- 30 minutes ago
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FunTranscript
00:08What do you do, Karan?
00:10Dentist! You're a Sikh dentist?
00:13Do other Sikhs come to fix their teeth with you?
00:15How do you do it? There's beard everywhere.
00:19You don't know where you're putting the thing, you know?
00:22Is it in your mouth? Is it in your mouth yet?
00:25Is it in your mouth now? Is it in your mouth yet?
00:28Where's your mouth? Open your mouth.
00:31My mouth is open. I see nothing.
00:35But you're a professional. You know how to find it.
00:37You blow.
00:41Oh, I found it!
00:48Sir, you took your shoes off already?
00:52He took his shoes and was like, I don't like my shoes.
00:56It feels better without the shoes, huh?
00:59What's your name?
01:02Achoo? Achoo? You're comfortable?
01:05It's Delhi. He's like, I don't need the shoes.
01:09It was Mumbai. They would have three more shoes just in case.
01:14One pair on, one pair just in case.
01:16Another pair is a backup.
01:18Buddy, don't put the shoes on.
01:20Be comfortable.
01:20I want you to take your pants off too.
01:22I don't care.
01:23Just really enjoy yourself.
01:26At my show, everybody should be comfortable, yeah?
01:29Everybody should be comfortable.
01:31That's wonderful, man.
01:32That's your lovely lady there.
01:33Yeah? You brought your pillow with you?
01:36What did you guys think? This is camping?
01:39Oh, it's your jacket right there.
01:41Well, when he took his shoes off, I thought you were going to take a nap.
01:45Let's go to Maximini's show and sleep.
01:52From what country?
01:54Tunisia.
01:55Tunisia. You live in India?
01:58Visiting?
01:58And you're dating that guy next to you?
02:00Oh, so you came here for love.
02:02Nobody would date you in Tunisia, you came to India.
02:06He's like, I don't like anybody.
02:08I like only Tunisians.
02:10He knows what he likes.
02:15You're so many here.
02:17You're like, I want something different.
02:19I want a different chute.
02:24This guy knows what he wants.
02:27He likes Tunisian chute.
02:31Good for you, my brother.
02:34What's your name?
02:36Stupid.
02:37Stupid. Nice to meet you.
02:39Of course, there's so many chute here.
02:41You go there, you're stupid.
02:44My brother, my brother.
02:45That's very nice, man.
02:47And so you went there to visit, and you met her.
02:52You were living in Tunisia.
02:54Wow, you were committed to this idea.
02:57And how did you guys meet?
03:01It was a jihad meeting.
03:06She was on a mission.
03:10In a bar?
03:11I love how you guys had a meeting about it first.
03:14What are we saying?
03:16In a bar.
03:17Oh, it took that much of a conversation for you to figure out you met in the bar, huh?
03:22No, you were on a haram app.
03:24That's where you were.
03:26The app was called Haram.
03:28The app was called Haram Chute.
03:36Without a hug?
03:40You want a hug from me?
03:41You're so nice.
03:42What's your name?
03:43My name is Kanika.
03:44Kanika?
03:45My husband is in heat.
03:46Your husband is here?
03:48No hug for you.
03:50Husband, give her a hug.
03:53My husband.
03:54Oh, you're so sweet.
03:56Where is your husband?
03:59That's the husband?
04:00Oh, it's a big husband too.
04:02Husband, I give you a hug all day.
04:04Okay?
04:05I love you, man.
04:06So, he didn't want to sit next to you, but now he's like, okay.
04:10Come give me a hug.
04:19Thank you so much.
04:23Husband, you're not jealous yet, are you?
04:24No, no.
04:25I give you, he gets Salma Hayat.
04:28Oh, shit.
04:29What a bad trade.
04:33You gave him Salma Hayat, you got me?
04:41You never know, he's Indian.
04:44She goes, he's never going to meet her.
04:46No, he is going to meet her.
04:49Tomorrow, he's going to hire the IT guy.
04:51He's going to hack into Salma Hayat's phone.
04:53He's like, hello, how are you?
04:56Namaste.
04:57I need a hug.
05:02Come, come sit down wherever you like.
05:04It's okay, it's okay, buddy.
05:05It's India.
05:07Anybody doesn't have a seat, please come sit on stage.
05:12Hi.
05:16Why are you holding your ass like that?
05:21Sit down.
05:23You have diarrhea?
05:25I thought you used to the food.
05:35Yeah, I know.
05:36You were so funny.
05:37You were great.
05:38Your phone, your flash is on, buddy.
05:40Your phone, the flash is on.
05:41You're a mess, dude.
05:49You got married at a young age?
05:50Is that your husband next to you?
05:53That's your kid?
05:55That old ass man is your kid?
05:59Are you kidding me?
06:00Are you kidding me?
06:01Mom gave birth to this asshole when she was a young kid.
06:06This son came up with a beard.
06:07How about you?
06:09I am here.
06:11Let's go to work.
06:15Sir.
06:17You ruined your mother's life.
06:22He's like, no, no, no.
06:23He's like, I agree.
06:25No, no, no.
06:26It's not a Bollywood movie, sweetheart.
06:29No, no.
06:31How old are you?
06:3327?
06:3527 years ago you gave birth to this guy?
06:38This is unbelievable.
06:40What are you?
06:42You went into the time machine?
06:45This is amazing, man.
06:4727-year-old mom so young and beautiful.
06:50Do you have a girlfriend?
06:52No, no, sweetheart.
06:53Not you, mom.
06:54Mom, why would you have a girlfriend?
06:59Mom says it's 2024.
07:00You never know.
07:01So you have a husband at home, a girlfriend here?
07:04In front of your son?
07:06Your son is like, I ruined her life.
07:08It's okay.
07:20What are you doing?
07:23This guy keeps going to the shelter and comes back.
07:26Buddy, have a seat.
07:30What's your name, my buddy?
07:31No, not you.
07:33You're a normal guy.
07:33The guy next to you.
07:37What's your name?
07:39Amir.
07:40You're a very handsome guy.
07:41Tall, good-looking, well-dressed, yeah?
07:44Look, the girls are like, ah!
07:49What's going on with you?
07:50But you don't act normal.
07:53What are you doing?
07:57Are you looking for a boyfriend?
07:59Are you looking for a boyfriend?
08:00What is happening?
08:02I already have one.
08:03You already have one?
08:05So that's why you keep going out and coming back?
08:16Oh, now he goes, I'm straight.
08:18It's...
08:20Listen, it's okay.
08:21It's deadly.
08:22We accept you.
08:25They took you outside?
08:29Yeah, you cannot drink...
08:31Yeah, this is a halal show.
08:34Come on, man.
08:35This show is special, dude.
08:3620 hours.
08:37I flew here for this show.
08:39You just...
08:41What are you doing?
08:43No more passing by here.
08:45Okay.
08:46What do you do for a living?
08:47I'm a lawyer.
08:48You're a lawyer?
08:51I don't think you're a lawyer.
08:53You just said that, huh?
08:56He goes, I'm a lawyer.
08:58Anything that makes money, I know the lawyer.
09:00You're not a lawyer.
09:01You're a liar.
09:04Too much drinking, buddy.
09:05You don't even know what's happening here right now.
09:08He doesn't even know his own job.
09:11He thinks he's a lawyer tonight.
09:14You know what I mean?
09:16You have no idea what your job is.
09:18This guy.
09:19You're definitely not a lawyer.
09:21You're what?
09:23You're a pedophile?
09:27Pedal?
09:30Pedal tax?
09:31Hold on one second.
09:32I'm gonna ask this sweet guy.
09:33What is he saying?
09:34Pedal facts.
09:36What's pedal facts?
09:40He's making up shit.
09:42And they're repeating it.
09:45Pedal facts?
09:46What is that?
09:52He just called himself an artist.
09:55He said, as your artist, we lawyers are also artists.
09:59I love that.
10:00I believe it.
10:01I believe it.
10:02You sell facts.
10:14You're so dumb right now.
10:18You're so dumb right now.
10:21You're so dumb right now.
10:21You're so dumb right now.
10:22Because you're an artist.
10:23I am also a loyal artist.
10:26I sell the facts.
10:28You know the Greek invented this.
10:32You're such a drunk lawyer.
10:35Do you think it's nice?
10:37I'm working.
10:38This is my job.
10:39Yeah?
10:40And you just...
10:43It's like if you're in the courtroom and the work, you have your papers, all your documents,
10:48the judge goes, counselor, please go.
10:51And you stand up and I run, take a shit on your papers.
10:56That's exactly what you're doing to my show.
10:58You took a shit on my stage.
11:03I love you.
11:04I mean, don't drink anymore.
11:07And no more walking.
11:08Just stay there.
11:09At the end of the night, I'll get you a taxi.
11:11We send you home.
11:12Okay?
11:14Okay.
11:14Good guy.
11:18Who traveled from another place to come to this show?
11:21Anybody travel from out of town?
11:22You guys did?
11:23Yes?
11:24Oh, wow.
11:24Okay.
11:24I'll come there in a second.
11:25Yeah?
11:26Let me see here really quick.
11:27From where?
11:28How far?
11:31No.
11:31Like how long did it take you?
11:32I'm not...
11:33This is not a math class.
11:36250 kilometers.
11:37How would I know?
11:39My hotel on Google Drive?
11:42Nine minutes away.
11:44How long did it take?
11:4530 minutes.
11:47The whole time Google goes, nine minutes left.
11:49I'm like, bitch, you told me that 30 minutes ago.
11:53So 250 kilometers, I don't know how many days it took you to get here.
11:57Five hours?
11:59Five hours.
11:59Who else?
11:59Who else came from far?
12:00From where, sweetheart?
12:01That lady?
12:02Where?
12:03Yeah, how far is that?
12:05Three hours.
12:07We already covered five and a half hours.
12:10Who came from six hours?
12:13Hold on, hold on.
12:13This guy, six hours?
12:15Further away from him?
12:16Or are you just a slow driver?
12:19Oh, we're at the same place.
12:21But I didn't know how to go around.
12:23I'm a mediocre Indian driver.
12:28No driving?
12:30You came from the train?
12:31Yeah.
12:32For six hours?
12:33Dude, I feel like you should stay with me tonight.
12:36That is so nice of you, man.
12:40Everybody came from another place.
12:41What about you?
12:43Chicago.
12:43Chicago.
12:51You clapping?
12:52He's lying.
12:53He didn't come from me from Chicago.
12:56He came here to do import and export and he's like, wait, I don't think I'm going to
13:00be sure.
13:03Yeah, man.
13:04That's your lady?
13:06I like how you look like double chicken.
13:11I think my wife, yes.
13:14You don't need to look at her.
13:16You came with her from Chicago and you're still not sure.
13:24You're still the same lady, okay?
13:27What do you do in Chicago?
13:29You do sales?
13:31Can you make it more vague?
13:34What are you selling?
13:35Indian groceries.
13:36Indian groceries?
13:38Indian groceries in Chicago?
13:42What's Indian groceries?
13:44By the way, nobody gave me love on my outfit, man.
13:46Come on, man.
13:47Look at this.
13:50I look sexy, huh?
13:52No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
13:56I bought this from a Chicago grocery store.
14:04So you sell stuff to Indians in Chicago that you cannot find in regular supermarkets?
14:10You can find everything in Chicago.
14:13Yeah.
14:14And then you open the Indian supermarket.
14:17Oh, you buy here, you sell there?
14:19Yeah, so you just buy shit here, huh?
14:22Yeah?
14:23Tell me the one item that's really hard to find there that you get it from here.
14:27Indian girls.
14:28Indian girls.
14:31So in other words, he's a pimp.
14:34That's why he wasn't sure who's sitting next to him.
14:38Thank you, sir.
14:40Oh, it's my wife.
14:42What are you doing here?
14:44I thought I brought someone else.
14:45I'm sorry, I forgot.
14:46Yes, it is my wife.
14:51Who else came from far away?
14:53This guy.
14:58Hold on.
14:5924 hours?
15:0024 hours in the train.
15:03God bless you, man.
15:05Yes, yes, thank you.
15:06You having a good time?
15:07Yes?
15:08Hi.
15:08Yes, yes.
15:09What's your name?
15:11Katya.
15:12You're not Indian, huh?
15:13Where are you from?
15:15I'm from Russia.
15:16You're from Russia?
15:17Russia?
15:17Are you an undercover agent?
15:21Are you recording the show for Putin?
15:26I just saw me on Instagram and I decided to come to Russia.
15:31Oh, you saw me on Instagram and you decided to come a Russian lady and you live here in
15:35India, in Delhi.
15:36No.
15:37I still live here.
15:38You live in Moscow.
15:40You came here for the show?
15:42Yes.
15:43That's what was the reason I came to show?
15:47Oh my god.
15:48I love it.
15:49She's not lying.
15:50She's so lovely.
15:51Thank you so much.
15:53She was 24 hours.
15:55It gives a big indeed.
15:57Look at this lady.
16:01What are you talking about 24 hours?
16:04Moscow!
16:06She had to sneak out of Putin's army.
16:10thank you sweetheart
16:11this is so nice of you
16:13are you having fun?
16:16I can't tell
16:17because you're Russian
16:21you know you have to express it a little bit
16:23are you having fun?
16:26very good time
16:27I am laughing
16:29on the inside right now
16:31on the outside
16:33I look like a statue
16:35but inside very very
16:37happy
16:40I love you girl
16:41that's so nice of you to come all the way from Russia
16:44wow
16:46Katya what are you doing in Russia?
16:47what's your job?
16:49you're a head hunter?
16:56it sounds extra scary
16:57coming from Russia
16:59what are you doing in Russia?
17:00I'm a head hunter
17:02I hunt head everyday
17:04I hunt you in Russia
17:04I hunt you in Russia
17:04I hunt you in Russia
17:04I hunt you in Russia
17:06I hunt you in Russia
17:06I hunt you in Russia
17:07I hunt you in Russia
17:08I hunt you in Russia
17:08I hunt you in Russia
17:09I hunt you in Russia
17:09I hunt you in Russia
17:10I hunt you in Russia
17:10I hunt you in Russia
17:11I hunt you in Russia
17:12I hunt you in Russia
17:12I hunt you in Russia
17:13I hunt you in Russia
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