have to
17:51play some my friend sarah she loves you too yeah you're a proper celeb now ann hi you're not gonna
17:57believe who i'm with oh my god what is going on with your dog every time it sees me it
18:04does that
18:05but you think yes your dog clearly fancies me but it might be worms it's not worms fee i've seen
18:12this
18:12before albeit on human men but it's definitely a thing oh my god can you say begonia begonia
18:24hey girl busy today i see my post must be kicking in i'll get the usual and an almond croissant
18:34oh i shouldn't couldn't wouldn't but you know what i'll actually get a couple of extra for the kids
18:39sure just while i've got you did you want to settle up your tab i just thought just coming up
18:43towards
18:43the end of the week oh that's good my tab
18:49oh you're not joking this is 270 pounds hmm you said my drinks were gratis i said the first coffee
18:59was gratis yeah gratis plural you can see why i thought it was more than one uh not really it
19:11is
19:11the plural of the latin word gratia but in english it functions in an invariable form
19:16don't patronize me sweetheart i'm not i did a classics degree you want to talk latin let's talk latin okay
19:23prid quo pro ellie i have been doing a lot of work for you on the socials do you have
19:29any idea how
19:30much word of mouth i've generated for you my love clearly not enough because you're our only customer
19:36low blow ellie low blow no need to make this personal it's the opposite of making a personal
19:41amanda and mum trying to run a business well maybe if you didn't charge four pounds fifty for a coffee
19:45with a vagina on top it's a coffee bean that's for today's drink and you're not getting a penny more
19:51and i'm taking a scum gratia
19:57that's going on your tab
20:01all right so the secret is to tidy as you go so grab the broom well that's going to take
20:06ages
20:06thank you felicity if you could just lean us to it there you are oh look amanda's home maybe you
20:12want to hang out in her flat felicity no i'm fine uh you are not going to believe what just
20:17happened
20:18to me did someone just guess your real age no mal the woman in vanta black coffee she just asked
20:22me
20:23to pay for every single item i've consumed this week only you would be shocked by that well there's no
20:28such thing as a free lunch darling there's no such thing as a free shed do you know what forget
20:32it
20:33uh amanda can you um not now mal i am enraged
20:42yo jj that looks way more fun let me have a go you know what i'll give up
20:49gonna why i bother is he all right are you in here you all right mate yeah i'm fine cool
21:00it's just
21:01that's a lot of sriracha
21:06i know it's stupid but all of those lessons my dad taught me like how to chisel and use a
21:12screwdriver
21:13kids these days just don't need to know that like using an a to z or the yellow pages just
21:19useless information you're spending time with him showing him how to solve problems
21:23my dad spent years teaching me how to code nobody needs to learn how to code anymore
21:27yeah i can do it in like a nanosecond but i'm still glad i spent time with him yeah
21:37yeah i should probably apologize to him yeah yeah and then um do you want to have a go on
21:42my nail gun
21:43fuck yeah
21:50oh okay let me get some water
22:09hi amanda what's this sorry but you gave me no choice but to name and shame that's illegal do
22:16you know what else is illegal i'm not paying your bill take it down no not until you've paid
22:21it is 270 pounds amanda you're lucky i haven't gone to the police you're lucky i haven't called my
22:28lawyer do you even have a lawyer yes i do have a lawyer ellie actually and i'm gonna call them
22:32right now
22:40yeah hi it's amanda hughes and i'd like to speak to my solicitor please
22:45they're putting me through last chance ellie no
22:51yeah hi it's amanda and i he got cut off he's calling me back i can see the caller id
22:58it's your
22:59mom yes she's my lawyer no she's not
23:09i can't actually afford to pay you right now how are you gonna settle this bill then
23:16and action whenever i'm in soha i like to enjoy a coffee from vanta black coffee and cut great
23:28okay yeah right i'm just gonna post this on your insta ann why is there a william balls on my
23:34coffee
23:34it's not it's a shamrock
23:47oh ned that gamma chess cards i could make it interesting
23:57amanda play it cool your boyfriend's just walked in
24:04please don't make light of it abigail i actually feel quite violated
24:08the vet's had a look at bob's bits and bobs and it turns out it was obsessed with his private
24:13because he needed his glands drained so you are off the hook oh man i'm sorry bobby
24:19doesn't fancy you yeah that's great news because frankly it was gross so i'm glad
24:28hi hi what's wrong i've had no end of grief since that vanta black post everyone is accusing me of
24:34being a judas and a sellout that's ridiculous how do they expect internet artists to make money look at
24:39the comments we came here for plant pot hacks and now she's trying to peddle us expensive coffee oh
24:45and apparently i am all that is wrong with society amanda haters gonna hate ann you know yeah well
24:51i don't want to be hated so i've gone back to my hands my voice and my pot plants okay
24:55i should never
24:57have messed with the formula mom how could you what after all those talks of online safety and you go
25:03and
25:03flash the entire internet what are you talking about that's just a christmas cactus no mom look at the pot
25:10it's nice humid oh my god exactly you worried about some fake bum hole and now everyone in the world
25:17has seen my mom's tick oh it's symmetrical good for you arm
25:30yo ned you all right dad yeah you want to go hang out in the shed i mean i would
25:35but
25:36it's infested with old ladies
25:43all right i'm gonna have a word you know what i think felicity needs a shed more than i do
25:48all right fine you can have my room yeah thank you
25:56dad i love you so much i love you cheers cheers oh it's so nice to be somewhere where the
26:02drinks
26:02are actually free mommy you know if you're ever lonely you just have to say why would you ever
26:07think i'd be lonely oh damn it what's up ann oh god they've only gone and cancelled my appearance on
26:15alan titch marsh oh anne oh she'd never gone on that feckin insta hey all publicity's good publicity
26:22tell that to prince andrew right can we all do a selfie the summer house gang oh mommy sweet yes
26:31okay where is it where is it okay just a second okay and your tits out again oh god i'm
26:37joking
26:37i'm joking i'm joking oh oh that's fantastic did you see some more ice will you watch poppy for me
26:45yeah
26:45thanks all right poppy oh little perv
26:57still got it
27:24so
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